Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Viva Uber Eats (Ft. Tony Carroll)

Episode Date: February 1, 2025

Legend of 'Hot Water's Green Room' podcast Tony Carroll enters Scotland for the first time with his harem of Scouse lads on his UK tour, after Kai went to see his show the night before and ended up jumping on, the boys talk all things comedy, debauchery and making enemies. Tony leaves his dad to tackle his haters while Kai fends off Tommy Robinson's minions.

Sloss and Humphreys on the road! Muggins and cream, cream and muggins, straight thuggin, livin' the dream That's our intro Fuckin' muggles! Tickling the clit inside your head to make you laugh Woohoo! Ha ha ha! They said it can't be done!

Are we in the same seats? That's hack! Ah, muggles! Accidental rim job in the park Kiss kiss kiss Or a magic boot cynical Muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglipedia Where have you been since 9-11?

Tony Carroll, welcome to Scotland. Thank you very much. It's my first time. First time across the border. It is, yeah. How would that feel? Yeah, it's good. It is, yeah.

Glasgow is very similar to Liverpool, to be honest. Aye, yeah. Isn't it? Just like... Not scenic-wise, I mean like... People. Aye, I've always said Newcastle, Liverpool, Glasgow, a little bit of Sheffield actually. Yeah. Them industrial towns Belfast as well Belfast and industrial time towns with like regional dialect

Yeah, their own little language going on. Yeah, and everyone just loves the party. I Was mad I was gonna ask you that actually did you got enough tacos? Yeah Yeah, we're gonna have to see if people are watching this non-arrage small on erosion there in the background of the podcast. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're touring, right? You're moving as a unit. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's been unbelievable. It's been fair. First debut tour. So I've sold out everywhere up to now. Smashing it now. Well, last night I said, obviously you popped down. So Monday night, sat in the crowd now. I loved it. And that man coming to see me pals. Like I, it's, it's nice being in Glasgow because like a lot of people pass through the Glasgow stand.

So I've sat in, watched Glenn Wall, watched SL, watched Chris Kent. Like when people come through that, I mean me to me, I was just like the guy in the and just sit in the crowd and like remember I love watching comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it meant to get in. You smashed it last night mate, congrats. Thanks for having me, thank you very much. I enjoyed it. But like I said, I was made up to get you on me, you know what I mean? It was a pleasure to have you on and you've used it.

And Tommy Kehoe's class now, first time. First he's hungover in the background there. His first night in Glasgow. Do you know what was funny though, last night, when we were at the bar and Tom was on, he's just, he got like a applause break, and then after he just went, so Glasgow, did you have a good Christmas?

Aye. And just no one said anything. Fucking silent. He just went, no then. And I didn't, I couldn't figure out what it was because I was laughing so hard, the fucking lot over the four were laughing. Yeah. Right, because the crowd as well,

when they realised how much they'd just give you the silent treatment, right, they just, they died laughing at their response to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I didn't celebrate Christmas in Scotland. It's an English holiday. Yeah. You fucked it. I don't know if it was they just what the fuck? Do you have a good Christmas? It's fucking, it's fucking wonderful. It's fucking wonderful.

We were fucking dying at that, but the crowd, the crowd was so fun and all. You've got, you know, isn't that nice, right? You know, finding out your audience's sound. Yeah, yeah. Because you could draw in any fucking, it wouldn't have come. I think as I was like doing the sort of stuff I got back like two years ago, started writing, it wasn't wrote basically,

it's pretty much as you see last night, it's all my life stories. And I've lived a fucking bad life. I lived a bad life, you know, I was a nightclub manager for 10 years, you can imagine the party situation, beer and stuff, 80%, 90% of that, that's the whole hour is true.

But obviously after that, it's not true. You can tell it's true, because you put all the other little bits in it, that might not be like the fucking fastest route of a punch lane what a lie would be Yeah, you put all the bits in that like I'd add credit to the story So when you get to the punch lane that laughs louder because the fucking then are that You validated it by like leaving all the little bits in and it's class I fucking loved it like because that's the good thing when you're listening to the story and you you know it to be true

Yeah, it's the best. Well, I think everyone just said to me like the message after the show all the shows Newcastle standing I was just like I opened up a little pool hot water And then I thought you can't get anything in the night your hometown gig. I went to Newcastle. I was like I'm special proud of my city for that Special and Glasgow last night as I say, it was a Monday night, you know the minutes back in the January one tonight It was fucking special. I'm proud of my city for that. Yeah. Yeah. It was special. It was really special. Glasgow last night as I say, it was a Monday night, do you know what I mean? It's back in the January, Monday night.

And you're thinking, you know, a way fix you for me. 300 miles away from home. I think it's going to be tough. And last night I was fucking great that last night. Yeah. Yeah. What I like about Glasgow, right, is it doesn't matter what sort of stuff you're doing, whether it's filth, whether it's dark and edgy, whether it's silly, whether it's dark and edgy whether that's silly whether that's whimsical

Whether that's intelligent like as long as it's funny. They're laughing. Yeah, they're like they're like funny's funny We don't would even have like a like a favorite type of comedy. We're gonna hear you out. And if it's funny, we're gonna laugh Yeah, yeah Yeah, I think all that time you mentioned like the one they don't say I was have good gigs in I think it's cuz relatable stuff It's like I want and what I talk about, I'm not trying to promote it or anything like that. I know there's people who have tough times with parties and stuff like that,

but people have been in them situations. I see people in the car, like, got knocked on the meter or something. I do think of my escorts. I was gonna bring that up actually, because you're doing stuff that's so shameful, you wouldn't lie about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, yeah, you're wearing your soul when you're that honest, it wouldn't be fucking nice. You see yeah, you're wearing your soul when you're that honest about it. You're fucking, that's my giveaway. Because you see, at the start of what I'm saying, I'm like, why are we doing this? You're like, why are we doing this? You know what I mean? That's true, yeah.

And then fucking get the escort, I didn't want to give away bits of your jokes. Oh yeah, oh, yeah. But fucking getting the escort to pick up cigarettes on the way to your hotel room was so fucking, just so, so, so true as well. It's so funny because it's so shameful. Yeah.

Your night's gone that bleak. You know, you're not willing to leave the hotel room. You're going to end up in Sarah Pasco's book. You know, if you start using prostitutes as Uber eats. I just say with the, like the, but the-Core thing, like last night I said, does anyone know what Viva Street is? Cause that's obviously. Oh, and a bunch of lads with our girlfriends guy.

Oh, no, no. He was, he was, he was an old. Do you want me to explain what Viva Street is? He was an old couple on like the second row. I've seen him like, oh yeah, his wife was just looking at him and it was just so funny. She's knocking into him and he's just messing with him. it was just so funny. She's knocking him too and he's just messing you. It was just class weight, it was really good. Because I got no one here as damning as that was for that bloke.

But I felt you in the stairs on this trip as I spoke about on the last podcast, so I'm not going there again. But I just looked at a lad and I was like, you know when the stairs going down into Blue Velvet and he just nodded along and his last just looked at him like... It's clearly like he's fucking me. Have you seen the people who go round with the, on like YouTube and stuff and they go

who's this person? It's like a famous porn star. Like there's, so he goes up to couples and they go do you recognise this person? Like oh yeah. They're like how do you know about that you know me? Cause it's a porn star. I never understand them relationships mate. Like I didn't think I've ever been out with anybody that for a second thinks I wouldn't go out the strip as I watch porn yeah yeah there's lads that are just living this like life as if they're some kind of monk yeah but I don't get the stripper thing though because I used to be a frequent user I used to be a frequent user I used to I used to like

go and just for a drink yeah it's. It's a waste of money. Exactly. It is a waste of money, like, and especially, you know, especially if you've gone last night, like, it just doesn't make any sense really. There's not many people in the world who's funny, I wouldn't look at for 20 quid. Someone come up into the street, went 20 quid, you'd look at me funny.

