Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Make Some Noise

Episode Date: September 4, 2024

Muggins and Cream get the old band back together to discuss holding onto relics when moving house, whether it's appropriate to get off over porn of a deceased partner and what your last words might be in the wake of Fat Man Scoops dying doing what he loves, getting people to make some noise. #40   www.thistlycrosscider.co.uk Discount Code: THISTLYSLOSSSEPTEMBER

Sloss and Humphries on the road! Muggins and cream, cream and muggins Straight thuggin', livin' the dream And that's our intro Fuckin' muggles! Tickling the clit inside your head that makes you laugh Woohoo! Hahaha!

They said it can't be done! Are we in the same seats? That's hack! Awww, muggles! Accidental rim job in the park Kiss kiss kiss Or might just be cynical Just muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglepedia

Where have you been since 9-11? When have you? 27th Aye Aye Okay I thought you were going sooner than that Because I might not be able to help as much with a move

Oh no no no We've got movers Aye Aye Still Bit of fucking extra bodies as always Just decorate it Who's fighting?

They bring everything in Uh huh Yeah yeah yeah so what we've done is like there's a company there's an excelsior package yeah yeah there's a company that come in and they just go like the one thing they say is you like you've got to clear out your drawers and stuff of like things that you don't want because anything in that drawer they'll just go new house so with fucking pen lids coins bits of lint they'll all go in and they'll transfer all over so you're getting all your junk all the stuff that you've wedged in yeah yeah so that's why we're trying to do like a cupboard a night of just like we're gonna empty this we're gonna

empty this and uh fucking women are um they hold on to things. Kind of can be quite good in terms of like, let's fucking get rid of this shit. And then there's other times I'm like, we can get rid of our wedding thank you cards from people, right? She's like, no, I love them. I'm like, tell me the fucking cupboard they're in. You know what I did with, is this the podcast?

Yeah. Yeah, let's do it. Where I got all of the cards that I'd kept because you bundle them and keep them right I went through anything that's like

two chi from someone there in the bin anything that's just got like a nice message in or something I'm keeping them anything

because you know what like I just wish I'd kept stuff from grandparents like that. Aye. Where I'm just like, fucking life's finite, man. I don't want to be macabre and all that.

But I'd be sad if I didn't have handwritten stuff from my parents. But when are you looking at it? When they're dead? He's going, oh, yeah, that was his handwriting. Probably. You know what? I haven't suffered the death of a parent yet, but I don't think

when my dad dies, there's going to be any point where I'm like, I missed the way he curled his jeans. It's like, maybe I've just been ignorant, but.

I just missed when my dad's spelling things. He never knew how to put right there. Yeah. Like, if it was a long heartfelt message from a paid or anyone

like fucking dead absolutely if he's like hey super proud of you on this day we love you I get that but you know what

it's that I fund I fund one of me granddad's shopping lists once and it actually meant a lot to us what was he buying? He had humbugs on there, right? I beg your pardon? Humbugs.

Was he fucking Scrooge? What do you mean he had humbugs on there? You know, they're like the sweets that are like kind of black and white stripes, but more of a brownie. Is that why Scrooge says, but a humbug? Like he's got the fucking coffee raffle and things. He's like, but a humbug.

Is that what that is? I think so. I think humbug was an archaic word for drat. Right. Archaic word

for got done it. So I think the sweets were named after the humbug. Right. He loved his

humbug to be grander. But he'd added it to the list. He'd add his little list and

he's like, ho, ho, ho. Yeah. That's mental to me because list He'd added a little list And he's like Ho ho ho Yeah That's my own books That's mental to me Because I feel like On a shopping list You don't write treats

Because when you walk around the shop That's what you're going to Fucking buy for yourself anyway I need to write down things like Kale Fucking Man preempted his mouth sensation That he wanted

Just touched his hair You know Nice stuff Finding them things like You know It's nice Aye he wanted just touched his hair you know nice stuff finding them things like you know it's nice aye

I mean my grandad the one that's passed he used to when I was very very young like he got me a

tape deck wherever we used to play fucking you know tapes Walkman cassettes aye and he would like he was really good at like making up bedtime stories so he used to play fucking you know tapes Walkman cassettes aye and he would like

he was really good at like making up bedtime stories so he used to have his bedtime stories and it would be like there were 20 different characters and I'd be one of them and he would tell me

these stories and I used to love them whenever he stayed and I loved them whenever I went up to visit him and then because I loved them so much

I actually recorded a bunch of those on cassette and I could listen to them on my bed at home. Have you still got them? No. That would be a thing. You would do anything for them now?

Yes. That's something where I would go. You would trade your Oasis tickets for them cassettes right now? Oh, no. I was going to give it for ages. I'm good enough throughout my birthday card from Fat Man Scoops. No, no. Because those things from my granddad,

that's his voice and that's his imagination and that's something that he did special for me. I get that. You agree there's a difference between random shopping list? Oh, yeah. Oh, man. Like, them things don't exist from my granddad with, like, an audio recording specific to me.

If you found one of your... Fuck me, that would be so important to me. If you found one of your granddad's old suits, would that be important to you? We're on stage. Just tearing it a bit like the Hulk. Would that be a nice thing to find? My granddad was a suit man as well.

All right, so would that be good for you to find if you found one of his old suits? Don't know. Old underwear? I want to find If you found one of his old suits? Don't know Old underwear I want to find the line Getting into the realm of weird now Well that's what I want to know I'm like

What is that line? Suit absolutely You're not wearing it I wish I had like Audio or video recordings of him for sure Aye Like I've got I've got his old paintings

That's like That's my heirloom Do you reckon in like 60 years There's going to be people being like I've still got access to your Grand's old OnlyFans, if you want. Oh, that's going to happen to people, aye. Aye. Yeah.

And you're like, oh, man, I miss her so much. Gosh, she was so young by then. Oh, there's a foot. Never mind, never mind. Would you nudes nudes of a dead wife jerk off to them 100% for real

oh absolutely if Cara gets a cancer diagnosis like the last six months of her life is us making porn photoshoots photoshoots

is us making porn photoshoots and that absolutely absolutely like pull me hair actually like

I remember reading I think it was on fucking Reddit and it was some poor woman who had her husband at stage four and it was sudden and he had like a year left and she was like here's my advice to people if you're living with someone who's if your partner's about to die

here's the things you do and she was like definitely do a bucket list-h in terms of like if there's something they really want to see but you don't want to be traveling all the time you don't want all these memories of being in the airport and packing and stress about traveling like try and spend as much as your time at home watching movies those are your memories and one of her bits of advice was and as soon as you get the diagnosis just for your partner film a bunch of fucking porn with them right because i mean i

think that's a decent way to fucking grieve you know what i didn't think i'd move on me no no i think i'd be a lot like my granddad my granddad pete said like his my grand died young before i was born hi and he just didn't bother himself he bother himself he had his wife he was in love and now he's just he's just an old man that lives on his own and he's got his family

and all that I agree if Cara dies I'm not moving on but sex workers might be on the table after a decade

ooh I wonder if my gran ever booked hookahs what else was on the shopping list that's what her books are fuck's sake right aye

I think that's the only like for me and look if you have a dead partner and you've moved on fucking more power to you good strength good growth

proud of you me not on that side I'm just like I don't I think you'd also have a partner and you've moved on, fucking more power to you, good strength, good growth, proud of you. Me, not on that side. I'm just like, I don't, I don't. I think you'd also have a partner that would want you to move on.

