Smart Money Happy Hour with Rachel Cruze and George Kamel - Confronting Real-Life Money Secrets and Blowups

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

George and Rachel answer your burning question: “Am I the jerk?” These 100% real scenarios include secret credit cards, trips overseas, a husband with a “you break it, you buy it” attitude, and so much more. George and Rachel decide whose spicy spending secrets make them guilty, including: ·     A husband who has his wife’s paycheck deposited into his account ·     A wife who secretly paid off her car ·     A couple doing the ol’ takesies backsies on a money deal they made with family Helpful Resources: ·     Booking a flight with Going is the best and simplest way to pay less and travel more. Sign up for free today at going.com/smartmoney. ·     Get your finances organized, make a plan, build your confidence, and kick money stress out of your life for good with the EveryDollar budgeting app. Go to www.everydollar.com/smartmoney to get a free two-week trial and $15 off your premium membership to EveryDollar. ·     Do you have a Guilty as Charged question for Rachel and George? Send a DM to @rachelcruze or @georgekamel on Instagram! Be sure to type “GUILTY?” at the top of your message so we don’t miss it. ·     Learn more about your ad choices: https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices ·     Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy: https://www.ramseysolutions.com/compa...   This Week’s Happy Hour Special: Watermelon Mojito Mocktail Ingredients: ·     3 cups chopped watermelon ·     Juice of 2 limes ·     1 1/4 teaspoons sugar ·     4 fresh mint leaves ·     Ginger ale ·     Club soda Instructions: In a glass, muddle two mint leaves with 1/4 teaspoon of sugar, then set that to the side. In a blender, add the watermelon, lime juice and a teaspoon of sugar and blend until smooth. Once it’s well blended, strain out all the watermelon pulp and fill your prepared glass about half full with the watermelon puree. Add ice and a splash of ginger ale, then fill the rest of the glass with club soda. Stir, then garnish with mint sprig and a slice of watermelon if desired. 🍉 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, I'm Rachel Cruz. I'm George Campbell. And this is Smart Money Happy Hour. Cheers, George. Cheers. Hmm. That is. That is something.

Something else. So this is the show. We're two friends who happen to be money experts to talk about what you're talking about. Everything from pop culture, current events, and money. And today we're talking about how to know if you're the jerk in a money situation. We've all been there, Rachel. you've been the jerk many times. No.

Never? Innocent. She's never been the jerk. We have these gavels to help us with this episode, which I'm very excited about. That helps. You've always been very judgy, and I feel like this is a great way to express that. It's cathartic for Rachel. But this episode is going to contain a lot of great stories of are you being the jerk, or actually, are you being wise?

So we're talking about financial infidelity. We're talking about family money drama, bad communication, and social. so much more. This is a juicy episode. I know, and I think I'm just going to be doing I don't think people, nobody wants to hear that. I think we're done with that already. Is it kind of fun though? It is. There's something about it that kind of gives you power. But in the same way that like humming in public is fun for the person humming and for

no one else. You know what I mean? It's like nobody wants to hear you hummed. It's how it feels. No one wants to hear the gavel. Hit the table. Okay, well, we're going to be sipping on a macktail during this episode and what do we sit there? Kind of like a mock jury, if you will. That's kind of what we are today. Oh, there we go. Well done, George. Didn't plan it.

Nope, that was good. Well, today, Rachel, we are sipping on a watermelon mojito mocktail. Yes, we are. No alcohol today. It's kid friendly. Mm-hmm. It's pretty fun. Yeah.

I like it. Mom approved. Yeah, for sure. What's the, is it kicks? Is that the cereal? Kid tested. Kid tested, mom approved. Is that weaies?

No. Don't ask me. Pretty sure it's kicks. Is it kicks? Pretty sure I got a ride the first. time. Well, take it, George. Take it and run. Oh, boy. Anyways, we're going to give this a rating, give you the review and the recipe at the end of the episode, so stick around for that. Yes. I don't know who's sticking around just for the drink.

