Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Quarantine 14. Lockdown Fatigue

Episode Date: May 14, 2020

While Cream just ticks over comfortably stoned muggins has quite literally ran himself into the ground and is getting increasingly complacent about the house, putting two contact lenses in each eye and being roped too deep into social media

Sloss and Humphreys on the road! Muggins and cream, creaming muggins, straight thuggin', living the dream That's our intro Fucking muggles! Tickling the clit inside your head that makes you laugh Woohoo! Hahaha! They said it can't be done!

Are we in the same seats? That's hack! Ah, muggles! Accidental rim job in the park Kiss kiss kiss Or am I just being cynical? Just muggled it up on fucking Mugglepedia Where have you been since 9-11?

Hi, friend. Hello. Hi, I'm baked and drunk and... Hi. It was a Wednesday, wasn't it? I'm just knackered. I've got... Wait.

I've got every right to be, but I didn't want to be knackered. What do you mean you've got every right to be? Well, I got fucked on Saturday night, you I didn't want to be. Not good. What do you mean you've got every right to be? Well, I got, I got fucked on Saturday night, you know, when the UFC was on.

Aye. I got properly, like, I hung one on it. Like, I kept on drinking after the UFC. Did you buy yourself? Aye.

I mean, Natalie got up and she was in a bit of a bad mood. Because you were still up and drinking. Wait, hold on. So you stayed up, kept drinking was there a period

when the UFC had finished before Natalie had woken up where you were just drinking aye aye right and what and what and what else were you doing

during that time frame just you know turning up and playing on my phone okay for like two bare minimum two hours I'm going to say

just refreshing the fucking news on the Saudi takeover of Newcastle you know I'm up for the morning news thank god you said Newcastle

I thought I'd missed some horrible news the Saudi takeover of oh my god Scotland so so I so she

no no I've still got questions so she wakes up comes through there's her betrothed yep So I... No, no, I've still got questions. So she wakes up, comes through, there's her betrothed. Yep. It's just like,

so you're going to be asleep all day, are you? And I was like, wait, I'll be asleep for a bit. I'm going to do some sleeping. I slept a little bit. Which is fair. You're not like, I'm just going to walk this off. At this point, I'm drinking fucking rum.

I've used all the beer, all the wine, and all the gin. I was still not drunk enough to break into the wine and gin that were bought with Cat and Woodsy. That's like team gin, the stuff from South Africa. That's like, we bought it as a group of four, and we can only drink it as a group of four. Okay. I didn't touch that stuff.

I was still present in mind to do that, but I did find something wrong. I mean, that's weird that you brought... I mean, you brought that up as if any of us know what that is. I mean, you've literally never... Have I not been on about it? You've literally never mentioned it before,

so you've only brought it up randomly and arbitrarily, and that just sounds like you're just trying to defend yourself too much, to be honest with you. You brought up something none of us have heard on just to give yourself an alibi i've been whinging about i've been whinging about this for seven weeks have i not wished to put it to you i don't think so i've got so much quality booze in the house that we're not allowed to touch have i not had this conversation i don't think so or if we have oh you know where i was in south af Africa just before the lockdown and brought tons of fucking quality stuff back

and I haven't been able to touch it. It's just fucking sat there. It's there now. I could be on it now. Anyway, back to my point. I fucking thought

I could just crack on like normal this week and I done a 15 kilometre run on Monday and a 10 kilometre run yesterday and I still haven't fully caught up on my sleep from Saturday And I've Fucked myself

I've just literally ran myself into the ground I'm fucking I'm done in Absolutely done in But why did you Why did you go for the joke? Because I hung 100 on the weekend. I wanted to fucking make up for lost time.

And I was like, well, pay your lifestyle tax. I've always went to the gym when I've been fucking... But my problem with your... I agree with your lifestyle tax theory for the rest of the year, which is if you party and you drink and you eat shit for a bit, you've got to spend a week eating healthy and going to the gym or just doing stuff for your fucking mental health whether that be meditation or whatnot i agree with that in

principle but in a time when all other tax has stopped like how does how on earth does lifestyle tax still fucking exist when let's be honest you don't have a fucking lifestyle. Right. So I've discovered that it's good to be good at stuff. It's good to be achieving stuff, right? And if you just totally stagnate, it can be a bit fucking shite, right? So I've decided to get back into me running because it's the one fucking avenue of exercise I can get into. And I'm pushing me times and me distances back. And the whole plan this week was to do a 15

a 10 a day off which is the day and then a 25 tomorrow because I'm trying to get that distance pushed up