Yeah, and I don't want that. And wanted you to be happy. And then you've got Natalie. You'd be like, no, just grieve me for the rest of your days. Well,

no, because I would worry that, like, if I was with somebody new, they'd be like, you really need to get over Cara. I'd be like, well, you're a fucker. I can get over you quicker than I can fucking get over Cara.

That's you out the fucking door. That would be a thing as well. It's like, whoever was with us, if I did move on, whoever was with us would, like, there'd be no world where they were the number one. Aye, aye. Like, yeah, just like, train replacement bus service. Yeah.

That's what you are in real life and I didn't know if that's a cruel thing to do to somebody. Yeah. I feel. Unless he's really, I bet you a lot of people who are mourning

lost lovers find each other. Yes. Because they both go, oh, yeah, like, I'm happy being number two.

It's like getting two shelter dogs at the same time like this is the best way like alright okay yous can both be fucking mental

together because you understand and you're from the same you can't get a fucking brand new dog and then a shelter dog on the same day nah

I mean there's the hope the shelter dog is lifted up by the normal dog by the up by the normal dog by the joy of the new puppy aye but

I don't see it happening you need like two people that are going through trauma yeah yeah yeah alright like one traumatising one fixer that would be

kind of good also if fucking Cara dies there's no other woman raising our kids nah nah like

and look, again, this is purely from a fucking place of ignorance, but, Gaylord was like, can I call that woman mum? I'm like, you fucking can't,

I tell you that from the start. Not a chance is she here, mum. She's a sex worker, get out of here. I'll put in money. Um, I, I don't know, I'll put in money. I'll just kill my wives and find out.

One way to find out. Make a little paper run special. See what happens after my wives. I mean, all come back to Hollanders. Fat Man Scoops dead. Don't know if anyone's watched that video yet. Yeah, his last words were... Make some noise. Hamden, make some noise. some noise and we were like this

fat man scoops was playing hamden connecticut yeah yeah yeah yeah um so he he went full tommy cooper and like did it mid performance didn't he well no no so he was he was at the front and then he saw it was like he's hyping up the crowd. His wife's already moved on, actually. To Skinny Man Salad Bowl. He's going to live a lot longer. Oh, way longer. Absolutely. I mean, proof's in the pudding.

Pudding. Pudding. Pudding. Pudding. Skinny Man Salad Bowl. He goes behind the desk and then says, make some noise, and then, like, collapses. And then his hype men

do the right thing I think because they don't know how serious it is they're just like just had a wee stroke or whatever

so they're like still getting the crowd pumped up but then it becomes pretty apparent that if the time around scoops falls off the stage pick it up

pick it up pick it up he's dropped you know what I'm glad he's dead So he didn't have to Live through this Fucking make some noise as well

I bet everyone made noise Too much noise To be fair Superb last words Oh yeah Top tier last words There was a little bit of envy for me Where I'm just like I bet my last words. Oh, yeah. Top tier last words. There was a little bit of envy for me where I'm just like, I bet my last words aren't that cool.

No way. What I'm going to do right now, because I plan on dying peacefully in my sleep. I might just be like, no, baby, love you. Make some noise. Go to sleep. And then cut his last words and make some noise. I can almost guarantee my last words are going to be whoops. Oh, yeah. Just whoop. They're are going to be whoops.

They're not going to be watch this. We've discussed this before. I don't want to die on stage. As much as I like being on stage and I love being a comedian and you know I endure my fans. I'd rather die, I don't even want to die surrounded by my family, I don't want to like leave them with that fucking memory. I'd love to do like the goodbyes and then, here's how I want to die right, I'm towards the end, I was given like, I was given four years right, no I was given two years, I got three right, I was getting two years I got three right it's getting towards

the end all my friends have visited from all over the world I'm hanging on I'm hanging on you're a borrowed time yeah yeah

I'm meant to be here yeah and I'm also now a bit of a fucking nuisance and also in the last year like the equivalent of doing the last

Monday of the fringe yeah yeah yeah and I in this last year every bonus every bonus day beyond the two year thing

I'm smoking I'm drinking whiskey i'm fucking i'm like this is who gives a fuck it's all nothing's gonna kill me because i'm gonna die well cara they are i want my kids there i want to like tell them i love them and i don't want them to see me die um i don't want her to hold my hand in the final moments because i don't want it to like leave her with that like last memory of just me being weak and dead i to hold my hand in the final moments because I don't want to leave her with that last memory of just me being weak and dead I want her to go out of the room

that's sad for you though oh no no no you're being quite altruistic with that no man I'm telling you right fucking last ten minutes just scroll on Twitter

oh yeah like you're having a shite absolutely a little bit of peace a little moment of tranquility I tell you what I do. No one's bothering you. Yeah.

Just go through like the last couple of reels that I've sent to friends and they've sent to me and I'm like fucking Instagram most class for a bit. I was having a nice shake this morning where, you know when Instagram now gives you priority messages of someone with a blue tick like see a reel so like if you if you're getting notifications

of people commenting if the blue tick the fucking get bumped up in the DRI lane and I was like I know that name Tommy Lee who's Tommy Lee again

the lead singer of Motley Crue and I was like oh he's been fucking Pamela Anderson oh oh that's awesome I fucking clicked on it

it was him and I I was like fucking shag and pami like in my reels usual day in the office for a multi-cruise Tom Lee you briefly mentioned

and we rolled over a bit there so I did get Oasis tickets yes I was in the queue for ages

I'm kind of envious good that's why you got them that's 90% of the reason you got them for like I was in the queue for ages. I'm kind of envious. Good. That's why you've got them. That's 90% of the reason I did it. You've got them for the 90s generation who come up on it. Yeah. Because Oasis is like a fucking feeling.

Yeah, I'm sure. It takes you back to a time that was just so simpler. And that time was like fucking... Someone like Mark Nelson that just anchors themselves to that time. like fucking like you know someone like mark nelson that just like anchors themselves to that time like i don't have that i don't have that i've moved on in my head of the world i've changed with the world in my head but i still get nostalgic over that yeah pocket of time so my my day's plans were drop natalie off at central station she's going to a wedding um go home join the queue,

and watch the fucking Arsenal-Brighton game. Yeah. Nice Saturday afternoon, that, before coming here and joining the queue for Oasis. And Natalie rings us almost immediately after I've dropped her off, and the knee staff turned up to the dog talk. The wedding's cancelled, and you're like,

fine, I'll jump in. What? No, that's not what I meant at all. Oh. I'm stepping in for the bride. So I had to get up at the dog park. There was people waiting to get in. There was just a confusion.

