Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Magoo Time (Ft. Jamie Hutchinson)

Episode Date: November 8, 2023

The cross over you all wanted but were too scared to suggest incase it went disastrously wrong. Jamie Hutchinson of 'Hot Water Green Room' and 'Climbing into bed with his gran' notoriety steps in for Sloss and tells Kai all about his addiction to being a loser both in gambling and in general. From competing with his mother to have the most pubes to being drowned by his grandad, some stunning lows are hit on the way to the bottom. #5.

Sloss and Humphries on the road! Muggins and cream, cream and muggins, straight thuggin', livin' the dream And that's our intro Fuckin' muggles! Tickling the clit inside your head that makes you laugh Woohoo! They said it can't be done! Are we in the same seats?

That's hack Aww, muggles Accidental rim job in the park Kiss kiss kiss Or am I just being cynical? Just muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglepedia Where have you been since 9-11? I did a hot wing one in Salitas once.

And I was licking wet wipes. I couldn't, I couldn't. I just needed cold on my tongue. Yeah. So I was licking baby wipes. Are you good with spaces usually? Nah. Nah?

I just did it because I was drunk and my mate said if I don't do it, I'm gay. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Just got to do it. That's what I mean. And you needed to show them that you said if I don't do it, I'm gay. Oh, yeah, yeah. So I just got to do it. That's what I mean. And you needed to show them that you love pussy. Yeah. But you know what I mean.

I was just, oh. And I ran to the toilet. I was like, I screw, I screw. And went to the toilet and my mate filled me. And then the whole restaurant. Did he get some spiky angles and that? Did he fill him at rate underneath? He just, he panned to the

to the restaurant and they all started laughing at me it was so embarrassing mum so head on they panned to the restaurant so you were like

full on fucking doors open yeah he filled me like that eating these spicy wings you got like a direct fucking sniper lane from the shitter

to your table and then he just fathers me go to the toilet and he catches all the all the All the restaurant Pitting themselves Because they couldn't

Have a spicy wing You would have hated that then No fuck that That hot chip Was I can see why They were discontinued Have they been discontinued?

Aye Because of what you were saying Someone died It seems mad doesn't it Because it doesn't Doesn't seem possible In a crisp Someone

Someone Leah Betts The hot chip A what? someone Leah Betts the hot chip a what Leah Betts no remember that no remember that name the fucking

poster girl the poster girl for pill death pills yeah yeah that was finger on it that's why the Essex boys got shot up

innit well tell us Adam anything more than that she was the poster girl for pill death but if you've got if you've got... Yeah, so Tony,

I feel like I'm grassing on people who are already dead here. I'm going to get a comeback. Can you snitch on the dead? I don't know. You can't libel the dead, can you? Can you not? No, you can say... But is that in the eyes of God or in the eyes of the law?

No, Elvis was in the KKK. Oh, right, so you can do shit like that? Yeah, you can do shit like that. Can you? Yeah. So Elvis was in the KKK, right? I was in the KKK. Oh, right, so you can do shit like that? Yeah, you can do shit like that. Can you? Yeah. So Elvis was in the KKK, right? Yeah, Elvis was in the KKK, mate. I wouldn't be that chocolate, you know, that white jumpsuit he had.

Yeah. All he needs to do is fucking shake off the sparkles, put the hood up. Take the odds to detach them up. Yeah, the sequins fire off like porcupine needles. Yeah, you can't libel the dead, mate. Oh, you can't libel the dead mate oh you can't libel the dead they can't sue you can their estate

not sue you nah nah nah I don't know if I'd get my legal advice off you Jamie nah seriously mate

I know that and anybody else welcome to the podcast this isn't Daniel Sloss no we got straight into it there nice upgrade mate I've upgraded him

we've got Jamie Hutchinson here who how you how you loving gigging in Scotland because you do you look like cripplingly Scottish yeah yeah yeah

it's coming back to my people I think Hutchinson I think Hutchinson's Scottish is it you've got a tartan I think it's a Scottish clan yeah I don't know if I've got a tartan I'm not

not about wearing skirts and that nah erm you've already like you've already proved how straight you are by eating that hot wing

yeah so you're not going to undo all your hard work yeah class called Edinburgh this week absolutely

class yeah unreal mate absolute people there's such a fucking huge gulf of difference between the two

cities as well oh it's insane you know in one day right because I lived too here in edinburgh when i lived with sloss right um i had a gig in glasgow and i went and this this happened all within the space of two hours i went to the train station here market and walked past a young lad getting a violin lesson in his garden with his shorts on shorts and shirt in the garden nine years old and he was getting his violin lesson in the garden and uh i get on the train to glasgow

had a bit of time to kill before my gig went into the pub the pub on queen street that was there and watched an old lady with like false teeth old pension old, hasn't worked in years old, like hundreds of great-grandchildren, ordered a haggis bomb, and I had a lighter at the bar to find out what was going to be made, because I didn't know what a haggis bomb was. No, I don't know what a haggis bomb is. They dropped a shot of whiskey

into an iron brew. Oh, that's class. And it all happened within the same two hours. I just saw like a fucking slice of the pie of Edinburgh in Glasgow. That is so good. Fucking love it up here. Yeah.

I do like it. I do like both cities, actually. There's a word for people who get assimilated into Scottish culture as well, where the Scottish accept you when you're not from round here. What's that? Refugee. Refugee. Oh, I like that.

It's nice, isn't it? I've sort of been accepted Liverpool. So obviously Liverpool-Manchester is a massive rivalry. That's quite a big, yeah, link to make that. Yeah, I've sort of been accepted Liverpool so obviously Liverpool Manchester is a massive rivalry that's that's quite a big yeah I've sort of been accepted yeah

that's that's a proper hands across the water yeah it's it's listen if I can do it

you know Israel Palestine I think I can go over there and do a bit of do a gig yeah you could do a gig

to both bring them together do a gig to both, bring them together. Yeah, yeah. Do the guys a pod. Uh-huh. Unite them together. Yeah. Through me.

I think I, I generally think we'll look back when I'm dead and hopefully you're not liable in me as I was one of the most important things in the world. Ah, yeah, you cultural figure. Because everyone just thinks, thank God I'm not him, let's get on. I think that's how they think.

It could be worse. Do you think people who are going through the atrocities that are happening in the Middle East right now could look at you and go, oh. Well, at least his granddad didn't used to drown him. Did your granddad used to drown you? Well, he's dead dead so I can't libel him

but he used to because I never liked baths do you know what I mean

you did tell me earlier that you're scared of a lot of things yeah I didn't like baths I just had an irrational fear

I'm going to go down the plug hole do you know what I mean is that why you put on a bit of timber? Yeah. Just plug hole proof yourself. Who baths with a plug out?