I'd start rubbing you in my pockets. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm inquisitive and curious more than anything. Yeah. I just think why would you go with the strippers? If you just go, you know what I mean? If you want, if you, if you're single and you want to, you want to, you want to shag, you sort of, best just go and get this going. It was, it was, we had the, because when we went in January, it was just because we'd

done the gig, we'd been to Lady Grey's, we're back at the hotel where night wasn't over, but it was over and we're like well be up and it I always think it's a good pain it's a good pain it's a good point because you're gonna get a comfy seat yeah there's been an old man here you're gonna get a comfy seat the music will be on at a volume but you can still talk or hear each other right and the only thing is it needs to be kind of busy otherwise you're gonna get pestered. The playlist are always boss as well it's always proper like yeah like rap music and R&B.

It's like proper R&B. Like thousands, early thousands. Yeah, early thousands. Yeah, when we're still like, Ja Rule, yeah. And R Kelly and that. Before these all start, it's all from P. Diddy. A lot of them are all the good guys.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, P. D. A. Max. But the only thing, like I used to, it was a good pint, because I used to work at nightclubs and stuff, you'd finish at say, three, four a.m. And the only places are open til six a.m. are mostly strippers. Yeah. So you go there for your pint after work,

but it's just them coming over and asking all the time. And you're just like, I'm just trying to have a chat. Yeah. And they're just like, what the fuck are you doing here then? You're in here. And you're trying to talk to your mates. Cause as well, like, you'll sometimes just have a chat with them, cause they'll join the table.? And you're in here. And you're just trying to talk to your mates. On your face. You'll sometimes just have a chat with them because they'll join the table.

You didn't want to dance, but you didn't want to be rude to have a chat with them. And then you feel like you're wasting that time. You feel like you've got them on the clock. You just want to say, just a heads up, I'm not going to get a dance because I've just bought a pint and I'm chilling with my mates. But like, I will carry chat with you if you want.

There's something that I play like the Figgie card with. They'll be like, oh, I've got to pay me a settle tonight. Like, you know the fucking taxis are over here. There's some that play like the thingy card where they'll be like oh I've got to pay me settle tonight like you know the fucking taxis are there. Oh is that it? I've never had that kind of thing. I've never had any sort of stories like that. I haven't got my rent you know because you have to pay like rent to the club don't you? Uh huh. You know what I mean? Oh yeah. I did actually I did like I just never crossed my mind I don't know how it works. Oh yeah my friend told me like I don't know about this. So does it do they like pay rent on being there? Yeah.

And then they have to make the certain amount Yeah, I think they- to pay the club? Yeah. And then everything on- Like a taxi service? I thought it would be like us with a venue where you got like a 70-30 split or 80-20 or like you've just you agree a split beforehand?

Yeah, yeah. And then everything that you get they skim? I can imagine some- And then they'll get it and they'll have an agent cut and then everything that you get they skim. I can imagine some. And then they'll get it and they'll have an agent cut. I can imagine some though, I can imagine some, it'll be like that. One of the ones that my friend told me about, the ones I go to.

My friend Monique, my friend Mercedes was telling us about this. They have to pay. Your friend's owned by a strip-out Tony, is that what happened? They have to pay like a say like a house fee, you know what I mean, like 150 quid or something. And then after whatever they make after that, you know what I mean, it's there. They must make some money though. No, no, Tuesday night I reckon. See it didn't seem that busy. Match day. Match day I reckon the McBank. Satis, I think satis, especially in town, I think people in Liverpool Newcastle because it's all out of town stuff isn't it and stag

news and stuff like that aye but yeah so how long did you do nightclub you didn't work in a nightclub anymore days no you're doing like you're stand up in your podcast all your full day in Hustlenew so what is that something you did you done all your life like did you get into that you know I started stand up didn I? Started with Paul and stuff when I was 18. Oh right so you... I started when I was 18 in Hot Water. Oh fucking hell I didn't realise that. I'd done Hot Water's like second ever gig.

Did you? Above the Crown? MV it was. Was it? So Crown was the second venue? Second venue yeah. I was well before that yeah. I was 18. It was what 15 years ago yeah? 33 no? Class. Like that yeah. And then I'd done it for a few years. And then it was obviously you're chasing fucking money

aren't you, like, and it doesn't pay when you start off obviously. It's hard, isn't it? That guy always call it the suicide miles because I'd be fucking driving for like, I'd finish graft and then drive like, say when I was in Lille, near Newcastle, I would like drive to Glasgow

for like a weekend of gigs, right? And then even though I've got a hotel and I'm gonna be there the next day. I had to come back to Demi shift So I drive back and I think you shift and I drive back to Glasgow again and do that and I remember one time There's just I just didn't have the fucking legs for the journey home and I ended up sleeping in Gretna services and Set me along for like whatever half five in the morning. So I could do the rest of the drive to start work That I get it. I don't see it like that, do they? They didn't start, you know what I mean? But obviously I didn't really venture out,

to be honest, I could've given a good go to start, but I was just doing it for, I just love, I don't, I don't, I don't, I'm not a big fan of stand-up, but I love doing stand-up, if that makes sense, you know what I mean? And I found that in Liverpool, there's a lot of comics that tend not to leave Liverpool. Yeah, there's a stigma around that as well. Scotland has got that as well as a whole which is a bit bigger but like population

wise it's still not that big. There's a lot of Scottish comics that have barely crossed the border and gigged down in England but yeah I have found that like there's some Scouse Act I'll only gig with in Liverpool and then I'll just not see them run down the circuit. Is that a big thing or is that? I think it is. I think there's a stigma in Ireland as well. But I think it's, I think, I think cause it's so,

there's so much on Liverpool as well. You know what I mean? And obviously if you're in hot water and stuff, it's probably the biggest club in the country. So if you're in there, and it depends on people. There's not so many Scouse comedians who just love doing it.

They'll try and look for a career. If you're doing it part time, like, you There's not just coach comedians who just love doing it. They're trying to look for a career in it. That's it. If you're doing it part time, like, you know, if you've got a job as well, there's enough work to do as a side hustle in Liverpool. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. And without ever having to leave Liverpool. If you're going to work Monday to Friday, and then you're just like every other weekend,

you're popping up and doing some stuff. Yeah, yeah. There is enough to do that. Well, that was me for years, exactly doing that stuff. Just taking little side things or... And you're kind kinda going too far away because you've got an A club, not me. Yeah, and I couldn't have weekends off, obviously,

you know what I mean, so, but then I stopped doing stand-up for about 10 years, so I come back once a year, and I just retire after that, just do one night, it's always like, around my birthday, I come back and do a show, sell out a show, I just do it, just for me. And then I just stop again. So how long is this together and what you're doing? Is this the most you've stretched your legs?

Yeah, well to be fair, no, because since I've come back two years ago, I have done the circuit, but just kept my head down quiet and just grafted. And getting a better show together. Yeah, yeah, thank you. It's just, I just thought to myself, I was worried that the material

wouldn't land outside Liverpool because of me being in Liverpool all the time. You know what I mean? So I ventured out and the stuff I was saying was going to these towns, very similar, cities very similar. And it was just getting a boss response and the show come together then.

Obviously Hot Water Comedy, that day presented my tour, so it's 50 50 minutes. Yeah. Yeah So it's boss is being backed by them Yeah, they know what they did as well because they've had like fucking if they've to add with paul for like from the from the grassroots To the fucking arena. Yeah, so whatever stage you're at in touring they've done it already. Yes So it's a perfect match and obviously I've I've I've been with them since I was 18, you know what I mean? So, you know what's class about the level that we're touring at is it's comedy club sized venues. Yeah And there's no better than performing at comedy clubs

It's still overwhelming like, you know, I can ask the lads here like after gigs and all I'm just like this is fucking mad Like because I've skipped the whole Like the circuit kind of thing, you know? The graph for you. Yeah, because I remember my first ever Glasgow Stand experience, right? Would have been back in like, Two Foods and a Nine for Red Raw,

coming up to day five minutes. And I remember like, just that feeling like I've just been fucking dunked in cold water and I've getting out and I'm like, ha, like I've been in a plunge pool, you know? Like, it's a fucking, it's a class comedy club and that fucking response coming at you. I had that with hot water down the night, it's like, it's a class comedy club and that fucking response come out here. I had that with Hot Water, no, the night or anything. It's like, it's so...

