Sloss and Humphries On The Road - USA 2. Los Ankleless

Episode Date: July 10, 2019

Cream has a medical emergency which leaves him laying with his feet up being demanding while Muggins recovers from his birthday celebrations. Earthquakes, Molotov cocktails and exotic dancers all feature in their LA adventure 

Sloss and Humphrey's on the road! Muggins and cream, creaming muggins, straight thugging, living the dream And that's our intro Fucking muggles! Tickling the clit inside your head that makes you laugh Woohoo! Hahaha! They said it can't be done!

Are we in the same seats? That's hack Awww, muggles Accidental rim job in the park Kiss kiss kiss Or am I just being cynical? Just muggled it up on fucking Mugglepedia Where have you been since 9-11?

I'm going to do it. I'm going to get sued. Yeah, yeah, you'll pay. No. Stop before we get sued. Stop it. No. Right, okay, fine, fine, fine.

How do you want to start the podcast? With a fucking little attitude, to be honest. Coming from fucking you. Oh, my God. Coming from fucking... Get on my last nerve, who you are. So fucking... Daniel here...

Is injured. Has fucking stubbed his toe. No. He stubbed his toe on a night out. No. And you went... I took my ankle. And you went into the doctors and they said you're fine.

No, he said... You paid $250 to get told you were perfectly fine and you're a pussy. He said, I mean, to keep it elevated. He said, I shouldn't be walking around too much. Can you talk louder? I'll move closer. I can't, Kai. The doctor said to keep it elevated.

So I have to lie here and keep it elevated bring the thing closer to me fine or doctor's orders you're the worst patient

how I've heard exactly what he said how does that make me a bad he said keep it elevated and don't move around

too much right that's what a doctor with a degree said also a doctor who the first thing he did was give me

his business card in case I happened to injure myself again and he could profit off of that he just saw your fragile body as a fucking

cash piñata he just wanted to milk your body he's like hold on this mug will do this more this mug

will go and get drunk and injure himself and also Marlena before you fucking message me be like go and not mention on the podcast

that when you hurt your ankle you did it while you were drunk because the insurance is void I'll tell you this right now Marlena if somebody

from the insurance companies listens to this and then decides please share our podcast leave a review on iTunes I just fucking for no reason decides to

just snitch and be like oh we heard you were drunk and then decides to not let the insurance cover it and I've got to pay the $250 myself so be it

she will tell us to take this down she absolutely fucking will she is the best agent in the world by a country ballot but she's also a mental case

she's a mental case I don't even think she enjoys listening to this podcast she just does it out of necessity just to listen just to get wound up over some things that are not going to happen so if she just doesn't have a necessity just to listen just to get

wind up over some things that are not going to happen so if my insurance doesn't cover my severely broken ankle

then so be it what did the doctor say about your little bitch what no no

no just clear my throat what did the doctor say talk us through it use your fucking hospital get that checked out fucking cheeky cunt No, no, no. What did you say? Just clear my throat. That's what the doctor said. Talk us through it. You're the fucking horse who'll get that checked out.

Fucking cheeky cunt. What? Nothing. You're hearing things. I said, you just called me. Sir. I don't appreciate your tone.

Wow. You want to fucking wash your mouth? What? No. What was that? I can listen back to this. You're going to tell me

if I listen back to this. I'm not going to. Well, if you listen back to it, I'll listen back to it. So you're going to tell me if I listen back to this? I'm not going to. Well, if you listen back to it, I'll listen back to it. Find out what you said. Prick. What? Man, you better get that

fucking throat sound before I fucking move out. What? Nothing. Oh my God. The way it's making me paranoid. I'm not on any. I'm not on any.

So how's that for science? I'm just joking. So you've been... And free healthcare is meant, by the way. Can I just say, to the Americans, right,

I don't want to, I don't want to shout in the country too much, because I do like it, I think America's fucking great, I like being here and stuff, but you do, you just don't get to call yourself the greatest country in the world

if you have to pay for healthcare. Like, when I, the first thing I thought when I was fucking injured was like fuck this is going to cost money

the first thing I think when I'm injured in the UK is like oh great I get injured I go there and the doctor goes aye what's your fucking problem and I'm like well

I was hoping you could tell me I love that you've got a qualified professional to tell you you're just a pussy wait what his words not mine I actually know his words actually anyway you don't give yourself the greatest country in the world and tell you you're just a pussy. Wait, what? No. His words, not mine. I actually know his words, actually.

Anyway, you don't give yourself the greatest country in the world if you charge people who are injured. Like, do you imagine that? You know, if you're a woman here, right? First of all, unlucky. Second of all, right? When you get pregnant, they're like, all right,

okay, give us money. What? I beg your pardon? And like, I've got to pay for a baby jog on do one Expensive enough bloody hell and that is I've got a paper. I've got the pain to shove something out of my vagina Go fuck yourself. How dare you profit over that? From each other we do you think the charge per stitch? No, they just put loads extra ones in they do man You know when, it's cheaper to fucking get an Uber, like if you get shot,

like just Uber yourself to the fucking... Is it something as well if like somebody calls an ambulance for you, like they have to pay for the ambulance? What do they? That does sound like America. So we've been in two earthquakes this week. Three. Three, apparently there was one when we were asleep.

No, I woke up. I just thought it was you snoring. Aye. Turns out my self-defense mechanism is my brain. It's going, hey, you want to be awake for this? I know you're about to die, but just FYI,

it's what it feels like. They're fucking... I hate under the covers. I hate under the covers. It's an earthquake, you hate under the covers, you pussy. I hate the fridge, just like Indiana Jones and that worst Indiana Jones movie. covers I haven't covered there's no covers I haven't the French just like Indiana Jones

and that worst Indiana Jones movie none of them oh the fourth one yeah I didn't count that I forgot

about that one that happens was there a fifth one no is there gonna be maybe

so we were at a restaurant for one of the earthquakes and people actually went under the tables. I know, and we were too... And we were just so British and just carried on eating... Just chasing my food around my plate. Two British and two toxic men to be like, I'll do it last. Hide under me, girls.

