Sloss and Humphries On The Road - No Compliment Ft. Urooj Ashfaq

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

After a tiring few days doing night flights to their shows in India, Muggins and Cream have a brief tired boy whinge before bringing in an antidote to their negativity, Arooj Ashfaq, who is back in Mumbai after her UK tour to tell the boys all about the cities they’re going to visit. You will remember Arooj from her appearance on the podcast at the Edinburgh fringe where she went on to win Best Newcomer at the festival. Daniel claims credit for that of course.   Improve the contents of your fridge with delicious cider from our partner Thistly Cross using your 10% off discount code. Enjoy! www.thistlycrosscider.co.uk Discount Code: thistlysloss10   Join us at Altitude festival for a live podcast in the Alps, 1-5 April 2024. Get discounted festival tickets with your 10% discount code. www.altitudefestival.com Discount Code: mugginsandcream24

Sloss and Humphries on the road Muggins and cream, cream and muggins Straight thuggin', livin' the dream That's our intro Fuckin' muggles Ticklin' the clit inside your head that makes you laugh Woohoo! Ha ha ha!

They said it can't be done Are we in the same seats? That's hack Aww, muggles Accidental rim job in the park Kiss, kiss, kiss Or might just be cynical Just muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglepedia

Where have you been since 9-11? How's that show? What? We're just getting off stage in Mumbai. We're doing two shows today. Got one in a minute. Yeah. We've just done a podcast with Arooj, which you're going to enjoy in like 10, 15 minutes

once we've had a little natter to set the podcast up. Oh, is this before the Arooj bit? Ah. Right, that makes sense. I did wonder why you were just doing a fucking cold open as if we just had... Cold open to the podcast. Hi.

You've just come off stage in Mumbai. I thought I'd ask you how it was. It would be pretty seamless. Mm-hmm. It's Vada Po. The Mumbai... That's what it was. What, the bao bun thing?

It's not a bao bun. It's not a bao bun. Never call it a bao bun. Regular bun. Yeah. No, triangle face. It's scary. It's not a bao bun It's not a bao bun Never call it a bao bun Regular bun Yeah No triangle face It's scary It's not a bao bun It's a regular bun

Never call it a bao bun Nothing bao about it No That a bao Delicious I mean How do they know What's going to give us food poisoning

And what won't Well I just saw the panic when I was eating grapes. Yeah. The fear in Raveena's face. She was like, you've not... But she's like, have the worst of grapes. And how did they wash the grapes?

Now, surely since they're backstage... I mean, imagine I'd been the one kicking off about that. You haven't washed me grapes! Yeah. You need someone else to kick off for you when it comes to washing your grapes. No, here's the thing. Like, there is nothing, and this is hard for, as a British person

and a white person to get over, there isn't actually anything racist about saying India's dirty. Like, it's just, it's a fact, you cannot drink the water because the water is incredibly fucking dirty and it will make you sick. And in general, it is quite a dirty place. Yeah, I'm'm going looking at them roads and i don't think that's a low

emission zone no no there's some pollution coming off that but there is a section there i i always find myself being like oh i'm sorry i don't know if i can eat that because and they're like man we know you're white and we know you know there's germs everywhere we're not offended by you saying that this could get you sick because, you know... But then I'm also like, if you wash the grapes with tap water, they'll also get you sick. Yes, that's what they... No, no, no, that's what they were worried about,

that they'd been washed with tap... Oh, not that they'd not been washed, but that they had been washed. That had been washed with tap water. Ah, got you. Yeah, because, like, they... Because, again, if they were giving this to Indians, they would wash it in tap water and give it away because a lot of them have...

Well, I mean mean not all of them even on the podcast Rouge says that she still wouldn't do the fucking she wouldn't drink anything oh yeah but I doubt they'd be as pedantic as we are

about like icing drinks and stuff yeah I mean we can't have icing it does make me feel like because there is such a wealth gap and a poverty problem in India I feel very uncomfortable asking for things but if you don't ask for things and if you don't ask for them directly because there is such a wealth gap and a poverty problem in India.

I feel very uncomfortable asking for things, but if you don't ask for things and if you don't ask for them directly, you don't get them the way you want, which is hard to get past. And then also being like, I need you to make me my own custom ice is something I would never say anywhere else in the world. But here I'm like... Can you freeze me some bottled water, please? No.

Fuck yeah. Yeah, there's a couple of things like I needed this table for the podcast but there's a table already in and I just knew what I wanted and I just needed a table so I asked for a table to bring a table in and then they couldn't just leave it at that

because they need to be helping you more and more. It's like acts of service or acts of love. It's their love language. They want to be doing stuff for you. And he starts moving the coffee table to where I'm about to put the couch. I know in my head where I want the studio to be set up. I haven't communicated with this man

how I'm going to set it up. I just needed the table. And now all of a sudden, he's trying to set my podcast up for us. And it's hard not just going, like, can you just fuck off? Someone's being nice for you someone's being super nice for you

but it's like we're chatting to Rujan a minute and she was like sometimes the only way to get through to them is if you are direct yeah

well because I guess it's just it's very culturally different in terms of personal space and in terms of you know manners yeah and a I mean this isn't just like India specific this is to a specific sometimes you need to be alone most the time I need to be alone and the only way

you can be alone if people leave you alone yeah and you can't you'd like if you just start like in your book headphones or whatever like and like I said not just India everywhere in the world people see you on your own

and think you're bored in one company can't I my biggest fucking pet peeve is somebody who sees me on my phone and thinks I'm not

having the time of my life if I'm on my phone they're like oh dang I must be bored I'll go don't you fucking what you're more interesting

than the internet you have more to offer me in the next 10 minutes than the entirety of the internet you arrogant fucking piece of shit

get fucked and don't say a word to me I wouldn't go that far but I would because sometimes as well you'll have pockets

of wifi sometimes you have a date that doesn't work in other countries well you'll have pockets of wifi sometimes you have data that doesn't work in other countries and you get a pocket of wifi and you're like doing something that you've been eager

to be doing because you haven't been able to do it like in the back of the taxi when you're not getting any data you try to do it and then like there's like a meaningless

conversation starts coming your way and you're like how do I snooze humans yeah I don't know what it is you know there's people in the world this is also something I need to caveat like our producers from different gigs listen to this sort of stuff and they get really anxious about

like it's never them yeah yeah yeah well no it is never there's just a very specific way that I want to Not go through life But how I want to go through tour Right And it's

Don't talk to me Whenever we're in transit Right Unless it is a Real fucking emergency Something about the fact Do not talk to me In the taxi

