Smoke Sesh - 100th episode!! girl church, confessionals & cuntiness

Episode Date: March 21, 2023

Happy Tuesday and happy 100th episode to us alllllllllllll it’s been such a fun Tuesday with you guys and we have a jam packed full episode of fun & my favorite, a confessionals special. We start off talking about the spring equinox and Aries new moon, some rituals that go hand in hand and some tips on entering this season. We also talk cuntiness and embracing your inner bitch, also how to quiet her down if your ego is getting out of control, I give a little pep talk to those who have been afflicted by the curse of insecure men and how to move on and live your best life, being sensitive and allowing yourself to be sensitive in a positive way, fighting nihilism, then we enter our girl church and chat confessionals, I release you of your sins as we confess our deepest darkest secrets (lol), releasing the feeling of regret, favorite books right now, my go to tea for healing your throat after smoking, how partners should align & respect in relationships, children, creativity, white hippie men (trigger warning lmao), negative energy, high & dehydrated, when to break up, when to shoot your shot & how, advice for those in their 20’s, healing yourself, and finally some inspiration for you this spring season as we grow into our beautiful summer selves. Thank you for coming on this journey with me I am so thankful to every single one of you who listen, who review, who share this podcast, together we can walk hand in hand through this life and hopefully share a little smoke and a little laugh together. I love you all so much and thank you for everything, I will see you all next Tuesday! MUAH!!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Good morning, how are we all doing today? today it is noon i have yet to get up out of bed actually that's a lie i got up out of bed to make coffee and water the two things i need for sustenance in the morning still in bed though

have not brushed my hair have not brushed my teeth it has been raining all morning that new moon had me fighting okay for my sleep last night I guess I feel like when the veil is thin you know new moons full moons spiritual realm is activated all right or whatever um I feel like my sleep is always interrupted or I'm having the most wildest outlandish dreams um because because you know the realm is thin and our imagination is activated and our brains are busy you know what i mean there's a lot of thoughts and flow and energy coming through and yeah that makes it very fucking hard for me to just click turn turn that shit off um and go to bed so listen apologies if i'm all over the place today we are going to make it a extra special fun

episode though because today oh my god you guys today is my hundredth episode our hundredth episode together how fucking crazy is that round of applause round of applause for us you know we haven't given up we're still here how incredible is that it has been such a journey with you guys and honestly like i know i say this all the time but waking up to do this and do this every week with you guys is such a pleasure and such a blast and i literally did not know we were at 100 episodes until someone like dm me and was like i'm pretty sure your next episode is your 100th and i was like what no it does not feel like that it's maybe felt like 50 i went back and hand counted every single one and bitch this is our 100th which is perfect spring equinox is here

we are entering airy season our go-getting fighting hard renewal season you know and also we have some confessionals here today i'm taking y'all to girl church okay um and we are going to just let go of that baggage let go of things that are not serving us let go of the past let go of expectations and we are going to head full throttle into what we deserve what we are called to and what we enjoy to do all righty can you tell the the combo of weed and coffee is really kicking in right now you know that is ultimately the best combo if you're creative or you work in the creative space like it really is just like i don't need medication i just need that exact combo and like no pharmacist could do for me what that combo does for me quite honestly um so yeah i'm feeling

myself it's a really good day i manifested this beautiful beautiful like armoire like makeup desk with this like incredible mid-century modern oak and this ginormous round mirror i found it off facebook marketplace me and my dad are picking it up today i'm gonna eat a yummy lunch i'm gonna hang out with you guys i did a little you know heartfelt meme that i posted on my instagram and a cute little spring celebration and you guys are feeling the vibe so overall i'm doing good i hope you're doing good if not by the end of this podcast i will at least have you laughing and feeling hopeful a little bit okay i can guarantee that so with that being said let's not waste any more time and let's jump into what you guys are all here for. Woo, I'm so excited.

So someone asked, what actions are you taking to honor the spring equinox and new moon? Much love, love you. Okay, so over on my Patreon, I did a little like seven days of the spring equinox leading up to it. And I did different rituals on there, different like tasks, ideas, how to deep clean um not only like your house but your mind and little things like that so if you want to in-depth detailing head over there for a step-by-step tutorial um but for me personally i celebrated the spring equinox by i made a little simmer pot which is basically just herbs and fruit and things that you find that you can throw in a pot and boil with water and essentially it's like the most powerful smelling candle you've ever smelled but you don't have to

light anything on fire which is fantastic so i put that on had cinnamon oranges jasmine my apartment smelled delectable and then i got in my hands and knees and deep cleaned and lysoled and swept and mopped and everything to my apartment um i just realized things were getting out of control and I needed to step in and intervene especially because I love this space and I'm going to be moving soon in about a month or so and I really need to just honor it while I have it and appreciate what I have even though I am kind of stepping into a newer more exciting territory it doesn't mean I need to kind of forget where I am right now so I really just took honor of my home cleaned it made it beautiful um i lit a few candles ceremonially um but other than that that's

really all i've been doing to celebrate the spring equinox um best thing for the spring equinox is just step or start on a good foot so step forward into the future positively as positively as you can as fresh as you can in whatever way kind of matters to you for me that was at the home maybe it's with your mind maybe it's with your body maybe it's with whatever um but i feel like that's a great way to honor the spring equinox um and then for the new moon my god um i cried a little bit i let things go um i'm really stepping foot into my bad bitch territory i don't give a fuck territory but like in the best possible way because i'm prioritizing myself aries my aries girlies out there i love you so much um you guys are some of the baddest most aggressive most

