Small Town Murder - #89 - Pollinations & Decapitations in Cave Junction, Oregon

Episode Date: October 11, 2018

This week, in Cave Junction, Oregon, a man with a shady past, and even shadier present lures a younger woman into his awful web. This leads to paranoia, conspiracy theories, and brutal, heartless violence. The excuses are weak, and so is the defense, but just when you think it's all over, a possible surprise from the past surfaces. Don't miss a minute of this one!! Along the way, we find out why a certain parade may not be kid friendly, what the most terrible smell on earth may be, if it's possible to shot, decapitate, dismember & burn yourself!! Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman New episodes every Thursday!!Please subscribe, rate, and review!Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever you listen to podcasts!Head to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things Small Town Murder!For merchandise: crimeinsports.threadless.comCheck out James and Jimmie's other show: Crime in Sports Follow us on social media!Facebook: facebook.com/smalltownpodInstagram: instagram.com/smalltownmurderTwitter: twitter.com/MurderSmall Contact the show: [e-mail] See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. What if you married the love of your life and then stood by them as they developed 21 new identities? What would you do? This Is Actually Happening is a weekly podcast that features extraordinary true stories of life-changing events, told by the people who lived them. Listen to the newest season of This Is Actually Happening on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. This week, in Cave Junction, Oregon, a shady character brings a young woman into his web with violent results.

Welcome to Small Town Murder. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Small Town Murder. Yay! Oh, yay indeed, Jimmy. Yay indeed. My name is James Petrogallo. I'm here with my co-host. I am Jimmy Wissman. Thank you folks so much for joining us this week, an immense amount. We have a crazy, wild, weird, interesting episode this week.

It's one of those ones where you're just, it's a head shaker, and it's interesting. And we'll put it this way. Make sure, and I'll repeat this right before we start in case people skip right through the opening here. Make sure you listen until it's over. Until we start saying, hey, thanks, this is our social media handles, you need to listen to this because this story, when you think it's over, it is certainly not over. And there's another twist to it that is just disturbing that you need to know about. So stick through it to the end. Plus, I have a little complaint to lodge at the end also, some ranting possibly to do.

So you might want to stick around for that. But more importantly, the end of this episode is wild. Great. Thank you, folks, so much for your reviews this week on the purple icon there, Apple Podcasts or iTunes or whatever the hell you want to call it. We appreciate it. And they really do help drive us up the charts. So thank you so much for doing that.

We say it every week, but we mean it every week. It really, really helps us out. We appreciate it every week. We appreciate it. So if you haven't done it yet, get on there. Give us five stars. Doesn't matter what you say. It's really not for our egos. So really, you can say anything you want. Doesn't matter. We appreciate it. So if you haven't done it yet, get on there. Give us five stars. It doesn't matter what you say. It's really not for our egos.

So really, you can say anything you want. It doesn't matter. Don't care. We don't care. Just the five stars and say something would be terrific. People have done that. So thank you. And the other people we want to thank this week is our wonderful, wonderful producers.

All of those great people. And if you want to be one of our producers, one of our special, amazing people, you can do that very, very easily by going to patreon.com slash crime and sports or go over to PayPal. Use our email address. Crime and sports at gmail.com. Make a one time donation there. Save yourself the trouble of having to remember that all that stuff by just going to shut up and give me murder dot com. And you can find links to all that stuff. Links to merchandise. Links to merchandise,

links to new t-shirts, ones that say Small Town Murder live that you can find tickets. You can buy those and then get tickets to one of our live shows coming up in the next couple months. Thank you to everyone who came out to Dallas and Houston. That was so fun. That was great. House of Blues in both

spots. Very nice hospitality from you people. Dallas, my God, you guys were crazy. What the fuck? That was a crazy crowd. So thank you guys for being cool and coming out to support the show. And the hundreds and hundreds of you. That was wild.

You guys really showed up. Houston tried to kill me. Good Christ. Houston almost killed Jimmy, and then he took it easy for Dallas. And the crowd was just wild and cool as shit in Dallas. And thank God they didn't force force feed me whiskey they were force feeding herbal remedies on to me as good i was like i'm only here for a day i there's it is impossible physically for me to ingest whatever you're trying to give me at this moment for that short amount of time because my body was trying to expel everything Houston put in it.

Yeah, and then you were having Korean food. Never mind all that. What an adventure that was. But come out. Portland this week. Portland, Oregon. And then Seattle the very next night. Come out to those shows, really.

Next week. They're going to be wild. Next week. Yeah, not this week. Next weekend. Next weekend. Next weekend. So for that, we're going to do an episode for that area of the country.

Oh, what a teasing son of a bitch. It's a tease. But first, we have to do the disclaimer. We have to tell everybody out there, you never know, people listen for the first time all the time. This is a comedy podcast. We are comedians. The story is real.

Don't get me wrong. We're not making stuff up and going, hey, wouldn't it be funny if this actually happened? That's not it at all. We're not embellishing anything for the effect of comedy. We're not doing that. We're comedians, so we're going to make jokes. What we try not to do is make jokes at the expense of the victims or of the victims' families because we're assholes,

but we're not scumbags. And that's the truth. And that's how we can roll with this. And people go, well, what's so funny about murder? And you go, well, if you do it the right way plenty plenty a lot of the there's small towns bubbling police forces people around it idiots murderers to make fun of there's plenty to goddamn laugh at you assholes that's what there is the wrong way the wrong yeah exactly so if that sounds good to you god damn it i'm happy to have you and we're happy to have you and sit back because we're going to have an amazingly fun time if that's not cool with you and you think that comedy and

crime should never go together ever well then you're not going to like it so you should probably bail out now or give us a chance and actually loosen up and you'll probably enjoy the damn thing might be a little because it's honestly not not as bad as you think it is so jump on in the pool with us jump on in the pool with us. It's not that bad. Jump on in the pool with us. And I do want to say this, too, because I've had a few things. Live show, when we're doing meet and greets after the show, I'm not a monster. You can approach me.

I'm not. People have said, like, I want to say hi, but they don't think I'm going to yell at them for some reason. I'm not going to yell at you. I know I'm yelling at you now to tell you I'm not going to yell at you, which is like a parent yelling at a child saying, stop crying. What are you crying about? You're screaming in their face. But honestly, in person, I'm a very nice person.

Especially when you're fucking just insanely baked. Yeah, baked. I'm happy from being at a live show and seeing people. So it's a good thing. But let's go on a trip, Jimmy. Let's go on a trip. What do you say? Let's pack up.

We've been to Michigan. What do I say? I say fuck yes. Jimmy said, no more whiskey, please. Do you know what? No more whiskey. It hurts so bad to throw up when you have nothing to throw up. I bet, and the airport especially.

Oh, good Christ. So we're going all the way from Michigan, where we were, Webster Township, Michigan. We're going clear across the country this week, all the way to the West Coast, going all the way to Oregon. Fantastic. Since we're going to be in Portland, I figured why not be in the Pacific Northwest, and I found a weird damn case that has basically no coverage outside of a couple of little

tiny blurbs in local newspapers from the exact time it happened and really nothing else since then. So it's crazy. We're going to cave junction oregon all right cave which is i love towns with crazy names that's for small town murder you want that you want either like a like iowa iowa is the name of the town or like crazy names like that or you want cave junction oregon which sounds exactly as weird as it is yeah it sounds like that's where the Fratellis would take the Goonies' bodies after they've killed them, I feel like. Cave Junction, see? Take them down to Cave Junction and Joey Pants goes down there. Shitty Robert Davi following him.

Anyway, it's in southwest Oregon. It's not far from the California border. So it's down there, down in the very southwest kind of corner. One county from the ocean and this county borders California. So not too far. It's about three hours to Eugene, Oregon, about four and a half hours to Portland, which is on the north side of the state, and about seven hours down to San Francisco in the car. So it's by itself. There's really not a lot around it you're not really that northern california southern oregon area is kind of a no

man's land of just i don't think i realized that it is remember when we did the jarrett wyatt episode for crime and which could have been a small town murder because it was in a small town and he murdered his friend and cut his heart out and was just kind of hanging out naked with a bloody corpse with no heart. And I was there. That was in that was in northern California, the middle of nowhere, kind of up by the Oregon border. But the ocean's close with the ocean. It's beautiful country, Jimmy. Which is bananas to me that nobody's buying there.

It's it's it's so weird, though. It rains like this place has 61 inches of annual rainfall a year. So that's now you got a reason. That's the reason why it's a little it's a little wet. It's 61 inches, 61 inches of annual rainfall a year. So that's now you got a reason. That's the reason why it's a little it's a little wet. It's 61 inches, 61 inches of rain per year. Five feet. It's a lot of fucking lot. That's a lot of rain.

Jesus Christ. So, yeah, do that in snow, which is like, what, 10 inches of snow for every inch of rain. So that's too much. That's a lot of snow if it was all snow. But it's not. It's in Josephine County, Oregon. Zip code 97523. Area code 541 is like the old school area code, and they've added 458 to it as well.

It's a small town, 1.82 square miles. The motto here is, it doesn't even need a phony motto. It's Gateway to the Oregon Caves. Yeah. Or there's another one actually also here that's less popular. But if you dig deep in the website, it's on there. A great place to start a militia. So there's that.

Or fucking drown because there's five feet of water. Or drown in the brain water as it flows by. And they're like, is it flooding? Nope, that's normal. Just the streets run with water. So much water. It's a lot of goddamn water uh so uh history of this place for thousands of years obviously it's been a native american place the uh tekelma

indians were here in the illinois valley they call this the illinois valley because as we know nobody can be creative at all the illinois valley should be in fucking illinois nothing west of the mississippi has its own name it's all unless it's like cooter's bluff or some shit like that who named it after some guy named cooter unless it's that it's some shit from back east or some big douchebag english town or some shit like that so uh yeah there's an nfl coach named cooter oh i'm sure i forget whose coach it is, but shit. There's probably a Cooter and a Rib-Eye and a fucking, who knows these people. I forget who he coaches, but the quarterback.

Scooter and Cooter and Rib-Eye. They got a new coach and the quarterback wanted the old offensive coach Cooter to stick around. Oh, I was going to say. Jim Bob Cooter. Oh, yeah, yeah. Jim Bob Cooter. That's his motherfucking name. That's his last name. But his first name, if his last name bob cooter oh yeah yeah that's his last name but

his first name if his last name was cooter it's bad enough his last name's cooter but when you add jim bob to it it fucks it all it really it really puts some stank on it you know what i'm saying really adds a little sting to it at that point jim bob cooter it's fucking amazing like if his name was william cooter it would be less bad. I mean, they'd call him Willie Cooter. Willie Cooter, but that's still better than Jim Bob Cooter, which I feel terrible. The Indians who inhabited this place, they did fine except for the fact that, well, not a lot of people were out that direction as far as Americans, quote unquote, at that point, until gold was discovered around there. And then these people's the natives lives were just completely fucking turned upside down if they're standing on top of gold it's like we're they're gonna they're immediately they're people that come aren't even

seeing you as people they're seeing you as things to be moved off of piles of gold that's all that's what they're thinking at that point but when they found out there was gold there from the back the east coast when they found out there was gold in the west they thought there was like cities made of it they didn't realize you had to fucking oh yeah dig it up smelt it live in a mountain yeah for fucking to fight bears and shit fucking dopes were like let's just go steal the castle that's made of gold they thought you go in the river you bring a shovel and you scoop out shovel fulls of it and then you go claim your fortune. Take it down and cash it in.

Fucking dipshit. Easy shit right there. Bunch of idiots. If they had watched Deadwood, they'd know better. It doesn't work like that. It's very hard work. Very, very hard work. The production companies of the 1800s were real weak, though.

You got a working gold claim. Shit's bad. HBO didn't really come into their own until the 90s, I got to say. They really could have saved a lot of trouble for these fucks. Yeah, they didn't. That's the problem, I think. Could have saved a long walk. Yeah, maybe if Netflix was around and Hulu, they could have put out a good show about

it, maybe. But they were in their very, very early stages at that point of it was just a guy running around going, want to hear some shit I heard? Want to hear a story that somebody told me once? I heard this was out there. Very primitive version of Netflix. It's the guy going, I heard something. You want to hear it too?

That's five bucks a month. I'll come by once a week and I'll tell you some shit. Hulu 1882 version. Jesus Christ. Otherwise, fucking strap up beaver pelts and go figure it out on your own you're on your own assholes here's your pelt sling them over your shoulder and get moving kidnap a young girl that's it have her show you the way it's the only fucking way to do it kidnap a young girl from her quote husband when she's fucking a teenager. Unbelievable.

So, yeah, gold was discovered in the early 1850s, around 1850. And then they had wars, obviously, after that. Wars. Because they moved in. They were the Rogue River Wars. There was a treaty in 1853. After this treaty, most of these Tekelmas lived on the Table Rock Reservation. And then in 1856, they were moved again to a different reservation and then split apart into another reservation.

Poor bastards. Yeah, this was not great. Disperse them and make them. Just disperse them for reasons. Well, there's no gold here and there's no gold here. We're going to put you here and there's only enough room for this amount of people. Don't worry, we'll find more room for the rest of you. You don't want to be where you were because there's these stinky yellow rocks under there that you guys don't want

you don't want to have those they're terrible bad rocks they're bad rocks they bring evil spirits it won't rain juju won't rain for months yeah okay over there that'll be fine yeah it'll be good it'll rain every day instead of every other day. So, yeah, the first gold nugget in history was found in Oregon. History was found in the Illinois Valley. And also the the largest gold nugget found in Oregon was found there, too. It was a 17 pound nugget. That ain't a nugget. That's a fucking holy shit.

You could kill a man with that. 17 pounds of gold. Yeah, that's that's pretty crazy, man. Holy shit. That's wild this was uh this was uh they found uh this was an 18 year old boy named ray briggs found this in 1904 which was 50 years later he was quickly slaughtered yeah he was murdered in the in the woods yeah they raped him for good measure just because while you're there why not back then they'd be like well might as well them prostitutes are expensive in town, so he's free and dead already.

17 pounds will buy me a shitload of prostitutes. Oh, boy. People were horrible back then is what we're getting at. They'd kill you for that. Newspapers called it the most wonderful gold discovery ever reported in Oregon history at the time. He discovered this while hunting along the sucker Creek, which sounds like it was, I don't think that was named for a douche bag. I doubt it. It was called the wounded buck mine.

Uh, the Native Americans really named some great shit. They did. They did it the right way. Wounded buck was somebody shot a buck. It ran off. Yeah. They didn't kill it. Right.

And they learned a lesson. It was hard there to kill a buck. I would just wound these motherfuckers around here boy it's terrible just wound them they run all off bleeding everywhere table rock sounds like a bitching place to visit just a bleeding it does it sounds nice but unless you're forced there right because there's no gold there uh so yeah this uh the the original settlement around this area where the gold strike took place was called Waldo, which I assume was just a guy named Waldo. He was like, my place right here.

I found it. He had a red sweater and all that shit. Yeah, and it was hard to find him. But once you got into those woods, you could pick him out. He's an elusive motherfucker. One time, 3,000 miners came in, 1,500 white miners and 1,500 Chinese miners. One group was the underground group, and one group was the above-ground group. I'll let you pick which one you think went under the ground for that.

Just a guess. Well, you see, less dirt will get in their eyes. That's how it works. We've had good luck, as we've discussed before, with them Italians when they come over. Because a hole is smaller. They're greased right up and you push them right through there. Right on down there. It's like Indiana Jones on the little thing.

You ever see that movie? That's a good movie. Boy, movies is getting good here in the 1880s. So happy that we have that. A man came for $5 a month and told me the story. It's a pretty good story. A little cheeky-eyed fellow with blocks on his feet to drive. One of them.

One of them. Yeah, you know what they were. A tiny miner was running with him. One of the underground fellas. One of them fellas came along there. Oh, that's wrong, too? Damn. It's rough.

What is it? The 1880s? What can I say anymore? Damn it. I watched Blazing Saddles the other day for the first time in so long. Oh, it's rough. What is it, the 1880s? What can I say anymore? Damn it. I watched Blazing Saddles the other day for the first time in so long. Oh, it's wonderful. I wish that people would go that hard on the racism in movies now. Well, because they're fucking making fun of it.