In the airplane Don't talk to me At the airport Don't talk to me on the plane Don't talk to me on the taxi And do not talk to me In the reception of the fucking hotel when i get to my room feel free to fucking call me and be like hey can we talk about the show absolutely but i'm trying to teleport by way of book yes by way of reading a book listen to a podcast and i i like i don't know

maybe it's like maybe i'm not the best conversationalist i'm sure like people who listen to this podcast regularly might be able to point out that you're probably fucking better at it. It's not a skill I want to get better at. So feel free to not spar with me. Like, don't feel like if you have like, like if we're in a taxi, like, man, I like talking to our Indian promoters. I like talking to promoters because I'm like finding out about the place and what's coming up. Yeah. Everything that's said in the conversation

Is nourishing Yeah you know I can talk to Marlena Anytime of the fucking day I can talk to you Anytime of the fucking day And because of that Don't fucking talk to me

During the day Aye I witnessed a car crash This morning It was like Five o'clock in the morning And we hadn't been to bed And you were getting

Questions about press Oh I was like Just assume he's asleep Treat me like I'm asleep Treat him like he's asleep man It's five in the morning We haven't been to bed and you were getting questions about press oh I was like just assume he's asleep treat me like I'm asleep treat him like he's asleep man it's five in the morning we haven't been to bed

I was like reading me a book and I heard a press question come through from the front and I was like oh you don't know this you don't know this man at all

yeah man like do not fucking talk to me and I know that I don't care how rude it is I think it's Do not fucking talk to me. And I know that I don't care how rude it is. I think it's infinitely ruder to intrude on someone's personal time. I think it's so inherently... Like, again, with stuff that's not important,

with just inane conversation, because you're not... Just because you're not comfortable in your own head doesn't mean I'm not fucking thrilled alone in my... I think I've got a good philosophy to live by. You know, if somebody's got their headphones on or someone's got a book in their hand, speaking to them is the equivalent of knocking on their door.

Yes. Now, would you knock on the door to tell them what you're about to say? Would you get out of the house, knock on the door and when the answer had just gone, what's your favourite coffee? Look at that thing outside. I'm sorry, did you, knock on the door and when the answer just came, what's your favourite coffee? Oh, look at that thing outside. I'm sorry,

did you just knock on my fucking door to make me look at something outside? Yeah, I found it interesting. Go find it interesting then. Go find it interesting. So anyway, we've had no sleep. That's what Daniel's trying to tell you. We've had no sleep.

We haven't built a time, but it's fucking chaotic. We're in Mumbai. we've been to New Delhi and tonight we're going to Bangalore and then it starts to slow down a little bit and even though it is

exhausting it's still man fun as much as I'm fucking pissing in the morning as I always do it's still man fun like as much as I'm fucking pissing and moaning as I always do it's been super fun because

I mean very few people get to fucking do this I mean outside of fucking Trevor Noah Jimmy Carr Jimmy Carr

he's not done he's not done this size nah no no way I mean this tour in India feels pretty groundbreaking

I'm not sure how groundbreaking it is I don't think it's groundbreaking for like Indian comics because I know like yeah nah no no way I mean this tour of India feels pretty groundbreaking I'm not sure how groundbreaking it is I don't think it's groundbreaking for like Indian comics because I know

like yeah that's the local scene yeah but I think like people come over here and do what

we did last time I think they come over and they make a full tour as I mean this may just

mean ignorant of my own industry's history but it doesn't feel like it's like well it feels like we're creating footsteps not walking in them yeah yeah yeah

which is which is what we sometimes felt in Europe but a lot of the time we were like the second or third boots on the ground sort of thing and it's got a man the great thing about Europe now is obviously so many comedians are now fucking Jessica Curson's touring Europe Jeffrey Asmus is touring Europe Shane

Todd like so many people going and using the people that we've been using for 10 years now going over there and doing it which is exactly what we said at the time which was like we couldn't believe more people weren't doing it so hopefully this is that for for India It would be nice you know like

in the future like when I don't know I might retire one day if we look back and there's just like a really good English speaking circuit for British comics coming over to India and like what's happening in Europe at the minute,

it would be nice to have like a little footnote in the history. Well, I mean, I'm on the fucking wall of the comedy club in

Do you mean the one in Bulgaria? That's the one. That photo was taken while we were complaining about not being on the wall. No, I think we're thinking of a different one now. We were in a comedy club.

99 Club? Oh, yeah, that one, yeah. We were complaining about not being on the wall of fame. And they took a photograph while we were doing it and I believe that photograph is up now.

We crowbarred our photo onto the wall. No, no no I mean I think in the like in the wall in the I think it's all Bulgaria because I think it was Sofia

like on the wall there they've got the entire timeline of like how comedy stand-up comedy started in yes in Bulgaria and because it's only

10 years old we were at very early tours in it uh-huh yeah I loved that scene that timeline and I was like

honoured to be on the wall of the comedy store in Manchester that gig doesn't exist anymore I was like one of those things where I was just like oh that's awesome that feels like really cool to be on the wall of the comedy store but now it's just the London one

I'm not on the wall of that this is bitchy as fuck but I don't care because I don't respect store but now it's just the London one I'm not on the wall of that this is bitchy as fuck but I don't care because I don't respect the comedian who it's about I remember the

first time I got to the comedy cellar in New York and you can imagine the pictures on the wall in the cellar are

unbelievable like it's fucking Chris Rock Adam Sandler fucking Kevin Hart fucking George

Carlin just everyone fucking Leno over the years Bill Hicks every single fucking person and I'm just going oh my god

and then and then fucking Gina Yashley's on it and I'm like fucking yes Gina absolutely one of ours over there

Jimmy Carr's on it I'm like fucking brilliant and then I look two down right and I don't want to take away the history of the

fucking seller but it Jeff Leach Jeff fucking Leach known chauvinist known pig known piece of

shit devoid of talent Jeff fucking Leach that's fraud yeah oh man it is legitimately Leach that's fraud yeah oh man it is

legitimately fucking fraud that's his he's committing fraud I've been up there yeah oh man oh god I hope people weren't saying that when I was up in the

Manchester store man that was pretty early in my career that went up as well you know right place at the right time when the photographer

was doing the backstage photo but apparently and this could be fucking slander but again I do not have a single shred of respect

for Jeff Leach as a person. So it does not matter if this gets back to him. I heard that the only reason he got the gig at the Comedy Cellar was because he aborted... Thought it was Russell Brand.

Well, I mean, same attitudes in a lot of things. To get into the cellar, you've got to have somebody vote for you well I mean same same attitudes in a lot of things eh they to get into the cellar you've got to have somebody vote for you in the

who's performed there before right so eh I think like for me Nick Cody done it before me and Cody'd said to Estate

that I was on and eh I think when you and fucking Connor Burns was doing I'd said I was like I vouch for fucking them

Jeff Leach lied about his vouch like I think he said it was Jimmy Carr right and then Jimmy came over to the set

and went Jeff fucking Leach is on your wall and they went yeah you recommended him and he went fucking under no circumstance yeah

that's such a strange gig because she's an absolute don isn't she? Oh yeah, SD. Uh-huh. Because I ended up, just because Gina was there, sat with her and I just joined the table not even knowing that I was in the company of royalty other than Gina.