I don't want to just flex. You'll be absolutely safe under my guns man you know what do you know what first of all shooting someone dick move I'll put my career on the

line so I think it's a fucking dick move do you know why it's a dick move it's not because you shot them right because

if you shoot someone they get a bill like over here you can just go around right and not only by shooting someone you almost

get even if you don't kill them right you bankrupt them it's a shit thing to do that's it i saw something this week the earthquake was the second wildest thing that happened to me this week more importantly i know exactly what you're going to talk to me about we can talk about this for a second but phil we should talk to people a bit more about what earthquakes are because the californians is quite a normal thing this is a bigger one than normal first of all it was downgraded from a 7.1

to a 6.9 because I think all the scientists were just like it's a funnier number I don't know who gave it a shit it's 4.20

you don't need to put the O on you don't need to put the O on it rounds to 4.2 so they changed it to 69 because they're all

a bunch of legends and and man it's fucking in the epicenter I was quite far away but we still felt it it still

rocks your bones and you wobble about a bit it goes on for like 45 seconds and there's also just nothing you can do like it's just happening like with a

with a tornado you run in the opposite fucking direction from the tornado right if it's a fucking tsunami you get to higher ground right

if it's like sunny you get into shade it's not you tsunami, you get to higher ground. If it's sunny, you get into shade. But if it's an earthquake, I don't know. You just climb into a weeble? Aye. I don't really know how earthquakes work. I know... It happened when my birthday cake was coming out.

And you said, happy birthday, because that's really funny out Oh aye And you said happy birthday Because that's really funny Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you You're six now, you're old You're actually closer to 40 than you are to 30 Yeah, that actually happened at 35 So you kind of missed the bullet point on that one

Pushing days soon You think I'm going to die? We're all going to die I know but like Spoiler alert Soon Well Mate, I'm hungover Just fucking tender today Kind of just makes me fear my mortality Rydyn ni i gyd yn mynd i'r gwaith. Ychydig yn dda. Ychydig yn dda. Yn gyntaf. Wel.

Mae hynny'n rhywbeth. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda.

Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda.

Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn dda. Mae hynny'n ffwrdd yn d juice it oh god again fuck that was the worst thing about the going to the doctors them charging right

so I get in there and they charge you charge me for the lollipop afterwards charge me for the sticker right it gave me the menu right

try to order a prostate exam he said what for and I'm like fuck you you charge like you're a prostitute right

prostitute right prostitute you would absolutely as a doctor for no just because it'll make you money as an American doctor you'll try and give me things that I don't need

because you'll profit from it right so don't don't be taking the high ground right and you shove your finger up my arse when I fucking pay you to do it or you lose the attitude

this fucking integrity charging a charging a woman to give birth right charging a woman to be birth right charging a woman to be like give her an epidural that costs an extra

three thousand right you're just going to go picked up in an ambulance that costs a whole bunch of money right and then I go oi he's 500 quid shove your finger up my arse

you're like oh it's not ethical suck my balls is that on the menu that's it you'll do what you're told if you're fucking if you're absolutely

watered as well go in for a prostate exam that you don't need and then take the glove off and tell you the results tell you you're fine and all that your wife Go in for a prostate exam That you don't need And then take the glove off And tell you the results Tell you you're fine And all that Your wife needs to cut her nails

And then just go Again And just slide over Another 500 One more time To be sure He was just like He was like

Just take a bunch of Ibuprofen And I was talking about How I was self-medicating With marijuana And he was like Just take loads more That was his joke He was like Just take a bunch more Ibuprofen And I was like about how I was self-medicating with marijuana and he was like just take loads more that was his joke

he was like just take a bunch more ibuprofen and I was like I'm pretty sure and he didn't say eat with it as British doctors do

because take all the meals just some instruction he's just like do more because also if you overdose I'll see you again

woo laughing all the way to the bank baby I don't know how much I trust American doctors because obviously there are good people there are people that want to save lives like of course nobody gets into I don't think anyone much I trust American doctors because obviously there are good people there are people that want to save lives

I don't think anyone that's a doctor here gets into the profession for money, they do it because they're a good person and they want to help the sick and they want to help the elderly, that being said I reckon after a while there's some form of a start profit off it

you know when you go into a garage and you haven't got much knowledge of cars and they can smell it on you so they fucking make MOT way harder I think a lot of the time it's on the insurance they're like it's not really your money

so who gives a shit it's the insurance company I get why they do it but I just I don't understand why he had such a fucking attitude when I asked him

should I have a finger up my arse because he broke my ankle I'm like look I'm having a bad day I'd like it to be better should I have a swig up my arse? He just broke my ankle. I'm like, look, I'm having a bad day. I'd like it to be better. Should I have a swig up my arse? Like, I'm just,

look, I'm not the haggle. And then I'll do, look, I'll put it on the insurance. It's fine. And then I'll do you and we'll quit. We'll call it even. £500 each.

Come on. We'll call it even. I'll get kind of you. We'll get everyone too. It's on the insurance. It's health insurance isn't it Marlene I'm going to be

feeling like oh can you not can you please not tell can you not talk about the fucking prostate exam on the podcast so people know

that you just did it for shits and giggles mind you now that I have talked about it on the podcast that's deductible fuck were we

comedy routine that's what it was did he actually prognose that what right at the end he went I told him fuck were we a comedy routine that's what it was putting more skits didn't you actually prognose that what right at the end you went I told him

as a comedian his face lit up it's the best I've ever seen oh really oh you're spoiled I had an optician that got really

super nervous once when I told him I was a comedian he got all like fucking bashful started shaking he fucking pulled the torch

up my eye he's probably wobbling away he held the torch up my eye I wrapped up I was like oh fuck

two minutes two minutes two minutes I'm gonna wrap this shit up he diagnoses he's like so tonight

I'd say probably sit down for a bit don't put too much weight on it and also maybe just talk about it for five minutes

at the top I was like alright did he say that even the fucking doctor's trying to be I was like save your fucking leg can and the fucking doctor's trying to be I was like save your fucking

leg can and then I knocked him out charged him for it that's why like there's here's the problem

with him here's one of the problems with the Americans right there's just no fucking you can't have

good old honest road rage because somebody might have a fucking gun you can't just yell that can out the window

that you hate him and that you hope his kids die. But do they not think you might have a gun too? So when they're giving you shit... Nah, but some of them do. Are they like, gunfight's a gunfight, we're in the West.

Nah, I just... I just... I think you should be allowed to shoot me as long as you incur the medical bills. But I think it should be medical bills for getting shot I saw I'm going to say

it's worse than a shooting I saw someone throw a Molotov cocktail at another man that was my LA moment we were in East Side Hollywood with Chris Martin

why is it called Molotov cocktail Molotov cocktail I do not know is there a place called Molotov I'm guessing it's like some kind of Russian

wow racist well they deserve it yeah well it doesn't mean that Russia we're coming in

we're coming to Russia I can't wait yeah that's going to be an interesting gig mainly just for the live translation so I drove to we're driving to soccer

alright what about you I played soccer alright with a bunch of Americans. I fucking hate the way Americans talk about football. They call it penalty kicks. Penalty kicks.

