Smoke Sesh - back 2 school & a guide to modern womanhood

Episode Date: August 2, 2022

Happy Tuesday! Today I answer so many questions but most importantly- school. As the school year is about to start I want you all to not make the mistakes I made- so of course I share all my mistakes with you and what I wish I did differently. We also talk beginning of the month prosperity and witchy tips. Mushrooms & carnivals. Why comparison kills and how to stop competing with other women. The patriarchy, makeup, squirting, first jobs and high school careers, parents, college majors, saying I Love You first. Gynecologists, Pap smears, kids, and the steps to recovering from heartbreak as it seems a lot of you are going through it right now. I love you and I’ll see you Thursday for a short episode as well, and if you would like to join me on patreon you can find that under smokeseshshawty, if not submit all questions to my Instagram at hannahmarlene for my podcast every week! Thank you all for joining me this wonderful Tuesday and I’ll see you all this Thursday! MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Good morning hotties across the world. How the hell are we all doing today? we having a good day we have a good start to our tuesday i fucking hope so i am to say the least

also if you hear my ac rattling in the background i'm so sorry it's just gonna be some like some asmr for you guys some extra you know some white noise for you to really relax and soothe the soul um it's so hot here it's like 100 degrees so my ac is working over fucking time quite honestly as it needs to be um so yeah apologies for that um a few things I want to talk about before we you know dive right into all of our usual questions all my merch sold out like oh my god like in two days all of my merch sold out and they are made to order but I didn't want to overwhelm my supplier with the quantities so I only did like a little bit which it wasn't even a little bit like it was a lot of a bit like it was a couple hundred uh pieces you know what I

mean but I didn't want to overwhelm since it was my first drop and I'm still just getting into it but you guys sold that shit out which is fucking mind-blowing so thank you so much um from the bottom of my fucking heart thank you so much um i can't wait to see all of us rocking our matching hoodies and our matching grinders and there will be a restock a very minimal restock in a few weeks so if you weren't able to grab anything no worries um you may still be able to snag a few pieces here soon um i will let you know sooner about that it's probably gonna be around the middle to the end of August when I have that restock um so keep an eye out but also if you did miss out on that and you do miss out on the restock or maybe the style like wasn't your style or you're still you

didn't have money like I totally get it don't worry um I mean creating and designing has been a big part of my life and something that I want to continue to do um so I will be creating new hoodies and creating new designs constantly and hopefully releasing them pretty annually like by each season so by October by like the beginning or mid-October I will be releasing some like you know some spooky some Halloween designs so if that's more your vibe if you're more of a goth girly wait for that because I cannot wait I just started working on it and it's incredible also if you ordered a hoodie um these are made to order so it does need a little bit of processing time so keep that in mind they will get to you I was looking at the emergency intercom merch

um just because i was like looking at like okay well how long did that take for them to create and ship um it took about a month and i think that's what i'm looking at right now so it should be about the same as you know the other podcasters the other merch girlies so we're right on schedule we're getting there we're getting it done i'm so fucking excited and i cannot wait the packaging is going to be so cute please please please once you get it tag me post a photo in it i can't wait to see it and reshare and just experience this with you guys so oh my god literally shocking like shocking mind-blowing thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you like like oh my god like words cannot describe how shocked i was when i woke up and they were all

sold out like that was incredible and i really appreciate it so stay tuned there's so many more thing coming from the podcast also if you are interested in some exclusive content I did start posting on Patreon now I only have really posted like a journal prompt and some little diary entries from the week because I did start like last Friday like I haven't been on there that long but if you are interested in some extra content some video content I'm hoping to post a video podcast a video Q&A on Thursday and then some just like little vlogs here and there you can follow my patreon which is patreon.com slash smoke says shoddy that's how you can find me um and what else nothing crazy has been going on in my life i can't lie i've been working a

little bit over time at work just because i am going out of town in a few weeks um me and some of my besties from like literally birth like i've known these girls since i was born um i haven't seen them in a while which sucks because we try to get together as often as we can but we all live in like separate parts of the country so we're all flying to baltimore to go visit my friend for just like a few days have a little girls trip cannot wait but i know i'm gonna be balling and having some fun and drinking a lot of mimosas so i've been trying to save up some money for that so i'm just like extra spending money so i've been working overtime which like working overtime is either great because like yes the money's coming in um or it's horrible

because as a server sometimes you go and you work and you make zero dollars like I can't lie like there are some shifts where you're there and you know tables don't come in or you get shitty customers and no one tips you and you're like what the fuck um but I ended last night on a high note I have okay when it comes to serving uh I'm just a weirdo about this when people are on dates and if I like okay if you are ever going on a date I really encourage you guys to at least within the first five dates where you're trying to like figure out um like who this person is you know how they are go to a restaurant obviously have him pick up the bill because what like as a server i always hand the bill to a man like even if i'm like paying at a restaurant like

for me and my boyfriend like you know we we do like to take turns or like i i don't mind like paying for our lunch every once in a while like whatever like he doesn't have to pay for everything I'm not worried about all that shit but like even even if I'm thinking like oh they might split it or you know oh they're on a date it's a first date I always hand the bill to a man just to see like what's gonna happen um and also like not to be rude I don't know so that either goes well for me or it goes bad and like the the woman like kind of gets mad like I would never get mad if someone handed a bill to my boyfriend like period put that pressure on him um but um last night oh oh what was i saying oh if you're ever going on a first date and you like take him to a restaurant

and then like see how he reacts to that to like paying the bill and then also see what he look at what he tips because if he doesn't value service workers that that's a whole other issue like that's a whole other issue because the amount of like businessmen and like men who just think they're above people come in and like run you around and then tip shitty it's like oh my god you have some weird personality disorder you have some weird ego some complex going on and i do not have time to entertain it because you're playing with like my livelihood right now like you're playing with my hourly wage and like tipping is not a new thing tipping has been around for forever like forever even when I was little I knew 20% tip like always like even my parents were little

like yeah 20% tip like I don't know what this new wave is of people being like well we shouldn't have to tip it's like this babes this has been around forever like I understand inflation is going on but tipping has been a thing for forever so like if you ever go on a first date at a restaurant pay attention to that shit and like I would be like after he pays and you're you guys are about to leave I'd be like okay I'm gonna go to the restroom real quick you know and then like make him go out to the car and literally come out of the bathroom check the checkbook and be like okay did he take care of this is he taking care of everybody here um and then go meet him back up like meet back up with him that's what I would do um but yeah if he doesn't tip I feel like that's

a big red flag and last night I had this couple that was on a first date and they stayed kind of late which I I didn't mind because I didn't have a lot of tables yesterday um so I was like whatever if it's gonna make me an extra ten dollars like sure y'all can hang out until we close like usually you would piss me off but whatever they see they were respectful they were ordering a bunch of drinks like go for it babes it's the first date have fun you know I'm not gonna ruin your first date um but this guy you know picked up the bill and you know I couldn't I couldn't like tell the vibe of like okay is this gonna be a good tip is this not gonna be a good tip um but they're really nice really respectful when the last bar guests left they got up they like

