Small Town Murder - #75 - Not Much Of A Plan in Warren, Rhode Island

Episode Date: July 6, 2018

This week, in Warren, Rhode Island, a friendly couple, with a history of drugs & problems with the law just disappears one day, leaving everyone scrambling to find them. Did they go on a motorcycle trip? Did they break up & run in separate directions? Or, were they murdered & hidden in a truly awful place? Either way, it's funny, so enjoy!! Along the way, we find out exactly what the word "folks" really means, that you should never let your son's girlfriend move into your house, and the location of the absolute, most disgusting place to eat a meal, while the police search for corpses!! Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman New episodes every Thursday!!Please subscribe, rate, and review!Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever you listen to podcasts!Head to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things Small Town Murder!For merchandise: crimeinsports.threadless.comCheck out James and Jimmie's other show: Crime in Sports Follow us on social media!Facebook: facebook.com/smalltownpodInstagram: instagram.com/smalltownmurderTwitter: twitter.com/MurderSmall Contact the show: [e-mail] See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Small Town Murder early and ad-free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. What if you married the love of your life and then stood by them as they developed 21 new identities? What would you do? This Is Actually Happening is a weekly podcast that features extraordinary true stories of life-changing events told by the people who lived them. Listen to the newest season of This Is Actually Happening on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. This week, we look at the colonial town of Warren, Rhode Island, where a family looked much different behind closed doors than they seem to the outside world. Welcome to Small Town Murder.

Yay! Oh, yay indeed, Jimmy. Yay indeed. My name is James Petrigallo. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wissman. Thank you folks so much for joining us. Again. Oh, again. And we're psyched this week because this is the first official recording

in the studio. This is it. That we've built, that you've built for us, that you've helped us. Well, you gave us the money and then we took it and bought shit and put it up on the walls and got microphones and stuff. But when we say your Patreon donations and your PayPal donations and all that sort of thing, they help out a lot.

We can do things like this. From now on, now that we have our own studio, we had a lot of problems with scheduling. Because we were only allowed to use a studio. We used it at a radio station. We were at the mercy of them. Only certain times. They were gracious in letting us use it at all. So it's not like we're complaining.

But it was very difficult when we could only do it one day here and one day there. And then our schedules, it's just crazy. So now the studio's in my house and we will never be late again. We should never be late or miss anything unless we schedule you ahead of time for that. Everything should be fine. This is awesome. We're super excited. So let's get right to this. I want to thank everyone, of course, for your iTunes reviews again. They are the engine that keeps this thing going on that side. iTunes has a funky algorithm. It does.

We've talked about it. It's not our fault. It's not for our egos. They have this funky algorithm and it needs to be fed with iTunes reviews. So please do that. It drives us up the charts and honestly, it's gotten us noticed

in a lot of ways that have helped us out a great deal. Like on a tour and stuff? Oh people and people notice that they go wow their listeners are motivated and they're willing to go on itunes and sign in and do the thing so they'll do that they'll for sure come hang out exactly so thank you guys for doing that and the people who've done more than that i want to thank you guys especially thank you guys so much uh patreon donors and paypal donors like we said for the studio if you want to be one of those spectacular people that helps us so much uh you can do that one of our producers by going to patreon.com slash crime in

sports or you can go over to paypal use our email address crime in sports at gmail.com and you can rock it out there we appreciate it every dime is insanely insanely appreciated thank you guys so much we stretch it we really do we are frugal as fuck we are very careful with it we are i can promise you we're not spending your money on frivolous shit no no we're spending it on like you know bills right like electricity things like that you get some gas someone food a lot yeah a lot of food i get and things like that. You get some gas with someone? Food a lot. Several times. Yeah, a lot of food I get and things like that. And, you know, bills in general. How about toilet paper?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, Jimmy shits a lot. Because sometimes the food has to come out. It has to. All the time, really, it has to come out. Also, too, you can check us out. Get our merch. Get the t-shirts and all that good stuff if you want to do that.

Where is that? Very easy to find over at shutupandgivememurder.com. Right. Exactly. You find it there. That also has links to where you can donate and Patreon and PayPal and all that sort of thing. All that good stuff, but never mind all that, Jimmy. By the way, at the

end, we have to do the disclaimer at this point, but at the end I have a special disclaimer for assholes. We're not going to do it now. We're not going to burden the rest of the people. For a few people. I know what you're going to do. But feel at the end. i can already feel it in my heart we have a mission statement that we'd like to talk about with you guys and uh it's only for very very few people out there but i feel like it needs to be said because i feel like we've been misunderstood

the benefit for the group yes i feel like we've been misunderstood and we need to snap a couple people to fuck back into reality about who they're dealing with. That's all we're saying. So you'll see. It's later on. But never mind all that, because we do have to do the disclaimer. This is a comedy podcast. It is. As much as some people have been upset in the past week about it being a comedy podcast,

they weren't even really upset. Some people were just horrified by last week. And that's understandable. That wasn't really a comedy aspect of it. No. It was just the sheer shock. I think we did a damn good job. I think we told a very terrible story in a digestible way.

For 10 minutes, it was this horrible, horrible tale. But everything else around it, there were some, obviously, things that were spotty and kind of depressing and stuff. Questionable. Pretty goddamn funny, I'd say. We really made the most out of this weird cult, weird situation. If it wasn't funny, it was at minimum fun. We tried, is what we're getting at.

So thank you for hanging out with us there. But yeah, this is a comedy podcast. We're comedians. We're going to make jokes. We will. That's what we do. We don't make jokes at the expense of the victims or of the victims' families. That's how we roll.

We make fun of small towns and police forces that let a murderer go. We make fun of murderers. Who's mad at that? They deserve it. That's it, man. But we don't make fun of the victims or the victims' families, like we said, because we are assholes. That's true.

But we're not scumbags. That's right. And that's what we're doing here. So feel free to enjoy. But we're all on board now. And if you're past the disclaimer, then no complaining. No, you're in. Yeah.

Sometimes there's murder. Sometimes there's jokes. Deal with it. Let's roll. You've got a quarterback jokes. Deal with it. Let's roll. You've got a quarterback in your sock, too. Let's roll. Let's do this. Because I know what you're saying from the studio for the first time.

You're saying, shut up and give me murder. Let's do it, my friends. Let's go on a trip, Jimmy. I'd love to. Let's do it. Well, I don't want to leave the confines of this great place yet. No, no, this place is pretty damn cool. But we do have to go.

We have to go on a trip. We have to pack up. It's a long trip for us. We're in Arizona. It's 114 degrees. We have to pack up. It's a long trip for us. We're in Arizona. It's 114 degrees today. It's fucking miserable. It's horrible. Let's go somewhere cooler.

Please. Let's go all the way to Rhode Island. We're going to Rhode Island. Much cooler. Yeah. We're going to Warren, Rhode Island, to be specific. Okay. We did about 25 episodes ago.

We did the other Rhode Island episode. And that's because I'm trying to mix it up. Where was that one? That was Kingston, Rhode Island. That's right. Cannibal. That was not the cannibal. The kid who.

Oh, he did eat a little bit of the kid. Yeah. He had a little bit of the kid had some bones in a box. And that's a crazy episode. If you listen to that, dad was a cop. Yeah. Like a reservist cop. And yeah, right. And everybody's.

Oh, yeah. They didn't search the house, even though the kid was in a trunk in the kid's bedroom. It's an insane story. But this is like trying to mix it up a little, so you guys can't go, oh, well, they won't do Rhode Island for 40. No, no, we'll do it now. You never know what's coming. The only Warren I know of is in Michigan, and it's a shithole, too.

This isn't terrible, this Warren, Rhode Island. It's not awful. It's in the east-central part of the state, which it's rhode island it's really just a neighborhood it's it's a it's a very small state so to say the east central it's of what of that dot who cares uh but the town itself it's is its own little panhandle okay that comes off it really it's a panhandle the town's its own so you're screwed now it's not only in a panhandle it fucking is a panhandle rhode rhode island itself is like a panhandle it has several shaped yeah it's shaped very bizarrely there's several handles jutting out because it's by the water and this is

one of them damn it uh it's about an hour 20 minutes to boston from here once they get all like the boston news and that sort of thing four hours to new york city okay so uh it's you know distance to there. So Boston is the shit they claim. They claim Boston. Like I said, the Red Sox games are on in Rhode Island. Their local media is on the Boston Nightly News. I feel like there's a lot of Larry Bird jerseys.

Oh, God, yeah. Rhode Island is a, it's like Boston-like. It feels like to Boston with like the Hamptons or like Long Island, like in the vacation-y areas out east are to New York. No, it's not that classy, Rhode Island. There's some scummy parts, but there's a nice shit in Rhode Island. Oh, I thought you meant like this shit. Okay.

No, it's hard to explain. We'll get to it. It's in Bristol County. Okay. Zip code 02885. Area code 401. Yeah. 8.7 square miles, this town is.

So it's not the little one-block town like Rulo was where it was, you know. What was Rulo? Half a square mile or something like that? You could fit it on a flea's ass. Exactly. Yeah, the flea's ass town. That's right. It's about 6.2 square miles are on land.

So about two and a half miles of water here. So it's on, like I said, panhandle. A third of the town is on water. Pretty much, yeah. So it's not really the town. It's just water that they're claiming. I assume for some sort of fishing rights. I have no idea.

You've got to be. The 2016, now this town has no motto. The website's pretty plain, boring. Just welcome to Warren. That's not a motto. That's nothing. You're not even trying. No.

But Rhode Island itself is trying. They have a motto? They have a new motto. The whole state? As of 2016, they went to the same cat who made the I Love New York logo and artwork. With the heart and all that shit. Which has stood the test of time. It's been around since the 70s or early 80s.

I know what they did. So they were like, we need our own I Love New York. Make it for us. And this is what this fucking idiot came up with. Okay? I'm sorry. But I Love New York. Make it for us. And this is what this fucking idiot came up with. Okay. I'm sorry, but I Love New York. Pretty good. It's the artwork that works.

It's the same spacing. It's the heart that lines up. It's symmetrical. It works. It's beautiful. This is, quote. It spawned stores, for Christ's sake. It does.

There's a whole store of I Love New York shit. Well, there's like 400 of them. That's what I mean. Tourist stores. Yeah, yeah. Their new new thing is uh wow this is their whole state what were they thinking about this uh quote rhode island cooler and warmer than what cooler and warmer it can't be that cooler and warmer not even like an ellipses after that nothing just cooler and warmer okay i don't know what the fuck that means i thought you were gonna say it was i and then the outline of the state rhode island

i state i rhode island rhode island i give i'm gonna give it the old rhode island is what i'm gonna do that's that's all right we got a rusty medina and now we're gonna have a rhode island i wrote island so hard what'd you do last night jimmy this girl i gotta tell you man let's just say we went to rhode island i'm just gonna i'm gonna leave it at that i'm gonna go My Rhode Islanders are so hard. What'd you do last night, Jimmy? This girl, I got to tell you, man. I went the fuck out of her. Let's just say we went to Rhode Island. I'm just going to leave it at that. I'm going to go, whoa, holy shit. Jiminy Christmas.

You just met this girl, Jimmy. Calm down. Good Lord. Did you introduce her to your mom yet? Yeah, Jesus. I hope she didn't talk to your mom after that. My God, not directly anyway. She'd smell it on her breath.

So I think Rhode Island, that's cooler and warmer. No. They paid probably good money. But you can't be both of those. No. And think about it. This was like a whole campaign.

They waited for this guy to come up with something. Like, he's going to do it. They're like, it's going to happen. Let's confuse the fuck out of everybody. Let's do it. He called them and was like, I got it.

I'm done. And they were like, fucking awesome. Come on in. They brought him into the boardroom, sat him down. He's like, now. them he's like i got it i'm done and they were like fucking awesome come on and they brought him into the boardroom sat him down he's like now and he unveiled cooler and warmer and they went uh they all looked at each other they were like i don't get it either it must be that that genius it's it's great i figured the boss said it's great and everyone else went yeah it's good yeah sure no one wanted to be the first to go i don't get it some dick that's been to an art museum recently and is like, I recently just now understand

somebody really amazing. Definitely. And he gives the name and they're like, I don't know who that is. I don't know. Yeah, I know. Exactly. Because he's that amazing. I have a better one.

Rhode Island. How about Rhode Island? Don't worry. It'll be over before you know it. How about that? What do you say? Guys, I think that's better. Don't worry.

You're almost out of it. Almost gone. Yeah. you're almost somewhere better it's like the the motto for an opening comic it is if you don't like me don't worry you're almost done someone funnier is coming up i'm gonna introduce them don't worry don't worry you're almost to the next stage that's probably better probably better by the way uh this episode everybody just so everybody knows we're doing a little bit you'll know you'll notice when you look at it that the time's a little less we're going a little less because and i picked a story that wasn't as like insanely complicated as rulo kind of as we don't we don't want to record like a two hour 45 minute complicated crazy episode and talk

about you know ruptured walls of things like we did last week and then have the it not have this have something mess up in the studio technically because i'm an idiot and i don't know things you know what i mean so it's thank you shannon hernandez by the way shan man from kupd in phoenix best person on earth he's a wonderful wonderful human being despite despite what he'll what he'll try to make you believe when he gets in and he's a warm son of a bitch and you just want to give him a hug but you shouldn't hug him because he'll get angry at you but i can hug him because we're friends but other people don't hug the guy but still tiny little spanish guy with long hair and you look at him

and you don't really want to talk to that guy and then you get a beer and then he's the best you don't want to stop no yeah you just want to adopt him as a member of your family so yeah we don't want to do a complicated episode and have my idiocy uh ruin it so we're gonna just do like a it's still gonna be awesome don't worry it's still crazy but it's just a shorter amount of crazy so anyway history i didn't build this oh my god we'd be on the ceiling so history of this town uh warren was the site of the indian village of the soams of course it was yeah of, of course. Everybody knows that, first of all. That's as if you needed me to tell you. Why'd you throw that?

By the way, it was located on the peninsula called Pokanakit. Yeah, I've heard of that. I know you knew that. I heard you talking about that the other day. It's my favorite. We were at the radio station. I overheard your conversation, and you were like, yeah, the peninsula, the Pokanakit. I've been going there for years.

You know how that is. That's Mount Hope Neck. That's known as Mount Hope Neck. First explored by the Europeans Edward Winslow and Stephen Hopkins back in 1621. Those are some white folks. Those are very white folks. And a little bit about these very white folks. Edward Winslow was a separatist who traveled on the Mayflower.

So basically a religious lunatic is what he was uh there's so much so that they said you got to get the fuck out of england and he was like fine i'll just go over to the other place and you know live in mosquito right awful places in the woods and the swamps and hack my way through it because i'm that insane in a jacket that's too short for me and it's made of wool it's the weirdest thing yeah clothes were dumb oh tiny what about the buckles do we need to discuss let's talk about buckles jimmy they wore shorts that were too that's ridiculous yeah that's hilarious to see a man of that and also this nobody showered back then the ball smell that was coming out of a short back sure that's fantastic it had to be just fragrant as shit. The Indians knew you were coming. Oh, they could smell.