That's the point. They're making fun of it. I didn't realize that Richard Pryor was a writer on that movie. Yeah, they wanted Richard Pryor to be. And that's why. Yeah, Richard Pryor's supposed to have Cleavon Little's part, and they thought he was a little too richard pryor all right for it and uh that makes sense he would have overacted that no no no no it's it would have been about

richard pryor at that point rather than being the movie so he was like yeah just he's a writer with miss it's an interesting story but yeah he he was a he most of the race shit was richard pryor you know you're actually feel the jokes not even. They said he liked to write Mongo shit. He thought that was what he thought was fucking funny. He liked to write for Mongo. He wrote the dumb shit. Yeah, and Mel Brooks liked the race shit, and that's how they worked it,

which is fucking pretty funny. I see, when I watched it, I picked out jokes that I figured Richard Pryor wrote, and every fucking sexual innuendo, I'm like, Mel Brooks, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's absolutely him. He liked the Mongo shit.

That's funny. Right. Mongo, you know, punching a horse and falling down. And by the way, that looked so fucking real. The horse getting drilled in the face. Well, it was a good stage punch and the horse was trained to take a fall. Really? That was.

Yeah. You never watched that with the fucking. No. The commentary. Oh, my God. It's amazing. There's so many things I go into. But yeah, that was a trained horse

that was trained to take a fall jesus very hard to find that horse fucking jack was it named jack tripper but yeah that was a john ritter-esque fucking tumble he took a yeah john he was classically trained by john ritter john ritter ran him into fucking hammocks every other yeah that's what he did it was it was a, very intense training session. They did every day. They moved him to Hollywood. He took up with John Ritter. One Blazing Saddle fact. I could give you a million. I love it.

But just one. I want them all. The opening song of this, you know, he wrote a Blazing Saddle, all that shit. The guy who sang it's a real country, you know, old time. He thought that this was a serious movie. He didn't know what he was saying he thought he just read the lyrics he wrote this beautiful song and mel brooks said he's singing there's tears in his eyes and he's singing like he's feeling this fucking thing and this man saving this town and it's a complete fucking farce obviously and he's like i didn't want to tell him

because he's he's really into it it's you know that's what he does so it's fucking perfect so an amazing song i'm just running with it so fucking it made it real he made fun of blacks chinese german women got slaughtered everybody got made fun of so it was it was that's that was the movie that was the fucking point if you watch blazing saddles it's that was make fun of it and then it gives it less power was the stance then and now it's not obviously we've taken a different thing so uh anyway back into these people here 1850s back into the blazing saddle times okay uh gold mining is the major source of income for a long time it dwindled in the 1860s 1870s like all of the gold there's only so much gold when you come you can't it doesn't just keep coming it doesn't regenerate and under there you don't just be like we got to wait a month and let

the gold grow back it's not how it works you're planning my gold crops and nothing's coming in we plowed the field to turn them for soy is that how it works right it's the only thing i know about farming is they planted up the hay and next spring, that gold's coming right in. That gold's going to come in strong. That's what it is. Good fertilizer. You got a good crop of alfalfa. We got wheat, and we got gold.

It's going to be one of the two. World War II, up until World War II, before World world war two it was a lot of ranching and fishing and logging and people would come tourists to like you know explore the great whatever the shit you know the west basically and uh after that though agriculture also after world war two timber became a big part of it also let's knock down all the goddamn trees uh there was 30 lumber mills operating after world war two in this area in the illinois valley uh late 1980s though they were down to one uh with you know different regulations and if you can't just knock shit down and you know now you have to like do it the right way so most companies were

just like let's just knock a bunch of shit down uh whatever we have that's left over just dump it in the ocean and then that's fine that was the main way people did business for a long time you know how it goes it's fine you know so uh it's it'll work out i do like that the the those explorers took the fucking easy path to the ocean yeah i don't think they know how difficult that shit would have been had they gone straight the fuck west through oklahoma oh man that would have been bad new mexico they took the 40 they yeah. They took the 40. They made the I-40 path. They came in like, oh, Christ, how big is fucking Texas, man? It's just a panhandle. Imagine if we were driving the whole state, for Christ's sake.

Oof, Oklahoma's flat. Wow. If they took the 40, they'd have been dead before Amarillo. Oh, God. They would have killed themselves before Amarillo. They would have gotten to Oklahoma City and they're like, this is enough, right? This is ridiculous. That's where Oklahoma City, that's why people are there. I'm serious. They got there and they're like, this is enough, right? This is ridiculous. That's where Oklahoma City,

that's why people are there. I'm serious. They got there and they were like, this is fucking far enough. It's enough. We've done and then, yeah. So 1874 was the big discovery of Elijah Davidson found a cave.

He started finding caves while on a hunting trip. This became the Oregon Caves, which is the Oregon Caves National Monument and Preserve. It's a protected area here in the mountains in this area uh it's a big 4554 acre park wow that has a the marble cave uh all sorts of shit it's a it's a big place to go look at uh in 1884 a guy named walter c birch heard about the cave from this dav this Davidson guy and staked a squatter's claim at the mouth of the caves, which is Dennis Duffy from 30 Rock to me. Squatters. I'm claiming squatter's rights.

I'll be here. I'll be here. So, yeah, he and his brother-in-law charged a dollar for a tour of the cave. Wow. Just come on in, people. We'll show you this damn cave. That's our cave. We're squatting.

It's like in The Wire, kind kind of when they had hamsterdam and everybody had the bubbles business blew up because he went around with the cart and nobody could leave because if they left somebody would just come take their fucking claim because it was never mind so anyway uh they uh god damn it i want to know so bad so bad they caught the uh the newspaper said they had a camping plentiful pasture land and a medicinal cave that had medicinal waters in it which was probably moldy and made people shit their brains out feel the vortex

feel the very Sedona-esque Sedona is very much Sedona is beautiful and a nice place but yeah people are fucking crazy up there also they're out of their goddamn mind the rocks heal your cancer no they don't you know go to a doctor to heal your cancer the fuck is wrong with you and i had people have their holistic medications people are going to say my aunt went to i understand whatever but

for the most part yeah but doctors are good too i bet you wish you could ask steve jobs how his holistic shit went we put jim henson how things went for him. Well, Steve Jobs at least had aggressive cancer. But it wasn't at the beginning until he started treating it with cashews and fucking sage. Jim Henson literally needed just like a shot. Not even. A fucking Z-Pak or whatever the fuck there. A Z-Pak and a brisk walk. That's it.

He would have been all right. Some soup. And he would have fucking been fine. Like, literally. Maybe some Robitussin. Yeah. That's all. Everything would have been all right. Some soup. And he would have fucking been fine. Like, literally. Maybe some Robitussin. Yeah. It's all, everything would have been okay. Dead.

Instead, we got somebody else. We got, yeah. Instead, what is it? We got his kid. Who says that? Whose joke is that? Instead, it's somebody's joke is that. Instead, now Kermit has to sound funny.

I don't remember who the fuck it was. I don't remember who it was, but it's fucking hilarious. That's great. Somebody, it might have been a Family Guy joke. I don't remember who it was, but it's fucking hilarious. That's great. Somebody, it might have been a Family Guy joke, I don't remember. So anyway, they got the 1935, first of all, 1926, it was known as Cave City, which is Cave Junction now. Cave City, which is crazy.

And then they changed it. When the post office came in, it was under the name Cave City. And then the name City implies it was incorporated, and it wasn't, so they changed it to Cave Junction, which is ridiculous. Now, the notable people here, there really isn't any, but the fact that they put in their Wikipedia page people who have just been there, which is not how that works. People have visited? I'll read you from this, okay?

Cave Junction has a number of notable residents and past residents, okay? That's the first, so you expect people who have lived there. Right. Okay. Actor John Wayne was a visitor to a ranch in Selma, Oregon, which is about 10 miles north of town. That's not enough to say a better... John Wayne visited somewheres else.

He was over yonder a bit. Okay. Well, that's great. He grew fond of the area after filming Rooster Cogburn along the Rogue River. Well, that's terrific. That doesn't mean he's from there. I'm sure there's a lot of places he thought were pretty nice. What the fuck kind of shit is that?

That's hilarious. That's the worst. Christy Lee Cook, who was a contestant on American Idol 7, which just, you don't get any deeper of a thing. Christy Lee cook from american idol seven huh what was that uh was raised in selma uh again 10 miles north not even in town and the guy who is the this is amazing the guy no they didn't the guy why they did the the guy no no no the guy who does this no i'm just saying just saying, you know who Arthur B. Robinson is? No.

No, because he's the head of the Oregon Institute of Science and Medicine. And they say that's seven miles from Cave Junction. They don't say he's from Cave Junction. That guy's the head of this place and that's over there. Makes no sense. He's the head of a place somewhere else and he's from somewhere else. Yeah. Perfect.

It's perfect. Now, from the site, this is from the town website. It says that Cave Junction, as the major service center for the area, has most every single thing else people might, most people need. Not everything everyone wants, though. There are four financial institutions, two supermarkets, three service stations, two auto parts stores, a feed store, a building supply, a hardware store that virtually carries almost everything. Two drug stores, a DMV and eye clinic, two or three veterinary clinics, Chinese, Mexican, Italian, and a Dairy Queen. So that's everything you need right there.

Resident review here. This is also from the site. I'm sorry. You'll be part of the slow it says life is slower so you have to be patient you'll be part of the slowness because it's enjoyable to be neighborly it's a place where going to the market can take time because people talk in the aisles and at the checkout stands i would blow my brains out all over the fucking count jocula in two seconds just thinking you researched this whole thing you in your your nightmares you were probably screaming

that no run get the fuck out of there assholes it's a joy to be neighborly jesus christ will you move out of the goddamn way i'm trying to get through here i want to get home nowhere else on earth is it's slow a positive thing it's slower but you'll like it don't tell me what i like 1950 they had 283 people so that tells you not a lot of people there by 1990 they had 1126 people and now they have 1932 people fucking booming up 72 since 1990 uh median age here though a lot of older people it's uh 50.6 is the median age oh boy yeah average is 37 a normal median for the rest of the country here more males than females because there's also a lot of outdoor jobs a lot of logging and shit like that which uh there's still panning yeah all of

the age groups like all the younger age groups are underrepresented as far as you know compared to average and all of the older groups have more people so it's it's just older uh little less married people uh married with no children is there's a lot more so that's usually uh more uh older people uh 20 26 percent divorced as 11 percent is the norm so that's like i don't know if people run away here when they get divorced they go i'm gonna go live in the forest or I'm going to go live in a cave. Maybe I understand the wanting to live in a cave after a divorce. I wouldn't mind. It actually makes sense.

That's basically what I live in. Yeah. I mean, I had the same situation, so I completely understand. It's a small first floor apartment. I'm basically in a cave. That's what I mean. It's kind of like you're so if you wanted to go to Oregon, if you didn't have any kids, you'd go to a real cage, a real cave.

Trees around it and five feet of water. Perfect. Race of this town, racially 85% white, about 5% black, 1.51% Asian, 2.5% Native American, which is well over the average. About 5% Hispanic. So it's a pretty white town. 26.2% of the people are religious here. So that's about half the norm. 26.2%.

Yeah, it's about half the norm. And we're just going to have 4.7% Catholic, a bunch of other faith. Really not much of anything. 5% LDS, though. Hodgepodge and then those fucks. If there's a cave to live in and have to do some weird shit, they're going to find that. 0.0% Jewish. This is not they're washing their hands of this stuff here.

I don't want any part of that. That sounds filthy. No, thank you. 0.0% Islam. 37% Democrat. 58% Republican. And 4% Independent in the last election, which is like three times the norm of independent voters.

Usually it's less than 2%. So this is kind of and they say the residents here go from extremely very liberal to right wing survivalist militia lunatics. Nazis and Marxists. That's sort of, yeah, hippies, basically. It's kind of like older, like a hippie type. Well, that's a 4 yeah hippies basically yeah it's kind of like older like a hippie type and that's your four percent yeah independence and the right-wing survivalists are voting for probably some crackpot lunatic to the right of whatever the fuck so uh unemployment rate here is about seven percent so that's a little bit high a little bit high on the unemployment rate uh

median household income is twenty six,000 here. My word. That is less than half the national average. Things are not going well. Twice as many people make under $15,000 than normal, and only about 4% make over $100,000 a year. There ain't no money here. No, it's not a lot of money here. Much more agricultural, fishing, hunting, that type of job. Forestry here than normal uh retail trade

is a lot because there's a lot of tourists for the caves that's pretty much it uh but the median home cost like a cost of living here uh 100 is regular and average here it's 96 so it's still pretty high housing's in 85 jesus so i mean average media the median home cost is 202 600 so it's tough that's what i mean and well let's find out if we've convinced you that you need to Jesus. So, I mean, average median, the median home cost is $202,600. How do you even live? It's tough. That's what I mean. And, well, let's find out. If we've convinced you that you need to live there, we have for you the Cave Junction, Oregon Real Estate Report.

I found your average two-bedroom rental is about $960 a month, which is about $300 less than average. That might be your best bet. Still a lot of money. Yeah, well, listen to this. Two-bedroom, one-bath, 843-square-foot small house, $185,599. That's soaking wet. And it's wet all the time, and you're going to have to demold. You're going to have eight dehumidifiers going in it.

One dehumidifier going in a hundred. One dehumidifier per 100 square feet, I believe, is how you need to break that down to not be covered in mold when you wake up. Active mold. I found a three bedroom, two bath, twelve hundred forty eight square foot place here for two hundred thirty seven thousand three hundred ninety nine bucks. No bargains here. No. Maybe if you want to start a militia, you can do this.

A lot of land for sale. I found a 48-acre lot. A 48-acre lot. 48 Lakers? Ooh, 48 Lakers. A lot of them. It's a retirement place for old basketball players. You buy all the shitty ones? That's right. $165,000

for 48 acres. If you want to live in the woods or buy a cave, there you go. Things to do, it says on their website, quote, bring the kids to join the pollinator parade, which sounds like a man jizzing on things. Yes, it does. Walking around swinging his dick from back to side to side. Just who wants a baby? Bring the kid for the pollinator parade.

It's just an old man, Jake, just tugging. And then 48 kids behind him. And it gets worse. It says costume party starts at four with plenty of wings and things. Bring your drums and instruments, which must be euphemism, for the parade that starts at five. You can beat two. Yeah. We'll parade around the block on the sidewalk and be done by six so

that sounds like i mean how long can you jizz down the street for an hour stops i would say also the that's the most disgusting parade we've ever described that's this yeah that's worse it's the one where you wanted to say not kid friendly the shriners don't even want a part of that that's disgusting people also the uh pet parade every year. Yeah. You walk your fucking pets around with your kids and it's a pet parade. It's better than a pollinator. It's better than the pollinator.

Crime rate in this town. What we're interested in, Jimmy. Ah, my favorite. Oh, yes. Property crime is about a third higher than the national average. And a violent crime, murder, rape, robbery, and assault. The amount Rushmore of violent crime altogether is almost double the national average. This shit is not safe at all.

It's fucking crazy. Weird shit goes on here. This is an odd place. Very, very odd place. And this story, man, it's an odd story. Let's just say that. The best way to describe it is it keeps coming. Like I said, it's like the pollinator.

Like the pollinator. I like he's just one guy. Hey, this is my friend Gus. You know him as the pollinator. He turns around. He's got like a football jersey on. It says pollinator across the back. And he's like, yeah, you know me.

And he's just got a slow drip going all day. I'm the jizz guy. Yeah, that's about a half gallon of pop it's pretty impressive i hold it back you know i squeeze it off a bit i put my thumb over the tip let's just say i got a little for everybody i shake it like a champagne bottle and then you know use it as i need it so it works a little over here a little over there you know of course i'm a they call me the pollinator. That is fucking disgusting. Bring the kids. By all means, bring the kids along.

