Smoke Sesh - 23 things I’ve learned in 23 years

Episode Date: June 1, 2022

Happy Wednesday, a not so usual podcast but I’m excited to be back. Today is my 23rd birthday and I spent the past week reflecting on memories, life lessons, and things I wish I could pass down to my younger self.. so I pass them along to you! Love you all so so much thank you for sticking by me if you have any questions for next weeks pod please send them (and any birthday messages

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash, so come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Good morning everybody, how are we all doing today? I haven't said that in forever. It feels so good to finally be back up in the morning recording again. It's been, it's felt like it's been months. It's really only been like a week,

but I'm very excited to be back. Sorry, I need to take a sip of my coffee. I have been, let me just fill you in first of all thank you to everybody who has been dming me you know messaging me on instagram i really appreciate it a lot of you guys were like hey hannah i love you like take all the time you need i know after maybe last week's episode was a little heavy um feel free to you know take time that you need to yourself to feel better and i really appreciate you know the endless support and constant support you guys really do provide me I love that I love the relationship that we've built and how healthy it has been I really appreciate that you know I'm allowed to take some time off if I'm you know extra busy if I need to focus on myself

if I need to do whatever um I well first of all it's my birthday tomorrow it is my birthday tomorrow Gemini Queen's birthday um I know which is crazy I'm turning 23 which is shocking and surprising because I never thought quite honestly I would make it past 18 um so I've just been kind of spending the last week um week and a half trying to be very intentional with my time it's kind of been a very bittersweet kind of moment for me realizing how much I've grown and how much I've changed and kind of just looking back on the years and taking them into account and what's gone on and everything I've gone through and I've been trying to also be very intentional with the way I've been using social media um I kind of fell down a social media vortex of also if you hear

like thunder lightning in the background it's just a little ambience okay it is storming like crazy here which was wonderful to sleep through and wake up to but once again if you hear anything apologies hopefully it's just some calming noise in the background for you guys um but i you know i fell down the social media vortex i personally i love social media i think it is an incredible way to connect in me and talk to other people and there's so many different ways that we can express ourselves and so many different forms and variations that we can do that through and i'm so lucky that, you know, I get to get on here and make podcasts and talk about you guys or talk with you guys and, you know, discuss important topics. But I kind of fell into a spiral where

I was consuming and consuming and consuming and consuming and I was not creating and it kind of left this weird hole inside of me that i was like i need to get my priorities straight i need to get that creative spark back because it is very very easy to consume and consume and consume that's what you know i mean these social media algorithm robots are made so we are basically brainwashed into into just consuming whatever they feed us not consuming very intentional things like i was thinking back and i was like i missed the time when i was like 13 and i'd get out of school and i'd be like oh my god i have three new hour and a half long youtube videos that i get to go watch and experience these people and you know kind of get to live their life with them but also

the people that i was watching were very like you know uh philosophical like um if you guys know hatomi i was a huge fan of her when i was younger um just like being able to connect in a spiritual sense through social media but for for like long-term content not like six second videos that i will watch and watch and watch and literally eight hours later i won't even remember anything that i have just watched that was the issue with me and i also kind of felt like after consuming so much at such a rapid pace my delivery on this podcast kind of fell through in a sense because I couldn't hold the same attention span that I really needed um so I took a break from social media for a while I think it's very healthy and I spent the time you know I went out with

friends i went and saw a friend's band i got so fucked up i threw up on the side of my boyfriend's car went out partying i've been working i've been moving so i have all my shit packed um i move officially tomorrow tomorrow's my birthday june 1st so i'm gonna spend the day moving on my birthday send me some birthday wishes if you like my instagram is at hannah marlene i'm sure you'll see a cute little birthday post for me um and I have been surprise surprise I've been trying not to smoke as much sorry I literally just burped um I've been trying not to smoke as much I really have um I feel like my smoking consumption took a turn for not what I should be using it for um And it turned into, you know, me using it whenever I was bored, me just smoking whenever

I was bored, me just, you know, consuming it so I didn't have to think, so I didn't have to, you know, force myself to go do things, so I could stare at my phone for hours and not think. And that's not how I enjoy using weed. I like you know using it for more of a beneficial sense whether it's spiritually mentally and not at such a high consumption level that I was at I think these are very important things to address as you grow up it's very important to have these conversations with yourself and look at the life you're living and ask yourself like do I enjoy what I'm doing is I'm am I doing this in a healthy

way do I really appreciate what's going on in my life are there steps or changes I can make that can better it um and so I really have quite honestly just been smoking CBD um I will maybe smoke a little bit at night before bed but I have been smoking CBD mostly um I felt like weed has been giving me a lot of anxiety lately over things that I cannot control um and I wasn't using it in healthy way so paz packs you already know they've been my best friend for a while and it's a great quite honestly filler for whenever i'm like you know maybe i do want to smoke a little joint or something like that um me and my boyfriend went out to the uh river the other day we just went out to kind of escape into nature to hike into nature to sit by an open body of water and just

like meditate and have some fun but of course you know i'm like i would love to light up and it's great because you know they make pre-rolls they make everything that a smoker could possibly want so you don't feel like you're missing out too much because I do like the um kind of like what is it like what is the word I'm looking for ritualistic I guess I like the ritualistic aspect of being able to you know break it down roll it up light it up like I really do enjoy that and I also love the ritualistic aspect of smoke sashes I love getting together with people I love the aspect of you know you sharing what you have and passing it in a circle and giving everybody the time to consume and whatever level they need and inviting whoever

