Smoke Sesh - a smoke sesh summer, why I stopped smoking, and retrograde aftercare

Episode Date: June 7, 2022

Happy Tuesday everyone it’s so exciting to jump back into the swing of things and get back to our normal routine. I’m feeling so inspired as the temperature is rising and the hotties are stepping out, and we cover a ton of topics today. We talk everything from retrograde and how it hit Hannah, recovery tips and retrograde aftercare after that draining month. Birthdays and gemini season as well as pride month and labels. We talk why I’ve stepped back on smoking a little bit, the toxic side and how to cold turkey (with the help of pazpacks CBD). Spotify playlists, making & finding magic throughout your day, body neutrality and growing into your womanly figure, and how to have a smoke sesh summer. I’m so excited to be back thank you all for sticking beside me these past few months of growth and remember to submit all questions to the Instagram @ hannahmarlene and I’ll see you Thursday! MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash, so come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Good morning my lovies, long time no talk, no hang out. i have been so incredibly busy first of all thank you to everybody for all the wonderful birthday wishes you guys are so fucking sweet literally i have i've so much love i was just

surrounded by so much love on my birthday honestly i couldn't have asked for a better experience a better birthday i got moved into my new place my boyfriend is a sweet baby angel and he called out and helped me well basically it was him and my dad moving everything which was incredible because i have no idea how i was gonna move my incredibly heavy couch up four flights of stairs because i i don't have an elevator so that was wonderful of him i had an incredible birthday so once again thank you guys so much for all the birthday wishes all the messages really it's incredible the support you guys give me the community we've created here and i'm so lucky to have this i'm so lucky to get on here every week and be able to sit down and hang out with you guys um i've just been

really getting settled into my new place the thing with moving is and you don't really realize this till you move and i kind of forgot about it because i hadn't moved in like two two and a half years is it's a lot of work and it's really fucking expensive it really is moving out of my um parents house i had the best luck ever i was subleasing a house so i had a room in the house and basically the house was completely furnished pots pans spices i had to provide my own food of course and some spices of course and my own furniture and clothes but that was basically it she provided everything else for me the house was basically all set up so I had like nothing to worry about it was quite honestly best case scenario for 20 year old Hannah to move out of

her parents house and kind of have everything available to her but I moved into my own apartment my own one bedroom which is beautiful you're probably going to hear a lot of sirens because it is like more downtown and my walls are kind of paper thin which is fun but um you don't realize how much you need until you're moved in and the place is like fucking empty so like i went to ikea and i accidentally spent like 400 i'm trying to get it all aesthetic all set up because i have very big plans for this podcast i feel like here's the thing here's my conundrum sorry i'm all over the place this morning I have had so much coffee I'm about to down this breakfast burrito too because my stomach is doing cartwheels inside my body but I feel like everybody has a podcast

can we agree with that like everybody has a podcast and that's great that's wonderful I love that so many people are getting into it that there's new ideas there's new things being done but like I'm kind of bored with it not bored with doing this not bored with getting on here and talking to you guys and hanging out with you guys but just like the format um and i want to expand on it and i want to expand on it past the you know typical like video podcast where they're sitting at a desk and you're talking like i want to get very creative with it i have a bunch of ideas i'm very excited to get into it but i do need to get kind of my you know apartment set up so then i have a cute little filming space i also want to do vlogs days in the life so expect

a lot from me here soon this gemini season has really you know it's really just hitting me full force and i have so much energy and so much creative like energy and ideas that i want to express and i want to include you guys in on as well um but we made it through mercury retrograde we made it and holy shit if that retrograde didn't beat my fucking ass i usually do well during mercury retrogrades i can't lie usually um i kind of thrive in chaos i do as long as i'm in the mindset to thrive in chaos and unfortunately this mercury retrograde season i was not in the mindset to thrive in chaos I really wasn't and so chaos kept hitting me and hitting me and hitting me again until I was just beaten into the ground but this Gemini season has

re-sparked some new energy within me I'm feeling relaxed I'm feeling energetic um and I'm finally healing from what uh Mercury Retrograde brought me I feel like the best kind of story to wrap up like how hard mercury retrograde hit me was there's one night we went me and my boyfriend went out um his friends have a band and so we were going out to support them go see them um and you know i got off work and i was like okay like it'll be an easy night you know a casual night out i'll have like a drink maybe two we'll get a chill listen to some good music and then you know i can like get the fuck out of there we can go back to bed go hang out whatever yeah no um that it was not chill it was not chill it was fun i had a great time but it was not chill i

ended up downing like five six seven drinks and then i was like here's the thing once i get drunk i'm like there's no going home because then the fun ends and then i start spinning and then things get bad so I was like okay where's the next place where are we going and so we go to this other bar this like college bar and I get there and I'm like fucked up and all these girls there and they're like oh my god we know you and they were so sweet they were so kind they bought me a drink which was really awesome but also kind of threw me further down the rabbit hole of just like being fucked up and then i blacked out and then i awoke at a um like this like taco place we had walked this taco place we were sitting outside and i ordered myself a chicken quesadilla and i was

like okay i gotta sober up a little bit you know like i'm spiraling i can feel myself spiraling i'm gonna try and take a necessary step forward to unspiral myself you know eat some food soak up that alcohol and so i got a chicken quesadilla and goddamn that was the best chicken quesadilla i've ever had i think the place is called burrito king we were out in lawrence kansas i'm pretty sure what that place i don't know what that place is called because i was blacked out but i'm pretty sure it's called burrito king would go back for sure best quesadilla i've ever had we got back and i just downed this whole quesadilla and when i say this quesadilla was the size of my fucking forearm like it was massive and i was just going to town because it was so good i eat the quesadilla

my boyfriend is also fucked up so like he needs some time to recover before we can like drive home you know what i mean so we're sitting down we're hanging out i'm smoking a bowl which also adds to the problem that i'm facing because then i start getting the spins and then my stomach starts gurgling and here's the thing when i go out and i drink a lot i have to like this sounds really bad but the older i've gotten i can't like keep the alcohol contained within me i've learned that if i just throw up and rally i will feel so much better so we were sitting on these bean bags and they were watching skate videos and i was like sitting close so close to the tv that was like at a weird angle and I'm just watching this guy do a kick flip and I was like oh my god I am gonna

