Smoke Sesh - attention addict, vape pandemic, burnout & astrology

Episode Date: February 20, 2024

hello hotties! welcome back to another week of smoke sesh I’m so excited to be here on this beautiful Tuesday for our audio ep of the week! We catch up a little bit on what I’ve been up to, work burnout, childhood guilt & giving back, plus what happened in KC last Wednesday, we jump right into your questions such as does he love me? and how to tell if he’s interested in you, needing reassurance and building confidence in internal reassurance, ask him what you are! the vape pandemic and how I quit smoking, complaining won’t solve your issue, healthy relationships and gaining weight, new friend dates, productivity and burnout in our overworking society, healthy changes start small, financial tips to take that dream vacation, astrology and how I apply it to my life, sex drive, cheap dates, and finally again I’m in my yapping era, I hope you all enjoyed todays podcast I can’t wait to sit down and chat with you all Thursday for our video episode! If you want to see more from me (plus hoodies) follow my instagram @hannahmarlene and support the patreon & me directly at patreon.com/smokeseshshawty, love you! chat soon! MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Hello hotties, welcome back to another beautiful, amazing little Tuesday episode. I'm so excited to be hanging out with you guys today. We have a lot to catch up on.

We got a lot to do. I am excited for this week. Oh my God. I have been nonstop work, work, working. Unfortunately, not on this podcast. That would bring me so much joy. I'm just doing the usual work I usually do for it. But I've been working a little too much outside of this.

I've been picking up some extra bar shifts to help out. I had a few co-workers get sick is anybody else getting this weird illness that's going around I don't know if it's well it's not COVID because I got it and it's like this weird sinus drainage like you get I'm exhausted I don't know it's not COVID because I didn't test positive for that a while back and it wasn't the flu because I didn't test positive for that either and it wasn't strep throat like those were the three things I was like maybe it definitely wasn't a cold because I was out of it but I got sick about two weeks ago with that cold as you guys know and now everybody else I know is getting it um so if you have it pro tip the mucinex I think it's the

mucinex dm the one behind the counter that's the only medicine that like actually made me feel better along with ibuprofen um because they prescribed me like antibiotics if it was possibly like um um i don't know some sort of infection it wasn't um but the mucinex dm plus a little ibuprofen to uh lessen the pain was the only thing that really got me through that week of just like snotty runny nose but yeah unfortunately a bunch of my co-workers came down with that not because of me um and i just had to help out pick up some shifts um and those are some long fucking shifts to anybody who works like an 11 hour plus shift like a nurse or just anybody who is on their feet that much shout out to you you deserve the world holy shit is that not the

most exhausting tiring thing you could possibly go through and then on top of that I was watching my parents house they there's something about once your kids grow up and they leave the house the parents just like start going crazy and start living their lives like as they should I understand you can't fully live your life when you have children because that is your main focus but now um that I've been out of the house my brother's been out of the house for like five six years my parents are just going cray cray in a good way they're just traveling and everywhere unfortunately that means I have to walk their new child which is their dog so I was house watching and and taking care of their dog and working an extra shift and now I finally have a day off so this is nice I am

a little delirious I understand I was delirious last week what's new it just makes energy a little bit more fun but oh my god no one ever really talks about being the bad child and then feeling bad for it and then as an adult trying to kind of like make up for it in a sense because it's like I understand I put my parents through hell like holy shit them visiting me in the psych ward I was like oh sorry about that guys real sorry for putting you through that stress like it's my fault but I still kind of feel bad about it and just like in general being a bad kid sneaking out them finding weed in my room like general bad kid things now as an adult I just like look back on that and I feel so bad about the stress that I put them through that anytime

they ask me to do anything I'm like yeah yeah yeah I can do that absolutely especially because my brother moved away i'm the only sibling in this area that can actually like interact with them do things for them um and yeah that means watching their dog for about five days while they went to a like spiritual retreat out in sedona arizona living their best spiritual lives but god is it not exhausting to own a dog if i had a dog or a child right now my life would be crazy shout out to the mothers out there whether you're a mother of a puppy or a human baby um both extremely stressful both a lot of work and props to you because that shit is insane but yeah i was like sure i can do that for you just add a little extra stress on top of it i have this

regular at my work that it's so funny because he's probably like 50 something and he also goes through that like I feel bad for what I did as a kid so now I'm like trying to make it up to my mom because he comes and visits my visits my bar every Saturday night and it's because he drops his mom off at church he comes to my bar has a couple beers nothing crazy maybe like one or two and then leaves and goes and picks her up every Saturday and he's like ah you know I gotta drop mom off again like it's my duty I gotta do it because I was a horrible awful child and I feel bad and it's like that's such a real such a real adult feeling that I was not expecting to have but I've definitely been having it lately um but I need to learn to say no to them now that's like

my new goal in life is like listen you've been doing the most for them now you got to learn to say no like girl no i can't watch your dog today so sorry i need a day off but they got in last night so thank god i'm off the hook for today all i gotta do is hang out with you guys do this podcast love love love probably gonna do some yoga this afternoon um and then i am going to get some tacos and margs with my childhood friends and we're gonna plan our um little girls road trip that we have going on this summer so it's gonna be a good day i slept in a little bit finally feeling a little rested i am on espresso shot number two i will be having a third one here shortly so if my sentences start not making sense it's not because of the weed it's not

because of the sleep deprivation. It is because the espresso has infiltrated my brain. Apologies for that. But yeah, I think it's going to be an amazing, beautiful day. We had one last snow day last week. I think it was like Thursday, Friday. I don't know. I woke up and I looked outside and I was like, what the fuck? Why is everything all white? It had snowed like four inches. It went from 67 to 28 in the span of 12 hours and snowed four inches so I think we had our last little push for snow and now we're back to a nice 68 degree temperature sunny day all the snow is melted I think we're finally back into spring which is so exciting because I just busted out my whole spring wardrobe and I am ready to throw on a bikini and a mini skirt and live my best life