They call it penalty kicks. And they call it, they call them PKs. PKs. Because it went to PKs. Oh my God, it's going to be another PK. Oh my God.

No, that was off sides. Oh, it's going to go to PKs. It was off sides. It's going to go to PKs. So there was one off sides. It's never Pluto. You were off sides, buddy. Come on, man. Don'tsides. Oh, it's going to go to PK. It was off-sides. It's going to go to PK. So there was one off-site. It's never Pluto. Off-sides. You were off-sides, buddy.

Come on, man. Don't do that. Even some of them were decent at football, right? But it just sounded like they were just... He's going to take a corner kick. They were just... Halftime. It's just...

They just sound like... They sound like actors being paid to pretend to play football. Uncool dads trying to be done with the kids. Oh, so I heard you guys want to play soccer the weekend. You guys a fan of Tottenham Hotspur? You just want to hear, fucking man on, whip it in. I'm a big fan of Manchester United.

United. Or Manchester City. I'm a big fan of all of them. Los Angeles Galaxy who's the Hotspurs oh man I love that Eden Haggard

yes I played I played football for the penalty kick sorry you just do it I'm hiding an American accent I'm quite enjoying it they do

again here's the thing whenever I shout at Americans I do want them to know I do really like it you're not like Australia where I genuinely think

our country's shite Molotov cocktail why do you not want to talk about this why is this not noteworthy to you why is this just a dull story

that you just want to brush over somebody had a bottle of gasoline had a rag in the end lit the rag I watched him light the rag, I was pretty casual about it,

actually, it was Saturday, Chris was just chatting away, and I went, is that dude lighting a Molotov cocktail? And Chris was like, fuck, hell yes,

when was he throwing that at? And I looked, and he threw it, at another man, and he had a thought like, you toss it underarm, like, you have to toss it,

because imagine, you can't just go overarm it, because you pour it, that magazine picture makes no sense, I guess you could... You have to toss it... Because imagine like you can't just like go to overarm it... Otherwise that magazine picture makes no sense. I guess you could, you have to like keep it upright. You can't fucking underarm it. You can't like... It's got to stay upright. That's not rebellion. It's got to stay upright.

Like a fucking softball pitcher. You can't overarm it. Your wrist's at the wrong angle for an overarm because you can't just pour it on yourself. You can't hold it by the neck of the bottle. Stuff the neck fucking better. You can't underarm... Stuff the neck better. It can't hold it by the neck of the bottle stuff the neck fucking better stuff the neck better it's a fucking rag in the neck of a bottle of fuel right if you are under arm throwing it at the throat you under arm through it I'm just calling the fight

I'm just calling the fight if you under arm throw a molotov cocktail it's underwhelming it's like under arm throwing a grenade like a shite so he underarm through it right it landed at the feet

of this guy who just kind of like jumped back it's like firing a gun with your pinky up you can't fucking underarm pitch a Molotov cocktail

like it's just not acceptable it's just not Timo Rohn isn't it it doesn't it doesn't fit it doesn't fit the look it's like underarm

bowling a shot putt it's like under a bowl in a shop it's like where the fuck are you going so you're under a bowl in a Molotov cocktail smashed at the guy's feet the flames just spread

across the floor like I guess with a Molotov it's like it's supposed to go through a window it's supposed to smash on the carpet

and light other things on fire it's supposed to go through a car window and like on the pavement we've all played Grand Theft Auto

we know what Molotov Cocktail is yeah but like he just it was it wasn't what he had planned because the man just jumped back

and then put it out with his feet he didn't even need to do this the dude could have just left that scene he wasn't like he didn't need that spot of pavement

he could have just left and went bug he just casually just put the Molotov off and the guy was like well that's not what I meant from that off and the guy was like well that's not what I meant from that I thought the

guy was going to burn to death. Like what the fuck I do that because part of us wanted to go out and fucking like hold the

guy phone police right and I'm like I'm not getting involved in that feud. Like whatever that dude deserved having

a Molotov thrown at him. Wow victim blaming. Wow sir. Wow. What was he wearing to deserve you fucking bigot you think anyone deserves to have a fucking malta cocktail you don't need you no but not by my standards what did he do by by the person doing it standards like like you don't you don't just do that

out of the blue. Like, that's something where you're like, ah, fuck. Enough is enough. I'm going to set this man on fire.

What do you reckon it is? Is it gasoline? Yeah. Aye. Makes sense. Petrol, as I like to call it. Yeah.

Petroleum. Petroleum. Yeah, and the guy just kind of skulked off and we're like, well, that happened

I bet he's getting fucking roasted by his friends at home he's like yeah no man I tried to get him but fucking

he talked out of the way I said did you throw that underarm huh no it's just when you threw it did you throw it

underarm no why you fucking sissy how do you fucking come across like a sissy throwing a Molotov cocktail? You can't.

When I say throw like a bitch, that's gender neutral. For me, bitch is gender neutral. I know the etymology of it's absolutely not. But I mean it in the sense of, look, hey,

men throw like bitches, women throw like bitches. You can throw like a bitch. Bitch is gender neutral. You've got a bitch throw. You can't under-arm throw a Molotov cocktail. It's unacceptable.

Speaking of throwing a bitch throw. I feel like beating somebody to death with a baseball bat, but holding it like a fucking golf club. Like, are you dead? What's wrong? What else is news? Well, my ankle's broken. Last night I got so fucking drunk,

so me and Natalie, because it was Natalie's last day, she'd come over to visit over. Over July 4th weekend on my birthday. Oh, get back to last night in a minute.

My birthday present of you was class. Aye. It was really sound. Aye. Really sound thing to do that. Oh my goodness, mate. What can I say?

So we went to the strippers. Which was your wife's idea? Which was my wife's idea. Aye. But they didn't take the bras off. Classy. Also didn't take their knickers offppers. Which was your wife's idea? Which was my wife's idea. Right. But they didn't take the bras off. Classy. Also didn't take their knickers off.

It's not like... It was like a... It was like a sexy dance club. Sexy dance club. And they didn't do like private dances. They all just danced on the stage. And my word. People threw like dollars. My word.

