Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Quarantine 11. Inside Daniel Sloss

Episode Date: April 27, 2020

Cream is hungover from double Day Drinking with Dan, the civil war from Daniel not plugging Kai's book simmers down. Kai has recently released a book, it's available now on Kindle, you don't need a kindle, just the kindle app on your phone, read it now instead of listening to this, Natalie finds her way to muggle corner. 

Sloss and Humphreys on the road! Muggins and cream, creaming muggins, straight thuggin', living the dream That's our intro Fucking muggles! Tickling the clit inside your head that makes you laugh Woohoo! Hahaha! They said it can't be done!

Are we in the same seats? That's hack! Awww, muggles! Accidental rim job in the park Kiss kiss kiss Or am I just being cynical? Just muggled it up on fucking Mugglepedia! Where have you been since 9-11?

And here we are. Kai and Daniel. Hiya. Best of friends. I'm very humble, bro. I know that's just the first thing I was going to ask you. I've been following your drinking. I joined in with some of it.

Oh. Because I was watching both of your day drinking things and drinking along with you. But I also saw Piggy's Insta story and I didn't quite do that bit. No. Because we were just having casual drinks of wine, being pretty classy about it.

And then I knew we were having all kinds of shots and fucking party games and all that. So you must be two days, two days hangover. It's a bastard. I've just spent the fucking day high I carefully chose this to be my one day of the week where I smoke marijuana I was like I fucking reckon

that's the day it'll be best so I'm not too bad it's cut off a little bit yeah go carry on no you've ruined my story I've lost all momentum thank god what? it's cut off a little bit yeah go carry on saying oh one no you've ruined my story I've lost all momentum

oh thank god oh my god I was already bored oh my oh you want to talk you want to talk about fucking somebody being bored you fucking whiny

can't they admit oh I didn't oh Jesus God I didn't plug your book wow wow wow god forbid you do something by yourself

oh are you going to turn this on me no I am it's because I was in the comments with everybody and they were like, oh, here it comes. Because I'd been plugging the book in the comment on my own. I'd been plugging the book.

And then everyone jumped on board when you didn't plug mine, so I just ran with it and it was funny. And I think it done some decent PR. I moved a few pity units. It's getting good feedback, actually. It's quite good for the ego, getting fucking nice comments. Not for fucking whose? Huh?

Whose? It's good for mine. It's not good for mine? No. I can tell. You just fucking mugged me off and you're profiting off of it. Aye. Aye, well well you're not

making any money at all because the gigs have cancelled the tables have turned I erm it's gone down nice

people are enjoying me writing it's going to make us want to write more because like I started writing a bit when I was on the flight

I tell that when I was writing the children's book but like I had no reason for it I had nowhere to put it I was getting no feedback from it on out so I just fucking put flight. I'd tell that when I was writing the children's book, but I had no reason for it. I had nowhere to put it. I was getting no feedback from it on notes, so I just fucking put it on ice.

But now that... You know, like, when you start doing new material for a new show and people start laughing at it, at the new material nights, and you start getting a bit of a first for it and you want to do your new stuff. You didn't want to get into club nights

where you're doing your old bits. I've got that kind of thing there. Like, I want to do some more writing. If people like it, I'm going to do more. That kind of fucking thing. I'll make sure the next one isn't mugging you off. You're a sensitive soul. I mean, thank God you didn't do one in the last two.

Can you just fucking imagine that? Might as well have been a fucking suicide note. Because the one that I wrote it on, you were just a moody teenager. Right. You were 24, but you were just a moody teenager. But this last one was actually like, you weren't even moody,

you were actually in great spirits at the start of it, like really fucking nice. You kind of just started going out with Piggy. It's just a good vibe and that was just off the back of the wedding and it was just an 18 month gradual decline it would have been especially at the start it was just the

Netflix success stuff it was the fucking hell look at these gigs there was that you know visible fucking step up I remember when we started to get riders you got the tour manager in that it was like where this was like the netflix dropping was like you're double dropping two eckies right and then being high as high as fuck and then the like last six months of the two hours just you and your come down but still at the party i just overstayed my

welcome i think i think i would have probably put a fucking pin in that book about fucking memories with 13 months in. I think I would have done one month of the decline before I was like, I think we need an actual behavioural scientist. I don't think this is a comedic case study anymore. I'm just recording this for his therapist at this point. Pass it on, give me the notes

both of you, getting in the science world and what not I should say one with Natalie over the quarantine oh aye because it did cross my mind to do that, just open a case file again, go to Natalie and do the study on her but there's just not enough

stimulus to like when we were traveling it was like all the different what you want to say and that is i'm that i'm much more interesting than your wife less moody i've got like like i would have i just have kind things to say you know what i mean it would just be like me just wanking off my wife book there's losers that would i think there's losers i enjoy that in the same way that you know there's losers that would I think there's losers that enjoy that in the same way that you know

there's the people that hate public displays of affection there are people that love them for some fucking reason I don't think

they listen to this podcast though surely we don't have anyone with that fucking kind of heart tuning in I think people people do quite enjoy

that we're nice about birds but they don't want they don't want to I'm horrible at that. I don't want to be... Piggy. Aye, but you're not, though, are you?

