Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Interview with a Troll (Ft. Dave Longley)

Episode Date: November 4, 2024

Many of you have engaged with him after being baited in the comments, many of you have watched on in joy knowing he's trolling, now you can meet the religious obstetrician from the comments of Sloss and Humphries reels as Kai navigates the conversation cautious not to get trolled himself.   Listen to The Dave Longley Breakfast Show at your own peril

Sloss and Humphries on the road! Muggins and cream, creaming muggins, straight thugging, living the dream That's our intro Fucking muggles! Tickling the clit inside your head that makes you laugh Woohoo! They said it can't be done! Are we in the same seats?

That's hack Aww, muggles! Accidental rim job in the park Kiss kiss kiss Or might just be cynical Just muggled it up on fucking Mugglepedia Where have you been since 9-11? Alright, I'm sat in a basement in Leeds with Dave Longley.

This is how it ends for most people. Not for me. You're going to get out of this basement. I think I'll get out. I think I'll be alright. Why is Sloss not here? The coward. He wouldn't open for us on some of my shows. I asked him, you know, you've got got a little bit of I've got food in it Sorry

Yeah I asked him Because he's done his last gig Ever For the foreseeable future Oh He finished his two I've done a couple of Encore shows

Yeah And then He's just had a second child He's just moved house And he kind of Wants to take stock He'd done The Have a word roast

yeah which i don't think's out yet but that was the last thing in his diary was that and um i messaged him just about the local gigs if he wanted to do um fife's his hometown kirkoddy sorry in fife so that's if you want to do that edinburgh where he lives and he was like i'm not gonna have any material ready and i'm not doing old rope so he's just tapped it for a bit so we can talk about him more honestly now he's not doing it anymore was he ever funny did you not enjoy him no never no he's gonna come on his podcast never floated my boat i always find him a bit every time i interacted with him personally i always found him a bit standoffish i always thought he was a bit up his own arse and i was like yeah you fucker i'll get you don't worry you're not like any of his bits like what what would you say is your favorite favorite show

of his of his uh well the one that helped me get to sleep the quickest was uh jigsaw uh did you stay well Lynn after that just about did she watch it though no oh right yeah if she watched it you'd be fucked mortgages

it's usually the person that wants to be out that oh is that the relationship one yeah oh no I haven't seen it yeah no I think

I think it's a sad if he doesn't do it again that's fucked no he's got to start again he was talking we just did a podcast together. He's still doing the odd one of these as a guest.

For him. Sloss and Humphreys. Keeping his toe in. It's the fucking first name on it and he's only barely doing it. Yeah, that's why we didn't call it Muggins and Cream because he wanted it to be the first name on it. Right, okay. He's got an ego.

I don't know if you know. Yeah. I don't know him very well. You know? No, I've slept with him, but... Aye. But they didn't learn his first name i tell you one thing his fans are thick oh you're so funny so like i think everybody that's listening to this and watching this is on like they're on here they know what you're doing

to this will know because it's so obvious when people haven't listened. Right, so just for the record, we'll put this on wax. You're not a gynecologist. I am not and never have been an obstetrician. Obstetrician. Yeah. You don't believe in God. Not a Christian. If anything, I am what's known as an anti-theist.

Well, go on. I don't want there to be a God. So an atheist doesn't believe in God. I don't want there to be a God. You're like rooting against it. I don't want it to be a God So an atheist doesn't believe in God I don't want there to be a God You're like rooting against it I don't want it to be a real thing It's ridiculous, it's stupid What is your religion

You don't want there to be a God But do you think there's something That's beyond us No Do you think we've got the understanding of everything I don't think we have the understanding of everything. We're just in this chaos. We're just as important as ants.

Yeah. We're important to ourselves, but we're not important in a universal context. So I'm not an obstetrician. Don't believe in God. Not a Christian. Never helped a woman give birth. Do you mean swearing? Love swearing. You love swearing you mean swearing? Love swearing.

You love swearing. You're quite fond of swearing. Yeah. So now I'm going to ask everybody to just pause the podcast for a second and go on any, like any? You've done all of them, haven't you? I miss a few because it gets a bit tedious. Some of the people who know it's a joke will say,

oh, this is him just doing a joke. Yeah. Ignore him. And you're like, don't ruin it but they're also they're also nodding on the joke like these guys are they haven't they haven't heard that it's happening because they know not even to like your comment yeah so it's the people who figured you out that are saying that not the people that have killed you yeah so um go and have a look on any um clip where me and daniel are chatting on the podcast and we just put out like a 90 second clip or whatever

and watch Dave Longley just complain about the swearing, about like what behaviour, what attitudes, and then just back and forth. Like it fucking entertains me. The last one you did was like 68 comments back and forth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You spend your day on it. Yeah.

It does get a bit, it gets so addictive though. There was a Scottish guy on the last one. Oh, I saw that. Yeah. Yeah, you were slagging off his country. Slagging off his country. Oh, have a good day. Have a good day.

Should I read some? If you want, there's no point. No, they can go and have a look. But what I've found is that anything that's written down people will believe it 90 of the time yeah so i just so there's literally there was i got rid of them but there was clips of me doing stand-up dubbing over roy chubby brown there's that one as well yeah yeah but also like i don't follow many people i follow you and i follow daniel you both follow me back like how fucking thick do you have to be yeah it's amazing yeah so people

haven't like they just haven't done a shallow dive they've looked on the bio which i've now changed but it used to say obstetrician christian um and they've looked at it and gone oh he's obviously an obstetrician and then yes the stand- looked at it and gone, oh, he's obviously an obstetrician. And then your stand-up clip, that was the first one to feign, was you muted your own audio and put Roy Chubby Brown's audio over the top of yours. Yeah, yeah.

But also, you might have to be a certain... Who we met. Oh, fuck yeah! We queued for a photo. I didn't get a photo with him yet, so I took it. Oh, yeah. That was Sheffield. Because I didn't get a photo with him. I took it. Oh, yeah. That was Sheffield.

Because he didn't have good numbers either, did he? He was in the big room. He was in the big room. We went in and the first joke we heard was A, racist, and B, didn't make sense. Yeah, it was about jumping up and down your mom or something. It was something, yeah, but the punchline was packy or something like that. And it didn't make sense yeah it was about jumping up and down your mom or something it was something yeah but the punchline was packy or something like that and it didn't make any sense and i just remember looking at you and we're like what and people are laughing because you just like said

the words that you're not allowed to say anymore it's so funny i got a phone call off me uh off my friend who i just did his house in liverpool i don't know if you know Ricketts, but anyway, that's who I'm talking about. So he was on about like, he's a little bit fallen into that trap of like, oh, you can't say anything anymore. I had this argument last night. Sorry, carry on. Did you?

