Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Rabona a Jobby

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

Setting up camp in Prague Muggins and Cream perfectly time an edible to come up mid episode, Daniel has a brush with Idris Elba while Kai becomes family friends with Ally McCoist. Today's ranting is brought to you by Swiss adapters. #10

Sloss and Humphreys on the road! Muggins and cream, cream and muggins, straight thuggin', livin' the dream And that's our intro Fuckin' muggles! Ticklin' the clit inside your head that makes you laugh Woohoo! Ha ha ha! They said it can't be done!

Are we in the same seats? That's hack! Aww, muggles! Accidental rim job in the park Kiss kiss kiss Or a magistrate cynical Just muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglopedia Where have you been since 9-11? Sparkling water shouldn't be the standard

I knew this was coming Shouldn't be Germany defaulted it Yeah that's not right It should be a pure request Defaulting the licorice chewing gum It's not even that People are allowed to enjoy

Carbonated water, you know, if that's where they get their kicks from, the dullards. That's fine. But there's no way it's the normal because it doesn't come out of taps, okay? So it can't be standard. Standard water is just water, just uncarbonated water. That's what comes out of taps. That's what's involved. You don't just get it. It can't be standard. Standard water is just water. Just uncarbonated water. That's what comes out of taps. That's what's involved.

You don't just get to, it can be popular. You can have it most places, but it doesn't get to be the fucking standard. That's just not on. It tastes like what the TV looks like when it's not tuned in. It's just.

Also, I was annoyed the other day because I was in the van and I opened a bottle of water and it fizzed up all over myself and it was water so it's fine but i was like you can't put a blue lid on and then right like the blue lids the blue lid is like hey you're safe you can open this anywhere and look you can open this straight after an earthquake and have refreshments i know yeah that would be the worst thing after an earthquake right get the vending machine you're pulling people out of rubble they're like covered with like all the dust and debris No, that would be the worst thing after an earthquake, right? Get out the vending machine. You're the idiot.

You're pulling people out of rubble. They're, like, covered with, like, all the dust and debris and, like, the blood of their pets that were on the floor above them and it was just mushed there. Imagine getting squashed to your pet. Not even to your pet. Your pet's on the above floor and it's just dripping down. Oh, I do some intestines hanging down. Oh, it is intestines.

Don't be gross. Oh, I did say intestines, don't be gross And then like You get dragged out and you're feeling awful And then like somebody comes over They're not even a doctor but just the closest thing to a medical person And you're just like water, water And then they come and they open up The ball right beside your face

It just fucking fizzes everywhere, gets all over you You're like pfft, oh, ugh Fucking should have left me in there, Björn, with you. You need a refreshment after it. And I know I'm, here's the thing. I am willing to accept that I'm probably wrong. Because my taste, I have, I don't have the best taste in many things. You don't have the best taste in men.

I think my taste in men is okay. Speaking of which, Idris Elba was on my flight. Aye. Oh my good God. I briefly remember you telling us this, but I was too excited that Ali Vukba was on my flight. Aye. Oh my good God. I briefly remember you telling us this, but I was too excited that Ali McCoy was on mine, that we didn't listen to each other's stories. We just both talked over each other.

You about Idris Elba and me about Ali McCoy. Well, no, as a Scotsman, Ali McCoy is more exciting. The reason is... Well, as a black man, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As someone who was also in the runnings

for 007 Alistair McCoy for those of you that don't know or care about football Alistair McCoy is an ex in Scotland

and Rangers player and he's he's the like one that brings Scotland together I feel

which is a which is a remarkable thing to do because I do think like even my father-in-law who's a big Celtic fan will begrudgingly admit that Koyste is

is class which he is and that that's a remarkable turnaround that's it's just because he's such a sound bloke it's like yeah

and the only way you get that reputation is like people hate you for years because if you played for one team and then you scored lots of goals against them, they'll call you a cheater, they'll call you a dival, they'll do whatever it is. And there's no way you can win them over instantly. That's a slow bringing them over to your side

over years and years and years just through. Just being relentlessly a sound cunt every time you're on an appearance. Yeah, yeah. Whether it's being seen in public or being on TV, just constantly just being like, all right, aye, this guy's legit. James Blunt.

We all thought we hated James Blunt. It was fucking cool to hate James Blunt. And then every time James Blunt was doing something, we're like, fucking this guy, man. Natalie bought me a book of James Blunt's replies to tweets. Yeah, yeah. He's a funny man. He's a funny man.

I mean, look look i'm not gonna comment on his music considering my taste music is appalling but i like it you know what i just i was like i was just about to say well he's got to come out the woodwork soon because it's christmas yeah but that's boobly isn't it yeah that's mickey bubbles i i've not heard anybody called by a Sunday name. Tell you what a bit interesting to help with though, is... So Ali McCoy is just such a... Go on. We can go between.

We can talk about your experience, I can talk about mine. At once. Aye. Let's just go, like, headphone each. He's as attractive

as he is in the movie. Oh, my fucking... Man, that's how I saw him. Like, like I've never, it was unbelievable. Is he tall? Oh,

I mean, I'm going to be honest with you. Even from inside the plane, it felt like he was taller than the plane. And like that, and that was. Stuff had grown a couple inches, was he?

I think he could have been levitating. It was, cause he's always been on like my, my list of people. I'm like, he is objectively, I talk about how sexy he is like my List of people I'm like he is objectively I talk about how sexy he is in my fucking book I'm like he is Like if I was Excuse me Edris

Can you do a little read of this Yeah fucking I said you smell like oak which you know Now thinking back to it could be racist But could you just sign over that so nobody can see it Did you say he smelled like oak in your book You know, now thinking back to it, it could be racist, but could you just sign over that so nobody can see it? Did he say he smelled like oak in your book? I reckon he smelled like oak.

