Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Quarantine 18. Defiant Ones

Episode Date: July 12, 2020

Muggins and Cream reunite after 14 weeks apart in lockdown with the first podcast in each others company since the start of the outbreak. They discuss the 'defiant' relaunch of live comedy being first over the trenches with the drive in gigs last weekend, and discuss how they've managed their own mental health throughout quarantine

Sloss and Humphries on the road! Muggins and cream, creaming muggins, straight thugging, living the dream And that's our intro Fucking muggles! Tickling the clit inside your head that makes you laugh Woohoo! Hahaha! They said it can't be done!

Are we in the same seats? That's hack Awww, muggles Accidental rim job in the park Kiss kiss kiss Or am I just being cynical? Just muggled it up on fucking Mugglepedia Where have you been since 9-11?

Hi, Daniel. Hiya. We're live. We are. Not over the phone. Not over the phone. No piss-poor internet connection as an excuse. No shitty Zoom cutting out

or someone ringing your house phone while I'm... Aye, someone trying to get into the fucking gate. We're actually... We're actually here. Face-to-face. Any trans company? Aye, we could have done more of these. I don't think so. I'm trying to get into the fucking game we're actually we're actually here face to face in each other's company aye we could have

we could have done more of these I don't think so like you mean just in the last week aye we should have had a back catalogue

like it's now we've been in each other's company for a full week now last Friday me and Cara drove all the way down from Scotland

to London and we've done some driving gigs which we'll talk about. Yeah. I mean, I think now that we've done them, we can be honest about our expectations. Because there comes a thing when you're gigging and there's a gig in your diary that you don't want to do

because it's obviously going to be shite. It's called a luma. Yeah, yes. In the industry, it's known called a luma. Yeah, it's, yes. In the industry, it's known as a luma. Your day weekend will look really pretty and there's just something there

in September that's bugging you already and gnaws in the back of your brain. It's normally something, normally it's like a corporate gig, one where the money's

going to be decent but you just know it's going to be a bunch of cunts in suits and people that are going to enjoy it or it's going to be some sort of...

Hosting the hotel awards. Aye, just something that you just go, that's not my job, that's not the ideal scenario. and suits so people are going to enjoy it or it's going to be some sort of Hosting the hotel awards Aye just something that you just go that's not my job that's not the ideal scenario it's not my audience it's not a comedy club

but I'm going to do it because it's there and I'm a fucking professional They're spaced out they're on round tables they're on high ceiling Two ways people normally entice you

into doing these gigs is with a substantial fee because you said there you go I've got integrity and then they price you out to a point when you realise

you don't and your integrity is a lot cheaper than you thought it was and that's every comedian you've ever seen doing an advert yes

that's just purely nobody was ever like you fucking know what yes an advert I would love to be the voice of Activia that is

and that's why I got into comedy to help people's digestions sorry if there is a comedian who is the voice of activity

I'd have accidentally thrown them down but what you did do is go woo house deposit aye aye

the other way people get into gigs that are loomer is by being your mates and they've done you enough favours over time that you technically owe them one

that's what these gigs were our very very good friend Brett Vincent who was Altitude Festival. Altitude did, Best of All, did Rock Nest back in the fucking day.

So in interviews, before these driving gigs were coming, even though in my head it's Luma, and here's why it's Luma, right? It's a gig that is outdoors,

properly outdoors. When we said we're like a low ceiling, we don't mean in a different solar system. Aye. Like it's, you need, every good comedy club is a low ceiling, we don't mean in a different solar system. Aye. Like, it's... You need...

Every good comedy club is a fire hazard, right? The definition of a good comedy club is if there was a fire, would 80% of people die? If yes, what a perfect comedy club. Nobody dies in a car park fire. And if you do... You started.

Aye, you started it. You didn't move on move farther back at that point so we're going down doing these gigs expecting them to be shite because you're not going to hear

them laugh people are parked up to fucking 200 metres away the only thing they'll be able to do is honk their fucking horns do you know what I thought

it was going to be as well I thought it was going to be like 25 cars right and the sound would project over the car park through big speakers yes like the cars right and the sound would project over the car park through big speakers yes like the way a music festival gig would work yes we're going to make this so loud that it's going to be the dominant noise and that's how we're going to force you to

listen we're going to be the loudest thing there whereas the driving gigs where you connect to a specific fucking radio station once you're parked in you could also go on the fucking app and order drinks and food to your car where you could pay online and then they drive down in little golf buggies and they drop off the food like a little bomb

beside your car Papa John's pizzas aye and from a comedian's perspective I think I was the reason it was such a fucking loomer

is because there's no reason that gig wouldn't work the laughs will never make it to you there's no chance for your timing to be well there's no transgrating atmosphere you don't know if you're doing well or not like you could be smashing it in every vehicle and you wouldn't work. The laughs will never make it to you. There's no chance for your timing to be well. There's no transcribing atmosphere. You don't know if you're doing well or not.

Like you could be smashing it in every vehicle and you wouldn't know. I have no idea. So you're going to have that lack of confidence. It's going to feel like you're bombing. And when that happens in a regular club gig, say if you're doing a Christmas gig and nobody's listening and you're bombing

and you haven't got the rhythm of the laughter, you do this thing called phoning it in. Aye. Which is doing your set to the correct timing but just off muscle memory. It's kind of like, I imagine it's the, to put it into an equivalent of everyone else with time. You know, having sex with your partner like six years in. It's not your birthday.

It's not their birthday. You know the moves. It's a Wednesday. You do it because you love each other and you're horny, but you're not. Neither of you have showered. It's one of those ones where you didn't even put on lingerie. You both just ended up like 90% naked.

And you're like, you know what? We know what it would be. We're 80% of the way there to sex anyway. Like it would be more difficult to not shag at this point. It's still good, but it's not the group, you know. So we go into this with no muscle memory

we haven't had sex in 14 weeks in this analogy we're fumbling we haven't even been wanking to be honest no we don't even

we don't know what we're doing as stand up comedians we are unpracticed in our craft one thing I said is like the hairdresser's open and I didn't get

the hairdresser straight away because I want them to fuck it up they haven't been cutting hair for 14 weeks let them fuck somebody else's hair up. You never want to be the first back. Yeah, but we were the first back.

