Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Name Droppers

Episode Date: January 24, 2024

Not a name goes undropped as Muggins and Cream go through their myriad encounters with celebrities from A-Z. From drinking their home brew liquor to drunk texting them, without an ounce of imposter syndrome to be seen. #15   Improve the contents of your fridge with delicious cider from our partner Thistly Cross using your 10% off discount code. Enjoy! www.thistlycrosscider.co.uk Discount Code: thistlysloss10   Join us at Altitude festival for a live podcast in the Alps, 1-5 April 2024. Get discounted festival tickets with your 10% discount code. www.altitudefestival.com Discount Code: mugginsandcream24

Gimme gimme gimme your Muggins and Cream, yeah We both do a podcast and we're in the same seat You have not clapped What has Matthew made through with this shit? He doesn't want to clap anymore Oh really? I think the olden days Pre-AI

Get fucked, we fucking clapped for the last one Aye, we're just out of habit Your nose hair's getting a bit out of hand I spotted that the day and I got one and I thought like that'll do Have you not got one of the fucking Proper good users? Nah I've got tweezers

Oh what are you You know what year it is right? I saw this awesome Hail and Pace sketch Back in the day Where he was trying to get a nose hair Who? Hail and Pace

Remember Smith and Jones? Fucking Like that era? No Your dad will Hail and Pace. Your dad will. Hail and peace? Your dad'll be a big fan of Hail and Peace.

Let's see if I remember any of this. Shall I press record? Oh, you stupid fuck. Sloss and Humphreys on the road. Muggins and cream, cream and muggins. Straight thuggin', livin' the dream. That's our intro. Fuckin' muggles.

Ticklin' the clit inside your head that makes you laugh. Woohoo! Ha ha ha! They said it can't be done. Are we in the same seats? That's hack. Aw, muggles. Accidental rim job in the park.

Kiss, kiss, kiss. Or might just be cynical. Just muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglepedia. Where have you been since 9-11? Do you want us to do the intro again? I don't mean to rather you. I'm going to watch some Hail and Pace and see. So they've done a, like,

you're never going to get this song out of your head, out of your head, out of your head. They've done, like, a sketch like that. Matthew, this one is entitled Hail and Pace, Selfish Cow Quickie. It's 29 seconds long. What do you want? I've come for Katie.

What? I haven't had her in an hour yet. You've had her exactly an hour and that's what we agreed. Alright, take her then. Just bloody look after her. Do you hear me? Look after her, you selfish cow. Oh, it's fucking... Darling. Oh no, it's not. We're going to have to think about getting

Katie a new piano teacher. Lots of stuff like that. And there was this particular sketch where he's trying to get his nose hair out and he's pulling at it and he's in the mirror and it's cutting between him and the mirror and then he pulls it out and it just does like a his eye view shot of the sink

and his whole brain and spinal column Comes out at the end of the hair I've done one of them today Jim Owen's got a great joke Which is Does anyone know that the longest hair In the human body Is the nose hair

It's the longest hair in any human body If you want proof of that When you pull it It's all the way any human body if you want proof of that when you pull it it's all the way to your arsehole yeah I like that I like that because you can kind of see where it's going and you hope he's going to say what you're thinking and then he does

I love, one of my other favourite Jamone jokes is the god I wish I had a I wish I had a full head of hair and a seven inch cock instead of this monster right here. That's very funny. Oh, it's so good.

What's the cliche like, what's got two thumbs and loves shagging? It's of that brand, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. No, I love the old fucking silly jokes I mean I'm sure I've told this on the podcast before

but I remember back when the great Ronnie Corbett was still alive he's dead aye and

not a nonce after he died oh wow how rare is that for people of that generation same height as him and all

he's a guy wouldn't have been easy he could have blended in he wants to challenge big people Ronnie Corbett for our international viewers might not know he was one of the most famous Same height as him and I Yeah Wouldn't have been easy He could have blended in He wants to challenge Big people Hey Ronnie Corbett For our international viewers Might not know

He was one of the most famous Comedy duos In history Two Ronnies He was also then Just a brilliant Community actor For the rest of his career

Who was the other Ronnie? Ronnie Corbett and Ronnie Oh I would have had it I do not ask this question right now It's prototype of the talking shit Isn't it? Oh gosh darn it Is it like someone

Like really bland Like Anderson or something I'm going to have to do it Because my dad is Shrieking I know it's a tip of the tongue shit isn't it oh gosh darn it is it like something like really bland like Anderson or something I'm gonna have to do it because my dad is shrieking and my mum is bored of it he's already shrieking

because he didn't know Hail and Pace aye and he's probably pushing his glasses up right over his brow and that wasn't a Hail and Pace sketch

that was actually Smith and Jones noise the dog makes Ronnie Barker. There you go. I knew that. So they were a comedy joke called The Two Ronnies.

They did a lot of famous sketches. They were, you know, one of the best. Were they the four candle guys? Yes. Yes, that was them. I did a gig with Ronnie Corbett way back in about 2000.

There's a picture of you with Ronnie Corbett and Billy Connolly? No, Ronnie Corbett and fuck Connolly no Ronnie Corbett and Michael McIntyre McIntyre Jason Manford

and Rob Brydon nice Rob Brydon after I'd done his TV show way back just after I'd done

Michael McIntyre's Comedy Roadshow it'd come out I think I was giving Rob Brydon as well I'd done Jason Manford Comedy Rocks and Rob Brydon is well I've done Jason Manford comedy rocks and Rob Brydon is

I'll be gutted if anything comes out about him in the future because he's super nice I've heard mumblings now have you mumblings

no like is it the Patreon no it's not oh well but just mumblings you know like like like transfer window

rumours that aren't true okay you know what I mean where you're just like click like transfer window rumors that aren't true okay you know what i mean where you're just like clickbait like no more than like uh you know when there's a panorama or something you know stuff like that where they're kind of oh i wonder if it's such and such yeah huh right but like there's a few names there's a few names in there that you're like oh yeah i could be them could be them oh i'd, I'd be glad if it was him because he was so sweet at the start of my career. And he like, there was, my mum would come down to watch me record the show in London

and went on stage, I fucked up my joke and in front of the audience to the point where I had to redo it, right? Yeah, I'd pep out instead of salt. Sneezing all the way through the finale. And my mum was backstage and she saw me fuck the joke up

and she sort of went and Stephen Fry was sat beside her and put his hand on her leg and went, don't worry, I'm going to say

cunt next. And then just moved his hand up her leg and went, no one will believe you. That's a lovely cunt. He's not gay, it's all an illusion, he's a lovely cunt he's not gay it's all an illusion

he's a beast Stephen Fry is a heterosexual beast right that's that's the truth he only pretends to be gay so he can put some lotion

on lasses backs imagine that'd be devastating Stephen Fry would be a fucking bad one like not even not even if he was cancelled just to come up

with that he was fake gay I'd be like I'd feel like I do because of the lies I've told you

the story about the fucking time I was on Jason Manford comedy rocks with Olly Myers

and Olly Myers proved to be the dumbest man I've ever been in it's always the one

you least expect Olly Myers is a singer who was on the X Factor man he's on social been in. It's always the one you least expect. Olly Myers is a singer who was on the X Factor. Man, I, man,

he's on social media. I think he's a fucking really lovely guy, right? He's really, really nice. He's really genuine because that's all he can be.

