Smoke Sesh - astrology 101, pills & depression

Episode Date: January 4, 2022

Happy New Years! The first Tuesday episode of the year, we start this year off talking what hannah did over New Years, depressive episodes & how to handle them. Hannahs acne journey, big sis advice, pills & potions, and finally astrology 101. Welcome to Smoke Sesh feel free to light up and hang out, I’ll see you all again this Thursday !

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, someone to look out for them. Some people call me their internet big sister, others their fairy smoke mother. You can call me Hannah, the new host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. Some good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. Good morning, everybody. How are we all doing?

um long time no see i feel like it's been months i'm not gonna lie i feel like i disappeared off the face of the earth for a few months and i'm finally now back when in reality it's been barely seven days of a break um so i put out one podcast episode christmas week and then i put out one podcast episode last week when in reality I was probably supposed to do two a week here's the thing here's how podcast uploading kind of goes with me because I am very hmm unstable okay I'm sorry I'm just trying to be honest here I will always get a podcast episode out to you a week at least one okay now the second one that usually comes on Thursdays the first one usually comes on Tuesdays that is dependent on if my mental health can handle it like if I physically can mentally

withdraw the willpower and brain energy to do that like as much as I love doing podcasting sometimes it just takes a lot from me and that's okay I don't like to put a whole lot of pressure on myself this is something I do for fun this is something I just have fun doing and enjoy connecting with you guys with so i'm not too worried about the second one i kind of just see it as a treat but my 2022 goal since there's so many fucking twos in this year i do want to put out two a week okay so let's we're gonna we're gonna go with two a week i will be uploading again on thursday but you guys the new year it's a new year i'm so sorry i didn't post um two times the past two weeks people were like where's the new podcast episode I was like girl I'm going

through what I like to call a depressive episode right now um so podcasting is unfortunately the last thing on my mind although I do want it to be the first thing on my mind the first thing on my mind is not dying not succumbing to my brain quite honestly so one a week was good for me um but yeah if you don't see a second one uploaded it check my um i have my regular instagram at hannah marlene if you guys send me questions there that is perfect i do not check my smoke sash dms but i also have a smoke sash instagram that's linked in my regular instagram bio it's just smoke sash shoddy um where i post updates on if i am gonna post twice or not and if i'm gonna miss anything just regular updates so you guys aren't too too lost or still waiting on

something when i've already made an announcement i don't know i just like to do little announcements there so you guys can kind of be caught up in my life see some behind the scenes you know funsy stuff like that but 2022 i hope you guys had a good new year um as you guys know my new year's plans were to go to a club and get a table and dress up and have all my friends there well i caught covid um i caught covid two weeks ago but i had to go into the you know 10 day isolation which happened to fall over christmas and new year's the two holidays that i was very very excited for very excited for both of them ultimately no I'm not gonna say they disappointed they were good but they weren't what I was expecting and I have a really hard

time with change I have a really hard time with like my expectations being lowered um so that set me into a little bit of a spiral on top of me having to be locked inside my room for 10 days and literally bored out of my mind um yeah it was a lot for Hannah's little brain um I function really well when I am constantly doing something now that doesn't mean I don't enjoy free time of course I enjoy free time but I function really well when I am constantly busy constantly moving constantly doing something um with my undiagnosed ADHD that is just kind of ideal like I I work many jobs I have many hobbies I have many like friends that I like to go see so I like to keep myself busy throughout the day if I'm sitting in my room doing nothing that's when my mind starts

overthinking and wandering about things that usually like aren't helpful things to think about and also are usually like me just overthinking you know like not thinking in reality and I try to avoid those situations as much as I can but being locked in quarantine kind of doesn't give you a lot of leeway there so I was going a little insane but we're out we're free I had my first shift at work again yesterday I was like hell yeah finally jumping back in the groove finally like getting back into my life again after kind of taking a little bit of a break from my normal life um over the holidays but it's been good it was it was a nice little break I'm not gonna lie it was something I probably needed um a lot of you guys like as somebody who does keep very busy um

I don't ever realize when I need a break until it's kind of too late and I'm kind of like falling apart so that um unplanned break for 10 days was actually very nice it got me like caught up on a lot of different things that i needed to get caught up in just to feel comfortable in my daily life like little things that i didn't want to do like cleaning my room organizing my closet cleaning my pieces like i was going i was so bored so stir crazy like i was like i need to reorganize my entire closet i need to switch up my room i need to order furniture like all that stuff i think having time to yourself and having intentional time to yourself as well is very important um like uh coming out of that mindset where i was like i need to constantly rely on

