Sloss and Humphries On The Road - St George's Swastika (Ft. Rosco McClelland)

Episode Date: September 18, 2024

Rosco pulls up a seat at Muggins' kitchen table to alternate seamlessly between real world irks and wild flights of fancy in a way only he does best. He tells about his ambitions as a troll to provoke a civil uprising against his local Asda and the time he accidentally blue balled a scammer.   To receive an extra weekly episode, early access on these public episodes and a overwhelming sense of community from supporting the podcast, please subscribe to our Patreon www.patreon.com/slossandhumphries

Welcome to Sloss and Humphreys On The Road. Before we get into our public episode where I am joined by Roscoe McClelland, Twitch streamer, stand-up comedian and downright funny cunt, joins me in my kitchen for a laugh. Before we can get on to that, I just need to let you know that I'm coming on tour from 10th of October all over the UK, all the major cities and a couple of the smaller ones. If I'm coming to a town near you, grab your tickets to the tour show. It's gallivanting. It's the one I did at the

Fringe Festival. I'm taking it on the road and I'm going to be supported by Elliot Steele and Connor Burns, depending on which gig you come to. And then I'm going to Europe. If you are in Europe right now, there's a good chance I'm coming to your capital city, whichever country you're in. There's like one or two I'm not doing, like France and Spain and Italy, so I'm

sorry about that. But practically every other country. There's an easy list of ones I'm not doing. France and Spain and Italy. So I'm sorry about that. But practically every other country, there's an easy list of ones I'm not doing. Go on my website, www.kaihunfries.com and you'll be able to find everywhere that's on sale right now is on there. Also, if you're here for the public episode on Spotify or YouTube, you do know that you can subscribe to Patreon

if you want to support the podcast. Just three quid a month and you get an extra episode. You get this episode a little bit earlier. There's a host of perks as well, which I'm getting behind on, but I'm catching up on them now. So now's a good time to join because I'm being pretty proactive

with that stuff at the minute. Before me tour kicks off and I'll forget about everybody again. What else have I got to tell you? Oh yeah, if you're just happy with one episode and you've got subscriptions up your eyeballs and you don't want to put three quid a month onto another thing.

You can support the podcast by just giving us a follow on Instagram, sharing any social media posts we put up, like all the clips and stuff we put out. That's free and it supports the podcast and it keeps the wheels turning and keeps us growing. Enjoy the podcast with Roscoe. And Peggy here does join us on the pod. You can look forward to that.

Sloss and Humphreys on the road. You can look forward to that. Where have you been since 9-11? muggles accidental rim job in the park kiss kiss kiss or a magic bean cynical just muggled it up on fucking mugglepedia where have you been since 9-11 talk to us about roadcasters oh my god

roscoe so the button on the back of my one that's currently fucked and broke is like a kinda instead of it being like a little plastic

in out button right on off it's like it's like a it was like a bit of rubber that you would press in and there'd be a it'd like a bit of rubber that you would press in and there'd be a bit of rubber attached to it that would

squish some wee button and then obviously So you had to set off a domino to get your machine turned on? Yeah basically and then obviously after a while it was like oh I'm not really doing anything and then it just broke and then I fucked a screwdriver in it and ultra broken Ultra broken right just instead of fucking being subtle and trying to figure And then it just broke. And then I fucked a screwdriver in it and ultra broke it. Ultra broke it. Yeah.

Instead of fucking being subtle and trying to figure out which finicky bit was broken, you just decided to just... I just ultra fucked it, yeah. You just killed it. You put it out of its misery. Yeah. You're like, you've got to be nearly dead. Be fully dead. Yeah.

Now I need to send it back to these stupid cunts. The only thing worse than something not working or having no Wi-Fi is it nearly working or having a little bit of wifi where you're just the hope is what kills you so mate fucking thrust a screwdriver in it is that I've got a

button issue with me washing machine where you know you say button in button out clink switch

rocker switch man what a fucking beautiful system that is one of them like sensor ones where your thumb's gotta to be over it. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. It must be, like, fire and light in it,

and then when I, like, break the light thing. Yeah. Infrared. I don't know what the fuck, why they've made it as PX-Draft for a button that doesn't recognise me as a being. Natalie Ganz in it just does it. I must just be mostly energy.

Do you know what? My phone's started... Are we rolling, rolling? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm good, man, because I'm ready to talk about buttons and stuff. Make a fucking button podcast. We have our buttons for us, go McClelland.

My phone has stopped recognising my face so much in the last couple of weeks. And I'm like, what's happened? You haven't changed that much. Well, apparently in the last two weeks, I think it was during the fringe, it was going like, nah,

not recognised. And like, Is it an iPhone one and it only recognises you with the skeleton make-up that you used to wear on stage? It only recognises it. Stupidly,

I took my picture on my iPhone scan wearing skeleton make-up and now it only recognises the bones of a man. So when you, when you finally get into heroin, it's going to recognise you again.

Do you know what? I would, I don't know about you, right? And heroin, but see when I hit about 80, I'm thinking, fucking time to go with that.

I've been talking about this in my show, because I talk about like heroin and kids, are the two things in life that scare us, because of the repercussions. Yeah. Because of the side effects, the fucking influence, the cost and sacrifice it has on your life right so i'm like i'll take heroin as a cancer drug like if i was terminally ill i'd give it a shot

yeah because you're gonna you're gonna get that feeling because it's not shit yeah we're not we're not avoid like let's just make this clear we're not avoiding heroin as a society. There isn't a stigma attached to heroin because it's shit. There's a stigma attached to heroin because it's really, really fucking good. Yeah, obviously it rocks. I'm never going to do it unless, like you say, you find out you're going to die in six weeks. Yeah, like I'm not lubing my hand up every time before I jack off, you know what I mean? Obviously, it's way better than regular, but, you know, the mess,

and that's how I feel about heroin as well. You know, there's a lot of mess involved. I just didn't want the... I quite enjoy my life. I feel like 99% of the time I'm having a happy time. And the 1% is because of a button on a washing machine or because of anything% of the time I'm having a happy time. And the 1% is because of a button on a washing machine, not because of anything major. Right?

I'm having a good time. Yeah. I don't want that to be dulled. I don't want that to go down to like a fucking 50% or like a diminished return of what it was because heroin's so fucking good. She's scratching at the door. I'm just going to pop her on.

