Smoke Sesh - 2/22, self worth & psychics

Episode Date: February 22, 2022

Happy 2/22/2022 !! Of course we have a podcast for today and hannah talks her journey of self worth & self actualization, how she is celebrating 2/22 and honoring her growth, psychics in her life and getting called out, sex & drugs, and intuition and gut feelings. Happy Tuesday if you want to submit a question for Thursday feel free to send it to the Instagram @hannahmarlen LOVE YOU !

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, someone to look out for them. Some people call me their internet big sister, others their fairy smoke mother. You can call me Hannah, the new host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. Some good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. Good morning, everybody. Happy 2-2.

Oh my god, what? 2-22-2022. two holy shit of course it falls on our usual tuesday podcast love that for us so excited to spend this day of um synchronicity with you is that a word i'm not sure it made sense in my brain um but welcome to the podcast welcome back to smoke sash it is wonderful to have you here if you're a new joiner welcome i've had a lot of you guys recently so excited to hear from you i've been getting a lot of dms from people who are like girl i found your podcast one day ago and i binged it all or girl i've been trying to save them and space them out like i just found

this on spotify like thank you so much for listening thank you for being here it is so incredible to have you i think we officially are over 10 000 listeners um per episode like 10 000 of you guys keep returning which is insane because like when i first started this podcast like what five months ago I didn't really think it would go really anywhere although like I already had some sort of a fan base and people wanted to listen and hear from me and especially in a podcast formation I didn't know what it was gonna bring I didn't know where it was gonna lead me and the fact that I've ended up here with like over 10,000 of you guys listening every Tuesday and thursday like two times a week that's two hours of your week every week that's insane so

thank you so much for being here this day of manifestation is so powerful and i can't believe like i am seeing my work my work come to fruit fruition in front of me like on this day it is so incredible and wonderful thank you for being here thank you for supporting me um and if you're a returning listener as well welcome back you already know the gist of it all um i'm gonna smoke a little bowl in a second put on some eye patches because my bags are fucking insane um what have i been up to what have i been up to let me fill you guys in okay so i i talked to you last thursday um i took a day off from work this weekend because i was just really busy this weekend I wanted to give myself a little break I'm a very very hard worker but what I've learned

is if I don't force myself to take small breaks like increments of breaks I burn out and I burn out hard and I burn out fast and then I don't want to do that thing ever again whatever it is so like even with the podcast in the beginning I kind of realized that I was like doing too much with it for too long of a period and it was just burning me out and i wasn't wanting to do it um i needed to take small little breaks so i could um work through things and that also is with work as well and i love working as a bartender because there's a lot of room for um like i don't know you you have a lot of flexibility within your schedule which is very very nice people are always wanting to pick up shifts people are always wanting to work with you and trading something if you do

want a day off so i took a little weekend to myself just to hang out i was also house sitting for my parents so i had to watch um my parents dog and my cat love him he's so sweet but that was great i didn't do a whole lot this weekend just kind of hung out focused on some self-care focused on just enjoying my time it was a super super nice weekend here it got up to like 70 yesterday and i was working yesterday which sucked because i couldn't really be out in the good weather um i did get out in the morning for like a little walk smoke a joint that's like my favorite way to kind of like kick off the morning um if i have a day off like my favorite way to start my day is take a shower you know wake up a little early take a shower feel rejuvenated do some

self-care get ready roll a little jay go on a walk you know smoke my joint i love going on walks because there's so many stray cats and they'll come up to you and visit you oh so cute but the rest of the day i was at work which was it was good it was a good day i haven't really had any too bad stressful days because all my co-workers are great and wonderful and so it makes going to work very very easy because it kind of feels like a little family which is incredible like finding a workplace that does feel like that is really really important um and then this weekend me and my boyfriend we've been meaning to go to this like jazz club like i just keep bringing it up it's something i want to go to but it's like a late night thing which is valid love that but

we always just fucking get too tired like we do so much during the day that by the time we hit eight o'clock i'm like i just want to lay down and go to bed which is valid and when i do feel that way i try to not push myself um too too hard because i understand i'm feeling that way for a reason so like friday we went to buca di beppo and ate a shit ton of pasta and then i was like okay i need a nap so we didn't go then which is fine but then the next day i was like okay um my boyfriend was like maybe we can go today and i was like okay love that but then um we ended up at his friend's concert which was super super good um out in kc they're incredibly talented i've seen them once before they're kind of taking over kc they're called flooding

um incredible super fun way to spend the night just because we didn't really have any other plans um so yeah i went to that and then i've just been at work ever since making that shmoney um but that's really what i've been up to not a whole lot nothing crazy nothing big or exciting has really happened in my life which is kind of good i like being just chill right now you know like i don't need anything crazy going on um but yeah yesterday was so nice out and now today it's fucking snowing like i'm looking outside and it's snowing like what what am i supposed to do with that god with my day off come on but let's get into some questions i'm gonna smoke a little bowl i'm gonna put on some eye patches because my bags goddamn these eye patches i've also been

obsessed with it um my under eyes get a little dry especially because i wear contacts um i don't know the saline solution plus my delicate eye skin ew it just doesn't vibe so i talked about this before but the peter thomas roth um hyaluronic cloud hydrogel eye patches obsessed they also have like a green soothing cucumber one but this one's infused with caffeine which is like perfect for the morning when i know i'm just i need a little a little oomph you know what i mean so if you're ever interested in eye patches go for those this is also not sponsored at all i'm just crazy anyways speaking of 2 22 2022 um if you want to do any sort of spiritual work today today's a great day for some journaling i had somebody be like i know you talk about handwriting journaling but

it just works best for me on my computer no that's totally valid do whatever works for you i've seen people do like scribble journaling i've seen people do scrapbooking you can do scrapbooking on your phone through collage or even in person through collage um handwriting literally anything that works for you is valid um and just because like a different version of something works for somebody else that's still valid but maybe you need to tweak it to what works best for you so however you do your manifestations whether it's a physical journal whether it is collaging on your phone you know scribble journaling which is literally like get crayons get markers like a kid just fuck the lines color wherever you want write down whatever