Oh, just assumed. He smelled like the bark of a tree. Well, no, but I meant like, you know, like a good strong oak table, like a good cologne is what I meant. Beer oil. Yeah, yeah, but it wouldn't cedar wood yeah but it wouldn't be it wouldn't be

it would be natural it would be natural like he would go to the gym sweating he would come out smelling better than when he went

into the gym that would be my theory aye I would have said Ali McCoy would have smelled of mud but he doesn't I would have said

he smells depends on the time of day he either smells like aftershave or pints i just assume he always smells like he's just finished a game of pub football yeah oh no no no he he still plays it well into his 50s it feels like he doesn't he doesn't smell like he still smells of grass he smells like secondhand smoke he doesn't smoke uh but he hangs around he likes it yeah of course he does because that's how pubs used to be doesn't smoke but he hangs around with a lot of smokers aye aye he likes it yay

of course he does because that's how pubs used to be he doesn't mind it it reminds him when he was a kid in pubs did you get to speak to him fuck no

fuck no not at all not a chance did you see him when you got onto the plane because you say he was sat a couple of seats next leg away from you

I was sat in a chair like far back and he got onto the plane? Because you see he was sat a couple of seats away from you. I was sat in a chair, like, far back, and he got on the plane. I went, fucking, that is... And it wasn't like, that looks like Idris Elba. It was just, nobody in the world can be that attractive and not be famous, therefore that has to be Idris Elba. Like, everyone's eyes just went... You went, like, with my got-me-tell joke.

Like, you know, in... Ah, it's Idris Elba. It's Ethan Hawke. You know when you play like some games, the reference point here is like Baldur's Gate, but it could be like Skyrim or Morrowind, any sort of free roaming game where like you can move around,

but the second some main character comes in, it's an unskippable fucking cut scene. That's what happens when Idris Elba walks within 50 feet of you. You can be talking to fucking anyone. You can have the most important conversation in the world with the love of your life. Your relationship could be on the fucking brink.

If Idris Elba walks within 50 feet, nothing you're saying to each other matters. It's a cut scene and you're both just watching him and telling him. Does it cut like some sexy music, like the old links advert, that bomb chicka-wa-wa, the old Lynx advert I don't think He doesn't need porno music

But that's not him though That's you That's your internal monologue Even then no mine would be I wouldn't say Is it more like Glass Shatterer And then fucking the Steve Austin music No

What music's playing in your head when Idris Elba cuts the scene What Like is he just getting on the plane Or is he coming to see me He's looking for his seat and he's walking past you And then you break conversation And there's a soundtrack What music's playing

Something not church like But does involve an orchestra of sorts Death March No Like who's the one that always does the music Not church-like, but does involve an orchestra of sorts. Death March? No. Like, who's the one that always does the music for Chris Nolan? Hans, what's his name? Hans Zimmer. Hans Zimmer, yeah, absolutely, 100%.

Hans Zimmer, Tim? Absolutely. Edris Elba, absolutely. Bagpipes or Hollywood Coast? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bagpipes and all of a sudden like I stopped eating my shortbread and I didn't even know I was eating shortbread

so you didn't see him in the airport because I saw Ali McCoy in the airport and he was waiting in the queue for immigration and I was zigzagging

up the queue and like my heed was like it was on a gimbal I was walking past him like you know when you hold a bird and you move the bird around and it's fucking

he's in one spot that's me zigzagging towards Ali McCoyst you're like you're like the Mona Lisa no matter where

Ali McCoyst walks in the building you're always just staring at him absolutely was and he spotted us doing that and he found it

amusing and I just went Ali McCoyst the first I know who you are that's what it was I didn't say I know who you are but I'm just like Ali McCoyst the first I know who you are that's what it was I didn't say I know who you are but I'm just like

Ali McCoyst but the worst thing is I was kind of half looking for him because I knew he was on that flight back because he mentioned it on TalkSport

so Khan listening to TalkSport when he got ready he didn't even hear it he was getting showered or whatever and his last was just like Ali McCoyst

was commentating on the game last night. I just set the scene. I'm in Paris on my way back from the match. And he was getting the flight back to Glasgow. And she was like, and I looked, and there's only one flight back from Glasgow, to Glasgow from Paris. It's this one.

And then Khan's like, Ali McCoy hasn't gotten on an EasyJet. Oh, yes. It's bad, that bad in Africa. Oh, man. Ali McCoy goes on holiday on EasyJet. Oh, yes. It's fine, that man in Africa. Oh, man. Ali McCoy's goes on holiday with EasyJet. He's a fucking man. He's only got an EasyJet because Ryanair wasn't on.

Motherfucker's humble. Yeah, yeah. He remembers where he came from. He's not me. He's absolutely not. He's not me at all. If he listened to that last podcast we'd done when he was talking

about money I reckon he would have been furious oh yeah absolutely he'd phone people to come round to my house being like I've got a fucking

mark for you and Ali McCoy so instantly heard my accent when I said his name and he just was like oh you boys got robbed last night

and he started talking about Eddie Howe's reactions like I was chatting Eddie Howe about it afterwards and like I was angrier than he was like he was taking it really well and I was chatting Eddie Howe about it afterwards and like I was angrier than he was like he was taking it

really well and I was fucking furious on his behalf so like already I've just said his name and he's Dean Aldertarkin and I'm like this is classless

so I fucking have a natter with him someone else clicks on and asks for a photograph oh as well asked him for a photograph and went and took a photograph

of him oh the other person the other person took a photograph of Ali McCoy without being in it not a selfie just like can I get a photograph of him Oh the other person The other person took a photograph of Ali McCoyst Without being in it Not a selfie Just saying can I get a photograph made

And then took a photograph of him What's that Google that If someone does that to you in the airport Are you going to make a joke about it What do you mean what am I doing The question is what are you doing And the answer is you're knocking the person that took a photo of you out.

