Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Spaghetti Detective (Ft. Ryan Cullen)

Episode Date: March 20, 2025

The rubik's cube being invented by a generation that hasn't identified autism sets Sloss and Cullen off chatting about disabilities. The boys decide who their generations Diana is, leading into the existence of less mainstream denier groups. Ryan is very very bald.

Sloss and Humphreys on the road! Muggins and cream, cream and muggins, straight thuggin, livin' the dream That's our intro Fuckin' Muggles! Ticklin' the clit inside your head to make you laugh Woohoo! Ha ha ha! They said it can't be done!

Are we in the same seats? That's hack! Ah, Muggles! Accidental rip job in the park Kiss kiss kiss Or a Magical Beat Cynical Muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglipedia Where have you been since 9-11?

That is the whole generational thing. The same generation that said we didn't have autism back in my day is the generation that made the Rubik's Cube globally famous. They were like, I don't know what it is about this toy, but it just seems that there's 2% of every population, regardless of where we are in the world, just has a fucking knack for these things. I don't know what it is. I don't know what that says. We could go to the remotest islands of the most untouched

clans and I guarantee you if we find the worst fucking spearheader in there, give him that fucking Moobix cube. He's going to be like, fuck it. I just understand colors. Yeah. Just like, I know what you are. Deep down, not even deep down. It is the number one. Like it is a thing. I never get impressed with. No, I can do Rubik's Cube. and I'm like, Jesus, even back in our day when these came out, there were better toys. Yeah, it's the adult version of learning all the multiplication tables.

Yeah. I can do 12 times 11 in my head. I'm like, yeah, by looking at a fucking photographic memory of your maths classroom when you were seven years old. Yeah, that's it, can't actually do it in their heads. No, no. There are people out there that can't do it, but those people, hellotistic.

Hellotistic. Hellotistic. Yeah, I was gonna say I can do it. Uh-huh. And you are? I don't have a photographic memory. Normal. Normal.

You're only normal because now autism is normal. Do autistic people. I was just saying. I remember there's a great community called Francesca Martinez. She got cerebral palsy. Me and Craig Hill and Francesca and her partner went over to the gigs out there. And she was in like extras and stuff. She was one of the, who was the bitch in the Titanic?

What was her name? A Kate Winslet. So the Kate Winslet episode. For that bitch. Yeah. The episode of the extras where Kate Winslet's talking about the best way to win an Oscar is to play a spastic. Yeah.

Okay. The disabled person in that is Francesca Martinez. Oh. She's really, really funny. She's got the funniest sense of viewers in the world. Like we were regularly going around. I'll never forget Craig Hill teaching a disabled woman what fisting was, because she was like,

Craig, can I ask you a question? Because we were asking her questions about being disabled. Yeah. Right, and her boyfriend's not disabled, so we had a bunch of questions. Yes. So she was like, in return, can I ask you a bunch of questions?

She went, Craig, what's fisting? He was like, what do you mean? She's like, well, I know it can't actually mean putting your whole fist physically inside another man's arsehole. So what's it, are you from this before? We were like, oh, darling, sweetheart. Yeah, that's a, oh, that's sweet.

You nailed it the first time. Yeah, no it is. It's only a physical disability you have. You are mentally acute and on point. You guessed it straight away, your intelligent woman. We also used to, whenever she came off stage, we would always tell the promoters that she was putting it on. That's great.

I've told you about my, did I ever tell you about the time I got booked in Dublin, or in Dublin, sorry, in London. It was one of my first ever London gigs. And when I came in, everybody was looking at me with like disgust. No, I walked in and they were like, who are you? And I'm like, I'm Ryan Cullen. And they were just like, I don't know.

And basically I couldn't figure out why they looked so angry at me. Yeah. And then I found out that they thought they had booked Ryan Cull, who is a Canadian comedian, who is his friend. Show is called Brace Yourselves because he's got leg braces. They are strutting in, they were like, this can't be pretending to be disabled the whole time. And then they were like, who are you? Because that would have just turned up and I'd go, I'm Ryan Cullin. He goes, what are you doing? I do comedy. And they were like, oh my god, this is worse. Because they were like, this is going to be, disaster is meant to be in headlining. We just put like a two spot.

Only one that I've ever had so close to that was, there was a So You Think You're Funny final, which I was in in 2008. And it was like nerve wracking because like, it's in the first year of your comedy career, right? Gilded Bloom, really try and ram it down your fucking throat that it's the most important thing in the first year of your comedy career, right? Gilded Bloom really try and ram it down your fucking throat that it's the most important thing in the world. Like the fact that you're a finalist is great,

but like winning it will change your career. Despite the fact that fucking 95% of finalists have gone on and still work in comedy. So I'm down at the bottom of the stairs, like after my gig, just fucking nervous, fucking pacing, shaking. And they go up and they announce the the winners. And in third place was Sean Walsh. Right, fair enough. Sean's great.

Second one was one of yours. A pedophile. I can't remember his name, but it was a, it was real fucking Irish. He's still going. He was Andrew Ryan. No, no. So, and then I smashed out a fucking night of bell or kick on a really, really good gig. Right. I had a good, good enough gig that I thought I was going to come third. Right. Okay. So Sean enough gig that I thought I was going to come third. So Sean Walsh, now you've got an outs, I'm like, absolutely fine, don't worry about it. I'm like, you'll get second place. Second place, so I'm Irish again.

Really funny. First place, the winner of 2008. So who do you think the final is? Daniel Simonson. And she fucking, she kept that escrow under a lot. She took a breath halfway through, it was really annoying. She wet her palate, she took a drink. She was like, sss. Just have to get this right.

Glug, glug, glug, Simonson. You're like, it's a sloth. Yeah. That was a test, she was just waiting. Whoever wants it more doesn't get it. Where's Daniel Simonson now? He's in New York doing really well. He's a very funny comedian.

He's deadpan and great and has really gone on from there, which I think is unfair because he's very talented. Unlike that fucking Sean Walsh. Unlike all those fuckers. because unfair because he's very talented. Unlike that fucking Sean Walsh. No, no, no, that don't mean that. I like all those fuckers. I'll be honest with you, when I'm bitching about comedians, I'll tell you what I mean and I'll tell you what I don't. Oh, anyway, back to my Francesca Martinez point, right?

