Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Patreon Bonus: Nelson Sack

Episode Date: February 23, 2022

Sharing last Thursday's Patreon Episode featuring a special guest appearance from The Honourable Thomas Houghton joining Muggins and Nelson for a good old hour of laughs, yakking on about music festivals, the NFL Half time show, Nelson's sporting prowess when he's in the sack and how he'd act on reality television For an exclusive 30 Minute solo podcast from Daniel Sloss updating everyone on his first two weeks of fatherhood visit www.patreon.com/slossandhumphries

If there is anybody listening to this Patreon episode from the dad tier, I just want to say congratulations. You're a fucking granddad. Baby Sloss has arrived. I do not talk about the subject too much on this podcast because it's Daniel's business and it's his story to tell. So I kind of just brush over it and he's going to get on soon once he's all settled in and shit.

I'm dead excited for him. I'm dead proud of him. Yeah, so I'm going to pop and see the bear in the night. All his family's been visiting and I've been just waiting in the wings for the call-up. So I'm going to pop round and see the bear and probably report back on that, but I'll leave all the storytelling to Daniel.

Don't expect anything like that from this episode. But what you can expect, a lot of laughs between me and Mark Nelson and our special guest, Tom Horton, who joins the fold to talk about music festivals school sports days, just a bunch of fucking, like we're going off on some wild tangents

some of them go nowhere, some of them get some big belly laughs and then pit her out and some of them are just solid bits, it's the podcast you know what it is, enjoy it Sloss and Humphreys on the road Muggins and cream Creaming muggins Straight thugging Living the dream That's our intro Fucking muggles

Tickling the clit inside your head That makes you laugh They said it can't be done Are we in the same seats? That's hack Oh, muggles Accidental rim job in the park Kiss, kiss, kiss

Or might just be cynical Just muggled it up on fucking Mugglopedia Where have you been since 9-11 and here we are shambolic as ever we've got

obviously with Mark because Danny's just had a baby that's not a secret anymore I don't know has he announced the baby's name yet

we should probably I don't think he has not to us he has but not on he's had his baby he has not to us he has but not on he's had his baby he's called Matty

he's called Elliot Steel Sloss so Mark's Mark's here and we've got Tom Horton on the left if you're watching

on the video you can see him hello and I feel like we've got a little clash of worlds here going on haven't we

yeah I feel like we might dance things with. I feel like... My dancing's a wolf. I feel like we would never have met, Tom, outside of comedy, would we? Running different circles. Maybe if I'd found myself backstage

at a festival sometime, but not really. Well, I'm in the St. John's and you've ord, I'm in the St. John's and you've OD'd and killed. So for anybody that doesn't know, we've mentioned you before, we've had the other podcast before, we've got a few new followers.

You live in the Tower of London. I think the only time I'd have come across you is if you'd enacted that old law where British lords are allowed to come up and sleep with Scottishottish men's wives on the night of their wedding you ever seen that in braveheart this happens in braveheart that's what kicks off a shitload of stuff in braveheart a lord comes up and basically steals a guy's wife on his wedding night takes her in a tent that was just a law that the british imposed on the the sc Yeah, the English.

I can't remember what it's called, but it was like a divine right of a lord. And could you only do it in a Scottish man's wife? Or could you do it in a... I used to. Could you go out of Wales and... I'm pretty sure the Welsh. Have a pop with a Welshman's wife.

But there was no... Nobody really... There was no incentive to do it. That law was just a formality. Nobody enacted that law. I'm now in my head just cycling through which one of your wives i wanted to which one will i go with he's not scott you wouldn't get away with him he's anguish oh yeah even though my wife's scottish doesn't matter yeah but he's northern surely i can just yeah second base or something you're allowed to finger me wave

in a court of law not in a court of law but in a court of law around the back of the court of law the court bins you're allowed to finger me wave around the court bins that's like a proper stand-up trope isn't it behind the bins behind the bins why is it always behind the bins fingering behind the bins yeah it's never like in the fire escape or like in the lift it's always behind the bins

aye it's the most grotty I wouldn't have I wouldn't have any like hack British comedians went over to America and done that

and just left the audience going what the overhead cabin's on a flight he's doing oh the trash can oh behind the trash can Oh behind the trash can It doesn't quite have a ring to it does it

I was fingering out behind the trash cans Behind the garbage dumpster We always have behind the hockey pavilion That's what it is That was your hack Behind the hockey pavilion Why was so grotty about Behind the hockey pavilion why was so grotty about behind the hockey pavilion

is it just behind any building well it's because it's like at the bottom of the playing fields just away from the school so it's like yeah it's like down from the main buildings so it's like you go down there

and they'd have the high jump mats that you'd chill out on aye you guys used to chill out on high jump mats that don't be hard I got I got

sand I got thrown in the sand pit when it was full of water yeah water water water water

I we did have like there was like a shed that was full of like you know hula hoops and bean bags and shit that you'd use

in sports like crisps and this was a fair school and then Scott Bennett Scott Scott the shop Scott Bennett was always hula hoops and beanbags and shit that you'd use in sports. Like crisps. And this was a fair school. It's called a shop. Scott Bennett was always gigging in it. Fucking niche joke. Yeah, how niche are this audience?

Are they going to get that joke? It's a patron episode. They're full of comedy. A lot of them are comedy fans and that. Yeah, some of them are a fans and that Yeah Some of them do Some of them Some of them are a bit more casual Did you do There was a certain point Where

Sports day at school You got to do Athletics I say athletics Like track and field But you don't know What like Your leg tight

At one of your Well that makes us like Previous to that Was shit Three legged race Well like Willy wangling I mean whatever that is in your school, Tom.

Welly-wangling. You know, when the legs are off, you do a bit of welly-wangling. Yeah, you get a biscuit out, you get in a circle. Do you know, when I was... Because you had that... You know the three-legged race where you tie each other's legs together

and then you'd have, like, egg and spoon. You run in there. You had a sack race where you're supposed to... each other's legs together and then you'd have like egg and spoon you run and you know a sack race where you're supposed to you're on a hessian sack and you fucking launch them when I was about maybe about eight

I fucking ripped this race right like won it easily at the school and I died got a hole in the bottom of the hessian sack like Fred Flintstone

my dad accused me my dad went up to the teachers and accused me of cheating i just was incredibly good at that yeah i was good at that discipline one of the dads was like, nah, nah, not the Nelson boy. I can't believe I'd done it in 9.8. You're the only white kid in the final. Like, nah, not having it. Not having it.

