Sloss and Humphries On The Road - Wrong Border

Episode Date: April 24, 2024

Muggins and Cream get cozy on a bed in Chicago for their day off and recount their difficulty getting back into the states after a brief trip to Toronto. They receive a sizeable donation from country singer Willie Nelson in Detroit and befriend footballer and Kai's doppelgänger Matty Longstaff. #28   Improve the contents of your fridge with delicious cider from our partner Thistly Cross using your 10% off discount code. Enjoy! www.thistlycrosscider.co.uk Discount Code: THISTLYSLOSSAPRIL

Sloss and Humphreys on the road Muggins and cream, cream and muggins Straight thuggin', livin' the dream That's our intro Fuckin' muggles Ticklin' the clit inside your head that makes you laugh Woohoo! Ha ha ha!

They said it can't be done Are we in the same seats? That's hack Ah, muggles Accidental rim job in the park Kiss, kiss, kiss Or might just be cynical Just muggled it up on fuckin' Mugglepedia

Where have you been since 9-11? Good morning, mate. Hiya. Two weeks in now. Yeah. To an American tour with the family. How are you feeling? Good.

You found out you stank? I didn't. Well. Nah. I had people reply to that just going, I met you and you didn't stink. Mm-hmm. I probably had you on when I met them. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, it was a wild stance. What, that I just don't stink when I've just had a shower and I've put some clothes on and I haven't sweated yet? There's nothing to create an odor? Yeah. Just, okay. It's a wild stance.

Like, I think it's like a... Like, I wear deodorant if, like, I'm going to be exerting myself, if I'm going to be sweating, but not just lounging around the house or in the hotel it's like people who don't me ex-lice used to make us put it on for bed right I'd have my shower and then just before I went into bed she'd go put some deodorant on before I go to bed I've just got to the fucking show man there's times that I went and just went it made the sound of deodorant and I got into bed and she just didn't make any

complaint. It was like all in her head. Do you think she made me make an antiperspirant? Probably, I don't know. What was that then? That's a different one. I don't know. I just think it's nice not to just be like fucking covered in stuff from time to time.

Like I hate wearing suntan lotion. I'd sometimes rather be in the shade than have suntan lotion on. It's a full body thing. I just hate having, like... I mean, deodorant's not that bad. I'm being pointlessly whingy. But, like, you know,

I'll not spray deodorant if I'm, like, on a flight or on a bus or, like, in close confines. Yeah. Like, I'll not do that but that's fair but I just honestly

like I'm very confident considering how awful your arse smells like the shit that you produce that you're like there's absolutely no way

that any other part of me when just left to its own devices creates could be smelly yeah I just

like I think like if I sweat and then the just like I think like if I sweat and then the sweat dries I fucking stink and I can smell it but I just think just normally like not sweating I don't know that's true yeah you don't know what your own house smells like that's a funny

one like everyone's house has like a really unique smell yeah yours just doesn't have any I reckon that would be like a new anxiety for people there was something if somebody were a needless invention that would just give people a new uh fear societal fear would be like i can make you smell your own house smells like you're like i'd rather i'd rather taste my own camp, man. Yeah, didn't bring that to the table.

I lost the smell of chlorine for many years. You know, this distinct swimming pool smell that reminds you of your childhood. Yeah. Working as a lifeguard on the pool, could not smell it. It just reminded you of the smell of the death of children. Yeah, all the children that died on my watch.

I just couldn't smell chlorine. Like, it just wasn't there. It was like the smell of your own house kind of vibe on something as strong as chlorine. And then it was like recent years, like walking past a swimming pool, I smelled the chlorine again and I remember my childhood. Yeah.

And I'm like, oh, I've got that smell back. I can smell that again. What did it remind you of your childhood and not when you worked? Oh, because you didn't smell chlorine. No way there. Whereas you can totally smell it when you go swimming as a kid um see the hoxton hotel that we're in like as people watching the podcast can see we're sat on the bed because it's not all that spacious even though it sells itself as one of the like

higher well me and gara were just having a very privileged gripe you know what it's like it's like the popular cool person being a shit fuck and you're like privileged to be here but you got it wasn't as good as i thought it's gonna be yeah the hoxton really really prides itself or trendy trendy over like hey we can make this really, really tiny room hip. And you're like, can you maybe knock down the wall and make two rooms? Or just two rooms into one? No, no, no, no, no, no.

We're purely a capitalist organisation. Never forget, never forget. We're going to cram as many of you into such as small places as we can and just drip profit out of everywhere. But we sell coffee in the lobby and it's a bar up until like 3 a.m and everyone's on their laptop so it's like it's actually dead dead not it's an overpriced latte of a hotel yeah yeah it's not and you hit a point if your

friend has ever said i'm staying in the hoxton and gone, ooh, get that myth out of your head. No, it's not. You hit the nail on the head about the London one, the Holborn one. You're like, who are all these people in my hotel lobby? Yeah. You don't stay in the hotel. Why are you here? Get out of my lobby.

This is the place I'm going to wait with my bags. I can't get a seat because you've got your laptop open. Yeah, and again like obviously when we're in hotels we're looking for things that I guess like infrequent hotel stairs or not which is the average hotel user well I don't even know if that's true I think the average hotel user is people

like us well not like us but like people who travel with work regularly I guess I guess a lot of fucking businessmen aren't staying in their room for like 12 hours of time like we do. But it's, hoxhands are not all they're cracked up to be. The one in London has, I couldn't find the room numbers, man. I was walking along the lobby, just going, I don't want to be thick.