But? Thick as mints. Thick as the day is long. Thick as pig's mints. Thick, thick, thick as pig mints, right?

He's doing the music On the show for Jason Manford Comedy Rocks A show that was on TV in the UK Back about fucking 2012 What like the little jingle interludes That's a countdown A little bit of that

But in the way that they do it When he played me on And then also did a musical One of his songs at the end and man super nice right I want to clarify this story Olly Murs

was saying hello to all of the staff and all the people all the production crews getting folks with everyone he was a diamond across the board right

a real sweetheart which during one of the breaks Jason Manford goes hey Olly down at the crowds here Do you want to do that joke that I told you backstage And I was like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah Okay

So I I was at the opticians earlier And Guess who I met And the audience goes, who? And he goes Everyone who I met and the audience goes who? and he goes everyone silence

everyone looks around and Jason Manfred goes guess who I bumped into it's it's guess who I bumped into and he was like yes yeah it's essentially what I bumped into and he was like yes yeah it's essentially what I said is this the same show where you fucked up a joke

no thank god no one will remember the joke I fucked up another Olly Murs story I have not to let's just do this let's make this podcast like a really Z-list brushes we've got loads of them let's just do this let's do let's make this podcast like a really zed list brushes right okay ding dong it's the sound of capitalism uh this podcast is proudly sponsored by and proud to be

sponsored by thisley cross cider the alcohol i drink in my spare time and have done for several years so much so that i begged them to sponsor this podcast. The fact that it's a personal favourite drink of both of us makes it so easy to do this bit. None of the... Looking down the barrel and just lying about a script that you've been forced down your neck. You're like, no, we actually want to be sponsored by this company.

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code thisleysloss10 you will get a 10% discount code and by using that code you will also let them know that our very good influencing has actually worked and then there will be more benefits in the future for both us and you I imagine And at the moment this is only available in the future for both us and you, I imagine.

And at the moment, this is only available in the UK. It's a small Scottish company based in Dunbar in East Lothian. And eventually, hopefully, with our help, it'll get big enough to provide cider to all of our listeners all over the world. Yeah, let's make it big in India, lads. We want all the Estonians drinking Thistley Cross. By going to Thistley Cross.co.uk. Pardon me. I tell that story to Justin Morehouse, fellow comedian at the comedy store and he goes, man, I know what you're talking about. He's the nicest guy

in the world. Phoenix Nice is Justin Morehouse, by the way. Aye. When the name drops. He's like, he's the nicest person in the world but he's thick as mints he's like I worked with Ollie once and I was talking about my son who went to see

his favourite band I actually know his son as well Barney aye so Barney had gone to his first ever music gig

to see his favourite band and all the way through the show and Barney's telling Justin after the show my favourite music band Ollie Mursney's telling Justin after the show. My favourite music band, Olly Murs. He's telling Justin after the show, he's like, oh, so they played all of their good songs.

They put a couple of new ones from the new album, but like it got to the end of the show and they hadn't played... Sex on Fire yet? They hadn't played their best song. And then they all left the stage and it was like no everyone in the audience

decided not to leave they decided to like stay and we all started clapping baby's first encore right first encore it just sort of

was like organic yeah so Barney's telling Jason this story right and Jason sorry Jason

Justin the story Justin is relaying the story to Olly Marr he's being like and the kid doesn't know what an ong, like a kiki, he doesn't know this,

how music works. He's my son. And Olly Murs go, man, I hate when bands do that. That's why I always have my set list written down on stage. That's so funny oh man

what a sweetheart not not three brain cells in that whole brain head remember when we met Kai Soans you know

he's he's another X Factor one I didn't think he'd done that well and it wasn't one of the first seasons like when I say not that well I think he got like to the last four. I didn't watch these things.

Are you? But, like, you'd done Soccer AM and he was just, like, he was somebody that we didn't really know, but he was a singer and he was on the show. But the footballer that you did know was Mikkel Silvestre. Yes.

And he'd give you a bottle of his homemade rum. Which you, me and our friend, Marty drank while watching the UFC once. We went to watch UFC, drank Mikkel bottle of his homemade rum. Which you, me and our friend Matty drank while watching the UFC once. We went to watch the UFC, drank our Sylvester rum. Like Champions League winning Man United player. Nationality, see if you can remember his nationality. French? Sylvester?

Sylvester. Seems about right, maybe a World Cup winner. Yeah. I think, oh no, maybe you're right, maybe it was a person called Kai. I'm thinking, I think it was... K-Y-E. I think it was Jake. Okay, because I've certainly done a show

with Jake Quickenden, who was the one that knocked Paul Smith out. Yeah, uh-huh. I know that name, but I only know that name from Fighting Paul. No, it was Kai Soans, because I'm obviously going to remember that because I rarely meet someone

that's got the same name as me. Just maybe just that. I remember did you ever do the horn section no with Alex Horn where they play

music no no I couldn't do it the Fringe I was I think I was I think I was really nervous

about doing it like Marlene kept pitching it to me and I think I turned it down for like three years just because

they didn't have the confidence to do it and to know I've never done Taskmaster well I did do it and I've never turned it down for like three years just because I didn't have the confidence to do it and to know I've never done Taskmaster well I did do it and I've never done Taskmaster

but mine was very different because I was like I only do one musical bit in my show this year and that's the battle rap bit you know like not the battle rap that we did but the battle rap that I did to set it up your very sexist battle rap super sexist right

so Molly and I was like oh Alex Kye does this battle rap at the did to set it up. You're a really sexist battle rap. Super sexist, right? So Molly and I was like, oh, Alex, Kai does this battle rap at the end of his show and all that. Like, just play the tune. He normally plays a Dre beat, but if you can do the like, I think it's Still Dre was the track. He's like, if you can just get the riff

for Still Dre and do that, you can just set it up and then do the battle rap and you play the music. And they asked to say it first. And she recorded for you, set and sent them and went, we're not doing that.

