Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Fleeced by a Groomer (Ft. Mark Nelson)

Episode Date: February 7, 2024

Mark Nelson of 'Absolute Cuts' joins the podcast especially to be triggered by Daniel's movie opinions. They talk about improvised moments in cinema, on set deaths and whatever happened to John Connor. Then they tap into Marks second favourite pastime, nostalgia, to remember drinking on the streets and the practical jokes they played on their friends that maybe took it a wee bit too far. #17 See Mark on tour now: Linker.ee/marknelsoncomic   Improve the contents of your fridge with delicious cider from our partner Thistly Cross using your 10% off discount code. Enjoy! www.thistlycrosscider.co.uk Discount Code: thistlysloss10   Join us at Altitude festival for a live podcast in the Alps, 1-5 April 2024. Get discounted festival tickets with your 10% discount code. www.altitudefestival.com Discount Code: mugginsandcream24

Sloss and Humphries on the road! Muggins and cream, cream and muggins, straight thuggin', livin' the dream And that's our intro Fuckin' muggles! Tickling the clit inside your head that makes you laugh Woohoo! They said it can't be done! Are we in the same seats?

That's hack Ah, muggles! Accidental rim job in the park Kiss kiss kiss Or am I just being cynical? Just muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglepedia Where have you been since 9-11? Yeah, Ridley Scott just seems to be in a vein of

complaining that people don't have the attention span for movies while making movies that don't need to be as long as they are. See, I don't understand how that wasn't class because he's been working on that for like decades and shit. Man, the two fight scenes in it are amazing. But if you were to watch this movie, you would assume that in the 40 years

of Napoleon's life that he had sex 4,000 times and was in two battles. Yes. Like, it's just, like, Ridley Scott's like... Is it better or worse than Alexander the Great? Alexander. Hard, I mean, hard to... Because that was one of the biggest letdowns.

That was one of the big letdowns. Uh-huh. Angelina Jolie. Yeah. Bear in mind, House of Gucci was piping hot shit. House of Gucci was Ridley Scott's last movie before this. Was that Ridley Scott? I've seen it, but...

Oh, it fucking... That seems like a bit of a gear change. It's cum wanked onto the hot coals of a sauna that you're locked into shit. Absolutely one of the worst things i've ever i just found out recently and i'm talking like in the last week or so that ridley scott's a jolly is he he's from south shields he supports hartley pool his second question when i i heard an interview with him and i was like he actually sounds

not Thumbrian you know when you're like that's like Blythe yeah yeah yeah or like Whitley Bay or something there was Coastal I remember

I found out like Chris Rea is a Geordie I didn't know that so when he's driving home for Christmas he's driving home to Newcastle

he's driving through the time tunnel getting fined hold on let's listen to fuck you now Ridley Scott the thing to do

as a filmmaker is to choose your subject what are you going to do it's like being a painter what are you going to paint and when you first begin there's a there's not live

it's very much a Davy Jones Geordie accent is he what they be is he what they be yeah what is my story what is my script

going to be about has you bit of post-wap are we recording Is he what they may be? What is this film about? What is my story? What is my script going to be about? Has you... Bit of a post-wap. Hmm. Are we recording or are we doing things? Oh, right. Yeah, this is the podcast.

This is the podcast. Do you want... I've got a purposefully triggering but real opinion for you. Right. Is it purposefully because you know it will trigger me? No, I thought it and I was like, well, that's a real actual opinion I have. Right. And I know one person that real actual opinion I have. Right.

And I know one person that this real opinion I have will upset greatly. Okay. The Martian is Ridley Scott's greatest movie set in space. Fuck off. It's so fucking ridiculous.

But it is. The Martian. Better than Alien. It's like that shit with Matt Damon in it. It's such a good movie. I watch that movie at least once or twice a year is that the one where he's just

on the planet on his own aye yeah good god man like what else can I think of what else did he make

in space other than Alien Aliens Alien Covenant oh no Aliens was James Cameron Alien was him Prometheus and Covenant

Prometheus was one of the worst movies of all time they're awful He's also I mean he's done some good Obviously Obviously Alien

Excellent Blade Runner Good Legend Not seen Legend? Not that one Not the one with

No Not the one about the queers The queers No not that one no I'm like Tom Hardy's Thelma and Louise The Tom Hardy brothers Thelma and Louise. The Tom Hardy brothers?

Thelma and Louise I've never watched just because it was just referenced so fucking much. Is it? Is that actually good? That's good, aye. Is that like a bit of a gangster film, Thelma and Louise? Nah, it's about two chicks that leave their... Chicks can be gangsters too, Mark.

Not in 1991 they couldn't be. They drive their car off a cliff at the end they have tow trucks they have wingsuits and they're like Jeb Collis it's essentially a Mission Impossible film

Gladiator obviously Gladiator obviously superb yeah Hannibal Hannibal's good good

Black Hawk Down amazing yeah amazing Matchstick Men didn't do that that's a good one Kingdom of Heaven

I remember being a bit guff is that Ferris Whitaker no Orlando Bloom yes I think is that Orlando Bloom they're so easily

confused as well they get it all the time I'm always doing that I'm always accidentally knuckle pumping Orlando Bloom sorry mate for your first word again just give him a firm handshake American Gangster

excellent, Body of Lies good, oh is that the one with DiCaprio in it? yeah, yeah that's alright Robin Hood with Russell Crowe Prometheus St... Councillor didn't watch

Exodus Gods and Kings I just remember all the reviews for that being bad Martian yeah I mean it is fair to say

that the Martian was his last good movie because it went Martian Alien Covenant All the Money in the World The Last Jewel House of Gucci

The Last Jew? The Last Jewel House of Gucci The Last Jew The Last Jewel Oh Jewel Not unless her mask gets that way House of Gucci and Napoleon Napoleon sucked ass

House of Gucci had one of the most excruciating like bits of like PR in it that made me so angry that I developed full blown sexism

for a day just for a day that's the least you've ever had sexism oh no but it was 24 hour sexism it was like from the second I saw this interview right is Lady Gaga's acting in it right now I think Lady Gaga Is an unbelievable musician

Right I fucking don't care what anyone says You know what's that one she's in with Bradley Cooper She's Star is Born Yeah I don't hate it I don't

I don't hate Star is Born She's a good lad She's a decent voice She's a good bloke Tough bloke She's She's an unbelievable writer She's a good dancer

You know She's weird looking But who am I to judge? She's taken a step into acting, absolutely fine with that. Again, star is born good. In the movie,

House of Gucci, right, there's a bit where she goes, it's just her character, she goes, oh, and the name of the father in the House of Gucci, right?