you want draw whatever you want very valid i think that's a great way to do it as well um but 2 22 2022 um this energy can be favorable for letting go of things you no longer need use this time to detach yourself from the person you no longer want to be sometimes it can be difficult to let go of certain cycles and routines but it's usually worth it in the end i got that from shoddy astrology at on um twitter but i think it's very valid it's a great perception um today is about manifestations but it's most importantly about manifestations of looking deeper into who you are and who you want to become and what parts of you you need to fix so if you guys are a euphoria watcher um i think the scene was perfect especially for today

um when rue and lexi in her play or and in their version of real life were sitting on top of fezco's gas station and they were talking um she just had ice cream and then um they're just chilling talking and lexi goes i think before we graduate we should think of everything we don't like about ourselves and fix it so we can become who we do like and i was like whoa valid yes that's a lot of work but that's that's the kind of work you can be putting in today think about those flaws which we all have and they're all valid think about those things think about think about who you want to become in depth and work through that um but yeah i'm very excited about today my bestie's doing a little bikini drop later so i'm ready to spend some money i'm so excited um

let's take a little hit i know it's a little early it's 11 o'clock i woke up late though um let's take a little hit and dive into some questions you guys want to know i like working in the service industry because literally okay so bartending like serving is great because you have a and i kind of found a gem of a restaurant i'm not gonna fucking lie but like you come in we're only open at nights best thing ever you come in for a shift it's maybe maybe five hours tops four if you're lucky and you walk out with at least 100 to 300 if you serve right now i've never bartended before but now that i have a little bit more um i show up and i show up at like two because i have to open and then i leave at like 10 11 when we close so it's like way longer

of a shift i'm there all day just like the managers um because we only have one bartender a day but i make like 200 to 500 a shift literally 200 to 500 now i have like way more obligations way more things to do but i like that keeps me busy keeps me working and also the restaurant industry is incredible because everybody else is just like me i'm not even fucking with you everybody else is just like me i was like hour easily hour seven into my shift and one of um my co-workers had just gone off they're like hey i just ate one of these you want one i was like sure hands me a little gummy i'm like okay and chilling eating this gummy like the gummy finally kicks in i'm like okay i'm floating a little bit you know having a good time and all the rest of

my co-workers had gotten up so they were like okay we're gonna go out and smoke so they had a literal they had a pen a blunt a joint and a bowl in rotation out outside of the restaurant but i was like oh i was set for the rest of the night i was set i was like thank god because this shift was dragging the fuck on but i was like god bless these people are just like me and have substance abuse issues um anyways i don't think i have substance abuse issues but i will take an edible if you offer me one like come on who am i to say no who am i but this is an interesting question as i load my bowl um but i had someone ask me have you ever had a psychic prediction come true or not if so what and i think that's a very valid question i think it's a little spooky and spiritual

for this day of 2-22 so I think we should dive into it um something that like spiritually I have been connected to for a majority of my life whether I was aware of it or not and something you probably are connected to as well um for some reason uh I'm a little bit more connected to this and the psychics that I have visited and the people I've talked to would agree with me about this um but it's me and my intuition are so highly and like spiritually aligned my intuition so that means that in my heart whatever the option is whatever is going on i know my gut knows what is right and what is wrong now whether I choose my actions based on those or not like I go in the direction my gut's wanting me to or I don't is up to me and I have spent a majority of my life

running as fast as I can in the opposite direction of my intuition which is why I think now as an older version of myself and seeing so much of myself running constantly um i try and honor my intuition and follow it as much as i can just because i've spent a lot of my life quite honestly running um i've told this story before i think it was in the beginning of my podcast maybe one of the first episodes but i think it's a great time to bring it up again because it's one of my favorite memories to visit and it's kind of recent um but this changed my life like changed it um about a year ago maybe two i think two years ago it was the first trip me and my boyfriend ever went on um we went to colorado just went up to the mountains for a little bit i think for his

birthday or no not even for his birthday it was like fourth of july weekend went up to colorado for a little bit and we were just like me and my boyfriend are very very much both oh we're just gonna do things on a whim like just whatever sounds good like we have some plans but whatever works for us during that time is what we're gonna go for so we kind of just like randomly went on this trip and we wake up one morning we're like what are we gonna do today you know i know my boyfriend wanted to go skate so i was like okay he looked up some skate spots and they were close to this one part of colorado and there was like this little town next to it i was like perf i can go wander through the little town i can grab some coffee and then we can hit the skate park and i

can chill and draw and he can skate and so we roll up to the little town and um i'm like okay i'm to grab some coffee we go we grab some coffee it's a cute cute ass little town and as we're walking to get coffee i look and i across the street is like a crystal store and i was like hell yeah we're gonna have to go in that later and he's like hell yeah of course so we go we get coffee we get a little snacky snack and this crystal store like i keep looking over at it looking over at him like i need to go over there i need to get in there like we gotta get there and my boyfriend after we had coffee and our little snack he was like okay let's go skate and i was like no no let's go to this crystal store he was like oh yeah forgot totally let's go so we walk

up in this crystal store it's beautiful the vibe's perfect very warming very inviting we're wandering around looking at everything um I think I grabbed a candle and then there were rings at the counter that I wanted to look at but so many incredible crystals great prices incredible customer service and um at that time i was in art school the pandemic was currently happening so my art school had been transferred to online and that in my heart didn't feel correct because how the hell am i gonna do online fucking art school like no offense um i need my classes to be in person and I've learned this through the many years that I've spent failing at college um hold on I need to blow my nose I need to be in person to learn if I'm not in person