chugged their drinks and got up and left which i thought was like kind of incredible because i think a lot of people think like oh we're the only people in the restaurant like that's romantic that's cute no bitch that means get the fuck out because we're closing and they understood that like they chugged their drinks signed the tab got the fuck out of there and he tipped me 40 dollars it was like 40 on 120 like he tipped me fat and i was like now that that is a first date okay like that woman should be impressed with that man like he was respectful he ordered her whatever she wanted he encouraged her to order whatever she wanted and then he not only took care of her but took care of the people who he saw were working to make sure that they had a good experience

that is a true man right there i cannot lie so yeah ended my shift on a high note now i have the day off just recording a little podcast the fair's in town so i think i'm gonna go off um me and my boyfriend are gonna gonna go to the fair you know eat some funnel cakes probably get me a fucking hot dog or something i don't know binge out last time we went to this fair though we ate mushrooms and the only thing I can tell you is never get on a ferris wheel on mushrooms because you will have the greatest panic attack of your life literally ever every time I bring up mushrooms in the fair everybody always has a bad experience about getting on a ride or something on mushrooms and like throwing up or having a panic attack so mushrooms fun mushrooms at a fair

can be fun do not get on any rides because i like the line was long for the ferris wheel last time we went so like i was kind of like freaking myself out as we were standing in line waiting and then by the time we got on the ferris wheel it wasn't one of those ferris wheels where it's like okay a four-seater and you know you're in an encapsulated little like thing and also it's like very structurally sound and heavy no this was like a podunk little ferris wheel that was held together by screws falling out and like a few wires and i was freaking out because this shit was shaking and i was shaking and i in my head i was like of course if one of these fucking carts were to fall out of this ferris wheel like of course be mine like you know of course that's

how my brain was working so probably no mushrooms this time probably just gonna smoke and get really drunk and then run around at the fair and that's the goal that's all i have planned for today nothing really crazy going on um but with that being said let's let's jump into some questions because i've had i have some really good ones for this week especially with back to school happening i think a lot of you guys are nervous for school nervous for the start of the school year i get it i always am actually well i haven't been in school for a while but i feel like when the school year was starting i always felt like oddly hopeful and like slightly excited like of course summer ending having to go back to school is like never fucking fun like i get it that's such a buzzkill but

but it like it regenerates this like wave of like newness and this like refresh and this like hopefulness in a sense and I think that's something we should really grasp on in this time instead of focusing on the anxieties of simply having to go back to school so let's discuss how to manage that a little bit all right somebody asked me since it is like the start of the month if they have any tips if I have any tips for the first of the month um and I only have one tip and it's kind of like a witchy spiritual tip um but set your intentions for what you want for the month i posted like a little journaling prompt um on patreon um and i kind of went in depth about it but it's simply just like get really visual about what you want for yourself whether it's through a

mood board or writing like every single detail about where you want to end up how you want to be what you want your life to be and then also take some cinnamon put it into the palm of your hand um afterwards and then open your front door and blow that cinnamon um through your front door it invites prosperity and invites peace it just really just sets great intentions for the first of the month um so even if it's just like the beginning of the week it doesn't have to be the first i understand it's like the second today or something but it's a cute little spiritual witchy tip to uh you know start off on a good foot so school you know we're starting it soon some of you guys are going to college maybe finishing high school whatever it is i support you i'm here for

you and there's no better way to start the year on a good foot than to go in with the best intentions that you can okay i remember starting college and i didn't want to be there and i had an attitude about it and I took it for granted and I really just messed around a lot and smoked a lot and partied a lot and that reflected in my grades. I didn't want to care about grades so I simply didn't care and then I realized okay I do actually care about grades and me ignoring the hard things is not making the hard things any easier for me. So that's what I mean by entering the school year on a good note. You really, really have to be dedicated to yourself in order to be dedicated to your schoolwork. I think schoolwork is very important. I think school is so important. I think

we are all very privileged and lucky to be able to attend school and be able to receive education for free or i mean somewhat free or even if we are paying for it like in college get your fucking money's worth is all i have to say um because i took all of that for granted i really did and there were you know lessons i could have learned and things i could have paid more attention to and more work that i could have put in that now older hannah you know i regret a little bit i regret not doing so um and i don't think it's something you really realize until you are you know two three four years out of it and you look back and you're like damn i wish i would have paid more attention um because all of a sudden you're an adult and school isn't free anymore and you no

longer have that routine in your life and you are now making that routine for yourself um and another big thing about me not paying attention in school is i had no fucking clue what i wanted to do in life because i never paid attention to the things they were teaching me so i was never able to you know ask myself hmm is this something that i enjoy is this something that i don't enjoy do i want to keep learning about this do i want to find a career in this whatever it is because i simply didn't care okay and i think the best thing you can do is invest i say about like the best percentage is like 80 care into school work and then that 20 care is going towards like friends building friendships and having a fun time okay and you're like whoa that seems drastic

i thought it would be the opposite but like if you think about it 80 is like a b all right i think a b is a pretty solid pretty solid grade for you know schooling when i was in high school i was achieving a little bit higher but i was probably working at a b level um and i was only achieving higher because i was taking ap classes and those are weighted classes and those in turn um you know raise your gpa a little bit um but in college classes are way fucking harder and those a's are way fucking harder to get i mean like out of a 60 to 100 person class maybe two or three people are going to get an a like it is hard to get an a in college so if you're getting a b props okay that is that is good you're doing great you're doing

fantastic even a c c's get degrees you're gonna hear that a lot in college i can't lie but in high school i think a b is a pretty good you know like even math i was fucking awful at math i could get a b but it does take going out of your way asking your teacher for help asking your teacher for extended deadlines um seeing where you can get you know help wherever you can asking other teachers for help if your teacher is not willing to whatever it is i think the biggest thing that i really needed to realize and i never did until it was too late is that yeah you're put into the school system and it feels like it's against your will and like of course there's nothing else you would rather do than be there like you don't want to be there

but that doesn't mean you shouldn't utilize it and take advantage of it and um see what you can learn from it um those teachers are there they're not getting paid jack shit okay they're getting paid probably less than a server but they're there because they care and they want to help and they want to you know try and make somebody's life better so if that person can be you if you see that passion in a teacher reach out ask for help ask for any like advice that they might give you um any life advice that they could give you i think some of the relationships i built in high school with teachers were incredible because i was just honest with them and i was open with them when i went to the mental hospital i came back and i was like holy shit that was really rough