i'm so over the hoodie hoodie sweatpants extra socks extra coat extra hat i am over that i want to be half naked high laying in the sun that is all i want to be doing right now anyways that's enough of that thought process um also thank you for all the people who messaged me and were checking in to see if i was okay after the chief's parade shooting um i understand and I didn't talk about it on Thursday and that's because I pre-record the video episodes for Thursday um on Wednesday so I was actually recording while it was going on and I did not go to the parade um I had a lot of friends who wanted to go my boyfriend wanted to go and I've been before and it is just a mass of people and that shit scares me already like I just don't

want to be stuck around all these drunk adults at 11 a.m in the morning like that does not sound like a fun thing for me I'll celebrate from my house um and I guess I'm kind of lucky that I had that mindset um and that it is just so terrifying that that happened in my city and my heart goes out to all the people who were affected it is just so fucking sad but what's even sadder is seeing like how my government is reacting and just quite frankly having the most racist horrible takes I have ever seen in my entire life um this is not a problem with the community this is a problem with republican ideals and our government pushing for more and more and more guns and um repealing a bunch of our gun laws that makes it harder for um people to get their hands on them um Missouri is

a very republican state unfortunately i do still live in the midwest and there are a lot of old ideals here um but it is so sad seeing the government officials pit the community against each other when in reality this is a direct result of what our government officials have been passing recently um this is a gun control issue this is not a race issue and that is just so sad to see it perpetuated online um so yeah super frustrating my heart goes out to all the people who were there that is so scary speaking of my regular he was there um he was at the top of the hill union station sits on this huge hill at the very bottom so the whole hill fills with people like the parade it's like hundreds of thousands of people filling up this huge giant

hill and where the stadium was at and he said he was sitting at the top of the hill and he saw everybody start running but no one knew what was going on like they never made an announcement they never told people you know hey maybe you guys should leave for your own safety until 15 minutes later so he was like no we had no clue like i was drunk we were just hanging out we thought maybe there was like a chiefs player in the in the crowd and they were all running towards him they had no clue which is even scarier that no one made an announcement was like hey maybe we should leave this area but yeah this that is a huge fucking issue not only in this city but also just in this country as well and uh it is just it was awful to hear about and yeah stay safe

love you let's get into some questions how to tell if someone is genuinely interested in you romantically i don't think you would question it that much um there is validity in being a crazy bitch and questioning everything me um but i think if somebody genuinely likes you and is romantically interested in you there will be signs maybe not verbally but at least like physically they will show you signs that they are interested in you thus the form of questioning would kind of be cut short um sure you'd have your crazy moment of like does he even like me but then you would be able to back it up with well he does this for me and he shows up for me and he says he likes me and you know he cut everybody else off so a b c d the answer is yes oh my brain today really just

mush hope that makes sense sorry if it's stupid but honestly like if they truly like you there will be signs and there will be proof behind the questioning um to kind of end it now if you're questioning yourself and there is no proof and you genuinely are like no does he like me because there are literally no signs it probably means he doesn't like you and that sucks but let's recognize and realize so then we can move on to somebody who actually does like you because that feeling of being able to mesh with somebody who shows up for you and supports you and loves you as much as you show up support and love them that equal given return relationship whether honestly whether it's like romantic or friendship that relationship feels so much better and so much

more fulfilling than one where you're constantly having to prove yourself or chase after someone or try and win them over because once you finally do that if you do that win them over you're just gonna be like now what okay i think a lot of girls find themselves in that situation especially with situationships god every time a girl mentions a situationship to me like an angel dies literally it's so sad um but oh my god i think a lot of people chase after those who maybe they aren't getting um an equal beneficial relationship from because they feel like they need to prove themselves and once they prove themselves they'll then feel completely whole and worthy but a lot of girls find themselves in this chase and either the chase keeps going and going and going and

going because that man does not like you and wants nothing to do with you or you finally win him over and then you're like now what like maybe i don't even fucking like him and i've won him over and i'm stuck with this fucking loser or it's like oh wow i had some rose colored glasses on i don't even want to be here i was just chasing the attention and i finally got it and now i realize it's not that good to me like this is a very common thing i see happening um and i think it's just simply based in that kind of like a attention addiction um it's fun to chase like i get it it's a natural human want to be like no why don't you like me like i want to be liked i want to be loved but also we gotta realize we are really wasting our fucking time if we're trying to prove somebody

to prove to somebody that we are worthy of love that is a waste of fucking time you inherently as a human being being born onto this planet means you are worthy of love and if you are not finding that somewhere get up move the fuck on because you're just going to lose years months so much time to what nothing not worth it if that man loves you you will be able to tell it's okay to take your time and have that what are we i don't know i'm still trying to figure it out phase but don't let it go on too long i feel like when you fall in love you as a human know how you're feeling so look for those signs look for you know the proof that he actually feels that way about you and quite frankly if you want to know quickly ask that man ask him hey how do you feel about me

i love that i love it what are you gonna lose like you you're worried about being embarrassed you're worried about what they think you should be worried about what they think that man says i don't like you good now we have our answer now we can move on but if you want to answer today look that man in the eyes and go what are we so scary but listen we gotta take risks i love you you deserve love um but yeah i understand that crazy questioning of like like literally does he like me look for the proof if you can find it the answer is yes if you have no proof nowhere we gotta start questioning some things girly someone said how do i stop needing uh external validation i need reassurance reassurance is okay we are human we need people to see our

accomplishments give us hug give us blow us kiss you know good for our brain good for our heart um and you need people around you who are willing to do that and celebrate you if you have people around you who don't want to celebrate you and never do and never um tell you how proud of they how proud they are of your accomplishments you're gonna have a weird hole in your heart and it's not going to feel good trust me little childhood trauma for you there um so you need people around you who do give you reassurance but it sounds like the problem with you lies in you basing your self-worth off of other people's reassurance which in turn is then going to push you into kind of like being a people pleaser and then that is going to push you into simply behaving in actions and on