But for you to just come in, miss that plunge pool feeling at the start, miss the gradual excitement of the progression and the like, because their progression is very much like there's a 10 spot, there's a 15 spot, there's a 20 spot, there's a 25 spot. And that progression works like very much like playing with a train, right? And you've just went straight in at the top of that train with the touring show. And that must have been fucking a buzz for you. As I say, it's just unbelievable.

Like at the end of shows, I'll always like speak to everyone that's come and go on a ticket, you know, if they want a photo or whatever like that, or just say thank you for coming because it's just so overwhelming, it's just mad. Like they're selling out these clubs that have never gigged them before, it's just mad. When did it pop?

When was the point when you were like, oh, fucking hell, now I can tour? Was it- So I think it's got, obviously, because of the start of the podcast. So it's the Hot Water Green Room podcast, but when was the tipping point for that? Was there a specific reel?

Was there, or was it a gradual slow build? Do you know what it was? It was just Jamie's, Jamie's obviously was active, very active, I personally believe he was the best actor in the goodz, he's fucking unbelievable. You know what as well, he's like fucking duck's legs, you know that fucking thing, but like you didn't see how hard the duck's working

because it's just floating across the top of the water, but his legs are grafting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He is one of them people where he just looks and acts publicly like a slob yeah but he fucking grinds man he's got such a good work ethic really admirable honestly he's one of the best I think he is the best actor I've said it a few times he's he's unbelievably so quick witted as well

Eva I haven't seen it or does he not put stand-up clips online Eva? No he doesn't do it if you want to see stand up, you have to see him live. You have to have tickets. That's his biggest thing, yeah. And I've dabbled with stuff. I was like, I would start like him seeing stuff like that, but I just didn't really like it, you know what I mean?

So. There's some bits, cause I never record any of me sets. Yeah. I never record any of me sets. I don't know if it would make us a bit more self-conscious. I should do it because the more you do it, the more you'll do it. But there's always just little bits of fucking crowd work where you're dating and you're here, you're like, fucking should have recorded that. I was talking the other day, me too, I showed it last time from New Orleans and I just was like, what do you think of our storms the other day?

Pretty cute, wasn't it? Fucking home of Hurricane Katrina and we just was like what do you think of our storms the other day? Pretty cute wasn't it? Fucking home of Hurricane Katrina and we just locked down everything because we had bin lids fly open or whatever there's a carrier bag up a tree and I was just like oh what a fucking sweet leg to tag while the storm's going on to the last from there and I'm like oh it's gone man they're the moments that are in the room. They're lost to the ifa. Just let them happen. I think it was with that thing last night with Tom you know what I mean? I think like we all the way Tom as well said, you had to be there. It was one of those funny moments where he was just like, that's it, you know what I mean? Just being in the room.

And the way he took up his boss and he just went, no, that like, it was just, it was the time, it was perfect. Yeah. We all just burst out laughing. So funny. But then like I just, them bits, they used to, they used to always just be in the room and now they end up getting like kind of bottled and put on the internet. They never quite as good second hand like that.

So basically what happened when we were going on tour then, so Jamie's obviously, so I've been in the Hot Water Greenway podcast for three years. I'd just come back and just stand up, just trying to get back into it again. Paul, the owner of Hot Water's ragged me and said, do you want to start a podcast with Jamie? And I'd never met Jamie before. Oh, you hadn't? No, so we both. Oh, fucking hell. You would assume that is our best pals.

Oh, we are. We're like family now, you know what I mean? Cause as you know, with Sloss and I. Yeah, cause I kinda got paired up with him in a similar way where we barely knew each other before the first two hours. And by the end of the first two hours, we were like best pals.

You have to be, cause you're spending so much time with them and you're open up to them. More time than you'd spend with your wife. It'd be weird if you went, you know what I mean? So, we get to pro it together, me and Jamie, never met each other. So, the beauty of our podcast is, if you go back to episode one,

and you watch it still now, you see it blossom. You're getting to know each other. Yeah, it's like it's class, you know what I mean? I would love to listen to the, I might even actually go back and listen from the start and just wait for the point where one of you crossed the line and went, oh, that's all right,

then we can get away with that. I don't need to wear these gloves I've been wearing for the first few. If anyone who listens to this and listens to ours, they'll tell you, like, it's, there's no holds bar that doesn't have like. Oh, it's class. I've loved it every time I've been on it. I've been on our best guest week class, but with the podcast then, the podcast

obviously blew up. We're backed by Hot Water, obviously, biggest, biggest comedy club in the world to be honest. You're backed by them. Jamie's unbelievable. I've just come back. So it's just like, Oh, it's Jamie's mate. And then I've had to like, like time prove myself or you know, like work a bit extra hard. And obviously that's my fault for being out the game for so long. You know what, I've had like a decent enough crossover

with Daniel that like his audience have come to my show because a few of them have seen us with him. And so you'll have had that with Jamie as well. But that like they're your crowd, but somebody you've borrowed them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then you start getting your own crowd when you start going off on your own

and it's a different group of people. Jamie ended up selling out his first UK tour. 14,000 tickets sold on his own. Just stupid, yeah. Mental, like unheard of. So then I'm just working the circuit there and getting the 20 ready, you know what I mean? And progressing hot water a lot, you know what I mean?

Obviously, because I'm there all the time and Starts getting booked to close hot water and stuff and that's the big moments for me. Yeah, I missed all that You're doing the progression. Yeah, I'm closing the big room in hot water in the new in the new site And then six hundred people there to be home time and I'm like this is fucking unbelievable You know, I get to New Year's Eve water, and I'm going to other lads, I'll be booked for New Year's Eve. So that was you years and years ago, you know what I mean? That's field momentum when email comes

and it's an acceptance. Yeah, yeah. Because every gig application's like a job application, every time you get given the spot, it's like being accepted for the job. Exactly, yeah, yeah. And you're just going through that process over and over and over every week.

So then, so all the podcasts, especially the PT, we've got, we've got a big PT now and they were just all saying Wednesday to Tony. And to be fair, it was then when I was podcasting for the first year, I wasn't really doing stand up, just podcasting. Yeah. Doing an odd gig, but like, I mean, And you still have to do the podcast as well. Cause you're in there like twice a week, is it like a day? So we record record we do two episodes a week and one live show. We do live show every Friday.

Every Friday? Yeah. And that's just me moved to the big room this Friday because it's all like 250 tickets or something. Yeah. And you're just like, this is crazy. So that's getting some good momentum now. Yeah. So it's just all starting to snowball. That's a belt of residency to have like a Friday at Hot Water.

Me and Jamie said, we may as well take it because it's a Friday gig basically in your calendar for all year. So when I first done the podcast the first year, oh, everyone was going, get back into standup Tony. And I was like, I don't know the podcast, like nah, fuck standup, hate it, shite, you know what I mean? Like, well, just obviously playing it. And then started going back into it, wrote a good 20.

I don't know, just fell back in love with it again. And then, you know, it is, you just keep going and going. And then I said to myself, I'll try and do a little mini tour, you know what I mean? And then I approached Hot Water, they were made up, that I asked them. They were happy to back me. And then we just extended it now for next to 28.

So yeah, yeah. Oh, classwork and people see you then? So I'll be back up here again. This would have been a good one to plug these gigs because you did Glasgow last night and Edinburgh tonight. But this is going to come after you've gone. But you're going to be coming back here? Yeah, I'll be back in Glasgow.

So hopefully they'll be up to date on your website. So be Hot Water Comedy, I've got it at UK. I'll be back in the stands up here. And as I say, the show's got something for everyone I think. It's really funny man, like you're fucking, you know what I love as well, you're just going off on little silly bits like singing fucking Leanne Reigns and fucking, someone insulted you with a two pack line. It's just a little fucking silly. Fuck your bitch you fit with her. Well it's like watching something that's like real and then there's just a cartoon character in it. There's just a cartoon moment in it. That's my sense of humour coming out. My personal sense of humour. Because being an hour on stage by the way, I've gone from a 20 year just to be a fucking sort to do that. I've

got to keep myself entertained because that's what I'm like. So I just say little lines like that to make me self laugh or and they see that I'm doing myself. They enjoy themselves Yeah, and then I've kept lines when I've just riffed and then I've put them in me set now, you know me I was telling you yesterday when you come off and I'll check your time on your phone Yeah, well, I know how to watch you check the time on your phone But because he has such a like a personable like Your mate in the pub, that's just like fucking making everybody laugh. That feeling just looks like you're checking your texts.