they want or whoever that possibly wants to join can absolutely join and like even though I'm not smoking right now doesn't mean that i'm gonna stop the smoke sesh does that make sense it doesn't mean that the smoke sesh needs to end i think the smoke sesh is very much so a uh you know a euphemism for people just getting together and being open and honest and really trusting with each other in a space and or a safe space and environment and i love that i love that we've built this here um whether you smoke or not it's wonderful to have you i know i will probably get back into smoking very very soon but just for now for my mind for my tolerance for the journey that i'm taking at this moment in my life cbd has been my best friend i love it you can use code smoke sesh

for 10 off any order that you place through paz packs i've been placing some bulk orders recently so let me know if you try them out let me know if you enjoy them but yeah i've really just been preparing for my birthday really looking back on my life really exploring what I've been taking for granted and trying to be more aware of those that are in my life so today we have a non-traditional episode you know I'm not going to take any call-ins I'm not going to take any questions I feel like I've kind of become frustrated with some questions because it's Like, how many times can I tell you to, you know, break up with your shitty boyfriend before you learn how to do it? It's the same thing that I've gone through with my friends and that my friends have gone through with me.

Like, if you're asking me and you're sending me two paragraphs of these people fucked me over and my boyfriend is horrible to me. If you're sending me two paragraphs, babe, you have the answers right in front of you. You know, and I can only talk about how shitty your boyfriends are for so long. I think I want to get more deeper into this and deeper aspects of life other than just relationship surface level things and I feel like my creativity has been drained in a way as well I love podcasting I do I absolutely do I love getting on here I love holding a space with you guys I love discussing and conversating but it is going to change soon it is and I want you guys to be hopeful for that um because if anything you're just gonna get more um more content more thought

out content i'm hoping to also um dive into the video realm so hopefully it will be like a mashup of like vlog plus sit down plus call-ins i'm not sure where i'm gonna go with it i need to set up my apartment first so i can have a little studio space but i want you guys to get excited with me um just know that there's a lot of big things coming for this and I'm so excited to continue this journey with you I just needed a little break during you know the transition period that we are have uh are having or at least I am I'm not sure if everybody else feels the same way as me but for today's episode um I wanted to talk about 23 things that I've have learned in my 23 years um kind of life rules life lessons big important things that you know took me years to learn

and I'm gonna sum them up pretty easily for you these are things you might have gone through already or things that you probably will go through or things that I hope kind of you know spark a light bulb moment in your head where you're like you know what she's right I do deserve better I can be better I want to do better um I spent so much of my life fighting trying to be better fighting the idea that I could do better and that I could grow and change and that I could have a life that I hope for and so many of my teen dreams and wishes have completely come true um so I want to discuss what's kind of helped me along the way with that being said let's go ahead and jump right in um number one was kind of I think the earliest thing that I had to learn

within myself and the thing that has probably kept me going for this long um but it's loving yourself is not a choice but quite honestly it's key to your survival um when i was younger i think it was me against me it was not me against the world wasn't me against my friends it was me versus me and it was me versus the hatred and the self-loathing and the isolation that i had for myself um I spent so much time not knowing my next step not wanting to take the next step simply because I did not love myself I did not think I saw a world with myself in it I did not think I was deserving um of anything the world was going to offer me and it got to a point where I got to you know such a low place that I quite honestly had to you know say to myself that

if you don't learn to love yourself if you don't learn to step into yourself and really trust yourself and love her fully and openly you are going to die you simply are and if you don't die you're going to continue living with all of this self-hatred with all of this self-loathing with this empty black hole inside of you and that is not surviving you cannot survive if you are living that way and I knew that it was going to be a downhill spiral very quickly so loving myself was not a choice that I got to make one day just to wake up and you know go on my hot girl walks and you know drink my smoothie like it was not a small change that I had to make in my life but it was a very drastic choice that I had to make simply for my survival I had to learn to love

myself so I was able to continue on and that was kind of the first biggest life lesson for me I think it was like 14 13 when I learned this and I mean it was absolutely when I was sent to the psych ward that I learned this very quickly um but if you are not on your own team if you do not show up for yourself if you do not reinforce that love for yourself within yourself it's very hard to continue on it is and it's a hard choice to make choosing to love myself was the hardest choice I ever had to make but I am grateful every day that I wake up and I work harder and I put my effort into it because I have made it so fucking far like 23 years are you kidding me so much of my life I couldn't even see me living past 18 so forever grateful to Hannah for learning how to

love herself. Alrighty, number two. What you do for a living can simply be trying your best. I thought for a majority of my life that what I am doing in my life should be my career. What I'm passionate about should be my career. What I am focused on should be the work I'm doing, the money I'm making. I do think that was instilled for my parents, but my parents both have you know fairly i mean they're all teachers so not well paying enough to get by um but they were passionate about it they were driven by it they wanted to do good in the world they wanted to touch kids lives they wanted to make them better they wanted to really reach out to younger kids and help them um and so that was really instilled in me and also you know living in a

capitalistic society where money is the only thing that matters they don't give a fuck what you're doing on your free time they want to know what's your job what are you doing what are you building how much money are you making and that kind of ate away at me at least at the end of high school because I didn't give a fuck about a career I didn't I could have been happy doing anything anything and I mean that because I am the happiest I've ever been simply being a bartender and a waitress which is crazy but do you know why I'm the happiest I've ever been being a bartender a waitress like if I told that to older generations like yeah I'm a bartender waitress and I'm happy they would be like what are you crazy you don't have a real job you aren't doing anything that's