Because this is very important. They're going to want to watch this. That's how they were made, too. They're going to want to watch it. It's important to them and their life in some way, I would say. This is the most disgusting thing we've ever done. That's the worst shit ever. That is gross so uh this particular uh this episode i'll explain kind of the origin of it okay i'm looking through cases and i'm just it's so weird like you start getting deep you go down

a hole and i get in a hole of just court of appeals cases in Oregon for murders. And I'm just reading them all. And then this one fucking pops up and I'm like, what the shit is going on here? And so I look at it. And what I usually do is I find a case and then I look up what else is there. If I find the court document, I'm like, OK, this is a lot of it. But there's other shit around it. And what's happening outside of court is in court.

They only have the things that are kind of admissible in court there's not really like the public sentiment or shit that's known outside of court that's not allowed and like an oj those jurors didn't know half of what the hell was going on in his trial so there's stuff like that in this case there was so little media about it that i had to keep digging and digging and digging. And while digging incredibly just to find small facts about this case, a whole other thing opened up. All right. To where it's like, what the fuck is going on? Can I just give you some credit real quick for saying a whole other? Why?

That was fucking incredible. Instead of another? Ugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Another's not a word. I hate that. A whole another is in a thing. So it doesn't make sense. i just want you to know that was

amazing i appreciate that thank you i work hard on that sort of shit actually because that's the sort of shit you get tweets about yeah and then i go go fuck yourself i don't care you know i do care yeah well go fuck your mother i don't care oh but they could go fuck their mothers or anybody they want themselves i don't give a shit that's a whole mother if you're tweeting if you're tweeting grammar at me you can fuck a whole mother other mother another have that have all of them fuck them all and yourself and a pile of dicks to you sir and cap it with yourself and have yourself i just think it's awesome that you just did that. That's my point. Well, I appreciate that, sir.

Thank you, brother. So this guy we're going to talk about from the start, we got to talk about, is a guy named Gerald Allen Batty. B-A-T-T-Y. Really? Like, that motherfucker's Batty. Yeah? He's Batty, and his name is Batty.

He's Batty and his name is Batty. Hey, everybody. Just going to take a quick break from the show to tell you a little bit about the new show, Charmed, on the CW. On Sunday, October 14th, the CW and the creator of Jane the Virgin, they bring you the highly anticipated new series, Charmed. You got to see Charmed. Charmed is going gotta see Charmed. Charmed is gonna be awesome. It's a show about the magic of sisterhood and the power of sisterhood, something I obviously know a ton about,

but this is a great time. I'm jealous of these ladies. I'm checking it out. I watched the first episode, and I wanna be magic. They get to be magic. They get to do a whole bunch of cool things. They get to help people. They get to do a bunch of cool stuff.

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to hit the stands visit penguin random audio house.com slash series and start listening today and now back to the show um this guy and it's it's insane that not this this is what i mean there's so many you hear it out there all the time that there's so much like shit that goes by the wayside and people that are you know kind of un not investigated and shit like that and i will say from the start by the way for the end of this i'll say it now we are not fucking journalists we are not attorneys we're not criminal investigators and we don't we don't think we are like if i find something crazy i'll tell you guys about it and be like somebody should look into that like you know a professional person like

with a police department or something that can do something about it not a podcaster or us or somebody with handcuffs and a gun yeah and the actual vested interest of actually doing and can actually make something of it because if i look into it it really doesn't help for anybody like you've got power vested in them yeah that's the thing like the dayton nevada episode a couple people were like i thought you said you didn't like podcasters who were trying to be investigated we're not no i was going hey somebody out there who knows what they're doing and has power to do this should check this out because it seems like it fell by the wayside.

I'm not the guy to do it. If I was, I'd say, hey, I'm going to look into this. But I'm not. And neither are you. We don't know what the fuck we're doing. Like we said, we're comics. We try our best. Meanwhile, last week's show, a lot of people are giving me new theories about that, too.

They don't believe that the homeless guy did it. Dude, that is so open. That one that one's deep too that's another one where we're like that's a real like making a murderer type one where i feel like it's a drifter guy who's got no representation of any kind of but we kind of swayed him to believe that too because uh well who knows it's just our opinion it's just our opinion that neighbor was a little too fucking nosy absolutely no we thought so too and we just gave what the facts were that was it i mean i i gave you exactly i try i'm not gonna that type of thing i'm not gonna say this is what happened because i don't shit and fucking know what happened in the middle of the goddamn woods in michigan 25 years ago i

can't tell you this is the what's facts that are available to me but that people agreed with us that he was too fucking he was a little too nosy if you look up the news reports it's a little much too when you see him but much so this guy here gerald allen batty uh he grew up from what i found and this took a shitload of digging like i said not easy to find this shit um i believe he grew up in arkansas because i found what i thought at the time was his mother's obituary and listed him as a son and this guy also. So then I tracked him through Texas and back. And I believe that he's from Arkansas, from Little Rock, Arkansas.

I believe he grew up in and by court records that I found also of marital issues that he had. He married. It's great. He marries relatively young from what I understand here. So here is the marries relatively young, from what I understand here. How weird is that he marries relatives? No, he does not marry relatives at all. That's maybe not. He's married in his early 20s in the 60s, which is normal in the 60s.

So that wasn't like, oh, he ran away to get married or anything crazy like that. It appears he was married to a woman named Rebecca. The only way I know that is from court documents of their divorce, their records and shit like that. So he's married to this woman named Rebecca. Now it looks like in night by 1976, he's still in Arkansas and he's sued by a woman named Becky. Who's using a different last name,

but I feel like that's Rebecca and the code on it, I believe is for modification of financial support. So I feel like it was like modification of alimony. She was trying to get some more. She was trying to get more alimony by 1976. So I feel like that's his wife suing him again, unless he had somebody else that he needed to pay money, financial support to. I'm not sure. Maybe Becky was his kid that I don't know about that I couldn't find.

Maybe he owed restitution to a lady named Becky. We don't know. We have no goddamn clue exactly what it is, and really nobody's going to know. And it has nothing to do with what's going on, so fuck it. But that's just the point that that's how we know that he was in that area. That's it. And then we're going to know something else, too. This is later on.

We'll get to it. This comes up. Like we said, stick around to the very end. Gerald Allen batty lives in uh texas i know of after at least i don't know if there's anything between arkansas and texas uh doesn't seem like it there's not a lot of years but he could have bounced to a few places in three years who knows he's kind of a flaky he's a flaky guy he's a drug guy oh boy um he likes drugs he likes uh uppers he He likes coke, later on meth.

He likes to, and weed, but he likes to deal drugs. He's kind of the local scumbag dealer. He likes a certain type of girl, as we'll talk about, a certain type of woman of a certain age, and to look exactly a certain way because he finds certain multiple girls that are that people describe as almost identical weird which is fucking weird and creepy right off the bat it's creepy right off the bat it's one thing to have a type but to have girls that are like whoa those girls are identical that you went out with i can't think of anybody in my past that i dated that all looked the same no no i can't think of two girls that look no way i swing all around back in the day

there it's fucking all around so yeah who knows you know like it's i'll date a black girl just to fucking who cares yeah just to blow up the whole it doesn't matter yeah change it it's attractive is attractive yeah it's all good beautiful and sweet is beautiful that's what it doesn't change based on fucking anything no so uh so i know for a fact he was in Texas, specifically West Texas. I know for a fact, to be more specific, the Amarillo area. I'm positive he was there in the late 70s, at least until early 1978. And I know that for a reason. And that's what I'll tell you at the end. Like I said, when you think it's over, it's not fucking over.

And like I said, when you think it's over, it's not fucking over. But in around 1978 ish, he moves to Oregon away from Texas. Kind of, I would say, running from almost, you know, a mob with torches and pitchforks and shit from from here. A posse, we'll say. Well, we'll call it a good old fashioned Texas posse. But unfortunately, it really wasn't a posse, because if it was a posse, we wouldn't need this episode. That's the thing. If if if if shit got done right, by all likelihood, we wouldn't need this. What we're talking about now.

This will all make sense. So when he's in Oregon, he meets. But this is when he's 40 years old. He meets a girl named Laura Britton. B.R.A.R.B.R.I-T-T-A-I-N. Brittain, Brittain. I'm not sure. Brittain. Now, this is another girl. I feel terrible. This this young woman here that we don't have a ton of information about her. There's just not a lot of information about her. It's like it's I don't know. I don't understand why.

Like I said, like this is a crazy case and you would think it would got more publicity and it just didn't and it's very strange but uh i think a lot of it has to do with the fact that there's drugs involved in these case in this whole thing uh anywhere where gerald batty goes there's drugs there's a cloud of shit there's scummy people there's shady goings-on there's uh he's drug dealing he's you know you know the drug dealer's house yeah you remember remember when you were young when you were a teenager and there was that dude who was like 37 that sold drugs to teenagers like large amounts and you'd go there like that you know that guy's house like that's not it's the guy it's the boogie knight sister christian guy's house like that. Except poor. Imagine if that guy was lower middle class.

That's the guy we're talking about. That's Gerald Allen Batty. But he lives in the fucking woods. And his past is ultra shady, as we'll talk about. He's got extension cords running shit in his house. Oh, my God. Extension cords from generators that he stole off of other people's yards. Absolutely.

A county over. Right. I went two counties over, and everybody and everybody got generated leave them right out front he's got three of them on the edge of his property backups so the carbon monoxide doesn't affect him and he just got extension cords running running all every air conditioners every which way one and all his dehumidifiers what air conditioners it's freezing in there it's raining it's like 61 degrees running a water pump to get the fucking five feet of water out of his living room man you could just put a straw in your mouth and just suck the air out of the water or the water out of the air kind of like houston yeah uh when we were there i walked two blocks to the hotel after the show and it looked like I played full-court basketball because it was approximately 400% humidity at midnight.

I walked out of the airport, and there was like... They got to fucking change that, by the way. Where you get your car, your Uber or whatever, it's at the smoking area, and everybody has just gotten off a plane. Good. Every fucking smoker in that airport is sitting right there. Good. There's a cloud of smoke

you know what good 190 fucking percent humidity tough shit i walked outside for flying the hallway without smoke these poor people just just sat through however long their flight was and just want a cigarette they're out there trying to have a cigarette and there's sheets of there's everybody there's sweat in their eyes and they're it's stinging and they're just doesn't matter cigarettes soaked with sweat people are then there's smoke is going on the non-smokers who are also coated in sweat and now smoky too which doesn't help any it was if it wasn't so painful it would have been hysterical but i felt terrible for them and myself because now i have to stand there waiting on fucking uh osaya or whatever the fuck he was from that that fucking place that houston is insane

with the humidity 11 minutes is how long it said the uber would be i waited for 19 minutes yeah at an airport they just always show the icon of the guy sitting there like he's just hanging out for 20 minutes while he waits to come okay that 11 minutes is i'll start driving in 11 minutes yeah yeah i got some stuff to do first i'm eating a sandwich it's always the lunch the airport air conditioner yeah it's it's nice and cool so uh uh this this guy anyway uh 1983 he's in oregon so he's been in oregon for a few years he moves there he has this laura britain who's 19 like we said he's 40 which Oregon for a few years. He moves there. He has this Laura Britton who's 19. Like we said, he's 40, which is to whatever I get your age difference thing. A 40 year old scumbag drug dealer.

I don't want hooking up with some 19 year old chick. Just period. That's he's going to do bad things are going to happen. He has bad intentions with her and she probably doesn't realize it. Or even if she does, she still doesn't have the wherewithal to fight off a 40 year old drug dealer guy if you're 19 if you don't know that that's bad right off the bat it's weird enough with dane cook dating a 14 year or 19 year old jesus christ hold on 19 he's not jerry lee lewis for christ's sake dane cook dating a 19 year old was weird enough as a dude

that's super successful and can probably take care of her fine. Which is still weird. It's still fucking weird. Mick Jagger would go out with 19-year-olds when he was 68, which was also strange. That was very odd. Bizarre. It's like you could literally be her grandpa. Right. Like, close to great.

That's pretty fucking creepy. That's really messed up. So, yeah, she moves in with him in 1983 in a house near Cave Junction. So this is kind of outskirts of town in the woods. And we'll tell you about the setup of the whole place in a little bit, too. It's a fucked up compound of weirdness. Now, this is 83.

She moves in with him. By June of 1985, on June 25th, 1985, again, not easy to find. He was arrested. Gerald is arrested for possession and delivery of a controlled substance in Oregon. So this is a problem. But it's so weird because he it ends up not being prosecuted until later, until something else happens later. And then I feel like and this is a complete speculation, but just from like mob shit and doing a lot of reading, it feels like he was ratting people out.

It feels like he got arrested, started ratting people out because his case was never taken, but was still active three years later, but was never prosecuted. So I feel like that's what he was doing. And they were under the rug. Well, they hold it over. They hold it over his head and they have the proof still and if he stops cooperating or fucks up and they can bang him with it that's what they do that's how they get that's what they do with cooperators smart yeah because otherwise if you if you process them and then and and you give

them a lighter sentence right away for that then everyone knows they're a rat and they're useless to fucking get any information so anyway i feel like that's what was happening when you find out when they prosecute him. So by 1987, they've lived together for about four years. They live in this house. This whole area is basically a bunch of five-acre plots. So they live on this five-acre plot of land in the middle of nowhere in fucking militia country. So right away, it's very odd.

She's 23 years old he's 44 um it's just a it's just a weird setup the whole thing is very very strange uh now also gerald's son uh his name is bart well his name's gerald bart uh they just gave him a different middle name but bart is the middle name that's fucked up odd name uh gerald bart yeah very very strange here so uh bart here bart batty is what they call him which is a bart batty go by gb batty at least it sounds like a bubble gum oh that sounds like a like a like a man with a derby yeah and a gb batty gb batty that's fucking great yeah he sells bubble gum or he has like a circus that you want you to come to yeah he's got a really good freak section i feel like that sort of yeah he's a showman

or it's like the fucking little rascals where it's like a three-foot man eating chicken yeah yeah and there's just a three-foot man that's eating a bucket of chicken oh okay i paid a dollar for this that's not what i expected i have two bits of gander. This is not what I wanted. So Bart and his girlfriend, Kim, are also, they live on the property. This is always a bad news, by the way. When people live on a property and then their kids set up shop in a trailer with their girlfriend on the property, that's always bad stuff. We've had that happen like three, four times. It's always weird. It's always bad stuff. We've had that happen like three, four times. It's always weird. It's always weird.

And they live, Bart and Kim, live on a trailer not too far from the main house here on the property. Now, also, there's a man named Howard Gray who is partners with Gerald Sr., with Gerald Batty. We'll call him Bart is the son. We'll call Gerald the father. So he's partners with Gerald in an outdoor weed farm in a remote location south of town near the california border uh this is apparently a huge operation too this isn't like a fucking you know somebody's backyard that he's got some tomato plants and he mixed in some weed and put a little cover over it this is this is cheech and chong up in smoke

this is full-blown Cheech and Chong nice dreams. Nice dreams. Where they're pretending to swim on the hole in the roof. On the blue tarp. Yeah, on the blue tarp while the helicopter circles and Pee Wee Herman's doing blow under the table. That's what we're talking about here. Nobody's seen that movie, by the way.

So anyway, except for us. Teenage stoners. Weird. What do you know? We didn't even know each other until after we'd seen them. That's weird. Yeah, God, we would have got along great in high school. For real. We would have had a lot of fun. That would have been great.

We would have made fun of everybody. So anyway, they're in this, he's got this grove. He's got a lot of things going on. He's selling Coke or controlled fucking, he's selling upper shit, either Coke or synthetic shit like that. He's selling that. He's got this, he's got upper shit either coke or synthetic shit like that uh he's selling that he's got this he's got his kid on the property he's got this young girl this young lady here he's got a a weed farm south of town which is a big responsibility obviously for anybody as we all know and pre uh legal weed in oregon oh yeah yeah this is this is a bad thing this is yeah this

is rebel shit here this is we're. We're in the middle of nowhere. This is our area. It's the same mentality that makes you say this is a good place for a militia. No one's going to bother us here, basically. We can grow a shitload of weed. Nobody cares. It's the same shit. This is Mobile, Alabama, Oregon.

That's what this is. Yeah, well, well outside of Mobile. Right, right. Mobile, they've got some standards down there. Yeah, they've got down by the ocean. That's high dollar property down there, damn it. This is the holler Oregon. That's what this it. Yeah, they got down by the ocean. That's high dollar property down there, damn it. This is the holler Oregon. That's what this is.

