Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Penile Colony (Ft. Ryan Cullen)

Episode Date: March 2, 2025

Part 1 of the late double drop Daniel takes inappropriate medical advice from his house gremlin Ryan Cullen. They speculate rivalries between countries, argue about which animals are extinct and impose new rules on hunting. Part 2 with Kai and Phil Ellis is available on Patreon

Sloss and Humphreys on the road! Muggins and cream, cream and muggins, straight thuggin, livin' the dream That's our intro Fuckin' muggles! Tickling the clit inside your head to make you laugh Woohoo! Ha ha ha! They said it can't be done!

Are we in the same seats? That's hack! Ah, muggles! Accidental rip job in the park Kiss kiss kiss Or a Magical Beat Cynical Muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglipedia Where have you been since 9-11?

Did I tell you what? I know the answer to this is no, but for the purposes of setting up a bit. Do you know that sick fact said to me yesterday? Wow, Hugh, do you know what this sick, sick man said to me? No. So, er, my daughter has conjunctivitis at the moment. And so she's got like sticky wee yellow eyes. She looks disgusting. She looks like Blake and she's still cute under the puss, but the puss is there. So gross. So I'm holding my beautiful baby girl and I'm telling Cullen that we had to take her to the pharmacy. We

were going to take her to the pharmacy so they could have a look at her and tell us what to do. And he he went tea bagger. I'm going to stay. My own daughter! She's seven months old right. First of all first of all I've not even killed her in a computer game so uncalled for. There's no, she doesn't deserve to be tea bagged. What happened? Second off that's a crime! It's a crime in real life, but when it's a baby, super crime.

Crime of passion. Crime of anter. Now, do you know the worst part about this was not only did when you ran him out with it, and teabagged my own daughter, it slowly turned into you were a Tory. That's what the... Oh yeah, Kara came back and... So Kara knew what I was talking about. If you don't talk about you to put cool. I said that because it gave him you some stupid gypsy tail. Because you're a dirty dumb Mac and you come from, you know, the only reason you have an NHS and if you do it's because of us. Now I don't know if that's true, but it sounds true. The NHS is great compared to what we have. It's yours. Yours isn't in the NHS.

No, it's not. It's not really free. Some of it's free if you're, you know, like earning a certain amount, but no, it's not really free. Some of it's free if you earn a certain amount. Oh wait. Or like the opposite. You pay if it's a other man's, that'd be even funnier. If they were like, yeah, no, it's free. As soon as you're a millionaire, because they will keep you around. We're going to keep you around so you can pay taxes and these fucking pov cunts. Well, in fairness, that is what we do. Sure. Like Apple owes Ireland,

like what 13 billion quid. Yeah. And we're just like, Oh, we can't charge them that though. Cause they'll leave. Yeah. Amazon owns an Apple and Microsoft, oh, everyone. Get it paid. Get it paid. Right. Get it paid. Do you know, as far as I found out, the way like Elon Musk and Bezos have money, right,

is like, when it says they're worth 15 billion or whatever it is, right, they don't have that much money, that's just what they're worth. That's the fucking stock and everything. But all their money and all their wealth comes from them going to banks, being like, I'm worth 15 billion. You know that, I'm Jeff Bezos, I'm worth 15 billion.

So just give me 10 million right now with no interest because you know I'll pay back because I'm worth 15. But it's all just made up and it's in the air, it's mad. God, it's going to annoy me. This is why we want everyone to start investing in gold, but not your gold, the we sell and our new meme coin. Oh yeah, I've never. Slots and Humphreys, you will get Slots and Humphreys

cryptocurrency before you get a Slots and Humphrey's special. And we will sell you that cryptocurrency and that NFT but I promise you, with all the money from this, we're gonna start putting it into the podcast. You'll all see a difference, just give us six more months to buy this NFT. That Argentinian president is starting to get impeached. They're asking him to be impeached

for scamming his own people. Oh yeah, like a hock to a job. Yeah. From this fucking presidential account. It was like, hey, it's me, the president. Just want to take some time off here. Stop being president for two seconds. I, as leader of your country, think it'd be really good if you bought this cryptocurrency. And all these flaws were like, yeah, man, absolutely. Yes, the president. And then that tanked. And then in an interview, they were like, do you do you think you should have done

that as president? He's like, why don't you as president? Like I'm my own person. Yeah, I was doing that as my own person. I took off my president. I stayed in the president. I still use the presidential Internet. I still have all the presidential stuff around me. But me internally, I'd just taken that hat off, just for a smidge. And I was like, buy this dank meme comms.

Me point lol. Got all that money in. Non-presidential me saw the money and went, whoop whoop, that's awesome. Then, something knocked on the door, president hat, right back on. They came in, they were like, what do we do about this? That's a disgrace. There's a disgrace. Hi. There's a question. They did say, by the way, they asked him, like, uh, did you think this was a thing? You should be just pointing this out to your, you know, your people. And he just went,

I didn't point it out. I just shared it. Yeah, you're, you're talking about. That's such a funny thing. So it's funny. I didn't, I didn't do, I didn't do the lynch mob to chase and beat that man down. I just, I brought, I brought like the rope and I drove the car. But like everyone chipped in for petrol, because I asked for petrol. Someone has to hold the torch.

Mental. Also here's a question for you, right? Who do the Mexicans blame when things go shit? Huh? Oh, good one. Because here's the thing, everyone's racist. Oh, for one thing I've learned in my travels around the world is that everyone is, every country hates with a passion

some other country. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. We're as is mutual. I've never been to a country where we're like, who do you hate? And the audience is like, no one. We like everyone.

Like, it's so funny. And usually it's someone that's exactly like you. Do you know like they're like, who's the American? The Dutch and the Germans hate each other. The Dutch and the Germans, same thing. Yeah. You know, they just put an extra font. The Irish and the English, super similar, hate each other.

Really similar. I realize, I realize now what I've said is come back to write me immediately. Clip it baby! Ireland's representative. Arrrgh! Delete that. Go to Turkey for a hair transplant just so you can rip it out. All the way over, leave it for the six months and it finally comes out and you're like,

Arrrgh! You know what, it's all grown hair. If I got just a mohawk, got bald hair and still at the sides. Oh, it's easy, yeah. I reckon that would be alarming. It would certainly be a cry for help. Yeah, yeah, it's all a cry for help.