So then I can remember it. I know you're on your period and yeah, you might bleed a bit, but leave it bitch. Yep. And I'm acting all delirious. You really can't be serious. Thinking for a single split second,

I'm even hearing it. What? You think I got time to waste to sit and wait while you minstrel? Fuck off bitch. Get out my face before you get the hairy side allow me to clarify i'm glad it's blood not my child no running hard for fuck you up the whole point of it was the whole point of it was rappers can get away with saying anything because they're making it rhyme like it was self-aware that like i'm having an argument with my wife and then i'm talking to her like this but like rappers get away with it otherwise i then I'm talking to her like this but like

rap has got away with it otherwise I'd never be able to it was even though I was young you think you came at it from the right angle I come at it I definitely come at it from the right angle I set it up correctly yeah what about the seven n words you dropped oh yeah yeah that was just me being a rapper I'll get away with anything get away with anything you're gonna wrap it also alfie brown should have just made it rhyme yeah big ass right there yeah um just to finish this uh so to wrap it up um they went we kind of have them on and then she was like oh i'm sure there's something else you can do and i ended up doing you know the rubik's cube bit i did when i done the two granddads i was doing the playing my granddad's against each other while completing the rubik's cube they put tension music on for that and they're really good because they were actually watching this day in it and like i'd

fucked a bit off and actually like hit the notes so they actually made the tension go with like actually how i was feeling yeah so like my heart dropped because i'd fucked a bit up and then like they picked it back up as i started getting my rhythm again and moving a bit faster yeah and then and that gig was also noteworthy because while I was backstage Hannibal Buress was shooting a documentary about doing the fringe I don't know if it was just for his own personal channel I was on one I was I don't know what it was for but I was on a gig with him when it was the same thing he was filming the filming the set that was one of them things where I was things where I was watching the latest Spider-Man and I was sat next to Natalie. I was like,

I know his dad very well and I've gigged with him when Hannibal Buress was talking to Tom Holland. Just to finish the Ronnie Corbett bit, sorry. We did the gig in Brighton, I believe it was for a kid with cancer

so don't ever say I don't do anything and Ronnie Corbett was on and he was just doing proper old school jokes like really old school jokes

like mother-in-law shit or that long form jokes and he was so legitimately fucking funny like Macmillan

well it's like you know when your fucking grandad used to say shit like, it's the way they tell them. And you're like, well, that's not true. Don't get me wrong. I'm funny because of the way I tell it,

but I'm also funny because- The originality. The originality, the things I talk about. In your own voice. Yeah, yeah. And then you watch somebody like Ronnie Corbett, who was just a master,

and you watch the way he tells a joke, a joke that I'm fully capable of telling telling the way i tell it was nothing and would never compare to the way he told the fucking story i do love like a long drawn out joke by told by somebody that commits to it oh the scarlett johansson bit is my favorite joke of all time which i will do on a podcast one day but it would have to be don't do it now no you know the joke but like oh you mean you'd have to do it to a guest it'd have to do it to a guest okay i don't i don't think it would work i can try it is is there a new scarlett johansson you know like what you know no no you know the the other day i was um doing the episode with you where you were um

trying to guess whether you are more famous or less famous than the person and i brought up linda lussardi and linda lussardi was like the name that you would just implant into a conversation if you meant a hot woman yeah right like scarlett johansson just like was that quiplash safety quip for fucking years yeah is is there a new name who's the hottest woman in the world who are people just like saying as if like everybody knows that that she's the hottest person oh fucking sydney what's her face from um scary movie no no i don't even get it the main neve campbell's character in the scary movie was called Sydney Sydney from the tea bags

advert the tea bags the tall one Sydney Sweeney who was

in White Lotus and Euphoria which I haven't watched she's pretty

sweet actually who's the hottest bloke oh it's gotta be

fucking it's still gotta be Henry Cavill right Henry Cavill or Idris Elba I think just only because I've spent aill or Idris Elba I think I think

just only because I've spent a lot of time with him recently I think Fassbender is pretty fit like I don't think Fassbender's currently

hot though like I can't remember the last big movie Fassbender was in I've just watched all the X-Men and all the alien movies it's Barry Q

once the fucking but he's not but he's not hot nah he he's plenty of fucking oh you know what people i'm sure people find him attractive but like he's not hot like i think people find him attractive he's got draw he's got an appeal he's got a sex factor like like like that's like me throwing kieran trip yeah his name in kieran trip yeah lasses love kieran trip yeah man's not hot. Yeah, but okay,

but I think it's unfair to compare Barry Kierwin to like Benedict Cumberbatch where you're like, oh, that's an acquired taste. I think Barry Kierwin is... Nah. He's hotter than both of us.

You know what? Like, he's like an amalgamation of both. I didn't think... Yeah, and he's got my cock. He's got a big cock and he got he got absolutely buff for Saltburn

yeah but even then like the other guy was meant to be the hot one okay I can okay I understand

what you're saying like you know how um in American Pie you had the the the naturally hot one

what was she called again not Misha Barton that was the OC anyway but then you had the girl that put the flute in her pussy oh Anna

Alison Hannigan right and she still ended up in all the FHM hot lists but she wasn't like traditionally hot like em

I think Barry Kewin is like that where like he feels he's a bit of a curveball of a hottie hmm okay okay so wait wait like I think where like he feels he's a bit of a curveball of a hottie hmm okay

okay so wait wait like I think um uh Olivia Munn she's like

traditionally like 10 out of 10 smoking I think John Mulaney's wife is that actually yeah but I was being derogatory

I was purposely undermining her entire career you know everything that I said about him eh Is that actually? Yeah, but I was being derogatory. I was purposely undermining her entire career. You know, everything that I said about him being a fraud for cheating on his wife, taking out bags. That's who his son's with, is it? Yeah, because his son, I think,

is only like six months older than my son. And our tour manager's got the same, our tour manager's the same tour manager for John Mulaney. Yeah. And he mentioned John Mulaney's wife a couple of times when he's the same tour manager for John Mulaney. Yeah. And he mentioned John Mulaney's wife a couple of times when he was just like, you know,

just telling tour stories. You can't call Olivia Munn John Mulaney's wife. That's not what... No, no, like he's, can't my girlfriend come? Your girlfriend was there. But like,

I didn't realise, because what have I just seen her in? She might have been in one of the Predator movies. She might have been. I know her from... In there, have been in one of the Predator movies she might have been I know her from in there she was in one of the X-Men movies

she was also in the newsroom which was really good and yeah man she's a unbelievably beautiful woman the fact that John Mulaney could yeah

get Olivia Munn I'm like don't get me wrong I'm glad I settled for Cara I don't think I'm going to reach Olivia Munn levels with me comedy I'm glad I settled for Cara. I don't think I'm going to reach Olivia Martin levels with my comedy.