This is down the holler. This is West Virginia, Oregon. That's what that is. This is bananas. It's fucking crazy. This is the Florida of the south, of the west, this town, which I figured out New Jersey is the Florida of the north. I've decided that.

I'm sorry. Sorry, New Jersey. But come to our live show and argue with me about it. Here's the other part. It's in New York, the live show, because we're not having it in Jersey. If it wasn't, your airport's initials wouldn't be ill. Your initials are EWR. I have to say, though, it doesn't make any sense.

Newark is my favorite of the New York metro airports. That's the easiest to get in and out. If you're from back there, though, like if you get to give anybody rides or anything that's the way to go because you can go around everything pop in i yeah it's always it's better than jfk if you got to connect through it though good luck running motherfucker and laguardia is the devil's taint it's the worst fucking place ever fucking constructed that people have traveled out of. I'm flying into it and flying out of JFK. LaGuardia is worse.

There is like horse shit filled animal depots from 200 years ago that have more fucking cleanliness and class than LaGuardia. LaGuardia is the worst. Get your shit together, LaGuardia. Flying into it's not that bad.

Jesus Christ. Flying the fuck out of it sucks. Yeah, there's people from other countries. You're embarrassing us with that fucking place. They're going to fly in and go, this is America? This is it? That's what I would do. If I flew here from another country picturing America and I landed at LaGuardia and I said,

this dump is fucking America. The name alone sounds horrible. It's an Italian guy, a corrupt Italian mayor, but still. Let's name it after him. Back in the small period of time when that was like the Italians had power in the politics. You stole it from the Irish. Anyway, so this is Laura, the girlfriend, the 23 year old girlfriend. Laura tells Gerald one day, and this is weird.

This is Gerald's contention, and we're not sure how true this is, and who the fuck knows. This is the thing. All we can tell is the actions that happened. We can't tell what motivated them or what order they happened in. Or precipitated it. And that's the thing. And he seems to think that that's a big deal for some reason in this whole affair and it's really not in the end that's the thing it's really just the end result of of your actions at the time so uh anyway uh this laura comes to gerald one day

and says that kim uh and uh she tells that she tells kim bart and Gerald, sits them all down, and says that, this is so weird, they claim that Laura claims that she says, I am involved in a plot with your partner, Howard Gray. Uh-oh. This plot is to kill you, Gerald, which why would you tell someone I'm involved in a plot to kill you? Unless you're changing your mind about it. Yeah, you're going to turn sides here or some shit like that.

What is this, fucking Survivor? This is very weird yeah we're gonna we're gonna form an alliance we're gonna get bart off the island excellent what about the pollinator we don't need him around do we if anybody's getting kicked off the island it's fucking gust the pollinator i feel like he's first to go he won won't put it away. Therefore, his tribe has spoken. That's it. Fuck out of here. Put your parade. All he'll wear is a jersey and no pants. It's not right. Just a jersey with his name on it.

Number 69 because he thinks that's clever. He's got to go. He's got to fucking go, man. I'm sorry. And pollinator is spelled with like a Y. Like it's not even spelled right. Pollinator. Like many girls.

I'll fucking pollinate everybody there's like an eight for yeah nate tor bitch oh that's the worst man so anyway uh the part of the plot is well i mean it's not just a plot to kill him that would be a pretty lame plot the plot is to kill him and steal a bunch of money that gerald has hidden in the wall of the house oh he's that guy too fuck yeah well he's got he's got cash he's got a huge marijuana grow up but he's got walls full of cash which is crazy shit that's this guy sitting in the woods with walls full of cash with his young girlfriend and his kids living on a trailer and his weed farm what a weird life this guy is living right away you're you can picture this this is white trash el chapo yeah that's exactly what it

is this is a a weird movie is what this is what's uh yeah i could see him with tunnels and shit too i dug tunnels out i did it when i was on meth so i just did it with my hands full of water god damn it every damn time i come in where's the dehumidifier again jesus h christ so uh he says she says also not only that but they're going to take over the weed operation obviously and steal the profits from it i don't know where they figured bart into the equation bart's less than 20 he's a teenager so i mean i don't know what the if they are they if he's a threat i don't know if it's like a you know Don Corleone thing where they're going to try to kill him because he's going to take revenge. I don't understand it, but whatever.

They're going to take the profits. Now, apparently, from what he says, she tells him that, and then the rest of the night goes on. And then they're just like, cool, thanks for telling me. They're like, for real? All right. Glad you told us. All right. And they just shrug their shoulders, and that's it. All right. I guess I was going to kill us. I don't me. They're like, for real? All right. Glad you told us. All right. And they just shrug their shoulders and that's it.

All right. I guess I was going to kill us. I don't know. It's fine. The night goes by. I don't know if they had a normal night or if that was a... I would imagine a tension-filled night if it actually happened. The next day, though, for some reason, it took him a while. It takes him a while to process anger, this Gerald Batty. I think he's a little slow, maybe. The next day... James, it's a great place to be slow. That's a little slower. Now, that's the thing. Whether it's talking to a neighbor in the aisles, or just the line taking a little longer at the post office, or taking a day to realize that

you're mad enough to slap your girlfriend twice and paint brush her a bit and bruise her up and cut her lip open. Okay. Whether it's one of those, whatever the case may be for you, it's the slower pace, really. So that's what he does. That's what he does. The next day, he goes, you know, I've been thinking about it. Yeah. I was okay with it at first, but the whole kind of kill me, steal the money from my walls

and profits from my grow operation, I think I'm going to paint brush you. It's time to pay the piper, sugar. It's time. I've thought about it now. walls and profits for my grow operation, I think I'm going to paintbrush you. It's time to pay the piper, sugar. It's time. I've thought about it now. I said I'd hold back on judgment until tomorrow, and I have decided the sentence is paintbrushing. Now, we're laughing at this, obviously. Obviously, this is a horrible thing, and it's not funny that he's paintbrushing this woman at all.

It's hilarious it took him so long. It's hilarious that he said this is what this is hilarious that he says that this happened. But he says that it took him a day to be angry about it. That's what's ridiculous about it. It's ridiculous that he's lying so poorly. I feel like because first of all, I don't believe that she ever said this to him because that just doesn't it just doesn't work. I think the next day he suspected something was up and smacked the shit out of her because he's a paranoid lunatic because he's a paranoid lunatic who does a lot of fucking uh who does a lot of drugs yeah shady shit yeah and if he does

a lot of coke and if you do a shitload of coke and everything you get kind of paranoid and if he's doing like a any kind of synthetic shit any sort of meth type substance he's going to be really paranoid and then he's got a fuckload of weed that also does the same thing and he's sitting there with her and he's older and she's younger he's gonna wonder if she's plotting against me and this one i saw her looking at howard maybe howard and her i wonder if her and howard are hooking it up together and they're gonna get rid of me and take the weed money operations and the next thing you know he's slapping and she's like what are you doing like i could see that fucking happening which is which is horrible i feel so uh and she's 19 and when she started this in 23 i just that's so fucking young and i just feel like no i just want to fucking four years of being entrenched in that relationship

it's not enough time no for for to understand the no the uh unhingedness is that the word the fucking four years instability no you don't even know. The man's 40. What has he been through in his life? You don't know what triggers. We do know what he's been through. We're going to find out more shit he's been through, too. So that's the problem.

But he's been through plenty. He's had divorces and people suing him for fucking alimony and shit like that's some adult shit. It just is. I mean, if you're 19, you have no idea what the fuck's up with that she doesn't even know who to talk to to get alimony like she doesn't know anything about that no she need to ask some that's what i'm saying a lot of questions when somebody says i pay an alimony yeah what the fuck is that first of all how long do you have to do that for so and you just pay that

forever that's it all right so uh all right so uh a week after this happens after the uh plot killer plot reveal paint brushing uh bruised lip and shit here uh bart and kim the son and his girlfriend leave home and they tell gerald they were going to be away for several days on a trip so they're going away have a good one uh you know i guess the farm is all your the woods are all yours dad enjoy the caves so uh the next day after they leave this is 1987 uh about 7 p.m uh this is there's you know no one here there but uh gerald and laura several neighbors from around the area because i'd imagine that shit echoes through a valley like this, hear a gunshot from the direction of Gerald's property. Now, one of them heard three shots, but gunshots, if you read anything, that's one of the things

that people have the worst memory on. People have the worst memory on two things, faces and numbers of gunshots. Literally. And we know that because of the fucking Zapruder film and the JFK assassination. Well, people are also just terrible judges of faces. When they do studies, it's just people don't recognize people that are strangers.

It's not enough time to see someone for two seconds to register. It doesn't matter what they did to anybody or to you or how traumatized you were. Your brain still doesn't fucking remember it in two seconds well enough to be reliable. Unless they are right in front of your face and doing something repeatedly over and over again. For a long time, yeah.

If someone flashes for two seconds, you can't do it. And especially cross-racially, people, and mathematically, people are terrible at that. Like, literally, white people can't identify black people, black people can't identify white people, nobody can identify fucking Asians, and Asians can't identify anybody else. Literally, that't identify white people. Nobody can identify fucking Asians. And Asians can't identify anybody else. Literally, that's what they say when they do the studies.

Asians can't identify Asians. Stop it. No, they literally, like, it's weird. They can't identify anybody. It's very fucking strange. That's when they do the studies. Like, it's people like immigrants that come here. I have no idea.

They're like, I don't know, white guy. No fucking idea. Black guy. No, I don't know. They all look the same. That's what they say. It's fucking crazy. Unless they're famous and they've been in front of them forever. You can just I don't know. They all look the same. That's what they say. It's fucking crazy. Unless they're famous and they've been in front of them forever.

You can just see somebody and go, that person looks like this. Yeah, that's the thing. Yeah, that's what it is. So at this point, one, like I said, heard three gunshots, one of the neighbors. So this is unreliable data, what people hear. And especially if there's any kind of hills or things echo. Sound is the weirdest shit ever. You'll hear something loud here and then 20 feet over.

If there's some kind of divot in the ground, some weird thing where you won't hear anything. It's there. So sound is the strangest thing in the world. So another neighbor heard a male voice scream, get out, get out at the time of the gunshots. Get out, get out at the time of the gunshots. So one to three shots and supposedly a male voice yelling, get out, get out. Unless that echoed too. Good call. That could have very well just been an echo.

So it was one gunshot, one get out. That's it. One and a half gunshots. One get out. That's what we have. Okay so uh about two hours after this nobody thinks to like call anybody by the way from get out and gunshots that sounds like a problem yeah when you hear get out and then a gunshot someone's gonna need help probably towards that sound well no i'm not going here towards that yeah yeah or at least look out the blinds and see what's going on.

Don't just turn around and do nothing. By the way, I remember one time we were, I used to live in like this shit neighborhood and I had Easter at my house and we were outside. It was nice outside. And for some reason, I don't know if people are leaving or what, but everybody was gathered out front and my grandmother was out there and a bunch of other people. And down the street about, we have 15 houses. There was like a drive-by where this

they shot at this house across the street right there and it was just you know pop pop pop pop and then they fucking drove by the house and just kept going and went about their business and so somebody grabs their phone and starts calling the cops and my grandmother fucking lost it what the hell are you doing what are you doing that's none of your business man that's none of your business what do you care what people do that's none of you go inside you turn away that's not your and i was just like oh my god she just went total like 1940s like fuck it was the funniest thing ever she just became a gumar yeah she said get inside and what are you doing that's you that that's none of your business down there look at your feet i was like that's amazing she's like

78 years old at the time she's just like this is this is, yeah, what's wrong with you? The guy I grew up with at 15 got a Tech 9 for whatever reason. And in the neighborhood. Not a good one, probably. No, there are zero good Tech 9s. Probably, yeah. I don't understand why you'd want one. It must have been all Italians in that neighborhood because there's a little wash behind his house. And he used to go back there and shoot the tech nine into the ground

just to fire it to show his friends look what i got pop pop then it jams yeah pop pop it jams yeah 32 round it's a complete piece of shit it jams every six you're like how come biggie didn't rap about this when he was talking about these i never heard him be like pop popped in my shit jam that never happened once never that was never a fucking i missed both times because the barrel's an inch and a half long and then i beat the shit out of him with the gun because that's the most use you're getting out of it use my shit like a club yeah i don't fucking know that's what it would be worthless anyway and he used to do this all the fucking time that's insane, that kid's dead now.

Weird, right? No shit. Really? It's a goddamn shocker, I have to say. Hey, everybody. Just going to take a quick break from the show to tell you about our great sponsor, Madison Reed. Madison Reed. Madison-Reed.

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Yeah, it's like George Costanza's briefcase that he left running in there just to get out. I haven't seen near enough Seinfeld references. Anyway, at this this point two hours later gerald goes to the home of two of his friends uh tim and mary ellen lynn uh this these are his friends lynn is their last name it's tim and mary ellen the lynns got it so they go he goes to their house they said uh that he at this point was agitated and frightened at the same time which is a that's a weird combination if your meth dealer is both agitated and frightened at the same time, which is a, that's a weird combination. If your meth dealer is both agitated and frightened at the same time. He's mad and scared.

There's some shit that's, yeah, that's a very, very, I'm pissed off and I'm afraid of it. That's a very odd combination that you want to steer clear of at that point, I feel like. I'm furious and petrified. Yeah, I don't know which emotion

is going to take over at any given time. What do you do? Man, I just don't know what's going to happen from time to time. I get angry then. I was scared and now I'm not. I don't think I've ever been both of those at the same time. That's what I'm saying. Well, you've never done what he did either. I mean, I was robbed at gunpoint.

Oh, you know what? I have been twice. I ain't agitated. But agitated is the way, agitated and frightened. It's a very odd combination. He was pacing around saying that Laura and others, he said there was like a conspiracy and they were all trying to kill him right then. And that's why he was freaking out.

So he goes there in some sort of coke paranoia haze saying that his 23-year-old girlfriend and a bunch of, quote, others are trying to currently kill him. And Tim and Mary Ellen are probably, I mean, you know they're looking at each other. Every time he paces away from them, they're looking at each other like,

I don't fucking know what to do. What do you do? What are we doing? What are we doing? How are we going to get him out of here oh no no it's oh really that's jesus christ what the fuck we're gonna do do we offer i don't know offer him some coffee do you think they even tried to validate his concerns by like making out the blinds a couple of times maybe like oh let's see if they're out there nobody's

coming nothing i want to smoke a joint calm down maybe like i feel like that would be a good thing right like a beer although he'd probably get more paranoid this fucking guy he doesn't seem like a fun guy to hang out with so he doesn't seem like he uh does well with drugs no well doing them he's not a guy who he's not a 17 year old or a 22 year old kid who's who's recreationally doing some drugs to have a good time he's got a problem this is his business this is his life this is what his life is drugs he sells drugs he does drugs that's his life. This is what his life is drugs. He sells drugs. He does drugs.

That's his life. He doesn't like work nine to five and then have a weed farm on the side. This is his 401k. Yeah, his weekend coke problem. His 401k is in his walls. He just knocks on the wall and goes, call this my 401k. And people are like, huh? He has to water his Roth IRA.

He's got that, too. These two, Tim and Mary Ellen, I don't know what the fuck they're thinking, but they encourage him to stay the night. What? Because you want paranoid, delusional, crazy, hopped up people to stay at your house, obviously. But if they're friends enough that he came there with concern. Yeah, maybe they believe him. Maybe they're like, let's get him to sleep. He'll be all right in the morning. Either that him maybe they're like oh let's get him to sleep let's go yeah i'll be all right in the morning either that or maybe they're also

coked up paranoid people who are like really oh my god i knew that girl was up to something oh man jesus and then why don't you stay the night in the morning we'll figure out how to kill everybody all right good i'll roll us a fatty yeah we'll just hang out make that you know what mary ellen put some pizza rolls in the oven now, goddamn. Would you do it, please? Not in the microwave. They come out mushy. I done told you about that. God, they're so good.

150, goddamn. Put them in the oven. They come out. I don't care if the cheese is going to leak out the side. You scoop it up, and it's still goddamn good because it gets crispy. He's crazy. We ain't got time for an oven. Oh, damn it.