And he was on about like, little Britain would never get away with what they get away with now. And it's just the same kind of tropes that they go into at a certain age. Like, oh, I age, right? Guys, you can't do that. And I age yeah right guys will go you can't do that and i'm like i mean you can't say anything like have you listened to dave longley's podcast

which is what i was arguing about yeah he was like no i was like i was like man just fucking do yourself a favor i can't listen to dave longley's podcast and then get back to me saying you can't say anything anymore yeah you're right you rang us just knew before i got here i just can um are children too sexy are you fucking serious yeah that was what i was arguing last night so i was telling my my best mate who's helped me with the ai on the podcast so he's like helped me with the music and the voices and stuff oh so i wanted to ask you about that. The conversations that you have.

Obviously, I can tell some of them are like Gavin Webster, Barry Dodds, Eddie Who. They're not. That's the beauty of AI. They're not. Are you trolling me? I'm not trolling you. They're not. No, no.

Yeah, this is... That wasn't Gavin Webster talking about Raoul Mode. It was not Gavin Webster. You're right. I'm being trolled live on the podcast. You're not. Okay, pause the podcast right now and go and listen to Dave Longley's BBC Radio Derby.

What do you call it? What's the name of it? It's the Dave Longley Breakfast Show. Dave Longley Breakfast Show. The only person's voice you hear on there is mine and an AI of other people's voices. So you've put Eddie Who's voice? I put on my Patreon today, only £1.44 a month.

Why that number? Because I chose dollars. Okay. So it's a two dollar the two dollars and um i put up a nine minute ai review of my podcast and you would not know that those people don't exist except in an algorithm or a an ai simulation it's two people talking back and forth about my podcast. The guy who helps me with the AI stuff is a fucking wizard. I fell for AI then because I didn't,

I didn't know that was, it's like, I've even fallen for AI or fallen for Dave Longley's trolling live on the podcast. And both of them things are a sucker punch. It's unbelievable. I'm not joking. It's unbelievable what can be

done with ai so the people who listen to that today were just like a they've nailed the nature of the podcast and b it sounds like two people talking uh-huh and it's so he helps me with all that so going back to the original topic he um he was saying oh i think you need to be careful about what you're saying because some comedy clubs aren't going to book you. I was like, that's not a real thing. No. It doesn't happen. It doesn't exist.

When I was working during lockdown on a building site, this guy said to me, what do you do for a living? I was like, oh, I do stand-up comedy. He said, oh, you can't say anything anymore, can you? And I went, well, you can. No. He goes, you can't say anything anymore can you and i went well you can you can't and i said well the two biggest comedians in the world dave chapelle and ricky gervais have just done two specials back to back where they talk about trans people which is supposed to be the thing that you're not allowed to talk about and they are the most successful comedians in the world and he said yeah but you can't talk about anything now i said i've literally just given you two examples yeah it, it's mad, isn't it?

I don't know where people are getting it from. Is it because the mainstream media are being a little bit more careful with how much stuff they put on? And that's why TV's dying, is because they're just going, oh, right, that's going to offend people. We're not going to put that on TV. And TV's just getting more and more sanitized. But the fact is, you're not going to TV for your comedy anymore.

No. You do a live at the Apollo spot now, and you'll get four new Twitter followers or something but like you could pop on the internet off a clip and people do hate you in the comments that are fucking a day doesn't go by in my life where i'm not getting told i'm shit by somebody in the comments and uh so you will get the people that like don't want you saying the things that you're saying yeah yeah yeah but it doesn't stop you saying it you can absolutely say it i mean it's one of the episodes that i did with um with tom bins so i just set my gay alarm off

that's something you went after before oh i want to put a pause in that right uh i remember right 2013 i'm doing a show with Tom Binns, right? And it was me, Tom Binns, Dan Willis, Dave Haddingham, and Gordon Southern on a gig. Like, that was the pool of comedians. Okay. Very diverse. Best of British.

And it's on every day. And we're all backstage at the same spot every single day at the festival. And that was when it came out about Rolf Harris yeah being a wrongin and there was a on about like it was basically like a thing for who was gonna get the two little boys a joke and I was like oh was it boys and someone went no it was girls and then I was I just as a joke bad joke bad joke at least he's not gay right bad joke in the moment with comics pretty funny yeah right it died on tom bins and i was just like man joking and he just went and you still got the audacity to call the joke tom bins tom bins called us out for my essentially homophobic

joke about a pedo that was just meant to be like making me make it laugh. Yeah. Like the WhatsApp level chat that you would never do in public. Yeah. Right. And he took offense at it and turned out to have a fucking hard drive full of photos. You've got to play the role.

I fucking offended a nonce from your shit joke. How did you offend a nonce? But you've got to play the role haven't you i fucking offended an ounce from your shit joke how did you offend an ounce but you've got to play the role haven't you you can't for one second like you can't show any little weakness at all it's got to be straight in there i suppose it's like um like getting accused of infidelity or something you know how people call it gaslighting that oh he gaslit me no he didn't he just lied yeah he lied to try and get out of trouble which is what everybody does i think there's the gaslight element not like star like projecting it and accusing them of cheating well the gaslighting thing making them feel like they're on the fucking back foot yeah you you convince the other person that they're mental or that

they're insane or something but so lying like so i don't want to name the name but a comedian was accused of being abusive in a relationship. And you read the accusations and you're like, oh, he's just a shit boyfriend. He just lied. He's not trying to convince you you're insane. But I gigged with Binns on New Year's Eve, two weeks before he was sentenced or in court to be tried.

And he was always a bit of a dick. He wasn't always very personable. He could not have been better company really he was so sweet and was this when legs people knew what was happening nobody knew what was happening he was just fucking riding out these last couple of days i i found out from uh jack carroll jack carroll said have you seen this I then asked Toby Foster Who works at BBC Sheffield To confirm it And then it was just It was everywhere

And then he started defending himself to Elliot Steele Do you see that Elliot like done a tweet about him And he replied just going yeah because you were minging Or something because Elliot was like oh I've worked with this man When I was a child and then tom binns like in the in his death throes have been put down for being a pedo told elliot he wasn't attractive enough for him when he was a kid fucking hell this is not gay cut your losses thank god he's not gay jesus

he's he's at higher risk of aids if he's gay for a start. You know what I mean? I gave blood not long ago. They were going to be homophobic if I'd been getting rattled up the bum. Yeah, 12 months is. I had to lie my way through that format. Yeah, and I've been to Africa. Have you? Yeah.

I done an India trip and they brought up a map before i give blood and checked everywhere that i'd been just to make sure that it wasn't like in the red zone of you're not allowed to give blood if you've been there age region is that what it is it's region the liberty region of india i never went i never went to the age couple of india it turns out there was a bit where like there was like I'd done one either side of the AIDS region and asked how I travelled, and because I flew through the AIDS region, I was safe. Yeah, it doesn't transfer through the air.

