Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Two N's, Two O's (Ft. Connor Burns)

Episode Date: November 27, 2024

Four days into the European tour with only one full day of f**k-ups, Kai and Connor catch their breath over a pint of Guinness in Ireland as they stick to their schedule even though the Dublin gig had been moved to January. They both share regret of idolising early Conor (with one N) McGregor. Kai wants to start a gang.   Join Kai on Tour: https://www.kaihumphries.com/all-live-shows   We are proud to still be sponsored by Thistly Cross Cider, who have recently released their limited-time Rum Cask Cider, so make sure to stock up while it is available and enjoy (responsibly) Go to thistlycrosscider.co.uk and use code: THISTLYSLOSSNOVEMBER for 10% your order, for UK residents only, and you must be over 18 years old

Sloss and Humphreys on the road Muggins and cream, cream and muggins Straight thuggin', livin' the dream That's our intro Fuckin' muggles Ticklin' the clit inside your head that makes you laugh Woohoo! Ha ha ha!

They said it can't be done Are we in the same seats? That's hack Ah, muggles Accidental rim job in the park Kiss, kiss, kiss Or might just be cynical Muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglepedia

Where have you been since 9-11? Right, Connor, we're four gigs. Yeah. No, three gigs. Three gigs, four cities. No. Wait, let's do this. Let's do this as a team.

We can do this. We can do this. We've done three gigs. Yes. We're in our fourth city. Yes. Three gigs, four cities. Third country.

Yes. Yes, that's correct. Yeah, did we get there? City? Yes Aye Three guys Four cities Third country? Yes Yes that's correct Yeah Did we get there? Berlin Amsterdam Rotterdam Dublin

Yeah but we're not Doing a gig in Dublin We're just visiting We're just doing this We're just drinking Yeah You're like You're angled

Your glass around there Yeah yeah yeah It's devastating First time in Dublin Proper livid Your first proper pint I was like We're in Dublin Need to get a pint of Guinness pint. I was like, yeah, we're in Dublin.

You need to get a pint of Guinness. This is a pint of actual Guinness, and they've given me it in a fucking Guinness 0%. Just making sure you didn't put it on Instagram. Plus, proper embarrassing. I had to sit in the bar like I was some kind of cuck. And then we both tried to split the G and missed by about a mile.

We didn't get anywhere near it. Actually, by the way I'm putting myself in Muggle Corner here but I'm bringing back Muggle Corner to see if you're splitting the jury in Muggle Corner you fell for a market employee as a market employee I feel like Guinness is the only pint in the world

that has stared at more than it's fucking drunk people Guinness politics does my tits in where people are like you've not let that settle properly there's bubbles in the head

fucking drink it but yeah splitting the G's 100% market there isn't another stout though is there let's be real yeah I wouldn't even know

Conor McGregor's got one eh I think he's got a rape charge now yeah it's the only stout you can buy

If you're underage I didn't say it was enough Unless he sees this In which case Sorry He put Conor on the He put the name Conor on the map though Oh aye

There's not been very Many famous Conors Oh hold on No surely not Surely there was more Famous Conors before Conor McGregor There's not been many Because Conor McGreg Oh, hold on. No, surely not. Surely there was more famous Connors before Conor McGregor. Because Conor McGregor came on like in 2012?

Aye. 2013, I think. But then, aye? Nah, I'm telling you, man. As a Conor, there is not many famous Conors. So Conor McGregor is to you what Kai Rooney is to me?

Aye. There's quite a few Connors in American sport cause like unfortunately Connor in America is a bro name like a frat bro name

oh Todd it's like Cody or something yeah yeah so hey Connor so there's loads of like high school athletes and stuff

who are called Connor but aye he put it on the on the map why can't i think any more famous connor's there's another connor burns oh yeah the tory i've heard you at the end of your set when you tell people to find your social media to make sure it's connor with two n's

yeah connor because connor one n which is connor that with one n is how mcgregor spells it but that connor burns it's like disgraced which is the correct way to spell it I look I think the Irish way is C-O-N-O-R are you like Gary with two R's

no I'm not don't want me having Gary with two R's I fucking hate that Gary with two R's Connor with two N's mate Connor

I said I said once in a Starbucks they asked me my name I said it's Connor and I went two me my name, I said it's Connor. And I went two N's, two O's. And she wrote Connor. I didn't think you needed to specify two O's.

I was just having fun with it. You've just been cooking. Two N's, two O's. One C. Put it away. One C, put it away, one C. So Connor, the Tory MP, ends to us put it away put it away once yeah so bye so Connor

the Tory MP Scottish no he's actually Irish what was his constituency his constituency I think is like

eh Bournemouth Bournemouth I think right and he got done for sexual misconduct as well

he's had some kind of sexual scandal it's a kind of thing you just wouldn't understand yeah one n one n

yeah two out of three ain't bad one n horror yeah I'm gonna miss Conor McGregor's Twitter voice notes

though I mean he might be the only guy using that feature you know like that's his thing he gets like cooked up and smashed and puts voice notes though I mean he might be the only guy using that feature you know like that's his thing he gets like cooked up and smashed

and puts voice notes on Twitter I don't like when people send us voice notes directly oh man but it's amazing you know what

I didn't mind them I just might not be able to listen to it straight away like I would with a text aye like yeah you're giving us

something for later you're also it's like you're giving me fucking homework like just I can glance at a message and get the jest you force me into listening you know what I voice note I voice know selfishly when I'm whacking the dog it's fucking up pain in the ass Texan when you are there's certain places I despise having to take a phone call mmm let's see if you're on like a busy high street yeah

and you're forced into a phone conversation yeah I get so I get so angry that guy between us on the treadmill

we both went in the gym right there's only three people in the gym us two and one guy yeah right

and he ended up on the middle treadmill I wanted on a treadmill but there's only two so I had to take the bike Bike to his side Aye I took the thing

On the other side And he just took a phone call A video call Aye He had it resting On the thing He was He was skyping his missus

He skyped his missus From the treadmill Aye aye aye And he I had a full blown conversation With somebody on the treadmill Do you know what that tells me What

He's cheated before Nah do you think so And he's in a hotel me he's cheated before no do you think and he's in a hotel and he's like look honey i'm just if you see me later and i've got a picture of me later i've got a sweat on it's just because i was at the gym i promise he's got a check in yeah i screamed of that but he was uh it was an intense presence to my left having a guy having a full phone conversation yeah was he having

a conversation in English I had my headphones on so I could just see it was happening I couldn't hear him either

but I did I did leave a voice note when I was on the treadmill because I had like a bunch of messages of somebody

that needed a swift reply and the reason they kept messaging was because they were just trying to do something that

required attention. And I was on the treadmill and I literally just fucking replied, explaining. Conor McGregor's ones is he'd get like coked up and go on Twitter. One of the famous one is the one where he's making fun of Dana White. It's so good, man. He's like, no, sorry. He's making fun of Joe Rogan for his commentary. That's great.