I think a lot of people do. I get tagged a lot on these drinks. But they've no care in the world for the content. They're just like, I go here for my drink recipes. Maybe so, George. No judgment. We have some great ones. Although we are the judges today. Okay, that is fun. I take everything back. It's fun. Take it. All right. All right. So for this episode, George, let's dive in. And we want to give a little disclaimer that all these stories are real. We're not making it up. Real, you guys, like from either the internet, which everything there is true. But Reddit, it's like those websites. We actually asked on our Instagram pages, both of us,

hey, will you give us these stories? And we got flooded. They delivered. It was great. It was so great. So this will be a good episode. So a lot of these involve financial infidelity, which is a fun way of saying you have intentionally lied to your spouse or your partner about money in some way. Yeah. So most of the common offenses of this is hiding or lying about purchases, lying about your income, or opening a secret credit card or bank accounts. And a lot of them sometimes just involve how you say, what's the word? It's not always financial infidelity. It's just there's guilt, there's shame.

There's things that someone else did that upset you, but you never communicated expectations. Misunderstandings? Yes. Yep. So Forbes commissioned a study earlier this year and found that 38% of adults have lied to their partner about money. And that's the ones who admitted to lying. I know. That's four out of ten.

And that's just, yeah. 54% said lying about finances is equivalent to other types of lying or infidelity. So it hits a very emotional part of people. So when it's like, oh, it's just a credit card, no big deal, when you're married, right? And you're like, oh, no, but my spouse literally did something that I had no clue about. If they're hiding that, well, you know, it opens up this door of like, this is weird, right? Relationships are built on trust. And if you don't have trust, you don't have anything.

Yes. And so that's what this comes down to. That's right. Absolutely. But again, it feels like a pretty black. white situation, but some of these can get a little entangled. So that's why George and I are here to judge. Gavils out, baby.

Let's go. It's time to play. So who's innocent or who's the jerk? We're about to find out. Rachel, let's kick it off with this juicy one. My spouse is a serial offender. They say, I've been married 20 years, two children, wife earns slightly more than me. We met at college.

I let her live with me rent-free while I worked. Already a little bit of resentment bill. A little resentment. I discovered she was hiding a credit card, $20,000. Is that the limit? Is that the balance we don't know? Okay. I paid it out.

She paid me back. After our first child, I found another card, $15,000. I paid it out, she paid me back. After our second child, I found a third credit card, $30,000. She took out a personal loan to pay it back. I took over her banking. Okay. This is a mess.

A lot going on here. We're not even halfway through. Golly. When her personal loan was paid out, she went overseas to celebrate and possibly had an affair. Parentheses, I'm pretty sure. We split up, but she couldn't buy out the house, so we split the mortgage evenly. So many bad decisions happening so far. Six months later, the children asked me to come back.

I did. Last year, we refinanced our home in order to pay for a major renovation. We put the cash in a joint account for the builder. Since the mortgage just split, I went ahead and paid my part in full after the refinancing. I've also been able to save an additional $30,000. She still owes $290,000 on her half of the mortgage. No. And I just found another credit card tonight.

Argued in front of children, took her purse and cards, made her call and canceled the limit, then called her employer and changed salary to deposit into my account. Oh, no. I took the cash meant for renovation and paid out the card. Told the children no renovation because mom spent it. All right. A lot of... Fair.

Wow. Truth. Tears. They refused to talk to her. She smashed their phones. Now they're all in the rooms. Now they're all in the rooms crying. Her mom just called me to say, I can't tell my wife how to live and spend her money.

Oh, no. Am I the jerk for taking her cards and telling our kids the truth? Man. I wish this had something stronger than mock tail in it because that was a lot for me emotionally. That was a lot. So doing any type of joint thing with her at that. point is stupid. You can't trust her to do any of that. So I would not have a joint account with the, I mean, none of that. You can't trust her on any financial scape. So the fact that he's

moving back in and they're wanting renovations, like they're making major financial decisions when their marriage obviously is not in good spots. It's like if there was a red flag and like full steam ahead. Yeah. I mean, seriously. I don't like the bashing of another spouse to kids. Like even we know people that, yes, have, you know, even been divorced and all of it and you hear them say, like, I'm not going to talk badly about the spouse. And we've heard parenting experts say all that. So like, but then if your kids are old enough, right, say they're 16 and they're like, why aren't we doing the renovation? I do feel like it's throwing the wife under the bus. Both the jerk, but she's more of a jerk. That's my final answer. I think that's fair. Neither of these

people are mature adults. Yeah. Small jerk, big jerk. Is that kind of what you're saying? Yeah. Okay, yeah, because you can't go call the employer. Because yes, she's in the wrong. You just need to be out. Like, at that point, it's like you can't control this other, you can't control people. And so obviously there's a breaking in a lot of value systems, all of it. There's a lot of enabling, controlling, stepping over boundaries, not communicating. And she's the worst offender, obviously, obviously.