Nah. It's like that movie Outbreak. Once it's airborne, you're fucked. Have you seen Outbreak? Airborne AIDS. Airborne, that would be awful, wouldn't it? I would wear a mask for that. Would you?

Yeah, I think I would. Kiss mask for that. Would you? Yeah, I think I would. Kissing men in the nightclub with your mask on. Just pull your mask down a bit so I can see your big, thick handlebar moustache. Just draw it.

Draw it on the, you've got the handlebar moustache at the top and bottom and then just draw the little, like, put the marker on. You can still see when you're kissing them and then they'll catch you airborne aids what were we on about so i

stopped you to talk about uh tom binns being offended by my joke clutching clutching his pills clutching his pills with an odd hard drive full of child porn what unreal unreal how is he out he's still out he's is he actually yeah yeah he didn't go to prison because was it like he didn't make because once you have it you're the manner in which he received it he's you're immediately found guilty of making it because making it is like you know if you copy and paste it you've made it when you say made it when you say made it it's not your guy you're the guy with a camera yeah and you're making it and they're like no no he's not directing it he's not a screenwriter yeah yeah he's not like in the room when it happened but you can't but when you say made it

yeah it's he copied it on from one file to another so my limited experience because I used to do child protection is Just for research. Mm-hmm. I was never in any profession. I just wanted to know more about it So, you know sort of your touch stuff. Just like how easy it is to get a CRB check. Yeah, that kind of thing It's like why I used to teach women self-defense used to teach them all the wrong stuff Bring up your left arm just block your left yeah left for left right for right this is the point where you accept your fate um so yeah if you so you can view stuff online so that's not making it but as soon as you download it the only reason you would download it to a hard drive is to distribute it that's the only reason so therefore you are making it so yeah and he had seven category a images that's not the worst one that's like you know that's

like the ian watkins it's like the marvel cinematic universe compared to compared to like right motherfucker yeah it's Infinity War. And he's just... And he's Tomahawk. So he's been indulgently selling that in his own time. Well, he says he wasn't. And then...

Oh, yeah, ADHD meds was his thing, wasn't it? ADHD medication made him do it. Which most comedians are on. Which are actually hard to get. Probably harder to get than child porn. You fucking have to join a two-year waiting list and and shit like that it's quicker to be diagnosed a pedo this is self-diagnosis people should have been there going how did you get the adhd meds what were they they sound really productive 150 000 images in one night garifu war had a bit i don't know if he ended up getting it working as a bit but like when we've

done some uh writing he was talking about how like when people have child porn it's never just a couple of images no it's never more than done it's always fucking terabytes of images yeah it's tens of thousands doug stanhope had a great routine and live from across the street is that never any credits on child pornography. Some people are just in it for the art. Yeah. Never rolling who shot it.

No ego on that side of Hollywood. No, no. I was at Stanhope. For Stanhope in Newcastle and I got a message off the barmaid apologising that I had to be associated with that show. Oh, God. Was it that bad?

Just saying, I was, no, he fucking smashed. Oh, right. He absolutely fucking crushed it. He was class. Well, I was at his first gig. Because obviously his fans are going to come to the show and they're going to know what they're coming to see. But the barmaid's just turning up for work you know she didn't buy a ticket take a punt yeah and see that thing she

just uh well that was the jerry sadowitz argument for a couple of fringes ago wasn't it because he kept getting his cock out but it wasn't really his cock but the staff weren't aware of that so they didn't want to be subjected to that which is fine i think that's fair if someone gets that cock out you need to look pretty close and just to make sure it is the cock before you complain. Yeah. Have a little taste of it. Just go in there.

And it's definitely tasted rubber that. Yeah. I mean, it may have just had a rubber on, take the rubber off. It's definitely a cock. But, uh,

I, I did, uh, I was at, I didn't perform. I was at Stan Oates, uh, debut UK, uh, perform. I was at Stan Oates debut UK tour. Where was it?

Manchester Comedy Store. Oh, nice. It was fucking years and years and years ago. And a comedian called Dave Bishop opened for him. Do you remember Dave Bishop? Nah, I know Des and Aidan Bishop. So Dangerous Dave Bishop, a comedian in Manchester. Okay. Dangerous? okay dangerous dangerous he called himself dangerous dave bishop and uh dave got stanhope over and dave opened for him and he went out and it was the last stand-up gig he said he ever did he quit after that and a mutual friend

bishop quit and a mutual friend asked why and he said because he got heckled so badly that night that he didn't think he could do stand-up anymore. So he was on stage and someone shouted, hold the mic properly. We can't hear you. So then he was like, oh, is this, is this, is this, hold the mic properly. Is this?

And then someone said, someone shouted... Yeah, I'd be like, oh, getting a bit of feedback. A little bit of feedback out the way. And then someone shouted, dance, fucking dance, you monkey,

dance, dance. And then. Okay, right. Question. Is he white? No, yeah, he's white. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know why that's relevant. I just think maybe his lann that is heckler that would make me stop comedy trying to provide at the Tim and for these white people any longer dance jump do some sprinting and then and then someone shot get your ass out and he eventually got his ass out and he said he felt really embarrassed about it. So he was telling all this to this other comic. And this other comic was telling me. And I went, yeah, that was me.

Was it actually? It was me who was heckling him. You were in the audience at the time where you were stand-up? A couple of years in. So you did a couple of gigs? Yeah. So you were like a real life troll? Ruined him.

You fucking end the dangerous day of bishop's career by telling him dance yeah i said get your fucking ass out and he got his ass out and i'm like uh you can't do stand-up this is atrocious i've never i've never heckled any of you pals i don't think from stage but i did feed carl spain heckles for matt reed but I did feed Carl Spade heckles for Matt Reed at the back of Late and Live because I'd been gigging with Matt Reed loads so I just knew

he was set and every time he was doing a bit I was trying to think what the end of it is and then just whispering to Carl Spade and then Carl Spade would shout okay medieval prince just whatever punchline was coming I was like alright I think I know this one I think I know this one then tell him the punchline one. Then tell them the punchline, need to shout it out.

And Matt Reid had no idea it was me and Carl Steyn. Fucking no idea. I had a really rough time. And then at the end just went, oh, well, Johnny Awesome's on next. You can just, I don't know, sing along and dance and have a nice time. I left the stage.

I felt bad about it. i didn't feel good i thought i thought i felt like at the back of the room at late live everybody quite drunk while creating a bit of a late live experience but matt reed didn't enjoy the gig so i feel bad fucking my phone's going mental what's happening is that yeah is it important oh it's my life get Get fucked. Nice chat name. Yeah. The last time I died was at Late in Life. That was my last death. That must have been a little while ago. Was that pre-lockdown? 2016.