And that's it. She just does that while saying a prayer. And then in an interview, she's like, I improv'd that. It's the name of the fucking movie. prayer and then in an interview she's like, I improv'd that. It's the name of the fucking movie.

I had to go outside and just be like, she's achieved more than you'll ever achieve. Like, she's more talented than you. Jesus.

Oh, oh, I couldn't fucking believe that that was a genuine, just a little bit of improv. Fucking,

it's no shag of a grave like Barry Keoghan did right that's improv what about Django Unchained where he smashes the skull down and his hand bleeds and he wipes the blood in that last his face that's improv but also like an assault you're unchained Django

oh no it's my slave Django who's unchained. Sorry, could you redo that again? The movie title isn't Django who's unchained. Can you do it with a comma? I truly am the wolf of Wall Street. Alec Baldwin improv'd that bit where he shot the cunt.

That was a bit of improv. Look at the script for that. You won't find it. The iteration of that script. He absolutely thoroughly surprised shooting the camera woman. Man, I... Look, obviously tragedy, etc, etc,

and everything else that needs to be said before comedians do a fucking bit. How fucking funny. I can't believe he's been judged with murder. I know. Is that twice? Yeah. Yeah, I know. Does Maynard not with murder I know, he's judged twice Yeah Yeah, I know

Does Maynard not imply that like It wasn't the script No, he's such a good actor That they're like, man, we've seen the reels You were definitely trying to shoot there He was doing an impression of Trump at the time as well Me and Ryan Cullen had the Had a bit about Alec Baldwin

Killing the other person Which was so We started it in the group And nobody in the group Enjoyed it as much As me and Cullen did So we just started Privately sending

Each other messages Randomly And what it was Was just images Of Alec Baldwin After shooting The person On the phone

On the phone And just being like Just being like Honey I being like, honey, I want you to put on your fanciest dress. I've done it again. I've gone on away with murder. The next one, just being him on the phone, just being like,

it's just one of the most intense things. I can't sleep at night. All I do is I lay awake and I think about what happened and what I did to her. And the doctor being like, well, I can get you some sleeping pills I do is I lay awake and I think about what happened and what I did to her and the doctor being like well I can get you some sleeping pills

and she's like sleeping pills stuck I never want to wake up just getting off on it yeah yeah I mean have there been

any other movies where somebody has died yes Bruce Lee's son Brendan Scott Lee died the crow. Hold on. First of all,

Bruce Lee is from America. America. Go on. But where's he? Where's he really from? Okay, let's just go with Brendan. Hong Kong? I don't know where it would be.

Where's he? Where's he from, Bruce Lee? Martial artists. You're sticking a fiver in there. Hong Kong fool. Hong Kong fool. You're sticking a do in there. That's it here.

Mark, do you know about the command now jar? Oh, when we say something. If you say something problematic instead of fixing the problem, you just chuck money at it Yeah And don't change It's just easier It's just easier Than being an actual fucking woke Which is exhausting

And pointless And detrimental Hong Kong Give us that money back From the charity He does deserve his money back It's Hong Kong Hong Kong American martial artist

Okay I knew that Yeah okay Born in San Francisco Oh god Named his son Brendan Born in San Francisco Oh Named his son Brendan. Born in San Francisco.

Oh, okay. Brandon Lee. Brandon Lee. So how did he die in The Crow? He got pecked by a crow. His eyes pecked out? Pecked to death. Right, it's a cool start.

No, I think it was an accident on set or something like that. I think you get it. How did Brendan Lee die? Because Bruce Lee died on set as well I think Tommy Cooper as well Tommy Cooper Tommy Cooper dying on stage is one of the most haunting things I've ever seen I set up

just the curtain goes, everyone thinks it's a joke and it's just him dying while the entire audience is like man he commits to a bit like nothing else like because you do think you go

I wonder if they could have saved them because obviously the doctors would be like oh yeah just get him an aspirin instead of laughing yeah

when they called for an encore that was like alright he'd come back on had a stroke on March 31 31st 1993 Lee was filming a scene

For the film The Crow In which his character Is shot and killed by thugs In the scene Lee's character Walks into his apartment And discovers his fiancée Being beaten and raped

And a thug played by actor Michael Massey Massey Fires a Smith & Wesson Model 629 A magnum revolver At Lee's character As he walks in the room

In a film shoot Prior to the fatal scene The gun that was used As a proper real revolver Was loaded with Improperly made dummy rounds improvised from live cartridges. So same thing. Do you know an actual story from that set?

What was the guy's name? Michael Massey. Yeah, yeah, Michael Massey. Someone came on and went, right, Michael Massey, let's see who you really are. Pulled off a mask. Alec Baldwin. Like Scooby Doo. Zoinks. off a mask Alec Baldwin like Scooby Doo zoinks I've done a bit of research

on the lad who played Danny Vineyard in American History X he's also John Connor oh aye Edward Furlong Edward Furlong

because I was like he is one of the best child actors gone like fucking two of the best child actors like fucking two of the best performances back to back there

and then just like nothing really after that he had a fucked up life after that did he not become a big junkie he got groomed

off like somebody I was literally about to say I bet he was part of that fucking era of the groomed by a lass

right which which he went on to marry which divorced him and took half his shit if pedo took half his shit of course he went to drugs

listen we've all we've all been there right pedo for half of his shit people in glass houses hold on

so he was groomed by a lady uh huh in power okay and was she like a director in some kind of level of management right Hold on So He was groomed by a lady Uh huh In power Okay And was she like a director In some kind of

Level of management Right So she was Hollywood Uh huh And she groomed him Mm hmm Fuck You wanna fact check this

And then got married And then they marry Uh huh And she took him for half his shit Fuck it How much more And then he ended up Crowdfunding a new kidney

Cause his pedo Took all his kidney money And then he ended up crowdfunding a new kidney. Because his pedo took all his kidney money. He took one of his kidneys as well. Happy shit. What do you think I meant by happy shit? What kind of divorce settlement was this? I've lost one of my balls. My virginity.