But the thing I have consistently said, and I said this in every single interview, and I did mean it, but only like 50, 60%, and that was, if anyone can make a driving gig work, it's Brett Vincent. Turns out I was genuinely correct. Because of his booking policy

mainly because he booked us no no it was perfect the way he set it up because the tech and the hygiene to do with Covid

was on point and the tech was on point and the whole operational like he lost so much sleep organising these gigs

because he was problem solving he had to be awake for that he was like those 8 hours are 8 hours because he was problem solving he had to be awake for that aye he was like those 8 hours are 8 hours

where I'm not solving problems or thinking about things that could potentially go wrong yeah and he solved every problem to make it just perfect for us to play and one of the big factors that I had not considered before

was even though it's weird for the fucking comedian from an audience perspective it's actually not that weird because even though it's you driving into a gig and the comedian's 70 to 100 yards away on a big fucking screen it's actually not that weird because even though it's you driving into a gig and the comedian is 70 to 100 yards away with a big fucking screen, it's you,

either your family or your mates, in your car or their car, right, with the speakers, the sound coming through, the fucking radio, so it's a real good thing. Like some of you that are doing right now listening to this. Yeah, it's like a podcast but in the car and unlike in comedy clubs and theatres where you might be sat beside some fucking old prude who might not want to laugh at the thing that It's like a podcast but in the car. And unlike in comedy clubs and theatres where, you know, you might be sat beside some fucking old prude who might not want to laugh at the thing that you find very funny, so it kind of ruins your confidence in laughing.

You're just in the car with your fucking mates. Everyone has anonymity. Everyone has anonymity. Which is why we like the low ceiling and the dark room because people want to be unseen. Yeah, you're the one on stage, you're the one that we're looking at. I don't like when people fucking... If somebody feels Yeah, you're the one on stage, you're the one that we're looking at. I don't like when people... If somebody feels exposed, they won't laugh.

Whereas this was just, it's such a... You're not gigging to 200 cars, you're gigging to four... You're gigging to 100 groups of four people. And it's easy as fuck to make four people laugh. Yeah, and what was happening is when them four people were having a good time, someone in the back would go,

toot the horn, let them know we're laughing. So a toot of the horn was like like you've got a car full of people laughing oh and it's and again look it's not a substitute for laughter but it was enough because it was a reaction my way of describing it was uh the driving gigs were a lot like a really really good vegan burger like you know those vegan burgers you go i fucking hate vegan burger you take a bite you're like you know what that that's go I fucking hate vegan burgers and you take a bite and you're like you know what that's actually nice I like this

this is actually I mean but if I come along and said I've got this meat burger though I'll take the meat burger I'll have the actual burger

but this is filling this is nice this is I can see what people enjoy and infinitely better than I expected we genuinely

after that fucking first gig man we buzzed I was actually like actually reminiscent of my first ever gig I think that was the last time

my first ever gig was the last time I was as nervous as I was on Friday I was convinced it wasn't going to work I was convinced I hadn't

remembered me lines I'd actually wrote like seven minutes of stuff to dig at the beginning and I was trying to get them bullets in the gun but like when you're a new comedian when you write it, it feels like it's funny but then when you're about to go on stage you feel like you've let yourself down, like the writing just instantly becomes unfunny. And it's not even like when we do new material or the work in progress is where it's like 50 people

but they're right there and it's intimate and when you're trying the new joke and it doesn't work it's fine because you're in this atmosphere they know you're good and they're gonna laugh if it's not funny they trust you and if you do something that's not funny they'll laugh at you saying something not funny and it's got this like kind of supporting backup this had knee supporting backup but it's like you've got to go out there and give it your best i do also also think a lot of it, the reason it worked was down to Brett and all the staff that get comedy from making it work

and all the driving people there definitely made it work. We obviously made it good because we're very talented and brilliant. I didn't feel like that before the gig but afterwards

I was like, yeah. Man, it must have been real nice for Cara who for the past fucking three months of living with me

while not gigging while I'm slowly just you know gradually over time just lost confidence, lost sense of self worth become fragile, became fragile just because none of us know what to do during this time, I mean one of the big things about this is if you haven't been

able to work, you have this new thing of being like, when you're not doing something with all this abundance of time you feel like you should be doing lots and the fact that you're not doing something makes all this abundance of time, you feel like you should be doing lots. And the fact that you're not doing something makes you feel like shit. So this has been going on in my head for a certain amount, it's going, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God.

Five minutes on stage, every single iota of ego was back in my fucking body. Yeah. It's been a real miss because I've been trying to do things that I'm good at, so I can feel good at something. So I'll go out running. I play Call of Duty.

I'm all right at Call of Duty. I'll take me knitting. I'm all right at knitting, right? But I'm just okay at them things. But when I do stand-up comedy, I'm professional at it. I'm not good enough at running to get paid for it. I'm not good enough at knitting to get people to know I can sell me stuff. Like, no one's paying us to knit, right?

I'm not a professional. In a computer game, I'm not a professional in a computer game and I'm fucking miles off ever I've been I'm closer to being a professional footballer than I am

a professional gamer right so I'm good at these things that who level and I do that and I go oh but I'm mint at this

I'm really good at this this is why this bit has been my job I could have anybody could go and run that park. Anybody could pick up that PlayStation control pad. But there's just a select few people in the world that can get up and clap and wait an audience.

There's hundreds of them. But out of the seven billion, there ain't many on the schema thing. Aye, aye. Or at least that's what we rely on. People are thinking... A lot of comedies people are watching going, I couldn't do that.

And I was going, glad you think that. Yeah, because you probably could. You'd be better than me. So to everyone who did come down to the driving gigs in London thank you very much.

I said this and this might be a very not shitty but self-involved thing to say. I do think one of the reasons

the gig worked is because our audience is decent. Yeah I think so too. There's so many people big shout out to the guys that came from audience is decent. Yeah, I think so too. There's so many... A big shout out to the guys that came from Glasgow as well. That's a fucking epic drive.

We did a similar drive to do it, but we were working it for the weekend, you know? So we really appreciate you guys coming down. Everybody that came. And the people who came to that gig, everyone there was so clearly just... Desperate is the wrong thing to use because it's got negative connotations

but so open and ready for any form of entertainment say defiant defiant I got absolutely roasted for this in the whatsapp and right right right hopefully so I took it on the chin but I was like I put a status

scan the arts are dead but we're not going to let a little thing like this get in the way we don't do comebacks by half a big picture out of the fucking car park and the big screen

and that hashtag defiant ones which is Dr. Dre's documentary the defiant ones so you white

newly middle class man who lives in London who lives in London talking about talking about his dick jokes finally being taken in by the public again. That's right, Dr.

Dre. Similar story, similar banger. They are going to get my car in the face of adversity. The world is crumbling but yep, I made a joke about an escort and the front row flashing us. Dr. Dre has lost friends and colleagues to gun violence

and we've lost friends to Asian impressions and... So we... And dripping spunk on the way out of the bathroom. No. Defiant ones. Defiant ones. But it was, mate. Right, I'll take my roasting.