The Native Americans. I smell their balls. I smell white people. From over the hills. I smell white people's balls. So he was one of the senior leaders on the Mayflower, this cat. So not bad. Senior leader.

So he was one of the ones standing on the front of the boat. Absolutely. Also, him and his brother Gilbert signed the Mayflower Compact. Oh. So this guy is like OG America, I would say. I mean, he's probably killed a shitload of Indians. We'll put it that way. Oh, fucking G America.

He was also Stephen Hopkins, the other guy. He was the only Mayflower passenger who had been out of Europe before. Oh. He'd been shipwrecked in Berm in 1609 and also that's your guy that also went to jane you're gonna have to be your leader that's the one he crashed a boat once let's put him on the front hopefully he's learned something from that also he was at jamestown virginia in may of 1610 and then he went all the way back there and then came all the way back here he left in 1614 went back to england and then hopped on a ship and came back.

So that's a lot of traveling. That's too much. I don't want to drive to LA, and that's like five and a half hours away. And he's floating. He's just floating for weeks. There's not even a motor on that boat. For weeks.

That sounds horrible. No Netflix. It's very boring. You can't even watch The Wire, as you should be doing, Jimmy. At least that would give you time on the ship to watch The Wire, but then you couldn't because you're on a ship.

Or The West, which is a fantastic documentary. Or The West, which which you should also be watching and deadwood while you're at it so anyway uh after they got there the plymouth colony they established a trading post uh around this area here and uh uh winslow and a guy named john john hampton uh saved the life of uh founder of the hampton inn i found thepton Inn, that's the guy. OG as shit. They put the first Hampton Inn up in 1650. He said, we'll leave the candle burning for you. There's that red roof.

I think that's Motel 6. It's one of those shit hotels. All of those shitholes can interchange their fucking slogans. They can. Because they all just... There's no bugs. That should be their slogan. We don't have bugs here. Good enough. With a wink and a bugs that should be their slogan we don't have bugs here good enough with a wink and a nod by the way like we shouldn't we don't think we have

last time i checked there's no bugs here sort of when we turned the pillows down a couple months ago i didn't see any bugs so your own risk is what i'm getting at here anyway these two saved the life of an important Native American in the area and kind of gained a lot of them as an ally after that. They had some medicine from England. I don't know what medicine was back then, what that consisted of, but something helped this guy. And they were like, holy shit, you're magic. Oh, my God. These people are tremendous. Warren was seated to Rhode Island for Massachusetts.achusetts the area where warren was was originally massachusetts and they were like how

small can this state possibly be give them some give them this fucking panhandle is that what everybody did was just kind of sprinkle a little bit towards their way that's kind of like everybody around it yeah i think so it's so weird so goddamn small's all little compromises, all these borders in these areas. So it's a hard thing to say. It's easier to deal with out west where you're just like, big square. They carved it out in Washington. There wasn't literally two people putting up a fence and the other one arguing with them about it. This is my state.

No, it's not. Nevada got kind of fucked. They lost a quarter of their state. Yeah, well, most of it's owned by the government and is a nuclear waste. Right. So it really doesn't matter. I mean, they got fucked all the way around. Yeah.

Nobody wants Nevada. That's why they're like the only way we can get people to come here is with the mob build casinos, casinos and naked girls. That's the only way we're doing. No one else is coming here. Honestly, it's they're going to get poison radiation. They can watch nuclear bombs go off. Perfect.

Perfect. Give Celine Dion and Britney Spears a residency and we'll get tons of done. Yeah. radiation point they can watch nuclear bombs go off perfect perfect get celine dion and britney spears a residency and we'll get tons of done yeah reader rudner in there and everything's going to be better uh so it's named uh it's seated there 1747 the town was named warren after the a british naval hero of course admiral sir peter war was a sir. Admiral Sir and an Admiral. That's like being a Dr. Mr. You know, Dr. Jimmy Wissman, Esquire. Wow. A lot of school.

Dr. Captain Wissman. Dr. Captain Wissman. So we have Admiral Sir Peter Warren was on a journey with the Captain Dr. Wissman. And this was at the time of this whole thing uh barrington uh was uh unified with warren until it again barrington's another town until it was again separated in 1770 uh this became a big whaling port and uh so a lot of whaling going on that's where you get the hartford whalers because people used to fucking whale around there that's fucked up it is fucked up well back then they were like there's plenty of them shit i don't know i see whales all the time like one of them should serve whatever

purpose it is that people need whales for yeah just one of them that's a fucking lot of whale there's a lot yeah there's plenty have you ever eaten whale i've never had a whale steak that's my point how many people have eaten or tried or needed anything out of whale i will go with the whale sashimi, please. Thank you. It's a never happened once. Y'all got deep fried whale tacos here? Oh, that's good.

That's good. I like putting cocktail sauce on mine. I make it like fillets of whale. It's good. I got some Worcestershire from my shampoo. Oh, you can do it. It's so good. It's so good now.

Warren was the original home of Brown University, which is an Ivy League school. It was founded in 1764 as the College in the English Colony of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations, which isn't that catchy. And they went from that to Brown. Too much. Brown. Shit. Not enough. Fuck it.

Just leave it. It's better. We can't keep changing. We can't keep changing the name. We can't keep doing it. That's not going to happen here. We can't keep changing. No. We can't keep changing the name. No. We can't keep doing it. That's not going to happen here. And it's predominantly black. Am I correct? What is?

Brown? No. Brown's an Ivy League school. I realize that. It is predominantly probably Asian at this moment in time, I would assume. It's probably a lot of white legacy kids and then a shitload of Asian kids that are really smart, I would assume. I know like six people I can count on my hands that have know have graduated from there and they know six people that graduated from brown

no all black guys who black guys that i know wait a second hold on wait it's back up a second now we live in phoenix i just want to say there's approximately 26 black people in the entire city there's not a lot of black people you know six of them and they all graduated from brown do they all know each other probably no i don't mean it in that way is this like a family no is it like oh yeah it's this guy's three cousins and his two brothers the companies that i know oh okay it's a work thing it's not like you met a guy at a bar randomly and then 10 years later you're another guy at a bar and they all just happen to go to brown my name's darius and i graduated from brown, that's not how it works. That's so weird. That's still so.

Not that they're black, just that you'd know six people that work. The fact that they're black just makes the odds more because there's less black people. So the odds are just shorter in general. If you knew six white people that graduated from Brown or six Asians or six anybody, I'd go, huh? That's how small my circle is, though, that made me believe that Brown was predominantly black. I know six black dudes and they all graduated from Brown. I was like, oh, it must be a black college because I'm stupid in the brown people. I don't know.

Six. Oh, like Flipper's a dolphin. I get it. I understand. Like Flipper Anderson. That's how stupid my brain is. It just goes to the first thing. Oh, you graduated from there, too.

It must be a predominantly black college. That's good for you guys. But it's I knew it was Ivy League. I knew it was an amazing school. Well, Brown was supposed to be the Baptist answer to Yale, Harvard, Princeton, which was Presbyterian, and Episcopalian, Penn, and Columbia. So all the other Ivy League schools were like those religions. They were like, oh, no, we're going to be the Baptists for this whole shit here. religions they were like oh no we're going to be the baptist make our own this whole shit here uh the decline of the whaling industry and uh in the 19th century obviously when that kind of

people started to frown on that a little bit yeah they went to textile manufacturing after that uh nowadays born uh making clothes okay fabric is textile that's what i thought yeah just wanted to clarify maybe not clothes but whatever i assumed rugs well maybe you can make a tapestry you see isn't that textiles i i think that would be a textile it's a rug some sort of knitting whether it's a big fat needle or a little i think it'd just be something made from fibers into something else i don't know the exact textile definition but that's about it so good nowadays warren is home to uh uh waterfront businesses that sort of thing a lot of a lot of like seafood they're pulling shit out there's marine businesses it's very water centric here uh they have a lot of

people from this town my favorite is an american writer for for a kid's writer and i just love his name his name is hezekiah butterworth that's my favorite name ever what the fuck is that name i have no idea is that not uh uh what is what am i Who the fuck is that name? I have no idea. Is that not, what am I thinking? The fucking guys that have no electricity. Is it not one of those guys? Amish? Is it a Quaker or an Amish guy? I don't think.

He's a writer of books for young people and a poet, so I guess he don't need lights for that. Sure, he could be Amish. He just writes during the day. That's all. It's all good. Dips his quill in his ink, and that's what he does here. Also, Elizabeth Lizzie Murphy, who's the queen of baseball. She was the first woman to play pro baseball competing with male athletes.

It's crazy. This girl was a badass. When? This was the 1800s. She was born in 1894. So this is like 1915. By age 15, she was playing on the local amateur leagues, but they were with all men. And she kept playing professional baseball with guys for her whole career.

But she's a white girl. She's a white girl. She's like a farm girl. That's bananas. Yeah, she's like a farm girl. She can't do that today. She's like Geena Davis in League of Her Own. That's basically who we're dealing with.

She couldn't do it today is my point. Oh, no, no. There are eight-year-olds in Cuba that would fucking smash her. Well, not just her. Just any American. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any girl that wants to play baseball. I'm not even talking girl.

I'm just talking people born outside of Cuba. It doesn't matter their gender. That's just amazing at baseball. Absolutely. So here in 1800, there was 1,473 people here. So, you know, it was already cooking by two. Not bad. Nowadays, 10,487, which is down about 8% since 1990.

Median age here is about five years older than normal. It's about 42 and a half. Female and male is like exactly on the normal average of 50, 50. It's like 50.74. Got nails. Whatever. Married population is about average most this is like your average little nice town 10 000 people it's not too big it's not too small uh all of the numbers are like right on track uh we'll get to the race that's a little

skewed yeah race of this town rhode island what What are you thinking, Jimmy? Insanely Cuban. Lots of Cuban. It's a Cuban baseball. That's where they all go. It's all Cuban baseball players. It's a refuge for Cuban baseball players. Lots of Cuban sandwiches being made. It is actually 96.62% white.

My Christ. It's excessively white. That's a lot of white. That's on purpose white. You can't do that by accident, I feel like. Black people know it exists. You price people out at that point. There's black people in Philly and Boston and New York triangulating this place. They know it's there.

They don't go. They don't go there except for the six people that you know. From Brown. From Brown. But Brown isn't here. It's in Providence. And they go in and get the fuck out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They moved it to a better town. Don't worry. But 96.62% white, yeah, yeah. They moved it to a better town. Don't worry. But 96.62% white, like we said. That's very white. 0.08% black. That's almost nothing. Nothing. 0.0% Asian.

How the fuck do you do that? There's almost 11,000 people here. Yeah. How is there no black people and no... Like, that is weird. And Asians make up how many percent of the world well most of but a third how the fuck do they figure that out in this country they're five percent and here there's zero are they really five percent that's small yeah that's all five

percent i'm shocked it's growing why am i shocked i have no idea i don't know that's fucking bananas because you picture asians in large groups i feel like from the photographic evidence not in real life you've just seen a movie where you're like asians travel in large packs there's lots of them it's just and all and black people go to brown and only black people but when i have seen asian people they've been in large groups that's sometimes maybe they just stick together sometimes it'll make it look like it's a larger population what do you think just going around in a circle so you think like we're still here it's the same group but you think it's a larger population. What do you think? Just going around in a circle. Like, we're still here. It's the same group, but you think it's a different group every time.

Like a Civil War. Like the South. South's like the rebel cavalry trying to trick the North and having them circle back. Holy shit. They have so many guys. Oh, my God. There's some more. 2.41% Hispanic, which is just not any Hispanic people.

Not a lot here. 82.43% of, which is just not any Hispanic people. Not a lot here. 82.43% of the people here are religious. That's way too much. That's the most we've ever had by far. That's way too much. 74.21% Catholic. Wow. Catholics, the Baptists of the North, truly.

That is a shitload. Holy shit. That is 7,000 Catholic people. 7500 almost 8 000 uh 0.0 percent uh lds which is you don't see that much nowadays 0.93 percent jewish not a lot there point uh 0.00 islam so just catholic that's it uh 61 percent democrat in this town about 37 percent republican which uh they're that religious. But that's East Coast. Religious doesn't go with political affiliation back East.

It's not the same. Doesn't mix and match. No. Unemployment rate in this town, it's a little lower than average, about 4.8%. Average household income, median household income is $53,706, which is about $200 more than the national average. It's right on the national average. All the stats are so average except for race and religion in this town, which are a lot of whack there. There's more jobs in the manufacturing industry here.

They have that going on. Textile, as we talked about here. Also, a little more health care than normal, that sort of thing. Cost of living, normally $100 is average par yeah that sort of thing here it is 124 uh out of 100 so a little high and you've got the average amount of money and a little bit and a little bit higher housing here is uh 137 out of 100 so it's 253 900 as the average average cost here So it's $253,900 as the average home cost here. Yeah, it's about $185,000 in the rest of the country. It's a little expensive, but if you don't care and you need to be in Warren,

Rhode Island... You've got to be away from the blacks, Mexicans, Jews, and Americans. You're like, there isn't an Asian to be seen? Right. If I had a telescope, I'm going to Warren, Rhode Island. We have for you the Warren, Rhode Island Real Estate Report. going to warren rhode island we have for you the warren rhode island real estate report your average two-bedroom apartment here is going to go for about 940 dollars which is actually cheap if you consider the uh it's lower than the national average but yet it's a higher home cost so it's actually not bad i found a four-bedroom, two-bath, 1,388-square-foot house.

A little rundown. It needs some work. The outside looks a little weathered. $179,900 for that. I also found a three-bedroom, two-bath, 1,326-square-foot house here. This one's a lot nicer fixed up. This is like if somebody flipped it. It's like the same house but flipped $285,000 000 so you can see that's about your average home there then i found

a three bedroom two bath 2068 100 square foot house but it is right on the water yeah your backyard is a bay or an ocean or some shit uh it's nice 949 000 there you go so you're gonna pay to live anywhere near the water a million dollars for 2,000 square feet 2,000 square feet babe a million dollars

on the water things to do here oh boy you know it's just overflowing with things to do it's whaling and lobster shit oh man the annual

Warren folks fest oh folks fest on the website it's your folks fest or like somebody

yeah folks meaning not white folks or just white, meaning not blacks or Asians. That's winky-winky for not blacks and Asians. It says on the website, quote, this year's festival is sure to be fun and exciting. I fucking hope so. Why else are you advertising this to me?

There's local artists have their art. Games and super fun kids craft table. Super fun. Super fun. I'm saying comedy from local and national comedians. I doubt it. What fucking drags do you think they called to find that? How many times have you seen national acts?