That's all right. The podcast doesn't stop here no no no this keeps going every ever since we've been doing kitchen podcasts people are pretty aware that Piggy's gonna join

the party at some point that's so cool she'll not settle when we're talking yeah something's going on isn't it yeah

like what we're doing here what we're up to yeah he's talking about heroin I'm chatting about heroin so yeah I feel like it's kind of put the dull on life isn't it like you know everything the colors are probably gonna be darker like you're gonna just feel like your brain's a bit shrink-wrapped like

your whole life after taking heroin it's gonna suck yeah because it's not as good as what that was you've just seen a different like lens on life yeah that's why we don't do it not because of the bit when you're high yeah that seems like it's great everyone i've seen well i mean i've mostly seen them afterwards and they look fucked but like you know when they're in the moment you see them lying down somewhere outside they're like oh my god and i'm like well how could you be enjoying lying down here unless that was really good yeah you're willing to fucking spend it all because that's a lot of the time you know when you see it's fucking harsh but when you when you see homeless people on the street right

they haven't just lost money they've lost support structure yeah you know what i mean like i reckon like i could have zero money for a long time before i was on the street because there's people around us that would prop us up for a bit. Yeah. You have to lose all of that. And that usually comes with, I need my next fix. I'm going to rob from the person that's putting us up. Yeah.

And then the fucking word guy's ruined. That doesn't trust him in your house. He's going to fucking steal your jewellery and sell it for smack. And I would, straight away, I would rob from everyone who trusted me. It must be fucking good. If you're willing to just snap all of them support structures on the way of doing it, have a blast. I'm not even talking about heroin.

I'm talking about... Weed. Not even that. I'm talking about the tomato and mascarpone like sauce tub sausage from the Marsden Spencer's garage because that stuff's fucking amazing I've welcomed you to be home to do a podcast and I'm just going to find stuff

missing because you like the dip it's so good if you had the Jones and for dip the Asda one used to be good but now they've made it a bit watery. Did you write a letter? Did you write a strongly worded letter?

Do you know what? I didn't even do that. Although what I do, there is a, the town where I'm from, Blantyre. Blantyre, where's that? Well, it's actually, it's right next to East Kilbride, basically. It's not too far from where we are now. I'm not going to dox you case those freaks

we did it on the last episode I mean it was three puns you can find out which region I live in going past the paywall and you can knock on doors

I reckon there's probably about what like 50 streets about 70 houses on each yeah you'll find us eventually you get here

you get here you get here I've now got it doing for you and then like you can probably tell which leg by the sun shining through me window

which way me hoose is facing yeah that's not a bad idea but do they know what time this is happening at right now if you gave them the time they could triangulate

with the sundials is there a way that they can tell the time now I didn't have the telly on in the background so there was no...

I think we're good for... They'll never know this is happening. We're good for that forensic level. They'll never know this is happening at 3am. This is the morning light of Scotland. This is how far north Scotland is for anybody elsewhere in the world. You were talking about Blantyre.

You were living in Blantyre. you were living in Blantyre, just outside East Kilbride. So there is like a Blantyre Telegraph, which is like the local paper, Facebook group, and people have got issues with the ASDA, the Blantyre ASDA, and the way it's been run

recently. I feel like that's a newspaper, I was spelling mistakes. Oh, 100% yeah. This type of was aloe. 100% There's this, there's this and there's all intertwined. But this Facebook group is fucking, it's amazing. It's just

a local Facebook group with local issues, you know, people saying who's driving the blue polo because they're driving bad and like just stuff or stuff like that it's amazing it's incredible and they're going after the asda they've been the asda there's been a dip in quality and the asda and every now and then when i see one i will post a simple message where i say we should storm the gates of asda and take it back for the people

message where I say we should storm the gates of ASDA and take it back for the people and I've been doing this for about a year and a half yes and I think I'm starting to grow followers I think I'm starting to gain people going you know what he's right he's so earnest followers not ironic followers that are just like I'm enjoying this bit yeah I'm gonna I'm gonna jump in on this bit or I'll part of this bit together but like earnest guys that are so fucking wound up by the mascarpone dip being a little bit watery yeah they're coming with me eventually which by the way is not a local asda issue that is a like that's the product is the problem not the yeah not this yeah vendor it's going to be like january 6th when you know all these people are storming the gates of ASDA and they're telling me,

you need to put a Facebook post on the Blatter Telegraph live chat Facebook group to tell your followers to leave and I will wait. I will wait and see what happens. What would you do If like If that happened And then there was like Like a serious injury

Or something Like somebody Somebody slipped In aisle six Do you know what While storing the thing And like All the dog food

Toppled on top of them And they're just like They're just Prostating on the floor And it's like Everyone's looking Run for someone to blame And it's you

Do you know what, Kev? I would... He'd get in and piss on him when he was on the floor. I would just, I would go, you did this to yourselves and not even my side, both sides I would say that to. I would say

I was, you know what, you think that I'm the issue here, you're the issue here, you're the issue here. And then just disappear, just sparkle. Yeah, they would have to think about, they'd have to think internally. Like Spock in The Simpsons, my work here is done. Exactly, yeah.

Just fade away. But you didn't do anything. That would be the greatest thing to happen in Blantyre since the birth of David Livingstone, the man who discovered Africa Liberated it Well he didn't really

it's a hard one to say he discovered it it was like there and he turned around and went I should give all these things names and people were sort of like they've already got names he's like no names like Victoria what do you call this big waterfall here it's now Victoria Falls so was he a bad man then

seems like a wank seems like a real bad man and he was Scottish he was born in Banterville born in Blanter just down from the Asda some say that it's the ghost of David Livingstone that causes issues

with the ASDA blanter it's just me that say that and I've just said it for the first time I'll be on the group later and I'll be saying that so you'd have there's a town called Livingstone after the man who went to Africa and just claimed

everything as his own and essentially colonised the already, like, prevalent society. Yeah. Do you think that's one way to scratch your head, Ghan? Like, you're not going to... Is there parts of Belgium called, like, Leopolds? Like, is there a Leopold in Belgium? Or do you think people are more socially conscious, Ghan? You know know when people

do atrocities we probably shouldn't name cities after them do you know it's a good point I've never been to Belgium so I couldn't even

I wouldn't even have the Leopold I've never heard because I go off football teams so if there is a Leopold I didn't think

they play in Europe yeah I don't think Leopold play in Europe but then again Livingston don't play in Europe so Belgium will be like I don't think Liverpool play in Europe. But then again, Livingston don't play in Europe, so Belgium will be like, I wonder if there's a Livingston in Scotland. They might not know.

Aye, but I mean, to be fair... But Cracken Shopping Centre, though, so it has got a good legacy. You can go to... I think that is the biggest shopping centre in town ratio. I've never been to the Livingston Designer Outlet. It's like the Metro Centre.

Really? Mm-hmm. I only went to that when I was... Which is the Glasgow... Sorry, Glasgow, the Gateshead on the Newcastle. No way. I did go to the Metro Centre recently, actually, I think. Has it...