It looks like you couldn't give a flying fuck. Yeah, I got me following all sorts of stuff. It just went quiet and I just went, it's all about yourselves. You only just stuff like that, you know what I mean? There was one bit where like you forgot the word for something instead of just glossing over it, you're fucking just deep dived for the word. You're however what's the word you're in the shower you're trying

to think about something but it's not thinking and someone went like someone just imagination or something yeah imagination like nearly they think manifest close but too far you went too far they pulled back from manifest visualized visualized that's the one yeah i wasn't even joking i think somebody would have just maybe stood other way through that. You went, I forgot what's on my mind. I'm not going to be shy about that. It's just, it's, it's no fear of dying on stage. I've just got no, I've got no fear of it anymore as well. I think that comes with the fact that you're not going to die in front of the love you. Yeah. To be fair, when it's, when it's your own family, your own family, they're going to laugh at a person out here regardless of like, uh, if you you're fumbling around trying to find the word visualizer

or if you're giving them a really well-written structured bit, which you give them both of on one day. They're gonna just love being in your company. So that's class now. And then have you had any, this is loaded, right? Because I had a fucking wild day yesterday, but have you had any hatred online from the stuff you put out?

Yeah, all the time. What have you had to deal with? So I don't have TikTok. I don't have the app, because the comments on there are just ruthless. I've seen them, like, just say you put a clip out. You can have like 50 comments, everyone saying, ah, funny, this, whatever.

And then one just like, look at this big fat ugly cunt. That must be so tedious, because there'll not be a single fat joke you've never heard. Do you know what the funniest thing was? Yeah, like this is hilarious. On YouTube and the episodes go out, public episodes on the podcast. Gets a call off my dad about two in the morning.

Right. What do you want? He's like, son, I've been arguing with your trolls all night. Two in the morning? I said what? Does he normally stay up that late? I was like, especially for the trolls. Yeah, he's fucked lad especially for the trolls. He's

fucked lad, he's fucked. He's miles off at least. Son, son, I've been arguing with your tolls all night. He's must be off his face. So I said, what are you on about? He said, on YouTube, on that YouTube I've been giving them back and I realised my dad's got the same name as me. So it looks like I'm fucking coming back. Tony Junior? Yeah, Tony. He's Tony So his YouTube name is Tonycarrol4542 or something. So he's faking when people ask you? No, it looks like me doesn't it? With his shit pants on? Oh yeah, with dad pants on. Dying on my ass because of my dad. That's so fucking funny. That's humiliating. It was just that sentence, it did break my heart Because he was like, I've been arguing with you trolls.

I was like, fuck it, I've got trolls, man. It's sad. But yeah, now honestly, do you know what I don't do now? Honestly, I just don't read anything. Don't know about. Because it doesn't affect you then. There's been times when I've read loads of good stuff and you get a bit of a fucking chip,

and you get coffee and that. Yeah, that's it. If you get butthurt by the bad stuff and then you get fucking excited about the nice stuff. It's an emotional rollercoaster isn't it? It's best to just find yourself in a pathetic middle ground. It's the price we pay for what we do.

Aye. And it's kinda nice, cause as much as you don't wanna be counted off every minute of the day online, it is the fact that you've got people's attention. And some people don't like the fact you've got people's attention so they're trying to bring it doing it's a tall poppy thing yeah I don't think I don't I don't think I do

this because because we've we've had shit online but every time I've seen every time I see someone stand up or or something online that's not funny I just just don't laugh and just scroll past it I don't have the means to go well I'll send it to me mate in boxing box and go get you shit. You know, if you're gonna be a snide, at least do it behind curtains, you know what I mean? Don't put a line. I'd love to.

I thought of this as a fucking sitcom idea, right, but I haven't got the fucking like capacity to go and write a script. Like I didn't have sitting down at the computer and fucking wearing glasses on typing away, right? But I think it'll be a classic come idea, it just like actually fucking gone after the trolls like you know if somebody leaves a fucking schneid remark on your thing just gone through that Facebook look and gone to that pub like he's in there and just fucking stalk them doing and make the thing you just been a psycho and then just

with a handful of dog shit just rubbing in their face while they're running right rubbing in their face right and then you're being in therapy telling them how good it made you feel. But like every, every Finns just like this. I think it would be a good sitcom because it would be like a low stakes action movie where, where like it would be like, you know, this fucking serial killer mind criminal, but all your day is just fucking up people that have just said your comedy side, the troll hunts, troll aye. Just troll hunting and just getting a proper buzz out of it and like. Can I start it? There could be a little aye. I'm trying to wait for a shite in your face. Can I use real shite for the reaction? Yeah. I was expecting to be the fucking guy. I was expecting to be

the main character guy. I'm not the fucking troll. Because you're going to have like twisted turns in it where like your lass thinks you're cheating because you're fucking sneaking around your hours on your 40s. There's loads of little things off of it. Yeah. And then she thinks she's rumbled you're cheating so you let her in on it and now she's in on it and it's Bonnie and Clyde. Yeah.

And they're fucking two of you. And you just go out together. Two of you are going to get mad just fucking killing trolls. Killing trolls. Killing trolls. I just think it would be so class Just like fucking really petulant over something that they said that like

They probably can't even remember saying it because they've said about 20 other things on the internet They don't know who it is that fucked them up I think it would be a good social commentary There's been times where boxers are on Twitter and they've found the dressers have it and they've knocked on it and people have moved houses and stuff like they've shit themselves, that's class, do you love it's all getting cold. I when I when I was getting shite yesterday because I

Mean I went after the king of the knuckle-draggers So fuck and I said fuck Tommy Robinson at the start of a bit right and then fucking said something like pro-islam, right? It's just that's good for me You know that I put that on when they were rioting and Sunderland and looting Gregg's right like back in December And it didn't it didn't really pop right like it just got an amount of views and then fizzled out And then it must have got shared on a forum and something some right wing forum And just every cunt right just fucking pop the dingy's on Facebook or something I'm a fucking share the avenue mad crowd there

I was just like are you not worried that like something might turn up at the shows because it's gonna be quite easy to find you and see where you are and I was like that would be the worst place to get us. 280 Jordys in a room with us when you fucking turn up. You're gonna get kick the fuck. You're gonna get leather. We'll come with a punch truck and fly. Are you kidding us? Will people die for us in the room? I didn't think so. These people have just keyboarded one of his made, it never comes back at all. So it was mad because it got to the point where I was starting to obsess over it right, because it was just every second there was another 20. It was like it started like, you

know, every time you refreshed it, there was new notifications. And then like it got to the point where my followers had caught wind of it so they were fighting them in the comments none of them are called Kai Humphreys thankfully wait wait till they make an account later somebody with a twitter account with the same name as me started defending Adam Johnson the nuns from Sunderland and Rob Beckett's brother, I brought it up to Rob because I was at football in London with Rob Beckett, he was there, he goes, oh, I mean, there's someone with your name, Deane, at me brother. I thought he said Kyle was sound, he's a fucking cunt. Look at this.

So people were believing it was me. Yeah. Well, my name's very popular with jockeys, so I'm fucked there, aren't I? I don't know who that one is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Horse trainers, Tony Cowell. Tony Cowell is that it? That's an Irish name, isn't it? Yeah. me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, horse trainers, Tony Cowell. Tony Cowell is that it? That's an Irish name, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mate, just for the sake of the camera, yeah, I'm gonna bring this blind student

because you've got a shadow right in your face, right? Just there, and you look like Batman. Fat man. You thought I'd be dark, eh? Okay, I've sorted you. I've sorted you. I've sorted you. Aye, so it was mad because I'd just got to the point where I couldn't, I'm sorry dude.