And there was just people hovering around like, who the fuck's this guy? Like there was that feeling of like, got a new face here, he's at the top table. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, and the cellar table's the famous table. Like I've got a new face at the top table and the cellar table is the famous table I was glad I didn't know about that until I was sat there I've only sat at that table five or six times

but I've never ever felt comfortable I get full fucking imposter syndrome I didn't even know where I was sat it was perfect I've sat there with fucking Michelle Wolfe and Mateo Lane and fucking Ronnie Cheng and just been like I don't even know where I was sat. It was perfect. That's what you want. I've sat there with fucking Michelle Wolfe and Matteo Lane and fucking Ronnie Cheng

and just been like, I don't think. I don't know. One of these is not like the other. That's a good photo of that, man. Yeah. Ah, that's a nice photo. That would age well, that one.

But then you kind of whip your phone out and take it off. While we're being fucking bitchy, whose photo would you take off the wall if you're at the if you're at the comedy store in London and you saw a picture of the wall and you're like absolutely under no circumstance do you get to be up there, go fuck yourself

I don't know why you're asking this, you know the answer I'm making us do this you're making me look bitter I'm not making you do anything you can change your answer you can pick someone else yours I think that'd be fair

yours and I'd replace it with Jeff Leach again like I did last time that'd be quite a funny bed just going around comedy club sticking his fucking face up also by the way just on the off chance today this does get back to Jeff leach and if you're planning on doing any of the thinly veiled threats that you never act out on I have fucking screen grabs of that thing I have screen grabs of that thing that you posted on Facebook nine years ago. You lost the room. If you've got anything you'd like to say, Jeff,

I have the screen grabs of that thing that you posted on Facebook seven years ago. We've all got it. So feel free to come at me, man. I'll fucking end what tiny little career you've got left. Can't. I don't now we're about to light the moon and get a rouge on because she's fucking just a rare sunshine in my life I love that she's absolutely class

go and enjoy her company yeah yeah yeah here's a comedian that Jeff Leach would not enjoy because he's a racist sexist pig this episode is sponsored by Thistley Cross Cider the best Scottish cider

they don't pay us to say that if you want to get a 10% discount on any order of Thistley Cross Cider you can go to thistleycrosscider.co.uk and you use the promo code thistleysloss that's right it is an excellent pun. Thistley Sloss 10. Thistley Sloss 10 will get you a 10% discount to any orders.

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And if and when you do buy it Please do tag us in With your order Having a couple of drinking Responsibly And as always Thank you for the support Hello Rouge

Hi I like calling you Rouge It just feels Thank you I like having a nickname It feels French Yeah It's me Rouge Welcome to India Yeah Rouge. I like calling you Rouge. It just feels better. Thank you. I like having a nickname. It feels French. Yeah, yeah.

It's me, Rouge. Welcome to India. Yeah. In the long history of other countries being shit to India, were the French ever shit to you? Yes, yes, they were. In Pondicherry, right? Yeah. I have some fact checkers, some Indian fact checkers.

Yeah, in Kochi. We've got some tech support. In like down south they were they were pretty they were pretty shit to Indians are you enjoying your run is it

are you is it fun we have not slept yeah actually we induced jet lag we could only sleep through the day

like nap through the day because so far both flights have been through the night and tonight's flight is through the night oh no

so it's like landing in the morning Sleeping until midday and then going to do the show But like packing all your luggage so they can fly straight after the show that sounds disgusting It is disgusting and if it was on any other tour in the world people would have been fired Because it's India you're just like alright. Yeah Because it's India, you're just like, all right. Yeah. Cause it's so legitimately, if my agent had booked this fucking tour, like if this was how we were playing England, she would be unemployed and on the streets.

Wow. I think it's the most rock and roll we've ever been. Yeah. Cause we've been drinking too. We've been, we've been getting drunk, like what business class on the way here. So like you feel like you've got to drink all of the booze. You got to get your money's worth

in the alcohol and I always sleep on planes because I can just turn it off but when I'm in business class it's the only time

I'll ever have coffee on a flight because I'm like I have to drink you don't want to miss it I should tell you something about

that coffee water though oh I've heard this yeah depends on the depends on the airline okay fine

I'm guessing you're flying good airlines. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's all good. It's fine. What's the issue? The coffee? No, no.

So the water, go on. I don't know, actually. The water that they use is like portable water. So it's in like this weird like inbuilt pot situation in the airplane and they don't clean that out. Oh. So there's some bacteria in it. Okay.

Yeah. So many ways the water can get you in this country really this is this is on any fucking flight in the world so it was a i don't know i don't want to call it a myth because it was definitely based in truth but there was a podcast called search engine which i one of my favorite podcasts where the guy was like i'm going to find out whether it is actually as toxic as people say uh it's a good episode and it's and it depends on the airline but It's a good episode. And it depends on the airline, but it's one of those things

where there just wasn't, it was officially nobody's job. Like people who put the food on the flight, it wasn't their job to clean the fucking thing. It's not the airliner's job to fucking clean their stuff. So it was like for years and years and years there was just this thing that it was nobody's job. So no one took responsibility.

Oh my god. But yeah, that's why you don't drink took responsibility. Oh my God. That's sick. No one had to clean it. But yeah, that's why you don't drink the water. We're surely boiling the water. They're like, sorry, we're busy checking

if the engines are working. We don't have time to clean out your portable water. Don't let the door fall out. I feel at this point, it's probably Boeing's fault since everything at the moment is Boeing's fault.

Have you heard about the... I have. And I have been avoiding Boeing. He has not. I guarantee he's not heard this story the door falling off the plate right and i saw the footage of that yeah yeah and the one where the wheels didn't come out on the the plane now the fact the wheel fell off on one of the from the planes and hit a car when it when it came off and was the boeing whistleblower was quoted as saying the one who blew up just about all their practices being like you know they're not doing

as many safety checks as they want he was like by the way he said to his wife by the way I'll never fucking kill myself under any circumstance

seven days later found dead aye that's that's like if any of my friends come up to me and just go

I'm never gonna kill myself like I'm taking the laces out of his shoes because that is like the manager's vote of confidence for a football team when the board says we're not gonna sack the manager you're like uh there's trouble or the facebook post about how much you love your girlfriend yes when you're like okay he's going i give that relationship a week wow did you guys see there was another video in the Boeing headquarters where they fix the planes or make the planes.