throw up so I like ran upstairs and I'm the best at throwing up because I hit the fan I turn on the faucet and I just like get to business I get it out of my system and you know that's supposed to make you feel better right right no so I was like we gotta go I'm tired I'm done my boyfriend was feeling good at that point fine enough to drive home also if you hear my air conditioning it's loud as fuck i'm so sorry but also it is like 85 degrees here but it feels like 100 because it is so humid so it is a necessity when recording so apologies if that shit's just loud but i was like we gotta go i'm tired i feel disgusting i'm like sticky not from throw up but from alcohol and i want to leave so my boyfriend's like okay great yeah totally um and he you know

it packs me up i get in the car i pass out immediately i'm just like knocked out you know i'm like great this is a great night great end to the night you know i'm good i threw up once but you know that's not too chaotic i didn't do anything embarrassing you know and then i awake out of my slumber like 45 minutes later after sitting in the car we are like two blocks away from the apartment and i just wake up and i feel my stomach turning so i like start hitting the door trying to signal to my boyfriend like pull over like this is I I need to open the car door and you're going 40 miles per hour and I can't do that and he just starts speeding up like I don't think he understand what was going on so I I get the I get the window halfway down and immediately

just projectile vomit all over the side of my boyfriend's car all over and the worst part is it was all chicken quesadilla and so i that's the last thing i remember threw up all over the side of my boyfriend's car i'm like whatever fuck it i need to go to bed i was just like i'm gonna let the mess sit i'll fix it when i'm in a better headspace and i wake up the next morning and i come outside there are literally birds like surrounding his car eating this is disgusting i'm so sorry i'm really sorry but like eating the chicken off the side of the car and i had realized that i only made it like like partially out of the car and there was throw up inside the car i have never thrown up in a place that was not a toilet ever in my years of drinking and like my

seven years of drinking i have never thrown up in a place that is not a toilet and i happen to throw up all over my boyfriend's fucking car not to mention i was supposed to be celebrating my birthday with my parents that night and they were like ready to drink again and they had ordered this like catering of like all this super healthy food and like kale salad and like sweet potato casserole and keep in mind i am like if i eat that i'm gonna throw up again because that sounds disgusting considering I'm so fucking hungover so I had to like go get my car my boyfriend's car washed and detailed and I had to go then to a party at my family's house where they were expecting me to drink and have fun and I just brought my own chipotle and had my sunglasses on and fell asleep

shortly after it was chaos from start to finish and it was a downhill spiral that quite honestly I was not prepared for, nor did I really think was going to happen. And I think that really just sums up how Mercury retrograde kind of hit us all. So let's talk aftercare. I feel like we all need a little bit of TLC during this time, a little bit of, you know, understanding and relaxing after the chaos that it brought. And the same way you need like a good smoothie and a hot bath after a chaotic night out you need to take care of yourself after retrograde as well um take some time for yourself this is an overall chaotic period so take a step back and relax don't make any drastic decisions or changes for a little while get your nails done get a massage have a

girls night a picnic in the park and whatever you do do not text that old flame from your past that you've been thinking about you're doing great give yourself a chance to continue on that path rather than reopen old wounds I feel like I've been getting a lot of questions of like should I go back should I do this should I return to this old phase and the answer is always no okay it really is you got to push forward you got to keep doing good you got to keep on that path spend some time with friends family or your significant other make a playlist of songs you haven't listened to in a while I love a nostalgia aspect I think it makes um it kind of just helps with like the healing process it makes you feel young again in a sense journal get your nails

done um do a fun workout deep clean your living space and your workspace i think it's very important to be conscious about what you are consuming as in social media food whatever but also what you are consuming materialistically and what you are surrounding yourself with um read a new book bake have a dance party with yourself meditate um go to a museum with your bestie watch your favorite movie go through and clean out your camera roll this is something i have been meaning to do i literally have 33 000 photos on my phone and i swear to god like 22 000 of them are like simply um like screenshots like unnecessary things so that's been on my to-do list and another thing is um make sure you take um what was i gonna say make sure you um start doing

like to-do lists like a lot of my journaling is quite honestly listing things that i want to do things that i need to do and things that i'm working on i think this is a great time to like reorganize um focus on your money and reorganize like your budgeting um spend some time outdoors and specifically if you have a significant other i say spend some time outdoors with your significant other i think it's great to get outside together be away from any external like distractions and just spend time to like manifest and meditate together um clean out your closet like i said you need to clean out your space but also clean out your closet i'm literally about to go drop off a shit ton of stuff to the donation i just have so much

clothes that i don't wear that needs to go to a good home um head to a metaphysical shop get yourself a new crystal or stone do some yoga meditate um and yeah just get outside kind of pull yourself together kind of you know check yourself from the chaos that was happening and try and take control back into your life um specifically when it comes to just like the things that might have gotten overwhelming and the things you can actually like take steps within your life to make a little less um anxiety inducing you know what i mean anyways mercury retrograde goodbye you will not be missed um i'm hoping that my headspace is in the right space i mean next time mercury retrograde comes around and i can you know embrace the chaotic energy a

little bit more but holy shit it was just a lot it was a lot um and it ended and immediately like i i knew mercury retrograde was over because i was walking into work one day and this homeless man came around the corner and he he like reached into his pants and he pulled out a whole bottle of new amsterdam and he like lifted his eyebrows and like held it out to me like you want a shot and i was like no i really appreciate it though like thank you i was like good okay the chaos is returned to the universe and things are working in my favor like i really appreciate it sir but i might have to pass but i love the energy you're bringing i guess this is the point in time where i would be like all right let's smoke a little bowl let's get to work let's answer some questions

but i have drastically cut back on my smoking i know crazy the fairy smoke mother herself the smoke says shoddy she has what she's she cut back on her smoking that's crazy but here's the thing i i love weed i love it i think there's so many incredible properties to it i think it can help so many people there's no reason it should be criminalized um i think everybody who is in jail for a weed related offense needs to be released asap i want everybody to enjoy the properties of this but weed is still a drug and it is still addictive despite what the fucking dreadhead white guys like to say it is addicting it can lead to uh substance issues and you can use it in ways that is not beneficial and i think i even got a dm and it was like hey the last couple