Well, I'm a hitter all the time. Not really, though, do you? Yeah, well, I know you. And I like to build a persona, but we'll see right through you. You love-hating bits, you little schnookums. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, God, I'm going to do a rhyme telling baby sick up in the air.

She's your honey bunny. We know it. What would you say is your most embarrassing nickname for your wife? I think I've got many nicknames. I've just got Morgz, which is embarrassing enough because, as you mentioned in the best man speeches, because she looks like a nine-year-old Indian boy.

What did you follow it up with? Which, the less you look into that, the more we're going to enjoy this wedding. I've still not watched my wedding speech, but I get it. Have you not? No. He's not showing us the wedding video because every time you offered to, I say no.

And it's just kind of continued on as a bit. Did you not watch it when you and Piggy come to mind, when we were doing the escape room? Did you not watch it then? No. Didn't you? No. Because that was the plan.

The whole plan was to go to the escape room, come back, watch the wedding video back. Well, if we did, what were we drinking? We must have been drinking. No, we weren't drinking then. Dry January? Well, then no, we wouldn't have because there's no reason I shouldn't remember it.

Yeah, we must have just overlooked it. Just, that does sound like us. We weren't drinking though. What were we doing? What were we just chatting? We must have watched a film. We played Cranium because we're 35 years old. Ah, so it did.

Oh, I meant to ask you as well. Me and Natalie won some two-player board games. Now, that Raptor game was good. Oh, aye. Orcs, Orcs, Orcs is good. But what was the game called that we played in Colorado? The card game? It was like a dungeon thing?

Yeah, Dungeon Master. Two of our fans fucking got us that from... God, what state were they from? What bastards we are. I can't remember what it's called, but I'll look out for it and I'll let you know. Did you get that before we did the American Tour because you seemed to have it on the American Tour?

Did you get it from maybe Boston or something? No, I can tell you exactly. It was during New York. It was at the New York show. Right. A fan gave it to me. Yeah, so it was when you were doing your other show, when you were doing Saw.

Oh, who fucking knows, man? Who knows? So, yes, that'll be worth getting, wouldn't it? And can you play a Monopoly deal one-on-one? You can, aye. Aye, because I think we're going to start just getting some other things today, stuff today, the two, because we're watching loads of fucking box sets and movies and all that,

which is great, but I just feel like we need to diversify a bit. Aye. It's literally, she finishes work, we'll have chef dinner, and then we'll watch something, and it's all well and good, but we need something else going on. We started watching Star Wars, started from there. We're watching them again like I did with Marvel

as they were made and 1977 that first one was it and it's good for nostalgic value and all that

but it's like it's I didn't think Natalie's ever seen it if she did it was like before she can remember and it's like

it's hard going straight from Marvel to something like a sci-fi made in the 70s right you know dialogue and special effects

and everything like that like I think I think with Star Wars you need a bit of the nostalgia value she's still enjoying it for what it is but you can tell like

she's not enjoying it as much as Marvel right I think that's entirely fair like I you know Star Wars was like it's the

it's like the one that spawned that entire franchise of movies but all the movies since then have been better yeah

like it sort of launched launched that genre and then you know I mean and the people that love it most

are the fucking nostalgia ones like my fucking my dad tell you what though fucking Star Wars Land like big up again the most

capitalistic thing Star Wars Land and Disney is un-f most capitalistic thing ever. Star Wars Land in Disney is un-fucking-believable. Aye, I love shit like that. Because I remember you telling me on the podcast about Star Wars Land when I was looking at them in the Millennium Falcon and that.

I was like, oh shit, like just the penny dropped that like what you were telling us and then I was seeing it and I was just like, oh fuck, I could be in that. Aye, aye. I could actually get up from that spaceship and just I was saying it and I was just like oh fuck I could be in that aye I could actually

I could get up from that spaceship and just fucking get in it that's an option life has well apparently obviously because it's hugely successful

and it's obviously going to make them lots and lots of money the next one that they want to do is apparently Marvel Land oh great

I mean and that's just I mean just take all of my fucking money at that point and I mean I'm going to have a go with the mean, I'm going to have a go at the suit. I'm going to have a go at the shield.

I would say this, and people might disagree with me. Muggles like the... Muggles love Marvel. Aye. Aye. And I can see why. Aye. You know, like, that's a bit of Muggle react and complain.

I wrote a Muggle corner for this week, by the way. I don't know if you have. That can be mine there there it is yeah because you took one in last week anyway so yeah Muggles do you want to

unpack it anymore or do we just put a pin in it no I mean sometimes if we look hey if the riff comes naturally we'll do it there

but if not don't fucking force it so I'm carrying on reading the Invincible Iron Man book because it's more like a biography

than anything else and seeing as I am the Iron Man you're not's more like a biography than anything else and seeing as I am the Iron Man you're not going to bite is he typical Captain America just rising above it

I just don't understand how you can honestly think that you're Tony Stark I make my own clones I make my play for Potti it's make my which one of those words

do you think you inhabit look I'm not going to say it one more time I'll say it one more time I make my own clothes that essentially makes me I'm going to knit an Iron Man suit for myself look what you've made us do I just don't honestly you're obviously Captain America you're older than me a knit and iron man suit for myself. Look what you've made us do.