Because when you were like, I'm not autistic, I'm normal. Francesca Martinez, right? It was her show the year after we were in Singapore together and it was called What the Fuck is Normal, right? When it was her brilliant take on like, she's been told her entire life that she's not normal. But then the thing like, what the fuck is normal? Like nobody lives a normal life, right?

Really good show, right? But abnormal. Love the show, love the show. Love the message, agree with it. I'm normal. But. Straight away man. Yeah, okay. God away man. Yeah okay.

God control C control V. So do you consider. No to be fair, to be fair but that logic, being Chinese is normal. And I think they're the least normal people. No. So you're trying to say I'm normal. No I'm just, I'm saying.

No definitely not. I'm saying if you're autistic. You should be killed. You're a freak. You're a freak. You're a freak. You should be killed. Daniel Slots, ladies and gentlemen. Put on shorts, make our first bird merch. If you're autistic, you should be a hundred and killed. Slots and Humphreys on through. Where the fuck did you get that shirt? It's great, right? That's incredible. They do it in three sizes, small, medium and extra medium. They hate fat people. They refuse to condone it. Setting traps for autistic people. It's like one of those ones, you know, the stick in the box and then just a Star Wars Lego box and say...

I think we need to test for autism and like a super fucking early age and we have to test it every fucking year and we have to narrow it down and we have to group these artists. Right. What is your tism? Right. You good. You go with numbers. You fucking you paint like fuck. You ever seen that guy who'd like gets a helicopter trip around fucking Rome doesn't say a word because he was autistic what there's a guy behind me this isn't a door you dumb bitch but it is adorable yeah go back to the killing all autistic people that's the tone of this part we need to the killing all autistic people. That's the tone of this podcast. We need to test all these autistic people.

Like the guy that flew around above Rome and then like they just gave him a pencil and a canvas and he just did the whole thing into that type of autism. Or are you just like, I can't introduce myself at parties. And you're like, boring. Right, but find out what the specification is. And then you force those people to get jobs.

Like if your autism is like, I'm not scared of blood, I want to know how things work. You're like, right, surgeon, free charge. You get all the fucking training for that. If your thing is like fucking love trains, well, buddy, guess what? We just nationalized the rail service and we'd love nothing more for all of you.

You to go to India. Did you see, I don't know if he was a wrestler And we'd love nothing more for all of you to go to India. Did you see, I don't know if he was a wrestler or like an MMA fighter, but in an interview he said like, what would you do to recommend people that want to get into like fighting and stuff? He was like, well, if you want to like train the best fighter in the world, give roids to an autistic person. Cause you can give, you can give roids to anyone, but if you give it to an autistic

person, they'll win. Yeah. Basically you're really good at two things. Really good at two things. And really bad at four. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we're just all what? Buying average and everything.

Buying a buying average because we're not buying everything like ups and downs. Yeah, that's right. That's the artists are so good at these things. And then really bad at these four things. And that's why, you know, the chief greatness or yeah, whereas we're so lame. Yeah, we're just, yeah. So what kind of autism did Stephen Hawkins have to put him in that chair? I tell you, it's a bad one. That was actually by the way, you was actually, by the way, you know, people don't know this, right? Stephen Hogan wasn't actually a disabled. He was just, he had crippling social anxiety. And that's why, and that's awful because they used to make him go and do speeches to entire colleges and universities and he'd be absolutely fine backstage. And the second you see that

audience, he'd be like, he loses his voice. Can't watch awkward comedy. Watch an episode voice. He's got the wee computer. Can't watch awkward comedy. Watch an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. It was like a black hole. That's how you do it, dude. Oh my God. Fuck.

Oh my God, we figured it out. Stephen Hawking watching the UK office and going, meh. Turn it down. Does that mean that he just watches something completely unoperative? Did he just put on an episode of Teletubbies? He slowly like, it's like blown out a balloon. We all started as small.

What was, what was, did he have a big discovery? Um, yeah. Did he have a big discovery? Yeah. What was it? Hawking's radiation. So he theorised that black holes didn't expand forever, that they gave out some form of energy that they took in. So they didn't just infinitely swallow mass forever. Right.

And then... They turned into something and then it was radiation? Yeah. Fucking, it's mad that they had to put like, it's mad that they had to invent the Nobel Peace Prize, sorry, the Nobel Prize for like science and stuff just because bookies weren't taking bets on physics. Yeah. That's what the Nobel Prize is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If Albert Einstein could have walked into Paddy Power and goes, I fucking bet you, everyone's got an equal and opposite reaction or whatever I think it is. I know it's EMC squared, but I don't know what that means. He was like, I bet you that. And they're like, man, I don't know what that fuck,

what are you talking about? There's two horse races today. I'm telling you, I've done the math and I think everything has an equal and opposite reaction. And they're like, we're not taking that bet. Fucking pitch this. And a bunch of nerds bet. He's like, fucking pesh this. And a bunch of nerds got together and were like, we'll give you this trophy a couple of years later.

I mean, it is basically that. Do you think- Also, no, you go. No, what? I was going to say, if you're a Nobel Prize, you get your Nobel Prize for fucking science or whatever, right? But the great thing about science is we're always we, as if I've ever been involved.

Just as if I didn't fail every science, I did it. But I'm a straight man and my people invented science. Yes, and confidence. But only because we kept everyone out of it. Yeah. So much of white nationalist pride is being like, look at history, look what we did, where are all the... I'm like, buddy, we were standing on their necks.

There's a fucking reason. All the greatest architecture in history was built by white men and the largest graves. Not true. I know, I know, I know, I don't really hate the whites. I've got skin in the game. If you get science prize for your fucking science and then science updates like 50 years later and turns out the thing that they proofed out was wrong, do they, I think they should post homously take that away from you. Yeah. The Pluto thing is that, is that a planet again? Is it? Remember it was a planet, then it wasn't a planet, then I think they're going, oh, well

it was a planet. For those of you that don't know, to put this into context for a younger version, Pluto being taken away as one of the nine planets, that was like the, what generation were you? A millennial. That's the, Pluto no longer being a planet was the millennials Harambe. Yes. Yeah.

That was a big one. That shook us to our fucking core. Right? Also our princess Diana was, wasn't princess Diana. We were 12. Who gives a fuck? Right?

We were 12. No, we're even 12. Fucking 17. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who gives a fuck? Right? Frozen wasn't even that. Who gives a fuck, right? Like you were 12. No, what are you talking about? Fucking seven, eh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, who gives a fuck, right? Frozen wasn't even there. Who gives a fuck about princesses? Yeah, yeah. Fucking.