I'm one-legged now. Sign here. Sorry, it's been a while since I've used my left hand. one of my balls virginity I'm one legged now sign here sorry it's been a while since I've used my left hand you can't see the depth of your the depth of your I can't see the depth

of anything from a personal perspective but he must have been old like how old was he when he made Terminator 2 he'll go

stole Matthew's mic so when Furlong what a shite name Furlong Furlong is it is it his full name

no it's not Edward Furlong that's fine I thought it was his first name yeah crazy Furlong Jones I think he was like

Cher he was just called Furlong no I thought Wikipedia was just doing his first name I was like who calls his child Furlong That would be like calling your son Miles Oh no Furlong was 13

Fuck man he began a sexual relationship With his stand in and tutor 26 year old Jacqueline Domek Oh my god They eventually began living together When California's statutory rape law and tutor 26-year-old Jacqueline Domek. Oh my god. Eventually we got living together. When California's statutory rape law changed in 1994 to allow the prosecution of adult women who have sex

with minors, his uncle Sean Furlong snitched, I shouldn't have said snitched, partner and tutor alleging rape but was unsuccessful in having Domek prosecuted. In May 1999, Domek sued Edward, she sued Edward Forlorn for domestic violence for 15% of everything he made.

You're getting beat up by a fucking 13-year-old. I'm going to be sexist for 24 hours again. It's coming back in. I almost called her toots. It fell to the back of my throat. If you chin your pedo, you shouldn't get sued. Nah. Nah, you're absolutely...

There's got to be a cause. Yeah. You're allowed to barter your mol molest I chinned me groomer Now I know this isn't important I know this isn't important But I'm going to google What she looked like In 1999

I was just going to ask you to do that You know what I found out as well Sigourney Weaver Yeah Susan Susan Weaver Her name's Susan Weaver Susan Weaver Wow It's Susan Weaver? Susan Weaver

Wow It's devastating news isn't it? Why did she choose Sigourney then? Great Gatsby Ah When she was 14 What just as a cooler name? Aye

So not even She wasn't even an actress She just wanted a cooler name Than Susan Weaver Aye Susan Weaver's still quite a cool name though Aye Susan Weaver It's not Sigourney but

Oh man I mean she's literally going out with a fucking 13 you know on her arm like that is literally out and about with him

legit Hollywood 90s Hollywood that's fucking why is he wearing that coat like he's wearing his dad's coat it'll make him look older oh yeah man

no wonder you found fucking drugs oh man she does look his age there though aye not that that means a thing

no no but a talent manager oh my god she better be in fucking jail right fuck knows I think don't work

aye we found out the other day that Vin Diesel's name's Mark Sinclair no aye shit remember that bit

you used to do about rapper's names? That's class, that. Yeah, because I literally archived all of them so people could shout them out.

Yeah. I probably can't remember them all now, but like, Busta Rhymes was Trevor something. Yeah, I remember that one.

Trevor. Because I would talk about who they really were with that name. Yeah. So you're going like, Andre Young. Yeah. He you're going like Andre Young. Yeah.

He's a Scottish lad from Linlithgow, but for like an Italian man. Yeah. And he works at the restaurant. He works at like the local Italian restaurant. He's still got a Scottish accent, but he's got a bit of Italian heritage and he'll absolutely hit on your lass

while you're at the toilet. He'll make the table Hit on your bed That's Andre Young That's what Andre Young does Well he's been sober For three years now But doesn't say anything About her fucking being

And to be fair I'm not going to claim It's fucking double standards Because like You know Rapists tend to not Go to jail Anyway

You went out with The 26 year old That looked 13 So what does that make you? What? When you went out with a 26 year old that looked 13 so what does that make you when you start going with Cara she does she does

she looked 13 when she was Cara is 5 foot 3 no no she's always had huge tits so she looked like

a 13 year old with huge tits that's all the defence you need sir judge and then he'd looked up and went Yep, you're right Hit the gavel

No, definitely there's Cara's of petite stature She's five foot three And fucking weighs as much as a lamb's sneeze A lamb's sneeze? A lamb's sneeze That was very Did you just make a lamb sneeze that was very did you just make that up

that was very good Daniel it's something I've said about it for a while never ever ever fucking accused me of that again had the same weight

as a lamb sneeze that's like a taste of chutney and regret no no no no no no no no if I was I would have

one said unicorn and two sexually assaulted someone allegedly out of nowhere yeah would have one, said unicorn, and two, sexually assaulted someone. Allegedly out of nowhere, yeah. You might have to blank that one out. I just put Elliot Steele instead of... Look, I'm just...

All I'll fucking say is, right, there was the day where it was about to come out about Russell Brand being a dirty, dirty piece of shit. Oh, the name's getting bandied about, man. And there were two types of comedians in the world.

There was the type of comedian that was like us who were going, who do you think it's about? Who do you think it's about? Who do you think it's about? Meanwhile, me being like, I don't know exactly who this is about.

And then the ones that are like, kangaroo court, you kind of do this. Innocent until proven guilty. You're like, oh. And there were lots of other names that came up as they regularly do whenever this fucking happens.

The amount of names that just came up is like, oh, this is going to be the time when X, Y, and Z are going to come out. And it was the same names a bunch of times and some of them I hadn't heard. Some of them I was like, oh, really? That guy's got a lot of smoke to have no fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of them were devastating. Some of them I was like oh really that guy's got a lot of a lot of smoke to have no fire yeah yeah yeah

some of them were devastating some of them were I mean there's the big big big one that's that won't come out

until they die good job you can't whistle got to win any really giveaway the guy from the A team what

P.A. Barragan ain't fucking no kid do you think it is fair though that Alec Baldwin is look we all agree it's funny that he's

being charged with murder that's not up for debate the court agree it's funny that he's being charged with murder. That's not up for debate. The court was, is there laws involved of him being charged for murder? Answers, absolutely. Is it fair that he's being charged for murder? I don't think murder. Manslaughter, yes.

Man's laughter. Because you have killed. You have been the cause of someone's death. Yes. He didn't. I mean, he didn't. Unless... How many times did he shoot her? That's a big one.

Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. I thought you said the same ones were loaded. If it was two at the chest and one at the head, just to make sure, then you go, right.