You'll be all right. You ain't going to have a meltdown, psychotic episode before the pizza rolls is ready. 20 minutes of crazy is too much crazy. It's only 4. I know it takes about 15 minutes for our oven to get up to 425. I'm not going to lie to you. It's going to take a while. About 12 minutes for the pizza rolls.

I do about 14 because I want to burn that cheese. Like I said, it makes it a little better. You scoop it up. But just do that. All right. Put them in the microwave. Never mind. It's crispy.

Damn it. I forget. Can you start them in the microwave? mind damn it forget can you start them in the microwave can you is there a like them french bread pizzas is there a half and half option somebody tweeted me a hack for those that you bite the corner and then you can blow inside doesn't fucking work yeah no it does no if you do especially if some of the cheese is leaked out because then you get an airflow going through the hole in the side and the hole that you've created in the corner maybe that's the problem you have to make sure you're biting the you have to like hold it so the cheese leaks down

to the other side bite the corner so it doesn't then pour into your mouth right then you blow on it and then it will only burn off part of the gums on the roof of your mouth not all of them though and not all if it's a red baron pizza you can wait an hour and a half and it'll still lava it'll melt that's the roof of your mouth so i've said that before i have a joke about it and stand up where that's it and i believe this if i want to commit suicide i'm gonna eat an entire red bear and frozen pizza and then have like three bowls of captain crunch and bleed out on my kitchen floor that's how i'm gonna kill myself that makes sense it's a joyous way to go out because full and happy so they encourage him to stay the night uh about 9 p.m gerald this is another odd call

gerald calls his mother at 9 p.m so you you know this is a 44 year old man okay who is freaked out and saying that his girlfriend and his fellow drug conspirators are plotting to kill him so you call your mom obviously who's in her late 60s. Yeah, in Arkansas. I got to call mom in Arkansas who's in her late 60s and tell her all about it like she's going to fucking help.

Well, dear, I don't know. I guess those methamphetamines, I told you about that business. Have you tried heroin? Load up your double barrel, Ma. Get on the rocking chair and have Jed drive you here. Come on down.

Because we got trouble. No, bring Jethro, too. We're going to need him. I Jed drive you here. Come on down. Because we got trouble. No, bring Jethro, too. We're going to need him. I need a big fella. He's strong. He's strong now. So he stays the night. He telephones his mother about 9 o'clock and tells her all about this shit.

The whole thing. The whole thing. He just paced back and forth for two hours in front of them and told, he tells his mother in exhausting detail. And his mother's just got to be like, Jesus Christ, I was watching my programs. What have I done? I was watching my programs. The local news was going to come on,

and then this asshole calls me. And I answered the phone. Reruns of Mama's Family were about to pop on. All I had to do was let it ring. Yeah, that's it. That's all I had to do. Just let it ring. How did I just let that annoyance get a hold of me?

Then when you're old, though, people think you're dead, and they send the police over if you don't answer so you gotta answer you have to answer your phone when you're over the age of 65 to get up on that tall ladder and pretend to be swimming again if i call like my dad and i don't hear back from him in 24 hours i assume he's dead i'm gonna call the cops and assume that it's some sort of weird double suicide with him and my stepmother some strange thing he like pulled his motorcycle into the fucking living room and decided to go out and let it idle yeah

just let it idle and while they she drank a glass of fucking wine and he had a beer while they watch your white wine i'm drinking this miller potato potato potato it'll be over in a minute they watch seinfeld reruns and slowly turn it up louder the vanance and heinz pipes are so loud hold on turn it down the virgin's on i want to watch this one it's funny it's got daphne in it i'm afraid yeah i know okay so uh he tells his mom i'm at my friend's house now because his mom's like where the hell are you gerald what's going on here um and he tells his mom oh i'm at the lynn's house they're not trying to kill me they're not part of the conspiracy. So that's true, too.

If he thinks that the people closest to him, his business partner and his girlfriend, are both involved in a conspiracy to kill him, he must really trust these people because they're in more of an inner circle than them. Customers. Yeah, I guess in his mind, it's who the fuck knows. So at some point in the night, Gerald crawls out of the window of the guest room of the Lynn's house.

Up top? Why he? Single floor. I'm going to say this is probably a single floor establishment just based on the fact of what we're talking about here. We're not dealing with two story type folks here. Okay. This is a one story environment I feel like all around. not that there's anything wrong with one-story homes whatsoever we live in

phoenix where most things are one-story amazing houses that are 10 000 square feet or one story but uh i don't feel like there's a lot of uh no on the third floor in the master i don't feel like that's a set a lot in this area just based on the real estate it's mainly just lots from time to time you got a two-story but it's mostly in new builds there are very yeah there are very few old houses that are two-story and they just use it as a gun turret in these parts anyway so we just stationed a fellow up there case the case the federal government come and knock and it was an unlivable attic until they lowered the ceilings and made it fucking livable and now james has got a duck to come inside no it's perfect now it's like a some sort of sniper barracks it's a nest it's a

nest so uh by the way next week's episode we have a nest do we there's a you'll see it's crazy like a fucking bird's nest oh boy no no no not a shooting nest actually it's it's it's next week's one five it's insane. But anyway, let's get back to this week. So he climbs out their window. He drives to his house in the middle of the night. Okay, so he decides in the middle of the night, I can't even go out the front door for some reason, or a door.

He climbs out the window, much like George Costanza taking an IQ test and passing it off to Elaine. So anyway, he does that. And he gets back to his house. And he's seen burning in the middle of the night, burning several plastic garbage bags full of trash. He's seen out there. He's got a garbage burn. All these houses have a burn place, much like making a murder. It's the same type of thing. They have a burn place much like making a murder like it's the same type

of thing they have a burn pit in the backyard and so he's got his own burn pit and they see him burning trash in the middle of the night which is always a little bit disconcerting i feel like and with open land like that that shit glows a long way that's what i'm saying bad plans yeah well i feel like anyway just anyone burning trash in the middle of the night who i know is the neighborhood meth dealer i'm probably a little suspicious of what's happening here. You wake up, you see it, and you go, I'll be calm. I'll call the police about that in the morning. All right.

And you go back to sleep and I'll see what happens there. I just stuttered like a son of a bitch to that. Jesus. Yeah, it was hard to get through. That hurt. While he's burning the trash. Okay. Now, this is his claim.

Like we said, we have no way of of verifying this he claims that at about 5 30 a.m while he's still burning this trash so this is he's been up all night pacing people gonna kill him burning the trash uh he says at about 5 30 a.m someone appears someone appears in the shadows uh a man's voice comes out uh from the shadows a shadowy figure that says quote you're a dead man that's very very fucking terrifying that's terrifying he said that he saw one or possibly two other people so it's one to two people shadowy figure uh uh you're a dead man all right so all right rather than shrug and say all right he ran away through the oregon forest uh they ran away through the woods uh which is scary that's

what that's the thing in a horror movie if someone popped up and they're in their yard and they said you're a dead man you go don't run in the woods and they run in the fucking woods you all now you're fucking dead because you're gonna trip on a log and fall and they're to catch you and mutilate you and hang you from a tree upside down like predator. You know what's going to happen. You just see it coming. A root is going to come. You fall face first. It's over, man.

So anyway, get through it. You're not looking at the ground. You're looking over your shoulder. Yeah, you're going to run into a tree. You're going to run into a tree. Yeah, it's bad stuff. So he runs away he says that these this one or two people chased him through the woods too who takes off so now this is a shadowy

figure who's there obviously for murderous purposes chasing you through the woods can't catch a 40 year old man can't catch a 40 well not a methed up 40 year old that's a good point who's burning a suspicious pile of trash uh he says that uh they chased him into the woods but these are his woods so i mean dark or not yeah he knows him and he doubled back oh brilliant he doubled back on him and got back to his place he said he attempted to start his van this is the van he drove from the lynn's house so this is a operational vehicle as of two hours ago uh And it wouldn't start. So he's like, shit, this is a horror movie.

He ran in the woods. He thinks he's away from him. He gets in the van. Thank God. Click, click, click, click, click, click. Now you expect a guy to pop up from behind him and start strangling him or pop up next to the window.

But instead, he gets out of the van. And there's a hook on the handle. And there's a hook on the handle. And his car has no wheels. And here comes the pollinator. He's like, no. Ah, just a Jersey. Next thing you know, all his windshield is just, that's why he's a shadowy figure.

It's all gooey. Oh, his whole windshield's covered and he can't drive. It's like being slimed. It's the windshield wipers. It just smudges it. No, no. It just smears it. No.

And then a man pops out and struggles. Right. That's it right there. With his dick. Got to watch out for the pollinator every time. So he instead pops out of the van and runs to a neighbor's house. So that's his deal. He said that their car was parked in front of their house, the neighbor's car, and you had their keys in it like it usually does.

So these people, this is kind of a rural area to the point where they leave their keys in their car, which I don't care how rural it is. It's not hard to take. It's not like they're attached to a cinder block and you have to drag it into the house like a prisoner ball. So weird. It's keys. Put them in your pocket drag it into the house like a prisoner ball so weird it's keys put them in your pocket walk into the house it's you know what put your house keys at the same ones your car keys you'll keep them together you'll always be have them with you it's your fault for strapping the plunger to it like a gas station yeah what are you doing yeah exactly i

feel like this is this is uh there's no they always say there's no such thing as asking for it. This is asking for it. You're asking for it at this point. This is terrible. So can we stop that by the way? Stop attaching giant fucking things to the key on the toilet for stop. Oh, they've been doing that for 50 years. Fucking it's gross. If you want the key that bad, that badly, the hubcap is not going to deter you or the

fucking giant stick. They're doing drugs that's what i've heard is the oh yeah oh that's every bathroom is has people shooting up in it now does it does a meth head not want to carry the fucking that's the thing it doesn't well their theory is actually i knew a guy who worked at a gas station and this is what the owner of the gas station told him i'm gonna want to fucking choke this owner in an angry pakistani accent what an asshole he said you give key they, come back, do drug in bathroom when you have no key. Then they lock you out of the phone bathroom and you have to get another key.

Cost me $100, Locksmith. Leave it fucking unlocked. They're going to do drugs anyway. They're going to do drugs. Have it only locked from the inside. Well, then people OD in there and you can't even get in. Well, good. So it's a fucking problem.

Who gives a shit? That's what I'm saying. That's one less lane occupied on the freeway. The problem with them is, though, their toilets then also occupied. Oh, whatever. They're like, now we have to clean up Junkie Corpse.

No, I know. I don't get paid enough. So that's the problem, I think, with that. I hate germs. And I don't want to touch the fucking key. I like when it's wooden. So it's a porous thing where there's no possible way it could be sanitized. It's got shit juice in it.

It's got shit juice soaked deep into the balsa. I know it fucking does. Don't tell me it doesn't. You didn't put finish on that shit. Don't make me carry a filthy key back to some fucker. Subway. Subways do it. Why am I carrying a filthy key back to a man

and handing it to a man who's about to make me a turkey on fucking white? I have been to Subway several times where they've had to call the cops because somebody was in the bathroom for like an hour and a half shooting up and fell asleep in there. So that's why I think that happens several times.

Good. They wake him up and they're like, what, I was just going to the bathroom. And they're like, no, you weren't just going to the bathroom you still have a fucking rubber band around your arm you're still tied off mister so so this guy he gets to the thing the keys are in the car uh so he never he didn't like knock on the door and say excuse me uh do you mind if i he just jumped in and took the took the car this theft. This is unauthorized use of a vehicle.

It will be later on, actually. He takes the car and drives to the Lins house back there. He didn't call the neighbors to tell them also. He could have called the neighbors from the Lins house and be like, hey, man chasing me through the woods saying I'm a dead man. Tried to kill me. I grabbed your car. I'm over at the Lins. My van wouldn't start.

By the way, there's killers right by your your house so you might want to watch out for that yeah you know that's that's there no it doesn't tell them shit just takes the car and goes to their friend's house now uh about 10 30 in the morning this is uh the next morning uh gerald's uh mother and sister are concerned about him and uh they go to his house okay at this point uh they go to his house they notice a fire smoldering in the still his trash pile is still burning in the ground behind behind the house and they go back around the back of the house they think maybe he's back there since there's trash burning uh instead what they find is a partially burned body in the trash oh boy so this is not great uh they find the body they were afraid that it was his body they said they were afraid you

know because he called with this crazy story people are trying to kill me and now there's a fucking smoldering body behind his house if you're his mother you'd be concerned especially you know he's a little fucking kooky sure and gets into some weird shit here uh so what they do is they scrape ash and dirt from the teeth of the of the burned person the the mom does the mom gets down there and to try to see if it's her son which is that's some mother shit right there a father would i don't know if a father would jump in there start scraping ash off the teeth or if they'd be like we need to call somebody is she a dentist uh no she's just looking to see if it's him. He probably has...

Specific teeth. Yeah, he's a 44-year-old meth addict. So I feel like his teeth... You missing that bicuspid? Yeah, I feel like there's a couple like, he only got half of one of them incisors and he's got a piece of one of them and no, none of the front ones at all.

They ain't there at all. The smilers are all gone. No, they're all gone. Instead, what they realize by scraping the ash off the face and teeth, the sister realizes that this is Laura Britton. How much do they look at each other's teeth? Well, not by the teeth.

You can see by her face, too, once they turn it over and do all that. But I think the teeth were the first thing. Like, check and see if half his teeth are missing. Nope. Okay. Well, who the fuck could it be? Oh, shit, it's Laura. Who do we know with 24 teeth yeah

that's so these two uh actually do the first people in the story to do anything remotely like the right thing they immediately call the police because they found a corpse burned in a fucking backyard they didn't like say let's talk to gerald first and see what he has to say they immediately call and you know for whatever reason uh they did not to gerald first and see what he has to say they immediately call and you know for whatever reason uh they did not call gerald even even though they knew that he was at tim's house uh they didn't know tim but if they asked around they probably could have figured it out but they didn't they just fucking called the cops and that was that which smart i mean what else do you do uh so later that day um now they the cops come and they will talk about

that in a second but they find they find laura back there while that's all happening he's at the lynn's house he eats and showers and you know you gotta get yourself back together yeah took a nice shit and had a good breakfast took in some saturday morning cartoons and you know just really got ready for the day i feel like read the paper um then at this point gerald calls his mother how his mother again from the lens this fucking guy just he's the the most in touch with his family drug dealing 40 year old scumbag 44 year old 44 uh yeah at that point his sister tells him hey i found laura's body smoldering behind your house not funny obviously but holy shit um an odd thing to tell him oh by the way hey on a side quick how would you do today

oh that's great really that happened wow yeah she's kind of a bitch sometimes did i tell you by the way behind your house smoldering body yeah did you ever strange super weird not usually there honestly it's a new thing uh so he tells tells you know she tells him that uh at that point uh uh he tells he when he got there he didn't tell the lens about you're a dead man being chased through the woods by shadowy figures stealing a car and driving over there that's something he comes up with later on uh he didn't tell the lens shit the lens just as far as they knew he showed up with later on uh he didn't tell the lynn shit the lynns just as far as they knew he showed up and he's there uh so there's a weird car in the driveway yeah it's at this point once he's told that uh oh everybody knows that your girlfriend's dead

behind the house now he tells the lynns oh by the way did i tell you why i came over here it's because uh i was being chased i was burning some trash when shadowy figures said i was a dead man so that's something he probably would have been the first thing out of his mouth based on his behavior before fuck yeah when he burst in the door telling them everything that happened right so uh now with uh what ends up happening is tim uh tim lin uh and uh uh and gerald drive the car the neighbor's car which is a stolen car at this point. They drive it to a remote area way out and pull it into the woods and leave it there. They abandon the car.

That makes zero sense. That's what I'm saying. That's super fucking shady. At that point, you've got to be really suspicious of Gerald. Then if you're not suspicious already like i gotta get rid of this car uh he then gerald takes his shoes off and throws them into the woods okay which is again an odd thing how many times you've been with people where where they threw their shoes into the woods and then wanted to leave took them off their feet and decided i don't need these anymore

but i need to throw them in a remote area to make sure they're not found. I've seen nobody do anything weird with their shoes ever. No, probably not. I had a coworker who called in sick because he couldn't find one of his shoes. That's a little weird. Did he throw it into the woods and then he couldn't find it the next day? Now every time he's late, when he shows up late, we go, couldn't find your shoe. Couldn't find your shoes, huh? That's pretty goddamn funny.