They were sexy dancers. They were sexy dancers. They were... They had moves. And they were very good dancers and they were real good athletes on the pool

I'm gonna give them that like it was a genuine a genuine talent and very nice to look at one thing I thought sometimes it's nice to just be a little

bit of a chauvinist yeah like just fucking look at there was one bit which I thought was a bit

off and that's when you throw the dollars like if someone does Like an especially good move You'll see like a bunch More dollars flying in People are like

People just go and get Some change And you just toss dollars Some of these athletes Are doing fucking backflips And they catch themselves On the pole Mid fucking it

Like it was Jailbilly impressive And also they had great tits Yeah So I enjoyed both It's all You really like spread the legs On your face as well

It's feminist But it's also chauvinist At the same time I'm supporting the arts I They're profiting off of my... Supporting single mothers. But you had to crawl around and collect the money off the floor afterwards. I felt like that was a little bit too...

Maybe next week, but it's a bit sexist, I think. Yeah, I think that was a little bit... I think it's a bit okay. I think they should just have a cash Roomba. Huh? A cash Roomba. A cash Roomba? You see the Roomba?

You know the Roombas? The little hoover things the automatic hoovers Chris and Hannah had one at their house that little thing that circled around the little robot thing

so it just goes round and actually hoovers because Americans are so fucking lazy yeah Chris and Hannah's house was the smallest like wow

wow that's not what I meant that's not what I meant oh my god that's not what I meant throwing shade yeah I mean that did come across bad because they've got a lovely flat.

Oh, what a love cunt. They've got a lovely flat in East Hollywood. Wow, you're really making this a lot worse than it was. I just meant for it to have a robot Uber. I see your true colours shining through. I mean, you're making me look like a real dickhead here, Cream. That's why I love you. So don't be afraid.

Turn the dead show. Fucking enough meds for you. Somebody should fix the meds with a weed. Anyway, what else didn't you like about Chris and Hannah's apartments? I'm going to turn this around. Oh, I bet you are. I'm going to turn this right around. Twist it.

Fucking love the dog. It was a room. Oh, I bet you are. I'm going to turn this right around. Twist it. Fucking love the dog. It was a Roomba, I've told you this. Fucking dip it, cunt. It's a Hoover that goes right there. I'm telling you now, I was giving it biscuits and it was eating them. Do you not remember when you rubbed it barely? It didn't move around. You had to turn it around.

But it had wheels, man. It didn't move around. You had to turn it around. It had wheels, man. It didn't jump on my lap. It didn't bark. Kept walking into walls. So what I'm saying is these strippers, not strippers, these sexy athletic dancers should have had a cash room, man.

Right? It just comes out afterwards. It just gets all them up. It would have been more futuristic, wouldn't it? You approached these sexy exotic dancers. I did not, Chris Martin. right it just comes out afterwards gets hold em up and then you will futuristic with it you approached these sexy exotic dancers I did not just Martin evening you approached them all right and said how much for every single last one of you to give him a private dance at once all right I think I was like this my friends and they don't didn't even do private dances but I

would like I would and I would like his neck I would like his neck to smell like your arsehole. And they brought me up on stage and sat me on stage and they really filled my spank bank there. If only I had a visual imagination so I could recall that lovely time I had. Sat on your hands the whole time? That was it.

Chris, they called us up. I didn't know what was happening. They put a chair on stage. They all come on. I was like, ooh, they're all us up, I didn't know what was happening. They called, they put a chair on stage, they all come on, I was like, ooh, they're all out. And then they're pointing to the crowd and looking at me and I was like, who, me? Who, me? And they're like, come on, birthday boy. And then Chris went, happy birthday, mate, patted us on the back and went, don't touch them.

Don't touch the girls. So, yeah, sat on my hands. All right. don't touch the girls so yeah sat on my hands the whole time just so that when I had a two handed wank it felt like

someone else was doing it not touching can't get mad not touching can't get mad not touching can't get horny

in one of them in fact she really liked us she loved me actually she rubbed a boob... A boob? She rubbed a bum on my shoulder. I'm sat in the chair,

and she's rubbing a bum on my shoulder, but then she, like, really pressed down, and it was, like, no longer the fleshy part of her bum and more, like, the bone of her groin. And she just... It was just, like, it was a hot wax, like they used to seal envelopes. And there's, like, a little line of blood, but it wasn't off her.

Oh, she's got a fatty boost. Girl, the friction. And it was real swell. And it's so weird. It was swollen. Yeah, that's what I'm trying to say. I never know what face to do when I'm getting a lap dance. I like Gareth Waugh. What? Does he not know? It's an entire when I'm getting a love dance I like Gareth Waugh

what? does he not know? it's an entire Gareth Waugh routine is that a Gareth Waugh routine? yeah it's an entire Gareth Waugh routine from what year? is that old? fucking like two years ago

is it? wow oh it's you today well I just I mean I like because I'm happy so I want to like smile in that

but it's a little bit fucking glaky isn't it to just be like beaming with me pussy this is literally Gareth Waugh's entirety is it? well it's my life bit fucking glaky isn't it to just be like beaming with see pussy is it well it's my life experience so

he's stepping on that he doesn't fucking listen anyway no he doesn't fuck him fuck him doesn't listen Elliot listens because Elliot's sad

I would do one of his routines if it wasn't any good so because Elliot's sad I would do one of his routines if it was any good so and you can't you can't do like the biting your lip thing is this literally what he does because you can't do the like

oh raunchy and now you can't see me face on the podcast I know you can't bite your lip but you especially can't bite their ones

she bends over and you're like how actually yeah I spotted Natalie I know you especially cut up like there once. She bends over and you're like, how? Actually, yeah, I spotted Natalie looking at us like watching over us and I just brought a grin and look at her and I'm like,

I'm so sorry while taking off my wedding ring. It was her idea. Yeah. She was like, I don't know, it'd be so funny if that was literally just a test. Yeah, there's some women that do that.

They're not even just a woman, there's some women that do that they're not even just some women there's some men that do that yeah there's some people as partners set up traps for the girlfriends

you had a previous girlfriend I believe who would give you a hard time for that behind closed doors after styling it out and looking like best girlfriend in the world

absolutely that's what aye I'm so cool I'm so great in public oh my god it's 4.20 I should absolutely

blaze it yeah I'm injured you've'm so great in public oh my god it's 4.20 I should absolutely please it yeah I'm injured you've got a gig coming up aye you've got to entertain your people which one's that

when did you get that one point of the day at the vape aye just in the way that I went what a lovely you can paint

how cunted Natalie was on 4th of July no oh yeah we took that I keep calling dispensaries suppositories, by the way.