I'm not saying you are. I don't think this is something I'm going to worry about personally. No, I don't think. I don't think I have to. I think I can go through several levels of comedy and Natalie would still be peak.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Like I can go through levels. I think you, I think think you the best you would do is if if you like made it in hollywood not in the sense you're like an alice rantham but let's say you're getting like a couple of roles funny characters off to the side but curveball guy yeah barry cohen you no no you're not not careful dancing with my little dick and then assaulting my belly I just

I don't think you would be fancied by the public but I think you would do well in Hollywood because it would just be like really powerful Hollywood women who are either like execs,s casting agents producers prs or like fucking really famous actresses i think they would fuck you for a bit of rough

like i think they would you know you know what i've always got that bit of rough side of us because you know i'm still not gonna like i mean even though i have a million times on the podcast i'm not gonna drop the ball socially. Yeah. Man, I think if you were in fucking Hollywood, the most common site in the world, would you, would just be you walking out of the trailer of a very high up exec? Putting your shirt back on. What happened in there? No, no, I got the role.

She made me sign three NDAs I don't even think they're a real rap group Do you reckon Joe Gilligan Has like Fangirls Yeah Absolutely Yeah he's attractive

Yeah Is he attractive I think he's conventionally attractive Because he He don't He don't know What hot men are And I know like

The things I've seen of men are Obviously Brassic But also Preacher And he's always been Like a bit of rough scummy. Yeah. Like comes across unhygienic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's still hot, isn't he? Like he's still got... It looks like his sex smells. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His sex smells, but that's because it lasts 20 minutes.

And it's disappointing, but like he's got a big good crack lying next to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes so hard that his fake tattoos run off on your thighs it's so funny

because he's he's got like a tattoo on his head in Brassica and it's always in a different spot of his head I've watched

I've been to the last season and his fucking tattoo looks like a fucking high tide light for his head well I'm glad they I'm glad they kept

him in position and didn't be like we're gonna cover it up we're just gonna put it further and further they kept it in position And then be like We're gonna cover it up We're just gonna put it Further and further back It'd be like It'd be like fucking Harry Potter At the age of 45

Having his scar Just there Like Were you dropped on your head As a kid? Was that Voldemort? Or did your dad Hit you in the head

With a fucking frying pan? That would actually be Quite a funny thing You know when you do the Door when you're like Age three Age five Whatever And you put the little Line in you're like age three, age five, whatever, and you put the little line in the paint,

just have that in your hairline. Age 37. Back 42. Do it with your balls. How far are they high? High shot on your bollocks. Yeah, age next to that. But the age keeps changing

because you you never there's no consistency when you do it that one was when I got out of the shower that one was after a jog what is

oh I didn't tell you this I pissed I'll allow me fucking boxers after the cryogenic freezing what I've actually done a podcast for you since I think we've done two since and I haven't told you about it boxers after the cryogenic freezing what

I've actually done a podcast since I think we've done two since I haven't told you about it can I take a guess it's not the first

time I've done it this is why it's totally a guess when I've done it twice you were in the cryogenic freezer right it's so cold

it freezes your piss you walk out got a nice cube with me full scale put it in my box I'll keep that for later

it's frozen it's frozen in your bladder you go outside we get to the hotel central heating kicks in

and all the like piss that's in your dick that's frozen in your dick frozen dick piss

just melts and comes out. I wish it was as simple as that. It's actually quite complicated. Please. Sat down for a shite. Okay. You can't have a shite without a piss.

No, always turns up. Right. Normally, your cock's just like hanging there a bit, pointing at the water. Not today, I've just been quite directly frozen. It's pointing up like a little fucking cock shotgun. Alskin. Not today, I've just been quite directly frozen. It's pointing up like a little fucking cock shotgun. Owl skin. Owl skin. It's a big roll of skin just ready to fucking moan.

I thought I pissed out at the top of the toilet seat. I say out of the top, it was through the middle between the toilet seat and the fucking porcelain. I wonder how Nali feels just every week to listen to you describe how small your penis is to the world. She's like, it's really nice that you call me beautiful every episode and you say that amount of your leg every episode

but if you could stop just making me seem like. You know what I did? I did so it's always like a slightly pleasant surprise to her once you get to read I was expecting to be a smiler been married for 10 years but

playing mind games yeah give me that thought chart gas gas lightness gas lightness to make you I'm like aye we're starting this

why am I why am I why am I cock you're Sam Demon I'm like aye What's that I'm just wham I'm not aye Whammy hot And me cock You Sam demon Wham is toast Is what I'm saying Please continue

So your cock's Pointing up between me Oh like I was like I can't hear What I hear But god My toes are warm

Yeah it's prick up My tail starts wagging Something up here Normally when I piss I can hear the water Like splooshy splooshy Aye Because even if it's not Pissing downwards

You're creating a waterfall There's the sound of Flowing water There's a flow of flowing water I know it Aye That sounds like water Or cotton

Yeah I know where there's cotton Oh no Wet cotton See exactly what happened I fucking forgot To tell you about it Kept it a secret

Took it to the grave Just fully pissed Pissed on your pants Pissed on me pants And pissed me pants What have you done With the pants Oh that's

That's me back Next to me clean stuff Right there Next to me clean stuff Right next to there next to me, clean stuff. Right next to me, white T-shirt. There you are, the one with the yellow splodges. You know, my leopard print white shirt. That's all right.

What other names have you got to drop oh well I mean I got like fucking big eh names to

drop em because I know famous people I've got obviously I've got unlimited stories about fucking Rhys Nicholson but none of the

like me and Rhys when we started comedy have you got a story with Henrik Larsson I do have a story you tell the backstage today because you're in Sweden

I've definitely told that in one of this this podcast I don't know if you have you know but I'll do I'll do a a quick version of it

Henrik Larsson for those of you that may not know was a Swedish striker one of the greatest strikers in the history of football one of the best footballers ever he played for Celtic

for several years was their greatest and then he he actually like all of the chat that like oh you can do it in the Scottish League but not the Premier League and then he come to Man United and just done fucking smashed it for them

And then Barcelona I think Yeah so Henrik Larsson, footballing legend When I'm 19 years old I get booked for a corporate gig for Celtic Football Club which Kevin Bridges put my name in for because he's a massive Celtic fan

he'd done the corporate before he reassured me that it was a really good we think it might have been Chris Sutton's testimonial it was definitely Chris Sutton yeah so it was like

the whole thing was there was music there was dancing there was whatever and then comedy as the warm up and then it was like an hour Q&A

with Chris Sutton to answer questions and tell fucking stories from his time at Celtic and Chris Sutton gets there and he decides that he doesn't want to stay till the end because that'll be boring so the only act

that he'll bump, he'll let the dancers do their thing he'll let the singers do their thing but he's going to put the warm up comedian on after him, the 19 year old warm up comedian. After Premier League winning Chris Sutton So he goes up smashes it room full of fucking people makes them all laugh and then at the end they thank him

standing affection for him great and the host goes and now for some comedy and 75% of the room stands up and just goes to get drinks starts talking to each other 19 year old me goes on stage no idea what to fucking do so I just go into my material i don't know how

to get this fucking room back on site i don't think i could like i'm not scottish enough for this fucking glasgow celtic and it would have to be football material and enough people would have to laugh at the first couple of jokes for the rest of the people to tune in yeah i got the attention for a bit man fucking my uncle massive celtic fan who i brought down specifically for the thing also gets up and fucks off around the room. Nobody gets. One of the only people in the audience who pays attention for my entire set is Henrik Larsson, who is sat front row beside fucking Neil Lennon, right?

