Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Flashback #2 Is Elliot Steel Thick?

Episode Date: December 17, 2020

Second in our festive flashback series where we drop favourites from our back catalogue chosen by you. This one was chosen unanimously by everyone who listened to it. It's the one where we study our pal Elliot's intellect. Original text: After months of Muggins and Cream dropping it into conversation that their good friend, fellow comedian and avid subscriber Elliot Steel is a bit thick he comes on the Podcast as a guest to defend his honour. Terribly.  Do let him know how he got on...  (@elliotsteelcom)

All right, it's Muggins again, not with a new podcast, but with a rerun. One of your favourites that you chose that you were like, oh, we'll love this one. Play it again. Play it for the newcomers that didn't listen back to the back catalogue, but have been listening for a little while. It's a one from November 2017. The episode is called Is Elliot Steel Thick? The answer is yes.

That is not a spoiler. The answer is yes. But this episode is one of three. It's the first of three, delving into how thick Elliot is. So this is podcast two of ten of our flashback series, which we'll be running under Build Up With Christmas. Enjoy

it. Muggins and cream, cream and muggins Straight thuggin', livin' the dream That's our intro Fuckin' muggles Ticklin' the clit inside your head that makes you laugh They said it can't be done Are we in the same seats? That's hack Oh, muggles Accidental red job in the park Kiss, kiss, kiss

Or am I just being cynical? Muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglepedia Where have you been since 9-11? Does Marcellus Muggins look like a cream? Say what again? That wasn't the deal. I said, does Marcellus Muggins look like a cream? That wasn't the deal.

The deal was, you would stop doing them, and then we'd see if there was any backlash till you stopped doing them. You said, get me five. We've got it on record. You said, get me five tweets. We didn't get five. We've had more than five

mate you haven't shown me any of them I got one I can talk you through them I've got more than five I've got inboxes on Facebook

I want to see them after the podcast I've got letters because look I've got given coordinates went and those are little notes stable tree

this is why we don't get any new fucking listeners right because what happens is we get a lot of new listeners. No, we don't because they listen to the podcast and they're like,

the fuck is this opening bit? Right. I'm going to get my point across about eyebrows that I tried to make last time. Right. Because Milo got too caught up on his own eyebrows

because he manicures his and I don't have any. Manicures? Sure. It doesn't need a new name. It's the same fucking kettle of fish. Right. So he pedicures his eyebrows so he's like

I was trying to make a point about my eyebrows but Milo was like I do my eyebrows and no one notices you don't have eyebrows you can't make a comment I'm like

yeah I don't have eyebrows but I still know what the fucking are I can still comment on them right so my comment about eyebrows is that eyebrows is something

that you only notice when they're terrible like you don't notice that someone spent a lot of time on their eyebrows because they're spending time on them to blend in, to look normal. If someone doesn't touch their eyebrows, it looks

shit, right? So what I was saying is people will notice it if... If it disappears. People notice the start of the podcast because it's shit. And what you're saying is they won't notice the start of the podcast if you don't do that bit because it'll be good that's literally the argument you just made you just like turned my metaphor no no no i've literally used your argument now i'm saying

i spend a lot of time and attention on my intros so that no one notices right we have a special guest on the podcast today. We have our good friend Elliot Steele. Hello. Now Elliot, obviously the reason we have you on the podcast is because you're a good friend of ours. That's not the reason. No, maybe it's not your reason, but our reason for having you on the podcast is you're a very good friend of ours, one of our best friends. You make us laugh to no end.

Yep, you're a very good young comedian. I'll change that. You're a very good comedian who happens to be young. Because I always hated that stipulation when I was there. Yeah, but you needed the stipulation for you. Why do you feel you're on the podcast? Oh, this is already like when I've been called into the head teacher's office. No, you requested to be on the podcast for several months. I feel there has been a lot of slander lies propaganda from

from Goebbels over here is that me or him? both of you as a collective form one Goebbels no about about my level of intelligence

that's why he's trying I think he meant Goebbels yeah he could have said Hitler but he wanted to show that he had knowledge didn't he? he's like

he's like year 10 GCSE in the Weimar republic coming through see yeah smartness okay so we we occasionally and by occasion i think at least once an episode reference the fact that you're thick now that's because you're thick okay but my defense is because you said in one of them right i mean i've made notes by the way about all of the things that have been said about me in a podcast that i'm about to bring because you can't remember them because you're thinking that's that's not how thickness works write them down because that's smart that's at the time i'm going to bring this up and rebuttal

them that's smart all right take forward planning see thing is, thick people don't know they're thick. Because smart people ask so many questions that they don't know that many answers. If you think you know all the answers, you're not asking enough questions. I'm not saying, like, come on, let's not lie now, I'm not going to be working for NASA anytime soon. But this is my point.

You said, right, you said the thing about, oh, I'll drop some knowledge about the USSR. And I will, but again, the thing is I probably will struggle spelling USSR. That's my point. No, you just did it. That's why I had to write it down. That was a joke.

Alright, well, I feel like it's... There's a bunch of reasons we call you thick. One, your accent does you no favours. No, it doesn't. I mean, I'm not really going to jump on that part. I'm glad you said it. Yeah, well, it's so everyone could understand it.

And second of all is... I can't remember my second point. My point is your accent is stupid. Oh, no, I think it's fine. Because in the group that we have, the way bullying works amongst friends is that you lump some something to someone no matter how true or not is there'll be a shred of truth to it but then that just

becomes the on like i'm the sexy one yeah i mean that is literally the ongoing joke right we all call barry fat barry's not fat one of us called him fat once barry's fat that's the oh my god i fully consider myself scottish. Barry's fat. That's the joke. Oh my God. I fully consider myself Scottish. It's border England. There's the whole debate about whether I'm Scottish or English. So in the group, the joke says,

I'm the English one. There's six English people there. You're the English one. Tom lives in the Tower of London. I'm the English one. But I've got about eight different things that you don't.

I've got big nose. You've got the same. We've both got big noses. Like if we were to Eskimo kiss, it would be like the Hadron. Oh no. both got big noses like if we were to Eskimo kiss it would be like the Hadronk that would be a man if we if we ever

69 for whatever reason lost a bet or won a bet like both of our noses would be in each other's arseholes as much as I'd love to

say it as an experiment I'm not going to third wheel while you two Eskimo kiss so I've already got I've got a big nose I could fight I to third wheel while you two Eskimo kiss. So I've already got, I've got a big nose. I could fight. I could deal with that.

I could deal with stuff about my appearance. I've got, I've got the thing about needing a haircut. You do need, I'd probably, that's a personal decision. Being a lightweight. No,

this is where I'll start. I was antagonizing him. Elliot ain't lightweight. He can bang with the best of them. He's choosing not to right now though. You've made, 50 days sober. You've made 50 days sober. You've made the very adult decision to cut back on your drinking.

Hold on, the very alcoholic decision. It's an alcoholic decision. Yeah, but it's very hard to get an alcoholic teenager. It's been 50 days now. I'm going to go for 100, then I'm going to have a drink. Oh, wait, I might have a 50p on me to give you for your 50 days of variety thing.

You also own 50p for the past year you just it you could just say I'm gonna pay for me dinner here's 60 right now the pressure's on for this next 10 days but you made the very adult slash alcoholic decision to uh but but I'm not gonna I'm not gonna you know go on about that about how because you said something to me earlier on about you know don't be the guy that bangs on about it and I think that's a fair point. Because when people, when people make that decision, I've not done any Facebook or Twitter post or anything like that.

You're doing it for you. I'm doing it for you. It's like people waving their veganism. Except, I will come onto a podcast and talk about it to the people. I mean, I brought it. And he did antagonise you into it.