That's fucking funny. Everybody goes, where's marvin somebody goes does he have his shoes he comes in hopping we're just gonna call him one shoe mar from now on comes in on a crutch sorry guys so this whole thing is nuts here uh uh he throws his shoes into the woods at this point and then tells the lens the couple say look uh's the deal. Here's what you guys need to do. You need to lie when you're asked, because you're going to get asked about this. You need to lie and say that you picked me up the previous night. I never came back to my house.

You picked me up the night before. I didn't drive over here in the van, then drive back to my house, then drive over here in a stolen car, drop it off in the woods and throw my shoes after it. None of that shit happened. What happened is you picked me up. and drive over here in a stolen car, drop it off in the woods and throw my shoes after it. None of that shit happened. Okay. What happened is you picked me up. I came to your house, stayed there the whole night and I'm still here. That's, that's the plan. Okay.

But why? You know what I mean? Like there's no. Yeah. It's a party. Just call the police and be like, my girlfriend is behind my house. I don't know why. Here's my story where I was.

Well, what he does is he gets his story straight with them. And he says, you picked me up. I was here all night. Okay. Alibi. Good. Then he calls the cops because he knows they're after him. Then he calls the cops and they came and arrested him.

Yeah. Obviously. I don't know if he thought they were just going to come and go, so what happened, fella? And he was going to go, I was here all night. And they go, all right, have a good one. And they just left. But they arrest him for murder. They arrest him for unauthorized use of a vehicle.

They found it. Oh, yeah, they found the vehicle later on. Possession of an illegal firearm. And, of course, possession of a controlled substance. You bet. Because he's been up for days doing this shit. Think about this. Have you heard the word sleep in this whole thing yet? Not once.

Not a wink. That night he was up all night pacing. Yeah. Matter of fact. All night pacing yeah matter of fact all night pacing burning trash jumping out windows this is the next day he talked to his mom he showered not even dumped a car he threw his fucking shoes off and now the cops are arresting him got a story straight like i gotta say his brain's firing on all cylinders for being up for this long that meth is a hell of a fucking substance there, I'll tell you.

He's not painting a bad picture of cocaine at this moment. I'm telling you. Got a lot on your plate? Meth. Clean that plate up and then have a little bit more afterwards. One more line, just for good luck. A little dessert. So, a little dessert line.

So, Jesus Christ. So, he's arrested for all this shit. Now, he has a theory, because they ask him, you know, did you kill her? And he's arrested for all this shit. Now, he has a theory because they ask him, you know, do you kill her? And he's like, fucking, of course not. Jesus Christ. What do I look like? A murderer?

No. Obviously. Yeah. I'm a drug dealer, not a murderer. So that's from a movie also. I don't know. So it is. So anyway, at this point, he says, OK, this is what happened here. point uh he says okay this is what happened here now but the night before this happened let me go back uh she told me that she had a conspiracy to kill me her and howard gray and others obviously

want to take over my vast marijuana empire and of course my stash of wall my 401k right that I keep inside the drywall here. The drywall catch. Drywall 01k. I have that here. So that's what happened. So what probably happened was because she told me about it, I bet she went back and told them that she told me because she disappeared. So there's a lot of I'm telling this. What happened was. What happened was a lot of I'm telling this. There's a what happened was what happened was stuck. Oh, one.

Yeah, exactly. Wow. He says when she told one of her conspirators, co-conspirators about the breach of their plan, what must have happened was they turned on her and killed her and uh that's what happened and then when he was out burning trash obviously light bulb boom they came to kill him next he of course got away because you know he's fucking rambo and he ran through the woods and then stole a car he said so at that point they said what the fuck this is perfect we're at his house he's gone we'll burn her here right two birds with one stone she's dead can't pin it on us and he'll get blamed for because it's in his yard boom genius conspiracy this is really this is a deputize yeah this is a

top level conspiracy that he's got here so i'm gonna have to go ahead and ask for chief of police yeah so we're gonna have to i think i'm gonna run this department from now on i think you fellas i have cracked the case give me your badge and your gun that's it i'm sorry you're off the case you didn't solve you're off the case mister that's badging gun badging because belongs to me damn it johnson going out on the street you were on paid administrative leave sir oh my god that's amazing so he says all that and the cops look at him and go what are you fucking stupid it's your girlfriend she's burned in your yard dummy no you're a fucking idiot they said here's our theory of the case you shot her because there's a fucking gunshot wound in her we'll talk about oh boy you shot her went to the lynn's house to talk to them about an

alibi and then returned to your house to burn the fucking body that's what we think happened mic drop pretty simple actually i'm actually a deputy and i've already deputized no you don't need to put it put it put your pad and pen away i'm already deputized so they said we have a lot simpler theory of the case really really, honestly, because yours is a little convoluted, let's just say. But we're going to charge you with murder. We'll see how it shakes out in the old court of law here. Very good.

So October 8th, 1987, he pleads guilty to murder, not guilty to murder. Okay? Not guilty. Now, let's find out exactly what happened to this poor Laura. This is not funny at all this is fucking horrible and the type of person that could do this to a person you'd look at it and go this can't be somebody's first rodeo doing this shit because uh she had not only been shot she had been decapitated and i'm talking fucking the right way like someone who had to cut a head off. Her body had been sawed in two at her lower pelvis.

He cut the body in half like a magician at the pelvis and cut her head off there. Partially burned bones and internal organs from her body were recovered from the smoldering fire. A bullet was found close to what was left of her torso. So the bullet burned out of her torso, fell out that way. A pathologist testified that injuries were consistent with death caused by a gunshot wound, so he shot her. This is like a crazy mob hit.

Shot her, cut her head off, fucking sectioned her up, and took her out to burn her. It's fucking crazy. He doesn't know bodies don't burn. Well, no. Too bad small-town murder wasn't around a long time ago. We could have told you bodies don't burn. Well, no. Too bad small-town murder wasn't around a long time ago. We could have told you bodies don't burn very well unless there's a fuckload of accelerant or the fire is way hotter than anything you're going to get in a burn pit.

If you have an incinerator, okay, fine. Now you're talking. Like a 1940s New York apartment building incinerator. Yeah, that's 1,400 degrees. You could burn up a body in there. He could use us like the prospectors could have used Netflix. That's what i'm saying your dura flame log isn't going to solve your problem it's not going to fucking burn this lady so now his argument gerald's argument here is that this is amazing not only does the evidence not okay first of all he says number one i'm not

involved in the death that's obvious but number, the evidence doesn't even really show. He has the balls. There's lawyers have the balls to put this out in court. Doesn't even really show that Laura actually died of criminal homicide. Even she accidentally she accidentally shot herself. That's possible. And then fucking decapitated herself. And then when that was done, decided to saw her or the other way really let's be realistic she cut her legs off at

the pelvis and then said i can't take it anymore it's just a mere flesh wound and then guillotined herself into an ongoing burning fire unbelievable because she's very you know what she cleans after herself after herself always she's always known as a very courteous person if she comes she puts a cup down she wipes up the condensation afterwards on your table it's always on a coaster it's just fucking courtesy and laura has it and uh this is insane to say there's a coaster like and a fucking napkin yeah where she goes it's one thing always she cleans it up a little glass cleaner behind her uh but it's one thing and it's insulting enough to say that you didn't do it when i when it's you know whatever pretty clear that you did but besides that it's worse to say that to say it's not even really sure that she died the way you say she died so like that's

just insulting to her i feel like that's like you can't even admit to obvious it's ridiculous i don't know it's spitting on a smoldering body that's what it is it is insane i don't put it out yeah i i just i feel very very bad for this laura i feel like she never had a chance and i feel like uh i feel like she was in the clutches of a fucking monster and never knew it and uh this was all just a matter of time yeah basically uh now the trial he's charged with murder and unauthorized use of a vehicle. Those are the charges they stick with here. Now, the evidence is all circumstantial, obviously. Nobody saw him fire the gun. Nobody saw him cut up the body and put it on the fire. They don't even have a murder weapon.

They never found a murder weapon either. They found a different gun, but not the gun he shot her with or whatever, allegedly at the time. Whatever she was shot with. Whatever she was shot with. Now, this is, it's it's so it's in i mean jesus christ unless his it's one of two things either he killed her and did it pretty obviously or what he said is true yeah and which seems a little far-fetched so if those are the only two things now uh testimony from uh his mother which uh she repeated what he told her on the telephone call saying when he called from the lens the night before the body was found.

Now, the prosecutor says that he's just doing this to establish motive. Now, the prosecutor, to establish motive for murder, basically got that Gerald told his mother that she had, that Laura had made arrangements for someone to kill him, and he didn't know why. Now, he, I don't know, Gerald's using this as like, that's good for me, and the prosecutor's using it as that's motive to either,

if you thought that was true, then it would make sense that you would try to kill this woman. It makes it even worse. Like, now it's obvious. Now you have a motive. Thanks. Before that, you're just a psychopath. Appreciate you. Now now we have a motive thanks a lot that you made up on your own now uh this uh cross-examination from the defense council he says to her quote did gerald

tell you anything uh that had led up to the conclusion of these that these people were in danger uh and she said yes and he said uh what did he how did he describe the progression of events how did it start how did it develop as he told you now at this point the state objects saying that all of this is hearsay this is all his own this is like when like fucking dick cheney would do something and then put a story out in the newspaper saying that he did something that he didn't you can't do you're making your own story but it's not hearsay because she heard it and she's sitting like fucking there

but she's trying they're trying to get at he's basically trying to get testimony his testimony through his mother which is what you're not allowed to do that's why hearsay is not allowed and it's also not another person it's him so he could get up

there if you want to get up there and say that's what happened then you get up there and say it yeah but they get it all the time from a from a prisoner you know yeah no no it's true it's true uh the state objected saying that the questions called for inadmissible hearsay the defense said that the evidence was admissible and relevant because it showed his mental state when the call was made that he was very scared the court ended up sustaining the uh the objection though and not allowing it saying that the questions called for hearsay and it wasn't subject to any exemption in this particular case uh he makes an extensive offer of proof they call it which his mother was questioned about a number of topic topics in the telephone uh conversation uh she said that his statements about the whole thing,

strange occurrences at his house in the weeks preceding the murder, such as rocks hitting the roof in the middle of the night and objects disappearing only to be back days later. This is shit that people on a lot of fucking stimulants think there's rocks. That shit was missing. Then it's back. And this is what this is. Paranoia.

That's what that is. It's fucking crazy back and this is what this is paranoia that's what that is it's fucking crazy so uh yeah so they're saying all this in court which is just making him sound even crazier honestly i don't think this is helping him uh uh she he repeated this over and over to her she says but was it like toilet paper's gone and now it's back that's what i mean what i lost my keys and now I found them like the remote was there. I swear to God. And then it was under the cushion. It was gone.

But then I found it. So does that mean someone took it and then hit it? Who knows what he's talking about? This is coke delusions. That's the other thing. That's anything he says is subject to a shrug. And what the fuck? Who knows?

So at the close of the state's case,erald's attorney moves for a judgment of acquittal before they even go before it's even judgment of acquittal right judge let's just fucking end this right obviously this whole thing's been a farce what are we even letting it go to what are we doing here let's just get this over with why are we wasting those 12 people's time yeah what are we doing here let's get back come on this People are busy. They have no time. People just aren't interested. That's what it is. The lawyer assigns error to the court's denial of his motions to get an acquittal right now. He says, I'm going to appeal this later on if this comes up, buddy, and all that kind of shit.

So what ends up happening in June of 1988, they find him guilty of murder which is not a big shocker here uh especially just if you looked at the guy and then to hurt his history and all this you'd be like yeah i could see that um and the way he's acting it sounds plausible uh they give him he is sentenced to you sir may fuck off uh life in prison with a 25 year minimum okay uh also a bunch of fines which we'll talk about in a minute. A $100,000 fine on the murder charge, which is, you ever heard that before? Okay, there's a reason for that. Also-

Didn't have a permit to burn? No permit to burn, son. This isn't burning season. That's a hundred grand. Now, the sentence for that is the pollinator going to come over and put it out for you. Now, that's going to be disgusting and reek up your whole yard. It's going to stink a while. It's going to stink a while.

Like a weed fire. A while. It's going to be bad. You ever burn weeds? Not weed, but weeds. You ever smell a bleach factory burn to the ground? No, son? All right, then.

Well, you have now. Wait till you get back to your property. That is now the grossest thing ever that is fucking disgusting is that what burnt cheese smells like i have no fucking idea that was just the worst thing i could think of my nose burned just saying that that's the worst thing I could think of. My nose burned just saying that. That's the worst thing I could think of, literally. In the half a second I had to come up with that, that's the worst thing I could think of. That's all it is.

That is disgusting. I had very limited window there to have that. We hit a new low. We have new low, everybody. It'll be our new segment of the show. Ah, the new low, everybody. It'll be our new segment of the show. Ah, the new low. We're about to hit a new low, a new low, a new low. And it wasn't you with the disgusting jizz joke.

That's the thing. I've been heavy on the jizz this week, really. Yeah, but I haven't really put much thought into what jizz smells like right up until you said burned bleach factory. I've been bullish on jizz this week. What's up with that? Burned down that jizz factory. You're really forcing your jizz on us. I am.

I am. It's a jizzy kind of week. Jesus Christ. Good Christ, that's wild. Oh, man. So 25-year minimum on a life sentence. So good. He's fucking put away. and you got to figure in

the hideous way that he did this when that comes up in parole it's like uh you did but once the head comes off it's if you can cut the head off a person who you're supposedly like in a relationship with and that doesn't that you're okay with that that's a next level that's somebody where it's like yeah we don't need him on the street. Jesus Christ. You're so dead set on fucking disposing of this body and trying to make it go away forever. Yeah. You don't give a fuck. Making it go back to the earth. You have no respect for the dead.

Right now. Yeah. You don't care at all. At least in theory. At least. So 1988, Gerald is sued. And this was hard to find to a digging deep in records for this shit. Gerald is no sued for shockingly like now.

Listen, I understand you're in prison for murder, but I have not gotten a check. I have heard you are rolling in license plate printing money. It's been 17 years of alimony and I would still like it to happen. I have not gotten remarried and I am entitled to it. I'd still like it to happen. I have not gotten remarried and I am entitled to it. So Gerald is sued for wrongful death by a woman named Kathleen Wickman, who I believe, and I'll tell you why in a little bit. I believe that's a relative, possibly an aunt of Laura Britton, possibly representing the family. It would.

I don't know her family history, this Laura Britton, but maybe the aunt raised her. I have no idea, but she seems to be the spokesman for this situation. And we'll talk about why I know that in a minute and why this person is still active in this, because this is in 1988. This happens. I don't know the outcome of the wrongful death suit. I would assume she won. outcome of the wrongful death suit, I would assume she won. I'm just going to go out on a limb. If you win, wrongful death is way, the burden of proof is way less on the

prosecution. And when somebody's convicted of it, it's pretty much a slam dunk. Well, if you can get convicted in court of it, which is beyond a reasonable doubt, it's just like 51-49 in a wrongful death and you're guilty, like OJ. Bang, boom, boom. Yeah, that's why Fred Goldman won and got all the mustache wax in the world.

So September 26th, 1991 is his appeal, okay? He's got a number of errors, obviously, assigns error to all sorts of shit. This is excluding evidentiary things that happened and blah, blah, blah. First thing that he's big on is the testimony of his mother in which she repeats statements that he made on a telephone call the night before this is found. And basically that now somehow he's he's objecting to the fact that the judge allowed anything from the beginning to come in in the beginning, the shit that incriminated him, but then cut it off before she got to say the shit that was his alibi. So he's like, you know, hey, you let her say bad shit, but not good shit.

