Smoke Sesh - acid, confidence & therapy

Episode Date: December 16, 2021

Happy Thursday! We have much to cover in todays episode starting with acid, Hannah’s first time doing acid, shrooms, confidence & self confidence, situationships, holidays, and therapy & how to find a therapist! Hope you all have a wonderful Thursday

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, someone to look out for them. Some people call me their internet big sister, others their fairy smoke mother. You can call me Hannah, the new host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. Some good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. Good morning, everybody. How are we doing?

it is thursday thursday december 16th oh my god i've had like the past three days off sorry if tuesday's episode was a little low energy um i was recovering mentally from working so much but we're back and we're better than ever and i've had a full cup of coffee so i'm ready to fucking go i'm ready to answer some questions i'm ready to fucking hang out and light up and have a great time this episode of smoke smash um not that i don't have a great time every time quite honestly highlight of my week and the fact that i can do it twice a week is this podcast so thank you for showing up thank you for continuing this for me i am so excited for what we have in store also I know this podcast is titled smoke sesh I know it's

titled smoke sesh I know there's a weed leaf on my art but a lot of people have been like I don't even smoke and I just listen to you like in the background when I'm doing work when I'm cleaning when I'm driving when I'm getting ready in the morning and honestly like great I love that this the podcast wasn't created just for people just for people who smoke i don't give a fuck everybody's invited everybody could hang out that's how my smoke sessions work uh i hate when there's like when i show up to a sesh and there's like rules or they don't want to share with you or they judge you for coughing or they judge you for not partaking like girl i don't give a fuck as long as the vibes are right you can hang you can do whatever you want i literally do not care so i

hope you're gonna have a great time with me today feel free to do literally whatever you want while listening to this you're all invited and we're gonna have a great time um this first question uh we're actually gonna talk about acid i just wanted to jump right into it okay i was feeling a little spicy i was thinking about um new year's eve doing some drugs so i was going back in my mind about what drugs have i taken and what did i experience what would be the best here's the thing a lot of you have been like um i'm thinking about doing this for my for the first time um i'm thinking about doing well just like any drug for the first time and like that's okay that's lovely do not do anything unless you're past 21 i have to put that psa out there even

though i did things under 21 many different things i highly recommend just at least waiting until you're 21 to kind of step into some mind-altering substances because your little brain is so precious okay your little brain is incredible and so precious and you need to take care of her and make sure she's hydrated and she's stimulated and these little drugs are not gonna stimulate or hydrate your brain so the longer you can avoid it while your brain is developing the better like as much as i use drugs and i talk about using drugs um i have done lots of research especially through nursing school of the negative effects that drug have on your brain especially during young development and i'm also facing the repercussions currently now so i have to give

that PSA so sorry if that was long but we're gonna talk about acid I'm not doing acid but um some people have been asking me about acid I don't think I've really talked about it on here I haven't done acid a lot um the one time I've really really done acid I'll tell you about but I prefer not to do it um if I was gonna do any sort of psychedelics my choices would obviously be mushrooms that is the safest alternative um it is all natural i feel like the high that you get and the trip that you are set on isn't as unhinged and uncontrollable and you it feels just way more natural way more comforting way more relaxing acid on the other hand um i felt a little anxious throughout the whole process um I and I think it has to do with the whole synthetic nature of it

um I could just be psychotic and overthinking it but in my head that's how that works also shrooms are gonna be about a four hour trip while acid lasted me literally three days okay let's get into it so I was in art school at the time right living at my parents house um and I had dropped out well I dropped out of nursing school and I was then attending art school in Kansas City at the Art Institute and you know just waitressing on the side whatever I can do to make some money I usually would just waitress my class would end at five so then I would go in for like a evening shift or a night shift and then I'd work like all weekend um and this happened to be like a random Friday night shift that I was scheduled and I was scheduled to close so I was like I'm

bored let me just hit my friend up and I hit my friend up from oh I have to bleep her name okay I literally love her and I don't think she'd care but I am gonna bleep her name but I hit my girly up who still lived in Omaha at the time from my old school I was like what are you doing are you hanging out like we should do something I just got some acid and she was like bitch I will drive down to see you so she drove four hours while I was in class down to see me by the time I was like in the middle of my shift at work she had arrived in Kansas City so she came up to my restaurant and she got some food and we were talking and I was like hopefully I'll be out of here soon like it was like eight o'clock I was like we need to get on we need to get into this

if we're gonna take acid like i need to get the fuck off this off the clock you know what i mean my bestie was bartending bartending at the time so she was like serving us shots i was like hell yeah um 10 o'clock rolls around i'm finally off work 10 o'clock is too late to eat acid that is way too late to eat acid we get back to my house um and you know we pop some tabs i don't know what else to tell you we eat the acid do not eat acid at 10 o'clock at night because then your whole schedule is going to be all sorts of fucked up if it's like an eight hour trip which is how much it usually is i would start like four o'clock three o'clock in the afternoon so then you can get like that sunset moment in and that nighttime moment and then by the time it's like