actions that are not aligned with your true self which is then gonna push you into you not feeling like yourself so just let's just cut it early before we get too deep dark and down um and let's just nip it in the bud and yeah i think it's okay to want reassurance and to want people to say they're proud of you valid real you need support in your life but if you base everything in your life off of that you are going to feel so lost and in turn you are never going to be able to make the quote-unquote right decision or appease the right person because you're not appeasing yourself and there's more validation and long-term validation and long-term trust that comes with you making yourself proud rather than you making another person proud um it's like if you make

another person proud it feels good but it doesn't feel good as good as long as if you accomplish something that you truly want for yourself so if you really want to hit of that oh that sweet dopamine girl do what the fuck you want accomplish what you want to accomplish appease yourself all right um but yeah that external validation will never feel as good as that internal validation might hit a little harder but it will not hit as long and it will turn you into a attention junkie that is not what we need in our lives love you hi hannah i am calling in because i have had this recurring issue where i will date the same exact kind of man and i don't know how to move past it so it's everything starts out wonderful you know everything's great um things move in a positive

direction where we're, you know, pretty much acting like we are in a relationship, but we aren't quite there yet. Like we just don't have the label, but everybody around us knows that we're together, you know? And then once I start like needing a certain thing where I, the first time I bring up an issue really of needing extra effort, they tell me that they're actually not ready to date and they don't want to commit. And I don't know how to get out of that cycle because it feels like i've just been lied to like there have not been instances during the good parts of any red flags so i have no clue how to go about that if you could really help me out that would be wonderful it's getting really really annoying at this point um yeah i love you i think

within the first month of you talking to being interested in these men especially if you keep finding yourself in this you know situation over and over and over again like i get maybe it's your first situation ship and you want to give it some time valid listen girl this has happened how many times within that first month of you getting to know a new guy i think you should dead ass look at them in the face and be like what are we stop being scared of that question it's okay to ask it's okay to want to know the only reason you keep falling into this situation is because you're allowing it to persevere for so long you're allowing him to kind of take advantage of the what are we um you're too scared to bring it up you know you want to give him time to think about

it you don't want to scare him off the right man will be scared off all right he will not he will want to love you support you uplift you so i think within that first month especially if this keeps happening to you and you just want to nip it in the bud look him dead in the eyes suck the soul out of his body and then sit on top of him and look him down the eyes and go what are we put him on the spot this is not a phone call this is not a text this is not a casual conversation over dinner this is a intimate i need to know okay and if he looks at you and he goes i don't know or i don't see a future with you or you know you're really fun but and he's not answering with or he's he should be answering with i am very interested in you and i want to spend more time getting to

know each other and i think we can be um mutually exclusive while we do that and work our way to a label if he's not giving you that sort of answer get up off him pack your bags close the door make your way home and never return but yeah don't be afraid of that uh that question especially if you keep finding yourself in this situation it's because you're not being as forward earlier on and i do believe men should enjoy a forward girl so you might as well just be like listen what is what's going on because i don't want to be hurt i'm just going to be proactive here since no one wants to have this conversation i want to know go ahead ask actually do we smoke a bowl should we smoke a bowl should we take the edge off i think we should what time is it 11 a.m yeah girl

fuck it let's dive right in um i think we need it day off chill vibes good energy that's what I'm manifesting for today manifesting a couple margaritas and some good fucking food manifesting full eight hours of sleep later tonight manifesting maybe an edible not me manifesting things are literally right in front of me um I guess that's the easiest form of manifestation but let's load this little bowl and let's smoke together start the day off right cheers oh my god i actually learned recently whoa apologies that on youtube if i smoke bongs i'll get demonetized but if i stick to smoking

joints i'm good don't know what that's about we'll be sticking to joints for now on on the YouTube channel but I think joints are just sexier like talk about my favorite way to smoke is literally a joint there's nothing sexier than like a fat nice rolled joint the puffs of smoke that it releases this is also coming from my like rotten fucking mind that misses smoking cigarettes I smoked for such a long time I smoked nicotine for such a long time I got into the service industry when I was 19 because I dropped out of college and I had been in college for two years so I was 19 came home got in the service industry realized the only time you get a break in your 12-hour shift serving is if you need a fucking cigarette so of course I was going to take up smoking

cigarettes I was also smoking cigarettes here and there in high school whenever my friends could get a hand you know on a pack of cigarettes um convince some corner store guy to sell them to us then i was smoking cigarettes but i couldn't use them as often as when i was an adult and could literally buy them for myself um but i went from smoking occasionally cigarettes more like a grunge i just live such a sad lifestyle i need to light this cigarette you put the killing thing between your teeth but don't give it the power to do the killing you know like that era um i was smoking cigarettes here and there in high school and then when vapes came out i bought my my first jewel my first jewel um when i was 17 um i remember you could get the jewel pack it was like the uh

the the the the not container but like the holder for the jewel and four pods you would get a mint a tobacco a mango and uh um I'm not I am forgetting the last one anyways you would get four pods and that it was $75 $75 could you imagine spending $75 on a vape nowadays I walked into a gas station the other day and it was like jewel pack the same exact one I bought at 17 for like $17.99. Are you kidding me? Anyways, opposite inflation. They need you hooked on those things. More like deflation. Then I got into smoking cigarettes. 19. Smoked a lot of cigarettes. A lot. Don't smoke cigarettes. Pro tip, if you want your acne to actually not form. I feel like when I was on nicotine and smoking cigarettes, I had the worst acne

of my entire life i thought high school hannah's acne was bad no when i was on my blunt and cigarette phase that's when i had the worst acne ever i'm talking huge cystic acne on my face on my neck on my back on my arms on my leg like everywhere it was like my body was having an allergic reaction and i was just like oh no like it's definitely not the nicotine you know it's just like i need change my sheets more often or something i need to get on accutane or whatever no it was literally the cigarettes it was a nicotine hello and then i smoked cigarettes a lot and then i uh moved back to just like regular vapes and then i finally got off the vape i quit the addiction um probably right when the pandemic started um I don't know what clicked in my brain or what physical reaction