You need to find the actual file. But he's like, he's like pretending to of Joe Rogan for his commentary that's great you need to find the actual file but he's like he's like pretending to be Joe Rogan he's like that's an illegal knee to a downed opponent he's like

shut up Joe you little fucking fool yeah I'll slap ya and he's like laughing at himself he's like clearly smashed man he fucking

I fell for his charm so hard man when he started mate I don't even mind admitting this I bought his DVD you had a DVD yeah

when he was right after he beat out Jose Aldo was it the documentary Notorious Notorious I had it on DVD did you

which is weird I didn't think I had it on like because I had definitely seen that without having a hard copy of it I think I was honestly I think I was so far that without having a hard copy of it I think I was honestly I think I was

so far up his arse that I was like I want to support his format it was so bad because like it was this guy that was just

so arrogant but it didn't count as arrogance because he kept winning and he was like it was a great story it was like proper working class

you know he was working on a building remember when he was like a spotty skinhead and he would hijack the fucking uh the press on like the the cage cage warriors stuff and those are just like you just dive into the cameras and just amazing and those early weigh-ins so he looked like a crackhead like he looked so scary yeah when he was fighting it like well he's like fighting like what 145 and stuff um and he just looked like there was

like fighting like what 145 and stuff um and he just looked like there was something in his eyes yeah and then he just got like rich and fat and coked up and just weird yeah man i think because he was he well you know i think it takes 10 years to become an overnight success he obviously it was years and years of training, but he got famous. Like, he got best paid sports person in the world famous. Yeah. Within three years. Like, I don't think anybody can get you ready for that. Should I never give these gypsies money?

No, it's a Rick James. To paraphrase. Please include that. That was the words of Rick James to paraphrase please include that that was the words of Rick James to paraphrase Rick James but no one prepares you for that fuck your couch I love to see the Charlie Murphy Hollywood stories of Conor McGregor

I've got a story about Charlie Murphy Hollywood stories of Conor McGregor. I've got a story about Charlie Murphy. Not my own story, but like a one degree of separation. You might even meet the promoter in the next couple of gigs

I ran by. Amazing. This promoter. He was promoting Charlie Murphy's tour, comedy tour. Amazing. Talking to people tour.

Yeah. Spoke in an audience with Charlie Murphy. Yeah. And at the end of the tour Brang was like I'm gonna get me

sell this fucker I've had my eye on this gorgeous whiskey that's at this whiskey bar right at the end of the tour I'm gonna get me

sell one of these whiskeys right I really fancy it and it was like fucking something 90 euros or something ridiculous right

so he gets his dram of whiskeys and enjoyed it and Charlie Murphy comes up and he's like what's that he's like

oh it's such and such a whiskey. He's like, I'll have one. And Brian's like, oh, fuck, I'm going to get this guy. And he was like, he went away to chat with his mate. And then he was like, he probably won't know a 90-pound whiskey compared to a normal whiskey. Yeah, you're definitely getting him a famous gross now. He ended up getting him like a fucking Jack Daniels or something.

And Charlie Murphy just come back and just scalded him right away. And he was like, oh, phew. Thank God. a fucking Jack Daniels or something Charlie Murphy just come back and just scold it right away he was like oh phew thank god but also we're like fucking zero degrees of separation from Conor McGregor because

you know about Danny on Conan no you know when Daniel was on Conan right there's a fucking producer who booked

him on it called JP right you probably met him a bunch of times at the Fringe he was at the Fringe this year he's always there

I'm not sure what he's working on at the moment but he's there and Danny was just like fucking like what we were talking about

hook line and sinker for Conor McGregor yeah mate he spoke to like a generation of us so Danny is telling JP about this guy who's got this fight

coming up and everything I think the fight was on that weekend or something maybe one of his fights against like of us so Danny is telling JP about this guy who's got this fight coming up and everything ended up there I think the fight was on that weekend or something maybe one of

his fights against like fucking who would he have been fighting back then Chan Mendes

or something or like Dustin Poirier yeah or Brimage Marcus Brimage maybe it was like

one of the early fights what was that Dennis Seaver do you remember that one and he fucking battered him

so he was like he was on the up maybe he's had his first couple of fights so it probably wasn't Brim and

Joporia but it might have been Mendes or Seaver so Danny gets JP onto

this new fighter JP gets a little bit of a fucking mushroom blood for him and sees him

fight Aldo and go, this guy's the fucking tits, let's get him on Conan. Right? So JP fucking manages to get Conor McGregor on Conan. I've seen that. And then tells Conor McGregor

that it was Daniel who got him onto this, right? So he ended up ringing Danny, right? Danny didn't pick up, so he got the answer phone message. And the answer phone message was, my man, I heard you got me on Conan.

So I just want to say thank you. That's unreal. I ended up like patching the audio with a picture of Daniel on the phone and a picture of Conan on the phone and like patching the audio on it and put it on social media. Oh, is that out there?

It's out there. It exists. Oh man, I've never seen that. I'll probably be able to get hold of it on my phone, on my iPad. And it was, that was the Conan where after he'd beat Aldo

or whatever Conan was asking what's next and he was like I don't know I'll always get Floyd Mayweather out of bed

right so then the fight with Floyd Mayweather happened and Danny was there going I'm partially responsible for one of the biggest

fights in fucking history but like also completely responsible for the demise of Conor McGregor yeah you are because once he yeah that's not a fun

that's not a fun voicemail message to have now it isn't it isn't fun nah there's people in the world that dread seeing

his name come up on their phone now fuck man you know what I saw a clip and fair play to the reporter but I saw a clip of him today coming out of court

and like the reporter was a braver guy than me because he went up to him and was like so Connor you're officially a rapist do you have anything you want to say about it?

Did he? Aye. Was that here in Dublin as well? It must have been aye it must have been aye. He's like so you're officially a rapist do you have anything

to say about it? What did he have to say? He just got straight in the car he was just shepherded right through if I was working for the Dublin Chronicle

or whatever it is and they put that in front of me I'd be like I'm probably just going to go and ask him what his next move is what's your next move

why would you confront a guy who's just lost at all I did an interview the other day and the interview started with so you've described yourself

as a wannabe gangster I've got a list of questions I've got a list of questions I'm not first of all we'll come back to that let's figure out where that came from

but you have described yourself to that to me multiple times I have yeah yeah yeah wannabe gangster with your eyes I really want to be a gangster i wish

connor i wish i was a gangster i want to be involved in organized crime but i've got adhd i'm just not organized enough disorganized i want to start a gang but nobody wants to join me i just want to be a gangster How do you start a gang anyway? Who would you ask? Wait, wait So if we're going to start a gang What are we going to be doing? What would lure you?