And they asked the people who are working on the planes. 10 out of 15 people, they asked, would you fly a Boeing? And they said no. Oh, wow. And they're making the plane. Who are the five people that would? Fucking legends, that's who. They're going home and they're like, I'm never going to kill myself.

Oh, my God. Yeah. These damn Boeings. Yeah. I have a fear of flying and I saw a podcast clip where you guys are not being nice about people who are afraid of flying. And I was really offended.

But I was like, yes, I am afraid of flying. I also have travel sickness. Oh God. So I really just came after you all the time. I was like, why? I thought we were friends. This is the complaint procedure you come on the podcast About your show Guy when you were on stage

Oh shit you're coming after me I thought I was just him I was going to join in No no no you said a bunch of stuff about dogs I did say stuff about dogs I did get fucked by a dog on stage That does happen I do have a little moment in my head every time I'm on the floor getting fucked by a dog. Okay.

It was really good. You both are on the floor getting fucked at some point. Yeah. Okay. I think I earned my money's worth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a good show. My getting fucked is, I don't pretend to be either one.

I'm a gender neutral person. I could either be a bloke getting fucked or a girl getting fucked yeah yeah yeah I keep it but you're definitely a man yeah who's doing it

with a doggie yeah I have a I have a question for you I'm not denying that it's pretty explicit I have a question for you Rougie

just about like things that I'm saying on stage that are either like not as more offensive than I was expecting them to be. Because obviously this is a country where everyone has to be careful in what you do and do not say on stage. And I'm sort of skirting the line with it because I'm talking about cancel culture in the UK and America compared to countries that actually have cancel culture and things. compared to countries that actually have cancel culture and things.

One of the ones yesterday was I was asking whether gay marriage was legal in India, which it is not. And then I made a reference of being like, because I think Scottish people are very proud of how good our weddings are. Like we have, Scottish weddings are

fucking infinitely better than English weddings, way better than Irish weddings. And the men wear skirts, so it's all gay weddings yeah yeah yeah whereas I think the only culture that does weddings better than the Scots is Indian but like and then I said to them

I was like to be honest with you your weddings are already pretty fucking gay Indian weddings they're colourful they're friendly there's lots of kissing there's floral like it's extra gay. Flamboyant. They're colorful. They're friendly. There's lots of kissing. There's floral. It's extra. People come in on elephants. It's like a parade.

Yeah. Indian straight weddings, there's a bit of vagotry to them. But people in Delhi were like, oh man, that's not, not you can't say because everyone in Delhi is really hyper masculine uh please don't hurt me uh yeah I think uh I think everyone in North India is really a lot more um their expression of themselves is like a lot more tough okay so maybe when you were like your stuff is gay they were like how dare you yeah we

are the manliest men in the world and so maybe that's why but i think if you say this in mumbai and bangalore they'd love it because we're like you know what we're okay with it so there's no room for self-deprecation or anything in new delhi they don't want to they don't mind being i guess self-deprecation is not a thing but they don't mind being dominated by someone who's an alpha. That's how I can explain it. It's like a wolf pack. And everywhere else is like, any other place you go to, any other city you go to,

everyone's like a cat or a dog. And then you go to Delhi and they're just like tigers and lions. They'd love this. I don't mean it in a flattering way, but they'd love this analogy. They'd love that I'm saying this. That's the opposite of no offense by the way no compliment no compliment no compliment intended here they'd be like you fuck your retires and lines and i'm like i'm afraid of you so we were driving through new delhi and there was these like massive like metal fences up around and i asked what was going

on behind them and they were like oh we've just had some like delegates and politicians here so we're covering up the poverty yes we're just like hiding it behind a fence as if they're just going to drive through oh this place is nice there's walls lots of fences yeah daily doing what my mom did back in the late 90s whenever people were coming over being like we're not gonna put them in that room we're not gonna put them in that room they can come to the living room and that's it keep it tidy yeah imagine like there's politicians all over the world who are like they love a fence in India

and they so they did that for the G20 summit also they had like all those green fences everywhere

and just to cover up the poverty so they could drive through there's poor people just

trying to sunbathe and can't the one thing we had was the nice weather just in the

shade spending all of the money to cover up the poverty as opposed to spending all the money

to fix the poverty use opposed to Spending all the money To fix the poverty Use the fence money On food Yeah It's nuts You know but when you say That Indian weddings Are really fun

You're absolutely right Most Indian weddings are But I have to say As a Muslim I have been to Certain Muslim weddings And they are Dull

Oh really No alcohol No music Oh yeah no music no smiles you love to dance um is that just like really depends on how liberal your family is i thought the muslims like to dance but no i mean it's like they're usually divided in their dance like the girls dance separately then the boys dance separately in like different halls that's how that's how discos happen in high school in the uk the boys dance over there the girls dance over there honestly it really depends on where your family falls on the spectrum and how conservative or liberal they are so but the funner the wedding you're like the cooler this

family is less conservative i went to an indian wedding in birmingham and uh it was between meals they were dancing so normally we do all the meals and then a bit later on have a couple of drinks and we'll start dancing I was so sick, I was dancing and full of food so full of food I thought I was going to vomit everywhere it's like you eat between dancing

there's no formal sit down for eating not dancing between eating you keep dancing you've got to get that straight eating is the punctuation not the dancing Informal sit down for eating. Not dancing between eating. You can dance. You've got to get that straight, guys. Eating's the punctuation, not the dancing. So, obviously, the last time we were in India, we did the same places we were doing this time,

which was Bengaluru, Mumbai and Delhi, which I feel are the three big ones for English-speaking comedy. Yes. I'm going to run through where we're going. I want you to tell me the stereotypes of those places. Okay. What's wrong with them? What's good about them? And how you think our material will go down there.

Okay. Okay, I will tell you all this. But would you be able to get me a visa for the UK? Are you bargaining? When I have to move. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eventually when I... No, no, I'll really tell you tell you please tell me this will be fun so i'll tell you what i've heard so far

okay so goa apparently they're all slow in goa and not like stupid slow but just like chilled don't really get anything done like a stoner slow but they're not even high they're just so relaxed yeah they're by the beach the whole time they're really slow and it's really actually i found it really hard to get them to come out to watch my show we've heard because we're doing go on a tuesday and they were like that's the i don't know how you're going to get anyone from goa to come outside they're so happy they don't need comedy yeah because i because everywhere else I'll do a show and like I will fill up the room.

Like I know what I can fill up. And then I sort of fill that up. In Go, I was like, well, maybe they just don't want to come out. It's really hard to convince them to watch. Some of the best comics in this country actually undersell there. Oh, wow. Yeah, I think it's pretty good. Okay, I think that makes sense for a bit

because we're definitely not sold out in Go. We're having a day off there. This is going to be a recreation. Is there Goan comedians? Yes, yes, there are. I don't know. Where are they? They're probably chilling somewhere.