I was going to do 25k tomorrow that's still kind of in the plan and I didn't want me fucking big session watching the UFC to get in the way

with it I wanted to be able to just go I'm still doing it but I'm fucked man obviously I did I did one lap in the park today

as a jog and then I went and that's just it my brain and my body and everyone

went well that's that was 15 minutes fucking that that counts my brain and my body and

everyone everyone watched me in the park they were like you've done enough man they're like you

they were like did you just do one whole lap and I was like one whole lap they're like fucking hell that must be at least 1 one whole laugh and I was like one whole laugh they were like fucking hell

that must be at least 1.7k and I'm like I know your phone starts blowing up I was on the news my spidey senses

started tingling I was like better text daddy making that fucking old World War 2 look like a fright fucking mug

I did that for free but I've discovered something I didn't like being tired fucking old that old World War 2 ver and look like a vryk fucking mug I did that for free but eh I've discovered something I didn't I didn't like being tired I don't think anyone does I don't have I don't know if people

are cool with that but I fucking hate being tired all the time I've just spent all day of the day just fucking sluggish I went out for a walk I still walk with 5k

just to fucking be on the phone to me dad and that and eh and eh I just think, even when I woke up this morning, it was like fucking someone had put a boulder on top of us

and it was fucking pinned us to the bed. Wouldn't that have been sexual? Yeah. Aye, I cracked a rib. And I had just been fucking... That's why I'm like, I hate being tired more than anything in the fucking world.

That's why sleep is the number one priority. Because life when you're tired just isn't fucking worth it. It's not worth it. When you're knackered and life is happening, the greatest thing in the world can happen and you just don't fucking worth it. It's not worth it. When you're knackered and life is happening, the greatest thing in the world could happen and you just don't give a shit because you're knackered.

You have to have had good amounts to sleep or at least I do to appreciate the day. That's why I don't like a lot of people, you know, if I was going to wake up for the sunrise, right, and I want to really appreciate

the fucking sunrise, I'm going to bed at eight because I'm not appreciating a 5 a.m. fucking sunrise. I'm going to bed at eight. Because I'm not appreciating a 5 a.m. fucking sunrise if I've gone to bed at two. Like, I'm looking at my watch, looking at the sunrise, going, this needs to hurry the fuck up immediately. Sunrise, like, it's not worth setting your alarm for. Sunrise is all right if you catch it,

but you're not getting up for it, are you? Do people your alarm for the sunrise is alright if you catch it but you're not you're not getting up for it are you do people get up for the sunrise yeah it depends where you are I mean not in

not in cities nobody's nobody's in London being like oh I fucking can't wait to watch the small catch the sun just right but I reckon in like

Bali aye oh Bali we're about to be going there in September aren't we that's not going to happen is it that's not going to happen no

but I feel like because you do feel a bit badly don't you when you're going oh like my ski trip to altitude

got cancelled I was going to Glastonbury that got cancelled and Bali got cancelled and that right but we've had really fucking privileged lives as we're travelling

like I even this year I've just been talking about I've already been to South Africa and I'm complaining that them things have been pulled

fuck man I really feel for like my mate Lee has had Tenerife booked for 18 months already he booked it like I didn't even know

he could book holders that far ahead until he told us I mean you're really relying on the country still being there as well right we had to cut off there because Daniel's phone took a call

and stopped recording so we had a little bit of admin to attend to and now we are back I mean I definitely in theory I should just fucking put it on to airplane mode make sure it doesn't happen again But we're just gambling I just nearly made a fucking stupid remark

I was going to say we're putting it on airplane mode I mean we couldn't have this conversation but why would your landline have airplane mode that would be a ridiculous feature for your landline if you're taking your landline on the airplane

it's already out of signal my landline loses signal in the bathroom so there's absolutely no way I could get on a fucking Ryanair flight. And if your house is taken off, the least of the problems for that aeroplane is whether it's going to pick up transmissions from your lane. It's already carrying a house.

It's got shit covered. It's already a nightmare. It can't. I mean, theoretically. I mean, I guess the only problem is if the landline does disconnect, how am I going to phone the police? So, you know, that being a little one of my, I mean I guess the only problem is if the landline does disconnect then how am I going to phone the police? So you know that being a little one of my, you know when I say I've mentioned on previous podcasts getting complacent and one of them was suggesting that you had your landline on aeroplane mode.