hottest um women out there and i really appreciate what you bring to the world and i really appreciate the way you handle yourself and inspire other people to handle themselves with confidence and with bad bitchery like i do not give a fuck energy it is fantastic i love my aries girlies So I'm trying to just embody that this season. I feel like Pisces season was a very dreamy, sleepy, ah, woe is me, you know. And I feel that because I have a Pisces rising. I have no Aries in my chart. So I am really trying to, you know, step into that, especially because it's something I don't naturally embody. So I like a little bit of challenge, but that's kind of what I'm doing for the season. a fantastic way to celebrate the new moon um it's not too late don't worry is to go to your local like oracle witch shop and buy whole bay leaves do not go to the grocery store and buy whole bay leaves they will be the most expensive bay leaves you will ever purchase in your entire life it's like seven dollars for four of them it's fucking crazy go to your local like a cult shop okay they

will give you a bag of 25 for like a couple dollars um and cinnamon i don't know why those two things are so expensive but get a whole bag of bay leaves and if you're trying to release something okay write it down on the bay leaf in sharpie if you need or say your intention out loud of course handle fire with care and then burn them let them go let them physically burn it releases an amazing aroma while also like burning shit's fun and it's nice to like physically see your worries and concerns disappear so that's always fun Speaking of Aries season, someone said, how do I stop my ego from taking over and being a bitch sometimes?

Oh my god, felt that. Sometimes I'll just be, like, a cunt. Sorry, I don't know if I can say that, but it's directed towards myself, not someone else. And also, I'm empowering myself. I'm taking the word cunt back, because I love it. Sometimes I'm just being a fucking cunt. Like, I am not going to lie. And I will catch myself, like, being this way, and I'll be like,

oh my god, I need to chill out. there's no reason for me to be acting this way to be feeling this way I don't know why I'm doing this how do I step out of it now it is kind of Aries season so if you have a hard time with this I would actually maybe encourage you to step into this bitchiness like if it is needed and desired within your life if you are letting people like trample over your boundaries or you know letting things slide when they shouldn't slide letting people be rude to you for no reason like I encourage you to actually step into this bitchiness step into this cuntiness and like be the person you wish would stand up for yourself like you are the only person that can really show up for

yourself of course you want a community you want people to show up for you but at the end of the day like you also have to be there for yourself you can't rely outwardly so like I encourage you during the season to step into that cuntiness all right love it but also I as a Gemini who has insane mood swings I understand that like sometimes I'm taking it too far and during those times I really have to just like allow myself to be wrong like sometimes you are wrong sometimes you make the wrong decision sometimes you're behaving incorrectly and you have to allow yourself and push your ego down enough to step into that wrongness address within yourself like nah i'm fucking up right now like i need to chill i need to take a step back i maybe need to apologize

and then do so like don't let that evil devil on your shoulder control you if you feel like it is unnecessary um sometimes you really do have to push that ego down and look yourself in the mirror or look at the person you're being rude to and be like I'm sorry I was wrong I don't know why I'm acting this way you don't deserve it I hope you can accept my apology but I will be doing better moving forward that's really all you can do but you have to allow yourself to step into wrongness I feel like a lot of people don't allow themselves to and in turn it doesn't engage in growth at all um you really need to understand that growth comes from positive and negative change and sometimes shit sometimes we're negative people and we got to allow ourselves to understand it's

okay to be wrong sometimes okay this one's a little bit longer one from my dms but i still think it's really good so let's get into it um hi hannah i really love you in the podcast so much but i'm dealing with something um i'm dealing with a breakup right now and it's been with the most insecure guy ever literally always looking at other women trying to get with them even my best friend who's not my friend anymore because she liked him isolating me from my friends etc and i've done all the work i've done journaling meditating podcasts reading but for some reason i can't change my way of thinking after all that it's true that being with an insecure person will make you insecure as well after the breakup i really can't change my way of thinking i'm always

comparing myself to girls my age or thinking he would death go after her or she's better than me in some way i really really want to stop this because i've never experienced this before him so i'm kind of new to this i've always been a girl's girl but right now i feel like mentally i'm a mess okay i hear you i love you you are very seen thank you for being vulnerable with us I feel like there's not really advice I can give you advice will come out of this but what you really need is a pep talk I feel like no one has really given you a pep talk yourself or other people included especially after coming out of a relationship with an insecure man who probably made you feel like shit all the time let me just tell you what you need to hear

you are amazing you are brilliant you are beautiful you are wonderful you are loved and you are encouraged okay and those things are hard to hear especially when you're stuck in the mindset believing you are the opposite but you cannot let a mess miserable ass mess of a person convince you that you are something you are not because they don't like the way you shine they don't like the way you behave they don't like the way you love yourself they are miserable and in turn they want everybody else around them to be miserable as well you cannot succumb to that you are stronger than that and you deserve better than that are you going to let a insecure miserable mess of a man drag you down to his level and then you're gonna live there for the

rest of your life no you cannot and i know some people say spite is a bad thing you know don't do things out of quote-unquote negativity but sometimes when somebody fucks you over you have to take the mental note of being like no fuck this i did not deserve that that person is a piece of shit maybe those people you know your best friend best friend and this guy like fuck them i'm going to get my ass up and go after what i deserve because they cannot provide me what is good enough for me and i'm gonna let those people go off and be miserable by themselves because you know they are you've spent time with these people you've spent time with this person you know how they behave you know that they are in such deep dark of a hole that they physically cannot pull

themselves out of it but you can escape you can escape and you can go choose better and you can make a life better for yourself that they never could have created for you okay you have that choice every day you have a choice that you can wake up and you can move forward sometimes it's harder than others and sometimes spite helps a little bit just being like fuck this person i'm gonna go after my wildest dreams and let me tell you after my breakup with the most insecure man on the entire face of the planet literally every day shitting on me constantly putting me in fight or flight mode talking down on me i never felt beautiful in this relationship i never felt loved for i felt like i was constantly chasing after this person afterwards i went out and i realized