I had but I stopped craving it because they started making me sick they started making me so completely and utterly sick which is funny because alcohol is now doing the same thing to me like I have one or two drinks and I am just like I feel so nauseous I feel so like way more sick than I used to feel when I was drinking I don't know why my body has this reaction maybe it's because of over consumption and I will never tell you to over consume to hopefully then under consume that is just not a good pro tip but I think I had just my body had had enough and I started being repulsed by them like something in my brain clicked maybe it was me just growing up and developing more brain cells um you wouldn't think that considering i was smoking cigarettes which

should be burning my brain cells away um but yeah something just clicked to my brain and i was like i cannot do this anymore i cannot my body is exhausted i can't breathe i feel so sick when i hit this and i just start spinning um it was like i was waking up the next day and i felt like my body was like dehydrated and dying and I just could not take it anymore I could not I could not and I just like was repulsed by it stop smoking pro tip I guess if you want to stop smoking just do more of it until you become nauseous of it no I'm joking my friend's actually quitting nicotine right now um she has not been smoking she was not smoking as long as me she probably has been smoking um nicotine for like two and a half years now and uh she quit and is quitting by i'm a big

fan of replacing a negative with a positive i don't think you can just take something out and not feel the hole in your heart there like obviously you remove something your brain's gonna notice that you remove something so i'm a big big fan of finding healthy addictions okay you can't just like not have something and then assume everything's gonna be okay you gotta fill it in with something and if you want to do it right you gotta fill it in with something good um and that kind of depends on who you are what you crave what works best for your brain I've seen people quit nicotine by um eating sour gummy candy instead or like having a little chocolate piece or something to kind of give your brain that same dopamine hit I've seen people do

it by um getting those hydro flask bottles or I guess literally any sort of uh water bottle with a straw lid kind of the same shape as a vape with ice ice cold water and just taking a chug of that whenever they want to hit their vape um i have seen people do it cold turkey listen the attitude on people quitting nicotine cold turkey is insane so before you do it warn people be like hey i'm doing this a can you encourage me and not tempt me and b i'm so sorry if i'm a fucking bitch but i'm going through this so don't take it personally little pre-warning there um but i've seen it done many different ways i really think it's all about finding a healthier version of what you need and if you need a dopamine hit you know sometimes some sugary candy maybe a hit of a

red bull sugar-free can um some ice cold water and gum you know shock your brain a little bit give you that same kind of high you're looking for without the negative effects but i do believe quitting nicotine was such a good thing for me how did i get on this tangent no clue but it is something that the the masses need to know my mom works for she's she works in the teacher's union and i was like mom how bad is the vape epidemic right now like how bad is it she's like we had to put this makes me giggle because if we had this in high school i would have died it would been so funny she said they have vape detectors in the bathroom bitch what's a vape detector excuse me is that not just a smoke alarm anyways that made me that made me giggle

vape detector hello um but yeah epidemic free yourselves nicotine i think honestly smoking cigarettes is healthier for you than hitting a vape all the time a you can smoke them less frequently because they're kind of disgusting and you have to go somewhere that you can do it privately um so you're inherently going to smoke less um you're going to crave it less because it's not mango cotton candy banana smoothie flavored hello get that smoke away from me it is breaking me out um and i i mean the ingredients are just as bad so there's no arguing there but in the grand scheme of things get rid of the vape free yourself save your money have your skin glow live your best life have more energy like there's only positives that would come from there

anyways let me actually get to the questions this has been an interesting episode okay oh my god someone said also I'm one of those girls that complains about my boyfriend and you inspired me to shut up I'm listen I was worried I was going to be too mean on Thursday's episode about people complaining about their love life like valid you can complain about your love life but i don't want to hear it every single time i see you about the same problem please that is so funny i'm glad you found inspiration there hopefully i feel like when you are a complainer and you are like oh shit i've been bringing that up a lot and then you force yourself to sit with it and like keep going over it more so internally you're more likely to find a fan uh answer than

actually looking outward for that answer um you know what you deserve you know what you want also if you find yourself complaining about your boyfriend daily my god hourly break up with him someone said tips to gain weight so what i did is i got into a really really comfortable healthy relationship um not only with myself but also with my boyfriend and he just kept feeding me and feeding me and our love language was okay maybe we'll have sex and then we'll shower and then we'll go get like a caniac combo and down the whole fucking thing and then watch a movie and pass out like eating and eating and eating and eating and feeding because we love each other we want to indulge and we want to eat that chocolate we want to go get that quesadilla

at 11 o'clock at night and oh my god i'm having this crazy craving somewhere my period and he's like babe get in I'll go get it for you like let's go love that for me but yeah I definitely put on that love weight um and it's not something I'm necessarily looking at negatively because I understand it is a direct result of me being in a healthy relationship um when I was in my last relationship I was so so so skinny stick thin um and that is because I was not being loved properly I was being stressed out every single day to the point where I couldn't eat and being able to differentiate between that relationship and this relationship has also made me kind of appreciate weight in that sort of way and appreciate being happy and indulging in life's greatest pleasures, which is food for me. like I love food I love it I love a good meal there's nothing more satisfying and fun than that I love cooking I love making good meals I love sharing meals with people having a conversation

over a meal you know that a TikTok trend where it's like people sitting down to eat dinner and it's like have you heard and then it's like all their food's done and it's like well who are we to judge it's like I love that environment where it's like we're just here time is flying we are eating good food we are having a laugh it is such a nice experience and probably one of the top five experiences of life all right um and i realized it is okay to indulge in that it's okay to have fun it's okay to live life and find pleasure that is a real thing um and also get rid of men who stress you the fuck out your life will be so much better for it but yeah i don't know i just i think I gained weight simply because I learned to indulge a little bit more and food is not scary.