I just don't honestly, you're obviously Captain America. You're older than me. America's like 100 fucking years old. I think it's safe to say that I'm Pepper Potts. Trying to convince everyone that I've got a heart so yeah I'm reading the Invincible Iron Man

book and Logan isn't it my nephew he's the new Hulk have you seen have you seen that video of that giant

fucking baby no oh man just go on Twitter and just type in giant baby and look at the size of that fucking baby

right just type in giant baby I promise you it'll come up oh poor woman erm no Logan

fucking X-Men Wolverine isn't it and Luke Cage isn't it and somebody who keeps getting called Jessica imagine that's Jessica Jones

Jessica Jones oh she's managed but she was she was oh is she oh oh fucking plot twist and erm

she had a kind of suit on which twist and erm anyway Jessica Jones had a suit on which twist and anyway Jessica Jones had a suit on

but I thought she just like went around with jeans and a clipboard no no that's the TV show

which was made more realistic so we're being muggles now by having this knowledge

I was just good that like all that Marvel characters that aren't in the MCU are in it in the comic book

even though it's not a crossover because it is Marvel it felt a bit crossover-y alright but I guess people who read the comics first and then go down go to the MCU

that's just normal it just happens here's my muggle corner cool and this is this is Natalie Natalie gets straight in the corner for this because she does it all the fucking time muggle corner and this is this is Natalie Natalie gets straight

in the corner for this because she does it all the fucking time muggle suck your dick nah if only if only she'd spent 30 minutes

30 minutes in the corner for all those times one for every time you did it this week I was you know

when they you know I talked about being corny with your missus right I said I love you and she said I love you more and it took us everything not to go

look you can't love us more because if you like blowjobs as much as I like blowjobs I love you so much I'd suck your dick every single day so I love you more just based on that alone but you don't go down on her every day huh?

but you don't go down on her every day I would if I was decent at it but you don't now what? you don't now I don't think I reckon

you know what I think if I like if she tried to give me a blowjob every day I'd have a blowjob every day and it wouldn't get boring I think if I tried to go down on Natalie me a blowjob every day I'd have a blowjob every day and it wouldn't get boring I think if I tried to go down on Natalie every day she'd go

oh this again after a while I just think do you reckon your part gets bored of orgasms do you

do you know how bad are you no like this is just the thing in general like so you reckon right now right if you just

paused this podcast went in and went to give Piggy a licky aye she would just stop what she's doing for it like I would for a blowjob

100% yes would she aye maybe she would maybe that maybe maybe I'll just give that a shot the next time

don't hang up go on give it a go do it don't hang up yeah no yeah go on we'll see because otherwise you'll just lie about it Don't hang up. Go on. Give it a go. Do it now. Don't hang up. Yeah, no, yeah. Take the document. Go on.

Otherwise you'll just lie about it. Because I can't do it on a frequently. You know what I mean? It's frequent. But it's not a daily occurrence. I think she'd be a bit overwhelmed by it if I kept doing it. Well, I mean, you don't know. You're making assumptions here. You know, I, I like coke.

Aye. But if you come up with a bag of coke every day, we'd have a belt a month. I lost where I was going with that. I'd still take Tuesdays off, is what I'm saying. But that's because like well

that's just fucking coke's a drug and it'll take something bad out of your system it'll like wear you down I don't think you're gonna get that

you're not gonna get you're not gonna be knackered from getting flow jobs it's like at any point during your seventh flow job

of the week you'll be mopping your brow being like oh god I'm exhausted maybe he's half misjudged this maybe she maybe she does want a daily one and God, I'm exhausted. Maybe he's half misjudged this.

Maybe she does want a daily one and she thinks I'm a bit of a prude. Aye. Maybe she's talking about you like this on her podcast. Do you reckon? Aye. Not going to listen to it though.

We fucking, I tell you what, when she listens to this, there's a potential that, that my lockdown could get a lot better. When we discover each other. And hers a lot better. When we discover each other. And hers a lot worse.

