Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Tree Surgeon’s Guild

Episode Date: August 25, 2022

What was supposed to be a short episode got interrupted by a tree surgeon that happened to be the creator of Troy Hawke and the Greeters Guild, Milo McCabe. Milo joins Muggins and Cream to discuss his recent surge of notoriety and a medical emergency.

Hi, I'm Milo McCabe. Welcome to Sloss and Humphreys on the Road. Danny said it was going to be a short episode. He is full of shit. It's ended up being a long one. I jumped in. We had a lot of fun. We talked about Elliot Steele. We talked about Emmanuel Sanubi. And we talked about brain hemorrhages. Enjoy. Sloss and Humphreys on the Road. Muggins and cream, cream and muggins. Straight thuggin', livin' the dream.

That's our intro. Fuckin' muggles. Ticklin' the clit inside your head that makes you laugh. Woohoo! Ha ha ha! They said it can't be done. Are we in the same seats? That's hack.

Aww, muggles. Accidental rim job in the park. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Or much too cynical. Just muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglepedia. Where have you been since 9-11? Welcome to the podcast. Just like you know, it will be a bit of a shorter one today, about 45 minutes, and that's Where have you been since 9-11? No. No? No. You said we start at 12. Mm-hmm. And it is? 5 to 12 right now.

I did suggest we start at 12. However, if you hadn't woke me up. I didn't have a lie in, but I was gonna. So what you're saying is, you were drunkenly walking to your cars swinging your keys around your finger being like can't wait to be home in 15 minutes and a police officer came and went are you going to drunk drive

not anymore not anymore now that I know you're here are you leaving soon well no I'm going to follow you home well you might as well drive me there since I can't drive look at you you're like the fucking Minority Report trying to pin us down on a precog. Man, I tell you what.

I have watched Minority Report five times and I've never made it to the end. Not because I think it's a bad movie. There's no minorities in this. I've just, every single time I've watched it, I've gotten too high and fallen asleep. I have a fun golf story to tell you and I hope everyone stays and listens to it even though it's boring about

golf so obviously we've taken it up a bit more I play when I was younger you got your membership yeah you know and stuff yes did all that um during the fringe we've been playing golf every Monday with some comedians it's been really good like and I keep I know I've said this before but I'll say it again I've always said to Cara I'm like it's really good for my mental health man just me

couple of my friends walking around in fresh having a laugh and she was like why do you come back so angry then I'm like I hate to do it

because I'm shite at it but that's not the point is it's still good so this this Monday right we've got some people in the group who are really good. For example, Sam Taunton's from Australia.

He's a fucking class at it. Stu McPherson. Stu McPherson's really good. Like, I think he almost went pro, but they couldn't play because they were off to Glen Eagles, which is like a real course with Gareth. And they had a lot of fun there. So we put the invite out.

You couldn't do it just because you had to get home. So we thought it was going to be six of us, and it turns out it was just me, Ryan Cullen, our good friend Duck, and comedian Hannah Fairweather. Now, it was the first time she's ever played with us, but she's been in the group for about two weeks. And Hannah's also someone that, like,

she almost went pro. Like, she got a scholarship in America for golf. That's how good she was, right? But she got bored of it because, I don't know if you know this, but there's fucking heaps of sexism in golf. Oh, God. Aye. I can't even imagine.

Aye. Well, man, do you know in Edinburgh, there are three clubs, in Edinburgh in 2022, there are three clubs in this city that still don't allow women to be members or play. Like, don't allow? Because I've seen ones that go, ladies, welcome here. And I'm like, oh, well done.

Oh, can blacks come? Yeah. What about my dogs and my Irish? Yeah. So, like, I'm aware of that. Like, look at us moving, kicking and screaming into the 21st century. Yeah, look, we're here and screaming into the 21st century yeah look

we're here and we're gonna let you be part of it you're like man this is progression from 40 years ago you don't get to act like this is progression

anymore tell us something you know the ladies' tees why are they such a patronisingly small advantage

why you know because they go like this is the men's tee here this is the ladies tea like and sometimes like

you can spit at it yeah I'm not I'm not that's why no no you've nailed it oh right

that's you take your swing and you go how's that bitch eh further than you anyway that's that

it's raining it's raining, can you feel it? Speaking of sexism in golf, I do have to admit, our hypocrisy here, I'd say, there is a little bit of sexism

from us. It wasn't a rule I made up, I'll not say who made up the rule, but it is a rule we all abide by, which is, if you're on the men's tees and you don't hit the ball further than the ladies' tees,

you have to show everyone your cock. And it's maturees and you don't hit the ball further than the ladies' tees, you have to show everyone your cock. And it's mature and it's stupid and it'll get thrown off a golf course one day. And now I say that out loud on a public forum

it's really sexist. Yeah, hugely. But like, oh, are you a man? Get cocked with Jose, man. Trust me,

we all get our fucking comeuppance in this story. This is slow justice. I've had my cock go once or twice on the golf course. Aye, aye. Nothing to do with the game.

Just any holes a goal. That's the way he sees it. So we get to the course. Now, I'm going to sail Cullen down the river here. Oh, no. Oh, no. Our Cullen. He must be protected at all costs. We drive in and Duck

and Hannah are on the chipping green, just practising their chips. And it sounded like Cullen said, who's the skirt? I nearly slap on the brakes and I'm like, hold on, hold on. Like one of my friends who's, you know, no, I wouldn't say Cullen's woke, but he's like the wokest of all of us. Like he's,

he's very conscious about, you know, he says horrible things, but this didn't sound like a joke. He was just like, who's the skirt? And I went, what the fuck did you just say?

And he went, what? And I went, it's Hannah, if not for ages. He's known her for ages. And he was like, what do you think I said? I went, you said, who's the skirt? He's like, you've known her for ages. He's known her for ages. And he was like, what do you think I said?

I went, you said, who's the skirt? He's like, you're close. I said, who's in the skirt? Like, as in... Ah, the part of the green. Yeah, yeah. No, no, no. Is that a term?