Food is to fuel you. Food is to enjoy, to indulge, to share. And I think it is so beautiful in that way. Hi, Hannah. I am in desperate need of some date ideas. Usually me and my boyfriend go to the park but it's been cold and the sunset's so early we're both in college like we're broke which is the main problem is like we don't really live in a city where there's like stuff going on sometimes we go to a lot of like house shows and stuff but besides that there's just not that much going on around here um especially stuff that's like cheap or free so if you have any um like ideas about things that we could maybe do like at home um that would be awesome thank you someone asked how to make better connections with new friends I think it's just doing something new that both

of you have never done before um both of you being in a new experience and equaling the playing field that way um and kind of going through the motions and trying something new and being vulnerable I think that is a fantastic surefire way of making a new connection stronger better faster stronger okay um so whatever that would be to you like maybe you guys go to a live drawing class maybe you go to a pole class maybe try at a new restaurant together a food that you've never tried before maybe you literally anything new that you've never done as well as i think the newness is very equaling and um makes you guys connect a little bit better while also maybe showing them something that they've never done before that you really enjoy and being vulnerable

with maybe that side of you um so maybe they've never been to the local art museum you take them there and you show them around and show them your favorite paintings and they get to see um who you truly are that way you get to share yourself that way um maybe it's oh my god i love this band and they're coming to town and I have no one to go with and I would love to go with you and you get to share your favorite music um kind of get to know each other that way share yourself that way either something that the other person has never done and you would like to share with them or something that both of you have never done ever I think that is the best way to kind of you know build the relationship and be vulnerable a little bit someone said can we talk about the almost

deadly relationship we have with productivity yeah call it my gemini moon or oh capricorn moon definitely not a gemini my gemini side does not want to work i mean i want to be smart but i do not want to work my capricorn side oof we are we have no choice but to work ourselves to the bone and then more so reality-based living in a society where it's like the boss bitch like the harder you work the better you will be the more money you will make the cooler you will be the more society will recognize you that mentality is so killer it really is i have seen so many people lose themselves completely to productivity um and i feel like i see people lose themselves to productivity when it's something they are not finding fulfillment out of like i get sometimes

we have to do hard things that we don't want to do valid sometimes we gotta go clock into a job that we don't want to do me with bartending every single time i work sometimes we gotta you know we have to do it that's real that's a part of living in a capitalistic state and having to make money in order to survive finishing school like that's something hard that i would always recommend you continuing doing like even through the burnout of course take rest or take rest uplift yourself prioritize yourself with the time off you do have um i'm not gonna sit here and be like just don't clock in today like girl i get it you gotta make rent that's so real um i'm not the some nepo pay some nepo baby that's getting a check every month like we gotta do sometimes some hard

fucking things in order to make ourselves a better human being but also we have to learn to take time for ourselves we have to learn to prioritize our downtime sometimes learn to say no to those extracurricular activities if we know it's just going to completely drain us and make us unable to wake up and be better and work hard uh tomorrow morning um also dare i say it is okay to take a day off sometimes sometimes you know after six months of working yourself to the bone you need a mental health day that's the thing i never got in high school which i think was very detrimental to um my well obviously my mental health but also just my overall drive for life and productivity in that way is I was I was just pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and when I asked

for help or when I wanted to take a time off my parents never let me and that led me down a dark path and led me into a nice little two-week vacation not nice joking needed it though um but it's okay to take a day off to yourself um understand that if you have no drive you will not be able to do more if you have no energy you will not be able to do more and be the best worker we that you want to be um but i also think productivity is more sustainable always when you're doing something you like and it doesn't necessarily need to be something like almighty and beautiful and so worthy like sometimes maybe you just like clocking into your little library shift and that is so valuable and so needed like my parents are so productive and such hard workers and it's

because they have been working in fields that they have been passionate about for 30 plus years and it's not like oh CEOs oh businesswoman I mean valid real but they're just school teachers and they put so much time and energy into these students and their classes and seeing it growing up was really inspiring um because it made me realize oh productivity in this sort of sense in a way that is fulfilling is more sustainable um and more enjoyable than forcing yourself down a path that is not good for you and that's why we need to take school seriously guys we need to take our life path seriously put yourself into everything try everything follow your passions work hard i understand like burnout is real take time off if you need uh prioritize your downtime

but hard work does always pay off in the end um especially if you're working towards something that you personally desire rather than what society desires um if it brings you joy if it brings you peace in this lifetime that's really all that matters fuck what society thinks if it's something you genuinely enjoy um that is really truly all that matters like nursing school i could work hard i could get the a i did i got the 4.0 in nursing which is fucking so hard to do and i was working myself to the bone and i was dying because of it because it was not something that i was remotely interested in it was something that i felt like i had to do because my parents thought it would be a good route for me to do it was not something that i was interested in passionate and

even curious about learning i got that 4.0 but it almost fucking killed me whereas in art school something that i've been passionate about since a very very young age um i have i got a 4.0 and that one too also very very hard but it was easier because it was something that i was curious about something that I had passion in that I wanted to work hard in and see myself further down the line in um I achieved that 4.0 easier than I did in nursing both equally as hard I can see that and understand that but one it was something that I felt like was feeding me rather than taking away from me and in turn my productivity wasn't as um killer as in nursing school um but still I understand we have to clock in and do hard things that we maybe don't particularly enjoy but is

better for you in the long run whether it's money whether it's uh getting a degree showing up to that random extracurricular class that you don't want to fucking do i get it hard work is not always the easiest but it will always pay off in the end please though if you need a day please take it um my parents are really anti taking any sort of days off in high school or middle school or elementary school unless I had like a doctor's appointment in which I would go to that doctor's appointment for an hour and then go back to school like there was no days off unless I was feverish throwing up bleeding violently um and I think that kind of grind mentality really killed me because I didn't learn how to also prioritize myself through the productivity and learn healthy