I today, right, so this happened yesterday. I was playing Call of Duty. I was like I'm going to put my contact lenses in, right. I went and got my contact lenses and then I realised that already had my contact lenses in right that was day one that was yesterday right today i put my contact lenses in and made a joke about how i fucking nearly put my contact lenses in while i had contact lenses in and then realized i put my contact lenses in the wrong eyes right because everything's a bit blurry and then i take them out and when i take them out I discover I already had my contact lenses in. So while mocking that yesterday

I nearly put my contact lenses on top of my contact lenses I actually did it while I was mocking myself for nearly doing it.

So I mean so you are just getting worse? I'm getting fucking complacent. There's nothing there's nothing keeping us on our toes.

I don't know if that's complacency or genuine mental health problems do you reckon? I don't know I've got perfect vision so I do not know the struggle of weak eyed people

genetically inferior people like Natalie has got completely imperfect vision so she hugely knows the difference between having our current lenses in and not having them in now one of my eyes is point one one point five and the other one is 2.75 right and so these numbers mean nothing to me i did it's it's a small number here's natalie's are 0.6 right 0.6 and over yeah six point something and over sorry

um so yeah i just think sometimes i've got no routine i don't get up in the morning put my current lenses in i i don't like putting current lenses in tired eyes i like to wake up a bit first and this was the first time i was sat down playing on the computer or watching the tv screen and that's when i usually put them in uh however i'd put them in to read a comic book this morning and forgot about it oh i mean that's short-term memory loss surely what is it you reckon it's just the mundanity repetition of your day that nothing stands out anymore oh nothing stands out man everything's blending into one did i put my contents in did i take them out did i like i there's no there's no happening there's fuck all happening aye

I do feel like eh I feel like if we're if we're feeling eh at the position where we're like

right I mean this is getting boring now like we're all bored none of us want to be doing this anymore I'm getting I can feel myself just knowing that basically

in two weeks time I'm like I'll probably just go visit my parents like I'll probably like yeah you just want a variety of stimulation don't you you don't just want the like I love playing

on the computer I love movies no no but I'm already bargaining with myself I'm like if I just drive from my house to my parents like that sort of thing if I'm getting like that

while I'm already while I'm in a decent fucking house and you know enjoying myself there are people who are living in fucking tiny flats

who are going to be justifying it at a way greater speed so i reckon in three weeks time everyone will have given up anyway like the government will just have to just go yeah and i mean it's it's pretty fucked up that like uh you can go and view a house you can go into a stranger's house because they've put houses back on sale now like you can but you can't go visit your parents. So if you wanted to go visit your parents, they could put the house up for sale

and you could make an inquiry to buy it. Oh, but I don't think they'd be in the house. Is that how it works? Yeah, when you buy the house, they don't just... The previous homeowner isn't there just watching you rip the shit out of a place. Because when you buy a new house,

you're trying to get a lower price. So you're just walking around going, that, shite, that, shite, that, shite, that. That can't always be the case, because people are caught in a chain, right? So you've got to make yourself scarce when someone comes in and just goes around your stuff. Aye.

I think that, well, I mean, every time I've viewed a house, the homeowner's never been in. Nah, because my mum and dad were selling their house, and they had viewers. Before they sold it to me sister. Did you buy a house that wasn't part of a chain on both times? I don't know what that means.

That wasn't part of a chain, as in the other person is buying a house and they need to sell their house first, so they need to find a buyer. Oh, no, I don't think so. You end up on a chain so that you have to kind of move as a unit. The house they move into

needs the person to move out needs the person to move out and you be no I don't I don't play well with that

they were like we're in a chain and I was like do not give a shit on the fucking streets not my problem I've already bought you hit the road Jack

yeah get out of here go and live with your folks which I'm sure a lot of people do when they sell a house they'll find to go between. Yeah, so you can do that. They've done that thing as well.

This fucking really annoyed me where they said go to work if you can. Try not to use public transport if you can't. Obviously, fucking some people can't get to work without public transport. And then straight away in the news the next day, even now, there's videos on Sky News on the Twitter page of people getting off buses, going, oh, Londoners back to using public transport. And you're like, they've literally just been fucking strong-armed

back to graft. Aye, but that's the point, especially like all the, I mean, this is where I put on my tinfoil hat, but that's all the Murdoch media and all this stuff they want us to be fighting each other as opposed to

the actual fucking problem so that we blame each other instead of blaming the media instead of blaming the government you blame the your fellow citizen who isn't living up to the same standards

as what you've said for yourself people were told to go to work and now the whole country is being like look at these cunts go to fucking work

like yeah because if I don't I'm hoping like this it's not their fault yeah don't like yeah because if I don't I'm hoping like this it's not their fault yeah don't get me wrong if there's people

having orgies in the middle of a fucking park let's all fucking yell at them but otherwise it's just encouragement

man it's fucking blows my mind every time Boris does a fucking just spoon feeds the nation warm diarrhea

and more than half of us lap it up. Oh, it's the worst. It blows, it just says it. And you just watch, as a human being with like cognitive thought and, you know, intuition. And I'm not even a particularly smart person, but just going like, I've met more than seven people in my life. So it's not about being a good read-on person.