I haven't been in many years. Has it still got a fairground of some sort? No. I know the roller coaster isn't there, but is there some kind of, like, attraction to it? Because that was the thing, is, like, you take the kids. Yeah. I was the kid. You take the kids I was the kid

yeah you take the kids and there's all kinds of fucking like wizard's castle and loads of shit going on for playtime

after the shopping I remember being there when I was really young but now I'm thinking was it the same one was the metro centre in the city centre no

oh right well I went to a different thing it was over the river right I went to a different thing I went to a place you went to you went to a big cinema are went to a place You were in Hilton Square It just had a big cinema

Are you on the gate? Is that it? It just had a big cinema And loads of stuff Yeah Casino With a spoons And then

There's like some gaming stuff in there And they were like Arcade game Kind of bits and bobs Yeah You know I saw that Just inside There's like

One of them Fucking Funky Golf places With everything spray painted And neon Yeah You're like

Oh it's like golf, but fucking cool. It's not. I went in with my mate after one of the Newcastle games into that golf place and we were ticking lines at the holes. We were going down as if we were measuring the eye line of where the hole is and just racking up and taking a bump off the golf. That is great. Did it make you better at golf?

No. And I wasn't good to start with. But I don't know if you know how much I would golf, but I think it involves a little bit of patience. I don't know if you know how much I would coke. Yeah. But it really stifles your patience. I saw that film Civil War in there recently and

I fell asleep for the first like 30 minutes so I missed all the like kind of the set up basically and I just woke up and I was like whoa what's Kirsten Dunst doing and then people were just shooting each other and I'm like this is fucking crazy and apparently people said that it really

starts slow but I really enjoyed it because I guess I'm a slow bit. Yeah, fuck aye. I just woke up and it was like, oh my God, America's gone crazy. And then there's that guy who was, I recognised him from Game Night.

Remember Game Night? The one with, fucking come on, why can't I use my words he's in Arrested Development he's in everything

Charlie Bateman oh Bateman I don't know who that is man I hate it when I make people scream at the podcast you know when

you know when you're just fucking you know when you're just stuck on a name that's just like you should just know yeah and then you know

everybody's at home going fucking Kai, come on. Like, I've done this where I've listened to Daniel Onward guests and he's done it. And I fucking, it's one of the worst things to put your podcast listeners through. Yeah. Is when you do that. Anyway, the guy from Games Night who's like a cop that lives next door who's in on the fucking prank appears in it. But I couldn't see him as anybody else but him.

Oh. He's like the kind of matt damon looking guy but like oh wait is that is that jesse plements is that who it is i think that's jesse i think you're right yeah i think you're right he's like he was in like breaking bad and like later on okay yeah he's like he's got that kind of yeah have i really just devalued him as that dude from games night when he's in loads of shit but he he's such a typecast guy, isn't he? Was he the guy who was like, what sort of American are you? Yeah.

Yeah. He's class, man. He's really good. I like his face because I never know if he's like a goodie or a baddie because his face is so like, it doesn't give it away. I'm like, oh, he could be a really stupid, simple goody, or he could be a really evil, conniving baddie. I love it.

Do you know he's married to Kirsten Dunst? Is he actually? Him and Kirsten Dunst are fucking each other's brains out. Look at them two. What did they meet? What have they got in common? She was in the mask Mask and he likes it. Was she in The Mask?

I don't know, mate. She was Mary Jane, wasn't she? She was Spider-Man. Yeah. Who was in The Mask? Jim Carrey. I think it was Jim Carrey. Always getting Jim Carrey and Kirsten Dunst mixed up.

All the time, mate. I love that film. I pressed snooze on it while it was in its pump because there was kids in my school, because I was still in school when that came out. There was kids in my school that were just quoting it all the time

and they were the most annoying cunts. You know, there's somebody try and stop me. Was that The Mask or was that Ace Ventura? The addition of the try and that somebody try their best to stop me. was that Ace Ventura? The addition of the try and that... Somebody try their best to stop me. Is that how it goes? That makes it sound like a suicide attempt.

Somebody stop me. It's like they'd be like, somebody try and please help me down from this ledge. Somebody please. I keep putting on this ancient mask and thinking about killing myself

somebody try and help me yeah there was just like kids in school that were just constantly on the court and I hadn't seen it yet I'd only seen their shit

and I just decided it wasn't for me yeah I was just like if that's what it does to you if it just makes these fucking like rubber-faced fucking muggles in school yeah that are just constantly just riding over any conversation with a catchphrase yeah like i like i pressed news on it

and then i i kind of got into jim carrey a bit later yeah like i probably like around Dumb and Dumber me, myself and Irene, like I come in on that wave with Jim Carrey, I missed the first wave of like Mask and Ace Ventura and kind of watched them date and retrospectively Yeah, have you ever been to have you ever been to Cancun before? No, I've never been to Mexico

Oh, really good there's a place in Cancun called Club Coco Bongo And it's like Themed around the club from the mask And there's like There's basically like five When you're like Getting there and going in

There's like five guys going around outside Sort of dressed like the mask And we went there And I had the like Worst Like Diarrhoea bug I've ever had in my life It was insane

It's supposed to be like, it's a big show You had Ebola Yeah, I had what they call Montezuma's Revenge I was like a Catherine Wheelman It was like just screaming out both ends In the nightclub both ends what in the nightclub well in the nightclub it just kicked in that night on the way there i was like oh i don't

feel so good i feel almost like there's an insane pressure in my stomach and i know what's happening and i kept like just sitting down being like it hurts to sit because of the pressure in my my stomach but you can't release the pressure, otherwise there's going to be a smell. Yeah, yeah. And everyone else is having the time of their lives. There's a little person guy who's dressed as The Mask in Beetlejuice, and he's doing all this horny jokes and stuff.

There'd be women, he's like, bong, bong, bong, with their arses. What, like, going around just clowning? Just going around the tables and whatever. Yeah, he was doing horny clowning, yeah. And was he mic'd up? Or was, just like clowning? Oh, he was... Just going round the tables and whatever. Yeah, he was just doing, like, horny clowning, yeah. And was he mic'd up? Or was he just, like, a close magician that just, like, poses on your conversation and tells you you've got cracking tits?

Basically, yeah, basically. Yeah, like regular magicians. Why are they all terrifying? All magicians freak me out. Oh, yeah. I feel like it's because there always feels like there was an agenda to why they learned it yeah it always feels like there's a little bit of neil strauss to it yeah there's a little bit of like i'm gonna come in and get your attention and

like it feels like a fucking ill-judged method of seduction. Yeah. You ever seen that Eddie Peppertone bit about magicians? Nah, nah. He's just like, oh, every magician. And all these magicians are like,

the quarter got bigger, the quarter got smaller, the quarter got bigger, the quarter got smaller. Hey, magician, who gives a fuck? You want to do a real trick? How about you make me

feel safe at night? It's a great Batman. He's so good, that guy. I saw him, oh man, it was, remember in Australia there was a show called Headliners in Melbourne? Yeah. And it was essentially like the best of the best.