contributing to society like yes I am working a job that is contributing to society unfortunately it's not what other people might have hoped and dreamed and wanted for me but I'm happy because my career is not what I'm basing my life around and that was a disconnect that I really had to make early on my career is not what I'm living for what I am living for is myself the connection that I'm making through friends through family through community and the work I am doing within those things the hobbies I am building I focus on the days I have off where I can you know escape into nature and go hiking with my boyfriend and spend quiet time next to the river or I focus on the moments where I get to go out with friends and you know have those beautiful moments with

your friends where you're doing each other's makeup and getting ready together and you all have that pre-night out a little bit of anxiety because you're excited for what's about to come that is what I am living for that is what I am hoping for that is what I am striving for I'm not striving for manager of the month or employee of the month I'm striving for the little moments that make this life worth living and i feel like i had to simply understand that the weight of a career was not what i needed to be focused on so what you can do for a living simply can be trying your best if you're making a livable wage if you're working a job that is good for you that you you know don't fucking hate or even if you do fucking hate it spend the time

that you do have free working and building the relationships that you do have and doing things for you your life will feel so much better and you will feel like you have so much more control over it all right number three a lot of people don't want to heal and you have to let them stay where they're at but don't let them drag you to the pits of hell with them i used to succumb to the idea that i think a lot of young women succumb to that it's like you can be a healer you're supposed to be an empath and help people and work and work and work to help those people until you are basically dying over it that's not healthy that's not constructive that's not going to do you or the other person any favors any benefits okay you can try to help somebody

absolutely you can show up for somebody you can want them to do better for themselves but if they do not want to do better for them they simply aren't every single person on this earth is self-driven they have to come to those conclusions on their own no matter how much you scream and you yell and you try to make it clear what option is best how they could simply fix themselves no matter how frustrated you get if they do not see nor want that for themselves they will never ever get better ever and it is not worth you beating yourself up you falling down the path with them you losing your energy over because you have to realize a lot of people on this earth do not want to heal a lot of people are very comfortable with who they are and they

don't want to escape the comfort zone and they don't want to do that trauma healing and they don't want to think about those things which is fine you can't force anybody to go on like a spiritual reckoning or you know on like go through those traumas again i would never ask anybody to kind of want to live through those again but if they do not want to heal they simply will not and you need to learn that and understand that and set boundaries accordingly or else they will hold on to you and they will drag you down with them I know it sounds harsh I know it sounds kind of like a little mean but you do need to learn these things because there's a lot of people who will take advantage of you and your niceness and your kindness and the fact that you do show

up every single day for those people understand when somebody just simply can't help themselves and set boundaries accordingly so then you do not fall down the rabbit hole with them okay number four you must find happiness in the mundane and the little things sometimes you just need to sit in the sun pet a friendly cat share a laugh with friends that's the meaning of life i get a lot of questions like i don't have these big things going on i feel like my life is lesser than others because i'm not traveling every week or i'm not doing these big things people always comparing their lives to other people and it's hard not to do with social media you know when it's presented to us constantly and consistently um especially when we don't have full control over what we're

kind of consuming especially like if you get on tiktok and it's a constant influx of random videos it's just a spiral quite honestly um it took me a long time to realize that the meaning of life is not a reason to flex on other people the meaning of life is not the instagram moment the meaning of life is not you know the story that you go and tell other people the meaning of life and true happiness is simply finding little joys throughout the day that will make a drastic 360 on your life if you spend your days trying to find little things that make you happy throughout the day like and I mean little sometimes a full day can mean you know I pet a really friendly cat a neighborhood cat that i had never seen before and i ate a really good orange and now i'm gonna

go to bed early that can be a really good day in the span of how however many fucking days we have so many that those little moments are truly what make it yesterday i was walking home from work and i saw a little toad on the ground and he let me pick him up and it was really cute like it was a nice little moment just me outside in the night air just like checking out this toad it's the little things that truly make your life happy if you spend your time waiting for the big the plateau you know the big milestones you will go weeks months years without experiencing that quote unquote happiness you have to live for the little things and not live for the big plateau moments okay if you live for the little things you will consistently find happiness every single day and

multiple times a day quite honestly number five and this kind of has to pertain to what i did last week but it's okay to disappear for a little bit just always remember to find your way back I think it's okay to take breaks from you know work from interpersonal life from whatever it is I think it's okay to you know take a step away and become the observer for a while instead of the performer um and take moments to yourself and take time to yourself especially in a day and age where you know we are so inclined to share everything that we are doing constantly and that can be a really great thing I love connecting I love sharing my life with you guys if you don't feel inclined to I think it's very important to understand that you can take time away and to

step away and to experience life simply from your own perception okay even emotionally if you need a week to step away to have some time to yourself to kind of get your emotions in check to learn about them do so the key is you just always need to remember to find your way back to where you were okay you can't live in hiding you can't live as the observer for forever you do need to find your way back eventually number uh six growing old is a blessing collect wrinkles collect scars collect pounds your life is meant to be lived and worn like your favorite pair of shoes i feel like especially in today's day and age where there's like 23 year olds getting botox and so worried about what they're gonna look like at 70 they don't even eat gluten it's like our lives we have

one life right and it's meant to be lived and enjoyed and i'm gonna go lay out in the sun and and like a lizard and enjoy my day and not worry about the few extra wrinkles that i'm gonna have at 70 because if anything those wrinkles just show how much I've lived my life and how much I've experienced I'm gonna go eat that pastry that I think looks really good and fulfilling or that slice of cake or you know I'm gonna go out with friends to a dinner I'm not gonna worry about what I'm eating or why I'm eating it I'm going to enjoy the life that I have for the reasons that i do have it you know what i mean um i feel like we take so many precautions with our life and we worry and worry away simply for times that may not come that are gonna come if so