He's up to something like, he's took the potatoes out. He's took the, the rest of the kids have got the potatoes still in. I, I held my school pole vault record for a year. Wow. Because, get this, it was the first year we ever did pole vault.

So it was actually lower than the high jump record. The pole vault record was lower than the high jump record. Yeah, I held it for a year. So you beat the kid that was encumbered by the stick. Yeah. Like there was a kid in your class that kind of went right i could beat that if i just drop this yeah i don't know if if you did the pole vault like genuinely in the olympics right and halfway through running you dropped the

stick and still got out of the bar would you still get the i don't see why not i don't know i'm not sure you would. Is the leg marks on how you do it? Yeah, I think so. That's like going if you just run around the hurdles, isn't it? I guess... Is it, though? Because the law for running around the hurdles would be in

because they need it. Yeah. Whereas they'd never feel like they needed the if you drop the pole and just fly over the bar. The Frosby flop. The Frosby flop was a hell of a thing do you remember first hearing about the frosby flop i wonder if i wonder if you reckon he invented it or do you reckon he was the one that stole the thunder of it do you reckon there was somebody like cal dig i don't know davis or something in his class that did it And nobody wants Kyle at the Davis flop

The Davis dip Aye But then Frosty come along Done it on the world stage Yeah Yeah Any way Was he just

Trying and shitting At the Olympics It's good Like Good legacy Getting something Named after you Especially

Like the Cruyff turn The Nelson sack Nobody Nobody ever Assumes Nobody ever Ass assumes it's about the potato bag race. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The thing is, it's my boss. It's definitely your ball bag. He's got the Nelson sack.

The Starling, it just becomes a medical condition. Let's play a self-probe. It's turned brown and scratchy. There's roots coming out of it. It's actually a potato. It's actually a potato. Tastes good in a stew. The Irish love it.

Imagine that. You know, you've got bay leaves to flavour stuff but you need to take them out before you serve it my balls were like that Michelin star restaurants I've just got to dip my balls in for 5 minutes then they remove them with a spatula

and then serve it up you're wanting Helsinki we've got a delicate so anyway Nelson Sacks when your bowels make good stock for a stew and you're wanted around the world but there's only one of you

everyone's keeping an eye on your Seamus is he going to block him like he's da? Is he going to have such a resilience to boiling water like he's da? Trying him out in cold soups. Like a spatula. Like a spatula. a gazpacho a gazpacho

well that took a turn didn't it that took a turn staying on sports is a loose theme me and Tom last night got drunk and watched one watched the halftime show

which I've been looking forward to watching I didn't want to do the service of watching it on my phone or just watching it in passing yeah like i'm a fucking massive eminem dr dre snoop dogg like that fucking generation of rappers i think um so for me that was like you know if you could pick your dream team of like who is going to be on like a on a spectacle yeah it'd be like a wardshow or a halftime show something like that right that would have been main apart from i would have probably jse was in the audience wasn't he on like a on a spectacle yeah whether it be like an award show or a halftime show something like that right that would have been main apart from

I would have probably Jay-Z was in the audience wasn't he Jay-Z was Jay-Z and Beyonce were in there what a fucking travesty that he was in the audience

watching Kendrick Lamar yeah like how would he yeah I I agree I mean Kendrick Lamar I just reckon is the generation below us

I for me like I'm sure I made sure of my age I felt like they got a YouTuber in and just went oh that'll be for the kids even us i for me like i'm sure it may show my age i felt like they got a youtuber in and just went oh that'll be for the kids even though it's not like he probably appeals to 30 year olds but i agree i'd have had a taken nelly and i'd taken exhibit and i think an ll cool j oh man fucking ll cool j was on that would have been awesome amazing that was a quite a good bit because i didn't know because I saw the there was a video

because I mean the halftime show is incredible like it's a huge it's like 15 million 50 million dollars or something to put it all together

and because the adverts as well that's like the most expensive ad space aye because everybody's everybody's watching

so it's normally just massive Hollywood it's normally just Marvel that can afford it to be honest Marvel and Disney and it's like it is probably not. It's normally just Marvel that can afford it, to be honest. Marvel and Disney. And it's probably not redeeming what you've paid for it.

It's probably dick swinging. If you buy that advertising space, you're not going to get your money back in sales, I bet. No, of course not. But you've got the prestige. Do you reckon if you did advertise your fringe show on the Super Bowl, do you reckon you actually would get a shot in tickets? I'd probably still be outside hustling on a upshot I'd probably still be outside hustling on a Wednesday I'd probably still be there

hustling on a Wednesday like maybe the kids would be full yeah but also it's so unnecessary it is dick swing because it's so unnecessary

because I'm not going to gain any like nobody's going to be sitting there watching the Superbowl and suddenly go Doctor who? Doctor Strange?

that looks interesting like my this Lord of the Rings is something I've not come across before you know Doctor who? Doctor Strange? That looks interesting Like My This Lord of the Rings Is something I've not Come across before You know Fucking

If you're going You're going That's not gonna Thank god I watched the football Yeah Yeah So So weeks before

They released a trailer And the trailer was just as Hyped up as anything And it was basically Doctor Dre putting that team together So he He was Because it was basically Dr. Dre putting that team together. So he was, because it was held in LA, and that was going to be like a celebration of Dr. Dre and a celebration of Compton and all that stuff.

So I think he specifically picked Kendrick Lamar. Did he? And he too had worked at Eminem when I saw him in Bill Huston. Oh, did he? Aye. When I went to the Glasgow one, he was opening for him there. Aye. And he's featured on his album as well. Aye. at Eminem when I saw him in Bill Huston when I went to the Glasgow one he was opening for him there aye and he's featured on his album

as well aye so yeah I mean I think Kendrick Mars looked at as fucking 50 cent was a plump

old unit wasn't he he was more one dollar wasn't he yeah fucking hell because I was

talking to my wife actually about whether that was all muscle or whether it was it was in his face it was in his face you could tell he was like was all muscle or whether he'd it was a it was in his face it was

in his it was in his face you could tell he was like he's breath he's been having a birthday where's the buffet? I genuinely thought it was bizarre from D12 when I first saw it, and it came down. But you know what? I was a bit chuffed for him when I saw him. It's like saying, enjoy your friends.

You know what? He's just got a good lad, man. Fucking hell. You've been in your fucking premier life. You've been in front of the public eye. Lass has loved you. Fucking go and enjoy your retirement. Aye.