Draw it in. No. I reckon Mexicans hate, I'd have to look at a map for this. It'd be easier if I was looking at a map. I'm gonna go, at a map for this. It'll be easier I'm gonna go who's and you can Google this though. They don't ever know who's below Venezuela Well, it's gonna be I'm not gonna choose it Bolivia probably Chile, but it's too it's not really

It's too dark down along the coast Columbia. Maybe Columbia. Cartel and whatnot. No, yeah. Oh, there, that's one. Yeah. Just do Cartel. Also, I feel like Mexico, I wonder if they hate America. It's the thing you always say to Americans is like Americans just don't understand how much the rest of the world fucking hate them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I don't think that necessarily goes for Mexico. I don't think Mexicans respect them. No. Well, fucking tell that to the Gulf of America, baby. Yeah, yeah. That's a very funny thing to do. Just to go... Yes?

Racism in Mexico has a long history. It is understood to be inherited from the caste system of the colonial period. OK. However, that was not a rigid system nor explicitly about race, but in general today, people who are black and indigenous make up nearly all of the peasantry and working classes. Okay. So, but darker skin is upon and lighter skin Mexicans are looked or tend to be the ruling elite.

If you're black in Mexico, you're, oh my God. Wild. God. That's awful. Yeah. You know, that's just, that's, that's kind of like us back in the day, not anymore. We've come out the other end. Get right. I don't know if I'm going to go over this.

We don't have, we stopped racism. We're actually now going around preaching people cause we've never, we've stopped doing it as a nation. To me it would be just like the Irish and the Polish used to be known as hard work and now we're not. Now it's just the Polish. Are the Poles lazy now? No, they're still got it is my point. So it's just like if I moved to Poland and became a slave. You know, that's what I'm trying to say.

I don't think, I mean I know there's what I'm trying to say kind of like there's a I don't think I mean I know there's definitely be but you know I don't know if that's true like obviously I know the Koreans had slaves I know China absolutely had slaves and I know those were like other Koreans and other Chinese people right if white people ever been have ever actually yeah we have been slaves yeah like I don't be wrong I don't mean in the capacity of like, I was captured in like war and I was a slave for the Romans. We had like the peasants during like, Kings and Queens. That's basically just the slave class. We had a couple of incidents, Irish were, but the problem is slaves. We were the slaves. But the problem is fucking like right wing like Irish accounts then start like I've all like started to warp that into like

Like sure we were slaves. So I don't understand why I can't say the end Where are you going with us? Yeah, no But ours was mostly also like an indented servitude, you know, like yes stuff like that Like most of that you're giving a bully. It's when they were colonizing America and expanding out They feel like hey you did this crime. You're like what I didn It's when they were colonizing America and expanding out. They'd be like, Hey, you did this crime. And you're like, what do I care? Didn't do that crime at all. They're like, well, you need to get the fucking death penalty here or go to America, grow, build a farm on this piece of land,

make it first all over the course of the next five years. What you've done for five years, you paid off your debt. You're free to America and that farm is your home. And then they'd get there and they'd be like these fucking, Chloe's have a mic, these potatoes are shit. These fucking potatoes are fucking shit. Seven more years. Fucking get on it. This fucking party can't even grow fucking potatoes. You fucking useless piece of shit. We ended up in Tasmania. That was our big one.

Oh yeah? The Ireland's like, was Tasmanianmanian followers people cause of back in the day Tasmania is because it was like it was about the penal colony colonies back in like the penal colony and also the penile colony. Okay. What's penile now? So there's the people being punished for being known. Of course. The penal colony colony uh for people who uh just been dicks and then a penal a penile colonoscopy is unprofessional to say the least that'd be so riddled with what it's the most sensitive part of my body what am i I going to find? Find cancer with my fucking finger? You know, sensitive the tip of my dick is. Let me shove up your ass. Do you want to find out if you have cancer

or not? Let me show you. Yeah, I've got, I've got a PhD. I left it at home today. What is your problem, son? That's, that left it at home is if you have to bring it everywhere. Just before they're going under, as you can see. Certified. That would throw you off way more than anything if the guy showed you his qualifications. I know but I think you're absolutely well within your rights before you go under and be like can I see your license please like I know you I know this is your office and you've taught but I've actually not seen a single bit. I would hate to do that purely because

if it happened you would never be able to trust anything ever if I went and he's like all right you caught me you put the scalpel down I'd'd be like, are you fucking like, what am I meant to do with anything? No, that's all I know. They, I don't know. They're telling me to phone 9 9 9 in an emergency, but is that like a prank number? And if I phone that, but they just going to send more people to beat me up. I enjoy the fact that a penal, penal comment. Oh no, I've missed it. It's okay. It'd be bad if it was like a survivor like if you had a baby cock They said you did hands and hands in here or so on it has many a Tanzanias little do Oh sure, they have that as well. You're baby cock. He said did you to Tanzania in the middle of Africa is a dick move

Said if you with a normal cock Go out there and have some shame Nice place of has me I It's all never been I have you have yeah, Evan never in Tassie thrice is the weed that we thrice you've been four times Do you read Panda not read red pandas sorry I've just woke up. I was watching a shark movie before in the morning Tasmanian Devils, yes, they're gone. No, they're not they are

Absolutely not has million Devils aren't extinct. Oh, what are we doing here? All right, I may be having some sort of a moment we doing here? All right, I might be having some sort of a moment. Tasmanian devils are not extinct. I thought they were extinct. No. Them and dodos. Dodos definitely extinct. Right. What else is extinct? Unicorns. Daniel have some racism. Yeah. In all forms. Yeah. Fucking cured it. Anybody who complains about know it was just a whiny victim. Yeah, yeah, racism is extinct.

And any person of colour who tells you otherwise, they're just looking for an angle, let me tell you. No, dodo's extinct, dinosaurs extinct, mammoths extinct. I mean heaps of- Oh, well I'm not talking- There's like biology- I'm trying to say something that's kind of went extinct in our lives.

I'm not going to say saber-toothed tiger. A million, I'm going to say no less than 10,000 things have gone extinct in our lifetime. I reckon six things have gone extinct. Billions? Billions? Oh, he's going to fucking bring bacteria into his fucking, gay wee science answers. No, insects and stuff. Like if you go into the the jungle you could find like an ant that isn't like technically it looks the same as a billion other ants yeah

it's technically a new species those goats think all the time right well then what big what biggies go go go what biggies won't fuck it like let's protect those do when there's an asteroid coming to hit earth right we shall have a big celebration right just, just say goodbye, big party and then like on screen on all channels around the world, you know how at like the end of the Oscars they do the memoriam? Yeah. Of like all the people that died that year. We should do that for like the planet species that we've done. So just before the asteroid hits us, we're like, and before we all go, before this is all done, let's give up for the dinosaurs. Yeah. Let's give up for the fucking mammoths.