It's just about knowing when somebody is competent, knows what they're doing. It's a shower of shite. And people that voted for him are defending him on social media and all that and saying like, oh, it's quite, like you couldn't have been more clear. I mean, you can dissect it as much as you want.

There's nothing clear about anything that he said in the last week, right? The deeper you look into it, the less clear it is. But there's people defending him because they backed that guy. Like, just because you backed him doesn't mean you get... Like, we backed Conor McGregor, right? It hurts to go, oh, man, he's a bit of a dick now. I was wrong. Oh, that's a shame.

I spent a good three years that's the problem with politicians it's not like that politicians are not sporting celebrities there shouldn't be teams

they vote for politicians whether they're fucking good or not yeah you should hold your guy to account you should be like motherfucker I voted for you

step the fuck up you should be you should be infuriated at your guy if he fucks up when he's a politician but it was i got into a fucking back and forth with my cousin's boyfriend who uh was like anti-corbin

like oh what what would your guy corbin have done in this situation all that and i'm like well he's not in this situation like he's not on trial here you need to fucking stand by like i was like i i said to him like you would stand by this guy if he ate live bats and spewed them in a pensioner's face because you're pot committed like just fucking why are you still backing this guy

and then his whole thing was about Corbyn and it's not Corbyn that's up for trial someone come on and went John

I think I think what you're saying is that your car's broke down but you went imagine I bought another car and that broke down like talk about the car that's broke down.

Fucking people. I mean, I find it very funny that you're still having Facebook arguments. I shouldn't have fucking engaged in that, let's be honest. But just because it was family, even though he's not, it's like he took us to task on something that i said because i i'd actually main main was a joke main was saying the fucking um m&m album this this remains as of when i tried to convince myself the encore album was good you know when m&m started doing silly voices and that latin like well you mean fac i mean that isn't on the encore album but it

was that generation i was that genre sorry that era of Eminem when I was defending that like not defending the album because I didn't really have to defend it but I was like still listening to it going this is my guy this is his best work and I'm proud of him

and I can't wait to see the tour show so that was the analogy I put on and then we started fucking trying to have a debate whether it was about what Corby the analogy i put on and then um we started fucking trying to have a debate with us about wild corbin what i'm doing and shit and then he ended up talking about how everybody's a professional on um on social media and everyone's like fucking got an opinion that they've all missed their vocation and i was like dude you're doing exactly what you're saying you was calling them daves and brendas or something i was like you're doing exactly that's like that's that's what you're doing you're doing that thing that you're saying that you're doing exactly what you're saying you was calling them Dave's and Brenda's or something I was like you're doing exactly that that's what you're doing

you're doing that thing that you're saying that you're hating people doing this is my vocation I made a joke about a thing that's happening in the world that's my vocation so I mean this entire story makes me so glad that I'm no longer on Facebook oh man it sucks a dick man it sucks a dick that you just have to fucking engage with people

that just fucking blink I mean do you have to why are you so long what's your excuse blink at the death why am i on social media no why on facebook particularly oh because i live in london and everybody that i know and love is in fucking other parts of the world and i i like to just keep an eye it's the equivalent of blind twitching and just fucking looking outside so you've turned into the social media version of your mother

I have I have turned into the social media of my mother and fucking John at number three was a fucking bellend

last week reveries car engine the apple does not fall far from the Mac store aye but it's just a shit...