What was I going to say? I was going to say the thing that she does that I put her in Muggle Corner for. And I told her about this as well. She knows she's going in. When people say, guess what? Without giving you even a ballpark of what it's about I 100% I'm already annoyed

out of fucking nowhere guess what she'll not tell us until I've at least had one guess I'm already saving just imagining myself in that scenario it's something I can't guess it's going to be like guess who died it's got to be like, guess who died? It's got to be, you know,

guess who's pregnant, guess who's engaged? Something like that. It can't just be general. Even then, that still feels a bit too vague. Right? Like, you know, guess which Spice Girl died? By the way, a Spice Girl hasn't died. Anyone just tuning in, even though it's a podcast,

who tunes in 19 minutes into a podcast so not even ballpark just guess what and then it'll be something like there's another flower on one of me plants I'm like I never guessed it so your problem is

you think it's a literal game show you're like this is it's not just you Guffer you talk to you you're like I've got to get this I have to win it's me just going the game's rigged

I can't win this no matter how smart I am there's no amount of books I can read Guffer's trying to tell you a fact and you're like you fucking idiot. Who is winning this conversation? But I mean, even the fact that I just said that

the flowers, like there's another flower on the plant. Like I can generally guess that. It's about the plants because she's caring for our plants at the minute. She bought some trees and plants and she put them in some bigger pots. And usually if there's a lot of conversation, it'll go back to the plants growing.

Or something happening in the park. Or she'll become a right nosy parker. Aye. And she keeps pointing stuff at us as well, right? Like, can I come and have a look at this? But like, I'm going to be digging something. I'm in my phone. What was I doing the other day?

This was it. I was sending the PDF file. I'm crying over pastry, I imagine. I was sending the PDF file of my wonderful book, That's For Sale. What was that? Excuse me? Sorry, sneeze.

You should probably go and check it out. Have you ever get some antihistamines? Continue. So I was sending the PDF file to a couple of mates who had congratulated us on the book thing and that. And I was just like, oh, look, here's the PDF, if you wanted to read it. I don't know how to gift a Kindle, but here's the gift of the book.

And I was going through, I was doing that. But when you do that, like, it sparks a conversation. You don't just want to like reply and then so i'm like uh carrying the conversations that i've just started with about six people and at least like kai come and have a look at this come have a look come have a look is this the bloke's pecs like look at that man's pecs I mean look look Danny they were good pecs

aye they were noteworthy pecs is this the same is this the same woman who didn't give a fucking shit when you had pecs aye what does that tell you

aye I mean they weren't as good as this guy's pecs right this guy it was like yeah big black guy

with like a fucking thorax on him you know what I mean I do like big black man and eh he just had a fucking arms guy with like a fucking thorax on him you know what I mean I do like big black man and he just had the fucking arms and chest of a fucking superhero

the weird good mean ass titties that he had on him like whatever it was just the fact that like I was in the middle of doing something

I mean I think being on your phone looks like you're doing nothing on your board I think that's just like what

people's general thing is but I was actually it's the mistake taxi drivers always fucking make. You know, your phone, they're like, oh, you must want to chat. You go, no, that's why I want my phone. I'm in seven chats. That's it.

Exactly. And I went on and I was like, I was in the middle of a few conversations there. I was quite enjoying them and knew I'm looking good. I like, they were impressive, but I had like, I was just a little bit like, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, cheers.

Thanks. I just looked like a right cranky bastard. I was like, I thought I was going to be a woman's tits. You should start doing it. That's like one of,

that's like one of their videos that Ricketts keeps putting in the WhatsApp where it starts off as like a really hot lady undressing her and it ends up like a bloke shitting on a fat woman's face. And you're just like, wow, Those are the Those are muggly videos

Anyone who sends those Aye Aye that's probably Muggly like the Clickbait videos That's like The video is something You might want to watch

And then it turns into Something you Definitely Definitely you might want to watch and then it turns into something you definitely definitely don't want to watch it's the lowest form of fucking prank like it's you know

it's the sex noises oh man the one thing that fucking happened when I was at my parents' they've got fucking paper thin walls I'm just in the next room

oh and fucking just couldn't turn it down quick enough. I mean, it's funny. They didn't have that. Sorry, now that it's happened to you, I do fucking... They don't know that's Rick Rowland.

They don't know what that game is because nobody does that to me mum and dad. They don't know that's a common thing. Your dad must have had it done to him. You don't think... Aye, but is he going to let me mum now? That's what it is. Is he going to let me mum think I was watching porn. Do you not think your dad would have your back?

On that one, it's never used. If we'd come up and I explained it, it might never come up. They might both just say, my dad might have just opened his eyes and went, ah, car's been done. And my mum opened his eyes and went, eh, my son, what have I raised?

And then they both closed their eyes, got out of sleep. It's never spoken of again. My dad and I got rickrolled. My mum and I was watching porn, and that's their realities. I mean, I think they know you watch porn anyway. They've seen you talk about it. I know, but a bit more discreetly, however.

Not loud, not with a volume up in their house, you know. If you had to watch porn with one of your parents who would it be me da aye now that I think about it of course that's the answer I don't know why I phrased that if that was a difficult choice we had that like Danny

very revealing that reopens my case file book 2 coming soon reopens my case file book two coming soon book two electric book just had to sorry

old habits we're going to be muggles after this as well we're doing a zoom chat aren't we we are what time are we doing that again let's just do it

immediately after this we are the most important people in that fucking group. We'll start, they'll come to us. Here to be a little bitch, right? Wow. I'm going to have dinner with Natalie and then we're going to watch something and then when she gets to bed, I'll come and do the Zoom call. Fuck you then.