Where do we go? There's been like five mass extinction events throughout history and like during all of those, it's 99% of animal life goes extinct. In the last 35 years, what, not insects, I want real animals. Yeah, it needs to be. And I'll tell you how sad I am and whether we whether we give a fuck would you be a bad guy killing it? That's what we know

Oh, yeah, if you just stamped its head and like cuz you stop it I oh that was that aunt was one of a kind you be like Look like stamps Because I'm in a different direction, I'm sorry I killed this one. You're going to Australia. So you're someone that stayed in my mind for a long time because she annoyed me so much. There was a woman from San Diego

and she lived out in a, outside Cairns and she lived in the rainforest because she liked animals and insects. But she just lived in, like there was fully, there was big cabins given to all the staff and she was like, no, I want to sleep in my sleeping bag in this thing and she was showing like, he's like, this, a bite from this would kill you.

And I'm like, get out of your hand, you mad, where is your mother? Dead, same spider. Definitely, yeah, well, that is mommy issues, daddy issues there, they're going to live with spiders. I think that would be, this is a bit of a, what's going on? I've got a list. Welcome to Daniel's Lost in Ryan Cullen's new game show of It's Extinct Do We Care? Yeah. Okay, first we've got the Pinta giant tortoise, which was hunted by mariners

and fishers for food. That's sad. Giant turtles. I'm going to give that. You can't be, they're too old. Yeah. If they only lived to 10 years old, I'd blow a turtle up. It's like, it's like, it's like cutting down a fucking old tree. Like even if you have to do it, killing a giant turtle should be a sombre occasion. Yeah. Also a giant turtle. Yeah what the fuck. Check out Rambo there. What kind of a ridiculous massive slowest animal. It takes so long for the turtle to graze over towards him the tide comes in and and he drowns. How do you get it? We just keep getting our best men. Did you just run over and just tip it over?

Got it. Seven men starving to death because they just keep aiming for the shell with spears. The heck? Turtle slowly coming towards him, he's loading his musket like, next we've got the perineum Ibex. The perineum what? Well, P Y R E N E A N. Perineum I think, Ibex. So kind of like the deers with the curly horns. in Perunian I think, Ibex, so kind of like the deers with the curly horns, went extinct in 2000 and they made a clone of one in 2003 but it died shortly after due to long defects.

Maybe I'm a clone. There's just a very virile Ryan Cullen out there. Are you kidding me? Three bank cards. No, not like that. Imagine that was the thing that just set you off. Three? So like a deer?

Like an antelope, yeah. They just, did they seem to be born to- Was it us or did fucking, did cheetahs just do that? Yeah, that's what I was about to say. Cause they're just born to die, aren't they? Yeah, they are just food. Antelope just seems to be food. Yeah, they, yeah, yeah, they exist.

They're a crucial part of the food chain. Yeah, yeah. Because they're the food in the chain. Yeah, cause they keep the grass down. Fuck off. We would not miss Antelope. Tigers only thing that would miss Antelope. Hyenas maybe.

Yeah. If they ever shut up. Yeah, no. I'm so, so on that one. Yeah, less sad. Less sad than a turtle. Feel like there's lots of deer-like creatures It feels like a fucking sixth or seventh generation Pokemon. I don't give a fuck about Acknowledge our part

The good around they were hunted they were hunted fuck by us. Yeah If you're having those animals, you are a gimp. Yeah. Yeah, you are a big big dumb loser We think you're a fucking tiger. It's a big dumb loser where you think you're a fucking tiger unless you did it with your fucking hands and teeth. Yeah, no weapons. You know, you're definitely, you can make a weapon. You can spear hunt anything. You can spear hunt.

I don't care how endangered an animal is. You think that you'd be here for hunting if you're literally stab it. Any animal in the world is fair game to hunt if it's you solo with a spear. I feel like yeah I don't really get that thing where they're always like oh you know you have to make sure you use all of it. I don't like hunting like at all but probably because I'm not good at it. But like you know they're like it's okay if you use it all. You know, if you cut the panda's head and stick it on your wall, it's cool.

Well, look, here's the thing. I've discussed this with Kai before, but like I obviously am against fucking trophy. I don't think if you like, you go out there to kill like a giant rhino. You can buy trophies in shops as well. You can. You can fucking, and then you can write on it

and make them say, I killed a white rhino. Nobody checks, there's no- Yeah, you don't even check. We've been trying to check fucking surgeons. One of the reasons that they do the like, where you can like buy, you can auction and bid on the right to like shoot a giant rhino, is like, let's say there's like a 70 year old rhino,

he's old as fuck, you can't come anymore, his reproducing days are over and in the habitat he's living in because he's old and he can't come anymore, he's angry because he's angry, he's like getting into fights with like the younger spunk filled rhinos and like he might accidentally kill them and that will affect the population more like this, this rhino, this old rhino is dying in five years, right, because he's just that age but until then he's just going to be a bit of a fucking terror. So what they do is they go, right, whoever you can bet 1.2 million, you get the right to go and kill that rhino that was going to be put down anyway, because it's better for the thing. And then all of that money is put into

conservation of the other rhinos in there. Oh, but I hate it. It was a podcast and I listened to it and for the entire time I was like, fuck, I mean, that is ethical hunting. Like I'm annoyed. God, I'm so annoyed now. I don't even know this. I don't even want it to know. It's great.

I'm sure there'll be fucking vegans and pacifists telling you like why that's still wrong and cruel, whatever, in my head. I'm like, that is best case scenario. Like if that's strict and it's exact, don't be be wrong I'm sure there's corruption and I'm sure there's lies and if that's all true then it's the worst but as a solution as a direct an extra fiver and I can get the kids as well yeah yeah yeah well because like the bit that I desperately wanted to turn it into but I could never get it working was like explain that whole thing to an audience

and then just be like so I think if your thing is close to extinction, you're allowed to hunt like the old ones for money to conserve the rest, right? So if white men really do feel like we're facing extinction, those men out there were about to be fucking bred out the great replacement theory, right? I will agree with you.

I will agree that white men are being replaced. If that means people are allowed to hunt the old white guys. Oh, that would be so fun. And they can bid on it. Yeah, yeah. And whoever, like, bid so much money, all of the money that they used to hunt down that old fucking Boris Johnson's dad, right?

All the money, because was, I was not, I reckon somebody would pay north of two and a half million to hunt Boris Johnson's dad. But then all that 2.5 million is put back into stuff for straight women. Yeah, that'd be fun though, killing old men. Because you wouldn't, not saying it wouldn't feel bad, but it would be, you would get into that big like, you'd start getting into that posh hunting thing. They were just turning into fox hunting. You know, Brian Cox running around the corridor with his trousers. I don't know why his trousers are down. I reckon now that we're...