on me and i thought like oh the best thing would be to you know ignore it pretend it never happened but like after being out of school for a couple weeks you know you're really behind on shit so i had to be honest with my teachers and be like hey i'm in a bad place right now i simply cannot get shit done and i'm so sorry but i have to focus on myself and luckily with the help of the school counselor and like um you know the teachers that were there they were so willing to work with me and so understanding and simply you know just like gave me hundreds on assignments because they knew that i needed time to you know not die and putting school work on me was not gonna help so those teachers as much as like they're hard on you and i think the hardest teachers i had are the ones

that really cared the most um of course you know there are those asshole teachers who are just like you know you're like what the fuck do they have against me like what is going on do not let those teachers ruin the reputation of the mass amount of teachers that are out there um who do care about their students and do want to make a difference i was raised by two teachers um and the overwhelming support and you know effort that they put into their schooling and making sure that these these students were helped were it was insane like i wouldn't see my parents i would see them at like 7 a.m and then we go to school and then i wouldn't see them till 9 p.m because after school you know my dad is out helping students he was a high school counselor he's out helping

students um you know apply for jobs find new opportunities outside of school um join clubs he was helping them like negotiate rent prices um because their parents couldn't speak english like he was going out of his way to help students he was going out of his way to pick up students you know take them to school because they didn't have a ride and they're failing classes simply because they don't have a ride to school because their parents won't take them and they live too far away they can't walk there the bus won't pick them up um my mom she was a first grade teacher she would be you know restocking on crayons every weekend and restocking on pencils and going out of her own pocket to you know buy new supplies and new opportunities for these kids

because you know it wasn't written in the state curriculum you know the state refused to buy these things for the classroom but she knew that the classroom really needed it new books stuffed animals whatever it was that she needed for her classroom she even you know uh thought about taking up like a second job at mcdonald's simply to afford what her students needed for her classroom those teachers are there to fight for you they really are there to help you i guarantee do not let the few bad apples who are just fucking dick teachers who are there to obviously just make some easy money and not care about the students and fuck off do not let them ruin it for the rest of the teachers who are there to genuinely want to make a difference and help you so if you're at

school eight hours a day utilize it okay even if you fucking hate that class you don't want to learn at least make sure you know you are grasping those concepts grasping what they are trying to teach you even at the most basic level if you're like holy shit why the fuck am i gonna need this in the future i guarantee you're gonna get to a point in the future where you were like oh my god you know i learned about that like there's so many times where like i'm trying to do mental math for like simple equations that i should be able to do and i'm like oh my god i do remember them teaching me but i didn't care enough in high school to really grasp the lesson and now i can't do it as an adult and i'm having to like reteach myself like it's fucked up i simply should have

just paid attention and also paying attention is simply all you need to do i can't even fuck with you i would be like like passed out during class and then assume that when i was passed out or like dissociative that i would be gaining all that knowledge and then i would understand how to do it after class no the greatest thing you can do is simply show up and pay attention even in college show up to those lectures don't get on that computer don't you know mess around get on your phone whatever it is because it's very easy in college to ignore your professor the whole like hour and a half lecture pay attention because then after your lecture like yeah it sucks to be there for an hour and a half and have to pay attention like i was literally in a lecture for four hours

like every week for nursing school but simply being there and focusing and trying to pay attention and listen i'm an adhd girly i get it it's hard you have to remind yourself you have to keep yourself on track that will do wonders for you i guarantee if you simply show up and listen you will get a b okay and then also if you're in high school or if you're in college getting your work done is hard and also it's a big part of your grade if you're going to get your work done get it done asap they would assign us work and in high school i wouldn't even leave the building until my work was done like it would be 8 p.m and i'd be sitting in the art art room and the janitors would be cleaning around me because i would be like i'm not gonna go home and finish

this like what the fuck like why would i be sitting in my room doing homework my brain just doesn't operate like that so i would just sit in the art room and i'd finish my shit and i would get it done so i didn't have to worry about it same thing for college i would leave that lecture walk straight to the library with all that knowledge that i had gained that i'm gonna need to use on this assignment and i would just knock it out get it done because i know if i put it off and i put it off and i put it off that shit's going to be low quality and it's also going to stress me out and you know it's going to spiral so the best thing you can do is simply utilize what you are given whether it's the lessons the teachers the extra you know the the um you know how they have

like extra teachers in classrooms like whatever opportunities are given to you utilize it to the full extent that you can simply show up and pay attention and get your work done before you leave before you forget about it if you do those three things i can guarantee you will be in the top 20th percentile of your class period and it's hard i get it it takes dedication but i think we are really privileged to you know get a free education especially as a woman like there's countries where like i would not be allowed to go to school so you got to put it in perspective here you know it sucks that you have to go to school but really it is helping you grow it is helping you learn um and then when it comes to the other 20 of what you should be focusing on um outside of school

is simply making the best of it because if you focus on school and focus on school and focus on school you're you're gonna want to die i can't lie like that's too much you're going to need to make friends and have a life outside of school and you know party every once in a while and have fun that's important too the relationships you build in high school like sure uh i only talked to a select few of people that i uh that i was friends with in high school or in college and that's okay but those people that i did meet that i did really care about and i did really connect with have been best i've been best friends with them since then and i am so lucky to have them in my life and they made a really great time for me when i was in those places so i don't think

it's important i don't think you should seclude yourself i get it social anxiety is a thing i'm a social anxiety girly too but you know if you're sitting next to a girl she seems cool spark up a conversation you'd be so surprised where it leads you what friendships you can build um and then also like don't punish yourself if you know you have shit due um but you also want to go out but you have like a little bit of time the next day that you can get it done i think it's important to understand balance between fun and um like getting your shit done it's like of course you know you do need to get your shit done get it done either before you go out or if you have time afterwards like the next day that's important but i think it's important to utilize both things

in your life because i went to college um for my second year of nursing school and i was way too focused on getting the grades and i was not focused on having fun at all and it made me miserable and it made me depressed because i was way too focused on school that's why i say there needs to be like an 80 20 or like whatever percentage um focus on school yes take it seriously show up do like straight up the minimum i guarantee you will get a good grade um utilize what they have for you but also focus on those friendships focus on those people around you don't be afraid to go out every once in a while don't be afraid to let yourself have fun because that is also very very important not only for your mental health but for your social health

and for you wanting to go back and keep going to school and to keep learning and to keep experiencing those things so i hope this helps you i think the new school year is always very exciting um it gives you time to have like that kind of like you know fresh like it feels so good to have like new experiences and have like a new start like a clean slate that is the best feeling ever so if you're gonna have a clean slate going into this school year utilize it however you can okay and start as soon as you can the the sooner you start just like taking yourself seriously and taking your friendship seriously and taking your life seriously and taking yourself seriously the easier it'll get it takes what two three weeks for your brain to get used to a routine

so like start it learn however you can utilize your teachers utilize your friends and yeah i guarantee you'll have a good school year also i think it's important to like once again say don't take it too seriously like i said um i went to school and i was way too focused on school and it made me miserable um it is important to have a balance there a balance between fun a balance between relationship building balance between social and then also a balance between learning and growing and um processing the things that you're being taught so i love you it's gonna be a great start to the fucking year though i'm so excited for you guys um and yeah oh my gosh someone said took shrooms for um took shrooms last night for the first time and yarfed for three hours

