Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Louis Sea K Gull

Episode Date: January 10, 2024

The morning after the derby before Muggins returns with tales of an epic 24 hours eating chocolate mushies and laughing at mackems. They go digging into the logistics of how the infamous sunderalnd fan molested a seagull.  #13       Improve the contents of your fridge with delicious cider from our partner Thistly Cross using your 10% off discount code. Enjoy!   thistlycrosscider.co.uk   Discount Code: thistlysloss10

Sloss and Humphries on the road! Muggins and cream, creaming muggins, straight thuggin', living the dream That's our intro Fucking muggles! Tickling the clit inside your head that makes you laugh Woohoo! They said it can't be done! Are we in the same seats?

That's hack Ah, muggles! Accidental rim job in the park Kiss kiss kiss Or might just be cynical Just muggled it up on fucking Mugglepedia Where have you been since 9-11? I think I've just had the best 24 hours of my life Oh

Well you can start then From 9pm Friday night to 9pm Saturday night Yeah so you messaged It was fucking spectacular You messaged me on Friday Because you finally finished Oh wait a minute I'm not finished

So no spoilers I mean not finished so no spoilers I mean we wouldn't do spoilers anyway because we're on a podcast and that's rude the Wheel of Time third book not Wheel of Time not Wheel of Time at all Children of Time

Children of Time see the confusion it was actually Children of Memory which is the third book yeah I could not stop reading that because I thought I was going insane like what the fuck what kind of journey have I just because I thought I was going insane. Like, what the fuck?

What kind of journey have I just been on? Like, I was like... The timeline doesn't make sense. He does not hold your hand through any of that book. The chronology of it. The backstory keeps twisting and changing. And you're like, I thought you was met then. How did you come into the story in three different ways?

Like, did I read that wrong? Am I reading the same page twice? I've already read this bit. Like, is this happening again? Oh, wait a minute, it's slightly different. Yeah. Like, I didn't know who was real, who was alive, who was dead, who was insane.

Am I insane? Like, what a journey. It's a mindfuck of a book. And like the advice i gave to both my parents before they read it it's just hold on to this insanity it does make sense yeah yeah just be like completely like just stick with it any point that you're like i don't think i understand what's going on that's absolutely fine it took me finishing that book and then like two weeks after of just slowly processing it to go god man i really enjoyed that and the

more i think about it and the further i am away from it and like the further we are something the more of it you can see i'm like okay that was really well done i imagine it's exceptional on a second read yeah you know what since you know i was so baffled at why they were like intertwining like children's horror stories into it and stuff about witches and all that like i was so i was like this doesn't fit with the world at all the world that you've created over the span of three books this doesn't fit yeah and then like epiphany and fucking like 80 percent the way through the book epiphany and you got oh you're fucking genius it's a very beautifully genius it's a very it's a very beautiful ending to it i'll not say anymore yeah i'm glad i told you that i hadn't uh ended it because i'm like i

really loved the way the last two books ended and like if he if he sticks with that style which like i can't trust him to stick with that style because he's been through several styles throughout the course of this trilogy um so i on this trilogy, like 100% recommended. Adrian Tchaikovsky. Aye, Adrian Tchaikovsky, who is fucking English. Eh? Aye.

He writes good English. I should have guessed by his words. No, but man, I'm with you. When his name was Adrian Tchaikovsky, I'm like, oh, this is like a Russian author. Yeah, a Russian physicist who's just written Some fucking

Sci-fi novels We can talk about More books After your 24 hour day So I text you Saying like Fang fuck

I've just got like A bit of closure On that Because I'm about To dive into some Mushrooms And I didn't want Those horrors

Those fractious horrors Just swimming through my head Wild mushrooms That you'd picked No no no, no. I've found, I've found the golden ticket. It's in a chocolate bar,

would you believe it? Yeah. Mate, I found, I found these chocolates, this chocolatier that infuses mushrooms into the chocolate so you get these bars

and they're like fucking full. Just for clarification, magic mushrooms. I bought a pillow mushroom. Like I didn't want people to think that your New Year's resolution was to just eat fucking rancid food that only Jean would enjoy. I guarantee when you were like, chocolate-covered mushrooms, while she was listening to the podcast, she was like,

ooh, I bet those wouldn't actually be that bad. You're a fucking freak. Yeah, oh, oh. So there are four grams of mushrooms in each bar and on the back of the packet because they're like vacuum sealed

so they keep as well like you know I've had some fucking mushrooms in my house I've talked about this on the podcast with Dean Amy and Dan where I was like

I don't know do mushrooms keep can mushrooms get mould can mould get mould like I ended up throwing them out these are like vacuum sealed

they'll keep for like well over a year if you want them but uh they've got like a little dosage on the back like two squares it's happy-go-lucky three squares beginners paradise four squares like it did like and then fucking six squares lift off i was like oh you know what i'll have two squares the idea was my friend was coming to the hotel right my friend was coming to the hotel i want to try these mushrooms because i want to take them with natalie she's never done them before i want to get the dosage right for her so i thought i'll go in with like the early dosage very good way of doing it like i always think it's like you have a responsibility if you're the if you are the

usual drug taker it is your responsibility when somebody else asks you to try drugs for the first time to make sure that you give them in the right capacity. Prospected? Yeah. Going out and prospecting. Well, not even that. If people ever go to me, hey, can I try some marijuana? I'm like, have you had a drink? And they're like, yes. And I'm like, then no. Because they're like, but you drink and you smoke weed. And I'm like, I've been doing this for fucking decades. Your first high is getting cross-faded, which is an Americanism I'm absolutely keeping by the way, cross-faded. Yeah. I like that one.

Yeah, it's not a good thing. I'll only give people weed if I'm like, if you're sober and if it's the right sort of atmosphere. Because I don't want people being like, people go, I hate marijuana. I'm like, do you hate marijuana or did you hate the people you took marijuana with and they made you feel really bad? Or was it like you were in a situation?

Was it paranoia situational or was it because of the drug? Yes. And also, did people not ease you in like you were in a situation was it paranoia situational or was it because of the drug yes and also did people not ease you in when you were having your little paranoid thoughts and you felt isolated and you were in your own head and did people not recognise that

and put the arm around your shoulder and tack you through it and coach you yeah or just fucking put something nice on television and laugh about things yeah yeah

point of focus play a game bring you back in the room remember that time little fucking Demi Lardner took way too much weed because she tried to smoke toe to toe

with us at the fringe that time yeah yeah was that in your old house yeah yeah and also Demi

is a tiny little person a tiny little person I don't think we peer pressured her into it I think she was in a situation where she felt

that she had to like keep pace with us because we were doing it like the the sort of societal societal fucking peer pressure without being like us making do just the implied pressure of it so she got too high and so we just were like we're gonna order pizza and we're gonna put on stepbrothers because that's just gonna help that's just gonna be the best way to do it he has a slang it yeah yeah um ding dong it's the sound of capitalism uh this podcast is proudly sponsored by and proud to be sponsored by thisley cross cider the alcohol i drink in my spare time and have done for several years so much so that i begged them to sponsor this podcast the fact it's a personal favorite drink of both of us makes it so easy to do this bit looking down

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Which is not just your own personal favourite, but it won the award in 2023 for the best flavoured cider at the Scottish Cider Awards. At the UK Cider Awards. Is that right? And if I was one of the judges, I would have absolutely won it. If you go to thislacrosscider.co.uk and use the promo code thislacross10, you'll get a 10% discount code. And by using that code, you will also let them know that our very good influencing has actually worked.