And then you're like, I do national act. No, that guy did. That guy lived in L.A. for a while. He had two lines on a sitcom once used that that as his credit to middle at a bunch of shitty funny bone chains in the Midwest. And now he's a national headliner, a national comedian, and he's here getting paid $400 and staying at the Red Roof Inn. Phoenix National Comics are comics that went back home to wherever the fuck they're from

and had all their friends and family come out to some bullshit show. I'm a national comedian. I did shows in some bullshit show. I'm a national comedian. I did shows in Cincinnati and Chicago. I'm a big deal. No, you're fucking not. And of course, there's music, Jimmy. What's great is they don't list the comedians at all. Fuck them.

But they list like 45 musicians they're going to have there, none of which I've heard of. So it's not like they listed famous people. The crime rate in this town, what we're interested in, property crime is about super low. Lowest I've seen. A third of the national average. So they will not steal your shit. Your car's safe. You can leave your doors unlocked in this place.

It seems safe that way. But maybe not because, well, maybe your car door's unlocked. When you're in your house, you might want to maybe lock the doors because it's the crime the violent crime murder rape robbery assault the mount rushmore of crime obviously is about 15 under the national average so they'll still jack you once in a while but they won't steal your shit a little less frequent yeah they're just going to knock you around and then leave you alone after that so that's how that works uh let's talk about some people who ended up in this town okay shall we let's get to these ended up in this town. Okay. Shall we? Let's get to these people. Ended up in this town.

Let's go. All right. Let's talk about James Soares. Soares. S-O-A-R-E-S. I saw that look on your face. Like, how does this work? That's gross.

Soares. James Soares. Yeah. That's a terrible name. It's the worst. I don't care how you spell it. I'm sure you can say Soares, maybe, but it's Soares. I'm sorry.

I don't care if you put a P in front of it. It still gross everyone's calling it you sores yeah what's up sores which sounds like a bad mob nickname hey it's jimmy sores over there how you doing hey jimmy sores it was an ingrown hair leave me alone you know jimmy sores what do you mean which one a guy with all the fucking sores what do you think he is who the fuck do you think i'm talking about his name is jimmy covered in fucking sores. What do you want? Jimmy Sores. It's the guy with the scabs on his fucking face.

He's got fucking scabs all over the place. What do you think we're talking about here? Look at it. They ooze and bleed. Gross. I don't know where he went. It's disgusting. So he was born in Fall River, Massachusetts. He's the son.

His parents are named Frank and Evelyn. Sores. Sores. Her original name was Zompa.ampa yeah z-o-m-p-a they should have stuck with that almost as bad as soars but still it's close she had to think about that one for a while she's like zampa well i'm tired of being last alphabetically that's really fucking irritating so i'll take sores i'll be fucking i'll be evelyn sores that's fine god it's fucking horrible call me evie sores what did they do for work and then frankie sores his father hey frankie sores i don't know what frankie sores did he didn't say uh no this was like in the can't be doctor no no no don't go to dr sores no but is... He should be a gynecologist. He's born in like 1900.

He should be a guy. That's not a bad... That'd be the greatest. He should be the guy that goes into like the bunny ranch brothels and shit like that and checks all the ladies out. Dr. Soares is here. Come on. Everybody get going.

Giving the girls a clean bill of health. Yeah, there you go. Whether he's a porn doctor or the bunny ranch either way that are like a guy who works like an nba locker room yeah dr sores is here he checks for vd the other guy works on your back and makes sure everything then dr sores comes in once a month and makes sure you you didn't pick anything up on the road provided by the team as a service for a happier home life. Free. Free service. Free service.

He comes in. All right, guys, line your peckers up. Let's go. Dr. Saw's the pecker check is here. Let's do it. Line them up. Put it on the basketball. I don't want to touch it.

Unravel them. Let's go. Lay it across my desk. It's a basketball team. Lay it across my desk. Let's do it. So anyway, cheap dick jokes aside. Yep.

This James Soaresres he has a brother uh i'm sorry he has uh two brothers um uh actually three what am i talking about paul john david and frank four brothers evelyn frank made four sores no okay james had four brothers okay james sores had four brothers okay evelyn's the most. Oh, yeah. Frank and Evelyn had four. Five Soares. Frank and Evelyn had five Soares. Five man Soares. Five male Soares. Five male dick Soares.

That's crazy. That's a lot of Soares. A lot, a lot of Soares. All men, too. So the chromosomes are working there. I have a theory that the harder the fucking, like the more testosterone in the sex makes a male baby. Does that make sense?

No. The softer, the more loving sex makes the female baby. I'm confident of it. It's more like just take a handful of wet Rice Krispies and throw it at the wall and see which one hangs on the longest. Draw an M or a W. I feel like that's more about- You wouldn't know the difference.

Never mind. That's amazing. What's his name here? Jimmy Sawes. He graduates from Warren High School in 1965. He has a brother, Frank. There's a junior. Yeah, there's a Frank Soares Jr.

There's a junior Soares. Yeah, there's more juniors in this story, too. As we all know from crime and sports and from a lot of small town murder. Never name your kid Junior. There will be problems with either you or him. One of the two. It happens. So, yeah, he's got four brothers.

He comes from this family. He graduates Warren High School, class of 65. So he's old school Warren. He likes hunting, canoeing. He's that kind of guy. He's a man's man kind of a guy. He's a motorcycle enthusiast back then. Yeah.

You know, like we've talked about. I think it was last week we talked about. Yeah. Those guys, they were rugged dudes that were kind of on the outskirts of polite society at that point. Wind and rain. Who gives a shit? Yeah.

And he liked hunting and canoeing. And he's a tough kind of a guy here. Excessively white. He is excessively white. He's from Rhode Island. Hunts, hun hunts canoes and rides rides motorcycles i feel like yeah that's my kind of guy he's uh he's very white ladies and gentlemen my partner my co-host andrew jackson just said uh i'll just let you dig your way I don't know what you're talking about there. I believe you were talking about the canoeing and the motorcycle enthusiasm rather than the whiteness, I believe. The inventor sounds great.

Remember, Jimmy knows six black guys who all went to... Every black guy Jimmy knows, not only does he know six black guys, but they're all Ivy League graduates. They all went to Brown. I don't know two people who graduated from Ivy League schools. I'm going to give these guys your phone number and have them call you and be like, James, yo, yo. I'll talk to them about it. That's fine. But I believe that they did.

It's just odd that you've known any six people that graduated from Ivy League schools. They're engineers. That's true. You work for the electric company. Never mind. I've never worked for anybody smart. They're smart dudes. I've always done dumb things.

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Some features not available in all states. Yes, that's true. But go to truecar.com to find out. And now back to the show. So he ends up meeting a lady, James. His last name aside, which must have been tough. He said, hey, how you doing, James? I'm James.

What's your last name? I don't have one. What's your last name? You want to go out tonight? It's like Ortho last week. It's not Ortho. I'll tell you that much. Minus the pedic money.

Minus the no pedic money. No pedic money. No sores money. Unless your dad is Dr. Dixor. And then you got something. That would be the greatest first name. I wish one of his brothers was named Sores money. Unless your dad is Dr. Dick Sore. And then you got something. That would be the greatest first name. I wish one of his brothers was named Richard. We have Paul, John, David and Frank.

Not even Clint James. Nothing that's going to go there. But Miriam, he meets Marion. Miriam. Marion Sylvia. He meets her. Silva. I am fucking names up.

I sound like you doing shout outs tonight. Marion Silva is this woman's name that he meets. I sound like you doing shout outs tonight. Marion Silva is this woman's name that he meets. She's a little bit younger than him, about seven, eight years younger than him. She's born in Providence. Her parents are Frank and Florence Silva. Are they Italian?

That seems something. Frank Silva, that's a guinea. That's an ethnic name. Her father was probably a bad guy. Fuck yeah. Yeah, her father. And there's actually insinuations of that. Some questionable shit. Some questionable shit that we hear about later on of whether or not her father abused her as a child, physically and sexually. It was brought up that he did, but who knows what happened.

She's saying she was raised Catholic. She's saying she went to the church every Sunday. No, by her father, not the father. Not the father, her father. Close enough. Yeah, it's different. Not all Catholic fathers are molesting kids, but the father.

The Catholic father. For sure. She has a couple of brothers and a sister. Also, Frank's the father Frank, the father. Yeah, that guy. For sure. She has a couple of brothers and a sister. Also, Frank's the father Frank, brother Frank. Same as James has a father Frank and a brother Frank. So they both have that in common. I don't know if that was something to talk about. She graduated from Bristol High School in 1972.

So, like I said, a little bit younger than her. She works for a long time as an administrative assistant at the Regine printing factory in Providence. So, I mean, she does that there. She answers phones. She answers phones. She does that. She worked as a teacher's assistant for the Bristol Warren Regional School, also the YMCA children's program. She's a nice lady, this lady. She graduated 72. They're an older, you know, older as we go into time. Yeah. Nice lady. I got to do some digging on it.

But the YMCA was originally founded on religious fucking founders, right? It's the Young Men's Christian Association. So, yeah, I believe so. Isn't that fucking bizarre? Everything was a religious thing in the beginning because that was the only before. Before we like did anything as a society society like any socialist programs and that everything is fucking social security so everything's a socialist program before we did any of those programs that's i'm not saying that's bad or good or whatever but this is not fucking political no that's what i'm saying fuck you try to make it that before we did any of that the only people

who did outreach shit like that was the church that was the only people who were organized the only people that gave a shit about society in the name of religion so they could write something off. They were just trying to get you to be a member so then you donate to them. It's all a scam. Spend money to make money, James.

They were scamming rather than... So, yeah. Sorry. You know we're not into religion so that's how that works. James over here, James Soares, was a union steward

and a member of local labor local laborers 721 for 20 years. Okay. So he was a... He was a blue-ward and a member of local laborers 721 for 20 years. Okay. So he was a blue-collar guy. What labor do they say? I don't know what he does. He's a union steward is all we know here.

He's a member of the NRA. He likes his guns. Oh, my boy. Also Ducks Unlimited. What is that? I assume a group of people that shoot ducks. I assume, too, but that's a fucking crazy name for a group. Ducks Unlimited.

Yeah. Also, the East Bay Rotten Gun Club. So he likes to hunt. Yeah. He's just kind of a Rhode Island redneck, basically, is what he is. He takes his motorcycle to go hunt and canoe and shoot shit and talk to other guys about shooting shit, I feel like, and what they're going to use to shoot shit. Right. I feel like that's not a lot else to talk about with this guy and also have you seen my new motorcycle

that's that and that and that that's all the beers and one beer one beer one beer bear i feel like he 100 has never drank a beer that did not have a koozie around ever never happened every beer he may have invented it he may have like, my hand is too warm on this beer. It's just like melded to his hand at this point. He can't get it like. The foam has his handprint in it. When a 600 pound person like doesn't get off the couch for like four months and then they have to surgically remove them from the couch because they've grown into the couch.

That's what happened with the beer koozie. He has bed sores on his palm of his hand. Yeah. But he keeps it in his left hand. So he still has a nice firm shake with his right you know what i mean he's that kind of guy he's that kind of cat uh they end up having a few children they get married uh over some time in the mid 70s and they end up having some children they have a daughter named dawn uh viera uh later on she marries a man named Vieira. She's Dawn and also Sherry.

They have a daughter named Sherry. And then they also have a son in 1984. So some of those chromosomes finally got through. He's thinking, he's having these daughters. He's thinking, Jesus Christ, all my parents can have as boys and all I can have as girls. But then they have a son,

James Jr. Bad sign, as we know. Don't name your kid Jr. Never. Terrible, terrible thing to do. Every criminal athlete that we know in crime and sports names their kid Jr. Somehow they figure it out. And then does 20 horrible things that we talk about.

Unthinkable, horrible things. Unthinkable, terrible things. They live in a nice little house. It's a little house from what I've seen. I got the address and looked it up, and it says it's only about 750 square feet and a two-bedroom, which I don't think is possible. They had to have knocked the house down or something and have something else in its place now, or I got the address wrong or something. But it's on Baltimore Avenue in Washington, in Warren. And the neighbor said that there was always six or seven people living in the home. That's why I don't see six or seven people living in a two bedroom, 700 square foot home.

That's difficult to pull off. And there was always a lot of cars out front. It was that house on the street. I had a friend when I was a kid, my friend Charlie, who's a really great guy, really good dude. I don't know if he listens to the show or not, but I saw him a couple years ago. Great dude, anyway. He's a Jeep guy.

He's a hardcore Jeep dude, so you'd like him a lot. Anyway, Charlie had that house on the street that was kind of questionable. Who was living there at the time? There was always 45 cars out in front. You'd just look at the house and go, oh, there's drugs in there. Two of the cars ran. There's definitely drugs in there. No there's definitely cars ran there's definitely drugs in there no there would just be all sorts

of different people with cars there like so there was always like there's got to be 15 people in the house at all times it's that mom's second husband had uh we were the house with a shell car do that make sense like an old camaro was in our driveway. No wheels, no engine. Just the wiring for the car and the car itself. And it sat there until my mom divorced that fuck. And then they drug it out of there on a flatbed. That's like a white trash swing set, I feel like, at that point. And it's true, because as a kid, I used to crawl in that and then just sit in that. Of course you're going to play in that.

That's what I mean. Rather than a swing set, they'd give a kid that. They'd be like, yeah, go sit in that fucking car. By the way, this guy's name is James Soares. James Soares. Yeah, Jimmy is short for a dick, so he's kind of Dick Soares. Dick Soares, yeah, sort of, yeah. I was trying not to bring up the fact that hurts both of us.

Hurts both of us, and we've been avoiding that our entire lives. So thanks, Jimmy, for outing us. Thanks, Snoop Dogg, you fucked it all up. It used to be great. It was fine. Snoop Dogg ruined the whole fucking thing. You got to turn it and use it as a power thing. That's right.

Give me a joke about your mama. Whatever. Here's a Snoop joke about your mama, fucking jerk. You fucking. He's got no joke. No. No joke. You're a fucking jerk.

Here's a joke about your mama, fucking jerk. And then he took the basketball and said, I'm taking it. I'm going home. You can't play with it anymore. It's mine. He left. Fucking jerk. Fucking jerks.

It's my basketball. You guys think you're going to play it and be a jerk to me? I don't think so. The whole point is go home and be better tomorrow, Snoop. I'm taking my bat with me. No, I'm not playing baseball either. They're known as very social people, the Sores, James and Marion. Social Sores, obviously.

I'm saying, clearly. God, it's so easy. They're spreading like... These fuckers. They like to throw barbecues at their home. Jesus Christ, too. They also had some problems. This is what I mean.

First of all, your name is Sores. When your name is Sores, I feel like you need to be extra careful about what you project into the world. That's pretty thing forever. Yeah, so anyway, these two are not like that. They have some problems. And this is in 1986. This is while they have three kids, which is, once you have three kids,

you got to stop with the fucking around. You got to stop. I get it that you want to have everybody over and you want to have barbecues every weekend. It's great to be social and there's nothing wrong with kids growing up with friends around and stuff like that but it's a lot more chance your kid's gonna get molested by one of your weirdo friends or something else is gonna

happen to him but that's fine let's say you've done you know these people for years and none of them are going to diddle your kids at all you're still having problems when you're the house with 18 cars out front you do things like oh i don't know get arrested in 1986 for uh james and marion for drug possession charges. The couple, as a married couple with three kids in the house, the police raided their home. So this wasn't like got pulled over and had something in his pocket. This was a police raid on the house, which means there's an investigation and they look into shit. That takes a while to get a raid.