But none of these doors have numbers. I'd want to be thick But none of these doors have numbers The numbers were on the floor Little tiny circle of number on the floor Hoxton Hotel is where every single Soho theatre act wishes they could stay That's the dream for them And they pretend to love it

Yeah yeah They all write their Soho theatre shows In the lobby of Hoxton Hotels That's what this place is It's not as bad as The other fucking trendy one I think They all write their Soho theatre shows in the lobby of Hoxton Hotels. That's what this place is. It's not as bad as the other fucking trendy one, I think. It just sucks.

It's one of the worst hotels in the world. I hate it. And it's good. It's good. People like it. People I have no friends, they think it's the best. Moxie?

No, Moxie's are just shit in general. Moxie's are a scam um are they the ones that are like always in like kind of industrial buildings that have been refurbished but they've just left the concrete on display yes yes which is exactly like the urban in sydney which is just they're like hey we uh kind of trendily took over this abandoned warehouse i've gentrified a call of duty map. Yeah. You're like, oh, cool. Have you improved it in any way?

And they're like, there's muffins in the lobby. And you're like, okay, what about natural lighting? Do I get any of that thing that is widely regarded as one of the most important things? No, no, it's a neon light above there. But don't worry,'ve left two Shit free Beers in the fridge Trendy

Yeah Trendy Sucks Worst Did you see what I just did? I pressed record on the video Oh did you? People who are listening to the audio

Which is most of you This is the exact same podcast it was But the people who are Watching Have only just been given the splendor of The visuals right now Why am I like this? Why am I like this?

And it's not as if, yeah, I don't know if you're trying to improve But whatever your efforts are Of improvement Do not seem to be getting traction Nah Do you think you need to start doing like fucking Crosswords and stuff what to keep your mind right

maybe yeah like something like as I'm getting older to just keep my mind focused I should definitely get back into the meditation tip I feel like I was better at thinking then I just can't reading books is always good and I do that I want to get back into meditation

so much but I have such a love-hate relationship with Sam Harris. I think he's such an intelligent man. I enjoy a lot of his podcasts. And I enjoy some of his books. And I have mixed feelings about all of his work. But overall, I think he's great. And I love so much of his fucking meditation. But it's with everything that Sam Harris does

he's just talking for like 80% of the time you're like this is exactly what I need and then the last 20% you're like hi hi

hi and they're they're keeping your eyes open stuff like yeah oh just let me escape from the world

from my meditation yeah it's like forgive me sensory input man come on it Yeah, it's like... Don't give me sensory input, man. Come on. It's like, man, you can be as religious as you like, but if you make me join in prayer at a table, I'm seething. Absolutely seething.

I'll do it. I mean, I'll not look down, but I'll go, yeah, uh-huh. I don't think I've ever been asked to do that. Oh, I have. Yeah, you've got family, though. Yeah, and I've... Had married into family. God, his family aren't fucking religious.

Are they? No. No, no. You had a minister marry into your family. Oh, sorry. Minister, I thought it was... Oh, yeah, yeah. But my uncle was never

No I mean I don't think I guess at Christmas He sometimes would But with my dad He wouldn't make you pray He read the room Yeah he knew

That we wouldn't fucking do it But no I've been to Friends in Fucking primary school Next door My neighbours When I was growing up Were Christian

I had to stay with them A bunch of times I fucking hated it Fucking hated it fucking hated it these lot are religious quite a bit aren't they do you find them in your crowd or you don't get any of the religious people coming to your gigs do you? Oh I'm sure lots of people

in my audience are religious but there's you know the good type of religious which is where they keep it to themselves which is only good because you're keeping your stupidity on the inside still speaking of stupid how fucking dumb was that Uber driver which is where they keep it to themselves, which is only good because you're keeping your stupidity on the inside of still. Speaking of stupid,

how fucking dumb was that Uber driver last night? Oh, you literally said to them, look, we've got a car seat, but ideally we'll keep him asleep and not tie him to a chair and just keep him in my arms. So if you don't mind, it's just a short journey.

I'll keep him asleep in my arms, in Cara's arms. And then we'll quietly get Cara and sleeping child into the car. And then he just gets in, slams the door, and starts speaking at full volume across the back, asking questions about how we say things. Oh, and no concept. Just, you know, you talk to so many Americans and you're like, oh, you know what?

You know, I meet people after shows and stuff. Obviously some of my fans are stupid. But you meet the average American. You're like, maybe the average American isn't as dumb as I've been told that they are. I remember they are. And then you get to Ubers and you talk to these people. Could not fathom.

Just so little history of the world that English from the UK was the same as English in America. Yeah, you corrected him at one point. He was like, oh. Just like our English. So you speak just like our English. You speak like ours.

Yeah. Nice. Historically, it's from there. And then it was funny. What do you guys say for a car what do you say for car what do you say for money money

what do you say for a woman I just went bird just started making stuff up what do you say for munter the first time Cara looked at me because I mean Caitlinaelan was in his transitionary period of just like

semi-asleep semi-conscious in and out loud American man yelling not really fucking helping but just the stupidity Kara just kept looking at me like is this real I thought we were on camera like I was like this is one real? I thought we were on camera.