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lads We want all the Estonians drinking Thistley Cross. By going to Thistley Cross. By going to Thistley Cross, side of Dockhoe, Don't UK. So, like, yeah, like prospecting with it. So you just do a bit of discovery with the new, like, if you're going to introduce someone to a drug, like I know now that when you come out of it, you get pure munchies.

Three o'clock in the morning, the most hungry I've ever been in my life. Really? I got heads up by the person that solders them, and I had meal deals in the fridge just in case, but it turned out I found a kebab shop. Had a slight hangover in the morning, not a comedown, but a bit of a headache. That might have been because of the booze,

because I was drinking alongside it. Make sure you've got some paracetamol in the morning or some Nurofen. Just like, I know exactly the dosage Natalie needs and what we need in the house for when we're dating. So I paid her that respect I did not pay my friend That respect I used to him as a crash test dummy So

Alright Ari Shafir It was spectacular Because I planned this as well like I planned did you at least tell him it was mushroom chocolate I planned this with my wife

right I planned how I was going to get I'll not use his name he's got a job probably wants to keep it that's fair can we come up with a name for him bleep it Can we come up with a nickname for him? Bleep it.

Use his actual name as his nickname. So, hey, it's Coving Road, right? And I'm wanting to try, this is my chance to try these mushrooms. I don't want to be on mushrooms alone, right? And I want my mate to join us on this trip we can stay in the hotel room if they're a bit too heavy we can go out and have a drink if it's manageable that's the plan

but he starts running a little bit late we've got to get up at 8 o'clock the next morning because we're going to the Derby we're going to Newcastle Sunderland I was like I'm going to take it before he gets here because if I put it up for discussion, he'll rightly so talk me out of it.

Like, well, I haven't got much sleep. We've got to get up in the morning. Just fucking, just, you know, a bunch of things. Yeah. But if he turns up and I haven't already took it and the clock is ticking on my mushroom. He's an arsehole for not, he's an arsehole for making you do it alone.

Ah, yeah, you can't leave his behind, are you? Come on. I've made this mistake for the both of us. Ticking On my mushroom He's an arsehole For not He's an arsehole For making you do it alone Ah Yeah You can't leave his behind Are you Come on I've made this mistake For the both of us Right

So He set off Like I've timed it So like I've been a bad friend You be a good friend Let's be in the middle Yeah

We'll be like One average friend Between us So I thought If I take Like it like 24 minutes, 24 minutes, 20 minutes before he gets there, I'm told that in an hour it kicks in. And then, like he says, if you take it at eight,

you'll be up by nine, be down by three. That's what me guys said, right? So I take it 20 minutes. Six hours. Huh? Yeah. Six good hours. Right.

Six wonderful hours you know really so I take it 20 minutes before he gets here thinking I've got a 20 minute head start on him it's going to be 40 minutes where we're both sent in where we can catch up and we can talk about ideas and all that right 20 minutes arrives

and I'm fucking right mind of kicking in laughing mind of kicking in and I'm like and now am I yours and I'm fucking going in the lift and I'm fucking right mind of kick then mind of kick then and I'm like and now am I ours and I'm fucking going in the lift and I'm like whoa

it's a spaceship not pressing any buttons I'm not the captain I couldn't possibly this is my I'm not qualified I don't have my space suit on

I don't have my eyes will come out if we're going to space like this I went down there ground floor I don't want to be in the ground can we just have the one

just above the ground by one elevator's height I get the lift and I knew I was going to like open with this even if I wasn't on mushrooms but like even if I hadn't come up I knew I was going to like introduce him in this if I wasn't on mushrooms, but even if I hadn't come up, I knew I was going to introduce him in this manner

because I'd discussed it with Natalie. It was measured, calculated, apart from... You were going to fist a chocolate bar into his mouth. Psst, get on the lift. Then when the door shut, if I tell you something, will you promise not to laugh? Which is always a good way to start a story. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's already laughing. I'm like, you promised. Who? I'm on mushrooms. He had no idea I was going to be on mushrooms. He had no idea mushrooms was on the menu, right? And he's fucking held him to the lift. I was like, you promise not to laugh.

And I tied him through exactly what had happened, how I'm not meant to be up right now. And I'm crowbarred him into doing it. And he's like, I've never done it before. Oh, good. I didn't know that because in my head you'd done him in a day and he's like I've never done it before oh good I didn't know that because in my head you'd done it at a tournament

at Kings but like he left early so you know if there's any sleuths out there you can probably work out who it was

by the photographs from the stag yeah my question for you sorry how many did you take how many bits had the ratio

I had two squares right and then I gave him one okay so he had one square That's good And So we're sitting down

He's just took his square I've come up Right And then We're talking away And he's telling us about Like this He's had like a little bit of a row

With his boss And he's talking to us About his work And like really offloading And just like getting it off his chest And he's talking in a language I don't understand Not because of the mushrooms

Just because there's a bit of jargon to do with his work. Like, oh, there's these leads, and they're dropping off the system, and then somebody else picked them up. And like, it doesn't really make a great deal of sense to us anyway. But it kicked in fully. And I mean fully. And then I was like, oh, this is what that lad meant by in an hour. He didn't mean the launch bit.

He meant the bit where you're actually up. And the fucking, I'm looking at my mate, and he's telling us about his job, and he's like, his face starts contouring like Festival of the Dead, like fucking collared patterns rolling around his face, and the fucking world starts folding around him, just like fucking, just squares moving.

I'm in a still hotel room, man. Dull hotel, like fairly dull hotel room really and it was just spectacular it was otherworldly and I'm like I'm going to have to stop you there we're kind of talking about your job right now like just give us a second

I've just levelled up and I need to settle I need to settle on a level and we can get back to here and do your work I just started whacking around also have another one you pussy yeah

and then when he come up when he come up yeah we're fucking out the window because we're at the Sandman Hotel

do you know the one just outside of St. James's Park like the view of the stadium and there's like a couple other buildings like in that

in that kind of vista and oh my god it was amazing looking into the buildings like genuinely not being able to tell if the windows

were computer screens or windows it was like fucking downtown Tokyo it was it was amazing fucking Newcastle mate I'm telling you