Like both members of staff thought the other one was doing it. Just a miscommunication. It meant I fucking didn't get a waste of tickets. Yeah. Good husband, bud. Yeah Oasis tickets yeah good husband but yeah yeah very good husband so

might get me selling Oss out of it yeah aye but I'd rather have Oasis tickets I could probably

sell them for a couple of Oss's if I wanted a Oss yeah me and Cara were driving back from somewhere

with our kids a couple months months ago. And she was like, is there any bands in the world that you would ever actually want to go and see live? Because she knows my opinions of music, but then she also fucking sees me sing along with Creed in the car. She was like, would you go see Creed live? And I'm like, I would 100% go and see Creed live.

And then she's like, what else? And I'm like, I'd go see Pink live. Yeah, I've seen Pink live. Because I've heard she's fucking class. Yeah, absolutely. Put on a show. Right. I'm like, I'll go see Pink live. Yeah, I've seen Pink live. Because I've heard she's fucking class. Yeah, absolutely put on a show. Right. I was like, I was a little bit gutted when I realised I couldn't go to see Bowling for Soup when they were doing their UK tour.

Because I'm like, man, that's just going to be me and a bunch of people my age. We're like, I'm a boob. Good that I didn't get to see DMX. Yeah. Like, fucking, how would I have been meant to see DMX? It didn't even cross my mind that I hadn't seen him. And then he died and you're like

fuck man that's what a gross oversight by me I said I'd go see I'd always go see Future Islands I'd always go see fucking

Lewis Capaldi you've seen Eminem seen Eminem loved that absolutely loved that there's definitely musicians and they show and Dr Dre turning up

fucking Willow are coming up on pills yeah and then she goes what about Oasis I was like oh man if Oasis ever go back together and then she goes what about Oasis and I was like

oh man if Oasis ever go back together I would absolutely go and see Oasis just because that's like that's every song's an anthem yeah yeah

and also people have just been waiting for so long I'm like that's like you want to go there because that's hopefully it's not a once in a lifetime thing hopefully they fucking

stay together but like to that chance of this fucking massive band that have you know finally go back together and then fucking four weeks after that but like to that chance of this fucking massive band that have you know finally got back together and then

fucking four weeks after that Oasis was like hey by the way we're going to go on tour soon and me and Cara were like oh my god we manifested this

this is all us this has nothing to do with the divorce this has nothing to do with them needing fucking money yeah yeah yeah what the fuck

they've got going on financially it's just us so I was like look we'll both queue for the fucking tickets and then obviously

all over the internet the worst the worst Oasis fans in the world and they're not all bad obviously I think most of them are fucking sound

and genuinely excited but you had the Oasis fans being like unless you can name the first unless you can name the first seven songs

on their second album and tell me that you're not real fans and there should be some sort of system to make sure real fans get the tickets. I am so glad,

I am so glad I got tickets over you. I cannot tell you how happy I am that there are going to be fucking angry, maud, 50-year-old men

being like, I bet you can't even name three other fucking albums. I couldn't even tell you which one Liam is. You know what, as if you can't just name three other fucking albums. I couldn't even tell you which one Liam is. You know what? As if you can't just ambiently enjoy Britpop. Oh, yes.

It's just something you can ambiently... You know, I remember when Oasis came out, I loved them fucking as a teenager. My parents listened to them in the car all the time. My dad hated them. Oh. Because he's into fucking Rush and Yes and prog rock and what he would call like

genuinely talented musicians and he's like i can't even sing like the fucking like he did he just was like he did he didn't look at them as like oh this is catchy and enjoyable pop music that we're gonna enjoy he looked at them more of a just like but there's much better musicians doing like more creative music here and everybody loves these guys and i do think he was a pure snob with them i don't think you have to be a massive fan of music to love oasis they're just fucking catchy in class and also they're one of the very few fucking bands right and this is just shows how shit music fan i am man you you on the first listen right you understand you don't know as in you can't fucking repeat all the words of the song just shows how shit music fan I am. Man, on the first listen, right,

you don't know, as in you can't fucking repeat all the words of the song. I'm not saying the lyrics are fucking easy, but they pronounce all the fucking words. I don't think there's ever been a single Oasis song I've listened to where I've gone, I don't know what they said there. Whereas any other band in the world,

I'm like, hey, I'm singing along with the chorus, but the words think they are. Yeah, exactly. My mother's got her money she's got is that no my lover's got his money he's got a strong beliefs is that how you strong beliefs and you thought some beliefs misconception that's trumblies um so but you know what you're talking about manifesting oasis mark nelson like genuinely fucking with anger he was looking back with anger

you manifested it where you took mushrooms and went to karaoke Masayuki which I strongly believe you would have hated

oh absolutely all sing along songs like Bits of Abba like I think they actually done Strong Beliefs like a lot of Queen and Mark was just Strongs, like bits of ABBA. I think they've actually done Strong Beliefs. Like a lot of Queen.

And Mark was just convinced the way this was going to come on. We're on mushrooms. And also the rapid claim of them chocolate mushrooms, where I was just kind of gripping onto the side of the thing, just going, what the fuck? I'm like lifting off. And then they stopped. Like, I'm loving it because I'm being entertained and i don't have to do anything i just have to look around in awe at the

visual splendor of the mushrooms that are creating with the kind of mild little show that they've got going on with some lasers and a tv screen and something like flamboyant dress wear on stage they fucking stop for a break and then all of a sudden you're like just chatting to people and you're like oh I'm not in a position to entertain

I only can take input I can't give output and now I'm in conversations with people in the middle of just a dead carry that is a fucking man can you imagine

fucking during a fucking rave they're just like the DJ just needs his toilet break man sub in press fucking press

play again get your guy to do a drum solo and then meet one without the drums after he can't just fucking turn on

the lights and let us all look at each other chewing the inside of our cheeks it was awful that interval in Masioki

was like one of the worst moments of my life because I was just in the wrong spot to play on mushrooms just everyone just hustling

imagine imagine you're in the fucking cinema going to see the Blair Witch Project and like 45 minute break and you're like oh great

so no tension I can just go outside and see the fucking sun can I I would absolutely take a five minute break at the cinema like I had to do it

for a film with a piss move which is mad because I could like fucking like I could sit through a lot of things but for some reason a film just goes you need to which is mad because I could like fucking like I could sit through a lot of things but for some reason

a film just goes you need to piss now and I'm like I've just pissed so Mark was like they're going to play Oasis it's fucking

karaoke like it's going to have the place jumping and then they finished and he was looking so angry

right and then he was like nah they'll come back. They're going to come back and do an Oasis song. And then they came back and obviously did Bohemian Rhapsody. I was like, they're probably not going to do it. It's Oasis.