Frozen wasn't there. The princesses went right under there. The princesses invented princesses. The, our generation's princess Diana was right in done. Oh really? Was it a character that he did? Oh yeah, and he was drunk Dunne. Oh really? Was it a character he did? Oh yeah, and he was drunk and speeding. Yeah, okay.

Just like Diana was. Dude. That's a funnier conspiracy theory. She was hammer driving. She was fucking on it. Nobody's saying that. She knew she was driving home to get some old duck. Couple of dry martinis to go with her dry fat. That's

why she crashed into a fountain. She just wanted to feel wet again. She wanted to feel wet again. Do you think like, right, cause, oh God, where was I going with this? You, you threw me off with that last line. You completely threw me off. Do you ever want to take Ryan Cullen out of the game? Just make him graphically picture the death of any member of the Royal family.

Oh yeah, that's it. I'm sitting there going like, Oh my God. Oh, fuck. I can't remember what I was going to say. I'll come back to it. Yeah. Oh, I've got it now. What I was saying about, you know, like,

that would be a funny conspiracy, Dianas driving, because I have this thing that, like, how come the smaller the conspiracy, the more mental you look? Like, technically, like, not believed in the Holocaust as mental, you know, right? But, not but. Right?

But say if you were like, I'm a Rosa Parks denier. Yeah. Oh, keep going. Yeah. You know, if you, if you like, you know, you denied that fucking the Pope's ever visited Ireland. But there are Rosa Parks deniers. Shut up. This guy, I cannot believe you brought this up. This was my fucking algorithm yesterday, right?

No way. There's actual Rosa Parks tonight. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's way funnier than that. So I can't remember what the fucking video was, right? But I always go to Instagram comments now just because I'm just so, I cannot believe how racist everyone is just being

on the internet. Like it's tenfold. And people are saying it like with them holding their kids, like full fucking work name, like everything and they're like, all the comments are racist. I'm just like, I can't believe where I was fucking turning into it. I'm reading these comments because I'm also trying to, I'm always trying to say, right, who's a bot? Who's like a Russian bot who's an American bot who's fucking Mark Zuckerberg

and Elon Musk just building these people up to comments up to like so confusion because everyone when watches a video do does what I do which is going to the comments right and they're talking about I came up with videos but somebody was like the Rosa Parks bus thing was staged. She was a fucking actress, right? So I'm like, okay, let's, this is a rabbit hole, I'm happy to go down. So the conspiracy theory is, the conspiracy theory comes from the fact

that the photo of her on the bus is staged, right? Obviously, because the thing happened, and they were like, do you want to get back to the bus love? And we fucking did. Probably didn't call her love. Oh yeah, no, no, she happened, they were like, do you want to get back to the bus love? Yeah. Probably didn't call her love. Oh yeah, no, no. She was fighting for black rights, not women's rights.

Yeah. They're calling her toots the whole time. You're at the back there toots. Listen, listen toots, I love black people. I love your big coconuts. I think they're class. I've got nothing. I'm an ally in racism.

Look, you can absolutely, you can absolutely sit in a seat on the bus to go home and make your fucking husband dinner, right? I'll tell you what, I'm so sorry for the play of your people. Yeah. You get to the back of the bus, you gold digging. If anyone's ever been confused about what the words intersexuality in black feminism is that that's it the whole thing is you can be oppressed a bunch of times or not at all we're two straight white guys so they

were saying like it's fucking it was posed and the fact that like she was an activist before she was like she was fighting for civil rights long before she was told that she couldn't fucking sit or that she had to get up for a white man on the fucking bus. So, but the actual fucking story is because this happened all the time in order to like raise awareness, she was absolutely being antagonistic, like, but antagonistic sounds like she's the aggressor. But I mean in the sense that she was like regularly going onto buses with like people, someone with

a camera or whatever to go, I'm going to fucking set where I want to set and we're going to see the fucking reaction. She was, she was the first YouTuber. She was the first YouTube prankster. And they were, they're annoying now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're annoying now. It's like, we're back there. Why, why can't you do these pranks in public, Rosa? Why does it have to be, these are the people going about their day? Cause like the bus driver, obviously,

fucking hella racist. Bunch of people on the bus, hella racist. They go in. But yeah, man, there are Rosa Parks deniers. You said it was like a thing. I just imagined a practical jokers, where they're sitting there on the thing like. Just do it up.

Sit at the back. Yeah, sit at the back. Sit right up the front, just sit there. See what they do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's calling the police. Keep sitting there. Look out the window.

Look, Mel and Collie. Look, Mel and Collie. Rosa, you said you wanted to be famous. I'm still imagining the exact impractical jokers, you guys. Just reducing the entire civil rights movement. Okay, Martin, Martin, the largest crowds ever assembled coming to hear you talk about why Black Crows Mare. Just start talking about your dreams. Not now, Saul.

Gotta do it. Oh, that's funny. And then the last one is like, you know, go out in that balcony. Which one is this? There's not a number four. Whatever. One of them says that Martin Luther, cause he got shot in the balcony. Oh, sorry.

When you shot black man on a balcony, I thought Jack was his kid. I did not say black man on a balcony. We were talking about the civil rights movement. Yeah. Well, Jackson about the civil rights movement. Yeah. Well, Jackson. Jackson? Michael Jackson, remember that? That was a big day in the news, when he chucked the baby off.

Yeah, he didn't chuck the baby off. He held the baby over the edge. I might be wrong, as far as my memory serves me. He leveled it. He dropped it and went round those stairs, they went don't worry guys five second rule Took the baby up to his ruminators Jesus Christ, I'm fast He dropped all the spaghetti by the bowl?

Who dropped the spaghetti onto a pacifier? What is this? Second bet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Well, we did all our, like we had Phil Ellis, we were trying to push that he was a famine

denier. That is a big event. Yeah. And this isn't the day for it, by the way. This is Paddy's day. But I'm just trying to think of other... I like to antagonize Ryan around the house occasionally. I love being a feminist denier in the house. I've just been like, there's other stuff in the shops, man. It's always, I know it's the oldest joke in the world. It's always funny.

It's not funny because the joke's funny. It's funny because it annoys them. When I found out, yeah. Yeah, the Troubles, oh yeah, because this is in Finn versus history, the Troubles, only less than one 9-11 died in the Troubles. And it was like over 10 years. It's quite a lot for guerrilla warfare though, isn't it? First of all, there was no guerrillas involved. No, it is a lot for guerrilla warfare. I suppose really 9-11 is guerrilla warfare.