There was a stakeout and shit. They looked at some shit. They had some cops sat in a car overnight and stared at your house. Many times probably. And took notes. And got people to tell on you for shit and all sorts of things. They recovered in this raid.

Cocaine, Valium, Ativan, the tranquilizer, weed, drug paraphernalia, a $357 magnum, and $1,350 cash that was bundled up with a bunch of drugs. Yeah, that sounds like a deal. That's drug money.

Yeah. Because you could say like, well, $1,350, that's not that much money. Well, if it's stored, I normally don't store like, oh, I work for the union and I get a paycheck and I put that money with my cocaine. That's not the place you put it. Bundle it up with the drugs. That's where I keep my money. That's how you label it as drug money. Yeah, you put it you know bundle it up with the drugs well yeah that's where i keep my money that's how you label it as drug money yeah you put it with drugs usually what you want

to do if you're a drug dealer is you want to get that money and take it as far away from the drugs as possible and separate those two things weapons even further away it's kind of like i'm a wire you know when they come up to buy the drugs you get handed the shit you pay you pay one guy and then walk around the corner and another guy hands you the fucking drugs. That way, one guy has drugs, one guy has money. That's brilliant. No guy has both. Keeps it all separate.

Yes. And then the guy with the gun, he keeps his gun under his stoop or some shit over here. That way, he can run away and have plausible deniability. Everything's separate. They have a ground stash in the back. You'd know this shit if you watched The Wire. This show sounds fucking amazing. It's fucking amazing. You wouldn you wouldn't know it though sounds like the best tv show ever written it's pretty goddamn good the internet it's pretty goddamn good fuck the internet according to

me jimmy the internet can eat shit they vote on it all the time i keep seeing it still the best show and i'm like still haven't seen it because it is god. God damn it. Jesus Christ. I swear to God. I want to get, this is my new goal. I want to get very, very successful doing these shows and doing other things because we have other things in the works right now. Different. We're going to wait until you see. But I want to get so successful, so successful, Jimmy, that I can reach out to whoever I want.

Okay? Somebody on the show? Do you understand? I want. Okay? Somebody on the show? Do you understand the fact that I am going to have, that I want so badly to have Omar, to have Michael K. Williams, who's a brilliant actor,

by the way, and not like his character at all. But still, I want him in full gear and full regalia with his shotgun knocking on your fucking door like he's coming

for your G-Pack. That's what I want. Okay. You have no idea. Be like, what i want okay you have no idea and be like have him just sling that shotgun up and be like go watch the wire motherfucker and have you just be like okay i think i will princess turn off and i will thank you we're gonna kids we're watching the wire now just put just put it on turn off nailed it while maintaining eye contact with him and just wait kids daddy shut up just do it haters back off can wait don't understand okay it's not good this is the shit i have to watch because i've got

an eight-year-old she hijacks my tv i know that's tough yeah it's brutal man i know i can sit there all night long and be like no i'm watching the wire and she'll give me a fucked up face you gotta watch it overnight. Yeah, wow. Which Nailed It's pretty funny, though. It is a pretty good show. Sarah loves that shit. It's a great show. I was like, I don't want to watch this

and after two minutes I'm like, this is hilarious. These people are awful. I love this. Thank you. They're baking a sushi cake that looks nothing like sushi. I should never doubt her.

She's good stuff. She knows her shit. That show is fucking great. That is a great fucking show. I'm so thrilled with it. It's a good show. And the chick that hosts it is a comedian. She's That show is fucking great. That is a great fucking show. I'm so thrilled with it. It's a good show. And the chick that hosts it is a comedian. She's funny.

She's great. She's really funny. Nicole Byer, is that it? Even the French guy is funny because he's just a dick. He's an asshole. He's just like an asshole. He's just like a French asshole. He's just like exactly what you think of a French ass.

Minus a cigarette. It's hilarious. And like hounding a woman to fuck him. Although you don't know what goes on. No. I've seen him trying to romance some of the the women on nailed it it's true it's terrible it's terrible but if you you know it's okay if you try to do this you're doing okay you know when you bend over to make you know i put in butthole and then you never know it goes right in

if i wrap those cheeks it'll look great i use lard on penis. Why don't you just roll my arm? I don't know where you went in there. We're all fucked up. I'm the most Spanish-French guy. We went off the reservation there. I think I got into sort of an Eastern European. We made the Nailed It guy rape a contestant. Well, I don't know.

We don't know that he has it. We have no idea what he's done, Jimmy. Do we? We don't know that he has it. We don't know that he hasn't. I liked Cosby's fucking himself, and back then he was doing it. It was fantastic. And then what happens? Look what't know that he has. We don't know that he hasn't. I liked Cosby's fucking himself. And back then he was doing it. It was fantastic. And then what happens?

Look what happens after that. Look. So they're having problems. They have a drug raid. When your house has been raided by police. That's terrifying. And that's so embarrassing for the kids, too. I know another thing.

I knew a different kid. I won't mention his name. But he was like my best friend in like sixth, seventh grade. And a really really cool guy uh really great guy got along great him and his little brother and uh we used to skateboard together play baseball together and shit we were like 12 and his dad had his house raided because he was a coke dealer oh no and that was like everybody knew everybody knew like it was like his dad's fucking yeah i mean it was like the you couldn't miss it. They swarmed his house with tons of cops and then drug him out in handcuffs.

He was in jail for coke and shit. And all this stolen jewelry he had. He was fencing jewelry and shit on the side. He was just kind of a half-assed... Not really a wise guy, but back east, you don't have to be mobbed up. You're just kind of like... If you're Italian, you're kind of on the periphery. You just kind of know when shit falls off trucks and stuff he was like

one of those guys and he sold coke but it was like embarrassing like kids weren't allowed to go like because you he his dad had him on the weekend so if you went to hang out with him and spend the night you do it at his dad's house and his dad had like playboys everywhere it was the fucking best oh we were like 12 like there's just nudie mags how great was the first time you saw porn oh we were the we were so all he had was like video like baseball videos and porn this is the greatest place ever and then after like no one was he had a video like an arcade game it was great and then none of us were allowed to go there anymore he's not giving us coke what do we he didn't give any of us coke what do you you care where we go? But that's embarrassing. So I feel bad for the kids in this situation.

He ended up, James Soares pleads no contest to felony drug possession. And the court imposes a three-year suspended sentence and places him on probation for five years. So he gets to go back to the kids. So he gets to go back to the kids. Kids don't go to a group home. No jail time. And they don't know what ended up happening. to go back to the kids.

They don't go to a group. No jail time. And they don't know what ended up happening. He pled no contest and there's no resolution in the court records to Marion's case in this. I feel like that's part of the plea.

I'll plea to this and you drop the shit against my wife because, you know, kind of my wife and the mother of my kids and I kind of need, you know,

her to not be in prison. That helps. I had a friend named Joaquin whose house got raided over his mom was running a brothel and that was the That helps. I had a friend named Joaquin whose house got raided over his mom was running a brothel. Oh. And that was the coolest thing ever.

I was going to say there's way less stigma to that. That kid was a gangster. He was the coolest kid. Everybody loved him. There's way less stigma to that than cocaine in 1990, which was like,

everyone was like, ew. He's the one that showed me porn for the first time because he just took it from his mom's brothel. Oh, that's great. There's tons of it.

He just looked in a window. Right. She'll never know. Want to see porn? No, it's not on film yet. It's just right there his mom's brothel. Oh, that's great. There's tons of it. He just looked in a window. She'll never know. Want to see porn? No, it's not on film yet. It's just right there. They're still fucking. They're still doing it. Just go in and look.

You can just watch. Hide in that closet. So, again, the problem here, James soars. This was 1986. In 2002, he's indicted again. His house is raided again. What is going on? He doesn't learn.

No, he does. He's indicted again. His house is raided again. What is going on? He doesn't learn. No, he does. He's in this is he's in houses raided again. And they think that he is either selling guns or doing some sort of thing like that.

He's anyway, he's the house is raided. He's indicted on a federal charge of unlawfully possessing firearms as a convicted felon. Yeah. Not allowed at all. And he's on probation. Well, that was a five year deal. That was over. But still, he's still a felon and he can't have a gun. And they ended up seizing 12 long rifles, three handguns. He can't even have one of those. He can't have any of these. He has 15 guns and he's allowed zero and 30,000 rounds of ammunition. Again, allowed

zero. Yeah. So you have 30,000 and 15 things that you're not allowed to have and zero things that you are allowed to have. So not terrific. Well, I'm sure he had lamps and TVs that he was allowed to have. But other than that, so yeah, he ends up getting arrested, obviously, for that. He pleads guilty to this charge. Somehow this guy, somehow works it so he gets only home confinement, house arrest for one year. Wow. And five years probation. So he confinement house arrest for one year wow and five years probation so he got a house arrest that's a deal he's had his house raided twice and done no prison

time and on both raids they came up with tons of exactly what they were looking for we got the drugs and money all right yay and they take them out we got all these guns yay and they take them out and cuffs never goes to jail and the justice system's like god try again you know how expensive those fucking raids are to mount a bunch of these guys up? They cost a lot of money and all the investigation. For what? So this guy could be on house arrest for a year? They got $1,500 out of it.

So $1,350, and so he could get some coke out of this guy's house? Who gives a shit? This is ridiculous. What do they do with those guns, I wonder? Because I know they destroy some of them, but if they're- They auction them. Do they auction them? Yeah, they'll auction them if they haven't been- If it's still got the if they're they auction them do they auction if they haven't been serial number yeah if they haven't been used in a crime or anything if they're just stolen yeah they're just yeah exactly

if they're if they're just kind of in the wind guns that they're just one guy they auction them like anything else county or whatever yeah like anything else like everything else that's why they that's why they raid drug places for the most part it's the seizure reason it's the seizure reason these fucking how do you think they afford tanks? How do you think local police forces afford tanks? Anyway, he's home confinement for a year after all this. Now, Marion and her part in this when they raided the house, she ended up having over 27 different kinds of medication.

She's got things. Now, neighbors later on will say that she had cancer and she had other various health ailments, all sorts of problems, and that she just hadn't been healthy in years as we get into the 2000s. It's weird, too, because the neighbors look at her in different ways. One of the neighbors says she's a pill popper, prescription drug addict. That's all she is. And then another one would say she's a

sweet woman who's been long suffering with illness and she lives with a lot of pain and we feel so bad for and then the other one like she's a fucking junkie what are you talking about that's that's who she is sounds like the person that thinks that she's a sweet uh person might be buying some pills from her that's that's possible or they're just like oh she seems like a nice lady but then the other people kind of know better. They're like, she's fucking. Are you kidding me? You've been to a Soar's barbecue before.

Come on. She's fucking whacked out. Yeah. She's got a lot of pain. But that doesn't mean she needs to snort the pills off the back of the toilet. That doesn't help. So I feel like it's that. The argument is between whether it's that much fun or not. for. October 2004,

James Jr. pleads no contest to disorderly conduct and given six months probation. He's got a great fucking lawyer. That's what I mean. And he gives one to this kid and he's 20 in October 2004 and that's just disorderly conduct. He gets six months probation. But he's still, everything's

been pled down. That's true. Well, this is James Jr. Oh, that's Jr. Okay, I got you. This is 20-year-old James Jr. Has a disorderly conduct, which you're 20 years old. Disorderly conduct could be literally anything. That's throwing something at a neighbor for telling you to keep it down. You could have gotten a scuffle at a bar. That's disorderly conduct.

That wasn't even that big of a or a fucking at the fair or at the folks fest. Who knows, Jimmy? Who knows? You know, he could be very racist. Maybe he was very angry. Those crafts were not super fun. it's like these comedians suck he's not a national comedian no i don't remember seeing him on cheers i don't remember that actually i don't remember that at all what episode was it huh did he have a line he's an extra wasn't he exactly that's what i

thought which i'm looking up your imdb hey fucker hey I'm looking up your IMDB. Hey, fucker. Hey, I'm looking up your fucking IMDB right now, man. Yeah, you're full of shit. You're full of shit. Disorderly conduct, sir. Say, there you go. And it was warranted. That's a heckle you can't come back from, by the way. It's one thing to say you suck. You can burn

somebody back on that. But when they say, I'm looking up your IMDB, you, sir, are full of shit. Your credentials are not what you say they are there's no heckle there's no retort to that no it's just you're fucked shout that at the guy that quote unquote destroys hecklers yeah his imdb is just shit that he's made yeah his own his own youtube uh videos fucking douche uh april of 2005 at 21 james jr here pleads con no contest to a vandalism charge and is given a one year suspended sentence for this. So he is escalating a little bit, but it's still that's a lot of disorderly conduct, vandalism. One year suspended sentence actually seems strong for a little vandalism.

I don't have to be a lot of vandalism. That seems like a probationary type thing kids from columbine got got something like that too for breaking into a fucking van though and they just called that vandalism i think that's true vandalism you know what too vandalism has a big uh yeah and that's true that's true too it could have been something bigger that they play that they reduced to a vandalism because all was all we have is the final plea. We don't have what the original charges was, were at that point. During this time, James Jr. has a MySpace page,

of course, because he's a douchebag and it's 2005. I want to see his song. It's going to happen. They said it wasn't, it was pretty blank. Really? It's basically a blank.

There's not a lot there. He didn't put music over it or anything like that. It was just mainly uh his photo album uh which was just a lot of like shit for movies and stuff like that a lot of uh scar face and goodfellas like christ which don't say how christ about goodfellas saying like scarface those are great movies but no no one's a great movie and one's a piece of shit no it's not when it came out it was fun to watch. Piece of shit. Terrible score. Awful job. An hour and a half too long.

Come at me if you're fucking saying bullshit. That movie sucks. He had to search the internet for those pictures and then put it into Photobucket and then copy a link to upload that to his fucking page. That's a lot of work for shit that you didn't even make. I believe that's Myspace. You just described the Myspace experience. That's what I'm saying. It's a lot of fucking work to brag about a movie that you saw.

That's why MySpace sucked. Some other stuff they showed him. I had pictures of him partying with his friends. One with like, you know, he's hanging out with a couple of girls and like ones in a bathing suit and all that. And he looks like he's having a good old time. Hey, I'm a cool guy. I know two women and one of them is comfortable enough to be mostly naked around me. Ooh, look at me.

They show one in front of a vehicle in his parents' backyard, just hanging out. So he's got, you know, just your general 20-year-old stupid pictures and good fellas and shit like that. By 2008, James Jr. still living at home. He's still living at home, hanging out, and by now he is addicted to coke. Okay. So that's a problem.

He's had his run with the law that are minor offenses. Minor offenses, but probably in the bigger problem of he's got drug problems. You tend to have minor scrapes when you have major problems. It's kind of the way it works. And also if your family kind of – if you come from a drug house, if you came from a house where the cops raided and found coke in it, you're probably – And then lots of weapons. You're probably more likely to do coke. I'm just going to go out on a limb here.

