Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Super Brood

Episode Date: February 14, 2024

After Kai is forced to accept his eyes for who they are and Daniel offloads the many things that have been bugging him, the boys talk about the double swarm of actual bugs that will be in frenzy during their trip to America. In other news, Pokemon has been ripped off and made better. #18   Improve the contents of your fridge with delicious cider from our partner Thistly Cross using your 10% off discount code. Enjoy! www.thistlycrosscider.co.uk Discount Code: thistlysloss10   Join us at Altitude festival for a live podcast in the Alps, 1-5 April 2024. Get discounted festival tickets with your 10% discount code. www.altitudefestival.com Discount Code: mugginsandcream24

Sloss and Humphries on the road! Muggins and cream, cream and muggins Straight thuggin', livin' the dream And that's our intro Fuckin' muggles! Tickling the clit inside your head that makes you laugh Woohoo! Ha ha ha!

They said it can't be done! Are we in the same seats? That's hack! Awww, muggles! Accidental rim job in the park Kiss kiss kiss Or might just be cynical Just muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglepedia

Where have you been since 9-11? I've been bitterly disappointed You've been bitterly disappointed You've been bitterly disappointed? Who's let you down? They can't do me eyes No Aye I went in for a consultation I'll then happy and all that

Like I'm gonna get my eyes fixed Ready to fucking spend some money on it now Aye Treat yourself to some fucking vision Aye I'm a little bit annoyed at that excuse, bud. Yeah? Because, you know...

Is it that straight women have things too good and they're just going to prioritise? I say, straight, me eyes are wonky. That's straight. That's straight. I wouldn't trust you to be a job, probably. I really enjoy the consultation, so this is just just go on so i have been actively encouraging you for uh months if not years now to give uh laser eye

surgery a go since my dad had it done 10 years ago over 10 years ago it changed his life i mean it's his vision's bad now but there was a good 10 years of his life when it was changed for him. And obviously since then, the technology's gotten better, the surgery's gotten better. And your mum actually, I was texting your mum asking about what your dad's prescription was before he got it done. He was like, oh, you got it done 30 years ago.

And I was like, that must be an exaggeration. Otherwise that would be a medieval. Yeah. I don't think methods were invented then, Leslie. I don't think it was 30 years ago. I think they did it with Sona. They did it with Sona back then. Sona eye surgery.

It could have been 20 years ago, yeah. So I was expecting them to turn us away because of, like, the previous squint surgery and that I could get double vision and I've got, like, one dominant eye and they don't want to fuck with the balance. Like, I'm kind of, even when i was tightening i was like i'm excited about it like to the point like i like if i got my eyes fucking fixed 2020 which is what they

promised right like if you get this new eye design that's only available at optical express upselling you for more money but you want to turn left if you're getting your eyes fixed you didn't want to get an artist give us a cheap us the cheap one. Well, I mean, you say you don't. Our biggest fear was that your wife, renowned scrounger, Natalie Humphries, who would like- Coupon cut. Oh, man, she would coupon cut chemotherapy. Aye, she would.

Can I just get half? Yeah. Is it just, I'm happy to lose one tip. Oh, that's fine. She always wants half a pill because she's stingy. I'm happy to lose one tip. Oh, that's fine. She always wants half a pill because she's stingy. Because look, here's the thing.

Especially in today's fucking economy, looking for bargains is a really good thing. I think it's a really good trade. It's something that I wish I had more of in myself instead of just being as frivolous with money as I occasionally could be. But there's sometimes where I'm like, you owe it to yourself and your loved ones.

If it's for proper self-improvement, if you can feasibly afford it not to skimp on certain things. There's a difference between flying somewhere cheap and the holiday is going to be amazing so the flight doesn't matter. It doesn't have to be business on a fucking five hour flight. Yeah. If the hotel's nice.

You can go right in there. And it doesn't even have to be a nice hotel if your entire plan is to go to the beach all the time and see the sights and stuff. Like that's stuff where me personally, I wouldn't scrimp. But when she does, I'm like, fair enough. That's, it's better to be her way.

I noticed you stayed out of the conversation when she was telling us that she sold something for £1.50 on Vinted. Oh, my wife. You were just like, just pretend I've got my headphones on, guys. And I'm like,

do they come and collect it for that much? No, I've got to go to the post office and package it, but the postage is beautiful. But again, that's... But she's making sure

that doesn't go to waste. Yes, and it's... It's Cailin's old clothes that mean a lot to her and she wants them to go to her happy home. It's not about the £1.50. No, no. It's about making it affordable for someone else that mean a lot to her and she wants them to go to her happy home it's not about the £1.50 no no

it's about making it affordable for someone else so that they can buy this thing that you know she spent maybe nine or ten quid on and yeah yeah so uh Natalie ended up uh having a change of heart and not coming to the eye test because she's like honestly I'm so used to just getting up and putting my contact lenses in it's just like i'm honestly just used to so like just this is my routine she's like i'd still get up after my eye test and go to put my contact lenses in like she's got stockholm syndrome you care that fucking have it a couple of days like at the same with you're used to waking up every morning you have a cigarette with your coffee you just learned to not have a cigarette with your coffee there was there was something in there about em some someone managed manageable pain

or something was in the like little read up of like when you read about it not not quite from up to express but like you know when you you go and look for like not the person selling it yeah but somebody talking about it and they were like not considerable pain not not considerable pain, but manageable. And she was like, I don't want to go through pain for something that I'm actually totally fine with. And what she was really saying is, 3,000 pounds. That's nice.

So she decided that, and I was like, oh, you know what? I didn't even consult you on this. I just shouted through, shall I book you in for the same time? And I'm kind of strong-arming her. I was offered to pay for it as well it's not like i mean my money's her money so she probably sees it as like just paid off those um so whatever it was about money whatever it was about pain whatever the reason she decided against it and i just was like well this is important to me i'm gonna go down and try that like i said i wasn't getting myself too excited about it but i also did say that i'd cry if i had 2020 vision yeah absolutely i think you would i

i would feel emotional for you uh-huh well you go in and what i loved about it loads of machines i'm gonna say double figures yeah of machines are you sure that just wasn't your double vision maybe it's about five machines approximately five machines and uh you know it's the one that i've played this one before this is cubat right look at the hot air balloon i'm gonna blast some air in your eye you're like oh don't have glycoma and then there was one where it was like we're just gonna check your peripheral vision like uh give us this thing and uh looked straightforward at that late and then little lights were coming on in the side and i'm pressing the button right there and i pressed it once and i was like uh cancel that one i didn't see one it's got carried away i'm trying to preempt

it so like i think it was like nq64 just having a fucking swell time and then i sat down with the optician and uh he was like oh oh, yeah, I seem really healthy, and started having a look at the stuff from the machines and all that. And then went and started doing the letters thing, which I'm always apprehensive about. I don't know if I've spoke to you about this or if I've ever spoke about it on the podcast, but don't put lasers in my eyes based on how good I am at guessing.