So, 10 o'clock. We could have done this off the podcast, but just show them that. Look, we're just showing people that we're human too, and we also have life admin. Behind the curtain. Behind the fucking curtain. Had we finished the muggle corner? We're saying guess what?

Aye. Oh, yeah, let's get back to this. While you mentioned the zoom call thing uh i posted um just basically marked uh our friend i've just nearly said his name uh posted a picture of them with poppers and then i realized that when i tidied the cupboards the other day um one of them the house partners had left a bottle of poppers in my house and i got it out and i thought it would be to send a picture to the friend who sent the picture of the poppers.

And I thought it would be funny to put the bottle of poppers next to my Zoom call with my mates. Why? Because I was on Zoom while playing Call of Duty Warzone so you can see their faces while you're playing.

It's a fucking awesome way of doing it. You've got them in the ears on the party chat, but you've got them on your screen on your coffee table. And I put the bottle of poppers next to it because you know how people comment on the battery life in the background people love spotting the thing in the background i thought it would be really funny for people to spot the poppers in that scenario you know like there's a lot going

on in the picture you've got like everything that's happening on me project a screen everything that's happening on your screen and there's like bottle of pop as you might miss and they're thinking that one or two people one person spotted the poppers about 90 people slid into my DMs calling us a muggle for posting a Zoom chat completely oblivious

that it was for the poppers well I mean they're not wrong I was fucking heartbroken did you go stand in the corner because I literally

would just put that episode up and I went and stood in the corner for 30 seconds. I sadly do not have any Muggle things this week. I've not been. It's hard to socially observe people. I'm legit missing going for a pint with people at this point. Aye. It's been really nice now, lad,

having a few glasses of wine in the house with Natalie, but we'd love to just fucking gan mingle. Aye. Hopefully, hopefully when they sort of let us hang out again, everyone's just going to fucking...

It's so weird to think, because you want there to be a day there's going to be a party in the streets, but there's no end date of this. Was the speculation, was it just the tabloids suggesting it, about you can have ten friends that you can go and see? So it widens your circle, but it doesn't mean you can integrate with society yet. Because that is going to be some fucking political turbulence.

It's going to be a political hot potato when people when people are choosing their ten friends, but it's gonna be like MySpace days, can you know it'll be very easy, you tell me you don't know your ten but, but, I might be in

some people's tens and they're not in mine that's why I say it's gonna get tricky have you, Natalie, I'll have three of the Spice Girls, not the ginger one, and not the baby one. I'm not a pedo. Nelson's kids.

I'm not a pedo, but Nelson's kids. The queen, just in case. Just in case she pops over. Imagine they did say it right bluff called your MySpace to stop you having to decide

sorry brother to stop you having to decide we're just going to go with your MySpace top 16 friends who you had from 2002 other people that you're allowed to knock around with

how many married women in the 30s would you be hanging out with that you were trying to hit on when they were 20 oh god Married women in the 30s, would you be hanging out with that you were trying to hit on when they were 20? Oh, God. How many people were you flirting with in your top 16 MySpace friends that you don't even...

It wasn't MySpace friends in the top 16. It was people we had. That was MySpace because Tom was always the first number one. You had to swap him out. He was always just there. Tom from MySpace first number one. You had to swap him out. He was always just there. Tom from Myspace. I wonder if some people still got him in. I don't think Tom gets enough credit for just fucking off after Myspace

and not becoming Mark Zuckerberg. Oh, just taking his check? Aye. Just cashing in on it? Like, you don't need his fucking biz? Well, nobody does now. They're usually going on to something else, these guys. Like, oh,

I didn't tell you this, did I? Fucking, your PR got in touch with us with an opportunity for having OnlyFans account. Excuse me? Your PR phoned me with one of her friends

who was pushing OnlyFans and asked me if I would become a content provider on OnlyFans do you want me to tell you some more is that enough

I think that's enough I've got visuals that I don't need so OnlyFans isn't isn't just porn it got hijacked

by porn and they're trying to rebrand and get it to actually do other stuff so it's like more of a Patreon so it's more of a Patreon brand and they want to spread content and I kind of need to claim just because the content that they were looking

for is more like the stuff that I've whinged about in previous podcasts you know where you're like trying to force create a sketch or something like that and I can do them on occasions, i kind of do them on mass produce without just feeling mentally exhausted have you do you know do you know much about tech talk nah man it's i i think this is the first time in my life that i've felt like old oh yeah because we're chatting about this.

I thought this was going to be you coming out as that you're thawing to the idea of using TikTok. Fucking no, man. The only people that are on TikTok is everyone under the age of 15 and Love Island contestants desperately trying to hold on to a career with fame in it. Aye. Yes, it's very low attention span having em flash phone

people are doing their lip sync and comedy like I've found Peggy found out the other day that there are people that do lip sync to my stand up badly oh really that's fucking funny that's up there with having a gif made of you They lip-sync to my stand-up badly. Oh, really? Aye.