I'm roasting, you're roasting. Don't put it on me. I didn't put the hashtag defiant once. I didn't do that speech. I took it on the chin for us both. No. We were the ones being defiant. It was an act of defiance.

Act of defiance. The comedy clubs are closed. Act of defiance. We stayed down. No. Act of defiance. We spent the first five minutes of this podcast talking about how much

we didn't want to do these gigs I was defying against my own free will oh here we go yeah and it was also

when I was chatting this game what the fuck was it I was like I haven't spoken I had a little cigar up aye a little celebratory cigar

well I was I was trying to do it subtly so that people, that I didn't ruin the podcast. So your man wouldn't find out. No, no. Your man wouldn't, you hated smoking, Daniel. Well, I have taken up smoking. Well, no, I've not taken up smoking again.

While I've been with you, we have smoked. Because, it's been a- I've got a strange relationship with drinking and cigarettes and drugs and that because normally I don't have a drug problem because I've got shit to handle. So as long as I handle my shit, all of me drinking and that, and the smoking just comes with the drinking. That's because I'm a boozer at the minute, right?

All of the drinking and the drugs, it's regulated. I should also apologise. You're going to hear the occasional sound of airplanes. All of the drinking and the drugs, it's regulated. I should also apologise. You're going to hear the occasional sound of airplanes. We are outside in the treehouse, but we are under an airport, so just get over it. Yeah, and our holiday's just been cancelled, so it's a bit fucking rough that they're just flying planes going,

look, we can't do it. Aye, it's a bit like them just being like, you're not allowed to leave your house to go on any dates or whatever, but we are going to parade all these beautiful people right past your fucking window. Yes. They're all desperate, they're all coming for a shag but no, no, no. Could be that. Not for you, sir. So yes, what was my point about the drink and the drugs?

Normally, it's regulated by I need to be somewhere, I've got something to date, I've got this phone call, I've got that. And it's so weird. I have kept tabs on it. But you have to do it on your own terms. Aye. Like, you could get fucking hammered every single day. I'm killing this.

And you're not letting anybody down. You're not missing deadlines. You're not missing appointments. I know that. There's nothing. Even at the fringe, right? Like, I party way harder at the fringe than I have done in lockdown by a million miles right

I've partied way harder but the thing that's regulated that is you've got a show to do at 7.30 aye you've got some press to do at 5

aye and it's also I'm doing this but I'm still getting my shit done so it's it's like there's this inherent guilt

my whole my whole relationship with drinking booze has been self-implied. It hasn't been implied by my diary. It's something that I've had to psychologically go, no, you're not having that right now. Aye.

Like, every day is that battle where you're just going, nah. So have you been trying to cut back at all? Well, I've just made sure, because before he was coming up for my birthday Well, I've just made sure, because before you guys come up, before we birthed a week, I'd probably, I fell off, I'd been drinking every night, and sometimes Natalie had ducked out of a night's drinking, and I've just still just poured myself some whiskey. Aye.

I don't think that's, I don't think that's too fucking bad, but I do get the, there's this guilt that comes with if you're not working that, because so many of those things are a reward or we see them as a reward

we see I'm allowed a glass of wine because I did this work today I'm allowed to have an edible today because I did my shows the weekend or I did any number of things

it's a reward system but because none of us or some of us aren't fucking working you don't realise that when you drink this you go there's this thing

that goes you haven't earned this not only that you haven't earned it but that hey that hey you're not working so you could be doing something that's not this that's more fucking productive but that mindset is i would say for most people it's not true like this is a time when there's only so much that you can do and you it's been a real struggle with me to learn that doing nothing is not the same as doing nothing last year if you were doing what you were doing now last year you had a you had a rough last year and not very productive but if you're still at the point now where you're just going i've drank

every night this week i haven't done fucking much i haven't even read a book i've got all this abundance of time i could be bettering myself i could be doing all these things this isn't a year for bettering yourself this is a year for maintaining yourself staying afloat stay the fuck

afloat that's one thing like in the same reference relationship with drugs and alcohol changes because the variables change around you

the whole thing we have mental health as well everybody's got mental health struggles and problems right but what I've always

been good at is fucking managing the shit out of it like I've always had my fucking mental health in check because I know my environment

and it's ever changing and I'm fucking adapting to it all the time and I keep on like I've always got like I've never had a black dog depression

I've always had this white dog of happiness your little guide dog and I feel like I've lost him, like, I've never had a black dog in depression. I've always had this white dog of happiness. Aye. The little guy dog. And I feel like I've lost him. Aye. Where's this white dog? I'm usually just happy all the time.

Now I need to find new ways within a certain, like... These new parameters. These new parameters where I've got to find happiness for myself. And it can't come in overindulgence. Like, you would think spending eight hours on the PlayStation would bring you eight hours of happiness. would bring you eight hours of happiness. It brings you eight hours of fucking self-loathing. And guilt.

There's also these things that you just, I think that we've taken for granted over the years, these support structures that we all have of family around the world, or friends around the world, that you automatically check in with each other. You don't realise how much you check in on your friends or how much your friends

check on you until you don't see each other as often even just the act of sitting around drinking with your friends and being social is good for your mental health

and we've all lost that a little bit I know there's been Zoom meetings and now that lockdown is slowly restricting but so much conversations

in body language too in facial expressions and all that, and when you're on a Zoom meeting you can't keep up with everyone's. And you can't sit in silence on a Zoom meeting, you feel like you've got to film this, I've got this hour to talk to this person, I've got to, this better be a good conversation. I've had conversations where they've had a lovely bat bar in the room where we're checking on each other once a fucking bit, and there's been the occasional whole time I'm fucking for it, and I've had nothing to say

so you just have a lovely little fucking catch up but you come out of it at the end of it going I didn't say much oh god like it's you know did I waste that little window

we have with your friends we've lost so much social connectivity just eye and I think one thing I've experienced in the past

in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past

in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past

in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past

in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the past in the experienced in the past in which talking to more people more and more is a lot of people are really really really unwilling to admit

that they're having a rough time and the reason people are doing it is because we're all very conscious that there are other people having worse times

yes and I think and you have to do the count your blessings thing before you complain and I'm here the children starving in Africa thing that yeah

you've implied on you all the time as a kid it could be worse, it could be worse and instead of just letting yourself have a whinge you think of the people that are living alone in isolation or people with three kids living in two bed and fucking that's not allowed to go to the garden or shielding a sick child there's people that are a lot worse than us so it's hard

for us to admit that we're struggling but you have to to everyone, I'm going to put my foot down here and go we all have to admit that we're struggling. But you have to. To everyone, I'm going to put my foot down here and go, look, we all have to admit that we've had a rough time and that it's fine.