I'm telling you downtown Tokyo I know why you think you thought downtown Tokyo because I know the exact thing

you're talking about you're in Sandman Hotel St. James's Park is there the fucking statue of Fort Siscott is right there and over there is Chinatown

you fucking racist right over there where you were looking at is fucking Chinatown Stow Street you piece of shit downtown Tokyo I just want to add here

you cannot see Stow Street from the window but it was in my mind but we did walk down there fuck me man right

we were you know the archway going into Stow Street we're like staring up at that and it was just fucking it was flexing it was just giving it the beans

it was still this still feature this archway is just fucking flowing and moving because it makes you hyper aware of stuff

you notice stuff more the colours are brighter and all that right he was like oh imagine how we look like now like looking at this and I was like

they put this here to look at this isn't a functional thing this archway like it's to look at like you're meant to look at that that's where they're

doing the thing you're meant to do like people driving by looking at us going what are they doing looking at you're meant to look at that that's not shouting in the thing you're meant to do like people driving by looking at us and what they're doing like that you're meant to look at that that's not shouting cars to be fair drivers are meant to be looking at the road you're meant to look at this what you're judging me for for looking at this nicole's judging me i'm just pointing again damn it i'm gonna have to give him a pseudonym i told you to give him a fucking

nickname yeah pleb pleb's rude, but fine. But it was so funny because we were properly staring at the window for ages because you know like if you step back from the window, you mostly get your own reflection. But if you get right up to the window, you can see what's outside. Yeah. When we eventually left the window, handprints and face prints. Handprints and face prints all over the window you know it's like the cleaners are gonna think something a lot more exciting happened in this room than what actually

did people were recreating the titanic up here for some reason did pleb have fun i had the best time because there's something i forgot about mushrooms as well, is you know when you start laughing? Good luck stopping laughing. Yeah. Good luck, it's like siphoning, it's like siphoning water, you know, you give it that suck

and then it comes out and it just keeps coming out. It's like, spot the journey that's took a tank of petroleum of a car before. Yeah. The amount of times we were just fucking howling about something

something was said about a cream egg man and fucking I can't even remember like what it was about the cream egg but on the floor it's not coming up

my nose laughing about a cream egg well to be fair Pleb is much like Cara in the sense that Pleb

is one of the best people to tell a story to uh huh Pleb is just receptive fully receptive super receptive you could have a really

really good gig during the French if only Pleb turned up to your show he would make the room feel full like I whenever we've gone

on holidays together whenever I get solo time with Pleb telling him a story is as good as telling Cara anything. Just laughs at fucking everything, fully immersed. So I can imagine his sense of humour becoming more erratic.

Because every aside and comment that he puts in a conversation is an absolute fucking curveball. It's not a direct shot. It's like, what the fuck? Remember the cream egg thing? He was looking at some fucking hottie's Instagram, some influencer's Instagram, right? And it's like boobs, and then boobs,

and then they got a story. And then he's like, cream egg? I don't want to see a cream egg. Well, they, but not in that way. It's funny not on mushrooms, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah On mushrooms I lost me fucking weight at that Sorry

And er I ended up fucking I ended up There's this bit of paper And I was like Is there patterns on that bit of paper Or is it a blank bit of paper You know I think

This is what like This is when people who are on mushrooms Look like they're on mushrooms Staring at a blank bit of paper Yeah You know what I mean Like mushrooms look like they're on mushrooms. Staring at a blank bit of paper. Yeah. You know what I mean? You look like a druggie.

Yeah. But what's really happening is... You're a druggie. You're a druggie. You try to spin this into what you want. Harder. Two Gs, one I. And E. We're almost there

Boys and girls Some of you are going to be like Druggie doesn't end with an IE I know But for the purpose of the joke Yeah Yeah So I was like

Yeah we'll make a list I'll take the pen off And I went drinks First of all we need drinks Because we ran out of drinks This is what was this is another thing that had us absolutely howling

more than we needed to howl right I bought a eight pack of what do you call them brew dog where it's like a mixed like hazy drains and all that right

you got it to the whenever you say brew dog I had a fucking brew dog brew dog right no no it's just because the brew the brew they're wankers

they're the biggest fucking dweebs You see You see the Sorry You see The broodog people have Written their own movie About themselves

Broodog millionaire Guaranteed better than anything They've written in that fucking script Yeah So Two of the Two of the beers Elvis Juice

are in cans with red and white stripes so we finished the other six beers and then I opened the fridge and went there's no drinks left took the red and white

stripe on so we've got no booze we're going to have to get out for booze there's nothing to drink in the entire flat for reference

it's because red and white is the colour of Sander Lund. Who we were playing the very next day. Yes. So I put drinks and cream eggs on this bit of like fast moving paper. And then we ended up going out and just having a spectacular time. Like fucking Christmas decorations were still up in Newcastle, lazy bastards.

But we stared at them for quite some time. Oh, the hotel corridor had were for a long time. Like both convinced that there was a mirror because you know where when there's a corridor but then there's the double doors that like will shut on a fire so there's like a frame around the corridor at some point but then the corridor just like kind of goes on forever and it kind of bends off into the distance both of us convinced that that must be a mirror that you're not in that we're not in and it was like this chocolate's turned me into a vampire this is what's wonderful with mushies as well is sometimes you synchronize your trip the fact that like it

wasn't just me seeing a mirror there and we both thought there was a mirror there and he's like because i was like fucking hell that looked like a mirror and he's like wait a minute is that not a mirror like because he just accepted that it was a mirror and i was like well a mirror there. And he's like, because I was like, fucking hell, that looked like a mirror. And he's like, wait a minute, is that not a mirror? Because he just accepted that it was a mirror. And I was like, well, you're not in it. He's like, oh, fuck I. So we're just in the corridor just looking like druggies. Yeah. When really.

You were druggies. We're druggies. And then I just went, watch, I'll prove it. And ran up and jumped and leapt through this double door. And I was like, no, it's going to break. left through this double door and I was no it's gonna break and eh

we went out and town was dead and when I when I say dead yeah it's cause all the fucking Newcastle fans were at home

sharpening their knives calm before the storm putting nails through their fucking bats aye fucking making Lucille

yeah aye eh it was dead but like eh this bats aye fucking making Lucille yeah aye it was dead but like this this lad who who I hung out with

after one of the two matches the semi-final last year it's a podcast listener you might be listening to this Ben he was saying

here's here's he James Lady Graves Lady Graves is probably going to be busier to save bet so me and Pleb me and Pleb went looking for Lady Graves Hazy Janes Lady Grey's Lady Grey's is probably Going to be busier It's a safe bet So Me and

Pleb Me and Pleb Went looking for Lady Grey's Uh huh We couldn't use Google Uh huh We tried

That's got nothing to do With drugs mate I've seen you I've seen you Sober with Google Maps It was like The amount of times I've seen you crack your phone screen by putting a fucking phone down on the ground standing on top of it so you can physically

see yourself in the map stone cold sober it's like downtown tokyo honest to fucking god the pair were just like my phone felt massive it felt like an iPad yeah it felt huge and Google Maps was coming out

of the screen it was like a like you know I had to pop a book the book comes out it was just like none of us could look at it for laughing

like it was freaking out we're like trying to zoom in I'm like I managed to I managed to type in where we're going and then like when they give us the route it for laughing like it was freaking out we're like trying to zoom in I managed to I managed to type in where we're going and then like

when they give us the route it was just like nah we couldn't look at it and we're like we're on a quest and we just

we just went looking for it and it took we're fucking ages and we're funded we were looking at maps like chatting

to people just like I know you say this with like such a we eventually fucking found it this is something we should be proud of you... I know you say this with like such a, we eventually fucking found out this is something we should be proud of.