To go on and see what my nephew's doing, I have to fucking engage with my fucking cousin's bellend of a boyfriend. I just think at this point, I think you could do... Not that you can fix society, but I reckon if you were to just outright fucking delete Facebook,

delete Twitter, and then while you're at it also just kill Mark Zuckerberg just before he does whatever he's got planned. I don't know what it is Mark Zuckerberg has planned, but it's the opposite of what Bill Gates' intentions are. Ah,

fucking, it is. Social media is shit. In fact, the reason I've been on fucking social media so much this week is because, you know, when you have that hangover where your mind can't really process anything like a book or even a TV show

or all of that, like the only programming level you're capable of is that fucking infinite scroll of social media aye I've found it hard to snap out of that I've found it hard

to snap out of the infinite scroll aye that's exactly why I was going to say that's why on tour that's when I came off Twitter and Facebook because that is what

I took them off my phone and the second they're no longer on your phone you don't go on don't get me wrong there's a fucking meme website thing called Imgur

that I'm on all the time I still spend I'm not saying I'm no longer on my phone but you found a different infinite scroll I found a different but a healthier

a healthier different scroll well I say healthier it's healthier in the way that I definitely hate my fellow man less like

I feel less in contact but for some reason that makes me feel more not necessarily more empathetic but definitely less fucking ragey I'm not getting

bite sized things of people if I'm ever consuming somebody's personality it's because I went out of my way to consume it so it's not

just feeling it's been forced on me I'm not scrolling through family and then seeing some cunt that I went out of my way to consume it so it's not it's being forced on me I'm not scrolling through family and then seeing some cunt that I went to school with saying something and then it's just niggling in the back of my head I'm not accidentally seeing shit that pisses me off that being said on imagery because I'm not on

Twitter and fucking Facebook anymore whenever there's a political post on a like a political meme like just something slamming Boris Johnson or fucking Trump or whatever, I have found myself scrolling to the bottom of the comments just to get my fix of fucking I want to be angry at stupid people.

Aye, you idiots. Just see what the idiots are fucking banging on everyone. Aye. I just get fascinated I just get fascinated by wrong opinions yeah like that guy

shouldn't have even had access to us you know what I mean I shouldn't have fucking why am I having that debate with him you allowed him to

I wouldn't have went yeah do you want to go out to the pub and have a conversation with him in the pub like that like that wouldn't have happened

I shouldn't have I shouldn't have his little comments would you give him your fucking phone number? I mean, he's got it, because he's in a fucking WhatsApp group. The only reason I engaged in it was because he was a family member, but I bet even my cousin was going,

why the fuck are you fucking on Kai's Facebook wall arguing with him? Imagine I just fucking logged online and saw Natalie was arguing with Kelly. The opposite way around. I'd be like, Natalie, saw Natalie was arguing with Kelly. Like the opposite way around. I'd be like, Natalie, why are you arguing with your cousin? Like, what the fuck are you doing? I'd start fucking arguing with this buffoon. Would you not be confused about why your cousin Kelly had also started picking on your wife, though? Aye.

Oh, no, no, no. It would mean that you immediately didn't take your wife's side very telling to be fair we've lost the analogy because neither Kelly nor Natalie took a side or got involved but it was the equivalent of Natalie approaching Kelly

because it's her boyfriend approaching her you're still engaged you both fought each other you can say he started it all it's so boyfriend, approaching her cousin. No, no, no, you're still engaged. You're both for each other. You can say he started it all, you're on, but you're both engaged. And it's so childish,

isn't it, to go, yeah, but it was on my wall. If you don't like what I've got to say, then unfollow. But I engaged, because he fucking posted everything.

I ended up spending, like, having an hour back and forth with this cunt, and I was like, really? You've got an hour of me life alright but you

you gave a bit you could have just not that's what I mean like disgusting can't spend time with your kids you daft cunt man I'm telling you if I could just delete delete Facebook and Twitter just delete the apps off your phone

if you still want to go on, go on the fucking laptop. I mean, I never browse Facebook. I'm never on that. But I do occasionally pop onto Twitter just for some compliments. I did it, man. I didn't go on Facebook for the start of the new year and I didn't get back on until the lockdown. I feel like this is the worst time to do it.

It's fair enough to want to fucking connect while you're travelling but nobody none of us are doing anything like why, during everyone's during the most boring time of everyone's life me for ballon why are you why when everyone's life got shit

were you like now's the time what have they got to say maybe they just wanted to see everyone going mental. Aye, and that's when I went on Twitter during the day, in case I still go on just to see how the world is reacting to this. When you come off, you don't miss out on the good stuff because people scream capaday. Have you seen this?