No, no, no. Hannah was in a skirt. Oh, right. I thought it was like... Oh, the skirt around... Ah, it could have been a term. No, no, no. I think he just went, who's in the skirt? I think I hadn It could have been a terminology No no no I think he just went

Who's in the skirt I think I hadn't told him That Hannah was playing Because it's me that organises The fucking group Right But I knew he didn't mean it Because of the shock in his face

When I told him what I thought he said He was like No No He lost more of his hair It was very sad So We get there

My first time meeting Hannah And I'm just like Just I'm like how good are you like I know you used to be you know nearly pro

but for a woman is that where you're going with this no no no I know you used to be nearly pro but like how good compared to

a nearly pro man is that what you did no no sounds like that's what you did I asked the same question to Stupid Fierce when I filmed with him and Sam taught

because man we're shite and I just want to know how much I'm slowing down someone else's game yeah yeah like it's have i have i invited you to like five a side and you're ronaldinho and i'm making you play with my fucking pub team like is it is this going to be less fun for you because you're so far ahead of us and she was like no no no like i've not played it in like six years i think i did a driving range about two months ago and maybe of course i'm like okay okay that's not bad just um because i lose at golf all the time i've got no problem with losing but it's

you know speed of play and then also just diminishing someone else's enjoyment if they're that far better than you he didn't know if it was just like asking Tim Renkow out for a run. So, no, no, no. Because that would mean Hannah was disabled in this analogy. No, you would be. Oh, I'm Tim Renkow. Yeah, yeah.

Understood, understood. Guy, you're not in the group so you don't know this happened. I swear to fucking God on hole one, she steps up, she tees it up and she gets a hole in one. I have never... I've heard

about this. Doc told us I had a hole in one. I didn't put two and two together when you started telling that. Man, I swear to fucking God, right. I think I stepped up. I think Doug stepped up first. he got it just over the green hit it a bit

too hard I'm shite so I hit it on I hit it on the other green this was the talk of love bar

aye people are chatting about this she steps up right and she's just I mean like

we were all watching and being like right okay so that's how your posture is meant to be right she's not

that far from the ball and we're all just watching this and she does it and after she hits the ball she's like I fucking

duffed that me and Doug are just watching this. And she does it and after she hits the ball she's like, I fucking duffed that. Me and Ducker just watching this ball just go straight. I think it didn't get like the height she wanted but fucking straight as an arrow and then it bobbles

before the green and then it rolls onto the green and then it disappears. And I'm like, there's no way I've just seen a life hole in one. Especially on the first fucking tee. There's no way.

Yeah, because you could go your whole professional career and never see a hole in one, right? They're like there's no way yeah because you could you could go your whole professional career and never see a hole in one right they're like hen's teeth you've not seen a fucking royal flush like I've seen a

royal flush in a casual game of cards once and it fucking blew everybody's mind because we probably won't ever see one again what are the odds

what are the fucking odds right so it drops in and duck goes to me that's it and I'm like is it there's no way that's it right

I start fucking sprint I'm so excited that I start sprint no way that's it right I start fucking sprint I'm so excited that I start sprinting down towards the green I can hear duck like five feet behind me running

and in my head I'm like Hannah must be five feet behind duck it's hard to run in a skirt I imagine but

right so we fucking run up we get to the hole it's in it's fucking in there and I turn around and Hannah's just back on the tee

and I'm like it's in it's in and duck's like it's around and Hannah's just back on the tee and I'm like, it's in! It's in! And Duck's like, it's in! And she's like, just a thumbs up and I'm like, I thought... She's not losing her mind. She's not like that Libby sketch where she thinks she's in the meat rigs. So I mean, and then I'd be, and Duck just have to do this really like weird like walk as you don't pick up

somebody's hole in one but all that so you leave it in there for them to pick up so you kind of take off it is that the rule do you have to pick it up so she has to go

and pick it up and then fucking come back no no no no eventually no no in a normal game we would have just waited for Cullen

to hit his shot and then all got into green but because we're children who've never seen a live hole in one before me and Duck just lost our fucking mind

you start doing roly polies now can I have glitching guys you've done like 24 roly polies you're knackered you've got a stitch

you're sweating can I can I stop doing forward rolls someone call help I start rolling around the hole just

I want fit I want to go in the cat you're doing like you know the happy baby yoga pose and you're just tumbling happy baby I start rolling around the hole I'm one foot I want to go in back in You're doing like You know the happy baby yoga pose And you're just tumbling I can't stop doing this I know you've clenched the meat Ricks

Get your ball out of the hole So I can stop Me and Duck Have to just walk back to Hannah And I'm just there And I'm just like Have you Have you had a hole in one before And she's like Yeah three or four And I'm just like have you have you had a hole in one before

and she's like yeah three or four and I'm just like so is that not she's like yeah it's nice and I'm like it was hang on hang on

she's done like she's racking them up she's done a bunch of hole in ones I'm using this podcast to call out Hannah Fairweather liar liar

you done one and you played it cool and went oh yeah just another one scratch it off like I'll give her it I'll give her it

I swear I fucking I'm sceptical I fucking promise you me Duck and Cullen have told this story

more times than Hannah and I guess when you're telling the story she's done more and more holes in one every time you tell it well as I said story she's done more and more holes in one every time you tell it well as I said before she's done 17 holes in one

yeah yeah all 27 holes yeah yeah yeah well here's here's a question for you I love the idea of you just glitching

like a FIFA player like your legs are underneath the green you're like Hannah what have you done you've broken my understanding of the game

like Doug's like 12 feet off the ground and he's just like, get us down. Get us down. So, I mean, obviously,

Hannah wins the entire round anyway. She goes off and, she didn't need to do much after that. It probably took you seven shots. She griped about the shot. She was like, I daft it. She was like,

I caught it wrong. And we're like, it went in the hole. She's like, I daft it. She was like, I caught it wrong. And we're like, it went in the hole. She's like, yeah, but it's not the swing I wanted. I'm like, what? That's a strange one. She's like, I was actually aiming to, like, go on the left of the green, and I got there. She got the hole in one, but, like,

is she not allowing herself to celebrate the fucking class shot? Because, like, she felt she didn't mean it. She was laying herself up for a point. If so, if so if so Jesus Christ that's leagues ahead of what I'll ever be I know that's the best case scenario

but it's not what I wanted and as a player I have to be honest with myself and that was a failure yes I'll pick up the ball you know like

have you ever seen a player where he scores a fucking worldie from outside the box and it loops in with a curl from the outside

of his boot and you're going I think he just hit a cross there and it just ended up being fucking worldie from outside the box and it like loops in with a curl from the outside of his boot and you're going I think he missed hit a cross there and it just ended up being a worldie do you think he gives a fuck no

no and I guarantee he would have celebrated more than Hannah Fairweather did as she just wiped her club a little bit and went how long's the next hole

it's like bitch we got a putt like I got a chip in from another green like so you got me putt I got a chip in From another green So You got me thinking right I need you to Follow me on a

Little mental journey here You go for a game of golf Right You step up to the first tee And Somehow you just hit The cleanest shot Of your life

Bob was Just like Hannah's shot Front of the green Rolls on Drops in You obviously lose your shit yeah you lose your fucking mind

you've got a hole in one we probably don't calm down for about ten minutes I'd do that billywhack all the way up to the green dick out I know I go past the ladies tees

but this is for the men you step up to the second one unlike hole one which is a par three second one's unlike hole one, which is par three, second one's par four. It's round some corners and trees, you can't even really see the green.