No, but when you take it out. You're wasting a lot of water there. No, but when you take it out at the end and it goes. You've got to do that. You've got to take the thing out and just let all your scum settle on you. In layers like sedimentary rock. i don't know because and then to get me in the bath my granddad would go right come on we'll play world records because i used to love guinness world records and he went right no he just loved guinness yeah he went go under the water i'll time how long you can stay underwater for so i just till till i was drowning

i think i did 28 seconds and we had a book and a notebook of all my times so i'd go oh 42 seconds new pb so i just had notebooks filled with times and if the police ever come around and go what's this oh it's gonna put my grandson underwater. So most kids have like a little notch on the wall in the height. You've got how long you can fucking flap your gills. Yeah, I had time underwater and stuff. I think that's nice. That's bonding that.

You know what that is? That's your grandad being sick of your shit. Yeah, yeah. That's like your grandad's got to bath you. He's been putting Georgia Baffney for whatever sin he committed right and you're just

fucking yammering away of how you can create peace in the middle east or whatever the fuck you're tired of

as a 13 year old I'm making you 13 first by the way you're 13 years old for this you've got pubes

you've got your first few pubes coming through and your grandad's like Jamie man few pubes coming through do you know and you're crying and it's like Jamie man

fuck I'll tell you do you know that's a funny thing you mentioned pubes in the bath so when I when I was 13

I turned down a blowjob of a 16 year old girl because I didn't have pubes because you didn't have pubes and I thought pubes are like essential and you'd be like you'd be deflecting as well

going fuck off you slut no I was like like totally degraded here here like are you fucking mad I'll get a pleasure hot last ever blowjob a fee deflecting because you haven't got pubes no I was like I'm alright you know now I'm sound I thought pubes played in technical part of it I was like fuck it I need pubes man so I thought pubes were an integral part of it. I was like, fuck it, I need pubes, man. So I thought, here's what my theory was. I don't know where I've got this science from. But I believe it, I'm buying it.

So any kids watching who are pre-pubescent and they want pubes to get blowjobs, here's my tips. I bathed with shorts on. Yeah. Really hot. I couldn't see. You didn't have any pubes. One pube did.

I used to trap steam in my shorts. I used to think it would be like a greenhouse effect. A VV. Chromium. Really? You're in fucking hydroponics. You're getting the UV now, lad. I used to think it would be like a greenhouse effect of UV really fucking hydroponics you were getting the UV in our land so I was doing that

so I get kids like fucking like growing weed so I did that from 12 three years later full bush full bush must have worked

you do the maths it must have worked I can't say it the other way aye because like before that you were keeping it

in the dark just moist and all you had was one mushroom. Yeah, that's right. That's not enough. It needed natural sunlight. That was my theory in pube growing. I was really late with the pubes.

Yeah, it's hard, isn't it? I don't get it. It's crazy to me. If you told me at 13, you know when you're 32 no one cares about pubes i still felt like my mum bragged about having pubes i because my mum did brag about having pubes she when she do to you well everyone well she watched megaphone on the street ringing the bell got this bush what she'd do she'd shave her fanny

uh huh and then borrow some to you and leave the hairs all in the bath little bit of titty tip for you she'd leave she'd leave all the hairs

in the bath uh huh and to me that's her telling me only one of us has got pubes in this house oh so you think she's playing main games

yeah yeah I don't see any ginger hairs you were engaged in pure psychological warfare we a man who was just buff pubing you know and then I'm and I don't I don't know how to rinse the bath so I'm just fucking he's gonna get you he dinner it was record times funny pubes on me back That teaches you to grow pubes quick. You don't want to just whack and run like Chewbacca off your mother's pubes. No, I've seen my mum's pubes so much. You're there covering your mum's pubes right after sport, but you can't go get a shower,

otherwise you'll wash them off. So you've got the pubes to show off, but you've got to think like, I'm going to get showered at home, but still like flash and run. They're all black though. Your mum's pubes are all black. Yeah, so they'll go, if I did that to the boys,

check my back hair. I'll go, ah, fuck off, that's your mum's pussy hair. Well, you could just say you used Just For Men. Yeah. I used Just For Men on my back hair. But like, all this. It's all about black hair, mate. That's it.

Fucking, so you were scared of founding the plug hole? Yeah. You're scared of cats? Scared of cats, wasps, mashed potato. You should, Piaf. You have Daniel's cats there as we're coming to the house. Yeah, cats just go for me, man. Yeah, I feel like they've sensed evil as well, cats.

Yeah, they're really. They sense darkness. That's why I like dogs more because they're thick aren't they uh yeah they're like docile yeah just happy i i used to have some strong opinions on dogs before i become a dog lover and owned a dog business with my wife you used to dislike but i used to dislike well i didn't i feel like everything was misconstrued and twisted by the internet when people took the words i said and used them against us as as verbatim but i was like dogs love you for biscuits they'd love you if you were pedo if the white if the white they're on you're fucking a kid they'd still be all over you

where do you think they've got no moral compass i think pedophiles will be attracted to cats though you think so in that they see themselves as highly intelligent and above the law. Like cats have that snooty sort of... Is that why you don't like cats because they're pedos? Yeah, because a cat looks to me and goes, I could get a girl in a boot. You couldn't. Do you know what I mean?

It's got sinister intentions. And I'm like, fuck's sake, I wish I could get a girl in a boot like a cat. I wish I could. I don in a boot like a cat. I wish I could. I don't hate them because they do that. I hate them out of jealousy because I can't do that. Can't drive. How are you finding touring without a car?

You're stringing a lot of gigs together over tour. It's not just like you're doing a weekend in a city. Because doing a weekend in a city you're stringing a lot of gigs together with a tour. It's not just like you're doing a weekend in a city. Because doing a weekend in a city, you'd say I'm kicking it in Liverpool this weekend, right? I'll get a train due on a Thursday. I'll get back on a Sunday. Bob's your uncle. You live in the city for that three days.

Every three days may be between Edinburgh, Glasgow and Leeds. Yeah, so we did. Middlesbrough is your next one, isn't it? Yeah, one week we did. Manchester, Hull, Southampton, Belfast, Dublin. Yeah. What you've got to do, it's a lifestyle I've cultivated.

Yeah. This is a lifestyle podcast. In prep, it's preparation, and it's called Magoo time. Magoo time. You need to prep for Maggoo magoo all right tell us about magoo so magoo is basically fucking up yeah so you need to allow fuck up save my golden hour save me gigs at eight i plan to get there for five the difference eight minus five that's three hours magoo uh-huh. We've got three hours Magoo. So three hours Magoo can be trains going wrong,

getting on the wrong train, being cancelled, having to get a replacement bus, all that kind of stuff you allow for the Magoo. Yeah. And a fucking worst case scenario, you're getting the most expensive Uber of your life. Yeah.