They probably don't leave Goa. Are they? But he moved to Goa. Are there Goan comedians? Is Aditi Mitzvi? No. Aditi is from Mumbai. She's actually from this part of,

like, Sai and Dadar, like, properly from where you are. Like, that's where she's grown up. Okay. Goa,

I don't know. Wait, are there any Goan comedians? You know, they used to, okay, the Goan comedians used to do comedy and now they're producers.

Okay. They were just like, fuck it, we'll just make the money. Yeah, yeah, we'll just be behind the scenes. Yeah.

The greatest route for me to be. I'm not going to go behind the scenes go out it'll be fun because they're really chill and they're really slow so i think that's my my only feedback is that it's a very lazy city yeah that's it that's good well that's good because we're having like a lazy day there tomorrow and okay that's good tomorrow tomorrow's bengaluru oh yeah bengaluru tomorrow we don't need to know much about Bengaluru Bengaluru was and I don't say this all of the Indian tour is super fucking exciting for us like I love

your country I it's it's a bird coven no no no oh I would never live here

I can but but I said it in the car to you I would never live here but I never want to stop visiting that's how I feel

about the uk also yeah genuinely and not like obviously like i every time i come there i'm like i want to visit here at least twice a year yes for a significant amount of time yeah but then i want to come back you want to come back home because like you i understand the crazy of scotland right i understand what i understand what it's like to get on a fucking bus and have a fucking heroin addict sit down beside you and have a conversation. I know what it's like

to talk to an old Scottish man in a fucking pub who's going to tell me racist jokes. I understand like all the little, you know your own insanity. So it's like, so obviously in India, it's like, oh my fuck,

like how do you even fucking cross a road? Exactly. And you don't have any reference, right? Like you're like, what kind of crazy person is this? I've met one before i feel that way when i come there because you're like you know so there's like a like there's like a heroin addict sitting next to you on a bus and you're like but i don't know where to place you you're never in our buses

but i come here and i'm like i know what kind of crazy you are and then yeah we were driving through at like 6 a.m and there was just so many people just getting about their day early on and I'm just like why are these people not in bed just go back to bed they're just like up just like hanging out not even particularly doing anything just chilling

is it naive or incorrect to say that Indians in general seem to be like a very happy people or are we just getting smiles because we're white maybe it's the white thing yeah uh but also i don't think everyone's i don't know how to answer this because like i think indians are emotional people yeah so you will visibly see it when they're happy and you will visibly see it when they're sad or angry oh and that is the opposite to brits because we do try to hide remote we're not great at it but it's a conscious year i express a lot yeah and then i

come there no one's expressing and i'm like what's happening here but if you've seen happiness this much it's because our expression is much louder of our emotions british subtlety doesn't work in india a guy came into the green room before and i didn't i don't even think it's part of the show he might have been staff at the venue, but he just started hanging out. He'd done his hair in the mirror and all that. In our green room when we're just sitting

reading our books. And we're looking at each other, looking at this guy. And then he just stood over Daniel just staring at him like eating something, eating some grapes or whatever. And then I just went,

can I help you? And he was like, no, I'm all right. And I was like, if he said can I help you to someone in the UK, oh my God, I'm so sorry.

Do you not want me to be here? Can I help you? Can I help you? To someone in the UK. Can I help you? Oh my God. I'm so sorry. Do you not want me to be here? Can I help you? Can I help you is fuck off in the UK. Yeah, yeah. Can I help you is, hey, can I fucking help you? Yeah, what you're doing is wrong and I'm going to assist you in doing the right thing. You should have said, what the fuck are you doing here?

I know that now. Yeah, and then he would have been like, he still wouldn't have been phased though. He would have been like, what? But at least he would have understood that you're upset so we arrived at the hotel at six the doorbell rings at five past six and a guy comes in and starts opening my curtains and like i'm like i'm just going to bed and i'm trying to explain a bit of a language barrier and all that he was like is there anything else i can get here as if i've just got his assistant in my room i'm just trying to go to bed anything i can can get in, I was like, privacy?

Can I have some privacy, please? How do I end this? He started like wiping stuff with a cloth in my room. I was like, I don't want any of this. I think you start digging your pants up. He's like, I gotta go. Yeah, that would work. No, yeah, I get it.

You have to be, guys, this is my main tip to you. Be really direct. Say very clearly. Don't worry about being rude. I know that's something that's a problem. I get it. You have to be, guys, this is my main tip to you. Be really direct. Say very clearly. Don't worry about being rude. I know that's something that's a problem. That's all I worry about all the time. Because like, one of my biggest insecurities and fears in the world is like, when you become, air quotes, famous, you cannot be shitty to people.

Because people are like, oh, it's gone to his head. He's become this and that. And I also. You poor thing what and also white guilt i can't oh yeah that's fucking rude to indians over here okay don't be rude maybe don't take the emotional component of this but be clear with your words be frank be frank be frank okay and you can smile while you do it yeah yeah like why are? Yeah, you're fucking annoying me. You're not supposed to be in this room. Being frank comes across as rude. Remember in Altitude Festival,

when I ordered a strudel for after my meal, but it comes out hot, so they were like, let us know when you're ready for it. So I'm trying to explain to the waiter, I've already paid and ordered a dessert, but can I get it now, please? And he didn't understand what I was saying.

And I was frank, and I went, I'm ready for my strudel now. As everybody else went quiet, as all of my friends looked, and I was like, I'm ready for my strudel now. And it's lived with me from that day. That's not so normal to me. No, man.

How much would you say? I'm ready for my strudel now. Fucking oh. Let me fan you while you eat it you fucking you know i think it's just you're just white it's really hard for you to say anything yeah yeah but good i'm glad that's happening yeah yeah you know what that's where we want you okay so. Still going through the cities. Chennai. Yes. Chennai.

I think, I think, oh, they're rude over there. Oh, you would be offended, right? They're a little rude. Rude to me? A white man? No, everyone.

Everyone. They are, they are snappy and they're rude. But great food. Great food. Rude people make excellent food. Yeah.

Well, yeah. All chefs are arseholes that makes sense yeah even up north they're very rude but great food Mumbai food's not so great

but everyone's very nice and there's something about your cooking it takes a hit when you're a nice person yeah oh could you try cutting it that way

as opposed to fucking fix that right now this is bland you know what you want you know how to get there you're not taking any prisoners yeah okay

but Chennai audience really responds to, I think, like, just, I don't know how to put this, but they love, like, a big show. And they just, they're going to, I think they're going to be a good audience. I think there's going to be a lot of hooting and clapping. So you can. So American-ish. Yes. You can look forward to that.