So you're fully able to defend yourself. So that's three things I've got already. So I've got, I've been called a lightweight been called big nose haircut right this is the first ten minutes

on the podcast and now stupid it's because you're the cunt of the litter no obviously we'll continue with the podcast

but we thought we would give you what we've written a little a little test for you I can see one of them's already chemistry No chemistry's not how smart you are man

No no we've got a bit of everything Can you swap here so I can Chemistry's like Right But it's all It's not just chemistry It's all forms of knowledge Right so

But can I make my point? Yeah Why I might not seem the smartest of people right And this is This is sort of a long point Yeah But There'll be people out there Who listen to podcasts who feel the same i'm oh no they're all idiots i don't reach out to them oh yeah that's a good point but she's not listening

to it because she's a scientist she's listening to it because it's daniel yeah and kai as well but but i'm not like i'm never when i was at school i never paid attention because i knew i was never going to do anything academic right like i knew like school to me was like i just turned up saw my mates and fucked about oh that's what it was and And I could coast my GCSEs. Like, I was in bottom set for most things until the last year because I could do well on the test. I was just like, I'm not going to sit in class and do work, so I'll just move to bottom set. To me, it just sounds like you went to a thick school.

I've proper thick. I've proper, like, don't get me wrong. There's not much credit for being a smart kid in my school. Right, okay. So I just never paid attention there so that bit of life like i i lost out on learning like basic stuff yeah like general knowledge short passes we were all right at football actually yeah to be fair we have rumpled here because i always often think intelligence isn't necessarily what you know to me to intelligence is defined by like

what information can you learn and can you apply that knowledge therefore like academically i'll agree that i'm not that smart but the reason i would defend my intelligence because if you explain something to me i'll be able to understand it explain it back and then use that whatever i've learned for future which brings me to something that you said on the podcast about me you said still as intelligent is that it's when still says smart, it's like seeing a rose in the Arctic, right? Somebody's dropped it there. What do you think intelligence is? It's just people telling me

other things, and then I'm meant to go do all the studies myself and stuff. Yeah, but that means any facts that you have, you've just been told. It doesn't mean like... Yeah, that's the facts are. Yeah, but you could have just... I meant to plant and survey them. No, you could have learned how to plant roses in the Arctic, and if you did, you were fucking it. You stand by it like why would you read the book but you could have just you could have surveyed them no you could have learned how to plant roses in the Arctic

and if you did you're fucking it you would stand by it like why would you read the book when you could watch TV but that's because I am that level of thick

because you can't you can't like read a book while texting you can't have TV in the background while texting the problem with me with reading a book

is right so the last book I read was we need to talk about Kevin and I didn't finish it like I've got 50 pages to go this is oh you did better than me i got two pages and i was like it's proper good too too many oh too many words oh it's proper she got proper wordy i was like all right fucking we've all got thesaurus

oh i very no no no shanahan was just unnecessarily descriptive like i don't i get what you mean like it is it is a little bit like someone's writing by the way writing like a gcse sort of thing and then like i better show off i know how to do descriptions yeah but i i got like 50 pages from the end and then something happened in the book and it made me a bit sad so i was like oh i don't want to finish it and then my sister just told me what happened in the end and i was like oh well there's no point continuing and then i also saw the film was on netflix and i'm'm like it's like me with Harry Potter I always said it's about Harry Potter

the films caught up to me so I thought I'll just save everyone a bit of time you can save all the time just by reading the synopsis on IMDB you know

I've still got to read it though a story like any story could be like a thousand pages or like three sentences but then I'll read something like I'm interested in

like I read a book called Inside Scientology where I read up all about Scientology. I mean, yeah, but thick people are in Scientology. Yeah, but I wasn't a pamphlet I got handed. It was a book like

The Bunk in Scientology. Oh, right, okay, right. I've not... I've not found sobriety through Scientology. Because I was like, look, I'm not thick. I found religion, right?

Scientology, the smartest of all of them. You know what's brilliant? I think we first started calling you thick because your spelling errors on the WhatsApp are exceptional. They're not even spelling errors. No, no, no.

I'm going to get to it. Do you want me to put in? They're exceptional. I wish I could remember some of them, but it came to die of beaties instead of diabetes. Yeah. Is that what you think it is? Is that what you think that word is?

So it's not a spelling error. It's like an actual misinterpretation of the word or words. I used to think... You think something that's one word is three words. That ain't dyslexic. And then I spoke to your dad, and he was like, he's not dyslexic,

he's just thick as fuck. I was like, you've defended your spelling, but you've been dyslexic. I've asked your dad, and he's like, he's not dyslexic. But can I say the thing?

I got diagnosed dyslexic when I... So I went to a decent sixth form. I didn't last there long because I'm thick. That's the admission we got you in for. Wait, that was Elliot Steele? We've cancelled the guest now? I mean, I was doing psychology, history and media studies, right? And they let me finish media studies and I still got an E.

And that's just not what films studies and I still got an E and that's just knowing what films are. Can you get an E? I thought it was A, B, C, D and just F. I don't think you can get an E. Are you so dyslexic that you got an F and you read it as an E? You can get a G can't you? Oh in Scotland you can only get A, B, C, D or F, there's no E. Then U is the... U, ungradable. D or F, there's no E. Then U is there.

I got that in RE. Okay, that's a free GCSE. I just wanted funny answers hoping it would end up in the next year's newspaper. That's one note you put in when you go for a job interview and they're like, how many GCSEs you got? You're like, RE got me into double digits. Right, so I totally

agree with you that this test probably isn't inaccurate. Look look the thing is it's up to the audience to decide whether you're intelligent or not I've kind of stumped you here because we've got chemistry, geography

general knowledge math, history, spelling and then a bonus round of Elliot questions okay what is at the centre of the nucleus? right that's in

I'm going to pass on this one, Chris. The answer is protons and neutrons. Which is more dangerous, carbon monoxide or carbon dioxide? Carbon monoxide. Correct. You know, I've got questions about that one. Because carbon dioxide would be very dangerous to you if there's no oxygen in the air.

Yeah, but carbon monoxide in general is just very dangerous like it's what's the question is what it's like what's most dangerous oxygen or um or carbon monoxide and like if there was an open flame it's gonna be fucking way more dangerous to you because you're gonna sit on fire because it needs the oxygen it's not two points for showing you're working out oh yeah it's got a point i've got it right we all you. You know your chemistry. I'll defend Kai as well. Kai's not fit. I'd say Kai's on the same level of intelligence as Daniel.

Which is fucking a shame for you because I grew up in Blythe, mate. I should know more. My mum and dad are just... You've got to find a job. Okay. What should you never eat for breakfast? Shredded wheat.

No, dinner. Oh. There are some trick questions in here. The main use of salt in the diet is to A. Make food taste better. B. Produce small amounts of hydrochloric acid required for the digestion of food. C. Ease the process of cooking.

Or D. Increase the solubility of food particles in water. Okay, so I actually know a little bit about this at the moment. Okay, do you know the answer? No. Wow. But I can bore you on knowledge with salt Because it's actually called sodium Yep

Right, yeah, keep going When you laugh like that It gets away with my confidence That was the most Base level fact about salt Other than it's white Like it was I'm going to bore you That was the most base level fact about salt other than it's white. I'm going to pour you.

It's the second key ingredient of ready salty crisps next to potato. So sodium, when it's in your body, it keeps a lot of water in your body. So for fighters, to, for fighters, when they have to cut weight and stuff, they have to cut all salt out of their diet. Yeah. What were the choices again? Make food taste better. It definitely does that, but that's not the reason.

But there's another reason. Produce small amounts of hydrochloric acid required for the digestion of food. Ease the process of cooking or increase solubility of food particles in water. I'm going to go with increase solubility of food. No, it's'm going to go with increase solubility of... No, it's produce small amounts of hydrochloric acid.