2016. 2016. Went on after Jared Christmas, who'd got big laughs at two in the morning about Kit Kats. Aye. So I probably. That's a skill. Probably should have read the room, I thought it's late in life Let's fucking do this

Went on Do you think you were going to pump them full of something I thought I was going to go dark and they'd love it And this is what it's all about You can do that when you're going on late in life for a fight And they're just sleepy That's exactly what happened They did not like it one bit

And The joke that got them really annoyed was um about i said uh there was a a protest i was talking about the power of women and women managed to bring this pedophile to justice and they got all the evidence and they took him to court and on the day of the sentencing they were all outside court with signs saying justice at last and i said the most amazing thing about the protest was that they took their kids there and that's women can't resist an opportunity to cock teas and they just went no no no not for us there's that again we're drunk and sleepy and a bit feral but we're also arty students yeah they're all in edinburgh where it's expensive to live

we're middle-class posh like posh arty people they were like they all had a air of history and money yeah so then they started booing and screaming get off get off get off get off and i got the mic and i put the mic down i put the mic in the stand and i said i'm going nowhere and not one of you will do a thing about it because i had my time to do and then proceeded to do just worse and worse stuff shitting in people's mouths child rape everything and did anyone get on board at that point nobody see what you were doing nobody Was that like comedians starting to gather in the door? No, didn't see anything. Not even like a bunch?

Because normally, like, if you feel a bit of that going on, whoever else is on, like, you'd be back there. You know, there's always a couple of comics that aren't even on the bill just enjoying the free booze. Just like, and you normally just start seeing heads. Yeah. Start seeing heads appear at the door. No, there was none of that.

There was no camaraderie, nothing. i didn't feel like i got any support and then i said then i got my phone out and i filmed the last minute and i was just filming them and and then i goes uh 10 more seconds and they gave me a countdown and then i said i hope they all die on the way home that was my last death but they did what do you like is is it for you because i hate it when comics like think they've had a death when they didn't get a death, when they didn't get the laughs they wanted and the say that they've died. Oh,

then that was shit. I'm like, Oh no, man, you've got to, no, no, that's not a death.

That's a tough gig. Yeah. That's a tough gig. Like you fucking, whatever. I walked away with a draw kind of. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. A death is the crowd turn. It's so obvious what a death is. It's so obvious. People will walk out. They'll, they, yeah. A death is... The crowd turn. It's so obvious what a death is. It's so obvious. People will walk out. They get angry. I think it's the only kind of live entertainment where if something's shit, they get angry.

If there's a shit guitar player, you just don't listen. Yeah, just start chatting amongst yourselves. But something about comedy just makes people go, who the fuck does that guy think he is? Or girl, more often. So you've got this silent death. Yeah. Consider that the zero, like people feeling awkward looking.

You've got nothing to play with. I was at a Tom Horton death where 10 minutes in he was getting nothing and he got his guitar and he asked this woman for a subject and she just went, no. Oh, wow. And did he do a song about the word no? I was the only one laughing. I've never seen anyone sweat so much.

I mean, he sweats a lot anyway, but. Where was the gig? Nottingham Jonglers. So it doesn't count. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't count. Silence would probably be nice in Nottingham Jonglers because the deaths are hard, multiple deaths in Nottingham Jonglers,

usually Christmas gigs. Was nobody listening just conversations like they're all like like you're just walking into just like a rowdy busy bar and trying to be get their attention in the door on any of it so they're just talking louder than you yeah even though you've got a mic they're just having the conversation so like a bit of a bit of silence in that gig as a deaf would be at least you're not fucking listening at least you're giving me a chance to get out of this you're not talking amongst yourselves you actually are a discerning audience who decided this is not for you so i'd say that's the three types the absolute silence which is occasionally like you'd get like the odd titter

at the beginning because some people will not want the death to happen so they'll resist the death and like tit i laugh but then even they'll run out of steam. Yeah. Right. So you've got the silence laugh. You've got the not even paying attention laugh, which is usually to do with the setup of the room. Yeah.

And then you've got the death, which you're talking about where they turn on you. Oh. And that's the like category A. That's the category A death. That's the death you want. Yeah. Oh, this is the death I want.

I want them to turn. I want there to be an air of, because after the set, someone said, do you want to walk out the back? And I was like, no. I'm fucking walking through these cunts. Fucking bring it on. I face them. Just nothing happened.

But like, I don't know, man. There's something about that. I don't want it to happen again. And I've tried very hard for it not to happen again. And it hasn't happened. there's something about that I don't want it to happen again and I've tried very hard for it not to happen again and it hasn't happened there's always tonight but

the silent one is the worst fuck that yeah there's nothing to work with that's the one where time stands still you can't like time stops when it's silent

yeah because you start thinking about like throwing the kitchen sink at it you'll try a bit of crowd work and you'll pop in and anyway, after a punchline. Anyway. What else can I tell you about myself? Yeah, you'll start putting really obvious ticks in like that.

Yeah. That sounds a little bit different, the pedo alarm from earlier. That's a slightly different alarm I'm picking up on. Sexism that's a sexism alarm it's not my took a little while to get off that yeah yeah it's a bit needs updating that system but the yeah that that uh yeah that silent death there's nothing you can do i did i did it years and years ago where i was getting that death and this woman just went can you you sing? No. No, I can't. I've never wished I could sing more, but I can't sing.

And she just was desperate for... Can you entertain us in an alternative way? Just change gears completely. Do a fucking magic trick, man. It's with the comedy. It's not working. These words don't mean anything to me. Yeah.

But the... I was at a death a few... Let's pop that door shut. I don't think the makes are picking it up, but it's just a bit off-putting for us, isn't it? There was a death a few months ago at Manchester Store. Where? That's there, isn't it?

The Manchester Store at the... Beer Keller. The Beer Keller. So who was it? Are you going to... Nah. Nah? I don't feel right.

Tom Horton you'll happily throw under the bus. Well, because he's doing really well and successful and handsome. So you don't mind making him sweaty when he's bombing? No, he's fine. When you paint the picture. He's come over that. But you don't want to make this person a really sweaty bomber. They've been doing it way too long for a death to happen the way it did.

Uh-huh. Way too long. Oh, really? Yeah. Like they should have had the tools in the van. The gig was there. Uh-huh. too long oh really yeah like they should have the tools in the van the gig was there uh-huh okay so it wasn't even a bad gig and they fucked it did they they just fucked it so the the big mistake he made was he went on and he did a call back to a joke that the audience had heard 45 minutes ago that they had to think about for too long to get any

momentum so we opened with that joke. It didn't land. They're spending a few seconds thinking it doesn't get a laugh. He goes to the next joke. They're still thinking about the other joke. So they're not concentrating on this joke. He lands the punchline. They have not paid attention.