You're making nothing from the gig. Yeah. I wanted to, because we was a bit worried in the whole Southampton leg. Yeah. Oh, that's what I mean. And you're making nothing from the gig. Yeah, I wanted to, because we was a bit worried in the whole Southampton leg tour. Yeah, oh, that's bleak, that. That's bleak, that. So I was priced up getting a chauffeur just as a Southampton gig,

just make complete, lose money on the gig, but just turn up like a fucking hummer. Make a podcast episode of it, just get your fucking camera set up in the thing. Get a hummer to Southampton attic. Yeah. So you priced it up, willing to cut the losses and still went,

no. Can you remember what the price was? It was like 700 quid or something. Aye. But I was like, you know. But luckily, once that.

You must have been tempted, but. I got talked out of it. Yeah. Good friends will talk you out of that Because I don't I don't value money at all Yeah

Because I've always been skint I would a bit of money I'm like I'm not arsed Me and my lass Have got such different Concepts of money It's class

Because she's She's posh Yeah She'll not say she is Because she's got good values Yeah But what she thinks Brogue is

Oh it's been Like she I've seen her because she's got good values yeah but what she thinks broke is oh it's been like she I've seen her say she's worried about money with fucking tens of thousands in her bank

and I'm like oh I need to be minus tens of thousands yeah and like going into the going into the branch

for seven quid because I can't withdraw seven quid yeah and the seven quid isn't even minor to me overdraft yeah that's where i've been yeah that's where i've been so fucking when she when she's when she's tired of being broken like i like having money worries all right oh there's so many

layers yeah there's so many layers that i don't i don't understand that but I have it with mates as well. They go like, oh, can't come out to the match. I'm a bit skinned. I went, you don't, you're not. Aye. But that's how savers save. Because when my wife's made these calls, it's cash flow and that money that I'm talking about is untouchable because that's for a house deposit in the future.

She's thinking about, we're going to be buying a house deposit in the future. Yeah. That's the, she's thinking about we're going to be buying a house at some point. We'll kind of touch that. Yeah, nothing's untouchable. uh-huh. And she's really like,

she, I would have, I was in 30 grand of debt when I met her and now I haven't had debt since 2017 and it's all because of her, because of her values

have been instilled in me. No, yeah. But I still, I still know what the bottom is yeah I've never answered letters

when I was 21 I got a three grand overdraft put it on a horse because I thought in my head I thought I'm going to be

a professional gambler but I just need I just need I just need a base camp to go off but in your head did you not know what a professional gambler was

that they would just put it all on one horse off but in your head did you not know what a professional gambler was they would just put it all on one horse yeah but are they not are professional gamblers not like fucking chipping away with little things

this was this was an 11 to 10 shot it should have been one to two I was like the value in this is unbelievable there's no way

this should be 11 to 10 this horse I put three grand on I just went out of working in the bookies I don't know for the way out of the bookies gambling I just went out of working in the bookies I don't know if I'm the way out of the bookies gambling

I like the poetry of it It seems to work for everybody else in this room Everybody else in here God I've lost some good friends from the big win

I never saw them again after that There's been actually no trajectory at all just absolutely just flatline solemnness but I just wanted a base camp to start my gambling career

and it was Lloyds and they had this class thing internet banking have you heard of it and you could just like request your overdraft limit so I just put in 500 quid accepted a grand accepted they just kept on accepting me You could just like Request your overdraft limit So I just put in 500 quid Accepted

A grand Accepted They just kept on accepting me Debt was a bad Badge of honour for me When I was growing up I couldn't accept it for credit I couldn't believe

He was giving me this money He was mad Giving me this money though So But three grand on the toss It fell at the first fence It fell over Your price It was fell over yeah

your price almost fell over and I was earning 1200 quid a month after tax I got 1200 quid and I'm in a three grand overdraft

so I just get 1200 quid and it just gets swallowed and swallowed so I just changed banks and never opened a letter again from Lloyds

never paid them back 10 years 12 years have you checked your clear score? experience yeah double digits are you alright 12 years have you checked your clear score Experian yeah there double digits

are you alright now have you got your shit together I swear to god have you got have you got financial hygiene now Jamie have you spent 700 pound on homers from

Paul to Southampton without the corrects I just I just fuck money up the wall yeah it's mad I have to have like a separate account now

for for gigs just so my mentality is like just leave that because I just so what I make money from gambling

I think I deserve a big win I've got it in me do you know what I mean I know I have one of these big wins in me have you tried getting an overdraft

with someone else I'm not even going to I'm not even going to try and stop you I'm going to encourage you I can't even get an overdraft you're going to be the devil on both shoulders I can't even get I can't even get an overdraft. You're going to be the devil on both shoulders.

I can't even get an overdraft from Starling. Do I embarrass him? Who's that? Is that like a Wonga? Starling Bank. It's like one of these. The fact I haven't heard of it tells us that it's a little bit backwater. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. I can't even get that. That's ridiculous. It's like getting turned down for a pint in Glasgow. You're too drunk, mate. It's impossible. Do down for a pint in Glasgow You're too drunk It's impossible I just don't Value money at all

I actually fear having too much money You're coming in With a nice level of success now Worthy as well You've worked hard, you've grafted, you've put in the suicide Mails in the circuit, you've worked hard At your podcast, you're getting Your reward for your hard work.

Yeah, that's what I mean. Now, are you prepared for the reward you're about to get? You're going to probably get money that could kill you, Jamie. Well, I'm very fortunate I've got a girlfriend now. If I was single, I'd be dead. Yeah. 100%, with this money I'm getting. And the amount of coke I'm getting offered at gigs and stuff.