I have a dumb question for you, which to make myself look stupid, because I've been listening to Finn vs. History, because I've been listening to Fin Versus in history, because I love it as a broadcast. We were listening to the IRA episodes, right? So, I'm going to say things and you tell me when I'm wrong, right? IRA, Catholic, Irish. Irish, not Northern Irish.

Or they were Northern Irish. They're Northern Irish. IRA, all Ireland, there wasn't all Ireland. Right, so when they're. Because they're down in South Ann Arf, but mostly in the North. Right, and they're only bombing at the border. They're only bombing Belfast, because that's what the Brits have said is theirs.

So they're bombing that to be like, fucking. Yeah, basically, yeah. Right, okay. Right. And some of the, so have said is theirs. So they're bombing that to be like fucking, right. Basically, yeah. Okay, right. And some of the- The border is just a border. So the Northern Irish people in the IRA would be angry that I was calling them Northern Irish. They would be like, no, we're Irish.

Right, got it. Yeah, yeah. Even though they got that fucking heavy, scary Northern Irish accent. Yeah, yes, Daniel. But it wouldn't be called that. Yeah, of course, of course. Had Britain not done what Britain does. Yeah, okay. Just because I was fucking, because I have always associated,

because you always say the RA. So I was associated the RA with Southern, it does, yeah, the Republic of Ireland. But then like when we listen to that, I'm like, oh, this is all like in Belfast. And then also because there was a bit they were saying The bad publicity that they had was like they set off one of the bombs and it killed like a bunch of innocent civilians Which they were trying not to do the next day Like all the pictures were of like catholics sweeping body parts out of the thing So I think what confused me there was i'm like, are they sad that they were Killing yeah, I guess I kind of thought they would they have cared if they killed prods?

Yeah, but yeah, but not as much. Yeah, not as much. Yeah. But it's like, I think it keeps breaking into everything. There's it's too hard to explain because it depends on what time you're in what area you're in. I think I've told you before, like, like my dad's area would have the radded something even though it's the most Republican IRA place there should be. They're hated in that little area because they did something, got kids to run guns and got shot and stuff like that. So like, half of them are like, oh, and if you, the IRA is like basically gangsters,

and then when you're like 15, you're like, nothing else to life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That kind of thing. And there is fuck all to do in Ireland, man. There fucking definitely was back then, in the late 70s. Cause like one of the really interesting things

you were saying was, I shouldn't laugh at this, but I cannot tell you how anytime a pensioner dies, it brings me joy. Because of like the informants for like the Brits, ratting out fucking people, and some of them were taken into witness protection and they'll eventually go back.

There's like occasionally in Ireland, they'll be like an 83 year old man was shot in the head today. No one in Ireland will go, oh no. Why? It's always something like, just get got. Yeah, two year old man entered the building and shot this guy in his sleep.

He was 89 years old. He was undocked and you're like, all right. Yeah, absolutely. There's not even a fucking police inquiry. They're like, yeah, well, I mean, we're going to find out who did it, but we know the fucking motive. Man, you imagine like our fucking neighbors when we were grown up, we fucking 82 year old shot the back of the head as if the entire street would be

like, well, yep, that's, I guess that. Yeah. I mean, like it depends. No, you wouldn't even say he's a pedo. No. Oh, that's right. That was their point actually. There were a lot of them were pedos for that reason. St. Patrick was Welsh. Speaking of taking away the lives of old people. Oh. This is kind of touching on a Patton Oswald bit, so I acknowledge it, but like, Patton Oswald had a really good bit on one of his specials.

By the way, clip that, because I think I'm probably the only 12th person in history to say Patton Oswald had a really good bit. Yeah. That's not that I like Patt to say pattern Oswald had a really good bit It really really good bet in one of his face was we should talk about like When you turn like 15 in America, you can drive and at 16 You can get my fucking 70s or gun 18s, whatever the fucking thing is He's like it should be the exact same at the other end, but they should like make things league Like once you get to a you can do heroin once you get to 80, you can do heroin.

Once you get to 85, you can murder. Because like you sort of lost your, I think it should actually be the opposite. I think you should lose your rights in the same order that you got them, right? So when you're 60, let's round, just for the purposes of this, everyone dies at 90, right?

That's the average. So at 25, what can you do at 25? That feels like, 25, you can no longer rent cars. Right. So sorry, sorry, sorry. At 65, as an old person, you can't rent cars anymore, right? 21, right? No more gambling.

No more gambling, that's your kid's inheritance. Yeah, okay, right, 21. That's your grandkids, no more fucking gambling. When you are 72, no more drinking, no more drinking. Man, stop, it was so long ago. You're wasting it. And also, yeah, you're drunk, you're around your grandkids. It was so long ago that you were molested. You've repressed it for six years.

Why are you bringing it out in the last day? Keep it down there, clean it right. Then you 100% then when you're 73, I don't care, you never get to drive ever again. You never get to drive. You can't reset your test. There's no special allowances. You just don't get this. When you get a pass motherfucker. Yeah. And then at 74 you lose the right to vote. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And more importantly, more importantly, when you get 74, you're not allowed to fuck ever again.

Okay. You're not allowed to have sex over the age of 74 cause that's fucking gross. Okay. That's fucking gross. And I don't care if it's with each other. That's yucky. Yeah. Stop that. Yeah. Okay. Right. Now there's other people. I don't care if it's with each other. That's yucky. Yeah, stop that. Yeah. Okay. Now there's other people who I think are unattractive. I don't

mind them having sex. Okay. My particular attraction, I don't like fucking big, massive people. I know there's facts for some people, right? I find some bigger women with him. I like bigger women, but like I'm talking that ball. That's not my thing. Not that. I don't mind those big blobs having sex with each other. Right? It would be gross to look at. I'm just not going to look at it. That's on me. Yeah. Old people shouldn't be allowed to have sex at all. Right. Just disgusting. Not even behind closed doors. No, no. Why, why for them dies? Well, first of all, lol. That always happens. Yeah, that is. But you go on. The only reason they're fucking is because we accidentally invented Viagra because we were trying to come up with some fucking heart murmur medicine to make them die less.