None of it makes sense. He's a minute in and they all think he's an amateur. So he's just fumbled his way through the start of his set. Yeah. And then after five minutes so then it gets worse and worse but then what you would do right is you just fucking fast track one of your bankers to the front of your set wouldn't you you'd reset the gig you'd reset you'd reset the gig you'd go into something that you're going oh this is fucking surefire

yeah i didn't i didn't get them on board but i I'm just going to fucking do this bit now, which is normally a safe bit. Yeah. Yeah. And he did not. And after five minutes, the audience had had enough. There was 15 minutes left. And the rest of his set. Closing.

No, middle. No. Was high energy. So he could not half-ass the jokes. So he's got to sell everything. And no one's, no one. Yeah. So he gets off.

I go back on because I'm. That's really hard if you can't just use your natural voice and then go up another and bring them back up. You know, like. He's got to give it everything. Yeah, you've got to throw yourself at it. Yeah. So I go on and I say, ladies and gentlemen, that was blah, blah. Doesn't always go our way. No act is booked because they're rubbish they're all back booked because they're

funny but sometimes it doesn't work but i think we'll all agree that none of us could have handled that with such dignity as he just did it takes a lot of balls to come up here and it takes even more balls to cope with that big round of applause for blah blah and the audience were like oh yeah okay yeah that's that's yeah okay he fucking ran back on which you already know is like don't do that yeah yeah get the fuck out of there man yeah and he ran back on and he screamed thank you very much hands waving in the air and then he says if you need to see more of me and I was like oh no and he looked like

a crazy person and he will not be going back to that venue ever again nah that's a dud because the top guy the top guy was there

oh that was it witnessed a lot wow fuming and is he a regular at the store eh not really nah

no there's no goodwill there it was more of like a trial yeah okay that's bad news for them isn't it it's a shame

and he's good he's dependable but he just fucked just fucked it that's really nice you to do that when you went on because it is hard

as an MC to go on after somebody who's like stunk the room out yeah because you know you can unionise the crowd

overthrowing them under the bus yeah but you've got to unionize the crowd overthrowing them under the bus yeah but you've got to you've got to pull the curtain back a little bit and go yeah sometimes that happens

there was one way it was it was the you know how they'll have an open spot on the weekend at the stand that's like before the main support

yeah so middle section yeah first after the interval there's already been an opening act so it's like it's a nice little

sweet spot there there's this guy went on and he had like his nose sellotaped of his face and he had like a bunch of fucking weird shit going on

like whatever yeah it was clearly a character act but nobody quite got what like character he was like trying to do

and then he got a water pistol out and started like squirting the girl in the front row with a water pistol he was on a night out and now her makeup's

fucking wet right so he's just like he's starting like the crowd are starting to get like annoyed now and i was like i'm sure when harry hill started there was probably a lot of like looking at the stage going what the fuck's happening here yeah i'm sure like he was weird as fuck yeah to every audience until it locked in and everybody knew what he was trying to do yeah and then he become harry hill yeah so if you're gonna take that route you're gonna have to take them knocks but it was when he started spraying people in the front row what a pistols

and shit that the crowd started turn and then em because there was like a like a bit in the middle before the next act Jojo's Joe Joe Caulfield was to say I can't bring that I don't bring the next time on now like what do we do now like i tell you what just like have a minute to chat amongst yourselves you should just step aside and just let them converse about what just happened that's a great idea and then uh and then i back referenced it when i went when i went on at the end i back referenced about like you think that was awkward for you guys we've had to be backstage with them this whole time he's like and then i pointed at the back the uh the stand fucking thing i was like that's the closest he came to

pulling the trigger and it just really unionized the gig that like jojo mentioned it uh sorry joe mentioned it then i mentioned it like it was and we were nice to him backstage and we're just like now we're doing that for the sake of the gig yeah yeah it's not personal we all know we've all fucking been there where this bit that normally makes people laugh is not working something's gone wrong but the big laughs coming from like where were a few guys where were a few right now so that was nice because i think what you did is the right thing to do it might not be the best thing for the gig but i think it's the ethically correct thing to do. It's not humiliating. I didn't get the next act on. I then did like five minutes, got it back on track and all that.

And then the final act ripped it. But yeah, that fucking feeling. Again, it's not happened for ages. Come close like where it's gone. I opened in Preston by saying, oh, you guys seemed lovely last night. Just retards. And they went, what? And I was like, oh, you guys seemed lovely last night. Just retards. And they went, what?

And I was like, oh, no. Why did I say that? These aren't my friends. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. And then spent 10 minutes fucking clawing it back. Told them, oh, I used to work in care. Don't worry. I know all the proper terminology.

Shit, shit, shit. Why did I say retards? It's the worst. I saw such a funny clip from um is a quantum leap where like he ends up in somebody else's body i'm retarded and he just goes i'm retarded and then the door swings over and it's like really ominous music it's a down syndrome boy and it's the ominous music oh no oh god i hope i could leap the uh yeah the the again that my where i got my qualification from when i worked in uh care it was developed from a place called the organization for mental retardation

and developmental disability and uh i was talking to matt reese the other week and he says do you say retard on stage and i go yeah quite a lot, depending on where I am. And he says, I've seen audiences really push back against that recently. And I'm like, oh, what a bunch of retards. It's just the way it was adopted as a word. So it's one of them things where it might not have had the same impact or the same intent or anything back then, but now

there's a bit more like attached of it isn't that so you're using it as a fucking hair maker rather than i think it depends so like i've i've had bits and so i would never open with it that's ridiculous it's too difficult and but if if an audience is on side and they know where you're coming from and they know what it's about you can kind of get away with anything. As long as, like, they're involved. And as long as they know it's the right side of things. So I've had that loads with my podcast where I get messages going, like, I love it because I know what you're trying to do. And I get it.

And you're like, right, good. So we can get away. We can carry on then. No one has to worry about it. It's like meeting up with, like, I met one of my old school friends the other week. And one's Indian, one's black, one one's white and i'm the other white guy and we all know each other known each other for fucking ages so it's just all bets are off everyone knows where everybody stands and it's all fine um it's trying to take that dynamic on stage so people feel relaxed yeah

because there's a couple of guys in therelythe, like Vietnamese lad and Indian lad, and they're always just getting banned off Facebook for being racist to each other. Yeah. They'll always be serving their 30 days for the shit they say about each other. Every racist joke I get is sent to me by an ethnic minority. Everyone who sends me a racist joke is always an Indian lad

who's always a black lad. But it doesn't wash. I just want to get back to something that will let go off before when you're telling us about it being ai doing all the voices how come you got tom bins to sound like eddie rather than tom bins no tom bins was me was it yeah i'm i was very very definite on that because i wanted nobody to think that i'd actually got tom bins on so i didn't that's the one i didn't change my voice for at all. Huh?