I simply am not going to learn because I can't teach myself outside of school I can't pay attention to a computer screen that just does not work for my learning habits and that's totally valid i'm glad i know that um but i was supposed to be doing fully online art school and like half of the semester prior we kind of hit the pandemic and so they did the last half online and i remember just like bullshitting my way through that class like i got an a i got the fucking grade i was chilling but did i do any of the work no was i understanding anything that was going on no and so a part of me was like I don't want to spend all of this fucking money on online art school that I simply am not going to learn from that just doesn't make sense and my parents are

the kind of people who are like no you push through you do the thing you get through it and it was a little bit conflicting because I just I was in art school and I liked art school but I didn't want to do online art because I was also chasing a degree that I was like unsure of where I was going and at the time I was doing very very well on TikTok not that I believe TikTok would really take me anywhere but it's a great way to build your platform and so I knew there was more out there for me anyways we're wandering through this little crystal store and my boyfriend's like he's got his little stuff I think he got like a meteorite and something else and he goes up to the counter to check out the lady's being very nice you know checking them out and I'm standing

next to him looking at the rings going through them and opal is my favorite gemstone um I have a ton of opals it's like something that always calls out to me not sure why and so I found a little opal ring and I set my candle my opal ring down at the counter and the lady like looks at me a little odd and she this like shook me to my core shook me it changed the trajectory of my life and think she knows this and I need to go back and visit but she looks at me a little odd and she like asked me to set my stuff down and she says can you hold your palms out for me and I was like sure so I hold my palms out for her and she reaches under the counter and she pulls out a tuning fork and she like hits it you know and waves it over my hands asked me to flip my hands

over does the same thing and she puts it away and she looks me dead in the eyes and she goes you're running from something and you keep running and running and running when in your heart you know what is truly correct for you and if you truly follow your passions your creativity the real side of you you don't have to worry about all the things that are that are going to follow which is money happiness do what feels great to you do what feels best to you and all these things will fall into place if you just trust yourself in the universe and went on this big long fucking ramble and i was standing there in shock and my boyfriend was standing there in shock because we don't know this lady we don't know her and the way she just called me out so personally on things

that i've only spoken to like maybe him about was batshit insane if you don't believe in psychics that's fine if you don't believe in people who are intuitive like intuitively connected to the spiritual world that's fine i was the same way until this lady called me out in public in a place that i had i have never visited before literally shook me to my core because it was everything that i was worried about things that were laying on my fucking brain so heavy things that i didn't know what to do and she told me this and i was like okay everything's gonna work out everything's gonna be okay and it was crazy it was it was crazy I cannot believe she called me out like that and it did change my entire trajectory of my life because I was like she's right I need to trust

myself way more I do and the more I run from my intuition the more I run from what feels correct to me the more unhappy I am the less fucking money I have I don't know just like the the lower my quality of life is so like I took that as like a defining moment from the universe and I was like okay you know what universe I will listen to you I will trust you all right I'll take a fucking risk and so I dropped out of art school um which was the second college I dropped out of and telling my parents that was really hard I only told them I was taking a break but it's been like a year and a half now and they keep asking me hey you go back to art school you going back and I'm like lols anyways um yeah dropped out very hard to do and i became a nanny for a year i just took that

year off um from school i was nannying i was kind of just focusing on myself for a little bit and once the nannying stopped which like during that trip when she did call me out me and my boyfriend were talking about a podcast i was talking about starting a podcast i was talking about getting into podcasting now I didn't know how to do that or where to even fucking start and that was so daunting to me so I literally didn't start like two years ago and she was like do what feels good to you do what feels right I didn't do it like fully correctly um I did take small steps and that's okay I know growing and changing you have to be patient it does take a little bit longer than you really can ever realize like change is not going to happen in one month

um so yeah two years ago i was i was talking about starting doing a podcast after this psychic called me the fuck out and then two years later i finally started and now literally here we are 10 over 10 000 of you over 10 000 of you join every week mind-blowing we're in the charts like every week we are in the top 100 podcasts so fucking crazy like are you kidding me and she was right if you really do trust your intuition your gut feelings the things that do feel right forget about what everybody else is thinking forget about what everybody else wants from you what do you want from yourself because if you really do follow that it is crazy the way the universe will pay you back and take care of you okay I really don't have to worry about money

I mean I don't make any money from my podcast but I was so stressed about money then i have completely given it up to the universe and things are working out incredibly my life i feel the most balanced i ever have and is it is it a traditional life path that like everybody else takes no but it's my life path and it feels great and i'm i'm picking and choosing what i want to do which is so incredibly freeing so i don't know i guess more of the story is trust yourself or a psychic is gonna call you out in public like oh my god for real though like it's incredible what you already know but it's do you choose to listen to yourself i guess anyways let's let is let's hit this bowl i'm sitting in my boyfriend's room right now and um

he's he plays um runescape but i guess he can play it from his phone while he's at work and so like on his desktop i can see him just like arguing with people um online it's funny it made me laugh anyways let's hit this bowl um yeah i'm i don't know if you guys have heard that story before but that really changed everything and then um i do i have had another if you guys don't go to psychics a lot it's hard finding ones that i truly do trust because i'm not gonna lie the spiritual community is filled with people who are wanting to just make money but that is like not just the spiritual community that is every community okay there are people who are utilizing every community solely for the base of money um so finding somebody that you do trust or that comes

to you is really it's not hard but do be a little picky with who you choose to share your spiritual information with um let me hit this bowl but even when i went to la i wasn't doing the podcast yet um i didn't start until october maybe um and i went in june and when i was there i took a i took a moment to i was like okay there's a spiritual store they were only doing um angel readings which is when um somebody converses with the angels watching over you the spirits watching over you um and you ask them questions um which i have never done before was very interesting because um i don't know i've never approached spirituality that way and i love that she had a new way of looking at things and was helping me through that because i asked i don't know