that the world was way bigger than the world of chaos that he carried around with him and that is a world of chaos that he is going to carry around forever no matter how quote-unquote good you think it's getting for him you know his mindset you know he's fucking awful and miserable he's going to carry around that forever that's his curse what are you going to do with your life now that you're out of it what are you going to do are you going to keep living in that miserable world of chaos and carry it with you to spread the chaos to other people spread being miserable to other people and yourself or are you going to take this opportunity to free yourself and truly go after love you know how bad it can get so don't ever go back to that notice the red flags

see those things and have the courage to get up and walk away but that does not mean that you are undeserving of something good of something positive do you know what i mean i love you i want you to run after those opportunities to not deny yourself of love and anymore to not deny yourself of what's good anymore you deserve that all right i love you you'll get there i hope this little pep talk helped you out but it really is just taking one step at a time and i feel like especially coming out of a really like emotionally abusive and like relationship where like it was you and that person and that was the world you have to retrain your way of thinking and get out and understand that the world is way bigger than that okay make new friends go to a club like I

entered the hardest party phase of my entire life after I got out of this breakup I mean for good and bad but also i had a shit ton of fun because i had been denied it for such a long time i made friends with people who loved me unconditionally i told people to fuck off who i thought carried that negative energy around with me or around with them um and i just experienced the world as it was because i was denied it for so long so get out go have some fun like you deserve it all right and it's gonna be a little hard at first but the more you go out and the more you know see the world the more people you fill with love the more people fill you with love the better you'll feel and it takes time but it takes trust as well and I trust that you'll get there love you hey girl um I'm at

work right now I'm literally in the break room so don't mind the music that you may hear but I have been struggling also I love your podcast I love your podcast like I literally cried when I got your hoodie anyways I've been struggling a lot with being aware of fucking everything like I feel like it's getting in the way of me living my best life because I'm so aware of the fact that this is temporary and that my teen life is temporary and everything life is temporary and nothing really matters in the end and at this point it's just I'm so aware of the different aspects of life and I'm blaming that on you that I can't function as a normal human being and I can't express emotions the same way so please help give me advice and I'm sure there's

other girlies like this so I love you this is cute I think being an aware and highly sensitive person can be and is the most challenging way to be a human being because like you said you are living in one area of your life while also experiencing the other and you're mourning your past while also mourning your future that you didn't get to live and you're sensitive to the things going on at your work and your home life and you understand all these nuances about life and sometimes you're too smart for your own good but it's getting in the way of you living your life ultimately and here's the thing I embody all of those aspects being sensitive being a little dramatic being a little bit too over aware and when I was younger I let I used to let them

overwhelm me to a point because I thought that nothing mattered I thought that you know because I was too sensitive or because I was too aware of this thing or because you know this was affecting me in this way it didn't matter life has no meaning or anything like that like I was looking at all of these things from a negative perspective when in reality you can be a very highly sensitive person an intuitive person and live in a positive aspect of life okay it's all about how you're viewing it um you know you can look at a trash can and think like oh my god it's disgusting we as human beings are horrible awful we're throwing this shit away we're just over consumers or you can look at it and be like I like the way that gum is stuck to the side of it you see what I'm

saying like there are many different ways that you can view life you really have to take control of where you're letting your mind go to and if it's going to nihilism if it's going to self-hate if it's going to over analyzing you have to learn to cut that shit out and replace it with something that is just like a little less serious and a little bit more hopeful and you have to do that in order for you to survive it's a survival tool ultimately that's what it is you have to show up for yourself and be like no no life is good because i am in control of what i make my life out to be and i know that i'm gonna make my life out to be good because i'm in control of my life i'm in control of how i view the world i'm in control of how i approach the world whether the world is

approaching me positively or negatively i'm in control of how i view it and wish to proceed and i know and trust within my heart that i'm gonna proceed with love and light and peace and positivity no matter how hard the situation is do you see where i'm coming from here like i'm a sensitive and dramatic fucking bitch okay and i used to be that way and it would be like me tearing my hair out of my fucking head and rolling on the ground and I shouldn't be alive nothing matters the world's so awful and cruel and I'm horrible to myself or I can be a sensitive and dramatic bitch and you know the sun shines through the light in a certain or the sun shines through the clouds in a certain way and I'm tearing up or I'm letting little cartoon shows get to me because I

have so much hope for the future of children and all those things are going to shit it doesn't mean that we as human beings have to give up and it's beautiful that even in a situation that has so much pressure and awfulness that we as humans still continue on with hope and love and we try and that is what you need to lean into that is the energy that you need to lean into not in order to you know live your best life but literally as a survival tool as a way of being like no life is livable and I'm gonna make it as good as I possibly can for myself because guess what I deserve it love you okay now I know what you're all here for I know I know what you're here for guys and I'm here for it too the confessionals oh my god are they juicy and fun

and I'm so excited to get into it so welcome to girl church so excited to have you here there's no judgments there's no you know passing shame there's no hate here we say what we gotta say we have a little giggle we learn from our mistakes and we move on with our lives so with that being said let's get into them i shit my pants at a boy's house the other day and hid the shitty panties in the toilet tank if that is not the most genius thing i've ever heard of i i've never had like a i mean i've had a shit situation but it was after anal so no judgment there um but i've never like shit my pants in front of my boyfriend but hiding them in the toilet tank like you can't put them in the trash can you can't put them in your bag like there's a smell