50 60 years from now and we hinder ourselves in so many ways worrying about the future live your life for what you have now enjoy it for what you have now because you don't know if you're gonna get those 50 60 70 plus years eat that bagel sit in the sun okay use your body use your mind enjoy your life to the like fullest possibility I really did think you know growing old was a curse and I feel like a lot of people nowadays still kind of believe that but then I started thinking about like what my grandma is doing and how much peace she kind of has right now and I like started thinking about it and I love putting it this way whenever I kind of do get those fears but I do think I really am gonna peak when I'm like 70 80 and I just have my little house and a little

garden and I have my cats and I spend my days you know looking forward to the morning newspaper to my good cup of coffee to a fulfilling meal that I probably have grown myself that is all I can really ask for it is simply simply the smallest things that really do bring me joy and I think I will peak like I didn't peak in high school I'm not peaking now even with everything happening I'll peak once I find peace and once I have lived my life to the complete fullest that I can relax speaking of seven cook for yourself spend the time getting to know food and how to feel yourself um i spent a lot of my time not recently but in the past few years um thinking that you know saving myself time equals you know having a better life experience and going out

all the time wasn't so bad for me um and then I started cooking for myself a lot and cooking all of my meals and getting to know my food and there's something really beautiful and ritualistic and kind of relaxing and fulfilling about getting up and you know starting from scratch and being able to come together and cook something that is completely a 360 of what you first had those products for um that produce for whatever it was and being able to feed yourself and fuel your fuel yourself there's really something beneficial and beautiful about it and i'm really getting into cooking recently i love cooking i think i'm going to continue fueling myself from myself um and diving into new recipes and exploring new ways to use food i think food is beautiful and there's so

many different ways you can use it and also taking the time to really show up for yourself and start from scratch and build yourself something that you can enjoy at the end of the day I think it's wonderful I love cooking with my partner being able to spend time in the kitchen together listening to music you know not even speaking words just spending time side by side cooking I really encourage you to do it with friends with family I think it's a great way to bring people together. But I really am trying to get away from the easy access, the fast, friendly, you know, food and kind of get back into, you know, taking time to really make space for myself and space for things that I do enjoy doing and things that in turn are going to

make me feel much much better if you're an IBS girly and you eat out a lot stop eating out I did have that issue but I was eating out a majority of the time even if it was somewhere healthy I was eating out too often and it really took time for my body to come back to normal after I started just simply you know cooking for myself and really focusing on feeling with myself with you know things from the ground straight up um things that i went and got at the farmer's market and i really encourage you guys going to farmer's markets they are way more affordable if you go to the price or to i was almost a price shopper that's like my local grocery store if you go to the grocery store and you're blown away by how much produce is me too i get it why the fuck is

a pepper three dollars at my local farmer's market and i'm sure at yours too um the produce is really really price friendly um as it should be quite honestly I think you can get like three peppers for three dollars so check it out but I do encourage you guys to cook for yourself and spend that time with yourself okay love should drive you love for yourself love for others love for life the people I admire most are not the smartest or strongest they're simply the kindest um i think that holds a lot of space within everything i just i really try and move in love and i try and move in kindness and i try and like approach every situation that i can because i did spend a lot of my time um hating on myself and in turn my attitude towards the world was a hatred

as well and i have realized the connection with how i view the world also has a connection with how I kind of view myself um so I do really try and walk in love and walk in kindness wherever I go um and I get a I get a very good response from that as well as I then in turn have a easier time being kind and loving to myself like yesterday here's a good example I got off work it's like i had a work memorial day it was like nine o'clock i'm exhausted i just want a burger that was it i was like i want a burger of course there's like one burger place open so i go there and you know i placed the order like an hour before i even got off work so i'm like thank god i can just go there grab it leave and i pull up and all the doors are locked and me and this other lady are standing

outside and she had like a uber eats order or something and she's banging on the doors like yelling at them and i'm just standing there kind of silently and they let us in and they're explaining to her i don't know i think they closed early or something like we closed early you're gonna have to tell them to file a refund or something and she starts screaming at them yelling at them like i'm gonna lose my tip blah blah blah i'm gonna get a bad rating they're like i'm sorry ma'am like you know we're just closing early it is a holiday we've been open since like 6 a.m and she just like yells they get security they take her out and you know I just was standing there the whole time the five minutes just like observing like this is insane why are we screaming

over burgers that aren't even yours and I walk up and I'm like hi like you know I placed the order an hour ago and I don't I don't know if it's ready I would assume it'd be ready and they were like no we don't see the order it's like okay well I mean I have it on my phone I just don't know can I get a refund or something like how do I do that I have no idea how like I get it I don't want to I don't want to bother you guys I can easily go to Taco Bell like it's not that big of a deal and it took me just simply like being understanding and kind with them for them to simply flip on their grills and put some patties on the grill and they were like ma'am we'll have that out to you shortly so sorry about this it really is all about attitude and life they were

even like you know if that lady wasn't just like absolutely rude and awful to us maybe we would have cooked her some food for her uber eats order but the fact that she was cursing at them and yelling at them over some burgers they're not gonna look out for you if you aren't looking out for them it really all it took was me just asking how their day was you know being like seeing them on an eye-to-eye level like I work in a restaurant I get it I understand the pressure and how stressful it can be for them to you know kind of get back into the groove of things and to you know look out for me after I looked out for them so it really is a simple thing it's really how you approach life people do see that and they are receptive to it all right number what is it nine