I mean I could be generalizing, but just to – Listen. And if both of your parents are into drugs too too, genetically, you're a lot more likely to be into drugs. Right. But they allow him to keep living at the home, James and Marion, allow James Jr. to keep living there. They call James Jr. Jimmy also.

Yeah. So his name is Jimmy Soares, by the way. Oh, God. So there's that. So, yeah. The worst. Of course, you almost have to turn to drugs when your name is Jimmy Soares. He's just coping. Yeah. The worst. Of course, you almost have to turn to drugs when your name is Jimmy Soares. He's just coping.

Yeah. But apparently his coke problem is a huge problem, though. It's not a minor thing. He doesn't do a little coke now and then. He needs it. He's got a coke issue. Like, oh, our son has a problem type of thing here. They also allow his girlfriend to move in, which, Jesus Christ, right there.

He's in his 20s withicole pacheco her name is okay nicole pacheco as uh he's in his 20s with a coke problem and so let's let her his 19 20 year old girlfriend also move into the home because that's everything's gonna work out fine then you know what he needs more sex under our roof that's what he needs maybe they can make a baby and then we'll have to pay for it. They have coke field sex? Coke sex. Forget it. Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. You think teenagers fuck hard enough. Let's hope he did enough coke to shut him down. Right. Make him impotent. Yeah, yeah. To completely knock his dick in the dirt. Let's hope for that.

You never know. But yeah, so the problem is when you have a couple and they're both coke heads living in your home, chances are they're going to steal shit because they're coke heads. Right. Because they need coke. And this is the fucked up part, too. If you know anyone who's a single person who does coke, there are some people who do coke and just are casual with it. But people who are very, very, very addicted to fucking coke. Super coke heads.

Have a problem with it and shit. They're untrustworthy generally shifty individuals if they're especially if they're not like millionaires who can afford it right they have you don't really trust them when you get a coke couple oh boy dude that's the the scare two people scamming and scheming and not two friends a couple right they fucking scam and scheme holy shit you can't that's horrible things are going to happen that's but that's like natural natural born killer yeah like not that they're going to kill but like but this is exactly what they were doing people fuel each other and when you get a couple and you're like yeah we'll do that yeah then you have somebody being your echo chamber built-in yes man that blows you that's amazing that's frightening yeah

if when you add yeah when you're when you're encouraging someone and then having sex with them that's too much right and for anybody's brain to handle i feel like at that point it's just gonna fucking melt down you're gonna have a problem so they have problems like they basically steal all their shit all the time. They'll end up going into the parents' bedrooms and stealing credit cards and stealing money. Shoes. Find a pair of earrings missing. Shoelaces. Shoelaces just to have.

Just put them in their pockets. Just to build a cat's cradle with. Remember that game when you were a kid? I never played it. I don't know what the hell is going on there. I was like, does that come like that or do you have to do that? I didn't know what people were doing. I just. I was like, does that come like that or do you have to do that? I didn't know what people were doing. I just ignored it.

Stupid game. Yeah. So anyway, eventually, though, enough times this scumbag couple raids all their shit and starts stealing their things that finally they kick her out of the house, which obviously causes some trouble between the parents and the son. How do you have the balls to your girlfriend's been living there? You're both scumbags. You're both coke heads. You've been stealing their shit. And then they kick her out, which you should be like, yeah, that's expected.

And then you're mad at them for that. That's some balls right there. But I mean, being so I've seen. OK, well, my grandparents let my uncle stay way too fucking long. And they they went through this this whole cycle right now. Was he a co-cat? Yeah. Oh, my God.

Everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything. He did everything. He has a friend, had a friend named Devo, who jumped out of a fucking house because he was tripping. And out of the second floor, he thought he heard voices telling him he could fly. So he jumped.

So that's the guy they tell you about in health class to try to scare you away from acid. Right, exactly. He's the one guy. Him, and then there's the guy who thinks he's a glass of orange juice, and that's what they tell you. And then his brother fell asleep after doing a ridiculous amount of drugs and knocked over a candle or something. The house caught on fire. That's amazing. And he died in the house fire.

That is, and that's like the anti-heroin poster. Right. You're going to nod off, and you can see bubbles from the wire knocking a fucking candle over. Next thing you know, the whole shed's going up, and little Sherrod's going to die from that instead of a goddamn overdose that was meant for the other golf. Never mind, Jimmy. You don't watch the fucking wire. God damn you, you son of a bitch. The point is, my uncle is this guy.

Mine is stealing from my grandparents because he knows better. Let's find out what happens and see how similar they are. Maybe they're exactly the same. Maybe your uncle is Jimmy Soares. You ever think of that? Maybe. Maybe you're named after this gentleman, although he was born after you. You never know.

So, yeah, James Soares Jr. is younger than you. So, Jimmy is known in the neighborhood for his hot temper also. He's known as, well, I mean, he's on a lot of coke. So, you tend to get jumpy. That's what happens. Mood swings. Shit like that. Temper.

I would say temper goes right along with coke problem. I need coke. I'm a little edgy. Right. And so temper comes out. And now I'm mad. Absolutely. So they let the son stay there, but they kick Nicole out and they marry and follow files

for a restraining order against Nicole. Really? Doesn't even want her at the house. So that's how serious they are about she stays the fuck out, but they let him stay there. Their conditions. They've said some shit to Jimmy. I don't know how they don't say,

you and your fucking girlfriend get out of our house. You're stealing our shit. I know you're our son. We love you, but you can't steal shit from our house. Sorry. We have enough problems, not to mention the police come and raid us every once in a while and they steal a bunch of our shit. That's always an issue.

And that's the shit that makes us money. And now you're here stealing also. You can see our point is what we're getting at. So, yeah, he's had his vandalism, his disorderly conduct and all that sort of thing here. In 2004, police find James. Apparently, he is just in public pacing angrily back and forth holding a weapon. Junior? Junior.

James Jr. And in his car, they find three tire irons and a baseball bat on the passenger floor, which isn't where you usually keep your tire iron if you need one for your car. And you need one. You usually keep that in the trunk. Maybe two if you're really thorough. Really thorough.

You're like, I know it's tempered steel, but I could snap it. Or just in case you put one oddball lug nut on there and that happens to be the one that opens it. You never know. You see a guy on the street. He needs a tire iron. You go, hey, you know what, pal?

This is for you. Keep this one. You toss it to him like Joe Green and you walk away. I think that's how it works. Here you go, kid. Here you go, kid. Here's my jersey. Here's your tire iron.

You give him a wink, take a sip off your Coke and you go. So yeah, the police have to talk to him about that. They're like, well, what are you doing exactly? And he just never had an explanation, just pacing angrily with a weapon. weapon with a weapon and several in his floorboard just an odd scenario something you do i don't know if you wanted coke really bad of that nature contemplating like the worst way to get yeah fucking plus just pacing with a weapon is just just you're planning that's just plotting and planning at minimum yeah there's shit going on there i don't trust that shit at all. But the relationship between him and the parents is really, really bad here. He's trying to get Nicole, like, not only, he's not only mad at them, he wants Nicole back in the house.

And they're mad because she stole a bunch of their credit cards and, like, was using them. Oh, no. Well, they both did. Sure. Like I said, they both did. Sure. Like I said, they're under the impression, like, you're our son. We can't kick you out, but we can kick her out. Or he's in his 20s, and you can go ahead and boot him out at any time. That's perfectly fine.

All right. Or you can make him sink or swim. That's kind of the way it's got to work. I don't know. Get out. And go get arrested for coke a bunch of times, just like we did. And hopefully you'll figure it out and have some kids, and it'll work out for a bunch of times just like we did. And hopefully you'll figure it out and have some kids and it'll work out for you like it's worked out for us.

Enjoy. We're figuring it out. You can too. I don't know what to tell you. Get a rap sheet. That'll force you to go straight and narrow. Yeah, exactly. Either that or go to prison, one of the two.

Or this will happen. One way or another, you'll get a roof over your head. Something's going to happen. You'll be fed. So July of 2008, all the way fast forward to there. Like we said, now he's been arrested a few times. He's known as kind of the neighborhood dipshit. First of all, they're the house with all the cars and the barbecues and people. And too many people live there.

And the son's got a hot temper. And he paces back and forth with tire irons and weapons. It's nuts. I see chickens in the front yard. This is what I mean. This sounds like he sounds, I don't know about the parents, but at least the son sounds like a very white trash scenario here. I'm not sure about the parents, honestly. I don't know.

Something tells me they were kind of people, it seems like, where he graduated high school in 65. He dug motorcycles and shit like that. Got into a little bit of drugs and you know kind of sold a little on the side while he worked for the union and that's a little you know a little extra income and you know what i mean i just feel like he's one of those guys i don't i don't feel like these are bad people the parents here at this point but i feel like the son is a is a fucking scumbag i don't trust him all, but that's just me. So anyway, July 2008, James Sr. and Marion are expected to attend a family reunion on Marion's side.

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Get in there, protect your family. And now back to the show. Just going to take a quick break from the show to tell you about a different show. If you like our show, you are not going to want to miss No Excuse with Jon Taffer. Jon Taffer! Jon Taffer, shut it down and listen to Jon, the award-winning hospitality legend, as he brings his straight-talking, unapologetic approach to the daily topics and current events. You don't want to miss his latest interview with Adam Carolla,

daily topics, and current events. You don't want to miss his latest interview with Adam Carolla, so download No Excuses every Tuesday on Podcast One, PodcastOne.com, and Apple Podcasts. Also, remember to rate and review. And now back to the show. Now, Marion had been looking forward to this for like a long time. So much so that she created a special family tree thing. Like she made this whole thing.

With all the faces, the pictures in it. Yeah, of everybody and had a hundred copies printed. Oh my God. Like this was going to be like, she's going to show up and here's the family tree. We're all going to talk about it. And we're all, she's into this shit. I made this at the folk days. And this is months she's looking forward to this like this is the highlight of her year is this family reunion but uh a few days up to before it people

are calling her and she's not returning phone calls and she's not returning emails uh from her family that are you know just trying to make plans with her are you coming are you bringing the potato salad or you are don't put pickles in it, put pickles in it. You know, the pickle debate going on on Twitter. I'm not bringing any food. Wait till you see this goddamn tree. Wait till you see all the pills I'm bringing. I have a bunch of pills and a family tree stacked high. So it's going to be great.

It's going to be what? Valium and family trees are going to be flying around here. So they're a little concerned, but they're like, I don't know, maybe she's just being antisocial or maybe she's not feeling good because they know that she's sometimes not feeling good aka taking a lot of pills or not feeling good we don't know working on this fucking tree or working on this tree she might have another tree she's working on we don't know maybe she's decided to turn this into a business she's she's running below the radar because she doesn't want to blow her surprise yeah she's like the genealogy dot com originator here.

Oh, gee, you should know that. Twenty three and me. Yeah, that's what she's doing here. So here she is. She's the day of the event rolls around and they don't show up at all. James Senior and Marion. They just don't show up in tree. No call.

No show. No tree. No Valium. No Coke. No potato salad. No guns. Nothing. No long rifles.

Nothing's happening. So the family freaks out. They did not expect her to miss this. They call the police. They go so far. That's the first thing to do. First thing. Well, they've been calling for a week.

Okay. Getting no answer. Email, no answer. Nothing. They don't show up at the reunion. That's all she's talked about. She made this tree. They all know about it. And then she just doesn't show up no calls no shows they're like

what the fuck's happening she missed her shift we're gonna fire her from the family what are we doing here yeah she's definitely getting suspended at the very least they called the family hr and they said oh well we can suspend her so the police they were the reported missing i just want to say right now to everyone out there, this goes for my family, my friends, just people who might know me. If I don't show up for something, do not call the fucking police. Don't. I probably just don't like you as much as you think I do or as much as I pretended I have or or I just got really lazy and didn't feel like it. Those are the one of the two.

That's probably the occasion. I'm probably not missing and didn't feel like it. Those are the one of the two. That's probably the occasion. I'm probably not missing. Don't bother. And if I am missing, you're not going to save me by calling the police. Just don't fucking bother. If I don't show up, I'm dead and I didn't want to be there anyway. That's what I mean. So either way, leave me alone if I don't show up somewhere.

Jimmy, too. If we don't show up for something that you expect, unless it's like a live show, we won't miss that. If you buy tickets, we'll be there unless, you know, weather or something keeps us from flying there. Other than that, we will be there. It's a planned event that I'm not getting paid for and I don't show up. I will not show up. Get a power of attorney and rate my bank account because I don't give a fuck anymore.

Just for me, it's just par for the course. If I'm not getting paid to be there, expect me not to show up because I'm going to go, why am I going to this? I'm not even getting paid. There's no reason to. and then i'll talk myself out of it it's terrible so i'm an awful person anyway so uh they call the police uh police officers investigate um first thing they go to their house obviously knock on the door where are you maybe they're here i don't know maybe they just don't feel like talking to these fucking people. Especially if I don't talk to my family, don't think something's wrong. That's just normal.

So I just might want to get away from them for a little while. So they don't. They talk to James Jr. He's at the house. And Nicole is there also, which is not, she's not supposed to be there. But they don't make a big deal out of that because they're looking for missing people. They talk to Soares Jr. supposed to be there but uh they don't make a big deal out of that because they're looking for missing people uh they talked to uh to soars jr and uh he says that uh the parents missed the reunion and they haven't returned any phone calls or anything because they're on a month-long

vacation oh they're on a big long motorcycle it's a motorcycle trip they're just it's a month on a motorcycle and then they're just going to retire their assholes and never shit again i guess i don't know if you're you can't be older people just riding on a motorcycle for a month. For a month? That sounds bananas. It's not going to work. Her uterus would fall out even at that age. You can't do it.

His prostate would be dragging behind him on the fucking ground. He'd be bumping off the road. His leather cheerio, at minimum, is bright red. That's what I'm saying. My dad did a cross-country motorcycle trip with his friends a few years ago when he was in his 50s. And he's like, I almost just died from just riding the motorcycle. Just from sitting. My whole body was destroyed.

He's like, I loved it, but my whole body was basically just destroyed after that for a long time. I rode from here to Cave Creek, which is exactly 38 miles. And I fucking hated every mile. Every minute of it. I don't get why people like motorcycles i don't understand it i feel like you just like to sit on it that's the main thing like isn't this pretty cool looking outside look i'll start it's loud right hey loud right cut it off the kids let me fire it up a little the new episode of nailed it is on who gives a fuck listen to this

but you're not watching the wire it doesn't matter i'm gonna really kick it up a little more. The new episode of Nailed It is on. Who gives a fuck? Listen to this. You're not watching The Wire. It doesn't matter. I'm going to really kick it up loud now. That's the motorcyclist. I've had so many motorcycles and I've probably put a collective of like 12,000 miles on all of them together because it's fucking miserable

to ride long distances. It's great to ride five miles at a time. It's fucking amazing. But not to the grocery store because you can't carry anything. It's great to ride five miles at a time. It's fucking amazing. But not to the grocery store because you can't carry anything. It's just, I got to drive there and then drive back. I'm going to go two and a half miles away and go two and a half miles the fuck back.