This is going to be me at the Oasis concert, by the way. I'm going to turn up to the Oasis concert in a Blur shirt. Also, couldn't name a single Blur song. I just know he's Oasis fans. And sit there the entire time and just be like, when are they doing American Idiot he was just so angry man he's on

he's on mushrooms and he was on the Venn diagram of people where some people are on pills some people are on mushrooms Mark Nelson was in both camps yeah

that should not equal to angry yeah no way yeah yeah yeah and he was so fucking angry that they didn't play Oasis that should not equal angry yeah the way yeah and he was so fucking angry that they didn't

play Oasis he looked like he was going to start kicking off because they didn't play Oasis

and the very next day there you go there's a lot of manifestation going on so

had me mushrooms night watching karaoke and then two nights ago I took pills and played pool going on so had me mushrooms night watching karaoke and then two nights ago I took pills and played pool

oh yeah just mixing things around next I'm going to take heroin go for a swim at a pool hall yeah so basically I was fucking kidding

how dare you say yes I was at a pool hall and you took pills at a pool hall that wasn't the plan oh we okay so how many other plans were cancelled?

So me and Eshan Akbar were pilled up going to a gay bar. Right. We were kind of powerhouse. Okay, what's the start of the story? A gig? Did a gig. Dan Aitengill and Fiends at the stand. Yeah.

So there was me, Eshan, Dean Coughlin, Stephen Trice, who I hadn't met until that night did I say Jamie Hutchison no Jamie Hutchison obviously that night and Gail and myself

so pretty stacked straight boy line up not a white boy line up because Esh didn't say he was of a diversity quota

no good so we took halal pills we went to Lady Grey's which is just like So we took halal pills. We went to Lady Grey's, which is just like a nice pub with an outdoor drinking area. That's 5 in the morning.

It's like a fucking sweet spot in town. So we're in Lady Grey's having a couple of pints and there was a blive lad there who was just like, I don't know if you wanted anything brought. I figured you'd probably already have stuff, but I've got pills if you want them. And I was like, fuck it it I'll do half a pill and a half to pill with Eshan

and we came up in just a boozer and then Dan Nightingale was talking about how he loved going to Powerhouse the big gay bar

nightclub in town and when you used to live in Newcastle you'd always end up there and we're like fuck it let's jump in a taxi and go to Powerhouse

and we get there and it's shut we just turn up there's a three way turn up there's a Muslim and a Geordie on the way to

the thing close the whole place down yeah Geordie in Newcastle there's a Geordie coming and I've set the apple card yeah

they're all Geordies burn it down so we found an alternative gay bar called Rusty's good name for a gay bar Very good name for a gay bar Yeah And we ended up there

For a bit And then I mean that's a lesbian bar Right Yeah it's gotta be Yeah I mean I can't

Like I was so For those that might not understand Why it's a lesbian bar Because you're not from The UK Courtney Ryman Slang Rusty Bike Rusty Bike

Dyke Lesbian It's a guy like Rusty bike. Rusty bike, dyke, lesbian. It's a call it Rusty's. Yeah, Rusty's, Rusty's, great name. Great name.

Lean in. Yeah, man, reclaim the words. So we, which is why I'm here to take back the word sis. We ended up, like,

cause I was just racking my brains up, cause Eshen was like this is your fucking city you've got to know what's still open and I just cast my mind back to a time I had with like

you know remember when I went to the Newcastle game and a podcast fan messaged us fancy a pint and I went to on the sesh

with someone from the podcast shout out Ben Wild he took us to Pot Black and I was like fuck it that place is open

and it was like I don't know why but you had to sign up on the app to get in and I was like, fuck it, that place is up. And it was like, I don't know why, but you had to sign up on the app to get in and I'm pilled up. Like in a fucking casino? Uh-huh. And they like,

scan the QR code and I let them fucking data harvest off me fucking tits and we had the worst game of pool you've ever seen.

Yeah. I was missing the white. Yeah. Well, of course, Eshin was there. I was like, where's the white? I missed them. I missed the white yeah well of course Eshin was there I was like where's the white

I missed them I missed the white ones and I was like I fucking I just couldn't hit the ball I still won aye aye yeah

I was thinking the key to playing pool on pills is play against somebody else that's on pills and like I would love to see the footage of how bad that game was. I can't really remember much of it,

apart from sometimes missing the actual cue ball. Great. Multiple times. You know when your eyes rock and your sockets like that when you're on aches? Oh, yeah. I just think, which one is it? So that's been my last couple of weekends.

Quite a cultured couple of weeks I've been I mean just fucking I eat vegetables now Ah you sent us pictures I did don't I I was like I'm getting Well turns out

And I know this is going to It's going to look really nice as well But I don't know how much you're enjoying that And how much you're just like Like wading through hell to do it No no really enjoying it Because and this is is going to look really nice as well but I don't know how much you're enjoying that and how much you're just like like wading through hell to do it no no really enjoying it because and this is not going to come as news to any of our

black brown gay or middle class listeners but the secret to vegetables is an air fryer and this little thing called seasoning

oh yeah I don't know I'm the first white man to discover seasoning oh man I didn't know you were allowed to do that I didn't

have you seen veg before? nah I've only ever had it like boiled which I guess like makes sense because I was just at the point where I was like I need to

I'm getting older and also like it's you can try and teach your kid whatever you want to fucking teach your kid but if there's only

three words nothing's going to get through it's always got to be by example right you have to lead by a fucking example they've got to

Caelan copies me most of the fucking time he'll eat anything I'm eating so at that point I'm like right well if I want my kid that's why he's always been drinking milk

out of your lass's tits mm-hmm Mm-hmm Mm-hmm Amazed Monkey see monkey do Well He chose to stop breastfeeding At around about 14 months

Now the Not to be too judgmental But There is an age Where you should stop breastfeeding your child I think it's if you can articulate the words Can I get a tattoo Depends how you articulate it

If a baby's going milk Fair enough Yeah But if it's like no mother I had the left one for breakfast maybe

maybe at that point I don't know don't get me wrong I'm sure there's some research that would back up your side of the argument that to breastfeed your child

later in life but I'm sure there's some fucking bullies that will back up mine so I think if you step into the realm of Robin Aron. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when you're like, creepy.