No, you're wrong. I'm absolutely not wrong. Oh, okay, sorry. Okay, final question in chemistry. Coal is composed of which element? If you crush coal, it becomes a diamond. Right, that's also not an element. Right.

It's made of charcoal, so, um, um, what's it, what's it, what was the question, Nick?

Which element? Which, coal is composed of which element? What element makes coal? Yeah. Fire. This is a fucking

couple of questions. Point me a fire and of blood Put me down Carbon Like the element Powerful That's the best I couldn't have expected A more Elliot answer

How are you expecting me To know the whole Periodic table Well it should be more Elliot answer how are you expecting me to know the whole periodic table well it should be it would merkle the other one laughing laughing laughing

laughing laughing find me one thing on the periodic table like you've got potassium which is K then you've got that one that you drop in the water and they act like no no the one in science

that they make you drop in the water and they're like oh this is really dangerous there's seven of those they're alkaline metals right yeah and they're on that far side which is the like yo don't go near this side yeah no he's right I'm saying find me one of them one of them that will win a fight with fire

fire's in it's own league can I put water's not there is one yeah but by your argument of elements water is on the table and that does beat fire I'd say that's like a sort of you know

fire's an element water's an element water and that does beat fire. No, I'd say that's like a sort of, you know... No, fire's an element, water's an element. Water and fire's like United City. You're not going to be able to call who's going to win it, but someone's going to get it

that season. Do you know what I mean? Water's definitely a component and we're definitely coming across thick as well. I'm not. No, I was... If he's saying fire's an element,

water's an element. Yeah. Okay. Geography. Oh, no, no. This isn't going to be good No one of them I reckon you'll do quite well on

Boop day Is the Spanish equivalent Of what day in Britain Steak and blowjob day Good answer But no it's April Fool's Day Okay Before Mount Everest

Was discovered What was the highest mountain In the world Mount Fiji No Mount Everest. Just because it wasn't discovered doesn't make it any less tall. No, that's not...

But like, that might not be true because what if there's a mountain we haven't discovered that's taller than Mount Everest? What do you mean if there's a mountain we've not discovered? What if it's an underwater mountain? That's actually a very valid point.

That means it's below sea level. That means it's not very tall. Yeah, yeah. But you get taller mountains underwater. But it's not. Yeah, but it is. It's still way level. That means it's not very tall. Yeah, yeah. But you get taller mountains underwater. But it's not. Yeah, but it is. It's still way lower than Everest. But it's bigger than Everest.

But if we're talking on sea level, he did make a good point. There are bigger mountains technically. But on sea level, Everest is taller. Because it's out of the sea. No, no, no. But it's like if you... Ridge is down to the base.

Because Daniel sat on the sofa and I'm sat down, Daniel's taller than me. Is that how it works? Ridge is down to the... No, because that fucking... Everest ain't going to the base. Because Daniel sat on the sofa and I'm sat down, Daniel's taller than me. Is that how it works? Ridge is down to the... No, because that fucking... Everest ain't going to just stand up. No, no, if something's bigger...

You're talking about the peak to the sky, but if you were to measure from the top to the base... No, from the centre of the sun, from the centre of the earth, to the peak. It doesn't matter if it's underwater or not. Everest is way taller. But that's...

If Everest was shorter, it would be underwater. Allow me to explain what it's underwater or not. Everest is way taller. If Everest was shorter it would be underwater. Allow me to explain what you're not getting. I'm getting it. You're not. From peak to

base. you're going from base to peak. The base is the fucking bottom of the sea. Everest. No it's not

because it doesn't start at the bottom of the sea. Drain the earth right. Go as low as you can go. Drain the earth.

Drain the earth. And I'm on trial here for being a drainer. Right. Like it's hypothetical. Hypothetical. It's a hypothetical. The fact that we're having to speak in hypotheticals.

Oh my God, this is like when I'm filling the cup again for you. When I fill the cup under the podcast. Right, so just to clarify, you think that if something's underwater, it could be taller than Everest. No, I'm saying a whale bigger than a snail, because it's underwater, is it not as bigger than a snail? What's this? Because it's underwater,

is it not as big as a snail? That's the worst! This is just wonderful. This is just wonderful. But that's your logic. I mean, no, he's completely negated my logic. Everyone is screaming at the peri right now.

Not me. No, no, because if it's underwater, get where you're coming from. Like, because you go off from the base, but where is the base of Everest, really? The base. The base. Eventually, you'll keep going lower and lower yes of course of course like then you can

go underwater and underwater until you reach the depth of this yeah but what i'm saying is if there will be in like whether it is geology or whatever like what i'm saying is that there will just be a foothill to the to the beach oh yeah it'll be under some of them will be fully fucking submerged it's total bullshit so the highest mountain is that one. You still got the question wrong. Next one. I'm still fake. But also, we are just all coming across as really retarded right now. I'm not.

I'm bringing myself down with Elliot. You definitely failed on that one. I didn't. Anzac trips come from which two countries? What? Anzac trips come from which two countries? Anzac. Anzac.

Clues in the name, kind of. It sounds a little bit like South American. No. Oh, okay. Then I'm going to go... They have an Anzac Day, the country is in question. All right. And they have Anzac cookies.

Oh, that man. You might as well have asked me where the Anzac cookies come from and then be like, oh, they have an Anzac army. And they'll be like, I don't know. Yeah. Anzac. Okay, wait, wait, wait. I'm just going gonna take a guess

yeah the Congo just um you know they've got an army that I haven't really heard of New Zealand and Australia

oh yeah what is the capital of Australia? Oh it's not It's that place that no one really knows It's that other one I don't know the name Darwin? Canberra

So if you get 8 of these I'll give you the point What 14 countries were in the Soviet Union? This is your category, by the way. Okay, 14 countries in the Soviet Union. So you had Russia, Kazakhstan, Poland. Nope. Poland was invaded by the Soviet Union.

It was invaded by what was in the Soviet Union. What was it? Pardon? Poland wasn't part of the Soviet Union. Was it not? No. Okay. Lithuania? Yes. The thing is, I don't know many countries, right?

But this is the good thing about the Soviet Union and why I liked it. It got rid of a lot of other countries. You just had to know one place instead of 14 others, didn't it? So you liked the Soviet Union because it made geography easier fuck yeah like oh where are you going Soviet Union

alright which part oh you know east the left yeah okay so one second you've gone you've gone Russia

Lithuania yeah you said Kazakhstan wait I'm gonna have a pop with a few to help you out no one second I think I can get this You've gone Russia, Lithuania, Kazakhstan. Wait, I'm going to have a pop with a few to help you out. No. One second, I think I can get this. You've got 11 more to go.

Yeah, no, I'm not going to make all 14. We've worked that out. You should get five. If I get five, that would be good. Five more. Oh, what? Yeah, it was up to eight. Okay. Lithuania's in the regional

Yeah Yeah I'm trying to think Of all those other Eastern countries I'm going to have to Buzz you out I What's it called

That's the game I want to hear what this is It begins with an M It does That place Moldova Malta does That place Moldova Malta as well

Moldova Moldova Moldova Oh my god Right So I'm going to go Estonia Yep

Latvia Yep Uzbekistan Yep Did that get said? No you said No you said Kazakhstan didn't you So we've got Lithuania

We've got The big one We're almost in the big one. Russia? No, no. You said Russia. Okay, the second big one. Ukraine.

There you go. Shit, sort of that. Yeah, in Moldova. Georgia. Georgia, correct. And these are the tough ones. It gets hard. You've got Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, and Azerbaijan.

Okay, we're on to general knowledge, Elliot. Oh, good, because it's going so well. A caravan is a group of which animals? I can't say that. A caravan? Yeah. I'm going to say cows. Camel.