the podcast was something i'd been thinking about for a while and i was nervous to take the first step and i didn't know what to do and so you know i asked my angels i asked her i was like am i gonna be okay like as are the am i gonna be taken care of am i gonna succeed like i'm worried and she really was just like you need to take the first step like people are watching out for you the spirits are watching out for you everybody wants you to succeed why don't you want you to succeed what do you need to do to take those first steps because you are totally fine the universe has you completely in his hands you are safe but you need to put in the work and i was like okay and that one that meeting was like a very much so defining factor and okay what do i

need to do let's get to work but yeah i don't know i love visiting psychics i love getting spiritual especially because i'm so hard-headed i'm very hard-headed that sometimes the only thing that i hear is what i want to hear and so going to another um having somebody else's not opinion because i don't think they're opinion based at all it's usually tarot which is very much so randomized and also like up to the universe and then um the angel cards it was like three packs of uh 75 cards of different angels and literally literally she was fucking like like um shuffling all of the angel cards super duper fast and out flew flew a card and it was the destiny card and she was like girl she slid that over she was like you're fine like you'll be

okay this shit just flew out of the fucking pile of cards like a hundred cards onto the floor and it's a destiny card like come on girl let's get to work you know what i mean um i don't see a lot of psychics here in kansas city um but i have seen a few and they have been through um oh fuck what is the store called they're really really great in kansas city it's called oracle um they put on little events and they host um some tarot readers some different psychics and then they also are a great metaphysical shot for like crystals they do taxidermy do you guys follow um pot roast on tiktok the cat um r.i.p may she have a wonderful time in heaven but um i didn't know that they lived in kansas city and then i saw a video come up of her going to get pot roast

taxidermied and it's at oracle i was like oracle's doing the taxidermy which is incredible because they are so so talented so talented i remember going to art shows when i was in like seventh eighth grade and they would have taxidermy art shows on first Fridays and um which was like they would they would show their taxidermy as well as have artists hanging um pieces in the taxidermy room as like a gallery space oh my god incredible wonderful the owners are so so like amazing they have workshops as well if you're ever interested in taxidermy or like pinning um insects or doing like crystal work great 10 out of 10 my favorite shop um in all of kansas city and really the only one i visit so if you're ever interested in checking things out at least in kansas city

i know that they're incredible now the places that i have been outside of kansas city have been very much so random so i don't know the names of the shops i know one was in santa monica and i know one was in gold in colorado but that's about it so yeah give it a shot if you're ever not sure give it a shot it's like 30 maybe to have your cards read mine was free because she just i guess the universe was like bitch call her out um but it's never that expensive it's a great way to connect back to your intuition connect back to your gut feelings what truly feels right um and you know what if you want to celebrate a little bit on this 222 go get your cards read for real you know what you know what it's 222 I might take a little trip to Lawrence today I was

like what am I doing what should I do today I might drive out to Lawrence I'm not even gonna lie there's this pack of tarot cards that have been calling my name and I work with tarot a lot already used to but I lost my cards um because I stopped using them my uh a psychic once was like people are kind of stealing from your energy um through this practice so maybe just put it on hold or keep it to yourself and I was like okay and then I moved and I lost them but there's this one pack at third planet in Lawrence that was fucking like screaming out to me and I've been thinking about it for months so maybe I'll end up out there maybe I'll end up out there that'd be a great way to celebrate my celebrate my day oh my god um but i've been ranting let's get into some

of your questions we need to blast through some questions because you guys sent me so many good ones and i really want to get to them um and then again i have thursday as well but let's get into it okay great question especially with bettering ourselves and sticking to goals but um how to find balance between consistency and motivation love that because i feel like sometimes it's very easy to stay consistent but it's hard to have the motivation um to keep doing it and i think the best way to solve both of those issues is to have a um get a planner okay and completely routine your days how do you want your days to go make a routine for your days and stick to that routine for at least two weeks that's it two weeks of your life out of the hundred years that you

fucking live here two weeks that is all i'm asking stick to two weeks of a routine find out what routine works best for you okay work in those goals that you want to accomplish into your routine work in those self-love habits work in those self-care habits work in whatever you need two weeks that is literally all it takes for the like human brain to finally catch on you know what i mean and comply to those things and do those things way easier the motivation you're right is gonna be kind of hard that two weeks but you have to stay true to yourself you're doing it for yourself so don't give up okay but really that's all it takes two weeks and you will be in routine in gear ready to accomplish the world okay um

you know what speaking about getting read to filth by somebody um like i did in the beginning of the podcast about that psychic um so you know lexi you know how she's a good girl she's like a little observing a little you know just like quiet that was me like beginning of high school like freshman year i would give myself freshman year and like most of middle school it's a little weird but I was very much like a goody girl you know a little preppy little artsy girl you know what I mean and I got put into like the basic art class because it's freshman year I was like okay I gotta take the basics before I can work my way up to the the bigger art classes now at that time I knew I was good at art I knew I was better than the basics but whatever I gotta take it so I go

to class and i sit down and um i sit next to this like druggie dude senior very much so giving fezco not attractive i was not attracted to him but he was like he was obviously pothead you know drug rug don't give a fuck i'm just an art to have fun and that kind of like you know threw me off for a sec because i was like um i don't know they trust him you know whatever bullshit and time goes on and we ended up getting a little like close he's very nice he makes me laugh he's silly you know gets me out of my shell which was very helpful because i was a very timid nervous person um when i was in high school especially getting there so the fact that he was able to make me laugh make me smile like literally so much that my um teacher had to come to me and take me into

the hallway and was like hannah you are so talented you are so driven like but you sitting next to this man is distracting you so much i need to move him away from you i was like girl he's just making me giggle like i'm still putting in work um but i remember sitting next to him one day and i was like he's like you smoke weed i was like no i don't smoke weed what the fuck are you asking me like come on then he looked at me and he was like one day you're gonna be just like me and that stuck with me like to this day that has stuck with me because at that age i was like what the fuck no I'm not I'm not gonna be anything like you like he was just he was just like a yeah but he there's nothing wrong with him he was just like a pothead just chilling you know having living life