Mainly the fact that you should have let her. He's saying that this that this is not an admissible hearsay this is in the one of the exceptions to the rules uh he his thing is that it's admissible and relevant because he shows his mental state when the call was made like i said before you're cherry picking your beneficial shit absolutely yeah absolutely and uh and uh anyway uh they talk talk about the they talk about the fact that that's not true because she also brought up the rocks and hitting the house and the fact that he was paranoid and all the other things and that it's not just a convenient thing that he made up that night. like been systematically targeted by this group of murder conspirators rather than he's been on a huge coke binge and slept three hours in the last four weeks and thinks that people are coming to attack him in the night. Bad tear of harassment.

Yeah, shadowy. If you've been up for three days on coke, you will see shit. I'll bet you will. You will fucking see shit. If you stay up three days on nothing, you'll see shit. Absolutely. If you're on coke for three days, you will one fucking thousand percent hallucinate. That shit happens.

And especially if you're in the dark. When you're in the dark, even if you're fine, you hallucinate. That's what you get. I remember my health teacher telling me in like 10th grade, if you want to trip out, he was like an old hippie guy. He's like, if you really want to trip out, he's like long day, man. Everything you lay in the dark, lay in the complete dark and just open your eyes and stare at the ceiling, man.

It's a fucking firework show. Your eyes, everything, all the things from the day, all the lights, everything's going to unfold before you're. I was like, where the fuck did you grow up where that's where it was excitement for you? Those are called flashbacks. Yeah. Mr. Fucking Woodstock. Boring son of a bitch. No shit.

So anyway, he's saying that this corroborates the conspirators thing for weeks and all these strange occurrences and everything else. He says that it's not excluded because the weird thing is usually that they'll let shit like that in. If the person who you're saying the hearsay for, the person you're talking're talking said this person said this to me. If that person's unavailable to testify, if they were dead or if they were in another country and unavailable, design, mental feeling, pain, bodily health, but not including a statement of memory or belief to prove the fact that they remembered or believes, which is a very confusing way to say that this shit doesn't count in that. He's available, and if he wanted to testify, he could have testified. If she wanted to testify to his, quote, state of mind, she could, but not give him an alibi that he provided for her without any proof of it she could but not give him an alibi of alibi that he

provided for her without any proof of it okay he had no she had no proof of this alibi so whatever uh now uh beyond the hearsay uh he also assigns error to the uh exclusion of other testimony by the lins because he tells the lins that his friends uh tim and Mary Ellen, he tells them this whole tale about Howard, his partner and the girlfriend. And they did not let they the state objected to that. And he says that objection should have been overruled and they should have let him for the same reasons do that. So they struck down his mother's testimony. But they're trying to say, well, they were in person.

They could see his state of mind. They could see that he was telling the truth. Now, also, he assigns error to the exclusion of testimony of a guy named John Scott, who's an acquaintance. He's during a visit with Laura and with Gerald. He noticed that Laura had a black eye and a bruised lip. This is right after the paint brushing incident. had a black eye and a bruised lip. This is right after the paint brushing incident.

He, this guy, this John Scott, asked Gerald right in front of Laura about the injuries on her face. And they asked him, quote, did the victim at the time, which is Laura, who was beaten up, identify herself as being part of the conspiracy to hurt him? Because that's what she was saying.

He said, what the fuck happened her face and he said she's conspiring to kill me and her and how they're all going to kill me right and at the time they said well what was she admitting to this and they said no and this uh john scott said no she was denying it the whole time uh so that was also all right so it's a paranoid moment it's a yeah he just beat the shit out of her yeah so that's what it's weird because he's like trying to prove that he was paranoid at this point, which is very strange thing to try to prove. He's really shooting in a bunch of different directions.

In my case, it's an odd thing here. Also, now there's errors of assignments of error in his mind in the sentencing. He was sentenced to life in prison, which he's saying that the defense, he's talking about that. And I love the way this law is worded, by the way. The court in compliance with this fucking statute. Ordered defendant confined for a minimum of 10 years without possibility of parole, release on, work release, or any form of temporary leave or employment at a work or forest camp. The fuck is a forest camp? Why did they throw that in there?

You can tell that's a very state, that's a local law. Yeah. That's not a. That's old as fuck. Yeah, we can't release him to a forest camp? Shit, well, that's a problem. Jesus Christ. They could simplify that as he shall not leave ever in that 10 years.

Yeah, that's what it is. So instead, he says that the court erred when exercising its authority and added on another 15 years of confinement without with the state without parole basically and uh they're saying your ass he brings up a bunch of uh cases but they're like no we can impose this with that it's fucking murder it's a murder charge uh he also raises issues with this in addition to the life imprisonment the court imposed a 25 000 fine now he says that the court erred here. There's no authority to impose a fine as punishment for murder.

And the state says that it's weird. They say it's like other felonies is what it falls underneath. There's a thing, a sentence to pay a fine for a class A, B, or C felony shall be sentenced to pay an amount fixed by the court not exceeding $100,000. And they're trying to say that this goes under an unclassified felony thing. But the appeals court actually says here, actually, that is a very classified felony. It's not an unclassified felony, and you shouldn't fine on this because there's a definition for a murder and what that is. So that's actually a problem here. for a murder and what that is.

So that's actually a problem here. The other thing, he claims the court aired in sentencing him to pay $30,007 in fines and $24,228.65 as reimbursement for court-appointed attorney expenses without making any determination of his ability to pay. It says that he receives monthly payments of $1,000 for disability income from the government. And he says that that's all he can't afford to pay all that money. And they say there's no error in the $5,000 fine for not paying attorney expenses. Okay. So convictions are affirmed.

Still guilty of murder. Remanded for resentencing on the fine. So he's sentenced still 25 years plus 25 years but uh less fine so that doesn't fucking matter now here's when shit gets interesting in a couple minutes here now 1992 he applies for uh post-conviction release relief habeas shit nothing comes of it because his shit is warrantless. That's like for legal errors, and there are no legal errors, basically. We found nothing. 1993, his son, Bart, old Bart Batty, is a fugitive from justice and has a fugitive from

justice warrant on him. He's out there being hunted in 1993. Not sure why, but I have an idea why, because we're going to find out in a moment. But now, September 27th, 2004, Gerald is charged with assault in jail. Oh, no. He's in his 60s, for Christ's sake. He's fighting? Who the fuck is he assaulting in his 60s? Another 60-year-old man.

It has to be. Like, I've seen a lot of shit on jail. Usually, when dudes are over, like, 48, like, they chill the fuck out. There's no more fighting. You're not fighting some 28-year-old dude who's been out. And dude who's been out alone yeah who's been working out in the yard all fucking day you're not fighting that guy you're you're just past your prime physically at that point and your skin comes apart real easy it's just different a prison shank will open you wide open your bones break you're just not up for a beating when you're 50 years old as much as you are when

you're 26 there's not the same the same recovery time unless you're rick flair which none of us are no so and you're pickled and fucking yeah and you're pickled and your skin is taut oh jesus how is it so so tight still i don't know how does he figure it out whiskey and and tanning beds i don't somehow the combination of those two things jesus christ well he was a kamikaze guy actually was that what it is kamikaze that's what you buy shots for i think he was a kamikaze guy, actually. Was that what it is? Kamikaze. It's tequila, isn't it? I think it's vodka. Kamikaze. That's what he'd buy shots for.

I think he was also kind of a scotch guy. That was Lawrence Taylor, too, was a kamikaze. Yeah, yeah. He drank pitchers of it. That's what Ric Flair would do. He'd order pitchers and fucking down people. Jesus, good God. He'd order them for the whole bar.

So anyway, he's charged with assault and jail in his 60s, which is highly odd, like I said. Now, January of 2009, Bart is out, obviously. He's not in jail because he is wanted on a drug and firearm charge. And what ends up happening is police go to his house. It's in O'Brien, Oregon, and he's wanted on. These are federal warrants, by the way, drug and weapons warrants. And he's wanted on. These are federal warrants, by the way, drug and weapons warrants.

The rogue area drug enforcement and the Oregon State Police SWAT team arrived. They go to his residence, which was at the 1800 block of Lone Mountain Road in O'Brien at about 5 a.m. to execute a search warrant against him on the outstanding warrants. They show up to search. He's got a trailer. They show up to search his trailer. Uh, when they show up, uh,

this is fucking amazing. Uh, when they show up, uh, two women and a child flee the dwelling right away. So he's got like the run, they go running, but he remains inside and doesn't come out.

I pictured Zach Galifianakis on Reno nine one one with the school bus and the 14 kids and stolen weaponry everywhere. And the cops scared of him and shit. That's what I picture is going on in this scenario. And he sent the kids and wife away. It's fucking nuts, man. So what ends up happening is the SWAT members tell him to exit the residence. So what he does is this is amazing. I don't know if he just the ultimate mind changer here.

He pops out of the residence with an assault rifle oh jesus and then immediately turns around and goes back in the house and locks the door so like they have a lot more than me i don't know if he came out expecting like two like enos and fucking uh roscoe pete coltrane sitting out there with six shooters going come on now come on now bart let's go let's have it nice and peaceful. And he was going to go out and tell them to go away. And then saw a SWAT team, a federal SWAT team, and went, holy shit. He was thinking the two cops from fucking Ernest movies. Maybe.

The ugly old man with the great shot. Yeah, yeah. And then the fat chubby dude. I'm thinking he went out and he's going, I'm going out in a fucking blaze of glory. Fucking going down. He opens the door and he's like, fucking never mind. runs back oh shit he turns back around i don't have the balls for this that's more blaze than i thought i don't have enough meth shit never mind more meth okay go in so he refuses to comply with an order to surrender obviously so uh swat starts releasing

uh you know uh grenades and tear gas and fucking chemical munitions, as they're calling them, into his trailer, which that's his dwelling. It's a good way to put it. It's a way you're dwelling. All right. Dwelling in something. Dwelling on the past. This is to drive him out. What he does rather than leaving is he shoots his rifle in the police's direction, which

is not what you want to do to the SWAT. The SWAT team is keyed up. They have automatic weaponry and they're full of fucking armor, and they go out in a team going, I hope somebody fucking takes a shot at me because I will canoe his fucking head. I will empty this shit in a minute. In a minute.

Obviously, I don't think they want anybody to get hurt, but if no one gets hurt and you get to fucking take that trailer out like Waco, I think they're not fucking disappointed at that probably. So he fires two rounds through his wall. That's the other thing in a trailer. If you want to fire at an oncoming SWAT team, why open the door or a window? They get a trailer, tears right through that tinfoil.

No problem. So when he does that, they end up firing a second canister and they're like more tear gas and i think he's coming out make him cry more and that's there's no way to fight that so uh they end up uh that he ends up coming out he emerges with a revolver in his back pocket again not smart when you're dealing with people with uh fingers on the trigger of high powered weaponry and uh what ends up happening is he's got that, and police come out and bum-rush him from the side and take him down with a taser. Awesome.

So this would have been the best cops episode ever. This would have been so much fucking fun to watch. They end up tasing him. I'm sure he was shirtless. I just see the whole thing happening. At minimum, it's a button-up that's open. Yeah, definitely. Flannel.

at minimum it's a button up that's open yeah oh definitely flannel so uh what they end up finding in size inside is 78 000 in cash in a trailer which that's twice what the trailer's worth a nine millimeter semi-automatic rifle uh with a shortened barrel so he modified it that's illegal a 50 round magazine also illegal in case he wants to go uh do some shit and a bunch of ammunition also packing materials what are those packing materials for i don't know maybe the more than one pound of meth that he also had at the house wow so he was uh running the little empire out of this trailer like father like son yeah nice right that shit like a baby and two wives isn't that nice yeah two women and a baby i don't know where that came from uh now batty uh

this is the bart batty they take him to the county jail and uh he has unlawful possession of a controlled substance which is methamphetamine uh felon in possession of a firearm unlawful possession of a firearm and furnishing furnishing false information to a police officer felony attempt to elude misdemeanor attempt to elude unauthorized use of a motor vehicle interfering with a police animal an unlawful possession and distribution of a controlled substance oh attempted aggravated murder as well for firing and officers unused unlawful use of a firearm felon in possession of a firearm unlawful possession distribution and manufacturing of a controlled substance of methamphetamine you're looking at life sir you are fucked mister and we'll find out what happens to him.

By the way, this isn't the crazy part that I said about. This has nothing to do with the young man here. A second person who was in the house, a David Taylor, 43 years old, was cited and released after being charged with failure to appear on a DUI fucking warrant, unlawful possession of a short barrel shotgun, and possession of less than an ounce of marijuana, which in Oregon even then wasn't too big of a deal. I mean, it wasn't legal, but whatever the fuck it is.

It's not a pound of meth. Uh-uh. Right. 2010, the next year, Bart pleads. These charges are a little much for him. Yeah. He pleads. He is sentenced to 17 years in prison.

Wow. Which is a lot. But you're shooting at the SWAT team. That seems fucking unbelievably sweet. Do you get a blowjob with that? Just for all the shit he had in the house would get you that. But for shooting at the cops, too, it was like a freebie. They threw that in.

17. He pleads guilty because he pled. He pleads guilty to using a firearm in a drug trafficking crime and possessing methamphetamine he planned to distribute. So they drop all the attempted aggravations. Let's just sweep all that you shooting at us business under the rug. You shot at us. We tased you.

It's all even. Nobody got hurt. It's fine. He's currently serving right now in federal prison in Safford, Arizona. How about that? So he's right up the road here. Now, May 4th, 2016, there is a parole hearing for gerald senior parole hearing for him he's been up for parole before but uh parole hearing here he's accompanied by uh uh ryan o'connor his attorney

and a uh and also a friend of his is on the phone henry caron is on the phone just may what year offering his support 2016, this is. There's a couple of board members there. It's a parole board. Also there is victims people who are the friends of Laura. And someone from the Crime Victims Law Center also attending via phone was the old district attorney who prosecuted this guy. So you got people going, he's a nice guy. And you got people going, please don't let him out.

He's the person of my nightmares. All that shit. The mother of Laura was there. Laura's mother was there. The whole deal. So this is the board ends up receiving a psychological evaluation on him as part of this deal. And that says, quote, based on the doctor's report and diagnosis, coupled with all information that the board is considering, the board concludes the inmate suffers from a present severe emotional disturbance that constitutes a danger to the health or safety of the community. The board has considered the matter under substantive standard in effect at the time of the commitment of the offenses and all other applicable rules and laws. of the commitment of the offenses and all of their applicable rules and laws.

The board defers release date for 24 months and a projected parole release date of 9-23-2018 for a total of 372 months. A review will be scheduled in March of 2018 with another psychological evaluation. I cannot find whether they let this fucking guy out yet or whether that would even be processed yet or what because this was they're gonna that was last month that was two weeks it was like three weeks ago yeah so i don't know what's going on but he might be out there oh gee this guy might be out there but let's find out something that he also might have done out there back when he lived in amarillo we'll talk in the mid 70s there's a woman named Rosalyn Leva who was found dead in Amarillo, Texas on January 4th, 1978.

OK, there's this big message board about this and there's people looking for her family curious about her case. She's 25 years old when she dies. She is what people call identical to Laura Britton. Really? She was Gerald Batty's girlfriend at the time. Oh, no. Gerald Batty's girlfriend. And everybody who Oh, no. Gerald Batty's girlfriend. And everybody who knew them, it was just a given.

Everybody said that they all were just like, oh, Gerald definitely killed her. When are they going to arrest Gerald? And it just kept kind of going and going. And it was one of those things. What the hell? In the late 70s of Texas, they said the final accounts of this were that uh final article they called it uh they just called it a drug-related death and moved on that's it that's it they called it a drug-related death and swept it under the rug now uh what ended up happening though is at the time

the family and friends that were talking to police all the police said we know gerald fucking did this like we just need to find the proof but he's our guy yeah like there is they were certain he did it all the police this is all alleged obviously but they this he was their suspect he was their guy they were pretty positive this uh was done she was found shot and dumped uh 24 years old same thing identical to laura in the same sort of way uh what they said is uh this person here says uh uh that she had a boy a time of her boyfriend was jerry uh they could never prove it and then this person who is i believe her aunt who is the kathleen woman i think said that uh the police told us the whole time that they could just couldn't prove it and then once he moved to oregon it

made it even more difficult because then they really couldn't question him. It would cost them money to do so. And they said that he keeps coming up for parole and that they go every year to try to make sure he stays there because this is Laura's family trying to find out shit about Rosalind to connect that. And she asked for people to email her if they have any information about this and have any information from back then. But they said, yeah, pretty much identical. Not enough evidence. Now, they said, this woman says, quote, another person says, quote, I knew Jerry and I knew Rosalyn

and I was always convinced he was responsible for her death. And this is a person who wants to email this person and talk about it. And everybody there talks about all this type of shit. This woman, Rosalyn, is buried at the Jewish cemetery in Houston, I think. Now he's getting out. Maybe, this is what I mean about we're not investigators or anything, but if this guy's walking around the fucking streets,

and maybe Texas, maybe look into this shit. I don't know. In 1977, I'm not sure what the technology was like, or if this is even a matter of technology, or if it was just a matter of finding a woman and having no connections to it. But Texas is pretty vicious. Let's fucking look into this shit. Yeah.