It's a herd of cows. But my logic there was On Fallout 3 Brilliant start When they have the two headed cow thing Yeah It's called the caravan Okay

They call it caravan No they don't pull a caravan They are the caravan I know when I first did it I thought you could get caravans in the game But it turns out it was just two headed cows What two words when combined hold the most letters? Anti-dis-stablishmentarianism.

Yeah. The answer is actually post office. What? Which two words, when combined, hold the most letters? Post office. I thought it was like, what has the most letters? No, it was a trick question. What holds the most letters?

An ampersand is the sign for which word? Clues in the name. A what? An ampersand. It's a symbol. Do you know an exclamation mark? That's a symbol.

There's a symbol called an ampersand. And so it's a symbol from... I'm really going to have to dumb this down here. Right, so an exclamation mark is the upside down I. Question marks. Yeah, question mark.

The hook with the dots. Yeah. So the name of this symbol is called the upside down I. Question mark. Yeah, question mark. The hook with the duck. Yeah. So the name of this symbol is called the ampersand. What is the symbol of? Man, I've never heard of that. It's the word and. You know, the little... Oh, that's what it's called.

Yeah, it's called an ampersand. Interesting. If we're not laughing, we're learning on this podcast, aren't we? Oh, we're definitely laughing. You'll get this one. In rhyming slang, what are mince pies? Right, again, I'm from South London. you'll get this one in rhyming slang what are mince pies right again I'm from south London

so the cockney thing doesn't work I don't know you are cockney I'm not I'm from south London it doesn't potato potato

you're cockney Natalie's more cockney than me from Glasgow but she lives in east London the definition of a cockney

is you live within the Bow Bells, the ring of the Bow Bells. So, I don't know, is it Vince Fies? No, Eyes. What the fuck are Vince Fies? I don't know. I don't know Cockney rhymes. Why would Vince Fies be a Cockney?

Who's Vince Fies? Because you might as well have asked me what it was in Japanese. It's a different language. Vince Fies spices in English. Well, you didn't know because you just need to rhyme something and you would go right. So probably eyes.

No. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? Constantly checking out WhatsApp. No, a widow. Oh, that's brought the mood down. Come on. These were meant to be light and jolly.

Okay, math. Oh, fuck, man. What is your topic? brought the mood down come on these were meant to be light and jolly okay math oh fuck what is your topic this is what I was going to say it was Soviet Union yeah but you didn't

really ask me any questions about it well maybe they'll come and play it okay good Vietnam War I'm good on okay

who won everyone no it depends like what you define by winning hollywood hollywood yeah exactly we got the good films and this and they got bombed so they got well yeah yeah no so yeah i think the north the north vietnamese one okay after, which is the next prime number? I've never understood prime numbers. Right,

I'll explain it. You can still get it. It's a number that can only be divided by one and itself. So it can't be split into other things. I'll give you a clue.

The next one isn't nine because you can divide that by three. That was going to be my guess. But you can divide that by three. Right,

okay. Eleven. Correct! Yeah, That was going to be my guess. Maybe you can divide that by three. Right, okay. 11. Correct! Thank you, 7-Eleven, for advertising on the QMT. It's subliminally making me go for that. How many colours are in the rainbow? Richard of York. Oh, what's the rhyme again?

Richard of York. Oh, I'm the rhyme again? Richard of York. Oh, I'm going to go seven. Correct. I've never heard that one. Because I was hoping you did the same stupid thing I did once, right? Which is I got asked. All right. So the batteries ran out on the podcast device.

So it saved Elliot's blushes a little bit actually everything right everything all the questions after and then what happened right is i i got so much right and then you guys were like oh now we're gonna have like a little experimentation around you're allowed to do something and i i made like a i drew on the wall and and proved why there isn't a god and goodwill hunting stale with. And then a load of aliens came down and were like, yo, bro, do you want to be king of the universe? But I was like, I've got to finish the podcast. And then we were like, oh, our face is red now,

so actually pretending to run out of batteries. Yeah. So there was two more rounds. Fortunately, I think you got some of them right. No, I got none of them. I'm just trying to save your blushes there. My favourite one was, you're a bit at the end there, you tried to basically be like, I'll ask you a bunch of them right? No, I got none of them. I'm just trying to save your blushes there. My favourite one was, your bit at the end there, you tried to basically be like,

I'll ask you a bunch of questions, then we're like, go ahead. What are the two main elements in the sun? You couldn't think of any questions, and then you went, what are the two main elements in the sun? And Kai guessed hydrogen and oxygen, and then you lost confidence

because Kai said it was such confidence. But you were right, it was hydrogen and helium. What was your logic for why it was helium? It's why the sun floats in it it's got better helium no it's not it's not look like it's not my logic but it's it's if you said that to me in a pub i'd believe it. Yeah, yeah. But that's what knowledge is. Sometimes the rose... No, it's not! But sometimes the rose dropped into the Arctic

is not meant to be the rose that is not the right rose. Maybe it's not a rose. Maybe it's a daffodil, but you think it's a rose because you've never seen a rose before. Just to cut your bullshit right there, I want to say... We just want to apologise. You only missed about five minutes of it. We'll definitely have another quiz

this can easily become a regular game because you can go studying things I'm not going to do that

I didn't do that for fucking A levels and that would have got me somewhere

when it cut off we were like oh shit we might have lost loads

but we'd only lost like five minutes or so but the reason we're back in the game even though the

batteries ran out where did you get the batteries ran out, we... Where did you get the batteries from, Kai? Thanks, Natalie. We're in Natalie's house right now and we're trying to get out the lightbox, the little muggle lightbox that's there.

And those batteries ran out because she's always using those. Yep, and then... Tried the remotes. Found a filter. Found a vibratorator to be specific so we hooked it up to the car generator

used for that so today I have the podcast on Natalie's dildos dildos petrol generator to be fair like when you were like I'll get them

out of Natalie's dildo I'm like those will be more dead can I can I just say for someone who's on a podcast being accused of being thick,

I'd have charged the batteries of the thingy before. They were brand new batteries. Oh, really? Oh, but then I found out in further development. You were so stupid. Kai said, maybe it's when I dropped it the other day. Oh, I fell out my bag. Oh, right.

I want your bag. Because I didn't unzip it to put something in, but I hadn't zipped it up fully. So when I was dragging my suitcase along, it popped out. It's a human error, mate. I didn't know who the Amzeccas or something were called. You were fucking so stupid, you drained all the power from the device.

You fucking struggled. Anyway, so Natalie's dildo. Come to save the day, genuinely. She's not going to thank me for this. But, you know, I bought her this as a gift a while back uh she asked us to park a car in a specific place this when she lived in glasgow and i parked her car and you said go fuck yourself i parked her car in a place that i found but not the specific place she said but the place where

i parked it was this like really fucking derelict bit of wasteland, right, in the middle of Glasgow, like this old building site that they'd stopped building on. And when she went to get it, I told her where it was, when she went to get it, the car window had been put in. Someone stole the stereo. Who fucking steals stereos this day and age? Let's get a fucking iPod. So someone bricked the window and stole the stereo, and she phoned me up crying, but I was asleep because I'd been on a session the night before.

So she rang us, like I didn't wake up, and then when she finally got through it she calmed down a bit but she still totally blamed it on me that i can't get broken to so i try to cheer up by buying dildo apparently inappropriate gift so if you're at home wondering why is the lovely natalie marrying kyle humphries i have another story for you that is going to turn this, why is she marrying you? So I've been on this podcast, I've been accused of being stupid and thick and I've not done myself any favours and I will say I'm not the brightest

whatever one in the thing it's meant to be. Another braised tool in the shed. I'm not the brightest star in the sky because I haven't got much helium in me but Kai what happened the other day I'm not very well

while you were having a gentleman's play look I know where you're going with this I'm going to step ahead of you you're trying to throw me under the bus for being unwell no

that's not why I would never make fun of you for being sick I wouldn't make fun of you if you, let's say, shat yourself while wanking. You had a shank? You had a shank? Because I'm not very well.