That's what I'm going to do. And I look pretty cool doing it. Right. And I'm loud as fuck doing it. Anybody get a picture. Because I haven't put anything on Facebook yet. I really need something to put up there. In fact, it was hard to put that picture onto My something. It was hard to put that picture onto my space.

It was difficult to put it in the photo book. It's hard. It was steps. So the cops were kind of like, really, that's kind of an odd thing. That's weird. It doesn't,

it didn't sound right. So they kept asking questions. So then the story started changing. Yeah. His story then goes to, okay, look, I'll,

I'll level with you. I didn't want, this is embarrassing because it's kind of a, you know, of a family, just kind of a skeleton in the closet. Didn't want to talk about it. Just figured I'd brush it away. But since you're asking, you're pushing. You are the cops. I will tell you the truth.

Actually, my father has left my mother. He met a woman on the internet and had been having an affair with her for a long time. And he had just left her, took off. And his mother is in Massachusetts with her family now and basically in hiding. She doesn't want to be found. So if you look for her, you're not going to be able to find her because she's in hiding because she's so embarrassed. So don't look for her.

She's in so deep hiding that her family will call the cops and report a missing. Dude, that's what I mean. She doesn't want to be found because she's that sad. And my dad, if you try to find him, I mean, he's just fucking this person. He's buried in some pussy somewhere. Don't even worry about her. He's got a bunch of strange up to his knees. So you don't have to sweat him.

I mean, they've been on the internet for a long time. This is the explosion of passion. Don't worry about it. It's a big thing. She's sad. Everybody, I'll hold down the fort here. She's sad. He's happy.

But they're so sad and so happy, you'll never find them. They don't want to be found. That's the thing. So I'll hold down the fort here at the house. I got this with this girl that everybody hates. We'll do that. And then you guys just go. And then when they show up, then they'll be there.

And then that'll be that. And then we'll all be happy. Okay. So have a good one. And he closes the door up, then they'll be there. Right. And then that'll be that. So we'll all be OK. So have a good one. And he closes the door. And that's the end of the episode. Thanks for the small town murder. No murder this week. But it's kind of just an interesting story of a family in turmoil.

Just believe that. That's all it is. And that shows. Isn't that amazing? I mean, but he's a trustworthy young man. So obviously, I mean, no police record or anything like that. But they were like, you know what? That sounds i don't know not so plausible we feel like that if that happens your mother would probably go to the support systems of the people who you know called the police right missing

so what if i give you a tire iron will that change your how about a baseball bat pace angrily for me we want to check it out for a minute they also said james jr's attitude seemed a little off yeah uh they said on drugs like well no they said like instead of searching for his parents uh because they were missing well he's saying they're not missing they're fine so instead of searching for his parents he just lived at the house yeah and just hung out like just went about his daily life i'd do that didn't do shit just watch tv hung out with his girlfriend probably banged her banged her in his parents bed probably. Probably. You know how that works. Oh, that's what it was. For sure. That was like all the king-size beds open, baby. This is a comfy one.

We get off this full for once. You got the posturpedic up there. That's right. I guarantee you they didn't have a Casper. No. And that, if they did, they'd be in better shape. They probably would. Their back would feel much better. So comfortable. Anyway, I would give you the code, but I don't know it off the top of my head. But it's on there somewhere. Go to Casper. Go to Casper and buy a mattress. Anyway, I would give you the code, but I don't know it off the top of my head. But it's on there somewhere.

Go to Casper. Go to Casper. Buy a mattress. Anyway, moving on. Then at this point, they're like, we'll tell you what. We want to investigate a little further. We're going to look around the house. We're going to check it out.

And James Jr., he's just like, sure, yeah, come on in. I mean, you might find some long rifles in code game, but other than that, you know, I mean, that's not what you're after, right? You're like bunk says on the wire. We're out here for the bodies. That's what I'm saying. So they eventually look and they're thorough. It's funny when police or people are missing in their search. They're really thorough.

They don't just like open the door and like flick the light on and go, no, not here. And then flick it off. Like they look under beds and everything. They're really, really thorough. They look so thorough, they even look in closets and on the floor and stuff, and they found some blood in that closet. Interesting. They end up finding it's a lot of blood, actually.

Like a pool? Like formerly a pool. It was at one time a pool of blood, and they end up figuring out that it is marion's blood okay so that's a bad sign right there i don't know maybe she she cries blood she cries but she just opened opened a wrist in sadness i don't know what it was but she probably from when she was wrapping christmas presents that's it right there yeah you know what that happens and you put the presents in the closet pool of blood next thing you know. The kids that year all got blood soaked, dripping.

Tickle me almost. What's that? Don't worry about it. It's all the same. I almost had a rough night. So he's just hanging out there. They find the pool of blood. So now they go to James and they go, listen, okay, I know you've said this.

I know you've said that. You lied to us twice now. Now we look around and we find a pool of what we find out is your mother's blood in a closet. I think maybe you have some explaining to do here. I think you know a little bit more than you're letting on. So James Jr., again, I'll level with you. I got a better one. Listen, OK, would you buy? How about this? Okay. His father told his mother about this Internet affair. And she got really mad and really crazy. And they got in a huge fight. And she started her period.

Well, to the point all over the place. Even though she's already deeply into menopause. It doesn't matter. She suddenly had a spontaneous menstruation. It was wild. Spontaneous menstruation is a problem in rhode island public service announcement for spontaneous menstruation in elderly women are you 60 plus do you live in the northeast do you have spontaneous menstruation general closets for no reason when you haven't had it in for over 12 years and all of a sudden it's 12 years worth of backed up menstruation they call it closet spotting i believe is the

word closet soaking well since it's it's spotting since it's very it's a girl term anyway it's popping up once in a while anyway so yeah i he he lives there still hanging out now there's a pool of blood so there's a problem there so he then says that here's what happened okay let me level with you uh my father uh killed my mother during this fight they got in a huge fight my father killed her killed her in the house um it was terrible obviously i didn't want it to happen it's my mother and then he didn't know what to do so he took the body and took off and he's been gone ever since okay so father's gone mom's dead yeah look for dad and look for a trunk of a car because he took mom's body and just took

the fuck off that's a hell of a story that's a crazy fucking story okay uh so then they go yeah but where's your dad though because the vehicles that are made it's just we not really not really adding up and your father really i don't know how he'd be in such good hiding it's not he's not whitey fucking bulger right he's a union guy who lives in rhode island right he's not gonna he doesn't have like a large cash stockpile to lean back on they're checking shit like that they're like he's not unless he's got just a all this cash to live off of and to go underground it's gonna be really hard for this guy to hide especially with a with a corpse yeah it's difficult uh so he says okay this is what happened

okay would you buy this story okay here we go what is that i know i know i know i know listen i know the first four or five things I told you had holes in them. I'm not going to lie to you. Here's what happened. Now, this is hard for me to tell you, but fight happened. Internet, blah, blah, blah. Dad kills mom. I got super pissed.

Then I killed my dad for killing my mom. Right. That's what happened. Uh-oh. Now you've just incriminated yourself. They're both dead, but he killed my mom. So I had to kill him. Obviously. Obviously. So that's supposed to be some sort of mitigator here. That's what he says. Now, the neighbors here at this point, they're talking to the neighbors to find out what the they've entered this weird universe of where the fuck are we? Who are these people? This is strange strange and to get just a grip on the whole thing they have to talk to people there's people named dave and tracy rasmussen that lived a few houses down from uh from them uh they said that uh marion didn't get along at all with her son

and james jr and his mom had a terrible relationship they would always argue they said that uh marion was so afraid of james James Jr. that Marion would come over to these people's house, the Rasmussen's house, and and just hang out until until Jim Sr. As she called him, James Sr. got home from work. So she would feel safe at the house with the numbers. She's like, OK, Jim's home. I can go home now yeah uh she said that uh it was their only son but she was you know frightened of her another neighbor said that they had problems with the son uh they said that you know he had a temper and there was always arguments over there you could always hear jim jim jimmy jr fucking yelling and screaming uh that he had a violent temper uh they also said the rasmussen people said the father always stuck up for him james

senior would stick up for him uh all the time because he's his junior he's his junior and he would say you know leave the boy alone like that sort of thing he's he's just doing coke and stealing from us it's fine leave the boy alone he's got to learn yeah you know that's i don't know how that would help but uh they also said that uh we knew that jimmy jr had a temper but he was always respectful to us. So we knew how to be full of shit, basically, to the outside world. Another neighbor, Kenny Barber, said that they had a lot of problems over there and that the police had a lot of problems with James Jr. And basically, these people were all dirtbags.

And the whole neighborhood knows it. They're talking shit about everybody, especially James Jr. They all seem to like the parents. Even the people who are like are like oh she's a pill popper marion they still like the parents they're not themselves they're like kind of nice people they're they're sociable people they'll go out and say hey how you doing and talk to you and they're not dicks to you and you know they're kind of like you yeah yeah like you'll talk to your neighbors and hey what you got there what's that what you doing how's your lawnmower horse shit i will not talk about the lawnmower with them if that's what's sitting out there you talk about anything if it's something fun you'll try to make them feel good and you'll

talk about that's a nice one then you'll let them explain the horsepower and shit and you'll actually listen like you care if it's got something that's awesome on it like a self-propelling lawnmower i I want to know. See that? Tell me about that shit. I give the Dennis from Always Sunny in Philly keys in hand, looking down, stiff wave. Don't talk to me. I'm not looking at you.

But if they got a new Harley, I want to hear about it. If they got a new Jeep, I want to hear about it. Jesus, I don't care if they just went to the moon. I don't want to know anything about it. Leave me the fuck alone. Tell me about your new juicer. That sounds cool. I'm going to get you

a t-shirt that says, tell me about your juicer. Tell me about your juicer. That's what it's going to say. Like a Walmart vest that says, ask me how I can help. Tell me about your juicer. Tell me about your juicer. Tell me about your juicer. What you got there, guy?

Juicer? Something that's new that I've never seen. Yeah, I want to see it. That's amazing. You're right. So the cops here, they found the blood under the carpet. They found the blood originally with a dog searching for human remains. Right.

And eventually here, they look all over the property with the dog, and they end up finally finding something. The dog thinks they find something right over the septic tank in the backyard, right over the cesspool there in the backyard. So the dog is sniffing around. And he finds shit. And he hits on the shit. He on shit it's not a great dog it's not no i smell shit yeah it's great we're not digging there fido find somewhere else that would be my dog like frankie is just sit there and sniff the shit forever we're looking for fucking bodies i'd be yelling at her she's just wagging her tail you're like no no that's shit i know what i know it's shit yeah but i'm more excited about shit than bodies. It's a dog.

They love shit. They love shit. Yeah, they love the stinky stuff. They love shit so much. So what they end up doing is they go into the home's backyard. They dig it up. They lift the cover off the septic tank. No fucking way.

Oh, baby. Everybody want to be a homicide detective? This is what you're doing. You're looking into a septic tank. No. So you don't want to be a homicide detective this is what you're doing you're looking into a septic tank so you don't want to be a homicide detective so they dug it down to the septic tank lifted the lid off the septic tank based on the dog's hit on shit yeah and they start looking and they end up finding them what finding james senior and marion rotting in the cesspool. So that tells you that he did not flush a body. No. He dug up the shitter and opened it and put them in it.

And put them in it. Wow. And then put the ground over so they didn't even notice it. Un-fucking-believable. It didn't even look disturbed. It didn't even look disturbed. They said, medical examiner said that they'd probably been dead about 17 days. That is the worst burial ever.

In a shit puddle? Yeah. I would say so. Don't bury me in a shit tank, days. That is the worst burial ever. In a shit puddle? Yeah, I would say so. Don't bury me in a shit tank, please. Do anything else you want to me. I don't care if you give me to a bunch of necrophiliacs. Don't put me in a shit tank. I don't want that. That's terrible.

You'd rather be a jizz tank than in a shit tank? At least I'd be making people happy. You know what I mean? I wouldn't know the difference. What do I care? I don't know man what is it david cross enjoy the people the old david cross joke he's like i don't care throw me in the dumpster fuck me give me that fuck me in the ear fuck me in the eye hole make a new hole

fuck me there i don't care i'm fucking dead what do i that's that's how i feel about it i kind of want to fuck david cross make a new hole fuck me there whatever so i'm gonna fuck david cross in the belly button. Once he's dead, open season. He doesn't mind, apparently. He might have to talk to his wife about it. She might have an idea. Get a power of attorney.

There you go. Give it a shot, Jimmy. You might be able to get it in the will. It might happen. I'd like this and this and for Jimmy Wissman to fuck my belly button. We thought shit of David Cross. There you go. I love that guy.

He's great. He's hilarious. Arrested, developed. Well, stand up and everything. But Mr. Show, I'm a big Wayback fan. So anyway, they find them here in the backyard. And under them, when they pull them up, they also find a large grub hoe. You know what this is?

No. It's a hoe that has, I guess, one side is like a teeth. I looked this up. One side's like a hoe and the other side's kind of like a sledgehammer type of thing. It's got a big, so you could either dig or pound. You can do one or the other with it. I'm trying to picture it. I don't see it.

Don't tweet it at me, Fungus. Yeah, we'll find it well before you read it. I don't care that much. And we don't care. But if you have one, send me a message and let's talk about it. Let's talk all about it. Tell me how it works. What's that there?

If you flip it over, what happens? It is a new thing I don't know about. See what I mean? I don't want to hear it. But not the wire. You don't want to know anything about that. Fuck you. So there are how many seasons of that shit?

And they're an over an hour each. I don't got time for that. It's hilarious. Give me 20 minutes of your grub hoe jesus christ so if you add up all the grub hoe time you could have watched the wire a hundred times over listening about people's fucking self-permeable lawnmowers so hey tell me about your juicer guy so at this point now they find them in the uh in the with injuries by the way that are consistent with being hit with the blunt side of the grub hoe.

Oh, my God. So they're thinking, dead, dead, murdered with the grub hoe. Toss the grub hoe in, throw the fucking bodies in. I guess it's over with. And they go back to their lives. Now you've got bodies and a murder weapon, though. That's not very good. That's a problem there.

Yeah, together, which is another thing. You don't usually want to do that. That's putting the drugs and the gun together. That's not smart. Exactly. Not smart at all. Now they talk to him and they're like, so your dad fled with your mother now you killed your dad uh what happened he said well yeah well where was i gonna put once he killed my mom right i had to kill him and then what am i gonna fucking do with them what do i do

call the cops and say my dad tried to was killing my mom so i tried to defend her and killed him you know like a normal person would do call the the cops if it was legitimate. I just figured I'd put him in the cesspool. That's normal, right? Yeah, yeah. Put him in the septic tank. The story is his dad killed his mom. That means dad got so pissed he went outside, had time to get a grub hoe. Oh, yeah.