Yes. Like, figure that out without any input from me. You approach eye tests the same way you approach pub quizzes. I'm trying to win. I'm trying to win that motherfucker. If that looks like an N but it may be an M, I'm going to say one of them. Yeah, yeah.

I'm not going to tell you I struggled. I'm going to be like, confidently N. And if it going to tell you I struggled I'm going to be like confidently N and if it comes up M great you've given me the correct diagnosis if it confidently says N and it's N you're like

yes fuck I lied the next one's an I the next one look it looks like a G but I'm not going to say it's a C

it's a C I'm not so I did have to do that it actually I was like pretty good on them my left eye is like fine right in my right eye i'm getting to the point where i'm guessing but i'm pretty low doing on the chart and like i'm i'm telling them like look that that could be a c or a g i can tell it's not no it doesn't meet in the middle but like there might be a G element to where it curves at the bottom that I kind of make out.

So I'm trying to be more honest than I've been in normal eye tests for my glasses. But I'm still getting quite far down the chart. And then eventually he finishes and he goes, well, you don't qualify for laser surgery because your prescription's too high, right? And I'm like, wait a minute. My eyes are too bad to get laser surgery, yeah, prescription's too high, right? And I'm like, wait a minute. Like,

my eyes are too bad to get laser surgery. Yet I actually confidently read out quite a few letters. Is it only people who've got good eyes that I get their eyes fixed?

Is it like, we're going to give you a 20-20 vision but your prescription's only like 1.5? Like, I can get it in this eye. I don't want it in this eye.

I mean, if both my eyes were like this eye, I'd be fine. That eye, slightly off, I can still drive. I can still it in this eye I don't want it in this eye I'd be if both my eyes were like this eye I'd be fine that eye slightly off I can still drive I can still play

table tennis not very good still play pool I can still I played football with contact lenses in like I can get by I can play computer games

I can read it's not the best but I can read and they're like oh no your eyes are too bad to do that and I'm like

so this is for nobody that needs it? No. This whole, because she was bragging about the surgeon that was going to work on us. He's like one of the top surgeons in the world. He's done like 60,000 surgeries or something like that. I'm like,

what? And people aren't going to already see, and you weren't that successful? You didn't already see? Just fucking, oh yeah, it's done, have a look at that.

So, I was, because you, and then he was was like but you do qualify for lens replacement you could get a lens replacement but your eyes aren't bad enough for that you might as well wait until you're older and it's a problem and you can't read and everything sorry when you say lens replacement you mean lens eye lens replacement must be yeah or like lens on your glasses no i mean i okay so that's a different surgery laser eye surgery is where they cut it down, flip it off, laser it, change it down. Yeah, update the software and the metrics.

But they can change the actual lenses in your eyes. And I think it's because I was saying to him, I was going, oh, well, my wife's plus six and plus seven, so it would have been pointless her coming in. You might as well just ask her on the phone. You're going to save me coming in if you just fund up your prescription before wasting me time coming here like if it's such a small bracket of what you're willing to fix and then he was like oh yeah yeah she wouldn't have been able to get

it done if it was higher than yours but then when i got home i found out natalie's minus which is short-sighted i thought that meant you couldn't see short but short-sighted is if you hold it there you can see Anything over there is gone And then I think That's what they're good at fixing with the laser eye surgery So Natalie might have been alright But because mine's Far sighted

No Am I far sighted and struggle seeing closer I don't know See that's such a weird thing because It's like uh i as somebody who has exceptionally good eyes one of the senses where i'm like i would i would always improve my eyesight i think you would always want to improve your your hearing um i tell you what i'd be fine with absolutely reducing taste I think If there was a surgery

I don't think it gets any lower for you No it could If it got any fucking lower Then I would like everything If there was laser tongue surgery I think yours is feel though Yours is all texture based Isn't it

Well that's another one If they could reduce like Feel it Imagine Imagine hot bothered you less Or cold bothered you less Yeah Like if they could just laser

Your entire skin And they're like right but by the way you know tone down the nerve endings absolutely i would have laser tongue surgery which is a leprosy you're after is that not what leprosy is you feel like a fucking superhero if you're a leper i also don't know how they would do the test that's what you're doing fixing iron man okay daniel you're coming in for laser tongue surgery so do you enjoy the taste of lemon? You're like yeah yeah yeah I enjoy the taste of lemon Do you enjoy the taste of egg?

Oh eggs I struggle with egg I've tried it in several different ways Even with hot sauce Which I like I don't particularly like egg Okay that's interesting Very important question here

Do you eat ass? What? Have you ever licked butthole? Have you ever tasted I have I don't I don't think you need this man I don't think it's a taste thing

I think this is you being a a pervy little boy so I just I went like I went and emailed them

just going can you just explain to us again why but they didn't have an email option they just had a chatbot option.

So I just wrote on the chatbot because I was on the train back and I was like, because somebody just explained to me why I got rejected for laser eye surgery because I didn't quite understand and just left it at the chatbot and I still haven't got an email back.

But the guy just didn't do it because he said it was, oh, like, something about it being plus four, you can't do on plus four and I was like, plus 2.75 and he was like, oh, you write it differently and i i don't know if that means like glasses and

contact lenses and laser eye surgery because it's like close at the eye it's a different prescription so i honestly don't understand why i got turned away when i in my head i'm at 0.275 2.75 and then he was like and actually like you could probably have a higher prescription. You could maybe have a 3.5 in that eye, which was still lower than what he said was the cutoff. You're talking to me. I'm looking at you the way fucking bankers talk to me. Right.