Delete that. I didn't look good. No, you can't just fucking take a photo of a guy like you're playing live Pokemon Snap. You can't like. That's weird, isn't it? Not on. Unacceptable. And he just took it in his stride.

Didn't give a fuck. Me and Cameron were just like, what the fuck's that weird cunt? So, anyhow, i left him alone after that because i realized my conversation with him lit him up like a christmas tree everybody spots it to him and start lingering so i'll leave him be in this queue and then um i'm getting on the flight and amy looks over our shoulder and goes can i watch are you in and i looked at my fingers like foy she just looked up and went you're sat next to ellie mcquist and i just fucking put me back up and went well hey mate

I would have played at Kool in the airport if I knew I was going to be sat next to you for three hours fucking because I asked him for a photo sorry

because I had played at Kool up until after the queue I gets a photo with him because I'm like fucking hell get a photo of me oh yeah man mate

for the grandkids thank you mate just took a photo of his face I didn't know that was the option until I saw that autistic guy

so I get a I get a photo of him and then have to just like as well I'd put it on Facebook I'd put it on Instagram right

and then when I sat down next to him I opened up Facebook and it was just a picture of Alec McCoyst because I'd just posted it and that was the last thing on my screen and then I open up Instagram and I'm sat next to him

and I'm like I'm hiding porn on my phone and I'm just like well can't browse then can't browse my socials this whole flight and then he just fucking drove the conversation I chatted him most way up until take off as we taxied when we landed

and I didn't feel like I was putting on to him. I didn't feel like I was that annoying guy that just sits next to you on the plane and starts conversation. Like he was actually fucking. What did he do for the flight? He played on Solitaire or some other card based game on his phone. I was playing cards. Old cunt. I reckon you could have guessed that.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a real like I've got this and this isn't a criticism I've got this technology in my hand that you know and I'm old

and I've learned it and I can do this whole thing but I'm going to use it for the old things man used to bring his cards on the flight now he doesn't have to

yeah that's what's happening aye and them tray tables are no good if I've played Solitelli no no

once you get those like little tiny deck of cards but those not with his eyes it's getting on fair point fair point

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You embarrassed us In front of our new sponsors By not buying anything Right Aye Aye Come here Zoom in

Buy this Buy this I don't care if you don't drink Right Buy it as a gift Christmas is coming There's a mulled wine flavour Buy it

Is it mulled wine flavour Or is it mulled cider Fuck What's Idris doing Idra That's what I call him now Is it mulled wine flavour Or is it mulled cider Fuck What was Idris doing Idra That's what I call him now Idra He was

I didn't I mean you know me I fucking I was like that's Idris Elba And then I slept for an entire flight Was there any of you hoping That he'd recognise you First thing I said to Cara

I text Cara I'd be like oh my god Idris Elba's on this flight She was like no fucking way And I was just Talking about it And then I messaged her Being like Do you god Idris Elba's on this flight she was like no fucking way and I was just talking about it and I messaged being like

do you think he's just messaged his wife being like oh my god it's Daniel Sloss she was like no

no they broke up after Jigsaw because this is not me saying that I was nearly in a movie with Idris Elba there was a movie I auditioned for,

which he was tied on to be the lead in, that never happened. It was down to you and Idris as the last two. No, no, he was like the lead. He got it. He was the lead on the thing. You were supposed to be Yvonne Barksdale. No, the other one. The Wire.

Who did you play in The Wire? Oh, come on. Not Yvonne Barksdale, Stringer Bell. There you go. Stringer Bell, that's who you auditioned for. Yeah, I auditioned for it when I was 12. I was 12 years old. Oh, younger.

When was The Wire? I feel like... I feel like it's the 90s, but it might not be. I feel like we're the only two straight white men that don't know the answer to that question off the top of their head. Yeah, and the fact that it took us a couple of guesses

before I could guess his character, we've let a lot of people down. You was a, let's say you were 12. I think you were between the age of nine and 12. I think it was late 90s, if not the turn of the millennium. That is my guess on the way. And I reckon you'll probably come second. Oh, you meant to say, I think my cookie's kicked in.

I think it is. Oh, poor guy as well. Oh, man. Poor man. So when we were in Berlin, a lovely fan of ours came up. And for some reason, like last time we were in Berlin, we came out the stage door and just lots of people came up and for some reason, like last time we were in Berlin, we came out the stage door and just lots of people ended up having weed.

So I was like, by the way, we do this every year. And pretty much all the same people turned up again with more joints. So we were having fun because we are doing pretty much sober. Was it dry so far? Aye, very, very dry. Not drank yet.

I'm going to have a drink tomorrow. Yeah, we'll have a drink tomorrow after the Prague show. And then I'll save my, I think, for later next week before we come back. So we're having one each. We're having a night each that we're going to call and I'm calling. Yeah. I haven't even checked the flights the next morning for Prague. I just know that there's people that I know in town.