You had a shank? You shat wank? How does it, like... This is what I was saying in the group, and then it got smudged over because I probably made a spelling mistake. How do you, like, be be mid-wang and then go oh how do you not realize you're about to shit yourself there's two there's two

like feelings your body gives that you know is happening one's you're about calm the other one you're about to shit and you're not going to mix them two up they come from two different places have you ever had diarrhea no but i've had a wank and not shat myself. You're still young yet, boy. I've got 12 years on you. You can blame our diarrhoea, but the way you told me the story was you were having a wank. I'll tell you the story. Right, go on then.

Right, so this is the thing with diarrhoea, right? You know that you can't trust a fart, but the first one, the first one you don't know you've got diarrhoea, so you just fart willy-nilly. Sometimes I can creep up on the strangest tape so i didn't feel very well i woke up in the morning this is how i know i didn't feel very well i didn't go to breakfast and it was a free continental breakfast on the hotel so i knew i was i was sick right and it's approaching 12 o'clock which is checkout time and we're in wolverhampton and i feel like fucking death but i've got to get

showered i've got to get out of there. And when I was getting changed for my shower, I thought, you know what? I'll give myself a little rub, cheer myself up. Right? Because you know what? Sometimes you can't be bothered with a wank,

but sometimes once you have one, you're like, oh, glad I did that. But sometimes a wank can be bothered with you. Treat myself. Right. So I treat myself to a wristie. And then,

you know, I wasn't just going to let my fucking gas build up. There's no one else in the room whom just going to let my fucking gas build up like there's no one else in the room whom I who am I trying to hide my shame from I let out a little fart

and when I farted mid wank I was like oh no did you continue with the wank no no I postponed it

oh you can as much as you can say it got rained off I rain checked it I was like I'll finish this once I've had this wipe.

Put a pin in it or a cork. So, so I sat down to finish my poo which I'd started mid-wank. Oh my God, this is horrible.

Oh man, I mean. Still with a boner? This is the worst because like. Really? That's the worst bit? No,

because, yes, this is the worst bit because like, I went to finish, like, to have a poo, right? I didn't know I had the shits until like, because... This is the worst bit. Because I went to finish to have a poo. I didn't know I had the shits until I farted. I was like, uh-oh. And then you sit down.

Well, you piss when you poo. When you've got a bone on it, it's hard to get it pointing at the porcelain. It's pointing upwards. So here I am trying to fucking manipulate me, pissed in me, diarrhea. I'm sorry, everyone listening. I'm so sorry.

But when I was trying to do that and I looked down on the floor and I saw a little brown smudge on the floor like a wet smudge a wet patch

of like wet fart the wet fart had landed on the floor I'm actually really sorry I brought this up I'm not

because I've got someone else to bring up after and so I cancelled the wank like it went from being postponed to cancelled

I still haven't picked it up, actually. Yeah. Huh? It much probably expired by now. If you finish now, you'll get sick again. Well, I'm still very sick, actually. I think it's something very unsympathetic.

Was your fiancée sympathetic when you shat the bed? I mean, I don't think she knows. Does she not know? Well, because I didn't shit the bed. What I heard is you shat the bed. I mean, I was in bed when I shat I mean I don't want to get to

so what it landed in your boxers or so I just like I woke up and like like

go to bed with a smelly arse wake up with wet fingers wake up with wet fingers so I woke up and I clearly like I didn't

like I was at the point now where I didn't trust a single fart right because to be fair you should be like that all the time like I don't know how that's not but sleeping Kai

didn't get the memo sleeping Kai didn't get the memo and sleeping Kai clearly just went farting away in his sleep and I woke up with a wet bum and a confused girlfriend and it's meant. And I woke up with a wet bum and a confused girlfriend.

And it's meant to be a confused girlfriend and a wet bum. A wet girlfriend and a confused bum. Yeah, a wet girlfriend and a confused bum. I'm recycling banter I had in text. Getting it wrong. So, yeah, I woke up to the wetness, the dampness, and I, like, John rained into the bathroom, and I threw my boxers away, and I had a wash and a shower

and then I discreetly checked the bedding and saw that the bedding was still pristine and clean the way my fiance made it for me getting home nice and clean all nice and clean

and I climbed back into bed and then she found out on the podcast honestly she's also going to find out what's happened to her dildo she's going to be sitting there with the podcast in

lying in bed she's going to get her dildo out and be like old habits right she'll always listen to the podcast and dance herself off she's going to shove up there

and be like why is this aww you bastards I reckon that's why the batteries went dead on the fucking podcast because we're probably just passing them back and forth. We'll probably just keep swapping batteries

until they're on my podcast device. Pickle in the clit inside your head, that makes you cum. That makes you laugh. Do you feel better? No, I feel like death. But why do you still trust farts? I trust farts because 99.9999% of them have gone ahead and just been shits.

Aye, 99.9999% of mine are just normal farts, but I fart way more. Nah, yours is... Like, there's more farts that are shits, but there's a higher percentage. I just don't understand, like, okay, I was having this conversation, when we found this information out,

we had to leave a game of Call of Duty. Like, it was like oh you're telling me dad no your dad wasn't online he's also found out about the podcast he's just happy we didn't take the batteries

out of his dildo I don't understand how as an adult male so I can count four stories of you shitting yourself and I know there's more I know there's like

from the and let's let's go from this year no let's let's go from the age of 18 I can count four stories of you shitting yourself. And I know there's more. I know there's like... It's happened this year. No, let's go from the age of 80. From being... A society deems you, you're a grown man. How... You're 34? That's...

I know how to live. Actually, it's not your poo size. I don't understand how people... You're fucking lecturing me. I'm going to shit't understand how people You fucking lectured me Before I would shit myself Because Because I just got lectured On the podcast

They didn't hear it Because I couldn't spell Mississippi M-I-S-S-I-S-M-P-P-I I-P-P-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-M But how can you do that And then like Claim you're smarter than me And then shit yourself

Wait one I didn't know I was going to shit myself I was just trying to have a wank But that's That's even worse You haven't even made The conscious decision To shit yourself I'm't know I was going to shit myself. I was just trying to have a wank. But that's not even worse. You haven't even made the conscious decision to shit yourself. I'm very ill.

If anyone wants to know... Who hasn't shit themselves? You lie to yourselves. Maybe for ages. You've never been ill. It's like a baby. No, but when I'm ill, I just be like, oh, I'm probably going to shit myself. I'll go to the toilet.

I don't just decide, oh, I might shit myself. What I'll do is I'll crack open the laptop, light a candle. I don't think you understand the extent of how I lay out open the laptop light a candle I don't think you understand the extent of how I am once the whole house goes off

I was spewing all over as well weren't I I think I'm being very brave actually I mean put up with this nonsense if anyone wants to know why we don't

do merch for podcasts most podcasts what they do is they get like a quote there's all shirts and they'll put the quotes on the shirt and that's what they

sort of sell I don't think we can sell I shot myself a wanking shirt a podcast powered by Natalie's dildo yeah speaking of her sponsor Natalie's sexual ungratification noise reducing QC 35 dildo

what's noise reducing when you put it up there what I'm like I got a, the car got broken into in like 2013, maybe. Still battery left.

Yeah, she's obviously changed them. I don't know. Funding the dusty box. You can't call it for changing that dusty box. That's very racist, admittedly. Oh, Natalie, still Marius, please.

Right, shall we get on to our muggle corners? Yes. I can tell your one's going to, as always, everything you do leads to a debate.