And I'm trying to curb it but it's just see what I've found if I can if I'm in any position to give advice it's take more drugs than people

who have a drug problem but don't let it become a problem yeah absolutely do that drink more than people

who've got a drink problem but don't let it become a problem don't let it get in the way of your career don't let it get in the way of let it become a problem don't let it get in the way of your career don't let it get in the way of your relationship and your family don't let it get in the way of any of that stuff

the minute it does realise you went too far with it rein it in I know it's so easy to do innit that's what I do with gambling as well I've got so many fucking vices that I just and I just get stuck in

I don't see it as a problem I just see it as getting involved do you know what I mean having a go have you been to Vegas nah all my my whole year

is centred around the Cheltenham Festival the arch racing okay right so I'm doing the next tour extension Feb to May uh huh

and she said I've got a couple of club gigs so I can't do this date this date not Cheltenham week that is off limits do you suit up I won't do anything date this date not Cheltenham week that is off limits do you suit up

I won't do anything other than Cheltenham no I'll go to my dad's and watch it I dare you don't go to the so would you like to get into the festival

is that what you want to do I've been twice yeah I won a competition once with Stan James you're going to have to tell us who Stan James is it's not my world

well they said it's just a book so they said they did a competition like tell us who Stan James is, it's not my world. Well, they said, it's just a bookies. Right. So they said, they did a competition like, tell us why you deserve to win. Mm-hmm. Two tickets. How,

what was it? How you deserve to win? It's been up to 50th. Ah, was it? Yeah, and we're both ginger, so we've already lost in life,

so give us a win for once and then give us a win. Amazing. So we had six tickets for that. Then you turned up and you just had your mum's funny hair all over your back and you're like

fraud fraud he's dyed his hair ginger for the tickets you've gingered up I don't one year this is prime magoo

prime magoo this so we get the National Express to Cheltenham Festival right we stop off at Wolverhampton stop off at Wolverhampton having a coffee. And me and my dad both have Magoo syndrome. Right, yeah.

Like we're thick. Late for everything. Like proper dyspraxic and stuff. You Magoo'd this podcast. Oh yeah, Magoo. Oh, I did Magoo this podcast. Yeah, so I was telling you, me and his,

like we'll do the podcast in Edinburgh. Yeah. I've got the portable stuff that we use in hotel rooms, we'll do it in Edinburgh. And you got the portable stuff that we use in hotel rooms we'll do in Edinburgh and you got off the sorry Glasgow I said Glasgow

I live in Glasgow that's how easy it is to me we said Glasgow and you got off the train to Edinburgh and you went right let's see where Kai lives and it was back the way it was

it was a nightmare lad it was like I've magooed this to the point I can't even make it anymore yeah absolutely we were doing it in Edinburgh so we were in Wolverhampton we had a coffee

we couldn't find the exit yeah of a service station I can't even make it anymore. Yeah, absolutely. We're doing it in Edinburgh. So we're in Wolverhampton. We had a coffee. We couldn't find the exit of a service station. So we're just surrounded by cars in a car park. But it's a coach car park. And we didn't know how to find it. So the coach had fucked off without us. So I had to get an Uber from Wolverhampton to Cheltenham. For your free tickets.

Your free tickets ended up costing you if you bought the tickets it would have been cheaper than the Uber you've just got but then £20 Somerville boy won the first race won it all back

and then proceeded to lose it all for the rest of the day there it is and then on the way home we couldn't find the coach car park

at Cheltenham so we missed the coach again so we missed the coach again. So we missed two coaches there and back. So we had to walk from my house to find a train station. It's horrendous. Yeah, shade tapes.

And United got knocked out of the Champions League. And you're like, and that's what I'm going to revolve my entire year around. That lovely, joyous experience that brought me nothing but hell. Cheltenham in our house is big, and I'm not exaggerating. It's more important than Christmas to us, to our family. Yeah. So, like, Christmas Day, it's like, yeah, we just have a curry and mochi, standards and that.

Do you put up a little tree and just hang, like, bookies, pens, and stuff? Yeah. Pen slips and stuff. Stirrup. We have a Christmas card book, pen slips. I remember once, because Boxing Day is obviously a big day of racing and football and stuff.

So my dad gave me 50 quid, you know, for Christmas money. Gave it me on Christmas Day, and he went, and that is being betted. That's so funny. He's like, you're not spending that on clothes or anything stupid.

Get yourself something nice. You can gamble with it. Put that on a knacker. Yeah, so it's just drilled into me. What's the biggest win you've had? A few grand. I've had days where money's not happened. Like the turnover in some days has been like 10, 12 grand.

Where me and my mate, we used to, even when I started a job, I used to book four days in the Britannia Hotel in Manchester and just go in the piss room, mate, then I'd nip in work, do a shift, then go back out on the piss. Nice. And we were in the bookies as well.

In the bookies hungover. And there's one day where we'd won like every race and was up a few grand between us. Then we went casino and was up like eight, nine grand. So I just stayed straight through through bang on the beak just fucking right through two two and a half days on it nipping work fuck off early from work like 1 p.m and then my mate's doing five ton of dog and the dog racing five ton of dog and then i can't even imagine the fucking fear and worry oh Oh, I love it, man.

Do you like it? Do you like that? Suffrage. I love losing. Professional losing. There's some. Do a show. There's something.

There's something brilliant and cathartic about losing your last fiver. Do you like how comfortable you are in the pits? Yeah, I love it. Yeah, do you like how comfortable you are in the pits yeah I love it yeah I mean it's it but I'm riding high and I've got that all the thousands of pounds I'm like oh your comfort zone this is class unfamiliar terrain but I just need I need this episode to end now I need so ended disaster master but he was doing five to the dog they nip it out get the brass and they had like four brasses in a day so if the dog come in

he spent money if the dog come in he was getting a sex worker five tonne nip through a brass back in the book I'll meet you in an hour getting a brass

but he was just like he was obsessed with brasses and I was obsessed with dogs everyone's going to have their base it's amazing

fucking oh I wanted to I wanted to tell you as well you know can I read out Everyone's going to have their bites It's amazing Fucking Oh I wanted to I wanted to tell you as well You know Can I read out The last exchange That we had On Facebook

Oh yeah Go on Can I read it or not Yeah Why Because I want to read it Because

Something similar Happened straight after Messaging you Oh really And it was worse Than the exchange We had Oh no So I'm just going worse than the exchange we had.

Oh, no. So, I'm just going to find the message that I sent you because I come on Facebook, I saw your tour in town, I come on and I messaged you

so that I could meet up with you and do this podcast. But you know when you just haven't spoken to each other on Facebook for a good few years and then you see

the last exchange that you had. It was a beautiful thing Because I didn't even know What you were on about when you texted this So this is 11th of July 2018 at half past ten at night He went, hey lad If that's even at me being kicked out

I didn't mean to say mong Jamie I hardly knew you I think you did a punch drunk gig or something for me off recommendation you did a North Shields punch drunk or something it'd be like

you went I didn't mean to say mong I'm just fuming mate I'm so angry I said mong I'm just fuming mate I've apologised on the comment as well I didn't mean any offence like

I'm just saying I just went nah I was on about Mark. I didn't mean any offence. Like, I'm just saying. I just went, nah, I was on about Mark Nelson. I didn't say a post. I wouldn't have been asked by Mong. And then he went, oh, I called someone a Mong. My head's gone, lad. So that was our exchange.