You fucking slice the ball. It's not what you meant to do, you meant to sort of hit it straight, but you end up just fucking slicing it, it disappears behind the trees, roughly to where the green is. You're like, oh, maybe that's nearby. You look in the bunkers, you look in the rough,

it's not on the green. Who the fuck is it? I'm at the hole, and I'm like, is yours a tit list? And you're like, it is. I'm like, it's fucking second hole in one. We lose our shit.

You obviously lose your mind. Two holes in one in a row. This is what happened though, right? No, no, no. No, no. This is you. This is you doing this. All right, now it sounds more plausible.

You calm down, right? You're fucking shaking. You step up to the third tee. You flick it up and it just drops straight into the hole. What hole do you kill yourself because you're clearly in a simulation and somebody's fucking with you?

Like, how many holes in ones in a row do you have? Because two, you'd be like, oh my God, unbelievable. No, no, no. Two, I quit golf., oh my God, unbelievable. No, no, no, two, two I quit golf. I'm not taking another swing. But then they don't count

if you don't finish the hole. That's fine. That's fine, me grandkids will believe it. Like I just, I think for me, if I get the third hole in one, I've still got enough like

narcissism and ego to be like, all right, two of those were luck, I think for me, if I get the third hole in one, I've still got enough, like, narcissism and ego to be like, all right, two of those were luck, but one is me. There's got to be one point where you go, that was a par five. They're going to need to make up a bid to tell me what score I got. I think I got a pterodactyl on that fourth hole. I mean, we're going to hole oh I mean we're gonna go I reckon we'll go

do you not remember do you not remember when Cara got a hole in one on Mario Golf and we all lost our shit for 45 minutes aye game's broken

like maybe that's why they don't like women in the golf house because they're too good well man I fucking I tell you what like you know

after Hannah got that well there wasn't there wasn't a clubhouse at Nelville unfortunately so we couldn't get her to buy us all drinks to celebrate

so Hannah if you listen to this you do owe us all a pint you're a brilliant golfer but you're a round dodger and I know which rep is going to stick

they don't cancel each other out weirdly aye aye because I am going to stop telling the hole in one story So why did Hannah owe you a drink? Just because I'm dead sound actually She's got a show on at the festival

Which you can go and see and watch her Because if I got hole in one That's my show That's the full fucking hour and then afterwards I'm meeting and greeting fans

and I'm telling them the story we're sitting down over a whiskey and I'll be like it was a windy par three coming in

east to west where you going come back come back so if you go to our show you should make a round of

applause and get a round of drinks should I have a round of golf but you'll not have a round of drinks she'll have a round of golf but she'll not have a round of there's only so much I can book that

so I've been doing a couple of late shows which is why I had to get us out of bed this morning late live last night the night before I hosted Spank it was very funny

because you know Aaron McCann yes he supported you on tour in Belfast so I saw him in Belfast a couple of years back. Aaron was in the crowd, front row.

He's made to our eyes, he's a class comic, but he was just front row with his pals. Aye, he's also a diehard comedy fan. Aye, and it's such a good show to bring your mates to if it's their first time at the festival,

right? And you know, at the beginning of Spank, right, it's a party, so we'll get them up on their feet at the minute we get on stage, we'll have a shot,

we'll play a jump around by fucking House of Pain, and then we'll start the show when everyone sits back down but the fucking atmosphere is fizzing by the time we've done that and Aaron McCann's

jumping around right and I just fucking got up with him and I can Aaron and Michelle Shaughnessy hasn't shown up yet I don't think she's got a confirmation she's

probably not going to be here she's third on will you get up if if she's not here? And he was like, aye, absolutely. I went... Mental. I went, can I get you at the crowd as a punter?

And he went, let's do it. Right, so Michelle hadn't turned up. So like a fake, like, you think you can do this? Aha. Yes, mate. And because he was in the audience and the show was about to start and Michelle hadn't turned up, I couldn't like really get to him until I was on stage. So I fucking, I got him to agree to that while every cunt in the audience was jumping around right, and then when everyone settled, first couple of acts on, and I come back on I was like, oh there's two acts left in this section, but there's only one of them here. So if there's anybody in the audience that I'd like to give it a go, we'll put it out in the audience, right?

And we're just, instead of going straight to Aaron. Imagine like seven different hands went up and you were like, sorry, Aaron, I need to create a car crash. Yeah, but I... It would be the best thing for the gig is you coming on, ripping this gig, because everyone would love that. But the better story is some drunk cunt comes up and bobs i nearly let that happen right because we're like me and evan were like weighing everyone up and

our co-host was evan demarais and uh there was a group of lasses who would clearly not get up right they were just there for the night for the night out right and um and i chatted to them i was like would any of you like to give it a go and they're like, oh fuck, like shitting us up, at the idea, and then there was this lad, who had been like, keen at the beginning, you know when you shout spank, we love it,

like he was like, out of cue, shouting it early and that, and we got him up on stage, and he was making them do spank, and everything, so we'd done that earlier on, and then I pointed at him,

and he went to stand up, and I went too keen, too keen like that, and like pied him, and then I like, eventually fucking get round to Aaron and ask his name and go oh you're Irish

I saw you laughing at the dead queen bit earlier and we were absolutely fucking enginy at it so it looked like we just happened upon Aaron and I was like would you like to give it a go

and he was like acting a bit bashful about it it's so good and the cunt gets up right if if he bombs. Like, if the end of this story is he plays it perfectly

and then it just happens to be one of the few gigs where Adam McCann just eats shit and dies, please tell me that's it. Please tell me he bombs. Sorry, mate. Sorry, mate. He just fucking went on it because he's, like, getting anecdotal and he's, like, saying funny stuff

that, like, happens in his life and all that shit, right? The first joke he did, absolutely annihilated, right? And then he had this like body language of like somebody that's like, ooh, I can get into this.

It absolutely fucking rattled the gig. And then at the end, like, because you know what? I think because he'd done so well, a lot of people just went, well, he's a comic, right? But the production value of planting him in the audience, even if it was just by design from the beginning, that's what they meant to do.

That's just Spank being Spank, doing something fucking unique. But some people just wanted to buy him drinks and suck his dick. It was fucking outstanding. I just, I would love if there was, like, any other joke. Like, the worst, more evil, but higher stakes version of that fucking prank, right, is you're a surgeon. You're a world-class surgeon. You're doing open-heart surgery on this guy.

They've got to be unconscious for it, obviously, so you put them a bit under. You put that thing up there so that they can't see anything that's going on, even though they're unconscious. And it's in the theatre, so you've got all the fucking medical students watching what's going on up there.