And people keep coming up to Neil Lennon and asking for photos. And he's like, yeah, sure, come down. He takes a fuck step with him. And then people keep going to Henrik Larsson, hey, can I have a photo? And to every single person, he says, no, I'm sorry sorry I'm watching the comedy

and he turns back around and he watches me do my stand up. Tongue in his bottom lip Garnet. All the way through. He didn't miss a single beat did he? I was doing my Josie jokes so very offensive I was doing eggs

What the fucking... He said Reese Nicholson? Well, no, the problem with me and Reese is Reese has changed and grown and mature and their journey since I've known them since they were 19 to now being a Netflix acting star to being a judge on RuPaul's Drag Race. They're one of my oldest friends in the fucking world when we started we were two absolute nobodies he used to work in the theater that we

would both perform at the end more where i filmed my special and i'm almost certain reese filmed their special like the only reason i sold out any shows or i didn't even sell them out that's a fucking lie the only reason i sold 17 tickets the first or I didn't even sell them out, that's a fucking lie. The only reason I sold 17 tickets the first time I was at Sydney Comedy Store was because Tony Woods was playing a fucking big room and when he was sold out, Reece was on box office and people were like,

can I get tickets to see Tony Woods or David O'Doherty or Sarah Millican? And you go and go see Daniel? No. Daniel's sold out, you've got to go see that. But I will never ever tell the stories about me and Reese. And Reese will never, ever tell the stories about us because they are just horrific.

But they are just. But he wouldn't get cancelled for his horrific stories. Hey, they. That's what I said. He said he. Don't get me wrong. They've got a day. I was actually impressed when you were doing it. I was like, fucking he's what I said. You said he. Don't get me wrong. They've got a dick. I was actually impressed when you were doing it as well.

I was like, fucking he's smashing the they here. I spelled that one wrong. That was a they are. That was a they. But also I was watching that going, hmm. Yeah. Even after a wine. Yeah.

And then I still managed to fumble it. After going to their wedding and I do mean the I mean their and Kyron's wedding gorgeous Kyron Nicholson Rhys is now husband

Rhys doesn't give a shit I've said this, Rhys does not give a fucking shit if you fucking misjudge but like make an effort still yeah yeah like if

if you were to do it several times in a row I'm sure at one point they'd be like alright man like just we're friends have a bit of respect

I've made a simple request like if you asked me to call you thunder I'd call you thunder would you actually no but Rhys would call me thunder thunder tongue

you call us thunder tongue please alright yeah why because it's lightning fast alright Was it actually? No, but Reece called me Thunder Thunder Tongue You go with Thunder Tongue please Why, because it's lightning fast? Aye Yeah, okay I'm a little bit shocked There are stories about the first time me and Reece met When we were just two young comedians

Doing too many drugs And just our only way of Standing up to each other Was saying The most horrific stuff many drugs and just our only way of stopping to each other was saying the most horrific stuff the worst things I've ever said in my life the worst things I have ever said in my life in the name of comedy were said under a table a Chinese restaurant at 1 in the morning in Sydney because me and Reese were so drunk that we couldn't be at the table anymore with all the comedians

like fucking Jason Cook and Glenn Wool and Stephen Kamos and fucking all these people that we fucking respect. We were under the table and we're just saying horrendous. I remember going to that flat in London not in London, in Sydney and they had a collection of sticks

bound together by a bit of twine in the corner and I'm like, don't mind the fuck. Speaker 2 And then for Christmas they put lights on it. Speaker 1 One of the, here's one of the few things that I think of Reese might even let me say it even then I think this is touching goal. Um, this by the way, this is really offensive. I acknowledge that it's very offensive we were doing it at the age of 18 19 this is how we made ourselves laugh when we were high and drunk

under a table at a point when we didn't feel like we were fitting in with like all of the professional comedians above us I had recently found out about the tiger that has Down syndrome. And feel free to Google it. It's a real thing. There's a tiger in the world that has Down syndrome. And I was telling this story and they were like, there's no way. I don't fucking believe you.

And I showed them the picture. And when you Google the picture of this tiger with Down syndrome, it's a tiger with Down syndrome. Oh, yeah. It's the happiest tiger you've ever seen in your god damn life it loves cheeky knuck knucks it's having an ice cream

yeah yeah yeah with it's big fucking tongue it keeps shouting I'm great it keeps shouting I'm great it's a tiger with Down syndrome anyway it's this phenomenal golfer, bit of a shagger.

And we got into this bit, which was just, the reason this has happened was because there was a zookeeper with learning difficulties who fucked the tiger. And it was just us under a table just being like, I don't know what happened.

I don't know what I would do with the tiger. I, the tiger looking good. You gotta keep my gloves on. Right. Just a horrific bit that went on for way too long. We are shrieking with laughter under the table. Right. And I think if you're- Is that how it looks? I'm sucking his dick. There, Dick. There, Dick. There's a bunch of them. I'm having a time.

Suck my dick. How many people are under there? I thought it was just you two. He said, there, Dicks. God, how good is Grindr? I didn't even hear them come in so me and Rhys are under the table

doing that fucking horrific making each other just scream with laughter and I think if you were to ask Rhys now

and you asked me we both acknowledged that it was a really awful bit that doesn't have any place in the world and it's my fault

for bringing it into the world and even we don't talk about 12 to 15 years later he's still doing the voice on a podcast and me and race are still doing the voice in private but for you know we we used to go from seeing each other every single year because twice a year i would be at melbourne comedy festival sydney comedy festival whatever i'd be in australia and then they would come to edinburgh and we'd hang out then we see each other twice a year and then our careers sort of blew up and it was like i was in australia less they were in the uk less it was maybe once a year i became

really good friends uh with their partner kyron so we still see each other but it's sort of we're not out drinking every night it's like we're like okay this is the day that we'll fucking hang out together this is what we'll do then Covid happens and because Covid sort of happened towards the I think the last time we've been in Australia was about

the September or the October 2019 yeah I was meant to see them in the March April. Obviously COVID happened. All the comedy festivals were cancelled. My 30th birthday comes around. And I don't know if you remember my 30th birthday.