So I was just like, fuck it, we've got an air fryer and I'm sure the way vegetables taste the best is to like burn all the goodness out of them and like cover them in shit. And because all of my friends know what a pathetic eater i am i have been for ages you're not the only person i text about my good eating i was like well it's not breaking my heart i'm not getting exclusive it's not like i could show like garage just like yeah cool forwarded many times in your pitch area. Broccoli. Aye. Broccoli, kale, green beans, spinach, cauliflower, sweet corn,

corn on the cob. Managed to get caro on the corn on the cob. So, like, I'm dragging my family with me. I'm doing my best to drag us up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, man, if you're like me and you're a picky fucking eater, I swear to God, it's not hell to eat any of these vegetables. Legitimately, I don't know whether it's like, don't get me wrong,

your taste changes over the years anyway. Like I've always said, every couple of years, I'll try food again just to like update my thing. But turns out, update them with just fucking, oh man, just cover them in oil, cover them in garlic granules and shove them in a thing and oh man best also like you can eat like bigger fucking meals and not just be bloated for seven hours after yeah and you know like i've always like had good you know when i'm not constantly on the road and eating out of fucking fast food not the fringe and just eating when i can't like

when i live in the house i'm always eating nice meals so that's the pocket i'm in right now but i just ruin it by having 10 pints of an evening and like what's the fucking point like why are you even fucking that's why whiskey for me is like the great whiskeys whiskeys are the drink that my personal trainer is just like you can have fucking whiskey man don't be wrong gin and slims probably the best vodka tonics up there with the best lime and soda the skinny bitches yeah but fucking whiskey all good man it's a life hack if you if you don't like if you don't like beer like you've that's half the damage that one well that's the that's the moreish one like that's the one you can have 10 of yeah oh man my fucking I can really get 10 cider my kryptonite is fucking Thistley Cross

cider right so for a hard break no no just a genuine fuck they dropped I had like

two weeks pretty much no booze there was a day that Rhys and Kyron came round had a couple

of drinks with them got out to see some show shit had a couple of drinks but I was never I wasn't show shit in front had a couple of drinks but I was never I wasn't fucking keen

I was being sensible and then I was like good you know what stay in with the fringe I've got a bunch of weeks at home I'm just going to be super fucking sensible

and not drink and if I am drinking it's going to be gin and slims and fucking whiskey and then Thistley Cross drop off

two of the whiskey casks and I'm like there's nothing I can do about this like that's just it's just there it's nice every time I see that every time I see that

dropped off I'm just like oh man that's fucking seven extra Peloton sessions like aye oh it absolutely is do the graphs because you don't like

I mean fucking lifestyle podcast you do have to have the balance you don't fucking just want to hate yourself while you're looking good I would

love to go through two months healthy eating and getting stripped and after that

getting balanced but what happens is you do two weeks of gym work

and you're like I can have one fucking kebab and i can have that with a cup of beers and the next day you wake up and you're like fucking salt and sugar is back in my system you know for the for the people who followed this podcast for like the eight years we've been doing it it must just be hypnotized by watching the pendulum swing on our diet our drug use they're like oh the cycle repeats again yeah back around well so here's the thing i'm gonna like you you can be the judge of how good

my vegetable cooking is because my birthday is in two weeks are you gonna shove on on your birthday well yeah because because i still want to like oh fucking stupidly, and this is going to offend everyone in the South of America here, but Sainsbury's now do brisket, right? And this is South of North America. South of North America, yeah. They do a brisket, and do not get me wrong, it is nowhere near as good as Southern barbecue, right? But it is the British approximation of it

frozen brisket oh no it's not it's not frozen it's good and you gotta you know you gotta put it in there

and you gotta lather it but it's it's nowhere near as good but with the sauce that we've brought back from America it fucking tickles an edge

it's a good alternative oh yeah it's a real thing yeah yeah and with it's a good cover band yeah Cara was like

what do you want? Because my birthday is I'm breaking my fucking weed streak, which I'm over 100 days now. Great, well done. All right. Did it. Sobriety chip for that, I think, Dave. All right.

And also made sure that I did it. Does it have to be a year to get your chip? I think it is a year. No, no. Is it like a gambling chip that you get? A great way to get you off booze being like hey

you're off booze congratulations two weeks no guess what you're now gambling oh have you just your addiction your addiction just dropped

you've just dropped you've just lost all your chips do you know what helped drown the sorrows and also if you go back to day one you're going to get a day two chip then you're going to get a to day one You're going to get a day two chip Then you're going to get a week chip

Then you're going to get a two week chip The fastest way to get more chips In If the goal is to get the most chips In Alcoholics Anonymous Keep regressing Keep regressing Day one

Keep going back and getting That's the fucking goal Yeah Take Like quit But like But like Don't have all the days off in a row yeah accumulate them throughout the year yeah do it like a fucking coffee shop card like stamp them

and you go i've gone eight days sober over the course of a year now i'm allowed to get drunk again you were gonna be drunk anyway all right mum um so we're breaking my weed embargo on my birthday uh and i was i was talking to gareth the other day because he's coming because i was just like what's the best way to like because i don't want to i don't want to go back into like smoking all day every day i don't want to be like i want to be in control but so i wanted to be like a special thing so it's quite I'm like, what's the best way to do this? Gummies. Oh, no, I want to smoke.

I love spliffs. Don't get me wrong. I think that's the best way. Gummies are like the... What about that game that we used to play where you put a... Milk. Milk, where you put a tissue over the cup. Yeah.

You get a pint glass, you get some toilet paper, you get a hair bobble, you put it around so that the toilet roll is over the top of a pint glass you get some toilet paper you get a hair bobble you put it around so that the toilet roll is over the top of the pint glass you put a penny in the middle of it you take a draw

you hold it in you light the paper on fire you only get to exhale when your little bit of ember is gone right and then you pass the joint to the left

and then once the ember's out that person does the same and whoever drops like so obviously the paper gets thinner and thinner and it's like holding up and eventually just three strands are keeping this penny out of the pint glass whoever drops the penny has to skin up next which is why you always why have i been sucking everyone's fucking dick wait hold on hold on hold on. A joint. The only thing about my skin up was euphemism. Four skin up. Don't, please.

Four skin down, please. No, four skin up's not gay. Four skin down's gay. That's the difference. Yeah, I feel that way. You can blow, if you blow a dick with a... That's like kissing on the cheek and snogging. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can blow a dick with a hood and that's not gay because you're not touching Berlin. That's like kissing on the cheek and snogging. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can blow a dick with a hood and that's okay because you're not touching Berlin. Imagine someone's dick and their foreskin was open and it accidentally slipped back. That's how they get you. You didn't even know what I'm talking about. He flexed that. Why is it getting harder?

Trying to suck suck a soft cock with a skin up what's all this knock knock knock hold on are you gay is that what you're

making me do this no you must be gay wait a minute am I open now oh fucking this is you're a sneaky bunch I

I I I I didn't say I was done get that back out yeah come on but like get rid of the hard on alright come on This is, you're a sneaky bunch. I didn't say I was done. Get that back out. Yeah, come on. But like, get rid of the hard on.

Yeah, come on. You're embarrassing me both. So I was trying to work out like, what's the best way to get back? What do I want for my birthday when I'm fucking stoned? And what's the best things to do and eat? So I was like, I love that brisket. I can cook a bunch of vegetables with it.