And then it gave them boners. And they were like, we're like, Oh, this didn't cure your heart problem. They're like a fucking dead fucking let me know you're right now. I've never felt a bumpman like this before. And are you not like embarrassed by that? Or unpaid? Or run? No, gross. Old, they're fucking.

I reckon. Like, they're like putting their fingers between each other's hands, old wrinkly hands, the wrinkles getting between each other's wrinkles. Like the most skin to skin contact they've ever had because like the wrinkles are getting in the grooves of other things. Hard to put, they're like those, the fucking, you know those laser cut bits of cubes of metal

where they perfectly fit in and you can't see. That's what happens when two old people fight. First of all, right, all the pussies are gonna be dry and second of all if they're not even grosser yuck why's that wet yuck that's disgusting why's that wet why's that wet what made you horny you're old oh yeah how come them organs are working and not the others also you're getting horny over if you're old first of all if you're getting horny under anyone over the age of 70 pedoo, straight to jail. Yeah.

Right, gross, yuckaroo, disgusting, right? Also, you're getting horny over other old people, yuck! What are you talking about? Yuck! People my age who are into old people, I'd get rid of them. I think that's disgusting. I think that's taking advantage.

I think it's as bad to like fucks a pensioner when you're 21. Is it, yeah. You think it's- As to like fucks a pensioner when you're 21. Yeah, you think? As bad, that's what I said. That's what I said. Yeah, as Leonardo DiCaprio. Did you, right, so I do have one fault with your thing, right? That can't be true, it's flawless.

Right, and that would be, would that mean like so in the same vein, would that not mean that when you're 90, when you're 72, 18 years before that, then you can start having sex with children. Because it was zero to 18 was illegal. Yeah. And then so the last 18 years I'm confused. You're a pedo. I just don't want to get the stuff that people do behind closed doors. I'm not into. Well, like golf's. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Look, the goal is the reason we want to take rights away from old people is now that old people are finally, finally fucking allowed to kill themselves in this country. We gotta, we gotta nudge them in that direction. We can't, they can't have a good life when they're older. They're taking up so much space. It's why the NHS is overrun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not fucking immigrants, right?

It's the fact that when God made us, he was like 65's the fucking limit. Because all we did was spit in the face of God forever. When God made us, he was like 65 to the fucking limit because all we did was spit in the face of God forever. We landed on the moon and invented 100 year old people. And the moon was cool, but 100 year old people are gross. They are.

And you know, I actually find it funnier. I always find it really funny. This is terrible, but when someone like over 85 dies in spectacular circuit, you know, you live like to 90 years old and you think you're going to be the end, actually, and you get like disintegrated by a fucking piano. And the street is looking, you know, dropped the spaghetti on a walking stick. Every time. Oh, my God.

Is that Paul Walker and a load of spaghetti in here? With this spaghetti driving a convertible What's forensic scientists Guys I don't have to tell you this and obviously two towers coming down a tragedy Do you know how many fucking watermelons and bags were in these buildings? Was the entire basement red wine? Like what is this much? Was your son Italian? Because all he found at the scene was this load of spaghetti. And if you ask me way too much tomato sauce.

Two very spicy meatballs. Do you know in the Italian version of the Avengers, when Thanos clicks his finger, they all just turn into spaghetti. Oh I wasn't expecting that. It gets rid of like the somber like silence of that final scene whenever it's disappeared because nobody's saying anything but if you do somebody disappears there's just a wet oh jesus christ and then but it does make the final song very um sad when captain america's there holding the spaghetti and meatballs so when iron man's holding the spaghetti and meatballs they used to be spider man he starts singing to himself very quietly at first, on top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese.

I lost my burn-ate ball. Then somebody sneezed. What happened? What happened, Tony? It rolled off the table and onto the floor. And then my burn-ate ball. It's probably the fucking stupidest thing I've ever done. The Italian version of the avengers It's the same movie all the way through

Right, but the balls were doing Tony's don't like clicks his finger white men podcasting, then I don't want it. There's a lot more you want. Spaghetti investigators, investigators forensic. They can't tell between spaghetti and a dead body. Unbelievable work. This guy keeps killing the spaghetti murder struck again and he's left as a calling card. Spaghetti. That's what I'm that's my name. The spaghetti killer, Luigi. What's happening with that sexy beast?

I don't know. I see a lot of people. I do love that there's like loads of, you know, like just fund it. So just fund me or whatever. Just fund it. It's way more brutal. Just fund it is the IRA Kickstarter. Just fund it. Yeah. Just fucking, what the fuck was I talking about? Spaghetti. Spaghetti. Luigi. Yeah. They're just sending, if we sign off signatures, he'll get out of jail. You know, we need to like, he's okay. He did murder someone in this trade. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look, don't we're all happy about it. Yeah. He did it for the walls and the memes of the great Glad is still a crime Should more people do it absolutely should those people go to jail after absolutely Guys this is nature in balance what he did was a good thing

Now he's in prison for murder, which is also a good thing murderers have to be got Gotta go you gotta get them. They have to be got. Gotta get them. Gotta get them. Gotta get got. Gotta get got. Until they got get going. We attended a gay wedding. Oh, that's right, yeah. That's why it was. Gertrude finally married.

His bride, his wife, finally can call her his wife. Finally managed. Because I've been doing that. Once they were seven years into the relationship, I was like, if you're going to fucking disrespect your wife like this, but not making her your wife, I'm just going to call it your wife. Fair play to her. We're all out. The coldest wedding that's ever taken place. That's why, man, it was just all funged up. Yeah, yeah, we're all super delfing that way. It was the coldest wedding that ever took place. Because, you know, Scottish optimism for having a fucking wedding outside, mid-March. Gotta respect it.

Raising the ceremony was great though, even though we were all freezing to death was because it was funny. So we're all freezing to death, waiting for this fucking bride to turn up, right? She comes around, going, Gareth and Laura have been together for 12 years? 13 years. 13 years, two kids. I only proposed last year. She comes around, going, Gareth and Laura have been together for 12 years? 13 years, two kids.

I only proposed last year. She comes around the corner and they play Etta James at last as she walks down the aisle. Very funny. We all have a big lull. Laura's one up on the day. That's what you want for a wedding, is the bride being one up on the husband

instead of the, in terms of batter. Then Craig Hill, friend of the board terms of pattern then Craig Hill friend of the board Craig Hill is officiating the wedding because uh if a gay man Marries you You're legally allowed to cheat Yeah, it's just one of the loopholes in the uk system. It's like the same as getting married on a boat Yeah, so it's like getting married with one hand on base. Yeah Yeah, getting married with your boat. Yeah, it's like getting married with one hand on base. Yeah. Getting married with your fingers crossed, blind your back.