Well, you know when we were shooting the zombie scene in Muff at the beginning and we had them airsoft guns, right? If you like pointed the gun at Joe Heenan or whoever and then pulled the trigger and it fucking went off, are you, yes, you ought to blame on that one because you've done every part of that yeah but if you're just the actor like it's handed the gun and then points the gun and shoots

where does that stand because like you there's just an element of implied trust exactly that's the problem like if you're so there were there would be firearms experts there they should have been doing the checks on the guns so it's then that you go But then there must be something else to it Yeah it's got to be At that point you wouldn't Because if he's just handed a gun And gone Here's the safety gun

Shoot away Because I wouldn't think They'd blind fire a fucking prop A couple of times Before shooting the scene No exactly I would Man we were on set

We were spinning the chambers We were pretending But you would regularly Just go up beside up behind your friends and put a gun to the back of them. We actually did put a bullet in at one point and reenacted the deer hunter. Do you ever get worried some of the pranks you did?

Yeah, Russian roulette. Okay. You ever worried some of the pranks you did, like on your pals when you were younger, might have resulted... I nearly killed Rassi. I remember when Jackass came out, some of the shit we used to do

to each other was like because I remember reading a thing about a guy that stuck a you know the fill your

airs tyre things stuck up a guy's heart and like killed him like almost immediately

and he went to jail and you go that's the kind of shit I would have done like genuinely

yeah I've filled because you you take turns at like taking the strips and taking the water bottles it's a league right

and we come to a training session I had the water bottles and when I filled them up fucking put one of them with loads of fairy liquid in just thinking that somebody would go and spit it out

fucking grassy nearly nicked the full bottle he just fucking down the hatch and he's good me and the hatch Up in his gut Made the fucking Inside of his stomach Just start getting

Eaten alive By the fucking The detergent And he was fucking Off sick for weeks And he was In a bad way Like I fucking nearly

Murdered Grassy With fairy liquid That kind of shit My pal used to My pal when we were At uni worked at McDonald's And two of the

Other lads that were there They were mucking about and one guy was just bent over putting something in and the guy went and bootied him up the arse but the way he caught him, he caught his tailbone and basically paralysed the guy for the rest of his life

and you're like that's just kicking someone up the arse we had one and we fixed it like, I don't think it was the next day but it was a couple of days later at our friend's house had just gone into a relationship and we

didn't none of this was well thought through we did not like his girlfriend so when they went out for a fucking walk or anything we went into his room and popped holes

in all of his condoms oh my god right i agree i agree right so they come back and we're like i'll get them i'll fucking show them right blah blah blah blah and then less than 48 hours but more than 24 hours later was i think one of us was like oh don't that'll keep them together that's not yeah it's the opposite of what you were planning yeah

and then it transpired like even after a month together they hadn't had sex once so we were you know the condoms weren't for her there was no but I look back and I'm like

I'd done a bad one yeah supervisor at work put like fucking shampoo or conditioner or something in my sandwich and like I ended up like tasting it

I didn't get in the way of grassy but to get him back when I was cleaning the lock I was at the sports centre I found a pair of knickers and I put them in his bag and his wife went

to do his packed lunch and all that and found a pair of knickers in his bag and it nearly resulted in divorce and like Hurstie

Hurstie didn't even know it was me to blame it on us because like I just blindly got him back for the sandwich thing and fucking he comes in and he's like

fucking devastating his eyes are like fucking black we're crying and all that and he's like we're sort of eyes are he's like black we're crying

sounds like she hit him he's like we're fucking that's this kind of divorce she thinks I'm cheating she's fucking full of panic I just went

I wear girls knickers sorry he was he was equal parts like fucking devastated that I'd done it but then like

glad that he had an answer to what it was but then I like would have looked a little bit like I got recruited exactly

that's the thing yeah because if he goes back to his lass and goes oh it was Kai at work She's not going to go Well that explains everything Ah yeah

That sounds perfectly reasonable Kids nick us now Oh I don't know Just a postman Tat on the phone You've been cheating I beg your pardon I don't know I built a once when We're cleaning front you've been cheating I beg your pardon I done a belt

once when we're cleaning the lock I was right I fucking I opened the lock I was right and found like this shitty pair of

like absolutely caked and shit pair of fucking boxers right and I picked them up got my mates cloth out the bucket and put them in

and just chucked his cloth and when he came back he fucking grabbed it and just wracked it right in the wound and I'm just there going la oh them in and just choked his cloth and when he came back he fucking grabbed it and just when i went to when i went to top shop uh regularly i'm talking like at least three times a year someone would take a shit in the changing rooms great like just like not even staff or punter no No punter But not Not in a way like

Oh my god I've been caught And I've farted Or I've shit myself And I've left them An actual just curled up shit In the corner of the changing room I don't know I don't know how to say this politely

But you've done it I'll give you I'll give you one clue That wasn't it that wasn't it that was the the only way to say it politely but when I went to that sports centre we just knew

when we were picking shite up off the floor we just knew we just knew that it was we're like they'd go they'd cry I wish Cullen was here

so much how did you know what was pixie dust oh man the minute the minute these lads come in is that a dodge I'm talking How did you know what was pixie dust? Oh, man. The minute these lads come in Is that a dodge

I'm talking? Fucking The minute the lads come in you'd see them coming in and you'd be sat in the high chair

and you're like the minute I'm left off this pool I'm fucking picking up shite. The minute I'm off this pool What a sweeping generalisation. They all wait, so they don't even The minute I'm off my foot What a sweeping generalisation

They all Wait so They don't even shit outdoors They go into Publicly frequented buildings with staff Oh mate they'd come in And don't shit in the toilets in those buildings They'd pay 50 pence for the showers

Right And they'd come in They'd come in This is something that actually happened This isn't made Sweetly generalising There's toilets there Nah

But they know We're going to clean them up But Mark You know what they're like They fuck each other I don't think I've ever Seen anyone create a slur I'm going to

I'm going to take this away From the sweet Sweetly generalisation To the encounter I had With the travelling community of Cramlington. But they used to come into that sports centre and just leave all of their clothes that they've had on for fucking months by the smell of it.

They'd put on their clean shit and just leave me to tidy up. I'm a 19-year-old lad. This is my experience. Thank you. Do you know what it came out with bogging clothes and just suit bags like oh

man it went and it came out like a fucking while I'm on one I'll just go on ahead and see they've probably been taking stuff off

washing lines now often often you'd find like like George labels like all over the floor as well where they've find like Like George labels Like all over the floor as well Where they've just like Took the labels off their new gear

But they just leave All their fucking old bugging gear That they've been Furry hunting Am I allowed to do this? Are those all allowed to do this? Man, man We've long, long established

It's not like it's here You've missed it No, no, no It's not like the West then There's not a camp somewhere White and Irish It's absolutely fine That was such a heart sinking moment As you just saw them come in

You're going, oh he has trouble With their fucking ukuleles And their lutes And their wee walk boards Put a curse on us Next thing you know I'm in furt Oh, he has trouble. With their fucking ukuleles and their lutes and their wee walk boards. Put a curse on us. Next thing you know, I'm infertile. We had, there were lots of fucking wee scummy neds in Fife when you'd be growing up and like, because nobody had like a... This is the one where it's like a totally, you can absolutely stick shit in the neds.