okay when the world feels heavy get into nature look at the bugs and the leaves and remember the simpleness of it all I feel like especially living in the city um I don't have a lot of nature I don't have a lot of like accessible nature around me other than parks um and this wonderful river and some hiking spots that are really nice um but when the cars get too loud and the energy's too high and my phone is giving me a lot of anxiety it is quite honestly my favorite meditation tool to just escape into nature and return back to the simpleness of it all nature has its own interworking its own understanding of the world that we do not understand enough that we do not spend enough time in and i i mean i did this practice this week and i'm gonna continue making

it a practice throughout my weeks this summer as i have access to nature before winter hits again um to just escape and to just sit with myself because when you sit with yourself in these places you understand that your problems really aren't so big okay and in reality you are very small you're just as small as the ants crawling by you you're just as small as the bugs on the trees and the leaves on the trees okay and i feel like that gives people a lot of anxiety but if anything it should really help heal your anxiety and understanding that these these big problems these weights on your shoulder that you do have you can release and you can relax and you can simply be one with nature for just a little bit before you have to return to

the real world so when you do feel the heaviness of it all i really do encourage you escape for just a little bit okay all right number 10 the secret to preserving your energy is to be bored consuming is so easy but creation is a challenge let your mind rest and wander um speaking of like kind of when i started this podcast talking about tiktok it is so easy to get on your phone and consume and consume and consume and not really pay attention to anything that you're consuming using like basically using it as a tool to not pay attention to your life which inherently not good um and i'm trying to be very intentional now about what i'm consuming is it bringing me passion is it really bringing me inspiration you know not watching six second tiktok videos that i'm

literally not even gonna pay attention to or remember anything from eight hours from now maybe instead diving into a movie that I've never seen before, or a TV show that I've never seen before, a documentary that I've never seen before, exploring through that, maybe a YouTube series that I've never seen before, interviews with artists that I really look up to. I've been kind of falling back into, personally, I mean, I've always had a very good relationship with Instagram. it's harder to find content that is poetic on there I feel like people are very intentional about what they post and they post rarely which is fine I've been loving tumblr I've been loving tiktok I feel like tumblr has been something I consistently have used since 13 and every single

time I have entered that website I have always felt that excitement to create that excitement for finding new stuff um that excitement for um the possibilities in the world and to discover new things and fall into new ideas of creation so that's kind of what I've been leaning towards social media wise um but I've kind of just been forcing my brain to be bored forcing my brain to be bored so I can work more so I have more interest so I'm forced to pick up my journal out of boredom. So I'm forced to pick up my paintbrush out of boredom. So I'm forced to create in that sort of sense. I feel like when I was younger, I would devour books, I would be up till 3am drawing, I would, you know, have this wonder of the world in a sense. But that was

because I wasn't handed the internet, I didn't play video games that I could just fall into for hours i you know didn't really watch tv it wasn't a huge part of my life that creativity that wonder that drive to you know discover the world and discover what i can add to it that's what really fueled me when i mean when i was younger younger of course social media has had a big impact on my life since like 12 13 since i got a phone since i i mean iphones existed but there's a safe way that you can do it through social media, but I really encourage you guys to, you know, take a step away from your phones every once in a while. I feel like I have a pretty good relationship with my phone right now, other than the endless scrolling, which at this point I might just

delete TikTok so I don't fall into that trap anymore. I get on my phone to, you know, connect with people, to discover new things, and I could go a week without my phone. I could go a month without my phone i would be perfectly fine with that i just need to continue fueling the creation that i do have in this real world as well um so i really encourage you guys be bored every once in a while you would be surprised what you get up to number 11 don't be too hard on yourself your emotions and sensitivity to the world around you are a gift you will ruin your life by desensitizing yourself um I feel like this is also very important just I mean just in a general sense I used to think you know me being sensitive was a bad thing me being sensitive to everything around

me to the emotions around me to the people around me was a negative thing that I needed to toughen up that I needed to harden myself a little bit but then I realized that the sensitivity really built connection and it really made me care and it really drove me for a lot of things and that I really needed to kind of honor myself and honor my sensitivity and really keep that within myself um it really helped me grow it really helped me discover new things about myself and the world around me that I really appreciate and I think if I were to you know quote unquote toughen up or harden up I wouldn't have learned those things and I would probably have a little bit harder heart to the world and I probably wouldn't be as open as I am now and I appreciate that I still

have that sensitivity and I still have that kindness um within me that I haven't hardened up even though so many things so many quote-unquote bad things have happened in my life I still hold that space for myself to kind of have that childlike sensitivity to everything around me um i also feel like this is important to um i mean all the horrible things that are happening within the world if you live in america even if you don't live in america you probably understand um i don't want to dive into it we'll we'll keep it light we'll keep it you know because i will go on a 40 minute rant and we don't need to spend 40 minutes of this podcast talking about gun control but I feel like a lot of people have a hard heart to this world and a lot of people are selfish and

a lot of people have closed themselves off and desensitized themselves and now is not the time to simply look away to just to be desensitized to you know to assume that oh this is just the way of life you should be upset when things upset you you should be sensitive to these things you should have kindness in your heart to see these things and feel a little bit heartbroken you know when you desensitize yourself and these horrible things happen and you feel nothing that's when you've lost that is when you absolutely have lost your heart has turned cold so it's okay to be sensitive i think sensitivity quite honestly is a gift number 12 detachment is an art you must perfect the world seems to spin around you but it spins around everyone else at the same speed