toilet tank so fucking smart proud of you girly went to my first college party and drunk hooked up with a random guy in the bathroom slay that's what college parties are all about you know what i mean having those fun little flirty flings you know happy friday forgive me hannah for i've sinned i've been reading smut books in public and it hits different me from the ages of like 12 when i got my first iphone to 19 reading harry styles fan fiction everywhere i went yeah constantly my mom would be like she reads a lot of books on her phone yeah it's wattpad i'm reading smut mom you know those ones there's like my mom sold me to one direction it's like that's why i'm fucked up now because i was reading crazy smut books at a young impressionable age

but hey it kept my brain sharp kept me interested i wasn't just like scrolling online so there could be worse things you're doing you know i think i have a problem with weed maybe similar to an alcoholic yeah real real i had to this conversation my boyfriend i was like you know if you think drinking at 7 a.m the morning before work is fucking crazy then like smoking at 7 a.m before work is kind of similar of course drinking is way different but it's that same kind of compulsion that makes it a issue so if you feel like you have a problem been there no judgments it is a real thing sometimes you just gotta step away um and realize hey maybe it's not best for me and then keep yourself busy that's the number

one way to make it through a tea break or supplement with some cbd as you guys know paz packs ultimate favorite um and you can use code smoke sesh for 10 off if you need a little break um is it bad that i came 15 times in three hours no but your clit is probably exhausted um i feel like when i was younger i could come all the time like all the time like constantly um and now that i'm older i'm like i'm good with one like i'm overstimulated i'm good with one um i have a thing for men in uniform army men terrifying oh my god i i like i love that you understand yourself and you know you love a good uniform but our men our army men are like the worst breed of man like the absolute worst and i hate to pass that judgment but hey maybe just

like fulfill your kink for a little bit and then actually find like a good man anyways i don't like having sex or making out with my boyfriend i feel gets i feel guilty because he doesn't feel loved i get that if my boyfriend was like i don't want to fuck you or make out with you ever i'd be like damn but also like sexuality is a spectrum and sometimes maybe you're not feeling too sexual or maybe you're just not a very inherently sexual person and you know that's hard especially when your partner wants you to be sexual but I feel like you should never feel pressured into that maybe you need to find a partner who is also not inherently sexual or you know maybe friendships are what you need to stick with things where it's like there's a hard no sexual boundary I mean if

you're the kind of person who doesn't sleep with your friends but if there's a hard no sexual boundary then maybe relationships aren't for you i feel like we are pressured to get into relationships um but really we need to take time and ask ourselves like do we even want one you know what i mean um so yeah felt that my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with a guy wait wait wait my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with a guy then cheated on his new bf with me not my finest hour i think you guys just need to have a three-way i think you guys just need to like all get together and just get it out of your systems anyways kiss my best friend my best friend's brother when drunk and never told her i still don't think you should tell her maybe when

you guys are like 50 um i really lost my or i finally lost my anal virginity this weekend it kind of hurt but i kind of liked it illy um love you i just found out recently that if like you are little bit more sensitive down there you can get um like this numbing gel so you know there's not as much sensitivity for the whole which is like kind of nice when um you're trying anal so maybe try that next time um i spit in a mean girls oreo without her looking and she ate it took karma into my own hands i'm surprised i've never seen anybody in the restaurant industry spit in food i feel like that's such kind of like a you know taboo thing that's talked about in the restaurant industry but when i was younger when we played soccer i used to spit on my hands when we were

supposed to shake hands with the other team so it felt i had sex with a guy in a car in a church parking lot with no tent and right next to a busy street slay i had sex with a guy in the parking lot right in front of the doors of a of a bowling alley once no tents not fun well very fun but now that i'm thinking back there's definitely like video footage um i pissed my pants in a vintage store and left a puddle wow why do so many people shit and piss themselves in vintage stores i feel like that's a very common occurrence you know what it's because all you alternative bitches are out there chugging coffees and having no water and then going into a vintage store and you can't control your bowels been there very sad that all my vintage stores have their bathrooms closed

because i'm like i gotta strategically plan that shit literally um my boyfriend made me get off with a freezing cold frosted beer glass from the freezer i knew i loved my boyfriend when he was like eating me out and then he was like hold on and he went to the fridge and he got an ice cube and he used that on me holy shit i never thought like cold would feel good but it's a different kind of sensitivity highly recommend um i asked my ex to stop trying to sex me when i'm uh with my family slash at school and she blocked me yeah i'm gonna say make that person make her get her as far away from you as fucking possible like if you set a boundary and they're like black how immature can you fucking get i eat wood what do you need like extra fiber girl like you can eat

kale but love that maybe it's a texture thing i see little kids pick up dirt and like chew on it i'm like maybe they're on to something you know okay more confessionals i don't like sex that much but i love feeling sexy and being sexy just don't like the sex bit totally get it totally fine i feel like the feeling of being sexy and feeling you know yourself and feeling that vibe is completely different although sometimes goes hands and hand in hand with like sex that's why it pisses me off when men try and control what women are wearing because they think they're doing it in order to grasp sexiness from other men like no i do not give a fuck about men nor do i want to have sex with men nor do i want to be sexualized i'm just feeling myself and feeling sexy although

feeling yourself and feeling sexy can lead to sex it's just like that's not what it's all about so i get that totally normal feeling made out with a 52 year old man at a party and found out it was my crush's dad slay i i i love that okay use my roommate's vibrator when they weren't home okay now now we're breaking we're breaking a little bit of some boundaries here that's wild i hope you at least washed it off after like that's the only courtesy you you can really do in that situation slept with my ex and stayed the night over at his place knowing he had scabies how do you even get scabies isn't that like a thing from like like the 1800s like when knights were fighting each other scabies let me google that