The audience will be great. I think they're going to be super enthusiastic. so you can so almost American-ish yes you can look forward to that the audience will be great I think they're going to be super enthusiastic also because I don't know how much stuff happens in Chennai to be honest

so this is probably one of their seven things and it's a big deal for them and I should walk yeah yeah yeah I should walk on stage

to your welcome from Moana just be like you're all welcome I'm here I know there's fuck all else to do and then they're so rude they'll be like, you're all welcome, I'm here, I know there's fuck all else to do. And then they're so rude,

they'll be like, get on with the show. But everyone you meet is going to be rude. At the airport, the cab guy, the people at the hotel. The Spain of India.

Yes, the Spain of India. Yeah, the Spanish are the rudest. That's true, isn't it? Yeah. Okay,

Hyderabad. Hyderabad. Hyderabad. Hyderabad is going to be fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're all right, they're fun. Are they rude? They're not rude, right? Hyderabad. Hyderabad. Hyderabad. Hyderabad is going to be fine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're all right.

They're fun. Are they rude? They're not rude, right? Bangalore plus Muslims. That's what he didn't want to say. Hyderabad is Bangalore plus Muslims, guys. That's what Hyderabad is. Got my cousins there.

Okay. Be prepared for the Muslims. Yeah. That's what I can prepare you for's what i can prepare for such things just don't be shocked when you see a bunch of beards don't look afraid they can smell that but hyderabad audience is also they're're very sweet. They're fine. Audience wise, they're going to be okay. Biryani, must try. Must try. A lot of biryanis in Hyderabad.

Different types of biryanis. They're known for biryanis. Omni. And to be honest, I feel like Hyderabad, Chennai and Bangalore are going to feel similar to you in terms of their aesthetic. Yeah. Okay. Calcutta? That's, Calcutta is beautiful.

Okay. Calcutta. There's a massive butt beautiful okay Calcutta there's a massive butt coming yeah butt lazy oh they like their afternoon siesta

they love to siesta like Goa plus Muslims yes like Goa plus Muslims you're right yes

Bengalis really pride themselves on being really intellectual and well-read. Okay. The, I was going to say, Rabindranath Tagore

is the man who wrote a famous author, everything, literally, literary figure, is the person who wrote our national anthem. He's from there.

Okay. This is like the most, they have so many fucking insanely amazing like artists from Kolkata, but this is like the most like this is their biggest example so I think you might get a crowd that's a little bit like huh

why did he say that? a little bit less giggly a little bit posh yeah yeah the people who would prefer James Acaster to me yes probably I'll put it that way

they'd be like yes James you're quite right so James you're Kesta plus Muslims yes so that's Kolkata

again great biryani great fish eat fish which one used to be called Madras before Chennai that was Chennai

yeah right guys oh my god I don't want to get it wrong guys I'm so sorry keep asking you guys so many questions yes yes yes Madras used to be Chennai used to Chennai yeah right guys oh my god I don't want to get it wrong guys I'm so sorry I keep asking you guys so many questions yes yes yes Madras used to be

Chennai used to be called Madras because that had me thinking last night that every place was named after the curry that they make oh

like when I was like oh Madras so they've all been changed is there a Vindaloo I was like is there anyone asking is there a Vindaloo

where is the river Korma and where does it run I'm heading to Pune are we going to the city Butter Chicken when are we going to the city butter chicken when are we performing at butter chicken that's i think everything's named oh man um pune not pune as he keeps calling it okay i have a bias pune pune pune puneune. Pune, Pune, both is fine.

Yeah. Both okay. It's not Pune. Pune. Now it is. Please do that. Just get on stage and be like, Pune, Pune, Pune. Yeah.

After every joke, Pune, Pune, Pune, Pune, Pune. That would be such a good gag. I'm biased towards Pune and Pune because I'm a Maharashtrian. I'm from Maharashtra. You're in Maharashtra right now. Okay. Mumbai is in Maharashtra and so is Pune and Pune because I'm a Maharashtrian I'm from Maharashtra you're in Maharashtra right now okay

Mumbai is in Maharashtra and so is Pune so are these not obviously county is the wrong word state state it's states

and these are cities in the state so I'm from this state and so I feel like Pune is great lot of student crowds are very enthusiastic oh good

good too much traffic lot of traffic and that's lot of traffic that's coming from mumbai a lot of two-wheel you'll see everyone on a scooty yeah and you'll be like why does everyone have a scooty because they're all students they can't afford cars um everyone's on a scooty uh it's it's actually pune is really chill it's like if it's if it's like mumbai plus go as pune i would say because it's relaxed it's a ch plus Goa is Pune, I would say, because it's relaxed. It's a chiller. But the audience is pretty great.

I would say, I don't know what you can eat at Pune. Tarang, you're from Pune, no? Oh my God, please say what they should eat. Misal. We're both Maharashtrian, actually. Which one's that? Repeat it. Misal pav.

Misal pav. Vada pav. They must have already done though in their last trip. Misal pav. Yeah. That's it. That's's our culture just those two dishes what is Misal Pav okay

I don't I don't so I don't like Misal Pav Tarang I'm really sorry so the way I'm going to describe it is not going to be

flattering but it's like everything that's good about Vada Pav everything is bad about Misal Pav and then those are the two bipolarities okay so Vada pav is the vegetable or the vegetarian burger thing yes patty that goes

on just a regular american burger bun yes and there's like dippy sauce with it sometimes and it's delicious i was like a chili on the side and misal pav is if someone was just really lazy and like half cooked some like curry with like i guess aloo sorry potato and some peas and threw in a bunch of like what is that fafda called sprouts is also that yuck the sprouts also i'm glad that's global i haven't had it for so long and then there's some like crunchy stuff save there's like crunchy stuff on it and then they give you a pow and it's like sometimes it's so watery but it has like chips floating on top and there's a bread next to it and i'm like what do you want me to make of this but really misal power is very divisive in our culture because some people love it and some

people hate it so you should you should give us your word i'm 100% going to try it like and i one of the things i've one of the many things I love about India is my white guilt and my fear of offending people. I'm like, hey, my guys, I really want to try your food, but because it might make me sick, because things aren't, and you don't want to say, because things aren't as clean over here.

Every Indian is like, it's because you've got a soft white boy stomach. You're not sparing any of our feelings. Can you guys just drink out of the tap now? No, no, no. No, no, no. You're not that hardened. No way.

No way. Don't ever drink out of the tap. But I'm worried now. Oh, no. I spit in the shower. If any water gets on my lips, I'm like... Get out of here.

Yuck. No, not you. Every day I have a solid shit in this country. I am so unbelievably grateful. Whatever God is in the world, I'm like fucking that's there. Thank you, buddy. You won't be sick after Misalpau because it's like you're eating sick. That's the consistency.