still gonna do it again though literally that's what i mean by don't get on carnival rides while on mushrooms uh you probably will throw up because already like they are basically giving you food poisoning like that's how the psych the psychedelic works um like you have to process it you have to digest it and then it kind of just like makes you sick that's why people tell you not to eat two hours before well eat two hours before but then don't eat after that window because like the food mixing with it is just gonna not be good not be good at all so that being said life lesson here ladies oh this one is a good one somebody asked me how do i um how can i stop comparing myself to girls on the internet oh okay a little comparison here love this this was

something I had to greatly tackle in order to fix my relationship with social media and my relationship with my phone um FOMO but also comparison of not only life but like uh expression and like body okay and I talked a little bit about this in one of my Patreon posts um I was just talking about how i use pinterest and like mood boarding and um for like inspiration but i had to get over my um kind of harsh feelings towards myself in order to use it in a healthy way um and i think that was the big thing i kind of tackled between like 20 and 21 so a little later than i would have liked but i feel like we're just finding ourselves in the world then and it's really easy to not only compare ourselves to other girls but also like look down on ourselves

because of that and here is what I learned and here's the conclusion I had to come to just because someone looks different than you does not mean it is subtracting from you in any sort of way okay i get it there is a patriarchal view of how a quote-unquote woman should look and it changes throughout time the beauty standard uh the patriarchal beauty standard does change throughout time um we saw the rise of like the bbls and now it's kind of changing towards more of like that 90s kind of supermodel look but here's the thing it is constantly and ever ever changing it has always been changing since women have been around I mean look back on like Victorian fashion and what they idolized like it is constantly becoming something new

so you will never be able to fit into it or change yourself in order to fit into it because by the time you change yourself it is going to change and all of a sudden you are not a part of it so the best thing that i can tell girls or women or anybody who is comparing themselves to anybody else especially under like a patriarchal beauty standard is straight up you are not gonna fit it and i don't mean that in a harsh way towards you i mean that in a harsh way towards the patriarchy because they have such fucking harsh rules in how to fit this that is it is almost humanly impossible to do i mean you see girls out here going and getting bbls invasive surgeries in order to fit this beauty standard that's fucking crazy so the best thing i can kind of tell you

guys is to just completely disregard the beauty standard and i know it's hard it takes practice it does but if we all know that the patriarchy is bullshit and it's here to just put us down why would we center our lives around it and why would you center yourself around it every single time you have a thought about yourself that's maybe negative or enforcing this patriarchal kind of beauty standard you have to be the one to turn that thought off to turn your brain off and to reinforce that self-love that self-appreciation and to tell yourself that's bullshit why the fuck am i thinking this let's move on to a different track okay control your thoughts a little bit. Now, moving past that, if you are then focused on comparing yourself to

other people, I get that as well. I feel like that's a whole nother issue to tackle here. I used to compare myself a lot. I was constantly comparing myself. Well, I don't have those toes, or I don't have that nose or oh my gosh my hair doesn't lay this way or my nails aren't like that or I don't have that fashion wardrobe whatever it is I was constantly comparing myself to whatever it was and the biggest thing I had to learn and had to teach myself and had to reinforce within myself is just because another human exists does not mean it is taking away from my existence me enforcing that hierarchy and enforcing that in attention and that focus on that other person and constantly putting myself down is what's hurting me that human existing and doing what

they are doing is not hurting me it is in fact me hurting myself so i had to heal a lot of internalized misogyny against myself and against other women because we as women i feel like are raised to compare ourselves to other women constantly well who's better two girls can be standing next to each other they can be completely different people okay but who's better literally you see it in magazines well who wore it best oh well this person wore this in the 1990s and this person wore this in 2010 but who did it better like it does not always have to be a competition so you have to you have to kill that comparison that competition mindset in your brain and you sift you simply have to allow other women to exist the same way you want

to be able to exist within the world yourself okay just because i have like a cup titties and I don't have triple d cup titties doesn't mean the triple d cup titties another girl has is taking away from my own beauty people I love my a cup titties I love my small titties okay they're much more manageable I love them and compared to my body they're great they're wonderful and this is an example of maybe how I talk to myself when I'm like in that comparison mindset I love my body I think it's proportionate for what it is I love that I maybe don't have to deal with too much um i you know also i'm probably gonna grow into some new titties when i have kids so like i will appreciate for what i have for now and also that woman looks incredible with

her triple d cup titties love it hope she's having a great time i can appreciate her beauty and who she is naturally and who she wants to be and how she expresses herself as a separate entity from who i am you can appreciate yourself and appreciate other women for who they are without having to do that comparison that like competitiveness okay you have to kill the competition and allow women to simply exist how they want to exist because men want us to compete men want us to put each other down the patriarchy wants us to put each other down it's really easy to ignore women when they're bickering and battling over their own fights and constantly at war with each other when we could be working together getting rid of those preconceived notions that comparison that

battle and then focusing on actually big issues that we need to tackle okay putting yourself down is not or not putting yourself down also like putting other women down is not going to make you feel better about yourself in any sort of way because it's just going to enforce that comparison mindset enforce that competition mindset and then you're just going to be harsher on yourself and harsher on other women and that divide is going to grow i had to learn that we are all beautiful how we are and we all need to be able to learn to appreciate that beauty it's like looking at a work of art okay if two works of art like incredible works of art are hanging on the wall you are not going to go uh well one's ugly and horrible and awful and the other one is

good you are going to appreciate them for their differences for their character differences for their style differences for the stroke differences in the paint in the framing in the placement those two work of arts stand on their own individually you do not have to put a work of art down in order to have another one succeed that's why there's whole museums filled with hundreds of paintings and sculptures and different types of art women are art people are art the way we are formed and created i think is wonderful i think we all hold individualistic beauty and that is what true beauty is i do not want us all to look the same i do not want us all to be the same height and have the same bust and have the same lips and have the same look have the same style

i think true beauty is being able to express ourselves individually and do that individually and do that how we want to you know express ourselves and how different it can be and how explorative it can be and you know just how different all those works of art are within a you know museum you can have stuff from one period and you can have stuff from a whole different period in a whole different country in a whole different region that can be two completely different things but still have similar similarities and still have differences and still hold weight on their own so i think it is a competitive kind of internalized battle that we all have and we're all born with and i don't think you should feel shame or guilt for it

um i mean growing up under a patriarchal view it's just something that's been instilled in us like literally go pick up your local tabloid magazine at the fucking like grocery store or gas station and i guarantee you will find like some comparison of women on every other page okay like it's sold to us it's rebranded and it's been happening over and over and over again as long as we've been alive so it's up to us when we find ourselves in those positions to stop to appreciate and to redirect those thoughts whenever I would find myself getting in that comparison mindset I would stop I would catch myself and I would compliment that woman on three things that I think are beautiful and I appreciate about that woman and three things that I find incredible