I was like, this is one of those things. There's no way a man with a driver's license is an adult man is this uneducated and just out in the world. He seemed so excited by the exotic beings that he had

in his car. Yeah, of a country that I guarantee you couldn't point out on a map now fair enough I might not be able to point out on a map of America where Oklahoma is I could probably point out where Chicago is but I might not be able to

fucking Tulsa like the weird obscure places are we able to point to most of I think but then again I don't think that's true for the rest of the Are we able to point to most of I think, but then again I don't think that's true for the rest of the UK We've travelled here A fair bit But I do feel we have a standard

I know the history of America I feel like we're taught The history of America in like UK Schools a little bit Yeah, I mean vague I've got like a vague idea Yeah, I don't I couldn't do a podcast on it no and stopped us before you know but you just like I was like at the back just going oh my god this guy is just not just doing what you hate and just talking on a pony like all the way for

the journey but do the way their child's asleep and you just seem to just go right this is what it is except in reality and you're just pleasant with them okay there's no man if carter was a car was right with that then you know caitlin wasn't really staring he was flat out um so what have we done since because it's actually been a while since we recorded a podcast because we've done it in Bethlehem and then we've done a full week in the tour bus so this is our first hotel a week after because we're having Mondays off

we went to Canada and Canadian border guard Canadian border entry is so pleasant Like it's just But also he done the stupidest thing I've ever seen in my life Dumbest And I don't know how much that's going to be a problem in the future

Oh well regardless we're going to have to He was the nicest man in the world But he does have to lose his job Yeah So he opened the passport onto the ID page ID'd it to Cara, and then proceeded to stamp that page. Not flick to an empty page,

stamp the page opposite, yeah, photo, which is also, does that have information on it? I can't remember. Yeah, well, it specifically says, do not stamp here. It's like notes about the passport. What the fuck kind of deface in Cara's passport? Is that anything?

Caelan's as well? Yeah. And then I think he clicked on his mistake and done the rest of it just fine yeah but like

is that gonna be a problem when you're going through some like jobs worth in Dubai or something like and and then

could she be fucked is that is that void is your passport void if you've defaced that page no even if it's with a stamp?

No, no, I don't think it's void. You've probably got jobs worth, which is why it's not, which is, the only place you really find jobs worth at border control is America. America.

Which had a problem coming through. That guy was a dick. Oh, my God. That guy was a fucking dick. Yeah. On the way through Like just Like really harshly

Questioning your parenting By just going Why would you have a child On a tour bus Because I'm fucking You're like Because I'm on tour Because I'm on tour

And I bring my family Because I'm at work And I've got a two year old And we live Aye On this bus now Yeah And what he's not out of school

He's not He doesn't have a He doesn't have a job to get to on monday trying to explain like trying to explain travel to an american is always difficult but he was so fucking judgmental in a position where you couldn't exactly oh you can never give them the stank they deserve back nah because he's in such a position of power and he didn't want to let we're through no like he did not want to let we through. Like he did not want to let we through. Even though we just popped out to Canada for one day and the whole tour and the whole visa and the whole operation is based

in America. He wanted fucking none of that. And then made we go into this like secondary room to get checked out where everyone just blanked were. We sat there with nobody waiting. Nobody in the waiting room. At least initially when we went in nobody in the waiting room. And least initially when we went in, nobody in the waiting room.

And about like six or seven guys, some sat at their window, some just milling around. You go up and talk to them and they just like pat you off and then eventually call you. You guys? And then, no, no, no, no. You and you, but not you. And you're like, well, you can't just blanket say you guys.

And then when we all walk up, decide which one of us is you want and then act like we're the thick ones like fucking purposefully not to sound like not to sound like every racist american here right the wrong border guys this is like i like i don't know if you've watched your news but the invasion that you think is happening it's not coming the north. It's not Canada they're not coming over to get less fucking healthcare like there is no Canadians looking at the current

American political situation and be like fucking get me in there man get me in there for love of money I'm abandoning my family I'm leaving my fucking my job I'm leaving my my job i'm leaving my home country get me in there i'm gonna sneak it on a goddamn tour bus there's just no there's no sense of critical i watched uh the film civil war in a cinema in toronto

and what a great environment to watch that film is that that was porn for them. Like they were slow wanking all the way through that movie as they just watched America crumble in the near future. Yeah. And there was one bit which, like, look, people consider spoilers as different things. I don't consider this a spoiler. I'm spoiling a joke from the film, not part of the plot.

There's a bit where she offered $300 to pay for fuel and the guy was like 300 won't get you a sandwich and then she went canadian dollars and he was like oh yeah yeah get all the fuel you need the canadians roared with laughter yeah at the fictional situation where their dollar was better yeah yeah well yeah i mean it's a highly fictional situation. Yeah, that was fun. And then, like, what a lovely lad Matty Longstaff is. Let's talk about this.

I just took a punt, right? I'm obviously a big Newcastle United fan and there's two Geordie lads played for Newcastle. One still does, the Longstaff brother. Sean still plays for us. Matty Longstaff had an injury, went out on loan and he's come back from his knee injury and he's went out playing the MLS

and he plays for Toronto and I was like you know what I know what it's like being miles from home and not hearing another Geordie accent and he's been in the same spot for a few months now and it might be nice to just reach out to him and get a look do you want some free tickets to come to the comedy show and being able to understand

Free? Yeah I'll come to them in I'll come to them in but don't you worry he's going to sort me out with tickets for Newcastle matches so rest assured that didn't go to waste Daniel

So I had him and a couple of his friends well it was a lad whose dad used to play ice hockey with and his wife who's from Whitley Bay so a Canadian guy

and his Geordie missus come in with him and hung out backstage and that and fucking what a nice kid he is man it was so funny because you've got a bit

in your set where you go you get into the bit about being a parent and then you go I hate it when comedians do material about having children it's a lot like foot premier league football has come to the mls like i get what

you're doing but nobody respects it and then you pointed it directly at matty longstaff you're like sorry matty oh no no i did the joke and i heard him laugh yeah and i was like there he is and then when he come backstage he was like it's totally true he's like you need to apologise for that man I find it so funny how sensitive like when you make fun

of the MLS over here and just like the quality of it America's get very like fucking

defensive being like oh better all the other sports and you're like aye but you but you do want to be good at soccer

yeah it's the ethical retirement home yeah like Messi coming here for his last years is so much better than Ronaldo

going to the South League yeah like anyone that goes to the Chinese League and that Suarez shouldn't be over here

Suarez belongs in Saudi oh yeah Suarez is a fucking dog he should be in China really Messi's allowed to be over here Suarez belongs in Saudi oh yeah Suarez is a fucking dog he should be in China really Messi's allowed to be over here

because and yes he's a tax dodger but what American isn't but I didn't even get a chance to ask Matty that

if he got to play against Messi because they're in the same league well I mean I think to be fair I think the MLS

season's only fucking four or five games in at the moment they start well late. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's a different season, isn't it?