outward stimulation to keep me busy and instead relying on myself to keep me busy was a really nice change of pace um and it really made me slow down and do some thinking and although i did go fucking insane and have a little bit of depressive episode which we will talk about it was nice anyways that's what i did to get you guys all caught up sorry there's a little bit of a rant um but we can talk about my depressive episode as well um so depression the d word okay like we all have it right right like everybody who listens to my podcast i'm assuming has some sort of mental disorder which is fine it's lovely babe i've racked up like five by now like don't worry there's no stigma here we're all mentally ill baddies okay but with depression and something

that I had to come to terms with um especially through my high school years was this is lifelong like it it is a lifelong thing um unfortunately people treat it like a disease that comes and goes or not comes and goes something that you can like get rid of or push away or eventually forget about um but it's not and I think if you think that way it's gonna cause you a lot more harm down the road hold on let me drink some coffee I think the biggest thing that saved me in my depression was realizing that depression comes in waves and it is going to come in waves your entire life so you need to succumb to those waves not succumb as in like give into the depression and get all crazy but you need to allow yourself

to feel those waves of emotions fully you need to allow yourself to understand that hey maybe this just isn't a good time for me right now things are a little harder for me that is okay all right because eventually it's gonna pass um but when i was younger especially like going through treatment when i was younger and being in the psych ward i feel like a lot of people treated it like although we handled our triggers and our coping mechanisms like that was a very heavy like i did not know about triggers or coping mechanisms until i was 16 in the psych ward and i was like oh you're telling me like when i start doing this behavior i could have just inferenced that oh it's like a trigger from or it's a behavior that stems from like a certain

trigger like what anyways found that out and then um they kind of just treat it as if like if you avoid the triggers and do your coping mechanisms oh my god then everything will be okay like as long as you follow that plus the medication like you will never experience depression ever again uh-uh that's not how it works that's like a lie you're lying to those people you're gonna experience depression your entire life um now the more you experience it the more you're able to understand it the better coping mechanisms and medications that you have worked out with your doctor you know the better you'll be able to handle it depending on what you go through um but the biggest like eye-opening realization for me that helps me um not get so um deep down dark on myself

during my depressive episodes is that it these are gonna be waves they are gonna come but i need to always understand that they're going to eventually pass as well. So I need to feel it fully, understand myself, understand what I'm going through, let myself not be sad and depressed and emotional, but let myself understand where it's stemming from, work through it, and treat myself accordingly. It helps things kind of move a little faster and not be so as long and overwhelming because I used to go through depressive episodes for like months maybe years like long long depressive episodes now it's like at most five like five days maybe ten like at most now it's nothing crazy and it really doesn't happen that often it's maybe like once every few months um

but being able to make a space for myself open myself up to the world um and be kind of just like understanding and caring towards myself and like let myself feel those emotions fully that's what really helps me go through those depressive episodes um I've worked out like certain kind of coping mechanisms when I was a teenager that still kind of helps to this day um everybody's very different about what brings them any sort of peace um personally for me love journaling love kind of reclaiming my space reclaiming myself doing organizational work things that like are kind of mindless boring work cleaning um so then when i do kind of escape my depressive episode i'm not like holy shit i have just been wallowing in filth for 10 days even but

if you are respect been there um I'd also try and um during those times be intentional about like still keeping routine and still and not falling off that routine and I've talked about routines before but this is very important especially with like hygiene um I get a lot of questions that are like it's really hard to take care of my hygiene when I am depressed well if you have a routine set up when you're not in those depressive episodes for how you like bathe and clean and wash yourself and you do it at like the same times every day you work it into your day when you're depressed those things just come second nature like you really won't think about them they won't be so overwhelming they won't be so hard because listen i've been there i've been at the point

where it's like i've spent what 10 days in bed i still don't want to leave i haven't showered i haven't brushed my teeth I feel gross but like continuing these behaviors are still making me feel worse but I don't have the energy or motivation to go do it um establishing those routines when you are in a good sense of self is very important to kind of keep that sense of self when you are going through a depressive episode so I don't know I just kind of work it out I kind of just don't take it too hard on myself um my parents have a hard time understanding me when I go through things like this um and I kind of had to tell them this time like they were just like yelling about me or yelling at me about like things that I had not done um like forms I need

to fill out I don't know people I need to call and I was like I am going through a depressive episode right now I like straight up had to tell them I was like listen I am going through something I do not need this extra press or oh my god pressure and like stress on me um this is not helping I would really appreciate it if you showed your love to me in a different way than worrying because you're making my anxiety fucking spiral and I already have anxiety about things I cannot control so I do not need more and that kind of puts some things into perspective but my parents have a little bit of a hard time um with depression and understanding it but they do give me the space I need which is really really nice um especially during those times I feel like

you just need space to kind of reconnect to yourself and get back to yourself anyways we powered through that bitch it was a long oh god it was a little bit of a long depressive episode but we're back we're back I don't think I probably would have gone into one if I didn't miss Christmas and New Year's but it is what it is I have different things I'm excited for for the rest of the year I have different things to look forward to I have a lot of travel plans coming up as well I'm trying to organize a lot of vacations um I spent 2021 kind of waiting waiting waiting and I wasn't really sure what for um I've actually done a lot of my time waiting a lot of my life waiting um when I was a kid I was waiting to be a teenager when I was a