and then i would do that towards myself it's literally you have to retrain your brain because if you are constantly at competition with other women and constantly at competition with yourself you will never be happy okay and we need to break these cycles in order to grow and in order to form great relationships and form great things about ourselves okay and if i can do it you can do it too it takes time and it takes practice i don't think people getting off social media is going to fix that because you're just ignoring the problem i think it is actively you know trying to utilize these tools for what they're made for um and then also when you find yourself utilizing them for what they're not made for and doing that comparison and doing that kind of falling into

that mindset redirecting your thoughts and retraining your brain and you know practicing that mindfulness in that moment so i love you i think we're all beautiful i think we're all wonderful. And I'm tired of seeing different people hate on each other. Just because maybe we aren't the same. I think not being the same is the most beautiful thing that there possibly is. Someone asked, how do I choose a major? And if I'm going to give any new college advice to anybody, I would say go undecided. Absolutely. You are not going to know what you want to do at 17. Straight up. You're going to change your mind about 20 times. I can't lie. So go undecided. yes that's an option no it won't put you behind get all of your prereqs out of that way out of

the way like the first year or the first two years which are all the classes that every single person is going to be taking no matter their major okay and then when you feel comfortable then you decide but I think it's very important to give yourself time in college to decide because little 17 year old Hannah decided and it was the worst decision ever so I would give yourself time to grow and change and to change your mind simply put oh someone asked me um how to feel pretty without makeup i literally can't feel pretty without even a little bit i have fallen trapped this before um and it's all about exposure therapy i can't lie um like last winter i was wearing i would put fake eyelashes on as soon as i woke up and they would sometimes be on for days like i

was constantly wearing eyelashes and when i took my eyelashes off i hated how i looked i hated how my face looked i couldn't wait to put it back on and it ended up ruining my eyelashes i got like a sty but i refused to stop because i couldn't look in the mirror and see myself without eyelashes and appreciate who i was so i realized hmm this is maybe a bad thing and i had to simply get rid of all of them and force myself to not wear makeup for a good couple weeks until my brain got used to looking at my face again and then I simply got used to looking at my face again um and yeah great relationship is built back up um but I think makeup and all that stuff does really change how you view yourself especially if you're going for one look every single day um I think makeup's a

great way to express yourself though I think it's a great way to you know get artistic with it like I am an artist I get it makeup artists are incredible they're constantly doing and like pulling off incredible looks I wish I could do crazy shit like that and get creative with it unfortunately that's just not my forte so I do really appreciate the art aspect of it but it does kind of get kind of if you're going for one look every day it does get a little confusing on the brain so allow yourself time to breathe okay wipe the makeup off give yourself a good week without it you'll get used to it it'll be uncomfortable at first I do understand but now that i haven't worn fake eyelashes in like seven months i cannot see myself going back

and i was at a point in time in my life where i was like i have to glue these on at 7 a.m so with that being said if i can do it you can do it lesson of the day hi hannah this is caitlin um i have been a part of the smoke sesh since the very very beginning when you popped up on my Spotify page. I love you. I love the podcast. I love what you're doing. I think you're incredible. Just ordered my hoodie. I cannot wait for it to come. But my question for you was, how do you parents feel about this journey of influencing slash creating and everything you're going into right now? Because I've heard you talk about your relationship with them before and I just wanted to know what kind of support you had if any and I just want to know

your feelings about that because it's it's nice to hear from people who are growing on social media and doing these things but yeah anyway love you let's take a ball and rip hello I love the ambiance of this call I can tell you're outside it's like beautiful there's like there's like wind blowing and like crickets chirping it's so cute um so my parents are supportive but they're both gemini's um so their supportiveness comes through questioning and it's a little bit of a harsh questioning um but i had to learn like that's their way of like being curious and asking questions that's how they you know show their um love and appreciation and i know this because i'm a gemini and sometimes me and my boyfriend getting tiffs because he's

like it feels like you're not supportive of me because you just question me but it's like no like i'm genuinely curious i just want to know your answers because i don't know what's going on inside your mind and also i don't know anything about this like i know it comes off as harsh and i apologize but i i am genuinely curious and it took me realizing that i have these traits in order to realize that like my parents meant well by this um so i would say they're supportive of what i'm doing but also do they know what i'm doing no they know it's not porn and that's all i really care about um and if i was doing porn i'd probably have to tell them because they probably find out very quickly they know minimally about what i'm doing um they know i have a online

presence i just have never shared with them exactly like what it is or specifically what my social media handles are I do have them blocked on almost everything I have all my family blocked on everything and that's because who I am online is very honest and truthful and I wanted to stay that way and I do not want to think about outside perspectives possibly changing that um and I my parents don't need to know everything going on in my life I think that's the biggest thing I had to learn um especially like building a relationship and building a healthy relationship with your parents you can tell them things about your life and yes it is important to keep them involved in your life and understanding about where you are and what's going on but you do not need to tell

them every single little detail okay you don't have to say like yeah bitch i got laid like fucking four days ago like no no no no no no no they don't want to know that shit they don't want to know all the crazy wild stories until you're like 35 40 okay then it's fun to bond about that shit but when you're in your 20s and they're still a little concerned about you and they're still a little curious about where you're going in life it's important to let them know that you're doing well and share your successes but also it's important to have boundaries and establish those boundaries and establish that you want to grow and you want to change and you want to do these things and do them on your own okay so that they know minimally about what i'm doing do they even

know what my podcast is called no do i think they know that i have a podcast not really do they know that i'm on social media yes but to the extent of what they know about social media is minimal so they know that i want my privacy and i really really appreciate that they have respected that and not gone digging or gone hunting um because you know this is a part of my life that i do enjoy doing and i do not want to really have them hate me for any of it um i'm not sure why they would um but you know how some people just have like some preconceived notions and they all have their opinions um so yeah i do appreciate they've respected my boundaries and they've heard what i've shared with them and they appreciate what i've shared with them to the extent of what it

is and they haven't gone digging and they trust me um but do they know fully what i'm doing and who i am online and you know what i'm sharing no nor do they really ever need to um if they happen to stumble into it and find it then like sure that's fine they found it on their own accord but also I'm not going to be like mom come listen to my podcast you know because she's not she's not the audience um I've had had I've had friends moms dig into my podcast and like get nosy about it and try and shit on me about it and that just ends up looking bad for them so I really appreciate that my parents haven't done that that they've really just given me time and space to explore this um I think they're very they're very hesitant about it because they don't know

social media they don't know what it's like they this is a very new thing they didn't know people could like make money with it so i really appreciate that they're trusting with me and they're trusting with what i do um but i did have to learn that that questioning and that curiosity is valid and it's their way of showing care um and simply them not digging is also them showing care and respecting my boundaries so it is learning kind of like where your parents come from and you know learning not to share everything with them because they wouldn't they would be like you know you don't share anything with us about your life and so i had to realize that i need to share some successes with them because i was just so scared about what they would think um in order for them