Yeah. And it's madder that half of the league get half of the season off. Because if you finish in the bottom half, you're done in the top half going to playoffs. Yeah, everything just has to be knockout stuff here. Yeah. I reckon that's why they went so hot So like you could You could finish

The actual league In like I don't know how many teams Are in it But let's say Eighth place And end up winning the league After you've

Like there's no point In the league system Just have a cup Just have a cup Willie Nelson gave his money Aye that was fucking insane That was like back to back days as well Like hanging out with Marty Longstaff

And then getting money from Willie Nelson And not an insubstantial amount of money Oh a real amount of money Like to a lot of people Maybe not like a life Altering amount of money But certainly a life changing It's more than I would have

getting paid for a month's work at the leisure centre yeah well even in selling dollars no because it's like it's fifteen hundred dollars

each like that's probably about at the minute about eleven twelve hundred pounds right no you don't think so fifteen hundred

because I would get just over a grand, like maybe it's £1,100 after tax at the leisure centre. And then if I worked overtime, I'd never breached £2,000, even if I worked every fucking hour the leisure centre was open, which sometimes I did. And he'd just give it to us in an envelope in cash.

£1,500 is about, I'm going to say 1,300 pounds. Yeah? Yeah. So, yeah. The pounds are fucked at the moment. A month's wage. That is literally like 160 hours work for working at the sports centre. And it was like the Live Nation rep was just like smiling as he gives it,

just like, I don't know how to. And I was like, I had to make him explain a bunch of times I was like so wait a minute like Willie Nelson's just giving us cash Willie Nelson runs a charity a foundation a foundation called On The Road and for those of you that might not know who

Willie Nelson is he's an incredibly famous country singer in the states and the world he's one of the biggest stoners in the world. I think he's like the only person that Snoop Dogg has ever freely admitted has smoked him under the table. He owns cannabis farms across America

and Canada. I believe he's a philanthropist. I mean, I love him just because he's a big fucking stoner. He's 90 years old. He's lived a fucking life he's seen it all done it all, spent it all and now he's just

like I just want these like younger hungry people to have a speed boost anyone that's tours in like a bunch of venues that he chooses to have the foundation at gets 1500 in contribution towards

like... Well just a little note like fill your tour bus with your favourite comforts and snacks. Yeah this one's for the tour bus, this one's for petrol and this one's for like food on the road so I mean... And all the subtext is like there's your drug money. Yeah well I mean yeah yeah yeah I mean me and Cara were

discussing this because I was like well obviously we'll tip the bus driver we'll tip the tour manager Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, me and Cara were discussing this because I was like, look, well, obviously, we'll tip the bus driver. We'll tip the tour manager. You know, if we've been given this, we'll spread it. We'll obviously buy Caitlin something nice. We'll use them.

Might buy herself something. And I'm like, and I'm just like, Cara, just so you know, I know the letter said tour bus stuff. I know Willie Nelson, not personally, but I know Willie Nelson. He wants me to spend to spend on drugs yeah right at least 200 bucks on that it's going on quick Willie Nelson has to buy me marijuana Canada is happening and she gets it yeah cuz I'm a I've got Natalie coming out for to join us for a week

what uh-huh yeah New York uh-huh my she came to New York? I think we all do. I think we were specifically told not to forget. Well, I forgot. Let's just say I forgot. So she's coming out in New York. I'm like, well, that's like expenses covered for my wife joining us. Like it's literally not taking a penny out of my wage for my wife to be here. Fucking Willie Nelson, man. I know you've booked your holiday to the Maldives and you've done your... On a fucking avios point. I know, your little fucking Tory fucking coupon cutting. Do you know, here's my first world problem. Can I just say, I think it I just say I think it would be

I think that would be my red flag with Natalie early daughters if me and her had ever been in a relationship oh she's gonna save us loads of money

yeah oh no like watching you two book a holiday together like I'm glad you both find joy in that with each other because I would be like

I would have killed myself if I had to go through any of this you love giving your money to corporations absolutely no no no I love

you get a kick out of it to the point it's a red flag of people trying to I love my time just mine to be mine and to not be it's mad that you spend

a lot of it on the road making money so that you can give it to corporations for no reason yeah yeah but on those yeah exactly

there's more time for me right so anyway a false economy makes no sense to us given the corporations for no reason. Yeah, but on those, yeah, exactly. There's more time for me. Right, so anyway, a false economy makes no sense to us. But I used Avios for the flights, but obviously when I booked the accommodation, that's just money that we're spending. I forgot to go through the Avios app to get the booking.com six points per pound spent. And that's a lot of Avios.