12 o'clock at night you're done like you're ready to go to bed you know what i mean here's what happen we eat the acid there's like not really anything to do when you do drugs it's usually because there's not really anything to do so you're like i'll just fucking eat a tab or whatever um so we were eating acid and i remember okay visuals go fucking crazy on acid crazy nothing else has given me visuals quite like acid shrooms like you know the walls will breathe and whatever but it's not like insane. So like on my home TV, um, the loading screen or like the system that I have on my TV for like streaming is Google. And if you have the Google, uh, actually by the Google system, I'm serious. I'm dead serious by the Google system. If you're going to take acid,

because the loading pictures that they have when you're like TV hasn't been used in a while are these incredible high definition beautiful pictures from all over the world I remember looking at this like little house with this like beautiful gorgeous sunset in the background and it was like sitting on stilts in a rice paddy like beautiful beautiful I'd like though and the rice was like like waving and like and the water was like glistening and these aren't videos my brain was just seeing this there was another one of this like seal underwater and it was it looked like it was swimming through seaweed and the seaweed was like moving around it no this is just a plain old fucking picture my brain was just like oh my god and then we were trying to

make um candy bracelets not like actual candy but you know like candy for raves like um little beaded bracelets um you're trying to make those and it was so hard to get my brain and my fingers to work to move to like even create anything I think we ended up making like two bracelets and then we went like sat in her car or whatever for a little bit to smoke a little jay a little blah I don't know what you're smoking obviously something by by then it was like 3 a.m okay and then we were sitting in our car and we got into this like thought you get into these thought loops where you will be like hmm well for me it was like is that a light pole or is that a tree i know crazy and then we would like stray away from the conversation and then you come back to it you're

like is that a light pole or tree and you stray away a little bit is that a light pole or tree literally it's like fucking circles of thought it's crazy i've never experienced anything like that other than on acid my mind just could not get away and i was like girl i don't know what the fuck that is is that a light pole or a tree all the trees were like moving and meshing and bending into each other um it was crazy anyways 5 a.m rolls around i'm done i'm done to be fair at this point i have been used to molly so i was like three four hours max and i was like good you know what i mean it's 5 a.m yeah 5 a.m i'm like i'm so tired i'm ready to go to bed my friend who has done acid many of times was like there's no sleeping and i was like what she's like girl we're

still rolling there's no sleeping you're like you cannot go to bed once you're uh tripping like you will not be able to fall asleep i was like no i'm a different breed so we go upstairs in my room she puts on like hannah montana hannah montana was tripping me the fuck out i did not like watching that show on acid i closed my eyes i wake up my i open up my eyes i wake up and it's 30 minutes later no i did not fall asleep it's 5 36 we're hungry i'm like okay let's go get some bagels there's literally nothing else open might as well get some bagels so my friend drives us to einstein bagels first of all we are still on acid my pupils are still like i look like i have been through it i am wearing leggings and a tie-dye hoodie like the full hoodie like pulled tight

around my head like i am still tripping balls we go into this einstein bagels we order bagels we sit down i feel like people are looking at me weird and then the einstein bagels gets rushed by people rushed by people the local synagogue next door had just released like their early early um prayer group i'm so sorry if i'm saying that wrong i don't know it was like a sunday morning all the old people had just got out of the synagogue and we're now coming over to the bagel place right next door to get some food and i realized oh my god that synagogue is my ex-boyfriend's synagogue and his grandma might show up so i was freaking out because i know his grandma likes going to uh church or whatever and then i was like oh my god his grandmother's gonna

show up and see me here on acid and i'm gonna this is gonna be terrible um so we leave we get the fuck out of there because i was paranoid about his grandma seeing me on acid we go back to my house we hang for a little bit my friend leaves she drives back to omaha literally she was there for like 12 hours for a trip hers had worn off by then she was good i was like she was like i gotta go home i gotta go finish finals or whatever i was like okay bye safe travels she's a real one for driving down that's like four hours but i had a final due that week in art school and if anybody has any idea how hard regular school is art school is like 10 times harder and everybody is also 10 times as or more pretentious so it's like you gotta perform