skin condition caused by a burrowing mite all right babes i really hope you left that man afterwards also i really hope you didn't get scabies that is wild a few weeks ago i was mad at my boyfriend so i poured dirty bong water on his pillows unrelated but i pour my bong water in my plants and they seem to love it so maybe your boyfriend liked it too i hexed a boy who fucked me over and he got held back in high school yeah that shit works there's always a repercussion but that shit does work on spring break had the best sex on the beach with a macedonian beefcake i'm in love that's what see this is that's what life is about life is about being a little bit crazy a little bit wild and having sex on a beach fuck it i did that with my boyfriend when we were in

malibu we had the whole beach to ourselves and i was just like i'm a bend over my brother is in what my brother's in love with my aunt and they were in a relationship for three to four years i'd be running away i love to shave my asshole lol idk why it's so satisfying well if you love shaving it i feel like you would really love someone licking it i can't lie i went through my boyfriend's phone and found nothing there could have been a worse answer at least you found nothing at least you were like oh i'm just being crazy but sometimes it's kind of a worse feeling because you're like oh i wish i would have found something am i gay quiz help if you're googling am I gay you probably are and it's okay and I love you and that's totally normal and that's

totally fine um there's nothing wrong with you but yeah you're probably a little bit gay you're somewhere on the spectrum for sure me at 13 being like am I gay I only watch girl porn am I gay like yeah babe you like women it's okay it's fine you're not going to hell I can't fucking stand my boyfriend. I get that sometimes with my boyfriend. It's just a part of like, you know, there's still men and you're like, goddamn, I'm 1000% a cheater. Alrighty, maybe you need to be in an open relationship. Or maybe you just don't need to be in a relationship. Ever since you recommended masturbating in the mirror it boosted my confidence slay I love that I love that you also use that tip it really does help it does it's like casting a spell on yourself I can't I can't lie I just

smoked and did anal love you I've been meaning to do anal recently maybe we'll do that tonight lit my joint with a graveyard candle forgot a lighter and there was no one around to ask there was no one around to ask I'm sorry listen if I was dead in the ground and someone lit a candle at my graveyard um and you know someone used it to light their joint i personally feel like that would be honoring my spirit i received a birthday card for an ex and instantly set it on fire love it love that if there's money in it keep it always but love that on saturday instead of walking into a party i walked right into an old woman's home and scared her i love that sorry old woman you're like i'm just heading next door apologies i gave head to my best friend's ex

boyfriend see i friends over men any day any day all dicks are essentially the same so find a good body that it's attached to boyfriend and i fucked in his car in a mormon church parking lot he's an ex-mormon lots of fucking in a car in a church parking lot i ran from the cops after smoking weed in a church parking lot so it's like lots of shenanigans happening at churches not sure why i guess it's because everybody assumes no one's there at night you know like who's gonna be there at night it's all old people working there they're going to bed at like six i'm dating a guy and already planning the breakup text i would say just send it just just send that shit i've cheated in every relationship i've been in and i don't know

how to stop um maybe it's because you're just a sexual person and you need to be open with having sex so maybe you need an open relationship maybe you need to find someone who is okay being in an open relationship or maybe you just need to not be in relationships and just be fucking you know i think that's okay um i was taking oh god i was taking a load in the mouth the other day and come shot up into my nose no one talks about the issue of cum and how aggressive it is whenever you're sucking dick a it can come out of your nose which i've been there multiple times uh many a times and b if it gets in your eyes that shit hurts that shit hurts more than anything so that's why i've never like come on my face because i really don't want sperm in my eye because it's like i can feel

them moving around my my eye is screaming at me i'd rather have it come out of my nose um my boyfriend and i got to a bar underage in vegas and i blacked out and went to the er major vegas vibes um hope the medical bill isn't that high also yes be careful with your drinking after every drink have a glass of water pro tip my confession is that i'm a professional homie hopper uh went to a catholic church with grandparents baked on xmas eve i'm a witch i accidentally ate mushrooms before my nephew's um what is it baptism yeah i went to the catholic church for the baptism for the private baptism on mushrooms it was beautiful i had a great time i don't think anybody noticed um but yeah those are our confessionals love you all so very much

thank you for joining me for our little girl church you are all let go of your sins i forgive you all i am providing you forgiveness as long as we move forward with our lives love you thank you all someone asked what do you do to deal with regrets you as a human are going to have regrets no matter what you do it's honestly impossible to live a life without regrets so understand it's a normal human emotion it's a normal thing everybody feels but all you can do with the feeling of regret is let it enter your body see where it's coming from and understand what to do in the future in order to not find yourself in this situation again and then move forward let go by you sitting and ruminating on it and hitting yourself over the head saying i'm a bad person

i'm a horrible person like i you know you're gonna stay in that place and you're gonna convince yourself you're a horrible person and you're probably gonna keep doing horrible things but if you let it visit you say hey i fucked up how do i not fuck up in the future or what or what should i have done and what can i look for in the future in order to make this or not make this mistake again and then move on with your life and understand we as humans are allowed to make mistakes that's how you grow that's how you change that's how you stop making regrets you see what i'm saying here but by you just sitting with that and holding on to it you're gonna convince yourself that you're a horrible awful person which you aren't i guarantee you aren't and then you're

gonna keep making horrible awful decisions because you stay within that feeling let it go let yourself be free a little bit you know i love you you deserve that i had a few of you guys ask me for book recommendations and on my patreon i do like a book of the month or like a little book club monthly because i've been trying to get into reading a little bit more and this month i actually have two books i'm reading because they're simply they're very simple books they're more like instructional deep research based books which i know might sound a little scary but the first one which me and my boyfriend are actually reading at the same time is is by rick rubin um it's called the creative act a way of being and it's all about creativity how to create um and