of your podcasts have just been like it's hard to follow i'm not sure what you're saying and i was like i had to take a pause and be like okay let me take this feedback and really think critically about it because i mean they're not wrong they aren't i went back listened to them i was like okay, I do, I feel it's a little, it's a little hectic, it's a little, I, my thoughts weren't in the right place, not in, like, a bad way, but I just, like, couldn't put my train of thoughts into a direct forward motion, and I realized that, you know, I smoke a lot, and when I mean I smoke a lot, I mean I was smoking as soon as I woke up, I hit a bowl, probably 10 minutes later I had another bowl um five an hour later i had another bowl like it was a lot of weed that i was consuming

on top of at night i would then smoke dabs i'd smoke two three four dabs you know maybe five maybe ten who knows it was just out of control and i had to sit down and ask myself you know am i doing this in a healthy productive way is this benefiting me am i using this as like a relaxing tool or am i using this as a way of not thinking about my life ignoring my problems ignoring my issues being content with um being bored kind of succumbing myself to a lifestyle of not being aware of my surroundings basically and i realized you know i was probably not using it in the best way possible and how how how dare i you know use weed and kind of talk on these issues and i mean i'm a supporter of marijuana use of course but i can't only talk about the positives

the positives the positives without also talking about the negatives because i feel like it makes a lot of people feel ostracized when they do have real issues with weed so i want to talk about it and I got a few DMs too. People just being like, hey, I think I'm overusing. Hey, I think I really need a tea break, but I just, I need weed in my life. I don't know what to do, and it took me a couple of days to kind of get into the routine of not smoking as much, but keeping yourself busy and keeping yourself prioritized on your goals really really does help um but I was just not using it in a productive way and so I was like you know what I'll take a break we'll do like a little a little test right we'll do a test um see if it improves my brain function see if it improves my

quality of life by not using it as much and I feel like I personally have seen a lot of positives from it. It's been about a week, a week and a half. I'm surprised how fast time has flown by but it was hard at first. It was because I realized that I was spending a lot of my free time simply smoking and dissociating and to combat that you know you got to find things to fill your time with you got to find things to do so it's forced me to go to new places i went to the blue river in missouri which was incredible and beautiful i sat outside i meditated i've been doing a lot of journaling i've been getting new creative ideas and new creative like itches like new things I want to do that I didn't want to do prior because I knew I could just get high and

not think um I've seen a lot more like um consciousness within myself and within the conversations I'm having my attention span is kind of elongating and here's the thing I think a lot of people have a issue with taking a tolerance break or taking a little bit of break or cutting back in any sort of way because they're like well I want to smoke that routine is so engraved in me um that I want to partake in some sort of way and I haven't completely removed that from my life I am still smoking just not as much like maybe one bowl a day maybe one dab a day after I get off work i'm saving it for the end of the day after i do all of my hard stuff all of my uh chores all of my to-dos all of my tasks whether that's done at 3 p.m or 10 p.m i save my smoking

for afterwards so it's like a treat um but you know when i am like i want to spark up i want to you know take this moment to kind of because it's like a it's like a what do you call it a ritual perhaps and I don't like removing rituals for my life um I think I they hold a lot of positivity within my life um so I have just supplemented CBD for weed so whenever I want to roll a little joint I break out my PazPak CBD um whenever I want to load a little bowl I break out my PazPak CBD whenever I you know I'm at work and I want to puff on something and the only way I can really take a break at work is if I go out back with all the other smokers and sit and I want to partake with them i have my little cbd cart and i have been loving that i have i still get all the

benefits of partaking within my ritual um and i'm not i mean i'm not supplementing supplementing as in like taking 10 bowls a day of cbd it's occasional but it still allows me to feel present and coherent within my life while also having um like a slight euphoric effect but nothing so much that it is like debilitating and dissociative does that make sense so as you all know i love past packs they have always been here for me they have always supported me um and i love that you know i am feeling this support as well throughout my tea break journey um as i'm trying to figure out how to better my relationship with weed i love that i still have this like backup this person that's still here for me this like product that's still here for me and that is

very beneficial and very positive within my life um so if you guys are ever needing a tolerance break but you still want to partake within that ritual i 1000% suggest um like paz packs i really do sorry i'm getting literally so many texts from my landlord right now um but paz packs they've constantly supported me and i love that i'm feeling this um support as well through my journey whether they know that they're supporting me or not and if you uh want to try it out you can use code smoke sesh for 10 off i use my own code whenever i'm ordering just because like what am i gonna do turn down 10 off so if you want to try it i really really recommend them they are the only cbd brand that i actually trust and i really believe in them and what they are doing with the high quality

products that they provide and the packaging is just like so cute they put their hundred like a hundred percent of their effort into everything they do i mean i've literally visited their farm like i've seen their process i've seen how incredible it is how fresh their product is and how many lives they can change and how they are trying to help people out through cbd love them pazpax.com you can find them on instagram as well but you know what in celebration why don't we load a little cbd bowl and let's jump into some questions cheers my girlies and let's dive in oh yes yummy this uh this was called like tutti frutti and it's literally delicious also i totally forgot this happened but like just to kind of express how amazing

Paz Pax is I on my birthday I was like working so fucking hard like woke up 7 a.m started moving started packing shit and we were moving I mean like constantly moving like I was sweating my balls off for like seven hours like we didn't stop till like four or five o'clock in the afternoon and so it's still my birthday I'm still like I want to go out I want to do something I want to like have fun and like the only thing i could really think of is we didn't eat all day and i was like i just want to go feast i want to go munch and as you guys know like korean barbecue is like my favorite fucking thing so i got a little dress i got dressed up me and my boyfriend went out korean barbecue we were very excited and as we're there eating pazpac sent me like

uh they just sent me a little venmo and they were like we're covering your birthday dinner we hope you have a great birthday and they literally bought us dinner they bought me my birthday dinner i was like that is the sweetest fucking thing like they go out of their way for the people they work with they go out of their way for their customers they have the best ideas and i'm so happy to i mean be working with them and also to just like be able to have them in my life they ship quick incredible discreet as well um they have new like cbn carts which i am very excited to try because um or like put to good use because as somebody who can't sleep very well and has enjoyed their gummies for sleeping their cbn carts are incredible as a sleep aid and their