It was like the best of the Ed Fringe kind of show, but for Americans. Yeah. And the lineup was Michael Shea, Eddie Pepitone and Pete Holmes 2014 what a fucking line up that was and there was just Eddie Pepitone went on and

I think somebody heckled him with something and it felt like I said Pete's that he's got but like he used the thing that happened in the crowd to get into it and he went man you can't heckle me like there's fucking so much shit I would say to myself that's worse than anything you've got to say to me and he went and got in the crowd and he was like hey eddie and he just started digging into his own insecurities

like fucking deep diving like stuff that only shrink should know and he just started fucking dying out of himself but he was like hey eddie what about this fucking doggy sellout? It's so hard. It was just the perfect response to anybody trying to heckle you. Like, oh, well, we need to let the grass grow again before we can heckle that guy. Glastonbury has a year off every five years. The grass is done. Oh, does it?

I think so. I believe so. I think the last one was forced, which is why we haven't heard of it in a while. The last one would have been 2020. Yeah. So we're probably due a year off the last one Was forced Which is why We haven't heard of it In a while Yeah The last one Would have been 2020 Yeah

So I'll probably Jewelry air off The next one Yeah I've never been You been to Glastonbury Yeah I've done a couple of times I've had a really sunny one

And a really rainy one So I feel like I've had both kinds Yeah So next time You want to get it It's just The weather's fine

Just alright I think The kickers I've done it In a camper van yeah I think the kitters I'd done it in a camper van and I think that once you there's no going back

you can't go back actually I did Belladrum in a tent that's harsh man and it was just after my previous ones

being in camper vans it's aye it's not right it would be like I've always said I used to live

in a flat in London and like for the for the same money you get a nice house in Glasgow for the same price as sharing a flat in London right

I loved that I loved me life in London I couldn't do it that way around I couldn't go I couldn't go from living here

to living in London you know what I mean once you've done once you've took a leap in one direction you're just like right I'm fucked when i'm back i can't go back now and i like my my wife works in like um music and stuff so like sort of gigs etc etc so it means i get like i get mostly like vip tickets to stuff and i can't go i can't be out in the trenches with people anymore that's a a good point. Actually, I've only ever done music festivals and artist camping.

I've never had to do the long walk. We've always just been behind a stage somewhere. Yeah, it's insane. Even like just, oh, I would like a drink. Oh, you mean I need to go and wait like 30 minutes in a queue to go and get a fuck? I can't do it anymore. I'm not. I refuse.

Yeah, it's done. That part of life's lives done I'm actually doing something uh that's gonna burn in November where we've done me and Sloss have done these European tours since 2014 yeah and uh they started off with like you know pretty fucking just whatever flight is going to be the most cost effective sharing hotel rooms and like fucking just day to day with no days off because a day off is just more expense for a hotel or whatever right and spending so you just like pack it in and then like after his netflix special we fucking kind of found a balance of like flying business

five-star hotels but a time off in between and like we're kind of balanced it a little bit like going and doing like pockets of europe and uh and we grew over the course of a decade into that right and now i'm doing my first european tour where i can't do the i i would be broke if i'd done the european tour on the same budget as daniel does the european tour yeah so i have to go back to the 2014 one and just do it with like no gaps in between cheapest flight possible sometimes sharing a room sometimes single beds just because like yeah it's different of a uk two hours like connor burns has got to come with us so like it's gonna be a class show it's gotta be unbelievable and uh but it's like say hotels and flights come to like 700 quid for a gig yeah your first 70 ticket sales off and out yeah so then like

you're profiting after that whereas in the UK you can probably like swallow a smaller ticket sale gig right so it's just going back to that it's going back to just going

right we need to make sure that fucking there's actually I'm not going to be away from home for a month and come back we're out I've had a good time

and I've built and it's not for nothing as such but you just need to make them little savings here and there where you can and that's not

what me and Daniel have been doing for the last fucking three years I think so that's going to be hard getting back what I'm thinking about

is just like well what if I just got a van and just made a thing in the back of it I'm like if I was going to tour

the UK well I could just I could just live in that and just made a thing in the back of it. I'm like, if I was going to tour the UK, well, I could just live in that and just drive about. Didn't Jojo Sutherland do that for a bit? I think she talked about it and I don't think it... Did she ever deliver on it? I don't know. I remember talking, saying she was going to do it. Yeah, I remember saying she was going to live in a van,

but I think, like... People have done. I mean, I'm talking about, like, about like youtube i want a youtube van you know like you see these vans and like that looks amazing that looks like a room and a van but i think some people are just like going i'm gonna live in a van and it's just like it's just a fucking van they just chuck a fucking mattress in a sprinter van yeah yeah because me uh my mate uh he just done it all himself like diy job put a kitchen in a sprinter van yeah he hooked a shower up to the back door so you can like up to the highlands and that yeah and he'll just swing the door of his van open and it'll shower hot water

on him just in the wild like he's just so i've been at his like at a music festival where like i've had a shower there's a queue for the showers and all that and i've just went in his fucking van back door with my swim shorts on and just watched air so he's like he's got a house he doesn't live in it

but you could like what he's done with that van you could go and spend like a four week tour

around the country and that and just find your spot I think that would be pretty cool

I think it would be cool in theory it depends once you get the only thing that freaks me out is when you get to like I think it would be cool in theory I don't know It depends The only thing that freaks me out Is when you get to like The cities and they're like oh there's the Ules zone And I'd be like oh man

I'm in this old fucking van It's a piece of shit VW Campo Flowers drawn on it I don't think that's getting through the Ules All of a sudden it's redundant it doesn't it's just one of

these things innit dishwasher started heckling there that was cool though I liked that yeah I don't like that that's been said

quietly like I believed it to be finished for a little while yeah and then it just perked back up there's a ghost

in the machine maybe it found one bit of dirt I was like oh wait there's a bit of spaghetti on that bowl sorry sorry i'm opening it's like no no no yes i'm not finished i'll get the spaghetti off the bowl my my wife does not know how to load a dishwasher it's crazy oh you're a bit like um because i've i've lived with two different like i've lived with two different I've lived with Daniel and I've lived with Natalie

and you've got Daniel who is so anal with the dishwasher and what goes where and how much you've got to get in and Natalie who's just never played Tetris in her life and I feel like I'm somewhere in the middle well the issue my wife has is that

she will load the dishwasher and I'm like do you realise the water comes from the bottom up? There's no point in putting stuff in there if it's not even coming out clean. And she's like, I'll put it on for the shortest thing. And I'm like... She has the cup's face up and it just ended up full of water. Yeah, and I'm like, but the the 40 minute thing is just for like glasses

that's just to like kind of rinse and refresh that's not to clean stuff off the bowls yeah she's just like ah whatever

and I'm like I can't tell you these I can't tell you these things any more times Lizzie eventually do you know what I think

she's purposefully doing them wrong so I do them so you do them yeah like making your mother a bad cup of tea that's what i've just she's never gonna ask you to make a cup of tea again she'll be like i'll just