That's probably a free one way flight to New York because Natalie's return was like, you know, I've, I went there, I went to do the free cancellation on booking.com and rebook it through the app, which would have took us like less time than it takes you to fucking doom scroll and get angry on your phone. My time. So I went to do it,

but I had a free upgrade and I would have lost the free upgrade if I cancelled it. So I would have had to have less accommodation to have more Avios points and that's where I drew the line. It's such a weird aversion because it's not like you do a great deal of

productivity with your time. You're normally just like arguing with Cullen or like getting angry. You're certainly projecting that. I haven't argued. I watched it. I was watching it. When did you? Real time about Wrexham. That wasn't an argument. Oh, you were saying you weren't a real fan

for supporting it or something? Oh yeah, but yeah, this is where I were saying you weren't a real fan for supporting it or something oh yeah but yeah this is where I'm saying you're projecting unlike you I wasn't triggered by that and had an argument with Cullen

me and Cullen were just talking to each other I'll have you know Cullen if you're watching this he put his phone down and gave some stank about you he actually gave it about Mark Nelson

I gave it about Mark Nelson and then you picked up your phone and went oh it was Cullen and you stuck it all to Mark I mean you're going wild here these are some

absolute swings I don't know what I am sorry I questioned your Tory coupon cutting it's clearly upset you do whatever you want

to do to save money I'm sorry I apologise I don't know what a spin that is Tory coupon cutting it's spin that is Tory coupon cutting It's Tory coupon cutting

Tory Coupon cutting Aye No no That's Tory To get To get To get

To get To the Maldives Huh? To get To the Maldives Oh man If you can bend the world So that you can go to the Maldives

When you shouldn't be there Tory coupon cutting Aye Wow I think that's I think that's very backwards of you. That's backwards thinking. No, I just.

Like if you think that I'm the Tory one in the situation that I've like made, because I wouldn't be able to count the Maldives on the full ticket, like what he did for which is blindly just that one that one that one yeah that's not

that's not where I am right but if I click Navios points when I buy things if I go a little bit further on the island

yeah yeah yeah but on a specific credit card like it's like it's on a very specific if I spend all my money on this specific art,

I get these points. That's Tony Cooper cutting. Okay. Right. It's extreme. Yeah. It's Tony Kellogg's cereal box collecting. It's the higher version of that.

Yeah. Start from the bottom. Yeah. Right. I'm just saying. It's the top end. You're doing high-end coupon collecting in a dory way.

Kind of. Also, do you know where all these avid points come from? From using that credit card to book your stag do, Manny's stag do, like all of the best man stuff that I did. I was getting a point per pound on every pound that everybody spent. I like having one card.

It's my favourite thing This card buys this If we don't accept this card, cool, you'll never see my money My pet hate Anywhere is Not accepting currency If you don't accept cash That's the worst one, if you don't accept cash

I hate it the most Oh my god, you are just making certain That we get skimmed on every single transaction yeah right and also like really fucking shit too like uh it's just a way of making sure that no homeless person ever comes into your establishment i think it's just that's in a bit like we're gonna clear out the riffraff with this. We don't want people who pay with change here. Yeah. I'm really against the cashless. I guess there probably is some,

the play levels are good. Like your staff aren't going to dip from the till if it's all electronic, right? If you've got that kind of paranoia, you're probably going to have to do a lot more of administrative stuff, like getting the money, putting the bank and moved like whatever right but still just accept cash like it's fucking it's it's legal tender it's currency

and also it's a fucking dangerous game to play if we all did that and then all of a sudden nobody's got cash and we're all just fucking numbers on a screen like even the the least conspiracy theory conspiracy theory guy realized that we've got fucking full control over if we're money's data anyone that doesn't accept card aye I've got money I'm trying to give you money

it's 2024 you fucking piece of shit no it doesn't make any sense this is happening in real time it doesn't make any sense This is happening in real time It doesn't make any sense I check out at one Just going on What's he going on

I Like I I check out at one o'clock I check out at one o'clock Like I come in Tidy up And then I'm just going to

Climb straight back into bed Nice And just have a little Roll around in that Get out of the toilet stink the place through have a shite brush my teeth

leave a little toothpaste on the counter and go right there we're done I'm done in there if you want to fucking dream it again we had a weird

I don't know what that was some kind of weird fetish you've got I'll never understand you have access to the same they've all got that thing out there

that lets them know who's checked in and who's checked out and all that You've got to say it in real time You've got to witness it Every fucking hotel I've been in One night, I stayed here one night

Wait till we're gone I'll just lift my feet and I'll just eat this biscuit I do find I was thinking of this on the way up today over there like, aye, me bubba, me bush, then I just eat this biscuit. Like, fucking. I do find, I was thinking of this on the way up today to this hotel room of feeling like,

you know how you suddenly go when you're walking around and you see shitty things that people have done to the world, whether it's like vandalism or like littering or like,

even just the fucking, you know, the gross stuff that people do at buffets where they're like they they're clearly one set of tongs for this one set of tongs for that and they just throw people who just don't have care use the bacon tongues on the vegan option or whatever yeah yeah little things like that we just couldn't look here's the thing where we all had a chance to be a community and just someone always just goes i won't be part of this community which is still being part of that community by the way not being part of it is not interacting with it at all and sneering going up and ruining it is actively going against it regardless i'm like i don't know

why people get into that uh into that fucking headspace and then when i was walking this around this hotel there were so many things that annoyed me that that's when I realised I started being on my worst behaviour. Like, just in the terms of when I got not fully part of this, this is an act of stupid fucking petulance. Sat there, right? Got a bit of a blocked nose, right? Get my tissue out, fucking blow my nose,

got a bit of a bogey in my hand. I go, that's gross, right? Been waiting for the elevator for fucking three minutes at this point. Can't make me wait for an elevator in a long time in an expensive hotel. Get more elevators. You know exactly how many people

are going to be staying in your hotel. You know how many elevators you need to keep the flow of that going. You've done a poor job. Bogey on the elevator. You bogeyed the elevator? Just. Not on any of the buttons that people are going to touch.