And then when I get the munchies, it's going to be really good because there's a lot of it. And that's like, and then it's fucking more. Munching on healthy-ish food. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then also, if we eat it early enough in the day, right, because I want people around to go about five, early enough in the day,

it means that when we're super stoned at about half day, and that's when I can be like, all right, boys, it's hoagie wrap time. Yeah. And I'm now like that. Very wild, this. I'm really looking forward boys it's hoagie rap time and I'm now like that in terms of very wild this I'm really looking forward to it bud I agree with both

of your statements it's like it's like all I want good old wholesome getting high it's me and it's me and three of my boys

just sitting in the garden yeah yeah yeah yeah absolutely oh so me and Gareth were like what do we do what do we do

because obviously we're a set and just chill and just smoke Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Oh. So me and Gareth were like, what do we do? What do we do? Because obviously, we're going to sit and just chill and just smoke and have a fucking laugh. Like that's going to be a big part of it. But then at one point, I'm like, right. And this is so me

and this is so lame and this is so me and my fucking 30s. I'm like, right. We've got to do a board game. There's got to be a board game that we've all played before because there's no way

we're reading fucking those lists. King of Tokyo. King of Tokyo is there. Yeah, that could be in there. Fucking Walking Dead dead risk i don't know how much we remember but that was a little while pandemic pandemic class pandemic i had a little re-up with that when my sister and my nephew were up in glasgow and had a game of that that's a really good one uh ticket to ride real good orcs, Orcs, Orcs we've not played that in a while that's better

and then I was like okay and then you move on to Xbox or Playstation what games are good then like are we doing Overcooked are we doing Moving Out like what's the sort of thing and then we're talking

about movies I'm like I've not watched MacGruber in about two or three years I've never seen MacGruber You've never seen MacGruber well that's locked in You've not seen

I was chatting to your pal Tommy Annette after one of the shows at the French Lane 70 now when there was the big Dave party thing there and he mentioned something from Spirited Away and I'd never heard of it at all

and he reacted like I'd never he didn't know if I was joking he acted like I'd never heard of the Simpsons Spirited Away is pretty big what's the other one the fucking it's got a big monster Hell's Moving Castle yes that one

Hell's Moving Castle yeah you've never been into anime me neither but I'm aware of it from like watching other cartoony shit

apparently Spirit of the Way is cool is it something that when I watch I'll get so many more cultural references no oh that's what

that was about no you're not young enough to be hanging out with people that are making the cultural references right oh so it's before my time after my time it's after your time but i think it's one of those things that like we probably you put we probably sneered at us we're like oh fucking manga and all these losers getting into fucking manga whatever ignoring the fact that like some of it is just like genuinely class in the same way

there's lots of people that they'd be like oh you read your little fucking fantasy novels and then you read fucking Stormlight and you're like I've read Stormlight

and there's a line in it at the early doors where it was like somebody he went oh I thought you'd done that or whatever he was like

well I'm not going to take responsibility for your assumptions he just pushed it aside I used to love Natalie so much now I thought you'd already cancelled that I was like wait

I'm not going to take responsibility for your assumptions I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not

I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not

I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not

I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not

I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not

I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not

I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not

I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not

I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not you're just using just to be passive aggressive with who's there you thought I did that well that's not that's not why I've also been playing

Gloomhaven without you because we've been having our little campaign that we play like once a week for a couple hours for anyone who wants to know

Gloomhaven it's a board game that they turned into a computer game very badly despite how badly it's been done we still go through it

because we are fucking losers god I miss cocaine well you know I take a cocaine when we're playing that so I've been playing that on my own

just so I can like get because I feel like every time I dive in I'm learning the cards again. I'm learning everybody's characters and what they can do. And I'm just like, oh, I'm going to miss me selling this and playing. I've been sitting up in bed playing on the Switch.

I'm looking forward to when my daughter is at the stage where she's... Because she's just up through the night. Don't get me wrong, I'm not up with her through the night. Cara is... She's breastfeeding and she just needs less sleep than me. She's like, if you're getting up in the night. Don't get me wrong, I'm not up with her through the night. Cara is, she's breastfeeding, like, and she just needs less sleep than me. She's like,

if you're getting up in the morning with Kayla. She needs a mum, not a dad at that point. Yeah, absolutely. I am, like, I can get a smile from my daughter

if Cara is getting a smile from her and I peek out behind her and she's like, yeah. But if it's just you trying to get a smile, she's like, where the fuck is the boss

where's the gaffer yeah and also can't leave us with this work experience kid man to go from like the fucking like

don't get me wrong I'm on my daughter's side I know the smell of my wife's tits I miss the smell of my wife's tits right because at the moment

my wife's tits actually smell like my daughter which is a confusing thing to go through so at the moment my wife's tits actually smell like my daughter which is a confusing thing to go through so after at the moment i'm like all right tits are off limits for me they're sensitive they're bigger doesn't necessarily mean they're funner and also uh yeah it's not it's not a fucking great time uh i would i if she's sleeping on cara's chest cara's like look how comfortable she is with me and I'm like

yeah man I would sleep there for fucking 14 hours that goddamn time if you were to place me on Kai's chest and I'm like

is that fucking dupe what am I fucking what am I fucking doing high karate I did something rather muggly

last night really enjoyed it Natalie me and Natalie went for a meal I did something rather muggly last night and really enjoyed it Natalie me and Natalie went for a meal with the neighbours I have got I've been living in Glasgow

for three years and we've got my first proximity friends that just live down the road I'm not going to rib you too hard here because I've got me and the swimming mums

I love the swimming mums so so again Natalie goes to dodgeball you know how Natalie plays dodgeball Natalie's like I'm not going to rib you too hard here because I've got me and the swimming mums I love the swimming mums so so again Natalie goes to dodgeball you know how Natalie plays dodgeball Natalie's like plays dodgeball every Monday

with the mums of Clarkston aye yeah and then they fucking love it it's that you know when you see like dad's playing five a side

and like I worked at the sports centre so I guess I saw it more than you they lived for that Tuesday night five a side like these lasses fucking love that dodgeball meet with that girls and he kids and he fellas I worked at the sports centre so I guess I saw it more than you they lived for that Tuesday night five or six these lasses fucking love their dodgeball meet with their girls

and their kids and their fellas just fucking playing dodgeball with their girls they probably love it right and Natalie's ended up playing good friends with a few of them

and the ones that live over the road that kid was away like the Cub Scouts or something they had and they're just saying come round and have a bottle of wine and a bit of each

and what about that when you're like leaving the party and you just live there you're just like who's there and I'd just say come round and have a bottle of wine a bit of each a couple of meals and what about when you're like leaving the party and you just live there oh yeah you're just like who's there and I prop my sound guns now

yeah just got sound guns on my doorstep so got me got me first proximity friends yeah this is where this podcast needs to die man we don't have any goods

we don't have any goods no no it's just really fucking semi-wholesome mostly sensible yeah real middle of the yeah I do feel like