So it goes and it comes out the same way okay same thing we had something last night so we had a lovely dal and some just generic food at the hotel like we didn't it wasn't street food but it was hotel food um and then afterwards you give us this like i'm gonna say like a folded up banana leaf with some mint in or something that you chew and it just gets in your teeth and it's there forever you've had paan yeah what is that and why very intrusive okay so paan i think uh of course they must have not put tobacco in your paan right they don't put it in the sweet paan they must have it was sweet right i don't know what they put in it because i avoid paan like the plague yeah but paan is very famous in muslim weddings like muslims love eating paan

yeah and yeah they they are paan enthusiasts what do they put in it the leaf is very good for your gut the leaf is very good for your gut and they put some tuna what do you call tuna tuna fish it's not gonna be tuna It's the opposite of flesh. Beetle nut? No. So the leaf is like very bitter. They put a lot of gulkand. Rose. Rose? They put some like rose thing. It is kind of floral.

Okay, yes. So they put that rose thing which is gulkand and then you said that's good for your gut, right? I'm so glad my cultured friends are here. My problem was that I wear these invisible braces. And then every time I looked in the mirror, there was just like behind the window. These little guys trying to get out. Just like, you miss me?

And that went on for a while. It's really chewy. I couldn't get it out of my face. But it's for digestion, right? Yeah. So people, after their food, they eat that to have a good digestion. But also, the paan that you had was a different paan.

It's a sweet pan. So that doesn't have tobacco or... So wait, hold on. So regular pan has tobacco in it? Yeah, girl.

So you get a little... You get a little hot, baby. Oh, I fucking want that. Chewing tobacco. Yeah, I'll have that. And you just chew it and you swallow the whole fucking thing?

You spit it out. Yeah. Chew the middle. Okay. And then spit it out yeah okay and then spit it out yeah my family loves it okay because it's the only fun thing in our weddings yeah yeah it's the one thing that you're able to get a buzz off of we tried um i definitely offended um a lot of indians yesterday because we were given some Indian desserts and some of them were delicious. There was like these...

What was that one where you were like, it just keeps getting wetter in your mouth. There's this little white ball that's in a white liquid. Esmolay. Esmolay, yeah.

And it's like wringing out a dirty cloth in your mouth. Yeah. It just did... I'm leaving. Swear to God. Goodbye. It's like you. I'm leaving. Swear, draw the line. Goodbye.

It's like you just washed your car and then it sucked on the sponge. That's the thing. The flavor wasn't bad. The flavor wasn't bad. But it was like, the texture was just this, I don't know how it kept getting wetter. Because it wasn't my saliva

because my mouth wasn't enjoying it. It was unlocking the inner moisture that's okay you know what a lot of this stuff is divisive so like but rasmalai

I think because if he grew up eating it I didn't even notice that the texture was so spongy to me it's like I have these juices

and then it's like a bonus that there's something to chew on no but that's fine it's very sweet and then there was

this lovely bun like kind of donut bun but not a't that's fine it's very sweet and then there was this lovely bun like kind of donut bun but not a donut that was like it had like a seemed to have like

a harder crust on the outside but it was actually quite soft when your spoon got into it yeah deep fried it was in some sort

of like syrup I was also thinking mysore pak was it brown yes it's probably mysore pak yeah that was a win that was unbelievably good

that one was like an ice cream that kind of Tasted like Imagine if you got Like some lotion in your mouth Wait an ice cream? Yeah That tasted like hand lotion

And it was like It was sliced like a banana So it was like Square slices of ice cream Kulfi Kulfi Kulfi oh my god You guys

By the way I'm not You're saying something Really insane I enjoyed the kulfi I'm not being're saying some really I enjoyed the Kulfi I'm not being I don't think for the record I don't think

it tasted like suntan lotion I was fine with it wow you know I think everything you said in your show was fine

but this this is where everyone's gonna be no I think fair enough but the fact that you guys like Mysore Park

is pretty cool Hyderabad is where Mysore Park is no Andhra pradesh no all over all over oh the old south wala belt okay i think i buy it at the hyderabad airport so i was like that's where it's from but you guys like a good one mysore park is also very loved it has a lot of ghee in it i'll tell you though i sorry what's gay cheese no no ghee is a clarified oil i think yeah i the only reason i know ghee is because you have to jaina in dublin does it it's

it's dublin slang for gay gay he's a gay gay yeah and it also means the the suit that you wear for judo or jujitsu is a gi oh okay closest any of them come to getting pussy gi is the only reason I know gi is because you have to if you're ever making marijuana butter yeah you need gi

that's what you so you cook off you heat up the marijuana you blend it all up yes and you put it in with the ghee, and then you put that in the fridge, and that's what comes.

Yes, I'm so sorry. It's okay. I have a spot, and they're calling me, so I don't know what's happening. I'm just going to call them back really quickly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can do that.

No, we don't need to. Yeah. No, no, we can pose. Yes, can you ask Balraj what's up? No, no, he's good. Sumit is doing it. Thank you, Sumit, so much. But also, we've done half an hour.

No, I have to go reach them at eight. I don't know why they're calling me now. Okay, yeah, I mean, it is doing it. Thank you so much. But also, we've done half an hour. No, I have to reach there at eight. I don't know why they're calling me now. Okay, yeah, I mean, it is super fun. So then I was like, did I get the show timing wrong? No, I mean, we'll wrap this up anyway because we've got food that's arrived. You guys should eat.

I want, before you go though, I want to hear about your UK tour. How's that go? Yes. Oh, my UK tour was so fun. Because we were over the moon and obviously I messaged you This afterwards

Because when you Did our podcast You got in the car And that's when you Found out that you'd Been nominated Yes And I was

That was so cool We were so happy for you We were celebrating We were like This is amazing I was so And then you went on To win it

And we were like We did it That's how it is White man discovers Indian comic Yes We did it It's all discovery none of her hard work just our scouting that you'd come over here with a bit of hype behind you and everyone's excited

to see you in the uk i'm okay to share it i was so happy i was like this is so great yeah and the tour was so good yeah it's so fun uh solo theater is really uh good at like they would send me like emails of like what city we're going to what it's famous for exactly what time i should get to the station how long it's going to take to walk somewhere now that you've been traveling in india you know what a pleasure this is you know to do things time to time maybe that was their race of the beer like she's not gonna be able to keep to time here we have to give her a schedule of this is when you're going to get there. And you have to, this is our public transport runs on time. Yeah, I think they were trying to be like, you got to get there 15 minutes early.

No, so I really love the tour. Some cities were a little weird. Okay. Coventry, Coventry. Oh, Coventry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not. Was it? It's not.