It just made us laugh because five years ago, and I totally fucking, none of that exchange was in my memory at all. And I was like, oh, fucking hell. I know what it was. Can you remember what oh, fucking hell. I know what it was. Can you remember what it was or not? I know what it was. It's a World Cup. Yeah.

And there was an argument on the, the Psychic Comics football group. And it was called, Where Comedians Can Talk About Football Away From Pricks. Yeah. And all I had done is flippantly replied about Mark Nelson, just going, I thought they said away from pricks. Yeah, yeah.

And someone, we got beat, it was like obviously when Croatia beat us and someone was mowing at Southgate, I went, shut your mong. Oh, no. Oh, no. And then obviously you said, and then because you said,

I thought they were meant to be talking away from pricks, I went, oh, fuck, is that me? Yeah, you instantly connected the dots. And because it was England semi-final I'd just been on it all day and you just

power out yeah yeah that's very funny so that I bring that up right because like

a day later after that so I'm gonna I'm gonna be doing this this panel show and it's about Newcastle right so they want to have an ex-footballer on the panel so um so i'm gonna i'm gonna be doing this uh this panel show and it's about newcastle right so

they want to have an ex-footballer on the panel so um there's can you remember a footballer called olivier bernard yeah yeah left back yeah so he played for newcastle i think he had a stint at rangers as well yeah um but i i've done a gig with him a while back at this like show racism the red card thing right there he was his last I don't know if he's still with the same last but she's from Ponteeland she's from the North East and he was there

as a guest of honour and we're backstage and I spent the whole time backstage just showing his last a video of Lauren Robert clearing the ball hitting Olivia Bernard

in the face I remember that and Olivia Bernard goes like comic jelly legs yeah yeah like wobbling like this and he walks several steps

before his consciousness leaves him and he falls over some shot Robert he was fucking like scalding it off his face so I show his last

this video which is howling and we watched it about seven times me and his last watched this thing so I've worked with Olivier Bernard

before and I know I think he owns a pub with somebody from Blythe or they run a pub together or something or they're a pub together or something or they're in business together. And I half know this lad.

I went to school with him, but he wasn't in my year. So I went to text this lad to see if he had Olivier Bernard's number so that we could get him on this show. And I just messaged him just saying like the messages about that. But before I sent the message, I come on and seeing that I've messaged him before

and he'd replied he'd replied to one of my stories which you can't say anymore saying why is your face twisted and i went i it took a beating it's been 35 years of getting in the way of stuff and then he went ha ha ha ha and i went football boots fists car windows the north sea you name it so he started naming cock balls balls, tampons, question mark at the end of each. And then I sent him a picture. This lad I hardly know, of me with a

tampon in me teeth. I mean, I'll send it to Matthew. Fuck it, that'll end up on the internet, sure. I sent him that picture, and then I was at the point where I was like I don't even know if I can message this lad

asking about Olivier Bernard because I'm a shambles it has to bump that conversation I'm a shambles and I've been on it the anxiety I get I just get a flash of

fucking hell man do you remember when you pissed that guy off in 2012 yeah and I'll just message him I went Oh lad Are we alright

10 years ago You act on it Yeah That causes the problem Yeah I know That activates The overthinking I have to

Sometimes Seriously When I wake up When I've been on On the beak and that And Because I black out I have a sip of a drink

And I'll wake up Do you know what I mean Yeah okay I have to sip of a drink and I'll wake up do you know what I mean yeah okay I have to get my phone and put it in another room so I'm not even tempted to go and look at it so you've got to

take actions I've got to it's got to it can't be near me because you know you know my theory on intrusive thoughts

right is you're going to be getting intrusive thoughts all the time you're the filter right you can't choose which thoughts you're going to get right but the minute your action of thought

the part of your brain that gives you the intrusive thoughts goes oh he acts on them ones give him more than once he acts on them so i've always likened it to like a sushi chef if a sushi is putting like fucking his stuff his niggeries and all that on the on theyor belt. And then somebody's getting a particular one and eating it. He's like, I'll make more of those. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Supply and demand. Supply and demand. So your brain's giving you full-on fucking supply and demand

based on how you're actioning your thoughts. So if you action intrusive thoughts like, that guy in 2012 thinks you're a dick, and then you action it, it's going, oh, he likes them ones. He likes them thoughts I'm going to give him more of them I accidentally started

a rumour about an open spot years ago and it got back to me in a car share and I went ah fuck I started that you know

ah no I was pissed up and I went I'll give him a fake name I'll go Elliot Steele I went

you know Elliot Steele don't wipe his arse he doesn't wipe his arse oh no so I was like we're talking go Elliot Steele I went you know Elliot Steele don't wipe his arse he doesn't wipe his arse oh no so I was like we're talking about Elliot Steele and inverted commas

and the guy I went oh yeah it's weird that thing that he does he doesn't wipe his arse what

yeah Elliot Steele doesn't wipe his arse before a gig he likes the itch on stage just add to his performance I don't know this actually really scans with a light steel

yeah it really it really it really like explains his stage presence yeah that's why he's so moody so I've

I've told my mam that Milo McCabe is a never nude basically told the story of Tobias from Arrested Development I don't know if you've ever seen that but he wears his jorts

in the shower and I just told that story about Milo before my wedding so that my mum would like look at Milo in a different way thinking he was never nude he always like puts on like clothes like around clothes to get changed he's never got his cock out, his showers were shorts on

that's what I mean the Elliot Steele Don't wipe his arse thing That ended up on graffiti In the King's Arms toilets Yeah In Salford And

Six months went by If that wasn't you That weren't me That weren't you in a blackout That wasn't Well Could have been It wasn't my handwriting

No It was neat But then Six months later I'm in a car share somewhere And he went Have you heard him about not wiping his ass? I went, no, no, he was like me.

Just starting these little fucking... Fuck. And another thing I used to do to ask... Do you reckon it's got back to them? Must have done, yeah. So what... There's memes made. What year was it?

Oh, this is like really early days, like 16, 15, 16. Okay, so... It hurts that you think that's really early days. I feel like a fucking veteran. I feel like a World War I veteran hearing someone talk about World War II. Me talking about how tough the Belgrano was when you've been in the Somme.

So is that comedian still a comedian? No, I went back to teaching. Did they go back to teaching? Oh, that's actually give people a lot of... Oh, shit. That's proof that it wasn't Elliot Steele. Teaching. You know what the thing is?

That's the one job where you've narrowed it down to 80% of comedians. Oh, no, yeah, yeah. It's still a lot. Yeah, it's mad, isn't it? I just imagine a lot of teachers from my school, if they went into stand-up. It's so bizarre to me.