So it was mad because I just got the point where I couldn't, I'd been looking at my phone for about two hours, right? Just refreshing it and reading the comments. I've never had that bad, what I mean? Like I've had screenshots of comments, you know what I mean? I just get your opinions and stuff. I've never done anything online where it's been, the one that is dead.

Those people that genuinely were saying that I should be hanged as a traitor. Like fucking being a traitor to the country and all that. There's people like, someone called me fucking. Cause you said fuck Tommy Robinson. Uh huh. So the joke was fuck Tommy Robinson. My wife's from a Muslim family.

My football team is owned by a Muslim country. Islam's brought me nothing but tits and Champions League football. That's fucking lying man. That's fucking funny. Just a fucking lie. That's a fucking funny one, that's just a line. That's fucking funny! Just a fucking line. Just enjoy it or don't, like give a fuck.

And it was like, there was fucking someone coming to me to fucking pack his slut wife or something, there was like shit going on, I was like going back to her country, then I was like, Scotland? Yeah, I know. You can't get a British last, or something, it's just fucking British. Do you can get a British last time. It makes you a fucking British.

Do you watch mad all these people though when their families are fucking in hospital dying and stuff. It's immigrants who fucking save their lives. You know what I mean? And it's okay then. Do you know what it is? Because these people that were saying I should be like hanged for treason and shit, right? These are people that think, I think Tommy Robinson's like trying to fight to stop pedophile rings with these like like Muslim pedophile

ring or whatever. He's just forgot everything else that he stands for from 10 years ago. But what they're doing right is they're racist people who are using the fact that oh I'm defending a pedophile ring if I'm racist now I'm attaching valour to me racism so now it looks like I'm a good guy because fucking everybody hates pedos right we're going after pedos man the fucking there was a pedophile ring fucking caught here in Glasgow like that's all over the news at the minute in the BBC where the fuck's Tommy Robinson that white he couldn't give a flying fuck about kids he couldn't give a fuck he's like oh that doesn't suit the narrative of what my knuckle dragger is trying to follow I've seen a stat on twitter it was like 90% of pedophiles

are white British so it's like imagine% of people have had a white British. So it's like. Imagine there was fucking somebody shouting on that, fucking we are responsible for the actions of Jimmy Savile. Yeah. We'll just be like, fucking who's that, that cunt? Yeah, yeah. Not gonna clean it, fuck that cunt. So I'm just saying, fuck that cunt.

Like you're literally just attaching something to racism, to try and validate it, so fuck the cunt. Yeah, that's why, yeah, we never, because me and Jamie's a United fan as well and I'm a Liverpool fan so obviously you can imagine there'd be loads of stuff there we could delve into but we just don't talk football politics. Do you know? Just because of that. Yeah. Because you can't win they're just trolls themselves and it's just you've seen footballers with some football fan bases mate you just like... I slagged off Scottish football man and that was nearly as bad as yesterday.

Yeah, it was! And it was such a fucking shite joke and I was like, I love living up here, you can get a taxi at the football and watch a taxi driver play. It's a shite joke, it's like fucking... But it's like, it's just one of their worst, like I'm not gonna fucking, I'm not gonna defend my joke, but like the amount of hate I got for that was mad. But it's, that's what's fucking crazy. But at the only time- Don't stand up for poor politics. You should fuck up mad.

The only time I've offended people to the point that they've like, they've poured on us, like canceled the platform, kill them, right? Is Knuckle Dragas who would fucking say you can't say anything anymore. I bet every one of them cunts from yesterday would call me woke for, fucking in my opinion.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're, they're, they're a guy, and you can't say that. They're being fucking snowflakes, it's gone full circle. Of course. Like fucking, mate, how can you be that offended by something?

Yeah. But I have, like, it's, it's, it's fizzling out a little bit now, but I still not there on my phone. Yeah. But that's what's enough. I can't wait to make that there. I can't wait to end the minute. And just get on that. And just get on that.

Yeah, just be like. Have you had that yet where Kai Humphrey's fan page account gets made? I had a no context. I had a no context Tony Caroll. And I'm glad it stopped because it was ruthless. Oh, was it? I can be taken on a context quite a lot.

Does it? It looks bad. You look terrible. Yeah. I'm glad that stopped. Oh, is it I can be taken on a context quite a lot does it? You look That stopped yeah sure set that so now it's gonna make it That does actually so that does actually sound fan made though I want about this like chat bot kind of ones the one that go like a Cai Humphreys online chat and they'll comment going to DM me or whatever and then they'll try and fucking sell tickets Oh tickets yeah, yeah, no, I always have to say to people I got off the tour stuff

I had people in the comments saying hi, I've got two tickets for tonight and you click on the profile They had no friends out, you're like, yeah, you're fucking liar. It's obviously it's just a bot in it thing You know what I mean? Yeah, I always like Paul Smith gets in the way. I periodically put on I'm just gonna have to rely on you as having common sense I'll delete them when I see them sense I'll delete them when I see them I'll report them when I see them but I'm just gonna have to rely on you you can't police that yeah if you're buying tickets from the comedy club or the webs or the ticket master if the links coming through my website you're gonna get your tickets right if you can't through fucking chat bots and comments on like you deserve to be robbed yeah there's a little bit of that yeah Yeah. So yeah, my first time in Scotland, saw Edinburgh tonight. Yeah, I was meant to tell you, that fucking lager,

that is a tenant, is it called? Aye, aye, aye. It's fucking thick, that, isn't it? Do you like it? It's like gravy. Aye. It's proper thick beer. Yeah.

Oh mate, I had a bad wheel. It still goes down well though. Yeah, well, it's still- The first one was a struggle. It still flows. The next six are boss, you know what I mean? Do you want another beer, by the way? Yeah, we've also got one here.

Sorry? Yeah, yeah. Started early in Scotland. Yeah, as you can see, some of the lads are hungover. So you went out in Glasgow last night then? Yeah, we went to this boss pub, but it was funny as well. Made it out of the garage? What?

Was there a big juggernaut hanging out the side of it? No, we went to an Irish bar called, what was it called? Kitty O'Shears? Kitty O'Shears, right? Fucking class, boss bar. it was like students later on, after the show and stuff, straight after the show, we went there.

And do you light up where you're going to your fans as well and hang out with them? I hope, if you'll ask John, John, when I just there, he'll tell you, I always, always will have a pipe with the fans and fucking get a picture. Not just because, as told you, it's still fucking processing of the amount of sports I've got so I'm very grateful you know what I mean? Do it while you can as well because we've always done that on slosses too we've always done meet with NQ64 or whatever arcade sports are the best

because you're gonna have like a chat with someone a pint with someone but you can break away and go and play some pinball and it means you can just float around a little bit as well. It does get overwhelming when when there's like a hundred people and you're just like yeah. It gets to thousands of people and you're like, we better fucking just like some people might find where and we'll hang out with them. But it used to be that we'd like meet everybody after the shows and then it got a little bit on.

Yeah. You see that last night and you're like, I made sure I just stood by the end of the door and just, just thank everyone. You could be both taken and stuff. Cause obviously times are hard and stuff. So it's just, I appreciate people. It's nice getting photos with people and they always like then post both take it and stuff because obviously times are hard and stuff so it's just I appreciate people it's nice getting photos with people and they always like then post out on social

media and people see yeah they're more likely that they like if dad might be cynical about it but they're more likely to shout out your show if they've got a photo with yeah yeah I saw Tony last night and then picture with me and Tony yeah the amount of messages have been getting as well you know after the shows and stuff and you like your message requests and I 15 20 Sometimes more a night and it's just fucking great show last night You know, it's just fucking when you wake up the next day, especially you don't go over. It's nice to see you I mean, it's nice. I mean, you just had a mad night. Where's that kid? That kitty O'Shea's last night after the show

All the lads there's boss and it what time is it now? Uh got to bed about five Nice morning. Yeah, it's on the bigads there, it was boss. What time were you asleep, Neil? Got to bed about five. Nice. Sworn, yeah, five this morning. Was that on the big? Yeah. LAUGHS So, yeah, I was out at five.