to feel like good and like not concerned like of course share your successes but do you need to share every single thing with your parents no i think it's very important to set boundaries and allow yourself to grow and allow yourself to make mistakes and sometimes people don't need to know about that so i am lucky we have our tiffs we have our you know whatever but overall i think it's been pretty good oh my gosh someone asked talking about talk about saying i love you in a new relationship i am a impulsive understanding chaotic bitch and when i know i want somebody i know i want them whether it's for good or bad i simply know i want them so in every relationship i've been in i have said i love you first i know shocking shocking right um i don't know why

there's this precedent like the man has to say it first um i think that gives the men too much control in the relationship i think if you're feeling a certain way you should say it of course and I don't think you should say it within the first three months um because after that first three four months then you will actually learn who each other are and you'll actually learn how you guys revolve in a relationship dynamic um I say it's it is good to wait and be patient and to not jump into things um because it is really easy to jump into things and I very much so am a girl who loves to jump into things but i need to give myself more time um so yeah but i have said i love you first in every relationship i've been in and i don't regret any of them well i

don't i i might regret some of the relationships but i don't regret saying i love you first because it set the precedent of how i felt and i was able to read dynamic after that okay um and i just if I have something on my brain like I gotta say it it's just Gemini and me um so like in those relationships I would I maybe I would say it and they'd be like oh my god you know I love you too like thank you for saying that or you know they would maybe get a little distant then I'd be like okay maybe we aren't on the same page maybe I need to reevaluate reevaluate this and go about something else or um maybe they'd be like you know what I I do feel that way about you too um you know but i think it's important to say what you feel we have like we have a hundred years on this

planet but like in the span of things that's not a lot and if you love somebody say it before it's too late um and if they can't accept it or they don't like it that seems like a them issue i can't lie then you can kind of just revolve your actions around how they feel um but waiting and waiting and waiting and giving that other person like the control in the relationship i don't think is healthy i think you should both should be able to express how you feel equally and individually um and then read dynamic after that someone asked can you better yourself without heavy critique and obsession on outward perception yes yes you can because i think to better yourself is to get rid of heavy critique and obsession on outward perception so i don't think the two go

hand in hand um although it is important to critique yourself i don't think it's important to constantly be a downer on yourself um and i think the best way to kind of better yourself is to go in the uplifting direction um and then also to better yourself i think you removing yourself and constantly viewing yourself from an outward perception is very very toxic and it gets you just focus on yourself way too much and the best thing you can do is simply remove yourself from your that like that need to grasp an identity and simply let yourself feel and move in whatever direction is comfortable um but i don't think bettering yourself and um heavy critique and obsession on our perception go hands in hands if anything they go opposite and opposite

it okay some of the talk about squirting squirting is p it is you want to have a man be obsessed with you go on top ride him and then piss on him i am not even kidding i don't do this i'm joking but like i do believe squirt is p um for me it's a rarity for some girls it's more common but here's the thing it only happens to me when my bladder is extremely full and it is a more dilated or is that like a right word dilated diluted diluted version of piss but it is piss nonetheless and for some reason men have watched enough porn and become obsessed with porn that they think this act and this performance of squirting is a natural phenomenon that happens a lot and is like a visual of a girl coming you know how they fucking splooge out everywhere

they assume that is what's happening for a woman but it's simply piss and he's hitting he's hitting your fucking like i almost said piss sack i don't know what it's called what the fuck am i thinking of what am i thinking of he's hitting your not your uterus shit anyways your bladder oh my god that took me long enough repetitively and it's like it's squirting out a little bit i can't lie but literally when you talk to sex performers when you talk to porn stars and you ask them is square p they're gonna be like yeah absolutely because i chug a gallon of water and then i go in and i perform so but if you're interested in doing it i don't think there should be any taboo around it or you should feel bad about it or if you have done it i don't think you should feel

bad about it um it happens if your man finds that hot good i think i'm not gonna speak on most men um but if you want it to happen all i can recommend is stay very hydrated all day like be chugging water all day and then chug a full water bottle before you go into the bedroom and and then maybe be on top i think that will help or from from the back one of the two i think those are the best positions to squirt but yeah that that that is your best bet but for real it is just piss i can't lie those men just have piss kinks um but they don't like thinking about piss so instead they use the word squirt anyways also someone dm'd me and said that um a lot of the sex advice i give is very heteronormative and yes i have addressed this before it is absolutely um

because i have only been in heteronormative relationships so usually the advice i'm giving is from my experiences but when it comes to the importance of sex as in building intimacy building communication building trust um focusing on foreplay foreplay is a part of sex um i think that very much so goes for like a all kind of any sex you're having with any type of partner with however many partners you have all of those things are important um and don't exist just inside a heteronormative kind of sexual experience um but when it comes to when i'm talking about like dick in vagina it's because i have only experienced dick in vagina unfortunately also heteronormality might not be the right word because uh i mean maybe from my experience

because it's the only thing i've ever experienced but i don't think heterosexuality is the norm at all i think we can all experience whatever we want whenever we want and we shouldn't feel ashamed for it um how do you get over your fear of the gyno i know i should get a pap smear but i'm terrified so felt if you heard my podcast from a couple weeks ago where maybe last week where i went to the gyno for like the first time ever um i had a fan fucking tastic experience fantastic she was amazing she listened to me she had pro choice stickers up and signs um she asked me like i because it was for an iud consultation and then um you know i i i mean i was crying because i was like holy shit this shit hurts like i'm just talking about it with her

like of course i'm gonna cry and she saw how i responded to that and was like is it okay if we do like a general uh women's well check right now like is it all right um like i don't want you to feel uncomfortable like she she saw how I was and responded to that she also accepted um trans patients and patients who maybe you know need health care but aren't accepted in certain health care circles so I think it's very important to um look up who is around you and to do some research and to call in and talk to the nurses to set the appointment um and to really research your doctors i don't think this is a time where we can just blindly trust doctors anymore which kind of fucking sucks um because there's just so many weird preconceived notions that they have um so

simply doing research i think is the biggest piece of mind that you can get because i did a lot of research and i found her and i felt incredible and comfortable and wonderful um i also for some reason thought a pap smear would hurt i don't know why i assume all women's things hurt um but it really didn't it felt like they were tickling like they were tickling my cervix um and it was for a split second they were in there for maybe 25 seconds that's it and you know the whole time she was like do you feel comfortable doing this um do you want this to happen and i had to give verbal consent for everything um because i think i've been in some situations where the doctors are just like okay lay down okay i'm doing this okay i'm doing this and it's like whoa like can