so desensitization oh my god desensitization is not detachment um I feel like desensitization oh my fucking god that's a that is a tongue twister try saying that three times fast um detachment I feel like is very healthy and it can really help people um I feel like in the whole self-love movement it has become very selfish and although as somebody who spent so much time hating myself I did have to learn to become selfish a little bit it's not it it's not what your final form should be okay selfishness is not your final form it's okay to learn to prioritize yourself learn to set boundaries feel a little selfish while doing it but that should not be the end all goal and I feel like a lot of the spirituality movement a lot of the self-help

movement a lot of the hot girl movement or whatever it's called is just a lot of people being really selfish and not caring about others and putting themselves first that is not okay all right you have to learn to detach yourself from yourself from the world from everything around you okay through that you will find so much peace instead of things becoming directed at you attacks at you in that selfishness mindset you quickly learn and understand that there's a lot of nuance to the world and you know maybe it's not anybody's fault maybe you don't need to take it out on anybody maybe it's just something that happened and something that you need to accept and something that you need to move on with you know detachment is key to peace I really do think

that um and I I want people to take that next step past the selfishness and fall into the the detachment phase fall into understanding that yes the world does revolve around you but it revolves around every single other person as well and every single other person is trying their hardest and trying their best and simply that is something you have to accept number 13 you will glow differently when your confidence is rooted in belief in yourself and not validation from others i think it's really easy to tell what people kind of um are thriving from validation from others it's a very surface level interaction it's a very surface level understanding of things it's a very surface level of understanding of themselves at that point um I think

when you base your validation in others it's fleeting and there is no true confidence there it is simply peak peaking happiness and then a depletion once it runs out because it will run out if you base your happiness and your confidence on everybody else around you on if you're being accepted by everybody else around you it's only going to be there part of the time not even half the time probably less than that probably less than 20 and that is no way to base your confidence when you base your confidence in belief in yourself it's rooted in understanding of yourself it's rooted in understanding that you will always be there for yourself it is something that you carry with you everywhere you go you walk a little differently you talk a little differently

you have an understanding and concept of how you fit within this world and people do genuinely glow differently from it i feel like a lot of the people that i kind of look up to oh my gosh my eggs are done hold on i'm making boiled eggs is anybody else an egg fan i love breakfast i love me some boiled eggs I'm gonna put some on some um English bagel here in a second and munch before I got my nail appointment my birthday nail appointment but I feel like the people that I have surrounded myself with the people who have hurt me who have kind of backstabbed me who kind of never showed up for me in the way I showed up for them were people who rooted their confidence in um quite honestly the belief of others and when they felt like the belief of others was not there

they quickly 360'd and spiraled but the other people that i surround myself with the people that i quite honestly look up to the older adults in my life who have a confidence system that's based within simply understanding themselves and understanding who they are and really believing in themselves, it is a constant and ever flowing kind of love that comes from them and light that comes from them. And it's something that younger Hannah kind of aspired to. So I think it's very important to kind of decipher those things between yourself and decipher those things within your life. And when you are seeking that outward validation from others, kind of stop yourself and ask yourself why and how can I show up for myself in a way that this isn't necessary that

I can just show up for myself and believe in myself and that's really all I need number 14 just because it's hard doesn't mean it's impossible I feel like for a majority of my life I have assumed hard means it's not meant for me hard means it's not worth my time like things should flow effortlessly and fully to me but if i'm being quite honest um everything i've achieved that i have ever been proud of has never come easy it's something that i've had to fight for it's something that i've had to like kind of like pull teeth and nails for something that like i'm very passionate about but it didn't allow itself to come easy for me everything that has really meant something to me has kind of been hard and I think this is just a reminder to you know don't

give up just because things get difficult just because things get confusing just because you're unsure just because it's difficult you shouldn't give up I guarantee at the end of that road you will be 10 times prouder of yourself and the progress you've made and how far you've come than if you were to just give up and lay down and accept defeat number 15 communication goes a long way if you're busy say it if you love someone say it if you're unsure ask it's so simple yet so overlooked I feel like in a we're kind of in a point in time in society where communication should be very easy we should be able to reach each other at a very quick pace we should be able to understand each other faster we should be able to have these very quick forms of communication

especially with social media especially with phones especially with technology but we're simply refusing to do so the amount of girls and the amount of guys who come to me and who are like i just i don't know should i tell them this i don't know if they feel this way about me like blank blank blank communicate you have to communicate no matter how hard it is i get it sometimes like even opening your mouth to say the words can be the hardest thing ever but communication goes so far a lot of people's anxieties can be solved by just a simple text of hey you know I'm busy right now but I'll get to you hey I love you I'll get to you soon I got something going on even telling people that you love them you never know when people are going

to leave your life you never know when you know the world's going to take them out stop saving those words for a rainy day and utilize them how however you can and how often you can okay I feel like so many of these relationship issues so many of these friendship issues can simply be solved by just showing up and communicating and just saying how you feel and not saying how you feel in a rude you know way but just being honest with people about what's going on in your life and what's going on in your head. Like I said, if you're busy, say it. If you have anxiety, say it. If you love somebody, I think you should really say it. You never know when you aren't going to get the chance to do so. Number 16, true self-care is being picky as

fuck about who can touch your body and access your energy. I used to think self-care could be in the form of smoothies or self-care came in the form of hot girl walks or self-care came in the form of journaling but it's also about being reserved with who you allow access to listen I'm a Gemini I get it I'm a social butterfly I love floating around I love talking to new people I love meeting new people I love conversation it's a great way to understand the world around do you see new perspectives learn new things I think it's really wonderful and incredible but your energy and especially your sexual energy I think is something that should be sacred and not in the puritan like you shouldn't have six until you're married kind of thing like no fuck that