it's based around like 78 theory or 78 areas of thought such as like everyone's a creator tuning in the source of creativity awareness rules the opposite is true listening patience beginner's mind habits seeds um expect a surprise great expected expectations openness surrounding the lightning bolt um anyways onward onward onward and it's all about creativity and it's full of poems and the chapters are anywhere from one to four pages long so very simple to pick up put down deep thought deep research and then along with creativity i feel like this kind of goes hand in hand but it's called recovery of your inner child the highly acclaimed method for liberating your inner self and this is by lucia capuccione i definitely butchered that fucking name um but

it's all about accepting your inner self um loving your inner self and letting it out it says the inner child lives within all of us it's the part of us that feels emotions and is playful intuitive and creative usually hidden under our grown-ups personas the inner child holds the key to intimacy and relationships physical and emotional well-being recovery from addictions and the creativity and wisdom of our inner selves so it's the same kind of uh setup to smaller chapters deeper insights into different aspects this also has like writing and um drawing examples which i think was very interesting to me as an artist and i feel like they go hand in hand pretty well so those are the two on my list currently and two that were definitely very much still worth the money

someone asked tips for protecting your throat while smoking i woke up with a sore throat and it's not fun yeah not fun at all so there's this kind of like witch's brew concoction that i make and drink that really helps with the sore throat phlegm mucus builds up and it's basically a combination of turmeric lots of ginger some garlic freshly grated um what else oh mugwort and yeah and i just let it brew together and i make a little tea out of it that really really helps hot you know soothing drinks always help and also make sure you're not taking dabs too hot make sure you're not constantly ripping your cart it's gonna burn your throat um pipes make sure you know you're not sucking too hard because you're gonna suck ashes and shit into your throat

that's why i think bongs and anything with water in between is like the cleanest safest way to smoke anything that's like a vaporizer is also the cleanest safest way to smoke but also if you if you feel your lungs kind of giving out or your throat hurting switch to edibles okay i'm kind of in the movement to switch to edibles too because my i've had coughing fits my throat's been hurting and it just has not been fun for me personally um and sometimes i'll just take a break from smoking give my lungs a little breather and then i will get into edibles for a little bit but that concoction of like mugwort some turmeric some ginger especially maybe a little lemon honey anything like that that's going to be perfect for a sore throat hey hannah i have a question for you

about planning like major life things with your long-term partner because my boyfriend he wants to have kids like like a lot sooner than I do and we kind of just like um I don't want to say ignore it but like we kind of just don't focus on it because it's like who knows how like where we're both going to be in like five years like he's not ready with his career and I know that like I I just I feel like I don't want to have kids till I'm like like 30 but it's like you know a lot of people they change their mind when they hit like 25 or something but I just like I don't know if I'm going to change my mind but also like I don't want to make him wait longer than he like wants to so like is this something that you break up over um so like what do you think

okay so i never want to um be like break up with your boyfriend because like i understand that's very hard advice to give and sometimes like conflict is normal in a relationship it's gonna happen doesn't mean you should just give up all hope and jump ship but um not but you should break up with your boyfriend but I like to see like things from all perspectives and really understand what's going on so I feel like there's really two ways you can take it first of all before we get into that I do believe for the least amount of conflicts within a relationship your morals need to line up what stays true to your heart and um and how you envision your life and your future you guys have to be kind of on the same game plan there or else conflict will arise and you don't

really want conflict to arise around morals or you know um life planning because that's when you realize oh we're maybe way too individual maybe i don't like you maybe this isn't gonna work um and that's okay that's fine sometimes you have to make those realizations but when it comes to you know future planning and maybe he wants to move a little bit faster than you a if he's like oh you know i want kids and i would love kids and that'd be really fun that could be like cute and quirky and like yeah he was gonna be a great dad one day you know he really has a passion for kids he sees a future with me he wants me to be the mother of his children that's adorable depending on how you feel um and maybe that's how he views it you know but you're like i'm not ready yet i

need to wait it's my body i'm going to ultimately make the decisions here he should see that and respect that and hear you out and ultimately especially with children kind of wait on your timeline if you're putting your body at risk i genuinely believe you are the one holding the decisions okay no man should ever be making those decisions about your body and especially about your future okay so if you're you know he's saying these things oh i'd like to move forward i'd like to you know move a little faster and you're like uh i'm not ready for those things yet and he loses it he's mad at you he's trying to manipulate you he's making you feel bad about the boundaries you're trying to set break up with that fucking man leave him instantly because you don't want

to be trapped with that man who's manipulative and only wants what he wants and a child okay that's like worst case scenario but i understand you know being excited and really looking towards the future and talking about kids you know you guys want kids you want you want to get married you want all these future big things but maybe this isn't the right time and if you speak up and you say those things and he doesn't listen to you not good not good at all he should respect you point blank period and especially your body and especially your choice about children and if you guys have just differing views overall you're like no I never want kids and he's like well I want 10 maybe you're not meant to be together maybe you need to go find somebody um who also doesn't want

children you know so then you don't have to push down what you're truly feeling and not live your own life path you know what I mean I hope this helps I'm not saying break up with your boyfriend but also if he doesn't respect you or your body break up with him love you someone just sent in and white hippie men nothing else after that yeah yeah the bane of my existence white hippie men can be some of the they can be very chill cool people can be possibly depending on what journey they are in life but the white hippie men that i know and have dated oh my god like the ones who have dreads and you're like your hair's ripping out of your head why do you have dreads and they're like oh it's for the vibes and it's like no no no they don't wash their clothes they don't wash