Oh, it's 9am for Budapest. There's some jordies. It's 9am lobby or 9am flight? 9am flight 9am flight I think alright well it's not going to be like

it's going to be hotel bar kind of drinks drinks at the venue drinks back at the hotel like we did last time so one of our fans dropped off

gave me a big tin of cookies and was like they're space cakes I was like excellent thank you so very much are they strong or what's the dosage and she was like they're space cakes I was like excellent thank you so very much are they strong

or what's the dosage and she was like they'll be fine for you and I'm like grand so I hand them to our promoter

because I'm still taking photos and everything and then I hear you behind me coming out just like oh cookies

like a fucking toddler and then I'm like man he you know he knows oh well

you were in the middle of a conversation and i was just saying are these weed cookies or not and the lad went i don't know and then i put it down thinking i'll wait and ask you and then a couple of seconds went by and i was like oh what's the worst that could happen i'll get high and i grabbed one and had one hi and i think he just gathered that there weren't weed yeah yeah yeah because i later on when everyone sort of died down we were still smoking joints and it was being passed around and I offered him some weed

and he was like no thanks I don't smoke and then we went in said our goodbyes and I he said I don't smoke aye

oh no he didn't say I don't smoke but he turned down the joint now I don't necessarily think he didn't smoke he might have been turning down the joint because he didn't know

if they were weed cookies and he was waiting to find out either way he didn't know if there were weed cookies and he was waiting to find out either way he definitely had no idea there were weed cookies he thought he just had a cookie yeah yeah yeah and then we left

and then mine kicked in and I was already a bit high because of the the spliff but when mine kicked in I was like oh this would be quite a lot

for a surprise high like it's a really manageable like this is what my high was i'm playing gloomhaven on my switch right i select my cards and then i go to the turn and by the time it gets to my characters i'm like looking at clues for what my plan was because i've completely forgot since i chose my cards so i had it all together and then you go oh look you were thinking about doing that and i was like i was literally leaving myself little challenges because my short-term memory was gone but i was to be

critical thinking was still there um now to have that happen when you've just got to drive home and see your family oh i don't think he was driving home i think i think poor man kind of had to leave his car at the venue then again if he's from America those cunts drive stoned all the time if you've ever driven in America you've not seen a sober person behind the wheel of a car that's what I will say

whereas in Scotland we're too scared to and we've got real strict laws point one you know what stops me drink driving Whereas in Scotland we're too scared to We've got real strict laws Point one You know what stops me Drink driving Oh god I hope it's something like responsibility And the law It is

If it's somebody else's fault It's mine now Yeah Like somebody crashes into you And you're driving fine. You know your limits. You've had a couple of beers. Yeah.

Just a couple, you know. I mean, it's not in town very often, and you've just had a pint with them at the show. But now I've got to drive back, and then someone crashes into me, and then I pass a breath test, and now they're looking at me like I'm the problem. Yeah.

And I just have to suck it up. That's not how breath tests work? Nope. That doesn't take the result back. They're like, oh my God, they think he owes alcohol. Oh my God. This guy's the most.

He's in a surplus. He's the most sober person there's ever been. Give us a couple of shots and send us off wait that's what you do life hack here's a life hack for you

suck the breathalyser and we'll get you shots yeah yeah yeah they'll never they'll never know they've never had anyone try it they're like well

it sucks I got that wrong you meant to suck the breathalyser no you're not I know you're not You fucking dumb cunt This is class Why would you

I'm dying I'm dying I forgot which one it was You do when you do a breath Man if I got pulled out I knew that's what I'd be doing I thought it would be too much doing I show what you do

You definitely blow You have to blow That's the only way It would ever make sense right yeah it's just it's hard to get to the end of

have you ever been breathalyzed before clearly not I have I have and you know why you know why I got breathalyzed because I told them

I had a drink I looked and told them I had a drink and I only had one and you were allowed to drink one back in South of the border

yeah and I think I'd even just had a shandy like I'm not one for I'd fucking I'd rather admit driving drunk than that I'd have made

a shandy when you're having a drink you don't even drink beer I know but rich fighter guy yeah but I don't go in and

you're drinking cider I don't go in and... You don't drink a cider, are you? I don't go in and order a fucking snake bite. You're still having a beer. Aye, but I'm not putting fucking blackcurrant in my cider. People do that, though. Aye. People. What kind of people?

What kind of people, Daniel? What kind of people do that, Daniel? The type of people. I don't know what you're saying. What kind of people like nice fruity drinks, huh? No. No. Aye, nothing wrong with a fruity drink. Nothing wrong like nice fruity drinks no no nothing wrong

with a fruity drink nothing wrong with a fruity drink and they can drink what they want aye aye toffing up your beer

with lemonades but you don't like beer join the rest of us stop you're just trying to have a beer when they're getting drunk they've got alcohol

with beer now which is like I'd have an alcoholic cosplaying as a bloke join us join the fruity drinkers stop stop sitting over there with your with your lager tops and looking over at me and all the other people I'd have an alcoholic beer Cosplaying as a bloke Join us Join the footy drinkers Stop Stop sitting over there

With your With your lager tops And looking over at me And all the other people Drinking garlic drinks Being like Yeah they're not real men Like us

Nah Get to fuck Get to fuck Sometimes you just want a beer Especially like a dinner Or whatever I bet you do Don't put any lemonade in there

Alcohol Like alcoholic Non-alcoholic beer I've had a couple of times now And I reckon this is gonna be Another one of them things like the like the dog situation

where you could probably go back and find receipts where I made like a massive judgment on the nonces the nonces that drink non-alcoholic beer yeah

guess I'll fuck kids now I don't think you have to if the shoe fits I don't think that's it if the shoe fits I call myself a nonce from the past and here I am you like an alcohol free beer do you

I prefer not having a beer when I'm like out with people who are drinking and I've got the car yeah I can understand that like i prefer like uh if i'm if my friends are drinking and i'm not i don't want to have a coke i want to have uh uh either just like a a tonic or a mocktail do you want to do the tonic I'm going to just have a tonic just one tonic I consider doing it on stage

because I'm obviously not drinking on stage now that we're here and I'm just like I wonder if I wonder if having tonic on stage would make me think that I'm just drinking gin and tonic and I won't scull it but I mean I'm just drinking water man I tell you what

when not cutting out booze right before the show and during the show I'm like man this is class this show that is running

at a hundred minutes long which is too much it's too long for a show it's self indulgent when the audience are good especially like in Europe at some points

we are pushing two hours and I know a lot of the audience don't mind that because I'm only here once every two or three years shortest attention span having motherfuckers we need to piss man man two hours for a fucking comedian who the fuck do you think you are Daniel sometimes on a really good film on my iPad I'll touch the screen to see how long's left yeah like I guarantee that like if you could touch the screen and how to see how long was left on your

show a million people would have touched 100% 100% loving the show but also like fucking hell 45 minutes to go the show

the show can't be 90 minutes long and that's the absolute fucking maximum length a comedy show should be so I'm like but I'm like you know what