you gotta have some shit done so I was like at home freaking out I or well I was like I need to go finish this still on acid I need to go finish this and I have to have it done in the next two days and I only have two days off and I haven't slept but I don't have time to sleep so I was weaving a mask I was hand weaving a mask and weaving little broken mirror pieces into the woven mask very odd but I was like I remember sobbing sobbing I was so tired and I was weaving this mask I was just crying and I was the mirrors were like cutting my fingers and I was like this is horrible this is awful I'm not getting anywhere with it and then I was like a whole day passes i'm ready to go to bed i lay down my mind can't sleep i wake back up i finish the project i'm

taking photos i'm like crying i'm so distressed i go into school i am like literally like you can see the bags under my eyes i'm crying like at my desk like i'm so fucking tired i just want to go to bed like this acid is still not worn off like what the fuck and eventually the acid wears off but three days later and i finished my final and i actually got an a in that class so i i i um got an a in my final so maybe the acid had something to do with it but that was fucking painful that was painful i was like i have never been more exhausted more tired in my entire life but like finals were coming up so i was like i have to finish this like i do not have a choice I was so determined to do well in art school that even like on acid I was like girl you better get

to fucking work anyways yeah just don't take acid late at night and you think you'll be okay I think that's what fucked me up so bad and then I fucked up my sleep schedule on top of that but yeah I'm gonna stay away from acid after that like shrooms for sure those are my besties anyways yeah that came to my attention because oh my god new year's eve I'm getting a table at my favorite club I'm so excited I invited some great people out and then I like I was like it's like my favorite club and my friend at work she works at a club she's a bartender and I was like girl how much you make because like at work as a server I make good money but I was like what is nightlife like she was like oh I make easily a thousand dollars in like two nights easily like

over a thousand dollars i was like get me a bottle girl job right now get me one anyways i texted the club and i was like hey can i get a table they're like hell yeah and then i was like are you guys looking for promoters are you guys looking for bottle girls check me out awesome we'll see if i have a new job soon that would be fucking awesome like i'm so down for the money but i definitely think i'm gonna eat a little bit of molly on new year's eve because i have my own table so i'll have like somewhere calm and comfortable to like um retreat back to if things get too intense also they only play like edm music so it'll be great for the molly and then i also have to buy like three liters of bottles i have to buy three bottles how the fuck am i gonna drink three bottles

of alcohol like i am a smoker i'm a smoker you know what i mean like i can put down seven blunts easily like in 30 minutes three bottles i'm gonna need some help like i'm i'm gonna need help drinking that people were asking for book recommendations as well um and i posted this on my instagram at hannah marlene it was just an instagram story of like all my favorite books but i'll go ahead and tell you guys right now because here's the thing i used to love reading i used to love reading i would sit in my room late at night and hide books under my pillows when my parents sent me to sleep so i could then pull the books out when they left and read them i was obsessed with reading and i feel like everybody was our obsession with reading has

kind of killed a little bit through forced reading of many different books in high school but i feel like the books in high school you're forced to read you know were general literary things that we probably need to read to be human beings um but reading for fun you gotta bring it back and no one's gonna force you to read so you kind of gotta force yourself to read um when i was in a severe depression and i was just like laying in bed and not doing anything at all um and the only mental stimulation i got was quite honestly from my phone which is not okay that is not the mental stimulation you need especially when you're depressed um kind of replacing that with a book and letting my mind still escape and still dissociate but maybe to a different world and

maybe learn new things through these books is way better and it's going to make you feel way better than if you just like lay in bed and don't do anything so if you are depressed you're feeling that little seasonal depression girl i feel you here's some of my favorite books um and they're not all book books some of them are poetry books some of them are short stories some of them are illustrated books as well so we're gonna start off the first one is The Girls by Emma Klein I think it is um it's a really fun read um I don't think you're necessarily gonna agree with everything that characters do or the main character but it's a really good read um kind of about cults kind of about um gives Charlie Manson vibes back in the 70s very fun to read