You live in... I know where it is. There's nothing in... I know where it is. It was so funny because there's one point where I was like, I think it's down there. I think it's towards where Matty used to live. And then this player just went,

it's not doing there. I was like, you've just heard of this pub now? He was like, it's towards where Matty used to live. And then Pleb just went, it's not doing there. I was like, you've just heard of this pub now? He was like, it's not down there. I was like, based on what? He was like, it's not down there. Then we went another way and it wasn't doing there. Pleb knew me well enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He just went, there's no doing there, mate. What are you doing? I know what's down there and it's not that but eventually it was super busy and the lad who asked if like

where's going to be good in town the night he just took a punt that would still be out like he'd finished work and come and join with and I'd already told Pleb about this lad

who I'd met after a gig like after not after a gig after the match when he went home and I was like lying because that was the night where i went back to the hotel i was coked off my nut pleb had went back home and uh just someone from the podcast was like uh i'm working at this bar do you want to come for a pint and i was like oh fuck i missed this earlier but like i still up for it and he was like i've finished work now but i'm having a pint come and join us

and i went and joined him and had a night out so this is how I know this lad and so I tell Pleb that story and then fucking he turned up this lad turned up and it was just like it was like

we'd summoned him and then he he joined the party and by this time we had like loads more stuff on the list and the list made no sense to this lad

this lad's just joined two people on mushrooms a fucking list with cream eggs and all kinds of shit and then he become he kept notes for her and he kept adding stuff to the list we ended up with this ddim gwneud gwirionedd i'r dyn hwn. Mae'r dyn hwn wedi ymuno â ddwy bobl ar y cwmniadau, gyda llist ffocon â chremegs a llwyth o alcaid. Ac wedyn, fe wnaethon nhw cadw adnoddau ar ôl, a chadw gwaith i'r llist. Fe wnaethon ni ddod â llist sylweddol sylweddol. Felly fe wnaethon nhw ei cadw ar ôl i'r ffrindiau.

Ac yna, pan fyddwn ni'n dod yn ôl i'r hotel ymlaen, felly, ffocon, mae llwyth o alcaid yn digwydd ar y nos, ond nid oes unrhyw un o'r llwyth oedd yn ddewr iawn oherwydd roedd llawer ohonoch yn mynd i'r hotel yma. Felly, mae'r Alcaid yn digwydd ar y nos, ond nid oes unrhyw un o'r hynny'n ddewr oherwydd bod llawer ohonoch yn gwneud, fel, rydym yn edrych ar gwyliau, fel, rydym yn edrych ar y llawr a'r holl oesgynnau a'r ddwyll yn y llawr, yn symud a'i ffwrdd a'i bwylo fel clywfion a phethau. Yn ffordd, bwyllion, fel cyfnod o'r clywfion, dyna beth rwy'n ei ddweud. Ond, wrth i ni ddod yn ôl, rydyn ni'n chwarae, yn ysgol, yn ystod y llawr, yn ystod y llawr, But we eventually get back and play guns for a shower and brush our teeth and all that. And I get the notepad and I put cream egg times two in drinks on the notepad and just put it down ambient.

And he comes out of the shower and we tidy up and we get ready for the match and all that. And he picks up the list and I'm like, the fuck? I was like, we never left the hotel. Ben's been dead for 20 years. It was so funny as well because we actually like, we started trying to like take stuff off the list because we put food on the list and then we're like, we needed to get a pen. So we put pen on the list. But we needed to get the pen to put pen off the list because we put food on the list and then we're like, we need to get a pen. So we'll put pen on the list.

But we need to get the pen to put pen on the list so you take that off straight away and that's, so we're putting all these things on the list and we're like taking stuff off as we're getting food

and all that. And eventually like, cream eggs is the only thing that we haven't got off the list. Oh, it was really funny as well because I just like, Ben had the list,

there's loads of stuff on the list and I just saw him like, unprompted, change the times two to a times three. Well, I don't want to to I don't want to be the only person without a cream of eggs

I respect that we were both absolutely fucking howling at him because he's having a stop on the cream of eggs thing

and honestly we did have somebody that was like he'd had a drink but sober in the scheme of things we went and run we were trying to get

cream of eggs everywhere you know this time of year it's completely hot, I get cream eggs. We ended up getting some food, partying company and all that and then on the way back, just looked into a shop

and there was like, like the freezer was like front and centre in the shop, like not even at the back, like lower in your end were cream egg ice creams. Does that count? We got them.

Two of them, bud. Aye. I need to text Ben, take two of them off the list For anyone who's going to be doing mushrooms In the future One of the ways If you ever get too high

The two things that you can Eat, drink, slash consume in general To reduce the high Is like orange juice And like really fucking thick sugary milkshakes like anything so just it helps reduce also uh orange juice anything citric acid you said milkshakes do you say milkshakes that's the second thing all right i just said milkshake put milkshake on the list.

Un-fucking-believable. Un-fucking- I listened to that entire shit-fucking story and you couldn't listen to two goddamn suggestions out of my goddamn head. I can't do it now. I can't do it. The two things I contributed to that entire story and you're like,

ah, well, fucking half of it. Edit out him saying orange juice. Make him look like he's gaslighting us edit them into a proper cunt like any reality TV show that's a thing you know

when you're on hallucinogenics I find it really good to have a like a banter anchor to go back to to like like the list

was it for us remember in Benidorm it was the prize plant yes having a banter anchor where you're going back

and you can act of it and you can like so there's like a running theme like you give the night a theme and it sticks to it which also like we've definitely said this on the podcast

before one of the great things about football in general is it does not matter how fucked up you are what cocktail of drugs

and booze you are on what time it is in the morning how hungover you are what day on the session it is if somebody goes man you're not going to shit this season you're like I can do this

yeah football chat yeah yeah football chat I'm in I'm in it's a good anchor for just yeah that was that was where you know the bit where I can do this. Yeah, football chat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Football chat. Amen, amen. It's a good anchor for just. Yeah, that was, that was where, you know,

the bit where I told you where I had to like fucking stand up because the world was starting to fucking break into kaleidoscopes while I'm being told about his day at work.

And I'd stood up just to like, because like the more I was sat, the more things were starting to stack. But if I move around, like you're flowing,

like you're going with the stream rather than letting it fucking smash at you. Instantly just start talking about football because that's something that you can do quite mindlessly. You don't need to put a great deal of thought into just chatting shit about footy. And both those,

you can just have a football opinion in the moment and you can just make it up, pull it out of your fucking arse, mad lib the opinion and say it to a group up, pull it out of your fucking arse, mad lib the opinion and say it to a group of football fans. Half of them will be like, that's the thing about football.

Every opinion is wrong and every opinion is valid. You can happily disagree with it. Yeah. The other thing that like running thing throughout and it's like obviously the Derby kept coming up because we're like just unbelievable. We couldn't believe we had tickets.

Yeah, so explain to the people who don't care about the little Pov Derby Sunderland versus Newcastle is a derby a fixture that's been happening for well over 100 years

two separate cities like a lot of derbies like Everton, Liverpool Glasgow the Glasgow Celtic Rangers the old firm like a lot of them

are like same city derbies and stuff but this is like two separate one team cities that fight against each other and fucking despise each other the old firm like a lot of them are like same city derbies and stuff but this is like two separate one team cities that fight against each other

and fucking despise each other like we both think each other are pure scruffs we're both right but they do

drink their sister's bath water yeah one of them shagged a seagull you know what one of them

shagged a seagull pleaded guilty in court for shagging a seagull you know what one of them shagged a seagull pleaded guilty in court for shagging a seagull didn't even put up a fight in court just went aye shagged it

surely you fucked its mouth huh see if you can get up the story there's no way that it got fucked up the cloaca

I don't even know how you did it's got to be the throat you can only throw fuck a seagull you're not fucking up the cloaca

do you think it's a gullet gullet fuck uh huh you'd have a little martini mac I'm cocked to do that wouldn't you because like You can only throw fuck a seagull. You're not fucking up the cloaca. So you think it's a gullet fuck? Uh-huh. You'd have a little tiny macum cock to do that, wouldn't you? There you go. Because like the, and I'm going to say the word again, even though I'm thinking I'm getting it wrong, cloaca,

is the pussy shithole that birds have. No. Only one hole. Oh, right, okay. Aye. You're not fucking a bird up that. So when you were saying cloaca, that wasn't just a bit of slang you made up, that was an actual...