make my own cup yeah yeah these are my oh it's not a mess of this but these these egg cups have got like a hole in the bottom oh so you can't put it in that way obviously otherwise the egg cup will be full yeah put it in that way it fills up from the inside oh so when I better fucking butcher that em yeah that that one always catches me off guard like I've I've wet my leg enough times now

to know to be cautious taking that out empty it doing the sink put it on the drainer yeah because there's enough times now

where I've just been mindlessly picking stuff up and I've just flooded myself with water soaked myself do you know I really I really enjoyed the thought of eh your listeners just listening just flooded me so a lot soaked me so do you know I'm really I'm really enjoying

the thought of your listeners just listening to two guys talking about loading their dishwashers up and I think this is

this is what the medium of podcasting was made for it totally is this is like this day to day life stuff that like thoughts that get

through people's heads that they're not verbalising because they're too boring and then they can and then they hear and then they hear two good professional comedians talking about it and yes it's still

boring, yes it's still boring but you have taken a thought out of my head and put it into the world thanks for doing that if you're a listener out there or a watcher if you're just listening to this I'm looking directly into the camera lens right now and if you have thoughts about loading your dishwasher

please get in touch with uh kai humphries on a postcard right and just send that send that postcard to the white house just just tell them tell them in fact because daniel's not even here i would send the your questions about it to him directly um so he'll feel like like why he would be like why are you even why are you sending me this here's the thoughts that i want from you right the knives and forks and spoons right do you put them in dirty in the correct things or do you separate them when they come out oh because this is the one thing even though my wife will put like fucking just took my wear their bowl there whatever right and i'm not i'm not adverse to that like fucking just whatever when it seems full yeah there's only two of us yeah it's not

gonna we're not gonna like wait for like every single dish in the house to be in there packed neatly like give a fuck right but the one thing that she does care about is all the forks in one and all the knives in one so when you're emptying the dishwasher

you can grab them and put them in but I'm like I'd rather deal with them when they're clean than deal with them when they're dirty so yeah

I'm sorting them into their piles now dirty yeah in advance yeah so there's a there's a boring little topic of conversation for you, are you a dirty

sorter or a clean sorter? Yeah and says to Daniel tell Daniel what you're up to tell Daniel how you're putting these forks and knives and spoons in I hate touching like a wet dirty

fork or spoon something about it, I'm just like a wet, dirty fork or spoon. Something about it. I'm just like, oh, don't do that. I'll get away. Are you a fan of you when it comes to the stuff doing the sink? Do you know what? Bits of onion and all that do the sink. No, I don't know why.

Because, I mean, I used to be a plumber. So I'm like, oh, yeah, everyone's cum-shet piss. I'll touch it on the phone. I think I've seen you plumber on Twitch. Did you do a little bit of plumber on Twitch? I've done some stuff, yeah. Yeah, I thought I on the phone I think I've seen you plumbing on Twitch did you do a little bit of plumbing on Twitch I've done some stuff yeah

I thought I was going to lose my mind I've done some stuff because you were under the sink with something your head cam on or some shit

getting some shit done do you know during the fringe there I changed Jay Lafferty's bath taps did you just between gigs one day

Jay was like please and I'm like alright fuck it so I changed their bathtubs and still look in their bath so you still keep

your hand in with it I do like one job a year and it's just to keep the wheels greased I doubt much

changes in the world of plumbing not like if you're a mechanic and then you dip back in 10 years later and you're like what the fuck's

all this it's all diagnostics and computers. Oh my God, there's a little robot man in my car. I need a machine to talk to it. Last night, I went to the shower. I always do the fucking cold shower blast. I turn it on and the cold shower I have while it's warming up, so it's not quite a minute and a half, it's probably about 40 seconds

where you're just fucking freezing your bollocks off. Yesterday I just didn't get hot right I'm out right with the culture I didn't get hot and I come doing it and it was like a fucking error code on my boiler and Natalie was in bed right and I went up to get into bed and let her

know that the boiler is fucked that's a problem to solve in the morning and she got into bed got, got out of the manual, found the error code, started fucking twiddling on with dials, like fucking turned one thing and then looked and read what it was and twisted another one and she fucking... I would have paid hundreds of pounds

if she wasn't there. I would have get the guy in. I would have thought of checking the manual, getting the corresponding error code. I've never been more turned on in my life, Roscoe, than watching my bird fix a boiler. Same with the boiler. The boiler've never been more turned on in my life, Roscoe, than watching my baby fix a boiler. Same with the boiler. The boiler's never been more turned on in his life. That's hot and steamy now.

She's got the whole house gone. I think that's cool. That's one thing people don't know about that. When I came up against error codes on boilers, I was like okay Just google it And the manuals will all be on the internet And they'll just go Oh just do this

And I'm like this game is so simple This is such an easy fucking game That's it I couldn't work out yesterday So I've got these books for sale on Etsy And I forget they're there Because I never punt them I did a big punt a couple of Christmases back I think it was even like the lockdown Christmas So I've got these books for sale on Etsy and I forget they're there because I never punt them.

I did a big punt a couple of Christmases back. Right. I think it was even like the lockdown Christmas or something just to try and fucking make a bit of money when there wasn't much work going. Right. And I sold a bunch of these books and fucking went to the thing. And then I got an Etsy through

and I was like, oh, fuck, I forgot they were even for sale. I had to go into my fucking like Ottoman bed to get the boot because they're all in storage. Yeah. And I went to print out the label, and I've got a new router, and I had to go on and run changing the Wi-Fi on every fucking TV, every device, every fucking switch.

That's a pain in the ass. But I just put a shift in. Yeah. I just put a shift in and went and fucking typed in the fucking really pointlessly fucking obtuse Wi-Fi code into everything. To the point I memorised it capitals and all right and then

I couldn't print me label there's a fucking if you want a docks as a just over the road that narrows it down to it with

three hoosers and clocks then you can find us but I'm also on a junction so it's like oh fuck I've just really yeah

really you can absolutely find it where I have come run I'll make you a junction, so it's like, oh, fuck, I've just had a door. Oh, you've really? Yeah, it really comes down. Look, you can absolutely find it where I live. Come round, I'll make you a cup of... I'll make you a brew. Come fix me a boiler. So I couldn't print out the label because the printer had disconnected from the Wi-Fi. I sent an email.

Right? And I couldn't reconnect it to the Wi-Fi because it didn't have a screen. The printer doesn't have a screen. It's got buttons, right? And I Google it, and there's this fucking, like, different types of printer on the range, and I find the one,

and it's like, hold that button and that button until the blue light flashes. And then the next move was that it was going to print us out instructions of what to do. It was going to use me paper and me ink and print us out a thing. The printer was going to print us out instructions for what to do, it was going to use my paper and my ink and print us out The printer was going to print you its own instructions You know what I did?