So that's how I was looking at him. Cause I'm like, what the fuck? I feel like I've got one of the lowest numbers going. So you're only fixing people with like eyes that clearly work. Yeah. It doesn't't it upsets us to think how much people are spunking their money on something they've already got yeah it's not for people that are yeah you were not because by the sounds of things it did it did sound like we were

close to like curing not not blindness itself but getting like you were curing people that were close to blind whereas it's actually the opposite You're curing people who are almost perfectly sighted Aye, uh-huh, yeah Like, because if you show me something on your phone I can see that thing on your phone I just need to grab it and get it in place This big dick pill only works for people Whose dicks are seven inches long

Uh-huh Well, who's Well, I don't want Who's that for? Aye Like, what's the point? Yes, exactly that Aye

So, wee bit disheartened um feel a little bit richer feel a bit feel a bit richer yeah but like and i already decided what i wanted to spend it on what odds do you think that natalie phoned them up beforehand and went we've got a mortgage to pay you're about to get he's never gonna believe it he's never he's not he's smart in some aspects but if you just throw a bunch of numbers at him with points in them and then make sure he always gets hung up on the difference between short sighted and long sight just repeat those two things over and over again and give them different numbers with points in them and i tell you what i'll give you 500 quid so you can save us five and a half grand.

In the optician's gown, you'll never file for this. Natalie's like, boy, trust us. I know my man. I just heard a thump. That'll be him walking into your front door. I'm sorry to hear that, bud. It's all right. I mean, I've gotten this far I know

but it just it was such a a promised land it was I'm like ooh I wonder if technology gets better by the time I'm older

I feel like they made a mistake I don't want to tell them how to do their job but that just feels wrong especially when you're telling us about like how much of a change

it was for your dad and that was so many years ago I don't think the eyes are as bad as your dad's way by description uh as always uh well not as always as as of recently and as hopefully uh continue in the future we are sponsored by uh thisley cross cider now i've said this several times about This Is The Cross. Unlike a lot of podcasts and their advertisers, we were not approached by them. I approached them because this is one of my favourite drinks in the entire world. It has a number of flavours, from Scottish fruits, to the whisky cast, to their original flavour, to elderflower, to strawberry. It's Scottish cider made in the east of Scotland. It's a small Scottish-owned business

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support the podcast and it's the perfect way to support local scottish businesses and absolutely post it on instagram and tag us in and tag in thistley cross and give us something to share i'm desperate for them to the the thing about myself that i wish there was a surgery for right and i know what i know the way to improve it is to drink less smoke less weed do crosswords read smarter books be a bit fucking healthier um i i've said this before the podcast i'll say it again nothing gives me more suicidal thoughts than misplacing something right the things i always fucking misplace are my kindle which isn't always my fault caitlin knows it's my book and i leave it places and he picks and it's a screen so that's like a source of entertainment and a lot of like things yeah

oh no but it's it's a it's just black and white what it's not like a it's not like the tablet kindle sort of thing so that goes missing all the. But I can go a day without my Kindle because my Kindle's also on my phone, right? If I don't have my headphones, I really struggle to do, not struggle, I'm less inclined to do chores. I will do so many chores around the house if I've got my fucking podcast on, right?

But if I don't have my headphones, I spend 15 minutes walking around the house going, where's my fucking headphones? And I only put them in the same fucking three places that's why i hate myself so much when dumbass me has put it somewhere else and i know that people are going to be screaming being like the answer to this is you can get these little the air tags or the cheaper version of air tags and you just stick them on the thing you connect it to your fucking phone which i'm going to lose as well by the way but i'm going to i'm going to connect it to cara's phone so that she can find my fucking phone they're not i know for a fact that there are gps tracking devices is this fucking

big right that they're sticking on terrorists right and persons of interest in the government right give me those give me i'll pay i will pay through the fucking nose if you just give me one small tiny thing the size of a contact lens the thickness of it to stick on the back of my phone not a key ring how am I going to add

a fucking key ring to my phone how am I adding a key ring to my headphones I need something that just goes I wish it was

just a bit of technology that I could just go headphones and it would go here I'm here I'm here Kindle

here here I am there's got to be something in there that can set off an alert like there's one in the ipad uh-huh if if i've lost my ipad i can make it play a sound yeah like why the fuck is that not in everything like uh you know natalie left her car keys to our car in her mom and dad's car when they sold it to we buy any car and we had to trace where the car was in this like depot in Edinburgh. They sold it in Glasgow,

in a car park. And it got taken to this place in Edinburgh and we found the cleaners had like, took everything out, like all of like any junk that's in a car and put them all together and the keys were ready to go into the waste. But before we found them,

I looked up and it was, I think it was something like 450 quid to replace your keys from Audi yeah which is not how much it costs which I'm like

I had no idea I had 450 pound in my pocket when I'm working around with that key you don't it's a full scam it's like man

Tesla are just like it costs 500 pounds to replace the keys you're like no it doesn't it costs you maximum 10 pounds to print the fucking key

it takes 30 minutes of your time to pass the code over. You just know. Marked up that shit. You know exactly what you're doing. Closed market. Aye.

And it got to the point where I was like, if I hand this back without the keys, I'm getting fined 270 quid. It's cheaper to get fined than to not do them. So actually we're taking less of a hit, but still annoyingly a hit to do it. I'm like, if you're charging 450 quid for a key and i've got an app that tells exactly where my car is parked why the fuck does that app not tell me where my keys are 450 point i want 400 point of

that telling us how to find the car when i misplace them i had to you know when i mean i know you definitely know this you know when you have a problem yourself like it's a you problem but you're in a relationship and you're like i'm gonna do everything i can to improve this thing but we're married now that so you have to be involved in this right um i love my wife and not not 100 of the the time, not 90% of the time, not 75, not even 60% of the time, but not less than 50% of the time that my Kindle or my phone is missing.

It's under her fucking arse, right? And again, not all of the time, but most, genuinely most. Now, I lose and misplace things four to five times a fucking day. I understand that it's really annoying to be like that. But man, if I see Carol looking for something, the first thing I do, feel under my arse, feel under the fucking pillow. Yeah, this place has been checked.

I've done it, right? You just hold X a little bit on Baldur's Gate. Just briefly search the fucking area I had to say this the other day And I'm like I'm ill I'm very selfishly coming off nicotine Because we were doing fucking snooze

Snooze In Scandinavia So that's 100% my fault If the next time You see me looking for my Kindle And my phone And you don't check 100 yards immediately

I'm going to have to leave you. Because you need to understand, when I'm looking around the rest of the house, I'm not actually looking. What I'm doing is I'm going through the motions of looking and going, it's under her arse, it's under her arse, it's under her arse. And I've probably picked up my phone and my Kindle

and been like, it's under her arse, it's under her fucking arse. Like if I can't find the remote now, the first thing I do is look in the blanket that Natalie's bundled herself in because it's clearly been on top of the blanket because you just put it on top of the couch, on top of the table, on top of something.