What about that? I mean, him took the knee. Aye. Fucking go and enjoy your retirement. Aye. What about that? Eminem took the knee. Aye. That was, because that was, because there was rumours that he was, because there was rumours that it was going to be a Tupac hologram

as well during California Love. Aye, that would have been nice. He took the knee at the same time that Dr. Dre played I Ain't Mad at Ship. Yes. Which was a Tupac song. So that was, people are arguing whether or not he took it the knee for Tupac song so that was people are arguing

whether or not he took it to the knee for Tupac or for Colin Kaepernick sort of it was an American football game where it all began so it came in

either way I thought it was quite symbolic that like the only white guy up there during the first time that rap has been represented at Super Bowl took the knee

apart from apart from Puerto Rican rapper Bad Bunny who who absolutely fucking crowbarred himself

onto the J-Lo line up like how the fuck did he get that gig Bad Bunny the Puerto Rican rapper was like

yeah yeah was that the silver bloke I guess so because I was like can you not remember I went on Siri I just

I'm gonna end up fucking setting it off new way we'll record and I was like hey Siri I just I'm gonna end up fucking setting it off knew we were recording I was like hey Siri I was like psst psst

Siri and it's setting off everyone's at home when I do it now I was just like who the fuck's that bloke that's crowbarred he's so fun

to the jib I spoke like a protagony in Siri I was like oh you mean bad bunny actually come up the answer

it did I saw it but it was the first hip-hop it was the first hip-hop first rap yeah like complete rap representation in superbowl so it was a big moment yeah it was cool yeah and you now find well there's gonna be like fucking boomer cunts just watching our rap music more like bloody crap music oh yeah i did it's really going on social media and watch the different sites like tiktok were sort of these guys are clearly legends but they didn't get it because they're younger instagram going mental and then facebook were all like what is this rubbish yeah it's all the the social media now so generational depending on which one you go through

they're running out of people like this is this problem. As far as legends you mean? Yeah because this is a problem like I read I remember an article about five years ago this was five years ago about music festivals in Britain genuinely running out of people to have as headliners because the

bands that are massive to young people now don't really get massive through albums. So they don't have that back catalogue to headline a show. We're literally about to see a YouTuber headline Glastonbury. Yeah, I mean, it's like,

because I remember that. KSI. Yeah, I remember that your Nicki Minaj did Tea in the Park. And people were going, who the fuck? Because she'd literally had one song. And that's what it'll be.

It'll be like, because there's, that's what it'll be it'll be like because there's that's why when people moan about oh for fuck's sake are they getting the foo fighters they get the co-play again they're getting kings of leon again you go but the only people that have 20 songs who that they can do could you even who's the most recent person of that caliber do you think you could name who's got that now back catalogue legendary status probably Ed Sheeran

as much as it pains me to say yeah but where everybody knows her songs Adele Adele yeah

she's but I often wonder what it's like Gaga Gaga definitely oh definitely oh yeah I'd say she's another

level behind like she's before Ed Sheeran I wonder how like because I didn't I've never seen Adele live I've like another level behind like she's before Ed Sheeran I wonder how like because I didn't I've never seen Adele live

like Ed Sheeran I've watched Ed Sheeran live and I can I can get how people could get because he's got

he's got upbeat songs he's got bits that you'd go right this is the bit where folk can go mental because that's half the fun of a headline set people go fucking mental

yeah but where is the adele mental bit like who's standing there i hope i really hope she plays sex i hope she plays that one push your phone's a to moan i really hope she plays that one and who's going mentally where are the fireworks coming during adele do you know what i mean like uh yeah with the exception of rolling in the deep is about as close as she gets but yeah you're right we were

because we watched back over the over the years last night when we were having a drink and we ended up because we were like

oh that's never going to be topped and then you go back and you're like fuck man like as a spectacle JLo and Shakira topped it

it was almost like they fucking spent their budget getting a billionaire headphone morgue out of bed yeah as a visual spectacle it didn't have anything on that and then fucking and Shakira topped it. It was almost like they fucking spent that budget getting a billionaire headphone mogul out of bed. Yeah, yeah. Because as a visual spectacle

it didn't have anything on that and then fucking we saw the Coldplay one and that as a visual spectacle was fucking phenomenal. I tell you, what was amazing as well that Chris Martin was there,

like the lead man, he was there with Bruno Mars and Beyonce and he was the one who was like the centre stage. They had the magnetism towards him,

like it was like Beyonce had, you point out, Beyonce had a magnetism towards him. It was like Beyonce had... You point out Beyonce had a hand on Chris Martin and then he flung his hand up. Beyonce was like hanging off him. She kept that. As if she was like, I kind of believe I'm fucking next to this guy.

I think I've took for granted how prestigious that man is because he's the subject of a lot of ridicule. People find it cool to mock him or fucking take the piss out of him. But if you've seen him live or if you see the show that he puts on or the way he's just in his music and he's just there in his music, he's fucking such a good performer. And the three of them did their big hits and the final one, he just sits down on piano and plays Fix You.

Yeah. And the entire crowd, everyone knows the words. And it's a song i've never like decided to listen to i've never chosen to listen to fix you but i know every word yeah i'm gonna go as far as saying i think it puts you in muggle corner if you hate coldplay as a personality trait yeah i hate coldplay no i don't hate coldplay at all i really quite like Coldplay but my brother loves them like they're my brother's favourite band so I keep up the pretense of

and the attitude of hating everything they do and I constantly my brother is the easiest person to wind up possibly so anytime I put like Facebook comments about playlists and he puts a

he puts a Coldplay thing I find like the most obscure meme of somebody falling asleep and just go and he goes mental immediately like he doesn't just go mental on facebook he goes mental at me and text as well he's like what fuck is your problem like it's like he texted he texted off the pitch that's when the text comes after, like, if you're in the WhatsApp group and then a text comes, you're like, it's like being pulled to one side, isn't it?

Yeah. That's amazing. Did you ever see them headlining a festival? Copley? Yeah, I've seen them headlining a few festivals. Because you were going to bring up the wristbands before. Yeah, yeah. I was telling Tom about that last night

So if anyone doesn't know They fucking They put a wristband on you Like throughout the day You just wait on the festival And they just pop your wristband on Wear that during Coldplay's set You've got this fucking wristband on

And then it lights up during the set And you're like Oh cool it's fucking Lights up But is it GPS Depending on where you are on the field Yeah it makes a light Basically makes a light show in the crowd So it depends on where you are though the field? Yeah, it basically makes a light show in the crowd.