I just I feel like it's the 70s and they're like, I don't know, drugs. Like if they were if he was into drugs and if she was sort of we don't know. I mean, they were young. Maybe she was they were partying together and shit because we know he was into drugs the whole time. We know we'll kill a girlfriend and we'll kill a girlfriend. And so who knows? And who knows what the fuck he's did between now and then?

How about that, too, that he got away with it before? Allegedly, possibly, possibly, maybe got away with it once and then decided, you know, this time I'm not going to have her be found. That's the thing. Yeah. This time I made a mistake last time. She was connected to me and then they questioned me about it. And like I'm saying, we're not accusing and we don't know.

But if this guy's going to get out and he's going to walk the streets, maybe look into it. Let's ask some questions. Maybe ask a couple of questions and try to give her family some justice. If that's a I don't know if that's even a possibility, but maybe they, you know, whatever. Fly him in for a sit down. Subpoena that mother. That's what I'm saying. Keep your what I'm saying is keep your eye out for Gerald Allen Batty.

Yeah, he's out there. He is Batty and he is Batty. But please, while you're out there keeping an eye out because i know you're going to be looking for gerald baddie please whatever you do don't take it out on these poor people that i found that i just feel some people we do it in crime and sports mistaken identities and we never do it here but this is one where i feel like jesus christ there's nobody else uh gerald baddie who's a real estate agent oh buy a house that's the worst please it's he's a real estate agent for marlington tex house from that motherfucker. That's the worst. Please. He's a real estate agent from Arlington, Texas, which is the Dallas-Fort Worth area.

He works for Keller Williams. I'm sure he sells fine, fine homes that he's never dismembered women and burned them in the back of. I'm positive of it. His picture, he looks like a nice guy. Please buy a home from this guy if you're looking for a home there, because I'm sure he's lost business from this, maybe. Also, he says, I'll let him pitch

to you, quote, I have been a real estate broker for several years and my clients benefit from the experience. I am focusing on my client's best interests throughout the transaction. I will work through all of the fine details and provide a quality service. That man does not have a weed farm. No, he has no weed farm. And like I said, I doubt he's even ever thought of dismembering a woman. So I think please buy a house from this man. I figure we did two hours running his name into the ground. We could give him a 30 second plug for what he does, because I feel bad.

Also, please don't take it out on Gerald Batty, who is an Australian MMA fighter with a three and four record currently on two-fight losing streak, which kind of sucks, but at least, for the love of God, he has not, as far as I know, dismembered a woman and burned her in the outback of the Australian outback. We don't know. He may have, and he may just snap at any point. And we may be able to cover him later. Who knows? But either way, that is the story. Wow.

And it's a crazy fucking story, honestly. He could be out there anywhere. Lock your doors, people. Lock them. Lock your doors. Because you never know who's out there no it's it's true you never know yeah then this guy even at that age i don't trust him he was starting fights in prison at 60 in his 60s so yeah somebody who can do who can decapitate their girlfriend i hold nothing put nothing past them of being capable of any age even though they usually slow down sometimes not so uh seriously lock your doors seriously lock your doors that's personal to me too i have a past them of being capable of any age, even though they usually slow down. Sometimes not. So seriously, lock your doors.

Seriously, lock your doors. That's personal to me, too. I have a friend in Southern California who last week somebody broke into her house and jizzed all over her computer. Like the pollinator. Yeah. The pollinator was there. No, that's fucking disturbing. It's terrifying.

That's fucking awful, man. Lock your fucking doors. Lock your goddamn doors. The bars in your windows. It's terrifying stuff out there, you guys. Dude, that's fucking awful, man. Jesus Christ. Lock your fucking doors. Lock your goddamn doors. Put bars in your windows. It's just, don't trust anybody. Get a fucking dog. Get a dog, yeah. Get a nice fucking dog.

You know what I'm talking about? Half of you, most of you would have no idea what I'm saying, but that doesn't matter. The crime and sports people know what we're talking about. Yeah, that's our crazy story. I have one thing to talk about here, and this is something that's near and dear to both Jimmy and I, both of our hearts, and it's a quick thing to go over here. Just a quick question we have for you people,

and that is, what in the fuck do people want from comedians? Because, let's start out with this, okay? Because for years and years and years, you're telling us that comedy is art, okay? First of all, nobody considers it art in reality. It's a craft, James.

That's what I'm saying. You tell us it's art and it's art and it's art, but then it's only art when it's convenient when it's art. Because for hundreds of years, if there's a painting or a sculpture, you can't censor that because that's art and that's artistic expression. And even if it's something that's offensive to you, it's artistic expression. We'll put the shit in a fucking museum even if you hate it, okay? We will put dicks on a statue, put dicks on a statue.

Yeah. Mapplethorpe is all over the place. That's a fuck. That's art. You know what I'm saying? So there's that shit. And then there's the fact that not for nothing, but books, we can you can write the most vile, horrid book in the world. And it still has to we have to treat it just as legitimate as any other book.

Otherwise, you're into some weird Nazi shit. That's a fucking fact of the matter. Unless it's something telling you that you should and how to build bombs to hurt people, we're pretty fucking open with that shit. But then comedy comes in and this is what I don't get, okay? And this is

where it is. People want, and I'll say you, and I just mean people and not you personally and i'm not this isn't yelling at you this is whatever you you people you're on our side obviously if you're still listening now like you're clearly one of our our folks and that's fine but we're talking about people want from comedians they want number one they want shit to be funny right they want constant new material always you want new shit all the time i heard that before you know what else you like too you love off the cuff shit yeah you love oh they just thought of that you love that but at the same fucking time that you love that that shit has to be also pre-cleared through the focus group of whether the fuck that is a

funny or be offensive you better filter it. People will literally say, can you say that improv thing you said, can you make that not so offensive? And it's like, no, because it just came out of my fucking mouth. It just happened. And that's what you want. You want me to be programmed with the same jokes?

You know why Jerry Seinfeld had the same fucking act for 20 years? Probably because of this shit. Because then it doesn't fucking matter. And that's what he's doing now. And there was nobody that could be offended. Yeah, he builds an act, then he it that's why guys he's doing the same hour he does now for the rest of his life why not people like it people like it that's what i'm

saying i don't get tweets you know and you want that shit and you want it but you want it to be filtered and you want it to be all that shit but there's no form of like well comedy is an artistic expression not only is an artistic expression but you can get pissed off at a book that's been through. That person's read it, wrote it, re-read it, given it to an editor. They've wrote it, made their pass, given it back. That's been gone over. You're talking about something of a comic that comes out of their mouth on the fucking fly. It's bullshit that people will get offended by that.

Then you get some shitty to say about it? How dare you? How about art for fucking that's what people are trying to do. If someone tries to craft a fucking joke like they tried to paint a picture and it came out with a big glistening cock on it and you don't fucking like big glistening cock pictures but guess what? That's art.

So don't fucking look at it and comedy is the same fucking way. So I'm wondering what the fuck do people want from comedians and stop calling it art if it's not art. That's all I'm saying. You're not going to go to a restaurant and like every dish on the fucking menu, but yet you wouldn't fucking attack a chef

for making shit that you don't like. That's what we're saying. Why'd you put spinach in your fucking salad? God damn it. I don't like spinach. I don't like spinach. Well, get the fucking salmon then. Shut the fuck up.

Yes, the dick pile is there. Get eaten. The dick buffet is open everybody enjoy so that said that is our episode yeah thank you so much for joining us on that journey it was so fun it was a lot of fun right there uh thank you if you please want to help us out want to help the show out you can do that so so easily by going over to the little purple icon podcast apple podcast apple music or Apple iTunes, whatever the fuck it is now.

Apple purple thing. Wherever you can review our show. And please do that. Give us five stars. It really, really helps out the show. If you want to be an even bigger help. First of all, go over to shut up and give me murder dot com and buy some T-shirts and mugs and bath mats and whatever you want.

Whatever you want. And tickets to upcoming shows. God damn it, get those. Portland next week. Seattle the night after Portland. It was a Thursday and a Friday night, I believe. And then we're San Francisco and Phoenix two weeks after that. So come out and see us.

We're in Phoenix on a Monday night for some ungodly fucking stupid reason. So please buy tickets so we won't have to murder a man who booked it. Have to do an episode on ourselves uh from jail get out and see us the shows are it's a lot of fun and we've made some really we have some really good ones on this tour so it's gonna be fun shows it's the people it's a blast meeting you guys is fun it's so much fun and the whole vibe of everybody laughing together it's it's it's so much fun. And the whole vibe of everybody laughing together. It's a, it's, it's so much fun,

man. It's a party. I've never performed where the lights are, are synced to like a decibel level of the people. And when you guys cheer and the lights flicker, I lose my jokes. That's amazing. It's awesome. Thank you for doing that.

And also, uh, if you want to be one of our spectacular, wonderful hero, just beloved producers, there's an easy way to do that. It's also, if you want to be one of our spectacular, wonderful hero, just beloved producers, there's an easy way to do that. It's also at shutupandgivememurder.com. There is links that will take you to patreon.com slash crime and sports to make a donation or over to PayPal, where you can make a one time donation using our email address, which is crime and sports at gmail.com, which is also how you can get a hold of the show. Follow us at crime and sports on Twitter and Facebook and at small town murder

on Instagram and all that good shit. And that said, Jimmy, I want you to hit me with the people who have pollinated us with the most wonderful donations ever. Hit me with that list right now. I got it right here. Our executive producers this week are Dana Alba.

Thank you. Some it's Dannyy or danny it might be danny then it's d-a-y-n-i oh wow that could be danny i either way she's a tough one but thank you so much yeah thank you so much well appreciate it no matter the pronunciation appreciate shannon russell riannon cranning uh amanda mcphail uh melissa silsby emmy dumont michael kennedy who has been quickly become my favorite Michael Kennedy, Tiffany Robertson, thank you so much, Heather Norton,

and Ricky Fitzpatrick. You guys are fucking amazing. Thank you so much. Gary Howard, Janae Compton, and Bacon Bits the Cat, Peyton Meadows, Jennifer Moore, Kiva Hartfield, Ashley Veo, Matt Dietrich, Bill Ellman, Jesse Hartman, Victoria DeLuise, Taisha McPherson, Mariah Menhir.

Ah, I love her. She's cool. Our Dutch friend. Yeah, exactly. Frank Maggio. Hey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Frankie.

Yeah. Erica Cernijewski. Cernijewski. Yeah, I think so. It's got to, yeah. Hannah. Yeah. Erica Cernijewski. Cernijewski. Yeah, I think so. It's got a, yeah. Hannah Turley. Margie Kunze, of course.

Neil Koster. No, Kosker. Heather Fowler. Raquel Quintero. Jason Smith. Lauren Demerath. Stephanie Iogoa. Yes.

Nice. Rachel Vranx. Well done. Bryant Toole. Justin Miller. Katie Gwynn. Kate Vrank. Well done. Bryant Tool. Justin Miller. Katie Gwynn. Kate Ives. Hannah Simmons.

James Fraker. Ariana Folsom. Charlotte Tork. Angela Miller. Yeah. Yeah. Robert Haynes. Jessica Manor.

Joseph Blenis. Okay. It's probably Blenis. Blenis. Right. But it's spelled like penis with bluh. Well, that's all right. It's Blenis. Bluh penis. Joseph Blenis. Blenis. Right. But it's spelled like penis with Bluh. Well, that's all right. It's Blenis. Bluh penis.

Joseph Blenis and Hajani Pap. Hajani. Hajani. That's what it is. Okay. Thank you. Lena Fisher, Heather Chamness, Alyssa, no, Allison Blazick, Catherine Brinker up there in San Francisco.

Thank you. Kelly Hedges, Sianna Messing, Kelly Higby, Under the Sea Fabrics, Amy O'Hearn, Hannah Camerson. Oh, Hannah Camerson. Hey, Hannah. Thank you so much, Hannah.

Thank you, Hannah. Thanks for coming to Dallas, too. She came and made some drinks in Dallas, too. Thank you, Hannah. Definitely, thanks. Good to see you. Louis Tidrick, John Nomad,

or J.A. Nomad, Lloyd Sokop, Sokop, Sokoop, Sokoob. Fuck. Karen Flade. He made it sound pretty damn cool, I gotta say. I tried so hard. Valerie Callahan. Brooke... What did I do there? Nunke. Nunke. Brooke Nunke. That's

what it is. Garrett Moylan. Madalina. Oh, this one's a tough one. Maddalena Maria Neva Maddalena Meva Fucking what? Maddalena Maria Benevend Knight She's got five damn names Put that shit together somehow

And figure out a name Diarrhea Cha Cha Cha Erica Erica Hayashida Erica Hayashida, Shelly Roberts, Zane Billiot, John Rita,. Is that him? Lisa Campo, Teresa Pedway, Luke Lynch, Laura Aitken, Mindy Poore, Andrea Jones, Angie Todd, Nikki Allen, Anita Maria, Derek Walton, Ryan McCool, Mike Collier,. Karina Moon, Christy Dietrich, Heather Graff, Stephanie Ramos, Harley with no last name, Keisha N. with no last name, Amy Nicole, Nina Jornsten. What?

How did I do that? Got it. Nailed it. Emily Stamper, Leah Egan, of course. Thank you, Leah. Thank you. uh leah leah egan of course thank you leah thank you uh noel kingwell uh luna alvarez roland mitchell ring amanda s asper asperheim uh yes uh scott quinn and then the home stretch babe uh kimberly owens goldstein brandon coffin gwyneth quartet and uh robbie burden thank you guys so

much you're fucking heroes thank you so much honestly guys uh you guys are the best uh you just keep it going between your help on on the donations and your things you send us and uh live shows and all the support is you come out it's just amazing man it blows us away and thank you so much from the bottom of our black, triveled hearts. Freezing cold. We really appreciate it. This shit warms us, man. And you guys, we just appreciate the shit out of you.

Thank you so much. And what if people wanted to tell you that they appreciated the shit out of you and pollinate your whole world? Jimmy, how do they do that? If you can find me at Wisman Sucks, W-H-I-S-M-A-N Sucks on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. You guys are fucking really great at coming through and just sharing a story of any sort, whether it's something that you're depressed about or something that's going on in your life. I just like hearing all of it, and it's a burned bleach factory of love. That's all it is.

It's a burned bleach factory of love, everybody. What about your burned bleach factory of love? Where is it at? You can pollinate my social media stream over at Jimmy P is funny at Jimmy P is funny or just copy of my and paste my last name from the show description look for me that way don't be a hero

and try to spell it that said guys we had a goddamn blast this week so much fun with a crazy crazy story and just a lot of fun this week thanks for being a part of it thank you always and until next week everybody it's been our pleasure. Bye. Bye.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Small Town Murder early and ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen early and ad-free with Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey. Welcome to the small town of Chinook, where faith runs deep and secrets run deeper. at wondery.com slash survey. at a drug-addicted teenager, but local deputy Ruth Vogel isn't convinced. She suspects connections to a powerful religious group. Enter federal agent V.B. Loro, who has been investigating a local church for possible criminal activity. The pair form an unlikely partnership to catch the killer,

unearthing secrets that leave Ruth torn between her duty to the law, her religious convictions, and her very own family. But something more sinister than murder is afoot, and someone is watching Ruth. With an all-star cast led by Emmy nominee Sanaa Lathan and Star Wars' Kelly Marie Tran,

Chinook is available exclusively and ad-free on Wondery+. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.