teenager I was waiting to go to college I was in college I was waiting to I don't know move out of college and get a job and I'm tired of waiting I'm tired of like waiting for something good or waiting for someone else to do something for me when in reality like this is my life I am the only one in control of what i want to happen why am i why am i not intentionally making the choices that i want to happen so they happen for me does that make sense um and i'm tired of waiting so 2022 we're not waiting anymore we're we're taking action we're making change i'm starting with the man in the mirror babe I'm asking him to change his ways and we're gonna succeed and do incredible things this 2022 I'm very excited I kind of stepped into that power at the end of 2022

um with making this podcast like this podcast has only been out for what four months like not that long not that long at all um and we have already gone crazy insane places thank you guys so much for joining me and being on this journey of self-actualization with me I had to look up that word because I used it on an Instagram post and I was like I know it makes sense but what the fuck is self-actualization it's so funny that people are like this is literally like cognitive behavioral therapy plus a blunt because it is like Maslow's hierarchy of needs self-actualization is like at the very top of the pyramid like it's very necessary for having like a sense of self and a sound sense of self as well so it's like funny that i'm coming on here and just doing the

therapy that i probably need to be doing with a therapist but instead just like openly hundreds of thousands of people anyways speaking of self-care self-love small steps baby steps depression um one of the biggest factors this is very odd i talked about this in my instagram story as well um follow me there for like daily life updates i don't know it's at hannah marlene you can also submit your questions there but um people are asking me my skincare routine um they're always like your skin looks so clear and perfect and pretty and it's like okay so i've had severe acne all of my life um all of my life like since I was at least 10 like it started at a very young age I remember doing a school play and I had like a pimple on my face and I didn't know it was a

pimple at the time because I was like a little young but like it definitely was a pimple and then that just kind of spiraled throughout high school or middle school and then high school it kind of did its worst to me um so yeah um acne is something i've been going through for a long long time i think it's because of my hormones um i do think a lot of my acne is hormone based which is good to understand um because i know that i might have some flare-ups especially like deep pimples like cystic acne flare-ups during my period or the week before so I don't freak out when I get those because I understand it's just like my hormones are flaring up um but when I say I used to have like bad acne like if you go look at my pictures like

those are edited none of those pictures are edited that's my skin like it looks very nice I'm very proud but it has been a long journey like a 16 year journey to get here and what I've learned after trying literally everything like I have been on every medication you can think of the first time I ever got put on birth control was for my acne actually when in reality I think the birth control just made me super depressed and did nothing for my acne I've been on Accutane Accutane really did help me a lot um especially because my issue was with my face and my back I was getting these deep cystic like painful big pimples they weren't like little white heads they weren't little black heads these were like big deep red painful that was the issue um the

Accutane pretty much handled those I do not get any really deep cystic pimples I used to get like 25 at a time like yeah like craziness now I get like maybe four or five during those high hormonal times um but the Accutane did a really good job of I think it changes your skin barrier so the deep-rooted cystic acne kind of has a harder time developing and latching so that was a savior um I don't necessarily think I needed Accutane um it was a very harsh step that I took it was a very like impulsive step that I took as well um although I think it probably did pay off I stopped taking Accutane and all of my acne came right back the same kind of acne um overwhelming and what I've realized is a majority of my acne was me not taking care of my skin correctly

and also anxiety based I know so um everybody needs a skincare routine okay everybody needs one I don't care if you're male female non-binary everybody needs a skincare routine because we all have skin um and what I've learned growing up I was like oh we need a nine nine step skincare routine I need a 10 step skincare routine I need to do a mask every day I need to like do all these fancy things to my face uh-uh no no that that is the worst thing you can ever do to your skin okay i fucked up my skin doing that because i was just listening to the beauty gurus online i was listening to what they were using i was listening to what my friends were using even though none of them have the same skin type as me even though none of them have the same like acne breakout

like as much as me um and what i came to realize was the best thing you could ever do for your skin is simplify your skincare routine okay this is even better for my depressed girlies because it literally means that you get to do less yay i know literally isn't the best news um all you need this is all you need literally the most you need is a face wash a gentle face wash for whatever type of skin you have um as somebody who still picks at their face and i have a lot of um like germ bacteria based acne not necessarily hormone based acne i personally really like um the there's like a cereve face lotion with an active benzoyl peroxide which is really helpful for fighting those like germ-based um acne breakouts so a very gentle normal regular cleanser okay