What would lure you into my gang? I was like Here I come I've got this job I'm so scared of jail That it would have to be so alluring Alright So nothing that's going to get you locked up

Something that's going to get you suspended sentence Like a really petty crime gang Aye alluring. All right, so nothing that's going to get you locked up, something that's going to get you suspended sentence. Like a really petty crime gang. Aye. We can be like, what about vigilante? What about like, if someone's got a clamp on their car?

Oh, because that would be a crime, wouldn't it, their own clamp cars? Aye. Or pay people speed and fine. Yeah, yeah. Say it's 120 quid to get the clamp off your car.

We turn up and we take 60 quid off the guy and we cut the clamp off for him so like we're making money but we're also saving people money the clamp boys do people get clamped anymore though? no I don't think that's a thing I haven't seen a clamp on a wheel

in a long long time you know what we are we're just renaissance men I haven't seen a clamp on a wheel in a long long time so you may have you know what we are mate we're just renaissance men I might have to be in somewhere that's a little bit less developed like Sunderland start the clamping gang I'm not just making fun of Sunderland

because you're a Newcastle fan and I'm not making fun of Sunderland particularly but I remember I just so happened to be doing a gig incastle fan and I'm not making fun of Sunderland particularly but I remember I just so happened to be doing a gig in Sunderland and I remember I had time to kill during the day and I was looking at

it was a bingo hall I was standing like in the middle of Sunderland just looking at it that's where the gig was? no no no but I was just like in town like walking about killing time before the gig

and the bingo hall honestly I was like it's undergoing repairs like walking about killing time before the gig. And the bingo hall, honestly, I was like, um, like it's undergoing repairs. Like there was bits of it missing. Uh, I was just standing and thinking to myself, I wonder what they're turning that into.

And then 400 old women came out of it. And I was like, Oh, that's still a functioning bingo hall. So there was holes in it. So did you think, did you think it was like a fucking quarantined, like they were saying, boxed off, so we're going to turn it into flats?

I couldn't believe it. I was about to get some work done. Honestly, it did not look like a fit place for humans to be in. And then all these old biddies shuffled out of it. You can add the people from Sunderland have to fly from Newcastle to get to Spain. I bet they love that I fucking hate it

who flies it we sing it to them we sing it to them at the match you have to fly from Newcastle to get to Spain you have a hot dog

sausage in a big apple you have a hot dog sausage in a big apple oh that's really funny They hate it they fucking hate it

I because does Sunderland have an airport? There's a Tayside airport I think it's got like maybe it's one destination

I think Hell Straight hell Tayside airport it actually flies to Amsterdam and I find that really good

because there's some macs at my gig oh really we love them we love them really yeah you know what I do get Maccams

at my shows you know hands across the water absolutely man have you seen the documentary where the Maccams come to the show

coming out as Chi fans no the other documentary oh yes ah yeah something like that aye

Alfie Joy Alfie Joy was on it doing stuff yeah like what if Al Pacino or something yeah

just take any week and get his impression it's a very weird documentary em oh that was another one as well there was a like as well there was a

I think there was like a checkers checkers trade cup or something for like the under 20s

yeah and I think my might not be picking up so I'm just gonna I don't know

how long that's been but I'm just gonna give this a wiggle I dropped it a little bit before one two

one two what's that on 18 minutes I just fell out before I saw it a little bit before. One, two, one, two. What's that on? 18 minutes. I just fell out before. I saw it. Okay. Yeah, there was just some fucking just under-21s cup game

when Newcastle and Sunderland hadn't played each other in years. It was before the recent derby in the FA Cup. And it's the first time they've met since the Netflix special. And even though it was like an under 21 game

like all the Newcastle fans were just going we saw you cry on Netflix we saw you cry on Netflix that's so good man I went through

a thing of like have you ever watched the thing that's like side by side comparisons of English and British football chants compared to American football chants

in America it's so embarrassing man there's one that's an American one and it's a guy I think it's a USA national team game and the guy's dressed as Roosevelt with a hat and the sword and he's leading the fans

in a chant and he's like the whole chant is, we will fight and we will win. We will fight and we will win. He's like, USA, USA, we will fight and we will win. And then it cuts to one where it was like, yeah, lasses are grass.

Jamie Vardy, yeah, lasses are grass. It cut to that one. It was, who was it? We're going to score a goal. Jamie Vardy amasses a grass cut to that one it was who was it we're going to score a goal your dad watches elephants and your Adi Bayor

Adi Bayor your dad watches elephants and your mum's a whore as he's getting stretched stretched we were at the

home game against Leeds but right next to the away end so like we're in fucking like arguing

distance with the away fans and we're like he's one of your own he's one of your own Jamie Savile

he's one of your own and then they give it a beat and it came back he fucked all your kids he fucked

all your kids Jamie Savile he fucked all your kids he fucked all your kids jamie samuel he fucked all your kids sometimes you can see that you know i was on the hot water green room with jamie hutchinson tony carroll right straight after danny stagg i am i'd watched the the newcastle man united game in a fucking bar in Vegas and the anchor or something like just some off the strip middle of the desert fucking pub like English pub

they cut into the Queen and then there's just all these fucking Man United fans that like were American Yeah because Man United fans live anywhere but fucking Manchester Come on you red devils I was doing all that shit

and I was telling Jamie Hutchinson about when David De Gea fucking cleared the ball out of the box in like the 80th minute and the Man United American fan of the Man United top pointed me and said sweeper keeper so I tell this story on that podcast

it gets clipped up and put out and I'm at Newcastle versus PSG at the Parc de France in the away end right enjoying the game and I just hear

some lad go sweeper keeper it was a it was a lad like halfway across the away stand who'd spotted

this it was a tremendous bit of power realised where he knew he was from and went sweeper keeper

across the away stand see when you say like oh man we gotta have to score an extra timer Oh, it's a tremendous bad part. Realized where he knew he was from and went, sweeper, keeper. Cross the waist. See, when you say like, oh man, we got to have to score an extra timer, it's going to go to PKs. PKs. It's going to go to PKs. Man, there's only one PK in football and he's Shag and Shaqira. Oh, yeah. PKs. I wonder if he's accidentally sexted Shaqiri.