So it depends on where you are, though. Yeah. Because, like, if I'm a colour over here, it could be a different part of the rainbow over there. Yeah. And that's fucking... The fact I put that lad in, and I just turn it up and fucking have him sing a song,

like, they're going, right, we're going to get every fucking element of this. I mean, I do. Like, I probably appreciate a band that will put on a show. Like, there's, like... I mean, it depends. Certain band that'll put on a show like there's like I mean it depends certain bands

can just go on and do it live and just the attitude carries them through but have you ever seen

ever seen a Rammstein gig fuck me you know Rammstein the heavy metal it sounds like a download festival type download festival yeah the heavy

metal german industrialist heavy metal band the massive and they come on and they've got like big massive devils spewing on people and they've got like light shows and flames the guy was the guy used to be a giant squid vagina so it's fucking insane i watch bowling for soup once and they they've got a thing where every gig they do they inflate this massive big testicle and dip it in the soup yeah just teabag the entire audience with a massive actually i like to mention that because that lawsuit's still going on for them for them using my likeness so they just bring on playful sheep like they're on a stag do yeah yeah and then that's the whole thing and then

they pretend to fuck it a bit and then they pass it around the audience they pretend to fuck it they play mostly with 13 year old girls in our life just me in the middle Bowling for Soup they were one of those fucking late

post Blink 182 bands was Girl the Bad Guys Want yeah do you know do you not like that I don't

I don't mind that song I hate do you know what they weren't that bad it was the ones that were kind of ska kind of ska kind of a real big fish

oh fucking cunts with pork pie hots on and Hawaiian shirts this is going to sound like a lie because he's not on the podcast to defend his self

but Daniel Sloss went to see Nickelback with his ma yeah yeah yeah he does yeah it sounds like a slam it sounds like oh he's not here

I'll just make some a go with him but I'm going to look down at the camera and tell you the God's honest truth, Daniel Sloss went to watch Nickelback with his ma. It's not even the worst of her. And when they went, look at this photograph, he put his glasses on.

And he's craning his neck. Pulled his shoulder out doing a guitar It's not by far the worst Of our group of friends That have ever gone to a gig It was Gareth that went to see Run the Jewels with our agent

Was in the disabled section With his agent She'd put her knee out Jumping off a boat And she was on crutches and she said as Gareth do you want tickets

for Run the Jewels and he was like fuck aye knows Run the Jewels who doesn't class and then she was like oh sweet

do you mind picking us up because no and it was a ticket again with her and he said yes do you mind hiring a mobility vehicle

so that you can pick us I don't know I don't know how much spin I'm putting on this, but I think it's legit, right? No, it is legit. Wow. In the eye, so you're going to look good. That's like Jack Carroll fucking Gans to me. He went and said, speaking to simple people.

That wasn't what it was meant to be. What a smooth segue that was. He gans to me, he was like, do you want a spliff? This isn't fucking abattoir. Do you want a spliff? I was like, I'd love one. He's like, you got any? I was like, I mean, aye, but.

Didn't pitch it To me like that Do you fancy a pint Aye me too Aye Do you want a cup of I mean I'll Look to sugar's mate Jesus

What was your first gig First ever gig? Aye Tina Park 1994 Oh nice Fucking who headlined? Cypress Hill

And Rage Against the Machine And who was on in the Crowded House On a Saturday Bizarrely I was 13 A eclectic mix

13 I wasn't allowed to stay I wasn't allowed to camp because I was only 13 so my dad drove me and my pal up choked us off and then picked us up at the end of the night I didn't get into festivals till late, you were at my first festival

Rockness performing I was the first band juice I was talking I was talking about when I met Natalie at that festival

Rockness and was that the one where Example were on and they started chanting one more tune possibly aye

he was like at the end of his set was like one more tune not everyone come on everyone not everybody changed it

that might have been the 2013 one actually but aye can you remember a comic called Marty McLean yes did we talk about this

on the podcast I don't know I don't know I've not anyway no nah so basically right he was on before me

and he went up and he just started eating dick like it just wasn't going good at all and it's like people are crossing

not as a metaphor yeah it was the Audrey tent and it was like you know people are hungover it's the afternoon they've dragged

their cell out of their tent to come and absorb some of the festival but the music isn't kicking on yet right so they're watching stand up and there's a lot like it's fucking lit

it's just day lit so it's not it's not the easiest gig but you know what you can go on and you can entertain them without getting big laughs out of them

just go on and just like be something for them know what the gig is and just now what the gig is but he was like it was bothering him

that he wasn't getting any responses and shit right and then he just fucking went oh I took so many drugs last night he was like

I took MDMA I took coke I took fucking pills I took I smoked weed and then he went and I've been at the oxygen tent. Whoa! Whoa!

Big breather over here. We've got a heavy breather in. And I've just had a herbal. Yeah, we'll see. Then the bad boys seemed you in touch. There goes the neighborhood. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. June tip there goes the name I love that you went bad boys Mark Lawrence

no I was meaning that one you meant the bad boy for life I remember beforehand he'd said to me because I was standing backstage he went on before you so he was on before me, aye. So he was saying to me,

he was like that, do you think this tent looks like a pirate ship? And I was like, no. And he went, no, I think it does. I think I'm going to open with that. And I was like, no, don't. Like, don't, because it doesn't.

And then for the first five minutes, digging in about this fucking, because it had a like, Where are we, the Jolly Roger? Literally, it was like that kind of shit. And it was dying so badly how's everyone on the clothes now

still Harvey Harvey what so fucking oh my god he he basically

dug his cell into the hole decided to blame the drugs actually like weren't bothering him that much he was just

having a tough gig and then he was like oh i'm gonna pass you can someone come and grab me big scott gibson went and got him oh wow and uh it took him off and that was a fucking bit billy kirkwood was hosting yeah and like he done a little bit and i wasn't due on for like another 20 minutes but he looked at me and he was like Kai can I like bring you on new and I was like aye whatever mate

sure and he was like dressed like that and I was wearing blue wellies Bermuda surf shorts like white fucking kind of rip curl

surf short things and then like a blue Geo Goy top where it was like fucking matching me wellies and I looked I honestly fucking I don't know what I looked like

that was my own thing like a fucking like a randomly generated fucking GTA character like Saints Row and I fucking he went like he thought

that I just hadn't gotten changed yet and I was going on like that the whole while and I was like aye nee bubba and I went on and fucking

I was saying to Natalie Natalie would have definitely left if not even clean had done 20 minutes aye I met her because he bombed.