Okay, so I think the biggest thing is anytime there's a secret, that's a level of financial infidelity. The secret is intentional, right? You have a secret card or secret account. Yes. Making big purchases without communicating. That's right. And we are big on joining accounts when you're married. That's like one of our biggest things.

But we do say if there are things going on, whether it's a separation or divorce, if there's an addiction, if someone is mishandling something and you have to protect yourself, that is a time to have your own account. Like, we're okay with that. So boundaries in marriage are healthy. And I think the hard thing is when people get married, they get so entangled with each other that they forget, like, you're an individual, and if you have to put up a boundary, like, that's not being unhealthy or wrong or cruel to your spouse. Like, it's actually being really wise for yourself, right? And especially in an extreme situation like this, putting up a boundary is needed to protect yourself. Like, that's a fair thing. Well, a lot of people go, Rachel, I can't control my spouse.

I can't change them. What do I do? And so one key is you may not be able to fix this problem on your own. You may need to get a third party involved. A counselor, a financial coach, someone that they trust and respect to step in and speak some truth in the situation. And then bring out all of the mistakes into the light, even if it's terrifying, even if it is a blow-up argument, at least there was honesty and communication, and we can then move forward from that. No way to work through for that. But you got to see the best in each other, but also call out the crap and not enable it.

That's right. So that's a tough one. All right. So let's go into some of your scenarios, everyone out there. submitted these. I know. Okay. Am I a jerk if I won't financially help out a family member who is on disability and struggling? Oh, man. That is a tough question. That is hard. There's so many more questions I would love to ask this person. Yes. We don't have that luxury. So we'll have to make some judgment calls here. Yeah. So let's just pretend that this person is financially in good shape.

They don't have debts. They have savings, the person who could be the giver. Yeah. Because if you got to care of your own household first. That's not being a jerk to like no... If you're struggling financially and then trying to help someone out who's struggling... Yeah, I mean, it's not going to work long term. Um, so I would say if you have that ability and you have a relationship with that person where you trust their character and who they are and that's like part of your giving that you want to do, I think that's up to you, but I don't think if it's like, you know, a distant relative and you feel the obligation to do it, I would check your motives first. But if your motives are pure in it and you,

have the ability to and you want to, I think that's okay. Beautifully said. So what's your verdict on this? If I won't help out a family member. Are they the jerk? If they don't help out financially. Innocent. Not the jerk. Not the jerk. I think that, yeah, I think there's a lot of situations, but I think if you do decide to, and there's some good scenarios in place, I think then that's great.

Yeah. And we don't know what kind of family member. Is this a distant? Is it a cousin? Sure. Now, if it's your son, that's very different. different than if it's a even a sister or brother situation. Yeah, there's a nobility to helping out family. And especially if someone can't take care of themselves. I'm like, there's a truth to that. Well, and fixed income is one of the hardest things we grapple with as we take calls in the Ramsey show.

Because we're always like, well, are you able to work in any capacity? Because if you are, you can make more than your disability provides in some cases and have a better life. That's right. And not be in this awkward trap where I can't live on more than a thousand, leave. because then the government takes away. Yes. I don't like those situations. I know.

All right. Next step is Mr. If you break it, you buy it. You're ready for this? My wife is an awesome stay-at-home mom. She has access to all of our bank accounts except for my personal spending account. We each have personal spending account, and we each get the same amount per budget cycle in those accounts to spend as we wish. I have a home office where I play video games, catch up on work, etc. My wife also has a room that is dedicated to her and her hobbies.