Yeah, yeaheds yeah yeah absolutely yeah and and the neds of fife are fucking scum and it's not enough you know don't get the one last generalization left yeah it's the neds of fife the fuck and i understand that it's like a it's a it's a societal problem like you need funding in these areas to make it better right but also some of these people are just fucking shite cunts because they were raised by shite cunts what's a shite area

of because I always think of Fife as being quite a nice kind of St Andrews does the heavy lifting yeah

because St Andrews is technically joined to Fife we're like oh we got the fucking the golf course and everything

Stonders is not Fife nobody apart from people in St Andrews consider St Andrews to be in Fife right Fife is the coast Glen apart from people in St. Andrews consider St. Andrews to be in Fife. Right.

Fife is the coast, Glenrothes, Kirkcaldy, leaving fucking Methyl. Methyl? Aye, aye. Fucking with it. East Fife play,

New Bay View. Fife, Ely's quite nice, I guess. Some of the coast ones, St. Morn's is really nice, Pitt and Weems, lower Largo,

upper Largo. Largo But like Glenrothes Is there that incest in Fife Or is that just like A cliche thing That you stick to Fife I feel like there's probably A fair bit of

Like it's not Some people don't escape Fife Like you know Maybe because they don't want to Because their cousins are hot But There is a It'd be hard to leave

When we When we went to Like Emo's got such a Fucking brutal time but there is a it'd be hard to leave when we when we went to like emo's got such a fucking brutal time in Fife right because emo's were just

going around being like we're sad we're sad and just Neds were like we're all fucking sad we're living in Fife

like why'd you have to dress different to show your pricks Neds have survived generations though like emo's like

was a bit of a flash in the pan Wasn't it Yeah yeah yeah It was very Very 2000s Early 2000s And you'll still get emo's

Do you not No they've just got Straight up depression I don't think there's Are they just different Can you not remember The square in Newcastle That you'd walk past

Yeah oh yeah I remember that Hippie square Yeah And it would just be Like full of goths Yeah And that

But goths That's Nemo That's his Christmas Market's in that now Goths will be Goths are Goths are still around Yeah yeah yeah

Emo's was a Flyers in the plant Goths are Goths are eternal Like that's a And were Emo's Very much a musical Was that what

Kind of led the Yeah My Chemical Well it was back in the It was back in the days Before we had Depression and anxiety Aye Is that who it was It Minds? It was back in the days before we had depression and anxiety. Is that who it was?

It was just like, it was unfathomable that teenagers were having a rough time with life and social media had just come out but there wasn't, and we were on all the time, there was none of the negative effects of the internet. Or at least nobody knew about them. And man, I fucking hated

emos myself at school Because it was just like You look Unbelievably stupid Yeah Like The big fucking hair Back combed up The ripped

Like boys with fucking Like dyed black hair Where they You must have only been able To see that much I like that Under their hair I hate

And it takes a lot of work as well It's actually quite a vanity project It is Yeah it is Isn't it yeah that's why every kind of

group that considers themselves we're the outsiders we don't conform to and you go well you spent a lot of fucking time

not conforming here this is a real effort you've got double checking with each other to make sure that you don't conform to the same music so you can all buy

tickets to the same yeah exactly I kind of went with Ned because it was minimum effort yeah you just like throw on the closest stuff did you go with you like were you did you discover it or were you born into it was i born in that i was born in a council estate but like i had a good upbringing so it's like i had when did you make the switch i wasn't i wasn't nasal with it Nasal meds I feel is a particularly

Scottish thing Yeah Nah The Chavez The Chavez of Blythe And Ashton and Nell That would be nasally as well Go on

Yeah man What you tired What the fuck Are you looking at Fair enough Okay The Frankie Boyle Hit the nail on the head

That it's From being raised By a single mother And it's from being raised by a single mother and it's that like that fucking effeminate angry voice is what the nasal voice of a child is is like emulating your angry mother

oh so do you never went through any emo periods I went through a long hair period but that was literally like my mum at the age of 15 was like you're old enough to pay for mom at the age of 15 was like, you're old enough to pay for your own haircuts. And I was like,

Oh, we'll fucking see. And I grew my hair so long that she was like, fair enough. I'll let you cut it. But I didn't, I didn't die yet. I had friends that were emo because I preferred the emos to the nats.

Yeah. Um, but like our school was so fucking small weight Academy. Like whenever somebody like the emos one day would decide that they were going to have a party down on Canucka Beach fucking one place

down on the beach sorry Simona's Beach and we'd all go down there and then like the Neds would obviously fucking find out about it because somebody had posted about it on Bebo

and then you'd all be sitting around the fucking fire and then like Neds would just come and throw like entire fucking canisters of like Lynx Africa into the fire

that we're all drinking around and man it was fun like they blew up and it was up in the sky but you're like man all that required is one of those

tends to go in one direction and we're one of those fucking sad stories in the 53 press they're not giving a fuck about shit like that when you're that age are they

and then the amount of money it costs to get One Direction to play that party as well someone took do you call them chicken chasers The amount of money It costs to get One Direction To play that party As well I feel like that Someone took Do you call them Chicken chasers

Where you snap The wood Off a rocket You know The cheap Firework rockets That you can get Like 10 for a tenor

Or whatever And you put The plastic thing In and you put The light In the guns And it's shite Snap that off

Light it Chuck it And it goes Everywhere You call it chicken chaser uh i was why why chicken chicken chaser just because fucking running wild it's just and everyone everyone that's running away from the lit firework is a chicken real men if a firework's on they stand there exactly where they are and they're like god just catch it and go I remember Blythe Sports Centre Blythe Sports Centre I've been jumping up and down in the lift

and eventually it fucking stops on the way up right because we're jumping up and down and we're fucking we're up in the lift doors and you can see that one's open

and we're deciding whether you can claim out and all that and fucking John Ripon chucked a chicken chair sorry into the lift into the fucking lift

with my fucking main rouge just fucking jumping right in oh god that's what it is and then fucking just fizzled that's amazing

pop pop now that and put my eyes all ringing in that shite that they all got hurt

we used to when I used to work at paintball bedlam paintball right way up in fucking