Yeah. And then I got off the blocks bike and, oh, last night, man, I was like, oh, last night I took a bunch of MDMA, I took a bunch of pills, I took some weed, I've been to the oxygen tent. I'm a jury, I can handle my shit. And then got on a movie set. And it was like, that's how I met my mother. Yeah. Nice. Do you know, I don't know if it was like that was that's how that's how I met my mother

yeah yeah nice do you know I don't know if it was that festival I think it was a couple years after at Rockness do you remember that's

like Richard Gad you know Richard Gad won the Edinburgh Award and James Kirk and Matthew Winning James Kirk doesn't do comedy anymore

they had a they had a band I can't remember what they were fucking called but they had like a comedy can't remember what they were fucking called but they had like a comedy band and they would do a Christmas song and it was a cover of the it was by the Flying Pickets

it was like it's called Only You and it was a Christmas number one and they asked me because whoever normally would play guitar for them wasn't there so they were, do you reckon you could learn this for tomorrow? I was like, yeah, I'll fucking learn it and then

when we were getting drugged up the night before, Gad was like that I was thinking, we should introduce you as somebody and I was thinking, could we introduce you as Miss Dynamite's brother and I was like, what? and then I was like

I think I was like I was like yeah it is yeah at the time I had no idea that colour was it and I was like yeah let's do that and we were honestly one pint away from me blacking up to do it

to go on as this was when blacking up was still acceptable why hadn't woke up as a society to the the laws of blacking up right i mean a large number of society had but i think society had festival high on their face off the oxygen tent maybe i'm uh you couldn't you could have had that in your fucking back catalogue of memories society had people at a festival high on their face off the oxygen tent maybe hadn't you could have you could have had that

in your fucking back catalogue of memories can you imagine doing that and then it not going well and dying on stage and then suddenly

just realising I've got you can't just go back into normal material I've I've been asian top before you have

I've put on I've dressed as a terrorist for a fancy dress and I I made it like I used like fucking kind of like Beige it up before. You have. I dressed as a terrorist for Fancy Dress. And I made it like, I used like fucking kind of like this material weapon and these like fucking big fuses from the sports centre and like tied them on and had wires so like my bomb looked pretty legit. Who were you going as? It would have been like...

Genetic terrorist. Generic terrorist. Terry wrist. And I fucking used... I used regular fake tan. It was me. My father changed my skin tone, was regular fake tan.

And my spin on it was, if you're going to date me for it, you've got to date every last in tune because they're using the same shit. I'm just using the same stuff off the shelf as people who are culturally appropriate and the guy didn't dance that was me spin it was i can just look back and it was wrong what i did yeah i uh i had to delete i deleted it uh i probably still defend it but i deleted it uh the pictures of social media i went to a halloween party about three three four years ago it was a halloween

party that parents like a lot a lot of kids at our nurseries were all pals the parents were quite pally as well so one of the parents had a halloween party on the sunday afternoon and i'd been in london for the weekend so i'd gone about and i was going to go as kim young on right oh yeah no i did i did i went so i I had a full black suit on, black shirt And I managed to find in a fancy dress This spray paint Hair stuff that made my hair jet black Wow

And then I couldn't find I couldn't find a fucking In London I couldn't find A North Korean flag anywhere Running around like Late night petrol stations I couldn't find a North Korean flag anywhere running around late night petrol stations I couldn't find titty tape for my eyes

so I got like sticky on label and just like sticky on white plain label and I just made the North Korean flag on that and just put that there and then we turned up and my wife went as a, like just a penguin right, as a costume and we turned up there and not went as a, like just a penguin, right? As a costume.

And we turned up there and not one other fucking parent was dressed up. Right. And I was like, shit. And then she just took that off and went, well, it's just you now. And I had literally nowhere to go. Because hers was just like a big, massive costume. She's there with the eyes.

Fuck it off. And I just looked like, like other parents I'd never met coming in going, who the fuck is this prick? Folks thought I was Michael McIntyre. See what I say. It was good. I got invited to,

I think when I lived in Germany, my dad was like the head of the military over there. And I was leaving. The Nazis? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My dad's got a really shady history. And I played rugby with all the, I used to play rugby with all the squaddies.

And they invited me to a leaving do out in Munchen Gladbach. And they told me it was fancy dress. And I went dressed as a duck like a full duck costume with a bill proper like what will they tell and i rocked up to this chinese restaurant and not a single one of them would come in fancy dress you just had a sailor's top on and no bottoms yeah yeah proper donald duck and we ended up going oh we went to the strip club we went to all sorts of places with me just dressed this duck i remember being in the chinese restaurant

i jumped in you get the bill where's the strippers did you order a nine on the call and just start chucking the bread at you ordered a nine at the chinese you know mixing things up where should I charge these strippers just put them on my bill yeah we've done that

we've done bill we've done bill we've done bill we're back around we did it we did it I got three deeper forward come full circle

so it's good what was the end to that I could see our feet working under the water what was the end to that the end to it is that I was out by the end of it

I was like properly like out of my face dressed as a depressed duck at the bar i looked over and the staff sergeant who was like our house staff was off duty drinking next to me and it was the first time i'd seen him like not working at our house as a staff and suddenly he didn't recognize me because i was like seeing the extreme man put the petrol in yeah i'm not used to this and he ended up just so him and me just it was the first time we ever met with him not in work and they're not being a hierarchy and he just got me absolutely out of my face drunk by the end of it oh it's like this duck puking in the street and then the next day i had

to then like come down and he was uh setting the breakfast table i went to a fancy dress party dressed as a pimp and my girlfriend at the time was dressed as Wonder Woman and we had a massive spat on the street like fucking

screaming at each other pimp and Wonder Woman just absolutely fucking ten chunks of each other on the street have you ever have you ever seen

that episode only full of horses Batman and Robin Batman and Robin have you ever seen it yes like fucking yeah when they're running up

and you see them in the mist so they go so Boise says it's a fancy dress party and it's a funeral and they turn up so Del Boy runs in

and na na na na na na it's still the best bit about that is so everybody's standing in black suits and black ties and Trigger comes up and he goes

did you not know it wasn't fancy dress either and he comes up and he goes did you not know it wasn't fancy dress either? And he goes, nah, and he goes, I know I feel like a right idiot, I came as a chauffeur Class Natalie's friends as well, Julie and Gordon, they went to a fancy dress party but it was

Festival of the Dead and Julie went to Festival of the Dead. She'd got the memo and Gordon took no dress at the Incredible Hall. He fucking rocked up painted green ribbed shirt and all that.

And everyone's just there with like funky skull paintings on their face and shit. I've never been to one of them. What? Festival of the Dead. Mexico, is that? Aye.