Greatest version of that is what you do. You say to the anaesthesiologist, you'll be like, just wake him up, just a bit, just for a couple of seconds. Just so he's round. He can't move, but just enough that he's conscious.

Slap him with a fish. That's how you wake people up, right? Yeah, and especially in the hospital. I mean, that's the reason the podcast started on time. And then just as he's coming to, as the lead surgeon, you just go,

you know what? Fuck it. Do any of the students want to try putting him back under? And then, oh no! Or just have his wife up there and she'll be like

I'll do it I love him I should be the only woman inside of him the surgeon's passed out can we have a volunteer no the guy doing the bins

takes takes office gloves he's like can't use this it's been binges here we go surgery time night night

so also also in that gig right in the second section there was a fucking there was a guy fast asleep in the audience and I just

I just put the mic in the stand and I just spoke like spoke to the audience off mic just so like it was quiet and so in the middle I was like there's a dude spoke to the audience off mic, just so, like, fucking it was quiet and zoned them in.

Listen, I was like, there's a dude asleep over here. Can everybody see him? If you can't see him, like, stand up or turn your chair around or whatever, just make sure that all eyes are on him, right? And everybody just, like, the whole gig shifts from facing the stage to just facing this guy who's asleep, right? And I just sat on the fucking speaker and really, like, just started going, twinkleinkle twinkle little and fuck the

whole crowd just joins in with this fucking eerie low fucking uh lullaby and the guy woke up and it must have been the fucking biggest fear in your life is just wake up just eyes everywhere fucking hundreds eyes and the minute his eyes open i went shock me in your two-blade fucking murder. He nearly died. Did you... Go on, just sing me all the words to Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, please. Twinkle, twinkle, little star, what you see is what you are. Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are. Up above the sky, the world so high.

Like a diamond in the Sky, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, How I Wonder What You Are. If you want to subtly annoy people, it's been a weird, because Twinkle Twinkle Little Star is my song that I just sing to Cale all the time and gets him to sleep. So I've sung that song 15,000 times in the past six months. But do you ever break anyone's shock to the heart? Like Bon Jovi?

No, no, no. But you will now. He just says he's off. Shut do that rock out of what? That's what the schwa's, the schwa's, I was building up to it. If you sing the words to something slightly incorrectly there is a level of pedantry that exists in all people that just makes them go, but if you don't want to try to get a baby to sleep, they can't

correct you. Who the fuck is that? Oh, fuck, it's the tree guy. Hold on, pause this. It wasn't the tree surgeon at all. Hey! Hey! Hello, how are you? Good, how are you? I'm not bad.

Yeah, I mean, you're having a great French. I'm having an alright French. Yeah, busy? Yes. Yeah. Yeah, a little bit. How's your stress levels? It's weird, because I don't have any of the normal stresses about selling out.

I've been touring the show, it's been ready for a year, I didn't have a few adjustments at the beginning. So all the normal Edinburgh stresses aren't there, year I didn't have a few adjustments at the beginning so all the normal Edinburgh stresses aren't there but that doesn't mean there aren't stresses because what happens is you start getting

mega stressed about tiny shit that doesn't matter because the Edinburgh equilibrium it's got to be a fucking emotional rollercoaster

even if everything is going your way so it's tiny little things that are just spinning me out and turning me into an absolute fucking idiot, basically. I clocked you a few times because you've been getting approached by people

that break your conversation away. And you've been impatient with them. Was I? Stuart Calvato. Oh, yeah. I kind of recognised him, but kind of didn't. But he came up drunk, didn't he? He came up drunk, and I was sober. And he came up drunk and just straight in my eyes going or male or sugar everything and i

was just a bit like like i haven't even got my head around it like and yeah and then you you were you you picked me up on it which is i appreciated and then i just sort of had to go oh yeah and i went out and gave him a hug nice yeah but it must it must i understand it must be such a fucking head fuck because i mean you've been you've been putting in the graft so fucking long and i mean all the success you've been going the extra mile graft that like others haven't like you've been fucking in full character flyering yeah sure shit you must be enjoying not having to oh is it like two hours or whatever it's a it's a yeah it's it's a long like it's only a couple of years ago that i was in the the three sisters courtyard getting started on in character by drunk people from glasgow do

you know what i mean by the way stephen bailey yeah right as this guy stephen bailey the you know you know you're right so these guys come up, Stephen Bailey's sense trouble, and he's twisted his body sideways and sort of shifted towards us, right? And got all close, and eventually it diffused and went away. And I said, did you just get in a fucking karate stance? They went, yeah, I'm a black belt in taekwondo. So his first fucking instinct was to shape up. Like, yeah. Like,

like, like Ryu. Yeah, he had this like, beautiful pastel suit on, this perfect, immaculate foundation, and then he's just

squaring up, like fucking. Takes, takes off his bedazzled leather belt, and like, and underneath is the most important one,

let's fucking go. Is, is there go is there a film where the guy is it old school where the guy's doing blowjob lessons and he's sucking off a carrot or something

to all the wives it was like a hen party and then the husband sees it through the window and thinks it's just hitting on his lass and then the gay guy kicks shit out of him

imagine making up a scene from a film that doesn't exist I'm sorry I had a dream about a guy sucking off a carrot in front of my wife. I'm lost there. You're the Ljubljana banana story guy.

The carrot one, of course, you're like... I got caught sucking up a banana by an Asian European guy. Nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just seeing what it was like. Oh, can I... Emmanuel's going to kill me. I'm going to say this.

He's going to fucking kill me. Yes, on the say this. He's going to fucking kill me. Yes, on the public podcast. We were in the sauna. We just had a workout at the Pleasance Gym. You know, you're in the sauna. You're relaxing. You just start to... You've got your jorts on.

Yeah, but proper. You've got your jorts on, you know, for your post-workout jorts, your sauna jorts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? And we're just talking about how... I was just talking about how

you know we were both dogs in our 20s and Emmanuel right just he went yeah in my 20s I was ruled by penis

and I went huh and he went no no no and I went no no no in your 20s

you were ruled by penis that's what you just said yeah but I didn't mean he missed the word my and it changed everything and I promised him

I wouldn't tell anyone yeah but then we went to the bar that night we went to the bar that night and I think Taylor

was there and I went can I tell Taylor and he went oh go on so I told Taylor and then because I told Taylor

I fucking told everyone in the bar and now he's like wearing it like a badge of honour. In my 20s, I was ruled by people. He was? Like, ruled. Dominated.

You've just told 100,000 people? Sorry, Emmanuel. Oh, no, what numbers we did? Oh, Emmanuel Snooby, by the way. Like, check him out. Incredible comic. He's very, very good. Lovely man.