I'm pretty fucking confident that cloaca you've taught me all of it but in a pub quiz I'm pretty sure I'd be spot on cloaca so like people had inflatable seagulls and all that like just

shite banter hey smart boy cloaca cloaca I just learned the word covid

is covid you know how they call them covid's in their children of memory yes is that like

a brand of bird is that like a like crows ravens magpies that sort

of stuff got you go on then he didn't shag the bird but he did have a wank while holding it

between his legs Markham's a different man I don't fucking stay there and watch I don't watch

I don't watch I don't watch I don't watch I don't watch

I don't watch I don't watch I don't watch I don't watch

I don't watch I don't watch I don't watch I don't watch

I don't watch I don't watch I don't watch I don't watch I don't watch I don't watch I don't watch I don't watch I don't watch Fucking stay there and watch. Fucking God knows what the seagull's doing. That is one of the most fucked up things. To just hold it between your knees and make it watch you wag. So... But why? There's no more reason To want Markham's Day They support Sunderland

Why do that? Because they live there Why? The same reason you support Newcastle It's good Now it's good They were chanting Sunderland till I die

We're Sunderland till I die I'm like self slam You hear about oh but sing I'm a dirty pedo I'm a dirty pedo you're like alright

sing what you want then so just FYI this is a man who will regularly tell me off for slamming the

English for no fucking reason Adam Johnson he gets done for nonsense so um the seagulls just fucking come out and force on about the 60 minute mark Adam Johnson, here you get done for nonsense. The Seagulls just fucking come out and force on about the 60 minute mark,

just out of nowhere, as if we'd fucking planned it. As if the fucking war flags had just, which is who do the displays at Newcastle, had just fucking released the Seagulls about an hour into the game. It was spectacular, just Seagulls descended on the stadium. We're just thinking, you're getting fucked in the morning! You're getting fucked in the morning you're getting fucked in the morning and then fucking any time any of them

swooped towards the Sunderland fans we'd be like oh and then fucking one of them got really close got up

and went down the wall and then it went quiet after the wall and this bloke just went cock tease I still cannot not only holding a seagull between your legs

and masturbating in front of it like some sort of really like creepy Louis CK gull sort of situation but to plead guilty Louis CK gull you could

you would have to hang me or give me the fucking chair I would accept the I would go to prison Before admitting that What you'd do I would do You'd be in prison Just going

I didn't I did not You fucking did You fucking did He originally Didn't plead guilty Yeah But he recorded

He had his phone out Fucking hell How many hands has he got? So he was on CCTV And he was watching Porn on his phone With a seagull between his legs? Uh huh

So he tried to say That he was helping the seagull But then the CCTV Helping it what? Can we You know what it is? I think a seagull shat on him. Aye.

And like, I don't think it's equal revenge to put human shit on a seagull, but if you think about spunk, it's much closer to seagull shit than human shit. Yeah. Like, not if you zoom in.

Not on a microbiological level. Yeah. But in a cartoon image as an aesthetic yes as an aesthetic spunk and bird shit is much more similar

than bird shit and human shit so I think spunking on the bird is probably adequate revenge for shitting on you aye yeah is that the only way

you can get above a seagull is if you pinch it between your knees can we get him on the podcast like is he in jail or can we get him on the podcast like is he in jail or can we get him on the podcast i'm not sure if he's in jail it doesn't really say it gives us it gives his full name and the street he lives on um elliot's deal his dad's house All the articles just say like To be sentenced

There's no real follow up Fucking I mean it's worse than punching a horse Aye He got em Lost his job You know that He wasn't like

Your classic thug The guy that punched the horse He was like A white collar workaholic He had a proper job Like a career and that Had he? Nah he was like a white collar worker he had a proper job like a career in that had he? no he was a barrister

I think he was just like yeah yeah I think he's like you live in the corporate world you know like he wasn't just like a like chavvy guy and whose were you against

when you punched the horse? it was the Sunland oh it's the man it's the Derby does something man the Derby does something in the north east of England

yeah it brings out the most feral state in fucking everybody it's fucking class it's honestly class like that that like

this is the difference between like and I take the piss hold on do you think he thought the seagull was a magpie do you think that's what it was let me say

it's his guilty pleasure I fucking wish I was a jolly he got jailed for 24 weeks and then banned from keeping animals for 10 years

I don't think I don't think I don't think it was a pet it was a seagull it was a pet seagull people don't even keep seagulls as pets

they're banned from keeping them between your legs because I like I've never been to a derby before Not even a home game You kind of get tickets It's fucking solid to get tickets Like everybody wants to go

And that's the first time I've like Not watched an Ontelian actually went And what a fucking event man It's spectacular It was also the first one in 10 years First one in 8 years and the first time we've won since 2011

wow and do you know up until yesterday we were exactly even I think the stats are like we've won 78 each or something 78 games each

and then drew a bunch so like completely undecided and we won yesterday so probably stop playing them now. That's probably the last one.

Yeah, yeah. Is there a bit of you that hopes that, would you like to see Sunderland promoted? Well, this is the thing. I've been, like, hankering for a derby for a few years now, and I just couldn't wish them well to get promoted. Yeah. And there were two leagues below as well.

They need to go through two periods of joy to have the derby so I was like I want the derby can't wish them well yeah yeah

so it's a it's paradoxical yeah because I know Liverpool a lot of Liverpool fans when Everton were going through a hard time were like

as much as we fucking hate Everton we don't want Everton to be relegated we would much rather just just in a perpetual relegation battle yeah just in that perpetual like fucking want Everton to be relegated. We would much rather just... Just in a perpetual relegation battle.

Yeah. Just in that perpetual, like, fucking, am I going to get relegated? This sucks, I'm getting beat every game. Yeah, but I think there is a weird honour to that. Of being like, hey, we fucking hate you, and we hate you so much that we want to keep this hate going. But because of hate and Sunderland,

I had one of the best days of my life. Like, it is a hatred that amplifies your life it's like do you finally understand why I hate so many people and things the joy

this genuine joy that is brought to me when people I hate die is you would you would love a derby right because right next to

your away fans right you're right next to the home fans like it's a roll of the dice whether you're next to your away fans right you're right next to the home fans like it's a roll of the dice whether you're next to the away fans in the home end you could be at the

other end of the stadium but in the away fans you're always next to the home fans you look at them the minute you score you celebrate you hug your mate

and then the Ali is at once going BAH you daft cunts like you're crying it's fucking class that Oh and the what

Fuming The super duper fuming The proper fuming The one we railed The one we fucking kicked off The one we tried to fight We didn't get past the fucking stewards That was going to be my next question

Like were there any fights There couldn't possibly have been Do you know how the Do you know how the I mean the the police, Northumbria police fucking nailed it. And the club nailed it. And like, getting it so that there's 6,000 people in Sunderland

without having a single bit of presence on the street, right? You had to get the bus from St. James's Park. They put on like near 100 buses, right? And everybody had to get that bus. You didn't get a ticket to the game. You got your ticket to the bus from St. James' Park. They put on like near 100 buses, right? And everybody had to get that bus. You didn't get a ticket to the game. You got your ticket to the bus, right? And you get on the bus at St. James' Park. Even if you live next door to the Stadium of Light,

you had to get out of St. James' Park to get on the bus. They ship you in. Everybody gets off the bus, goes to the match. That was slick as fuck on the way in. On the way back, it took ages. We're waiting for ages. But Fairfax left the bar open for the best part. So you could still have a pint after the match while you're waiting.