Next level pool player yeah who do you I get vibes of of Ronaldo that he like cries in bed oh

climaxes yeah climaxes Jack and he has a good old bubble after sex Oh man, because I think he cries I think he cries because he knows that he's wasted some of his DNA

Do you know what I mean? He looks at himself in the mirror in his pants and he's like Oh, I just denied carrying on my lineage by shooting one into this so you think he's crying with like

what could have been because I think you know I guarantee that he has done Pilates

purely so he could suck himself off do you reckon he would like actually like to be Genghis Khan

yeah just make sure every spare 70% of the world is a direct relation to Cristiano Ronaldo Cristiano Ronaldo aye

aye mate I can understand him there's something about him like he's got dodgy charges like I don't know I don't know where

you get information from but information just travels around the world but there's the I'm going to calendar information instead of calendar because I feel like it is information you can't go to america that's why you wouldn't find him at the mls because if he lands in america that's when

he gets arrested oh that would be that'd be amazing man right you wouldn't need to do his headshot there's always that unbelievable likeness that exists of him and his statue yeah it's ridiculous but why is that a thing have you seen who's the I don't really know basketball is it Dwayne Wade that just got his he just got his bronze statue unveiled and it became like a meme because it's like

maybe his bronze isn't the metal that he's using because none of them seem to be able to manipulate the bronze in the way that like the Romans used to manipulate marble yeah

like just I think we've gone backwards with statues I think the problem with Dwayne I keep saying Dwayne I think it was him

but he's got a beard and I think it just looks like part of his face it just looks like he's got a massive chin it's like a Johnny Bravo chin that he's got a massive chin it's like a Johnny Bravo

chin that he's got yeah yeah there's not there's not enough like detail on it to make it look like a piano it just looks like

it's his face that would be devastating I've football chants and that what was I going to say we were talking about that guy chanting

right I cut in with a sweep I keep my story but you were doing what was I going to say we were talking about that guy chanting right I cut in with a sweep I keep my story but eh but you were doing the back and forth between America I like excavating

the conversation oh aye have you seen eh I need to show you the clip man because I'm not going to do it justice but there's the

there's a a guy who calls himself like an ultra for one of the teams and he's he's just he's standing he's wearing a wee who calls himself like an ultra for one of the teams and he's he just he's standing he's wearing a wee scarf

and he's leading the section in a in a thing but then he he became like known as like scarf casual scarf casual

yeah people business casual people just kept but I can't remember it I'm gonna have to look it up but the chant was like

Toe curlingly embarrassing Was it an American one? An American guy But American football Even when the Portland Timbers score a goal A guy dressed as a lumberjack Pretends to cut a piece of wood in half At the side of the pitch

They're a fucking embarrassment The European fans are fucking amazing a wooden half at the side of the pitch. They're a fucking embarrassment. The European fans are fucking amazing but they just do the same thing regardless of what's happening on the pitch. Yeah.

They're singing the same song they're going to the same beat like there's no synergy. Yeah. I feel like we're British football fans. There's like what happens on the pitch

dictates the crowd. The crowd respond to the football. The football responds to the crowd and there is this fucking connection between the pitch dictates the crowd the crowd respond to the football the football responds to the crowd and there is this fucking connection I'm always fascinated see when you hear

a really funny chant at a football game I'm always fascinated how that's broke through so like one of the boys in like the die hard

you know the die hard crews that go to every game I think forums I reckon do they turn up I think they float them on forums or do they like get a lot of likes or whatever I wonder if it's like that's like their SNL I think forums I reckon I think they float them on forums and if anything

it gets a lot of likes or whatever I wonder if it's like that it's like their SNL they go in to a pitch meeting with some like horrifically racist chant

and all the boys in the pub go that's actually really funny we'll do that you know you know what I'd love to do everyone had to be in on it yeah

you know when you know when you're getting like sometimes your crowd gets a bit quiet you're in jeopardy yeah when you're getting like sometimes your crowd gets a bit quiet you're in jeopardy you're leading by fucking one goal but you haven't had the

vial in about 15 minutes the crowd sometimes it's tense it flattens the whole crowd and then all of a sudden you'll hear the fans going your support

your support your support is fucking shit I would love to just hear somebody going no it's not no it's not no it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not.

It's really good. It's just very ultra lame. That's very American coded. Just knowingly ultra lame response to that chant because it would just disarm it immediately. What was that one that went viral? It was like Cambridge or something went on this horrific thing of not scoring in 19 games or something.

The arrows. And all the fans turned up with the arrows. So good, man. So good. Because that's another very British thing is our ability to, like, have a laugh at ourselves and, like, take the piss out of it. I feel like, you know, like, Americans, like, they wouldn't have that thing of they'd be like so angry at the players so angry at the club whereas it's so funny

to me that someone had to make a hundred high visibility arrows to go to the game someone's taking their time doing that it's like that scene

in we're gonna do it I can't believe we're doing this Stevie's missus has cut them out on our cricket you know

you see the scene from Jungle yeah I stayed up all night making arrows his missus has cut them out on our cricket I love them you see the scene from Django yeah where he makes the kick I stayed up all night making arrows yes I haven't been

to a football game in ages man ages just doing this job I haven't been for a long time well you're going to be in Newcastle

for summer main I think we were talking about that so in the in the new year I'm doing our Lemextra Newcastle shows Summer Main I think we were talking about that so in the in the new year I'm doing our Lemextra Newcastle shows

and there's going to be like you're going to do a couple of them aren't you Elliot's going to do a couple of them and I've scheduled them

to be right next to Newcastle matches it's so good I can go back home I've only been to St James Park once a few years ago lads weekend

in Newcastle and it was we went to see yous were playing Arsenal I fear yous may have lost it was I was going to say if it was the one

maybe 1-0 but if it was the one that we won 2-0 a couple of years ago I was there nah it was longer ago than that probably 6-7 years ago

or something em cracking atmosphere I love it man I know it gets said a lot but the one one city one team thing

is so nice because like coming from Scottish football there's so much division there's so much yeah in Glasgow and Edinburgh there's three

yeah there's three in Glasgow first division second division third division em oh right

I thought you were going to be part of Crystal I was like three in Glasgow part of Crystal nah there's a it is man and it's like second division, third division. Oh right, I thought you wanted to be partner crystal. I was like, three in Glasgow, partner crystal? Nah,

it is man and it's like, it's good but... And then Manchester and Liverpool, like, they're fucking, they're divided. Like,

fuck the audacity of Manchester United, Calumsell United, there's nothing United over Manchester. It's like, two of the biggest clubs in the world

play out with Manchester. I know it's early days in the season but like they really look like they're really looking in serious trouble serious trouble it's mad it's mad