um a great way to escape the world if you need to escape for a little bit does make you do some deep diving thinking about yourself and the choices you make um i think it's good i read it a couple years ago and it stayed on my shelves and i occasionally pick it up to reread it next um how to cure a ghost by um fariha rosen i i'm not sure if i butchered that name i'm so sorry but it's a collection of her poetry and poetry specifically about her experience in the world and finding her identity in the world as specifically as a POC woman and I believe she might be queer as well so identity is a little bit hard and confusing especially for her and I love the way that she puts herself and throws herself into her poetry and does so very authentically

and very vulnerably um many of those poems have made me cry um especially the ones about her relationship with her mother um next all about love bell hooks it's a classic you need to read it if you love love you'll love this book um rest in peace bell hooks i cannot believe she passed away yesterday she is so incredible i love her mind please please go read it she also has many other incredible novels that i've been meaning to pick up um franny and zoe a little short novel it's pretty old it's very interesting it's just about two people's um travels throughout the world and how they meet each other how they don't meet each other where they find love um very interesting another little take on identity and where we fit into the world um honorable mention

is um the illustrated guide to becoming one with the universe i think this is a incredible incredible book i got it quite honestly in seventh grade it's by yumi um yumi sakugawa um she is such an incredible artist you can find or you can find them on instagram but the books that they have published I am obsessed with especially her illustrated guide um I think it's really eye-opening it makes me feel really comfortable it's a great little tabletop book for anybody to kind of pick up off your coffee table and flip through if you're feeling kind of lost alone I think it's a great one to flip through as well and then I recently started reading homesick for another world it's a collection of short stories and um the writer

kind of described it as a collection of short stories about bad people and I'm about three chapters through and i would honestly agree with that it makes you do some thinking about your choices and where you stand in the world and the behaviors you have and i kind of love books like that it makes you kind of reevaluate what you're doing and puts things into perspective a little bit when you have a hard time putting things into perspective so please go get a book please read i'm begging oh i need to get the fuck out of bed and like actually do something i've literally been laying here well i woke up at nine it's 10 40 now but like i the coffee's kicked in i feel like i need to go run a marathon i feel like i need to go run some errands oh my gosh we're doing secret

santa at my work and i'm so excited my manager was like you guys can get anybody anything she was like one year this is really funny one year um some guy who got me for secret santa got me a bag of candy dicks and she was like i had these like sweet and sour candy dicks for like years they just stayed in my drawer but it was so funny because everybody was like oh my god they got her a bag of dicks and i was like that's hilarious i'm probably doing something funny too but i pulled i don't know if she listens to this podcast girl you're too young to listen to this podcast love you she's so sweet i got the little host at my restaurant and she's so cute oh my god she has like a better style than me literally i went to work i was like girl where the fuck do you get

your clothes because i'm obsessed 16 um like a little sweet baby so i was like i gotta do something good for her and she's always at the host stand you know drawing like little doodles and little pictures and i see a lot of myself in her like a little artist i was like what are you gonna do for school she's like oh i might do computer science even though i really love art i was like no do your passions but i can't like force that on a child so i think i'm gonna um go get her like my favorite type of journals um not like journal for writing but like for drawing and like a cute little um pen case and like all my favorite pens and markers to draw with and she can just take it to work and like doodle up at the host stand and like on her free time

i feel like that'll be a perfect little secret santa gift and it'll be like under 25 easy peasy but I gotta go get that um I gotta go shop for that today that's really all I'm doing um but let's talk confidence let's talk confidence everybody asks me everybody's like Hannah you're the queen of confidence you're the queen of like putting out confidence like showing off confidence but how the fuck do I get there how do I reach this level and it's like okay I have quite honestly always said fake it till you make it fake it till you make it but i understand faking it is sometimes a little hard but i i do truly genuinely mean that have you seen the tiktok videos where it's like proving it's just confidence and then people like lip sync the first half of it

how they normally all are and then they um lip sync the second half like being confident or whatever and people like wow you're actually attractive it's like okay this is like a bad um example but like it's kind of true if you just fake it and you perceive yourself as confident and cute and funny and however you want to perceive yourself other people will perceive you that way as well okay and i feel like with that mindset you also have to tie in the mindset that even though some people might not agree with you you are showing up in your most authentic confident self so inherently you are doing something that is beneficial and is going to raise your confidence and you are acting in true accordance to yourself so anybody who disagrees