their hair they're on that peace love i eat four tabs of acid for breakfast every day that shit some of those men are the most misogynistic demeaning men i've ever met in my entire life and they cover it up by pretending they're a really good person but in reality deep down they're just like suffering which is terrifying or they're the kind of white hippie men who are just clueless to everything going on which is just equally as terrifying like you're it's like a shell of a human being walking around and it's just like not no experiences no thoughts nothing going on their poor little brain like just just them looking back at you blankly terrifying i say avoid at all costs someone said my boyfriend has such a negative outlook on everything and it's

draining me yeah dated many of those men my god and i've realized i literally can't be around them like i will be around them and i'm like it feels like there's a vampire sticking its fangs into my fucking eyes and sucking the soul out of me as they are speaking it's like as soon as i feel any sort of negativity coming from people and like listen I can deal with a little bit it's fun to be slightly nihilistic and make a joke every here and there and you know have a little laugh but when it's like overwhelming like god you're just miserable and you really want everybody around you to be miserable too like I will literally stand up and pack my things and leave the vicinity I cannot like I live I have no tolerance for it anymore because I was a person who was in that

place for such a long time and it's so hard to get out that once i get out i'm like oop i can't have even an inkling of this around me because i can feel myself falling back into the trap and the best thing you can really do is just like remove yourself like if i were you and your boyfriend was just being a negative fucking bitch like i get it i come home from work and i'm like crying or like i need to get some things off my chest or i just need to complain whatever it is i have an experience and you know we need to complain a little bit i'm not saying like have no tolerance for that that's normal that's fine but when it's like all the time like how do you have no positivity are you seeing life in black and white like what's happening here i would just

say if i were you and if i were you i'm a very dramatic person i would be like love you but i really can't handle this negativity right now like in that valley girl voice stand up pack your things give him a little kiss on the forehead and be like heal and then find me like that is the kind of energy i have to be taking with me in order to protect myself because i also like found myself once and then fell in love with a man who was overwhelmingly negative and completely brought me down with him and i was stuck in that loop with him for forever because i thought i could fix him when in reality like when people are negative you can hear them out a little bit but ultimately they have to be the ones to step up and take responsibility for their own happiness and if

they simply can't do that like there's no fixing or healing that you're going to be able to do ever sometimes you got to cut your losses sometimes you got to be like i can't take this fucking negative attitude you have and if you're going to be like this forever then we can't be together can you be positive can you show me some positivity and if they can't it's just like maybe they're not they're not the right person you know but sometimes literally i'll be in a room and i'm like oh the negative energy is seeping into me i need to i gotta get up and go like and i will my ass will get up and leave like i cannot take it someone said girl how do you make podcasts when you're high what a talent i tried but it's hard no no you see you listen to this

podcast and you hear it but what you don't hear is me like going on 12 minute rants and then me listening back and like realizing it makes zero sense and then deleting it and having to restart or like the cotton mouth getting so bad that i gotta be like cut this shit i gotta i gotta chug some water and then get back into it speaking of which let's take this moment to have a little water break okay your brain is shrinking as we speak i know you need water take a take a chug of it and also on the topic of water you do you need to you can't be a water sipper okay sipping on water throughout the day that's not how you stay hydrated every time you pick up your water bottle you need to chug as much as you can every single time that's how you stay hydrated and this is

coming from a bitch who has been dehydrated a majority of her life so someone said also you're not smoking anymore on the pod bestie the thing is i am in secret quiet secret because um the apartment i moved into doesn't let me smoke in it so in honor of those rules and not wanting to get kicked out of my home i don't but i'm moving into my own house in about a month so i will be back at it again smoking joints with you guys hitting bowls taking dabs whatever it may be and i'm very excited to do so but until then no more hitting bowls together i know but give me a month that's all one month we're almost there also i don't know if it's just spring or it's the season of breakups but every other question you guys submitted to my little questionnaire is i'm

thinking of breaking up my boyfriend i think i'm gonna break up my boyfriend how do i know when to break up my boyfriend should i break up my boyfriend should i break oh my god oh my god it must be in the air or all of our boyfriends are pissing us off or something i'm i'm really not sure either way there's really only one way of knowing if you should break up with them if they're not serving you anymore you guys aren't growing along the same path you know like you are reaching new places they are reaching new places and it's just not meshing anymore then maybe you should break up if there's overwhelming fighting if you guys are being verbally mean to each other if you're not feeling the love anymore maybe you should break up if you

feel like you need to not have someone around you you need to focus on yourself you need to focus on your growth and your career and what you truly want and your boyfriend's not a part of that then maybe you should break up freedom you know individuality growing growth all of those things come with a breakup um and if you feel like your partner's holding you back then yeah i mean maybe during the breakup bring these things up and be like hey you know I really want these things can you provide these things for me in a relationship such as individuality space growth growing at different paces and if they're like no that makes me insecure whether they say those words directly or not or maybe they get upset um then maybe you guys just aren't on the same page and maybe you

guys should break up but let me tell you this I've been through a couple breakups one of which I did myself one of which happened to me and both were devastating but I have to say the one that I cut ties with myself felt the best because I knew I was choosing something for myself so if you were sitting down and you were thinking about this breakup and it feels peaceful and it feels like the right decision and it feels like you know this outcome isn't going to provide me anxiety or you know concern like of course there's going to be a little bit of that there but overwhelmingly you see peace from this decision it's probably the right decision you know what I mean and breakups are hard it's the hard thing to do I get it it's you leave your heart a little piece of your