It's just in there. It's like, I've so many times I was like, oh, we went to the weed suppository. Like, you put what up your bum?

If people expect that, I would do that as well. I would expect you to fucking shelf a joint. Yeah, so we went and then we got some edibles and we got some edibles

and we got some spliff, some pineapple express. And they were like, just take this small 10 milligram one or smoke this one. And Natalie, who doesn't smoke weed, was like, oh, let's just do both of them. Right, and as we left, because we had to go to the shop to get some booze to go to the 4th of July party.

Chris and Hannah's lovely flat. Their small flat. Lovely flat. No, it is flat around the pool with a nice dog which I like that dog Roomba I have explained this

and just before we left and I was like shit I'm not ready for the great outdoors as high as I was I was that's a professional weed smoker

I am not ready for the great outdoors I'm not in the right fucking headspace to go into a shop and negotiate buying alcohol Natalie just went

shall we have another spliff before we go just like it called both out and two toxic men were like sure

I guess so and then she just couldn't cope with reality for the rest of the day aye she did

my favourite favourite moment for me. Aye. When I was like, she was outside the pool, she was handling the breath of the george, I think just, when you're too high, it's all in your own head,

and you think everyone else knows that you're handling it poorly. You just get fucking paranoid about it. But you suddenly just realise that nobody else gives a shit, and also it's your own. Anyway, I'm at the pool,

and I'm trying to bring her back, and I'm like, Natalie, what book are you reading at the moment? She's like, oh, I think it'd be a I'm trying to bring her back and I'm like Natalie what book are you reading at the moment? She's like oh I think it'd be a I think it'd be a book that you would absolutely love and I was like oh great love a good book recommendation

what's it about? She was like oh honestly you'd love it so it's about this dentist and that's as far as the description went and I was like and then what?

She's like oh that's as far as I've got and I'm like I'm sorry you fucking love a dentist I can't stay awake. I've had a blowjob on the dentist. Did he say ah? No, he did. You've had a blowjob on the dentist? In the chair? No, no. And then did she swill her mouth out with blue rinse? no no

and then they just swill their mouth out with blue rinse from my blue balls so we were around the pool high as fuck which was more weird when we got there too

because LA and I was just beyond like Natalie was fucking Natalie had malfunctioned she'd just grown to a halt she was basically just telling people look I'm too high

I'm too high. I'm sorry. She made the right decision. To just keep her mouth shut. And also of not smoking anymore. You and I, because we talked masculinely, then proceeded to. So then I'm sat fucking by the pool, struggling to hold my reality together. And a dude comes down.

It's like, hey, I don't know if anyone can help my fridge is just leaking it's pissing water out the back or something right can anybody help and me just went yep go on then and I stood up and I started

following this guy and I was like I have got no experience with plumbing fixing fridge I don't know why you had his fridge

plumbed in do you plumb in a fridge it was what I pissed out but anyway I get there there's this like small pipe

that was just like spraying like you know when you bite like a corner of a water balloon but it doesn't burst and it like pissing out but anyway I get there there's this like small pipe that was just like spraying like you know when you bite like a corner of a water balloon but it doesn't burst and it like pisses out it was going out like that

and he tried wrapping stuff around was the apartment also small? it was massive like Chris and Hannah's are you making this look like a dick?

it was just a nice apartment but I was just saying that was just saying too small for needing a Roomba you know like wow

so lazy. Wow. Jesus Christ, man. You've come on here with a fucking... You're making us look like a real jerk here. You're a spin doctor? No. Spin doctor's over here charging you.

Anyway, so you know this is one thing that you're on obviously you're too high to fix the fridge so I'm waking up and I go so what's happening and he was like

oh the fridge is just leaking he's explaining it and I get into his room and I was like so what do you expect I just went so what do you expect me to do and he was like

oh I just thought the way he stood up and followed us I thought he might have some up and followed us, I thought you might have some knowledge of just me and this dude in this apartment. No, that's what being a bloke is. This is me and a dude in an apartment.

What being a bloke is, is not if you know what the problem is. You stand around, you look at the problem, and you just, you theorise. And all I remember, though, is... If you don't know anything about cars, car breaks down, you look at the... Like, I've no idea why, when my car breaks down, why I left the bonnet up, as if I'm going to suddenly know how to fix a car, or what an engine does. But every time without when my car breaks down why I lift the bonnet up as if I'm going to suddenly know how to fix a car or what an engine does

but every time without fail car breaks down open up the bonnet and I'm like there's a thing I know nothing about yeah

like what's the best thing you've done with a car I can change a tyre I've changed like I'm a I'm a man I've changed brakes

discs and pads in bed no I couldn't do that. In the car, Buzz. I can probably, with a little bit of help of Google, I would know how to jumpstart a car. I've done that before. And the bravest people I ever met were the people

that got in my car after I changed the brakes. Oh, are you? It's like, wow. Was this the car that you crashed in your metro lunch? Was it, by any chance? No. No, it wasn't. It actually wasn't.

It was me and my two alright name dropper snazzy snazzy wee whip that one no one's ever said wee and whip together that's a google whack

wee whip wee whip wee whip I like the word whip it's for car oh well I don't have any other ones apart from car

What other names you got for them? What? You know you got like, what do you call your car? Like your ride, your wheels Kicks are your shoes, aren't they? Sweet kicks. Nah you wouldn't call your car your kicks. Oh I might do what I want What's going on then? I will. Crack on. I will. Try and stop me. I'm not going to try and stop you. I'm fucking going to encourage you. Good. I'm going to try and reinforce it.

I'm going to try and make it stick. Brilliant. I don't know why we're having this conversation in this tone. It's actually quite a nice exchange. Maybe you'd rather be so aggressive, will you? Oh, no, man. I think it's so funny to attach the wrong emotions to saying nice things. Like, saying nice things while pretending to be livid is very funny,

but also saying horrific things while smiling. I think it's a nice little funny juxtaposition. It just oozes with sarcasm, doesn't it? Even if you don't mean the sarcasm. Oh, none of these cunts are here to get sarcasm. They are just... When they get it, the look on their face, when they realise that the thing you said, you didn't mean it was sarcasm like they are just when they get it like the look on their face when they realise

when they realise the thing you said you didn't mean it with sarcasm they get like a proper little oh my god I got that joke

man they get so they're adorable Americans proper adorable I think my balls just dropped come on don't just charge me over here I'm afraid balls dropping charging for puberty I think my ball's just dropped Come on mate Don't just charge it over here

If my ball's dropping Charge it for puberty Got it Cash in on everything That's the American way I spent Accidentally Spent

Accidentally Spent $80 On a pair of shorts That happened That's the most LA thing you've ever done I'm from LA now I'm from here You're Kelly on a pair of shorts. That happened. It's the most LA thing you've ever done. I'm from LA now. Why?