CBN is really really hard to find in a vapable um like product and the fact that they do have that is like chef's kiss so love them I have a special place in my heart for them and I'm excited to see where this takes us hi Hannah I'm Elise I'm 19 and I'm from Australia so I'm sending you so much bloody love from Australia but I was just wondering you mentioned briefly in your 420 special about going cold turkey from smoking I've been smoking pretty bloody heavily for about a year now like every night light up before work you know the drill but I'm feeling a little bit of anxiety about quitting I've definitely reached the point where I think for myself I've got to at least quit for a little bit I'm mostly stressing out about sleeping and some of the other

irritable things that come with that so I was just wondering if you would mind sharing your experiences or a couple of tips to do with going cold turkey anyway love you kisses so i know i just rambled all about how i'm kind of well kind of going cold turkey but i wanted to give just like a rundown of a very quick list of items or not items but just like things you can do um that's like kind of more cohesive so first of all cold turkey works it does work as long as you have the self-control if you need to supplement i do recommend it maybe some melatonin gummies like you said if you have issues with sleep um cbn past facts like i said a great sleep aid as well as cbd is great for just like calming down chilling out um i know you can find like

cbd gummies you can have gummies the same way you could do like a melatonin gummy also um find things to fill your day when you are bored when you're sitting around at home when you are like fuck i just want to smoke go for a walk go do something go read a book distract yourself you are gonna have to find things to distract yourself so you don't do so but once you kind of implement those distractions things do get easier i really i trust me they will get so much easier and you will kind of get in the swing of things um it does take about two three days i'd say for you to fully kind of get into the swing of things um find a new routine find comfortability in that new routine as well so give yourself time okay it's not gonna be easy the first day it's not

gonna be easy the second day but it will get easier probably the third or fourth day trust me um but here's a plus for you you will probably have crazy dreams i don't think i've dreamed for the past two years like literally two years and now every single night i'm waking up and i literally am having the craziest dreams no bad dreams yet thank god must be good energy but i'm like dreaming again which is really kind of awesome and wonderful but yeah like i said i am i'm not cold turkey i am smoking just like at night once i get everything done i think there's no issue with that as long as you have the self-control to abstain until then if you don't i say cold turkey might be the way to go supplement with whatever you need um find some melatonin gummies you can

pass out pretty easy after work and good luck I love you if I can do it you can do it too trust me babe hey girly um I've been listening to your podcast for a couple months now I saw your um Instagram story post and decided to click the link but I was hoping for your next podcast since it's pride month we could talk a little bit more about lgbtq plus community things um even if you aren't into that yourself i would love to hear your view on it obviously um if you've experimented in the past and your views on that maybe your friends are a part of the community I'd love to hear um your piece on that in an episode but anyways I love the podcast you are literally the best and so relatable I love you and bye happy pride month everybody

I did want to get into this since it is June very excited big things happening I'm pretty sure our pride parade is on friday for kansas city this upcoming friday i am pretty sure i work unfortunately or else i would be participating um but i've been to pride i love pride super fun super great i have tons of friends who you know are a part of the lgbtq community I would say that I also am a part of the LGBTQ community um I just don't really talk about it too much because I don't know when it comes to like identity things um personally I haven't super experimented a lot and I don't think experimentation really means anything when it comes to identity um i guess i would be considered bisexual i love the girls i love the guys but also

like here's the thing here's how i look at it because like identity is so hard we try and put labels on everything and i honestly believe that not everything you know needs a label i i have a hard time with like the bisexual label because i'm like i don't think it's just like men and women like i know when i really like a person and that's all that really matters to me and i feel like that's how a lot of people feel and i want everybody to feel supported in that and i want people to feel comfortable within that idea and just be open to liking whoever you like but yeah i love you all love all my girlies love all my gays love you um and i'm here to support you through everything that i can but yeah i haven't done a whole lot of experimentation but i do know

i like girls because my browser history from when i was like 11 says so anyways but yeah i think it's super hard to put labels on things simply because new ideas come out and new feelings and new thoughts constantly come out but at the end of the day as long as we're all supporting each other while here for each other throughout the journey of figuring out who we are that's quite honestly all that matters and i have no time for closed-minded fucking quite honestly like bigot people i have no time for you i will not entertain any of your ideology and i'm so sorry if you've been like victimized by these people um because they are fucking insane and they go out of their way to make people feel miserable

about themselves and if you are the kind of person that goes out of your way to make other people feel purposely miserable you are not a good person at all okay so i am here i love you i love everybody here no matter where you are no matter who you are no matter what you're still figuring out just know that you have my support and i love you and happy pride month anyways it's summer okay temperatures have finally reached ungodly levels i saw a tweet the other day it was like the weather's getting so hot because the hell is letting all the gemini's out i was like valid anyways um no gemini slander here uh-uh uh-uh unless it's a man if i was a gemini man i would be un-fucking-bearable i would be a nuisance but since i'm a woman and i have empathy like it's

fine um but like it is 85 90 degrees here you have to be like wearing no clothes when you leave the house because it's humid and it feels like 150 fucking degrees except for i am lucky i will say this because my friend lives in phoenix and she's like yeah it's 110 here and i'm like what you could cook an egg with that like that's insane so it's not as hot as it could possibly be but still it is it's getting there but i'm excited because i have been waiting so long for this time of the year i love it i'm obsessed with it summer has always held like a special place within my heart like like i love it because you have this energy throughout the entire time of like well who cares summer what who cares it's summer do it it's summer why not it's summer you know it

brings such like an airy quality to people's lives and it's so incredible and listen we're not gonna have a hot girl summer we're gonna have a smoke sesh summer all right we are going to becoming our best versions of ourselves we're gonna be taking time for ourselves to relax and rest we're gonna take time to enjoy new things to try new things um because that's what summer's all about summer's all about getting into new things creating new experiences taking that risk taking that leap and i am so excited to do it alongside with you guys now this question is from the questionnaire that i do put on my instagram um but they said how can i have fun during the summer while basically working all the time which felt and someone else said how to not feel bored