Ed so you'd buy the whole thing was just a scam to get money out of you right you charge people 20 quid and they can come and have five rounds of fucking paintball for only 20 quid they get full rental of their suit full rent of the thing what they don't tell you is you get 50 paintballs for free right which is fuck all and then to buy 125 it's 20 quid yeah and that's that's where all the money comes from you can also buy grenades

you can which are shite It just pops Yeah It's been a bit of a con Having the grenades But the The smoke bombs Were

Class They were like Legit Yeah And the thing we would always do Until our army boss Fucking yelled at us Is whenever somebody was

Loading up the back of the van Just when the van was like Full to the fucking brim With everything And there was only enough place To be putting the last one in You light one of them Throw it when the van was like full to the fucking brim with everything and there was only enough place to be putting the last one in you let one of them throw it in the back and shut it and just smoke the car out i think who the people who we did that to do have some form of lung cancer right now like see how like i'm speaking to you as if you're still in the industry

but you know paintballing guns how it's just like you can't really I mean there's only so many rounds you can fire off at a time has there ever been any upgrades on that? yes they've took the lead out of the paint you know those big guns that like Rambo and Schwarzenegger have

where it's just a big barrel like that like a minigun so apparently now I've not seen it and I've not used it but I've seen like the new type of paintballing is it's smaller

fucking pellets that are more gelatin so they actually burst because getting hit by a paintball sucks

oh it's horrible it leads to wilt yeah man real brutal pain so apparently the new ones are they're smaller they're faster

and you can get clips that's cool man. Yeah. Because the fucking evolution of water guns is incredible. Can you put an eye out now? Super soakers and shit now. There's like fucking pump action ones and all sorts of the coolest fucking things.

Oh man, I can't believe Nerf took so long. I can't believe Nerf waited until I was in my fucking 20s before they went, do you think we should just sell bags of darts? Yeah. Because Nerf would be like,

you can buy a gun and it comes with eight darts. You go, what, I've run out of darts? And they're like, buy another gun. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Right, so I can't have Nerf fights with my friends then. Yeah.

It's just been fun when you're like, stop, we've got to go and collect all the bullets. Yeah. Whereas now, man, we were shopping with- I ought to spoil Rambo if to go and collect all the bullets yeah whereas now man we were shopping with I ought to spoil Rambo if they had to collect all the bullets

we were shopping with Caelan and there was literally like a bag of a thousand Nerf bullets for I don't know fucking 50 that's class

and you're like that's all I ever wanted when I was young was just unlimited versions of that oh yeah and you get like the proper like turrets on them and everything mate there was unlimited versions they that. Oh, yeah. And you get the proper turrets on them and everything.

Mate, there was unlimited versions. They're called spud guns. God, yeah, I remember those. I used to love going around with my fucking bag of ammo. What's for tea now to your shoddy-dallying mates? We were meant to have chips, but... Who gave you that IRA gun? Spud gun,

what an invention that was. Remember them cap guns as well with the little blanks that you put in them so it would make the pop and a little bit of smoke would come off it. Yeah,

never put them in the gun though, just set them out in the pavement and smack them with a rock. Yeah, chuck them on the fire with your l Just set them out on the pavement and smack them with a rock. Yeah, yeah. That was one of the best scenes of a film was in Bruges when he fucking grabs the gun off him and he's like, it's full of blanks. And he's like, oh, yeah, right.

He has the blank right into his face. Class. I used to, I bought a G10, I think it was called a G10 I think it was called G10 BB gun BBs were horrific I can't believe

they were ever allowed to be I just like whacked and strapped you'd kill someone with a BB gun easily take it away my friends

who had fucking BB guns I don't want to make you're not killing anyone with a BB gun me and Rouge used to fucking square up against each other Rouge was one of my me and Rouge used to fucking square up against each other Rouge is one of my

friends from school we used to square up against each other on the Isabella pit heap like fucking pistols at dawn fucking fire each other

nah that range kills someone with a BB gun straight through the eye you're not killing me with a G10 I kill you easily with a

I've got my car the night unless you're pistol whippers you're not killing us with a pellet gun if I wanted to kill you unless you've got a car the night unless you pistol whip us you're not killing us with a pellet gun if I wanted to kill you unless you've got a bayonet

on your pellet gun you're not killing us with it here it comes the fuck's that in the end also put a bayonet on a pistol

it's real exciting you can't the whole point of a bayonet is that you've got range and also you've got two arms it's a spear you're trying to get into a spear you can't The whole point of a bayonet Is that you've got Range And also you've got two arms It's a spear

You're turning a gun into a spear You can't turn a fucking Just have the knife Just have a knife If anything you're making it more difficult If I put a gun A BB gun Right to your temple

And fired it I'd better kill you Temple? Yeah Like here There There Temple Oh I kill you temple yeah like here not there there there

temple oh I'm doing that I'm I did your jugular as well I kill you as well alright but like I could kill you with a

skull in that case I could kill you with a pencil yeah you could kill me with a pencil aye but like they're not dangerous right if I

if you opened your mouse and I fucking shot you in the back of the skull oh that would knack I'd kill you that would just knack. I'd be mad at you. I'd go right.

I'd be super angry. I'd better go right through your spine. Mark! You were a prick, weren't you? I thought... You said you weren't going to pull the trigger. I never know... When I was in high school,

I never knew a single when I was in high school I never knew a single kid that had a BB gun and a good dad that was a direct correlation between the kids I knew

that owned BB guns their parents were divorced and they never saw their dad and the one thing their dad did when he got to see them once every fucking six months even though he was allowed

to see them once every month he just didn't because he was a shite dad which gave his fucking horrible little nanny cunt kid a fucking bb and by the way if that's wrong secrets from your dad huh do you know i keep secrets from your dad your dad across everything he comes at work fucking half of his life you're gonna absolutely get a bb going on the good dad. Where? You could. Just go out to the fucking shop and get one. You couldn't buy BB guns when we were growing up. It was like a book order sort of thing.