having a good time and I was like I was in the church a lot and I was a little brainwashed for my suburban family so when he said that I was like absolutely not no I will not be just like you what are you talking about um he's like no you'll you'll be just like me like one day we will be so similar and literally not even three years later i was the exact same version of him the exact same the exact same and i think about it all the time because he literally called me the fuck out he was like no no you think you're better than me we are gonna be just like each other when you grow up so girl chill out like love that i don't know where he is i don't know what he's up to i can't believe he never like pressured me into trying drugs he never did

anything like that he was just the cool older kid who made me giggle and called me the fuck out because now i'm literally just like him and i am literally hitting a bull at like 11 o'clock like it's so funny love that for us anyways i wonder why he's up till you listening to this but hey um so funny but it's funny how like people can read you before you can read yourself people can understand you before you understand yourself and he really did some deep insightful thinking about me apparently but yeah okay this is a very valid question and i've been wanting to get into this tool for a while this is a this is to all of my girlies okay this is super important also we're gonna hit another bowl because of it but um somebody asked me do you

have any tips on how to keep a man's mind on you all the times slash how to play the player now let me tell you this if you're playing games with a man you've already lost i'm gonna let you sit with that for a second while i hit this bowl you've already lost baby they're already on your mind 24 7 if you're trying to figure out their next move they have won you you are obsessed everything you're do you do is being dictated by them which is not what it's supposed to be at all okay if you play games you're gonna get yourself into a relationship that's toxic straight up if he plays games he's not gonna be a good partner okay and this whole like why men love bitches why you need to fucking make him chase

you how to get a guy no that's all bullshit and i genuinely believe you're playing by men's rules 24 7 if you're playing little games to get him to think about you you're literally just entertaining him okay if this man cannot honestly and openly communicate how he feels about you what you guys are doing um if you can't honestly and openly express how you feel to this person you need to choose your piece or else you're literally gonna go insane all right i'm for real and i'm telling you this as a woman who has gone insane over men too many times and lost myself in the process okay you cannot dictate your behavior to win over a man or change the way he thinks about you you can't dictate the way you are to make a man like you and i think this is very much show or oh my

god very much so shown in euphoria and everybody thinks cassie is a fucking clown for it she's putting on maddie's makeup she's put she's doing her hair like maddie she's dressing like her just to win the attention of a man she looks like a fucking clown because he she thinks he she's playing him she's like you can tell me what to eat you can do all this stuff she thinks she's playing him but he is just playing her like a fiddle the whole time and it sucks because the audience sees him manipulating her 10 times harder when she thinks she's the one who's like seducing him winning him winning him over making making him choose her over her best friend like no there's no winning with a man okay if you approach a relationship through games

the rest of your relationship is going to be a game now if that's what you like valid but that's super toxic and it's a cycle that i definitely had to learn how to escape because i was a game player i was a push and pull oh back and forth but that made all the rest of those relationships very much so bipolar very much so inconsistent very much so uneasy um it built a relationship on like distrust on um anxiety on paranoia and that is not okay for my peace because it just made the rest of those relationships 10 times full of that 10 times more full of that um so the real way the real way to win a man you want me to tell you straight up be like i like you what's up hey i like you they will shit their pants they will if they say oh you i don't like

you and then be like okay bye literally and they'll lose their mind they'll be like what she said bye move on babe if men are gonna play games with you it's not worth it because you're gonna go insane and you're gonna go 10 times more insane than they probably are okay you gotta choose your piece you gotta say how you feel if people don't fuck with you and don't fuck with the authentic you leave them because they're gonna draw out a non-authentic you and they're gonna change your behavior and change the way you see the world it's gonna suck okay stop letting these men suck suck your souls out of you all right men aren't stupid they've been around for a while they've listen we have had the why men love bitches fucking book in our back pocket for

a hot second now and they're not stupid they've caught on they know what the fuck's up so anyways yeah stop playing games with men sorry if that was a little harsh but i don't know i'm just tired of seeing women lose their mind over mediocre men quite honestly so don't let yourself be the next victim anyways okay has anyone your age make uh made you feel judged for smoking pot how do i not give a fuck um yeah in high school i had a friend who she had some trauma with her dad about it um which is valid and she didn't like that i smoked pot she thought it made me like her dad and um not like her dad but similar to her dad and at that time like i didn't take it too personally because she wasn't like i'm gonna stop being friends with you she just didn't want to be

around it which was like a valid and i knew i had enough self-awareness at that time that i was like this is just her projecting issues their dad onto me i know she still enjoys me as a friend if she cuts me off that's her prerogative i don't really give a fuck um but she never did i don't think she really ever had a plan to um so i just didn't take it personally i was like i know when she gets upset it's probably about this trauma whatever i'm not gonna lose my peace over that now now that i'm older um i had a i had an ex who would give me shit about smoking just because he had one bad time about smoking and then he was super paranoid about it he's like don't don't do that around here whatever and that sucked because it felt like he was trying to control me in a way and he was

trying to control me more than my friend was he didn't want me smoking certain places he didn't want me doing it around him he didn't want me to be high i don't know it was weird and controlling and i was like dude leave me alone anyways that was another time but now that i'm older your friends when you're younger are gonna judge you for smoking pot and that's fine that's valid if you're smoking pot in high school a lot of people are gonna judge you and they probably should should you be smoking pot in high school probably not but is it gonna happen i don't know i'm not gonna validate that or um i'm not validating i'm not gonna i just i this is a psa everything i talk about don't do it just just i'm giving my life experiences