Very funny, lovely man. Emmanuel's been on this podcast. We, we, we go to the gym every morning and he's like getting his Coke fix. He's just twitching. Do you know what I mean? He's,

I was two minutes late coming out of my flat and it was like 500 feet away. And when I came out two, three minutes later, he was still 500 feet away. And I was like, how the fuck you manage that? You're just constantly walking. And he was,

he's so hyped up. He did a loop. So he wouldn't have to stand still. Like he's honestly, I call him Pablo Escobar bell. Cause he gets, he's, he's twitching.

He's just fucking, but he's got me into weights now because the first couple of days, cause always normally do cardio or boxing. It's like, let's go. There's like, oh, this is shit is shit i don't like this but day four or five there's something weirdly rushy i mean you you used to do a lot of weights yeah so weirdly rushy about it and i'm sort of into it now i do i do a lot of weights but i look at emmanuel and gan i don't know how much weights you've got to do to get like that the amount the amount dude oh it's disgusting

when he's doing press-ups it's not his body weight that he's lifting up he's pushing the world down oh my god but seriously the amount of the amount he like presses and starts what's he like

saying because one thing I'm just in there at the gym is like my body to weight ratio is good like when I

bench press I get I get like the dumbbells are about equivalent to my body weight and my deadlifts are about dumbbells are about equivalent to my body weight. And my deadlifts are about, like, time and a half on my body weight.

But, like, is Emmanuel good like that? No, he's shit. He can't do, like, chin-ups or whatever. Can he do chin-ups and that? I can't even talk. So I'm looking at him going, I'll never be that strong. But pound for pound, I'm murdering him. Yeah, he actually, and, like, he's good enough to say that as well

when we're working out. He is good enough because he's so enormous and intimidating. He's good enough to sort of as well when we're working out he is good enough because he's so enormous and intimidating he's good enough to sort of go well you weigh this much and so according to your weight

you're doing better than I am or whatever he says he's really just such a lovely dude he's such a big dude like I fuck sometimes I'm tired

I'm not even listening I'm just looking at his arms I know just in awe it's insane how do you get that it's insane he just charms everyone

as well through the gym everyone knows him now if I was gay he'd be I'd love to be in a relationship he'd be one of the penises that ruled him

I would but if like if if I was with him I would love to you know just have you'd be in a relationship

where he he spoons me and he looks after me and he's a good cook as well and he's really into his cook and I reckon he'd treat me like right but I'd have to let him cheat

oh yeah I'd have to go and out and do you Emmanuel I'm not going to try and keep up with your money so you've added you've added extra shows which were already sold out

and now you've added the McEwan Hall yeah is that the biggest room you've done solo? Solo, yeah. More than double. Amazing.

And it's half sold already? It's half sold already. Oh, fucking boy. Yeah, which is nice. A bit of a head spin. But yeah, the biggest previous one I did was Leeds Carriageworks, which I think is like 300 odd.

So yeah, it's like triple. You know how we were talking almost a week into the fringe and you said like you hadn't been doing the Cretas Guild at the front of your audience

you fucking idiot and then just like the penny drop and you're like oh fuck I feel like I'm short changing them they're going for that and they haven't been

getting that so it's so obvious when you've realised it really is how are you going to be able to do that en masse at the McEwen Hall

this is what I've got to work out because I'll probably have to just verbally fly at the queue or something like that I'll have to just probably just do a walk I haven't scoped it out yet I haven't like

looked at the venue if there's one door have you ever seen a show there yeah I have I think I saw a kids show there years ago I haven't seen like a

yeah I saw Jim Jeffries there yeah how was it have you played it I think I've a kids show there years ago I haven't seen like a yeah I saw Jim Jaffee's there yeah how was it have you played it I think I've only ever done it like I think it was like a live radio five thing

that I was on with with Chris Harrison and oh oh really no he was spitting on me there that was completely unrelated my life

he does not I don't mind bringing this up because I've had heaps of years to think about it and I'm like no he was definitely a cunt I was about 18 or 17 years old and it was like Radio 5 Live and it was like one of the biggest gigs I'd ever done before in an audience and obviously nobody knew

who I was, I was just very excited to be on the panel and Chris Addison who's very successful, he was on like Mock the Week, he fucking wrote whatever that, the Thick of It show he's a phenomenal actor he's really really funny and then like it finally gets to like my part of the interview and like the host goes to me it's like so you've got to be like one of

the youngest comics to have ever done it which is a question I was always asked when I was 17 I was like oh you know I started when I was 16 but you know I know people that have started about the same age and just spoke about

and Chris Harrison fucking overrides a 17 year old he's just like no no no no no no actually and they just listed off like a bunch of comedians

like Ross Noble yeah Ross Noble fucking Adam Sandler and all these people Seth Rogen who I know started younger than me

but he acted as if I was the one that was like I'm the youngest comic ever. And he was like, uh-uh, no, you're not. I'm like, motherfucker. He asked the question. Yell at him.

Don't interrupt a fucking 17-year-old to have some weird sort of power trip of... Anyway, it didn't affect me. Did you get the sense that it was some sort of umbrage that was coming out passively, aggressively at you personally? Or do you think he was just a little bit fucking just trying to dominate the situation i'm genuinely not sure and also my perspective as a 17 was probably wrong but i do just remember just in my head at the time going you're a fucking wanker

you like you you've got such a long memory for revenge stuff though like you're just such a revenge uh-huh uh-huh and i will happily yeah i've never seen anyone get so much out of revenge absolutely and long and there's i would happily i would happily fuck someone over 15 years later after they fucked me over and the best type of fucking revenge is where you can just privately behind the scenes ruin their fucking life and have them never know it was you like there are there are i have lists of people, I'm going to fucking do it. There is a concept called forgiveness.

I don't know if you, not something you've ever... What's in it for me? Clean a soul? Yeah. In a peace, like... Harmony? Yeah.