heart with every person you love but with every person you love you're also going to gain a little bit of the of them as well and i think that's beautiful so do the hard thing in order for you to get the best result ultimately love you now speaking of new relationships someone said i have a crush on this dude and i'm pretty sure he likes me too but how the fuck do i tell him um i don't be i what the fuck's going on my brain anyways if you guys are already hanging out then you can be like let's hang out one-on-one let's spend some one-on-one time together and then like see where that goes but if you've never hung out before then i would just be like hey let's hang out and then let the chemistry and stuff develop when you're alone and then you'll

get to know how they feel about you you know now if you're like i want a relationship with this person we've been hanging out for a long time then then you got to confront them and be like i like you what are we but if you just it's like you've never hung out together this is a new crush you just want to spend time together just be like hey let's hang out do you want to do something together i feel like any person can bring that up on either side of the relationship um and always shoot your shot because you're gonna get further shooting your shot than you are holding your thoughts to yourself and not making any moves always someone asked things i've learned in my early 20s let me just spitball some random things that are popping into my head um you are younger

than you think you are no matter what age you are in your 20s you're younger than you think you are i promise you're not 70 years old let yourself be a child let yourself be free let yourself be young um don't take things so seriously whether it's like confrontations or letdowns or anything like that life is going to throw so many things at you constantly and you just have to learn to take it with a grain of salt um people are a blessing within your life and everybody has a time frame whether it's a forever person or a person you see every tuesday or a person you see every couple of months they are all equally as important um what else um be kind to yourself everybody's way too fucking hard to themselves in their early 20s you're simply doing your best also you literally

know nothing so stop pretending like you know everything ask for help ask other people around you what they're doing reach out um get yourself involved in new and new activities the same way you would get yourself involved in things when you were like a kid like your mom would sign you up for art class so you would take soccer practice like do that in your 20s too you will feel so fulfilled and your inner child will be so happy take like a class take a new thing something artistic go to a new shop whatever it is constantly expand your surroundings and expand your connection to other people um travel if you possibly can um what else eat good food have good sex spend a lot of time with your friends read more books there's a lot to learn from them

and get outside i think those are probably the ultimate tips i can give for anybody in their 20s someone said um Hannah I am so sick during the first week after spring break what is your go-to sick self-care lots of water anything that is warm water with a ginger and honey lots of teas okay lots of soups if you can get them down lots of ibuprofen if you can get that down lots of time in bed get yourself up and for a walk if it's sunny out um at the most but a lot of tlc is just allowing yourself to like rest and allowing your body to rest and allowing yourself to indulge um don't forget to shower and like take care of yourself um physically just because you're on bed rest doesn't mean you are not dirty like go shower go wash your face i feel like

taking a good shower or a good long bath and doing a little bit of skincare makes me feel old like better immediately just because i know i'm taking care of myself but little things like that they start to add up the more you kind of add into your routine but take it slow take it easy and hydrate okay lots of hydration the vibe is feeling free someone said they just quit nick love that um yeah the vibe is definitely feeling free um I feel like that is what everybody is leaning into right now um especially with the Aries new moon lots of releasing lots of um unabashedly going after what we want and not really giving a fuck what other people think um releasing your inhibitions getting out in the rain to dance like going after what you want not

taking no for a fucking answer going after your biggest and wildest dreams not really giving a fuck what other people feel i feel like the vibe is like arms opens legs spread heart turn towards the sun and the sky and just very open freeing energy and I love that energy I love spring spring always is an opportunity to renew and I was talking about this on my patreon the other day but spring is so beautiful because it's such a physical reminder that every single day we get an opportunity to restart every single second we have an opportunity to restart there is never one specific time or one specific place that you are stuck in there's no such thing as being stuck there's such thing as the feeling of being stuck and the feeling of i can't escape but you always

have an option to make a decision you always have an option to step forward now is it easy is it the easy choice not always sometimes and that's super fun but not always is it going to be the easy choice but you always have a choice and seeing you know the trees start to blossom and seeing flowers start to poke their heads out of the cold soil and see you know the rain all the rain that has been pissing me off for the past month finally turn into something good is such hope and inspiration and it's beautiful that it is a literal cycle in nature that happens every year it is a physical representation going on from our planet and we ourselves are a physical representation of the planet so why wouldn't we have an opportunity to regrow and renew and you

know constantly evolve and change that is such a beautiful wonderful opportunity that we all have and I feel like this spring is really just showing us that we have that opportunity and we should lean into it don't be fearful you know stop being fearful of yourself or fearful of the things around you or fearful of your future or fearful of your past live in the now and move your feet forward and look forward and believe in the future and have hope and i promise you will get to beautiful wonderful amazing places i am so happy to have celebrated my hundredth episode with you guys this has been so much fucking fun i had a blast kicking it with you i hope you guys had a wonderful tuesday like always you guys are harassing me in my dms like where is it where's

the pod I hear you I got you it's coming out now I love you all so very much happy spring equinox I hope this gave you a little bit of hope or maybe some peace you are looking for and if I couldn't provide that hopefully I could provide a little bit of a laugh you know what I mean especially when you're in a dark place the best thing you can really ever receive is just somebody to make you giggle and that's always my goal so I love you all so much thank you for being here thank you for being you thank you for being vulnerable thank you for sharing your confessionals coming to church with me you have all been released of your sins you know released of your regrets and i hope you enter the world with a newfound peace and a newfound opening in your heart for others

and for yourself and with that being said i will see you all again next week you already know where to find me hannah marlene is my instagram if you want to see what i'm up to i posted a cute little spring equinox uh like not even meme like just photo collage so if you want to check it out that's on my instagram if you want to check out my patreon for all the extras that's gonna be in my instagram bio i believe it's uh under smokes as shoddy is my patreon um but yeah i love you all so fucking much thank you for being here thank you for being you i will see you all next week