Dias del Muerto. Is that what it's egg Aye What The Diaz del Muerto Is that what it's called? No What's to them Apart from like I'm not drawing like Patterns on your face And that

It's just like A celebration of The dead Yeah yeah So lots of skull I think they've got Lots of piñatas and stuff And there's obviously

That big carnival Yeah Did he make that up? Piñatas? Do they have piñatas At the Festival of the Dead Or do you just go Nah they just dig the garden

and then... No, they do. Did they store in Mexican cliches? No, I think they do. Do they have that? Yeah, they have chorizos and stuff. They have tacos

and that. Danny Trejo's always there. It's the start of the... What Bond film was it? Spectre. Yeah, that one long shot. That's the start of the Day of the Dead.? Spectre. Yeah, that one long shot. The Day of the Dead, it's cool as fuck. Big massive scale.

Street parties traditionally, it's not just like you put the function room at a working men's club. No, it's not. It's a massive, massive event. It's a big carnival. Have you ever seen them Col me rad things in the park where they're just high colors at you when you're running have you not no so like i don't know if

it's like so borrowed like indian culture or some shit right but they just get like colored flower and shit and they have like these stations so you're doing like a 5k around the park and they just throw these like fucking blue and pink and just multicolored loud colors at you and you take the run and you're finished and you've got your fucking t-shirts all covered in flour I saw a casual park runner

accidentally get fucking spanked with colour because he ran through the colour station on his fucking regular jog and he just

came up to that and just looked himself up and went back to his wife and like me and Rick telegraphed it

we're just walking around the park it was a nice day in Liverpool we're walking around the park and Rick had telegraphed it. We're just whacking around the park. It was a nice day in Liverpool. We're whacking around the park and fucking, we're just like spotted it coming. We're like fucking tapping each other on the arm. Yeah, he's got to get it. This bloke's got to get it.

This guy's on a PB. Can't even stop. Because you've done like, I love those kind of festivals. There's a tomato festival. I'd love to do the tomato festival is it Italy or Spain or something like that where they fucking

I think it's Spain yeah they just lob tomatoes at each other and then there's a big massive pot of tomatoes at the end that everybody jumps in and squashes like fuck

it's like the running the bulls thing but like with tomatoes I held dead a bull just running the tomatoes that was it I remember we we saying last time

like next time do something a bit more casual like the tomato festival and I was like nah I'd fucking die at the tomato festival

I'll survive getting trampled by bulls and then the tomato festival I end up like fucking getting airlifted into

the tomato festival damn it aye it'd be cool I'd like to go to Burning Man that's I think that's one of my book of list festivals aye Damn it. Aye, it'd be cool. I'd like to go out to Burning Man. That's, I think that's one of my

bucket list festivals. Aye. That's like the, is that the thing where you go out in the desert and there's nothing, like there's no amenities? Do you like pay with gifts or something?

It's, I don't think you, yeah, I think you just bring what you bring. It's a barter and kind of. It's not an actual place. It just, it only gets erected for the festival

and it's in the middle of nowhere. You take a peyote and find your inner person your spirit animal there's actually I made a joke about the orgy

tent before but there actually is an orgy tent at Burning Man is there I think I imagine there's some of the shit

that was on it that like do you need to have like a bar here or is it just a bunch of blokes hoping to get

lucky is it just a bunch of dudes turning up is there any birds do you have to like I've brought a lot

the hell the hell of a stag do burning man stag where's the water park mate middle of the desert you silly cunt I've always found it appealing

Burning Man like do they have do they what do they have a genre of music there is it like an eclectic mix no I think it's basically

people bring their instruments like there's not like set bands yeah they don't have set bands there's no headliner I think it's got some comics I'm pretty sure

has Donnelly not done it probably there will be some comics I'm pretty sure some comics have done it Julian there will be some i think pressure some comics yeah yeah i can imagine that there'll definitely some i need the british comics i've done it like you're not like brendan burns has done it like there's certainly just fucking stanhope does it a lot does it yeah yeah i've heard him talking about burning man. I don't know if they burn a man at the end. An actual man.

An unlucky man. It's in the desert. It's just a ginger. It's just a way for the sun to come up and watch the ginger there. Did you ever do Wicker Man? The festival? Is there actually a Wicker Man festival? There used to be.

Is it on the... It was right... It was literally 50 miles from where I grew up because the wicker man film was

filmed where in the wicker man film is it it's not the isle of sky

it's a fictional island in the film but it was filmed around about

Dumfries and Galloway where I grew up and there was a festival that they

started and they would burn a wicker man at the end of it like and they would burn a wicker man at the end of it like a huge fucking

60 foot wicker man Nicholas Cage it was pretty cool not the boobs and the guy the farmer that owned it shot himself

did he? wow fucking hell for a film self record that was really ambitious that guy festivals

self-produced movies wow glad that didn't have a sad end in that story that was really uplifting I added that

detail just in case any of you think we're going yeah around the world just sweeping them off the

harder better faster stronger I think this may be the last year folks but let's go bang there's a proclaimer you know what I think

one of the ones that I look back and go I wish I'd done that but I think it may be a young man's game and I'd probably be like someone's dad turned up if I didn't know. I may be wrong,

but that Tomorrowland, the one that was in the Netherlands. I don't know that. It's like just fucking like dance music. Yeah, I think I've seen Tomorrowland. I think because I got into dance music quite, and I'm not, I wouldn't say into it because I'm not into it. I couldn't tell you what genre was what. Like I'm very much a fucking no got into dance music quite, and I'm not, I wouldn't say into it

because I'm not into it. I couldn't tell you what genre was what. Like, I'm very much a fucking noob with dance music. But you know, when we started that playlist on Spotify, which you can find, by the way,

it's called Filthy Bangers. You can go on to Filthy Bangers. I open it up every now and again so that you, Danny and Gareth, can add to it. And every now and again, one of the subscribers

just fucking puts in a bunch of shit. Yeah. So I didn't keep it open. Yeah. For for very long i had to go through and clean it because it started getting shit yeah there was some otter shite on it there's some otter shite but anything with a drop you know when you're you know when you're just like drunken on pills at a fucking house party or whatever and you put like weed and clonopin on yeah right and then that fucking build up and that build up and that build up and that drop yeah i i've been absolutely fucking like blamed to how good that is for all my life into my 30s and then i get into my 30s and i'm like that drops are sick yeah i never

felt them before suddenly we're at your wedding in ibiza and drops are the main thing and uh i but uh so i'm like oh i, I wish I'd been to like that kind of festival new, but I do feel like I'd be like an old head at one of them festivals. Yeah. Yeah. So when you look to the, I know it was a travesty and everything, but the, was it the future?