Why did I think you got, why did I think you got any for that? I don't know. Has Eddie done any of them? No. Cause there's so many bits where he's going, do you know, do you know what,

does that make sense? Well, it goes, does that make sense? Yeah. That's what he, that's like one of his mannerisms I feel. But what you got to remember is I've got 160 episodes of him talking right so you feed that into an ai so do you get the ai

and you converse back to the ai yeah so it's reacting to what you're saying no no no no no so so like the like the notebook conversation which i'll send you and I'll give you an idea of what I mean, is that you can put certain things in and it will generate a conversation and it's a two-way conversation. And all I do is take like a load. That's why it's so much work. I have to take a load of a conversation and strip it down so that I can make a conversation out of it. Right. It's much easier when it's just me talking to me. Right.

Because I can script it and I can know what I'm going to say. When it's an AI, it's different because they're going to come out with something that's a bit different. So Tom Binns wasn't AI. Tom Binns was me. And the guy in Benidorm wasn't Barry Dodds. No. And the Raoul Mote guy wasn't Gavin Webster. No.

And I'm not an idiot for falling for this. No. Okay. What's real which again is the point like i don't want anyone to know what's real all i want is for people to get to the end and go what the fuck was that uh-huh that's all i want i mean that's what's happening that was yeah yeah yeah it's great and it's brilliant like we've been absolutely howling like we're fucking talking about it in WhatsApp groups. I'm a bit behind on it, actually. I've done about four episodes.

I've still got loads to listen to. Episode six was the one where I thought, this is where I find out if I'm okay. Is that the Tom Binns one? No. Because I did jump ahead to watch that one. That was out of sequence. I watched that out of sequence.

I can't remember which one the Tom Bin can't remember because i'm playing catch-up because originally i recorded six uh-huh to sort of give me a bit of breathing room yeah you know what that's like i just left it until the last minute and now it's like oh shit i gotta do it so i haven't got time to think about it i just do it um but number six is the one um called ghosts witches and psychics and that's the one where i was like if anyone's gonna complain it's this one right and that's out now and that's out yeah i'm on 11 so a couple of things uh how are you getting away with seeing your bbc radio derby i don't know you get he had a cease and desist yet no no no comment at all i consulted um some legal advice and essentially nobody will believe that i am on bbc radio derby it's so obvious that you're not bbc radio derby

the first the first time you listen to the travel bbc radio that's from the 1980s you got a jingle yeah that's from the 1980s is that ai or is that just no that's that's the actual bbc that's bbc radio derby from the late 80s okay so that's that's one lawsuit you're gonna be on more charges man city then jerk mate if may have something to say but that would be quite funny getting a legal you can collab with jerk mate you you sloss and humphries can collab with jerk rate you can go on jerk mate website and you can click on collaboration okay jerk mate won't have an issue so they're just like if you want to push us push us yep that's just like if i if i just decide now to start

telling everybody like fucking buying apple iphone yeah but like if i use the apple advert now that would be a different thing. I don't know. I don't know how any of it works. My general position is ask for forgiveness, not permission. I'm not a rapist, say that. Yeah.

Well, I am a rapist. Oh, no. This podcast will haunt me if you turn out to be a bad guy. Yeah, if I do actually. You fucking fuck. Man. He was arrested for rape.

He fucking told us. He was like, was there any red flags? Yes. There's a massive red flag. There's a red flag. There's an admission of guilt. Yeah, so when I spoke to the solicitor about the Radio Derby thing, he just said, I think it'll be fine.

Yeah? Who was the solicitor? Just something drunk. Ty's just loose. He's clocked off. It's five o'clock. Because it's not like misrepresentation. Because it's like using, I'm trying to think what it's like.

It's like using Mozart. There's no copyright on Mozart, so you can just use it. Aye, but Mozart's been like, what, 1700s or something? I don't know. I don't know anybody who has, but BBC's like a current organisation. Yeah, that I'm not working for. Yeah. But also, as the episodes progress,

it will become quite obvious why I've chosen bbc radio derby oh you've got like a through lock there's a fucking actual narrative what people are listening to is a sitcom is it don't realize is it um is it a big black cock pun it's not it should be you're fond of them i am very very very fond you're very fun a screen captain name BBC on the BBC Pornhub titles and then putting a new story to it like somebody's upset that their relations went up some of my finest work on you got a reams and reams of that yeah is it catalogues can they find that as it's yeah that's all I left that all on my Instagram so they're all the lift in and all the jiu-jitsu and

just left comedy stuff on there So there's not much You've took the lifting off? Took most of the lifting off Why? I think I took all of it off Just got bored of it I get bored

Do you still lift though? Yeah Yeah What are you picking up at the minute? Deadlift 280 That's fucking Just for one

That's unrealistic that Just got gotta work out Oh I've 160's where I put Every time I That was the You know just before lockdown

I'd worked really hard Getting up to 160 Which is solid And I was happy with it Because it was twice my body weight At the time Yeah And then they shut the gyms

And I was like I'm gonna have to come back to that Are you ready to do a Make check Sorry about that Just had to do a Quick check? Sorry about that. Just had to do a quick sound check on the mic. For the show tonight, what were we talking about?

The deadlifts. Yeah, closing the gyms. That fucked me up big time. Fuck loads of people up. That's why I ended up training people, because people would come around my garage and lift. Because you work hard to get to a point, and the goal-driven mentality of it and the incremental gains like you don't realize how much your mental

health's attached to that when you're doing it oh god yeah and then to pull that infrastructure away from you like the your self-care almost like it was planned uh and there it was the closing the libraries and the gyms and just going all right so that's that's how we know the country's run by fat, stupid people. And they don't see any of those things as essential. Yeah. People want to,

you know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it'll be fine so that's is there anything else the content wise

nobody's not going to stop booking you for gigs unless I talk about it on stage but all of the feedback from comedians and promoters has been just blown away everyone's just I think you should actually

be the case study of like what is it you want to say if you say you can't say anything you can joke about anything what is it you're trying

to get away with saying well look at South Park it's been around for how long and it does everything yeah did they not used to give the

episode to the broadcaster an hour before it was due to air so they could watch it and go we can't put that up and then they go well don't then you're going to get more complaints for not putting it up that was one of their strategies but also they they developed the technology so that they could make an episode in three days so they could leave it till the very very last minute did they

used to used to did they used to move cardboard around there was those that was the first episode is that is that how basic it was when they started yeah which is amazing fucking class because they were so good the first the first ever ones felt really groundbreaking well i was talking about this with my mate about when the movie came out we were like oh that's it it's over because the movie felt like an end kenny talked, he went to heaven. And we're like, what a great way to end it. That was season three. We're on 25, 26? It's still going now. I don't think they've dropped their standards, any.

It's just too good. It's so good. It just gets funnier. And like every time something happens, you're like, I want to see what South Park have to say about it. Yeah, yeah. It's hugely influential. And again, like you can't say anything.