i'm just trying to keep this family friendly um if you smoke pot in high school like i did um i had friends who judged me for that and that was okay because they were like why are you doing why are you doing drugs in high school and that's valid because that's probably like you know the normal way to think but i never really took it personally because they never really isolated me isolated me because of it um now that i'm older older like 22 everybody smokes at least everybody who i'm around smokes um other than like my parents really um but everybody smokes and something you realize when you grow up everybody does drugs everybody does it everybody has their certain kind of drug whether it's drinking whether it's online shopping whether it's sex

whether it's love whether it's weed whether it's molly everybody has their vice um and i'm glad mine is only weed because honestly it could be way fucking worse tbh but no i think i think you're chilling if you have somebody judge you because of it always just remember i don't know whenever i find some sort of conflict within another person i'm always like this is telling me more about you than it is about me because i know how i feel and i trust those feelings um but what's going on with you why are you taking this personally when it has nothing to do with you and then i always just like i take you with a grain of salt because i know it's more about them that it is me um so yeah just just don't worry all right you're probably good oh this is

a great question how do you heal when you're the heartbreaker valid you're the problem no i'm kidding um sorry but um valid question i think you need to stay out of relationships straight up I think um a lot of people find themselves getting into relationships to validate some sort of them or because they don't feel love and they think that they can only find it through relationships they find out maybe a monogamous sort of relationship isn't for me maybe I don't like this person and they have a consistent way of just hurting everybody they come in contact with because of their attachment issues which is you know we've all been there okay it's all about learning and growing okay best best best best best thing you can do is stay out of relationships

okay if you're somebody who you know is gonna hurt somebody why are you hurting those people why do you continuously make those choices that are hurting somebody okay because it's not helping you grow it's not helping the other person grow if anything it's making both of you take 10 steps backwards so you need to be damage control and you need to not isolate yourself but low-key isolate yourself no more relationships none no more you know what you can't have though and what's going to make you feel very validated and very loved friendships yeah friendships i think a lot of people search for love through um platonic or monogamous relationships when that's that's not what they want they don't want a relationship they don't want to be in a relationship they

don't want a boyfriend girlfriend they just they just want to feel loved that's valid but growing up in a westernized culture that has completely only uh shown that love can be found through a monogamous relationship is a lie because we have not grown up in communities um and in communities that have raised us as well um not saying you need to join a cult but they kind of have something you know in mind it does take a community it takes a village to raise a person and you need to surround yourself with people who love and uplift you and you need to stop looking through that validation through a form that doesn't suit you you don't want to be in a relationship that's fine and you may not know that subconsciously because you've been sold this idea that you need

to be in a relationship but start looking for love through friendships there's so much love in friendships and you can feel way more satisfied in a friendship than you can a relationship sometimes so just take a break take a break don't take a break be honest with people hey i can't if they get interested in you don't fall into that trap hey i can't do this straight up that's okay that's valid if they can't handle that that's on them but be honest with how you feel so you don't fall into that relationship that cycle again okay focus on yourself for a little bit focus on your issues and relationships how to grow what you truly want from a relationship what do you want to see what do you want to see in a partner what like what like type of person okay and stick to

that when you're ready and grow and you'll get there i promise i i understand what it's like sometimes you do have to be the heartbreaker to you know choose what's best for you but sometimes people are just heartbreakers because they have no control over themselves so i don't know give it a shot i think you'd be surprised how well you turn out on the other side how did okay how to deal with uh being in a relationship with someone who has a higher sex drive than you also what the fuck are you supposed to say during sex okay that's just so funny okay um i have a very very high sex drive and luckily my current partner also has a very very high sex drive so we are just going at it all the time um now if you maybe are like you have a lower sex drive and your partner

has a higher one valid make sure you have set up a very consistent form of communication okay if you say oh i'm just too tired today that's valid your partner should not get upset worried nervous if you don't feel that way that's okay it doesn't mean you don't like them maybe you just don't have the energy for sex and that's absolutely valid um i think a lot of people do feel pressured into it especially in relationships which is something we should probably talk about more um but you do need to have some sort of consistent form of communication so when you do those voice those things you uh don't feel uncomfortable uneasy and you do feel um like you're in a safe environment to do so and i guarantee um most of your partners when you do see those things like

i'm just too tired maybe not today tomorrow you know they'll listen to you and they will be there for you and they won't care okay so do voice those things if you if you are also um sometimes i like won't be interested in sex but i'm like i can give a blow job like i don't want to be fucked right now like i'm on my period maybe you're like i got bad cramps i'm bloated whatever i don't want to fuck but like i could suck some dick leave a higher sex drive you know maybe give them a little hand job give them a little blow job whatever i don't know not that you're required to satisfy your partner but there's some ways to go about it if you're not solely interested in sex um also what the fuck are you supposed to say during sex so funny um so i have

adhd and um i have realized i zone out a lot during sex a lot and it's not my fault my brain just is it's hard for me to focus on one thing so i zone out and something that i've realized has helped me a lot during sex is simply and staying like present and mindful in the moment and you know which feels the feelings are gonna feel way better if you are babe um is talking talking i know and it's a little uncomfortable at first but the more you do it the more um your relationship builds with your partner um the more comfortable you get so it's things to say literally that anything that's on your mind i'll be talking and half of it won't even make sense because like i'm taking dick like how the fuck am i supposed to make sense um but like communicating

with your partner oh my god that feels good uh keep doing that um can you do this to me now oh that feels great can we switch can we switch positions i love you compliment them oh my god compliment them um like i don't know you can just say literally anything that's on your mind quite honestly but talking and and being aware of the feelings i'm feeling the person i'm with and how much i love them and communicating that um keeps me way more present during sex than anything else does so yeah quite honestly say anything that's on your mind because i know you're thinking it i know you're dirty i know you are now say those things because also it's going to drive your partner and saying they're going to love it and then they'll probably start