Yeah, you had a festival in the garden. Yeah, Cara was amazing. Cara made a fucking. Silent disco. A music festival called Sloss Fest, just at our fucking house for all of our friends. And the day after my birthday I just knock at the door

and Cara's like I've not ordered anything else and this cake arrives and I'm like you got me a cake she's like

you had your cake yesterday dickhead we're at a 3D festival I open it up and it's a tiger with Down syndrome on it you fucking And it's a tiger with Down syndrome on it.

I was like, this is only from one person. It's classic when it's like, you don't have to work it out. No. You just know exactly which mate did it. Because the only problem I have with Rich Massara Rich Massara one of our very good friends who sends he's a really thoughtful person

and he what he does is he's just such a very selfless he's a gift giver his love language is gifts yeah so sometimes

he'll be out somewhere in the world and it makes you feel good when you get a gift of him yeah because he doesn't buy things specifically for you but what he does is he'll be walking through a shop

and he'll see something that he thinks you'll find funny or that reminds him of you. And he'll buy you that and he'll just randomly send you it and with no note and with no nothing. Remember when we got some minstrel blackface? Like literally that would probably be worth some money. Like that was like old school relic of a different time. Minstrel blackface.

We lived together at the time. It was just the both of us. like old school relic of a different time he'd gone blackface he'd gone into we lived together at the time it was addressed to both of us and we're like somebody just sent us some 1800s

minstrel blackface like legitimate like a little artifact like it had whatever racist picture I had stopped dogging a bit people had blacked up

with this it was second hand blackface it was it was second hand black it was unless he was just getting high and he was having supply before he sent it he had oh that's why I thought it was from Stephen K

Moss no he had sent this to us with no fucking note because he'd gone into like a second hand shop and found this horrific relic of a worst time in entertainment. He's like, I know who will enjoy this.

We never used it. I know that's what you're going to ask. So if anyone wants it, it's still there. Oh, no, I think I definitely don't still have it. I think it got thrown out with the Lost Prophets signed deck chair. Oh, no, I think I definitely don't still have it. I think it got thrown out with the Lost Prophets signed deck chair. Oh, yeah. Remember when we came back from a music festival

with the Lost Prophets deck chair, Ian Watkins had signed it. Yeah. Yeah. And then we put it in the skip. Yeah. And we sat in the house for ages, we were like, we've got to get rid of this.

That had to go, yeah. What an actual fucking legit monster. Um, I was here for I can't think of any other celebrity stories. I'm going to tell you about my time

with Russell Brand. Fantasized. Led some stuff up. Yeah. Ronnie Chang, friend of ours. Like, he's always

Like we're For each other On social media And I'm obviously Posting all the time About Natalie's dog park And the dog and bone And he just

Messaged one time Just going Is there any way I can donate to this He obviously lives in New York He's from Singapore Malaysia Australia

But half Singaporean Yeah Right And He's nowhere near the dog parks he can't enjoy it but he's like is there any way

I can donate something no way no way he can enjoy it num num num num num casual racism from Daniel Sloss nothing casual about it

straight up formal and also formal racism also the wrong racism the wrong racism it's not the Singaporeans It's not the Singaporeans. It's not the Singaporeans.

It's not dogs they eat. Singapore, the reason that was double racist was that was like when you fucking, you know, if you were to accuse the, like when racist English people call Pakistani people Indian, like it's not only racist because the thing you said was derogatory but you actually made it worse by getting the derogatory thing wrong yeah yeah yeah that was

so ronnie was like is there any way i can like uh donate like to buy a dog a meal for instance obviously one other restaurant you can't buy a dog a meal and i was just like i mean if you want to buy a dog a session you can you can buy a session online and then send it over. You look cork for dogs. Get on the set. Knock it up a couple of stripes. Oh, fuck yeah. So he went online and bought like the equivalent of like 10 sessions online. So Natalie went, right, it's easier to give out two birthday parties than two sessions and it's about the same money

so she'd done like an online like tag tag which friend you'd invite that dog your dog's birthday party

and run a check he's in a Marvel movie he's in Shang-Chi he's a friend of ours we've done stand-up movies on the Daily Show he's an Emmy Award winning fucking writer

he's won an Emmy recently for the Today Show Trevor Noah and then I'll tell you about I'm sure I'll tell you about this when we walked

past each other at the Fringe I didn't even know he was in town because I didn't think he had a show on but he must have just been popping in

or doing a short run or something and I walked past him and there's Ronnie Chang and I was like don't be racist it could be any other Asian guy

don't just say hello to a random you know what you're like don't just say hello to a random Asian guy and then as I walked past he went Kai and I was like oh thank god I you know what you're like don't just say hello to a random Asian guy and then as I walked past he went Kai and I was like

oh thank god I knew it was you I just didn't want to be racist by saying it was you and he was like oh I was the same because I thought you were a chaff I thought you were any of that chaff it took me a second to realise

but anyway so Ronnie's got it's currently running there's a competition on for a birthday party Ronnie Chang's gonna buy someone a birthday party for their dog

here's here's what I told you the other day that I've definitely not told on the fucking podcast if we want to talk about fucking celebrity meets so

my the man who published my book who approached me to write my book Everyone You Hate Is Going To Die available on Amazon now and all good bookstores

he sends me a message and he's like from the show that I did in New York in fucking October I met up with Peter he's one of my good friends I love the man couldn't meet him after the show because I was just going and being an idiot

I went down to the Soho Playhouse because I love the staff at the Soho Playhouse and I wanted to being an idiot I went down to the Soho Playhouse because I love the staff at the Soho Playhouse and I wanted to see them so I went down there and didn't end up meeting Peter and his friends

and he messaged me and he goes hey my friend's over in Scotland this is like two weeks ago my friend's over in Scotland he's doing some work over there

I think you two should fucking hang out and I'm like oh man I don't have any friends I've got friends yeah and and also like but I'm home I'm home with should fucking hang out and I'm like oh man I don't have any friends I've got friends yeah and and also like

but I'm home I'm home with my wife and also and my son I'm about to go on tour so I don't in the week before I go away I don't want to

go out and not be with my family I'm home I'm home but he puts us into a water it's like I think I'll really enjoy each other's

company and I'm like alright man okay fair enough so go and meet this guy we have and I'm like it man okay fair enough so go and meet this guy we have and I'm like that's going to be an hour I'm going to go out and have a couple of drinks and fucking

fuck off but he is super funny really interesting ends up giving me really good advice we talk about writing because he was like I read your book I think you should do more writing and I'm like I just find the payback for writing isn't as much like

you get instant payback from stand up yeah the laugh at the door immediately yeah you get feedback like that you don't need to hang around for it

checking your emails exactly that not only not only is it do I get to put it on stage and make it work immediately like I'm not waiting for some exec

to wake up and fucking smoke a joint and read an email and decide whether to commission my idea and then send it through that process 10 more times and while i slowly fall in love with this idea i just watch it get picked apart in front of me and destroyed and either becomes nothing like it formerly oh it doesn't even look like or it doesn't happen yeah or it doesn't even fucking happen he's like do you want to uh come out for dinner i'm like fuck it yeah

man my son's in bed i've messaged my wife she's at home fucking watching tv she's happy she's she doesn't need me uh tonight she's happy for me to stay out because i'm getting really good life advice and really good writing advice we're sitting having steak and i just go so would you have um like directed anything or written anything i've i've. And he goes, I don't know. Minority report. What? It's so much better that way. He's like, the Queen's Gambit. Logan.

