Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Hey Rarnold (Ft. Ryan Cullen & Elliot Steel)

Episode Date: January 25, 2025

For the first time on the podcast two of your most regular guest are on at the same time, Muggins is joined by Elliot and Cullen mere days after Kai fell down the stairs in the strippers and was momentarily outdone by Elliot in the embarrassment stakes. With the unserved threat of Milo McCabe joining the episode the boys do an impression of Troy Hawke greeting people in downtown Tokyo, it get's a little problematic.

Sloss and Humphreys on the road! Muggins in cream, cream and muggins, straight thuggin, livin' the dream That's our intro Fuckin' muggles! Tickling the clit inside your head to make you laugh Woohoo! Ha ha ha! They said it can't be done!

Are we in the same seats? That's hack Ah, muggles! Accidental rim job in the park Kiss kiss kiss Or a magic boot cynical Muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglipedia Where have you been since 9-11?

Welcome to Sloss and Humphreys on the road where Ryan Cullen and Elliot Steele have got no idea that a podcast has started. I'm fucking on my phone now. Bro, I'm too cosy to put. We were texting each other. You know what is one like there, Matty on FIFA? When you're playing online and you pass the ball to Matty and his player just stands there with a ball on his feet until he gets tackled and you're like, you're on your phone. So we play pro clubs, right? And there's had to be several phone call apologies about incidents, right?

Like incidents. But Matty, I'll make Matty count in on it, right? It's just some fun. Kai has this thing where he just fucking introduces us to some of his mates and for some reason they're in my life. Man, this is what my mate's saying, Newcastle, they're like, Kai just keeps introducing us comedians, sort of, in my life. Man this is what my mate's saying Newcastle, they're like Kai just keeps introducing us comedians. None of us want to know each other. They don't want me around and I don't want

some fucking toothless like Neanderthal coming around and running in my presence. But here I am in New Biggan, what the fuck is this place? And then there's- Beautiful piece of coast. Yeah, the coast is lovely. Have you gone for a walk around the town itself? Oh, don't do that. Yeah. Yeah, what are you doing that for? I like to say as much as we're cozying in here,

I disagree with everything Elliot said about this. We're cozy. You can't turn on a cozy, bro. If you don't like majority weights, why do you use the knockoff telly to watch the three o'clock kickoff? I like that one. Yeah, I do. Allegedly. Why do you use the knockoff telly to watch the 3 o'clock kickoff? I like that one. Yeah, I like that one.

Allegedly. Why do you own a fake... We love the racist one. He's got some views I don't agree with, but that telly is amazing. This is my friend where periodically a picture of him blacking up for a party. Yeah, that wasn't great, was it? It was my dad's favourite comedian, Al Jolson. And I dressed up as him.

And then you look up Al Jolson and just find out he's a minstrel, problematic. And to be fair, my unnamed friend, he wouldn't do it now. Yeah, there was some- He has shown growth. I did think that was disgusting and I didn't want anything to do with him,

but then I found out he could get me an England shirt for 15 quid. Yes. Yeah. And that's what my... Good stuff. That's what my sort of you know morals are worth. And I keep these people around just to keep us grounded you know. I don't want to just float off. He is talking like he doesn't he's never met Maddie before. Like Maddie? Yeah he was going on about like I don't know what he introduced to Maddie you know. I think Mad my is a deplorable character I think he's just putting this on just on the off chance. My listens. Hi, man Cuz I blew something one time with him it was a So, I mentioned about, so he organized his own

40th birthday party. Right. To my beer. Okay, right. To my beer. Yeah, that's all right, that's fair enough. But then I was also of the thing of like, we're all turning 40, he's the first one to turn 40.

And we're all turning 40 and we can't all have a holiday if there's about 20 of us that are gonna turn 40 in the same two year period. Okay. And I'm also trying to arrange stag dos where everybody's going. and we can't all have a holiday if there's about 20 of us that are gonna turn 40 in the same two year period. Right? And I'm also trying to arrange stag dos where everybody's going. So now there's like a competing holiday on people's resources to get in there.

So I was like the only way I'm gonna get kind of stag dos if I just hijack Matty's birthday that he's organized and then like put them in some outfits and just turn Matty's 40th into kind of stag. And I plotted this with Sloss on the podcast and Matti listened to it but I had no idea Matti was listening and he just went oh so I just think you just hijacked me whole do it. Yeah I mean that's I mean that's not very MI5 of you. And I thought it was behind a paywall. Oh we were talking about this about the

uncrackable £ pound 50 a month. You could just go and you say anything and you're like, the CCP are never getting that, are they? You just think, but it's just three pound 50. Sometimes that's a big three pound 50 once and they can ruin your career. Yeah. Yeah. But nobody's going to do that, are they?

No. It's like uncrackable. So I fell down the stairs at the strip on Tuesday. Let's start the story from the beginning. That's where it starts. No, no, no, about going the minute we said. Oh, no, no, I think start with like a clickbait hook of a title, which was like, I think it's a beautiful sentence to say, I fell down the stairs at the strip club on Tuesday.

So here's how we're going to do this, right? Can I just say how we tell the story? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Okay, here's the bit that was at the beginning and then we'll show you the full laugh. The reason I bring up this story, even though it starts with an embarrassing little anecdote about me falling down the stairs is- Shouldn't we be waiting for someone else to join? No, no, no, you can jump in the skipping ropes when he gets here. Me and Milo have heard this story. We're gonna be joined very soon by Milo McCabe,

who will pitch in his opinion on this story. This story is brought to you because we're throwing Elliot under the bus. I don't think as somebody that's about to get thrown on the bus, you should get a say in how you're thrown under the bus. You can't be like, Oh, grab us by the arms and legs. I'm happy to be under the bus for this story. Yeah. You're that old dude in Cougar. What? The guy who said, Oh, that guy got

to our international audience. So somebody's head was found in Edinburgh, just on the street. And there's videos that just a decapitated man right and it was on how during Halloween and somebody picked up the head thinking it was a Halloween decoration and then like icked you know you see CCTV footage of this right it icked and dropped the actual decapitated man's head right and then was like wipe his hands on his pants kept going and then one of the other revelers in his group coming like teabagged it like up and down

on the actual dead man's decapitated head. Do you know what, like that's not as bad as it could be because if that was me and my boys, one of them would have thrown it and someone would have caught it on the volley on the turn. You know what I mean? And imagine you like got caught on CCTV doing kick-offs.

Vollying a bloke's head. If you volley the bloke's head, do you reckon if this forensics find it, they go, somebody has kicked this guy's head so hard that it's flew off with predators. David Beckham v Greece, the guy's head straight away on Tik Tok. By the way, there's people putting up conspiracy straight away. Like, well, fucking hell Muslims Muslims again and then you're like what you know it's happened like 25 minutes ago and then yeah and then it was my current one is that he's a paedophile oh yeah that's what that's what you open

that story with and I had to tell the story to say what it was about I don't think you can just come in and call dead people paophiles, by the way. Why you sound like you're gonna come back at me? I don't think you can just go and go, that guy was a pedophile. You're haunted. Oh, no. You're haunted by a pedo. Oh, a pedo haunted, bad man. I think we should get back to the story though.