I grew up with the Fergie team and like everybody in Scotland was all of a sudden a Man United a I know like a lot of people that listen this podcast don't like football because they're Daniel sauce fans and there's no diagram crossover yeah between that football play football and but you couldn't have lived life without knowing about that Fergie era Man United where they just dominated The two teams that

dominated growing up were Fergie's United and then Wenger's Arsenal team Even Wenger's Arsenal team didn't really dominate, they just pushed Man United and landed a glove once or twice

I guess Chelsea We should hard pivot out to football because we have got stuff to talk about from the tour to the glove once or twice and then I guess Chelsea but I think we should hard pivot out to football because we have got stuff to talk about from the tour because we've been like finally got there

at the beginning we've been going for four days now but day one was the one where the wheels came off the bus oh my god man because we've actually

corrected ourselves from an early stumble I think it's good to get that logistical nightmares out of the way day one because then you read everything three times

before yeah it has helped hasn't it aye because we did the Berlin gig and then it was an intimate gig and we got to have a pint

with everybody afterwards so there was people who'd been to Danny's show who always bring Spliff forward to Danny's show he bought Spliff this time and I come in

super high. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, should we book a taxi? Well, I just sat and had a pint with a guy from Hartlepool. Oh, aye, so you did, aye. And you, at regular intervals, came in looking more and more foreign. Yeah.

What kind of foreign? The eyes foreign. Yeah, there we go. But you just like you were just coming in more and more like chilled out you sat further

and further down in your chair every time and then we had to go to the hotel because we still had luggage because it was a really tight flight

for like landing and getting to the gig so we didn't have time to go to the hotel first it was an airport hotel and we didn't even have time to go from the airport to the hotel

to the gig we just took our luggage in to airport hotel and we didn't even have time to go from the airport to the hotel. Yeah. We just took our luggage in to Berlin just so we could take it out straight after. But also, we had time to go to the hotel. Turns out we did. Yeah, because we got there

and you weren't even able to do your soundcheck because a random woman with a laptop turned up. Fucking hell. Some cunt hijacked my soundcheck. Yeah. I was in the middle of soundcheck and somebody had come in with a laptop and plug it in i would like so this is how this is how i discovered was there right i was doing soundcheck and i just looked behind us and there was a picture of a young boy's face filling

the screen of this projector screen right yeah and i was just saying fucking hell is that me backdrop for the show is that what we're gonna do and he's like oh you have to pay extra for that or something and then it turns out this woman was plugging in a laptop so that like she could do a projector driven show at a later date at this venue and then she just started sound checking yeah in the middle of me sound check and i just stepped to one side and just went i guess i've just been muscled yeah it was such a brit British reaction like because German people are so weird and when I came back I was like

I don't know if I've put my foot in it like if that was like her dead son or something and she was doing some kind of project

I like she's doing some like kind of fucking panorama investigation for the fucking malpractice of the doctors that

misdiagnosed a child or whatever and I'm just like well could i hope this is my background so that's why i kind of sheepishly stepped away because i i felt like i'd put my foot in it we went backstage and there was like a weird backstage rider as well where there was two whole baguettes all right two tubs of hummus yeah a few packets of crisps and like other like a bag of nuts and some apples

and that I recognised this writer and then the women running the venue came back and went I'm really sorry that we couldn't get

your bottle of gin and you were like what? but there's gin behind the bar and he has some tokens for the bottle and I

because see I didn't demand gin and I didn't demand hummus and I didn't demand M&M's. No, it's a big bag of M&M's. But I had somebody who demands all them things. It's called Daniel Sloss. And basically my agent had sent Daniel's rider through all the venues,

and I had to ring Molly and I and just go, let's wait until we sell more tickets before we start treating myself to a massive grocery shop. Your exact words were, your exact words were, I don't want to come home to an M&M bill that I can't pay. But we lived like kings the first night.

We got the big rider. Paid for it, may as well wire in. Everything went in my bag yeah that's that's the difference at the end of Slossy's gig he probably doesn't feel

like he needs to take his rider home yeah it's just a little gift for the staff a little gift for the staff if anyone wants anything we were like fucking taking apples and that

so so I'm so high fucking in fact the gig ended up being fucking really nice. It was fun.

Everyone was fun afterwards. After a long day, it was nice to just have that pint with the audience after, not knowing if you're going to get the venue. Totally. Do sound check. So I got out and got high with some of the guys that we see every time I'm in Berlin with Daniel.

And then I got to book the uber i just started typing in the name of the hotel and then it came up and i pressed on it yeah there's a chain uh there's there's a there's more of them and we picked the one that was 25 minutes in the opposite direction and we just got an uber for like 25 minutes and then we had to negotiate with the uber driver to let us when we got to the other one realize like 25 minutes and then we had to negotiate with the Uber driver to let us when we got to the other one realise it wasn't our hotel we had to negotiate

with the Uber driver and be like can you wait for us to order another Uber and then you accept it did you know he looked so but like

when I offered him cash I was like because I've got like I've got like fucking 30, 40 euros on his leg yeah do you want to just

take that and then take it to the hotel and he looked like it was a sting operation like a fucking hidden camera

he was like the secret shop undercover boss he was trying to fucking get me Uber license took off

he was probably like not about that life yeah that was a very Geordie move to watch you be like we're in a

sticky situation here mate go and just take some cash and sort it out oh yeah I be like we're in a sticky situation here mate go and just take some cash and sort it out oh yeah I felt like cash would have won

that situation there's a man there's a man we have a call with two people I've got cash on us we can get to our hotel you've already got our

suitcases in the boot mate just take us but he was like he absolutely looked like he was looking for hidden cameras and then he arranged that

phone to book the trip and he was like I'll try and catch the trip yeah and he did to his credit so then we drove about half an hour

I'm bursting on a piss you are so fucking legs were crossed you kept offering me a fucking drinking your bottle of water and that's it was so funny

you were doing your best you were doing your best you can I'm not going to be pissed off with him it's his fucking first day of his tour like fucking I'm going to fall out with him on day one's his fucking first day of his tour like fucking I want to fall out

with him on day one I've got two I've got two weeks with this guy like I need to like I've already ate his fucking