I'm from here. You're Kelly. So, yeah, I needed some shorts. I left them in a hotel because that's what I do with shorts. I leave them everywhere which is why I don't

spend fucking money on them. And ever since you got those comments shouting at you from those builders, you don't jog in your jorts anymore? No. They knocked you confidently?orts anymore it's too

hot here at the drug in my onesie and your string vest pretty off-color remarks about it mm-hmm yeah you're not the coach see yeah me wrong me wrong but you're jogging so when I went it's got pockets by the way TK Maxx is called TJ Maxx here that's very pro-evo isn't it no relation pro-evo pro-evo

names of shops alright so I went into H&M which is called H&N over here yep and

there was only swim shorts so I went ooh sports shop over the road just thought it was like a JD sports

or something like that it's called Equinox they call it Equinox but they're call it Equinox. But they're American, so you can say it for us if we said it wrong. Do you know Americans don't say Z? They say Z, but they don't know that we say Z and mean Zed.

So if we say Zed, like the letter Zed. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O. L, M, N, O. P, Q, R, S, T, U, E, W, X, Y, and Z. Z, they say Z. They say Z. But if we say Zed. Zed. What's Zed?

If I'm spelling, I'll say Zed. I'm supposing they'll get it in the context if you're spelling something. Mind you, you wouldn't say, I want to get a couple of Zeds. Catch some Zeds. I want to get a couple of Zeds. You'd say Zed lists celebrity. No offence. Zed list sounds weird.

No offence. Wow. I said no offence. I said no offence. I said no offence Z-list sounds weird no offence wow I said no offence I said no Z-list World War Z World War Z I call it World War Z

that's a great book I thoroughly recommend that book too any podcasts about dentists does it well you know it involves teeth and biting that's listening to you well it involves teeth and biting

that's close enough to me so the movie World War Z shouldn't have been called World War Z because it had nothing to do with

the actual fucking book in the same way that the movie Wanted there was no reason for the movie Wanted to be called

Wanted there's another brilliant comic book recommendation for you if you're not web wanted I think I did that on the Nick Cody

podcast nonetheless the Wanted movie nonetheless the wanted movie is the one with the comic book the character is actually based on Eminem because Mark Millar

knew he was a big fucking comic book fan I bet I could get to read it it's wanted the one where Angelina Jolie bends bullets aye

and it's got nothing to do with books in the books it's basically the concept of the books is fucking excellent and it's basically like the 1970s

all the supervillains because every superhero has got like five supervillains right so they just realised basically like the 1970s all the supervillains, because every superhero's got like five supervillains, right, so they just realised that they massively outnumbered the supervillains the superheroes, so they all banded together, killed all the superheroes and that's what comic books are, comic books are just the sort of history, it's the

evil villains way of just you know, letting the, oh yeah, because they also deleted the memory of every one of the superheroes and the only thing that exists is the comic books, it's very very good it's very memory of every one of Super Hero's and the only thing that exists is the comic books it's very very good it's very very funny

one of the bad guys in it is called Shithead and he's made up of the shits of the 666 most evil people

in history that sounds a bit silly though it's not it's dark as shit but saying that comic books do a good job of making it work

because I remember finding out that the Preacher comics had a character of making it work because I remember finding out that the Preacher comics had a character called Arseface because he had a face that was an arse but then when you get

his origin story and you get the humour behind it it makes a lot of fucking sense and you're like oh right actually that's quite

fucking funny comic books are childish when you try to describe them when you actually fucking read them I remember being on the train once and I'm sat reading

the fucking Walking Dead which are brutal comics yeah I remember the woman who told me about this this woman across the down with her

nine year old kitchen she's like maybe if you ask the man nicely he'll let you read

his comic I'm like man there's like a sexual assault scene isn't there is that not was it not

Walking Dead book seven or something where she the governor wakes up with his cock nailed to a

plank of wood kneeling on a plank of wood with his cock nailed to a plank of wood kneeling on a plank of wood with his cock nailed to it and a spoon up his ass and she pulls the spoon out of his ass and then takes his eyeball out with the same

shit covered spoon and the man was like the man might like you read his comic book if you ask him nicely anyway so that's a good comic book and then also

the World War Z is an excellent book. It's basically it's in like four parts and it's like when the zombie apocalypse is starting, when it's happening and the aftermath of it, but done from like the collection and the viewpoints of seven different people

it's like somebody has survived the zombie apocalypse and they're collecting all the stories, so it's a bunch of short stories about, it's bloody bunch of short stories about things. It's bloody brilliant. I'm not going to recommend it. On it. What were we talking about before I got distracted by the letter Z?

I'm sure there was like an... Equinox. Yeah, buying the shorts. So I didn't realise shorts could be that expensive. So I go in, I get mugged by two attendants that work there, two of the store attendants. And they're like, just holding them up

and do you want these ones and these have got this and these have got a zip for your keys and they're just like, just being American, I just thought like, oh, it's not often you get like a caddy in a shop because there's no one here.

They've just been helpful. But it was like, but they were like trying to secure a sale. I didn't realise that the fucking, it was a high-end brand. Because they work on commission because this is the country of capital. And I didn't know that the fucking it was a high end brand because they work on commission because this is the country of capital

and I didn't know the price until they scanned them through and they fucking scanned through and it said 80 dollars and I was far too British to just go

I just just died a little bit inside because they're now the most expensive fucking item of clothing I've got I'm going to frame them

and put them above my bed there's some fucking places here, right, where they've got that fucking attitude, which I think is a shocking attitude.

You go, how much is this? And they go, if you have to ask, you can't afford it. I'm like, oh, man, can you just fucking

burn your shop down, you fucking lunge? Yeah, if I was a fucking... Like, man... If I was a multi-millionaire, I wouldn't want to be wasting fucking money on superficial shit.