And then they've got you outside. They let you go outside with your pint so you could finish that. But then maybe it's like an hour too long. But I guess all of the home fans had their leg clear. The Rhodes had their leg. I think they've done it situationally. If Sunderland had won, they would have kept the home fans in and getting us the fuck out of there yeah and if we win they keep us in there get the home fans away

but that's going to take a lot longer to like clear the match day traffic and when the match day traffic's gone you've got room for 100 buses but the fucking closed the roads for it like they were like the buses are coming we're going to fucking stop everybody at junctions until all the buses have passed in convoy and so it was like a smooth journey there and back no one was going to be late on the way there or anything and the ship went to town

the ship went out to Newcastle and then back into Newcastle without having any contact with a single Maccom you didn't have to wag through them you didn't have to

like fucking see them you didn't have to so it was there aye there was no conflict at all boo but then did have to take

a couple of jollies with a starting shit though. Starting what shit? I didn't even think they'd be at the match. I think they just watched it in Newcastle around Shearer's Bar. And I was just stood in the smoking area with a lad who sorted me tickets out,

the lad that works at the club. And somebody started pissing in the beer garden. And that's somebody that's pissed in the beer garden before. I'm not going to judge them too heavily, right? But like, we we mate just went you fucking tramp there's a toilet there there's not even a queue

like literally just inside the door there's a toilet there's not even a queue he's like so fuck me I piss where I want and all that and he's just like

fucking a super legging chava chava as we call them and then like fucking like that back and forth happened

and then he fucking shot him with a what you looking at to me mate and me mate was fucking ready to just dig him there and then like fucking like that back and forth happened and then he fucking shot him with a what you're looking at to me mate and me mate was fucking ready to just dig him there and then right and I just turned to his pal

and I went if they're fighting we're fighting and we don't want that get him out of here yeah and then fucking his pal Fairfax took him

he was like no not on Darby don't go there no it's not on Darby the one time Jordies all get along with each other we've got a common each other it was really funny

I was like oh no I don't want to be fighting with my own with your own scum yeah

with my own fans not my own fans but Newcastle's own fans but what was classic with that

as well he was hanging out with this doesn't mean a great deal to anybody listening maybe one or two of you

but he played for Newcastle under Bobby Robson for many years he was called the Mac I'm Slayer because he scored more goals against Sunderland than anybody

and he was drinking with him as well so he was constantly getting asked for photos and stuff but between photos he was coming back to us

and I was on rounds with him and that and like had a proper chat with him I think he's going to come to our gig in March but that was just another big belt

like hanging out with Shola on a like whether it being too much of a fanboy yeah were you were you successfully on a fanboy

ah yeah I think so I think so did he correct me if I'm wrong did he play at this was there any crossover With him playing at the same time

As Shearer Or am I imagining that Yeah no he did I think Oh Yeah yeah he definitely did Yeah Yeah he definitely definitely did

Yeah Because I feel I feel Like Like the 2000s The early 2000s Yeah So when I started

Supporting Chelsea I'm pretty sure Like one of the Like when I decided To support Chelsea At'm pretty sure, like, one of the, like, when I decided to support Chelsea at the age of fucking 13 or 14 or whatever, I'm pretty sure, like, one of the first games I watched was Newcastle beating Chelsea 2-1, and I'm pretty sure Shola Amiobi scored the winner in that game.

Yeah, did he? Yeah, and I'm pretty sure it was from a Shearer cross or something like that. I just remember the time. I can't confirm or deny but yeah they did play a long series yeah when I went down to Cardiff

to watch the semi-final against Man United he scored our consolation goal there so like he's just like

he's entertained us over the years and like I think I love the idea of like if somebody's entertained you

then if you can get them to come to your show and you can entertain them I like that like it's never going to be an exact trade

no he's not screaming joy during your gig it's never going to be an exact trade but like I do like entertaining people who've entertained me

so does he still live in Newcastle is he Geordie fuck yeah he's a Geordie oh okay sorry fucking I thought he was Nigerian

he plays for Nigeria I played right okay but like fucking born and bred Geordie? Yeah. Well then excuse my fucking ignorance. Yeah. Geordie accent.

Okay, fucking, and he's got a little brother, Sammy. Yeah, that was so funny when I texted you. I was like, I didn't ask this name, it means anything to you, but I'm hanging out with Shirley Amiobi. And you were like, is that Sammy Amiobi's brother? I was like, that's like you, because it tells you if I hang out.

I've been hanging out with Eden Hazard and I'm like, oh, I'm talking to Hazard's brother. Well, because it tells you if I hang out. I've been hanging out with Eden Hazard, and I'm like, oh, Token Hazard. Well, no, no, because I get mad. I absolutely knew who Shola Amiobi was, but it was like that thing where somebody goes, oh, if somebody went and met Yaya Tori, I'd be like, don't you have a brother, Kolo? Like, it would be that sort of thing.

I like brothers or siblings who are in the same sport. Do you know what's funny? I didn't even know they were brothers I just thought there's loads of Tories there's loads of Trowers now

you know like Darmotory and Boobacar Troy like I don't like if you told us they were brothers I'd be like

oh really now I'm scared I've been racist can you find out it's not racist it's just two people with the same surname they probably are

yeah yeah Tory and Colotory are brothers 99.9% I've got like I I don't know. Okay. Have we done with football? I think so, aye, yeah.

What was the other one? Yaya Tori, Kolo Tori. Brothers, brothers. They're brothers. He's not a racist No no That's why he went by brothers Just google them

Yeah the black How do you know They're all black So that's the brothers Related now They know each other They're footballers Of course they know each other

So Anthony Jesnick Who I think is consistently in the top 10 like at all times yeah he on his

podcast had like his top 10 he's read like fucking 90 books in a year right and he was like here's my top 10 of the year and I'm like fuck it okay I absolutely trust the opinion of that man so I just went top 10 of the year and i'm like fuck it okay i absolutely trust the opinion of that man so i just went fuck it downloaded the 10 books i'm like i'm gonna try and read way more this year i'm gonna try and not stay away from fucking fantasy and cosmic and stuff but just expand that a little bit and when i get bored of reading new things can go back to

one of those so i downloaded all the books and Jesselnick is centre left politically, not that it fucking matters but I think he's one of the comedians that will definitely have he comes across as right and appeals to the right a bit like Jeffries which by the way I have fucking respect

for, as I've said countless times, countless times I think it is your job as a comedian to challenge the people who are on the same political side as you and i think a truly talented comedian can be funny to both sides the best type of comic and the comic i aspire to be is someone that can make people on both sides of the center of politics fucking laugh. That is a skill. And the people who only perform to the right and only perform to the left are shit and lesser. And I have every single right to look down on them.