That's fucking funny. That's up there with having a gif made of you. Well, yeah, gifs you feel cool about. I don't know. You can use your gif as a backdrop for Insta stories, you know, when you just need to provide information and you don't want to put a photo on. You can put a gif on in the background.

You've got gifs on there. Aye put a GIF on in the background. You've got GIFs on there. Aye, that's a cool level of fame, if you want to call it that. So does Joe X. I put a thing. You're probably, I saw this on Cameo, Jeff Lowe, you know,

from Tiger King. He's doing cameos for £179. Fucking hell. That fucking hurts my feelings. He can make £179 on the novelty of somebody just splashing a bit of cash to make their friend laugh. He's making

it out properly, ironically. But the fact that that dickhead can make money like that during quarantine during lockdown is fucking you must be making a fucking killing imagine how much carol baskins would get just pay any man pay any amount of money to admit that she killed her husband i really wish i hadn't plotted on with that you know you know when i stopped on episode three, I was quite enjoying it up to episode three.

And then when I kept going, it's been like for four episodes, it's been like shagging after I've came for four episodes. I'm like, but I've been finished for ages and I've been gone for four more hours. Just rubbing yourself raw. Aye.

Chief. Yes, so aye. If anyone hasn't watched Tiger King yet, just watch three episodes, get the gist of it, enjoy the memes. That's my advice to me from the past. I have nothing to add.

What are you watching just now em em I mean I'm half way through a lot of things like I'm still I'm still half way through

season 3 of The Wire which I've never fucking watched before em it's been great didn't finish Lock and Key oh didn't you no

didn't enjoy it em it was all I didn't love it it was like em it was it? It was all... I didn't love it. It was like... It was a little bit like the OC. Aye. I thought the casting was really, really good.

There were some parts that I really, really enjoyed. I definitely didn't fucking hate it. But I was just like... It was just a bit... I thought meh. Visually, it was nice. It just didn't copy good from the comic. You can enjoy it as it's own thing my sister really loved watching it

with her 9 year old and they hadn't read the comics and I think that might be the best way to watch it just when you're a kid but if you go as a hardcore comic adult to watching it, there's just something a bit missing for us.

I also need to do season four of Preacher. I've still not done that yet. Oh, the series or the comic. You've finished the comics, haven't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, because I've finished the comics on that. I've just finished season two of the... So you've still got quite a few seasons on the go then.

Season three of Preacher is one of the best seasons of a TV show I think I've seen finished season two of the... So you've still got quite a few seasons on the go then. Season three of Preacher is one of the best seasons of a TV show I think I've seen in my life. I loved it. Is it really? Fucking Joseph Gilligan's fucking awesome. Ah, he really is. I enjoyed Brassic as well. Thank you for that recommendation.

Yeah, Brassic is good. True Detective season two, I remember that getting slated when it was out because I did enjoy Season 1. Never really got around to watching Season 2. I fucking loved that. A couple of the best scenes ever in it. I've still not watched it.

There's just one bit as well where the world gets on top of him and he just gets a couple of decks of tabs and a couple of grams of rack and a bottle of whiskey and just has a fucking night losing his mind on his own in that whole fucking seat. His belt, you just want to join him but spoiler alert

oh yeah yeah yeah when did you say you were up to Preacher again? season 2 I've finished the comics I'm up to season 2 I've finished season 2 my mum has just texted me saying they proposed new 10 person social group allowance I finished season 2 oh hey hold on eh the my mum has just texted me saying

the proposed new 10 person social group allowance eh so maybe it is a thing try that again my mum's just texting

the proposed new person social group allowance eh so apparently by the time something is actually a thing

oh so we're gonna have a social group potentially that'd be great and I guess it would have to be geographical for now like we couldn't

put each other in a social group because it would just be like can I get on a train well you might not be able to get on a train but maybe you'd be

allowed to drive aye because like that would mean I could do the rounds We could get a hire car And we could go and see me family Come up and see you lot and then go back down That means we could have like

A fucking field trip And that would Fucking absolutely break the monotony Of lockdown if we could field trip Into a couple of different houses And stay there for And stay there for a couple of different houses and stay there for a couple of days. Take your own football, man.

So that may be a thing. I don't know. I've not fully read the fucking message. I'll do some research after this. God, there's going to be some drama. I can't wait to... But I can't wait to be some there's going to be some drama I can't wait to but I can't wait

to tell some people as well because they haven't made the cut aye like it's going to be fun to tell Elliot like if I didn't put Elliot in because

I'm probably like one of the nearest people to him aye no I think Elliot would have to be on news I would take he's in on his own I would only need three like one of the nearest people to him aye he would have to be on yours he's in on his own I would only need three aye

so funnily enough I've got Cat and Woodsy, my flatmate would be able to come back and locally I'd have Jimmy, Barry, Milo and Elliot aye that's a good team and that would be pretty much my London And locally, I'd have Jimmy, Barry, Milo and Elliot.