It was me that derailed it, but. I derailed it, now get back on track, boys. So Elliot and I do a show in the stand in Newcastle, and it's fun, and we're a bit buzzed afterwards so we go out for a drink at Lady Grey's and then we go back to the hotel lobby and realise maybe we've called the night a bit early because we don't want to go to bed yet but we're now the only two people in the hotel lobby having a drink and went where else will it be open and I went I don't know maybe it's the strip house it'll still be open and he googled it and saw it was still open and we stood up far too fast.

Immediately. We stood up rapidly fast right and then just marginally it was only four minutes away on Dean Street right so we're going to the strip club and steep stairs down just regular stairs down actually I don't know why I'm just acting like it's an Amsterdam or something yeah the edge of the step was slippy I was drunk ish but I looked way more drunk than I was when my feet slipped on the edge, right? And then landed on the edge of the next one, which I slipped on and just continued to go,

trup trup trup trup trup trup trup trup trup trup trup. Like, not like a fall tumble head over heels, but like a toddler going down the stairs, like a, you know. In front of, like, it was only really us in there and they were like, they'd come, created a little stripper, like, staff room. Like, staff room entry. Right by the stairs.

Yeah, so as soon as the stairs enter the building and I come into place, there's like a dozen girls? Something, yeah, yeah, about that. Maybe, I'd say about a hundred or something. I'm trying to say women instead of girls these days because Catherine Ryan made it sound like it's infantile to say a girl. These bros is not, these. They were not. These, no, these. These ladies. Made it sound like it's infantile to say girl Brosses not

These These ladies ladies of the night of the night not quite Well, I'll just start having a drink having a laugh no customers and then they're one customer for the evening Because he's so excited customer for the evening just goes brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr and you're like, thank God she's here. Oh my God. Thank God. I'm bleeding really heavily in here. I need a medic. Ma'am, no, this isn't... You're dressed for the job you want, I'll give it to you. It's the first...

The attorney-kid just snapping a G-string off. It's genuinely the first time I've ended up in the Accident Report book in a strip club. She brought us a sweet tea. I told Natalie about it and her reply was so funny. She was just like, I imagine them getting home to their boyfriends and all that. How was work last night? Oh, this poor wee man had a fall. This wee old man. This wee old man had a fall. So basically to them, you just saw a pair of tits and completely paralyzed yourself down there. It was like, I may as well have called you mad. That's it was, it was like you're going to click everyone. Everyone kind of laughed. It was what it was.

Oh yeah. They were laughing. And then, and then we'll go and have a seat and we're the only ones in there. So they're like, they're giving it a second where we'll have a drink and then come over and have a chat and ask if we want to dance. And it was like, maybe it's a couple of hours. Just like, I've just got here. I'm just going to have a drink first. And then eventually I go in for a dance and I've had my dance and I come out from my dance and Elliot's chatting to the girl. He was still chatting to when I left for my dance, except now

Elliot and this girl are leaning over Elliot's phone watching his special carry the boats oh out now on YouTube oh no on YouTube and there was music playing because we're in a strip club right so they don't say where the subtitle they don. I wanted to connect to the Bluetooth. Watch one of them dance to my suicide. GravFift I know. One of my, what did you, GravFift? I'm joking it. Because there was a bit as well before I saw that where like the phone note we were doing to Dan was like always what you're doing in town and all that and just were honest with them about what we're even had been and then she was

like, oh do you got any jokes, which I was finding really tedious. And I was just about to brush aside. And you just told a suicide joke, which I thought was a funny thing to do. It's a funny thing. You were just telling some cookie little joke that might make them laugh. You were telling the joke that was like going to shock them too. Yeah. And then they say, all right, OK.

So you do that in a way like you're probably going to be wrangling with suicide in a couple of years. The stripper. No, I did it in a way to make everyone awkward. I didn't think that she would be wrangling, which is I didn't fucking hell right. You made a really good point Ryan as well that the fact that the good way this girl by the time I come out, it turns out there was the second reel because the first one she didn't laugh. The first one bombs. First one bombs, right.

So he was like, I'll try a different one, which is psychopathic, by the way. I think everybody at home can agree that like fucking going into a strip club and showing your body of work, showing your body of work to the... I'm gonna defend myself at a point, but I'll let you have it, sorry. So the girl was, her sole intention

is to make you feel good. It'd make you feel like, you know, like if you've been to a strip club before, you'll know they'll laugh at what you're saying, they'll flirt, they'll play with a hair, they'll put on this big illusion show for you so you feel like you're wanted. And many, many people fall for it.

Matthew Canning. Matthew Canning who spent. Air lifted from the strip club. Yeah. That's it. I had to send the fucking army. I think my friend Matthew's gonna be a feature in this episode. So if you're new to the podcast, I've got a friend called Matthew. They will go Europe to speed sounds like that sounds like a,

that sounds like a euphemism for being gay. I've got a friend called Matthew. If you don't have something in the fifties, you used to have to say, I've got a friend called Matthew. So, so to quickly rattle off the point before I get to that is she was trying to make you feel good and still couldn't bring herself to at least have a rice my old taste. Yeah.

I don't get it. I don't get it. at least have a wry smile to her stand up. Yeah, yeah. I don't get it. Me and her had passed the point of stripper and castamart to the point where we were now honest creatives. And while you were paying for your dance, I was now, I now had- Which you try to give me grief for. I was a kind of creative. I am an artist talking to another artist,

comfortable enough to say when we don't like each other's work, which is how- When we don't like each other's work, and you'd already said that you didn't like hers, so she was getting revenge. No, she wasn't getting revenge. We were honest like each other's work. And you'd already said that you didn't like her since she was getting revenge. No, she wasn't getting revenge. We were honest with each other. And that's a level of art,

and that's a level of creativity that I think people need to aspire to. Because yeah, we could all go, oh, I enjoy that bit. Oh, I like that. But how does that help you progress? And you find art in the most unlikely of places. That's what art finds you when you least expect it.

I found nobody that night. It found me. And do you know what? I found it. I left that strip as having felt seen. Why you aren't honest? You left with a dance. I left feeling seen. How funny was it that he was like trying to make fun of me that I paid for a dance. And I was like, yep. And when I go to a restaurant, I'll buy a meal.

And when I go to a coffee shop, I'll buy a coffee. Like you just went to the strip club to use the wifi to watch your own shit. And the wifi was very good. The wifi was good. I'd go back. He said he wanted honesty, but I don't think anybody wants honesty to strippers.

I don't, but you would. You're a sad man. You're a sad man. You're a sad man. Oh, you bald little freak. Go away. Okay, go. That's kind of what I'd want, actually. Okay, can I have a paint then?