And I'm like, oh my, what the fuck am I fucking doing? That's so funny. You just start liking him differently from that moment onwards. They put salt and pepper on his food and all that, couldn't help for him. I overreacted the pudding. I ended up messaging one of my, I phoned one of my mates from LA who's a producer.

Right in front of him. You'll never guess what happened to him. I phoned him up because again, all the advice he'd given me was like so inspiring. Like while he was talking to me, I came up with an idea that I was like, you know why? That is an idea for a show that i would like to do and i've got a friend in la who's like if you ever come up with anything fucking tell me first and i'll tell you

where we go from there i'd love to work with you and he's been so good to me over the years i consider him a friend so i phone him up and i go elias i've just met this right here he's sound as fuck he's really inspired me with this idea and i tell him the idea and he's like great man i've never seen you this like passionate but right this is really exciting i think it's a good idea we can talk about this more can i ask who the writer is and i told him his name he went are you fucking kidding me he's like not only like he gave you his famous movies like he's not told you like all of his movies that are like the fans favorite legitimately good writing like objectively like some not just blockbuster oh man yeah yeah class that's good um i did a um football panel show with um sam from game of thrones yes i remember that john

bradley yeah and um we stayed in touch and every time I was in Manchester I told him I was doing a gig and he was I was busy yeah but he was

I should have just stopped yeah that's fair enough but I was on the text with um Sam from Beyond the Wall what's his name

it's not Gamgee yeah oh no no it's not it's Lord of the Rings yeah it's um I'm yes um i could get it people trying to leave game of thrones for my mind yeah as fucking everyone did what a sad ending that was you know what it like the book stopped in the tv show just frittered yeah like i was so invested in that i would go as far as saying i was more invested in game of Thrones than I was in Conor McGregor.

And I got let down more by Game of Thrones than Conor McGregor. But both of them are like elite god tier, build you up and let you down. Oh, yeah. The two biggest falls of grace in history. Yeah. Yeah. And also like Eminem encore

and relapse album but then I feel like he came back from that and I can still look back with I can still look back with fondness

over me love for Eminem also how and I don't if there's any haters out there fuck off immediately

how fucking good and how much would you pay to be at the moment at the ed sheeran concert i got tingles watching it oh my god in in fucking detroit i think i'm starved of tingles i don't get tingles that often yeah right like i feel like people get tingles a lot easier than i get tingles when i was watching watching Eminem come on, Ed Sheeran, like even though we've stood in the wings watching Ed Sheeran when he was like unknown, we were at Rock Ness Festival in Inverness

when he was in the small tent. You opened for Dylan Moran in the same tent and then shortly after that, Ed Sheeran was on. Nobody knew who it was, but we had backstage passes that didn't quite get you backstage on the main stage,

but you could stand in the wings and watch like registry 2 and ben howard there's a couple of couple acts on there ed sheeran was on we're like oh this guy's pretty cool um i still haven't got a great deal of love for what he does oh try to listen to him on tour like i'm not like ed sheeran we had it because of rockness we We listened to him Along with Ben Howard And a couple of Like bands that were at Rockness Because that was Ed Sheeran to this day

Is when When we drive Caelan To get to sleep It's Ed Sheeran Yeah But like Can't say I'm a fan You know like

If someone offered us Free tickets In Glasgow And I was off I'd wield my free time Against it You know what I mean like do you not think okay I understand what you're saying but do you not think it would be a little

bit like the time that we went to see Elton John in the sense that you're going to be like I don't know that many Ed Sheeran songs and then you get there and you're like oh I know every Ed Sheeran song yeah I probably do like a lot of them um but when Eminemem came on in detroit very short i was like like ed sheeran went from like there in my opinion to fucking there in my opinion i'm like oh like you respect it yeah absolutely respect it whether i've paid much attention to your career or not like a fucking like have you never seen the fucking jamie foxx i can't remember what interview it was he was doing but he's talking about ed sheeran so So Jamie Foxx sort of discovers Ed Sheeran before a lot of America discovers Ed Sheeran.

And I'm going to butcher this story, so I highly recommend you type in Jamie Foxx, Ed Sheeran, and get the better version of this. But the crux of it is, like, there's this big show somewhere in America that Jamie Foxx does. It's comedy, it's music, it's dancing and everything. And Jamie Foxx books fucking Ed Sheeran from it.

And it's predominantly fucking black crowd, right? Jamie Foxx goes on, I don't know if he raps or he does comedy or he does any of his other wealth of talents that he has. But eventually he brings on Ed Sheeran and he's like, for the first fucking minute, every black person in that crowd is like, is Jamie Foxx insane?

Like, why is he brought this fucking little white ginger boy? Where's the puppeteer? What's going on there? And then Ed Sheeran just murders. And the second he gets into the fucking beats and everything, all that absolutely fucking smashes it. Can you remember Mr. Hudson? He did a track with Kanye West

he did a track with Jay Z Forever Young with Jay Z the one with Kanye I think was a bigger track or like a more popular I just can't remember

what it was called off the top of my head so he just like I actually enjoyed his album as well and he was just this like fucking he seemed to be

in the charts at like three different positions one with a solo head one with a featured artist like you know like, he seemed to be in the charts at like three different positions, one with a solo head, one with a featured artist. Like, you know, like what Ja Rule was back in the day. And I'm like, this guy's gotta be fucking massive.

What a fucking launch. And then he just disappeared completely off the grid and like got you, somebody that I used to know. Yeah, one track and massive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this wasn't just one track.

It was like one good album, a couple of featured artists, like he's fucking big in the hip hop scene, like with Jay-Z and that. And then I just randomly tweeted, I wonder where Mr. Hudson is now. Does he just like work at the post office or something? And Mr. Hudson liked the tweet.