Spear. Now that we're letting... I want to spear Brian Cox. You want to spear, which one, space one or actor one? The actor one. Because everybody loves him one or actor one? The actor one. Because everybody loves him. He's one of ours as well. He's from Dundee. One of yours.

One of yours. Yeah he's from Dundee which is always quite... Yeah gross. That means he's a hard cunt. Still at this age. Yeah absolutely. He is. I really enjoy his reviews where he was given out about Jeremy Strong being a Method actor, the other guy.

He's just like, he's a fucking tit. And I'm like, that's so fucking funny. That's just like the Scottish never left. You know, like such a fucking tit. Take that serious. I do love, like don't get me wrong, like I understand, I guess, in theory, like what Method acting does.

Daniel Day-Lewis is a very, very good actor. I do love just your old school men of like, it feels like the actual equivalent of like the footballers who would smoke while watching like the young arsenal team, not smoking warmup, being like, he's fucking, he's a little fucking key boys. And then they're out of the sport with it. How's your vegetables? You're fucking. I know that Brian Cox is that in acting. So many people coming in like, I'm going to put

my pain, but I'm going to put my pain into this part and act out. I'm not going to become the character. And Brian Cox just, they're like, just be, just pretend to be sad. That's what acting is. You fucking dumb cunts. But you're not sad. You pretend to be sad. That's what acting is. Yeah. You fucking dumb cunt. But you're not sad, you pretend to be sad, done. But this guy goes too far. He did a thing, why he's so annoyed was Jeremy Strong pretended he was going to kill himself at the end of Succession. He just improv'd a bit and he just went to run and jump off the bridge. And half the stage people had to stop him from jumping off the bridge.

And they're like, you can't jump off the bridge, you're going to kill yourself. And he was like, well, this is the job. That type of jump off the bridge you're gonna kill yourself and he was like well this is the job that type of shit just annoys me because I would think if I was like the boom operator you would have him a dig in the stomach oh yeah also I'm not fucking I'm not I'd let him go I don't I don't know where they stay the fucking the other unions are in Hollywood like I know the writers union actors union are all fucking annoyed but I don't think there's any amount of money they could stop me from letting an a-lister commit suicide yeah yeah like I'm like if you're at the top you

want to do it also fucking do it awesome man I was there yeah yeah yeah I watched what you mean you were there with Jeremy Swoop threw himself off a bitch buddy he did like six flips none of us expected it. It was like that it. Casino Royale when they really crashed that car, they were expecting two or three flips in the car, end up flipping like six or seven times. It was actually a world records that, but Jeremy Strong is what I saw with my eyes. Denzel really got a it's for Philadelphia. I don't know.

And just at the end goes into the doctor. All right. I know you said it was inadvisable. It doesn't matter. I got an Oscar end goes into the doctor. All right. I know you said it was an advisable matter. I got an Oscar nom. Now get it out of me. Denzel. Denzel. As I explained to you. Also, was it Denzel in Philadelphia?

I've not seen Philadelphia. Yeah. And then Tom Hanks in Philadelphia. Yeah. Yeah. He's the other one. Oh, oh, what is, what am I? Which one had he is?

Have I just said Denzel? Oh, brilliant. I don't know the storyline, but if you've assumed the black man over the gay man has AIDS. I've, I just said Denzel. Oh, brilliant. I don't know the storyline, but if you've assumed the black man over the gay man has AIDS, Philadelphia movie who had AIDS, who was gay was the first thing that Philadelphia and Google just says you for watching it. Fag. Who had AIDS and it says you. It was Andrew Beckett. Yeah. I don't Tom Hanks' character. I'm sorry. So you just assumed Denzel was watching his character. Who's Denzel watching his character? Is he like the doctor? See, I don't remember it. He must've been, I just remember the two of them. I presumed

it was Denzel with AIDS. Mostly honestly it was because I don't think it. He must have been I just remember the two of them right? I presumed it was Denzel with AIDS Mostly honestly, it was because I don't think Tom Hanks could pull it off Couldn't pull off AIDS. Yeah, I feel like Denzel could he's a good enough actor No, I'm not trying to save myself Yeah, no what I'm saying here is Tom Hanks, what's he ever done? But Tom Hanks did have AIDS in Philadelphia Oh shit, I'm saying here is Tom Hanks. What's he ever did? Oh shit. What I'm saying is I presumed even though the entire movie,

right. It's about Tom Hanks having AIDS for the whole movie. I was like, dead. I'll go check him as well. That's not what I was saying. What I'm saying is I haven't seen it, so I didn't know that time was. So I presumed it would have been Denzel having the AIDS part because he's a better actor. Because in my head, no way Tom Hanks could pull off AIDS.

He obviously has, because I'm pretty sure it went did. He did pull off like a big fucking idiot. Like he's always like half disabled and shows, you know, like, he's always like, yeah, like big, remember big where he's like a big, remember big where he's like a big fucking 12 year old brain of a 12 year old room in his apartment. Yeah. He's a bit of a, he's a bit of a. So in your head you're like that, but he's just called Downey. That's about Downey. Yeah. What other ones does he play? A big idiot. Fucking, same private Ryan. He's touching like a twatter. There's a face up. Forrest Gump. Forrest Gump. Yeah, yeah, but he's actually.

I kind of lost it. Same private Ryan, you just you just had Parkinson's or something Wasn't it? I was scared What was the plot line to miss a sight he was so he was always twitching like this I Would love you to be a dog What is the dog tired look I'm gonna do this job for a couple weeks now You can see my PhD. I bring it everywhere people keep asking questions Brought it with me. From the shake-in, I reckon-

2.2. I just got in. That's what I said, right there. This is my stethoscope, it's real, you know. So one of the, you know, that I think the shaking is either Parkinson's, which is a life-riding disease, and it's just detrimental and it'll only get worse. Or you're a big chicken and you're scared. You're quivering.

Do you, do you, do you, if you're Parkinson's and you sat in those airport massage chairs, would you just even out? Yeah. It's like, it's like, it just looks like the chair's moving. It looks blurry. It's like, you know,'s like it just looks like the chairs Looks blurry. It's like, you know, if you hold a chicken his head stays in the back Yeah, like an AI Fucking that Will Smith video or do you know right Arthur's an earthquake and every fall over would the guy we Parkinson's be perfectly still That's what back in the back in the olden days when they used to film on like reels and stuff They would never hire any actors They did reels back then too

Just creating content man Since the beginning We got a good one Back in the day when they had those reels cameras what they would do is they couldn't hire people with Parkinson's Because they were so shaky that they'd have to use more film Shut up I don't know why I'm angry at that Crips that are in a ring I said shaky that they'd have to use more film. I don't know why I'm angry at that.