I have asked her multiple times for her to please. Leave my office alone. We split the chores in the house, and I'm always responsible for cleaning my office. I take my dishes to the kitchen and wash them. I take out the trash. When I play with the kids in my office, I clean up after us, et cetera. I do not have a lock on the door. Okay.

Weird caveat. It's getting weird. For some reason, my wife decided to go clean my office a few days ago. Very nice. I guess she needed to move my laptop out of the way, and she broke the screen. green. The cost to replace my laptop was only $600, thanks to Black Friday. So on our next budget cycle, I subtracted $350 from my personal spending and $250 from her personal spending to cover the cost of the new computer. I did this before depositing the remaining personal spending budget monies into each of

our personal accounts. Note, this didn't affect the other budget line items. Now she is angry at me because she has to cut back on her fun stuff for the month. I told her that I wasn't responsible for my computer being broken, and I felt that it was only fair for her to replace it. She said it was an accident and that I should forgive her and not make her pay. Am I the jerk for making her pay for the replacement? Guilty. He's the jerk?

Yes. Especially when it's that separate. Find it in the household budget. That's a household item that's making for work and all of it. Like, to me, it's not a his or her thing. Like, that's a computer for the house. Well, it sounds like he did this without telling her and communicating that he was going to do any of this. Yeah, it was very like, like, you're going to get this, I'm going to get this, you're going to make it pay because you broke.

It sounds like a child. It sounds like a dad to a child. Well, and the split of like 350 and 250, where did that even come from? I don't know. Why not half and half at that point? I get that you're mad. And I would be her in the story. It's like, say out of my stuff.

I'm like, I always have stuff on his bathroom. I mean, like, I'm all over. I just have so many questions. Like, how frantically are you cleaning that you break a laptop? I would be pissed. Would it be pissed if you did that? Like, if you were... And you came in and you're like, oh my gosh, when you hit my phone off the night,

Sanan and my, it was like screen cracked, you got to pay for my phone. Like, that feels so weird to me. That doesn't feel like a marriage. No, I spilled water all over. So right when Jordan I got married, I spilled water all over his, like, laptop he had bought, like, right out of college. And I felt horrible. And of course, he was, like, fresh.

but he, no. He wasn't like, you're paying it. You're paying it on if you're spending. Yeah, he knew it was an accident. So weird. God bless him. Well, that's one of my issues with all these separate accounts. It becomes a me and her and that's on her and that's, that's for me.

So I like shared accounts where it's all ours and we go, hey, this thing broke. We have to replace it. Whether it was whoever's fault it was. Yeah. Be an adult. Well, and talk about it. And if you both are like, okay, there are another categories that we can lower. Well, then yeah, let's take our spending and half it for the.

the month and keep moving. Like, do you know what I mean? But you're doing this as a team. You're doing it together because you're married. It's not a parent-child relationship. So you're doing it together. And so he's just doing it. I don't like it.

And it's going to just breed resentment on both sides. Yes. Oh my gosh. She's never going to forget that. And he's never going to forget that. No, not good. So you guys communicate. We always say I have a budget committee meeting,

meaning you come together once a month. Talk about it. So don't just make decisions in the budget without the other person knowing. That's right. Amen, hallelujah. Woo, that's a lot. Thank you, preacher George.

All right. Here's a few of y'all's scenarios that you sent in on Instagram. You ready for this one? Yep. I had $20,000 in the bank and wanted to use that money to pay off my car, which was $12,000. My husband wanted me to keep the money instead of paying off the car. I decided to pay off the car anyways that night without his agreement. Next day, when I told him, he ended up being okay with it.

Am I the jerk for paying it off even though he wasn't okay with it originally? I mean, I'm going to say guilty. Yeah, a little bit. I'm like, that's a lot of money. Should not be an agreement over. Yeah, and to kind of just like do it on your own. Again, the whole like do it on your own thing, it bothers me. I'm just like, you guys are together.

And again, you have your own money to spend and all of it. But when it's like doing things, that feels in secret to me. I mean, unless you just announced to him, sorry, I'm doing it. You know what I mean? Like, it's the whole like I did it that night. and he didn't know. Like, I don't like that feeling. Yeah.