And I will continue to. Jess Leck has this fucking right-wing base. Now, obviously, what's going on in America is you've got two types of right-wing people. You've got your centre-right, your standard Republicans, which sort of feels feels like news-wise there's less of because like people are just embracing maga because the republican politicians are just doing anything to get into power again which means giving into an autocrat um

so i think one of the books i've read by anth, that Justin recommended, was called Late Americans. It's gay porn. Amazing. Amazing. It's not, don't get me wrong, it's not fully fucking gay porn. Like it's about... So he's just threw a fucking red herring into his... Man, man, don't get me wrong. Is it good writing?

It's stunningly written. So could you have actually enjoyed it? Yes, yes. Is he gay? No, no, he's not. It's beautifully written. It's won awards. It's not just out gay porn,

but there is not a single chapter which doesn't describe the taste of cum, the feeling of a cock in an ass, the feeling of a cock in a mouth, wanking each other off. And you've got no point of reference, so it's all new to you. Man, I just, just like I'm fucking

sitting there like reading it and it gets I'm licking your lips I've been trolled here I'm like I'm going to be fucking open because I like I kind of liked it at the start because there's one character in it who's in a poetry class

and he hates all the poets in it and I'm like you're speaking my fucking language and again clearly the author has a love of poetry and he's trying to pay people who have a taste in poetry as real people but they're not, they're just fucking losers, right, it's not an art and if it is it's a very low form of

one, but it's really getting like the pretentiousness of poets and how fucking shitty what they do is and how utterly inconsequential it is as a medium um and like this guy's insulting it but he's still so i'm into that and then he gets his throat fucked and i'm like okay that's fine that's fine like i wouldn't like sometimes i read fantasy books and like the guy fucks a girl and like i'm sure there are gay people out there who read these fantasy novels and they're like it's like straight yeah yeah it's

man whenever i whenever i whenever me and cra Craig Hill swap fucking sex stories, right, I have to fucking understand that when I'm talking to him about eating pussy, eating ass or whatever, he's like, ugh. The ass bit I get, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But girls, an unheary one, yuck-a-roo. So I'm trying to do that.

Every single chapter, every single chapter was again beautifully written descriptions have come and I'm just like Cara's like you seem to be really enjoying that book because you haven't written it

and I'm like I'm trying to get through it I just like I need I need to read this as fast as possible so that when I'm when I'm next reading this on a plane, on a fucking, in a taxi or something,

it goes, what are you reading? I can go, a book about war. I'm reading a book about war. Have you read anything else this year? No. No. First book I got off to a slow start. Now that we said,

Lay Americans as a book, I would give it Like three Out of five Like I I thought the writing Was beautiful That massively increased There when I thought You were going to be

Out of ten No no three out of five Out of five Man it was not a bad book And I don't think It was written for Me or my But do you think

You've done a bit of A Dave Longley And just threw it in Knowing that people Would take his Recommendation and read it No I think Jess on the

He's certainly He's more read He's better read Than I am He's he's definitely more intelligent and than i am and like you know i i can always tell when it's like a good book that it feels making me smarter when every single page i have to uh like click on the kindle to find out what the word means oh yeah i've had to do that a lot with children of time actually yeah so Matt I would hey look if you give

give give late Americans a go the reason I give it three out of five it's just because it's just one of those books

and again I think this is down to my intellectual immaturity which is and the fact that I mainly read fantasy see books where

fuck all happens and there's like there's it's it's sort of like this book is like a window into people's lives talking about mainly be fantasy see books where fuck all happens and there's like there's it's sort of like this book is like a window into people's lives talking about

like it's a very important moment in all their life they're all students they're all artists they're all going through this thing it's sort of like you know

it's about late stage America and homosexuality and you know art in it and poor people and sort of like the dying ends

of capitalism and the diminishing middle and poor people and sort of like the dying ends of capitalism and the diminishing middle class and stuff and all this. Like people smarter than me would be able to have a really good dissertation on it. It's like a good dissertation book. Yeah. But I'm like- But as far as the story goes.

Yeah. Is it the story that was missing? God, it's really hard to say. Because again, like, I think I didn't get it. I think if I were to sit down with people who were poets and artists, they would be able to be like, it's a commentary on this.

And I would go, oh, okay. Now I understand. Like I didn't enjoy Catch-22. No. I felt like it was a 100 page book stretched into a 500 page book repeating the same joke

over and over and over yeah aye I'm not gonna read it just read the first hundred pages and you'll go oh right I get it

yeah I don't really read I don't think I read classics that much just because the word classic was ruined for me by my father it was just

the classics what people from the 80s used to describe shit films aye like oh it's a classic you go is it black and white like yeah it's a classic you go oh listen it was just the classics what people from the 80s used to describe shit films aye like they go it's a classic you go

is it black and white like yeah it's a classic you go it's a shit I used to be on on your side with this one until I watched 12 Angry Men yeah

and that's fucking mint film I need to give that another go absolutely class film that like and eh I heard that they shot that and em

everything that was in that side of the room they shot it once and then everything that in that side of the room the shot and it once and then everything that in that side of the room the shot at once because they had like set every cameras are big as i don't know and they had to do it like so every all the acting is done out of sequence so if like somebody walks across the room and then finishes a line over there that means you've done that line in one shoot and then done that line in another shoot because the shot are two different sides but like this is like i think that's the that's a layer of enjoyment like rich massara told us that obviously

and that's like a layer of enjoyment that like really like nerdy film buffs can enjoy about the film as well but i think like without without like stuff like that that's in play of how the shot it the fact that it's all set in one room and it's that gripping yeah and the and everybody's mind changes over the course of the film and like one by one you see the group majority like changing of a majority in another way and the people that are like left behind from the group majority start getting angry because they're holding on to their beliefs like it's such good acting it's such a good story hmm you ever seen kramer versus kramer years ago years and years classic you're like nothing happens yeah really no meryl streep's a really bad wife and a really

bad mom and you don't like the classic batman films there michael keaton's batman is gayer than George Clooney's nipple Batman by a country fucking mile. It's stinking hot shit. Stinking hot shit, the old Batman movies. Oh, they suck ass. I think the bad guys are good. I think DeVito's Penguin is class. I didn't think 2 was necessarily

a good film. In fact, bad film. But fucking Penguin was a fucking class character and that people are very aware of my opinions Nicholson's Joker was good

but I think he that Joker's better but Chola's giant I think Mark Hamill's Joker's better I think fucking every Joker I've seen is fucking

the only person who did a worse Joker is fucking Jared Leto and also that wasn't even Jared Leto's fault that was just a really bad fucking script

like maybe Dano's a fucking great shout for Joker what? not Dano Keegan Barry Keegan

Dano as the red light how do you pronounce it? Barry Keoghan yeah because I watched Salt Bae the other day and obviously Banshee's Adventure

and his class and that I think he's a fucking going to be a spectacular joker yeah yeah yeah I think so yeah I agree

also like the there's rumours going around on how true they are of like the guy that plays Reacher being Batman which I think would be the perfect casting

because we've never had an accurate Batman we've had good Batmans right I think Christian Bale's Batman was really good yeah I think

by far the best yeah yeah I loved Robin Bars's Batman was really good yeah I think I think by far the best uh yeah yeah I love Robin Bars this one it was a different sort of angle it was more broody and more sort of emo way I thought his Bruce Wayne was certainly lesser Christian Bale's Bruce Wayne was really really good um I thought uh I thought Ben Affleck was really fucking hard done by like he was just in a bunch of shitty, shitty movies because fucking... What was that director I fucking hate? What's his goddamn fucking name? Justice League, Zack Snyder.