Aye, you do get, yeah, exactly. You've got mates being like, you'll never believe what Soans was just said. And then if I want to follow that thread you just go online. I'm just, what I'm trying to say, guys, is because I deleted two apps off my phone, I'm a better person than you are now. And I get to

talk about that. You get to sit on your moral high halls because you I do. You publicly came off social media. No, better. Only now is it public, and it's like six months after the fact. So I didn't do one of those, that's me off social media,

I can't take you people anymore. If anyone wants to contact me, you'll know what I'm... Not that. I didn't do a dramatic entrance. You did? You don't know you survived the call post first? I didn't do any of that shit

I just Irish exited social media just a bit I'm still on Instagram just because it's well

it's the only thing I plug anything on but everything else I'm just I'm out alright done just pod bean

just just you and pod bean I've just been I've just that's the only way you can consume the shit I'm doing Just pod bean. Just you and pod bean. Just me. That's the only way you can consume the shite I'm doing. How was your Sunday day drinking? I missed it. Oh, it was good. I think this week I might take my day drinking off

just because... Because, man, I get fucking smashed on Fridays. You start really early because you carry that on going for the rest of the day. Aye, so I start drinking at 12 and then it goes on until God knows what fucking time

in the morning. So, I think I might just take a, I've done it like fucking five weeks in a row. People can take a fucking week off and I just have a wee, have a wee fucking break. Also,

because I was up all night on Saturday watching the AFK. Oh yeah, I saw you on WhatsApp. I was chatting to you, remember? No, no, I don't. I quite like the UFC without the crowd. A couple of reasons.

One, you can hear the slap of the punches. The real thud of the punches that you wouldn't be able to hear for the cheering of people. You can hear the corner menud or the punches that you wouldn't be able to hear for the cheering of people you can hear the corner men speaking to the fighter while the fight's going on not just in the end

like in the in between rounds when they're mic'd up and three the audience is usually full of bellends that boo when it goes to the ground

oh especially man like that last UFC was in fucking Jacksonville, Florida which Florida being the shittiest state in America would have had the worst audiences oh especially man like that last UFC was in fucking Jacksonville, Florida which Florida being the shittiest state in America would have had the worst audiences

and Jacksonville being the absolute shittiest part of it yeah they would have been a nightmare that's the only reason they did it in Jacksonville, Florida

because it's just that's the proper part of America that's just like we're not shutting anything down this is all a hoax Donald Trump's the greatest

that's why they got to do it there mmm fucking God God bless them for facilitating it, but fuck them for doing it, it's weird I'm just like, you're fucking idiots, but thanks I'll enjoy it, but you shouldn't have done this

I've never really I prefer the American UFC crowds to the UK ones. You know, the times that we've been in the UK. I found that in the UFC audiences in America and in Vegas, the big fans of the fight game and they've got fight knowledge, not just the know-how to fight, but they know what's happening in the octagon, right? In the UK, you've got a bunch of people that don't really keep up with the ufc but they think they're hard and everybody's watching thinking it could be

them they're just kind of like oh i would just do that and then do this like they start getting this like fucking you can set the shoulder stock on up like you can tell people want to fight in the crowds in the uk you didn't get that in america you never felt like a fight was going to break out in america but there's a point the the ones in the in the uk you didn't get that in America you never felt like a fight was going to break out in America well there's a point the ones in the UK you're allowed to drink in the ones in the UK

aren't you? we took our drink in didn't we? I don't know if you still can it was a while ago when I was in Manchester I was the last one because it's wild

they do not let British people drink alcohol at 12pm on a fucking Saturday because they don't trust us to not kick each other's fucking heads in in a football stadium in what world is Saturday

night at 7pm going to be any fucking better you should feel like that should be a blanket rule being like let's be real who's about to get more fucking fighty here Michael Bisping fans or Millwall fans Michael Bisping fans or Millwall fans are the same fans Michael Bisping fans

that's a Google whack I was going to have sports on the Bundesliga's coming back the German Football League and I think I'm going to start watching that

oh yeah I've ordered my Red Bull Salzburg top I'm not a fucking plastic fan like you are what do you mean Oh yeah, I've ordered my Red Bull Salzburg top. Hiya. I'm not a fucking plastic fan like you are. What do you mean? Who's your team for the Bundesliga?

Borussia Dortmund. Have you got a shirt? No. Plastic fan. I'm a little bit of a glory seeker as well because I've just went for one of the better teams. You're a cheap glory hunter. I know, but they've got Jadon Sancho

who plays for England and they've got Erling Haaland who's like the best fucking youngster. I'm fine with you supporting them as a team. I'm just saying, where's your fucking strip? You say you support your team, you don't have the strip.

Do you support Newcastle United? Aye. Do you have a Newcastle United strip? I do, aye. Oh, that makes sense. Right, do you support Dortmund? Yes. Do you have a Dortmund shirt?