They do it all the time. Yeah. I'm really, really looking forward to seeing what Rockstar Games do with Grand Theft Auto 6. Yeah. Because that's always caused problems in society with, like, blaming it on violence and shooting and shit like that. They've always hung shit on that. But they've never seemed to give a fuck nor should they it's the biggest entertainment

uh grossing entertainment product in history two days a billion dollars the biggest problem they're going to have for six is like how they're going to distribute it yeah i mean surely if you can just download it it'll just wake up and it'll be on your... How big are the servers going to be? It's going to be so complex. They're just going to crash. You know what servers are like. They just crash if they're overwhelmed. Everyone downloading it at exactly the same time.

Millions and millions of people. Yeah. Yeah, it's going to be fucking amazing. Yeah, I think I'm going to have to schedule some time off around about that time. When's it due out? It's next year, isn't it? I think it was next January, but I imagine it's being pushed back again.

Because they're not going to do what happened with Cyberpunk, where they go, right, we've got this big marketing strategy. We're putting it out then. And then all the fucking stressed out programmers are like, it's fucking not ready yet. It's glitchy as hell. And they're like, yeah, but we've got the marketing strategy. Put it out.

And then it turned out to fucking flop because it was too shit to play. And then now they've fixed it no one cares about it it's a fucking great game how you played it no no no it's fucking class it's fixed right but it just flopped because it was glitchy when it released i think rockstar by the looks of it are just gonna go it's fucking ready when it's ready like you wait until we say it's ready they can wait they've got billions in the bank billions and billions so fuck it wait make it good yeah i can't wait but yeah again you can't say anything watch them they're about to do it although someone said i should pitch a radio show to rockstar as one of the stations oh that would be good yeah so i might do that i might send them him an email. Give me, what, that'd give me an hour long.

So let's say a year and 50 episodes. It's a Scottish company, isn't it? Yeah, it's based in Edinburgh. Yeah. You're bound to have an in for that. You're bound to have an ear at Rockstar Games somewhere. Somebody. Someone.

Right, okay. If anyone's out there. Reach out. It's funny what people come through with reach out somebody might just be pals with somebody that has a job

at Rockstar Games that knows the right guy like be the matchmaker and get Dave Longley and touch away a guy at Rockstar Games

I don't want any money and then he can be a radio station scratch that I want some money when we're driving along listening to Dave Longley Speaking to fucking

8-11-10-0-Z-I Fucking bewildered as that I'm still shocked I fucking thought I'd pinned every person Yeah Did you run Gavin Webster's voice through it To make it jody? I didn't do any of it

My mate did it Did he? And was he trying to simulate Gavin Webster? Or through it to make it Geordie. I didn't do any of it. My mate did it. Did he? And was he trying to simulate Gavin Webster? Or was it just by chance? He must have done. He must have done. Yeah, he must have done. Because he lived in Newcastle.

He went to university in Newcastle. Yeah. So he knows Geordie voices. But they're both Geordies, but slightly different. Mm-hmm. But yeah, someone... Because he's got a very distinct voice as well, Gavin. Who, Gavin?

Yeah, it's not like it's not like you couldn't just have put like main or john fowler girls or jason cooks or someone like chris ramses like his is so distinct from but he's also got because of his podcast he's got tons of his self out there so that's what the algorithm does that's what ai does is it essentially steals things so the theme music for fgm of the week on the podcast you're gonna have to find out for yourself what that is i've got i've got 12 different versions of it can i have to give it seven stitches but all my mate put in was the parameters for fGM of the week. And he was the one who created the company Beast and Orthotics to sponsor it. And AI did the rest. What is Beast and Orthotics?

It's completely made up. It doesn't exist. Yeah. What does Orthotics mean? Stuff to help your feet if you're walking. That's why it says just because you've got flat feet does not mean that your feet should feel flat walking. That's why the guy says, just because you've got flat feet does not mean that your feet should feel flat. And that's a fact.

So the meta joke is that a breakfast show would have FGM of the week. Then you've got the further joke that a company decided that they would sponsor FGM. So then you've got the joke as well that they are so happy sponsoring it that they'll give you 20% off if you mention it. So there's so many jokes wrapped in it, but his idea was beast and i thought it wasn't my idea he put that into the ai

the ai generated 10 different songs for fgm of the week and that's the one i picked because it's quite jolly yeah it goes and it turns out that the staff at birmingham glee hum it do they yeah that's great i was blown away when they told me that yeah they said that when there's a customer who's a bit difficult because they can't say anything to the customer they just start going the home of female genital mutilation you should uh fucking amazing it should happen as you walk out yeah it's just walking it should walk on stage oh so going back to that so yeah so the way that creates the music is it steals from all the other music that's ever been created so you just put in cheesy radio and it will create you 10 or 12 or 20

different themes and um so he puts in geordie stand-up comedian talking the one that's on the online the most will be whoever's got the most podcasts yeah so there you go that's how he did it feel a little bit overlooked there it's nothing to do with me how did the ai not uh find sloss and humphries on the road two episodes a week since 2016 maybe your accent is part of that voice and do you think so maybe every time uh milo does a jolly on stage it's we made soppit i don't know if you've ever met soppit the squatty lad it's quite a distinct probably maybe it's got quite a distinct like angry jolly accent and he always slides into that and it's always it's always soppit yeah it's really funny because it's like he nails it.

It's like watching Soppet do stand-up. I asked Milo if he wanted to do anything on it and he said, absolutely not. That's a good guy. He's getting contracts to make fucking PGA Golf and Formula One. Do you want to do FGM of the week? You're going to put your entire career

on the line can you plug it on your socials I did message him that I said I think it would be a good idea if you did it well I think

I think the best way for comics to plug you on their socials is to just do what me and Danny did and pretend that we don't listen to it like we listen to it

so you don't have to oh it's just yeah it was just dead nice if Milo's like absolutely do not listen to this then what's he saying to oh it's just yeah if milo's like absolutely do not listen to this then and what's he saying yeah but again i've opened for milo on his tour shows and i just don't do that kind of material yeah i keep it really nice and pleasant and my job that night is to

warm everybody up for him it's nothing to do with me uh and it's the same tonight it's nothing to do with me i try and when i open for brag i make sure none of that's done but the whole point of it is like i've got this opportunity to be completely free and it's all on me so why not just do it just go for it make yourself laugh like if you listen to ad nauseum derrick and clive it's fucking amazing is it peter cook and dudley moore from early 80s i think or late 70s it's unbelievable and it's so good and it's it's essentially a podcast but it was done before podcasts exist it's just those two in the studio going back and forth great and it's unreal yeah because I think there's a difference so like there's the stuff that you're saying that's like you have been fucking tongue firmly lodged in your

cheek yeah yeah I can intellectually defend all of it but then there's there's some shit i was listening to from like opiate anthony where i was just like oh you guys are bad men yeah like you're not really a boring guy is that like i feel like women are safe around yeah but i was chatting about it on the way in with um with brag and i was just like i can intellectually defend so i've written one this week where i'm talking about how great britain is and uh but also talking about patriotism and how that leads into a certain kind of exceptionalism which breeds a bit of racism and that's what nationalism can end up being so i cover it all and i can intellectually defend it but the end of the day the punch line is going to be unfortunately something that's a little bit tongue-in-cheek racist.