You never put it under anything. So if it's not on display, that means the thing that it was on top of has been moved and Shayla grabbed a blanket and swaddled herself in it and I'm like 100% in so like i mean man it's a hundred it's a hundred percent it's a main problem and like i i hate myself so much when i lose shit like it like i feel myself becoming you i'm like i can't like the one i can't like it's hypocritical like it would be so funny if every time you lost it, you just go, right, Cara, I'm about to buy another Kindle. And she'll go, oh, dear.

I was so close. She bought me my headphones. I love my headphones, right? It was a really good Christmas present, right? I love forgetting them. And today, when I fucking lost my headphones, I was just like, I hate wireless headphones. I hate expensive headphones.

I miss the day. Because do you know what the fix would be? Back in the old days, I would just go on Amazon and I would spend 100 quid buying 50 pairs of plug-in headphones. And every time I fucking misplaced them, oh, oh, they're gone.

I can just go in the drawer, pull out another one. Fuck the dolphins. Fuck the turtles. I don't give a shit. I'd rather have a clean house than a clean fucking planet give me my god damn headphones

whereas now I'm just like I can't like how am I spending how is my beautiful wife spending 300 pounds on fucking headphones that don't have a headphones

where are you here I am I don't think they exist yeah they're bluetooth they're bluetooth headphones how is there not a fucking tracking feature on it

that's bullshit that is bullshit may not never not round me neck oh god I fucking hate delete go and delete that

since I hate Instagram so much Instagram I've got a I've got a reel which which isn't going out

it was give me I tried to upload it it didn't upload so I uploaded it a reel which isn't going out. I tried to upload it. It didn't upload. So I uploaded it a second time. And it's now got edit and post this reel. I'm like, I just want to delete the draft. There's no delete draft option.

It just sits there the entire time. Let us know when you want to upload this. The clip beside it is the uploaded version. How is delete not the number one option Above edit Above share Repost Above repost Where's delete I've archived it

Aye what does archive mean I keep thinking that way Where's delete I go through emails And I click on them To delete And sometimes you've got Archive

I'm like Oh yeah I just put them In a fucking box In the loft We can just show that after I'm gonna I think it's off your kit I don't know Let's just put them in a fucking box in the loft I don't know let's just see if it was

yeah like archive like if you sometimes you try to like delete a fucking whatsapp group that you are in

so that it's just not on your fucking whatsapp list and it'll go in archive and it's like in an archive thing of whatsapp groups like as you know

when we deleted a friend from my life I just fucking deleted a few groups with him in and now they're not even deleted they're just in an archive thing of WhatsApp groups like as you know when we deleted a friend from my life I just fucking deleted a few groups with him in and now they're not even deleted they're just in this archive which is like at the top of the thing

where you click on archive groups and I'm like oh great there's archive and it groups with me and me in yeah I wanted to fully rid myself of this thing and you're like

here's the thing that you're trying to get rid of just in case you change your mind oh fuck knows where my archived emails are archived but I just in case I ever need my fucking Groupon spam. I had a moment the other day

that you would have enjoyed. And I really wish you'd been there for it. It didn't work out in the end as much as I wanted it to. But I was not an outright cunt but I got into a cunt off and I was super thrilled to be in the fucking cunt off

was it when I left you in Bristol Airport by any chance yeah so we went different flights but arrived at the same name but you were way well before me

yeah we did the London Palladium shows which were great I started losing my voice which was fucking hell on earth like to just

oh you look genuinely sad when you couldn't meet the fans after the Palladium gig man I fucking hate like I hated every second of being on stage not having range

like in your voice and not not being able to shout not being able to shout not being able to do inflections not being able to like you go high pitched sometimes as well

uh huh not being able to like do theions Not being able to Not being able to do the Higher and softer bits Just reduce the Fucking pacing also And this is going to be quite a Complainy episode and I do apologise for that But you know it does I am so

Close to messaging The Bristol Was the name of the venue Beacon Yeah I'm so close to messaging the Bristol, was the name of the venue, Beacon? Yeah. I'm so close to messaging Bristol Beacon, going, find out who was sat right there in that fucking chair, who bought tickets, right? Because, man, I'm successful, right?

And it's a fucking privilege to be successful. It's a privilege to walk out to sold-out audiences every night. So nothing. But there's people who want tickets but there's people who want tickets there's people who want tickets so stop

selling tickets to people over the age of 60 that don't know who you are who don't know who I am who just come to the venue

because it's at arts yeah who just want to I'm going to support the thing because my fucking wife's dead because she killed herself because I'm such

a miserable fuck right I've no idea who this old decrepit fucking cunt there was but the second I walked on stage I'm like he's gonna fucking hate this and sure enough the whole show the whole show just and he didn't heckle or anything I'm like but I just want Have you been dead because I need to fucking do something back? I was so desperate to shout out and just like get my I wanted to go get the fuck out man get the fuck out of the show full refund not only full refund right I'll give you a hundred quid to I was so desperate to shout out I wanted to go get the fuck out man get the fuck out of the show

full refund not only full refund right I'll give you a hundred quid to leave right I'll give you a hundred quid to leave

and we'll get somebody at the back of the room who got this ticket last because they were waiting for their payday to come in and they bought this ticket last man I would much rather

somebody at the back there instead of you sitting there expecting fucking high art from a stand up comedy show you fucking fat wanker right um so i'm i'm already like i was so close to blacklisting bristol right based on this one guy a hundred percent my i was tired fucking off putting away it's awful it's awful do not sit in the front fucking couple row oh stop bringing your parents stop bringing

your fucking parents to my show i'm telling you right now unless they've watched every single special i've done online do not bring your fucking parents or your grandparents to my fucking show and if you do way at the back what they've got shitty fucking eyesight they're gonna die anyway the memory's not gonna last long for them. They deserve death. Don't give them five years of a fucking memory, right? Just let them fucking die. Let them watch Roy Chubby Brown or Peter Kay or any of this other fucking bullshit.

Stop bringing pensioners to me fucking show, right? So I'm annoyed at Bristol, right? I blame all of Bristol for this fucking one man, right? I am annoyed at myself. I'm annoyed at Bristol, right? I blame all of Bristol for this fucking one man, right? I am annoyed at myself. I'm annoyed at the whole thing. I've already had very, every time I've been in Bristol airport, the staff there are just some of the worst.