I went... You think I've been on Tenent since you were five? LAUGHS I had to with that Tenent with me. Yeah, I went to Kitty O'Shares and as soon as you walked in, there was no-one in there, right? Just a man at the bar, a man at the bar, stood up seeing me. I went Mate, I'm a massive fan. I went, oh did you enjoy the show? What show?

Oh, yeah. Biggest fan ever, right? Yeah, but he had to be in the show And then he was fucking sound as fella. Great. And he went get on this I went, oh? Like he was like me mate, I was like, oh? And he went, I've just played key in the box You know box you know like them pub games oh you get like seven keys in a box and you pick a key and if it fits the box you win the prize and he won 500 quid five minutes before I walked in he went do you want a pint? I was like go ahead son he's got all the lads around and then he's having a belt I think he was on his own he's one of your fans right he's just's just won 500 pounds. A lot of fucking loves off the internet, why is he drinking with him?

He got his own, he was on a- He's on his threes now, didn't he? Yeah. He's probably fucked up. Well, that's why I was up till five this morning. He got, he was on his own. And then he come over to our table stuff and all that and spent the night with us

and he was fucking proper Sam, what a proper class fella. So he shout out to you, can't remember your name. You save your number in your phone, but I can remember your name, he's a look forwarder, he's fucking honest, see if you're watching or you ever come across here, thank you for the pint and thank you for the hook up as well. You didn't get shit like that in London? Yeah, well actually I'm doing that here, I think I'm doing that theatre in London, what's it called? Leicester Square? You're not a Soho act.

No, no, don't think so, no. I've done Soho for you ever before. I always feel a bit of an imposter when I go out to Soho for you. I just fucking own it. Well, I'm going out of London because I've been getting a lot of shit. Cause I'm king of the north, aren't I?

They say I'm too scared to go down London. All my Southern fans are saying, you and Jamie are pussies, you just won't come down here. Scared of London. I know, fucking scared of London pussies, you just won't come down here. I'm scared of London. I know, fucking scared of London. With all your dungarees, fuck off.

I'm gonna go down here though. I spoke to Paul obviously from at Walter's, I said, we're gonna do that theatre. Yeah, we'll be that theatre. That's what I did earlier this year. I was doing this tour last year. We're at Aids class. And it's also fucking so central as

well like yeah yeah I mean it's in Leicester Square it couldn't be more central yeah so yeah you're gonna have a class time doing that yeah and then Edinburgh the morrowing you've never been Edinburgh because you sorry today yeah yeah because you've never been to Scotland you've never been to the fringe you've never never man it's it's a fucking really lush tourist city, you know, like drinking a side, just walking around looking at the castle and fucking going up to the Princess Street Gardens and everything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, everyone is sitting here and talking about the architecture, what are you talking about? No, I know, but that's actually, I'm not the kind of guy, you know what I mean? Like, that's why I love Glasgow, because I enjoyed last night, mate. It was just bossy, like,

because just all the people in the booths and stuff, it was just sound. Even the door, I was speaking to the door, staff who were fucking sound. It was just like, it was just bossy like, cause just all the people in the booths and stuff, it was just sound, even the door, I was speaking to the door, staff who were fucking sound, it was just like, it was being like at home, it's nice looking up at buildings in Edinburgh, right? And people died making that. You know what I mean? Like when they get like fucking bricks the size of this house

and they've got them all the way up there in the 1500s. Like there was no health and safety involved. That was bloodshed getting that brick up there. A few people have been squashed there, that was their life. That's why I like Aunt Nicotala, look at the stadiums. It's just... LAUGHTER Oh, God!

It's like I've got a child on my son's side. Yeah, it's like I get back on the Robinson side. I think when people are like, try Giganot in the Middle East and see what happens there. I'm like, I've been to the Middle East loads. There's not many Middle Eastern countries that haven't Giganot. Have you ever Giganot in Dubai? Aye, a bunch of times. I have Giganot Qatar. It's class. I've Giganot in Abu Dhabi. Is Qatar the one where you can't have a bevy?

You know what, I did have a bevy. But... Rules don't have a baby. You know what? I did have a baby. Real story applies to guy. I think it's rules don't apply to Westerners who are in the hotels. It's you can take in hotels guy. Yeah. It's a big hotel culture. Like not like Vegas, but like Vegas, like it's not like big, but like you do feel like

you've got your own little part of the world when you're in the hotel. What's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the you're in the hotel what's the by what's the by like I've had about that thing that's a bit soulless like it's a bit like yeah I wouldn't like to live there I definitely couldn't yeah you like it's there's lots like influencers over there now I in shopping center kind of vibe yeah yeah yeah I just don't live there I just couldn't I am a city city like a proper dungeon city boy, you know, I mean Reprobate, you know, I did like walk around to you by me. See you're in the shop of more than a yeah That's the most massive like fucking shot. I want to be a shock tank in the shop in a whole house

You're a man with a bag of coke. Yeah, probably do that in Dubai Do not have a guitar sorry, I doubt it don't you get that sound if. I doubt it. Don't you get that? Sorry. If you get caught over there with drugs, you get, you get like, yeah, that's the thing. Is it, you know, I'm flying into Singapore. And they were like, don't, don't bring any like fuck it. If you've got like any cannabis edibles or whatever, just don't bring them in. Like you're fucking like, even if you've got them onto the flight, fucking leave them. Yeah. You can't even chew gum out there one. You'd you can't chew gum. The whole place is fucking immaculate and chewing gum is illegal. They're really fucking

strict on so many rules. But everything works but you're like, oh there's a grim undertone to the fact that everything works, everything's clean, everything's on time, everything's smooth. Something's wrong with that isn't it? I do that, you know, do you know like dead happy people as well? I go, you can't be that happy. You know what I mean? People who are extremely like... There's a Robin Williams fucking undertone to the whole thing.

Yeah, it's like, you've got a fucking, you've got a past, you know what I mean? So anything that's dead clean like that, I'm like, this is, this is fucked up. You know what I mean? There's something going on here. Yeah, so Singapore's got that kind of feeling. But then Dubai is that where somebody had like a fucking cannabis seed in their shoe? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And it was it like like a fucking singer or a DJ or something. It was a DJ.

Someone quite famous had a cannabis seed in their train. Yeah, yeah. That's fucking unlucky. How fucking unlucky is that? Are you kidding? Where did that come from? What did it come from? There weren't times you would have stood on something like that and it just stares on the that, you're kidding. Where did that come from? The only times you would have stood on something like that and it just stays on the ground

as you walk off in his disguise. I'm going to send you to jail as you come. He just pitches a fucking raid on his trainer. Yeah, no, I couldn't go to places like that. Guns. Because I have to like, I'm sure people just take drugs by accident to places like you're not still in your jacket pocket like, oh whatever.

But if you do that anywhere like that, you've got to just fucking deep dive all your pockets. Yeah, yeah, definitely. I always, you know, like if I'm going abroad and stuff and you put your bag in, obviously goes for the security. And you know, when your bag goes to the left and there's something in the bag and then need to swab it I just flap right you know there's nothing there but I'm thinking there's like coke residue on me

top of something that hasn't washed properly and it's just all gone on my head then I realize and fucking the stuff I just stuff I get mate it's fucking like washing powder anyway you know what I mean it's not gonna flag up on their system you know what I mean Yeah coming back from Bestival which was on the Isle of Wight I had to fly from South Hampton and the fuck had started swabbing my iPad right and I was thinking oh that's So I could have flagged up on their system, you know what I mean? Yeah, coming back from Bestival, which was on the Isle of Wight, I had to fly from Southampton and the fuck had started swathing my iPad, right? And I was thinking, oh, that's been the fucking plate. That has been the plate for the whole fucking festival, right?

And then he swabbed it, cleared it, gives it back, and I went, it's not like me, leave any. Fucking back off. Thank fuck. Maddest thing I'd done drugs-wise in a country where it'srehensible as a I went and done a drug deal in Sri Lanka where dealing is punishable by death. They might not have killed me, but I would have been in trouble. But the guy selling us the drugs, I bought pills off a guy and we ended up going waist deep in the water to do the deal. It was fucking kind of deal in the water. I would just whacked out until like there's nobody around with that could possibly bust. Like you just go for a swim. Like we're going for a swim right

and it's on Christmas Eve and I'm fucking waist deep in the water getting fucking pills off this fucking Sri Lankan guy. And it's just you Sue. I just made him with Sue. Did he say come in the water? Aye. And you're like, aye? Well that's fucking... Fucking strong swim, I'm hard. It was in the body. That's the best drug deal ever. It's genius as well because if you're a policeman walking down a beach... Yeah you're not going to go.