That's why I like millionaires. Like, Bill Gates. Billionaires are just like, aye, I live a normal fucking life. Wear a pair of New Balance shoes. And just fuck it. And before any fucking Apple wanks, I'm like, oh, Steve Jobs was good. No, he wasn't. You fucking morons.

He died because he used alternative medicine. And he got the alternative result. Da-da-da-da-da-da-death. I want to turn this into a fucking proper American radio station. B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-brutal. You ever

seen the fucking disc jockeys over here? Disc jockeys? Oh, man, the fucking Americans. Is it like, the radio stations are exactly like they are on Grand Theft. That's great. You think it's a fucking parody, but it's just real. Come over here. Oh, man, I've been on so many radio shows

where they have legitimate sound effects boards, and you're like, are we all 11 years old? Like, this is... It's like they've got a fart machine. That being said, we were in a Matthew Mercer of the Matthew Mercer thing. His car yesterday

is a fucking Tesla you can make it part yeah he's got he's got like a like a TV screen the size of a TV screen it's not just like a little monitor is it

it's bigger than an iPad 15 inch or something and so he had it set to like like a log fire for a bit when he was driving along

and then he brought up this thing which was just like a planned view of the seating situation of the car in every seat that he pressed on it made a whoopee cushion lies from underneath your ass that's the best feature i've ever seen in a car i'm like that's that's that's how you sell that car to me you don't talk about mileage you don't talk about non-sexy you go i want a car right we got one that farts i'm like sold and he like he was he was chatting away at the car as well

and then just fucking kind of just turned around and started making eye contact while he was driving like whoa whoa watch the road dude he's like self driving car

it's so amazing I mean obviously your hands still sort of I think you're still meant to watch the road oh yeah but it was it was fucking great

didn't he switch lanes as well switch lanes he switched he very much did it the way I would do it which is like you sort of let lanes as well switch lanes he switched like he he did he very much did it the way I would do it which is like you sort of let yourself drive but your hands are like

ready beside like teaching a kid how to ride a bike exactly that it's like you're letting go but only technically like you're ready

at any fucking moment to have on it but you know what this is a country where the people people will just fucking absolutely not give a shit

they'll just let things change lanes yeah somebody they lower the fucking mood a bit somebody died on the road outside the bar we were in the other day

we didn't see any of it so we didn't have the fucking PTSD I wonder if I could get PTSD with aphantasia I might be immune to it but somebody got squished

in the car somebody somebody got squished on their bike I'm thinking man just the fact you were saying sorry to darken the tone this is a very somber moment squished in the car. Somebody gets squished on their bike. Man, just the fact, you were sitting there like, sorry it's a darkened tone, this is a very sombre moment and then you use the word squished. I got squished! I got squished to death!

You got squished up against a car, a parked car. You can't describe it. By a driving car, just, yeah, she got squished. She got squished, she got stood on, didn't she? Yeah, she did. Did somebody. She got stood on, didn't she? Yeah, she did. And then... Did somebody make her go... We got... Swatting her.

Swatting her against the car. Just trying to let go. Just trying to cheer myself up. I'm glad. Pretty sad. So sad. Yeah, if you're lucky you'll cry. Well, she used practically automatic

pain to describe someone's death and we got police taped into the bar we did and Chris got police taped at the other side

of the street right so he Chris has a small Chris house so he was just like I can't get out of the bar

it's police taped and we looked at the bar door and we were police taped in and then Molly and I were texting we got in there I'm locked out can you come back with and we looked at the bar door and we were police taped in and then Molly and I were texting we're locked out

can you come back with the keys we're like sorry we're police taped into a bar it just looked like we'd be dicks I've got to

stay here and drink they're making me police orders police orders police orders you don't mess with the cops in this country so I've got a drink

good luck sitting on the stoop and the person whose car was parked turned up to the scene, apparently, this is we heard the story from Chris, and complained about the car. Like, oh God,

is my car damaged? Aye. Like that. That's horrible. That was quite LA, wasn't it? Aye. That's the dark side of LA that you see. I think it's the dark side of America

because it's like, you know. Death's normalised a little bit it's normalised and also like some of this stuff is you know they just have guns here so they're used to shooting

so that's a normal thing over here they're used to paying for bills for medical bills like it's you know it's just a little bit there's a lot of

homeless people here they don't seem to give a shit about that yeah there is uh huh there's actually Skid Row's a real thing, apparently.

There's like, Skid Row. That's what I'm saying about America. America isn't the greatest country in the world, it's just the best. One thing I do, the camp out,

the homeless people have got tents. Right. And do the tents not get moved on? Because I don't see tents everywhere else. Like, you know,

in London and Sydney and stuff like that, you don't see homeless people in tents. And I feel like they're a bit more accommodating with homeless people. If there's someone in a tent for days, they're not just moving them on. Well, they're accommodating in the sense they're like,

all right, we're not going to make you move your fucking tent. Well, mind you, they definitely do. There's some parts of the town where you're 100% not allowed to be fucking homeless, and we've just not seen it yet. I guarantee you that fucking happens. But also, just because they're accommodating that's not good we're like yeah of course you can stay here like they're not offering to fix it it's still shite yeah also um sorry to say but we're obviously going to dad jokes i'm on my phone's through my room oh i'll keep my phone out of it oh, fuck you, come on, I'll carry you through. I can't, I can't at my age.

I'll carry you through then, come on, in me arms. In me arms, I'll take you for your phone. No, no, no, come on. Tell me you can't get in. I'll talk about two dates, I'll get, eh, how do you get your internet out? Well, don't get the internet out when I'm doing a podcast. Why? I don't know, I just, like, I worry that it's going to go awful.

I don't know. Shut up. Oh my god, your number one thing is Pornhub. Learn about in private browsing I've not even typed in I've not I've not even I've not even typed in

www and it's already like he's gone for a whine so it's super convenient it's really convenient like look on my phone you know as soon as you

go to the internet I've got it as a saved icon there Jesus look hold on oh man right so DA

and then it comes up Daily Mail UK you fucking bigot oh I haven't been on that oh well you've never been on my website apparently fucking plastic

it's Daniel Willingdon do you know but apparently you're a bigger fan of him than you are of me snake are you going to do a fucking tour

I've got to do you a favour get your phone you fucking ungrateful bitch do yourself a favour and lose the fucking iTunes where is it where is it it's on the where was it Get your phone! You fucking ungrateful bitch! Do yourself a favour and lose the fucking iTunes. Where is it?