That's what I'd want. You sure you want me to drink a paint? I'll get a glass of rosé. All right. Okay, you know what? I'm gonna go somewhere else. She was a very sweet girl. Girl? She was anti-semitic, there. She was a very sweet girl.

Girl? She was anti-Semitic, there. She was anti-Semitic. Yeah, she was a very sweet girl. She was racist. She was racist towards me. She was anti-Semitic, but then I bought a football top off her for 15 quid.

Couple of hard hours, but Jesus, what a dream. What a chat. She kept telling you who you looked like and who you looked like was always Jewish. And I made the joke, I went, like you're being very anti-Semitic right now. She didn't know that. And she went, what's that? And then I had to explain what anti-Semitism was.

But then she started making some like quite fun, risque jokes where you were out in getting a dance. And I had said to her, I was like, look, very much like a joe chanter, but I'm not gonna buy a dance. Like had said to her, I was like, look, very much like I enjoy tranching, but I'm not going to buy a dance. Like I don't, I don't do that. Like, so like have I'm happy sat in the strippers, having a beer, having a time with my mate, but I'm not, I'm not empowering you because that's

everything I stand against. Women have empower, which I think Matthew, can you edit this podcast? Just, just edit him out. I hate the idea of, you know, no, no, it's just for me, I don't, I don't particularly get it, but I'm not against it. You know, it's like, it's just, it's fine. So there was a point where, because I don't get the, but like, can you buy us a drink as well though? Like I had a dance and I come back

and I thought you were having a dance but you were having a shade. And he was gone and he hadn't had a dance. But he was gone for a piss. He was gone for a little while. Like he was probably watching his special. Yeah, yeah. 40 minutes after we were like.

I went for a wank but only watched my special. And she asked if I could buy her a drink. I was like, he's got a full one there, just have his. I fucking had it in his drink. She didn't want it though, she wanted the Prosecco. Yeah, I mean, to be fair in the strippers, I think it's fair that the stripper has to see the drink be booked. Oh yeah, I don't mind.

Oh my God. This unattended drink, you can have this unattended drink. Just while we're on this, I had this on a date one time, right? Where this was just like modern sort of feminist thing that I was going through, where I was like, you know what I'm saying? Just like the modern dating world where this girl was running like five minutes late. And I was like, I'm at the, and I went, I'm at the bar, would you like me to get you a drink?

And she said, yeah. And he told me to drink. And then I was like the bar, would you like me to get you a drink? And she said, yeah, and he told me to drink. And then I was like, oh fuck, I don't want her to not see me buy the drink. Because then, do you know what I mean? Like, I don't want to make her think, oh fuck, this guy sat with his drink for five minutes. So you mean I can watch her buy you a drink

and that just come across like, look at me, painful. No, no, well yeah. So then she got there. And she was no. Well, yeah. So then she got there and she was, I was like, blue Jack and Coke. And then she got there and I'm just like having a pint. And she was like, Oh, did you not get me a drink? And I had to go. And I was just honest. I went, look, I didn't want to just buy you a drink without you seeing me buy a drink because it could have created an awkward situation.

I'd rather sit through this awkwardness now where I have to explain this to you that I'd rather you see me buy you a drink so you know I'm not fucking doing anything with it. That's funny because like, I don't know even if that would have crossed my mind. That is very thoughtful of you. I was just like, and then we were laughing about it

because I was just going like, I didn't want to, because that is like a thing that happens and you go, oh, you are meeting a stranger off the internet. Like it is still that. You should have drank it. Or drink it now when she comes back, just be like, you are fucking ages. It's like four and a half minutes.

So I'm going to get back to that point about money right is there hours Are you sure you can tell that story on this? This is like 20 years ago. Yeah, it's 20 years ago. It's fine I don't know stories about Matt. I mean, I'm I'm gonna stop you. Here's just some dude who well I don't even know what he does. So I children Shag's children. I don't know. Sorry. It's come from saying that about a dead guy in Calgate to a very much alive man.

With a newborn baby. With a newborn baby. And that's it. There is no proof. I was with that. that he's innocent. Thank you, your honor. Yes. I love the idea of resting your case.

There's no proof he's innocent. There's no proof he's innocent either, your honor. Thank you. I want to mistrial. Just to sum up Matty, I told a story to Natalie and two of her friends about when I was at a house party at Main, again 20 years ago, Matty's fast asleep and me and a couple of mates are on chat roulette because that's pretty new. So whatever year chat roulette was big is the year we were on. And then we got to chat where there's just some fucking guy wanking and we just angled the laptop to sleep in Matty and just let this guy finish his wank over Matty

Oh, what the fuck is that shit? I love this, I'm telling this fun story about the time we virtually raped my pal So then Natalie and I met, so we're just saying, oh my god that's fucking sexual assault right and then I was like yeah but it's Matty. And they both just went oh yeah. I suppose that's fine. Horse play.

Horse play at best. Worse. So do you ever, do you used to go and chat with her a fair bit? I'm sorry. The horse played best. Worse. So. Do you ever, do you used to go and chat with her a fair bit? Nah, just fucking around that one or two times, right? Me and my mates, when we were like 15, we were on it, yeah. And we got speakers and something going on straight. And we'd like, we were having a chat with her.

She was like a fair bit older. And it got to a point where she flashed us her tits. And it was like, still, if I ever meet these mates for a pint, we're like, do you remember when we were like. remember when we were together? It's like we're talking about winning it's like the invincible getting together and having a chat like do you remember when we did that? Back in our idea of a chat with the FDs. So I went to strip club with Matty and a few other lads from football in my 20s. And this girl comes and chats to him, he gets a dance, comes back, he buys her a drink

and she realises like he's paying out. You know, he's buying dances, he's buying drinks. I don't really need to work the room. Where the fuck's Milo, by the way? I don't know. Should we get, can we try again? I'm gonna finish this story if my life fucking depends on it. I know, but how much Milo's in there for it?

No, and then fucking if he comes along, he comes along, right? Fuck you, Elliot. Whose podcast is this? Daniel's. Fucking, he's not here, is he? Right. Collins, then.

I apologize for the fucking slow moving nature of this story, right? But I'm gonna get it out. Okay. Because the girl realized Matty's paying out, she doesn't need to work the room because she's found somebody that she's enjoying the chat of.

She's getting periodic dances, which doesn't sound as bad as it is. Yeah. Which sounds worse than it is. And then she eventually went, I bet I go and have a wander round. And she went and had a wander round and Matty was like, oh, I've pulled. I was like, you haven't pulled. She's like, she? And she went and had a wander round and Matty was like,

oh, I've pulled, right? I was like, you haven't pulled? She was like, she fucking loves me. She's all over me. And I was like, of course she does. You've got your wallet out, like, it's her job. She was like, hi, but she fancies us. Like, you can totally tell.