I'm talking be intentional about what you do with your body the same way I wouldn't be like okay I'm gonna go cliff jumping because i've never been cliff jumping especially at like high fucking heights i know my body's limits i know it's not best for it i'm not gonna put myself in that dangerous situation this could go for any situation i don't know why i thought of cliff jumping anyways the same thing goes for sexual partners and like allowing people access to your body okay but also if you want to sleep with a thousand people that's a hundred percent fine if you want to sleep with one person, that's 100% fine. What I'm talking about is make sure your partners, your sexual partners, are trusting and honoring and taking care of you the same way that you are

taking care of them, okay? I feel like nowadays we have to be very, very intentional about who we pick, especially for sexual relationships, because people love to use people. They really do, and I hate to say it and i hate seeing people get caught up in like webs of just like messiness and drama because a man simply wanted to fuck there's no reason you should be getting those getting yourself in those situations take time to really think about those people's character take time to think about you know is this going to be a good sexual experience for me are they going to waste my energy or are they going to add to it ask yourself those hard questions you know and they're real questions you should be asking yourself because in the long run they'll help you you know

honestly have less bad situations that you can get yourself into trust me i know number 17 you are who you surround yourself with i know i sound like a mom right now but make sure you have a committed community okay when i was younger my mom would always say this and i'm sure your parents have probably told you the same thing of you are who you surround yourself with you are who you associate with and I used to be like no mom I can have friends who think different things from me and then I got older and then I realized no you do need to be very intentional about who you surround yourself with because every single other person has different motives and different ideas for what they want going on in your life and you do not want to get stuck in a situation where you're

getting caught up in someone else's drama and someone else's mistakes and someone else's untrust uh what am i trying to look what's the word trustworthiness i guess untrustworthiness you know what i mean and you don't realize these things until you do kind of like surround like get around these people and you start getting yourself in bad situations and you're like why does this keep happening to me sometimes it's not you sometimes it's the people you surround yourself with make sure your community is giving to you the same way you are giving back to them it should be not a transactional relationship but absolutely an ebb and flow of energy and you should be feeling safe and comfortable within that community number 18 adopt an abundance mindset

things don't need to be hard if it's meant for you it'll belong to you and if it's not then there's no need to worry i think adopting and well to be honest i think a majority of my life I've had a lack mindset I was always well I don't have this well I don't have this well I'm not this well I don't look like this well my family's not like this well just constant constant lack mindset and in turn it made me an outsider of the world it made me think I was an outsider of the world you are not an outsider of your own life okay you are your life you are everything um that's happening and revolving around you so you can control how things affect you by how you think about them which sounds crazy i know but once i started believing in myself and

believing in the universe i guess whatever you happen to believe in believing that you know something has my back whether it's myself whether it's a god whether it's many gods whether it's the universe um I started believing that you know what things are gonna work out for me no matter what and if something leaves my life I know that it is meant for a reason if something doesn't work out for me I know that it's meant for a reason and there's no need to worry about it because I know that things will end up working out sure it's a disappointment that's something you have to deal with yes but things will work out in the end new opportunities will present themselves i absolutely guarantee it there have been moments i am sobbing on my floor my life has taken a full 360 i think

it's the end of the world nothing can ever be as good as it was and then two years later i'm completely i've completely forgot about that situation i'm on to better and new things and life honestly couldn't get any better so anytime that you are like you know what shit has hit the fan quite honestly trust and believe in yourself that things truly are working in your favor and things will get better number 19 be the representation you needed to see when you were little show up for your younger self i feel like a lot of my learning this year has been kind of learning how to honor my younger self and kind of returning back to what I used to enjoy doing um and I have felt more personal growth and more self-acceptance than I ever have and I feel

like I was constantly running away from what younger Hannah wanted what younger Hannah really loved and liked and enjoyed and I was constantly kind of you know shitting on younger versions of me even though younger versions of me are still myself I still need to honor myself in that way I still need to trust and love myself in those ways you need to show up for yourself in ways that no one else could have shown up for you show up for other people in ways you wish that people had shown up for you show up for yourself in ways your parents you wish your parents would have or your friends or your family um do activities that used to bring you joy that you kind of fell out of do things that used to pique your interest that you never had the opportunity to try there's

a beautiful thing about becoming an adult because you now have all this freedom and all this choice and all this opportunity honor yourself honor your younger self honor the past burdens of yourself i guarantee it'll bring you so much self like acceptance and peace number 20 there's no such thing as doing nothing gift yourself time to heal and repair and digest and process i feel like especially when i was younger my parents kind of instilled this in me like if i was doing nothing then go get a job go do a hobby go get activity there's no reason you should be sitting doing nothing and I feel like it's kind of criminalized in this world you know what I mean when people are resting and relaxing it's like okay but what's your next move what are you doing after this

why are you not working and it's just a symptom I guess of living in a capitalist society but the hardest part about this year has been allowing myself time to reconnect with myself relaxed and kind of dive back into myself after working so hard I feel like we don't give ourself adequate time to kind of reflect and look back and you know work with our emotions and work with our body and give ourself that time that's needed listen power lifters take one to two days off a week to give their muscle time to repair you have to do the same thing with your brain with your body with your spirit okay and it's hard it really is I it's like crazy how hard it is for me to relax without thinking about what I need to do next what work I'm missing out on but it's something