I think it is I think it's because I'm drinking on stage and then I sit down and I slow down whereas when I'm not drinking I'm never sat down on the stool I'm just walking know what I think it is I think it's because I'm drinking on stage and then I sit down and I slow down whereas when I'm not drinking I'm never sat down on the stool

I'm just walking back and forth all the time and I'm like this is going to cut 50 minutes of the show we got it first night

don't drink Zurich 105 minutes long are you still well to be fair Zurich were particularly fucking yeah they were really good

what I've loved about Zurich is it felt like it felt like it felt like again in the UK or Ireland or Australia in the like

English comprehension yes like everybody everywhere comprehends English so much better than I'd ever like thought it would be

but I do still have to slow my accent down yeah and in Zurich I was like oh I can just talk like I'm in Scotland here yeah

yeah yeah yeah mind you I've been really surprised with Germany. Well, not surprised, but like, we went to Nuremberg for the first time yesterday. That was a new territory for us. And obviously you expect in like the big major cities for there to be really fluent in English

and other languages. But when you get a little bit more, I'm not going to claim Nuremberg's rural, but you know what I mean? Not one of the big major ones. I mean, I guess it fucking is if we're touring there. I just didn't expect it to be, like if you make the...

You thought it was going to be like a little backwater. Yeah, the difference between fucking Zagreb and Riga, not Riga, sorry, fucking Rijeka, thank you. The difference between Zagreb and Rijeka. Stockholm and Westeros. Yes, just because it's less sort of in there, whereas there seems to be none of that Between fucking Berlin

And Nuremberg Which is wild Why have I heard of Nuremberg? Are you kidding? What is It's something that's just like In the back of me psyche And I don't know what it is

The trials The Nuremberg trials What was it? World War II thing? Yeah so after World War II After like Hitler killed himself Before he flew to Argentina

He's dead Is he alright? After World War II, after Hitler killed himself before he flew to Argentina. Is he all right? The Nuremberg trials were like where they took all of the, after we found out what happened during the Holocaust and all the people responsible for the war, they had the Nuremberg trials. And, I mean, people didn't. So people banked the rates for being complicit in the Holocaust? No, they should have. Were people banked the rates for being complicit in the Holocaust? No.

They should have. Were the trials a bit of a... Man, that's what America... Smoke and mirrors? America was like, you can be gold free because you're a very good scientist. We'll ignore what you were doing science for, but come over and help us build a fucking able.

You're rich. You're fine. No, no, it was very much like, if these are the greatest minds of these, even though they were being used for fucking evil my knowledge they picked the brains out of the operation

and brought them over so in the trials it was like they'd done the trials in the same way like a good basketball play I'll do exams in college where they're just like

yeah get them through we need them for the football team you can be thick as mince yeah it was literally they'd just done that with ethics yeah they were just like oh he's a cool guy that knows loads of stuff about Adams Yeah, look, okay

Are you willing to say that he did everything as if you're the one that did all the all the science-y stuff? And the room which was as far as I'm aware were not Many if not most people think that people weren't, true justice was not met, I think would be an understatement. But that's with my very limited knowledge on it. Like, I think a couple of people got got

and then it was very much like... Man, imagine like, if you go to trial and end up walking, right? Imagine like, what the hell, there's someone in jail for fucking like tax fraud and i've committed genocide and i'm whacking free also this tax tax fraud is a very bad example i guess lower people like tax fraud like being in being in uh jail for tax fraud is nowhere near as bad for being in for murder, sexual assault, like fucking all like, like crimes against humanity like that. Oh, no, I just mean in the sense that like...

So I'm saying like when you're saying like people are locked up for like cooking the books or whatever, then here's why, you know, we have to genocide. I'm just saying that I took it more as like people who do fucking tax fraud are rich people and rich people don't go to jail no that was more why that's why it was a bad example yeah that's why he would have also got out yes I where's a good shoplifting would have been when I would have gone yeah I selling cannabis yeah yeah hundred percent with people in for selling cannabis even though fucking that's why Thailand and get a fuck I'm gonna stick the Thailand right now you kind of change the laws and just got, oh, he's going to have a smoke weed now,

when you've just been fucking absolutely taking people's lives off them for merely smoking it. Is Thailand legal as weed? Ah, he's fucking raking it in. Are they? These people are still cooked up in the slammer for smoking it. Cooked up in the slammer? Jesus.

Well, it wasn't going to call it the clink, was it? Fucking hell, Daniel. Two in the clink And one of them's a anyway So I think I get the fuck for doing that Can I just My big one and this is why I should never ever be in charge of any country and why I would be the worst world leader. See if like in these countries where drugs are illegal with very strict things. I absolutely understand that. country you like to have your own laws if my countrymen were to go and they were to be like smuggling drugs and if it's not if it's not a major operation if we're talking like there was

a case in australia where a bunch of people went over they had a little bit of fucking like meth on them or marijuana and they were jailed and they were like sentenced to death i'd be like you're not you can send them back and you can send them back and we'll jail them i would like i would see that as an act of war. Aye, yeah. Like, I would feel like there's an act of war in my country if, like, Gareth had just tried to go to Sri Lanka with, like, a little baggie in the phone, in his phone case.