M&M's but I was like I need to like you know when you like it's funny for a while you're like

oh I'm busting oh am I going to make it but then it gets serious and you have to like focus on your breathing and like like squeeze your bladder so you don't piss your pants and we'd already pissed if if we just jumped in that uber and 15 minutes

into half an hour journey i would have been like mate i'm really sorry but i i need to pee i would have jumped on the side of the road and pissed but because like we'd we'd ran out of like this guy's goodwill so I was like I'm just going to wait till the hotel so I'm like proper clamping down and then we get

to the hotel and it's late it's like half eleven or something and it turns out that this fucking hotel there's no staff

after 10pm so it's a digital like it just looks like an ATM essentially that you've got to

check yourself in and it won't even open the doors to the hotel without you checking in oh but it would keep opening it's a digital like it just looks like an ATM essentially that you've got to check yourself in it and it won't even open the doors to the hotel without you checking in that's right oh but it would

keep opening the doors back out to the outdoors yeah so like you can't move so these doors are like squeaking open and closed all the time

drafty as fuck as soon as I see the set up I know that I can't hold the piss until this is fixed I think I first was going to get sent to you

when I saw that was go piss on the street we're not getting invitations but he was clearly sitting on his phone for a wee while the Uber driver

when he dropped us off and I never told you this but it was so funny so I ran to the end because there was a field at the end so I start pissing in the field

but then he starts his engine up and his full beam headlights come on and I just I was just like uh you know like the that thing like third uh was it encounters of the third kind oh yeah i was just like because i wasn't going to i was just dark with my cell like silhouette in my way like the power the parody of that on um the simpsons yeah with mr burns So I was just a silhouette of a perfectly arse.

So not only did we make this guy take us on two trips, but then he got a full view of me midstream. I took honestly a minute and a half long piss. It was phenomenal. And by the time you come back, I still hadn't figured out that. I was so high, but I was like, right, come on, focus, zone in. So I've got this like fucking Google Drive which like

it should be a spreadsheet but it's a word document it's a spreadsheet within a word document there's a lot of a lot of information the font's very small it changes colours a lot

like it's a and it's because it's a sheet like on a phone you have to slide to view the whole thing so there's information and then you've got to slide

but you hold on too hard and you highlight some stuff it's it's in the a phone you have to slide to view the whole thing so there's a slide but you hold on too hard and you highlight some stuff it's it's um in the in the current information age that we're in like there's a better way to communicate information than the way we use as a system for touring so we we took one look at this and decided that in our state the easiest option was to phone our agent at midnight and wake her up yeah and bless her like she got out of bed aye and like she's got a bad name she lives in a house with stairs yeah and she had to fucking like i had to listen to her like struggling to get up the stairs to get to my computer to open a file

that we've got on my phone and then she read the number and as she was reading the note i realised that that was on the thing yeah you know what know what, though? I had typed that number in. Yeah. But it had full, so it's got name and reservation number, right? So I typed in Humphreys, and I typed in the number that's on the drive, right? So we hadn't rang it straight away. We'd give it a shot. Yeah, we'd give it a try.

So it's booking.com reservation number, right? And it had like four digits, full stop, four digits, full stop, four digits, like 16 digits with full stop, four digits, full stop, four digits, like 16 digits for full stops every four. And because the keypad had symbols on it. Yeah, we were putting the full stops in. That implied that the full stop

was part of it. Yeah. So we put the full stops in. It's such bullshit, man. You shouldn't be able to check in a hotel because there's no staff in it.

you know, is it like, is it all capitals? Is it my second name? Yeah, yeah. Like, is it just a capital

and then lowercase for the rest of it? Like my second name yeah yeah like is it just a capital and then lowercase for the rest of it like yeah yeah like there's too many variables to be going type in your name

and password here yeah there's just too man I usually struggle if I have to log into something that I've had an account for for years

of course man and I have to reset it because it needs it and then I was starving but I knew I brought with me like a

good job I had loads of nuts and M&M's you'll be bagging it yeah you selfishly took all of the of the rider that you paid for so but I knew

I had like a wee ramen bowl thing in my bag like I always chuck one of them in my case because there's always stuff like that where you go

I haven't had time to grab food I'll get back to the hotel room I can at least have something before bed because it start looking around the fucking hotel room

it's got a hair dryer in it it's got this it's got that no kettle it must have had a kettle somewhere I was raging

no I turned the place I was opening drawers did you check the drawer nah I was opening the drawer because it was like an overnight travel hotel aye it was really stripped back

so I was like because it was actually that Harley pool guy you were talking to and I was like oh overnight travel hotel aye it was really stripped back so I was like because it was actually that Harley pool guy you were talking to and I was like oh we're staying at the fucking whatever hotel and he was like

yeah spent all your money on your rider didn't he aye got two baguettes sticking out your back like fucking Deadpool but aye

no kettle but then I was like oh this is a disaster man I'm so hungry there's nothing you can't even go down to the foyer

and buy something because there's no staff we're in the middle of nowhere I wouldn't even consider what you did next as an option you know so I went to wash my hands or I went to brush my teeth

and then realised that the hot tap was like ripping hot like I couldn't keep my hands under it all the way hot so I went oh that feels hot tap was like ripping hot like I couldn't keep my hands under it on all the way hot so I went

oh that feels hot enough for noodles having a pot noodle with the hot water with the hot taps mate it worked so I was like

right it's probably going to take a while to get the noodles soft so I did it then jumped in the shower and I came in my shower it was fucking perfect it was ready

and I sat down and i looked down and realized there's no cutlery in the room okay mate i know i actually didn't use my room key i didn't have one it's a fucking code lock it was a code i so we didn't even have a room key um what i ended up using this mate this was the cctv footage if there's one in the room i doubt it but would be the saddest piece of fucking video you've ever seen in my life. So I came at the shower, just put my pants on and I was like, oh,

there's a lot of like liquid in this. So I'm not going to put any clothes on in case I splash. Looked around and realized there was no stuff. There wasn't even like a pen. I mean, if there was a couple of pens, I could have fashioned some chopsticks or something. All there was, I was even trying to think think like could i use my toothbrush or something all there was was a paper cup with a wee paper lid on it for in the bathroom for you to put your

toothbrush in and i was like what the fuck can i do with that so what i ended up doing was like like rolling up a little taco shell rolling up the thing like a taco shell and scooping it in my mouth but then the problem was that the the liquid the broth from the ramen i would scoop up but then it would slide at the back end of the taco so the first mouthful i'd i splash it all over the bed and so i was like i put it down i've got one like mouthful of noodles in my mouth i'm in my pants my wee belly's hanging over my pants on the edge of the bed i have to wet the towel i soak the towel and i'm trying to get the like red fucking broth off the bed and all right and i was just like this and then there's a mirror so i can see myself i mean this is so fucking sad

and then i realized that that was the only towel in the room as well so in the morning i had to wash myself and just avoid the fucking spicy broth corner of the towel but while you were doing that and um i'd got in the shower right took took my jeans off i wasn't doing i took took everything off including my glasses right yes had a shower come in and then was like right i'll pack my jeans into my bag I'll put out some travel clothes like trying to be organised for tomorrow put my shit on charge and in the middle of that