No matter how good you think you've had it, this has been a brutal fucking year just for everyone in general. I can't believe, I mean, my guilt's come from the fact that, look, I live in a lovely,

lovely nice house. I've got a big ass fucking garden, right? I did my show in February so I had a decent chunk of money that I've not had to worry during this and I've still had a really really

rough time with it Cara said something brilliant yesterday, oh you've been broken and lovable it's been a real thing for me being broken and lovable? It's been a real thing for me, because I've never had to be... You don't like showing your cracks?

I don't, because I've never... Your whole persona is based on being arrogant as fuck. I'm confident in this, man. Yes, so much of my persona

has been based on being Daniel Sloss. And for the past three months, I've just been Daniel Cara's boyfriend I've just been am I doing a good job aye

this poor woman just sat in her office every day me walking around like a puppet being like I'm still lovable right

and she's like yes dickhead I've been I've been like like a dog in the house where like whatever Natalie's mood is I'll just replicate her mood.

If she's stressed due to work, I'll start being stressed due to bread. I'll just be exactly as stressed as she is. Which is just what she needs, by the way. She's trying to fucking work out the furlough scheme for several different countries. And I'm just trying to apply the same stress because I forgot to defrost the phyllo pastry.

Aye, but these are things that... You know a pie isn't going to have a lid. But as silly as that sounds, that's still a big stress for you. We have to eat. It's okay to acknowledge that our problems in the grand scheme of things are small, but if you're going to do that,

you have to still acknowledge that to you they're big. Oh, we'll be laughing about it. We'll know the connection. You know what I mean like when i'm stressed she's just like petting again oh you've took my stress on it must be terrible i'm sorry well kata's just had to do the uh she's just basically from the entire thing she's just i've had to basically sorry, would you, would you mind being my ego for a bit? Could you just give me all the, you know all the ego and the arrogance

that literally hundreds of thousands of people a year are responsible for me? Do that. Heavy lift that. Make me feel like that again. Aye, can you give me back, and you know what? She's done a good job.

I had a moment where I was being pure Macy and Natalie just went oh you're having my period that's cute to anyone also to anyone that has gone

which is most people to anyone that's gone through lockdown without a therapist I'd like me to just give you my very own standing ovation because

therapy's kept my head above water during this like I'm I can talk about it it's been a real fucking struggle mentally but therapy and my support network has definitely helped there are people out there that haven't had that that are still unwilling to admit

that they've had a hard time I didn't take on therapy but one thing I have done is stay right on top of my physical health Aye Like I've apart from the last

couple of weeks where I've absolutely hit the skids and I've been drinking fucking non-stop I've been running like fuck even last week when I was drinking

I got up with a hangover and ran a half marathon Aye Like 23 kilometers and clocked a half marathon Which is good really Aye I mean that's a hangover and ran a half marathon. I ran like 23 kilometers and clocked a half marathon. Which is good. That's a big version of the, that's a bad example to give to people.

You know what I've done as well? The other day I went for a fucking run and my headphones died on the first kilometer and I just went, now I fucking, I just ran 15K in my headphones. Just singing to yourself. My own thoughts.

Just singing to yourself and also doing your own Spotify adverts. Even while you're running being like ah nah it's a fantasy world but I'm still not playing for a premium I even sang my own

football podcast starting to do your own version of Sloss and Humphries on the roads just doing one half very happy and then one half

miserable if there's going to be okay I disagree I also want to just before we go past the car and the driving

gigs big shout out to Rooney for heckling me with my own car yes that was hilarious I could hear the car alarm off in the distance, but then I could hear on the little radio, you were going, is that my car?

And I just ran round the front to watch it. But you parked them right front and centre. You'd given the best seat in the house. So it wasn't like I was just going off at the tail end of the car park. I was literally right in front of you. Because I'd driven down Rooney and Sid two very lovely brothers who come to our shows all the time

come to Altitude Rooney came down and he was like I don't have a car I'll park in the front you can sit in the car and you can just

watch it from there but because of my car is a is a Tesla it's too clever for it's own good it's too clever

for it's own good so they went in and they were inside the car and it just because the car and it just, because the car wasn't on, it automatically locked and it was fine for five minutes and then they moved in the car and it was like, whoa, hey, hold on, I didn't open the doors, ahhh! Someone's teleported into the car. And poor Rudi, the absolute sweetheart, was mortified. Absolutely. But it's one of those ones ones because this occasionally happens in shows where something happens

that somebody something unpreventable happens that somebody with somebody involved in it and they're so apologetic about it but they

negate the fact because they go I ruined up the flow of the show and you go yes you did but the thing was still funny

like I managed to turn it into something amusing it wasn't like the car alarm went off what's funny as well is I put online

Daniel's being heckled by his own car absolute scenes by his own car alarm well Rudy had been in his whatsapp group with his mates

telling them that he was sat in your car oh bragging oh yeah yeah sent a wee picture through just being like front row front row centre

at Sloss's gig just in his in his Tesla just watching his comedy and then all of his friends see my status it's screen capping just spam them

64 nights of Cannes Rooney what the fuck have you done you psycho but any time with world firsts as comedians I think that may be

the world first of comedians being heckled by their own car or laugh another one I mean it's not it's not my greatest

it's the only one I didn't beat you to because that would have been the world's first driving cinema gig for you but because I stepped on stage first

which we've had Bert Kreischer go there before us and also Dom Jolly but his wasn't technically stand up it was a projected it was a projected show

but not me which means my 2017 show wasn't technically I'm putting in too many qualifiers here I was third the point is

we were first and the best that's essentially the point that we want to get across we opened UK comedy is what we did we Brett did

we look not to mince words but we saved live comedy defiant ones we

oh speaking of saving live comedy there is you've probably heard a lot about this on social media and whatnot but if you haven't the arts save the arts budget has come out in the uk to save the arts and it's like 1.7 billion and pretty much none of it is going to comedy live comedy which is obviously uh fucking insane like i was doing an interview on uh

for something today and they were talking about the Edinburgh Fringe Festival here's how mad that is the Edinburgh Fringe Festival is the largest arts festival in the entire world by a country mile

it's substantial the only two things that sell more tickets than the Edinburgh Fringe Festival are the World Cup and the Olympics and those things

happen every four years whereas the Fringe happens every fucking year that's how big it is of the every Fringe a third of the brochure is comedy

a third of this fucking arts festival is stand-up comedy and none of the budget of 1.7 billion is going to comedy I'm not saying we deserve a third of it

but there's man there's so many brilliant comedy clubs so many theatres and it's not just about the comedians it's about the staff that run comedians it's about the staff

that run the venues it's about the text like as arts the stands the glaze the fucking the comedy stores the institutions of art

they're like historic aye and also yes sorry like all the fucking TV comedians

like you'll see Frankie Boyles and Kevin Bridges and fucking everyone come through them clubs they wouldn't have become touring comedians yourself you wouldn't have become touring comedians. Selfie wouldn't have become a touring comedian had you not been able

to start your craft at the clubs. So to not prop up these clubs is to just quarterise comedy. Yep, and it's to just let it die. It's to just go, you know what, this isn't I don't want to get political because one thing I want