That feels a tough one for me. Because I think it's a noble thing, what she did. There's no malice in it. But the fact that he wasn't on board and she didn't try to get him on board, it sounds like. Yeah. That's where I go, like, she might be the jerk here. If it's a $100 dress from Amazon and he's like, I don't think that's stupid, whatever. But you got the money.

You know what I mean? But $12,000, like, you guys kind of need to be on agreement on that. Yeah. And that's not easy. It's easy to be like, just get him to agree. that takes some time to explain. Here's how I'm feeling. I'm not sleeping well at night

because this debt is in our life. And here's what we could do. Here's our plan together. It's all about getting on the, yes, on the same page together and your overall financial plan. And that's why I love when we tell people, hey, you need to go through

Financial Peace University, this nine lesson course. One of my favorite things about it is that it gets spouses to actually have the same money playbook. Talk the same language when it comes to money and have the same shared vision and goals.

Yep. I love it. So good. Good stuff. All right. Next step is the passive aggressive. present pilfer. I recently got a birthday card from my dad with $500 cash inside. I didn't need the $500 right away, so I put the card back and left it in my side table for months. When I went back to

open the envelope, much later, the cash was gone. I asked my husband about it, and he said he deposited it into their joint checking account since I wasn't going to do anything about it. He said it was very irresponsible of me to leave that quantity of cash lying around. He handles our finances because I personally have no interest in learning how to do all of that. Oh boy. I didn't say at the time because I knew it would provoke an argument. Red flag, red flag. But it felt invasive to me. The money was a birthday gift to me.

I should, should I not be able to spend it or deposit it or wallpaper my bathroom with it as I see fit? I finally decided to bring it up. And he was upset, as I predicted, and told me to withdraw the cash again if I was so worried about it. He made me feel like I was in the wrong. Am I the jerk for being bothered? Innocent.

Oh, what? So she's not the jerk. No. I would be pissed. I had Christmas party money from Ramsey for like two years, still in a little envelope because I'm waiting to buy. Here's the sit. Dave gives you $500 for your birthday in cash. And Winston sees it and goes, I'm depositing that.

She doesn't know what she's doing. Again, without me knowing, and then I go and look, it's like, yeah, I'm like, I'm sorry. Again, if it was like, hey, I'm going to put this, do you want to just put this in the joint account? and then when you want to spend $500 in a month or two, like let's do that or in our high-yield savings we can earn some money on it. Like, yes, but like forcing a decision on a spouse like that. Without telling her, talking to her about it. It was a gift to her.

Yes. I'm going to say not the jerk, but she's not innocent. Based on everything else she said here, he handles our finances. I personally have no interest in learning how to do all that. she did not take money that was a gift from him and put it in. Don't blame her. I'm not saying he's not the jerk.

He is the jerk. But she's not a jerk. But you're not a jerk if you don't want to know about the money, though. That doesn't make you a jerk. That makes you ignorant and you need to be involved in the finances. But don't blame her for his decision. She also says I didn't say anything because I knew would provoke an argument. So clearly she knows.

That's right. She should. That's fair. Okay. Like there. There needs to be better communication and boundaries. She's like, well, he's going to blow up if I mention this, so I just won't. That's right.

That's also unhealthy. And that's on her. But that's more the relationship communication part of that. Agreed. I'm just saying they're not too perfectly healthy people. Yeah. But what are your thoughts on if you get a gift? Do you think you should be able to spend that however you want with no judgment?

Well, I would say this. If you guys have big money goals and we always go back to the baby steps, but it is true. Like if you're trying to pay off debt and you're doing that as a team, and like you're, you guys are focused. You guys have side hustles. I mean, you're everything. And you get a gift of $500. I would think both of you are like, oh my gosh, that's $500 more we could put towards getting out of debt. Like, again, you are fueled by the same motivation, right?

That's fair. So I would see that being part of the plan, especially through Baby Steps 1 through 3. Like when you're getting out of debt and you're saving that emergency fund, it's all hands on deck, I think, regardless of it. Like, that's what I would invite someone. But if you're past that and you guys, you know, and you have some margin, discretionary, you know, income to spend, and you get a gift of cash. Like, that's your birthday gift. That's yours. No shopping.