now that i'm on summer break from school and just work and sleep and i love these questions because i feel like when we're younger you know summer break really is a true summer break but once you become an adult you know the world doesn't stop spinning the world doesn't stop moving for three months you you have shit to do you got money to make you got things to do and that's okay that's great that's lovely I feel like I have more energy and like in like I have more want to go to work during the summer simply because I'm like excited to get out of the house I'm excited to go do things but I understand wanting to break the mold wanting to get out of your normal routine especially during the summer and this is when I'm kind of like you

need to start scheduling fun things for yourself when you're an adult you unfortunately have to schedule that whimsical that fun like i'm gonna last minute go do this thing doesn't always work because you know work's going on maybe you're exhausted maybe you got school work you need to do and all that is fine dandy valid you gotta have your adult priorities done you know before you can go do the fun things but I don't think that means you should lose out on the fun things it just means you got to take an extra step to make sure that you can do them so it's like I being an adult is kind of crazy because I'm like goddamn I gotta schedule fun what the fuck but it's like if I don't nothing fun's gonna happen for myself and I'm just gonna sit at my house and do nothing so

simple things is like reaching out to friends reaching out to new friends and setting up like a picnic date in the park um maybe in the morning or the evening before it gets too hot um we have like a romeo and juliet in the park every single night um that's completely free and i am very excited to go do that once it finally starts pack a little picnic lunch a little charcuterie board okay get down on that get down with some cheese and some wine and watch romeo and juliet go to a new museum go to a new park I didn't know we had a full fucking river that was like neck deep that I could go swim in um like five minutes from my house like five minutes from where I live so I went and I explored that and it was so beautiful and so wonderful to just get out into

nature like unfortunately I don't have any big trips planned I'm not going to Mexico I'm not going to italy i'm not going to all these crazy places that i think a lot of people are doing right now and i think that's also bringing a lot of people like um fomo someone was like fomo's hitting me so hard right now and i'm struggling and i feel that but you're gonna continuously feel fomo if you're only consuming other people's lives choose to consume your own life create small magic everywhere that you walk create and like um romanticize those moments in your life no matter where you are like listen i live in kansas city missouri you tell that to somebody from italy and they're like why the fuck would you ever want to choose to live there like are you not miserable

and the answer is no i could be miserable i could be having the worst time i could be like well i don't live here so what's the point of living well i'm not doing this and i haven't achieved this so what's the point in me having fun i don't deserve to have fun because i haven't achieved these milestones i don't deserve to you know feel grateful for where i am because i live somewhere that's not like typically romanticized i'm happy and i'm healthy and i'm grateful for where i am because i understand that creating small magic throughout your day and romanticizing the small bits that you do have creates like incredible wonders for your mind your body and your soul okay small happiness has to be achieved throughout your day or else like life is going to get

miserable and you will get FOMO but I really really encourage you to kind of start finding small things throughout your life that you enjoy it can be as small as like you know the cup of coffee that you have in the morning was really really good or as small as you know you saw a butterfly that you haven't seen in a long time on a walk or you got out of your house to get on a walk and that's incredible and you took some time to yourself or you experienced a new thing you have to constantly find new things to romanticize about and i feel like people are like kind of against romanticizing but nostalgia is always an aspect that i have been chasing throughout my life I love the feeling of nostalgia it is the only feeling and emotion that I'm quite honestly

addicted to I love looking back at my life and appreciating the small moments that I did have or the big moments that I did have um and really feeling proud and um excited for a young me um I mean I have a whole tattoo dedicated to it on my arm people are always like what are the leaves on your arm but they're sumac leaves because I grew up on sumac street and I wanted something to honor the moments of my life that i did spend in my childhood home and in my childhood cul-de-sac with all my neighbors and my friends and my family for the 10 15 i mean 18 plus years that i was there it was a big moment in my life it's where i grew up it really just signifies like who i was as a young person and i love that i you know have that on my arm to commemorate that but

summer is all about finding happiness wherever you can i was thinking back on winter and i was like i felt so stripped i felt so lost because there were so many opportunities that weren't available to me simply because you know the world is kind of cold and shut off but now the world has opened up for you the world is like your oyster again there's so many new things that you can do there's so many things going on so many events you just have to take the priority in your life to go find those and choose those and make magic out of it hey hannah so my question today is um like i know you have your spotify um podcast but do you have any spotify like playlists for like smoke shash smoke smoke shash or um hot girl walk or anything like that um like do you have

any recommended playlists do you follow people do you make your own like get into it girl let us know because we love you I love you um your style literally inspires me every day I'm a photographer I love art so it's like I love seeing like the creativity that you put into your brand it's so good um but yeah love you hope you have a great day um forehead kiss please that was so precious okay so here's the thing i'm a very chaotic human being and i'm very bad at organizing and i used to be an apple music slut like i loved apple music that's what i used like when i first got an iphone um up until like two years ago i always used apple music and when i used apple music i would organize by year so i'd have a year a playlist for the year

and i would just add add add add add now with spotify it's even more um chaotic you can find my spotify profile all of my playlists are public you can literally listen to any music that i have added to any of them um but it's smoke sash i believe one word or two words either way you'll see me in like a bunny hat as the profile picture um but yeah you can find all of my playlists there i believe they organize it by what i'm listening to like most recently so the one i'm listening to most recently is hello sun and it's not organized by like type of music or like energizing or like sexy time no it's just random if i like it and that's the playlist i'm using most currently i just add it so good luck with that but yeah all the music that i've listened to in the past two

three years even old like music that makes me feel really nostalgic is on that profile so good luck hunting girlies okay i feel like a lot of people as well going into summer are kind of questioning some friendships they're really getting confused with friendships so we're gonna talk about what truly makes a good friend this is a longer dm um like i said if you have any questions you can always submit them to my instagram at hannah marlene if they're long feel free to dm uh dm them to me but if they're short feel free to just send them to my questionnaire that i put up once a week but here is the question they said hey hannah love you in the pod love you i've had this friend for the last couple of years now and our friendship is very deep he's a very