No? But you just do your way around the wall of the elevator with a spade? the elevator just not on any of the buttons that people are going to touch no but you you just you waved on the wall of the elevator with a spade just there you go that's a I think that's where

the anti-social behaviour comes from I think you're getting an ASBO for that 100% absolutely I think you're getting an absolute ASBO

for putting bogeys on the wall of a hotel yeah because I guess they're just as angry as you about the thing and you haven't took it on the staff yeah yeah you haven't took it on the staff

yeah yeah you haven't took it on the poor cunt that leans against the fucking elevator

while it's taking so long yeah well I mean it's the act of taking out this is it's the act

of taking out on the hotel and look if you ever get the chance to stay at the Hoxton I'm sure you'll

find it lovely because you won't be spending all fucking day in it like we do I've never done it

but is it unethical to feed a bogey to a dog yeah I've never done it But is it unethical To feed a bogey To a dog Yeah I've never I've never done it I wouldn't do it

I don't think I would But like But there has been times Where I've like Rubbed my nose like that And I'm like I'm not going to eat it now Because

I've had this conversation I've seen Peggy eat worse Like Yeah no 100% It's not going to harm the dog And then I'll go And get a tissue And I'll wipe it off

And I'll get it out of the bin Yeah There's no She could have had that she would have probably loved it yeah there's absolutely no harm that would give to that dog i refuse to believe but you just didn't dare to respect yeah it feels like i think dogs have have dignity too i really believe that i think dogs have dignity way less than us though right way less and i don't know if that would affect the dignity or not but in my eyes it would i don't know man I've seen I've seen a dog eat salami at my friend's ass

before huh yeah you watch be shelly no mm-hmm believe he did no it was like it was thinly veiled as a party trick hmm but he got his ass licked by a dog in there and they in the delivery of that salami and when he was just drunk and and I mean he was finished dog salami and he was enjoying this lamb in the dog was enjoying the salami and there's one bit left and he was like everyone to give to the dog by they want it was I'm really drunken stoned and then made the internal compromise to supply this here much the dog wants it claims it between his butt and it turns out the dog was like

it's the thing I wanted to smell anyway fucking what is this are you going to serve me ice cream and a flower next if that went on the internet how much do you think

that would be like people find it funny and other people like thinking that it was abhorrent oh I don't think it would be too much what do you think the split would be on the internet

if a friend was on 75-25 because it wasn't deep in there like if there was any chance there was no chance of it being sexual

like it wasn't it wasn't like it wasn't like he clenched it hard in there and the dog had to like go in repeatedly to get it

it was very much it was more like a platter yeah it was like grab one away. He straight 25, 25% against just cause you're always going to find people want to,

people want to kick off on the internet. Like, and it's so obvious, but with dogs and animals, especially people really like relish the chance to kick off. Now he has something that happened recently. And I don't like, I want to get the facts of it even slightly wrong

because Natalie will be ringing us and leaving voice memos. So Natalie, I'll endeavour to do this as best as possible. Somebody brought in a puppy adolescent Doberman that was rescued from a foreign country and had been rescued from people who had clipped its ears. You know, that's something that happens to Dobermans where they clip their ears to make them look pointy and more scary and more devil dog than the nice friendly floppy ears that they might have so they're bandaged up and the vets told

the new family like you've got to keep them bandaged up like the damage has been done we need to like let them heal and all that right so um brings this puppy nice natured puppy um with clipped ears to the dog park and ends up on the social media. And there's just a bunch of people going, I can't believe you're endorsing this behaviour. I can't believe you're letting people clip their dog's ears and then bring them to the dog park and all that.

And she's getting a bit of stank off that. And she's like, the person rescued it from that. This is the rehabilitation, like kind of, like not even rehabilitation Because it wasn't even A reactive dog It was just a nice dog That had been abused And now

Because it's on Natalie's social media She's having to look like she's endorsing that behaviour And nobody's even Thinking to do A scrap of diligence on what they're kicking off at I think there needs to be like on online licenses and vehicles we got to start treating your online presence like a car that you drive like i think we've got to go fully the other way and be like it's got to

be fully traceable by the fucking government like it's got to be like you know this is me going over to this website, this website. We can see where you've been. We can see your reaction. And if you're like somebody that goes to lots of conspiracy websites or you leave lots of like, and like when a tragedy happens and you do lots of speculation and that speculation goes out in the world and it comes back and it turns out it's not true, your license just goes down and down and down over time you get more points on it

and just your vote's worth less than the end I like em you should just be like your commenting privileges should just be denied you could go right you've made too many comments that like prove to be wrong yeah you're just you're done that like your voice is exempt from the internet

yes you're just you're just you're actually a danger to online just in there. And by the way, we're still leaving the pedos on here. We're just getting rid of you first. You actually do way more damage than those beasts. And we hate those. Those are the only people both sides of the political spectrum can agree are the fucking worst.

But they seem to be adding more than you. Yeah, yeah. In conversation Which makes sense because I guess they're grooming people Yeah, they're trying to be affable Yeah, yeah, yeah But you, all you do is you leave negative comments With just no knowledge or research

I am I keep thinking like I'm a smart sloop online or that like I have maybe like a higher level of of finding out the truth yeah of cross-checking

different stories no no I think I definitely have that I definitely have the ability to cross-check and fact-check more and I do more research but I mean on the other side

I think because I do this my expectation that I'll not be suckered in as quickly as other people is very, very false. We were sending horrible videos to each other, me and my friends, and Cullen sent in the one of, like, there's just this guy with a,

he's a fat guy, you know, American, obviously, say hi-vis on, he gets out his gun, he starts firing it into a fucking pickup truck Through the window Pickup truck reverses, drives away Just looks like a fucking act of road rage

And then just like this fat American standing on the road In his high-vis, being like woo And then a guy beside him starts running away Turns around and the pickup truck just fucking Balls through I saw that video yeah So I'm watching that. Now, my first reaction.