Treat yourself. Yes. Yes. I think so. And same to, I would feel the same way with the spouse. If Winston got a gift. Yes. Go.

Please go. Please spend Winston. Please go spend something. Have fun. Go and enjoy. You probably buy some coffee gear that you would get to benefit for them. That's probably true. The theme I'm saying is don't.

do passive aggressive things and hopes your spouse is going to pick up on what you're trying to communicate. And if you're frustrated, communicate how you're feeling. Don't just hide it because you're scared of another blowup argument. That's just brushing things under the rug. It is. But it's also fair to know if your spouse is like that, like that sucks. And knowing, like, I don't want to get I don't want to, you know, and that feel, that's an off thing. Like that's not, that, that needs more work, right? If that's the continual attitude from that spouse. And just set up a new rule. Hey, next time you get a gift, here's what we're going to do. We're going to talk about it.

Here's how we're going to go about it. All right, before we go into some family and friend scenarios, let's do another one for the couples. Okay. My husband perpetually overspends beyond his allotted fund money amount each month, like 300 to 600 bucks over. Recently, I started locking his card with his approval when he hits his limit, but he still gets upset with me. Am I the jerk? Not the jerk. Not the jerk with his approval was the key part of that whole thing.

Now, if she did it without his approval, it still feels like mom-son-esque. I don't like the... Very parenting. Yes, that gets weird. Have some maturity, dude. Have some discipline. Yeah, I don't like that. I don't like that.

All right. Okay, next up, George, financial infidelity isn't just between spouses. So infidelity just means betrayal and faithfulness to a moral obligation, disloyalty. Thank you, Maryam Webster. Mm-hmm. So loyalty can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. But let's go on to some friends and family, shall we? Ooh, okay.

Here's a friends and family discount story. I offered to sell my Rav 4 that has 100,000 miles on it in January to my brother and his wife. They mentioned they were looking for a new ride. They just had a baby and they were driving a beat-up car with too many miles. When I offered to sell the car, what Carvano offered was $14,500. They agreed right away. The problem was that my wife and I still haven't picked out our replacement car. So we'd check in every week or two, but we still were not ready.

So in the end, we decided to hold on to the car until our trip to Disney this past week. I just checked Carvana again, and they offered me more. This time it was $16,500. I just texted my brother telling him that he could have it, but he would need to match Carvana's new offer. My brother was angry. They've been putting off buying a car for months because they thought we had an agreement and we're just waiting on us. Am I the jerk for trying to do the right thing for my family of four in our finances?

Jerk. Jerk. Okay. When you say a price to somebody, you can't go back and be like, sorry, $2,000 more because we were waiting, right? Yeah. Well, and it's like you're pinning me against a corporation that can change on a dime? Like, if I'm like, Rachel, you can buy for $1,000 and you come to me a week later,

You're like, hey, so we agree on $1,000. I'm like, yeah, $1,500 now because I got another offer. I'm like, bro, this isn't eBay. That's right. Your family. Yes, that feels weird to me. So I'm not going to ruin this relationship over $2,000. I agree.

If you're that desperate for $2,000, you should not have offered to sell them the car. Yep. So, yeah, you're the jerk on that one. Sorry, dude. That's a tough one. Sorry. And I feel like you should honor that kind of handshake agreement with family. For sure.

Your integrity means more than this money at this point. That's exactly right. Yep. Keep your word. Keep your word. All right. Here's a scenario y'all sent in via Instagram. My sister-in-law always volunteers us to chip in to $1,000 plus gifts for the parents every birthday and holiday. Am I the jerk for saying no? Innocent.

Not the jerk. No. Obligation presents kill me. Oh, that's the worst. Yes. So the sister should be like, hey, this is what I'm thinking about getting mom and dad. Would any of y'all like to chip in? If not, then I'll find something else to get them, right?

That's what I would say. So lots of communication, but you can have boundaries with family when it comes to gifts giving. It's hard to, it is hard to stand your ground sometimes when people try to guilt you into doing what they want you to do with their money. And there's a piece of it where they go, well, Rachel, you guys aren't broke. Like, you can afford it. There's a piece of that too, but you're like, I also refuse to spend $500 every single birthday and Christmas on one person's gift. Yeah, that's right. That's not what we budgeted for.