What was the one where Travis Scott and everyone got squashed? Oh yeah. I looked at that and went, that just looks like the most horrendous situation ever. Ah, and he got, like, accused of doing a satanic ritual thing. Yeah, that guy. Which I think was, like, I'm sure he wasn't, like, deliberately ignoring people dying,

but, like, I just looked at that and just looked overcrowded and I was like, the old man in me went, I don't think I could do that anymore. I was at a game on Sunday where it got stopped because somebody was having an incident. Yeah, I think I watched it. You I was at a game on Sunday where it got stopped because somebody was having an incident in the audience

it was a weird feeling in the crowd because you're watching the game and then all of a sudden there's just whistling

like high pitched whistling coming from one stand and everybody's like pointing in a specific direction and it just takes you a little while

to register what's happening and then you start trying to get the what's happening and then you start trying to get the ref's attention and all and everybody in the fucking pit

everyone in the stadium is trying to get the fucking ref's attention to stop the game and then you just see all the like fucking paramedics going up

and then you're just like I just went to the toilet and all that I was like fuck this is weird I've come there's a few times I've come close to that

proper crushing it festivals really like it is it's terrible like I did Reading years and years ago and it was like the Sunday I've come close to that proper crushing it festivals really like it is it's terrible like I did Reading years and years ago and it was

like the Sunday was it's like Foo Fighters Rage Against the Machine Slipknot Limp Bizkit and I remember doing Limp Bizkit getting it

getting really fucking like proper like because because mosh bits are made it crushes everyone else yeah and then i did that was when you could still crowd surf it was still a thing and i did it during range against machine and i got passed over and i got thrown like that how does crowd surfing band it's just

not done anymore it's not it's just not uh not acceptable anymore and then I got thrown and landed in a gap that had been created and landed on the top of my head so I basically went with that and knocked myself out

and the next thing I know like I'd been dragged across the barriers and put in the medical tent and just came to and that's so sad yeah Jesus straight back up again

yeah I nearly drowned at a phone party did you? In like a big gay club. Just drowning in cock. Yeah. But because foam,

the foam, what your natural, when you're out of breath, your natural instinct is to go up and go like that. But obviously that's where all the foam's coming from. So you should go down to like, the air's all down there but i went and just inhaled and it was like this guy's fucking loving it

this guy's got a terrible gag reflex i'm not into that we um my brother stag do we're in magaluf we went to a water party So it's like a phone party But they just fucking fill the place Yeah With water So you're walking about And it seems a great laugh But like

As I was kind of We'd been in there for about three hours And I was kind of sobering up And kind of looking back and going This is fucking disgusting How funny Like I looked at one of my pal One of my brother's pals

And he was just standing there taking a piss of course he was pissing this water that everyone was just squishing about those fucking bottles passing you

and you're going you know what that reminds us of you know it used to be in swimming pools where you had to fucking step in

this weird foot yeah remember they had that just unhygienic just body of water that you had to step in before you went

in the pool yes there's a plaster in it yeah unhygienic just body of water that you had to step in before you went in the pool yes yeah there's a plaster in it yeah and you say yeah if you've got a verruca then just pass it on

yeah give it to the next guy fucking gross that that was before my time because I now that used to happen when I was a kid but

not when I was a lifeguard not on your not on your watch as soon as I was a lifeguard. Not on your watch. As soon as I become a lifeguard. Did the phone party have a lifeguard? Do you know who was there? The Ladyboys of Bangkok. It was Brighton and they were in the gay club.

Wow. So I was just drowning in this phone while the Ladyboys of Bangkok were dancing around me. What do they do? What do they do? What do they do? In the show? Because they're at the Fringe every year. They're like a huge staple of the Fringe.

Probably the biggest ticket sellers. Daniel Sloss will try and argue with our wives, but however, Danny, let them have it. So it's like a big cabaret night. But the annoying thing is they sing like show tunes and stuff but they they mime it

they don't actually sing which is a really that was sad for me because I was expecting I wanted to see them banging out the actual vocals but

they don't it's just it's literally just sort of flattered about them that's genuine nothing do they get

they don't get how do they whip that dick soon no there no and so it's all

just implied yeah it's very heavily implied like there's there's some there's some cracking Adam's apples on show

is that why the main parts would drop through yeah and they get they get like a blo parts would drop through and they get they get like a bloke up on stage

and they'll you know they'll dance around him and strip they'll like do sexy dancing it's really

genuinely like the majority of the audience are all like hen parties and groups of women it's cabaret

it's always the same dudes like do you mean is it like a touring show what do you mean is it like a touring show well you mean is it like a tom and kitten what time we go that week the rotating like but they must like i think they

have like the touring i think they have the the you know the lads for one because you need to be is it like like cercle de soleil you surely you have to audition for that to become part of the main, but then like the Cirque du Soleil that come here to Britain, would they be the same Cirque du Soleil that do the Vegas? I think it's a bit like,

you'd have like the touring version, you'd have a residency version. And I remember in the cast, like you'd have, they had one who did an act where it was an older one who was like doing like an old school cabaret song where it was an older one who was like uh doing like an old school cabaret song was like ah he used to be this but now i'm there and so i think there is like an age

range that goes through it and then you have to like i'm the young new one and yeah i mean it's a whole it's a whole cast on a whatsapp group i didn't really enjoy as soon as you get over like right it's that's the not that's the sort of novelty and then you go okay if they were singing it'd be better but because it's miming it really like that doesn't really they're just like i'll just go and inhale some foam yeah instead bored choking on phones no joke it really is imagine what it is as well because it's it's not it won't even be like it won't even be like choking on foam is no joke it really is yeah I bet I bet I can imagine what it is as well

because it's it's not it won't even be like it won't even be like bath foam it's quite dry and it's quite sort of you can feel the soapy

sun it must be like insulation yeah it's not because it needs to stay firm almost you know like in bath foam

the minute it touches your skin it'll eventually dissolve your throat dries that stuff fucking sits and like yeah it's horrible Jesus what other theme parties are there remember traffic light parties yeah that was weird wasn't it like oh no i'm not shagging i'm definitely shagging yeah you know what don't tell me that any bloke who wore a yellow one's like come on mate yeah that

was not being mysterious i know that was the complicated being mysterious I know that was the it's complicated Facebook status you know and people used to put it's complicated as a relationship status I mean that's what it's complicated look I've got options

I've got options you may be one of them it's fucking weird there was a thing we had in Glasgow called Shag Tag I've got a nightclub called Archaos

and you used to everyone would have like a number Yes And then there was A massive message board Yes I did this at uni Where you could go

Number 69 And so it would Match up your number Fucking pump you And then You'd see the number Up on a screen Okay

Oh so number 518 Yeah Said they liked it So you'd text it Like your music channels When it would be like Text your name in

Yeah Aye And then you'd see Aye you'd see the match And then you'd at like your music channels when it would be like text your name in yeah aye and then you would see aye you would see the match and then you'd fucking search about for 52 fucking hell and then you saw 52

and went oh no I bet you there's just so many just like just dejected people watching the screen and just never seeing that number come up

just there like the docs waiting to get picked for a job. Just like, oh, not today, love. I'm going back home. Apologise to the family. Like your family's at home. I didn't get laid tonight. I didn't get laid tonight. Will you break it to the kids?