then for what whatever works best for your skin type literally don't use what i'm saying just genuinely whatever works best for you um look into skin types check out what kind of skin you have maybe do a patch test um when you do get a new cleanser there's so many good ones out there there's so many cheap good ones out there as well um but it's cleanser and a gentle moisturizer that's it that's it i didn't even use a moisturizer for a while i've learned now that there's a moisturizer that i like because i have oily skin and i always thought moisturizers were gonna break me out uh-uh i need like extra moisture i got a hyaluronic acid one i personally love it it's totally up to whatever type of skin um barrier that you have but simplify your skincare routine

literally that's all i do every morning or actually i don't even wash my face in the morning because my skin my face wash is a little bit too harsh most i'll do in the morning is splash my face with some cold water to wake me up um and then at night yep just face wash over moisturize i love over moisturizing literally my skin just like sucks it all up and that's it that's it that has solved almost all of my skincare problems also um i'll occasionally use a face mask there's like one that i trust that's good for my pores but that's it that's like on days that i want to do like a little bit of self-care you know what i mean find like maybe a little self-care like eye patches you know the little pimple stickers some sort of mask that isn't gonna fuck with

your acne is actually gonna help you can do it like once a month maybe twice a month also like I said a lot of my acne was anxiety induced and what I mean by that is um I pick out my skin I pick out my skin a lot it's a really bad habit if it's there I want to play with it I want to like I'll play with it I want to like pop it when I get it off my face I want to you know which usually with pimples that's not what happens like you just mess with them and it gets worse and it just spirals um keep your hands away from your face keep your fucking hands away from your face your face doesn't deserve that your body doesn't deserve that there's no reason for you to be picking at yourself okay you're literally picking on yourself like physically

you're picking on yourself and it's gonna tear up your skin all of my acne scarring all of that stemmed from me picking at my face um now I needed to handle my anxiety in a different way to kind of make that stop um that was kind of just like a side effect of my anxiety and me just like constantly worrying was me also picking at my face but also this is very odd this is a very odd realization I came to I love acrylic nails most of the time I have acrylic nails on um and that's because I can't pick at my face with acrylic nails I can't like even if I like try and you know like I catch myself picking at my face but I have acrylic nails on they're like little barriers I can't get the right grip I can't get the right whatever to like hurt my skin

so that was a crazy realization and now I kind of just never take them on or off um always have acrylics because it keeps me from it's like literally a physical barrier between me and my skin so i don't fuck it up now i can still get to work on it in the mirror but i also try to avoid mirrors especially mirrors that are up close those are like the devil those like super magnifying mirrors oh my god keep those the fuck away from me i just want to stare at myself from six feet and i will be good to go um but yeah no picking stop picking your face and simplify your skincare keratin and boom pow give it a month i guarantee your face will be glowing more than it ever has love you i woke up kind of late today and i was like fuck how am i gonna podcast out

it's like 12 o'clock i go into work at two oh my god we're gonna power through this though you guys sent me in so many questions so many good questions too like i got literally a couple hundred questions which is insane to me some of y'all were sending me like stories i was like oh my god and thank you if you guys do send me stories if it's long feel free to just dm it to me um instead of putting it in the little questionnaire but also thank you for putting the one of six so i can track them because sometimes i get a little confused okay but we're gonna jump into some questions my first question for today is okay so someone asked me hi idk if you've gotten this yet but what makes what made you want to start a podcast

this is fantastic question um if you don't know where i started i started making videos on tiktok at the beginning of the pandemic and i kind of blew up there i was just giving like personal advice um like positivity you know the vibes and people started asking where to uh podcast podcast podcast podcast or YouTube but I wasn't very comfortable with YouTube or how to work it I don't only have a good camera so like podcast I can do that um and I sat down I bought all the fucking equipment sat down to record an episode and I just felt lost I felt like this wasn't the right thing I don't know why I feel like I could be putting my energy into other things so I just didn't do it and that's a big fault of mine when I like when I sit down to do something and I don't

get it right away I kind of just quit and I did straight up quit two years ago I got all the podcast stuff I sat down to record I said I was coming out with a podcast and nothing literally the cover art is from two years ago I had to go back in my files from my art and yeah that was like the original cover art but anyways two years pass maybe one and a half and TikTok never really went anywhere I wasn't really expecting it to go anywhere but it wasn't giving me the same creative um inspiration and like drive that it was giving me at first um neither was Instagram and I spent all of last year kind of just like waiting wandering not really sure what to create not really finding peace anywhere and then I remembered oh my god everybody wants a podcast for me like

throughout that whole year and a half two year span where I was just like kind of confused on what I wanted to do I was still getting questions like where's the podcast are you gonna come out the podcast like I would love to hear more from you so finally I was like listen what like October last year November I was like you can succumb to your faults and your bad behaviors of giving up and you know if things don't work out for you just moving on or you can actually do this you can sit down you can power through and you can get it done whether it's gonna give you whether people are gonna listen to it or not it was kind of like a personal thing that I was like I need to do this I need to put out a podcast um I just need to figure it out I can't be the person who