I'm living like this duality of life because I did come back from like getting leaving leaving the closed gay bar to go to

play pool on Eckys and then just like turning up with a bottle of wine and some crisps to a little gathering at the neighbours

I feel like I've got a double life going on like that was me my clock Kent was in full flow last night but it didn't get me right fucking superman was flying on thursday yeah i i mean don't i don't do i look at my old life uh with like i enjoyed it it was fucking great and there's like a certain level i want to say miss it

because I don't miss it because I prefer this now but the only reason I prefer this now is because I had that I think if I didn't have my 20s I wouldn't be able to

like if I didn't have my 20s to reflect on and to like you know and enjoy I wouldn't be able to enjoy being a dad

as much because now it's just we're going through we're going through, we're still toilet training with Caelan, but he's sort of at the stage now where he's using the big boy toilet with a little fucking seat on and he's very good

in the sense that he's like, poo-poo now? And I'm like, great. And I go through it and I'll open him up and he sits down and he makes his little poo face, which is funny all the time.

And he's very good because he understands that he needs his bum wiped afterwards, but we don't trust him to wipe his own bum because kids are fucking gross. Mortar skills. So, after he's done good because he understands that he needs bum wiped afterwards but we don't trust him to wipe his own bum because kids are fucking gross so

after he's done shitting this tiny little naked boy will just put both hands on the wall spread his legs

like I'm arresting him like I'm just doing a random stop and search in the street oh man it's

you gotta be you gotta be you gotta be embarrassed you'll find nothing butt naked of course I'll find nothing you're butt naked and you go pat pat pat

pat pat pat just pull a little baggie out of his ass I'm like hold on why why why what is it cat

oh me and Karen were actually talking about this the other day so there's this thing that parents do when they've got toddlers or whatever, which is like they name the birthday party, like punny, and they theme it around.

So Caitlin's two-year-old party was Into the Sea, right? And so me and Cara were like, okay, for three, what are we going to do? And I had a bunch of ones that were shot down. Three to file, didn't get through. Which is, I wanted them all. I just wanted all the kids to dress up as, like, pedophiles and then try and get us in the van, but that didn't go through. Nah, nah.

When it comes to four, I wanted four house. Just a whore house. I just wanted all the kids to dress. So these are themed birthday parties? With the ones that Kara's rejected. She wants, I think, I can't remember what the third, I'm probably, sold all the kids to dress so these are themed birthday parties with ones that Kara's rejected she wants I think I can't remember what the third

probably of all the awful things I've said about my wife on this podcast I reckon if I were to say what her theme for Kayla's third birthday is before she announced it

that would be the angriest she's ever fucking been with me if you're if you're leaked yeah yeah yeah to the press yeah yeah yeah the theme

it was Fisher's one and the second one Fisher's yeah yeah yeah the theme it was Fishers one and the second one Fishers wait End of the Sea it was like Sea theme her third one I can't remember one of the ones

she was discussing I can't remember the pun I'm sure someone else will fucking get it but it was she wanted to make it like music festival just so the kids

could have like flowers in their hair and fucking face paint and I was like Glass and Three Glass and Three kind of works Glass and Three

kind of works Clunky yeah Clunky but they're kids who gives a fuck and I was like I love that idea so much Glass and three? Glass and threes kind of work. Glass and threes kind of works. Yeah, clunky. But they're kids. Who gives a fuck? And I was like, I love that idea so much because I think it would be so funny. All the parents of this would have to be cool, right?

But when the kids come into the park, you give them a little baggie with sherbet in it. You give them a little baggie with a couple of skittles in it. A little div-dav. Absolutely. We're only that close, aren div-dav absolutely yeah yeah yeah they could only do it in the toilets

mind eh can you remember fake cigarettes chocolate cigarettes yeah aye they were like the worst thing is like the fucking

they were all that horrible fucking sugary oh yeah yeah that was probably worse than just giving the kid a cig yeah not good

three in the park three in the park three in the park three in the park Three in the park Three in the park Three in the park's good Nah I don't Three in the park Nailed that Three in the park

One in the stick Horrendous Oh speaking of one in the stick Fucking Love it when you start sentences like this I was downstairs using

doing my exercise yesterday and Cara was upstairs and she just says because when

Caelan's in the house he's just fucking naked it's just the easiest way to not get to business

yeah yeah yeah and also being fucking naked's great but I easiest way to not get into business like Winnie the Pooh's in about the house it's not a potty training thing yeah yeah yeah t-shirt on Donald Duck yeah and also man being fucking naked's great but I can't walk around my house naked

because a fucking postman comes round you know if I could guarantee if I could guarantee nobody would see it and also that it didn't traumatise my kids

I would absolutely walk in maybe Winnie the Pooh in this podcast now if it wasn't going to take yeah if it was just fucking top half so the coach with her yesterday

she looked over at him and he just looked at his face she was like what are you doing he's like touching my butthole she was like

oh man I can't I can't she was like Daniel can you come upstairs and I'm like what do you want me to tell him that he's going to love it one day he's like

what's the fucking what's the lesson here it's not on the surface it's a bit further in aye but you've got to like you've got to just make sure I'm constantly on edge What's the lesson here? It's not on the surface. It's a bit further in. But you've got to, like, you've got to just make sure.

I'm constantly on edge. Not on edge, but, like, just worried about, like, what things am I doing with my son that, like, might just give him fetishes in the future? Because at the moment, he fucking loves whenever I, like, he says, eat on my toes, right?

And that's me pretending to fucking eat his feet and tickle him. Loves that. And every time I do that, I'm like, is this a fetish my toes, right? And that's me pretending to fucking eat his feet and tickle him. Loves that. And every time I do that, I'm like, is this a fetish? Does it give you a fetish? Because by that,

I would love raspberries being blown on me belly from when I was a kid. Two inches down. Huh? Two inches down and you've got yourself

a good time. Hold the raspberry. Like, you know, I don't think, I don't think it is i'm not saying obviously 100% the things that you do with your kids you like blowjobs because your dad used to blow raspberries on your belly when you were nappies that's the reason why i like my dad's blowjobs now no but i just mean in the sense of like i guess what i'm trying to say like if he's playing with

his fucking or he's touching his fucking butthole and he's discovering it he can't traumatise it or shame it or make it feel like that's a fucking dirty thing because then he'll think it's dirty for 18 more years and then when he's mid-twenties

he'll be like oh dirty's good and that'll be like whatever the thing is that he'll go to so it's like you know whenever he's playing with his willy

I'm like hey man there's nothing wrong with playing with your willy but like just don't don't play with your willy in the fucking room with other people and just like and then't play with your willy in the fucking room with other people. And then make them smell your fingers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that is how we diagnose them. Smell your mouth after playing with his willy. I'm like, why is your mother on that? Why is my mother on that? Leslie! Hey, Caitlin, if I want to smell your mouth, sniff your sister's head, all right?