The airport's nice, right? Yeah, it's all right. It's efficient. We paid for fast track security just so I can get through just because I'm like, I don't want to queue. Fast track fucking security,

7.15 in the morning, my bag goes through and it gets pulled aside. Four members of Bristol Airport staff stood there at the fast track talking to each other while my bag sits beside them. Right?

Talking. Five minutes. No, no, no, I don't. But it doesn't matter. I paid for fucking fast track it's fast track it's fast you do not get to talk as staff

about anything that's not security in the fast track fucking lane that is your responsibility I'm sitting there I'm fucking saving I'm fucking

they're talking about nothing they're gossiping about their sad little fucking lives right just being like oh my mum does this my mum does oh my mum's dead and I'm fucking they're talking about nothing they're gossiping about their sad little fucking lives right it's just being like oh my my mum does this my mum does oh my mum's dead I'm like I'm fucking so glad your mum's dead right I'm just angry angry angry she's like and then eventually they're like oh is this yours and I'm like oh the only fucking thing yeah that is mine yeah yeah yeah yeah it is go through I make sure that they see me multiple times going to that little thing like, how was your security experience today? And going, red, bad service.

Wait for it to reload. Red, bad. Oh, for 10 minutes. 10 fucking minutes. The plane gets cold. 10 minutes. Sir, it's acknowledged. Okay, red.

Did you let them know as well? Absolutely. 10 minutes I fucking stood there. Red, bad service. Red, bad. It doesn't do anything. It doesn't do anything. It doesn't do anything. It's not going to change anything.

It's Bristol Airport. Like, why do you have security? Who's bombing Bristol fucking airport? If your airport gets bombed, it's because the staff you hire there are fucking awful. It's not jihadists. It's normal, regular people. The band would get there and go,

oh, someone's already beat me to it. So, airport is fucking empty And I'm like oh god I'm sick, I'm getting angry I'm getting wound up by the smallest things I'm just going to drink some water I'm going to have some fucking medicine So I go to Boots or Tesco

I get my water, I get my medicine, I sit down And I'm just like Doom scrolling on Instagram reels And I look up at one point just like doom scrolling on Instagram reels. And I look up at one point, right, and there's a guy across from me and he's just drinking a Starbucks coffee. And he looks at me and he sort of waves. And I've got my headphones on. And I went, and he turned his phone around.

And it was me on reels. And he went, and I went, me. Turn the sound on. And so we laughed about it and said nothing else and I'm like oh that's a really

nice interaction he goes away and I'm just fucking sitting there and there this old cunt and that's

there's no other word for it an old horrible cunt hag yeah an absolute hag she comes around in a Starbucks

uniform and she's clearing all the tables, right? And I'm the only person at a table this whole thing. And she's talking to me. And again, old people don't know what headphones are. So I look up and she's talking to me and I go, I'm sorry, I must have missed all of that. As if it's my fault that you've not updated yourself on what technology is. I go and go sorry I missed all that She went this is Starbucks seating and I went okay And she's like fucking a poor man. Oh man if like you're the riffraff from which side

if if It was round There are 150 chairs here two of them are occupied right if i was taking up space a hundred percent i'm not a paying customer i'm just sat in front of the board seven in the morning she's like she's like this is starbucks sitting and i'm like okay she's like you'll have to move and i was like i'm all right yeah i'm not gonna move you're gonna have to get security they're gonna kill you if you do that they're be fucking furious if you get airport security for this. So I went, I went, she went, you're going to have to move.

And I'm like, I'm okay. I'm just going to sit here and wait for my gate to come up. She's like, I'll need you to move. And I'm like, I'm not, I'm not going to move. Like, I'm just waiting until my gate comes up. Like, there's nothing. She's like, but you have to move. And I'm like, I don't have to do anything

like if you want you can go and get security and she fucking flips she's like i will get security i'll get security right now and i'm like i urge you to go and get security i would love by the way it's gonna take you 15 minutes to get their fucking attention i've just come from there none of them are good at their job come back and they're like this cunt right and i'm and i'm like i'm like this is actually deep down all i wanted all i want is a confrontation right and it's i'm in a bad mood i'm ill i've had a rough couple of fucking days like i'm a man i'm just looking for a fight in the world and I've got it from all the things I hate

an old cunt a member of Bristol airport security and staff I'm like this is you've got them all railed I'm like oh it's Christmas time I'm like this is I'm just

I'm going to be the most stubborn guy when I tell you how fucking damn when I say gate security she's like I will gate security Edinburgh gate 7 and I went

fuck I went my gates just come up and she's like oh that's convenient I'm like don't you dare don't you dare

pretend don't you dare pretend that I'm now scared of security right you still miss your flight because you fucking want security to come I stood there

for an extra 10 minutes I'll be a speedy board And take the window Pay extra for a speedy board And I'm not getting in For ten minutes She went Well now that your gate's gone

I guess she can go there I'm like I guess I can Right And I'm just like Oh no she's won She's won Right I take my fucking Kindle in my bag

I take my thing in my bag You've got to spill something like Oh You've got to get She's got to be tidying up after After giving you that I couldn't do that I still

I refused Get me a snooze suit and put it on the table There you go Get that big bag of germs off there No I couldn't have done that But it was more I want to make more fucking effort I don't know where my

Because that's me actually fucking with someone in the service industry and their job her thing wasn't part of her fucking job yeah she was being a job

she was just being a cunt she was just being an old cunt because her fucking fanny hasn't known known moisture since the Nazis

were close to fucking doing it all that might have made her feel something you know that little like swatch of authority that she had that she never had over any of her family like she might be

she might just be flexing a muscle that she doesn't get to use anywhere else in the world and getting off on it and that might have given her a little you know, clipmate or something she'd be freaking herself over it and she'd go yeah. I've also, man, I've been to Bristol Airport three separate times and every single time I've had a problem

With members of staff there Which is weird Because you get to Bristol And you're like This is quite a cool Liberal fucking place The accent's quite lovely As well isn't it

It's not a nice accent But it's a lovely accent It's like melody Aye A bad melody But melodic Alright we love her We love her