Yes. Well, don't lie to me I was looking around my room for something I could pass off as a Dortmund shirt but then I realised we're doing an audio podcast

and a bit I was just looking at something I could like hang up or like hold up in front of a Zoom call fucking cunt I'm serious

I do think just treat yourself to a Dortmund shirt tell you what treat yourself to two things delete Twitter delete Facebook and buy yourself

a Dortmund shirt aye should I do that and then get a switch and have a banana aye I've got both of those well

oh my fucking goodness I've just realised as well I haven't wrote your dad jokes how about that oh where are you have you yeah

I could do some throwback ones like I could just type your dad into me into me notes on my phone and just go go to the earliest one,

did some throwback ones. And we've still got time to cover, yeah. Well, then don't lead into it. No, no, I was just, that wasn't a lead in. That was just me saying of all the things I've been complacent with. Aye.

I'm needing that fucking game to get into yeah because I started playing Final Fantasy 7 aye fun for a bit and then boring aye and I found that with Assassin's Creed Odyssey as well fun for a bit then boring I kind of get away from Call of Duty 2

what am I talking about Call of Duty Warzone is fucking exceptional. I enjoy it. It's just the problem is, I mean, I'm not going to talk about my internet. I got hooked to Spider-Man. I played all the way through. Yeah, great game.

Genuinely, if there's anyone out there that's got recommendations for PlayStation 4 games or even Switch games that are... XCOM 2 on solo play. I was fucking brilliant. I enjoyed that. I enjoyed that. I'm getting bored. for PlayStation 4 games or even Switch games. XCOM 2 on solo play was fucking brilliant. I enjoyed that. I was getting bored. I actually completed that

and I still wasn't bored of it. If it let you carry on after the whistle, I would have kept on playing. So you won. I think there's some DLC as well. Also, it's coming out on the Switch, which will be good

for when we're back on the move. I think maybe that's my candy then. I think maybe I'll look for strategy games for my solo tip. I do remember the games. Did you ever used to play old school Age of Empires? I'm aware of it. Oh, Age of Empires 2.

There was cheat codes on it where you could get laser guns and all that and put you in Roman times, but were like fucking Batmobile or whatever. In fact, did you ever play the old PC game Black and White? Nah. So the whole concept of Black and White was you were a literal god, right? So you go to an island of tribes people and you're trying to get them, you're a god and you're trying to get them to believe in you. So you go to an island of tribes, people, and you're trying to get them. You're a god and you're trying to get them to believe in you.

So you perform miracles for them. You can either do good things for them, like, you know, grow wheat for them and whatever. Or you can do really fucking shit things for them. You can, you know, cause floods until they sacrifice people to you. And you had you got a pet. I think you could have like a fucking a monkey or a fucking bear and if you were

an evil god it got more evil and caught fire and then when it got fucking good it had like a fucking angel around its head that's

nice those sort of games were always good aye like Fable where you could go one way or another aye those ones

but also it's like it's top down it was Age of Empires yeah I mean realistically what you and I both actually want is Steam I mean we should

we should be, I mean you absolutely should not be on a Mac and I should not be on something as shite as a fucking Lenovo. Right so we should get we should get decent laptops for when we're away so we can play games on them like gaming. Well so obviously the next console war

is Playstation 5 v the Xbox fridge or whatever the fuck it's called and people are obviously talking about Playstation 5 and how good the specs are but obviously my dad being a big big Bill Gates fan, loves Bill Gates has been reading a lot up on

the new Xbox and basically it's the closest it's the closest to a computer a console can be without just being a fucking computer. Right. Like a gaming PC. Like, the specs are very, very close to that. But also what's more exciting, my brother Matthew, and this is just a theory he has, but it's not true.

But because Sony have exclusive rights to Metal Gear Solid and fucking Crysis and other games like that, Microsoft don't have that many exclusive titles, but what they do have is Steam. So hopefully on the next Xbox, it'll have Steam on it, and that's literally there for thousands and thousands and thousands of games. Yeah. Oh, great.