Because I'm smart, I like to discuss things. Right, go on. Alright, so. It's just one muggle corner each. One muggle corner each. Yeah, it's a trick one. Okay, right. I like to discuss things. No, go on. Alright, so... It's just one muggle corner each. One muggle corner each. Yeah, it's a straight one. Okay, alright, I had a couple here.

Muggles call other people's football team shit when they are glory hunters. I concur. Now this is... There's a lot to... I'll let you explain. This is shots fired. Yeah, no, no, no, but I think I'm technically almost in the clear but I'll allow you to make your argument

okay this all started on a sunny day when I was on a train to Manchester I support and I had to connect it to the wifi

paid for the wifi I'm keeping up with the football score because I support a team called Crystal Palace and if you haven't heard them we know why

we're we're not doing very well in the league like we're not doing very well in the league like we're not doing very well at all and up until this point we hadn't scored a goal in like

nine games so and we're playing Chelsea last year's champions so I'm like and my team and Daniel's team so I'm like

I'll just check the score every night and I'm just on the train and I look and there's a text from my dad and it's just like we've scored

and then Chelsea score and we score again so of course I'm in on the train, and I look, and there's a text from my dad, and it's just like, we've scored. And then Chelsea score, and we score again. So, of course, I'm in the WhatsApp group chatting absolute shit, because I should be able to. Daniel kicked me from the WhatsApp group. Power hungry. I will admit here, right, in hindsight, now that I've had a lot of time to think, I was absolutely in the wrong in that situation, right? I got very sensitive, right?

We were in Jersey, right? I think it was an early start. It was really grumpy. Also, you know how to wind me up more than anyone else on this planet. And I absolutely bit. I absolutely bit. I hold my hands up, right?

And admit what I did was wrong. He totally got you back as you slaughtered him for having a shit team. And then Scotland got put out. So he started doing your exact shtick to him for having a shit team and you spit your dummy out. Forgetting Mark Nelson was in the WhatsApp.

Mark Nelson nearly killed himself. And Gareth. Though I will stand by, like with, yeah, I gave you shit about Palace because of the shit you'd given, rightfully, about Palace beating Chelsea.

So I gave you that shit in return. And then you did transfer it to the international one, where I understand why you did but I was like could you be a bit more crucible about Scotland like it's very sensitive in fact I'll admit this

the international thing happened before Palace and Chelsea no it did because I was chatting shit because you said to me Palace are playing Chelsea this weekend watch how much shit

I chat when we beat you that's what happened so then when I was on the train the plot thickens I started chatting loads of shit that's what happened anyway so we're in a

WhatsApp group with a handful of comedians who have been regular guests on this podcast who majority are glory seekers you've got Arsenal

and Chelsea fans from Scotland you've got Liverpool fans from Ireland he's from Ireland and he's meant to be like ooh up the rah

not ooh up the rars Ireland and he's meant to be like ooh, I'll up the rah not ooh, I'll up the rarsnal. Right? And then he's like to me oh yeah, he was like going to me oh, I support Arsenal more than you support Palace

and he's like oh, Palace are shit and I'm like well, how many times have you won a Champions League? Oh, zero. I'm like oh, well my team has won it loads of times.

Who do you support? Real Madrid because I'm just going to choose a team from another country as well. I will argue my case here. The reason I support Chelsea is because I was just going to choose a team from another country as well I will argue my case the reason I support Chelsea is because I was brought in

because of the pod tabs it's funny how you really deny being English when people are saying you're English right but the minute your football

team comes in which by the way you started supporting them on Roman Ivanovic's takeover which is so convenient it's so like you didn't even know who Ranieri was

when he fucking started managing Leicester and he actually took Chelsea through some fucking hard times I absolutely knew who Ranieri was because he fucking started managing Leicester. And he actually took Chelsea through some fucking hard times. First of all, I absolutely knew who Ranieri was because I did my research into it. The reason was I supported East Fife and Hibs, which are still my two fucking main teams. So I do not...

Look, I've been to several East Fife games and it's the worst thing in the world. It's just... Love the team, love the fans, but we get gubbed so fucking regularly. Like, we went up one season, we go back down. And everyone on my team supports Celt back down right and everyone in my team supports Celtic and Rangers and everyone starts

supporting an English football team right English Premier League is the best league in the world right I'm not just going to sit on the outside right and just go I'll not

support anyone you can't pick and choose what you love about us but no one no one no one my point is no one started supporting in Scotland

and went oh I'm going to pick Aston Villa and then Aston Villa it's like you all happen to pick the top four teams that's why I love Nelson and then Aston Villa it's like you all happen to pick the top four teams that's why I love Nelson Nelson picked Everton

it's like you want it to struggle yeah yeah closest to like my fucking breath I went what is the team no that would be

Wimbledon Kingston Pontens would be Wimbledon which is league free I'm going to check the postcode of that nah it is Kingston Pontens

your closest team would be Wimbledon not Chelsea I'm definitely going to check the postcard on that. Yeah, it's absolutely 100%. So what happens in this WhatsApp is that Elliot, you get totally swarmed on by glory seekers,

but it's like this fucking little ring of people who think they're right, but they're wrong, but they're validating each other because there's so many of them. And I have to keep coming in and rescuing you because I'm a long-suffering Newcastle fan. I have to keep coming in and just going,

lads, yous are wrong here. You can't you can't like shit on Elliot for supporting his local club no we're not shitting him for supporting his

local club we're shitting him because his team shit yeah yeah but that's what that's what that's my point why it's mugglery because

it's like fine if I'm if I'm just going to flat out say oh I'm just going to pick the best team well guess what I'm just going to pick Real

Madrid I'm going to pick Barcelona right but the point is I'm not I've gone and supported a team that's local to me because it's a community thing

and then when like I had it all the time at school when Palace were in a championship we were looking like we were

going to get relegated oh your team's crap we're winning the Champions League and it's like yeah because

you chose the best team it means nothing I've never I'd never ever ever in my life shout on Crystal Palace until you

shout on Chelsea right it was an utter rebuttal it's not my fault we beat you every season right it was an utter utter rebuttal I've never, I'd never, ever, ever in my life shot on Crystal Palace until you shot on Chelsea. Right? It was an utter rebuttal. It's not my fault we beat you every season. Right? It was an utter, utter rebuttal. But this is the thing again. Right.

You sent a message saying death to Palace on one of them. Oh, at least seven. But like, I fully agree. Look, you can argue the place of fucking Glory Hunt and whatever. Right? I came in to support Chelsea at that time. I've supported Chelsea all the way through that. I tried to find a fucking local team to mine. Like, success breeds fans. Right? If you're going to say I can't support Chelsea, you've got came in to support Chelsea at that time. I've supported Chelsea all the way through that. I tried to find a fucking local team to mine. Like, success breeds fans, right?

If you're going to say I can't support Chelsea, you've got to go to Africa and take every Man United top off of every child over there and be like, no, no, no, you've got to support

your local fucking team. You've got to go fucking Brazil where all the leagues are shit and you'd be like, none of you are allowed to support, none of you are allowed to support Barcelona.

Even though you're Argentinian and you love Messi, you're not allowed to support Barcelona because that's not your local team I think the leagues Are pretty good over there

Yeah Here's something That you keep throwing in As well Where you and Ryan Cullen And everyone You always

Put on him That it's fucking dumb To be patriotic Over a geographical Location Or like I support the team Nearest my house

That's like going out With a girl That lives in your street Instead of casting a net And all that right But as soon as The fucking international stuff's on you're

singing flower of Scotland like nobody else and you're like how does patriotism like only count patriotism's country not no but it's like

patriotism's literally country but there's no if you but that local pride there's flags there's people people

I would argue by the way I don't shit on you for support I know why you support palace I will constantly say my argument is Palace are shit. You're back a wrong argument because there's so many of you.