No, this is like all the people that go, you know, your head's filled with, hey, don't let hate rule your mind. My mind's fucking infinite. Even, like, you know, even if I hate so much, there's heaps of space in there for other things i'm not walking around every day being like rage rage rage straight i'll just be making a cup of tea and i'll be stirring my cup

and then occasionally i'll just be like oh i hope that person dies and i'll just and i'll will it into the world like a vision manifest you're gonna manifest your hatred yeah it's healthy yeah it's good she just gets out and you go i really hope something's got a vision board manifest you've got to manifest your hatred yeah it's healthy yeah it's good she just gets it out and you go I really hope something bad he's got a vision board

etched in blood Karma's behind you going mate I've been doing this for ages just let me get over the fuck's sake yeah

Karma's getting snooty I've been doing it since I was younger so the McEwan Hall I saw Foil Arms and Hog in there last week

I've seen them play there every year it's a really really good room I think you'll enjoy it and me and Cara I was so excited

because I was like that's the show we'll go and see like I can't wait to see Milo do his fucking biggest gig and just like

get fucking buzzed off my mate doing well even though in my first year you did tell me at the end of the Fringe run

that it wasn't your cup of tea I never forget but I too complained at the end of the Fringe run that it wasn't your cup of tea I never forget but I too can play at the revenge game I fucking never forget is this your revenge it's like I'm playing

the McEwan Hall now motherfucker yeah yeah success is the best revenge the whole thing's going to be a slideshow of embarrassing pictures of him

just like well no no I mean I've even admitted it when you it's because Phil Burtle you're such a good not only writer you've got a phenomenalurtle, you're such a good, not only writer,

you've got a phenomenal work ethic and you're such a brilliant performer. Phil Burtle was just so good. And I remember how impossible Phil Burtle was to follow. And then you did something that I think at the time I would never have the strength to do, which is to go, even though I know I can get more out of this. Completely reinvent yourself? Yeah, and just go, I'm bored of this and this isn't a challenge anymore.

So what I'm going to do is I'm going to create something new and entirely different. And Troy was so, so very different to Roberto. And at the time when I was young, I just could, it was like giving up

like a really, really nice car to cycle to work. And I'm like, what are you, you owned a, like you owned a Tesla. That was dead cool.

I mean, and now, a hundred percent fucking dead cool I mean and now 100% fucking wrong I love the way he used his own car ah you're wearing Lamborghini's car do you know why excellent cars

because my brain went for some reason the only car that was in my head was a Subaru and I'm like you're not 14

I'm like don't show your age also Milo just to put it in perspective you know when he says it wasn't my cup of tea his cup of tea is milk in first with the tea back

I don't I don't take that ever so personally I don't drink tea I just make tea I bet you don't I make tea wrongly for other people

but no no I well we spoke about this the other day and I said to Cara afterwards I felt so guilty because I definitely

did say to you. No, but it's not, it's good. You should be honest like that. Like as mates, you should like the whole, one of the reasons I changed from Filberto is because Nick Doody,

um, which is dead is getting going to smash that. And, uh, you know, we'd gone for a drink afterwards. He's like, why are you doing this sort of Portuguese character?

I was like, yeah, but it works. And he goes, yeah, but would you find it funny? Do you, do you think it's artistic?

And like, he took a risk could have possibly offended me and I think he told me that because he decided he liked me so he was going to give me this bit of information and I found you know

then I was a bit like I'm fucking just went and I took it away and I digested it and it's like would I laugh at that is that the kind of thing

that gets me no it isn't like some of it maybe but predominantly it's created to generate a reaction because that was what I wanted it isn't like some of it maybe but predominantly it's created to generate a reaction because that was what I wanted

it wasn't expressive it was to work in a club room which it did and then I couldn't you know the jungler's hero like it was fucking

it was essential it got you through it got you through a time where the comedy circuit was ruled by stag and hen parties but now we're playing theatres

it was a friend making a hard comment to hear like a good excellent piece of constructive criticism that you know if something if a friend gives you a thing like that and it hurts you a little bit that's because it's true so fucking digest it and that was one of the things that sort of really got me going right time to yeah with the mistake i made and it wasn't until you and i had the conversation last week and i told car about it because i'm really really good at expressing negative emotions and they just fucking flow out of me like in my head i'm like oh yeah no i definitely said to milo it's not my cup of tea because i was honest at the time like i saw the show i didn't i just didn't see where it was going because i was too uh narrow

minded and then i think it was two years later you did The Tales of the Unexpected show, which I absolutely fucking loved. But being me just didn't tell you that. No, you didn't tell me. So I had that the whole time. I watched that one with you. But I fucking loved it.

You did a preview the day before we started. Yeah. And Paul By Paul burn was there So yes, I remember being in there with you and you fucking loved it, you know tell him So it's just a thing you're like, yeah, yeah, cuz I said you i love the tales of unexpected you were like you've never heard that before i'm like fuck that that does sound exactly like me i'll only tell you the negative and then privately in my head i'll be like i love you god how are you with positive praise though because if it tends to be that what what you give whatever is also an indicator of how you receive so when people give you compliments maybe they give you good oh if it's from

fans I can take it because you know this is going to sound shaky because it's shaky

I don't respect my fans as much as I respect comedians and I think that's true across comedians comedians laughing

at the back of the room is and it shouldn't be as more important than the laughter of the audience so when my audience is like we love the show, I take that feedback,

and even if it's negative, to try and work out what I can change to, well, if I want to change it, if the reason people are upset is valid, maybe I'll mix that around. But no, I mean, from friends and stuff, I'm not good with positivity. Yeah, yeah, that's it. I love when friends come to the show and then like their whole thing

is here's a line that would work for you here's a line that would work for you all the constructive criticism but if it's just them being like

oh it's brilliant I'm like I've also just said to friends it's brilliant but I don't know it feels like there's more engagement

and there's more respect if what they're doing is criticising it because it's going hey this is brilliant yeah but we can make it better. I think there's no better

sound in the world than one of your comedian friends coming backstage after a show and going I've got a couple of notes for you. I love that! I love that but some people don't. The hardest thing is if there's a comedian that you don't know well enough but you know you've got a piece, you've

seen something that you know will help them but but you know you've got a piece you've seen something that you know will help them but you're not quite sure how they'll process it so it's sort of like do i go up and go look i i've got something if you want it right but it's a bit weird that because then 10 times out of 10 everyone whether they want to hear it or not will go yes i'll put footprints on it i'll always yes i'll always go in with like, oh, this might be useless to you. It might just be like, I just wrote it down at the time because it seemed like it might be a good idea.

You'll know better than me and I have material better than I do. But if you did this and this, and then sometimes they'll go, meh. And sometimes they'll go, oh, fuck yeah. That really links with that. Yeah. And for the times you get it,

it's worth it for the times you don't. Oh, I love getting notes. From everyone, anyone. Tom Horton came to my show. Who? Sorry, can you do your Tom Horton the times you don't. Oh, I love getting notes. From anyone. Tom Horton came to my show. Who? Sorry, can you do your Tom Horton impression? I can't. Danny, Danny, Danny.

Right, right. No, Julia. I walked into the abattoir. I do it too much, though. Literally, I do it to Tom, and Julia's like, that's amazing. But then I'll turn around, and I'll do it to Tom and Julia's like that's amazing but then I'll turn around and I'll do it to some people Tom's just met

and Leslie caught me on this and she goes look you've got to stop that she goes you turn around to some other YouTube guy or TikTok guy

I didn't even know who the fuck he was but apparently he's a big guy and they were talking and Tom just met the guy and I'm going Tom wants to jam a tonic

does he have to go to the bar by himself what the fuck right just met the guy. And I'm going, Tom wants to jam a tonic. Does he have to go to the bar by himself? What the fuck? Right? And Leslie said, Leslie said, Tom's face just fucking fell. And I'm like,

yeah, just because I can doesn't mean I should all the fucking time. And the amount of times I've apologised to him, it's like... But in his voice. I'm really sorry.