You don't have them up in newsagents. You still get them if you go to villages and stuff like that. Little plastic ones. They were never like BB. I'm talking like BB guns. You would have the option of them little like, they're made of copper the little pellets right

but then you've also got these kind of like what we'd call guts where it's a slug right okay it's like a looks like a shuttlecock kind of shape

yeah so you'd get them and then you would like single load them and they'd be a bit more effective but you could definitely you could definitely buy them

always top shelf right I'll have a gun and a porn mag please boss News agents that you get on Summertowns where it's not just a news agent It's a toy shop as well You look up the back and there's like a dusty Desert eagle

Ours was called Calcer And it's not Calcer anymore It's a chain Fishing shops as well Hobby shops There's a cracking no bye yeah fishing shops as well hobby shops bye there's a cracking one in Newcastle

obviously the station yeah towards towards the dog and parrot yeah yeah exactly on that street it's called

it's called something like hunting and fucking rifles or something like that there's knives knives and guns in the window yeah it's just a clash there's some primal party

walking by yeah yeah I love 90s movies guns in the window it's just a clash there's some primal party walking by yeah yeah I love 90s movies would you because like would you own a gun in America

no I'd kill people yeah oh 100% man I would if I if I owned a gun in America I would be in jail

in less than a week there's not a you would fight intrusive thoughts far too much. Yeah, absolutely not. Man, I cannot have a gun because there are so many people,

especially in America, that absolutely fucking deserve to die. And you cannot allow me to... Shoot them then. Get a gun then. In a court of law. But it's the same reason, there's two reasons I've never done MMA.

One, because I'm I'm lazy and I just can't fucking be arsed and second if I knew how to batter people I would 100% be in jail

for battering people the only reason I don't beat people up isn't because I'm a good person it's because I physically can't so I just thought if I knew to batter man

oh there'd be fucking dead dads in every fucking playground I went to yeah fight fight barely ever reach the legal system

the legal system's so I don't get on killing people I don't know nobody's taking no I wouldn't have it in me, I reckon if I knocked someone out you'd if somebody pissed me off to the extent that some people pissed me off, even after I knocked someone out you'd have to

stop me picking up a brick and caving their skull in like that's why I can't have guns I had one fight where I was younger where I got arrested and questioned and I just said no comment all the way through and then never got to a charge like fights happen and the police couldn't give a fuck

you can just stay just stay just encourage them to become It's happened and the police couldn't give a fuck. Aye. You can just date. Why did he? Just date. Just encourage him to become. Would you want a gun? Aye. Yeah.

But I'd kill myself. Oh aye. Within the hour. Like. Yeah. That's how he knows so much of what pellet guns can kill you. He's done his research. What type of bullets are you looking for?

You got any flavoured ones yeah it's just I'd love the last taste of my mouth to be blueberry did you used to call sweets bullets no

is that a Geordie thing no there was a shop in Blythe called Backy Booze and Bullets Backy Booze and Bullets a cooler shop name and they would absolutely serve

alcohol to children aye we'd walk halfway across Blythe to go into Backy Booze and Bullets and buy our booze aye Cooler shop name And they would Absolutely serve Alcohol to children Aye Would walk halfway across Blythe to get into Backy Booze and Bullets And buy my booze Aye Mint shop that

What did you drink? Huh? What was your drink? White Lightning Fuck I think mostly White Lightning Mad Dog 2020

Oh god yeah Cans of like Fosters and that Ah easy Easy lager Like the Mad Dog 2020. Oh God, yeah. Cans of like Fosters and that. Ah, easy, easy lager. Ah, easy lager. Glens. Glens? Oh, the worst,

the worst vodka in the fucking world, but you could get like a 50 CL or a 70 CL. You'd get them for like a five or sometimes, depending on where you were. And that was like a, man, if you, when we were young young it was just about getting drunk

as quickly and as cheaply as possible I even remember used to like sit on the floor with my friend Graham at house parties

and just been like right we both hate cleanse because cleanse is awful let's just do five shots each right so you weren't even mixing

you were just straight in the shot no because mixing would fucking and we would just throw back these things if I were to smell cleanse vodka now

I would vomit. Because you experiment like that with, you go out at the shop, especially like when you're fucking, you know you're going to get served in a place and you can peruse it. You're not just sending someone in for something and you're going, oh gin,

I've never had gin before and you'll buy some gin and not realise that you're meant to have it with tonic and a splash of lime and some botanicals and you're just passing the bottle of gin between you and your mates going,

adults drink this. Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah, that's true actually, yeah. Because you're not getting the good stuff either,

you're getting the cheapest you can get, like the fucking... Oh, there's definitely going to be some drinks that I couldn't, if I tasted it now,

I would throw up immediately. Go on. Like, what's the, remember Goldschlager? Oh, with the dumbest gimmick

urban fucking myth in the world I don't know if this was around the world but Goldschlager was this horrible drink that had gold flakes in it and for some reason

one dumb teenager who didn't understand how anything worked decided to start the rumour that the reason it got you drunk is because the gold gold one of the softest metals

by the way it's famously soft they have to add other things to it in order to make jewellery out of it super malleable and also quite expensive

yeah to be welly nelly sprinkling in a drink yes aye they're like these gold flakes cut the inside of your throat

and that gets the booze in there and that's what gets you drunk faster because at no point you'd think that was pure Gangsta in your teens Wouldn't you

Absolutely You'd be like Ah you just try to Lacerate your throat there You're drinking Yeah of course you have to do that You're drinking a sparkly drink Of course you have to make it hard

You're drinking glitter You fucking Slur Shuggle Shuggle Slug will kill you as well I hesitate to mention as well But Hooch

Hooch I love Hooch Hooch Hooch was fucking class I loved Hooch. Hooch. Hooch was fucking class. Wasn't Hooch only like 3.4% or something? It was a proper kid's drink. Yeah. Because it's like alcoholic,

but it tastes like juice. So easy to drink. Also, can you remember one of the original alcohol pops was called Metz. Metz? The Judderman? Uh-huh.

Yeah. The Judderman? What's the Judderman thing? He was the guy that advertised it. It was like a kind of fairy tale advert. Here comes the Judderman Uh huh Yeah The Judderman He was the guy that Advertised it It was like a kind of Fairytale advert Here comes the Judderman Yes

When the moon is fat Judderman Yeah It was essentially I'm going to say like A more tangy Smirnoff Ice It was a very nice

Lemonade wasn't it It was like a very nice Aye Metz was lovely Uh huh So Metz was a big one Yeah What was that Judderman I'm trying to think There was a shot That wasz wasn't lovely. Ah, so Metz was a big one. Yeah. What was that, do you remember?