emotional person and i do love that about him as i am quite emotional myself but i'm starting to feel a huge amount of weight on me i've been traveling for the last three months and was kicked out of my house my home on my second night back the last two weeks i have been i have only been focusing on working and arranging my living situation he sent me a 12 minute voice note venting about all the traumatizing events that have happened the last few weeks and how i have not been available enough to him very sensitive topics which i am in no mental capacity to be hearing he continues to tell me that i am always letting him down and disappointing him as a friend and he assumes my other friends feel the same my other friends have been so supportive and

understanding this during this time and i am truly blessed this friendship hurts and i never feel good enough penny for your thoughts so love this question i think it's a very this is very normal happens what the fuck am i trying to say happenstance is that a word i feel like i've heard that before anyways very normal situation that i think a lot of people in friendships find themselves in okay where the level of commitment not in a bad way is just different i'm the kind of friend who needs space okay and here's what i genuinely believe is a good friendship i think the best friendships are the ones where you can take the space you need for your life for how chaotic it's gonna get your friend can take the space they need for their life for their life

and how chaotic it's gonna get and when you both are through those periods of times and you can finally come back together it feels as if no time has passed and you guys haven't missed a beat and you're back to being best friends that is true friendship friends have to hold space for each other I'm the type of friend who's like yeah I might get in a month-long depression pit and I might not text anybody including my parents so I you do not need to take it personally when I don't text you no offense there's no nothing personal happening and the people who do find personal things within that maybe need you know friends that are a little bit more mentally stable or maybe need a therapist like friends are not somebody that you can just go and dump all of

your emotional baggage onto and then be like cool want to smoke no like yes you can be there for each other yes you can talk about things but if you're only using your friend to vent you need to find a therapist quite honestly because you are not paying your friend enough to be dealing with those that emotional baggage okay of course my friends are there for me whenever i need advice they're there for me if my problems are too big you know they give themselves space if i need space and i'm going to disappear for a few months because i'm going crazy or i'm moving or all these crazy things are happening within my life they allow that and they don't take it personally and they understand because i think the biggest thing that you need to do in this life is realize that

yes the world does revolve around you but it revolves around every single other person okay and they are living their own life they are doing their own things and you need to be supportive about everything that they're doing because you're a friend and ultimately that is what you were there to do you're not there to be a therapist you're not there to be a lap dog you're not there to be a mother or a father you're there to be a friend period point blank and like i said the best friends that you're ever gonna have are the people who allow you space who give you the time that you need to figure things out to do what you need to and when you guys do reconnect it is like it is like you've been hanging out every day for the past couple years okay the chemistry is back

the feelings are back you guys are having a great time those are the friends that you're gonna cherish and those are the friends that are gonna last a lifetime all right sounds like this guy just needs some space sounds like you need some space sounds like he needs a therapist I'd say just be like hey I don't think this is a beneficial situation for you because I do need some time right now um I would appreciate if you gave me a moment to kind of figure my life out and then I would love to rekindle this friendship and if he freaks out that's on him unfortunately but you'll get through this I hope you guys are surrounded by good friends I hope you're really taking a look at who you're surrounding yourself with um because I mean who you surround yourself

with makes a huge difference with how your experience in life is going to be it is also bikini season i know that could cause a lot of fear in a lot of people that could also cause a lot of excitement in a lot of people i think at one point in my life it caused a lot of fear and now it's causing me a lot of excitement because it's so fucking hot out that i'm like yeah you know what i do want to be able to go in public and wear a bikini i do i wish i i wish because it's so hot i don't care what i look like i just want to feel comfortable you know what i mean and i've been getting a lot of dms about people being like hey i've put on some weight hey my body's changed from when i was younger hey i don't know if i'm feeling as confident this bikini season

and i want to talk about it let's get into it you know we're talking all the topics of summer here so i think this is another very important one um a you are beautiful i know this is going to sound redundant i know every fucking woman is going to tell you this but truly in your heart you are beautiful you are wonderful you are incredible and you should not feel any shame for the wonderful body that you have with you your body has gotten you so far your body takes all the steps for you your body takes all the breaths for you and it is quite honestly beautiful and wonderful that we have these vessels to carry us throughout the life that we are living mine's carried me on like 13 mile hikes has carried me to the most beautiful scenes that i have been able to visually experience

has i mean taken a lot of fucking beatings as well i can't lie and yet it still perseveres on and i used to hold a lot of resentment for my body but now i hold a lot of thankfulness that i get to appreciate and live and enjoy myself within my body now i do understand there's such things as the patriarchy and there are such things as beauty standards and unfortunately that's a part of the society that we live in now and i hate how it creates a environment and in space where it just quite honestly makes a lot of people feel uncomfortable which is horrible um but i have been getting a lot of dms of people of like just talking about hey my body has changed as you grow up your body is going to change and it's going to change drastically kind of within your 20s

just because you are going from a literally a child's body to okay a woman's body and i'm speaking from my experience here um but it can cause a lot of dysphoria it can cause a lot of confusion it can cause a lot of like shock because yes your body is changing and your body probably hasn't changed for a while i personally have put on 10 15 pounds which is crazy but also it's necessary and good because if i stayed at the weight that i was i would not be able to develop into the more womanly figure that i am taking on now and you know the little extra rolls on my belly the cellulite the stretch marks that i am getting it freaked me out at first i can't lie but i'd like to put this into perspective for you so i put on my instagram yesterday if you guys

didn't see it was like what's your favorite movie recommendations i just need new things to watch new inspiring new things to inspire me i love cinematography i love storytelling um i also love documentaries if you guys have great documentaries to suggest please let me know but um interview with the vampire was what somebody commented and i had never seen that movie i had only heard about it like kind of everywhere and talking about pride month it was giving pride month it was giving pride month bradley cooper was real oh it's not bradley cooper brad pitt lots of sexual tension between the male vampires i cannot lie but if you haven't seen it i really do recommend going and watching it it was pretty good i can't lie um there's a