Oh good Cheers So the thing about The fucking Nazis, right, was, look, it's right, all right, they killed a bunch of people, right, but at the end of the day, if it hadn't been the Jews,

none of us would be angry. Loved his dog. So I get back, and Natalie was going, one of my friends, one of my friends went on Instagram, there you go, they got back, and Natalie said, one of my friends went on Instagram there you go they got back and Natalie said one of my friends went on Instagram and one of her favourite restaurants there was this like hot guy

on the picture in the restaurant and she clicked on the hot guy right to see who this hot guy was and it was like his girlfriend's account and she clicked on the girlfriend's account to find out who her boyfriend was to look at the boyfriend and it said on the bio editor of Sluss and Humphries on the road and it was your brother Matthew

I wanted to tell him in the car on the way here but I thought I'd wait to tell him on the podcast she literally insta stalked you all the way to your profile from a restaurant through your girlfriend's thought you went like that Well in more and further good news The king's got cancer

Oh yeah aye So he does He did his own prostate Put one of them big digits up Yeah Fucking eh You've been very prophetic this year Haven't you Because even though you didn't say it on the podcast On a you've been very very prophetic this year haven't you because even though you didn't say it on the podcast on stage you've been like like rubbing your hands together

at the thought of another monarch dying like i get to see another monarch die yeah and like that's been your bit and so like um there was a lot of tags on the page about like like tagging the new story he had the airplane thing february you had the king what's next I'm scared to get on the ranks say to you well I mean if you want the sad news I can tell you exactly what it's going to be

well gotta this is like I don't say this in any sort of disparaging way about my life but

you always put these footprints around your point you're like I'm going to put a slag off me bird there we are. There's a little bit of smoke. Do the smile print first.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. T's and C's. Anyway, this slut. She is utter proof that, and she says it herself, that ignorance is bliss. I have been in a foul mood all morning, right? Because, well, one, I'm still recovering from my illness. I'm still fucking suffering from nicotine withdrawals. sometimes as everyone is aware sometimes i'm just a miserable bastard uh i keep so up to date with american politics because american politics affects the

politics of the rest of the world and share your sources because you did tell me your sources and i think a lot of people would like to listen to them, the podcast you listen to. I listen to Today Explained, five episodes every week. It just tells you what's going on in the world. It's a good way to keep updated. I listen to the Six O'Clock News from BBC every night. I know the BBC feels that

it can be biased sometimes. That's why I don't listen to the opinion pieces on it. I just listen to the actual reporting of what's going on in the world, which is often not biased biased i listen to pod save america which is a left-leaning podcast but only left-leaning in this terms that like the american right is so much further than the right wing of any other developed country uh in the world pod save america does have actual original republicans who you know some of the very few republicans left who have integrity and look i disagree with them on policies about capitalism and immigration and stuff but they

don't come at it from a fucking hateful place they come at it from a logical place and a lot of them have they want the best for the country yeah they do and and and we just have different opinions on how you would uh go about it and there are some republicans out there who know what socialism actually is and don't confuse it with communism and don't fucking go through that thing of like socialism doesn't work and it's like well you don't get to claim to be the greatest country in the world if you don't think you can make something work that's um i also listened to i also listened uh read every day there is a woman called heather cox richardson who you can sign up to her newsletter.

And every single day, she will send you an update of what's just going up in American politics every single day. Fox News is not news. It's very openly not news. There have been court cases where Tucker Carlson's lawyer has said that Tucker Carlson is allowed to say whatever he wants to say because it's so clearly what he's saying isn't true. That is clearly just a name. Is it right what you said about Fox News is actually, it's not even called Fox News, it's entertainment. It's an entertainment channel.

It's an entertainment network. It's not a news channel. So it's genuinely a parody of itself. It's legally not allowed to call itself a news channel because it is not because they do not report facts they report things they find in entertaining ways in order to rile up the right this is why the entire murdoch family needs to be eradicated from the face of the planet because the damage that they have done is untold and this is why it's very important that we keep an eye on what is happening on gb news

right and what they're trying to do with that in trying to divide the country further most of america most rational good americans and most good people need ukraine to win the war against russia because of russia if and when russia Russia defeats Ukraine in the war Russia will then feel emboldened and stronger to go after NATO. And if they go after NATO, that brings war closer to the fucking east. And they've already got allyship with China and they've already got allyship with... And is it something to do

with, I'm going back to when I read Tim Marshall's Prisoners of Geography they get access to a warm seaport and that strengthens the navy? navy yeah and they also get all all the oil like you europe gets most of its electricity and oil from russia still now the one thing about war in ukraine is russia has just proved itself to be utterly pathetic at war like evil and indiscriminate and awful but easy to fend off now instead of

us all going to war with russia and having a world war the best thing to do is to just fund ukraine all of the time in order to make sure ukraine can fucking fight off and it's safe man imagine having a fucking there's a bully right and you can just pay someone who's hard as nails going, if you keep giving me protein shakes and maces, I'm just going to keep beating the fuck out of this guy. It is within everyone's fucking interest for Ukraine to be fully and completely and utterly funded. Now, the MAGA Republicans who are in the House and the Senate are still

being dictated to by Trump from the outside. Trump wanted to run on the economy. He cannot run on the economy because Joe Biden's economy is exceptional. It's exceptional for a start. It's better than Trump's economy. And Trump's economy was only good in a sugar rush sort of

thing. It was good at the start and then it became shit fucking real fast. All of his stuff was tax breaks none of it was insustainable insustainable uh joe biden has brought more jobs to america than any other president since 1955 uh what he is doing to infrastructure in the country is it's really good is he an old doddery cunt yes absolutely is he doing enough to stop is from being bastards? Absolutely fucking not. He is dropping the ball. But Trump can't run on the economy, so that's fucking done.

The one thing Trump wants is to run on border security, right? He wants there to be chaos at the fucking border. Bearing in mind that while he was in office, he did absolutely nothing to stop anything at the fucking border. Did he finish his wall? It's still ongoing. Joe, all of the MAGA Republicans were like... So you can go and run it?

All of the MAGA Republicans were like, we are not putting any funding into Ukraine unless you start putting draconian laws on the fucking border. They've held this up for three months, not letting any fucking bill pass through. Biden fucking capitulates. He's like, you know what? Sure.

I'm going to get rid of the Dreamer Act. The Dreamer Act is like, if you illegally come into the country, if your parents illegally come into the country and you're birthed in America and you live in America for your entire fucking life, so you aren't an American, right? Even though if I'm going there,

there's the Dreamer policy, which is like, hey, you're an American. He was he was like you know what i'm going to get rid of that which is that would get natalie sent home yes home place has never been yeah yeah yeah yeah uh i think she went once when she was 12 or something they're like we're gonna brian's like fucking sure if this is if this is going to give us funding for the Ukraine war absolutely fair enough we're going to House Republicans have killed it fucking dead because they need

they need chaos at the border because that's the one thing that Trump is going to fucking run on is racism and just like fear mongering so if Biden has satiated their border angst, then Trump's got off an offer.