we not ask first like what's going on so yeah do some research i think that's the greatest piece of mind you can ever get um um also it's nice to have a choice in it you can really just look if you go to your like insurance providers website you can find who's available to you locally um and then yeah but i think it's really important to not ignore your health and to take control of it and to do what's best for you um and there are doctors who are out there who will do that for you so you just gotta search a little bit but i guarantee you'll find it my pap smear was so easy my women's well check was so easy and i can't wait to go back quite honestly hey hannah i literally love you so much like if someone stopped me on the street it was like

what are you listening to smoke sesh with hannah like are you kidding me you were on repeat in my airpods 24 27 like i kid you not anyways my question for you this week was what are your thoughts on working while attending high school anyways love you a lot i hope you have a beautiful day i think working while attending high school is the best fucking idea ever um i was working my entire high school career um i started freshman and sophomore year i was a personal assistant for a child psychologist so i answered a lot of phone calls did a lot of paperwork um did small interviewing with children um and that was great it's great to add to a resume um and then also

for the last two years of my high school career and then like for the summers that i was back in college i was a daycare teacher in a two-year-old classroom um love two-year-olds i think it's the best fucking age ever people talk about the terrible twos but i think the threes is even worse I can't lie um so like from the one to two year old classroom that's what I was in and I was a lead teacher um at college and then I was assistant in high school and I think it's very important to have a job in high school and it's way easier to have a job in high school than it is to have a job in college um so if you can start your resume early very important it's also it's gonna keep you out a lot of trouble because all that free time that you have for like those

five hours after school are going to essentially go away um you aren't going to be looking for trouble you aren't going to be making bad friends um because you're going to be like dude i gotta go to work like i only have time for a little bit of friends and i don't have time to get in trouble especially so i think it's important to have a job in high school it also gives you a little bit sense of like a like adulting um i have friends who literally did not get a job until 24 and they were unable to build those very necessary high school or not uh those very necessary adult kind of workplace tactics that you learn very early on such as standing up for yourself and asking for a raise and communicating with co-workers and scheduling and all that stuff

and if you can get a hold on a hold of that stuff early on rather than later it will help in the future when you're trying to start your career so yes i i would encourage you just get a job also it gives you money it makes you not rely on your parents as much it gives you some fun money you know you don't have to be like hey mom and dad can i have eight dollars to go get ice cream with my friends you can just be like hey i'm going to get ice cream you know my parents never really handed money out to me and I also didn't make money chore wise like they didn't really give me money it was only like essential buys only so having my own money essentially was like my freedom in high school um but also my freedom was like only on the weekends um because I was not

working then so yeah I think it's important to have a job while young I think it builds a lot of character builds a lot of respect for yourself and kind of gets your toe in the adult world a little early oh my god someone said how did you and your boyfriend meet i've been dying to know literally this man was just in my dms no that's not that like doesn't usually work i think us everybody who is listening right now knows that that doesn't usually work um but yeah this man i was a picture and the only reason it worked is because it was a picture of me severely hung over double flipping off my friend in a winstead with my hair in a messy bun and like my bangs were like badly cut so they were like chopped to the side and he just like

responded was like you're so cute and i was like what like i was kind of caught off guard because like not a cute picture but i like that he was vibing with it because like it was a vibe and then i he was like let's hang out let's hang out and i was like no i told him no a lot and then yeah we finally hung out and we went to a park for a date and he rolled some fatty joints and they were so yummy and then we spent two days together and had a lot of sex so start of a modern romance i can't lie he's a scorpio so i feel like sex is very important to him and i'm a gemini and i i just am a very sexual human being and i love it so like our relationship was based around sex very early um but it doesn't have to be a norm for you whatever you're comfortable with i think

that's important um important to have conversations as well but yeah he really just slid in my dms and then kept asking me out even when i said no and it worked it did oh my god the girl from last week who had the boyfriend of four years who never ate her never ate her pussy out she said they broke up and i'm okay but i'm curious about hooking up but the the question didn't finish uh so let me give you some advice love it love that you you you looked at your options and you thought about it and you decided what is best for you i'm glad you're okay i say go out there and find a man who will eat your pussy period but also if you're not interested in jumping into sex right right away that's fine that's valid but i guarantee you will you will definitely find a better man

you absolutely will oh my god also i totally forgot but the girl from one week or a couple weeks ago where she was like my ex um said he would buy your merch for me and then we broke up so i'm expecting him to still fucking buy it for me literally she said she got a text from from an unknown phone number and it was him asking what size and color he she wanted in merch i love that i love that anyways babe your merch will be there soon don't worry but I love that energy hey Hannah my name is Karina I'm from New Hampshire and I need some advice girl um me and my boyfriend of two years whom I love dearly he was my first love my first everything utterly amazing boyfriend and I um as I'm sure you can assume by my quavering voice

just broke up because he is going to college in Colorado and I live in New Hampshire and I'm broke and it's just what's best for him right now and I totally understand that but I am so sad and I don't know what to do help oh my god babe hearing you cry is literally bringing tears to my eyes but this is a very important question the emotion is raw and i feel like we gotta answer this okay and i i know all the girls listening to this right now are hearing this and are feeling it and understand where you're coming from and that is the most important part because i want to let you know that what you are feeling is normal heartbreak is normal the process of heartbreak is normal and in order to grow and realize what we really need from relationships unfortunately

it means sometimes getting our heart broken or breaking other people's hearts okay from what it sounds like you maybe didn't want this to happen um you thought everything was going good this is where i was when in my first relationship um he broke up with me because he was leaving uh he was moving and he didn't want me to be a part of his transition even though i was maybe more willing to um and although it hurt at the time i was fucking thrown on my ass i was so confused because it feels like your whole world is changing everything is kind of like up in the air that future that you had been imagining is is like no longer a part of you it's confusing and it hurts but all i have to say is it is not you I do not want you to think oh well I could have done this or maybe if I do

this or maybe if I was this or maybe if I change no sometimes two people don't fit together and if you do fit together sometimes it happens at the wrong time okay sometimes we have to do what's best for ourselves and if you love him and you truly do love him and you know i understand like that attachment is very secure and very hard and you you perceive that man as that person as your soulmate um and then all of a sudden they are no longer sometimes the best thing we can do especially when we love somebody is let them choose what is best for them and if that means maybe not having you around it hurts but it's okay because let me tell you this I dodged a fucking bullet when my ex broke up with me when I was probably your age like first love like 19

he broke up with me I was just like chaos rolling in the fucking deep like fucking sobbing myself to sleep every night because I thought I will never find anything like this i will never you know find a man like this i will never be able to have this again and it's like it's partially true because every love that you experience is so unique and so different and is vastly changing and the people you fall in love with are so different from each other but that is the beautiful thing about falling in love because every time that you fall in love i I guarantee it'll be harder and more intense and more strong than the person before, that love before, because you have experienced heartbreak and you've experienced love and