Crips that are in a ring. I said, shut up. That's ridiculous. Yeah. I've been trying to do a bit on the thing and I can't make it work. And so I gave up on it, but, uh, you know, the guy that got, uh, caught wanking forever, what the Pompeii guy. Aye. Yeah.

That's the funniest thing that's ever happened. Yeah, so good. You've trapped in it all eternity. I think that's the worst way to go. I'd love to know what that guy did. Well, we know what he did. He whacked himself until he was mummified. Do you reckon he's up there? Not really. Don't believe in it. But if he was, looking down, 3000 years, they were going like, Jesus, they keep inviting him to the fucking lesbian orgies. And he's like, hold on. They're about to find me. I'm waiting so long for this.

Tiny car. I love that. I wish. I mean, at this point, that's not like at the end of the world is coming now. Realistically, I'm grabbing my wife and grab my kids and we're sitting in the garden. You're going to do a Gene Hack kids and we're sitting in the garden. You're going to do a Jean Hackman. You're not Jean Hackman. He died of carbon monoxide, but whatever.

Was it carbon monoxide? Yeah. No, because when they first reported that they were like, Jean Hackman, age 95 and his wife and their dog found dead in their home. Police say no suspicious circumstances. I'm like, buddy, that's pretty fucking suspicious. I mean, they're all like, cause everybody about it. Well, murder, suicide includes the dog. dog also what 95 year old pulls a murder suicide

That's a real yeah women are women are killers, too Wow, yeah, they should get away with the boy would kill gene Hackman. Yeah, only gene Hackman. That's all I'm saying I could name it. I don't know why I know gene Hackman is a name. Don't know why no, he's an actor Was he better? He retired years ago. Yeah, French connectionman is a name. I know he's an actor. Was he retired years ago? Yeah. French connection was his big one. OK, that's perfume. That's

just shut your fucking mouth. How about that? How does his TV show Chanel do? Let me think of something that you would know him in. Do you remember Behind Enemy Lines, we own Wilson? Yes. The general in that. Okay.

He's always a general in a lot of things. He was really big back in the seventies. I'm trying to think of, he's an old man now. And then he was like 65, 70. He was like, I retired. Am I coming back? I hate this. Which was quite funny.

Cause nobody ever, as I said, only Cameron Diaz is the only person I know that's went, I'm retiring. But she's back cause I don't know if everyone's. She's back baby. Shrek five baby. That's right. I'm going to make a prediction right now. This could be fucking male. Right. It's got the biggest, I reckon it's got the biggest opening weekend of any movie ever. That's right. That's not, that's nonsense because

it's five now. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah. I agree with you. It's five, but it's not. It's Shrek coming back. It is. After like 50. So you've got all of our, every nineties kids, right. And onwards, that was like our movie. Bunch of us got kids now. This is the nostalgia. People are going to like be going out and fucking droves. I was never a massive fan. You're a fan of the Shrek. I'm not saying three and four sucked poo poo, but 1 and 2 I remember 2 was great. 2 was so good. I'll give you a bet, sure.

That donkey, fuck that dragon. Yeah. Disgusting. I mean, do me wrong, glad glad boy, no, glad boy donkey girl dragon, best case scenario. Yeah, it'd be real horrible Dragon best case scenario. Yeah. Yeah, we're real horrible Yeah, dude dragon. Yeah, we were different movie. Oh donkey different movie turn it to bits

Okay, just a full dragon load just one dragons per just like Filling the donkey out to the eyeballs. Yeah, that's his head on fire before he comes. I'll show you a donkey punch. But also one of the greatest films you'll ever see. Donkey punch. Donkey punch. Never seen it. Channel four movie. You know, Donkey Punch.

Donkey Punch is just like you're having sex with someone, donkey's telling you to punch them with the back of the head. Yeah, yeah, so in Donkey Punch. Why was that everything? The Channel Four, yeah, yeah, it's just massive sexual assault. Yeah. Yeah Well, this film was basically a load of guys and girls

I don't know what that did that for like spring break But for English people are all on a yacht and then somebody donkey punches someone breaks their neck and kills them breaks their neck Yeah, it was quite a punch, right? And then and then for absolutely no reason they're like, oh my god We're all going to jail. They're like you're going to jail and he was like, well, I would kill then, and then for absolutely no reason, they're like, Oh my God, we're all going to jail. And they're like, you're going to jail. And he was like, well, I would kill all everyone. And then everyone just started killing each other on a yacht. Yeah. So yeah, good. Very, very funny. And you've seen channel four movie. It's a channel four. There's a 50, 50% 50% chance that Danny Dyer is in this movie? Do you know what? Definitely along those lines. Yes.

Filmed like it's the business. Yeah, you know, everybody's leathery skin, you know, good, good, a good laugh. And I'd won an Oscar. I imagined. Best original screenplay for Donkey Punch. It's just such an original idea. Where did you get the idea from? Well, I was on a boat with all my friends and there was no fucking bunch.

Which is like the... Calling it donkey punch, I've always known donkey punch as a term, didn't know where it came from or why it existed. But it's like how the... You know there was the King punch in Australia, which is that he's got a King punch Which is when you ran up to someone like what a night out behind them. You just punch them in the back of the head Yeah So like it would kill people man It killed like a bunch of us shows was a problem for several years and then the government came in and we're like, right We're not calling it King punching anymore. We're calling it coward punching, right? Because that's what you're a coward. And like that, and also then policing it did reduce

how much that type of soul, which is- Queen punching. Yeah, yeah, man. All over. I mean, that's so funny. That's how we can just get like rid of everything is by just- That's so funny.

Being like, we need to get rid of corruption. Do you mean gay corruption? Single gunshot from Belfort's mansion. Elon Musk has been like, I can't do it anymore. I have to give everything I have to charity to be, I would much rather be the, like the greatest villain of all time. That a little bum boy. I do. I didn't really pay attention. I only found out today that that is a doge D O G E.

I just thought that was his coin. The name of his meme. No, and then they, because it's because we're at the end of American democracy. A meme is now running a literal name named after before it being a name is no running I wish I never asked the American was gloves fine living in a just be no loviest to at all Yeah, well look any time that you feel sad for what's going on in the world Just remind yourself that every American deserves it and it's fine. I'd said yeah, it's all you can do That's all you can do Might not be true, but self care

care Oh, you can do. Self care. Might not be true, but self care. Self care. Self care. Self care. Self care, how to love yourself, is finding out what's going on in America, and then going, oh no, they all deserve it. It's just going on. It's your own fault. It's so much easier to stomach it when you're like, oh, this is.