I think you missed the shot. You were shooting through the window of the car. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, this is the most American thing I've ever seen. Without knowing anything about this video, I know how everyone in it voted. I know how the person filmed it voted. I know whose side I'm on. on like what a fucking stupid dumb cunt

got his gun out in a bit of a road race shot through a window got hit by a car you got into a fight you lost it all my initial reactions just being like fucking this is deserved I love karma I love retribution and then I do what I always do I'm like okay try and find out what's actually

fucking happened here oh man it was the second half of a And then I do what I always do. I'm like, okay, try to find out what's actually fucking happened here. Oh, man. Oh, man. It was the second half of a car jacking. So the guy in the car. It was his pickup truck. He'd been pulled out of the car by a guy. The guy got into the car.

He pulled out his gun in a panic moment shot. He took warning shots because he didn't want to kill a man. He's just a guy. He's just a guy. He wants to let him know he's armed. because he didn't want to kill a man he's just a guy he's just a guy he wants to let him know he's armed or I mean or maybe we don't know that

he couldn't have missed no he couldn't have missed soldier that fires over the top of the head of the the imposing army no no no no no I mean

we've got no way of knowing what was going he couldn't have missed eh I mean he dead and all that means he meant to miss nah

nah see we nah he's letting the the warning shots there he's fucking I mean he did and all that means he meant to miss nah nah do we nah he's letting the warning shots out he's fucking scaring the guy he's both hands over

can I can you fucking leave it down unless he clipped him a couple of times that could have been okay well I didn't do the research

I didn't do the research that it didn't go I mean it's just been blanks the second I found out I was wrong I was like oh well

well I guess I'll feel less good about that then then I'll feel sad it didn't go I think you've just been blanks the second I found out I was wrong I was like oh well well I guess I'll feel less good about that then then I feel sad I I think to even like to even speak up

in the comments on a video and like the context like like even that video where you were sure that you knew

what was going on I bet you wouldn't have put your two pennies doing it in the comments in a million years no no but absolutely would have shared that video with friends with just the comment good hi jordan freud hi like the same way i shared that story of that fucking guy who set himself alight outside the trump courtroom. What happened there? Can't set himself on fire. What for? Because he's a fucking idiot. What was his side of reason? There was no side of reason, he was a conspiracy theorist. What was the protesting aid of? The government are all fucking lizards and Donald Trump is innocent and... So he was like a

pro-Trump, anti-Biden I think he was, to be fair, I think he was also he might have been like anti- Trump, he was anti-government he was anti-American, he was a conspiracy theorist he was a literal fucking nutjob and was a

stalker as well and Now he's, did he die? he was in critical condition and they tend to not make it that seems like the start of a super villain he's going to come back a super villain

you have to know he had a fucking mental case beforehand I think the Joker was normal before he was what was to faces origin story have you done it was the how did he get his face all melted again oh in the comic books like is there is a generic story across all things I was it like the joke I wear this different origin story no Harvey Dent was the district attorney and he was like and then I think one of the cases he was doing someday threw acid in his face while he was at the,

he was a really good lawyer and then burned it away. That's that because he's at the start of Arkham City and I've just started playing it now. I played Arkham Asylum when we lived together. I played that through. I wanted to play it again just to recap. It's incompatible on the Steam Deck. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, but Arkham City is compatible, so I started playing that. And it holds up, man. I couldn't believe when I looked up and it's 13 years old, Arkham City. It's the tits. It's like the graphics and the – you know what? When I'm playing and stringing combos together and stuff, right? I'm like, oh, excellent. But I've played God of War and Spider-Man since then.

So like there is a little bit of Shoulders of Giants going on, but it still holds up graphics and gameplay and functionality wise. It's not quite as flown as the aforementioned games I just said, but still like like great like the way the plot develops the way the map develops like what an excellent game malcolm city is so far i've only played it for like three hours at the moment i wonder if the new um the suicide squad game was any good because it looked class in the trailers and apparently it was similar developers but i think the fact

that i've not heard anything about it since suggests that it might have been a bit shite i also haven't played a fallout game since fallout 3 that's the only one i have played and i loved it they're like you know when you put the neck collars on somebody so that you can bust them around or blow their head up and all that that was fallout 3 wasn't it i think so um so i just was like this is a resurgence of it with a with a series so more people are buying the game and that and i just like googled like the best fallout game thinking that it was going to be fallout 3 the one i played um fallout new vegas apparently is the one and i've never touched that game yet so i've got i've got that to play i'm going to play

fallout new vegas all right the fall That's next on my list Either that or Arkham Knight depending on whether I need a gear change I don't think Arkham Knight was as good as

whatever the second one was Oh wait Arkham Knight's the most recent What's the Arkham City Arkham Asylum

City Night City's better than Night Is it Yeah Night's not that good

Yeah so I may just go on to Fallout New Vegas I think Knight is also I don't know how true it was But I think it's Mark Hamill's Last outing as the Joker How is it?

Well I mean He said that at the time I don't know How much he's stuck To that since Since he seems like One of those football managers That just never wants to retire

He's like I'm gonna I'm gonna retire now Like do the joke one more time he's like I'll manage one more time going in and going out for old time's sake What is like an iconic game you haven't played?

Em You play Red Dead Redemption? Yeah You play The Witcher? No I hate The Witcher I played The Witcher, oh to be, I played The Witcher for 24 hours. It made a very informed decision that it was just a, despite how, air quotes, amazing the storyline is, that it's just an objectively bad game.