Came in, whacked her with it. Then put it down gently. Still angry enough to kill her. And then he picked it up. Right. Beat, beat, beat. He hacked him. And he said, oh.

I got to put the in the shitter with the grub hoe. Septic, septic. That's the story. Sniff, sniff. Dog, dog, shit, shit. Perfect he said, oh, I got to put the shitter with the grub hoe. Septic septic. That's the story. Sniff, sniff, dog, dog, shit, shit. Perfect. Berry, berry. Berry, berry. So, yeah, the medical examiner concludes that they died of blows to the back of the heads.

So even a sneaky sneak, a sneak attack, a sneaky cokehead attack here. So he's kind of fucked at that point. They don't really care what the fuck his story is they just don't care another thing while searching the yard at one point because they came several times to the house to look around the fuck man nicole and james jr sat at a table outside placed directly over the top of the septic tank and ate dinner in front of them on the bodies on the bodies while they're searching while they're searching he's i don't know where they went yeah dad's crazy with that internet i don't know y'all

want beer you've eaten a pork chop fucking wow wow man the balls the balls that's some balls here so he's found and he's obviously going to be charged don't name your kid junior this is what happens we've told you all the time he's obviously charged and with a double murder as you might expect to uh no they don't charge her with murder we'll get to her she gets charged with so much shit she's a like a criminal master well not a mastermind she's been arrested a hundred times we'll find out a little about her uh the prosecutor here the attorney general says quote the defendants depraved indifference not to the lives of just anyone but to the very people who raised and nurtured him is almost beyond comprehension sounds like a murder or a movie trailer that is he's setting some shit up there you're in trouble if that's what the attorney

general says about you they're going to make an example out of you sounds like the intro to jurassic park absolutely we haven't got to the crazy part yet because yeah they killed or at least james jr killed his parents put him in a septic tank, ate dinner over, pretended like everything was fine. That's bad enough, right? That's vile. Well, what was he doing in the meantime while they were missing? He was having a good old time. Yeah.

He was fucking, he was having a ball. What he did is he took their credit cards and shit like that, their money, things, emptied their bank accounts and went on a goddamn spending spree. They bought a new TV, laptop, a PlayStation, some electronics, all sorts of shit just in those weeks, just buying shit

like nothing was wrong. I hope he bought Grand Theft Auto, too, so he could break all kinds of laws. Back then, I know, and he's like, oh, I'm doing it now. Grand jury indictment said that they charged him with 68 counts total when they charged him.

This is murder, computer fraud, obtaining money under false pretenses, fraudulent use of a credit card, and everything that goes along with that. I'm sure disturbing a septic tank is probably a crime. I have no idea. They added everything in there. Pollution of groundwater or some shit. Yeah, you know they did. Yeah, the disposal of a toxic biohazard and the wrong thing. You know that they got them out of there.

Working on a septic tank without certification or some shit. Working on a Saturday. They got them under Jewish law. He's like, what the fuck? There's not even any Jewish people here. What is happening? They just nailed him. Sorry.

Transactions range from $1.49 to $402 in one shot. The attorney general said, essentially, they went on a spending spree, used some of the products themselves, and then offered them for sale to different people. They were significant purchases. They weren't just buying a couple of bowls for the kitchen. They were buying shit and hawking it. Yeah, they were selling shit. They were buying shit and then being like, I'll sell you this for fucking 50 bucks. I got it for 100 just now.

Fuck, I don't know why I gave them a southern accent. They're from Rhode Island. Well, this is just kind of hillbilly behavior. This is panhandle behavior. You know what that is? It's not southern. From now on, when we do that accent, it's not southern. That's a panhandle accent is what that is.

Region, region non-specific. Not's a panhandle accent is what that is region region non-specific panhandle hillbilly shit kicking we don't care what color they are what gender they are randy moss talk where are you from christ that's it it's a panhandle accent randy moss talks exactly like that yeah he looks straight gangster he does he does so uh so he's from west virginia that's how they talk is that what it is yeah him and jason williams white chocolate played on the same basketball team in high school so uh sores here uh he pleads not guilty uh obviously he's held without bail though clearly i don't think they're gonna let him out back to let's just let me go back to the house man that's cool tara owens too by the way yeah oh yeah yeah him too that's my quarterback

i think he's from texas is that what it too. That's my quarterback. I think he's from Texas. Is that what it is? Somewhere. I don't know where the fuck he's from, honestly. He sounds like a dipshit. So his girlfriend here, Nicole Pacheco, who's 20 at this point, she's charged with participating in the shopping spree and all the charges that come along with that. They don't charge her with murder. He says she knows nothing about it and he won't crack on that.

And she says, I know nothing about it and she won't crack on it. And I think she knew plenty about it and he won't crack on that and she says i know nothing about it and she won't crack on it and i think she knew plenty about it yeah and they're both full of shit but they said let's let's just get one nailed right and uh whatever uh so uh she's charged with that a judge entered a not guilty plea on her behalf at her arrangement because she didn't have a lawyer uh she was ordered uh to stay on uh ordered held on 100 100 000 sure bail, which seems like they just ran her through the bail system without a lawyer present. The judge isn't her lawyer. That doesn't seem legal.

But I don't know what the loopholes are. It seems like you'd wait for that hearing until you would appoint her a public defender. Yeah, you should. Yeah, get her somebody there. They don't allege that she had any role in the killings, and they said that there's no evidence that she knew what happened to the couple.

I think she knew. Yeah, where are your parents? She didn't say at some point, where are your parents? She didn't say something like, I'm not supposed to be here. What if they come home when I'm here? Yeah, don't worry. They ain't coming home. Well, why?

Yeah, they're here now, but you don't see them. Don't worry. They're here. They're here. Wink. What if they come home? They're already home. Now, tell me about your juicer.

They done been home. What are you going to, they done been home. home. Now, tell me about your juicer. They done been home. What are you going to? They done been home. So wait till I show you this juicer. Oh, it's beautiful. She ends up not being charged, like we said, but she ends up getting a five year prison sentence after pleading no contest to obtaining money under false pretenses and a bunch of smaller crimes.

That's December 2009. pretenses and a bunch of smaller crimes. That's December 2009. Him in court, he's asked to answer a bunch of questions because he decides he's going to plead guilty. And I'm pretty sure it's because of the girlfriend. That's the way. Well, she had no role in it because he'll plead guilty if he just takes the hit for it.

They leave her alone on it. She he doesn't speak other than to say yes or no at his, uh, at his, uh, hearing when he pleads guilty. Uh, he pleads guilty to first degree murder and other, yeah. Guilty to that. Guilty to that. Uh, apparently if he pleads guilty, then, then life without the possibility of parole is off the table because there's some sort of a thing in Rhode Island law with that.

Uh, if he pleads guilty, he could get paroled. Well, yeah. It's a 40-year minimum on a life sentence. So that's, you know, 40 years. But still, if you're 60, he's only in his 20s, for Christ's sake. And, you know, whatever. So that's not enough time, I don't think, for what he did. This is pretty fucked up.

This wasn't fit of rage. He used something I've never heard of. This is fucking crazy. He's using obscure gardening tools to kill his parents and then put them in a shit tank this is a terrible and then buy playstations afterwards this is an awful person sounds like the grub hoe is to dig up grubs and then whack them uh maybe it's probably not though we don't know what we're talking about we are stupid it sounds like it remember remember that we're stupid why the fuck else is it called a grub? I have no idea. So he pleads.

He faces two consecutive life terms in prison, too. So he's facing 80. His public defender told the judge that his guilty pleas reflect his sincere desire to accept responsibility and the amount of grief that he has. No, his desire to plead guilty is based on the fact he doesn't want his girlfriend to go to prison and he and i think they're just like no parole is bad you trust us if you you know whatever so uh they said dozens of family members were there and they're all pissed at him obviously they all loved his parents and he ruined the fucking reunion yeah they were all fucking crying and doing all that oh totally no one got a tree where's the tree he burned all the trees man i killed Fucking jerk. I killed my mom.

I burned them trees. The attorney general here, I'm sorry, a police major said, quote, it's incomprehensible to think that someone could kill someone

that brought them into this world. So they're really trying to lay it on thick out here, which is pretty funny. It's not incomprehensible. It happens all the time. It does.

Because we've covered it all the time. So he pleads guilty as sentencing in 2010. The judge questions Soares not incomprehensible it happens all the time it does because we've covered all the time uh so he pleads guilty his sentencing in 2010 uh the judge questions sores because sores at this point during a sentencing now you go for mitigating factors now it's not about guilt now it's why you should feel bad for me and not give me a heavy sentence his his reasoning is well my mother uh abused me sexually so she physically abused me and and sexually assaulted me all the time when I was a kid. Just my whole life.

Yeah, but we need sexual assault. Sexual, sexual, sexual. Oh, no, no, no. But I'm going to bring it up now when it's the most convenient for me ever. Ever. This is the only time, really. Yeah. He said that he murdered his parents with premeditation and calculation because he wanted their money their cars and their home to share with his girlfriend because they owed it to him because

they molested that's right he thought they were just gonna i guess they're gone and then he just took everything over and then that's that's his life now he just took over his parents life and they're just in the septic that's more taking a life than ever before that's insane this is 100 taking their life that's crazy it's absolutely fucking nuts. That's 100% taking their life. That's crazy. It's absolutely fucking nuts. So the judge and the prosecutor, I mean, dismisses the allegations of abuse as, you know, just trying to get leniency as they would. His lawyer is just asking for concurrent terms. Let's just put them together.

Saying he didn't intend. This is funny. That's how he plans to get his W on this? Well, that's how he's doing it. If I can get both of them concurrent, that's my W. Then he says, look, I'm not trying to disparage the memory of the sources here, but the sexual abuse could explain why a guy could snap like this. That's all I'm going to say. Something could happen. No history of violence. That's all I'm going to say. Like something could happen.

No history of violence. Remember that Coke, but not violence. He also I guess there's a lot of statements from family members that said that Marion was sexually abused by her father, which is kind of a known thing. And they try to bring in the fact that it's not unusual. Basically, it's your way. If you've been molested, you're way more likely to molest mathematically. It's just the way it is. It makes sense.

The math is the way it is. I think that's how it's going. It fucks up people. And a lot of people, it's the complete opposite. It'll make you 100% against that. But some people, it fucks up at a higher rate of people than people who haven't been molested. This happens. And don't bitch at me for that. Nobody said, I sexually abused i haven't molested i get it you're fine we get it but mathematically you're that person's more likely so that's all we're saying here that's what they're trying to say they're like look i mean

it could have they're all saying she did it and she happened to her so you know she probably did it to her son which it's way less likely and women also so the math here is women generally don't it's way less it happens especially on on male it's a different thing it happens it absolutely does but not as frequently we're getting way off the trail way off the deal here so anyway uh they also said that uh uh that they so they try to get away with that after he says i'm not trying to besmirch their memory or anything but they probably molested their kid is what he says, I'm not trying to besmirch their memory or anything, but they probably molested their kid is what they were doing. I'm not trying to besmirch, but here I go besmirching. And he also said that, Hey, they used to sell drugs, the parents.

And you know, they did it, you know, in front of their son. They knew that they'd been arrested for selling drugs. I don't know how that makes a mitigating factor for killing them. Uh, but family members got on the stand and described them as loving parents who adored their kids and all that sort of thing. And they didn't see that at all. They said that there's just no way. They were just nice people. They treated him like gold.

One of James' stepsister said, quote, Dawn said, quote, I think to myself, did they see it coming? God, I hope not. She said then she yelled at her brother. I call you an evil coward while he was up there. So there's that. She also said her her sister, Sherry Thornton, said that she wished Rhode Island had a death penalty. Oh, she said, quote, they're dead and he should be dead. He should have to be alone with his haunting memories of murdering my mother uh she so then she pleads

she said you should put him in solitary confinement if you can't kill him oh my god so she wants fucking blood she is uh eye for an eye she wants him buried in a septic tank she's going for some baptist justice justice over here maybe she went to Brown too. So he ends up getting two life sentences for first degree murder. He receives concurrent terms for failing to report his parents' deaths and conspiring with his girlfriend to use their credit

cards and all that. He will be eligible for parole in 40 years. So, you know, 2050, watch out. I'll bet he doesn't get out. I bet he probably just dies in there. I'm sure he's going to be doing all sorts of stupid shit in there. If you're a cokehead and all that, someone's going to shank him. He's going to fuck somebody over.

And you don't generally live to be an old man behind bars. It just usually doesn't happen. No, sometimes, though. But you never know. It's not going to be as good for him. Yeah, he didn't qualify for life without parole, apparently. Here, the attorney general said, quote, We take some solace, however, in the fact that he will be in prison for a minimum of 40 years before he's eligible for parole. I trust whoever serving as an attorney general attorney general 40 years from now will object to his parole. How about that?

Yeah. So Soares' family was happy that he's put away. They said, the one sister said to the police, thank you very, very, very much for all this. So he gets his life sentences. Now, Nicole, she gets out pretty soon. You know, she probably does a couple of years in a five-year sentence. She ends up being arrested a lot. Nicole Pavlik?

Pacheco. Pacheco. I find January 2013, she's arrested on warrants here, failure to appear for a payment review for a charge of larceny. So one of those, she gets arrested there. She's a major thief constantly. She's a huge thief. She's July 2018, just now, she was charged with larceny. Yesterday. Yeah, larceny over 1500

dollars has just happened and over the and between now and then i found wow i mean just going we'll go from like this is we are six days into july she's already been arrested this is she's behind bars right now which honestly i feel like she's behind schedule when i tell you what she's been doing this is just a rundown of some of her crimes. And these are all different dates except for a couple of them. For the last, you know, for the 2010s, we'll say. Let's see here. We have shoplifting, shoplifting, reckless driving, larceny under $500, shoplifting, shoplifting, receiving stolen goods under $500, conspiracy, embezzling over $500, two counts

of conspiracy a month apart, possession of a stolen motor vehicle, fraudulent use of credit cards under $100, fugitive from justice, fugitive from justice, driving vehicle without consent of owner, larceny under $1,500, larceny under $500, larceny under $500, larceny under $500, larceny under $500, larceny under $500, larceny under $1,500, larceny under $500. Larceny under $500. Larceny under $500. Larceny under $500. Larceny under $500. Larceny under $1,500. Larceny under $1,500. Receiving stolen goods over $500. Receiving stolen goods under $500. Larceny over $500.

Fugitive from justice for conspiracies. Obtained money for false pretense. Conspiracy, conspiracy, conspiracy. Obtaining money on false pretense over $500. Conspiracy, conspiracy. Fraudulent use of credit cards under $100 breaking and entering into a dwelling fuck she's hot fuck now and a partridge in a pear tree that's the type of chick he was dealing with so but does she piss the bed because i kind of like her i was gonna say

she sounds like a bed pisser i'm gonna be honest but that's like after a heist so there might be adrenaline we don't know how that's going. We can buy a new bed. So she's in and out of the jail constantly. I don't know how she's out ever. James is in for a while. The person hurt most by this, besides the family, this is kind of like in crime and sports, we do mistaken identities. Once in a while here, we'll do a mistaken identity.