It's like, you know, put your swearing on the Bible, but you have main camp in your back pocket. Yeah. Yeah. So, Greg goes through the thing, and for the week before, he keeps saying to me, he's like, there's one thing that Gareth said, that once we say that, I don't think I should say. And I'm like, really? He's like, yeah. Like,

they've done this thing where they've seen two things that they really love about each other and then one thing they think the other person could work on, which I think is a bit risky. I'm like, could be a bit risky, but as long as it's done with Banner. He's like, well, Gareth says his is with Banner, but like it is really cruel. And it's like Laura's wedding day. So he could like fuck things up. And Gareth, Admin the whole time, be like, do it, do it, do it.

So they finally get down there, they do the reverse. Laura's ones, like, what's not advice, but there are two things I love about him is, you know, he doesn't take life too seriously. He's always funny. He's always making jokes and he's an exceptional father. Both things, very true. The thing she thinks Gareth could work on is he leaves his shoes out at night and then the dog will take the shoes and bring them into bed in the morning. It's all uncomfortable. Ha ha ha. He then goes to look, Laura,

Gareth says about Laura, she's an exceptional mother. She's super organized. She makes him a better person. And the thing that she needs to work on is her racism. Perfect. Emmanuel Sanobie got up from the fucking church of life. That was top tier. So funny. So funny. That was a wildy laugh. That took a wildy calm down from that now.

Yeah, and you did your wee best man speech, ruined a pensioner's day. Oh, she was so mad. Fucking hated it. That was so mad. They're joyless. They're joyless. I was already warned. And if they're that joyless, we shouldn't let them fuck. I'm telling you Colin.

You know I'm in though. She's not allowed to fuck anyway. None of them are allowed to fuck Colin. It's yucky. You're allowed to fuck with me anyway. Yeah. Colin did his speech and everyone enjoyed it except for Colin's gran who was a great photo for her just not making eye contact at any point with Colin just staring blankly ahead.

He's not even at me. He's turned about her back at most of it. Yeah, yeah. Front row, turn her back. She was right in front of me too. It's so funny. Yeah, I find that awkward. I found it awkward only because it was very funny. Half the crowd being like, genuine half warnings, like, this is not good. And then the other half going like, say stuff and ruin this wedding. Either want me to ruin it like horrible or ruin it by tanking it, you know?

It's either of those two. That's the thing though, which I guess is like the pressure of being a comedian doing a best man's speech, the pressure's up because the people who don't know you, the people who aren't comedians are like, oh, this is going to be hilarious. He's funny in real life, so this is going to be great. Whereas the comedians in the room are like,

this is actually tough because it's a clean midday set to like, oh, such a eclectic group of fucking people. But if you do badly, the comedians will love it and talk to you more afterwards. If you were to have a great best man speech, like you did, I guarantee you the only thing you got from other comedians was like, hey, good job, congrats, blah.

If you'd eaten shit, you would have been the most popular person. Oh, I know, it would have been brutal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We wouldn't have left you side. Very funny. Yeah, yeah. Because that would have been way funnier.

So I think in a sense it could have been good because even bombing would have been way funnier. So I think, in a sense, it could have been good because even Bombin would have been a success story for everyone. Yeah, it would have been. It would have been talked about more. Yeah, it would have been brought up quite a lot. Yeah. And then I went online afterwards and was like Scottish weddings apart from the Indian weddings in my top two. And then somebody was like, what about Irish weddings? And I'm like, those are in my head, those are Scottish weddings.

Like it's the same fucking, if it's kilts dancing in booze, right, if it's that, so, and bagpipes and shit, which both those are, best weddings in the world. Indian weddings, great. Fucking, bunch of, bunch of other cultures turned up in my comments with a lot of fucking consumption really you ever been to a German wedding What are you fucking talking about? No, but I've been to your Holocaust

Spanish when neither of you because you were all taken I mean, shut up. You've never been to a Spanish wedding, neither have you, because you were all taking naps. Instead of getting, you don't even need to invent aircon. It's been invented, just fucking buy it. Did you see me lugging around five liters of water bottles every day? Stop it.

Oh, you are fucking, well, if you think that's great, you should come to a Palestinian wedding. I don't want to be drone-striked by the IDH. Have you been to an American wedding? You're like, what's that? Oh, can you imagine how much sincere fucking poetry readings there are at an American fucking wedding? Uncle and lop in like, I remember when I'm in a fucking church where they all actually say, oh. Wilfred Brimley.

Fucking yeah. That's, that's a good point. That's the, that's the weddings the US government should be bombing is their own one. It's just fucking right. Leave the Syrians alone for a bit. Leave the Iranians alone, but stop being like there was somebody who was in ISIS 45 years ago so we had to kill the woman in the cake as well. Stop doing that, stop bombing your own wedding. Have I been to an American wedding? I must have, I feel like I flew to America for a wedding.

We went to Calseis. Oh yeah, there was Petey Pappodre. He was beautiful though to be fair. Oh, yeah, there was Petey Pappodra. It was beautiful, though, to be fair. Ah, he was outside on a beach. And the footstool's good. Well, she married a fucking black guy. Oh, yeah. Which is the fucking the best thing she gave us as a family member.

Yeah. She brought black into our family. Did you? Don't be wrong. I love being a... And an ear comb back. I love being a sloth, but it's time to improve the bloodline. We got a bunch of scientists in our bloodline. Great. Cool. Mike fucking Kelsey and her husband. I believe both of science back. Oh no, cause he's army was what is she's army, but she was definitely science uni. Yeah. She's a doctor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah, yeah. He's also a doctor. I think he was a sergeant or something. Anyway, both fucking pew pew. A pew pew. What the? All right. Okay. Yes.

What do you even do? I think you understand. That would make bloody sunny way that funnier was pew pew pew pew. Like, surely that can't hurt. Yeah. Oh, no. OK, no, you've actually you've brought American weddings back for me. I've completely sorry. When I think of America, I was thinking of California. I was thinking of like Wisconsin. I forgot about the South.

I got a deep Southern. Oh, yeah. Deep Southern was probably fucking wild. You have to get out one of those fan boats. Yeah, I wonder if they get as drunk as we do. And I know Americans will be like, we do drink as much as you fucking don't. Yeah, no. I know you have your own alcoholics, right?