Yeah. Forgot it was there. Oh, man. Bad example, Gareth would never forget it was there. But if they were, yeah, if they were to be the super strict of, like, they find, like, a fucking marijuana seed on somebody's strict of like they find like a fucking marijuana seed on somebody's fucking shoe and they're like that person's going to jail you'd be like

send them back right now and man you deport them they're never allowed in we'll fucking pay a fine whatever whatever the prison fees are that you need to go through fine but under no circumstance do you get to punish our people with your punishments mind you would I be willing to

accept it the other way around what if you got locked up there no no like let's say somebody came to our country somebody with the age of consent is 12 and then they went and just like then you fucking go that's not the same that motherfucker having a weed of cannabis in your shoe fucking a young'un are you going to jail

ok well let's not go alright but let's not go alright but let's not ok let's not go for age of consent then let's go for what's what's socially acceptable in other countries

legally acceptable in other countries that's not on but it's but it's not it's not legal here em defecate in the street

where's that punishable What is that punishable We're not doing much to that guy We're just moving them on Hey man stop shitting on Shops man it's Clinton's cards Get it get it People over there Think of another card shop

I think the law here is if you shit in the street One person from the mayor of the public Is allowed one attempt to kick that shit back up your ass. Up your ass? Aye. You've got to, like, bend over. No, no, no. On your hands and knees.

If you're squatting in the middle of the... You've got to, like, panenka. Panenka chip, yeah. Rabona. Rabona, you're a jobby, back up your hoop. Absolutely. We get one shot at that. Rabona, you're a jobby, back up your hoop. Absolutely. We get one shot at that. Rabona, yeah, jobby, back up your hoop.

How many people do you think understood that sentence? I'm going to go 200. Even though we'll give them 100% context, Rabona, they wouldn't know what a Rabona was. I think probably 15% of the population know what a Rabona is. Yeah. 15%. You're mental.

Way more, 40%. I reckon like if people know what a very specific move is in the game of soccer ball. Are we considering children people? I think everybody. Like listeners, we're talking about listeners. Okay. Are we considering women people?

When it comes to Rabona, not. Five. I don't think many lasses know what a Rabona is. And there'll be a handful going, I know what a Rabona is, but like, you're an anomaly. Does know what a Rabona is And there'll be a handful Going I know what a Rabona is But like How are you now You're an anomaly I wonder if Natalie

Knows what a Rabona is And she watches football Do you think it's a soft drink How often does it come up A Rabona Aye Eric Lamella Done one about two seasons ago

And she's seen that So she probably Remembers it from that Aye I need not make two people While doing it Aye It's

Kicking the ball from behind Your other leg Your standing leg So instead of kicking it normally It's wrapping your leg around the back And kicking it Like a chip You know how

If you've never played football before You know how If you had a scratch On the back of your Left heel And you couldn't be arsed Bending down And you just used

You know the feel of that, it's that. Oh, there we're going, feet to McFeet. You're going to be, there's socks on, clip that,

there's socks on. I'll Photoshop them off. There's, there. A jobby, is a poo. It's your word. Mm-hmm.

I like it. Jobby. Mm-hmm. Aye, it's good. Jobby Jabba. Aye. Is that a homophobic slur

definitely is is it actually did I make it up or is it a one that already pre-exists no the jobby jabber is a homophobic slur that is used in Scotland

I definitely asked Craig I think I asked Craig how offensive it was on a podcast once I didn't even know it was a thing until now I just put the two together

and then as I said it realised that I can't be the only one that said that no jobby jabber Also isn't that What Mr T says Quit your jobby jabber

Quit your jobby jabber What was his thing about planes I'm sick of those Motherfucking snakes On the motherfucking That was him Do I sound like a bitch? Aye, you'll not get on a plane

You sound like a tall bitch Yeah, yeah, absolutely Our tour manager here Ingo, did you know On our flight from Zurich to Berlin His first flight in 20 years First flight in 20 years First flight 20 years

2-0 And he was very very nervous He wasn't too nervous He wasn't Back the last time he flew With the wings flapped I remember planes had flappy wings Back in the 1600s

Yeah yeah yeah You had to pedal them Only if you Only if you were in economy Like if you were in business That was straight up Fucking wings are flapping at the front Straight to the back

they know the economy people doing all the hard work yeah you're allowed to smoke on planes that's what people thought the jet fuels were that's just when people used to smoke second hand lung cancer from chemtrails yeah I was I thought he handled it very well because

here's why did he not fly that in that long just hasn't been travelling mate because he's in fucking Europe where trains are fucking cheap as chips and you know

you can drive everywhere on the autobahn and everything and it's just a bit more efficient um and I think like his mother I think his parents

were getting old and he was sort of in those years where he was just you know everything's here for him um he handled it very well

because I do not and this is from a man who doesn't like touching velvet, doesn't like touching frosted glass, is scared of heights and standing on the lines of things, so I acknowledge my hypocrisy here. You're mad scared of spiders?

No. Shut up. Me? Grow up. You always pretend it's Cara to you Grow up Grow up I've seen her a number of times Just getting spiders for you Because you

How fucking dare you You'd be freaking out It's in the sink Right Okay If that's true Feel free to And this is all on you

And Cara just gets it with her hand Yeah fine Approach Cara with a spider And see how well that goes for you And then document it And see how long Your friendship lasts After that I don't like spiders But i'm fine with picking them up you'll

step up you'd rather not be the one dealing with it but i'm not but you have to be yeah i mean and and they don't freak me out i just don't like i think i'm just like yuck gross i know you're not dangerous i can't be honest with you but like could i have one on my skin absolutely could i but would i constantly let one crawl on my skin i've got i've got like two different answers you're scared of spiders no definitely not naivete reaction anything and then are you scared of spiders in australia and i'm like i oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah in the same way like Women I'm not Women here And women in Australia I'm only scared of

Over here Absolutely harmless Out of there Bite you And they kill you Yep Sort of day Seven different types

Seven of the deadliest types All around Australia Can't think of any of them Funnel web Oh no I think I mean it's snakes Seven out of ten Are the most dangerous Snakes in Australia Anyway regardless Can't think of any of them. Funnel web? Oh, no, I think it's snakes.