Someone who has an unfortunate name, and this guy is the most unfortunate. There's a guy on Threadless. Oh, no. identity someone who has the name an unfortunate name and this guy is the most unfortunate there's a guy on threadless yeah uh oh no this poor bastard he he's like an artist he goes by uh spires s-p-i-r-e-s uh buy something from him because this poor son of a bitch's name is james sores and he is from uh he's from bristol which is right next door. That's where Marion was from. Right next door. He says, grew up in Warren, where the Warren and Bristol school districts are mixed. I'm from Bristol.

My name happens to be James Soares. Kid killed his parents with a hoe and buried them in the ground. Sick bastard. I live on the Cape right now. May not be the best time to move back. My name is scarred forever. Where I'm from. Maybe I should just change my last name to

spires and be done with it now i'll never be first on google he called this is bio he titles this it's just a little thing he wrote on there he titles it ap ruins my life and he says now i have to preface all introductions with quote no i am not the same james sores who murdered his parents because it's the same area. This poor son of a bitch. That is amazing. This poor guy's like, please don't not buy shit from him. When I first looked it up, I'm like, this motherfucker's selling artwork?

Fuck this guy. And I'm like, oh, my God, this poor son of a bitch. So that is James Soares and James Sr. and Marion Soares and Nicole Pacheco. Jesus. Just a big mess of... Open Soares. Open Soares. That's goingco and just a big mess of open sores. That's going to be the name of this episode. Open sores. Open sores here.

And that is Warren, Rhode Island. Holy shit. Very interesting. Do some coke and go out there and spend your parents money while they rot in a cesspool. Don't bring your grub hoe over and show it to me. Well you do any of that though you need to run the itunes yeah and you need to tell them about all about us and give us five stars and say something it doesn't matter what you say it's not for our ego say i like open source i have lots of open source so that's you can do that over there or if you want to be a hero of ours one of the people we're going to talk

about in just a couple of moments you you can do that very, very easily by going to patreon.com slash crimeinsports or you can go over to PayPal, use our email address, crimeinsports at gmail.com and you can do that. You can follow us at Murder Small on Twitter, at Small Town Murder on Instagram, Small Town Pod on Facebook.

Search for Small Town Murder and you'll find us. And before we do the shout out, so I am going to do a little one little thing, like I said before, a little rundown of something. I'd like to talk about it. We're going to get to that. So do all of that shit. Go to shut up and give me murder dot com. Buy some shirts. And before you do that, I just want to say last week we did a crazy, just a nasty episode.

It was horrible. It was horrible. And we tried to make it as palatable as possible and people even meaning well people we got a lot of tweets of oh i had to shut it off and oh it was gross and oh blah blah blah blah yeah we know first of all the show's called small town murder right uh second of all we fucking get it like that was a rough one we tried to make jokes where they were appropriate and i think we actually succeeded in not making jokes either way uh here's what it is we put the show out we know what we recorded we say it we record it then i listen to the entire fucking thing so any first of all anytime you have a problem with anybody saying anything even if jimmy says something

it's my fault because i should have cut it if it was that bad and if i didn't, it's my fault because I should have cut it if it was that bad. And if I didn't, then it's my fault. So you can fucking blame me because we both say shit that we have to cut. Sometimes it's just inappropriate at times or whatever. It happens. So we're comics. We're comics. I go too far.

A lot. We fucking both do. So it happens. So we'll cut something or whatever. So we police ourselves. We know what we're fucking doing. If we put it out, it means we meant it. So if you complain about it, I don't know how to put this gently.

We don't fucking care. This is what we're doing. I don't know what else to say. Look, this isn't the fucking Olive Garden where we have some friendly restaurant manager, some 28-year-old kid with spiky hair who comes over and he's like, hey, guys, tell you what, let's get you a delicious dessert on the house and blah, blah, blah. We'll take 10% off your bill. There's no silly nickname to anything. Some guy who's trying to be GM of a fucking middling restaurant chain someday, and that's

his goal. That's not what we are. If you look at our restaurant, our restaurant's down a dark alley in an ethnic neighborhood of a country you've never even fucking heard of. And when you go into our restaurant, there isn't even a fucking menu. You get what's cooked for you. The thing is, though, it's fucking delicious. It's going to be something great.

But if you don't like it, there's the fucking door. That's the thing, because our floor manager isn't a spiky haired 28 year old kid with a smile and a free dessert coupon. It's a heavy set hunched over Albanian man with a blood soaked smock and a palm all hanging out of his mouth. Just dangling precariously from his lips. That's what we have. His throat and spits on the floor in between your fucking. Exactly. And has a cleaver stuck in the counter next to him.

That's our guy. He doesn't give a fuck. And if you don't like it, he'll say there is door. And if you don't go, he will chop you. Please leave before you catch cleaver. That's what we are. And we apologize don't go, he will chop you. Please leave before you catch cleaver. That's what we are. And we apologize for that. But we're fucking comics.

We apologize for not apologizing. Exactly, man. Because that is what it is. We're comics. We're not journalists. We've said this a million times. We're not journalists that have to kiss your fucking ass. We're providing a...

Comedy is a different thing. If you like it, great. Awesome. If you don't like it, great. There's the fucking door. that's the way it is so it's not like i made up a horrible story and was like isn't that bad and then fucking told it to you when there was a bunch of shovel rape right it just happened like that so creative that i can uh tell you that we raped somebody with a shovel handle and then found the pickaxe no that's some dickhead did that exactly so that's what it is we do love you guys and we

we want you to tweet us we want you to tell you shit but if you don't like something it's not that we're like oh we can't take it we don't have thin skin we're just it's not going to change no no you could say anything in the world and it will never change what we do you can say we do that was the worst show doesn't matter there's we're gonna go further that's the thing that's the you're gonna hear a worse one all it makes me as a comedian our automatic thing is to go as far contrary as we can so if you say that was terrible i go you think that was bad that's my first thought i'll find something worse i'll find where they shoved three shovel handles up a guy's ass so that's find out where they put the spade up his ass that it's a contrary state of mind that because we're comedians that's all it

is that's that's why we're fucking comedians, because people see shit and they don't think like, why the fuck is that like that? That's stupid. That's why they're not comedians. And by the way, stop trying to be funny, too, because you're not funny. You know who we think are funny? Like most comedians suck and aren't funny. We don't think we're funny. So you're definitely not funny.

I like comics that you would find fucking hateful and disgusting. So anyway. That's their life. Yes. That's how they live. Anyway, that's the show, and that is the whole deal. And thank you guys so much. I don't know.

That was actually a thank you in a weird, fucked up way for supporting it and for being involved in it. But really, I mean, we're not going to change. Let's thank some better people, shall we? We're not going to change. Let's get to the list of the most fantastic people, not just better people. Hit us with that list of producers. Jimmy, where is it?

This week's executive producers are Adam Thorpe, Chrissy Ann Costaldi, and Lonnie Hall. Thank you all so, so much. Thank you, guys. Thank you, guys, so much. And thank you, Chrissy Ann Costaldi, for always coming through for us. Thank you so much, really. Every week. I say year.

I say year. Yeah, it's week. You're the best, Chrissy. Thank you. And she's recovering from some surgery. I know. Sorry. I hope're the best, Chrissy. Thank you. And she's recovering from some surgery. I know, I know. Sorry. I hope you feel better, Chrissy.

Katrina Bell, Aaron Allen, Stephanie Clark, Rob Medersky, who brought his daughter. Remember them? They're fantastic people. Thanks, Rob. That is so cool. Nice to meet you, dude. Jesse Hartman. Fucking no.

Ew. Got a good one? Rurid? Rurid Gald? Okay. Rurida? No. That sounds like a place where a biblical battle was fought.

Ruridard. In Ruridard, yes. That was a biblical battle. Ruridard. Nope. Christy Busby, William McClellan, Bill, he's in Scotland, and he sent us $0, and that's what showed up. That was awesome.

I think he sent us a penny the one day. I don't know. I was like, all right, thanks, dude. That's an interesting way of sending a donation. Zero. Hey, whatever. You were thinking about us, and that's what's important to us. I appreciate it, Bill.

Thanks for the thought, brother. Sarah Beth Olkins? Yolkins. Yeah. Yolkins. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I said the first thing.

Ashley V-I-E-A-U-O-X, L-M-N-O-P. It's V-O. That's all that is. V-O? It's just Ashley V-O. It's so much easier than we made it out to be. We should just fucking change it. V-O.

V-O. We want to pronounce it right. Right. Katie Heisel. Nikki Kisselheff. Kissel-eff. Katie Heisel is the one that makes the maps over on Twitter. She's fantastic.

Yeah, we love Katie. Thanks, Katie. Nikki Kissel-eff. I think that's right. Margie Kunze. She's fantastic. Thanks, Margie. She's been with us for so long. So long. She's fantastic. We love Katie. Thanks, Katie. Nikki Kisileff. I think that's right. Margie Kunze. She's fantastic. Thanks, Margie. She's been with us for so long.

So long. Supporting us. She's the best. Robert Burns. Robert Burns has been, too. Kyle Biggs. Sarah Toasty. Tossed.

Tossed. Tossed. I like Toasty. I don't know. That sounds both delicious and warm. I'm fucking dumb. Dan Chapman. Sarah Reichert.

Joseph McGlynn. Nikki Cofield. Jerome Cernuski, CZ, fucking damn it, Cernuski. I have Cernuski, sir. Thanks, Jerome. Chastity Irwin, Sean Hartley, Craig Riley, Kimberly Thomas, Laura Blakeslee. Thank you, Laura. Jacqueline Howard, Emmy Dumont. Stephen Mace wanted to wish a happy birthday to Stephen Sr., who is his father, obviously.

Happy birthday, Stephen Sr. And Dave. Thanks, guys. Appreciate you. Happy birthday. You're welcome, Stephen. Allison Hilliard, Adriana Maggs, Shannon Stoica, Sarah Hogan, Craig McGeechan, Guy Rilloux. Guy, your last name is fucked up, Guy.

Come on, Guy. Get together. Steve Schnell in Philly. Thank you, Steve. You're a hell of a dude. Thanks, Steve. We always love you, bro. Under the Sea Fabrics, Chloe Baldock, Larissa Pavlov, like the dog. Like his dog. Like the man who had the dog. The man who owned the dog. Yes, yes. Larissa Pavlov. like the dog. Like his dog. The man who had the dog. The man who owned the dog. Yes, yes.

Larissa Pavlov. There you go. Derek Hillenburg, Sam Lund, Heather Every, Brett Scott. Brett Scott is the coolest name. That is pretty cool. It sounds like tough, yet cool. It sounds like what the doc would yell at Marty. Yeah.

Brett Scott. I hope people just would go, Brett Scott. Brett Scott sounds like a handsome dude. Yeah, he does. How you doing? Brett Scott here. I hope he looks terrible. Yeah, I hope he just go, Brett Scott. Brett Scott sounds like a handsome dude. Yeah, he does. How are you doing? Brett Scott here. I hope he looks terrible. Yeah, I hope he's an awful looking man.

I hope you're in terrible shape. He's very unfortunate. Terrible shape, Brett. We hope you are. Jake Labier, sticking around. Thank you. Tyler Hawk. Hawk.

Yes, Hawk. Adelaide Copeland. Amanda Windsor. Terry Burgess. Jess Landgren. And she sent you a birthday gift. Yes. Thank you, Jess. Thank you so much, Jess Landgren and she sent you a birthday gift yes thank you so much Jess Landgren

we appreciate you all the way from Australia yeah I ate all that chocolate very quickly and I loved it and I like the rugby hat it's cool shit thank you so much

for thinking about me I appreciate it Rochelle Ann Zach Deficate no fuck did I say that you did say that out loud I'm a dick

that's what came out it wasn't your fault I didn't try to it's Dave Fic. That's what came out. It wasn't your fault. It's Dave Ficciani. Hey, that is way different. I write like an asshole is what I do. Emma Cawson, yes. Ashley Lavati, love a tie.

Love a tie. Love a tie. Julianna Chaudhry. Ingrid Stokes, she sent money from North Korea. Hey, North Korea bucks. And she made a joke on PayPal about the North Korea bucks, and they held the funds and wouldn't let her send it. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. Isn't that awesome?

Katie Turner, Chance Cole, Nicole Adams, Brittany McDonald, Kensworth Slater, Brandy Dunkel, Bryant Toole, Timothy Smith, Rana Absher, Michael Army. That's easy. Thank you, Laura. Thank you. Eric Langennecker? Yes. Alicia? No. Alicia Ybarra? Graphicstrategist.com.

I'm not sure what that is. Hunker Downcast? I don't know what that is. That sounds like a podcast. Might be. Maybe. Greg Dangerfield? Laura Culpepper, Kate Myers, and Tyler Hales. Thank you guys so much for everything you do for us.

Honestly. It's fucking unbelievably appreciated and understated, I guess. I don't know. Under something. Love you guys. It can't be stated enough, so it has to be. Thank you. Thank you guys so much.

Truly. Truly. Thanks for being here thanks for listening thanks for hanging with us thanks for helping us make this studio a fucking thing this is incredible and we can't thank you enough honestly thank you thank you thank you what if one of these people wanted to tell you what you're doing wrong jimmy look how can they how could they do that you can tell me i'm a piece of shit at wisman sucks w-h-i-s-m-a-n sucks on twitter instagram and snapchat show me a juicer. That's right. What about you?

Yeah, definitely send Jimmy pics of your juicer from now on. Tell me about your juicer. Just give him a whole rundown of its power specs and everything like that. You can find me and tell me what I'm doing wrong and what I should be doing better and fucking what you think that should be different at

Jimmy P is funny or you can just copy and paste my last name from the show description, because honestly, it's really, really hard to spell. Do that. Come back and see us again next week, where we're going to have a crazy ass story, and we'll have a regular length episode next week also.

Actually, this one turned out to be pretty long anyway. This was normal length. Almost normal length, because we got rambling, and that's what we do. We're trying to go short here. This is what ends up happening. So anyway, thank you folks so much for all of that until next week it's been our pleasure bye Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Small Town Murder early and ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today.

Or you can listen early and ad-free with Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey. In May of 1980 near Anaheim, California, Dorothy Jane Scott noticed her friend had an inflamed red wound on his arm and seemed unwell. She insisted on driving him to the local hospital to get treatment. While he waited for his prescription, Dorothy went to grab her car to pick him up at the exit, but would never be seen alive again, leaving us to wonder, decades later, what really happened to Dorothy Jane Scott? From Wondery, Generation Y is a podcast that covers notable true crime cases like this one

and many more. Every week, hosts Erin and Justin sit down to discuss a new case, covering every angle and theory, walking through the forensic evidence and interviewing those close to the case to try to discover what happened. And with over 450 episodes, there's a case for every true crime listener. Follow the Generation Y podcast on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

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