with you and doesn't see you that way you truly will think they're psychotic and whatever they're just not your type not your not your taste of um tea one might say that's not a saying i just came up with that but seriously you have to fake it till you make it um show up present yourself even if you're not feeling confident show up present yourself how you want to be viewed how you want to view yourself how you want to express yourself okay inherently you feel way more comfortable way more confident and then once you hit that oh I feel comfortable in my body and myself and the way I am dressing then when people deny you or kind of like disagree with you those impacts really do not have an impact on you because you know you are acting in true accord and so inherently you

are right because you're doing something for yourself you won't care about others opinions as much after that does that make sense I kind of just went on a little rant and I'm not sure if it made sense at all but confidence is really the cheat code it's a cheat code to everything beauty is nothing beauty is literally nothing energy is everything the energy you show up and you present to people is what they're gonna take from it you can be you can be the most beautiful goddamn person in the entire fucking world but if you're an asshole if you have bad energy if you are just weird i am not gonna like you i am so sorry we had t we had this one girl in high school who was miss teen kansas right objectively she is very gorgeous she is like the beauty standard

you know what i mean but god damn if she didn't have a personality like a bag of rocks so inherently like the beauty was kind of just like not too like not too into it you know what i mean beauty is energy if you are showing up you're presenting yourself how you want to present yourself in that energy stepping into that energy stepping into that vision that you have of yourself people are going to feel it and people are going to see you as that I'm not saying you need to do these things so you're perceived in a beautiful way I just want you to feel comfortable with yourself and the way you're perceived in society and I want you to stop caring how others are perceiving you as well because I think that it takes a lot of practice it really does it takes

a lot of um exposure therapy you know what I mean you really gotta put yourself in situations to test these things out to uh test your limits a little bit you know what I mean if you don't step into it it's not gonna happen but literally energy is everything and to acquire that energy sometimes when I'm feeling down I'm not feeling great when I'm not feeling the best my my favorite way is to express myself is always through clothing it's always through dressing myself it's always through how I present myself in the world and some people might not agree with me some people might not be the same that's okay that's perfectly fine I hope you understand and you find whatever concept of your identity gives you the most confidence

but for me personally it's how I present myself and it's not even just outwardly to other people but also like even just sitting in my room i just want to make sure i have like a i'm comfortable i'm wearing something cute like i feel good in what i'm wearing at the moment um because my energy will raise my vibrations will raise and that is what people will perceive me by so confidence really is a cheat code to everything though walk into a room acting like you are the baddest fucking bitch in that room i do not care now don't be an asshole i'm not saying that but like walk in with your head held high put your phone away you know introduce yourself and play a character if you have to as long as that character is relatively like who you want to be and a good person then

it's okay to you know fake it till you make it a little bit all right I've definitely had to be there especially on days when I'm not feeling myself at all and I know I still have to get out and do stuff um just stepping into that confidence also if you don't know where to start um and you don't really want to start outwardly like in public i really recommend script writing um so this is a great practice a great journaling practice um sit down you are going to essentially pen and paper however much paper you need or just like notes app in your phone you are going to write out everything everything that your dream self looks like okay from hair to how tall you are to what you buy to where you live to what you eat to your favorite place to go to every single detail

you can possibly think of to who you surround yourself with who are your friends how many friends do you have do you have any pets do you have any people around you do you have any family um how do you what do you like to wear how much money do you spend a year how much money do you make a year literally every single detail script write it all out it doesn't have to be in order it can be very random just make sure it gets out of your head onto the page um and that's a really helpful way for me to kind of step into myself and into my higher self and who I truly want to be in the future it makes me re-evaluate what I'm doing am I acting in the right way to be this kind of person am i uh presenting myself in a way that is gonna be perceived by other people in this way

does that make sense um but it's a really great practice to kind of figure out where you want to end up um what you want to do who you want to be um just a little bit of script writing seriously i will dump like 15 pages of who i want to be on it on into my journal sometimes and it's really cathartic because i think about the future a lot um and it gets a little overwhelming sometimes so just knowing that that ideal version of who you want to be is possible it is available you just have to step into it and kind of understanding and giving yourself a little bit of hope through script writing is really really really fun anyways yeah beauty is really complicated though i feel like inherently yes there is a beauty standard and many men and women um try and

reach that standard but I think uh it the beauty standard is not actually beautiful like yes it is the beauty standard but I think what truly brings beauty and brings like um I don't know what truly is the most beautiful in this world is that we are all so very different and every single person no one is the same we're all very different everybody acts differently everybody looks different I think the little things that people might find are their insecurities are sometimes what other people love the most about them and I think that is so so beautiful um and really I think energy and how you present yourself and how you feel about yourself really translates to people and translates how they perceive you um and usually um the better energy you feel towards