That's a really avoidable place Okay Because they all They all showed up And then They were like Really chatting and buzzing Before the show And then I went on stage

And they were like No no no It was strange And it was a mix It's never like It's not just white people It's always a mix in my show So I don't know what it is

Like they They didn't like And they didn't It's not like They weren't comfortable With each other Together They did not like me

so I unified them which is always so weird in a tour show like it doesn't happen to me as often anymore but like I remember early fucking tours

you'd walk on stage to a room full of people and 20 minutes in you're like did you know you were coming to see me like like how could you all

be so my name is on the fucking deck here you did this to yourself. Yeah. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy people taking a gamble, but there's no way you all took a fucking gamble.

It often happens at little art centres. In an art centre. Was it an art centre? Warwick Art Centre. So the problem with touring in Britain is art centres are dying because they're shit and because the Tories hate the arts because the arts talk shit because the Tories hate the arts because the arts talk

shit about the Tories. So for art centres not to go under in the UK, all the local pensioners who haven't smiled since their husband died and want to come to this theatre to drink coffee and tea and they hate what's ever is on. They don't want the show to be on.

They just want to pay for the ticket. But they want the art centre to stay around because it's the only place they can get coffee from so they just go and art centers in the uk the worst i i've blacklisted them for over a decade now in the uk i just don't it's okay i hate them i hate them so much okay well so i was i was that's what i did yeah and there were a lot of older people british pensioners are scum of the earth. Oh my God, really? Oh, they're the worst. Oh man. This is a Daniel Sloss opinion. It may not be everybody's.

British pensioners are so awful. I think that's the reason why less and less students are getting into medicine. Because it's like, man, I'm happy to save babies from cancer.

I'm happy to fucking save women from childbirth. But why are we keeping these guys on the ground? Over the age of 70, you ain't getting any fucking medicine cunt at all. At all. Not for you. There was a real shift in respect for your elders in the UK, right? Because when I was a kid, the elders had been to war and fought for the country. And they were kind of revered and respected.

Now, the generation, like their children, like my parents' parents generation they expected the same respect as their parents just by being old and we're like oh no we respected them because they were cool yeah yeah you just complain a lot your granddad killed the nazis yeah they're really easy life why do i can't respect the boomers yeah fair enough man mind you respecting elders over here is a massive fucking thing, right? You just inherently have to. I mean, yes, you really have to. But I think in our generation's case also, like, it's a give and take here. So we have to respect our parents because they actually, I think, did struggle to give us the lives we have.

But maybe our kids are going to be like you guys are right now. They're going to be like fuck you mom and dad you did nothing you watch netflix all day long and you had sex and you had me yeah so like it's it's really like so in our case it's like we've seen our parents really come up in life from really like sad places but also like their opinions aren't always right so that's a real conflict because they're like you have to respect us but you're like but but you're wrong, baby. Yeah, none of you read. And also the news confuses you. Like anyone can go on with a badge that says newscaster

and be like, oh guys, you know, the moon exploded. And 98% of pensioners will be like, well, I guess. That happens here also. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh God. I mean, on the plus side, they're all falling for scams. Scams are plenty. Yeah, I mean, on the plus side, they're all falling for scams. Scams are plenty. Yeah, I mean, I don't think people, the older generation here is really like not bigoted or amazing.

On a very personal level, when you get to know them, you respect them. But as a group, they can fuck off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you coming back to Edinburgh this year? Yes, yes, I am. I have written zero minutes for it. Oh, yeah, that's how it happens. You get a gun to your head in June, July and

you panic, right? And something comes good and you're like, oh well. But if you don't do the fringe, then you stay on zero minutes for ten years if it comes to that. You're doing the right thing. You won the award. You have to come back to Edinburgh every year to build the audience

and keep them there. Coming back, it's a wise thing to do. And having the gun to your head and the fear is fucking absolutely natural. And because you're a real comic, unlike a lot of English comedians, you're already doing it the correct way, which is the fact that you don't have your show yet is good. Oh, really?

Yeah, absolutely. We are very much homework on the bus types of comedians. That's how comedy is done in Scotland. You write your show on your way to the first preview and then get... Mind you, that is why no Scots ever get nominated for the English audience. Yeah, that is true.

I'm actually getting up and doing... On Wednesday, we'll get back. I'm getting up and doing... I'm going to do 15 minutes anew and amongst some stuff that works. It's a 30-minute spot, but I'm going to get off the blocks. I've already got some of it written and I'm going to take 15 minutes anew and amongst some stuff that works. It's a 30-minute spot, but I'm going to get off the blocks. I've already got some of it written.

That's how... I'm going to get going when we get back. And hopefully I'll get... You'll probably get it when you come to the UK, just the experience of all that culture in Spain, they come up with stuff. So hopefully I'll have five, ten minutes about India when I get back. That'll be nice.

When you came back here here did you start making fun of us to Indian crowds no no I didn't actually I didn't I didn't make fun of you guys to Indian crowds

because when you go and you're like I've been to the UK and they're like we haven't so shut the fuck up and I'm like here's some jokes

I want to make about them so I really didn't actually what I did after coming back is no work so that would include like here's some here's some jokes i want to make about them so i i really didn't actually i i what i did after coming back is no work so that would include doing new stuff that makes fun of you guys i just go and i parrot my show and then i get off stage and then i'm happy and i don't know how long it'll last so i'm not writing anything but as soon as i'm sad again i'll be back we've been parroting for two years now yeah it's been a two year to have parroting. Also, you're absolutely right. You cannot write a show while you're enjoying your current show.

There's just no fucking inspiration. You have to hate the show that you're doing and then start writing. You get sick of it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for coming on. I definitely need to go and eat some food. Yeah, you guys should eat.

You look tired. But yeah, I mean yeah we'll turn this off and then just stick around yeah we hang out off camera I guess yeah yeah

we're friends they love me we're friends IRL I have a nickname thank you so much for coming on anything you want to

well I mean I can push something your French show is going to be on sale soon right yes it should be will this I'm going to

MICF also can I yeah I'm going to the Melbourne Comedy soon, right? Yes, it should be. I'm going to MICF also. I'm going to the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Oh, man, we've got loads of fucking Melbourne fans. All right, Australians. I'll be at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival from 27th March to 8th April. Please come. Fuck yes.

They're really loyal. They'll come to everything. Really? Okay. You can also go to my friend Anirban Das Gupta's show. Not that loyal. Go and plug that again. I stepped on it. Sorry. Oh, should I?

Plug your friend again, yeah. Okay. Anirban Das Gupta and Kannan Gill and Azeem Banatwala. They're all performing. So please go for their shows as well. Amazing. Thank you so much for coming on, Ruzi. Thank you so much for having me.