I know. We have other goals. But then it is nice where it's like, hey, here's what we're thinking about spending. Do you guys want to chip in and we can all, you know, put in what you want and we can go get a gift together? Like if that's what you want, but you get to decide the dollar amount. But if they put in 750, you put in 250, your signature has to be two-thirds smaller. Much smaller. All right.

Next step is, if you love me, bankroll my business. My brother and I are really close. He recently has been struggling with money a lot. He's really broke and can hardly. afford to feed himself. A few days ago, he came up with a small business idea. I love these people. I'm not really sure if it'll work or not, since he started a lot of businesses before and none of them have worked out like he hoped. My mom is always worrying about him. She asked me if I could help him out financially to get the business going, and she said it was completely up to me, but she will be

disappointed if I said no. Oh, boy. Guilt already. At first I agreed to help him thinking that he would pay me back eventually. But then we sat down and actually talked about it and he told me that he's already has some debt to pay back. So it only adds to his troubles if he has to pay back to. Basically, he wants me to just gift him the money. I would do this without questioning if I wasn't saving up for college and I really want to apply for schools this year. Is it like a little 17 year old, sweet, innocent child? Not the jerk. Not the jerk for not investing in your brother's business idea. George, you always look at patterns, especially when it comes to friends and family, look at the pattern of their life. Because if it's constantly the person that's like, I'll have a business idea, put money in, lose it, put money in, lose it, put money and lose it, put money and lose it, put money in, probably in, probably in, put money in, probably in, put money in, probably, put money in, probably, like, you look at the pattern in someone's life.

So if you throw money on top of it, it's only going to make the problem worse. because it delays, sure, a little bit, but then they fall right back into their pattern. So being able to change the pattern is key. But if you have a family member that, you know, maybe it has a great pattern, but they need help or you want to gift them something, right? Like generosity, we are all for.

But it really only helps someone that wants to help themselves. Yeah, the one part I do like about the story is that they were self-aware enough to know that, hey, I don't want to be in debt to each other as family. We always say, never. loan family money. It never ends well and it hurts the relationships. If you're going to give someone money in your family, gift it to them. And if you can't do it with gladness, then don't do it. That's right. And share why and set the boundary. So I'm totally okay with her not doing this,

especially because she's trying to save up for college. I know. I mean, so now she's going to have to go into student loan debt to support the small business that could very easily fail. No, you're not the jerk at all. And that mom, come on. Oh, gosh, mom guilting. I don't like this at all. But if you do want to help them, say, hey, I can't gift you money right now, but I'm happy to support you in other ways and figure out how to help them get this business off the ground debt-free. Yeah, that's right. Absolutely. Okay, George, well, I think one lesson we've learned, communication is really key, whether it's with spouses, family and friends. I think when things feel obligated, that's a check in your spirit,

to know, am I really helping? Am I, like, shamed into this? And also when you get birthday money, it's your money? That's the biggest lesson Rachel learned, or at least believes. I'll share one. This comes from our friend, Dr. John Deloney, who quotes a renounced psychologist. Choose guilt over resentment every time. And what that means is, hey, if you're going to do something out of obligation, it's going to cause resentment.

If you set the boundary, you're going to feel bad, and the other person is going to be angry. But we'd rather have you have the guilt instead of have resentment, because the resentment is poison. The guilt we can get over and we can repair the relationship. So I'm a big fan of that quote. That's really good. So if you're feeling that resentment bubble up already,

just set the boundary no matter if that ruins the relationship. You'll feel the guilt, but yeah, take that on more than the resentment. If your relationship can't handle you just saying no and setting a boundary, then there wasn't much relationship at all. Yeah. If your family member is going to cut you off because you didn't give them $100. I know. So you just have to know that.

You're going to hurt some feelings, but you have to do what's right for you in your financial situation. Yep, that's great, George. So good. Well, it's almost the end of the episode, and we close out every episode with Guilty as charged. They have gavels. We can do it. Can we keep the gavils?