yourself the better energy people are going to feel towards you the better energy you put out to others the better energy they're going to feel towards you as well so therapy it's great i love it you need to be in therapy a lot of people have been asking me about therapy when's the right time to go i'm nervous about going blah blah blah this is literally not an ad uh not an ad but i love therapy i love it and i have had bad therapists so me saying i love therapy is really something because some of these therapists are whack um I'm gonna talk about finding a good therapist personally I am lazy I do not like going into an office to have therapy now if you do that's perfect that's fine go into an office if it makes you more it makes you be like more um connected

more on top of yourself um you need that like physical closeness that's fine personally I have found better help to be great I love the online counseling tools that they give and I love that it's completely like on my phone and I can set up um like appointments whenever I need them they have like a daily journal that you can use set up in there as well that your therapist can also read not all of them it's up to you whether you want to private them or not um but if there's like journal entries that you want your therapist to know about you can keep them updated daily so know what's going on in your life i think it's a really great way for therapists and people to connect now they also make pairing this is literally not an ad i've just used it forever

um they make pairing you with a therapist really easy although i would not go with the with the first pairing that they give you i literally read through like 40 different people's bios and look at who they're working with what they center their treatment around like what kind of practices are they centered around what what kind of people have they treated in the past what is their goal what is your goal what kind of issues are you facing um and trying to find a therapist that's going to kind of match that now when you go to have that first meeting with them um make sure your personalities are going to match okay because i've had therapists where i'm like cracking a joke you know what i mean and she just like looks at me dead face like should i write that down um

should i be concerned it's like no i'm joking like i just need someone to i just i'm telling like i'm just telling a joke so make sure you guys have like the same personality wise that way um favorite therapist so far has been this like old she's like 70 year old woman bad bitch she was like all into art um and she would just listen to me rant about boys and i was like I love you and she always agreed with me which was kind of necessary because I think I'm right all the time but also she had a great way of like making me dive deeper on my feelings and my emotions that I maybe was not able to do before or comfortable doing so I don't know therapy's great try it out I guarantee it's not going to be like traumatizing or like oh scary like they're

just feelings they're emotions everybody needs to also have somebody that is an a unbiased person in your life that literally does not care about you other than when you sit down for an hour a day to give you the answers that you're looking for and also to give you the input that you're looking for because I came to this realization that when I was dumping all this trauma on my friends dumping all this trauma my partner dumping all these issues these worries that i had on people around me it did not make those people feel good nor did they really give me any sort of advice that i was looking for um or any sort of insight that was helpful because they're your friends like of course they're there to have a fun time a good time to laugh to help you through things but some

things they cannot help you through and you really do need that professional help so keep that in minds love therapy oh my mom just called me i love my mom like i love my parents i know they have the best intentions for me they just stress me the fuck out oh my god like i wish parents knew i wish i wish parents knew that like they could talk to their kids about their life or like things going on and my mom like only calls me to like nag me about things and tell me I need to go to this I need to go to this doctor's appointment oh I need to do this I need to do this and it like stresses me out it's like a four minute phone call every time and it's each time like I end the phone call I'm gonna have a panic attack like oh my god why can't you just call me and be like

how's your day going okay wonderful bye like can I just have that I don't know why every time like parents need to understand that I mean parents don't really get a lot of free time with their kids usually both parents are working and so I feel like the night times if you're like in high school that's like all the time you get together and then college it's really just like whenever you come home and I felt I feel like the only breaks that I got and I actually got to spend time with my parents my parents use that as time to like check up on me like what's your five-year plan what are your grades where are you doing what are you doing where are you going like what's your life plan it's like holy shit that is so stressful and that's not the relationship

i want to have with you like i don't want our relationship to be you making sure i'm doing everything right every time you speak to me because i'm probably not and that's okay but like god damn if the disappointment isn't real oh i really wish parents would understand that like please just like let me be a human being you don't need to worry about me in the um and make me stress out more essentially my god are all parents like this are all parents just as stressful as mine probably i think they are i think all parents are that way and it's like i know they just want the best for me and they want to make sure i'm not dying which is like valid but oh my gosh also me and my parents have had an interesting relationship our entire lives