communicating more and then it will be just like so fun also sometimes my communications are just like moaning like that's also a great way um and then also someone asked me um what's the best strain for sex slash intimacy and i think anything that's higher not not a sativa it could be a hybrid but anything that's a higher indica where the the body feeling is way more like um higher than the mind because i like keeping my mind sharp during sex i don't like getting anxious i don't like getting a little paranoid so anything that's indica is great gives you those incredible body feels those little um it's gonna i don't know why i always get like goosebumps with indicas oh my god i love it let me make me feel a little heavier too like the gravity is a little little

bit more heavier but that's probably what I'd recommend also I love weed for sex it just makes you like people are always like I love drunk sex and I'm like I feel like drunk sex is just sloppy like I'm never in control I'm just kind of sloppy but it makes me feel more inhibited which is why people like it I think they feel you know they can get their true self out a little bit but I don't think drinking is the best for that i think smoking is um and yeah and indica is a great way it gets you way more connected to your body and um it doesn't make you too too in your head and then also yeah communicating moaning talking complimenting your partner asking them to do new things to you asking them to um switch positions whatever works for you any sort of communication

keeps you so much more in the moment um than anything because yeah adhd and sex is so interesting so interesting anyways okay we're gonna load one last bowl have one last question because i got some stuff to do literally i get on here and i talk and i talk and i talk and i'm like oh my god i've been talking for two hours i need to edit this shit down and get it out like i could talk on here forever um but i know you guys need to hear it at some point so um last question i think it's perfect for 2 22 2022 that is a fucking mouthful um but someone asked me not a question but i'd love to hear you touch on self-worth and realizations which i think is kind of the theme for today um but very valid and it's been a long journey so i

like don't even know where to start but it's been a very recent quick journey as well um my self-worth has never really been that high especially growing up um i'm not sure why i'm not sure what it stemmed from i'm not sure if it was internal or external i think it was probably a little bit of both um as well as having an older brother who was perfect um and kind of having to live up to that but um since today is to 22 2022 um and we are talking about you know finding the things we don't like about ourselves and thinking about those things and how do we want to grow who do we want to become from here um it took a lot of me doing the wrong thing for a long time for me to realize how to do the right thing and I think the

key is really just being patient with yourself and allowing yourself that time and it takes a long time for you to grow authentically okay it's not gonna be overnight it's not gonna be within a week it's not gonna be within a month now you will see changes you will see developments um but I'm 22 too, and I'm very much so just at the starting point, just at the starting point of my self-love and care journey. I went into college kind of unsure with who I was. I had an inkling. I knew kind of, I knew mostly I was doing the wrong thing, and when I got to college, because I was driving to college with my dad, with all my shit packed up in the car, and I looked over at him, and I was like i don't want to do this like straight up i don't want to do this and he looked at me and he

was like it's too late like i'm so sorry but it's too late we have all your shit packed up we're driving for college i'm sure he just thought it was some first day nerves whatever he's like i'm so sorry but you gotta do it you made the decision let's get through it and i was like fuck i have four years here and so my first year there was very rebellious mostly because i just wasn't doing anything i enjoyed and you know i had to pay the consequences for that for sure but um it kind of you know like it was a very hard time but it really secured what i wanted and who i wanted to be so when shit kind of hit the fan there um I had an option I either fucking I don't know I fucking just I would have to accept it and keep going down this path of what felt wrong or I could

completely reroute my life and choose what felt right and I remember my parents sitting me down and being like what the fuck do you want to do and I had to tell them and I was like I'm dropping out I'm gonna I'm gonna focus on myself pursue what I want to pursue um and I did that and that that one action was very addicting because it was the first time I had ever really seen my true self and stood up for myself in a way and it felt incredible it felt great it was a hard decision I'm sure I disappointed a lot of people but it felt so good and I know I'm making a correct decision when my mind my gut my body all feels good like it is in harmony I feel like I'm moving on the path that I'm supposed to be moving now when it comes to self-worth my self-worth was

not high all right I I felt good about the direction I was going in my life and the choices I was making but internally how I felt about myself was not very high not very high at all and i ended up settling for a man who um reciprocated that to me directed that to me um the way i felt about myself was the way he in turn treated me and it was not good it was not great it was bad it was a lot of fighting a lot of arguing a lot of feeling like my feelings weren't reciprocated my feeling like my feelings were pushed aside um feeling like i wasn't loved i spent a lot of nights laying next to the person i loved crying silently while they slept peacefully and it was very hard very hard um this is my second relationship the first one i had was

it was a my first love type of love um whirlwind romance having fun living life and it ended very quickly and burn out very quickly but that's okay um i hold space for those times in my life and i understand that not everything is forever and i had fun in the time that i did spend with them um and i've moved on i don't really want that person ever back in my life like it was good for 18 year old hannah but not good enough for 22 year old hannah um anyways dated this new man who very much so was a reciprocation of how I felt about myself internally and it just was not good it sent me into a year-long depression and I ended up like halfway into a relationship going to art school and art school taught me a lot about self-worth um although I was not feeling good

i was putting my all into everything i was i was fucking working hours overtime at art school because it was the only thing i had to pour myself into it was the only way i had to express myself it was the only way i had to kind of forget about everything else that was going on i was literally going to lunches with this man he was like oh let's go get lunch like every tuesday and thursday we'd fight at lunch i'd be crying on the drive back to school and have to go to class and it'd like a five hour long class and i would just have to fucking just like take it and i would just put all of my anger and my energy into my work and i ended up um getting an a in that class and getting an a in that class was nearly fucking impossible i think i was like the only person

to get an a maybe one of a few okay and my professor told us that the beginning of the class he was like I'm not giving out a lot of A's this semester you better work your fucking ass off you know what I mean and I did and it taught me a lot because I put so much work and effort into that relationship but I was putting work into a dead person I was putting effort into a dead person and it is impossible to revive a dead person but at the same time I was putting work and I was putting energy and I was putting effort into my art and my creative abilities and it did end up paying off and it showed me that you know what if I put my time and my effort and my energy into myself it is going to pay off 10 times more than if I waste my time putting my