is constantly just giving up like if any if anybody's gonna figure it out it's gonna be me so I sat down recording an episode and the feedback I got from that one episode alone was insane and I kind of just realized maybe this is my calling maybe this is what I need to do so that's kind of how I fell into um podcasting I guess I just kind of when I was younger or when I was kind of thinking about putting this podcast together I was like okay I could do topic-based episodes like each episode's gonna be a different topic but that's just like not good for my brain like my brain can't do that I need to constantly be able to jump around and talk about different things and whatever comes up on my mind and this is my podcast you know like I'm in charge

of the rules so instead of making it topic-based I kind of wanted to just be a safe space a like internet big sister one might say because I spent a lot of my younger years not having somebody who was a safe person to talk to or ask questions about life any questions um I just googled them literally any question I had I would just look it up on the internet and I I just you can't trust all of that advice not saying you can trust my advice any better but it's just a little bit more intimate I do genuinely try and give you guys good advice here but I wanted to be that safe space that comforting person that person I didn't have growing up to other people like I know how lonely it is out there I know how confusing it is I know what it's like to have questions that

are kind of embarrassing like I don't know who else to go to this about like I can't go to my parents I can't go to my friends because they don't have the same experience in life so I just wanted to be that for you guys for everybody and i think i'm kind of doing it i think i'm kind of succeeding i know it's crazy right who would have thought who who the fuck would have thought i'd be here but i can't wait to see where we go with this i i'm very excited to see what the future has in store for smoke session all of us oh this is a good question okay all my girlies can feel this but she asked how do i stop um how do i stop constantly thinking of ways my bf has hurt me in the past and live in the now sad face oh okay babe you're not alone i feel like there's thousands of

other girls listening to this right now and are vibing with you understanding the pain okay men bring so much pain into your life um except for my current man he's so sweet to me um but listen I've been there I've dated some shitty shitty men quite honestly um here's here's the lowdown so I'll tell you a little story um and this kind of I'll answer some more questions that are kind of related to this because I feel like we can deep dive into a lot of topics here but um I dated a man a boy one should say he was a he was not a boy but he acted like one and i dated this man who in the beginning of our relationship t t i still don't know the full truth but like in my heart you know as women we know the truth

they don't even have to tell us the truth we always know the truth um he was fucking around on me straight up but with his girl best friend and every time i'd ask about her or like anything about that it would be like no you got nothing to worry about blah blah blah but like bitch i'm not fucking dumb you know what i mean like i'm not dumb and a majority of that relationship like this continued on into a relationship like them hanging out them wanting to see each other her texting him in ways that I wasn't comfortable with like that continued through our relationship and it got to a point where he kind of cut her off but I was still hurt about the entire first half of our relationship

and I spent a lot of my time worried and a lot of my time um kind of unsure about like what we were does he actually like me is he gonna leave me did he cheat on me like all that stuff like constantly worrying the same way you might be worrying right now um and it got to the point where i was like hannah you're gonna worry about this for the rest of your life like he established what the relationship was at the beginning and you gotta see that for what it is or you're gonna spend the rest of your relationship just like constantly worrying and hurt and confused which is like not fun not fun at all um i do think people make mistakes i do think people can change i don't know your full situation i don't know how he hurt you i don't know like

what happened um obviously you guys don't give me a lot of information but like you don't you don't have to you were very brave sending me a question in general but it gets to the point where you have to either be like can I accept what happened forgive trust and move on or is this going to be a constant issue in my life for the rest of well you're in a relationship the rest of your life together if you guys are going to get married can you handle that can you put up with that if the answer is no that's okay that's okay you will find somebody who is going to treat you better than this man ever fucking will i guarantee one day you do have to just release the shackles but if you do want to stay with him i support you as well okay i do genuinely think

people change but there's absolutely some character changes that need to be made there's absolutely some like effort that he needs to put in he needs to prove this to you he needs to show to you that he is who he fucking says he is like he hurt you in the beginning but he needs to actively make choices and changes that are proving to you that he's not that person anymore okay people make mistakes people change that's okay but also if you don't see any of that and you're still constantly nervous and worried and you're just not having a good time maybe that's not your person maybe it's time to move on babe maybe it's time to find somebody who's actually gonna treat you sorry i'm knocking the ball out the way you deserve to be treated okay because i didn't

deserve what the fuck he put me through in that past relationship i didn't deserve constantly worrying about this man and this woman like what the fuck that's such a waste of my time i'm in a relationship with you why am i worried about another fucking bitch why should that like other than like you know everybody's gonna get jealous everybody's gonna be a little nervous that's fine in a relationship but i should not be so nervous because you are constantly enabling the situation does that make sense at that point you're just putting yourself aside and you're allowing your partner to hurt you okay and that's toxic toxic stop letting men do whatever they want in 2022 speaking of though somebody did ask me if people do they deserve