I just went to the post office and done everything manually and hand wrote the customs form and hand wrote the envelope and just fucking, it was just like it's easier for me to get in the car and go to the post office the next day than connect this printer to the wifi, like that printer for me that's in the bin, unless Natalie fucking deals

with the wifi on that printer, I don't have a printer anymore because that's just a step too far for us I feel like that's the one thing that humanity has never really got to grips with printers because like everyone

that I've everyone that's ever been around me in my life has always been like fucked after a while like just very temperamental like the one my mum and dad, remember when printers just started to exist and then people could have their own printers

it's like oh my god you can like print stuff in your own house, it's crazy but they were fucked and then people were like, oh, the ink cartridges cost more than the printer. So then they became, but then I had a printer like a few years back and it worked okay

for like a while, maybe like the first few uses. And then I put it under a bed and then brought it back out and it just didn't work anymore. And I'm like, but nothing happened to you. You can't just not work and as well if you're getting something like that and it requires maintenance you're not maintaining it it's not a fucking hot tub yeah it's not like you know when you get like a razor or something and it's like and then here's

the little oil that you've got you've got to oil it every now and again you're like who the fuck's oil in the razors it's a 40 quid printer i'm not i'm not i'm not maintaining this no nearly got caught though when i phoned up about it and it turned out to be like a a scam on the internet and they were like okay so just sign into this like any desk thing and just i nearly gave oh did the hackers Control of my computer I was so close Man And then eventually I was on the phone

I was like It clicked Just before I was like Here is control to everything And then I was like Oh wait And I just had to Go off the phone

And then Oh so they You blue balled the scammer Yeah You took the scammer Right down to the point Where they had your shit They were

They were about to get They phoned back and I was like that was close that was close, nice one let's just shake hands and walk away you nearly had me I'm not a 90 year old woman

and you nearly had us, you're not getting good at this I just remembered I'm 32 at the time and I'm not an idiot. And you're tech savvy. Yeah. I'm like, how did this nearly happen to me? You know which ones are the worst ones to fall for?

The ones that hook you in with ego. The ones that are like, check who has been viewing your profile on Facebook. And then you see people getting their fucking Facebooks hacked because of that. Or like dm will like let me help you get a blue tick yeah you're like all right you get yeah just like so ego driven to the point of like i want the verification or i want the i want to know who's been looking at me stuff yeah and then all of a sudden your account's in the hands of somebody else and you're like ah man, man. I love it because it's like, oh, I wonder if that fucking cunt's been looking at me. That's all that it... It could never be like...

You could never imagine that under like a, oh, I would love to see what nice people have been looking at me. It would always surely be like, this fucking person that I hate, I bet they've been looking at me. I'd love to know they'd been looking at me so I can sit and think, yeah, you're looking at me.

You're not paying attention to me. Well, I'm looking at you as well. I'm looking at you looking at me now. I think now that I've filled in this form. The other one as well, it's already somebody that's already been hacked in their account using the spread the hack, and they'll be like, is this photo you?

And it won't be a photo. It'll be a link. Yeah. I bet there's so many people going, oh, I can't believe it. Is this you? You're like, oh, what could the photo be? It's a scam.

But what if it's not a scam? What if it is a picture of me? What could I possibly be doing? Me, me, me. Oh, no, you've got me account. I always just reply to them now. We're like, fuck's sake, Uncle Ian. Something like that.

I'm like, Uncle Ian, you've absolutely fucked this. And then go, well, I can't wait until next month where my Uncle Ian's got his fifth Facebook account. He just writes them off. What's the end game on the bikini lasses? You know, they're just the hey, the hi, they just wave. They come into your inbox with just a hello as if they're a hot lass. Are they going to try and catfish you and get money?

I just like to think that those women are real and they're just real horny single women who really want to fuck me but I am A, married and B, just too tired to deal with it. Really? You're just knocking them back day after day. They're not trying to scam you.

They're not trying to hack your account. They just want a bit of Roscoe. Why not? It boosts me up to go, oh, these girls from all over the world keep trying to scam you they're not trying to hack your account they just want a bit of roscoe oh these wow these girls from all over the world keep trying to me kind of log on with each other uh remember when we did that uh internet sitcom the self-produced internet sitcom muff with tom yes tom stayed where the writer the writer production company the the character that would written in for wayne mazazda is wasda, he was a Nigerian prince that was giving away money and Tom was the only one that replied to him

and he was the funding of the whole operation. It was the Nigerian prince. Nobody would reply to him except Tom who did and then he ended up with millions of pounds from replying. So he played an actual Nigerian prince coming away from the production company. Fuck, I forgot about that. That was a while ago, wasn't it?

I watched it back during lockdown, which was still five years ago. So that would have been like six years old at the time. But actually, I enjoyed watching it back. It was like a bit of a yearbook. There was just so many passing through comedians that just jumped in and done bits in it. And some of it was funny and some of it was trash.

Some of it was really problematic. But it was trash some of it was really problematic yeah but like I just look back and it were fun it's like we're just fucking we're just a bunch of young kids just trying something

oh they got cancelled they got they oh that guy hey he got

the the Butland's Rapist yeah I had the Me Too movement got that guy anyway is there an episode on here I can watch? I don't think there is.

I'm going to have to crop this a lot. Very funny, man. Oh, well. So you've never been scammed, but you've been close to being scammed. Yeah, very, very close. Have I ever been genuinely scammed? I've been, I wouldn't call it scammed, but I've been sold a towel for like 20 quid in Sri Lanka

where you're like, oh, that would have been four pence if I knew the lay of the land. Oh, right. And that guy just clocked the brand new first day here, tourist, that's like... I've had my pants dune with stuff like that my first ever lucky lucky man I thought I was buying Oakleys

you know what I mean, I thought I was like 40 quid for Oakleys, I'll have a pair there it's not bad, not bad that the fucking lens falls out like a day later and you're like, ahhh but you know I was 18 did you say Roy Benz on them? who's Roy Benz?

who's Roy Berry? Who's Roy Berry? The, oh, fuck. I saw a great scam once. Like, just a pure, it made me laugh so much. In London, outside a tube station. It happened to one of my friends, and I couldn't stop laughing. A guy came up and was like, oh mate, did you give me like two pound coins

for a two pound coin? And he was like, yeah, sure. He's like, this machine only takes, it doesn't take like the big two pound coin. And then he gave him like two pound coins and the guy went,

oh cheers, and flicked a coin up in the air and ran away. And it was a 50 pence instead of a two pound coin. And I just thought, that is such a fun scam. Like he- Because you're wearing it up, right? You know, you've been scammed 1.50, right?