Sure. Do the sound effect. Well, this is where our producer, Lindsay, gives us a new guilty-as-charged question every week. And if we are guilty, we have to take a sip. Are you ready for this one? Are you ready for it? Yeah. That's what you get me right now.

Okay. What are you guilty of being a jerk about? Oh, man. So many things. Where's my wife when you need her? She would be happy to answer this one. Just the first thing that comes to mind. We've talked about this a lot on the show, but I do feel like a jerk when it happens.

I don't tip on like the turn the iPad around whole thing. I really don't. I mean, again, a server I will or like, I don't know, something like a specialty thing. but just going to pick up to go food you're not doing it I'm not doing it that's a good one Whitney will get on to me

I feel like a jerk because she I always am like no tip at the register with the iPad and she's like you should have left two to hold you know she's wanting me to be more generous

and not be a stingy jerk I don't see it that way we disagree on that the other thing I think I am a jerk on is when my wife is like hey I'm going to spend this like we communicate about it

but I still have this thing where I'm like, do you need to get $200 worth of pillows, even though you're going to return all of them? That is currently happening at the Camel household. It's like how many throat pillows do we need to like test out to figure this out? And I know we're going to return them, so you're not really spending $200, but in the interim, it hurts my heart and the budget.

Yeah. So that is something I'm a jerk about that I need to get over. Yes, you do. And she deserves all the throat pillows that woman could have. I love you, Whitney. I love baby mama. Love it. Oh, so good.

I will drink this mocktail to that. Drink to that. So, yeah, I think we're all money jerks in some way. So I think to a nod to your book, know yourself, know your money, it's good to know your money tendencies and where your weak spots are. And if you have a spouse, you need to work together. Yes. Because they have strengths, you have weaknesses. We can overcome a whole lot with each other.

Absolutely. So good. Well, George, you downed your drink. I didn't really drink a lot of mine. She was not a fan. I'm sorry. And I think, and Lindsay, correct me if I'm wrong. I think we got some of the first pours.

I got a lot of the watermelon like mush on top. Watermelon mush is a good way to say it. So it was a little tough to drink, a little bit, but it was great. It's okay that you didn't like it. Well, I think the flavor was good, though. This was a watermelon mojito moktail. Yes. Correct?

And here's what's in it. Watermelon? Real watermelon. We can tell. Real. Very much real watermelon. You worked so hard on it. Lime juice, sugar, freshman leaves, ginger ale, and club soda.

and the cost actually comes out to 354, which is a little pricey for a mocktail. Oh, yeah. But we have some really high-quality ingredients in here. You know, watermelon ain't cheap, y'all. Right? Right. Getting get a whole watermelon for this thing.

Made a few slices. It was fun, though. It's a fun summer drink. It is fun. What's your rating on it? You can be honest. I'm going to go seven out of ten. Wow.

Shockingly high. You're allowed to go below. You don't like it. I thought you were going to go like four out of ten. Yeah, I thought so too, Rachel. You barely took a sip. I'm going to start judging Rachel's drinks based on how much is left, and therefore I'm going to go four out of ten.

Yeah. For her. I'll go five out of ten. That's okay. I think if it was colder, like more of a slushy. Yes. Which I thought it was. Or had ice in it.

I think it would have helped it with less watermo mush. I think it has potential, though. It's a fun drink, though. Here's the key. If you make this at home, I would say strain it into the glass. That would help get rid of some of the foamy mush. on top. But great job producer Lindsay. Thank you, Lindsay. Thank you, guys. I really appreciate it.

This is not a knock on you. It's a lot of work. But I still recommend people make this at home. It's a fun drink. We'll leave the recipe in the show notes to make sure to check out. Give it a try this weekend. And the kids can enjoy it too. Yeah, the kids can enjoy it too. Yeah, the crew loved it. They got the better half of it. It was so good.

They deserve it. They work so hard. They work hard. They work hard for the money. Thank you guys. Well, George, I think it's closing time. Good times. So you guys make sure to leave a review on the podcast. It helps us so much to know what you're loving, what you're hating. Just put the love out there.

We don't like to read. We like to know. Save that for the YouTube comments. There's plenty of that. Yeah. So make sure to subscribe on YouTube or podcasts because there are new episodes every Thursday of Smart Money Happy Hour.