Yeah. So what's the third animal that was? Oh yeah. Yeah. I actually forgot about that, just a thing think the passenger pigeon was the first animal. I probably, I probably thought you were driving in your own fucking species. Get fucked. It was once the most common bird in North America and it was the first animal to go

extinct in the 20th century. Oh, good one. That's exactly what I wanted to know though. Passenger pigeon. Okay. Why is it a passenger? Where were we hunting them? Was it big enough to carry people?

North America, so imagine. It was. To be fair, that would be why we hunted them. Yeah, yeah. We were like, man, these things. Look, man, if horses didn't let us ride them, we would have killed them all because they're too big and too dangerous, right?

Yeah. As the size of an animal is, we're like, we can't fucking tame you, horses caught on. And they were like, well, you read this. Massive passenger pigeons. If they didn't play ball with being flawed, we'd have to, sorry, float and float. Fault and float.

Flaught that pigeon. Flaught. Have a nice flop. You see Marvel time, you have jet lag. I floated in from Sydney this morning. Carrier pigeon, passenger pigeon. Yeah, they were just hunted by Native Americans originally, but then extinct once the white East came over.

Oh, I was going to say almost hunted to extinction by the Native Americans and then saved as always by the whites. When we got rid of their natural predator, human pigeons. We got rid of both pigeons. And they were like, that's it, don't you worry passenger pigeons, we saved you. We got rid of the bears. I tell you what, I am from killing all of those innocent children and family members. I am starving. Does anyone have, I'm in the mood for pigeon naturally.

We're going to, we believe in equality mood for pigeon naturally. We believe in our qualities. Fuck me. I've just murdered this entire tribe and they've got this really delicious pigeon jerky on them. So I got to, I know we were saving them. The whole reason we killed them all is because we wanted to save the pigeon. But I think if we talk to them, it just makes you trip balls. They're mushroom casserole. Very different from my mother's mushroom casserole.

A good laugh. What do you, what animal do you hope goes extinct? Ooh, wood pigeons. You can't, you can't, you can't be making that noise at seven in the morning outside of people's houses. So that's that done. There is, I don't know what type of bird it is in Australia, but I've ran about before. There's a bird in Australia

that's just allowed to live in cities and it just makes noise from five AM. It's not the kookaburra? Yeah, if it is those done wiped out. Is that the gakakakak? Yeah. Fucking, if it is those done wiped out. Is that the loud fucking sounds like I only know that because someone laughed at one of my gigs and I was like that's the weirdest laugh and then I had a hundred comments going that's just sounds like a fucking They're bad audience members kookaburras as well. So let them go extinct. Um, any dog smaller than Any dog smaller than

Pugs And this box fall into this category any dog small was an association So that's like 90% the dogs you want to kill 90% Kill them. I want to kill them. You did just I'll see going to extinct. Well, did you start letting fuck. You spray them on the nose whenever the fuck is happening. You go hey, don't fuck that, I'm glad. Spray them bleaching them. On their noses. You just spray lemon in their eyes, that way they can't find things to fuck.

I think pandas should give up. I think we should give up on pandas. Yeah, we do, we're doing too much. We're doing far too much. We're doing way too much to keep them alive. Yeah, yeah. They're like, we're really, like, yeah. They don't want to be saved.

People have to dedicate their entire lives to keep in a panda life Yeah, it's already and they're all like it's getting past the stage of cute now and they just fall off a tree. Yeah Look at some point when somebody's when somebody's threatening to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge You do everything you can to get them to not do that. But like yeah the end of my eight hour shift Yeah here take my laptop Fucking the end of my eight hour shift. Yeah, here take my laptop. Took my sports bag. Yeah. You know, I don't get overtime for this. You're going to do a flip of wall. What's happening here? Yeah. Orcas. Orcas? No, too cool. Too cool. They do a flipping kill. Um, any, any loud fly. Just fly. Yeah. I wouldn't give a shit flies disappeared yeah you

can just yeah yeah if all flies yeah fucking yeah um ah right I don't trust goats a big one goats you know you bastards why really know what they are do they? First of all, they're like, oh well, it's like a half sheep. They've got square pupils that can get fucked. Rectangle pupils, kill them. Fuck off. Yeah. What goats have square pupils?

Rectangle pupils man. Have you not seen it? Have you not even looked at the call? I draw them all the time. Oh no what? Square pupils? I don't, that's, that's, that's disgusting. I can't believe you've, yeah it's disgusting. It's not right. Yeah

well so I'm right then. That's why I don't trust them. They're square pupils. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah kill that. That's not odd. It's also the sign of the devil. What's also, what's the, what do you fucking do? Right? Fucking, I get sheep, right? Lamb is delicious. Wool is convenient. Big fan of that. Fucking, I don't like goat's cheese. Nobody does, really. They pretend to do.

Goat's milk? Disgusting, like what are you doing? What are you doing? You're not like, you're not soft enough to like fucking stroke. No, not all goats. The goats, when they get scared They go fully around very funny those can stay those are fainting goats. I don't know what that they're they're very stupid

Yeah, those are good. That's yours baby goats Baby, goes are cute. Yeah. Yeah, okay How about right is this might be stupid right but like dolphins are kind of shit in my opinion. Why? Well they're really keen on swimming with dying children. Yeah. Creepy bastards.

Because of their sonar they can sense. They're all rapists aren't they? Yeah, they rape each other. Because of their sonar they can detect the tumours in the dying kids and that's why they're laughing. Oh that's so funny. That's so funny. They're just like, fuck it, this kid's going too slow. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH we've got to save dollhoods. We've got fucks. I'm back in now. We gotta save dolphins.

We've gotta save them now. They're rapists and they hate the dying. Do they have blowholes? Yep. I mean, what are they? Do they explode as well if you fill in the blowhole? Is that just a cartoon? Eh.

I don't think I've seen that in a cartoon. Yeah, I think much like, I think if you, it's their weakness. In the same way, if you were to put a stick of dynamite in a car, that's the best way to get the whole car to explode. If you want the whole dolphin to explode. Okay. You can shoot a dolphin in the head.

But is this not the same concept of I put a cork in a, a blow hole, the dolphin's going to explode. But they would be like, if a dolphin was like, oh, if I put a cork up your arse, would you explode? And you'd be like, well, I mean. Well, we've never tried, have we? For an extended period of time. Um, I don't know. I feel like dolphins might be.