Nah, there's not a single teacher who I had in front of us that I would have... Nah. Do you ever remember any of them being funny? Yeah, we had funny teachers, but not stand-up funny, do you know what I mean? Nah. Like, funny for teachers. You know what i mean like funny four

teachers now you know what made them funny the fact they swore yeah if any of them swore they were class i said just call me mick hi yeah i mean and they're the ones that when you look back why are you being that desperate man i try to be that desperate you You were a teacher? No, I worked for a hairdressing academy. You've got such hidden depths. So I worked in recruitment for this hairdressing academy, yeah. Just so that you could get cuttings to put in your bath. So your mom was like, fucking hell, Jamie. There's loads of wigs in the bath Of that bitch So I worked at this hairdressing academy

And I was in recruitment I'm meant to interview me So you were, head on You were recruiting I'm going to call you a bluff on that I was recruitment, yeah So head on You worked in the hairdressing academy

Not as an academic But you worked in the academyressing academy, not as an academic, but you worked in the academy as the HR. Sales, like sales. So basically it's… So you were an office worker at the hairdressers? Yeah, but sales. So you didn't touch the hair? Didn't touch the hair, no.

Didn't touch the hair. You just pitched a good haircut. Yeah. You were knocking on people's doors, just going, pretty much here is out so i i drink salons uh-huh it's basically like hogwarts for hair i'm listening so uh like you'd get like 16 year old predominantly girls some lads as well 16 year old girls in do what do hairdressing i have to find them a salon to work in so like an apprenticeship and then they do two days at the college right two days at the college and free in the salon basically so i've got ring

salons i've got a nice girl in your area wants to do hairdressing drop an apprentice four pound thirty an hour they say yes or no that's basically my job yeah so what i have to do as well it's welcome the the girls so every friday we'd have an intake of of people who want to do hairdressing now a lot of the time they don't want to do hairdressing it's just that there's no qualifications needed you don't need any gcsc so if they put their exams up yeah they'll just come to us i mean and some of them like been told to come here by the job center or whatever yeah and a smaller percentage have a real passion for hairdressing yeah so i'd have to do a presentation to these like 16 year old girls about what the job entails yeah about about how the course is so i'd have the slideshow on are you the person that taught the teenagers how to do the

head wank no no i'm not i'm not. I'm just... I always found that the weirdest thing when you go into an actual hairdresser's not a barber's. Oh, my goodness. And they put you in the sink and they wash your hair first

and then a teenager just comes up and massages you. He's nearly like, ah, right, this is a bit Epstein Island. Oh, I had a hair... Mate, you don't even... That's not even the worst of it.

Hairdressing is mental, mate. There's going to be a big panorama about hairdressing. Is Danny going to be on Dispatchers again? Slosses on Dispatchers with Woody's barber. Calling out for Dallas or something.

Hairdressing is wild, right? So I'd give this presentation to the girls, but I'd be like sat on the desk, the sideshow playing, but yeah, we can skip that slide. And I went, hey, just call me Jamie. I was like, oh yeah so i'd have to interview the girls one-on-one interview them and give them a score out of 10 they're like they're showing passion for the industry they're really what i do it customer service you're like yeah yeah yeah you're looking at how like they interact as a human because

they're going to be working in their shop front. And you score out of 10? Yeah. So we'd have really high-end city centre salons. It's really damaging that you mark teenagers out of 10, Jimmy. This gets worse, mate. Oh, no. Right, it gets worse. So we'd have really high-end city centre salons

and we'd have, like, shitholes, like, in the rough areas of Manchester as well. Yeah. I mean, every area is caked for so they'll get la twos and threes so well every time i most of them like six seven out of ten and then i remember the first time i had a 10 out of 10 candidate absolutely fucking smashed it every answer was like hear this why bang i really want to do it switched on really switched on proper conscientious like mature beyond the years so i went to my manager the jude bellingham yeah the jude bellingham

so she's like i i go to my manager go oh i've got a 10 out of 10 candidate here we need to send her to the posh salon in the middle of town Yeah She's got the Tony and Guy Yeah so It has to be Like top end And he goes Oh great great Which one is it

I went Oh that girl there And he went She's not town centre I went no no We're interviewed She's like No no

No She's not town centre No Because she was big The rate The rate in our own appearance Yeah Oh cunt

They went We can't send her there They won't have her Cunt So we'd have to send Like I went I went what are you talking about

Hang on hang on This guy is like That 16 year old's Not attractive enough Yeah To go The fuck is he marking A young impressionable

Yeah And then Human on that And I was I was That man needs to watch The Barbie movieable human on that? And I was... That man needs to watch the Barbie movie. I was gobsmacked. I was like, are you messing? So then...

Did you call him out on it or were you still like... I went, I'm going to send her. So I sent her anyway. Oh, good, good. I sent her for an interview. I've got an amazing girl here for you. She's absolutely smashed it. And she's gone to that posh

sick centre she didn't get the job and it's impossible if they judged it on the right you know the right thing

yeah what a fucking red flag on that man yeah what a red flag like the fucking the fact that he is weighing up

last year that's like you know the the old school fucking the newspaper had done like a countdown on Charlotte Church's

Coming of age And like that bloke Who did that Oh yeah It's just It's an Endemic in the It's capitalism

It's just the industry norm it's like no one even shrugged I was bloke because I was new to the hairdressing game it's brutal isn't it

Lassus didn't stand a chance in that claim of mine and then these girls coming in with like too much fake tan and you know

fucking rake thin just chewing gum in the fucking interview I don't even want to be here get them to the city centre get them to the city centre

get them to the city centre it's like it's fucking mind blowing mate fuck that's when it's really sad I know it's crazy innit aye

and what like what year was that like when we're talking now is that it's covid that's still happening that's happening now I actually got a cease and desist

from the company because you because I said it on a podcast and it got clipped up did you did you do it again do you wantist from the company because you said it on a podcast and it got clipped up yeah and you're doing it again now do you want to shut the company out

no because you've got a cease and desist fuck isn't that bad though the hairdresser isn't that bad that on a podcast now with a profile like I have

and the knowledge that you have of that industry you kind of just look through the barrel of the lens and call them out because even though you're right they're they're gonna well it's threaten with action it's not just them it's it's industry

it's the industry why because that's what i mean because to be honest the way my manager said it he's a really sound guy and he went i don't agree with it but i know if we send her there they're not gonna have her and they're gonna have a go at us for sending her I just know that's going to happen yeah so he he was just going off the claimant

yeah he was like she's not town centre it won't she won't get the job and if you send her

you'll build her hopes up that she's going to get it which I did and then she didn't get it she went to

some shithole in Eccles it's just like working class men in comedy that's what it is mate just making a

film of ourselves it's just this London centric It's just like working class men in comedy. That's what it is, mate. Just making a photo of ourselves. It's just this London centric. They don't make Northerners. It's exactly like that. It's the same. We're just on our accents. Uh-huh. Yeah.