I'm trying to think. There was a shot that was... It wasn't like a fireball or something like that, but it was like really... Oh, my God. What's that? You're looking at that as well. Yep.

The Judderman. It's amazing. Oh, aye. Beware the Judderman, my dear, when the moon is fat. Oh, hi. Told you. He did tell us. Moon is fat. It is. There's no way to get me met.

It's a judder man. Claiming another victim. He looks like that Really really Uglish Scottish actor That I struggle to support Because he's so hideous looking Let me find his name Who?

Scottish actor ugly His name is Robert Arameo I've no idea who this is. Who's that? Is that the gay guy from behind her eyes? Yeah. I don't know him. Oh, he plays Elrond in the Lord of the Rings Prime thing,

and he was in one of the worst Netflix series. Yeah, I really want to support him, but any time I see his face, I'm just like... You're a very shallow man. Oh, don't be on, go, go be a writer.

Like, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,

go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,

go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,

go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,

go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,

go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,

go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,

go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,

go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,

go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,

go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, the ugliest man I've ever seen Colin no no infinitely uglier than Colin I can't believe this man and I know this is horrible I can't wait to see this fucking

hideous mess Paul Rust I cannot believe this man was ever ever ever allowed to be on another side of the camera

look at the fucking state that's like me one of how fucking dare what's he in he's in he's in a show called Love

he's been in My Nightmares he's not in much he's in something with Jack Whitehall so there you go and Jack if you say this

I'm sorry I make fun of you sometimes please don't get your friends to message me to tell me to stop bullying you you fucking gimp. Man, that would be the weakest fight ever, wouldn't it? You know, if them two went at it.

You and Jack. One of them, like, oh, Jesus. I don't know if I need to jump in or not. No one's getting hurt. Be the funniest thing he ever did Danny you're feisty He's coming off the schnooth man He got another comedian To phone me

To beg me to not To stop mentioning the fact that he was a joke thief In my show For the fact that he's a joke thief In your show? Did you mention that in your show? The joke's no longer in the show because... He does it now?

Wow. Yeah. I didn't know that. Who was the other comedian? Can you name the other comedian that he got to message you? Yeah, Edelman. What was it, Alex?

Yeah, yeah. Alex phoned me up and he went, do you call Jack White all the joke thief in your show? And I went, yeah. He went, why? I went, because he's a fucking joke thief. and he went do you call Jack White all the joke thief in your show and I went yeah and he went why and I went because he's a fucking joke thief

and he went oh yeah well make sure Jack says he would never steal one of your jokes and I'm like man this is one of my jokes Jack could never

pull off one of my jokes right but and I sent him I sent him did you kill his sister and I sent I sent man I said

we've discussed this on a podcast before I sent the fucking clip through of him doing a set on Fallon and a joke another comedian had done nine years before it, word for word, and went,

look me in the eye and tell me that's not fucking nicked. And he went, and he went, I'll come back to you. I'd love to say it was one of his writers, but that would make it me.

Oh, man. Mark, you're going on on tour you're on tour now right yeah this is going to be out to the uh the loyals the patrons on monday patrons and on wednesday to the adoring public yep but where can they see you from monday onwards right um i'll tell you where. So on Monday, so that'll be next week. So where am I? I am in Carlisle on Thursday. Thursday the 8th. Carlisle don't have the internet, they'll not be getting this.

And then Manchester on the 11th. Great. And then the next week after that, Blackpool, Oban. Blackpool and Carlisle is a very Mark Nolson tour Oban just going back to my people

sorry read them out read them all yeah and then Barnard Castle Leeds Liverpool North Allerton

Sheffield Barnard Castle is always such a surprisingly good place to dig it is it's class isn't it rustic the guy who runs it to dig it is, it's class isn't it? the guy who runs it is amazing

it's one of the places where there was a time when we got to just after doing so many UK tours I was just like, I'm going to blacklist 50 cities immediately, and I say cities towns, I don't want to play these fucking little places where it's only pensioners who turn up to support

the local art centre and they've got no joy in their life and then Barnard Castle I was just like that can stay on because they're just I don't know

they're good people but a lot of work so where can they find tickets on your website or your social media yeah social media it's just got the link tree thing

right great and they're all on there Mark Nelson comic and if you really if you are in Scotland then the King's Theatre one is the big the big fella Mark Nelson comic And if you really If you are in Scotland Then the Kings

Theatre one Is the big The big fella What's the date of that one Cause 22nd of March 22nd of March Are we

Back Let's find out Cause we'll make a deal If we're back And I've got Cullen Opening Oh no

We're in March Mad March Mad March Mad March. It's prison month. Mad March. Mad March. He's in Denver tonight. Yeah. He's in there.

I saw his. He's fucking so weird. Fucking so weird, mate. You don't think he's a Rocky Mountain Oyster? Oh my God. Which is a bull's testicle. Bull's testicles, they're called Rocky Mountain Oysters. Is that right?

Yeah, I had them. Wow. I was eating oysters and I was like, isn't this landlocked? What do they taste like? Bollocks. They just taste like balls. Chewy, like eye. Sinewy.

Sinewy is a good word for it yeah it wasn't like a witch's grove where you bite it and it's gooey like a fucking no

it's tough the tuck that spunk out of it it's not like a cream egg where you bite off the pie and you put your fingers in it how do you eat yours what do you say

do you just get it as They're deep fried Like a Like a plate of them Like chicken nuggets Kind of You just eat a ball They're fried

Bill's ball You didn't touch them did you? No You rolled one round your mouth Didn't you? And then goggled You were like That's for me this

I just rested them On my lower back He put two in and started humming Not for me this Not for me this No I didn't I don't There's like

I'll try most foods Like once and stuff But I was like a fucking squirrel mate I'll never eat I'll never eat brains I'll never eat genitals I'll never eat Like somebody was saying I I'll never eat genitals I'll never eat

em like somebody was serving fucking duck tongue the other day and I'm like I don't need to try duck tongue not for me

or chicken hearts chicken hearts are fucking disgusting they're foul they're foul no no

no no white hole I didn't even know Duck had a tongue Yeah Despicable I don't think he did that

Can I just do that With your lips That's what it does Despicable Oh god that's funny Right Right cheers Bye

Thanks Mark Thank you Cheers