second chances and absolutely absolutely i think they do well now it depends on if you really want that person in your life I cut off people so quick if I'm just like in genuine or in general like not vibing with them knew our relationship probably wasn't gonna work out boom cut off but if this is somebody you love this is somebody you kind of want to make it work yes I think people deserve second chances now do they deserve third fourth fifth hundredth chances no you do need to know that there needs to be like like if they break a boundary or do whatever that's not okay and to learn and grow from that um and not do it again like the goal is that you should not do it again but also um I read you guys that tweet one time um and it was like people have a hard time

coming to terms with when people do them dirty or hurt them um because they try and like make sense of it and like make it like logicalize it in some sort of way in their mind but you can't you physically can't you will not be able to put any sort of logic towards it you won't be able to understand the situation as much as you want to because you did not make that action that is a whole different person making that decision that action and we all think very very differently we all think differently we all behave differently we all act differently we all make different choices if you cannot come to the terms and the realization that sometimes people just act in a way that maybe you wouldn't act and that's more in that says more about their character than

it does yours and you can accept that and move on that will change your life that is like something I had to like come to big terms with like I can worry and be sad and be like that person hurt me my friend hurt me whatever or I can just detach and I can realize listen everybody has shit going on everybody's thinking differently of course everybody's putting themselves first maybe it's not that big of a deal maybe I can just accept it and move on if you can accept that that person just made a decision that maybe wasn't something that you would do then great keep that person in your life but if that person truly did hurt you and you are like i just have a complete moral judgment against this person for this i just cannot be around this person because of this

um this they acted in a way that i do not feel comfortable being around a person who acted that way that's also completely valid and take valid take whatever steps you need in whatever direction you're feeling um but either way very valid detached though we all do make decisions that we do feel is best for us um and that's okay um you don't need to rationalize everybody's behavior because you will literally go fucking insane okay someone asked me do you fucking edit out your coughs when you rip a bowl because girl lungs of steel no i do like no editing like minimal editing on this podcast like the most I do is it I'll forget I'm recording and then I'll have to edit out the ending because it'll just be like dead silence like I do not do any editing

I don't have a manager I don't have a PR team it is just your girl versus the world and I hope that it turns out okay but no I don't edit out any coughs tbh I am only smoking bowls um on this podcast because I cough like a bitch from dabs and I always will and that's okay that's okay people who judge for coughing are like weird and I don't like being around them I think it says more about them than it does about me because like why are you judging somebody for coughing like bitch you just inhaled a liter of smoke and you're judging me for coughing of course my lungs are gonna be like bitch what the fuck did you just do to me like it says more about the person feeling so like uh i don't know self-centered like it's just a little overwhelming for me

and you're like observing people's behaviors way too closely and like taking them way too personally if you judge people for coughing um we're we're a pro coughing society here at smoke sesh international um let's hit this fucking bowl though oh my god my lighter's broken oh yeah that's my first bowl of the morning oh my god oh my gosh someone else asked me speaking of drugs this is funny um do you have experience with adderall slash a pill addiction besides molly no no we're gonna do a little talk here okay everybody sit your ass down it's like this is serious i mean this is like mother mode hannah's going into mother mode right now do not eat pills period that is the most i can really ever fucking tell you do not eat pills

although i've like done molly and acid and like i have done adderall before pills are so fucking addicting like molly was addicting i can't fucking imagine me being more addicted to something than molly which is why i've intentionally stayed away from pills i have seen a lot of people a fall down a rabbit hole with pills and not be able to escape and b also die from them okay the chances of my weed getting laced with something the chances of my pure ass molly that i'm getting tested getting laced with something which i don't even do molly anymore but when i was i was being very safe about it the chances of my shrooms being laced with something is very low very low and unfortunately we live in a world where a lot of people are cutting shit

with a lot of things because they do not care about you straight up if you do not care about yourself those people are not going to look out for you you need to look out for yourself okay because it's going to be your friends who are selling you the least shit it's gonna be the people you know that's selling you the late shit all right be safe be careful also if you all have fallen down that path get help before it's too late stop yourself before it's too late you don't need to lose your life to pills and be in a cycle where you are on like constantly you cannot exist in this world because you have to exist on pills it's a slippery slope you're gonna regret it this has been my ted talk if like if you just stick to the mindset that listen i would be like

don't do any drugs and don't drink that would be the ideal right i if i had kids i would tell them don't do drugs don't drink but if you look at everything from an abstinence mindset which is kind of what the school system has taught us it fails everybody because it's assuming that everybody's not going to do drugs when in reality everybody's doing drugs everybody's doing drugs okay another girl asked me and they were like how do you feel like so comfortable talking about drugs like on the internet like openly like this and it's like everybody's doing drugs like everybody is you everybody you know whether you know it or not like the the girl the quiet girl in your class is probably snorting lines in the bathroom okay when you go to parties in college