Look at them two there, they're drug dealing in the water. You just wouldn't would you? If I was a drug dealer I'd wear a suit all the time and a briefcase. Would that not be a good thing? Look at them two there, they're drug dealing in the water. You just wouldn't, would you? If I was a drug dealer, I'd wear a suit all the time. And a briefcase. Would that not just, you'd just disguise yourself as a drug dealer?

Yeah, I'd like a full security guard, a full quicksave, wouldn't I? I always have... Quicksave's still going. Quicksave, eh? Ben, I'd... Was it blast from the past? I don't know why you just said quicksave.

I'd forgot about quicks Save until you said it. That wasn't the same level as Little and Aldi, wasn't it? Net-O dropped off. Net-O was gone. They got relegated a long time ago. What about Heron? Heron Foods? Heron?

Do you have a Quick Save? Have you just got a Heron? No. We've got a Heron, lovely. I shopped differently since I met my wife. Do you? Well? We've got a hell of a shop differently since I shop differently since I met my wife Well That a You'd so you dress you think dressing in a suit would be there like it would throw off the scent

I just think me. Yeah, I think me in the suit. I Think there would be something that looked like drug dealing about wearing a suit I used to put even though I've never bought drugs off anyone wearing a suit. When I worked in the council, when I started stand up, I used to get the bus. I used to, you know, like a weekly saver. I used to just bunk on the bus, cause I had a suit on.

The driver was looking at me tieing my suit and wasn't looking at the pass, you know what I mean? So I used to just get fucking free to other side, you know what I mean? But then I always thought, imagine if you got caught, you'd be embarrassed and that, wouldn't you? Just in the jail cell with your suit on and that. Quite uncomfortable as well for spending a few hours. Don't forget, I'm saving £1.50, don't think they'd put me in the cell for that.

I thought you were still drug dealing, not just fair dodging. Yeah, just fair dodging! Yeah, I mean, what are you in for? It's not just fair dodging Yeah Fuck the AT now Yeah Yes, I was under 16 chalfa Yeah If I'm somewhere like overseas like a party town like now before or a benedome or something like that and I'm looking for drugs

I'll always ask the doorman. Because the doorman are the people that they try and hide from, but they're the people that fucking know they're selling water. So you just gotta ask them. I always say it, if you want drugs anywhere in the world, you'd ask a bartender.

Because it's so rife in that game, mate. Everyone who works behind bars. Because you're not making quite enough money to... Yeah, it's not even that. I think everyone uses, causes the lifestyle. Because when you work in a bar, you're around alcohol. Alcohol leads to, you know what I mean? So I think every time we go away,

just ask a bartender, me, I don't know, but he's all right. I always thought that it would be a career suicide, but if you're up at the fringe, the one way you could make money is by dealing. Yeah. Like it's fucking so it like everybody's looking for this influx of people the population doubles and like Added to kind of cause the comics as well Fucking artists bars and people are flashing a bit of money around and stuff You know, we might not be fucking making any fucking trying to look like that doing well

I just signed up by a book about your book and I started by a bag out your book and share. Shaking your book. So I booked a book of chairs up there. I've never, I've always done ticket ticket. I've always done ticket. And I always done well up there. Yeah.

You know what? I've done a smart most like built yourself up. I've also like, I've not really joined the shit fight of like big PR campaigns and mass. I did put like, I have some level of street presence, but I don't overdo the street presence. Like I make it so that like the threshold for making a profit is achievable.

Whereas some people could sell out the whole run and make a loss because they just throw so much money at like some. And they're focused on filling it. Yeah. By the way, you still gotta pay bills you know I'm never thinking about opportunity when I'm up there I'm thinking about getting me short together yeah entertaining people with it getting ready to take it on to Daniel's on mine right like just get a lot of people you start as wake of progress don't you

know like I would never call it a way because I wanted to be ready for them I'd say it's the start of me to start the tour I'll work in progress in the provinces I got like Falkirk and sterling and Paisley and they are these like kind of dumb freaks I did this year just all these like smaller towns where they might not travel to the French I don't mind in St. Helens you know like small town by Liverpool yeah I don't mind in a back end pub St. Helens 40 people max yeah and it was great so like all of my agents acts which which is like Connor burns loss Craig Hill Yeah, we're all just gone figure it out like that and then and then it's off notes by the fringe and all the way through

The fringe we're adding shit to fit and then take it on to her But I'm thinking like I'm doing it from home I'm gonna make a little bit of money, but then the show's gonna be fucking airtight by the time I go on actual tour Yeah, that's what they I never think about like Oh fucking toss my stars in all Like that sort of stuff like I have good night out there cuz that's that's what that's what I'd like I love to go folks all the lads have been up on that and it's like they've all said you'd love a pick So I tell to boss when I lived in Edinburgh rate, which would have been around about 2014 Yeah, 2015 and even though I didn't live in Edinburgh in 2016. I stayed at Sloss's house

Yeah, yes, we went out every single night. Bostar. In every single night we took drugs. In every, like honestly for like three years running the fringe was just a sesh. And the shows were fucking fine. The shows went well aye. We pulled it together. I was very professional.

Have you been on the stuff doing, gigging? Like have you done a gig or? Only by accident. Only because i thought i'd done my last set and i did did gear and then i just someone fucking ran in and went like oh we need someone for mickey deese fat cave and i was like i mean i'm available but i'm fucking wired yeah yeah you know like i was fine yeah actually if anything like i was like it's happened to me i had to be once or twice and i was the same with me. I had a good gig rate and I was like, I could have done without knowing that.

Yeah. I could have done without, I could have done with that bombing. Yeah, yeah. Cause I had to really then psychologically deny drugs before shows. I'd done it in Manchester me, years ago we went to there, like the Christmas markets, like 15 of the lads all in the Christmas markets all day, all on the beers.

Few, few of the lads had some, a lot of stuff to be honest. And after, you know, like six, seven pints, you're like, fuck, I need one. But I had the gig in the night in Manchester. This was about four or five at night. And they thought, fuck, I'll be all right. Once I had one, and I just fucking just cained it. I was trying to cancel this gig.

You know what I mean? I just fucking. Did you do all right? I got, get there. I remember the promoter like, can I tone you all right? And then I was just like, water. That's the first thing he said to him.

And in my head I'm like, shit, he knows I'm off your bar now. And then he was like, oh, yeah, I can get us some water, mate, yeah. And I was like, fuck. And it goes on stage, I was opening, yeah. And it goes on the stage and I done my first, it was just dead serious. I was dead serious. You know, cause I was fucking wired. And And I got on the stage and I done my first, it was just dead serious, I was dead serious.

You know, cause I was fucking wired. And you're trying to stay a little, like when you come home drunk and your parents are fucking, you're trying to stay a little. Yeah, like that. Honestly, I walked on stage like that, I was dead serious. I remember my first joke, roofing it, yeah.

And then I was like, why do you all laughing at me? And then I was like- So you got paranoid. Yeah, and I was like, oh shit, this is what I'm meant to do. And then I just snapped out of it and I fucking, yep. And I smashed it. Yeah. Lovely. Oh great.

Aye. And as well I tend not to, like, that was about six, seven years ago that that's when I was still coming around out. You know what I mean? So music, music festivals, I'll just be like, ah, they're fucked as well. I'll just join them. So, but generally like I'll not, I'll not have a split before gig. I'd not get drunk, but I'll have an occasional drink before gig, but I'll not get drunk because the accent,

I've had to work really fucking hard to be understood. Yeah, yeah. Overseas, like, you know, you can't in London. I said that to you last night and I was fucking, my mind was blown, because I've seen you obviously, you're real and stuff about being on European tour. And I was just a comment to boss to see,

it was just like, I was like, boss showing Prague last night, it must be classed that or do you know, like when you get home and do New York European stuff. That Prague one was a fucking banger actually. I loved that city as well. That was a great show that one, but it was, it's the fact that you don't, you can still have an accent.