Yeah, and it's usually said by the opinion cow who you just have to agree to disagree with. The opinion cow's our own thing. She's a law to herself. I love the opinion cow, because you're being the voice of reason. You've got to hold her to account. You're always holding her to account, and then at the end, just exasperate,

like we're going to have to agree to disagree. Yeah, have to agree to disagree. But that's cows. They're all anti-Semitic. Yeah, have to agree to disagree. But that's cows. They're all anti-Semitic. Yeah, that one is for sure. I don't know. Jewish people wouldn't eat. I found out in adult life that they won't eat the animal and the milk.

You can't have a latte. I was at a Jewish cafe in London and I ordered a latte and a burger. Which is a weird combo. You can't have beef with milk. Jewish people can eat beef? You mean Hindus?

No, I mean they don't do the two things together. Oh. You can't have beef and milk. Which is a strange order anyway, a latte and a fucking burger. Something along those lines, bud. So they't have beef and milk, which is a strange order anyway, that here in a fucking burger. It was something like them lines, bud. So they can have beef. Uh-huh. They can have milk.

Can't have beef and milk. Yeah. And if I'm making this up, it's because a cafe denied us it. And then Natalie told me that's why. Was she trying to calm you you down i thought you should know this how do you not know that don't kick off about this i want a burger and i want a latte what is the fucking problem it's a religious thing oh and it's because i'm there with my

muslim wife i'm not serving you they just weren't they just weren't the same as yeah that's uh that's so that's you didn't know about that? No, I've never heard that. Yeah. All my friends are Indian. I know about, like, you can't eat certain things on Tuesday and you've got to be a bit holy and all this sort of thing. I think it's the animal and the thing of the animal. I wonder if there's anything else of the animal that we eat.

I guess cheese. So you couldn't have a cheese burger. Maybe it was that I was ordering. Maybe it was, like like cheese on me burger where were you eating it was in where's Sherlock Holmes from again

oh oh Baker Street yeah Baker Street what and I wasn't allowed it was

it was something to do with like that would have been it I wouldn't have been having a latte and a burger I would have been trying to have cheese on my burger or something.

That's insane. Natalie was like, you're not allowed the thing off the cow. But then now I'm starting to really doubt it. I don't know what's real anymore after AI fucking bombshell, which I keep going back to. So I'm not going to assume that I know the facts of life because the one situation in my life pointed that direction.

Right, yeah. But that's that's the world i lived in up until now ai is unreal what it can do i literally so so you haven't caught up yet but i've got a quiz show theme and i just put in quiz show cheesy bang 10 songs yeah 10 what do you use what do you what What do you use? I used quite a few For the interview between the two AI people again, my friend did it. I'm saying me he did it because I don't know what I'm doing but he used a notebook by Google and Honestly listening to the two people talking. Do you know what? I might just just

Finish it Yeah, because they weren't they're gonna want to let the crowd in which means play music I might just just as a just as a finisher the door's heat open now so let's wrap this up yeah because they're going to want to let the crowd in which means playing music but the crowd going in oh no

that's not the one I know they've started the music I don't think it's going to go on the podcast what are you wrapping up with here so this is two people talking

about the Dave Longley breakfast show oh I might not even get a signal oh here we are alright buckle up because today we're diving head first into the utterly bonkers world of the Dave Longley Breakfast Show. Oh, I might not even get a signal. Oh, here we are. All right, buckle up. Because today we're diving headfirst into the utterly bonkers world of the Dave Longley Breakfast Show.

Oh, this one is a doozy. We've got a YouTube video and a transcript. And let me tell you, it's like someone marinated a British morning radio show in pure absurdity. It's satire, but with a bite. Like a comedic hand grenade aimed right at society's soft spots. From the second it starts, it's pure chaos.

But the genius is how they use that chaos to actually make some pretty insightful points. It's like they took the most ridiculous parts of morning radio, the wacky news, the outlandish traffic, the even more outlandish callers, and amplified it tenfold and it works i mean who needs traffic reports when you can have escaped zoo animals on the m1 right it's so absurd but it also makes you think maybe our fascination with these little bits of chaos says something about us so sorry no that's that's good i just want to listen the rest of it does that go on what's it nine minutes oh wait okay yeah it's a conversation for nine minutes

and they start talking about the opinion cow fgm of the week the callers and you're listening to it going this is completely fabricated it's not two humans talking it's ai generated which is why it's so powerful which is why i give it all to him to do is this why is this the point where we tell the listeners that this is actually ai yeah we never lifted a finger and yeah we were just sat there coming up yeah backstage yeah the beard was just to hide the lip movement oh yeah you've got an instagram filter on all right dave uh thanks for coming on the podcast and if you want to find uh longlees it's the morning breakfast show

david dave longley breakfast show podcast platforms yeah live from the east midlands and uh patreon's 1 pound 44 because i chose dollars like a retard is that how many people come to um bilbo baggins's 11th first birthday 144 144 guests i think that's right yeah is that a gross I think that's right that's right I've just listened to that chapter Andy Serkis reads it

the audio book of Lord of the Rings I haven't read it for years I didn't like the film because they left out Tom Bombadil I heard that aye yeah

I mean I've seen I've seen the film but like I don't think I've read a Tom Bombadil chapter Tom Bombadil's like the most powerful creature in the whole is he in book one of Lord of the Rings Yeah, I mean I've seen I've seen the film but like yeah, I don't think I've read a Tom Bumperdell chapter I was like the most powerful creature in the whole is he is he in book one of yeah? Okay, so I've that's the one I've read. I've read the Fellowship of the Ring

Yeah, so I would have but that like as a kid. Yeah, I never read the you'll come across him. Yeah It's when they yeah Bilbo stumbles across him Not Bilbo Frodo Frodo Bilbo stumbles across him. Not Bilbo. Frodo. Frodo. But the Frodo went into the Ring of Power.

He's in the Ring of Power. Tom Bombadil. Oh, right. Okay. He's in season two. People aren't enjoying that but I'm watching it on mushrooms and it's really good.

I've been taking mushroom chocolates with my wife and watching. I didn't mind the first season. I thought it was fine. Yeah. Not great. It's fine.

It's not Game of Thrones but you know, what is. What is. So yeah, get on get on dave's podcast and then big shout out jr talking and watch lord of the rings word i think they need well