and helpful ways of rest and taking care of myself it was just push push push push push and you can't keep pushing if you have no more to push okay take that day off if you need I hear you I understand you but the things that you really truly love will be worth it in the end I also think with productivity i wanted to add this in that it's really important to not base your self-worth and your identity on your productivity um of course it's important to maybe base it on your accomplishments like support yourself uplift yourself celebrate yourself but just because you know we live in a society that is overworking and over consuming um we have a tendency to build our self-worth on how much we are working we are more than what we do we are more than how much we work we are completely

well-rounded human beings that need more support than just what we do for work and just what our accomplishments are there's nothing more heartbreaking than like you know getting to another getting to know another adult and all they want to know is well where'd you go to college or what's your job or like what kind of connections can you make there it's like why don't you want ask me my favorite color you know we are humans we have more interest than just our productivity of course celebrate your accomplishments but don't base your identity completely on your job and your productivity it is such a quick quick way to kill independence and identity advice for making healthier changes in your life I think it starts small and then goes big so you don't want

to implement um you know working out for three hours every single day that's going to be a big change that's not going to be easy to take on and in turn you're probably going to start resenting and stop doing it starts with the small things um so maybe it's like oh i want to move my body more okay so you could do maybe a five minute stretch in the morning or a three hour workout which one sounds better obviously the one that sounds easier to do and probably easier to stay consistent with is going to be the five minute stretch in the morning. Anything that you want to do can happen. It just depends on what truly matters to you. Maybe you want to change your eating habits. So you start with like one meal, you don't do all the meals, you know, you start

with one thing, one thing that you want to change a small thing, and then you get that small thing in your routine easier, easier to do, then you can maybe add on a bigger one, and then a bigger one and then a bigger one and all of a sudden you're doing the big thing that seemed hard at the beginning but yeah I think it starts more so with the little things rather than the super hard big challenging ideals that maybe are a little bit scarier start small work your way up oh someone said saving money and planning for trips real that's what I'm doing right now I'm in my financial era thank you Aquarius Pisces season my cup truly runneth over um I am really just trying to get my finances in order really focus on money stop being so scared of it I feel like I had such an anxious

attachment to money and I just didn't want to think about it and that in turn made me even more anxious pro tip if there's something that's making you anxious and you want to feel not anxious about it the best way to do that is not by ignoring it the anxiety is going to build up to you pop like a balloon the best way to um like break down that anxiety is to do the thing that's giving you anxiety oh you don't want to go to doctors you need to go go immediately get that anxiety over with that was me with a dentist i was like oh literally every month it's like i have six months in between and every month that goes by i'm like fuck i'm one month closer to the dentist it gives me so much anxiety for no reason um but the best way to get over it go do it i went to the dentist

came back i walked out of that fucking dentist's office like nicole kidman walking out of her divorce um filing and her finally being divorced from who was it i want to say tom hanks but i know that's wrong anyways um maybe it is no who's tom hanks oh my god oh my god okay hannah get it together um but yeah the best way to combat that anxiety is just to do the thing and do the damn thing but um what did you ask me oh save saving money and planning for trips is this really the tangent i got on um yeah finances anxiety inducing i just wouldn't look at my bank account which sounds like a privilege like i'm not saying an ember emma chamberlain way where i'm like yeah i just have enough money that i don't need to look at what i'm spending money on

no no no no like I should be spending money and visualizing that nine dollar coffee I'm having because girl we're going into the zero we gotta we gotta chill a little bit stop with the online shopping we do actually need to be paying attention to our finances um anyways been focusing on that and I've also really been focusing on taking trips the two things really don't go hand in hand like your bank account's not gonna like it when you take a trip when the trip happens a lot of money is going to be spent but I have always been able to kind of like finance trips in a sense by planning ahead and spending money slowly so maybe it's like I have six months before a trip right now I have four months before a trip with the girls so what I'm

planning on doing is like one month before we have to get like three hotels so for this month we're gonna book one hotel you know a couple hundred dollars next month we're gonna book the next hotel give ourselves some time to breathe gain some more money the next month we'll book the last hotel okay last month we'll maybe book all the excursions that we want to do if they cost money at least you know book them if they don't write our names down um all along you know that time frame i'm also putting money specifically into a fund for that trip so like for dinners for shopping, for gas money, whatever it may be. I'm specifically kind of mentally allocating money to that trip by not spending money, okay? When I go shopping and I pick up that pair of shoes

that's $100, I'm thinking to myself, do I want this $100 pair of shoes or do I want to put $100 towards the thing that I'm working towards? And usually my brain is like, no, I want to put that big chunk of money towards the thing that I'm working towards towards that trip I'm gonna wait until um you know the trip to spend the money I'm gonna wait for that instant gratification a little bit longer I've also found that that gratification feels way better when you wait rather than when you spend it immediately um like whether it's online shopping whether it's a trip you're planning, maybe a house you're buying, like let's get crazy here, the longer you wait to spend that money and the more you think about how you want to spend that money and where you

want to put it, the better you'll feel about spending it. When you're online shopping at 2am a little too high off that gummy and you buy that random thing, it's not going to feel as good showing up in the mail than you taking the time to take months to plan a trip with your friends to maybe book yourself a birthday trip to maybe work towards buying a house that's gonna feel way better that big gratification rather than a bunch of small little ones here and there and that's something I've really had to learn like all of my trips I remember so fondly I had such a fun time on the people I was with the experiences I've had these are things that I will remember for the rest of my life but will I remember that eight dollar coffee from yesterday

no will I remember that hundred dollar pair of shoes I just bought not really but I will always have these memories and these long-term experiences to look back on and to constantly appreciate throughout the years so I kind of look at it like that like what's more important to do with your money um and mentally kind of allocating it to that one spot but if there's a trip you could you are wanting to take you can take it I think the best way to really do it is to just like plan ahead and give yourself plenty of time so then you aren't rushing around um and you have a little bit more control over your finances you know buy one thing for the trip every month whether it's the hotel room this month the airplane ticket the next month um the excursions the month after