Leave them till morning. Tell them in the morning. Tell them in the morning. Tell them in the morning. Let them sleep. Don't spoil their Christmas. Daddy didn't get a shag today, kids. Waking up early, running down, see if he's come.

Is Mam cook holding Dad? It's never the woman Cooke holding the bloke isn't it? There's another bit of female privilege That's true actually Cooke has gender

connotations doesn't he? Never call a woman a Cooke We should call more women Cookes, there you go There's not much porn There's not much of that in porn There's women watching

their bloke getting shagged Yeah I've literally never seen that though I mean like because the porn you're watching

is the stuff you search for you probably probably haven't seen it I never I never press shuffle

porn hub nowadays is just a lot of people urinating on each other isn't it that's all

I ever see shuffle wouldn't porn hub oh well I went for a penny whatever it seems oh

this is gonna be tough this one Spotify gets us you know Spotify now is what I'm after if I just let it roll can you imagine if Pornhub did like

your year in review like Spotify does but surely is TikTok not like that like if you're a dirty bastard and you watch a lot of I think realty is because it's outiktok not like that like if you're a dirty bastard and you watch a lot of i think really it's because it's out dog videos for me news so yeah so yeah the the for you page

on tiktok the algorithm picks up basically whatever videos you spend the most time watching it will then stick more of them on your for you page because julia my girlfriend when she came over and my for you page was just a bunch of like women with massive asses jiggling and i was like i don't know why it's doing this she's like i know it's doing this yeah yeah because i because i when i was like i remember what i watched one fucking snooker trick shot or something then that's all i get now you want a trick shot do you have a trick shot you want some john Virgo Jim Davison anyone next thing you know

you're watching Jim Davison you got Jim Davison clips because you watched the Snoop Dogg trickshot and it just works it's way up to a

racist comedy then someone's looking at your phone going why is Chubby Brown on your fucking reels because you get

you get like do you not on the reels on Instagram you like appear on actual reels on instagram you like appear on i know yeah people like randomly have no idea who you are we'll just suddenly see your videos i know that happened like last month just suddenly i got my first like plus million viewed video on instagram

which just doesn't ever happen instagram's good as well good as well. Well, they're really pushing reels and it's just, I don't quite know how the algorithm works, but that happened and then suddenly just, yeah, stuff started showing up.

So it was. In there, how you noticed the conversion in ticket sales for you to earn that? Did it have enough spake around about the time that the million hits?

Not a massive one, to be honest, but it's incrementally, it's growing. Yeah, it's growing. But the, honest but it's incrementally it's growing it's growing but the like it's definitely had an effect um we'll see i don't know ticket sales are still weird i think we're in a weird time for ticket sales you have got you can't talk about the tv thing that's i can't talk about it you can't talk explicitly explicitly but you can say that i can say i'm going on something i'm going on reality you've already recorded a reality tv show can you see what it's called no no otherwise

i don't get the other half of my disturbance fee oh wow so yeah there tom tom's going to be on a reality tv show soon and that could have an impact on your ticket sales fingers crossed that'll be that'll be the thing that then i can tour America and Australia and stuff. Fingers crossed. It's going to be... What platform's it on? I can't even say that. You can't even say where people can look out for it.

Okay. Yeah. We'll get off the topic if you need. It sounds a little bit like wet licks. Okay then. Disney. Yeah. It's the Ladyboys of Bangkok

show I'm on a reality show I'm on The Bachelor and the next I'm trying to bag myself a bachelor on the next scene it's just me

and all of the young women I'm really out of place they're trying to score you is that a it's called score you is that a it's called the bachelor one

is that one yeah that'd be very funny you're on a first date feeding him strawberries I've never had this sort of connection with anyone before would you go on one of those like loved ones if you had to

which one would you go on I'd love to go on Love of those like loved ones? If you had to, which one would you go on? I would love, do you know what? I'd love to go on Love Island as I am just now. Like not work out, not try and improve myself in any way and treat it like I would treat any other holiday. So like drinking cans in the pool. Yeah. Just perving up the lasses from the pool.

Not even getting amongst them Just going No genuine Telling people They'll need to give the toilet ten minutes I think the fajitas were bad last night You're at the barbecue But you've got like a titty apron on

With plastic tits on Reading an Andy McNab novel. Crazy. He's in a supermarket running back. Oh, man. Selling watches and sunglasses on the beach usual stuff

that you'd take on holiday well tell you we're on there because you've got to get back to your hotel before check out

I do yeah I think we're nearly I could have done this if I was this would be in fucking class

thanks for coming on mate yeah nice thank you and we've all got shit to plug in Glasgow right I do yeah

I'm on tour in Glasgow right so yeah yeah I'm on tour in Glasgow I think it's like late March at the stand something 20 something

hold on I was just thinking of the Glasgow Comedy Festival but yours is an actual tour so people can get you most places in the UK right yeah oh sweet

on your website yeah at Honourable Tom and then yeah so Instagram TikTok website and I'm touring all the country please come yeah at Honourable Tom and then yeah so Instagram TikTok website and I'm touring all the country

please come find out at Honourable Tom find out where he's touring go to his tour show I'm going to be specifically in Glasgow on the 13th of March

doing my first solo show since since I've stopped I've been writing Danny's coattails for a little while now and he's he's having a bit

and I'm like I might do some of my own shit now so I'm starting at Glasgow 13th of March I'm the day before you 12th of March oh make a weekend of it at the stand

there you go and I'm at the stand as well and it's half five in the afternoon so you can because it's work in progress which is code for

we've done fuck all it's code for some of the jokes may never see the light of day ever again come and see them come and see some stillborn jokes so come and see them come and see some

stillborn jokes so come and see come and see some jokes that are that are blue around the lips in AI so Glasgow Comedy

Festival for me and you and National Tour for you and just fucking if you're listening from a further field than

that just keep enjoying the podcast and we'll be in your territory soon enough I'm sure bye