And the forearm grab to make the point. You know Tom, best to stop you talking. I'm about to say something. That's what it is. That camera's blinking at him half the time. No, but I love Tom's a bit and I've got to stop it. I just can't. He came to my show on Sunday and gave me a note because Tom's a bit and I've got to stop it I just can't I have to he came to my show on Sunday

and gave me a note because Tom's really really good at looking at the show as a whole and then sort of going right you don't realise

that there's this there and these things actually link and he's really able to like watch your show take a step back and tell you how it should be formed

and I shouldn't be gutted by this but like he gave me a call back and it was you know when a joke's so fucking obvious but when you're in the joke and when you're in the show you're only thinking about five minutes in front of you two minutes behind you he gave me a call back which fucking murdered yesterday like one of the ones i was just i i did it once and it just fucking blew up and i, God damn it. I wonder how long it's going to be before my ego and narcissism

deletes Tom telling me that call back and just me being like, I'm a genius. Oh, he won't let you forget. Did you tell him? No, no, I haven't. Oh, you absolutely did. It's a positive thing. I can't do it.

Text him now. He'll love that. Yeah, you're going to tell them. Fuck's sake, Tom gave me an excellent note, right, which I initially resisted because the show had been like the best. He came to one of the best ones of the run so far. And he gave me this note. And I went, and then he went, no, I'm fine.

And I went, and I thought about it. And I was like, fuck, he's right. And I turned to him and said, do you know what, Tom? You're right. Like, yeah, I resisted then. And thank you for telling me a second time. You're absolutely right. I do need to change that and do it a bit more like this thank you because he was drunk he then told me another 28 times direct in my face over the next

couple of hours so it did get nailed in but he's right he's good at that shit yeah he gave me one of the best lines of my 2018 show yeah it was massive lines and it like fucking really made the bit pop as well and then someone tells us he's been dying it no no shut up oh my god

god aye he's such a funny man like he fucking kills it I whacked it I whacked it here mate

just so you know I know you needed a car and I've just I happen to have one going because I'm living in London I don't need it anymore

So here's the car Here's the keys No of course it's free Yeah of course I've got a car Hi Can you drive me to my gig tomorrow You're my chauffeur now

I whacked it now We're talking right And he's just sat at the Bar stool On the fucking bar right With his fucking Sirloin steak And he had like a napkin

Tucked into his finger right And he's just like Fuck off Then he had the actual fucking He had the thing tucked in so he was tucked in he was elbows open he was just if no i'm trying to wait now that's doing impression that's the that is that is the posh version of holding your nose going down the slide i actually i deserve this this was late this is not how i wanted it i kind of do this yeah they know man man, mad. Sad.

Next to him was his girlfriend, Julia, eating mac and cheese out of a cardboard cup. Just out of the orbit of the elbows. She was having a bobbin weave with her wooden fork and fucking cold macaroni. She's like, you know, Tom, in America, macaroni, cheese and steak goes quite well together. Goodi. She's like, you know Tom, in America,

macaroni, cheese and steak goes quite well together. Good point. Yum, yum, yum. He's spent so much of this podcast over the years under the bus.

The listeners must be like, why are you friends with this man? Should we talk about Elliot Steele's ball? Oh yeah. why are you friends with this man oh erm well wait should we talk about Elliot Steele's ball oh yeah

oh god he dealt with that really well he did I'd have been traumatised well because I think he said to me so he put in the group

the other day for those who haven't been paying attention we've all also been DMing him right yes the standard shit so Elliot was

sparring with someone and they just kneed him in the groin it was Jiu Jitsu you should wear a cup but like it's not an impact sport

so like you're not expecting a strike like I would never have done Muay Thai with a cup I'm just going to get fucking hurt preface to this story

he will have been told to bring a cup people at Jiu Jitsu predominantly wear cups yeah because even if you're not kneeing someone, you're still moving your knees and legs and past things.

Yes, 100%. So really bad. I mean, he went home, was in a lot of pain about it, and then went into the doctors and they were like, it's fine. And then he went in on Monday and then just put in the group. He's like, lads, they're going to do surgery on me. And I'm really scared. So obviously, we all fucking

annihilated him for about night it was one of the funniest days we've had he's got a competition coming up but the standard thing which you touched on which is the way I think friendship groups that are you know abusive to each other in that way have to be which is

in the main group it's a roast it's an evisceration and then very privately without acknowledging it with each other you all slide into his DMs and you're like hey mate here for you are you alright and even after he came out of the surgery you know classic abuse yeah yeah yeah abuse them privately and then publicly

be like no hey we're friends it's ok well then he came out of the surgery and is thankfully still alive still has two thirds of his bone he's got one and two thirds

of his balls left yeah he had a portion of it removed he kept it overnight one of the bits he was like I'm due up next

I'm in theatre next if nobody gets stabbed in South London. It looks like you're getting up written on by Christmas then. That's funny. He texts this guy, I've lost 500 pounds worth of work.

And I was like, what, you're off till December? He's coming on so much as a comic though. His ideas, his writing, everything, it's all, you can just see it all start to really crystallise. Well, yeah, he's coming on so much as a comic though his ideas his writing everything it's all you can just see it all

start to really crystallise well yeah he's finally finding his own voice as opposed to doing what so many of us do at the start of our career which is just do an impression

of a comedian and your favourite comedian if you watch any of my earlier shit it's just Ed Byrne it's just Ed Byrne with a Scottish accent but his actual ideas and stuff

they are they're like unique they're I don't know just the way he thinks yes he's got a good juxtaposition of how like

intelligent he sounds on stage and how stupid he sounds off actually sounds yeah yeah like I do always love the podcast listeners reactions to whenever

they go and see Elliot live and like you could have given me a million chances to draw what I thought Elliot Steele looks like

and then he walks on stage and you're like wrong wrong wrong wrong just all black women so I think

I think he seems to be alright about like yeah he dealt with it brilliantly yeah and man I've never... Have you ever had a major surgery? Just my eyeball.

Aye. Yeah, just a squint surgery. Apart from that, no, you? I had brain tumour. Oh, shit! But I had, like, the nicest, most benign type of... Not brain tumour, brain haemorrhage. Oh, I made that.