time and energy into another person that is not reciprocating something back to me okay that is treating me the same way i used to treat my old self and so it took us some time it did it took a year maybe two i think two of me trying to figure out my self-worth and where i fit into the world and it took a lot of people around me uplifting me and showing myself who i really am for me to kind of break those cycles of um self-hate as well as that toxic relationship and then as soon as i cut that man off i have never felt more free in my entire life and as ever since i have cut that person off i have sworn to myself i will never let anybody else including myself demean me put me down or not uplift my self-worth okay because it is insane

how deeply depressed and dark you can drive yourself and I hate getting into those pits and I at this point will do anything to avoid getting into those pits so if that means loving myself if that means uplifting myself if that means trusting myself and honoring myself and making room and space for myself then I'll do it and I'll put in the work and I'll put in the effort because I know that doing those things will make me feel 10 times more better than if I just succumb to the darkness to the sadness to the manipulation to the trauma okay and listen i am still working on it i still have days where i find myself hating on myself a little bit not not knowing my worth not knowing where i am but making those hard decisions making those steps

for yourself they're addicting and they really show you the strength that you do have and the control you do have in your life and the power that you have over yourself okay because you do have that power no matter what anybody makes you think you have the strength and the power to make decisions and changes for yourself that are gonna better you so incredibly i don't even know if that makes sense but literally they are gonna make you feel so incredible okay do it make the change make the effort show yourself who you really are okay because if you succumb to these things they will completely overwhelm you and you will fall into the pit of despair and darkness trust me i've been there i've been the sad girl i've been i've been the sad girl and i'm tired of being the

sad girl okay i'm sure you are too that's why you're listening to my podcast literally but self-worth god damn it's hard to come up with i feel like a lot of our self-worth is also um um, dictated at a young age through academic validation. Um, so it took a lot for me to figure out what true self-worth was, um, because I did look for that through academic validation, but I was getting that and it wasn't enough. Um, so it took a lot of me, like I said, um, I've told you guys this before, but it's like, you need to disappoint your parents. You need to make those decisions that are going to be a little disappointing to some people because they're probably gonna uplift you okay and they're really hard decisions they are but like as long as it's

making you a better person making your self-worth rise then those are completely valid decisions completely okay let's take this little bowl um oh my god oh anyways thank you guys for joining me today on this lovely day of 2 22 2022 it's incredible i'm so happy to be here i can't believe i'm doing like what i i mean i should be but i can't believe i'm here recording a podcast doing what i genuinely do love on this day of like self-actualization and manifesting what we want i love that um so thank you for being here thank you for being you thank you for being vulnerable thank you for being literally showing up every week for for me and for you it is it's incredible

it's mind-blowing the messages i get from you guys the way you guys are like this has changed my life like thank you for opening my eyes thank you for making me a better person thank you for really showing me I do deserve like love and care and commitment like that is it's mind-blowing and I love that I'm able to reach you guys in that way because I don't know I spent so much of my life so much of my life running for myself and I do kind of do it now I'm not gonna lie my life is gonna be a whole the whole the whole point of life is just growing and changing and becoming who you truly want um and who you want to be and so i don't know i just i've always wished i could reach out to the younger hannah and i don't know be a source of comfort be a person for her because

i never really had that and i never really had somebody to rely on somebody who cared about me in that kind of way like in a way of like i care about you and your choices and your freedom not how you relate to me um is it's just it's all i've ever wanted so the fact that i can be that source for you guys and i don't know be that space of comfort is mind-blowing and it's everything i've ever wanted for this podcast and i can't believe all of my hard work has come to fruition and here i am sitting here speaking to over 10 000 of you guys fucking crazy um but yeah thank you for being here thank you for joining me every week thank you for being vulnerable submitting your questions um even just some of you guys are like hey don't read this but I want to vent and

send dms incredible I love that I can be a safe comfort for a person for you guys because I don't know I just I always have wanted that and although I would never go back in time and really change anything that I did because I love who I am to this day and I mean the hardships that I've been through were hard you're right but they they have made me completely who i am um as much as i want to go back in time to speak to younger hannah i can't um so just just being a source of like comfort for my internal teen my my inner child and also being able to reach so many people simply through the internet is mind-blowing and a dream come true kind of so glad that fucking psychic told me to pull my shit together and get in board and like i said growth takes a lot of

time that psychic spoke to me two years ago maybe three like two no two years ago okay and i didn't take her advice like her full advice for another year and now that i have it's been four months and i have grown expeditiously expeditiously but it takes time it takes you coming to your own realizations for those changes to occur for that real growth to happen and that's okay allow yourself time allow yourself space to make mistakes allow yourself to grow and learn okay because a lot of people don't make space for that in their lives and they just become a shittier person quite honestly okay and you'll realize that when you get older but let's take one more little hit happy to 22 2022 i love that the questions you guys submit me are always like

on board with the vibes going on for the week literally i'll upload something and like i'll immediately get 11 messages that are like this is exactly what i needed how did you know and i'm like girl we all go through it at the same time don't you worry and i always know what the girlies need because some of you also like if you ever have anything on your mind always submit it because if i see one question come up like 10 times i'll be like okay the vibes are off with this we need to bring it up you know what i mean anyways and that's always on at hannah marlene on my instagram i'll probably submit another questionnaire for thursday's podcast i'll probably ask you guys how your how your day went today what you guys did um please make some room for yourself today some

space to honor who you want to become consider it like a potting soil day okay today you're taking out the pot you're bringing out what kind of soil you want to grow and you're planting the seeds and you're watering it and we're waiting for it to grow to fruition okay so take those steps do that deep thinking honor yourself take a little bubble bath do some writing do some journaling do some scrapbooking painting maybe are you creative are you autistic artistic do that whatever cost calls to you listen to it quite honestly okay let's hit this ball thank you guys so much for joining me i will see you guys next thursday on another episode of smoke sash have a wonderful wonderful 2 22