you're gonna realize everybody's popping pills on molly doing lines smoking weed craziness now the only drugs that i do right now is weed which is legal in my state so i'm not too worried about it um but like bitch joe rogan gets on the internet and talks about his oh i developed self-awareness for the first time after doing a 10 gram mushroom trip and i don't have any repercussions so if he can do that bitch what the fuck why can't i straight up why can't i all right if joe rogan can do it why can i he shouldn't even be doing it so like i should be allowed to anyways don't get involved with pills don't get involved with pills another reason i'm afraid to get involved with pills um as someone with adhd i've talked about this before um i do

want to find treatment in some sort of way but i do not want to do adderall i don't want to do adderall um i once didn't have molly so i was like i know adderall gives you kind of the same effects as molly it's just way longer um i'm gonna take addy before i go to this uh like rave and see if it's the same thing and when i tell you that shit felt exactly like miss molly okay and i was like people are doing this every day people are eating this adderall every day sometimes more than this one little pill i took i cannot imagine i cannot imagine because it was like i was on cloud nine okay i'm not this is should not be me selling you to get adderall this should be me being like that's how addicting it was if i'm not addicted to molly i knew adderall was going

to be a very slippery slope especially if i got a prescription for it i don't know if anybody should be able to get a prescription for it like craziness there needs to be better treatments like options for people with adhd because i don't feel safe taking adderall every day straight up i know crazy i do feel like it might rot my brain but no stay away from pills i have also done hydros um oh my god yeah i've had a really bad pill experience i don't know if i've told you guys this but i got my wisdom teeth out what's a freshman year of college okay people usually fall into pills a because they also get prescribed them okay and i straight up almost did unless i didn't have this bad trip but um i got prescribed hydros to numb the pain um and i was like eating them

i was feeling real good real good i remember getting my wisdom teeth taken out and then i went home took a nap took a hydro and i was chill enough to go get sushi with my friends after that I couldn't eat anything because I just got mouth surgery but I was just like dancing in the booth like having fun like completely on pills straight up and then I was like well this is great I gotta do this for like three days and I did do it for three days because I was prescribed them I thought that was like okay and then one night I took one and I started getting like really anxious and like hyperventilating and like it was like kind of too overwhelming but I was at my house and it was like very uncomfortable and I thought I was gonna throw up and then it spiraled even more because I started

getting into a fight with my my ex-ex and we started fighting on the phone but he was also in Florida straight up I also think he was cheating on me in Florida so I was just like spiraling on the phone and then we were breaking up on the phone and I was on hydros and oh my god the most overwhelming situation I've ever felt in my entire life after that I was like never again never again because I can see how bad these situations get so quickly like I had no control on the situation at all and that kind of freaked me out because I still like having some sort of control I do kind of like feeling I don't like feeling disconnected from my mind and that's how i felt and then after that i was like i can't eat any more of those hydros you need to throw them

away my mom was like what happened i was like nothing mom i don't know just moral of the story stay away from pills also more of the story i know abstinence is like not possible well no it's possible props to you if you have done it but everybody's gonna probably do drugs at some point so if i can give the psa of being like listen if you are gonna do the drugs do the natural ones the ones that aren't gonna fuck you up like the only things you should really do are like weed mushrooms maybe mushrooms if you're feeling a little spicy a little fun the rest of it you can really skip quite honestly um i think it fucks with your brain way too much fucks with the chemistry way too much way too addicting straight up and you're gonna fall down a slippery rabbit hole very quickly

if you do get into the other things um i got out of molly very quickly um after realizing well falling into a short addiction one might say um but i broke the fuck out of that very quickly because i knew it was gonna just be a slippery slope into who knows who knows thank god but seriously protect yourself no one else is gonna protect you but yourself so put yourself first be very intentional with the things you are taking participating in consuming um your body will thank you and your brain later on okay so astrology 101 we're just gonna deal with the big three today because i feel like you don't need to venture out any further for now i don't want you guys to get overwhelmed so the big three if you want to go past just your sun sign um i think

you need to look into your sun your moon and your rising those are the three main things that are kind of going to influence you if you want to do the math yourself and figure it out yourself you can go to cafe astrology you gotta plug in the time you're born the date the location all that and they will go ahead and figure that out for you and give you the information not how to interpret it to interpret it but the information at least and so your sun is going to be the your outward personality how you express yourself outwardly to your friends family in social environments your moon is going to be how you express yourself um interpersonally in your head by yourself how you spend alone time and your rising is kind of your rising is kind of how