And I was like, that's her job. They're making them feel like they fancy her. And then she was like chatting to another group of lads over there and I was like, if any of them lads want to dance, they'll get a dance. He was like, aye, she's at work. And I was like, but she doesn't fancy you though. I was like, look, I'll get a dance off her now

and she'll give me the same thing that she gave you. And I just walked over, I like interrupted the chat with this group of lads and just went, are you good for a dance? And then she went for a dance with us. Matt, he wasn't a huff. Matt isn't a pure huff. Not just for me, with a girl, the lady.

I'll defend him on this. Right, so. Candy, what have you done to me? Think of all the memories we had. Going outside and burning his Mercedes, cause it's the same name. Fuck you. Look at stupid.

Amazing. So, he was in a bit of a huff but then he defrosted a little bit and she came and chatted with him and you made fun of the fact that you betrayed him and had a dance with me and all that right and we just made this joke about it and everything and then she scribbles down some numbers on a bit of paper and I'm like oh fucking hell maybe he's had a point. He walked away with a bit of paper with our digits on. And then he went to give her a text scan. This is Matty, by the way, and sent the text, which is wouldn't send. Right. And then he checked the number again, typed it again, wouldn't send.

And then I was like, Matty, that's not even 11 numbers. That's not even 10. It's probably your account number. You're fucking lit. She'd give him nine digits. He was in such denial that he was trying different variations of the number, look at the numbers on the date. Oh, no.

Oh, man. Jesus Christ. Maybe that's just a man who wants to be loved. Well, yeah, but it's the same way as going to a restaurant and asking the chef to come live with you afterwards because you liked it that much. Any chance you could come live with me and my family? I think you're amazing. You made such a nice meal. You must love us. So I tell you that story when we're having breakfast the day after and he was like,

see I think that's worse than me showing the dance on my special. Now it's like, this is why I don't think what Matty did is worse, right? What Matty did is funny, but it's a tale as old as time. Like there's a million and one men who- Sucker. There's a sucker. There's a million and one suckers that have fell for it. And it's like, I mean, the illusion's nice, right?

But like, if you fall for it, that's on you, right? But it's happening all the time. And like a million people have been Matty in that story. Elliot, you are the only person that's ever been you in that story. Nobody in their entire life has shown us a dancer that's special. Well, it's, you know, it's a good start. You showed you your special in a different way.

Well, it's, Nels Smith can as well. It was like, I'm like fucking, I, to Matt, he'd be the same as he would be like, sure. Like the T's and C's on a pension. Yeah, but Nelson's a fat little sad man who we shouldn't listen to, bro. That's the reality. I don't know if you could throw stones from that. He is firing back here at all angles and he has nowhere really to stand. It is one of, when I heard it, I was like, I didn't believe it. I thought you were going to catch me on like the lie or the rumour and stuff like that. But I genuinely cringe.

Mind you, Maddie's also was, I could see it. His, you know, what happened was me and her were having a kind of conversation. Like, I'll take my. And what was her name? Charlotte. I thought he's one love fucking do you know what I thought you said her name was a father I had an ex-girlfriend called Charlotte I didn't know her name was Charlotte six months into the relationship because it was it was Lottie yeah so I thought I she was she was going in one day she had like a works pass and I was like your name's Charlotte

your middle name she's like nah Lott, I'd look you short for Charlotte. Six months. Six months you didn't know a real name? Fucking swear to God. Billy, it says your name's William here. Yeah, you feel like it. I was like, this was short for Charlotte. I remember when you were dating the last one

and she thought you were called Ian for ages. She'd been calling you Ian? I'd shown her my fucking, we'd done the like- You showed your special. We'd done, that's how I get all the, we'd done the like- You showed your special. Ah, we'd done, we'd done the song, we'd done the Insta swap. And like, I'd been introduced on stage as Elliot Steele, going up to her, her name was kind of similar to mine, like there's some, you know, so like, I was like,

oh, it's like, you know- Nia? Nia. Nia. Nia. Nia. Ian. Ian, oh wait, yeah, yeah, like, you know, Nia. Nia? Ian. Ian, oh wait, yeah, yeah, yeah. Eyebrow stuff. Yeah.

And then, like Dunnean says, and then we sat down and had a chat one night and everyone's gonna meet Elliot and she went, sorry, is your name Elliot? And I was like, yeah. She went, I thought you were called Ian. I remember being really intrigued, like, did you think it was Ian with one eye or two eyes? Yeah. Your one eye, she thought you were one eye. I remember being really intrigued. Like, did you think it was Ian with one eye or two eyes?

You're one eye, she thought you were one eye. That was funny too. My issue was like, well then if you're not Ian, where's my Tinder at? Ian's stealing Ian Beale as well, so similar. Oh yeah. Ian Beale, I love it. Yeah, but I didn't know, I didn't know.

Milo not doing it. No, he's not doing it. Should I tell you why Milo's not doing this podcast, right? I can tell you fucking right. He can't deal with the heat. No, he can't deal with the heat, partly. He's scared. Because his career's going well, all right?

It's going brilliant. He doesn't want to sit here. He was sitting in battle with all of us. I made us a nice pasta. He'll sit there, have the pasta. You see the way he was sending for Colin during dinner, out of nowhere? Oh yeah, yeah.

Doing that Northern Irish accent. He didn't want him to miss out. Didn't want him. The minute we went to record something that wasn't stood outside a shop that he had full control of it, he'd go shoulders back, have at it, he ran away scared.

You never see Milo on podcasts. He's scared. Oh no, he's dead. Like we've had him on this podcast a couple of times, but he's a notorious non-podcaster. Yeah. He doesn't hawulk himself on podcasts. Haulk himself?

Yeah. Because I don't think, because he does podcasts himself, he doesn't go on character or anything. No. And he never is on stage as himself. So it's like, it's such a weird thing. It would be like.

Why doesn't he come on this as Troy then? Yeah. He would kill it. That would be good. Why, why, why don't we? Probably because like it's three in the afternoon. He's just done a greet as Guilden Station Road. He's about to do the gig and he's not in uniform and he would have to for the

third time in a day have to mascara his lip. Oh God, Jesus. Think of the other 99% of the world that has harder jobs. Oh no, the poor guy's been out saying nice things to people. He's got 20 minutes of work at nine o'clock. No way he could come in here and chat more shit. Have he used the chest that wears the smoking jacket? Yeah.

I love that somebody showed up to the gig last night wearing a smoking jacket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a football fan got into the match with a toon top on. Like he came full kit wanker to see Troy Hawke in the smoking jacket. I love that, like The Rock just comments on his stuff. Yeah, yeah.