Aye, that's a good team. And that would be pretty much my London team. Carl Donnelly, perhaps. Yes. Might get a little bit of a G-tip in my life. Sneezing his mouth. Now, if I think of anyone that should have been an obvious choice and they're listening to this, they kind of feel like an afterthought, so I'll just pretend I forgot about them completely

alright well I mean I'm right here oh yeah sorry mate I'll tell you what I'll have you but tell Natalie to fuck off

until she's read my book until she's read your book alright I don't want to fucking see her Christ that'll be interesting because I wonder if you can have

like a, like a, if you have to have each other as part of your ten, or if I can have someone in my ten and you can do it

on a technicality, like if I have you as one of my ten, you don't have to have me as one of my ten, as one of your ten, you know what I mean? Oh,

wait, that means we can do five a side. It does, doesn't it? Do you reckon there's some people that's just doing it based on, wait, wait, that means we can do five a side. It does, doesn't it? Do you reckon there's some people that's just doing it based on, right,

where do we make enough five a side each week? Well, I'll tell you what I have seen because I know, like, we're slagging London off for being relaxed about it and now it's like,

when I'm outside, like, everybody seems to be totally distanced. It's fucking relaxed the last couple of weeks, like, since Easter, since they had the big clampdown where the police were going around just stopping everybody from weeks. Since Easter, since they had the big clampdown

where the police were going around just stopping everybody from doing everything. Since that police presence went away, everyone's just went, ah, that must be the fucking big hit over. Let's just chill. Coming back from, we had a big 10K walk the other day,

and when we got back, when we were walking back through our field, it was like groups of six lads with our bikes, and'll go that group of six lads don't live together and certainly don't have storage space in london for six bikes like that that's not a household 100 it's not then there's just a few like things like that dotted round where you're going oh absolutely absolutely you're just going right fuck. Let's just go meet in the park. So there's just a handful of them where I've just clucked again. People are relaxing.

You're becoming an old man. Well, no, because I haven't relaxed to that level yet, but, like, man, if someone's within a meter of us, I've stopped giving a fuck. You know when you're in the supermarket and somebody reaches, like, on the same shelf that you're looking at and gets something? That used to fucking grind. Like, I used to just be like, what the supermarket, and somebody reaches, like, on the same shelf, that you're looking at, and gets something, that used to fucking grind,

like, I used to just be like, what the fuck, man, like, just stick to the rules, you cunt, but now I'll just be like,

oops, sorry, just like I was in the old world, while they selected them, before they got one of us, aye, and then, when I,

like, I couldn't walk down the canal tour path, because the passing places, were just a bit bottleneck, and now, I'll just stand at the bottleneck not giving a fuck. Alright, sucking in the sweet air, licking strangers' necks. Yeah, I've just

relaxed that fear of dread that you can catch from anything. Aye. And, um... This is why they say I can wait if it's going to kill us all. None of us are going to take it seriously. Mmm. Will not realise how that being paranoid

saved my life. Aye. No, just... Even though the evidence will be there, people will be like, last time, only 20,000 people died. And you're like, yeah, but because we did the thing.

Yeah, but even if they did, if they did make it so that you could see a few friends right and um and deep in my heart i knew it was the wrong thing to do and i knew that that was going to spread it faster and a lot of people are going to die and there's going to be like a huge wave and the kids the curve's going to like like lengthen again what's the opposite of flatten heighten the curve's gonna heighten again even if I knew

that was gonna happen as long as it was socially acceptable to see me friends I'd do it as long as I wasn't gonna get like villainised for

saving pals even if deep in my heart I knew it was the wrong thing to do just as long as it didn't damage your rep as long as it didn't damage me rep

I'd fucking save me pals I'm in absolute conformist do as you're told mode aye I'd be the same

we do we definitely want people to fucking you know I think everyone's now getting to the point where you're like

alright it's I think it's worn off for everyone now what the lockdown aye in general I think I think it's worn off for everyone now what the lockdown aye in general

I think the tides have turned anyone that was enjoying I mean I'm still I'm at a neutral point I think yeah because I've still got a lot of

like I did if you tell me seven weeks ago I've only clocked as much computer games as I have I would be shocked I thought I would be like

ten games in my back pocket completed by now but fuck me games are long these days I have, I would be shocked. I thought I would be like 10 games in my back pocket completed by now, but fuck me. Games are long these days. I have not been gaming as much as I fucking should have been. You can't clock a game in a week anymore. No. Oh, I did Spider-Man in a couple of days.

Spider-Man's a fucking belter game. I'd literally just give that to my dad as well not realising we're going to lock down. I could have fucking finished it. I was like, look look I'm never going to get run to starting this again you can take this home with you this was over the Christmas and give him it when he visited but I'd like to give that another go from the beginning

Final Fantasy 7 I'm fucking loving have we spoken about that yet? we did in the last one yeah did we? so yeah I've got that in my mind I think Gareth has a tattoo of that has he what did he get

the logo like a little outline fucking what's the what's the word silhouette of one of the heads can I recommend

did he aye oh yes aye that that would be class who was it do you know which head which character

Cloud one of the ones with spiky hair Sephiroth. Yeah, and then he's got another one of just some girl with big manga tits as well. Tifa is fit. Who?