I'm just like where the fuck's my glasses and I couldn't find my glasses fucking anywhere I'd come in the room with my glasses on and then just couldn't like I was in the room

with my glasses on I took them off before my shower and now they're nowhere I had my fucking room upside down looking for these glasses I'd put them on top of my jeans

and then coming to the shower I folded up my jeans pretty much rolled my glasses up into my jeans and put them in my bag so he was fucking splashing around and I was fucking

I was on my hands and knees looking under the bed for a pair of glasses that were in my bag and then I slept in in the morning and you woke me up with a phone call

and you were like I'm in the taxi I was like oh no so I had the world's quickest shower wiped myself up with a phone call and you're like i'm in the taxi i was like oh no so i had the world's quickest shower wipe myself up with a ramen towel shut my suitcase and we're both in the taxi again if that's the worst day it's a decent tour because i've had worse days than that on tour normally they become fucking first one yeah but that was we just i feel like we made all the mistakes we needed to make but all the hotels have been good since yeah today was so good like so funny like our flight

to dublin was delayed uh a couple hours in which we didn't really care about yeah because i'm catching up on our cane which is and we were only on like a super tight time schedule now there was people on that flight who like they had their they'd missed their connecting flights and that's so tensions were starting to run a bit high and i'll be honest the airline guest staff were like you could tell there would be a wee bit rc with people and that wee bit short and uh there's this one guy that i could see his three rows down and he was getting livid like clearly like he realized he's missed his connecting flight and he was starting to become a problem and he had a wee red wine one of the wee bottles

of red wine and nothing was complimentary so he paid for it and he got up to go to the toilet for a piss but in that time the clean up

person had come I think they saw like that much left in his wine and just picked it up and binned it so he came back and started complaining

but I had my headphones on but he was getting animated I could see him going like what is this why is he going like that he's playing his wine right so the woman was like right right right and she went away she was like i'll go get you another wine but then she went to hit go get wine and we hit really bad turbulence so for everybody was bound to their seat for 20 minutes so i could see he was like fizzing like he was about to get his replacement wine and now everybody's had to go and sit down again

that bit of turbulence was fucking naughty as well that was a rollercoaster that was a scary flight today it was three or four patches of horrible, makes you realise like I am I am an atheist but as soon as that as soon as your belly goes on a plane

you go oh please but so then he was getting more and more pissed off, eventually she brought over I am an atheist, but as soon as that, as soon as your belly goes on a plane, you go, please. But, so then he was getting more and more pissed off. Eventually she brought over his wee wine, calmed him down a bit. And then a different guy came 10 minutes after that to get, like,

we were about to start the descent. So he came and, you know, he was grabbing all the stuff. And the guy was, he had a big bin bag for everybody's rubbish. Gash bag, you can't let me. Yeah, a gash bag. A gash bag, that's what you can't let me guy was he had a big bin bag for everybody's rubbish Gash bag you can't let me know Aye aye aye a gash bag

Gash bag that's what you can't let me know the trade eye he had a big he had a big gash bag gash bag and then he was also carrying

above the gash bag it was like Aer Lingus branded like tubs it must be for it looked like maybe what they keep

like the wee milks or something in but they were plastic Tupperware and he was carrying he was carrying like four of them stacked up on each other and it just so happened

that that wee guy that had been shouting at the women he turned round and the top one toppled off the tower and fucking hit the boy right in the head and he was raging kicked him off again. Little angry bald man. It doesn't take much to wind up a little bald man, does it? But little bald man

are already ready to go. They're already wound tight. Life's hit them hard. I used to work, like, I've worked a bunch of stuff, but I used to work occasionally doing construction stuff. I remember being on a building site and there was a wee spark that was winding everybody up a wee ultra shin that was just like it was like five foot five every story ended in him knocking someone out and someone who

would uh yeah and it was like there was a one of the joiners was like this absolutely he's his own hype man yeah yeah exactly get his reputation right like every story he was the hero of his own story and it was like everyone was just getting sick of working with him and one of the

one of the joiners was like an actual lump like six foot four but like gentle giant and I remember he just shut that

wee sparky up one day he was like see if us big cunts were half as aggressive as you wee cunts there'd as aggressive as you wee cunts there'd be none of you wee cunts left

amazing it's really poetic as well I would stamp the lorry as a little fucking mini genocide yeah oh what would you call that a mid genocide

a mid genocide a mid-genocide genocide genocide it does it sounds like a resort uh but i and but it's so funny that like because the first guy the first the guy that dropped the thing didn't know about the wine debacle so i just think it's so funny to accidentally drop a piece of Tupperware on a guy's head and then for the guy to go mental. Just instantly get mental. He doesn't realise that you're the straw that broke the camel's back. He's been pissed off by everyone along the way. And you just come along and just slam down.

And he was bald, the wee guy as well. He was a wee bald guy. So he better dunk. And I saw it it was the corner like top of his head but

I was so tempted getting off the plane to just like lay a wee slap on his wee bald head just as like as the final straw just keep picking on him

just get right everyone chuck a little bit of something on him yeah yeah yeah just niggle away and grind him down he's gonna go and put a bat at his wife.

He's not, he's missed his connection. Yeah. He's busy swinging from behind the bathroom door in one of these hotel rooms. So good, man. I've seen some mad shit in airports and planes. You're catching people at their worst. Oh yeah, aye.

Aye. I was missed the day because I was Mr. Dacus I was like I was having a fucking like text argument aye regarding business aye with someone

while on a flight he was trying to start a gang he was trying to start a gang he was trying to start a gang and people weren't interested because he didn't clamp cars anymore and I just I actually just identified that like

I haven't had a coffee all day because I'm fucking whitening my teeth yeah so I'm wearing these like fucking like rubber

retainers that you put little like like dabs of like bleach in and rub it in and make sure it doesn't get on your gums

and make sure you don't swallow any because you'll die just like just got so had that meaning that I can't have

coffee red wine all the good shit beetroot yeah it's very disconcerting when you're grumpy from not having coffee

and you turn around and see you putting a gum shield in my eyes looking ready to go that grumpy man's got a lovely smile and then I

I was like on a flight flight, that was late. I was just like, oh, just self-diagnose. Deal with that tomorrow. That's not something for you to get angry about. I was actually proud of you. You identified, you were like, I'm really angry and pissed off at the minute. We should not do this podcast as soon as we get to the hotel.