reason it was it's kind of like critically acclaimed that a lot of people talk about it but there's a specific scene in which and spoiler alert it's necessary for the topic we're talking about right now and i'm not giving away a lot but they he gets turned into a vampire right and there's a lot of loneliness that is felt and he ends up biting a child a orphan child whose mother had been taken by the plague he he ends up biting her and she was gonna lose her life obviously because all of her blood had been sucked out of her so they turned her into a vampire so they had a little bit more to experience another person to experience the world with them um a child almost these two male vampires uh could have a child and so she becomes a vampire

she becomes a bad bitch it's fuck who is it kirsten dunst love her great actress but it's her she's like eight or nine and she does some great acting for like a fucking nine-year-old i can't lie but she becomes a vampire and you know they live their little vampire life their little vampire family but time goes on five years 10 years 15 years the world changes and soon enough it's 40 years later and you know they're they're immortal they don't change they don't grow and she's still a child although her mind has changed although the views on her world has changed although she is a grown woman within her head because she has spent those years developing and learning and discovering new things she is still stuck in the body of a child there's a specific

scene which i love it's beautiful where she is they're like out hunting or whatever at night and you know they're walking around town in new orleans it's like fucking like 1800s and she's walking around and she looks over and through like a window she can see a grown woman you know bathing herself and she's curvaceous she has all of her assets you know what i mean i'm trying not to be like vulgar here but she's naked bathing herself very beautiful i love like womanly figures i think it's uh super wonderful and beautiful to see them portrayed especially in movies um but she looks at them they're like yes that's like the perfect feast of course she would find the perfect feast and she was like no i'm admiring her and they're like why are you admiring her

and they're like because that i will never be her i will never be able to be her and she kind of falls into this downhill spiral of like this mental spiral that she's forever stuck in this childlike body and she wants nothing more than to develop into who she could possibly be to develop into a woman to take on these aspects of womanhood and she will never ever have that i mean experience and it kind of caused her a lot of existential dread if you watch the movie she goes into a full-blown panic attack starts cutting all her hair off starts growing crazy and it's like you know what you're right i do feel very privileged and i do take my body for granted a lot and if i was stuck in that childlike body for however long she was i would probably go through the same spiral

because it isn't it's an honor to grow and be able to grow up and be able to experience mortality and to be able to experience the way that we live our life to this day and the way that life is with how we grow and change and develop throughout the years. It's incredible to take on, you know, these pounds or these wrinkles or these stretch marks because I know that my body will persevere through it all. And I know that my body is constantly here for me and constantly here to protect me and to constantly keep me moving and going. And I love that and I feel very grateful.

i think that put a lot of things into perspective so you know when i'm at the pool and my cellulite shows a little bit i'm not gonna think twice because i feel grateful to have it you know i feel grateful to not be stuck in a childlike body for the rest of my life even though that's probably what the patriarchy wants for me that is not what i want for myself i want to see myself grow i want to see myself continue not just in a mental way like not just in a mental capacity but also in a physical capacity as well um like i said i say this all the time i don't think i'm gonna peak until i'm fucking 80 you know and i'm old and yeah you know my back might hurt a little bit and i'll probably have a bunch of wrinkles and you know my hair will turn gray but i think i

will feel the most peace and understanding in myself and within my body at that time when i'm 80 i know we really look at aging as kind of like a curse but i see it as a blessing and i see that every year that we have on this earth to experience our bodies to experience our mind to experience new things is truly a blessing and if we don't learn and continue to grow through it all then what's the point you know overall things to take away for this smoke sash summer okay because i want us all to participate i want us all to continue i want us all to feel our best and our hottest that we could possibly be this summer okay so hotness is not a bodily construct hotness is not a physical attribute it is absolutely a hundred percent a mental mentality a mental

mentality i just saw the most beautiful like tiger butterfly fly by you know when i'm talking about the like yellow ones with like the black stripes wow okay anyways sorry i get so distracted i have such big windows in my apartment oh my god i feel so blessed they're ginormous like i only use natural light i love it okay anyways that was completely off topic confidence comes from within and I a thousand percent believe that confidence is a mindset okay and it's only a mindset that works when it's rooted within belief in yourself so work on trusting yourself work on not self sabotaging this summer work on holding space for yourself this summer okay you have to be able to trust your mind and I understand it's really hard to trust your mind like I get it I used to be so

self-sabotaging it was me versus my mind it was me versus my anxiety it was me versus my self-harm constantly i was constantly like brutalizing my body take time to learn to trust yourself i know as much as you have to learn to trust other people you have to learn to trust yourself and trust your mind and trust your body all right step one i guarantee if you root your confidence based in yourself and your trust in yourself you will glow fucking differently this year speaking of glowing i put this on my instagram um and i was like i'm adding to my hot girl like smoke sesh summer bucket list um that to get outside at least for an hour every day if you can whether it's in the morning whether it's in the evening whatever it is

get outside experience fresh air and get some sunlight on your fucking skin i don't care if it's gonna cause wrinkles i don't care if it's gonna cause skin damage i mean obviously lather up in that sunscreen babe but i guarantee it does wonders for your mental health someone even messaged me and was like but does this really work like no i'm just here lying to you like that's just what i'm doing for fun i'm just lying to you yes it really works i promise like i wouldn't utilize these things in my life and also like suggest them to you if they didn't work as same thing goes with like brand deals or things that i like tag on my instagram i'm not gonna tag shit or like go with brand deals that like are a cheap easy quick money fix i don't fuck with that

shit i fuck with things that are real i fuck with things that i fuck with that i truly believe have some sort of like impact on me and getting outside getting in the sun does fucking wonders whether it's going for a walk i know the hot girl walk is super popular sometimes i'm a lazy fucking bitch sometimes i don't want to walk you know what maybe i maybe you can't walk that's fine go outside go to a park go just sit at your local coffee shop go to a restaurant that has a patio get a drink you know relax whatever it is just get outside for an hour I guarantee it will oh my god quality of life immediately increasing also when it comes to cluttering I feel like my life feels cluttered when my space is cluttered so now that I've moved into a new space I'm trying to make it like a