Seven out of ten are the most dangerous snakes in history. Anyway, regardless, I have no respect and very little compassion for people that are scared of flying. No. I can't. Like, it's such a... Like, you don't like to be scared of death because like death happens to everyone and you kind of bring heights into it when you're in a plane it's weird yeah it doesn't count fear of heights and fear of flying i've got to be two completely different things you don't

have any of the feeling of being up ahead man you cannot swim and still shower like you know a fear of swimming isn't a fear of water right so a fear of heights can't be a fear of heights. Fear of flying, yeah. Aye, it's just not. But did you think he was going to be a nervous flyer? Yeah, man, I'm going to be honest with you. Like if, I can't, because it's such, it's such a horrible thing to do to other people, right?

The reason I think dying in a plane crash would suck, right? Apart from not getting to see my son grow up. Isn't the pain, which I don't think there would be fucking much of. It would be everyone else screaming. Just people that, man, the last four minutes of your life could just be you going, right,

I'm about to experience a painless fucking death. It could be tranquil, couldn't it? It could be tranquil. There's nothing you can do. It could be quite a zen moment if it wasn't for the fucking people you keep. You could have four minutes of just like, I'm just going to think,

there's nothing I can do. This is inevitable. It's so far out of my control and it's going to be over in an instant, right? And what can I do to stop this? Oh, screaming and shrieking oh I think it'd be the fucking worst

I would spend the last I would spend the last four minutes of my life shushing people just be like you shut the fuck up like

do right so my death also has to be fucking miserable because you're a big loser you die quietly at the back man oh god Christ

I don't think I could try to die in PZR. I just... You don't think you'll be a screamy dyer? But that being said, that being said, I am the opposite when it comes to cancer. You're going to be a screamy dyer

when you've got terminal illness. There are people out there who when they get terminal illnesses or really bad diagnosis, they put their head down and they face it head on with grace, like strength

and courage. Dignity? Yeah. They stay positive. I'm in awe of a lot of cancer survivors and how they did it. Like,

you went to the fucking mountaintops with that one. Man, the people know, I'm also in awe of the people that lost the battle to cancer and,

you know, in those final fucking months were able to like still, you know, give the best version were able to like still you know give the best version of themselves at that time to their loved ones

you'd roll around like a footballer you'd be like name off you had cancer you'd fucking ahhh ahhh

it's all over us like shut up man fucking turn the cancer down a bit Daniel so it was benign and we moved it getting everyone

to shave their heads in solidarity me with a still with a full head in here I'd be like I wish I'd got

his throat oh yeah man I could I don't think I'd be able to fucking which is

what was the last I could have had a feeling the last six months and you wouldn't even know I don't think I'd be able to fucking which is what was the last I could have had a feeling the last six months and you wouldn't even know I wouldn't have asked you wouldn't even tell how different you didn't even know me

you didn't even remotely know me birth to the other day oh you couldn't even ballpark it you couldn't even like pin it to a season the 15 years

you've spent time with us on my birthday and you couldn't even go oh yeah yeah it was only a stag so it must have been the summer

oh was it only a stag oh so it was I've been thinking what have you done for your other birthdays I don't fucking know you come through to Glasgow for the last one

I couldn't tell you when that was because we left like five in the morning so who knows aye but aye you'd you'd be going I couldn't tell you when that was because we left like 5 in the morning so who knows Aye But I He began

Oh right that explains where his hair's been going The last few months Man I just thought I finally caught up to him I would be like can I just ask If you've got like a limited time to live Why are you doing Invisalign? Just because those are the things that last the longest.

I'm going to fight my own death so I don't want my teeth to match my own dental records. I never, I never, never find out who it was. Does that fuck things up if you get your braces?

Does it fuck up your dental records? I've never also understood the dental records either. I don't feel like I've ever had mine taken um i don't know when i was a baby i don't think that is bigger i think they're more of an american thing it's funny because you don't have teeth it's more of an american thing yeah and i think it's a much older thing um but also they probably do i've definitely had moulds yeah what is it

done at a record is it like the imprint's your teeth yeah is it like oh yeah like a fingerprint yeah

like a fingerprint of Al burnt off what that's why you're dead massive like they're not checking it down at records

if they can just look past well here's the thing I don't understand you know when like a plane's about to crash and they tell you to

stick your head between your legs right surely that just your head top of your head's in that

you're shattering all your fucking teeth so when they find your body it's just a giant jigsaw a massive fucking jigsaw why are they making your brace like that that's ridiculous imagine you're like fucking being a car crash and you are they making your brace like that that's ridiculous

imagine you're like a fucking being a car crash and you just fucking grab your knees like that you're like oh there you go there's a compression on your back hold my nose before every car crash just pop your ears hold your nose blow out inflate your head float out the sunroof that's how they do flick a check and just fly off I'm like oh fuck

I'm out of the sea now oh man gonna have to try and land on that oil rig that's how I go to car crashes where do we know Prague

I think so yeah we just drove here and there didn't seem to be any border control or anything Where are we now? Prague? I think so, yeah We just drove here and there didn't seem to be any border control or anything Sometimes you have little checkpoints where you stop off and have to show your passport when you're driving through Europe Prague and Germany, sisters No, you don't need to Not a lot of the time I think you're thinking of when we cross borders between Eastern European and the Baltic states

as opposed to it's free movement in Europe is it just not over in like Estonia and that or is it like Slavic countries

I think it's I think it's some of the Slavic countries and I also think when we do it in Estonia you're going from Estonia to Finland via boat so I think that's

that's why you need a passport because you're literally passing ports there so I think that's why that is but I think when you're driving but I have on plenty of occasions handed my passport over on European dates. Is it going in and out of the EU?