Daniel, I didn't tag him in. I'm like going to search that he found that brutal lad oh I've got a similar one to that I'm going to have to google oh no I've got it there is

did you ever watch the Jerry Seinfeld documentary Comedian yes it was about Ricky Gervais Chris Rock no no

Louis CK that was for comedians to talk and I can't remember the name of that show that might have been called the comedians to be fair there's a documentary and I think it must have been 2010-12 somewhere around that time and there's a comedian called Orny Adams who is like the up and coming

star so it's a documentary following him but also following Jerry Seinfeld Orny opens for Jerry, Jenny thinks Orny's going to be the next fucking big thing and it's sort of following him but also following uh jerry seinfeld orny opens for jerry jenny thinks when he's going to be the next fucking big thing and it's sort of following a mix of like jerry seinfeld doing stand-up and orny adams finding his way and i think i've seen this yeah orny adams has i listened to him on the mark maron podcast a couple months ago and orny adams is like that documentary fucked me over. Like, don't get me wrong, I was a bit fucking psychotic and hungry, but they made me look really bad.

And here's the thing, guys. Orny Adams does come across as really, really bad in that documentary. He comes across as just almost psychotic and narcissistic and not willing to take... It doesn't come across as driven and talented. It's driven and talented oh it's it's driven and it's it's arguably talented

but it's like man there's it just doesn't paint him in a fucking good light now I acknowledge the fact that maybe he got a fucking

bad rap at the time a friend who recommended the documentary to me she goes you gotta watch this this cunt is insane he's mad

he's mental right this is in the early days of twitter so i watched the documentary i don't have her number i'm just gonna go on twitter and i'm gonna tweet her and i publicly twitter just with her and i go hey i just fucking watched the documentary jesus christ orny adams is a fucking cunt 17 seconds later we both get like a reply to it from orny adams being like yeah i've heard he's an arsehole and i'm like you google your name that often like that like you're alert yeah yeah did you ever see

that uh i think it was justin gaethje the ufc fighter where somebody had posted a picture of retweeting a picture justin gaethje like after a fight where he's like fucking ripping gloves out just going why can't i get a man like this and then he just replies going hi and she replies going no it's literally me she saw five foot seven in his bio and she was like hey your camera made you look fucking taller buddy why are you fucking taller em

alright well this is obviously called name droppers because that's all we've done this fucking day and I feel like

we've got more to give we've got more names to drop that's our another podcast but I feel good because I feel like I know for long term listeners we've definitely repeated some of the stories

I appreciate you sitting through hearing those again I hope we told them in like newer creative ways most people don't recognise any of the names that we've definitely repeat some of the stories I appreciate you saying through hitting those again I hope we told them in like a creative ways don't recognize any of the names that we've dropped yeah yeah yeah nice name drop us hi I mean look I could tell you my Cal Penn tattoo story again I could tell you my damage women's learning it but David Schumann is the goat of the as far as it goes yeah here's what oh here's one that's really embarrassing like I'll end with this

and this is I've not told you this before right and I'm super fucking embarrassed by this I can't wait for this

so the X tour happens I'm in a really bad place for a lot of it I'm enjoying the success of it but a lot of it has just been away

on the road so much and been away fucking too much. And during this time, David Schwimmer messages me on Instagram and he's like, I thought, I'll not blow smoke on my own arse, but he was super complimentary.

Like it was that, man, I was glowing for seven days after the stuff he said. And then like I met him in LA and we hung out and he was so fucking nice and then later on in the year and later on close uh later later on in the year i meet up with him in new york canada comes out troy comes out with us he has dinner with us i'm just like don't say this is ross don't say this is Ross don't say this is Ross Rachel so he's

the nicest guy in the world right he's just talking to us about our interests and everything he's super fucking sweet I get home

the tour fucking ends it's Christmas time it's Christmas time I I I'm home I'm getting drunk it's not even Christmas day

it's Christmas time I think it was before new year it might have been on new year i ended up getting so drunk at two in the morning i i said davis you ever messaged me like hey man happy new year hope you had a good christmas uh i'm really grateful that I know you. Smell his hair. Smell his hair while you're on. I'm so glad I found you.

And I'm steaming drunk while I message this because I think I was like telling, I think we were with friends at the park we were at and I was talking about him and I was talking about him. You can text him now, wouldn't you?

Open your text message and there's like loads of blue. Loads of blue messages. It was it came from like me telling a similar story just about how supportive Ben and like how he was the nicest person in the world because I'm fucking steaming drunk because I've just come off the back of this fucking door emotional and I'm like you know what you know if I was him I'd really appreciate being like told so I sent him the fucking message

I go to sleep like five minutes later that's how drunk I am you were able to start after six fuck start multi texting him like fucking he man like Vince Vaughn they answer phone messages and swingers

oh I'm just there For like Most of the day going Well I've fucked that I've I've absolutely Spaffed that up the arse That's fucking

Dead in the water This could be completely done About five In the afternoon I guess it was when he woke up From his new year He sent me A really nice message

Just being like Hey man Lovely to hear from you it's been really great to get to know you I'm really grateful to have you in my life as well I hope to see you

in the new year and I'm like God blocked blocked you fucking loser you fucking needy bastard as far as

no man that's so nice as far as I'm concerned the Jews can do anything oh man yeah well No man that's so nice As far as I'm concerned The Jews can do anything Oh man Yeah Well Yeah You'll go

Right Well we'll see you What stories you got Message What famous people do you Oh no that is good What Message in

Yeah message in Let us know Really nice celebrities That you've met And also definitely let us know If you've met a celebrity That was a fucking arsehole Even if they had a reason for being an arsehole we'll discuss whether they actually had valid reason anonymous but like specify that yeah yeah say that no no

we'll do it anonymous anyway i think that's just across the board unless you if you want your name to be said specify that otherwise we'll assume anonymity you can do it in the discord you can do it to our email address. Yeah, or message the Patreon and Matthew will get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if they're not Patreons? Oh, looks like you're spending three pounds. Not to tell us a story.

We can't charge them to... We do have an email address, mugginsandcream at gmail.com. Yeah, or message the... But I'd have to like, I'd have to remember the login. Or go on Instagram, follow Sauce and Humphries on the

road on instagram and send a message to that so if you've got a message if you've got a story about whether it's positive or negative about celebrity even if it's a fucking if you want to call me out for a negative encounter you had with me which i'm going to confidently say i don't think there's many of i think i'm good to my fans those fucking scumbags and also like no matter how low key the level of fame the person is in fact I feel like it's funny I want it to be more niche as well

if you fucking made Luke Littler a baguette 7 years ago if you did his tuck shop that's enough of a fucking story I definitely only have celebrity stories from people I read them out do that