Doesn't get anything. Doesn't understand me. If one of his recent reels, he'd just come on talking about, yeah, the Dwayne The Rock Johnson, come on, commenting about Jan Mulby. And it's like living in an alternative universe. I just don't... You think it's too weird. Who's the most famous people that's getting in touch with you on them

I don't I don't I Don't very famous porn star get in touch with me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Special I had to pretend not to know who they were. Oh really? Why did you pretend that you should have have just been like Big Fanny away. It was my mother. Yeah, I know. Can you tell me which one it was? No. No. That's a really shit podcast story. I remember before I'd been on Bert Kreischer's podcast,

I'd been on Auré Chafiars and I told the Bull Run story and I was in Australia And I had an inbox off Bird Crysha asking if I fancied going for a pint. He was in London Oh really? He said do you want to come with drink? And I'd never met him at the time and he reached out to me because he'd heard the story and he was like I seems like someone I'd like a pint with and I asked for a pint I remember being absolutely buzzing about that and I eventually did have a pint with him in LA But that was pretty cool. And then I followed this account as well Paul Waller

the guy that does the it's not a comedian or anything he does like tourism stuff in Scotland you know I follow his stuff and when he comment on it. Oh Bisping. Michael Bisping. I put in touch with Bisping I've never even met him yeah because I got off at the gig and I fucking just couldn't do it it was due in one of my shows. That was the Manchester one and I also got the London one. I. Cause I got off of the gig and I fucking just couldn't do it. It was during one of my shows or something. That was the Manchester one. And I also got the London one for the... I was so chuffed that you got that.

Yeah, that was fun, man. That was cool, dude. Cause it would have been a bit wasted on me as well. Like, cause I'd been out of touch with UFC for about six years or something. Nice. Yeah, that was like, I remember getting like a DM from him and like having to put my phone down and kind of like,

like chill the fuck out. Yeah, he was cool as fuck as well, man. Yeah. He was a cool dude. Obama messaged me once just when Obama Michelle? No no. Oh not the other one. The drone flyer. Mr Obama. You've done that Michelle's husband on this right? No. No. No but that's his bit where he done that Michelle's husband on this right now. No, no No, but that's that's his bit where he goes Obama Michelle's husband. It's a bit like when I am like Rachel McCann from true detective season 2 Yeah, we have a thing as well. If you get it last day someone said I've heard you do it on this podcast

No, no Are you chatting about the one where when we got to your thing love and still your joke? No, no, no. Are you chatting about the one where when we got... Sort of pull back to your thing rather than steal your joke. No, no, you're right. You're right. I just can't do the bit on a podcast. I swear I've heard you do it. No, I don't think so. But I'll tell you what, we did have fun about actors though. It started off with David Schwimmer from Band of Brothers.

That was the main one. I was like, you can't do that. Anthony Hopkins from Meet Joe Black. Yeah. It's so annoying. It's genuinely fucking... Yeah, yeah. Oh God.

I can't think of ones now all of a sudden. It's hard off the top of your head. Brad Pitt from Filmer and Louise. Yes. Bradley Pitt. Bradley Pitt. Brad Pitt from True Romance would be a funny one because it doesn't quite work as true romance is such a good Film but he has such a bit part in that. Yeah

What a crazy cast in they just have it like the stone or asleep on the couch. Yeah. Yeah There's one for you. You're right Al Pacino. You from Jack and Jill Robert De Niro from meet the fuckers Discut me, you know, there's an advert Robert De Niro from Meet the Fuckers. This got me, you know there's an advert in Jack and Jill where he goes, Dunkachino, right? In like the film Jack and Jill, right? It's like a joke that Al Pacino is doing.

I've never seen Jack and Jill. He's doing an advert for Dunkin' Donuts where he goes in and goes, Dunkachino. And it's like taking the piss out of the kind of things that Hollywood actors do for money. The clip got put on the internet and myself included thought it was an actual advert for Dunkin Donuts that people believe so much that Al Pacino was like all his work dried up because people were like we can't fucking touch him after he did that Dunkin Donuts ad. Oh good.

So people actually thought it was a Kevin Bacon, you can't hire him though. Snoop Dogg's doing Just Eat ads. I've got a theory on Snoop Dogg doing Just Eat right is because I think that's just a disrespect for the UK like every time you see a superstar doing a UK advert they think ah fuck it no one will ever see it. They don't see us as people they'll go oh let's just fuck it it's Just Eat it's like a bunch of money no one real will see it. I think Snoop will do anything for money. And I know this because, you know, when you're watching, and then he said the name of the person who did the dodgy sticks, but me mate's dodgy stick.

When you're watching that, you'll be watching some like fucking Greek channel, they'll get the football. And then like Roy Keane did an advert, and I was like, oh, he would never have done that in the UK. He would have found that undignified. But because it's just like another country, he's just like, ah, fucking no one will see this. You've seen all Arnie's in Japan?

Nah. Oh, they're fucking wild. It's him like, eating cereal and his eyes going like, oh, he did that instantly. His eyes going that way. Some people listening to this, you need to explain what you just did. Yeah.

Arnie's a shield and he does the ice you just see the video of that Arnie's, all of Schwarzenegger's in Japan and his eyes go you're like what the fuck he's quite R as well he talks in quite rolling R's so it would be even funnier to hear him

Arnie doing a Japanese accent would be top tier try it go on right start off by doing an Arnie doing a Japanese accent would be top tier. Try it. Good. Right, start off by doing an Arnie accent. I can't even, I can't do accents. I can't be back. Do like a get to the chopper. Get to the chopper. Right, and now do something in Japanese. Konnichiwa. Huh? Do it in Japanese. Konnichiwa. I don't want to do the Arnie. Get to the Konnichiwa. Don't eat Japanese. Konnichiwa.

I don't, I don't wanna do the... Get to the Konnichiwa. Get to the job. Ah. I can't prefer. Ah. Get to the job. Ah.

What the fuck did I do wrong? I'll be back police officer. I'll be back-a-roo. I'll be back. That'd be great. He just comes in and kills himself in front of the police officer Rarnie Schwarzenegger The Terminator, but then sent back in, sent back in

He's like, Sarah Connor, you've been great this honour! And kills himself in front of her His liquid metal's a sword and just puts it through his ribs Rarnie, Rarnie Schwarzenegger. Ronald, Ronald Schwarzenegger. I mean any of them could actually work too because like Sylvester Stallone would be ridiculous Asian. What do you think? Who. Who is like the yeah. Do you know the comedy club in Rafa Road?

Rafa Road. ROR comedy club. We call it Rafa Road. That's not, that's not in Japan by the way. It's in Stoke. Yeah. Yeah. The phones are all over.

Pop-ups. So Colin, you're doing Dry January. Am I? So brilliant. for a Colin you're doing dry January. I'm a so funny. That'd be a funny thing to do to announce to people. I know he's gone sober because of the problem. I'm just not telling you. And then later on, they just, it was, it was, it was an MS from that.

It was an MS. Like, so he's just stopped drinking and leave people thinking, what the fuck did he do? He was getting it. He, uh, there's something happened where he like, he didn't quite get violent but he got a bit physical with his girlfriend so he's off the pints. Aye. He didn't sexually assault that last one but he did get a bit handsy. Yeah it was an incident at a Christmas party. He's just getting a bit pushy. I know all of them fucking deserved it. Oh cracking all their cans. It was a quite sexual assault and it just comes back to me showing a girlfriend your face was special. Assault of the census. I wonder why Milo doesn't want to do this.