You just have to finish your words and not do the abbreviations that you usually would. Like, so you have to enunciate, I guess, but you can still enunciate and have a jolly accent. The thing that's hard timing-wise and momentum-wise when you've got the show is you can't talk over them laughing or they'll stop laughing. So normally we'll write laughter.

We'll make them laugh and then target and target and just keep the laughter going as it kind of dips. Side stop starts. You have to let the laughter finish. Otherwise you'll cut it off because they want to listen to them in a second language. They're trying to fucking understand you. Oh shit, because yeah, yeah.

So they're like, ha ha ha and then you're talking again. They'll stop laughing and swallow the laugh to listen. So you realize you're doing that and you're stealing the laugh off them. Yeah, yeah. And then they're paid for that. Yeah, yeah. So you're like, ah right.

Let them have the laugh and then start talking afterwards. Man, he slapped all of me five minutes is an hour. Man, it was mad because I hit the code quite a bit out. Which was it actually worked in my favour because there was some bits you saw a bit last night where I talked about doing the dip to choose who's it. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Didn't make any sense in Eastern Europe no matter no matter how much I fucking tell them about it like even the... Yeah well yeah that joke I laughed my head off before because I see it you know what I mean I seen it before I just burst out laughing I was like nooo it's a class time fishy wasn't it? yeah what do you mean that's it? you sound fishy to anyone you're dancing

I was like blah mate it was class right so that was like it didn't like if you haven't explained that joke to anybody it's sad yeah yeah oh because they used to say. Yeah, yeah. Magic's playing over there, mate. Yeah, so I ended up like dropping that and I'm like, I didn't have to make up the time because everything else was, I'd like, you put space in it where you leave time for laughter. So you end up like taking bits out, leaving a bit of room and it's an hour show again. Yeah.

And then you get back home and then it's fucking mad cause you put the bits back in and then you can talk as fast as you want and it's the, you have to change gears again cause you come back home and you're still doing mad because you put the bits back in and then you can talk as fast as you want. And it's the, you have to change gears again because you come back home and you're still doing the best. I found it hard last night. I had 10 days off from the last sort of date. And before that I had three in a row. So Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday finished in Newcastle.

So that's all, straight away I miss you. And I was like, I don't fucking know my name or that. Yeah, you were pleasant. I had 10, like 10. Are you feeling through your text? Yeah, I was, mate, I was fucking buzzing. I had 10 days off. And then last night, I text? Yeah, I was, mate, I was fucking buzzing. I had 10 days off. And then last night, I don't get,

honestly, I don't get nervous. I don't get like, I don't care. I just don't care. You know what I mean? But I wanted to be good, obviously, because, you know, the people have come out. And I was, yesterday I was like, I can't remember me set. I couldn't remember it.

Yeah. I only had 10 days off. I was just before, I just remember your first line at the come. Yeah, that's what he said to me. Yeah. Put the first bullet in the gun, put the first bullet at the come. Yeah, that's exactly it. Yeah. Put the first bullet in the gun. Yeah, yeah.

Put the first bullet in the gun. What happened? I was shaking. Yeah, I'd like a bit of a shaky start last night and then I just flew down, you know what I mean? But I just had to, just it's key words, you know what I mean? I've found what helped me in previous,

the show, previous ones as well is writing good links. If you write a link between one bit and the next, then when you get to the end, you know exactly what the next word is, because it links you to the next set. Once you get it, that set that goes. So if you write good links, the, when I struggled in the memory game,

during previews is when I hadn't wrote a good link and I get to the end and it drops off a cliff. And then I'm like, fuck, I don't know what to do. And you know, my whole show's like very callback heavy. So it's a lot to remember, you know what I mean? Cause it's lots of setups before the callback. Have you ever left out the- Lots, there's no way-

It's so funny when you're doing it. There's no way it's feeling when you're in the middle of a bit. And it's cause I'm very callback heavy from like, come back comedy. And you're in the middle of a bit and then you're halfway through and say like the punch lines like,

so he pissed on the tree, right? So you're halfway through a bit And i've just done it again. Just don't know. Um, just forgot me a bit. Um, Like say you're a minute into a story. Yeah, and you forgot to do that. Yeah And then that feeling you get in your head where you're like fuck i've got to finish this Finish this this new punch line. I gotta come to finish this. I've got to finish this. There's no punch lane. I've got to come up with either a new punch lane that works. I've done it. I've got to duck out of it.

Yeah, John, I'd done that, didn't I? Only a few weeks ago, didn't I? And then I just admitted to them on stage. Just said the last thing, yeah. I just went, so I forgot. And then I think I walked off and got back on again and done it the other week or so. I can't remember which one it was, yeah, yeah.

The worst one I had, which is the... Hello, Darlington. Yeah, fuck I know. Who had you two there? So I walked out and... Fuck, I always get mixed up. What's the other one? Richmond.

Was it me and Richmond? So you still don't know who it was? Yeah, he said hello, Darlington. Oh, yeah. Because we were talking just before, you know, before we went on stage. So in the green room, we were talking about doing a gig in Darlington.

Right. Have I just got that right? I don't know why I get mixed up with them, two, Richmond and Darlington. So we're saying, oh yeah, the boss gig in Darlington. Darlington, Darlington, whatever. And then I walked out and I went, hello, Darlington. Ah, no.

Nothing. And I went, weird. I went, oh, we're in Richmond. And I said, like, Dan, I went, like, oh, we're in Richmond. I went, oh, I'll just start again, just walk back off, come back on. I went, hello, Darlington. And then it just went.

I was like, I was just joking. Where do you think the worst place would be to do for that? I think saying hello, Sunderland, in Newcastle would be bad. I think you'd get glassed. That would be bad. I don't think it would be as bad to say hello, Edinburgh, and Glasgow. They would be annoyed, but like there's not like a Glasgow Ed and There's my opening tonight.

There's not like, there's not like Oh Glasgow! Cause both of those cities have got enough in-fighting in their own cities Yeah, yeah Between Hibbs and Harts and Selling and Rangers to give a fuck about each other that much Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah And Gaza if you come out going hello Israel I mean, do you want to repeat it or should I? Erm...

He's your mate, he's not my... LAUGHTER In Liverpool, saying hello Manchester, that would be... Oh, yeah, you get six down at your like. But, yeah, as I say, when I come back out, I said, hello darling, so you can you like to say I forgot again. I did just pull it in, so that was the first time.

Oh, right, so you're trying to do it as a- Yeah, yeah, like yeah. Just like if I keep doing it. And then I went back off again, and then come back on, I went, hello Richmond, and then you're like, hey! I'm like, you fucking hell.

Fucking cunts. Yeah, and that was a mad gig. Mate, we're fucking, we've breached it now, I'll get out of'all fucking day, but you've got a gig to get to with an eight hour run. So I've got to let you get across the M8. Thank you very much for having me on. I just want to say thanks as well for last night, mate. You coming down. Thank you.

Just jump out for me. It's nice going on for someone else's crowd. It's like them chucking in the keys to their motor. Yeah, we can have a little spin with it. I've been working for 10 minutes. I'm like, class, that don't interest me. But yeah, I say it's getting extended. So I want to be doing all the, all the, all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and

all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D's and all the D the keys to the motor. Yeah. Yeah. I'm working for 10 minutes. I'm like class that Tony. But yeah, I say it's getting extended. So I'm going to be doing all the dates that I've just done. And then obviously more getting added.

So, so wherever you are in the UK, there's a fucking strong chance Tony's going to be there. So make the most of that and go and see him in Hot Water Comedy Clubs, the website that's hosting all your dates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hot water comedy. Hot water and follow him on socials, watch his podcast, Hot Water Green Room. Comedy Club's website that's hosting all your dates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all on hotwatercomment.co.uk. Hot water, and follow him on socials,

watch his podcast, Hot Water Green Room. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Thanks, mate, nice one.