Where is it? It's on the... Where's the fucking bed? Oh, shut the fuck up, man! It's through in the... It's on the right-hand side of the bed. What? Oh, my God. Fucking...

Honestly. People don't know. Oh, you know what, mate? You're just fucking showing off in front of your fucking mates who give it big legs acting hard

alright you and I are on tour em and we tomorrow we are going to be in

oh fucking you're in that shite on your computers alright so we're going to be in San Francisco on July 10th

July 11th in Phoenix Arizona on July 12th we're going to be in San Francisco on July 10th July 11th in Phoenix Arizona on July 12th we're going to be in San Diego California and then 13th Boulder Colorado

and then on July 14th Salt Lake City in Utah then Minneapolis on the 17th then we're in Massive Apple Leafs

on the oh and I would like to apologise to everyone in Minneapolis all the dates are on the

well surely the bigapolis is New York yeah good one thank you I'm a very funny man the rest of the dates

are on dinosaurs.com come to those shows please because otherwise we won't come back and fuck you then so if the shows

aren't sold out you're fucked technically it's all on you alright Kai let me tell you a couple of things

about your father tell me something I don't know your dad wears bowling shoes on dates he turns up to the bowling alley

he's like Steve got a big date tonight give me some size 7's shine them up and make them bright that's cold

that's worse your dad's got size seven feet whoa makes you feel dirty oh let's talk about

that we'll make sure going the wrong way round a roundabout oh my god I was close

I was so in America first of all they don't they don't have that many roundabouts in America because

every American is the worst driver that ever fucking lived. And especially in California. I've had to drive Daniel everywhere because he fucking stubbed his toe. Broken ankle, sir. And going around the wrong way around a fucking roundabout. It's like walking up an escalator. It just feels dirty. Yeah, like an off escalator.

What's the other thing as well? Automatic gear sticks are like that too. You reach for it. Oh, like the one in our car. It's just got a wee dial for it. It's a dial? It's a fucking gear dial? Like a fucking disc jockey.

I know Cody listens to this. I want to throw Cody under the bus. Does he do it? He does a routine, doesn't he? Trying to justify using automatics. Aye. Aye. Nah.

I'm not getting away with that, mate. Cody's point is people who drive... Why don't we just get a bike with wood gears now? He would, though. So Cody's joke is basically that it's just oh people who drive oh my god

you drive automatic you drive automatic that's so disgusting oh why don't you just turn your own button nah stretch

absolute stretch not getting away with that mate nah I think it's just showing the ease it's like it's driving

with the bumpers up right you're bowling bowling with your bumpers up you don't fucking come on it's a little bit like getting into the pool right

realising you can't swim doing doggy paddle and then trying to justify that doggy paddle's better than the swimming technique that everybody else is using you're just like why don't you

I'll just do this you fuck it shut up Cody learn how to drive properly learn how to drive properly like an adult learn how to drive you're a textbook man in so many ways,

and you cannot get away with it. I just missed the mic. Right. Go. Your dad applied for the job of the teddy bear and caught that children point at. Your dad blows his nipples when they get too hot. Your dad always wishes for a slice of cake when he blows the candles out

and it never happens because he tells everyone his wish. Your dad customises his jorts with glitter and cotton wool. Your dad always sends handwritten replies to every letter he receives, even if it's a bank statement or a pizza menu. Your dad takes dick pics on time-lapse. You slowly watch it go down.

A homeless man asked your dad for some change so he reached deep in his pocket, rummaged around a little

bit and pulled out his middle finger. Very funny don't you? Your dad watches Mario Brothers incest

porn. Oh no. Bye. No. It's a me, Mario. Yes, you your dad watches Mario Brothers incest porn I know bye no it's a me Mario yes you fucking get in your brother man

your dad only Eskimo kisses on the first date because he's not a slut well man of honour your dad told

your sister she's like the sad he never had your dad slaps L plates on like the sad he'd ever had. Your dad slapped L plates on every Uber that he gets into and he sits in the front seat with a clipboard giving unsolicited instructions to the driver. Your dad's childhood crush was Margaret Thatcher. Kept saying, wish she'd snatched my milk if you know what I mean.

Don't you dare. Loved her, big fan. Got a tattoo of her. You took a joke too far too far mate your dad said if his son was at home crying all alone

on the bedroom floor because he's hungry he'd sleep with a man for a little bit of money man of honour do anything you can do anything you can but also dad

I don't think that was I don't think that should be your first option yeah I did 28 at 28 you make your own money and you're in this bedroom and you're like I'm hungry dad

take a dig I'll be honest with you dad why don't you ask if I want to get something to eat first before you start going and noshing off every stranger

yeah I'm fucking quick to the front door aren't you with a coat how about next time you order pizza you don't fuck the guy when he comes to the door

you just give him the pizza that's the bar or something Martin the Martyr your dad give him the pizza. Ask the borough something. Martin the Martyr. Your dad thinks farts are ghosts of the animal he's eating leaving the body. Ah, that's cute.

I like that. He's just like, oh, mini exorcism. That's good. That would be a fun thing to tell your children. They force feed them meat. Your dad tried to kill himself

by jumping off a bridge but he just fell like a feather Your dad shoves Maltesers up his bum And then puts them out to convince people that he's half-rabbit Your dad said that he doesn't need his armpits So he just grouted over them Your dad drives an automatic Oh my god

Your dad got chased by a police dog and he just picked it up and ran off with it now he's selling a dog that's just a 999 turns out it was just a room hoover

room bus room bus yeah after the credits, eh? Here we are. Here we still are, like a Marvel comic, a Marvel movie. You know, just pressed up. Got anything else left to give, content-wise?

How much? I'm just checking my phone now. No, do you want to... You're just chilling out and enjoying the rest of your day? Aye. Yeah, the people are still here. People are still listening, you know Aye Aye, they should have just

Knocked it off Aye, I think Why are you still here? Go away Go away This is not This can't I've got to get on

I've got to go Oh, wow I'll add that To my list of things That I don't give a shit about Wow Right I'm going to end this

So I can say some Stern words to you Aye, fuck you As soon as this ends I'm going to end this so I can say some stern words to you alright as soon as this ends I'm going to give you a piece of my mind Melvin Stokes

pick of the fridge what why didn't you just pick up on penguin he was fucking calling me you got a stutter there

fucking rain anchor gates oh wow Chris is a small house. Delete that. Delete that. Oh, well, good.

Your girlfriend's name is...