I didn't need that in me life. The fucking the main lassie in the in the narrative. Tell me her name, I'll Google her and I'll tell you how wrong you are. I think it's Tifa T-I-F-I em

oh she was just the way she dresses man see what she's wearing mate she's asking for it she is she does wear the skimpy little number

doesn't she oh mate them boobs, man. She's a fucking cartoon character. I'm there playing again. I never need this in my life. I need to be glancing. I won't catch my wife looking at us perving on a fucking cartoon

while I'm trying to enjoy my game innocently. I'm sat there with a fucking hard-on. My fucking joystick. You should stay away from the game, Viva Piñata, let me tell you. Parappa the Rapper. No, Viva Piñata, let me tell you. Parappa the rapper. No, Viva Piñata. I threw another one in the mix. Oh, well, you shouldn't have. With that, you wouldn't get a boner through.

Have you got anything to plug? Well, now you mention it. I've just released a booth. Oh! I didn't know that. Yeah, people have been know that. Yeah, people have been

buying it. It's nice to, it's nice to have a little bit of output when I'm locked in the house and it's inspired us to write some more. So thank you everybody

who's bought it already. Thanks for the feedback. To those who haven't bought it already, it's available on e-book and no, you do not need a Kindle to get an e-book.

Danny, now when you're telling us something like that, your fans are stupid. Aye, sometimes. And people are like, is there any other way I can get this? I don't have a Kindle, but they're on their smartphone.

And I'm like, you can get it on your phone. I'm putting it out there often enough for people to read it, but I'm also having to tell people in one-on-one conversations that, like, you know what? I shouldn't whinge.

People want to buy my book and asking if they can buy it in a specific way. So I'm just going to tell everyone that's listening now, you don't need a Kindle. There's a free app called Kindle on your phone and on your iPad, and you can get the free Kindle app and download my book on there. All my shows on my website, kaihunfries.com forward slash shop use the discount code

COVID19 and you can get all three for tenner so I think I can read my book I can watch my shows and I don't and

just the knitting instant lives and I'm usually somewhere in the comments on your day drinking I've been a dick been a whine little bitch singing the same tune

wine wine wine Amy Winehouse red wine contact gaga do you have anything to plug can you pre-order your book yet

I think so can you do that then nah don't don't bother aye so there's books you can get there's books you can get there's shows you can get

there's Instagram lives and I've got to be honest with you before we do this you've run into your dad jokes somebody I went on Twitter

I go on Twitter every couple of days just on my laptop like an old man just to see what's happening just to see just to like read Piers Morgan's opinions

and get more angry are you like Ari Shafir now where you don't go on Twitter on your phone, you just use it when you're logged onto your home computer? Aye Aye, I can't have all my questions So that anything you post, people are responding and it's just hitting a brick wall of steel

Aye, aye Brick wall of steel? Yeah, sure What was I saying? So you were on Twitter one time on your laptop. Oh no, I completely forgot my point. And did you steal a dad joke? Oh I did, yes. Thank you very much for leading me

down my own path of conversation. Somebody tweeted classic ones, like the ones which literally when we started, Jesus Christ, six, seven years ago. So I've taken three, taken, taken, took, talked talked i've talked three of them and are you gonna put some originals on us oh i put some ogs um we're getting hit with the

originals the pre-podcast your dad jokes your dad jokes uh so i've got three of them and they've got one and then and that's it so i've got four also daddy is as a little venture if you want we could uh i could in my all my abundance of spare time i could type up all of the your dad jokes that we've ever done we could maybe veto one or two or cancel any that don't make any sense out of context and um and sell a book a paperback book like a toilet read of all the dad jokes if you want us to do that it makes sense that you want to do what it's ours though so simply if you want to. It's ours though, so it's up to you if you want to do it. Sure.

Go wild. The enthusiasm. Read more about Daniel's enthusiasm in my book, Inside Daniel Sloss. See, we planned that. We planned that before. Ready for this? Your dad refers to his nipples as the girls

Oh, it's a good one It's a good one Your dad is too old school to use a Fitbit So he just counts his steps manually Your dad pre-books cinema tickets During quarantine? Aye Your dad thought filter coffee would stop him

speaking his mind your dad plays twister with your aunt that was a good one nostalgia jokes when your dad gets rejected because the girl he's hitting on is a lesbian

he says well wet spaghetti isn't straight until I pull it while it dries back up? Your dad wears his chest as he bet round his neck while masturbating. Your dad can run backwards faster than he can run forwards and it made him look really cocky during his

beef test when he joined the police. Oh, I don't know another one. Your dad was a contestant on Gladiator, hasn't he? Ran backwards up the travelator. Just give him the middle finger. Everyone who was channel hopping thought it was rewinding.

And that's the podcast. Well, there you go. Till next time when we've got nothing to catch up on. I'll see you then. I'll see you in a couple of hours. See you online. Bye. Bye.