point and be very like aware of my surroundings and not let myself get cluttered and not let myself get overwhelmed because when my space is overwhelmed my mind gets overwhelmed and then the chaos just like ensues all right step four don't be afraid to take a risk okay i got a lot of messages of like i'm going on a trip alone or like i'm doing this or i'm scared to do this or should I go to this concert? And the answer is always yes. Try new things. Put yourself out there. It's scary. It's a little anxiety inducing. I get it. I totally do. Take the risk. I guarantee the reward, the payoff will be so absolutely worth it. You will make new memories. You will make new friends. I have friends that like I met at a concert when I was like 18 and we still like

occasionally keep in touch like we still keep in touch with each other's lives and literally i met them for maybe 30 minutes but it's incredible the connections and the experiences that you can have within the world when you stop holding yourself back the only person holding yourself back i guarantee is you i mean of course we all have situational aspects monetary aspects whatever but when it comes to the simple things where you are just holding yourself back and it's just you do it get out there take a risk and also sometimes you take a risk and you make a mistake that's okay how are you ever gonna learn if you don't take that jump if you don't take that risk the big thing is when you do make a mistake is to learn from it take something from it make adequate

apologies make apologies to yourself if needed and learn learn to not not do that simple thing again okay but don't be afraid to take a little risk another thing is i'm trying to consume less unnecessary content i feel like with our phones we are always suggested content suggested things you know and although that's wonderful and finding new things is great i'm trying to be very considerate with what i'm consuming on my phone like i said the same way you have to be pay attention to what you're consuming um throughout your life pay attention to what you're consuming content wise and try and find things that actually inspire you not things that are just mind-numbing okay there are things that you can find on your phone that are productive that do get you

creatively inspired find those like i said i was trying to watch movies that you know would inspire new like cinematic um shots for me like new ways that i can film new ways that i can make videos um find things that are deliberately inspiring you creatively in whatever practice that you enjoy and also be open to the idea of your creative practice changing i got a dm and they're like what's your favorite medium and i feel like the art school answer for me is you know oil paints like that's what i'm classically trained in that's what i've always used since i was young i mean since i was like high school young that's what i got comfortable with painting specifically oil paints but if i'm being a thousand percent honest and i even had to have

this conversation with my dad because my boyfriend was like yeah she's constantly creating it's just constantly evolving and changing and that kind of caught him off guard because i think a lot of people assume that your creative practice has to be one thing that you do for the entirety of your life but if i'm being honest i have like two or three things that i cycle through weekly and it changes constantly i do this podcast i never thought i would get on here and do a podcast try it out maybe you enjoy it maybe you enjoy making videos maybe you enjoy charcoal maybe you enjoy knitting maybe you enjoy sewing maybe you enjoy literally the options are endless take a risk try something new inspire yourself in new creative ways it's always just so fun to find that

energy and that passion that you have when you're like you know 13 and you're in your bedroom and it's 2 a.m., and you're the only person awake in your house, and, you know, you find that rabbit hole of something that's so, like, invigorating, that's something that's so entertaining, something that's so, like, that you get passionate about, I miss that childlike passion, and you have to constantly search through it without your life, um, and, and when you do find it, go for it, all right um and like I said you have to make time to find small moments of magic throughout your day um you got to romanticize your life a little bit I don't think there's anything wrong with it I don't think there's anything wrong with you know taking what you have and trying to make

the best of it and trying to find new perspectives and new ways of seeing things I think it's so incredible that i can sit here in a life and live it and have the most the utmost fun when someone else could look at my life and be like ew why would you you know live there why would you do this you know what it's my life and as long as you find that happiness throughout your life and you make time and space for it that is all that fucking matters i had somebody um dm me and they like i i i posted a meme about fresh fruit i was like fresh fruit is also a staple this summer you know consume as much fresh fruit and honestly fresh fresh vegetables as you can i think i'm gonna become a salad girl this summer and no not like a salad girl and like a diet kind of way no

like i love salads i love like eating greens as if i'm like a bunny you know like a wild creature that just forages like i love that and i love um like colorful veggies and consuming them in any ways that i possibly can um i'll probably post some like salad recipes some fulfilling like filling salad recipes because i know a lot of those are like 200 calories no i need like a 1500 calorie salad like i want to go in you know what i mean but also um fresh fruit someone was like i went to the park and i i like devoured a mango with my bare hands and i was like yes that like primal feeling of like feeling the juices drip down your body and like eating fresh fruit how it's supposed to be consumed someone else was like i'm a kiwi girl this summer i'm

like love it have you ever bitten into the skin of a kiwi it is such a strange feeling but my um uh my brother who was my foster brother he is from jamaica and he was like when we when we would buy kiwis he's like have you ever eaten with skin on that's how we eat it or that's how he ate it at least and you know he would eat the kiwi like apple and i had never eaten kiwi skin before and it's a weird texture you kind of have to fight through but it adds a whole another layer to the experience of it the like primal experience of just like enjoying fresh fruit how it is created obviously you can't eat the skin of all fruit so be careful with that but you know what i'm getting at fresh fruit fresh veggies go to the farmer's market um go visit a local farm go

berry picking like i feel like there's so much energy within the earth and within the experiences that we have around the earth and it's really important to you know set up times to experience that and to get back out into nature and experience um the beauty of what mother nature creates for us the landscapes the trees the birds the animals and the fruit and the food that we eat every day anyways i hope that's a lot of tips i hope that's a lot of tricks for you guys thank you for joining me this is kind of the first like normal episode of smoke sesh that we've had in a while um i mean i had my birthday episode where i just talked about 23 things i've learned in 23 years i can't believe i'm 23 actually like that's mind-blowing to me i um

never could see myself living to 23 and i'm so excited to be here and to experience it with you guys and to do this podcast and i'm very excited to see where it takes us as well um once again if you have any questions always submit them to my instagram at hannah marlene um i either will dm you and try and get back to you there or you might be featured in one of our episodes but with that i'm gonna take one last little hit of this cbd bowl and i'm gonna get ready for work and i'm gonna get on with my day and try and find some new magic throughout my day and i hope you do as well i love you all so much thank you for standing with me and standing by me and having my back no matter where we go just understand that i always have yours no matter where you are

no matter who you are i will always love you and support you the same way you love and support me so let's cheers to that let's cheers this summer and let's cheers to new and inspiring activities oh yeah love you all so much