So the one thing they wanted they got and they've shot it fucking dead. But that doesn't matter because that's not what's going to be reported on Fox Air Quotes News. They're just going to point out these little things that don't matter, that aren't true.

And none of them have to be true because again, because they're on a news news network they do not have to be fucking accurate tucker carson one of the most dishonest men in the history of the fucking world very openly is in russia now to interview putin right shut up uh-huh and he's gonna be i'm the first i'm the first western media to get to interview him oh he gets fucking nova chocked no no he's not putin is absolutely going to do it because tucker carlson and fox news are propaganda they're propaganda putin runs his country on propaganda right and this is the i don't think theo vaughn is a particularly brilliant comedian i've always enjoyed him as a personality i've

always enjoyed him i've never seen his stand-up, but I've seen some great clips. He's very funny on fucking podcasts. And man, the guy had drug problems, the guy had drink problems. He's sober now. He seemed to be going through this thing of being really sort of like smarter and more conscious and things. He had fucking Tucker Carlson on his podcast,

which for me is akin to... And it wasn't a lot with Don Chinnam. No, no, no. Man, it's akin to joe rogan having on fucking alex you ever there's this problem with fucking podcasting this problem that andrew shots does this problem that fucking joe rogan does and theo vaughn does which is like oh i don't want to tour as much anymore so what i'm going to do is i'm going to make my podcast big and the way i can make my podcast big is instead of being smart and fucking challenging and having a level of responsibility

to challenging some of the worst people in the world i'm gonna have them on and just fucking humanize them you have a responsibility to not humanize scum someone say that way microdose that by getting elliot steel on but he's not big and famous i mean by microdose oh and so just like all morning, I'm just like, God is like, what's wrong? And I'm like, all of this is going to go through because America is a country that thrives not only on undereducation, but miseducation.

When Biden loses, which he will, when Trump gets in, and when democracy falls in america it's going to fall in the rest of the goddamn world she's like but you can't affect it i'm like oh i know and i wish i was like i wish i could just let this stuff not fill me with like blind fucking rage and sadness and that's like that is how I was when Newcastle got Taken over by the Saudis and you had like Colin and that were talking about the Fucking human rights violations and stuff

In Saudi Arabia and I'm like Why wouldn't they get Bruno Gimara I'm like actually So there's not much I can Say getting angry Look if you If you're a fucking yank i know how much how fucking awful it must be to be given the two choices you're given right but you can't blame

your two-party system on joe biden right can you blame joe biden being uh the president on the democrats absolutely are the democrat is the democratic party consistently just a fumbling bunch of fucks who consistently lose unlosable elections absolutely absolutely fucking wouldn't it wrong they've been the worst president in the world probably not because that would have been hillary clinton i'm reading obama's autobiography just to remind myself how bad it's gone since then man one of the things that really made me upset yesterday again Cara's like I don't know why

you allow yourself to like know these things to just make yourself sad he was talking about when he was trying to win the Iowa caucus and one of the gaffes that he made was he was talking about because he was always opposed to the war in Iraq even though Hillary Clinton and a bunch

of Dems especially Joe Biden supported the war in Iraq he ran on it being like this was always gonna be a mistake this is like there's ways to do it with diplomacy there's ways to make sure that our allies fear us but we give them the option to fucking work with us all this stuff and one of his early blunders and gaffes was he says i just can't believe all of the life's wasted in iraq right and the media picked up and being like oh you think soldiers should give their life for the country's wasted and there's like this entire fucking two page bit where obama was like the second i said i regretted it because because it was like saying it was in vain yeah

yeah yeah but nobody wants to hear that kids died in vain I but he was very aware of like oh man I didn't I I know what I said and I know it came across it's not what I meant but I fully acknowledged that the word I used was callous and dismissive and awful and it's something like man nine years later when he's writing the book he's like i still regret my use of words saying that these lives were fucking wasted compared to you just say like wasted coming up on grand theft auto compared to donald trump who at war memorials seeing the names of all these people that died in america it, for America, in the name of their country, being like, what was in it for these losers?

A direct quote. Oh, my God. A direct fucking quote. And it just doesn't get blown up. It doesn't become a thing. It doesn't stick. And he's not going to write his own biography because they can't fucking write.

It's like an exaggerated version of what was happening in the UK when anybody from the Labour Party was saying anything it's like an exaggerated version of what was happening in the uk when like anybody anybody from the labour party was saying anything and it was like i mean somebody fucking had odd socks on or something and it got blown up and then you get all these quotes from boris johnson can like people like kids born into wedlock bastards picking ninnies and all that watermelon smiles just describing black people and like all this stuff that's like in writing like it's on wax yeah and like none of it stuck with him because like he's this fucking bumbling like the buffoon kind of guy yeah like if any of the left like fucking go out and lay in the slightest

bit they're like this fucking retard no um while you've been looking up American news, did you notice that I think we nearly, but not quite, get hit by an infestation of bugs in America when we're on tour? It's happening, but we're just kind of on the outside of it. So there's these type of insect. I think like,

I'm tempted to say like locusts, but it's like the name begins with C. And I'm also tempted to say COVID because I've just read fucking children of time and they say COVID a million times, but it's carcass or caucus or something. Matthew's going to try and find out. But they have these like super broods where like,

they'll have like brood 11, right? And that comes up every like 13 years or something like that and does like a mating ritual and then disappears. So you get this like kind of swarm, like an inf does like a mating ritual and then disappears so you get this like kind of swarm like an infestation swarm of like mating insects and then they go back to ground for another 13 years or something and it's something like brood 7 and brood 12 who are on a cycle of 17 years and 13 years are coming up at exactly the same time and there's set to be a trillion insects in the sky across like West Virginia and that kind of Tennessee

and all that. We're going to be in Texas on the date when there's this massive... Go on. Is it the Mormon crickets? Possibly. I'm sorry. Or cicadas. Cicada. That's what I would have read. Mormon crickets. They fucking go door to door, do they?

Yeah, knocking on doors. Mormon crickets I I would assume, is just the term that Mormons use whenever they knock on a door and even though there's lights on inside, they can hear the volume on the TV being turned down. But still like no answer to the door. Would you like to hear about Jesus?