people see you um your general impressions to people how they perceive you how your um spontaneous reactions to things kind of give off an impression to people um now all those could be the same all those could be different who fucking knows me personally my son is in gemini okay next thing that's really important to know is just a general understanding of which of what each zodiac sign means okay so my son is in gemini which means outwardly to other people in social um in social interactions when i'm going out i present myself as a gemini i'm very like quick-witted fun unchangeable flirty i have like a little mug that i should have be drinking coffee out of that'd be perfect but it tells a little bit about gemini um overwhelmingly just like a very fun

flirty nice kind can get along with everybody kind of person uh they're also people i've hated gemini's for a long time because they're like you're two-faced i don't think i'm two-faced i think i just um like gemini's can very much so see from all sides of things um and then also there was like tumblr discourse in like 2012 that kind of brought up a lot of hate to gemini so i love my gemini's and i love being a gemini but sun sign that's in gemini my moon sign is in capricorn okay capricorn is kind of like they're about their money they're about their foundations they're about their wealth they're about um working hard very hard working sometimes to the point of their own demise um kind of closed off a little sheltered um hard-headed a little bit but nice

kind friendly that's Capricorn so that would be how I behave kind of when I'm alone by myself um when I'm not presenting myself to other people now my rising which is how people kind of perceive me which i kind of think is a little bit of like a mix of both i could be wrong about this i could be wrong about all of this straight up i feel like i might get a lot of messages that are like girl you don't know what you're talking about and like valid i don't do a lot of work with astrology i do do a lot of work with just like um intuition spiritually is what i work with a lot um but astrology is just fun i've dabbled in it of course i'm into spirituality why would i not dabble in it especially in my own like chart so tell me if i'm wrong please i would love to correct

myself i really don't care being wrong i think it's a great way to learn but then my rising is pisces which is like how people view me my outward appearance everybody's always like you've pisces eyes which are kind of like the dreamy big eyes um if you've seen my instagram i got big eyes straight up but i love them they're so cute um go with the flow very like changeable a little bit mutable a little bit quiet but um sweet kind you know pisces i love pisces women pisces women are so sweet i need to know more but i only know one and she is like so sweet so kind so hardworking um she has her own bikini line as well if you are doing some um shopping for summer if you need a good bikini a one-of-a-kind uh shop sydney mary on instagram incredible love her best bikini i've

ever bought um i'm about to restock my bikini collection and i want like a i want them all to be hers quite honestly but you gotta shout her out um she's a pisces and she is incredible so hard working but i guess i present myself as a pisces to people not sure anyways you can go on cafe astrology figure that out or you feel free to support um orla if you want to she did a great in-depth reading incredible 10 out of 10 would recommend but you can always just do it yourself tons of research tons of knowledge on the internet watch youtube videos all that stuff um cafe astrology is a great place to get a pretty reliable um source of where the planets are when you were born though so yeah astrology 101 it's real easy you'll get the hang of it real

quick trust me and it's it's so fun to deep dive into oh my god i literally have to be at work in 30 minutes honestly i'm kind of glad that i'm back at work not gonna lie everybody manifest money for me amen but yeah i just kind of miss working i've missed like having a routine doing shit i've been locked in my house for like 10 days but oh my god i just get so distracted with this podcast and not gonna lie a little too high sometimes and i just get rambling and then fucking i look at my clock and i'm like it's been four hours like what anyways thank you for coming thank you for joining me thank you for being here um i hope my information was helpful useful i still have so many questions i need to answer so you better be back thursday um i think we're gonna do like a

speed round one might say of some questions i'm gonna blast through about like 30 um i know i sometimes get caught on one subject and keep going but i want to get to a lot of you guys thursday that's the goal um i have one more bowl i want to take with you guys if you want to take a little hit with me if not that's fine as well i see a lot of people post and they're like i love smoke sash even though like i don't even smoke and like totally valid you don't have to smoke to be here as long as you're just having a good time and the vibes are right that's all that matters um like everybody's everybody's invited my smoke sash you don't have you don't have to smoke don't worry also fucking meme accounts have been posting my podcast not making fun of it i

would cry i would cry but because they're also mentally ill and this is what their spotify is recommending them so funny i think i put it on my story but someone was like is this mental illness and they posted a screenshot of their um spotify like home page and it was like the smiths um smoke sesh by with hannah and then like what is it like fuck therapy gecko is that that guy and i was like yeah valid that might be mental illness love because that's exactly what my fucking spotify homepage looks like also spotify has been like airing ads for me apparently listen if you see an ad for me if i pop up on your homepage i'm not paying for that i don't pay for shit like i that is just spotify being like let's put you on girl let me put you on you know

what i mean okay let's hit this oh my god anyways thank you guys for being here it was so lovely to get back into this happy new year oh my god happy new year you guys i hope you all did your homework of you you guys tagged me in it thank you for doing that um it's never too late to start on the journey of kind of like self-actualization um and i'm so happy to have you guys join me here today thank you for listening thank you for showing up i will see you guys thursday literally two days i cannot wait see you then