that um give yourself some time to kind of recuperate financially in between i don't know how all these influencers are taking trips every month i don't know if they're brand deals i don't know if they're all just secretly broke. I think they're all just secretly broke. But that is not the kind of planning and trip taking I like to do. I like to take time to really think about what I want to do to make sure my finances are okay. And, you know, delay that instant gratification a little bit more. But yeah, I think anybody can really make anything happen for themselves. It really all about planning and timing. Hey, girly. So I just recently got into astrology, right? So I did my birth chart. I'm a Capricorn sun, Virgo moon, and Taurus rising. But what do I do with this

information? Because I don't know what any of that means. I read the whole star chart. I did the astrology cafe thing. Okay. Shout out to all the girlies who recommended it. But now what do i do with this information how how how is this supposed to affect me now i know all this deep juicy stuff that's going on in the stars but like what do i do with it now please help me you're like the astrology guru and i need help thank you i love you so i personally use astrology as an understanding tool especially in the points in my life where i feel like confused about myself or confused about where i should go or confused about how i should take this or career finances anything of the sort i tend to look towards astrology to see my strengths and my weaknesses

um as you said you went to cafe astrology did the whole write-up for you that's only one way of viewing your signs i feel like all the astrologers have different ways of understanding signs and how they affect you. So I really like to get information from as many different astrologers as I possibly can. I know Mercurial Sarah on Instagram is a fantastic, fantastic astrologer. I've been meaning to buy a birth chart reading from her for a while. Another person with an amazing birth chart reading that I have gotten from before, hold on, let me find her instagram is orla connelly um i don't know if she's still doing birth chart readings but i believe i got one from her um on etsy um and her etsy shop is spiritual strength co

if you are interested in supporting her um but i like getting information from as many different people as possible. And then when I'm having a particular issue in my life, I then deep dive into the sign, the house that it might be affecting. So if it's finances, then I will look for the house of finances and then look at that sign and maybe see how that sign best handles finances and how they maybe have some slip ups when it occurs to finances and understanding that and then applying it to my real life so if you're having some struggles maybe with family maybe look for the house that family resides in understand the sign that sits there and then unpack it according to what works best in that sign um now your sun doesn't over encompass everything about

you your moon doesn't over encompass everything about you astrology is way deeper than that you're probably like why do we have 12 different houses like why do we have so many different planets involved it's a very very intricate interpersonal working which is something that I find so interesting it's also a very very old science that humans have been practicing for such a long time which makes it even more interesting to me and it never seems to fail so I think if you're wondering how do I actually implement astrology in my real life it really is like whenever you're having these problems or you need to understand your strengths look to your signs look to you know the houses that they reside in and then break it down according to that make

movements according to that um and if you don't want to do that pay an astrologer to do it if they have the knowledge they deserve the money um find someone you trust and feel free to ask questions they are always willing to answer and kind of interpret your um chart for you you know if you got the money if not the resources are always always always there um i am always looking into different aspects of myself different interesting ideas about myself and you know my chart and where things lie I'm always taking time to kind of learn more about myself in that way especially if you're a very introspective person it could be really really fun and I'm a very introspective person so it's a fun little hobby for me to do and pick up and understand

if you want to know more about astrology though I do little astrology deep dives on my patreon um patreon.com smoke says shawty i usually do one astrology post a week um whether it's like full moon new moon updates um astrology occurrences like um maybe there's a mercury retrograde going on or any sort of retrograde um i'm gonna do it's pisces season officially shout out to my pisces girlies my pisces is rising you guys are so dreamy and otherworldly but also like so observant and it's such a interesting thing um and I love just like the Pisces wisdom um and I'm gonna do a little Pisces write-up for you all little Pisces insipo for you all tomorrow um but yeah I posted a lot there if you're looking for some more things I'm gonna try

and share more also outside of just Patreon share more on the podcast but you can always research these things and look into anything about yourself simply by you know doing that cafe astrology um chart you know fill out your chart and then from that information you can always learn more about yourself of course it writes it for you but there are so many resources online books you can get anything to kind of look into this you can also do a compal compatibility um readings on cafe astrology too which i think is so interesting i love a compatibility reading especially when you're kind of like obsessing over a new crush put his uh put his fucking time of birth and place of birth in that compatibility reading and ask yourself is this worth it before you get too deep

but yeah love astrology so interesting there's so many new avenues and aspects to look into and so much wisdom to uncover but yeah love you how to deal with your partner having a lower sex drive than you um I think this is something that a lot of long-term couples go through um I know me and my partner went through it and that was more so an issue on my part not an issue it's just like I got a new IUD and my hormones were all out of whack um and when we met I was like three years into my IUD like she was solidified inside of me girl I was no cares no worries hormones good horny all the time and then like a couple years into us knowing each other i got a new iud and my hormones got all sorts of fucked up and sex was the last thing on my mind let me be clear

um and it got to a point where like i knew he knew like i could tell it was like it wasn't an issue like he wasn't like why are you fucking me like he was respectful and he was like you know he gave you my space he didn't question me but it got to a point where I could tell he was kind of like is it me you know and so I think when you get to that point as a partner you kind of have to open up about how you're feeling um relationships are all about communication and especially when it comes to sex I think a lot of communication is necessary I don't know why people think sex should not have communication I think we should have lots of communication like yes tell me if that feels good tell me if you like that tell me what you want like i am not a mind reader

nor should we be mind readers during sex i think open communication is a very very important skill to learn um especially during sex it makes sex way more pleasurable for everybody involved um so i just was like hey so sorry if you've noticed this um here's what's going on here's what i think is going on I think my hormones are just fucked up please don't take it personally um maybe there's some ways we can you know spice things up have a little bit more fun and I think just simply um opening the space to talk about it and opening the space to be honest and like hey maybe I'm not feeling myself maybe I need your help kind of hyping me up maybe I miss the way we do this maybe it's um I don't know maybe it's like I wish we went on more date nights I don't know what's