Yeah, yeah. So when you leave the EU? Yeah, I think you're thinking of between Hungary and stuff like that. Yeah. Serbia. I think some of the... I was going to say the Serbias, Croatia kind of lands.

Yeah, we don't have to do it much. And also we didn't have to do it between Zurich and Germany. At no point was passport shown. As a country that has its own money, I find it really annoying when I'm in Europe and I get to a country that has its own money. Yeah. And like when I'm in Zurich, I'm like, I'll grow up.

No, I don't have any Swiss francs for the coffee machine like fuck off grow up also Switzerland what the fuck is up with your socket man I fucking

do you know who you are do you know who you are oh I'm I'm not like other girls you're a fucking asshole you just I

I'm the one with the charger port you're just mixing it up just fucking cash in on that sweet sweet adapter money your own one like you've got europe on you've got america on all of britain the massive landmass of britain yeah yeah but also

all the countries that like you that the uk dominated like man you go to india we're also wrong to have our own uh plugs but our plugs are the best ones by miles in every country. 100%. Like what a weird thing to be proud of but fuck me. You're talking to a Scotsman

who's proud of our tap water so I get it. I get it. We've got the best plugs. We've got the best plugs. Australia has the worst plugs. Fucking any weight behind it it's coming out the wall.

It's the limpest handshake. It's a wet handshake yeah i think one of them handshakes that's in the shiver down your spine that's their plugs um but i fucking so when i get in obviously obviously you know that nobody's got your plugs so every fucking plug has got adapters next to it changing to the european one so we're going to the venue sure enough there's a European adapter there but I've got an adapter

that turns it from a European to a British plug and then you put that in and then you put our plug in and then plug a USB into it and I had to make a fucking Jenga stack of adapters

to get my phone charging can we just can we just start again as people can we just get along you know it's the same for back plugs? Is it?

Aye. Fucking hell. Different in each country. Swiss adapter? Yeah. For your butt plug? Yeah. Otherwise it doesn't work.

I didn't even pack it. No. Aye. Well. That's the one thing that you could pack because if they go, oh yeah, things are kilogram moving,

you can just put it straight away, but that's all right, they're gone. So now you're two kilos over hold on is that helium in that bud plug

is that what you were doing I don't know why would why would the bag get heavier when you took the bud plug out

unless it was a helium bud plug you being heavier because it's going up your butt they don't weigh me when I check in And that was the joke I was being surreal

Or shit But then again What's really the difference between surreal and shit Not much Not fucking much Not much at all I'll just rewind to the bit when I was tired And we'd float off to an oil rig

Not a great deal in between the two Shit bit Bit of fun Who cares Who cares It happened It's done Get over it

I probably did Get something What are we doing for dinner I'm getting hungry now I'm going to tell you What we're doing Kebab Going for a kebab

Hoagie wrap They don't do that There's no way They do that over here What is a hoagie wrap Compared to a kebab I'm going for a hoagie wrap They don't do that There's no way they do that over here What is a hoagie wrap compared to a kebab? Chips in it Yeah They can do that

Less salad They can do that Yeah they can But are you really going to try and explain To a Czech A Czech Republican What do you call yourselves?

Czech Czech Republican It just sounds odd Yeah I don't think that's what they call themselves I'm a I'm a What do you call yourselves? Czech, Czech, Republican. It just sounds odd. Yeah, I don't think that's what they call themselves. I'm a Czech. What do people... Let's find out. I reckon they call themselves Czechs.

Czechs? What do Czechs... What do Czechs call themselves? Not much difference between Czechs and Tartans? The Czechs. No No just the Chex Yeah check that I'm on a wild one here None of it's good

Not even surreal Not even surreal Just to fucking keep it afloat Just shite Just have had a cookie And my mouth needs to move That's all it is Why as fuck

Not even sorry Nah We should go get a kebab We should go smoking on the joints And then do that We've got that Q&A to do Oh what? I thought we were playing Glimhaven

Oh no we'll do the Q&A tomorrow Aye there you go We'll do the Q&A tomorrow Aye And then do that We've got that Q&A to do Oh what? I thought we were playing Glimhaven Oh no we'll do We'll do the Q&A tomorrow Aye there you go We'll do the Q&A tomorrow Aye And then We'll give them this for Thursday Yeah

But then Aye I'll figure it out Enjoy your episode Oh what am I doing? It's the end of it I was doing it like an intro I just did a fucking intro Enjoy your episode

We'll give you this one Is this a Oh no Is this a public episode? It is aye That's what we've just figured out It's going to go up I was doing it like an intro. I just did a fucking intro. Enjoy your episode, we'll give you this one. Is this a public episode? It is, that's what we've just figured out. It's going to go up on Patreon tomorrow, on Thursday. Right. And then it's going to have to go up on public next Wednesday. And the Monday one, which is normally the early access,

that's going to be the Q&A. Right. It's not going to go out public, this one is. We could have done this off the podcast no no no so if it's the Q&A on Monday then alright then

no brand questions then no we're going to be reading them out anyway because we'll just scroll I'd answer them

I'm at a point where I'd answer some of them we'll read them all out and answer them and then we'll decide whether they stay

in how about that? I'll do that. So if you're listening to this, you've already asked your questions, and it's coming out soon. Bye.