so if you have any parent questions send those over i'd be more than happy to answer them sneaky links hookups friends with benefits uh situationships we're gonna talk it all i hate all of them i know i know i know i know i know i hate i hate all of them okay we have warped our minds to think that dating is bad dating is horrible dating is wrong you shouldn't date people when in reality is the sneaky link phase not just dating is the situation fish ship phase not just dating is the hookup phase not just dating are you guys not going on dates are you guys not uh hanging out all the time are you not giving this man all your attention are you not um like giving him like i'm sure it's a very much date situation

and you need to call it what it is or else there's a power dynamic and you're gonna be left waiting and the man's gonna have all this control okay i genuinely believe hookup type relationships friends with benefits can work they can work if you both mutually agree that you are just hooking up and you only see each other on a hookup basis and that is it there's no contact outside of that there's no anything it's just a we're hooking up we're having sex it is purely sexually based that is really hard for women i'm gonna be straight up that's really hard for women I feel like, and I'm not speaking for every woman, I am speaking for myself and a majority of people who I've spoke with, but sex is so intimate. It is so beautiful. It is so wonderful. yes um and if you're having sex on a consistent basis with someone you are most likely going to

develop feelings and emotions for that person okay you most likely are and that's okay that's wonderful you should feel those emotions fully and you should not be afraid to fall in love but we have conditioned ourselves to only hook up and not do relationships because we are all what closed off and emotionally detached and no bullshit bullshit if you want a relationship with a man that is purely only sexual that can work out but you need to set very clear boundaries and you need to let him know what he is you guys are just hooking up okay if you guys are stuck in a situationship you're stuck in a sneaky link um situation where you're like i'm just hooking up with this guy because that's all he wants for now but i kind of want something else

in the future and I'm confused about what he what he wants uh-uh uh-uh that is why situationships are dangerous it gives the men all this power over your future and they're just literally wasting all of your goddamn time quite honestly they could that could be the best man in the entire world in my opinion he is wasting your time if he does not lock you down and commit to you and it doesn't even have to be a full-time commitment well like obviously but like people freak out about dating now because they're like i can't get married i'm i'm 20 i'm in my 20s i can't get married bitch did i fucking say marriage okay sometimes dating quite honestly can be to date and it quite honestly dating is better than situationships because dating is setting boundaries for yourself

okay it's saying i just want to hook up with you i don't want you to hook up with anybody else either because i need to protect myself and my sex my sexual health and my emotional mental health as well and i cannot share you in any sort of way um physically or mentally or not mentally but emotionally so maybe we have something here maybe we figure it out maybe we spend more time together and we have fun while it lasts and when the fun ends we maybe end this relationship and that is okay, okay? Relationships do not have to be lifelong to serve a purpose. Let me say that again for you. Relationships do not have to be lifelong to serve a purpose. You can have fun with somebody for a year, two years, five years. That's great. Remember the great things about them

and move on, okay? I don't know why people aren't just dating to date. It's okay to date to see if you fucking like somebody because dating is simply setting boundaries to have a situation where two people can meet on an equal playing field and see if they like each other and see if they can provide for each other in a way that is going to be beneficial to both of them and if it's not beneficial to both of you or it's not beneficial to you or it's not beneficial to your partner and you guys aren't happy it's okay to split up i know it's it's okay it's okay to break up sometimes you have to do that i have been in relationships where i am like you simply are not serving me or yourself anymore and i'm going to have to leave or the other way around now

some people straight up just want to fuck that's okay that's valid you want to go fuck people you don't want to be in a relationship absolutely valid do not lead these other people on do not put these people in a situation where they are feeling confused about themselves confused about their value confused about who they are all right speak up for yourself you little pussy say no i want to sleep with 10 people a day that's valid that's fine do whatever you want but be honest with the people you are sleeping with because you do not know what's going through their head be open with communication be honest be truthful that is what make love that's what makes love and relationships so beautiful is the open vulnerability and honesty and more people need to have that

because I'm tired of all these girls getting hurt by men by men being like I don't know what I want yes they know what they want they're just too afraid to say it to you okay stand up for yourself also like do whatever you want I really don't care but I'm just not a fan of the situationship phase let's talk holidays let's talk not liking some of your family members let's talk not going to those um i literally just had a conversation with my mom and dad um about this earlier because okay so my mom's side of the family very much so lives um in different states so i don't see them that often also i enjoy that family because you know they're all very they have the same ideals as me very liberal believe in human rights and look outside of themselves you know what i