you've grown from it and you've grown as a human being and you now have a bigger sense of the world. If all of us were to marry and fall in love with and, you know, be with that first person we fell in love with for the rest of our lives I think a lot of us would be very unhappy and sometimes it takes making those hard decisions in order for all of us to grow and I can't lie if somebody was to come to me and tell me hey me and my boyfriend are doing long distance and he's going to a college far away I would say maybe you need to break up because there's a lot of learning that happens within that first year and I don't want either of you to be held behind

in that growing and in that changing and in that processing okay I love you there's some simple things that you can do to kind of heal heartbreak um and and here's here's what they are first of all you have to decide to heal I think it's really easy to attach yourself to people and to keep them like constantly with you and to constantly think about you and obsess um but it's just going to make it impossible to move on it is um you have to make the choice to quite honestly let go and to um grow and to let that person go number two you need to take care of yourself um constantly drink water when it feels like you can't eat i get it prioritize it eat move your body shower brush your teeth okay you need to make sure your body and your your well your not your mind quite yet but

your body is taken care of so your mind can then be taken care of okay you need to cry it's good that you're crying i feel you crying is important it is a great way to release emotions and to feel those things fully um so let it out i don't think you should ever feel bad about crying um you also need to you have to block them you do as soon as you can even if you guys are on good terms whatever it is in order to grow you're going to have to block them and move on um because if they're the presence of them is constantly around you even in a digital kind of way it is going to hold you back and it's going to set you back five steps so like if you're like oh i'm feeling good and then you happen to

come across the fucking story of his or a friend of his is posting him it's gonna spiral you backwards so make sure there are no spirals that can happen okay block delete pictures whatever it is you have to allow yourself to flower into the new um identity that is you okay what else what else i think it's also important to even when you're like well everything was great sit down and write like a cons list okay put things into perspective realize what maybe wasn't working out um take moments to reflect on like the bad times okay because i feel like we catch ourselves romanticizing the good, especially heavily after a breakup, when in reality, we should be focusing on the bad and focusing on, you know,

why it wasn't working and what we can do better in next relationships about it. You're going to have to also get out and hang out with your friends and socialize and, you know, meet new people and talk to new people and build new build new friendships and build new connections i talk about this a lot like you are going to have to build a new identity that he is unable to relate to or understand because he is not a part of it but if you are sitting in your house doing nothing and all you are thinking about are past experiences that he was attached to he is also going to be attached to your identity so go out build a new life for yourself okay build new friendships build new experiences and ones that they are not connected to um and then sometimes

you are just gonna have to i don't know it's okay to remember it's okay to understand that you know that person was a part of your life and that person you know brought things to you that were good and brought things to you that were bad um and it's important it's it's okay to have that person be a character in your life but you need to remove that emphasis on that character you do not live your life for other people you do not live your life for for romantic love you live your life for you okay and for your growth and for your change and for your stability it hurts i understand babe i really do i get it i've been there more times than you can fucking count it's good that you're crying let it out resort to those friends that you have those good friends you know

binge out a little bit but remember to take care of yourself and to understand that sometimes the universe moves in odd ways but ultimately i guarantee within the next year you'll be looking back on this and probably you'll be thanking thanking the universe for this happening okay sometimes new doors open and they don't always feel the best sometimes you're reluctant to the new doors sometimes you're reluctant to the change change is hard i understand but sometimes it really is for the best not all good things come easy and i guarantee the fact that you are open to this love and open to this relationship means that you will be open to another one and you know what you want and you know how you should be treated and you should focus on that all right

and focus on taking care of yourself i love you i think we're all here with you we all feel your pain behind those words but everybody can get through heartbreak and i don't think you should close yourself off to love i think love is beautiful love is incredible and unfortunately sometimes it does follow with some pain but how are we going to grow and how are we going to learn and how are we going to change and develop if we are not met with pain and with um some like challenges every once in a while i love you stay safe take care of yourself and maybe once you're feeling better update us and let us know how you are but i love you hi hannah um love the pod i'm just calling in to tell you a little story something that just happened so i'm sat at my

local river I'm just like half in the water and these I had my headphones on and I was listening to this week's episode which was great um and I see these little kids um just like looking at me there's like five of them they're really sweet and so I took off my headphones to see what they were doing and they come down to where I am and they're like are you a mermaid it was so sweet I just um their mom was like behind them and I just like played around played along and I was like yeah I am and then I can I see your tail I was like no if um if I show you the government will take it away so I can't do that but it was incredible and um yeah I just think it really fit the vibe of the podcast sorry to send such a long one I love you I hope you have a great day um

can't wait for next episode bye this is so cute and I love that you played along I love that you were like yeah i am a mermaid i'm obsessed with that energy and another reason why i loved working with kids because they are just like so inhibited uninhibited they are not inhibited they're very uninhibited and curious and inquisitive and they get they just get creative with things and so i love that i am obsessed with that like you were giving mermaid energy to them like absolutely or else they wouldn't have said it because we all know that kids are the harshest fucking people sometimes like i can't lie anyways with the rest of my day i'm gonna hopefully put together a cute little fair fit and then i'm gonna make myself a fat salad i've been loving okay you know the

grinder uh sandwiches i think we've all seen them on fucking tiktok i've been making my version of that but as a salad recently so i'll like take lettuce and i'll shred it up kind of fine and then i'll take pepperoncinis and red onions and shred them up fine throw a little bit of olive oil salt pepper mayo i'll shred up some like whatever deli meat that you like um some cheese and then i will dice up some just bread and bake them in the oven real quick for some croutons throw it on top did i say mayo yet mayo is important but i only use olive oil mayo i don't like i don't like the other mayo i only like the olive oil mayo for some reason um mix that bitch up and it's so yummy so yummy it's literally just a sandwich but as a salad like it's very simple

but that's my go-to salad recently or just like make a make a sandwich and then throw a bunch of that lettuce and mayo and olive oil on top and it's to die for so my croutons are in the oven i'm a little a bowl here um as i'm prepping for lunch you guys want to smoke real quick whoa um literally just knock the shit out of that let's load a little bowl i'm smoking out of my um canna style bog or bong right now i love canna style and they also sent me a cute little rose like bowl and it has flat it's like a it has like leaves on the side oh my god it's adorable i'll have to take a picture and post it somewhere but cheers to a great start to the week i hope you all had a wonderful monday and hopefully our week just keeps getting better um but let's hit

this oh yeah that was yummy that was a yummy one and i can't wait to see everybody get their merch stay tuned for a second drop probably at the in a couple weeks um towards the end of the month and yeah your merch should be in relatively soon i'll keep you guys updated every week on where it is where it's shipping where it's coming from i'll let you know um but i love you and this the end of this week on thursday i might do a short patreon q a and then a short podcast as well um one of the two but either way i will be posting on patreon so if you are interested that is um under smoke shoddy patreon.com smoke shoddy um i have a few uh journal entries up on there already and i'll be posting on instagram you already know submit all your questions to my instagram

at hannah marlene and i will see you next week this is a wonderful episode oh my gosh thank you for joining me love you all so fucking much