I don't think the arts should ever be political the arts is for both sides it really is, that's the thing, it should go through the fucking middle that being said there is something inherently Tory about considering laughter non-essential isn't there?

it's a distraction humour is a distraction opera, opera opera essential ballet essential and I'm not here to make fun of the other arts and disparage them right but ballet

and fucking opera and theatre and all these ones are getting it in what fucking world does comedy not get it right is it because

could it be political could it be that comedy's generally against the man if there's a left wing government there'll be right wing comedy

if there's a right wing government there'll be left wing comedy and it's like it's like, it's opposition. Because that's what we do. We create dissent. I hope not. We're questioning everything and that's what

comedy is. It's like fucking picking holes in society and the world and the norms. And memories would just bash up against the institution too much that they go, you know what? Fuck them. Do you reckon do you reckon they're being that measured

I hope I hope not I hope not I hope it's just the fact that we're being forgotten I hope it's done in the way of like you're fucking comedians

like go you know comedy has always been especially like the London comedy scene it's always been punk it's always it's the defiant ones

it happens in spite of things it's underground maybe their thing is just ignoring it or maybe they don't realize how i just say the see it as underground look there's so many things to there's so many things that the government doing blatantly that's so openly evil that we shouldn't necessarily attribute this to being evil yet i just think it's something that maybe is going under the radar at the moment and the way you can help is by uh going on and just live comedy association uh there's just a petition it takes literally two minutes to sign and it hopefully just means that if none of the money goes to us it goes into the stands it goes into

the glee it goes into these it just means we've still got a workplace where we can't earn it goes into the glace, it goes into these, it just means, it means we've still got a workplace, where we can it in, aye, where people can go to laugh, like,

it keeps the, it keeps the venues afloat, so that we can perform there, and like these, man, there's so many techs, in beautiful little theatres, that we've been going to,

for eight fucking years now, that might not, the fucking, the heart and soul of the industry, is the staff, and the techs, and the bar staff, and the the techs and the bar staff and the show managers and the floor staff.

This isn't just comedians' jobs, this is the livelihoods. Live comedy isn't just the stand-ups. If you have graft as it's a whole fucking working class industry where thousands of staff that are going to be unemployed. And it's being ignored for ballet opera which I'm sure they were not saying

ignore them and look at us we're saying distribute between all of them distribute fairly just distribute fairly and please don't forget

you know how important the British sense of humour yeah so Simon by the time we've put this up we'll have the

I mean you've already got the link on yours I'll pop the link up on mine as well and you can just give them a share. We don't ask for much apart from your utter devotion and your money every now and again. And now this.

We don't ask for much. What we'll do in return is just give you intermittent podcasts that could be anything between three days and three years apart. And no consistency with them the quality of them absolutely fucking different and that's our promise to you

if you sign this petition yep and we will and will not do insta live streams depending on the wifi aye which I haven't done

my net stream this week at all I've been here I've been here you've been here you've been in there I didn't want to use the internet

while Cara was at work I would be ready to take that away from her also yesterday we we met someone else we did we

we tore a hole in the fabric of the universe and stepped through it we popped our head in we popped our head through we looked through the window of reality

that was 2CB 2CB so I have drug dealers are still going well during all this. You looking for this? I am looking for this. Drug dealers are still going well. So there's... obviously don't do drugs. Don't ever do drugs. Drugs are awful. Don't do drugs. But we were doing drugs.

There's a drug called 2C-B which is like a basically it's a mixture of acid and ecstasy but like a really mild version of both yeah and we took it sober we didn't drink with it we didn't take weed with it took it at one in the afternoon and it's just you just feel

floaty and then you get some of the mild visuals of acid and then you also get that mild you know that happiness

mixed with naivety of ecstasy which is you just you'd be like why? why aren't we all just nice to each other yeah why don't

we just all be nice to each other all the time you know what now that I'm here in this garden on this structure in my free time I think I could solve all the world's problems and then we had that realisation of how nice we were feeling right like if we'd done that in Indonesia they'd chop your head off I don't know if it's bad but it's

punishable by death and I'm like oh that guy's having a great time that's got to stop there take his head off his body hold on you see those

two lads over there floating in the sea looking up at the sky talking about if we all just loved each other we wouldn't need all these governments

in place and how love itself is a palpable energy that stretches over time and race and all these other things kill him no no get him get him illegal and how love itself is a palpable energy that stretches over time and race and all these other things. Kill him.

No, get him. Illegal. Illegal can't happen. He's talking about oneness. No, no, get it. Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye. That doesn't... I'm just going to be honest with you. That doesn't look like working at McDonald's right now.

So get back in the system and be the cock that you were meant to be. It's so medieval. Aye. It's so medieval. It's so fucking medieval. Even that it's illegal here is fucking medieval, I think. I put on that happy speech that I've done. I put that on again.

I wrote this when I was on acid in 2015, but it never made more appropriate than it is now. It got shared about, so obviously you get trolls. And somebody went, I see you've got a drug problem. I'm so sorry, or something. I was went, I see you've got a drug problem. I'm so sorry or something, right? And I was like, I like to explore my consciousness using drugs because I'm sovereign of my own consciousness. I use drugs as a tool. If I got told not to do that and I was obedient, that's a problem.

That's a drug problem. If your sheer obedience to these Tory pricks stops you from exploring your own brain. No, not somebody else's brain, yours. Just I. And it's got nothing, it's nothing to do with, you know, people, there's this narrative of what drugs

are, but drugs are all these different things. So when people hear about you doing drugs, they go, meth, coke, heroin, fucking all these things. And you you go don't get me wrong those are absolutely drugs I agree those are drugs and those are bad drugs and

they're addictive and there are people that do have weed problems even though weed has never killed anyone let's not pretend for a second that there are people

who are not addicted to weed itself might not be addictive but being stoned is addictive not being in your own brain can be addictive you can't develop

drug problems to non-addictive drugs and if then you're not turning up to family dinners and you're not being hygienic you've got a problem

but that's true for so many other things you could drink too much that you don't do things you could you could eat too much that you can't eat

the house you eat so little that you don't leave yeah and it's a regulation of it isn't it like I said I had to change my relationship with it You could eat too much that you can't eat the house you need. So little that you don't leave. Yeah. And it's the regulation of it, isn't it? Like I said, I had to change my relationship with it because I didn't have something there regulated for us. Mind you, that being said, I think there is a positive of drugs being illegal.