If I want to smell your mouth Sniff your sister's head Alright So that's Right Your last says tits actually smell of a fanny By process of deduction Tits They did at one point

Yeah If your child smells of a vag And a tit smell of your child She's got vaggie tits Yeah vaggie tits Nickname in high school Yeah Which is a big gash

Between them Yeah They got the mastectomy wrong Tit wangs still happen Tit wangs Aye Yeah Are kids doing that

Because tit wang used to just be Part of the routine I couldn't I couldn't be tit wang I'm not I've not I've not obviously tit wanged Cara since

Kayleigh was born Because you can't be Fucking coming in I feel like tit wangs Are a retro I don't know if that's Because you can't be Fucking coming in I feel like I'm so Retro I don't know if that's Retro If we just stop doing it

I just feel like It feels nice on you Willie Aye But it doesn't feel nice On the tits I can't imagine See

It's probably them That feel the loot Let's be real Yeah I'll probably Just drop that bit Aye It's not really Popping for me that one

Yeah I mean tip white Gets good But I just feel like I can't be coming on my fucking kids dinner plates oh yeah I didn't want to be doing that

nah nah that's off the cards for a bit go home try and get a tip wang how long do you reckon it'll take you

now I haven't like well first of all you didn't get Oasis tickets I've got to try and make it happen I've got to try and just make a

tit wank happen I'm like I've been chatting to Danny I couldn't get a tit wank and she's like ooh Danny can I join in

aye I mean I'd be looking like I was being adventurous at this point it'd be like this is new who have you been with

where are you getting these tricks from this woman listed this podcast being like how much would you like it if your partner just sat on your chest and writhed

and I'm like 100% fucking heaps and heaps and heaps and heaps actually I never even knew I wanted that just there just like mushing away

on your sternum you've got a good view of it now you've got double chin looking at it look at that it's right close up now pass me glasses just fucking

scrunching away at the bottom and all that leaving a little bit of a trail yeah yeah absolutely

I'm the podcast guy I just fucking screech up to the window I'm coming with a new thing I want a two-hack-offie I want to give I'll just fucking screech up to the window. I'm coming with a new thing.

I want a tit wank of me. I want to give you a tit wank. Yeah. That's what I want. I reckon I could ride my knee and it would take me about 35 seconds before I was like, no, I guess I'm into that. Just fucking.

Aye. Aye. Yeah. Humping my leg like a fucking teenager who's just discovered like the the side of the couch when you climb over it

and it pushes it one way and you're like oh hold on that's actually when I think they put it wire they're not always just rubbing their fannies up against it

imagine having that power to just make the person that you love turn to dust imagine like I just whack it up and rub my cock on Natalie and she's like

oh god aye she'd be like eh that's a genius Imagine I just hang up and rub my cock on Natalie and she's like, oh god, fuck. She'd be like, eh. We've got guests! Get the flies for her. Just for the flies. Get rid of these first and then we'll do it. I'm gross when I'm horny like I do feel like

and this might be fucking ignorant but like I feel like for a guy to tell a girl about their fetish it's like a trust thing of like here's something that I'm probably

insecure about that I've tried before and I trust you a lot and not only do I want to do it with you but I want to make sure that you're like okay with it

whereas for women if God had a fetish I'd just be like well I guess that's my fetish now like because if you do it I'm gonna be

if he gets her off I'm going to be into it straight up I don't even need a piss but fucking pass yeah as much as I'm like there's certain types

of fucking porns I'll never watch if Carol were to walk in and be like I'm suddenly into that I'd be like I feel like I'm like somebody

you know that just likes most food so just leaves it like what's your fetish what's your fancy I'll just be like wait just tell us what you want and we'll do that just likes most food so just leaves it like you can what's your what's your fetish so far what's your fancy i'll just be like wait just tell us what you want and we'll do that just like anything yeah you can spoil your choice with what i'd like what you want on your pizza

just you choose and i will do that otherwise i'll just go through everything i want to do and you'll just be like no no no no no yeah yeah you just want to eliminate some options yeah yeah aye you just want to eliminate some options aye but anyway picking up for a wedding

tonight it'll be full of love yeah heart full of love mm funny photo full of what bouquet

bouquet that's your code that would be funny as fuck to do as like if if you're a married woman

at a wedding every time the woman at a wedding every time the woman throws up a gay you fucking swat her in the air like a good volleyball player be like

nobody else get your heed on it alright fucking pulling it pulling her just fucking obliterate it proper

Ronaldo height on it neck muscles fucking bulging bang break some lasses hand that fucking helicopter I don't think did Gara check and book you at my wedding

her wedding in order man when I called up my man and Natalie's wedding A lads holiday In front of a I mean all the boys were there And we were on a lot of drugs

Yeah I was like I can't believe he's not here On a lads holiday And Natalie just went Lads holiday Right Well no

Natalie now It's on its own It's just my way of saying You're one of the boys It's just like I'm one of the Humphreys Well Looks like I'm gay now

And incestuous Yeah I'm gay now Pull back that foreskin In for a penny I think that's a wrap you know Yeah Yeah Foreskins That's a wrap you know yeah yeah four skins

that's a wrap wrap that up that means that means it wouldn't be gay to give a like a posh nosh condom nosh

not even touching the dick are you true not gay about it like sheathed in it no also if you're not gay and cum in your mouth

is not gay you can blow a guy and if they don't cum that's not gay right Natalie's not gay You can blow a guy And if they don't come That's not gay Right Natalie's not gay Yeah Little head of Natalie Is not gay

Shit Straight as the day It's long And it's been a long day It's the solstice It's the solstice Well before we go As always Our podcast is day it's the solstice oh well before we go

as always our podcast is graciously sponsored by Thistley Cross cider I mean I guess there was

an ad break in there which was just me genuinely talking about how much I love the cider the best way you can support this podcast apart from subscribing to the Patreon

is to go onto thisthistleyross.co.uk and use the promo code thislacross... thislacross... thislacross... September? Are we getting a September code? We must.

Because we're recording this on the last day of August. thislacross September. Yeah. And then we'll make that happen before it happens. And just go out and... Yeah, that lets them know that you've gone and bought it from yeah that lets them know that you've gone and bought it from here and lets them know that we're worth and thanks to the people that send us

pictures and tag us in and tag them oh yeah those are great those make us look really really good very very grateful for those understand if you're outside the uk not ideal for us to do this all the time but hopefully when thisley cross gets bigger than it already is they'll start going international and then yous are in for a fucking treat aye lucky you

I've got nothing to promote oh I'm going on tour you might know that already some of the European dates have been released

I'll get my website up to date when this is out so whichever one's off a sale on my website right now kaihunfries.com

and I'll come to you so you don't have to come to me let's do that yeah awesome see you soon