You were, you were, because we went for a spa the day and you were in the sauna and like a lady went in and joined the sauna and we were just sat like outside of it and he just went how long do you think before you start showing it as your special little sauna? Your little laminated form? Little laminated bags! Laminated, I'm just like, you know, like, stop start animation and I just start flicking it and what's special about that? Yeah, yeah. Animated. Not to say, I don't know my god I forgot to mention as well when she was watching the special I was like

laughing about it now that she touched the screen to see how long was left oh yeah no that did happen I'd love to do that so I was showing her a reel from Instagram and she touched to see how long was where I wanted to get a dance to do the same thing to her. Well that's the way she likes it. That's great. 40 minute mark. And then we turned up to the gym and spotted you and you just didn't have any of your equipment. You had to go over it as that. Oh do you know what I just.

Sorry lads as well for taking up all the weights. I'm saying that I didn't I turned up to the Zoom and I just didn't have a pair of shorts. I'm not going to fucking jump in here. I'm on your side with this. Nobody told me there was going to be a gym or spa. And then you kind of went, do you not just carry that stuff around? Like a fucking psychopath. Oh, aye. No, that's not nice.

I'm always, always ready to go to the gym. Yeah. It's like, anything else except the gym, I ready to go to the gym. Yeah. Yeah. It's like anything else except the gym I have to like be warned for. But having a permanent state of dress for the gym. Yeah, until it starts showing. You're just polishing me. Did he just polish you?

We've got a little gym group guide, you know, what's that good word? We've got a WhatsApp group called the Shirtlifters. Shirtlifters. And yeah, you're not allowed in. I'm dying. It's right on your... It's not toxic at all. It's no toxic.

And nobody said it didn't have to. Everyone's positive in there. We talk about our training. We'll sometimes tell embarrassing situations that will form usself in, like in like, was it Gareth got trapped in another bar or something? I think he, I think he, It's Gareth in it! No, no, yeah. Gareth's in it, yeah.

Yeah, he collapsed on the squats, didn't he? And I was like, oh, so did- He went for a PBM squat. So I was like, did you, did you manage to get it on the frame or did it hit the deck? And he was like worse than that, half on the frame, half on the deck, and I had to climb from underneath it. And instead of taking the piss out of him, we just started sharing all like, own little embarrassing stories from the gym. I had one, I had one. You're here, this is why you can't be in, look at that snarl! had to claim from underneath it. In a silly technical episode of them we just started sharing our own little embarrassing stories from the gym.

I had one. You're here. This is why you can't be in, look at that snarl. Look at that top lip, your little top lip started like, snarling. I saw your gums there, you snarled. Fulmin' mouth. I had one, I had one one time where there was, it was about 22 and I was just like, really hot going to the gym and I was like... Couldn 22, and it was just like really hot going gym. And I was like. Couldn't get any 5G to show you a special.

Not exactly why it didn't exist then. Thank God that they brought it along. But they are. The internet definitely exists. They didn't have 5G. They didn't have 5G. It was what? Did you just do the voice?

What voice? The disabled voice. No, it wasn't a disabled voice. That wasn't a disabled voice. You did disabled voice. That wasn't a disabled voice. What did you say? It wasn't a disabled voice. I could do a better disabled voice today. Right, now do it as Arnie.

I know a country that was... Do a disabled Arnie. Mongolia. Milo, do you not want to come get cancelled? Milo, why don't you want to be on this? Do you know what Tony Hawk did to be cancelled, man? Milo, I bet you could do a great Japanese accent, Milo. I know you can hear us. Do you know why I can't get cancelled? Milo, why don't you want to be honest? Do you know why Trotty Hawk can't be cancelled?

Milo, I bet you could do a great Japanese accent, Milo. I know you can hear us. Oh, shoulders back. Never change. Yanmobi seme! All these kids going into the factory. That's great. All these kids going into the factory.

He's just greeting them out of the suicide net. Just bowing to everyone who comes out of a shop. And everyone, no one's even paying that much of attention to him because he's just wearing a kimono. Probably fitting in. Troy Hawkins abandoned. That's how I hope Troy goes down though, pure racism. Accidental. Like, yo, if he was in the thing and he was just like, it's the same person coming in and out of the shop. You again.

I love you madam, I love you from earlier. Some guy in there just he's massive. He's like a well-dressed Godzilla destroying downtown. Giant toy. Starts attacking downtown Tokyo. Oh sorry. What a stupid cunt. back in downtown Tokyo. Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. What a stupid cunt. Well, no, I wasn't doing a disabled voice.

I was mimicking your voice in a dumb way. I was a disabled voice. I think what we've learned from this episode of the Podcast is I don't shy away from an accent. No. No. No. Wish you would though, your own's fucking dead. No. That's good. It's cumbersome. No, no, no wish you would though your own fucking

It's cumbersome I got pulled off for this for having like he was doing a racist Japanese voice on a foot course and the black one He's doing now's even Man, I remember the first like before we start doing the video podcast and stuff Like when people had just heard you and you are a regular guest because when I lived in London you co-hosted many of them like so many people were shocked to see that you were a white man but that's on them that's on your fucking listeners that one that's on me that's on their prejudiced attitudes

not your cultural appropriation it's not cultural appropriation because you're so nothing like your dad. I sound very similar to my dad. Not the fucking tall. I sound so similar. Your dad's really well spoken. I fucking hate it. My dad's not well fucking.

Your dad has never once kissed his teeth. I don't kiss my teeth. How the fucking dare you? Try to kiss your teeth. Your little xenomorph mouth. Xenomorph? You've got a mouth of a xenomorph. Well, it was wrong of having two mouths.

Is that the xenomorph from Alien Vs. Predator 2? Oh, from every Alien ever. Oh! I mean, I got, it got me, it got me so good. Ha ha ha! It got me so good, I was ready to jump him. Ha ha ha! It's even funnier when Alien Vs. Predator 2.

It's too good. Ha ha ha! Yeah, I'm shy of films. Who won? Oh man, yeah, I've got some Alien, right, if you watch them in the order of chronological of like the Predators coming to the, coming to the, for whatever, right. First of all, they get beat by a Native American, right? So they come in the 1800s. Beat? You'd kill most of them.

Aye, but one of them beats them. Yeah. So, okay, right. You come to a new country, right? A new place, right? You have a new territory and somebody knows the lay of the land, right? They've beat you, right?

And then you regroup and then you come back and you end up in the jungles of Vietnam fighting against military. No, no, Venezuela. Venezuela? Jesus Christ. I used to think it was Vietnam, but it's not as Venezuela. They're doing Black Ops, they're doing Black Ops of Nicaragua. It's Guatemala.