Yeah. You catch a 50 pence. You're opening up this 50 pence in your hand. You can see the back of the man's head bobbing into the distance. You're not running after him yeah there's not a way

unless you're it would have it would have pure principle I was so unless you were just going to go it would have

sheer principle I'm going to go and rob this guy I was laughing because I'm like he's already running he doesn't need to flick the 50 pence

he could have just ran away easily and you'd be like well it's two quid I'm not going to chase a guy after two quid but at least you get the fifth to flick the 50 pence he could have just ran away easily and you'd be like well it's two quid I'm not going to chase a guy after two quid but at least you get the at least you get 50 pence back

aye and just the idea of running at such a high stakes to run from someone for real low for a pound fifty which if you thought

about it you could probably find that lying about if you looked hard enough at the ground. I punched a kid in school for 50p I was fiddling when we did our money in the schoolyard and I dropped 50p and he put his foot on it

and I went to get it and he wouldn't move his foot and I got up and punched him. Oh there you go. Because I think that's just more like principle isn't it?

Yeah. You've just made us look like a tit. Yeah. I went to pick my money up and you stopped to pick my money up.

That could have been a pog. It wasn't about the 50p at that point. Yeah. It was about schoolyard status. Yeah.

It could have been a leaf. Stand on a leaf. I'm trying to pick up the fucking game. I'm Could have been a leaf. Stand on a leaf. I'm trying to pick up the fucking game. I'm trying to get that leaf. That's my leaf. It's fucking not even autumn and there's a leaf there. I'm fucking getting in early.

The stock's high at the minute. You know what I'm finding quite funny with the internet at the minute, right? Two are coming up, right? I've got a back catalog of old material that I never use anymore. And I'm like, I'm going to just fucking clip this up and just put it online play the game i'm like fucking i'm 41 but i can see that there's younger people in this game that are doing good because that that the game's changing the game's changed and you can be the setting the ways older guy and get left behind like a lot of comics did from the generation above me or you could be the guy that's

like tom stayed and moves with the environment and fucking and keeps up right he can like fucking pick a lane so I'm like I'm putting these clips up and some of them they are right

and some of them fucking didn't make a splash but everyone that pops there's haters in the comments like it doesn't matter like if the bit's like a kind story about my grandad

it doesn't matter if it's like it doesn't matter what the bit is it gets to the point and I think the point's about 200 000 views when people want to hate and it's always like an older guy like maybe he's a bit older than me like bald and like uh it's it's how it's always a middle-aged fucking angry dude and it's always like comedian and quotation marks and when's the punchline coming and all that right but i so every day i log like every day i log on like as if i'm like typing in my password every

time i get on my phone every day i open open my social media and have a little catch up and every day i've just got a bunch of dudes trying to cyber bully us like i'm some fucking 13 year old on snapchat like i'm like you're a fucking grown-ass man like what are you doing attacking another human on fucking social media you fucking dumb prick like as if it's gonna fucking land do you argue with them nah oh my god okay you need to get any arguing with them I love it there's been once or twice there was one where just because it was a fucking I thought it was a thing, it was on TikTok, right? We're talking about Fat Man Scoop dying on his last words.

Yeah. It was on a previous podcast. That was really funny. Too early for me. That was really funny. Make some noise. Yeah, if you hate funny, make some noise. That is great.

So we'd just done a bit about that. I'd put a clip of Booty because it was current. And then somebody was like, I've seen you die on stage more times than Fat Man Scoop and I was just like man thanks for the continued support despite seeing his bomb

keep coming back and buying tickets like I just so there's a couple of the way I've just like I've had a retort and I've come back I've come back with something

and I like but they're like they're they're so frequent now like I can on every day I'm looking at there's a lot of nice comments as well.

Yeah. There's like a lot of people that have enjoyed your stuff, tagged them, it's a laugh emoji. Who cares about you? You're squirrelling past them and you get some fucking hate and you stop. So that's why I think I don't respond to them

because I'd rather respond to the people that are being kind. They're much more worth my attention. Fuck them. But there's no humour in that. Too easy. And we're comedians. I'm not interested in themians I'm not interested in them

I'm not interested in them I mean it's great if you all like this stuff that's great maybe I'll give you a like I'll say thanks but that's what we're getting when I put that

bit up about like trans people and the slugs and stuff like that and I just had like loads of people coming in

and being like anti-trans and I was just like this is what I've been fucking training for my whole life. I'm like, you think you're here to troll me? What you don't know is that I've been on the internet since the fucking AOL 56k modem logging on. And they go, I've been on there. I've been on the internet fucking trolling since I

since your mom would pick up the phone and it would log you off exactly I've been putting the fucking hours you think you're going to troll me? I'm going to troll fucking I can troll you running circles you little fucking rat see that Batman film where Bane is like

oh oh you think the darkness is your ally? Oh, I was born in the darkness I didn't see the light until I was just a man. That's like me with the internet, man. I'm like, oh, you think

Oh, you think Instagram DMs are your ally? Yeah, like Rorschach and Jill. I'm not in here with you because I'm in here with me. Instagram DMs are your ally. Yeah, like Rorschach and Jill. Yeah, exactly. I'm not in here with you. Get in here with me. It's so much fun, man.

Just tying people around and fucking, just tying them into knots and twisting them up. I love it. Do you do it on your stream? Do you stream trolling? Yeah, yeah. If someone comes in. I always thought it would be good,

like it would be good to screen record and face record and like do the trolling and then bash it together as a video so that yeah like yeah you're not responding yeah you are responding

to the trolls but you're responding to the trolls for the entertainment of others with your next reel yeah I've always toyed with that

but have you done stuff like that live if someone comes in to my twitch chat and they start trolling I'm like everybody stand back

watch this and I'm like again stand back watch this and I'm like again this is what I've been preparing for being one of the trolls, being one of the original trolls being a stand up whose job is to take hecklers down I'm like let's fucking go

sometimes you get like a group of like wee guys who come in together and what I like to do is I like to turn them on each other in a way, psychologically. And I go, well, one of you is actually quite funny and I can see them leaving the town that you's all live in, but this one, I can tell by the way that you're typing and spelling you won't be going to university

and these two will leave you behind. I love putting stuff like that in. I and spelling, you won't be going to university. And these two will leave you behind. I love putting stuff like that in. I'm like, you're coming to fuck with me. I'm going to leave you some stuff that will sit in the back of your mind for years. Yeah, like fucking Eddie Pipperton. Yeah. I'm going to fucking plant a seed there.

I did one where, you know how some people leave a space before a comma or a space before a full stop? I did it just because of one guy that had commented on a reel, right? I started the myth that that's how pedophiles find each other on the internet.