That's not farting though. Is it? Well, when they play, no, no, they've got a wee, I feel like, no, I feel like they've got a cloaca. I feel like they've got a full pussy arsehole like birds do. But where is it? A fucking, where the, on the front. That's why... Dodgy bastards. That's why they're such sensitive, intelligent creatures

because they have to have sex with what make an eye contact. Well that's... I hate that. That I hate when they're saying like, oh they're as smart as humans and you're just like, fuck off. I'm not trying to be a species supremacist here. Oh yeah, I am. Oh, their dolphins are as smart as humans they're like they've invented

literally nothing to help themselves yeah fucking they fly into they swim into rudders yeah if my if my mate was like swimming and he choked to death on a sprite can that was floating around I wouldn't be go whoa look at how fucking bright Jimmy is. You go outside you you go outside right now you gave me seven plastic bags and a jellyfish a hundred times out of a hundred I'm telling you what's what. Jellyfish can fuck off. Jellyfish can't fuck off. What are they? Yeah. It's not even a thing you can't you have to have an actual body and that's just fucking. Yeah you can't you can't just be a fucking landmine. You can't just be exactly. Your existenceine. You can't just be exactly. Your existence can't be,

I'm just here to fucking suck. You're not Bushman. Yeah, there's the entrails, where's the rest? You fucking dildo. Yeah, yeah. Fuck that, I don't know why I'm angry. Also, probably jellyfishes, I have the decency to be fucking delicious, right?

If there's ever an animal in the world that should taste like dessert, like I should be able to pick a dead jellyfish off of, of all the stuff I can pick up off the fucking ocean, mussels, crabs, fucking lobsters, prawns, all the stuff I can pick up from the shore and eat. How come jellyfish isn't the one that's bullshit. There's proof that God doesn't exist.

That is the only proof we have fucking why If I was God they'd all they're just big wet haribos Good to eat straight from the shore like oysters. You can't call them jellyfish to you. Just call them gooey fish Yeah, if they're not gonna be cunty blobs That's what they are. Cunty blobs. been stung by a couple of cuntie blobs. Can you piss on my cuntie blob sting? Oh god, Jesus Christ. Oh yeah, squids as well.

I don't eat prawns. Don't eat animals with a face. Also I don't, I mean I'll eat prawns but I don't like eating animals where it's a whole fiasco to get the shit out of their body. I know, yeah. Like at least I know, look, say we want to be fucking meat and fucking pigs rolling in the road shit and eating certain things. Like at least when you're cutting fucking bacon off of a pig,

you're just getting off the meat. It's not like, oh, the bacon is wrapped around the shit pipe. Yeah. And you just have to trust that we get this off. You have to crunch it off. Yeah man. Snap it. You're trying to get the fucking shit pipe

out of his room. Oh, it's so difficult. So difficult. No, I would never eat that. No. No. No, not for me. Mm-mm.

I don't want to see their fucking eyes either when I'm eating something. Yeah, yeah. I think, you know, that would pull me off of a slice of bacon, had a pig's head at the end of it. Yeah. That'd be also a completely waste of bacon, you'd imagine, but the end of it Yeah, we also completely waste a break in it. You'd imagine but I Would know but you would eat you would eat peg on a fucking spit roast. I

Suppose yeah Okay, I don't know. It's a bit busy. It's just if it's nice then I will eat its face Also, you know how You know the way they've got people off of smoking all over the world is to put pictures of the effect of lung cancer and all the effects of smoking in general on the box, right? And it shows it's actually quite effective. I think vegans move shouldn't be to like, every Thursday have a vegan day or that shit,

right? Just whatever the meat is can't be labeled veal or beef or If I'm like that, it's got to be like the animal and the book and the part of the body All right, so you can't say flank steak. You've got to say Cow tummy. Yeah Cow tummy like yeah, I'm as nice as the cow. Do you want a Kilo of cow tummy. Can I and can I get some cow tummy? And like, yeah, as big as a cow tummy as you want. I have a kilo of cow tummy. Can I also get some pig arse? Pig arse, not near arsehole,

but close to pig gooch. And then if I could have a couple of chicken cunts, chicken, just the labia, chicken labia, round that bit. The rump of a goat. Yeah, yeah, the rump. Yeah, that would help me. It would work, it would be, you want just visual stuff, right? Thank you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chickens, I mean. Yeah, chicken breast, fine. Chicken thighs. What do you, is it only chickens, by the way, we pump up like with a bicycle pump? No, we do that to geese and fucking swans and shit. It's only that type of animal though, wouldn't it? Birds, only birds, yeah. Why can't you do that to geese and fucking swans and shit. It's only that type of animal though, what do you mean?

Birds, only birds, yeah. Why can't you do that to a pig? You don't need to to a pig. Here's the problem, right? It's not about you don't need to do it to a chicken, is it? You do, you do, right? But if you want fucking, if you want good paté, you go to a duck and you go, hey, I know you're two kilos, but I need you to eat three kilos of fucking grain in the next two hours right and the ducks like oh I cannot do

that that is too much great like I think I'd fucking get me the funnel he's not a team player he's not trying to benefit you got to a pick you're like can you eat 19 kilos of pure fucking shit they They're like, fucking what's, what's for the main course? Yeah. Pegs play ball, right? So we don't need to. Okay. So yeah, okay. But you could make it fatter. Yeah. Cows are lawnmowers. So it's just handy for that. Take some fucking ages to eat. Grass isn't very traditional,

but they're doing a job the whole way around. Horse isn't as great as it should be. It's not bad. It's not bad, but it's not bad. But again, they get to live because they're doing us a favour. They let us ride them. They pull things. So you think if they were totally useless, we'd be all eating like, oh, we'll have a horse crate tonight.

Absolutely. You think that's the only reason? Yep. It's because they made a deal with us. Okay. Horses made a deal with us. They were, I'm not entirely sure. I suppose the Treaty of Versailles was about horses and humans.

Come on, Tristan. Uh, okay. Yeah. So we're going to sign on this treaty. All in favor say aye. I think all the horses are about to say the N word. Oh, Seabasket. Yeah, Jesus. Whoa. That's why you're saying whoa to a horse. It's just stop saying the N word. Whoa, boy. Boy. Jesus Christ.

Famous horses. That fucks me off. There's always a lot of famous horses. I'm not talking about just the like, like Shergar. Remember Shergar? He went missing. He won like the Irish National and he went missing and they've been trying to find Shergar.? He went missing. He won the Irish national and he went missing and they've been trying to find Shergarh. Ireland has a lot. Ireland has a lot. What do you mean? He went out to celebrate afterwards and did come home.

Shergarh. Shergarh. S-H-E-R-G-A-R. It's like, it's fucking, what you call it? It's fucking that flipper. What do you call them? It's Fungi the dolphin all over again. We have a lot of cases of missing animals. It makes sense for a dolphin to go missing in the ocean. How do you have a horse that wins a race and is owned by a human being, then fucking become a national crisis?