Yeah, yeah, 2016, I had a non-aneuristic subarachnoid hemorrhage right which is where basically subarachnoid is a subarachnoid so an arachnoid if you picture like a spider's legs and i think that that's all the veins going out okay right so that's when it's like a proper bad hemorrhage because it's it's spreading like a spider's leg i think subarachnoid is when it doesn't do that right so it's when it's only a tiny bit so basically i was boxing i was skipping and then suddenly it was like it was a brick in my head and i stopped and i couldn't look at anything the guy goes oh you're having a migraine have you ever had them before no so went to hospital load of strong painkillers they're like just go rest up came back and again it was just the worst pain a and e the next day and um basically they're like we've got to do a

spinal tap i'm like the fuck because we need to like, we've got to do a spinal tap. I'm like, fuck, because we need to see if you've got a brain hemorrhage. And I'm like, Jesus Christ. I got in. Have you had a spinal tap? No, but I've heard they're brutal. So basically, she said, look, this is either going to be. It's taken to spinal fluid, so they go through the bone.

Yeah, so they basically get this needle, and they put it in, into your spine. And she goes, here's how it works. You can't call that a tap. Ha! What a horrible way. You can't call it a spinal stab, though, can you? That's what it is, but. Yeah, but I'd be more,

you're just going to feel a little tap there. There's a blade in between. You're tapping a keg, aren't you? Basically, she goes, it's either going to feel incredibly odd right or it's going to hit a nerve

and it's going to be a jolt of electricity that goes through your whole body and I'm like fuck alright can I have neither

oh yeah so they put it in and it felt incredibly odd it's like this enormous fucking cylinder just going straight into your how it feels

it feels like a massive cylinder going into your body right and then it came out I was like oh that was all right i mean it was a bit weird but i think i got away with it and she goes oh no we didn't get the flu we gotta go again and i'm like cunt and then the second obviously she did that i hit this nerve and i screamed you fucking fuck out someone in the next thing went mind your language i screamed fuck you the nurse was laughing so much she had to like stop for a second to come back and so they do this and they came back and i was like right

mark hunt is fighting tonight we're gonna get a takeaway that's all good so we're in the hospital all day it was a saturday and she came back and she goes oh no you got brain fluid in you you got blood like from your brain in your spine you've had a brain hemorrhage you've got to go and i'm like fuck i've had a brain hemorrhage yeah so you've got to go immediately to this hospital so they've got me in go right chance i got a brain hemorrhage we have to cut your skull open we'll have to and i'm gonna sit there going you're fucking kidding me i like my skull in one piece yeah exactly and then and then basically i went into this weird state of total calm because it's like a situation where you've got no i had no control there's nothing i could do and so i didn't worry because there's nothing my actions nothing or any choices i could make were fucking totally superfluous and it put

me in a really lovely zen like sense of calm I just went this is what's going on I'm really glad I reacted like that but then they came back a day later basically and just sort of went yeah you've had like the nicest possible fucking outcome for this instead of a vein bursting

and then my brain getting starved of oxygen and then it being a bit like a stroke or whatever essentially I'd like a capillary go, right? So it's just a tiny little bit of blood, but obviously it feels like a brick. So what happens then, yeah? It travels down your body until you shit it out. But the weird thing is, I felt it.

You shat a bit of your brain? I shat out of my brains. Ah, man, I do that all the time. But you literally I literally felt it like a lump travelling down

my until finally it went but what if that was like positive memories what if those what if those

yeah the first time you held your daughter around a bike first time I did a pill so

did they have to cut like into your head no they didn't so what they did basically so they gave me a thing where they had to inject

some I don't know what it was something into my groin and I thought they meant my dick right they said we're gonna

we're gonna put a thing in your groin and I was like why do you have to put it in my dick to get to my brain and they were like no no it's not it's your groin. And I was like, you know, why do you have to put it in my deck to get to my brain? And they were like, no,

it's not you. It's your groin muscle. So, so what they do, they send this thing up. Because it rules by penis. Rules by penis. Yeah.

It sends this thing up where it activates different areas of your brain to register activity. And it's so weird because it gives you these impulses. And she goes, oh, in a second, your right side is going to go flush and you'll, you'll see electric things. And then they're just this thing and i'm like i'm like this is incredible and i actually really enjoyed it and she came out and i said that was great and she's like really

i'm like yeah like she goes your whole left side's gonna go numb and then there's gonna be rainbows just because they're triggering it's so weird they're just like have you ever had any gay thoughts? No. How about now? Fucking hell. Sorry, but that doctor, I didn't know this before,

his eyes are unbelievable. What about now? You're like, put it back. Put it back. That was the happiest I've ever been. You imagine as science develops and they start to get more and more awareness of what you can do with the brain,

it's actually quite Unnerving Terrifying Would you take augmentations If they could give you them Oh fuck yeah All about the evolution 100%

If you could do what Like a wee chip That they can just put in there And you can finally Be a good dancer If I could have The rhythm chip I'd take the rhythm chip

I remember Tom Really earnestly saying No Kai is a horrible dancer I stopped dancing When was that I'll take the rhythm trip I remember Tom really earnestly saying no Kai is a horrible dancer aye I stopped dancing when was that it was in Brighton

yeah that was it it was in Brighton while I was dancing and you were like why are you so ugly when you dance and I just like slumped my shoulders

my tail between my legs I was like you put us right off my boogie oh god funny I'd take a bit of graphics card

as well I'd tell you I've got the graphics card you've got no visual memory or what nah I can't memory wank

I think I can let's try still you just have to do it in text I just I remember that last down to zeros

and ones out of ten that's the girl from the movie right so when is your extra show at the McEwan Hall

so our extra show is 27th of August Saturday 27th of August 5.30 5.30 so I cannot come and see it you bastards

yeah I'm gonna I'm gonna come in now watch you start like a proud proud mother at the start line of the fun run 5.30 5.30 so I cannot come and see it you bastards yeah I'm gonna I'm gonna come and now watch you start like a like a proud proud

proud mother at the start line of the fun run that's my girl yeah yeah that'd be cool

yeah so please do go see the show please do when's this going out this is going out on Monday

Monday night so it should and it's a public episode as well so nice and

I'm I mean we have to go now because a man's cutting down two trees in my garden and that'll be fucking loud which is why we merged with two

podcasts that were going to record today in one podcast but that happened it's out now who was part one who was the appetiser part one was going to be us

and then part two for the patrons was going to be but I think this actually works out better because this is the public episode and they can all come and see you

and sweet but yeah there's a tree surgeon just said come in just went right we're going to just absolutely ruin any idea of doing a podcast

fine is that how we put it anything that you want to do that recorded audio quality is being absolutely kiboshed so thanks for tuning in go see Milo thanks for coming to see our shows

love you lots bye