I think the battle system's a bit weird. I couldn't get the hang of that. I think it may be better on PC with a keyboard. Yeah, maybe. I'd like to see a modern version of it I didn't I didn't I didn't feel like it's standard the test of time no I don't even think I'd give the new one a go nah not really fucking a that and he played all the Grand Theft Games yeah to be fair I don't think I've completed any One since like fucking Vice City

I never did complete five I always got so far And then I like ran through from the beginning And got kind of at the same point again But never One of the best experiences in gaming Of me life Was completing San Andreas

And getting the jetpack. Oh yeah. That was, I just remember like, cause that was just like buzzing around the city on your jetpack. Like that was brand new.

Like that kind of, that kind of ability hadn't been done before in games. Yeah. To just be able to explore the map on like every axis. Oh, I'll tell you what games I've,

I've never played any of the metal gear solids oh really no okay that's a bit that's more generational than anything else though yeah because like the metal gear games the original ones were the iconic ones and they won't really give a fuck about the like anything after two um so like yeah you'd you'd be having to go like down the like avenue of retro game to play that? It didn't just pass you by. You would have to go and dig it out. I can't think.

I mean, I think I've got... What about Civilization? Did you ever play that? Oh, yeah. Not a fan. Not a fan. Because I love that sort of game, but I've never played it, so I might put that on the list.

Which Civilization is the... I'm going to... You know what? If you know which Civilization is the best, you can tell us, but I can never played it so I might put that on the list which civilisations I'm going to you know what if you know which civilisations are the best you can tell us but I can also just google it and I'm sure it's like a

common you can do the one where Gandhi you can make Gandhi a fascist can you yeah because they made him too pure

in the programming I can't remember how it went wrong but it's essentially like if you they made him too peaceful one way that he just

yeah yeah yeah and he's like the most aggressive player I mean obviously they've patched it and fixed it but there was just a time where you'd be playing

Civilization V and it's like Gandhi is invading he would start empire building oh absolutely he'd roll through Norway he'd roll through a town of the hun

he'd get to your door oh you know what still malnourished I'm gonna queue up that game I'm gonna I'm gonna make room for more gaming in me malnourished I'm going to queue up that game, I'm going to make room for more gaming in my life I'm preparing for lots of things too

binge and watch and read and play when family leave but we've got about 7-8 days 7 days till the tour bus finishes when family leave but we've got about seven, eight days seven days till the tour bus finishes and then a few flights

and then five days New York so you've got about two weeks with your family and tour bus is still fucking fun man yeah the one thing I've learned from the tour bus experience is you could do it for an extended period of time

yeah and I think I think it helps to have this every now and again 100% a weekly bed yeah a weekly double bed and breakaway like kind of because it's not like i don't we don't have breakaway space either because every venue lets us in from nine so we'll get we'll arrive there

at about that time i have sometimes have breakfast on the tour bus and hang out together in the morning and but then i can go and just like take my suitcase into the venue, have myself a workout and get showered and everything. And it's like we're not being robbed of privacy. Like we're getting to have the time that you would have in a hotel. And also just having the time during the fucking day. Still got a way to go. We'll find out. There was a time the other day when I got into my bank and I was like

have my feet always been able to fucking touch the bottom of this and I mean they must have but I think like you didn't stretch out a great deal

no or maybe just like the novel he's wearing off because you've got a double bed in your room but it's like for three of you it's just

less than two singles yeah so you actually by just like can't have a cuddle up with them and then claim into a single bed. That's the rational way of doing it. Um,

I had trouble, uh, after the last podcast we did where all the whiskey that were drank, I didn't enjoy waking up with a hangover on a bumpy road. It was just especially bumpy road as well. It was like one of them where like the motorway just seems to go like you know sometimes when you're approaching a roundabout yeah and they put them like fucking yellow thick strips of paint on that make uh yeah it felt like the whole motorway i was drawn of them and i'm hung over and i woke up with the

driest mouth and a banging headache and try to combat that by downing a bottle of water. And as soon as that water, like, it didn't even seem to get past my diaphragm. It just went, you're coming back up. And I just ran through and I managed to grab a paper coffee cup and filled it, like, to the brim without spilling a drop. Then again? Straight back to doing the hatch like a dog. Like a dog. So that was... Look, Gordo in the eye went,

that counts as two glasses of water. That was the one time where I was like, oh God, this isn't the place to be hung over or hammered. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I've had a reasonably healthy run at it. that was the one time where I was like oh god this isn't the place to be hung over or like hammered no yeah yeah I have because I've had a reasonably healthy run at it like I've

I haven't smoked any weed I've had a couple of cigarettes with when I smoke I joined us yeah like two literally two cigarettes

em I've not I've not drank apart from the one that we did and I do wonder I reckon if we'd been on any other tour

doing this drinking the way we used to we would have hated the tour bus. That tour bus is not the place you want to be if you're drunk and hungover. Yeah it's not a party thing. It's not a party thing and if it is, dig it in your 20s Yeah. Big. Yeah and also if you're doing it in your 20s, you're not making

enough money in your 20s to be doing a fucking tour bus Yeah you should be saving some of that this may not last yeah so that that was the one time where I was like oh the road the road is rough

if you're hungover if you're bumping around and lying in this like little cabin but that cabin is totally totally fine for like going to bed

reading my book until my eyes get tired and then nodding off. And then sometimes you'll wake up when it starts moving, but you can get back to sleep again. I'm still loving it. Right, I'm going to go beat my child up.

He deserves it. Aye. And don't put anything in the comments. You don't know the full story. Aye. I don't even know the story yet. I'm just going to go in there and fucking... You can find a reason,

but there will be a reason. There always is. You look hard enough. They're not perfect. You'll find one. You don't even know the story yet I'm just going to go in there and fucking find a reason but there will be a reason there always is you look hard enough they're not perfect you'll find one you don't know the context so just like you know what

Bruce's heel thank you to everyone who's coming to the show so far and if you want to see us in the next week google it see you soon