It's stolen. There you go, you fucking gypsies. That's what happened. The like AI overviews, Shergar's remains have never been found. That's. And the thieves have never been officially identified. Few gained from the theft of Shergar

and the thieves never got any ransom and most insurers never paid out to the owners claiming that the Wonder Horse could still have been alive after the policy had expired. So like, yeah. So this one was just winning every race. Somebody steals it. Cause we're going to ransom this or then decides not to, because there's too much of a national crisis.

And they just, yeah, there was a lot of, there was a lot of like, for example, in the university, I went, there was a, uh, there was a rumor going around that he was in the lake. They chucked Shergar in the lake. So you're like, and if you were like jumping in the water, he's like, I wouldn't get in there. You get poisoned. Shergar's remains are in there. There's a burned out horse in the middle of the woods. Yeah. Yeah. Shergar. We had another famous, we had the guy.

Guys, guys, I don't know where Shergar is. It's been a couple of weeks now. It's devastating, but I think we can all agree What's gonna get us out of this sad sad time is visiting the brand new zebra at Dublin Zoo We got him on a hell of a deal and boy is he fast We had a guy like like dressage he won like a gold medal and dressage the like dressage he won like a gold medal and dressage yeah beat them up and he got caught he had to give it back because he was caught cheating with drugs he drugged himself he didn't drug the horse which i found very funny you think you drug the horse yeah he was like i need to get myself ready for this but i'm like you do fuck all yeah it looks like you need like

uppers to be sitting there going to bend your hands like a dickhead dress as is the worst I feel we've no I don't know we definitely would have but I'm just that's another one yeah so we have two famous animals to both have went missing yeah that's all I'm saying same guys did both stolen my fucking yeah true yeah more likely yeah more likely. But are they happy? They probably got the fastest horse in all the land in fairness. And they couldn't do anything with it. The policy is expired. A poor wee horse would drive a horse wheel in the middle of a farm. Nightmare.

The Wikipedia page for it says it was after the horse was retired it was stolen and the main suspect I think was the IRA because they tried to get a two million pound ransom for it. For a retired horse. That's so funny. God bless the IRA. Yeah I agree. Stealing horses now. Clip that, no not clip that, clip that one bit. That's so funny. Just basically the IRA were just like well we did the kind of things all over now. They're basically we'll just do drugs and ransoming. Stealing horses. Here, do you ever want to see your fucking horse again?

It's a family treasure. Send me two million fucking euro. The fuck's a euro? Also, they'll be ringing up going like, we're going to stay your horse in half an hour. Just all move them then. That's so that is one thing about the IRA. Thank God they aren't around that they are around, but you know, they're, I think God, they're, I can't always say thank God the real IRA because they all swore around him getting into dangerous territory here.

But in the heyday of phones, when people actually answered calls, because you would be sending a message now, like, oh, I'm going to blow up this pub. And then you'd just like, what, send their Instagram page, a fucking DM, and then it'd be like, seen four days later when the thing's in fucking pieces. Also, if you text me, even if I read it,

I'm not replying for a couple of days. So. Yeah, exactly. So that's, it must be really hard being the IRA just being like, is it? Please answer. We'll blow it up when it goes to blue ticks. Still too, Two blue ticks. It's still too, is it still too grey ticks? Okay. Give it an hour.

Maybe he's turned off. No, you can turn them off. Maybe he's turned blue. Send receipts. How the fuck are we supposed to know now? them off. Maybe he's turned the receipts. How the fuck are we supposed to know now? It's fucking shaming. I mean how the fuck are we supposed to know now? Please, please message back receipt of...

We're going to blow this fucking place up in an hour. Please TP. Also is this still your number? Great like fun Australian listeners, I'm out my Sydney Opera house show has been announced. It's me and friends. I haven't decided on whose those friends are but it's Thursday the 24th of April you take us for that

I will be back in Australia next year. But like this, this is just like a warm-up show, practice show. Me having fun with new stuff before putting on a big show. You farted really. Just a little one of them. My favorite bit right now is Kara Burps. There's a big Burps, but she burps all the time. And my favorite bit is to just really act like an aghast 1950s husband. That's great. And just, it's unbecoming.

Yeah. It's unbecoming. You devalue yourself when you do this. I know other ladies, right? Other ladies when they take out, the reason their husbands take them to the social club and the golf club is because they need their gas on the inside where a lady keeps it, Cara Mitchell.

I didn't know I'm all right or. I also dead name my wife when she's in trouble. Cara Mitchell, come here right now. You are no wife of mine. You're a dirty little trollop. Cara James Mitchell. I also recently just love giving her awful, awful man who doesn't know how to give compliments, compliments. Misogynist compliments. Oh great. You know what, you're real cool for a fat chick. Yeah, I must say I enjoy a bit of skirter on the studio.

Normally when I'm with women there's no banter, but there's something blokey about you that I need to tell you. But I love how you can open jars. No, if she opened jars, I would also, that would come under my, it's unbecoming for a while. Okay, all right, you'd be aghast. Yeah, absolutely. I'm like, do they let you open up? Yeah, yeah. You open up fucking tins up in Aberdeen

Carries open tins of beans with her feet You know, that's the older that's the Aberdeen, you know, I come down here I taught her English right What's the fucking? Can opener? Yeah, man. I used to we got we've I mean the whole time She's lived with us. We've had a river down the back of the garden for the first four months that kind of loved it I had to stop her getting into fights and with with River Cara. She would go down every morning She would and she'd be so angry. She could only weapons. She could make rocks She would just get horrible violent fights

Yeah, but nearly drowned every morning every morning if I wasn't fast enough I bet you nearly fucking right took four months. I four months before she worked hours of reflection Got through leaps and bounds. So sometimes she's gonna pop sometimes she's gonna You know, she's gonna buy a car. She is a savage that is that still within her. Yeah. Yeah Carries I'm gonna she becomes over That is that still within her. Yeah. Yeah Never it when it's choppy Chubby waters. Um, anyway comes to me in Australia and Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm buying tickets in my friend's show to shut Marlene the fuck up.

Yeah, not to really shut Marlene up, but I do have a miniature tour. Yeah, oh yeah. It's like seven dates, so you know, come see that. And it's called, he's big, he's bald, he's in Cumbernauld, and it's one show. And it's in Cumbernauld. Three for one tickets. Couples hate me but the polyamorous love me. Oh my god it's going to be like a pitbull concert.

Polyamorous love me and I think it's because I remind them of a dildo. Alright losers see you next time.