You fear an alcoholism, real in America, right? But I'm just saying our alcoholics could out drink your alcoholics. It's like their base level's really small. You know when you get like American students over at universities to be like, you know, because you would drink, they would bring over a couple of bottles, like two or three, right?

And you would have, because you would always drink, you'd drink six cans and then they save money because you didn't have money. When you're going to the nightclub, you would like neck a flagging, right? Or, don't use that word, the half bottle of vodka, just to make that absolutely trash, but they would have two or three and they get loud very quickly. As I get that- Well, they get fucking loud sober, they're yanks.

Yeah, exactly. So when they go up one level, one meter, just like, Jesus, get it together. Yeah. I think one of the problems with the American, and I feel like this is only true for white American weddings, is the reason why Scottish weddings are good.

Because even though we're white, right, we have Scottish country dancing, right? Because we're all taught Scottish country dancing from the age of five in Scotland. It's fucking mad to trade all fucking schools. Whenever we go to a wedding, no matter how drunk you are, somebody goes, you want to do the gay Gordon's? You're like, I fucking remember the gay Gordon's.

And it's like, everyone remembers that everyone can do the dance and nobody's self-conscious because we're all doing the same dance. So everyone's on the dance floor. And then like the best way to do a Kayleigh, like a Scottish wedding is like you do two dances and then you put on disco or dance music for like 15 and then you do another one and it just like keeps refreshing the dance floor going. Indian weddings are good because they all fucking love dancing man right they love dancing right their heads are moving all the time their bodies might as well join in right they're fucking dancing all the time right. Black weddings in the south I

reckon they don't need any sort of like, they don't need it to be like these are the news, they're like, they've got fucking rhythm. A Wisconsin wedding where there's no organized dancing. Just go up there and it's Mr. Brightside. Yeah. Now don't get me wrong, even though what I've just described did give me a bit of a social hard on. Cause I love Mr. Brightside it's the greatest song of all time. That being said. It's the greatest song of all time. Probably. Don't know why I'm angry at that after everything else you said that was the part

that I just got. Oh no I know the best song of all time. Oh this is gonna be fucking this is gonna be the Wolf Tones. I don't even know who the Wolf Tones are. They sing a lot of Republican rebel songs back in the day. For the day that's on it, you know. Oh, fucking headphones. You've done this with 10 times. Also, I'll tell you about my moment of wealth privilege in a second. Oh God. second oh god I don't get it out of my head. I have an anti-Semitic song stuck in my head.

What are you saying? Ah, Kanye West. Fucking somebody put that song in my fucking algorithm. It's just been stuck. And during the day, I swear to God, I'm not anti-Semitic, but fucking that song. I'll be going, why don't like? I know the original. I know the original. But the problem is this guy did this song in a German accent and German accent is fun to do. It's a way funner accent.

Yeah. Very funny. Very good. I didn't know you were going with that. Right. My moment of wealth privilege. So I have four of these. Oh, fuck off. I'm just bored. I'm bored. I'm bored of looking for them. fuck off. I'm just bored. I'm bored of looking for them, right? So what I've done. That is a disgrace. I'm bored of looking for them.

It does my night, right? What happens is I can buy like a 200 quid, pay the fucking headphones, don't feel well, I'm gonna leave them on an airplane one day. And then be gutted at that loss of 200 pounds, set a fucking headphones, be angry. Or I can use that same 200 pounds, buy four of these, charge them up, right? Then if I lose one, cool, I'll find one of the other three.

And then, and then, I walk around in herzberg, oh there it is. I have reduced how much I hate myself every day by 20%. Look, 20% of my day is spent looking for these fucking things but sure you should feel sad about how stupid you are that you have to buy for yeah but I've learned to accept who I am I just am somebody who loses things that's that never leaves his body well that yeah I saw the wealth privilege is just madness it's just fucking madness that's what it is you forgot an air earphones in every fucking room in case you forget one. Like I understand like forgetting

the headphones is the worst like you know. My next step is what? Right. I'm going to buy four more pairs of Crocs because there are six exits to this house. Right. To get to the garden, to get to the bins, to get the front, to get to the bins, to get out the front, to get out the other front, to get to the garage. Don't want cold feet. And I don't want to have to walk to the shoe cupboard to get my fucking Crocs. So I just leave my bare Crocs. Is this why rich people are fat? To do anything under complete power to not move. I've left a cupcake on every shelf. I never have to walk through the bakery again. Just in the heat. Have I ever had an issue with like, oh for fuck's sake, that's the most fucking, that was the fattest thing I've ever had.

I only buy crocks so I don't have to walk to my older place where the crocs should be. Yeah to walk outside What's outside? We grow out there we are spires you fucking We've got a we've got a gardeners and now because we took some damage From the storm. Yeah, so anyone that survived Katrina. Yeah You weren't on the roof of the house Yeah. So anyone that survived Katrina? Yeah. I know what it feels like. You weren't on the roof of the house, were you? I was, but only observing what the gardeners were doing. It's great when they have binoculars.

Also, you're looking for help, you know, the helicopter is like, but it's just the burn at the back. It's slightly risen. Love, love our gardeners, because we're like one of the first jobs, right? So they've taken it really, like they've got that hunger. Like, they're starting out, they want to do the best job possible. You're silent. Yeah, yeah.

Seventeen years old, just desperate for work. They're older than 17. So they come in. It was a his work. They're all in the 17th. So they're coming in, they're going above and beyond. Garden's looking so good, super fucking chuff with them, super professional. They're all good with Kaelin, like Kaelin, here's the noises, he wants to go in the garden. They turn off all the dangerous equipment, they save them up, they show them how everything works, they're great with them, they say hi to me waves, they're superb, they're brilliant. One point I'm down talking to them like you see a greenhouse there when the June the storm bunch the winter planes charge wants to

replace those I was like yeah eventually I'm gonna be a few lads I'm not in my green finger stage I'm not gonna say never but I'm not growing shit in my garden so just leave it as is there we can can get rid of it. And I was like, no, no, no, second my daughter hits 14, I'm growing weeds out there. Because in Scotland you can grow three plants per person in this country, and it's not illegal. The guy went, we'll do it. And I went, what?