Because you're outnumbered. And that's why it's nice to have you outnumbered now in public. Yeah. I still stand by everything I've said. And you can't change who you support. I guarantee you would never have supported Chelsea, even though you're from Kingston and you were born in England and all that stuff. You would never have supported Chelsea, even though you're from Kingston and you were born in England and all that stuff, right?

You would never have supported Chelsea had they not had the meteoric rise the minute you started waking up to football. Probably. It's like Gareth Ward started supporting Arsenal in 2006. And then went to me, but it's not the glory years. And that, to me, was the mentality of people who choose their football team was,

oh, we were only getting Champions League. Like, that's the mentality. Because I remember I got a text from someone one day when Arsenal we were only getting Champions League like that's the mentality because I remember I got a text from someone one day when Arsenal got knocked out of Champions League

in fact I think it was my dad got a text from a friend and it said oh we've just been knocked out of the group stage of the Champions League

this is what it feels like to support Palace and you're like you have no idea like if that's your level of the struggle your team goes through you've just no idea

and that was quite a strange one as well when Gareth was getting very passionate about the football and then he announced that he'd only started supporting them

like in 2006 and you're like what you mean you've just started watching football because 2006 he was so recent to me I think the reason

everyone gets defensive right is because even if you're taking Glorihunt or whatever we all support your team with a lot of fucking passion right

you can sit there being like you're Glorihunt it's like we all support your team with a lot of fucking passion, right? You can sit there being like you're a Glorihunt and it's like, I've supported Chelsea for 14 years now. Oh, it's easy to support a team with passion when they're winning, dude.

No, no, but I've started, yeah, okay, and I hope I never have the chance to prove to you that when Chelsea are shit, right? I hope, because I will, if they go down,

not that they will, but if they ever do, I hope I never get the opportunity to prove to you that I'll still support Chelsea then oh my god but you'll watch less matches I tell you that

because fuck me Newcastle bore me sometimes I'll sit there being bored for an hour and a half by my old team I watched us lose 3-1 to Colchester on my mate's birthday we went as a treat through

it's not a treat it's a struggle the struggle is real so what's the mugglery glory seekers are no no it's not just it's not a treat it's a struggle, the struggle is real so what's the mugglery glory seek Azar ok I can understand your argument of supporting the team and stuff but my point is

when it's mugglery to go haha your team's shit but I'm supporting the local team do you know what I mean and I noticed this as well in my area everyone sort of suddenly started coming a Palace fan local teams, you know what I mean? And I noticed this as well in my area. Everyone sort of suddenly started coming a Palace fan when we got promoted or when we got to the semi-final, the Carling Cup and the semi-final and the final of the FA Cup.

Everyone suddenly became fans. It's easier to be a fan when you're doing well though. Like fuck man, when Newcastle have been like, I kind of watch them on match of the day when they're in the, in the championship. You have to fucking actually, I had to sign up to the website to watch the highlights on the Newcastle website

and pay a monthly subscription and I'm not getting it with decent commentary or anything. It's actually more difficult when you're not in the top flight to support your team. Oh, hugely. And the other argument that was said, which is silly, was about how,

oh, Elliot, do you like Conor McGregor? Yeah. You're glory hunting. And it's like, it's completely different. I was losing the argument, so I need to make something. We should all be Bisping fans. This is how I argue. The second I start losing an argument,

I stop using my logic and I start twisting yours. Because it stops being about being right. It's about proving other. But I will admit, and I'll stand in the corner for 30 seconds my one right, muggles go to the opera you spend god knows, and it's very posh muggles

it's very rich muggles you spend your hard earned cash to go watch a bunch of pensioners play Nokia 3310 ringtones like I would I think it's such a horrible so one of my favourite shows I've ever seen play Nokia 3310 ringtones. I would massively agree with you, but I saw one of my favourite shows I've ever seen was a Mark Thomas show

about how his dad went to see the opera and his dad was like this working class bloke. Yeah, but you saw a comedy show. Yeah, but it was like, oh... It made it sound good. It was like, oh, right. I imagine if I learnt to understand that. I just don't understand.

Well, I don't, I don't understand opera enough to make a comment on it, but it was funny when Ricketts had suggested going to see Hans Zimmer, right, who,

obviously not an opera actor, I guess he's did like a musical performance, but he does like suspenseful music. Oh, he does. But what is brilliant,

and I fucking love all of his work, like I love Inception, but that other one with Matthew McConaughey where he goes into space, into Stella, fucking wonderful.

Blue Planet, like half the shit that you watch that's got suspenseful music on, you don't even realise. Hans Zimmer makes the music. Hans Zimmer makes the music, right? He's a composer. But what is good about it

is it'll build suspense. So you're watching a fucking, Conga Eel's about to make its attack on something. So it'll build the suspense and then as it attacks, the music goes with it. So all the sound effects are him reacting to what he's saying. on something so it'll build a suspense and then as it attacks the music goes with it so all the sound

effects are him reacting to what he's saying now if you take the imagery away from it you just get into suspense

for nothing like oh here it comes here what comes nothing just be faithful but how do you sing it

in an opera you've got to sit down and just sit down and listen you're not just singing along and if you're

always singing along you can't. Like, da-da-da-da, da-da-da. I love the words. They're great, real deep. But isn't opera all in Italian or Latin? One of them. Oh, yeah.

I think we're getting opera and orchestra confused a lot as well. I'm putting them both in, orchestra and opera. Like, opera's, yeah. Yeah, I've never really understood why people go to the pro do you know what i hate is when they do the proms or something and then they're like and we're gonna get like a rapper to rap over someone and you're like don't try make this like let it be either let it be cool to the people who like it and not cool to the people who don't like it like a school teacher like a school teacher put his hat on backwards it's like just let it die i feel that

exact way about jazz i'm just like the second jazz dies i'm gonna be so through and it's slowly dying and it's so fun to watch jazz die apparently there's a wicked jazz bar so that my mate wouldn't go through jazz is the improv of music right right it's the improv music you learn bass well yeah okay i appreciate the talent that goes into jazz you've got to be able to fucking play these this music and these instruments so fucking well and you make up an improv

but it's just not like do a song I know I don't want to hear you go skip it it's loud it's annoying it's elevator music and I'm not in an elevator

why are you reminding me of the worst time in my fucking life when I'm in an elevator with some kind of hey have you gone and spoke to someone about

any of these things? No, not yet. Are you putting music you don't like in Muggle Corner? Yeah. No, no. I'm going to stick with opera. Yeah, opera and orchestra. I'll agree with you.

I think if somebody was going to the opera and didn't have any understanding, but kept going as a class or status... I think you do have an understanding I do feel like the orchestra thing is an accompaniment to something else

it's like you watch oh you do have a musical and there's an orchestra there that orchestra is amazing yeah like you say the movie that you're watching or the documentary

that you're watching it's like an accompaniment like it's so weird to go and listen to it on your own like just listen to it on its own sorry not on your own

but you agreed? I'm inclined to but I'm a little bit uneducated, I'd like to go to an opera just so I can look around and go yeah Muggle but I'm pretty convinced that would be the case I've not gone to an opera so I haven't done the research but I'm just basing it on what I imagine

it's provisionally in the Muggle corner provisionally I don't think anybody that goes to opera has listened to this podcast exactly normally Muggle Corner it's genuinely higher arts against hedonism isn't it right so

I've got a Muggle Corner but I just didn't have it open sorry for the stalling oh yeah this is just because my mate Ryan applied for Jodie Shaw Muggles applied to be on Jodie Shaw oh

it's like you're buying your lottery ticket you think your number's going to come up and you're going to be famous for your 15 minutes imagine having like the idea that you think

you're so you're going to go on that show and you're going to look good like they're going to make you look good people are laughing at you

yeah I think the thing where Ryan probably would be good at Jodie Shaw you're going to look good. Like they're going to make you look good. People are laughing at you. I think the thing where Ryan probably would be good at George Soros is just this lovely, high energy... Is there a big gay little Ryan? Big gay little Ryan. Did Flarning for you during the Fringe? He was a great fighter. He's charismatic as fuck.