And that is, let's be honest, straight up, 98% of the population shouldn't do drugs no that's true 98 is a low it shouldn't it shouldn't be readily accessible like as much as i said they're going because the thing is if you were to legalize the drugs that we go the in our theory or at least my theory, that it might make you develop empathy a bit more. Like, I always say that marijuana was quite important to my empathy growth. I was a fucking horrible teenager,

and then smoking weed made me just more peaceful, happy, and more empathetic to other people. Same thing with people that have done mushrooms, say, or something. I think people that have done acid suddenly start taking certain things less fucking seriously. If you're going to legalise all those drugs, we'd be hypocrites if all the other drugs weren't legalised as well and those are the ones that people would fucking

cane. If you go drugs are legal, 90% of the population aren't going to go to acid, they're going to go to coke. They're going to go to the fucking... You've made a lot of people just on heroin now. And especially during this time when all of our mental health are slowly deteriorating,

that would become an escapism. So, I am actually glad drugs are illegal. I just think they should be made less illegal. It should be... Like, if you're caught doing drugs, it's not jail for 10 years. It's, right, let's try and get you off it. It's like, look, don't get caught, man.

It's like, yeah 10 years, it's right let's try and get you off it. It's like look, don't even get caught man. It's like yeah, stop getting caught, just do it in your own privacy, don't even take it onto the streets. And don't take it out on other people. Squirrel. What did you say squirrel? It was literally about an arm's reach away, I could have had it for a snack. Could have picked up and kissed it, used it as lipstick. Used it as lipstick?

That's lockdown treatment. Scared, squibbling, ravaging your hand and trying to get away. I need to be beautiful. Squeeze the blood out of its nose. Or brow. I need to be beautiful. I need to be beautiful I'll tell you about the bird that flew out of my window no

a pigeon flew out of my window and it was just on my balcony just dazed for ages it scared us I was trying to get rid of it but it was all disease ridden and that I think I had a conversation with you about Cinderella and Snow White when all the animals come in I was like trying to get rid of it, but it was all like disease ridden and that. And I think I had a conversation with you about actually about it would be like,

you know, in Cinderella and Snow White, when all the animals come in. And you guys how fucking terrifying that would be in real life. What, just a bunch of deer turn up to you and go... I just mean the old fucking... Just like all the way out dishes and all that. Oh, you're trying to dry your dishes and two seagulls come in and fly your tail all the way. You're like, Jesus Christ! Fucking Christ, man! Just flinching all the time. Just a bunchagulls come in and fly your towel away. You're like, Jesus Christ! Fucking Christ, man!

Just flinching all the time. Just a bunch of rabbits coming in and start putting their dishes away. You're like, fucking I'm going to need to get them back and clean them. Fucking dirty rabbits, all of them.

Of a similar thing, I don't know if you've ever had seven dwarves come into your house, but... You know what? They're good at a party, but they do not clean up as much

as they suggested no and then we win the day stop whistling man I've got to hang over we were all we were I'm fucking whistling

like old men in the garden look at the fuck he's playing at it's not just you that's grumpy today we're sleepy of course he is of course he is

lazy bastard he's had his hats on before he goes get Doc down we all need Doc right now voice of reason there's angsty I didn't know there was angsty he's just kind of calling me angsty He's a bastard. He's had my hats on for a while. Get Doc down. We all need Doc right now. Why's there a reason? There's angsty.

I didn't know there was angsty. She's just kind of calling me angsty. Projecting on the dwarves. Maybe that wasn't the dwarves' names and Snow White was just projecting on all of them. To be fair, it was very cruel of her to just name them. Name them adjectives to describe them. Did she name them? Without even querying if that already had names.

You know what? I don't know if they ever did introduce themselves as I'm happy, I'm sleepy, I'm... Maybe they did, I've not watched it. Because if she named them, what a cunt. Passive-aggressive. Not even passive. There's nothing passive.

There's nothing... Imagine walking around the subway and saying, Hi, my name's Kai. All right, grumpy. No, no my name's Kai, alright grumpy. No no it's Kai, alright grumpy. It would be passive regressive if you named them to the other dwarves, I'm going to call that one grumpy. Yeah I'm going to call that one weepy, well it was a weepy duck all the weepy but. Self fulfilling prophecy. Have you had a highlight of your lockdown?

Has there been any points where you've been like, actually, you know what? Oh, man, in a very, very... No, not a lame way. I'm going to try and not undersell it here. But there's been some bits where I've been... I've made real strides in my mental health like the self-flagulation

that I do when I feel lazy you could be doing so much more like when you couldn't right or

just the occasional day some of the highlights I've had is days when I've been when I've actually allowed myself to relax days when I've been able to just

you know even without the assistance of fucking we just sit down and watch TV all day with Cara or like just do nothing and be happy. Like the days that I'm able to like wake up and meditate for 10 minutes at one point, have three actual meals, or even just two meals, two meals that I cook myself and then I just feel like days where I'm just going, fucking aye, I don't begrudge myself that day

those have been yeah it's like yesterday I like when we when we were in that suggested we had to like anybody that was trying to contact me at the time they got a reply or they didn't like he didn't matter like the correspondence just comes second fiddle they're just looking after yourself all right the highlights have been the other highlights have been the moments when you've been able to see see people like getting to see my brothers my dad when you've been I like to see See people Like getting to see my brothers My dad again Was really nice

Even getting to see Like you and Natalie Like we were properly Giddy Monday Yeah Because it's Yeah drinking gin cocktails From our gin club

Aye But you've not And we were buzzing off the gig And we hadn't But even It was also got to be the fact That we hadn't seen each other For so long

Like obviously you and me Spent nine months of the year together and through that I obviously have a very good relationship with Natalie. You've got a really

good relationship. But we still kept in touch pretty good with playing Dungeons and Dragons and doing the podcasts semi-frequently at the start. But it's not the same.

It wasn't as fun as just that fucking bit where you just go Aye, less kissing. We're all sat at the table. We're all getting quite drunk. We're all just going, this is almost back to normal.