that I'm going to keep practicing and something that I hope gets easier um we all deserve vacation in time every once in a while this is probably maybe my favorite one um but it's just because oh it's 21 but just because you leave school doesn't mean you should stop learning you should always have a thesis an idea a project you invest in and study once you leave college or in my case dropout I felt like I was aimlessly wandering I had nothing to do after you know spending eight hours a day in art school creating researching thinking up news new ideas I felt lost I felt like I was at a creative lull and in the real world there's no parents there's no boss there's no teacher I mean maybe at your work yes but there's no teacher that comes around and gives

you assignments gives you creative ideas starts the spark you have to be the one to ignite the spark for yourself so quite honestly I've been giving myself homework I have been watching like documentaries videos movies and like taking notes on them doing deep research into them creating mood boards creating new like projects that I want to work on giving myself deadlines like you have to become a teacher for yourself or else all the learning and all the you know work that you have done will quite honestly come to a standstill there's no reason you should stop learning at 18 okay you have 80 90 100 years on this planet you should spend every second learning about anything that you can about the way the world works about nature about yourself about

your friends about your family you should be learning and continuously sparking that curiosity for yourself um I miss learning I really do I miss taking classes I miss having a community space like that but if I am not in school it's simply not gonna present itself to me so I have to do the hard work and you know ignite that spark within myself again 22 some days are good some days are bad take them as they come and ride the waves of the highs and lows I thought healing was you know I put in the work and I'm good I'm done right easy peasy no unfortunately I mean if you're mentally ill like me every single day is a challenge of am I gonna wake up and choose myself and choose healing and have it be really easy or am I gonna wake up and have it be hard and quite

honestly some days are harder than others some days are easier than others but you really do just have to ride the roller coaster and take it as it comes and you can't be hard on yourself if some days are harder than others or if some days you know you do more than others or if some days you can't get out of bed you have to honor yourself and feel those emotions fully in order to work through them and give yourself the time that you need to heal through them and celebrate those highs and quite honestly celebrate those lows honor yourself but don't get down on yourself when you do hit those low points if you have depression like me if you have anxiety like me it's gonna be a constant battle for the rest of your life you will have highs you will have lows

the good thing about it is i can't lie my highs are getting longer and my lows are getting a lot shorter so it's a win-win i do think but i don't want anybody to get down on themselves when you do hit those low points it does happen it really does healing is not linear linear but you can get through it every day becomes easier the more you kind of just learn to understand yourself okay and finally number 23 this one I think has been the hardest for me to learn and the hardest for me to allow for myself but allow yourself to make mistakes how are you going to learn if you don't mess up every once in a while take a risk I hate taking risks I hate change I hate all of that I love being comfortable I love staying within my bounds but no one is going to grow no one is

going to learn about themselves no one is going to do better unless they take a risk and listen every risk is not going to have a reward sometimes you're going to fuck up straight up sometimes that risk maybe was not the best choice but you have to learn to move on from it to not hate yourself to give yourself the opportunity and time to grow all you need to do whenever you make a mistake is learn something from it whether it's good whether it's bad you simply need to learn something from it if you make a mistake and you don't learn anything from it you're probably going to make that mistake over and over and over again okay that's not good that's not changing that's not growing it's okay to make mistakes just learn something from it take something from it and

don't be afraid to take the risk but always trust your gut i do genuinely believe that that gut instinct that gut feeling inside of you knows a lot more than you do trust it let it guide you but if it does mislead you don't be hard on yourself don't hate yourself everybody makes mistakes you know everybody has those days as hannah montana once said wise words but you have to learn to take a risk i guarantee there's a reward usually at the end of the rainbow but if not learn take something from it and don't make the mistake again very simple well not simple but very simple terms right i just went and got my nails done and the lady was like i told her it's my birthday she's like oh 20 like you're turning 20 i was like no babe i'm turning 23 thank you

though i'm glad i look 20 that is such a compliment she was shocked she really pulled through on my nails though they look awesome i'm so excited thank you guys for joining me um this will probably be the only podcast for this week just because i am still in the middle of moving i'm going to celebrate my birthday a little bit um i do want to dive back into our usual a podcast routine next week you know our call-ins our questions i'll put up a questionnaire give me your juiciest questions anything that you want to go over um but i do want you guys to be prepared for the format to maybe change i want to get into longer conversations i want to deep dive into stuff i want to you know have a video aspect i want to really connect with you guys and i'm so

excited to see where smoke sesh is going to expand to how we're going to grow how we're going to change but thank you guys for kind of putting up with me while i go through this period of growth we all go through it we all go through that awkward teen phase and i really do believe you know smoke sesh is in their awkward teen phase maybe actually maybe smoke sesh is in like their fifth grade graduation i feel like we're going into middle school but i'm so excited we're going to get so creative with this I can't wait to provide you guys more content more more stories more information on my life and to connect with you guys um through through your questions as well I'm going to keep utilizing your call-ins so once again if you have any questions feel free to submit

them to my Instagram for next week my Instagram is at Hannah Marlene go make go give me a little birthday wish okay or give me a little birthday follow um I do usually post all podcast updates on there so if you want to keep up with me that's kind of the best place but I love you all so so much I hope you take something from this episode um let me know what you think let me know if there's something I maybe left out that you've learned I love to hear from you guys I love um talking to you guys getting to know you guys so yeah feel free to reach out to me anytime time and I love you all so so much happy Gemini season happy 23rd birthday to me and yeah I'll see you guys next week love you all so much