But he'd be great on that show. But he'd probably get rejected because he's not some fucking... He's not an asshole. And he's not fucking buff and he's not fucking buff he's not eye candy for the for bimbos

and he's not really bitchy enough either like every time I've had a I think you could be like oh yeah he'd have it in like he he can crank that up

clearly he's only bitch when I'm not there I vote about you so yeah he's applying for that and like because Ryan works with Punch Drunk a lot

and I was trying to like get a fruit of him like dude like you work with like so many people who are genuinely talented why would you be drawn to something that like

it promotes lack of talent it promotes like celebration of ignorance it's like lack of substance is what it thrives on

yet you're working in this industry that is like fucking talented people everywhere yet there working in this industry that is like fucking talented people everywhere. Yet there's this shortcut industry, which is, I guess,

car crash television. It's what we made the show Muff about. And I hate that people look at that as a little out, like, oh, I could maybe escape the grind and be seen and have my moment in the sun. I'm like, develop a talent,

dude. Like he's a fucking charismatic man. Like tech up acting take up comedy take up singing or like learn an instrument or just do something of talent

but don't go into the orchestra I don't just don't like look for the because it is a fast pass isn't it a fame

remember remember before TV right people would be famous for their accolades in war or their like like a bard

would be famous for like doing a recount of a story in a song right people would become famous because of their accolades in war or that they're like like a bard would be famous for like doing a recount of a story in a song right people become famous because of the accolades now you don't even need to have an accolade you just need them yeah you just need the camera to be pointing at you you know i was thinking that the new generation come through we're going to do those reality shows that the old generation never had like if you had like 2004 big brother or whatever they never had twitter or facebook so they never would have gone on and said something risky and then one day thinking, like, if you don't... The thing is, with our job, is you always think, like,

maybe I shouldn't put this up because someone could bring it out of context. I'll get brought down. Chat shit, get banged. Yeah, which one great philosopher once said. But with the newer generation coming through, like, that guy just got evicted from I'm a Celebrity

I've not seen the tweets but apparently they're racist and homophobic or something and you're like you go on these shows now and your whole life you've put everything you've once in all the mistakes you made when you weren't in the lame lake when you're figuring yourself out

and I just brought up and it's like no get off the show you don't get a chance to apologise or a redemption you're just outcast I think like yeah a lot of times

if you've said something recently you should be held accountable something you said ten years ago of course you should be able you should be allowed the opportunity to be like

I was an absolute fucking moron I said some horrible stupid things we've mentioned this in the podcast several times about Crystal Palace

nah I stand by those Death to Palace we you say some stupid things I didn't say this when I was 16 17 years old but unfortunately

I did have a platform to say it now it is I've not gone through it but I don't imagine I said anything to but I'd hate for people to be like

but you said this you're like yes I did am I not allowed to I've moved on from that actually I can't so I can't say that I've grown

since then yeah people's past can't catch up on them as if it's their opinion now yeah

and for some people it is like Donald Trump famously said I've not changed I'm the same person I was when I was five years old

that's a direct Donald Trump oh my god so yeah applying to be in a reality TV shows as your little fast pass over there yeah applying to be in a reality TV shows as your little

fast pass over there go apply to be in Muggle Corner yeah just fucking do the grind learn some shit get a skill so in Muggle Corner

is Glory Hunters who shit on little teams orchestra slash opera people who go to that and people who apply to be on reality TV shows yeah now before we go

any further Elliot before we go into dad jokes, do you have anything to plug? Are you on there? What shows do you have? I have a couple things.

Is it all right if I plug something I'm doing in April? Of course. Yeah, cool. So these are just a few things coming up that I know people from. So in February, I've got nothing really in London at the moment. That's just my thing. But in February 1st to the 3rd,

I'll be at Edinburgh Stand with Gareth Waugh. Hey, it's Tuesday. Tuesday fucking podcast, let's do this. Edinburgh is blessed. And on April 2nd to the 4th, I'll be at Punchdrunk. Yes. I'll be at Punchdrunk, which I'm very much looking forward to.

With Marcus Brigstocke and Glenn Wool. Amazing. And this Sunday, I will be fighting my first interclub Muay Thai fight yes so if you want to come to that

if you want to come and watch me if you want to see him get punched in the face kicked in the body I'll be more punch drunk at that

one actually than a punch drunk so last we've got the Soho Theatre Run to plug we're both going to be there at overlapping times

main is the 7th 8th and 9th I think yours is from the 4th till the 9th yeah mine is I think it's from the 3rd to the there in overlapping times mine is the 7th 8th and 9th I think yours is from the 4th till the 9th yeah mine is I think it's from the 3rd to the 10th I think mine is

so you can come see both our solo shows in London at the Solo Theatre mine is 7th 8th and 9th of December you can get the tickets online and it's on at 9pm

and me and Kyle are still on tour Thursday the 23rd of November we're in Cardiff Friday Kirkcaldy Saturday Salford Sunday Hull Tuesday the 28th

Barnard Castle Wednesday Carlisle and then I'll update you all on those next week I have one last thing I'm on Twitter at ElliotStillCom

and Facebook ElliotStill and I'm putting out a new couple stand up videos soon sweet cool alright so I haven't wrote

all my dad jokes because I haven't been very well I've only got nine no it's six Kai your dad oh no sorry so I haven't wrote all my dad jokes because I haven't been very well I've only got nine that's fine Kai your dad oh no sorry Steele your dad has my name on his rider

Kai your dad keeps right in hashtag me free on me too posts your dad has his pockets in his jeans Kai your dad cleans his hairbrush with his teeth Danny your dad wears his best stone island and writes hashtag away day and hashtag no pyro no party on Facebook before driving you and the rest of your teammates

to the school football match he's not glory hunting though Elliot your dad uses tip x on his teeth instead of brushing them Elliot your dad has a disabled parking pass for his lisp Kai your dad

is still wearing his poppy loves his country Danny your dad purposefully puts a stone in his shoe to remind himself

that the struggle is real and that live is to suffer Kai your dad left your mum because she wouldn't let

him call you Sonny McSunface. Danny, your dad has a podcast with a segment called Your Son but it's not the same. Elliot, your dad makes his toast on the hub. Elliot, your dad wipes his arse with a cotton bud.

Kai, your dad got a caution at work because he keeps calling Islam is lame and it's making Sajid very uncomfortable. Danny, your dad hired two prostitutes and the three of them just sat around in their pyjamas braiding their hair all day. Kai, your dad dabs at weddings. Danny, your dad took a at weddings. Danny, your dad

took a poo in Ibiza because he had heat stroke. Are you out, Kai? I've got one left. Who wants it? Me. I'll take it. You want your dad to end up at a baseball practice but accidentally brought a dildo instead of a baseball bat and then spent the entire

training session worrying about what he'd done with a bat. Natalie's happy, though. Kai, your dad has a bookmark for his Kindle. Danny, your dad has been smoking weed for 40 years, but still can't roll a spliff. Oh, fuck, that's me. Shots fired. Elliot, your dad slut-drops truth bombs.

Danny, your dad doesn't drops truth bombs Danny your dad doesn't support his local football team because he's a huge cuck is that it we're all done that's it

Romeo done five minutes lost to the ether but we enjoyed it we'll be back next week thank you Elliot Steel for coming on the podcast

we'll definitely have you back on to Defend Your Intelligence once more. Yes, and I better put these batteries back where they came from. Morgan's out.