Turn Fox News off. Turn it down It's quite cool so it's more than a trillion Cicadas will be coming to the US in an event That has not happened since Thomas Jefferson Was president in 1803 Where Brood XIX which arrives every 13 years

XIX 19 And Brood XIII 13 Which arrives every 17 years Will arrive at the same time. Oh, wow. Is this like an absolute event going to be happening in America when we're there? How fascinating. Isn't that great?

Why? Like, part of us disappointed that we're not going to be in amongst it. One of my childhood memories from from you know when i used to tell you i used to go to norfolk with me granddad and my auntie in the caravan one of the times there massive ladybird infestation like fucking sweep your arm through the sky like that and you could feel them like dinking off your arm like fucking loads of ladybugs i've never known anything like it since after i don't know if that's an annual event in Norfolk, like that kind of way, or if it was just an event that happened in my childhood.

But I just, in the pool, in the resort, just fucking ladybugs just on it, like alive, dead, floating around, bobbing around in the water, like a carp and a ladybugs on the pool water. So I remember something like that in my lifetime and it was just like core memory. Because we get, I mean, we get fucking really bad midges

In Scotland I don't know that But ladybugs is fine Aye They don't bite do they No They're harmless Not poisonous or anything

They don't even like Say the word again Cows Cicadas Cicadas Begin with a C So you confused me there The word I kept looking for

Was Kaukuna Which is the evolution Of Weedle in Pokemon It's just another Pokemon And I'm like I don't think they could fly It's only if they get to Beetles stage

Then they can fly And if there's an infestation Of beetles We're fucked Those aren't Butterfrees Those are the fucking Aggressive ones And you've been playing

Pro-Evo Pokemon Have you? Pal World Pal World Pal World Which i am so pal world is this game that is just like a ripoff of several different games they've nicked the entire engine of zelda they've nicked the noises off of zelda they've nicked the text off fucking zelda they've just combined a bunch of different games. And it's very like open world Pokemon-y,

but they've just made it funner than Pokemon. And people at Pokemon are fucking raging because they're like, we're going to sue you. But there's a big part of me that's like, that's what you fucking get for- Not giving the game that people want it. For 20 years, for 20 years, all Pokemon fans have begged for is,

give us open world Pokemon. is give us open world Pokemon. Just give us open world Pokemon. And they were like, no, we're going to top down still. Oh, I'll tell you what, we're going to give you Pokemon Go on your phone. And you're like, oh, can we battle each other? No, no, no. It's just, it's gambling for kids again.

It's just, you're going to, you're like, we begged bit and bit. It's like, man, it's the Brandon Sandersonerson role if your fans ask for something for 10 to 15 years and you do not deliver it people are absolutely allowed to rip off your fucking idea and do it better like that's that's on you like for example if my fans were absolutely desperate for me to do a show about miscarriages or abortions or the Holocaust or Israel-Palestine. The Middle East, would you do it? If everybody wanted you to do it, surely not. No, no, no, I wouldn't. I was going to say. But if for 10 years people were like comment on the Middle East, comment on the Middle East, comment on the Middle East and I didn't comment on the middle east after 10 years you're allowed to use ai to to do

if i know what i want to say absolutely like absolutely like you're not beholden to your fans at all you're allowed to create art in the way you want but if so if you do not do if you purposefully just ignore what the people want for so fucking long just through sheer laziness or cowardice and then somebody goes all right i'm gonna do my own version of it like i would be like this is really annoying because i didn't say any of those things and those aren't necessarily my opinions i want to see your AI coming out show. Oh, yeah. If I encourage anyone to go and have a look at Ryan Long's reel about an actor trying to decide who he's supporting, Israel, Palestine, is one of the fucking funniest clips about something actually horrendous

that you actually go, oh, but you haven't got it wrong you've actually made it really funny he's not well he's not making because he's not he's not he's not making fun of any but any of the victims he's not he's making fun of the postures he's making fun of people who make it about them and for me it was the first thing i've looked and watched where i'm just like oh you've fucking got the tone Of that perfect Forgetting to laugh Would have something That's not funny Yeah

Yeah Um Wrap this up And then have a drink And a piss And come back And do the bonus episode Let's fucking do it

You know if there's anybody If there's anybody that That is like Finishing listening to it now Going oh I wish there was more There is There's loads going on Also if you're listening to this

Go go I wish there was a fucking less whiny version of this. Man, now that it's all off my chest, it'll be on there. If you believe that, you'll be brave. Also, look, I know I've got a left-leaning fucking crowd, but I just want to really reiterate something

to any Americans that might be on the fence. By the way, and if you are on the fence, thank you so much for still listening. I know that we're fucking left-leaning, fucking libtard losers who piss and moan about the injustice of the fence. By the way, and if you are on the fence, thank you so much for still... I know that we're fucking left-leaning fucking libtard losers who piss and moan about the injustice of the world. But don't follow me. Right.

The Mueller reports, even though they did not provide fucking conclusive evidence that Donald Trump colluded with the Russian government, which is neither here nor there, right? Even if he didn't, the whole thing was no collusion, no collusion.

And that was enough of a fucking soundbite for Donald Trump to get away with it. The one thing that the Mueller report categorically, 100% without a shadow of a doubt, proved that the 2016 election was interfered with by the Russian government. And the Russian government wanted to do one thing, and it was to so divide amongst Americans by going on social media, by going on Twitter, by going on Instagram, by going on Facebook, and by just flooding social media with false reports

to wind up both the right wing and the left wing, to split you guys down the middle so that you were as divided as you are now to prop up Donald Trump. Now, whether Donald Trump colluded with him to do that, it doesn't fucking matter. Russia wants Trump in charge because if Trump is in charge, he's going to make it America fucking first and the rest of democracy in the world is going to fall, right? fucking first and the rest of democracy in the world is going to fall right and and i know this is from a fucking screaming pissing bitchy ass fucking liberal who listens to a couple of podcasts

and reads an email every day and thinks he knows more about your country than you do and man fair enough but the one thing you have to remember is outside of your country you're still the number one news story in the world because the world is in your fucking hands. Please be compassionate in your fucking debates. Please try and, I know how hard it is to fucking lean across the fucking aisle, especially in such

a divided country. But remember, your unwillingness to lean across and speak to your fellow Americans is exactly what fucking Russia wants. Mission accomplished. Aye. And also, we are Packagers Entertainment, just in case anyone thought that was a cutaway news story. Right. you