It's not defiant. I mean, that's obviously the name of the... This one is the defiant one. What are the acts of defiance you had in the last four years? What are the acts of defiance? Because there are some bad acts of defiance. If you're the last four years other active defiance because there are some bad active defiance

if you're one of these guys who don't wear the mask piss poor active defiance not a cool

active defiance and usually just like oh I forgot my mask active defiance I don't know if I've ever

had any could I tell you some of my highlights have just been the sunny days

it's been so sunny in London and we've just like we went to the park just got a picnic of stuff in and just been the sunny days it's been so sunny in London and we've just like we went to the park just got a picnic of stuff in

and just got a lot of the bars opened like really early in the lockdown and served out the window like out of a shutter so you can go and get a pint and just take it to Victoria Park

great so there's so many times we've just bought a bottle of Prosecco or a couple of pints from there no it is it's those days that you're actually able to in whatever form it is that you're able to not be on the internet for a bit yeah to not be because

because of this we're all like stay updated stay updated you can go a day without being updated yeah and occasionally occasionally you should go a day not being up there have a day where you just go right no phone if I'm on phone it's just a reply to these things but I'm going to actively put it over there and I'm going to try and not

be I'm just going to sit in the garden or I'm going to sit in a fucking room and just read or study or knit or meditate or play a computer game

and just get out of it all and not and just enjoy them now yeah just actively choose to enjoy this now i had i had quite a heavy spell where i spent a fucking i'm gonna say up to 60 hours a day on facebook man because i felt like i was firefighting the people from my neck of the woods were thinking in the wrong direction with the black lives matter movement they felt attacked by it and these are like people who come to be punch drunk gigs, nice people that have just got the whole wrong

they've grew up with nothing with no privilege or opportunity in a working class environment I'm going to say 99.999% white people if there's a black community in Blythe you believe in homeopathy

there's a there's just a kind of a small fraction so they don't say it and I had they're like they kind of tackle each other

it's not that they don't say it but it's also the way the media has portrayed the Black Lives Matter movement so and these are people that you know

do buy Daily Mail and read all these things they've been sold a false story and it's not their fault so I watched on the sky news the night that I went to the march right the march was so peaceful I couldn't see anyone would even drop litter right someone knocked a cone over and another person picked it straight back up right because they didn't want to leave the

streets any other way than how they found it right socially distancing masks on and it was fucking so peaceful, so positive, it was a positive movement and everybody's on board with it, people hanging out the windows cheering the march on this knee element of destruction a knee element of

the whole thing is just black lives matter, they matter they matter as much as they were and at this moment in time it doesn't feel as if they do so that's it it's not they need to matter more than the other ones and then i've turned on sky news that night right and uh there was a bit of a scuffle someone threw a plastic bottle up in the air and it landed on the cup i don't know whether i am another probably was there's that are using the movement in every single in every single movement of the world

so someone will like graffiti on the wall and someone will throw a and if you don't understand that concept if you're a football fan do you

do you like all of your team's football fans yeah right I'm a Chelsea fan I love fucking Chelsea are there racist Chelsea fans

yes do they do they speak for you no they don't no it's just that just because somebody's wearing the same uniform as you you support one thing doesn't it's just that just because somebody's wearing the same uniform

as you you support one thing doesn't mean all of your ideologies coalesce so all the news was all it was shown

was the defacing of property in the scuffle with the police which was a 30 second clip and they ran that 30 second clip on a loop

so it felt like six hours of fucking of destruction but it was now it was the fucking 30 it got

de-escalated immediately and I could see what they were watching I could see what was making them angry and I couldn't then just fucking call them dickheads and with the narratives that they had been fed they were rightfully angry so I felt like everybody that I cared for I was having a conversation going have you looked at it from this angle? Can I gently nudge you in this direction? Like, I didn't want to come in hard, right? I just want to gently nudge.

And to gently nudge people, like, I had to just fucking, I found myself just being active all the time as long as they were talking about it and as long as they were asking questions. I was trying to help them answer their questions by my own research. And also, like,

we're good at explaining ourselves as comedians. trying to help them answer their questions by my own research and also like like we're good at explaining ourselves as comedians like we can't do comedy anymore but you can put your thoughts and your

emotions into words that's what we do normally do in a way to make people laugh but I've probably started doing it in a way to make people think

and it was just a fucking full name job and I was like fuck these guys aren't taking a day off so why should I and that's not my quote I'd seen that from

somebody else but it was fucking stuck with us but I think it's I think it's a good thing to these good things to do I'm sure I don't have to fucking I don't have the energy to do online I also probably like the majority of people that you grew up with and your friends with being middle-class probably they had a bit more of a different view on it I'm a middle class by way I was a problem I could class any yeah and yeah middle class, but I'm probably working class anyway. I don't know if I attribute it to working class, but it's definitely the media

the working class has been fed. Aye. There's a problem globally, this is a unique to the UK thing, but one of the things that is showing so much to be a problem nowadays that we're not taught in school is critical thinking so many people don't actually

know how to think how to tell the difference between truth and lies how to do their own fucking research and it shows so much in these conversations and these arguments that you fucking have like people people extrapolate stupid bits of information from one flag. Like, people hear the flag, and the fact in America that, like, I'm making up this fact, it might not be true,

but this is how they attribute it. Like, black people, the most violence done to black people is by black people, right? So that's the fact. People will go, all right, black people are more violent. You go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You've taken that as a fact as opposed to a symptom of something else. Yes, that's the thing. You extrapolate the wrong information from the fact. That was a real narrative that a lot of white people were running with is there's a lot of black-on-black crime. And you go, right, well,

you're foolish if you think a skin colour can make you more violent as a person like you can't physically believe that that's not what you believe you just believe that like more black people

are killing more black people so it's their problem and you go no no these people are killing each other and hurting each other and robbing from each other or whatever

in these communities so we've got to find out what the system is why is that happening it's because they're driven into poverty because of their lack of opportunity and the poverty

drives crime and the crime drives violence so you've got to get the rude cause which is the fucking systemic racism the fact that they've managed to convince white working class people that they're an enemy is working class

people of colour it's phenomenal, fair play to the government white working class people that their enemy is working class people of colour. Yeah. And you go, it's phenomenal. Fair play to the government. They've managed to pitch that narrative and most people have swallowed it. They've managed to go, the reason why working class life sucks is because those working class people want it better and getting better. You go, no, it's the top, it's the top 1%. Yeah. And they feel discriminated against working class people because they're fucking

they get called povs aye and they get they get shamed for having nice things and they get fucking shouted in the media the portrayals

Scotland and I've been guilty of it too but the way we portray fucking neds like in the butt of fucking jobs you're literally

fucking mocking someone because they have a lack of education, that's sort of, like a chap is generally just somebody that's been let down by an education system, let down by the fucking government and they're a product of it, so that the fact that they think this way is a failure in itself It's obvious that we took acid yesterday

Maybe so But when I ended up doing that fucking I was just fucking just stuck where it was my main

focus I was shit company for Natalie because that's all I wanted to tackle because I wanted to

figure out my own opinions and I wanted to tackle my own bias and I wanted to fucking like

just figure the whole shit out so I was just stuck with me for the whole time and every time I started thinking to

myself like I'm tired of this is tedious I just keep checking myself and going, imagine being the actual victim of this. Imagine being black. Imagine how fucking tired they are. Not just a fucking part-time activist

that sat on the couch on your phone. Imagine how tired you are being a black person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because here's the thing. The second you stop being an activist, it doesn't affect you. No. It doesn't.