You don't know our plight. How are you finding as well the difference between now that you're touring? Do you find a difference when you go down south? Do you find a difference? I had to be. Was there a difference between Hull and Southampton on that double? Nah, do you know what? Because you've got your own crowd as well.

Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah. You're not playing a sensitive multicultural crowd. Well, Hull was the only one where someone walked out. Is it? Yeah, yeah. And what did you do? He was talking. I put him down a couple of times and i

think he's seen his ass about it so he went oh i've enough of this then i'm not out yeah well don't forget interrupt them mate they they don't they don't see it not going their way when they pipe up yeah we know which is bananas i know it's absolutely bananas that they think that they're ever gonna win that exchange well i'm I proper humiliated him as well. So someone dropped a glass and it smashed. But it was in the middle of a bit where I'm in a restaurant. So I just went, and someone threw a glass. And it's like, oh God, it's like he was there, isn't it?

Sort of thing. Just because it matched into the bit. Yeah, yeah. And he went, absolutely smashing. And I just let it hang. And he went, just, that was absolutely smashing and I just let it hang and he went just that was absolutely smashing and he said it again

I went mate everyone heard you the first time you know and it died on its house and then I went we're just going to sit here now for 10 seconds

while we get rid of that just the stank just let the stank settle open a window that was you that that was me fucking cunt people at home will be laughing Just the stank. Just let the stank settle. Open a window. That was you, that. People at home will be laughing because I do shit like that with Daniel all the time on purpose to derail it.

Put the fucking stinkiest pun in. In the middle of his rants, I'll just fucking... It's like Leafs on the line. Body on the line. Just how you're fucking stinking pooey, knowingly stinky pong with you

fucking pun in the middle of like because he gets really passionate when he's tagging and he's just like shut up so fucking good man aye so fucking

that was in Hull that was Hull Hull's one of them places we always have a nice time when we go but never like going it's one of them places we always have a nice time when we go but never like going it's one of them places

like I think the people are out right the gigs always are out right there but that's why I feel for you not having a car on the tour

because that means you have to stay in the city you're gigging yeah it's not ideal but I like staying in old town but it's sometimes nice to you know

if you've done like if you've done Bradford and then your next gig's in Leeds just go and bed down in Leeds for two nights and then you can go I mean that's just a it's probably a bad example

but like you can you can schedule it in a different way you can schedule it where you go right I'll check in and have two nights

in a hotel here because after the gig I'll do the drive and then I've got a full day of not driving and go to sleep in the same bed like about sleeping in no towels is it's clean i have a very very bad room i do is yeah a mole on the wall and that you don't even seem like the type that would have like a

filthy room jimmy that would sleep like like a cleaner's house is never tidy you know what i mean yeah it's just such a You just admit this I live in squalor I've got me shit to go about Like I thought That you'd have everything Alpha ties and all that And like really

Like one I'm a proper squalor man So living in a hotel Is luxury to me Like this is like Fuck Even a cheap B&B Feels like

You know The Radisson Do you have a plan on dealing with that what do you wanna like the fact that you live in squalor

the thing is I shit in the bed all the time aye my girlfriend's pretty against it which is fair enough she's against

you shitting in the bed yeah me and the fucking women are just like this all the time aren't they yeah past that jaw even ironic misogyny is still misogyny oh we've got a charity

jar we've got a charity jar mate where we're fucking these are post-it notes with how much we owe because we're going through too much cash and we didn't want to keep that much cash in here but it's like you know every time you're racist in a bit or misogynistic or homophobic within a bit instead of dealing with a problem we just take the tory way out and we'll put a five at war charity uh we used to start it off right with like this podcast in 2016 started off with muggle corner where it was like if you put your decorations for christmas up in november you're a muggle get in the corner for 30 seconds. If you request a song off the DJ in the nightclub, you're a muggle. And now it's like,

gay people started the Holocaust. It's just how we've transitioned. What is it, five for a time? Five for a time. But it's nice to put something back. You've got to put it back yeah when we're running Punch Drunk regularly

and that was making a bit of money we're always like to support charities and stuff like it's always nice to do a little bit on a selfish side it's easier to reject charity muggers if you're doing charitable stuff

in the background oh yeah because you'd be like I already thought of a charity I signed up this is embarrassing I signed up to deaf kids signed up. Oh, this is embarrassing. I signed up to deaf kids.

Signed up. Oh, that's so good. He's had it. I signed up to deaf kids. That's a short joke. The deaf kids society. because the girl was fit and i just liked the conversation with her oh yeah and i was there for eight eight quid a month so 96 quid a

year so i reckon i spent 294 92 quid uh-huh on just a conversation with a pretty girl did you did you learn saying language on the way no or you just like got it this is good for the listeners this

this is good for the listeners I'm doing the finger hole and pointing right so that that was my

charity contribution because a pretty girl spoke to me cost me 300 quid did you get anywhere didn't go anywhere i signed up and went i'll leave it and i left it for two years so i knew she was probably like oh for fuck's sake i've got to talk to this guy that stinks of shit again with his mom's pubes

on his back but fucking honestly the we need the money in the society i've got to fucking put up with this the deaf kids need a bus mate um i. I also, I had an interview for one of these charity mugga jobs. And the guy interviewing me was like proper like David Brent type. Do you know like somebody who finished ninth on The Apprentice? Yeah. Sort of person. Proper goal getter. So I tried to impress him, yeah.

And he went, it says here you create your thinker on your CV. So I went, yeah. He went, can you just go into that a bit more? So I went, well, put it this way. I don't just think outside the box. I live outside it. Oh, what do you mean by that? I went, oh, well, you know, think of thoughts as the box,

and I just got lost in this metaphor. I'm dying on my ass. You ended up going, wait, listen, I am the box. I'm dying on my ass. You just said earlier that you were great at interviews. I was class at interviews, mate. I made a woman cry in an interview.

That's not what they measured on. No. I've got this. That doesn't make it good. I've got this technique for interviews and first dates. Oh, no. And you either get a job or a shag. Okay. Or a second date, at least.

You know, not all women sleep on the first date. No. I owe it a five. Yeah, we'll put it in for you. We'll put it in for you. Get the job. You get your first couple for free well you don't, we pay for it

there we go that was very problematic he's trying to change and the way he's trying to change is donating other people's money to charity sorry women so yeah there's success

there's success one way or another so in this interview process And my manager went I've never seen the owner of the company I've never seen you control A room like that I was on Zoom That's my guess

I thought your guess would be Take the interview chair and take it round the other side And sit it in between them I've done stuff like that Where grab the water first Take the interview chair and take it around the other side and sit it in between them. I've done stuff like that where grab the water first. I've done stuff like that in interviews all the time. And start pH testing it. Get a testing kit out. Some crunchy little tablets and all that.