mean the vibe love it now my dad's extended side of the family like his second cousins and all that are not so much and not so much vacciners as well um that's fine they can be dumb if they want actually it's not fine you're just stupid at this point but I was like that family event was coming up this Saturday and I was like I'm feeling uncomfortable about it like I wasn't very excited to go I don't really like hanging out with that side of the family or conversations are like pulling teeth because they say just like racist shit and I'm like I want to go off on you right now and i should go off on you right now and i have a hard time holding my tongue so i have like talked to my mom and i was like i'm not sure how i feel about going to a fucking lighter you

guys ever like load yourself a whole bowl like roll a whole joint and you're like where did all of my lighters go literally i had a hundred lighters here because i was selling lighters and they're all gone they're all gone every single one of them like where are my lighters going what the fuck anyways I was talking to my mom and I was like I'm not sure if I feel comfortable going to this I'm not sure if I agree with them on a lot of things um me and my mom have already decided to quit going to one of the family events so I was like I feel bad quitting another but I it's not a family event when I don't like them I'm so sorry like quite honestly and I think who we surround ourselves with doesn't have to be an obligation it absolutely can be a choice

and I have a lot of family that I do love and I do want to spend time with them and I'm going to many different Christmas events with them so I feel very comfortable celebrating Christmas with this side of the family and not the other and my mom was like totally valid I'm gonna support you either way my dad was like a little grumpy because he's because it's his family so he's like no one's coming to my family stuff it's like well your family is kind of psychotic so no you raise us better than to put up with those kinds of people um and yeah so i think it's totally valid holidays are hard especially around people you maybe don't want to be around and you're obligated to be around if you can distance yourself as much as you can that is totally valid

do whatever you need to protect yourself but a family is a choice family absolutely is a choice although it is blood it is a choice whether you want to be around them or not and if you don't want to be around them that is absolutely valid like completely valid like do what is best for you i personally do not want to fist fight some family members on christmas so i'm gonna avoid that situation you see i'm doing the immature thing i'm avoiding those types of people anyways the holidays are just so hard like they're just real hard even just being around your family that you like in general i'm their family so of course you're gonna like get in tiffs get into a little bit but that's okay um that's what the holidays are for bitch and for getting drunk and for eating

good food that's really all i care about i i'm gonna go get so high and go eat so much food and get hella drunk that is really my only goal anyways oh my god is christmas next week hold on pause yeah okay so next week i'll still do two podcasts because merry christmas you sweet little angels i love you so much bitch i love you so much you guys have no idea thank you so much for showing up thank you so much for being here not even just listening to my podcast i don't really give a fuck if you just show up and live your life every single day the truest and authentically as you can and even if you can't do that as long as you're waking up and you're here on this earth and you're surviving another day thank you i will say thank you because i don't

think people get appreciated enough for that because it's hard as it is being a human you deserve to be thanked for the effort you put into yourself and i love you um you guys want to take a hit real quick before this podcast ends even if you don't smoke you can take a metaphorical one with me maybe i'll kiss you on your forehead um but oh my god me knocking out this bowl but i'm gonna move on with my day and i'm gonna upload this so you guys can have a thursday podcast to enjoy today um let me know what you guys think you always know i'm always so open to your questions um feel free to like throw them in my dms if you want to i sometimes screenshot them from there or on mondays you already know the drill i um post a little

questionnaire on my instagram which is at hannah marlene um i also post a lot of inspiration fashion outfits my tiktoks um i feel like my instagram is kind of my hub for all of my creative outlets um art podcasting tiktoks photos fashion life advice journaling that really is what my instagram is um i do try and post there daily not like post post but i try and keep you guys updated with my life i try to keep you guys connected to me as much as i can because i love you and i'm very thankful for you guys being here and supporting me um let me take this hit you know where my insta is you can throw me your questions there or in my dms either really works oh my god if you could smoke with one person who would it be like genuinely i think

about this all the time because like there's so many people i want to smoke with and as much as I want to be like cliche and say like uh Snoop Dogg or Cheech and Chong low-key I think my ideal person to smoke with would be there's a few people who come to mind but I I don't know if Lady Gaga smokes weed I doubt it I think back in the day she probably did I feel like she's too classy now well who knows Lady Gaga are you lighting up like blunts on your private airplanes to and from the house of gucci premieres let me know i'm genuinely curious also that is who i would want to smoke with i think she is just her mind is so incredible i think she is so brilliant i would love to hear her ideas on many different things but people always say we look alike too but i'm

not sure about that you tell me what you think um anyways i hope you guys have a wonderful rest of your day thank you so much for listening i'll see you all on tuesday