So they're commenting and they're leaving stuff in comments, but if there's a space before the comment, it's like a swinger having an upside down pineapple in the kitchen. That is funny. You know, there's like codes for stuff like a Freemason's handshake. Like if I shook your hand when I come in and I felt like the pressure point at a certain place,

I would be like, oh, he's one of my people. I'm not a Freemason, but that's how they live. The pineapple, and then I just had it as like the, that's how they live um the pineapple and then i just i just had it as like the that is how they're fucking fake because they find each other yeah there's pedophile rings out there somebody's slipping something into conversation that's a fucking code word i just spread the rumor that it was that based on this fucking one guy and then like got got his profile picture i brought it in and because he was lifting a trophy in his profile photo i was like look there he is getting a fucking

nuts of the air that is so funny nuts of the air trophy so I like the idea of doing that with like trolling people like not responding to them directly

but like taking a thing and putting it on elsewhere yeah so you're taking the piss with them but they don't even see it yeah you're just fucking

having their life yeah I like that you ever done that that space before a comma thing is a bit I know I think that would work as space before a comma thing is a bit I think that would work

as a bit you think that's a bit it could be a hard bit I guess it depends who you're going after you're going these people who do this all have something in common

they do this if I do the bit as like I want to spread this rumour because I think it's the only way I can stop people doing it yeah again right

we're in on the bit but spread the rumour that's a pedo thing. Yeah. That's how nonsense find each other. So the bit is, obviously they're not. Yeah. But let's just make it a myth so that if people do it,

they're self-conscious of what they're doing. Yeah. Just so that the rumor spreads around enough. Some tiny thing that really annoys me. If we could all spread that that's what paedophiles do that would be great that's really funny

aye I remember having that fucking when you know when onesies were like a big thing and people were like making onesies

their identity like fucking that was just like fucking pictures on Facebook looking at me in my onesie like

I'm tackling a fucking tiny area I knew I was I was like running on stage but like I want the next person that commits an atrocity to be wearing a onesie I was like Ranting on stage But like I want the next person That commits an atrocity

To be wearing a onesie I want the onesie To end up like the swastika I want it I want it to be like A fucking The uniform of like Some kind of oppression

I don't want the bad thing To happen But if it does happen I want it to be Like onesie clad people Do you know I'll tell you one thing About the swastika It's hard to make'll tell you one thing about the swastika

it's hard to make your body into the shape of a swastika because I'm going to have a go on for the sake of the video can you use props well no I was just using my arms

I was saying to my wife the other we've got another camera so you're going to have to like yeah I mean I am on camera yeah

for the audio talking through it so so it's just really I tried to lie like right down on the floor and do it

you need you need a little bit of more range in your groin yeah you really you need to be able to move your leg at a 45 degree angle

if you if you want to swastika up yeah it's not going to happen overnight guys you're going be able to move your leg at a 45 degree angle. If you want to swastika up, it's not going to happen overnight, guys. You're going to have to join yoga. Which actually, like, take it back to its core, the swastika is a symbol of peace from India. Do you think that's what it's really all about? Do you think that the connection's right there?

Now the swastika's come full circle and humanity's healing. I was so, like, you'll never not be shocked. I love a double negative. You'll never not be shocked when you just see ambient swastikas in India. There is just, like, an architecture on the back of vehicles. Yeah.

Like, the swastika. It's not the wrong way around. I was looking at it, is it the opposite way around to a swastika? You're like, no, it's still the wrong way around I was looking at it is it the opposite way around to a swastika you're like no it's still the same

it's still the same one I think isn't it yeah I've never been they can't dibs on it they dibs the swastika

a lot of people are running around with it fucking like committing like holocaust and stuff that's not on them

yeah they can't go around changing everything just because because of that you know that would be Holocaust and stuff That's not on them Yeah they can't go around Changing everything Just because Because of that You know That would be a fucking Nightmare You would though

You probably would Like You know back in Like 2002 I used to put up A St George's cross During a World Cup

Yeah Or Euros or whatever right I remember that That like That pocket of time where I was becoming an adult, had my own gaff. Yeah. I'd hang a St George's Cross. Now I see that as a symbol of hatred.

I feel like it's been hijacked by the far right. And it's not like a support me team kind of thing. It's just a like us versus... It's more of an us versus them off the pitch. It's like... I feel like the St it's more of an us versus them off the pitch it's like I feel like the St. George's cross

just has negative connotations to me now and I think they put it up as like it's not a symbol of I'm just enjoying my sports team

it's a symbol of like get them out what you should do is stop the boats you should get two St. George's cross flags and like cut one of them up

and you can use the red bits to turn it into a big red swastika symbol of peace St. George's swastika please come in I'm sure that wouldn't have any repercussions at all

more boats please more boats please more boats just the extra boats St George's Swastika Do it Do it round here Do it in Scotland

St George's Swastika With more boats written on it So I think that Concludes the podcast That's as far as we go That's how we have to end more boats written on it so I think that concludes the podcast that's the pin in it that's as far as we go that's how you have to end I guess so you got out of the plugga

you're going to have two of your critically acclaimed friends show, are you going to do the rounds? yeah yeah yeah I'm going to do that I'm going to do some London stuff I'm going to do some Scottish dates of it and stuff like that. And then... Define it on your website or your social media.

What's the best way? Probably Instagram. Instagram, which is at... I honestly couldn't. Do you know what? Just try and... Find it out while I plug the Patreon. If you're enjoying this episode

and you're enjoying the guests that we've had on in recent weeks, we've got two episodes a week for people who keep their lights on um i'm gonna be taking the podcast on tour obviously peggy i'm doing the plug that's attention seeking you know what she's doing there oh she's like oh are you looking at me because i'm barking rolling around uh she's barking at her paws and i thought i was worried about i was just like our paws itchy like as i saw what's going on here i took a video of it and when i was in the vet for something else i was like what's she Paul's itchy, like, or the sore, what's going on here? I took a video of it, and when I was in the vet for something else, I was like, what's she like here? She's like, oh, she just wants attention. She's attention-seeking. I'm going to go. You know what?

I don't mind her doing that, because I'll give her attention. Yeah. If she wants attention, she can get it. What was it you were plugging there, Dave? The Patriot Eye. So thank you to everyone that's subscribing, because obviously, like, we always put out the free public episode, and you get a bonus episode if you subscribe,

but there's costs to the podcast, like the extra luggage on the tours and shit like that. So thank you for paying the bills, guys. And there's a man that, if you don't know this, but when you do a podcast, there's a man that comes round and demands money from you. He says it's the podcast tax you do if you've never done a podcast you won't know but this man he is he is a lives under the bed he lives

under the bed he's a sexual predator and not in a bad way and I just love it just likes to watch now is that He's actually not predatory. He's like, what's, sexual herbivore. He's a sexual forager. He's still sexual, he's still sexual nonetheless. Wow.

I was like, I was like, I don't know what I'm saying here I don't know where this is going to peter out and then you came back in there

Kai and just lifted it back you've lifted me up in your arms we thought we were going to end with St George's

swastika and we're in it on sexual herbivore so there's that you got a pretty nice public episode follow Roscoe

McClellan subscribe to the period and I'll see you again on Thursday