When you stop being an activist, you're not affected by the fucking problems. When people have got to stop being activists, they're still the victims of every form of... Yeah, like, I've managed in the last few weeks

to fucking, like, calm myself down with the whole thing because people are being less aggy about it now that the marches aren't happening and they were aggy about the football

and I had to fucking really, like, drill home how important it was the message for the footballers to nail and to keep the conversation going. Right. And people were being fucking idiots then so I'm tackling, I'm tackling. Now people are being less shitty, I need to talk about it less.

And I feel like I've just been like almost like I've been a flash in the pan activist when really it's a fucking situation that's close to my heart forever but I don't need to be full throttle with it as I was for them two weeks. Yeah, activism is just making sure, it's the responsibility of just doing more when you can not doing, not necessarily

just doing more all of the time but in the moments where you should say something and when you could say something, doing it, being a little bit less and i think that that whole conversation is done enough for people's outlooks like people are going to be a lot more careful and sensitive and aware even the people that like were fucking stubbornly all lives matter all the way through it they're gonna want to seep in that this is a thing and they'll recognize it when they'll see it because it's been spoken about so much

and very simply if there's anyone that still doesn't understand to just explain it in a gentle way if anyone doesn't understand why all lives matter is upsetting

there's a plethora of brilliant examples of why it's bad online and I'm probably going to butcher one but the simplicity of it is it's like in America

right where you've got all these people going blue lives matter blue lives matter because police are going through a hard time because of all the shitty things yeah the good cops are having to fucking pick up for the bad guys but there is a lot of lot of lot of bad apples in the American fucking police system like there's open racism there's members of the fucking KKK in like police departments it's been well it's it's been a magnet for racists

because it's a place where you can go away and be racist aye so it's a fucking perfect job for somebody that's that way inclined

yeah and so so the police are going through a hard time and people are saying blue lives matter so quickly they go

no no ambulances if you show these people nurses matter all nurses matter they go yeah but nurses aren't going through a hard time

at the moment bad example fire fire department is example fire department matters the fire department is not under attack right now

and you go yes yes exactly you're never there yeah that's you've got all the information at this moment in time now it's a bad example because obviously

the blue lives matter movement is the the police are the problem at the moment not all of them but to say that there is not a problem at the moment not all of them but to say that

there is not a problem with the fucking police in America is worse Helen Keller would know that there's a problem in the police

in America what more fucking evidence do you need at this point that to some people some people not some people quite a lot of people black lives don't matter

that's why it's moving and it's scary when people are like Candy Soans was saying that oh he had drugs on him he had two drugs in his system

I've had two drugs in my system I've had three drugs in four I've had weed coke MDMA and 2CB in the last two weeks I've had four drugs

in my system on her watch I should be dead you're allowed to die I should be dead on her watch so when you listen to people attack with that narrative you're like what the fuck are you trying to achieve from your society On her watch, I should be dead. You're allowed to die? I should be dead on her watch. So when you listen to people attack with that narrative,

you're like, what the fuck are you trying to achieve from your society? You're just killing our fucking... Wow. So for me, right, when people now, with everything they know, when they say all lives matter, they're not just saying all lives matter because they believe all lives matter they're saying it

in retaliation to people saying black lives matter you're putting up you're putting up resistance it's now the same words as

but did you see what she was wearing if you say all lives matter I hear you saying did you see what she was wearing being a rape apologist

that's what I see in you if you're saying it because you're not saying it just but what was she wearing being a rape apologist that's what I see in you if you're seeing it because you're not seeing it just be oh but what was she wearing first of all first of all

if all lives matter right when was the last time you gave to a Syria foundation when was the last time when was the last time you read about

what's going on in Yemen those fall under the guise of all lives you seem to be the people that are against immigration for refugees you're only really all lives matter when we say black lives All lives. You seem to be the people that are against immigration for refugees.

You're only really all lives matter when we say black lives. What they're really saying and that's why it's so fucking upsetting. They don't think all lives matter.

They think they're... No, no, no, no. Again, this is the let's not do that divisive. Let's not do that divisive. They believe this.

No, no, no. Some people, absolutely. Are they crippling that cripplingly naive still yes you've got to remember the fucking privilege that comes from

working in the fucking arts and being open to this type of thing as you've said to yourself the working class people that don't know this it's because they've not been exposed to the same

information we have so let's genuinely give the people the benefit of the fucking doubt if after this explanation you're still not getting it then we've got

that yeah feels like you're not listening now come on alright we've solved racism yeah anything else

just stuff about your dad mainly mainly do you not want to solve sexism I'm fucking glad to do that

in another podcast alright we'll solve that welcome to another episode of white boys solve everything should we should we record another one tomorrow

for having the can let's not promise it but sure okay but I'll be back on me knitting on Tuesday have that as a promise

because I wasn't on this week because I'm on me holders I'm having a stay I'm having a staycation a staycation a staycation that's been fun Daniel yeah

every time your dad throws a dart he forgets to let go and he goes with it your dad has too many toes ten aye but one of them's not his your dad went to a fancy dress party

dressed as a piñata but blood came out instead of sweets no you beat up my dad stop stop twisting this story you beat my dad up with a stick

right it wasn't a party he wasn't even dressed as a donkey he wasn't I just think he looks like one he just tried to hang himself and you started hitting him with a stick

your dad wears his gift mask out in public despite the fact that the only hole in it is around his mouth for all the shit to coalesce through. I give your dad a sausage at the barbecue and when I told him it's paper hot, you're going to have to blow on it. You sucked it off, didn't you, Bernie's lips? I'll tell you when he blew on the barbecue. Your dad turned up to the driving gig

With someone on his back While making vroom noises Got away with it Your dad thinks Royster Five-Nine Is the greatest rapper that's ever lived I don't even know who that is He's always on Eminem tracks Is he? Right, okay

He's like the Kai Humphries Explains why your dad likes him then Your dad thinks the moon is the sun's emo brother He's like the Kai Humphreys Explains why your dad likes him then Your dad thinks the moon is the sun's emo brother Your dad thought he'd finished pissing So he looked down the barrel of the gun like Oh my foot and now he's wet Your dad has eaten old roadkill

In the hopes that he gets some new disease So he can fly to China to, and I quote, get even. Get them back. Well, that was a podcast. He's got a vast misunderstanding of what COVID-19 is. Yes. Who need a bat?

Right, bye, I think. Oh, yeah, bye, sorry.