kind of maybe triggering the other person or partner but talk about it like if you are noticing that hey maybe something's off within our relationship it is totally fine to talk about those things um and to bring them up and if they are a good partner they should be able to hear and receive and communicate back um they shouldn't be like why are you talking about this with me that's weird not not an emotionally responsive partner not great but especially with sex i think it's important to be like hey you know sorry if things have been a little off here's what's going on or like hey I've noticed things have been a little off um is there anything I can do I don't mean to put pressure on you I just want to be the best partner possible and understand you a little bit

more um but I know specifically for my libido what helped I don't know if you were the one dealing with this or going through it but a sorry oh my god I just chugged some sparkling water and it is fighting back um but one one thing that we did is um I feel like we both kind of got lost in our work lives and got lost in our personal lives and we moved in together so I felt like we were spending a lot of time together but we weren't taking intentional time to really uh spend time in our relationship if that makes sense like go on dates and you know take intentional time to do romantic stuff it was just like okay wake up come home wake up come home spend the night together wake up come home you know normal uh relationship things but taking intentional time

to uplift and celebrate our relationship um we started having a weekly date night and just making sure we are doing that and um supporting each other that way that's a great way to kind of uplift libido and to build the you know romantic feelings a little bit i also think um especially as you get older you of course your sex drive goes down a little bit like oh my god when i was in high school a sex drive was crazy crazy but that's not sustainable that's not supposed to be sustainable you're not supposed to be that fucking crazy horny all the time um but i think a lot of men assume they should be um and they just they're they masturbate all the time maybe they watch porn that is a great way to kill your sex drive okay save it for your partner you know

if you want to have sex just wait for them to get home and then you know spark it up that way instead of just like masturbating and then um not having any sex drive left for your partner later on And that's, you know, I feel like I heard Steve-O talk about this, where he was like a love and sex addict. And the best thing he did for himself was to stop watching porn and stop masturbating and stop giving into that feeling and waiting and saving it for his partner. It helped him rebuild, rekindle his sexual relationship with his partner. So I don't know if maybe that's what you're going through or that's what your partner is going through. But that's a great way to quickly build libido is to stop kind of giving in that sort of way. if you're single girl go for it have fun like get some sex toys for real masturbate all you want but

in a relationship I think there's something special about being like I'm horny but let me wait you know cute oh you waited for me babe anyways um but yeah I think this is a very common thing in relationships and don't make your partner feel bad about it but always open up the line of communication just be like hey i've noticed this what can i do what can we do to you know spice up this relationship let's go to the sex store let's go have fun that way let's try out some new fantasies let's uh you know make time for each other that's the sexiest thing a man can ever do is just make time for you celebrate uplift your relationship that is the hottest thing ever I'm truly in my yapping era I feel like for the past couple months the podcast has been like

okay let's answer a question in like three minutes or less like let's get to as many questions as I possibly can because I know you guys submit them every week and I just want to honor that and get to as many as I possibly can and honor you guys in that sort of way but in the past I remember I would just be on tangents I would just see every possible direction a question can go and answer it however I could and I think we're back in that era I think I'm back in my yapping era I will always try to get to as many questions as possible but you know we got two episodes a week girl we spent a lot of time together so we got time to chat all right you took the answer right out of my mouth I was about to say park and then you were like no bitch it's

cold out I hear you valid let's wait till summer um great date ideas that are cheap and easy girl you got to eat okay you got to eat go get some a dollar box of spaghetti a dollar can of red sauce um some cheap ground beef if you even have money for ground beef if not maybe some shredded cheese if not shredded cheese nothing listen red sauce pasta what's better than that you're gonna cook together you're gonna put on some music in the kitchen you're gonna maybe light a candle go to the thrift store get a bunch of candles light a candle eat dinner together cook dinner very cheap easy date night intentional time together maybe it's oh we're gonna go thrift a puzzle and do it together maybe it's um we just are gonna i was gonna say walk i just love being outside i love

going on a walk around wherever i can go um if there's any free museums close to you go visit them um we have a free art museum in kansas city which is so nice because so many cities don't have free museums but if there are any or any free museums that you've never been to like go check it out go see what's going on go do a happy hour I understand maybe you're broke broke but you can always go do like a two dollar margarita somewhere and like a two dollar taco somewhere um I love a taco Tuesday deal I love a dollar two dollar taco go sit inside go eat your one or two tacos do your thing chit chat over a nice meal um maybe it's I've seen that trend on TikTok where couples are painting each other and it's a little heartbreaking to see how your partner views you or their

artistic abilities but it's something silly and funny to do you know paint each other paint together you can always get like an art supply kit for real cheap from like a michael's from a thrift store wherever possible get some crayons and a piece of paper you know simple things um really the eye is in the beholder and you can always find something to do depending on kind of what the vibe is for your relationship or what you are interested in doing for that day but I think the best relationships are not the ones that go on these big fantastic amazing dates or have these big fantastic amazing experiences the best and healthiest relationships are the one who can thrive simply doing something small together and enjoying time that way you don't have to have

the extravagance of it all in order to find love you can find love in the simplicity of it all so get creative have some fun and also don't take on all the pressure yourself i think maybe you should rotate so like maybe this week you plan the date and then next week he plans the date and so on and so forth so then maybe one person doesn't feel pressured to kind of keep the relationship together i think it is an equal balance of effort there so anyways i think that's it for the podcast you guys i know you guys been loving the video episodes which i really appreciate because i'm using this time as like a transition tool to then do only video episodes so i'm really glad you guys have been enjoying it i've been having a blast editing uploading those um and i

can't wait to do that full time but i appreciate all the love i appreciate you being here you being you submitting all your questions I want to do a confessionals episode soon so go out make your bad mistakes now so we can utilize them later on maybe I'll have a couple under my belt I can share with you guys but I love you have a safe and wonderful Tuesday and I will see you all on Thursday