We're just saying South America. It's Guatemala. Is it Guatemala? It's a Black Ops mission that the government doesn't know about. Right, and it's fucking all Schwarzenegger. It's in the film of the South Americans going, look at the Vietcong So he's a marine right

He kills a lot of other marines right But all Schwarzenegger right So so far, you're down It's 2-0, it's 2-0 to people right Predators haven't even got on the score sheet yet It's not 2-0 now They're fucking everyone up But they're fucking up so many people

But they still lost the game that they set they've set a game and they've lost it. So that's two. Right. So Native American, right. Marine. And then like, right, we're going to we're going to take the difficulty. We're going to put the difficulty down here and we're going to go against the beat cop. Beat cop Danny Glover makes it three. Well, 22nd of July makes it three. Seven. Then you. It makes it three mil. 22nd of July. It makes it three mil. 1978. Continue.

That's straight up. That should be sent to the government and you should be on an autism spreadsheet immediately. Is that really that? I was born on 22nd of July. It's me, William De Foe and Danny Glover. Three big hitters. Stuart Downing. Stuart Downing, the Middlesbrough player. Before I was flying the flag. Liverpool. So, right, so we're 3-0, right, and then, okay, this is a fucking European cup tie, right, like an intergalactic cup tie lost against the aliens.

You forgot Avery Predator 3. That was the beat cop. That's two. No, there isn't a Predator 3. There isn't a Predator 3. There isn't a Predator 3. No, it goes straight into Alien vs Predator after that. Chronologically we're going here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There it goes. Alien vs Predator, Alien vs Predator 2. Uh huh. Promethe. Not Predators. I'm just going Predators at the minute. I'm not going just the Alien movies here because there would have been two alien movies during this timeline, right?

But there's no predators involved. So, okay, Adrian Brodie was a scientist, right? So, no, he was a mercenary. Mercenary? Yes, he went back to mercenaries. Back to mercenaries, okay. And then- I know what you're trying to say.

No, the guy that eventually nearly fucked him was a doctor, a serial killer doctor. It was Topher Grace, remember? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They picked up like Yakuza's, fucking people in Chechnya. Right, including getting beat by the alien and the archaeologists, right? So alien equipped archaeologists, right? So five and oh, right? Right, six time lucky, right?

They've got to win the sixth time. He lost to a little autistic boy about seven years old. The predator, the predator. By Holbrooke. The New Orleans real bad. It's six and oh. Yeah. Oh my God. That film's awful.

Yeah. It just starts with you seeing the predator in a spaceship. Yeah. And is that, is that also the one where they've got like the kind of loony bus with, with the Greyjoy and Cain Peel? There's that scene, isn't there, where the scientists are like, well, it's not a predator, it's like a hunter.

And they're like, but Predator's a cooler name, not a scientist. They're like, hell yeah, that's an awful... Do you know the worst thing is that was Shane Gillis, or Shane Gillis, that was Shane Black that got brought back to write it and everybody was so excited. The original lad fucking stank. It almost had like a scary movie element to it. Like it had a Wayne's Brothers element to it. He was right.

The worst part about it was you'd started and you seen the cut like basically taking a shit in his own fucking, in his own, like, you know, in his own plane. The whole point of Predator was like, you didn't see for ages. That's why the the new aliens good? Yeah.

Oh, I love that. I love Thromylus. That's the closest they've got to one and two. Yes, I love it. I do think the end version alien was a little bit too... God, that was a bit stupid. It was a bit swing and a miss in the same way that... I got paid well though.

How was you? I liked it. It was very much the... What's the name? Not Alien 3, the one after that. Or Resurrection. No, that's not it. Resurrection.

Resurrection where like there was the kind of mother, human mother version. And it was a little bit like, there's this weird creepy, literally just in the same ending as that essentially. And I thought it was a little bit like, there's this weird, creepy, literally just in the same ending as that, essentially. And I thought it was a swinging of miss then, and it was a swinging of miss at the end of this one. But Alien Free is like that,

if you go, Alien Free is the most 90s movie. I like that, it was the action one. That was at Blythe Sports Centre, a lot of them shot on Blythe Sports Centre. There's a power sta, not sports, sorry, sorry. Power station. I guess the scene where the alien fucking goes. 100% Blythe Power Station.

But sure, I thought Ridley Scott's from around here. Yes, he's South Shields. But Blythe Power Station doesn't exist anymore. I thought Ridley Scott was American until now. No. Gladiator is around from fucking one of these, one of the toothless people you were talking about. I think he's South Shields actually.

Is that how far is that? That's not far from Whitley Bay. Oh yeah, so that's what I meant. Right, so the power station that I used to be able to see from my bedroom window, they've knocked it down now, and they've filmed a lot of scenes for Alien 3 and Black Power Station. Great.

That's great. I think Alien 3 is the one that almost like, it's very much a 90s film. You know like 90s films have a very start where there's going to be like some electro, like the beginning of Blade. You know, the beginning of Blade is one of the most iconic 90s scenes ever. Every 90s film you go back and watch,

there's like slow motion, Gothic, like people who are like really cool, but there's like some cult going on as well. There's always like some cult shit happening in a 90s film. Like it's fucking insane and like there's like it's futuristic but the future is like kind of wrong. Yeah they're using 90s level technology but in the future. It's just like kind of steampunk. Yeah yeah yeah.

Did you hear about the next Predator movie though? Oh they're doing another? Yeah yeah they've like greenlit like three. The next one's in a special needs school in Sunderland. Yeah, yeah, they've greenlit like three. The next one's in a special needs school in Sunderland. LAUGHTER I'm doing the accent. So, a school in Sunderland. LAUGHTER It'd be great if I was the only one at one then.

Imagine handing that into like 20th Century folks. I finished a script, it's just someone slowly starting to really go interior, day, Sunderland, special needs school. I mean I don't think it's a very nice script. First of all all the characters are just called disabled one and two. I feel like as a main actor you should name them. No. Someone dribbles the predator to death. Stop.

I said... No, come on. Come on. He's jumping too far. I mean, that's what the xenomorphs kind of do. Yeah? No, it's that blood actually. Well, those xenomorphs really dribble, don't they?

They do dribble, but I don't think that dribble really does much. It's just lube. No, the dribble does not, the blood does. Thank you. Oh, that scene in Romulus where they turn the gravity off because of the acid blood. The acid blood's gonna burn through the bottom of the ship so they turn the anti-gravity off

and she's like trying to maneuver through the, oh, that's a class scene. I would love to have seen that at the cinema. Yeah, we were at the World's Biggest Arts Festival and I went to see, I've seen it, one time me and Adam Rowe at the World's Biggest Arts Festival went to see I did I've seen him do that one time in Adam Rowe at the world's biggest arts festival went to see the in between us two. Oh great. Oh my god it bonded a friendship. Oh yeah. It transcends anything I've ever seen. Man I was like honestly openly crying when I read your like little

tribute to him when he special came out on your Instagram feed. Oh no, no, that was sad. Let me tell you about what happened that week. My mum had been diagnosed with cancer. Oh, I'm glad you guys are all having your little bit of fun. You know, like my girlfriend at the time, she was leaving me for Dubai. I was going for- Hey, everyone grieves in their own way. Some people suck off their friends. I mean, I don't ask me to share a thing. Nice of him to not share anything of mine.