Just going, yep, you need a filter. That's the first thing I do when I come into this company. I get you a good water filter. Put it in an ice cube tray, freeze it, and go, always thinking of solutions. This water's not warm enough, mate. So I used to work with dementia. People who had it.

And I used to write their life stories. So like people coming with dementia. It was always just the same chapter. Just over and over again. Thousand page tomes. So this is the story I tell on first dates. Just to show like, you know. You told the story of the notebooks in an interview.

She goes, what did you do there at Age UK? So I work with people with dementia and I used to write their life stories basically it's like a reminiscence living room so living room set out 50s style and they'd come in with their son or daughter

or granddaughter and we'd do weekly sections so we'll talk all about your school life one week, all about work all about your husband etc Tame at war so I'm like 5 weeks in with this woman called Elsa

and it's work week and really getting on with Elsa she's really coming out of her shell a bit and she brings all the posters all the pictures in from when she worked she worked as a nursery teacher for 30 years at Beehive Nursery. So I went, oh, Beehive in Openshaw.

That's where I went. I don't know what years was it. And she went, oh, I think she left in 93. Oh, I would have been like 94, 95. So I probably just missed her. So you got the newbie in. Yeah, and then she's got pictures and there's a picture of her

at her leaving party and she's cutting into her leaving cake and next to her is me on my mum's knee at three she was my first ever teacher and now I'm my last ever carer do I get the job?

you're doing a job for a charity mugger That was your No that was That was To get the job in the hairdressing academy Was it? Yeah And you just melted the hearts

And then created Teenagers of the Town Yeah and I've said it with girls on nights out Have you? I said it to my girlfriend on our first date Because they just see they just see us this like fucking bed shitting

like reprobate and then find out that you've just got this soft core yeah yeah and they feel like that they can fix everything else

oh that's it I'm such a project man aye but like kind of big project yeah it's DIY it's not a fix our robot

it's like if a Nick Knowles wouldn't take this it's like we a Nick Knowles wouldn't take this it's like we're going to have to work on the foundations of this one I think

but there's something in it there's something there it's resale value it'll be worth the hard work there's something

there man you've got to make yourself out to be a project of a sensitive soul for jobs and I was a fashion project for me, Mrs. Lake. This is where she got me.

That's fine. I'm all right. I'm a lot more plain than I would have been if I was left to my own devices. I think I was quite colourful in my choices. Nothing ever went together. I had no eye for that. Oh, really? Right, okay.

But my lasses just rain it in a lot. Oh, just colours that clash.. But my lasses just like, just rain it in a lot. Oh, just because there's that clash. Just be a bit more plain. Let your personality shine through. You're not town centre, mate. You're not town centre, I'm not. I'm not town centre. Despite my charisma,

I just couldn't get the town centre work. You're not town centre, right. Because of my crooked face because of all the tampons that have hit it that tampon in my teeth story come from it was a girl

I took a Viagra and she went she went why would you take Viagra you don't need Viagra and I was like it's would you take Viagra you don't need Viagra and I was like it's not about needing Viagra

no it's just you'll just enjoy it more there'll be there'll be a round two we're in for a good night yeah it's

put a cape on it it's got superpowers for the evening it's roids it's roids for me cock I would have done a good job anyway but I'm gonna do you yeah

better job than eat and she watched us take the Viagra and then fucking kicks in. She started laughing and went, I want my period. And I was like, you fucking arsehole. She's howling. Because in her head, she's playing a practical joke on us. Oh, it's funny.

She's playing a practical joke. And I was like, you would do this like that? I'm sassy. We'll just do it anyway. I was like, I think I need sex more than you can't have sex yeah and she just went all right we can do it if you're technically a teeth thinking that i never would bluff called oh as you can tell by the picture wasn't that bad yeah it wasn't that bad but uh but she got a got a photo and took a photo of it. And that photo was just in the fucking,

the depths of my fucking darkest photo fucking archive. And when that lad suggested that I got hit in the face with a tampon, I dug out the photo. I'd clearly been fucking drunk or something. You can't have one kind of aggro. It's too sad. Nah. Can't say I ever have because I've always.

Oh, no. I have. I've always no I've not oh no I've oh I have I've let I've let one go amiss before I took I took one on Christmas Eve and I've done stand up about this

so I don't want to yeah fuck anybody that's seen this date live but I took it on Christmas Eve and then like me last was just too drunk and we just ended up like Christmas morning

she was too shabby she just fucking didn't want to date I've had the exact same thing but this thing called Holy Grail what is it? it's like

Viagra on Viagra okay it's Viagra squared but it also makes your butthole wide it's fucking robbing

gives you a nipple on as well and then got back and the girl was sick just throwing up everywhere and it's just like I'm not obviously

an ogre and it's just like I'm not obviously an ogre and it's fucking all the blood in the world is in your dick you're starting you're starting to go deaf you're like where's that last one I need I paid for that boss

yeah that's the job I'm gonna get changed Yeah, pass the jar. I'm going to get changed. Shocking. So it just didn't happen for you? Because it doesn't give you a hard-on. You've still got to be in the mood It just keeps

It just keeps you hard on It's like you know If people take steroids And expect to get hench You've still got to go to the gym Yeah yeah yeah So you've still got to Like but

For my one It was I took it on Christmas Eve Thought nothing of it And woke up With me morning hard on And Christmas day And just Christmas

With a hard on Yeah Just like tucked into Like family gathering Fucking having dinner With a tucked in Oh it's got It just doesn't go does it it's class not made i think that i think that's a wrap there the cameras lasted uh cheers for coming on the podcast and uh your tour sold out so you can't

plug that but you're gonna do it like an add-on like yeah doing an extension so jamie h comedy on twitter and instagram To find that out Erm Be coming back all over The country again There's some more dates In cities that I didn't Come to Excellent

And are you speculating Because we've got Quite a national audience here Do you speculate On going to Australia For any of the festivals Or

Er Possibly Not really Out We'll see Yeah Yeah Taking in stages

I need a lot of Magoo time For Australia I'll be fucked And er I erm So if you're see yeah yeah take it in stages I need a lot of Magoo time for Australia I'll be fucked and I so if you're in the UK

keep an eye out for Jamie Hutchison on tour and go find him on all the social medias and his podcast is called

The Hot Water Green Room so go and subscribe to that and next time you're back in Scotland we'll get you

back on yeah sweet mate thank you cheers lad nice one and we'll get you back on. Yeah, sweet, mate. Thank you. Cheers, lad. Nice one.