Worst director of all time. Zack Snyder gave Ben Affleck a shitty Batman to do, but Ben Affleck could have been a really good Batman. But again, Batman in the comic books. Bruce Wayne is six foot five and hard as fucking nails. Like he is a brick shit house. The reason Batman.

So the rock could, the rock could play an accurate Batman. Yes. The reason Batman beats the shit. Diesel's Batman. The reason Batman beats the fucking shit. I hate that world. Oh yeah.

I hate a world with a Vin Diesel's Batman in it. He was good. He can be fucking whatever the, what was his one? Beats the fucking shit I would hate that world Oh yeah I'd hate a world With Vin Diesel's Batman in it Aye He was good He can be fucking Whatever the What was his one Fucking Riddick

Yeah yeah yeah Chronicles of Riddick That was his Apparently they were alright Do you know his real name Is like something totally bland Like Mark something Yeah

Do I think his real name Was Vin Diesel No Yeah but like So Find out his actual name Mark Vin Diesel? No. Yeah, but like, so find out his actual name. It's like Mark Small or something like that. So he's in trouble for sexually assaulting

one of the people on Fast and Furious 5 or something. He's got a lawsuit against him and he's going to court about it and Natalie sent us the article. And I was like, oh, what's his name? Mark Sinclair. Mark Sinclair mark sinclair i was like oh really a man called mark sinclair who goes by the name vin diesel sort of a woman like that was the ones you least expect

yeah i don't know how okay i am with people fucking changing their fucking names to become actors and famous especially to make it like fucking max power it's like oh yeah man we've discussed that anyone that gives themselves A fucking nickname Is If you've ever given yourself A nickname Congratulations Your nickname is Dweeb

Just forever Yeah It's It's the most My name's Vin Diesel No it's not It's Dweeby McCloserface No you fucking nerd

It's the most insecure Lonely thing That's ever happened Giving yourself a cool nickname Ugh Ugh Like it's so lonely Nicknames are decided by your

peers your friends aren't there for you if you've done that all right we don't have any that's lonely it's a lonely ass move yeah yeah 100 percent um what time are we on time huh oh sweet okay i was gonna i was gonna bitch about my wife but just take that out of her face when you get in well I do you know anything

anything I complain about my wife like I always I've never said anything I just stay passive regressively on the podcast so she can listen to it yeah well

I know the characters listen to this fucking podcast so I have to so I'm not a bastard so you've been passive regressively now and she's not even listening I always make sure that if I if I'm ever going if I'm not a bastard. So you're being passive-aggressive there now? She's not even listening? I always make sure that if I'm ever going to complain about my wife,

she's the first person to hear the complaint. If you're being passive-aggressive talking about other podcasts, just kind of twist a little lie into it just to make them angry. Exaggerate something. Well, it's often time. I don't know how often. Make yourself out to be a lot more articulate in the argument that you had that you stood just going i said this precisely and then just like come up with some well i always try to do the thing of like whenever i find whenever i find myself getting annoyed with like little things that she's doing i'm like right first of all

how much of this is hard doing something annoying and how much is it of me having like an expectation of something in my own head uh and without verbalizing that sort of thing without saying what i want to happen and then being angry that that isn't me and also what am i doing on the other side what does this look like in the mirror world yeah like as much as i'm like oh common example would be like uh i'm always i'm always first out the door with kayla i'm like we we're ready to go. I'm like, oh God, she's always behind. She's not always behind. I've forgotten 30 fucking things. Yeah. If she left when you were ready to leave. We would have nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always try my best to be like, right, am I complaining about this thing validly? Or am I ignorant to a bunch of things that's actually

going on? And I'm also part of the problem. And the answer is, more often than not, 99% of the time, absolutely yes. Last night, the 1%. The 1%. We went to a birthday party. One of Caelan's mates had a birthday party, which I thought I would fucking hate. My biggest fear before I was a dad was that and i said i didn't want my my social circle that's why

i don't have kids yeah i found out you have to get loads of kids birthday parties i don't want my social circle to be dictated by who my kid makes fucking friends with man i had the time of my life at that birthday party nice guys i had really good people everyone's just in the same fucking boat your kids are running around because they're all toddlers so they're just like they're all just little fucking terrorists

all similar generation as well like yeah yeah I mean like if they if we all lived in the same area they would all be in the same school in the same fucking class I mean you guys

I mean the dads and mams what do you mean are you all the same generation or is it like an age range is there like some is there some like young mothers in there

some we're all within is there some like third child in their forties or whatever we're within the same definitely within the same decades

of each other so we we're having from there Kieran had his food like I was like let's get let's just get

a fucking Chinese tonight I can't be honest let's just get a fucking Chinese and I'm hungry which is my fault

I could have I could have snacked at any point right I could have snacked at any point or devs we've got food in the house there's if I was my fault I could have I could have snacked At any point Right I could have snacked At any point Or devs We've got food in the house

There's If I was that hungry I could have ordered Right But There have been times In the past When I have ordered food

For me And come downstairs I'd put it in the bed And be like I actually would have liked food And that's me definitely Being in the wrong That was me being impatient

So I'm like Okay I'm going to be patient now And I'm going to order I'm going to wait for her to come downstairs and get some food and I message her

and I go hey I'm ordering Chinese the only thing you ever eat from a fucking Chinese is chicken satay so is it safe to order chicken satay she's like no no

I'll come and look at the menu and I'm like it's going to be fucking chicken satay it doesn't matter what Chinese restaurant we're going to you're just going to

buy chicken satay and order that and I'm like what about this one and she's like it's 45 minutes away i'm like what's with the fucking you're you're not the driver you're not driving the fucking food here doesn't matter how far away i'm thinking it's gonna be cold by the time it gets here nail on the head there right again my impatience of sort of being like uh i'm like okay you know what i hadn't taken that into

consideration and i'm just sitting there and I'm hungry. I'm like, just order. Just say chicken satay. It's already on the menu. I've already pressed chicken satay. I'm looking at our full order. I've ordered the five things I want and the one thing I know you want.

But I'm just looking at all the things and I'm just like, just order. And it's because I'm hungry and you know how much I hate being dictated by other people's pace. You're a hungry jock. Uh-huh. Right.

It's just sitting there. And again, I'm not subtle when I'm in my fucking terse moods. Right. And I'm just sitting there, I'm like, just say, just fucking say chicken satay. She goes, what about this place?

And I'm like, cool. I'll order the exact fucking same thing on the different menu. Like these are all places we haven't tried. Fucking didn't want anything, did she? She didn't want anything. 15 fucking minutes. 15 fucking minutes.

She's like, actually, am I right? Oh God. Oh. Do you reckon you could have just like ordered your food and then just say like, you decide what you want and then just say, you decide what you want and then just get two knocks at the door? Ain't that a wonderful thing? No.

It's only 15 minutes, man. It's only 15 minutes. It's going to be something in the fridge. Can I just allow a peanut butter sandwich? That's what I should have done. That's what I should have fucking done. So you went to complain about your wife there and just had an epiphany

okay maybe she's right 100% of the time I think it's one of the times where you're like okay it's so often the time it's just fucking miscommunication and just lumping fault into the other person's court with zero self reflection

anything like being hungry and tired at the same time as having a disagreement. Yeah, yeah. Just being human. All right, I've got to get back from you little dog. Bye.

She's going to be lonely without us. Love y'all.