Because I think I might just Google best strategies for the PS4 and get it there, because I think I might I might just google best strategies for the PS4 and get into that because I think if I'm playing solo I just want to be I don't want to be

button bashing and dive and run that's my multiplayer game and I want to be thinking about it I want to actually think it's just more stuff that stretches my mind a bit

would you know who would genuinely I mean obviously there'll be fucking I know Rooney and Sid play a lot of games so hopefully if any of the listeners have got any recommendations there'll be fucking I know Rooney and Sid play a lot of games so hopefully if anyone's

if any of the listeners have got any recommendations that'd be fucking great but generally talk to Hami for games like that he works for

yeah because he recommended Baba Is You on the switch and fuck man I had tons of fun on that there you go every level

that you complete on that you feel like a genius you feel like fuck me nobody else has completed that level there you go that's what I'm going to play that's what I'm going to download I've not done Babazoo

Babazoo is great for the Switch and I think that's what I'm going to look for for my solo player not like a linear story game or narrative arc or anything like that just because of the last few of them that I've played even seeing that though, Last of Us 2 is coming out soon

and that's a linear story arc that you just play through that's why I'm struggling with Final Fantasy, I'm like you don't need me to play this, anybody can pick up the control pad and play this through I'm not choosing a route I'm not putting my personality on it I'm not being stretched intellectually I'm not putting my personality on it I'm not being stretched intellectually

I'm just going through just put your control pad down and just let us watch it that's what this game is you want us to watch it with Last of Us, did I tell you you know the voice of the girl in Last of Us

you've been in her house no, is that Matt Matt Mercer what's the sorry Remain as a name Brian Foster's wife oh

was that Brian Foster's house that way in yeah yeah when I was ham ad and I was gonna jump in the pool right

ah sweet I had no idea about that alright so is she the voice actor for the new one as well

I would assume so I doubt she got fired seeing as she's one of the best voice actresses in the world if she did hugely controversial I can't imagine it would sell well I haven't played the game so I don't know if she dies or not the voice actor from The Last of Us

I went in a house, threatened to jump in the pool with all my clothes on and then fell asleep there's my claim to fame The voice actor from The Last of Us. I went in a house, threatened to jump in the pool with all my clothes on and then fell asleep. Aye, I know what you're saying. There's my claim to fame. It's great. Dad jokes? So dumb.

I mean, if you've got any, hang on. Hang on, let's have a little look. Aye, so has everyone that I've been knee-cracked this week. Like, I'm fucking, I'm bit. No, no, no, no. I think it's, I mean, speaking of Matthew Mercer, it's what I was saying to Heavenman Marisha Ray

when we were doing our day drinking, was just there's no, there really is, outside of murder, there's no wrong way to do the quarantine. Like, whatever your way of getting through it is. So if you are just feeling fucking lazy lethargic nobody is having the time of their life right now you're allowed

to have days in fact most days you should be off your game because who the fuck is on their game during this clusterfuck it's not often I have days like the day I've just fucking weirdly knackered like why the fuck am I fatigued but then I can't place it you know I've have days like the day I've just fucking just like weirdly knackered like why the fuck am I fatigued

but then but then I can't place it you know I've seshed like fuck lost all my sleep on Saturday and then ran more fucking miles than I've ran in my life

in the space of two days and also the apocalypse is happening that's it and the apocalypse is happening hold on I'm trying to I'm trying to find some old your dad jokes back in 2016.

Well, I'll start. Right, go on. Your dad fashions roadkill into slippers to sell on Etsy. Your dad strikes matches on his lips. Your dad considers people who die in car crashes as roadkill. Your dad's index finger is twice the length

of the rest of his fingers and he uses it to get grubs out of trees. Your dad realised he'd been spending too much time on his phone and not enough time with his kids

so he threw his phone into the ocean but then his instincts got the better of him and he chased it into the sea like a dog caught it before it got wet as well

then got back on the beach and just shook his hair your dad has a wondering index finger your dad told me his million dollar idea of ice skates but for the ocean. And I was like,

do you mean jet skis? And then he stormed off in a huff. Your dad didn't realise until he got arrested that you meant to cupcake people with farts and not shits. I mean, his way is better. And it does look more like a cupcake.

You can see why he was confused. Your dad hunts wasps with toothpicks like a mini caveman. Does he throw them or, like, spear, like, jab them? Your dad's hard drive could bring back the death sentence. That's just where his thesis for reasons to bring back the death sentence is and the child's porn well that was 40 minutes

hey hey hey there's no I don't think... I don't consider it anything a failure anymore. We pressed record, didn't we? Aye, we got it out. We got derailed by a phone call and I'll edit that together. Chuck, yes,

I'm going to have a conversation we're going to have after the podcast. Let's do it. Just make up the four minutes, shall we? Send us your audio file and I'll edit it together for these guys to waste their life. I'll see you on Day Drinking on Friday.

Has he hung up already? Well, fuckers, I already hung up. It's just me. I just have a fucking nervous breakdown at the end of the podcast. Right, I'll see all you guys on Friday for Day Drinking with Danny and then knitting with me.