That would have just been me winching about that fucking text conversation. That's how that would have been yeah it wouldn't have been a fun one i was like give us a new uh like if you want i'll meet you in the gym but i'm gonna go for a run then we went to the gym and just listened to that guy always misses we've been uh we've been good at that in that we're fucking like the wheels come off the bus day one and went rh we'll just like be going to the gym and looking after ourselves we've actually been on it we've been alright like

em especially in this line of work man it's the only job in the world you get to work and the people who've hired you

ask you if you want a pint aye yeah it's great isn't it it's mad so the fact that we're like aye the wheels are

vaguely stable we have drank every single day but moderately yeah like an airport pint and a pint at the gig

aye kind of level steady away but we've been at the gym and that and like we haven't seen

we haven't been touristic in any respect in four years it's been really embarrassing how little we've seen I mean

to be fair you saw plenty of Berlin I showed you Berlin Connor I really did there's not a bit of Berlin that you left to be fair you saw plenty of Berlin I showed you Berlin Connor I really did there's not a bit of Berlin that you left unturned you're sick of Berlin

you know like Berlin is such a sex positive city I reckon that guy thought that we thought maybe he was some kind of fake taxi situation we were just going to keep hiring him

like by fair four he was like fine I'll come back and suck his ass because he was gay wasn't he I don't know I didn't pick up on that

did I pick up on it nah I picked up on that he was gay my gay doll was flashing with a text I think you picked up

on that because he helped us with our suitcases this guy must be gay he's being nice to us I didn't pick up on that but I've been

told I've got terrible gay dour before have you aye by this guy that was shagging me

up the arse did you get let into a gay bar that a gay person didn't get let into did I remember

that right oh yeah you've been to Berlin before yeah in Berlin I was almost going to get in, Larry Dean got held back

for not looking gay Come on in you get One of our regulars You're not getting into those clubs unless you're wearing fetish gear though It's impossible I'm only 30 but I'm a I, I, look, I'm only 30, but I'm like,

I'm a prude. Aye. Aye. I'm a prude, man. Like, especially for like, being a comedian and that,

like I'll talk about sex on stage and stuff, but like, there's certain things where I'm like, I don't need to see it, man. Aye. I don't need to see it. Oh,

like, like, I, I think I'm not a prude until I hear a gay guy's talking about sex. You just realise you're a homophobic prude maybe I'd have more women talk like that

aye yeah yeah that graphic oh the way because like of course it's like that it's two dudes

talking about sex there's no there's no filter on it yeah yeah nobody's gonna cap that already then I'll bring it back of course

of course yeah that's like that's just like a live group chat yeah happening like yeah yeah nobody's gonna cap that already then I'll bring it back of course of course yeah so that's like that's just like a live group chat yeah happening like

um but I I also like I'm always like I've been in gay bars like with my fiance and that

because I don't care what anyone says man there's a weird like section of guys who like you went to a gay bar mate some of the where you're the guys we're trying to avoid some of guys who are like you went to a gay bar mate

some of the best where you're the guys we're trying to avoid some of the best nights out you'll have that no one knows how to party the music's good

they stay up longer and everyone's just in a better mood and do you know what every now and then if someone throws you a wee glance and tries to flirt with you

you go suck him off aye it's the least you can do I'm not getting anything out of it you know what I mean I kind of made him

wipe my teeth aye yeah yeah have you had a coffee today I'm getting tasty coming through

but I've been like told by gay people oh you know that guy was like really hitting on you and I'm like oh I just thought

he was sound just having a conversation with a nice man how many of you met at Honours I kind of pick up on it I'm not good at it

I just assume people are nice I remember me and my mates my mate used to go out with a girl who was a manager at a gay club

so a couple of times at the end of a night we'd go there and wait for her to finish her shift and she'd like sort us out we drink so we're waiting and stuff and it's famous gay bar in edinburgh called cc blooms and there's over the road for it as a chippy so it was like kicking out time half three there's we're all smart i'm like 19 or 20 we're all smashed so we go over the

road so it's just the last few people filing out of the gay clubs and like us and a few other people from pubs and there's one Chippy so we all go over to the Chippy and

we're chatting away and this gay guy starts like really aggressively kind of flirting with me and we're chatting and the Chippy and Al he's like

last chance this you just want to get home alone at 19 as well I was such a this is apparently in the get home alone at 19 as well I was such this is apparently in the 93rd minute at 19 I was such

like a little twink as well I just left high school I just lost a load of weight and I know he was looking at me

with hunger in his eyes and because I was with my mates I was just like winding the boy up a bit like

leading the man but it was like funny in the chippy but then this was when so I had I had a like a sausage supper

I bet you did and we were standing inside and there was someone had left half a sausage supper on the windowsill of the chippy

and the guy came over and he was like let me out come on give me a bit give me a bit and I was like nah mate I've just fucking paid for my food leave me alone and then he like turned his back and he's like give me a bit and i've picked up the sausage off the man and he's like oh it's freezing and i went i mean i've just picked it up done it's so funny yeah

it's just been lying on that window so give him a little bit of cold sausage that scared him off but um just when he went home alone nah but I've never understood that it's such a weird macho thing to be like I'll never step foot in a gay club it's actually quite childish it's ridiculous you've still got your school yard

you think you're so irresistible that the second you step foot in a gay bar you're going to be fighting guys I probably would still that's probably what's going to happen so yeah we've got to wrap this up now because we've got a flight in the morning

we've had an hour I reckon we should use this last minute just plug what Dublin shows because we're in Dublin now because this show's meant to be in Dublin like we had the flights booked the show was in you've got your tickets

and it got moved to a different date to a different venue while I was on holiday so I come back off my holiday and just got told

that Dublin's been moved so it's in the 30th of January now but we're still in Dublin and you're also doing it

I'm going to be there on the 26th of January which is a Sunday I'm going to be at Workmen's Club we're both at the same venue 26th and 30th

so yeah you do it in the space of a few days so what days are they then of the week I'm going to be at Workman's Club We're both at the same venue 26th and 30th So yeah You do it in the space Of a few days So what days are they then Of the week Like I'm there on a Sunday So that means

I must be there On a Thursday Wednesday, Thursday Yeah Wednesday, Thursday So aye Come and have yourselves A good week in January With me and Connor

On separate days as well Class And eh I think Daniel's going to do The next podcast So subscribe to Perian i know by the way sorry well worth plugging i am also about to go on um everywhere to my biggest uk tour it's my second uk tour but it's bigger than the first one so it's my biggest so yeah i'm going all over the place so

chances are if wherever you are in the uk i'll be gigging near you throughout january february march so just look me up on social media Conor Burns on social media 2 N's, 2 O's Conor Burns Cheers mate Thanks man