And he goes, no, I would never say this. It worked, but things break up. Me and the lads, like, you know, on Friday, when we finally, well, Saturday, to be fair, Saturday when we finally lay off, we go and we see our families and we all smoke weed. We never do it on the job, we never have a whiff of this. I don't know if my client's garden's smelling like it,

but we can do it. And I'm like, what a way to guarantee your own job for 15 years. That's a smart businessman. Great stuff. And if you're in Edinburgh and you're looking for some exceptionally good gardeners, I will tell you the name of them when they've done, when they've done there. When they've done.

Hi. Yeah. It'd be great if you were bigging them up here one day. And when you come out and they've just met a massive mound of dirt in the shape of a cock. Yeah. I'm like, just as Kara asked for. You come out and look at it and go, actually, I don't think they like me at all. A big dirt mound in cock shape. They're like, why did you burn Colin? It's like that Ben prestige where Christian Bale's dicking his brother. Looking over the bush.

By the way, well done me for that really good prestige reference. It was a good prestige reference. I've not watched that movie in so long. You know I was arguing with the other day. The prestige. We've done this a couple of months ago. Did we do it on the podcast? Not sure. Did we do it on the podcast? No. The prestige is Christopher Nolan's best film. It's not. It is. It's not. It is. It's just not. It's absolute. Interstellar. Interstellar is superb. Interstellar is one of the best boy movies of all time. It's so good. It's so rewardable.

So it's the best. I love Interstellar. The Prestige is a thousand times better. And I say that loving Interstellar. The Dark Knight. Inception. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And again, love Inception. Prestige is better Inception. Yeah. Yeah, I get it. And fucking Dark Knight. And you know how much, love and inception. Prestige, fair and inception. Yeah. Yeah, I get it. And fucking Dark Knight. You know how much I love that movie. You do. I love the Dark Knight.

The new lives of the, you do. You do. It's all I talk about. The prestige is. The fucking Memento was better than the prestige. Nonsense. I love the Memento. Nonsense.

The Memento was great. The Memento was great, but the prestige. Nonsense. It's preposterous. It's Bobbycock in my own home. Down peasants. No, well, it's better than Dunkirk anyway. It's definitely better than, it's better than Oppenheimer.

Tenet sucked a welly. What? Tenet was arse. Tenet sucked a welly. Tenet's good to feel like really sucked up. It's good to feel like really sucked up. It's good to feel like really sucked up. It's good to feel like really sucked up.

It's good to feel like really sucked up. It's good to feel like really sucked up. It's good to feel like really sucked up. It's good to feel like really sucked up. It's good to feel like really sucked up. It's good to feel like really sucked up. It's good to feel like really sucked up. It's good to feel like really sucked up. It's good to feel like really sucked up. It's good to feel like really sucked up. It's good to feel like really sucked up. It's good to feel like really sucked up. Well, it's better than Dunkirk, it's definitely better than, it's better than Oppenheimer. Tenet sucked a willy.

What? Tenet was arse. Tenet sucked a basic. Tenet's good to feel like really stoned and don't care about like life logic. Oh, like visually. You know, but if you're really stoned as I was the first time I watched it and I was like, I don't understand what's going on. And then I watched it sober and I was like, I still don't.

Yeah, if you're just going to give up, it's fine. But even at that, like the sound's so bad that you can barely hear to yeah You can't you can't even hear the two main actors talking and they're like this usually would people would be like this is a bad Director it's quite funny that it's him You won't make me good up and however is decent Decent yeah So the fucking it the, the, the, all right. Not gonna like this whole thing. Barbie was better than Oppenheimer.

Oh, easy. Yeah. Definitely was. Yeah. Sorry. Like, and they're not in like a fucking walkway. Just was better. It was really, really funny. Yeah. Yeah. Sublime. Yeah. I also like, I can, which they might be able to just refuse to, both sides, women that refuse to allow themselves to enjoy Oppenheimer because it was part of the Barber, I mean, thing, and men that didn't allow themselves to enjoy Barbie because it was part of the fucking woke thing.

Like lads, if you all just lower your politics a bit, the world is funner. Yeah. You can still hate genocide. Yeah. And enjoy Oppenheimer. Did. You can still hate genocide and enjoy Oppenheimer. You can enjoy it as a movie.

Yeah, yeah. Do you know, like, what I will say is it wasn't very much, it was a stupid idea getting Ryan Gosling because it was meant to be a big thing for women, but most of us were like, Ryan Gosling was the best at it though. You see the Italian version of Oppenheimer? No. Right, so it's a big countdown and it's about when the French dropped much of mushrooms into the car.

Shut up, I didn't want to reach that. I'm not kidding you, 400,000 Italians immediately evaporated. If you walk around Rome, there are silhouettes of Italians, like against the wall and all of the outline is just trance of spaghetti and meatballs in Rome forever. There's one guy, one guy knew what was about to happen and the Italian guy knew what was about to happen, he's in Pompeii and he's covered in spaghetti meatballs and he's got a sticker. You just like go over to fucking Nagasaki in a helicopter going like, oh my god, it's just like Naples.

Spaghetti. What a laugh. Yeah. How long until they can, and I know it's going to be fucking years and centuries and whatnot. How long until we can start building in Nagasaki? Tuesday. Tuesday. What do you mean building? I thought they were already built. Are they? Yeah. Oh, I'm confusing it with. Chernobyl. Which,. Are they? Yeah. It's not like Chernobyl. I'm confusing it with.

Chernobyl. Which, and that can't be done because the thing's still there. Yeah, nuclear bombs, you can't design them to be radioactive, but the two that were dropped weren't. Right, right. So the big radioactive ones,

like the super ones that Russia invented, like after that, with those. Well, the big hydrogen bombs also don't give out radiation either. You have to like dope your. Even hydrogen is radiation right no what no was it you know what happens is it then that's radiation well alpha alpha is a hydrogen nucleus so it's just a proton in the neutron so that's me or a helium nucleus. Yeah. Okay. I'm just getting this from the book, uh, project Hill Mary. Cause I don't know.

No, you can, if you chuck in like, I don't know, thorium or some shit in with your nuclear ball. Thorium? Yeah. That's a new one. Thorium. Thorium. Never heard of it.

Cobalt or something. I don't see it. Please chuck that in and I'll make it radioactive. Oh. That was so shite. You're four of those. I've heard of threium. First of all, it's thorium. Thorium, yeah.

Yeah. Thorium. Five of you. Captain America. You. Iron manium. Iron manium. Yeah.

I'm an iron man. We'll just end there. Oh, too long.