But then I wrote this thing that I thought was funny, but let's say could have trimmed some of the fat. That wasn't that funny. There was, it was a funny ending. No one have trimmed some of the fat. That was not funny. There was, it was a funny ending. Uh, no one just made it to the ending. And then you and Mark Nelson have run with it so much since. And let me, let me tell you, you took it down. I've not just changed the caption.

Uh, the, you and Mark Nelson have run with it so much since. And there's a reason for that. Cause you both love when people fuck up online because that can then be your excuse for not putting things online. That's your excuse for not putting both of you. I feel like even at that situation I definitely still wouldn't. You're not 500,000 words percent you only love this man. We noticed something the other day right if you and Mark Nelson are going after somebody there needs to be like a third person to Make it fun. Otherwise, it gets like it gets it doesn't look like you're laughing about it

It looks like you're not going for the jugular. Yeah when the Perry is gone for one person It's like oh somebody has to like jump in and be the comic relief of this Otherwise, it's just we like we like only headshots. Yeah, it's both in headshots I saw headshots you two will be got it's like with the stri. Yeah, it's both headshots. But it's not headshots. You two will be going, it's like with the stripper thing, right? I was taking- All these stories, you've just met an absolute arse of yourself.

Yeah, everyone was laughing about it, but you've got to a point where you're like, literally going, you're pathetic. I'll take my beatings, and then Nelson will be like, you're pathetic, need for attention, it's just so pitiful. And I'm like, you are also a standup comedian who then every fucking Christmas puts posts up about how much he loves Christmas.

And then, or if Nelson never fucking gets a new haircut or a mustache, we can all expect, we can all expect a fucking picture on the grid of Instagram of Nelson going, look at me, I've got a new mustache, look at me, I've changed my hair color. And in a minute, and he'll puts on real.

That's not on the same level as doing a strip-make-a-special. No, no. But then the minute anyone puts anything up, he disagrees with it. He's like, I fucking hate this industry. I wish the industry would just give Nelson a chance, along with all the other TV opportunities that they've given him, as long as,

along with all the other fucking TV things and radio stuff that he's doing. I just wish someone would give him his break. Well Nelson, if you're watching this, congratulations, you've got under his skin at work. Everything that you're saying got to him. He's swinging for the fences. Because Elliot can't understand it if you went, oh here's my new haircut or something, like if you said Nelson with a brandy or whatever at Christmas, it is absolutely not the same as you putting topless pictures going, please buy my tickets. Yeah.

I thought that was clearly funny. Yeah. I put it off of my accessor. It's not funny because all you do is seek it. That's why you're showing strippers your special. Yeah, but I'm honest about it. It wouldn't matter. It's very funny when someone like misfires on thing.

We'll all jump on that. Mm-hmm. But you are nearly Tom level now. I'm not nearly Tom. Oh. They're nearly Tom level now. I'm not nearly Tom. Hey Elliot, the fact that I could fall down the stairs in the strip as and it wasn't even the most embarrassing thing that happened in a 10 minute period. Like that's why I'm a friend man, I need you around, you shield me from being embarrassed at my own actions. I think as well, like I just have like, I take a lot of shit for a lot of things that I do.

But I don't mind making mistakes and getting rinsed for them. You just don't like learn from any of those things. No, I learn from lots of things, but I'm not gonna sit there and like be told by other stand-up comedians, you're an attention seeker, by a stand-up comedian. Different if Matty says it, do you know what I mean? It's different if someone who's like,

whole life is like, no, I'm just trying to live, you know, Matty will be pissed off that he's been brought up on this podcast. Nelson will hear he's been brought up on this podcast and will only listen to this podcast to hear the bit about him, because he'll sit there and go, ah, ah, ah, ah, I'm on a podcast,

do you know what I mean? That's a funny thing, you know what we should do? Like we should do episodes of podcasts and just think of who we haven't mentioned in it and just tell them that we mentioned them in that episode. Yeah. Right, so like if we think of someone we haven't mentioned in this episode

from a WhatsApp group, we should tell them that we mentioned them. Milo's mentioned. Aye. Well, let's go. He's listening to it now with a cup to the floor. He's on the phone to his agent, going, I need something taken down. Will you want it? No, but I need it gone. He's listening to it now with a cup to the floor. He's on the phone to his agent again.

I need something taken down. Will you want it? No, but I need it gone. Will it wall work? I've talked about it now, so that's why I was trying to be a bit more cryptic than that. All right, we'll do that then. No, the other co-host of this podcast. Oh my God.

He'll be doing the work. Do you know what? Do you want to hear? Just to prove that I don't mind being in bad. Do you want to hear something really embarrassing I was doing earlier? I was glad none of you clucked on. What you did? I was listening to a podcast that I was on. What? Listen to one of your own podcasts.

One that you were guest on. I don't think that's too bad because sometimes you can pick bits of material from podcasts. Yeah. Why you? Why you? Well, no, that isn't as bad. And also clips. You can find clips. You can go, right, okay, that's a clip. I'll ask for that as a clip. I wasn't really going to go for you there. I just couldn't do that. I could never do that. That's self-indulgent. I find it hard to listen back to stuff that I'm on.

No, I don't. I'm class. I can't wait to listen to me doing my Japanese accent. I think we're gonna have to wrap this up now because we've got to get a show to get do with live punch drunk last night was class on it that's it was fun say well this is fun my special on YouTube just ask It's got a hundred thousand, it's got a hundred thousand views in the role of him. He's watched it that many times. Onyx watched it. Onyx, yeah. Onyx, that was very funny. You told me when the strippers were called Onyx, which is like the really... And you were so confused when you found out she wasn't black.

Yeah, yeah, because it was like a really famous hip hop group. Uh-huh. Like, you know, it was like a really famous hip hop group. Like, you know, yeah. Sticky fingers on him. Wasn't there a Pokemon? Sticky fingers was in Onyx, wasn't he? He might have been. Really shows the different levels of cool we are at Colum. I went, oh, there's a famous rap group.

And I went, wasn't there a Pokemon? He might have been. I think he was. I'm pretty convinced he was. Oh, this is Dasif X. She's a stripper. Bob Deep. KRS-1.

Honey, would you like to dance? KRS-1? KRS-1 is the number that Maddie got for me. Stingy. All right, well, Maddie, if you listened all the way to the end of this, thanks for being my friend. Mark, if you listened to any of this, you're probably not Elliott's by now. Yeah, he's going to have such a problem with us. And everybody else, we're all on tour, kinder, to various places, so look at our websites and coming up, watch us live, where we won't be interrupting each other constantly. Bye!

That was loaded.