Smoke Sesh - bad edibles, vulnerability & getting back on track

Episode Date: February 13, 2024

Hellooooo hotties and happy Tuesday so excited to be here with you all on this beautiful morning. We have so much to chat about including the Super Bowl, what I was up to, getting a little too drunk, the drunk scaries, learning to love where you live and choosing happiness, we smoke a little bit together and talk finding the creative sweet spot, Super Bowl commercials, working out! and making it work for you, learning to love your body, stop viewing yourself as an object, how to get back on track, tell him to go down! vulnerability and learning to open yourself up, drunk heart to heart, Valentine’s Day and does he love you? show yourself some love, angry at the world, lingerie and spoiling yourself, bad edible stories, don’t hook up with your coworker, overthinking and don’t panic! Plus much much much much more, if you want to hear more from me stay tuned for Thursdays video episode, feel free to join patreon.com/smokeseshshawty for more content and to see what im up to follow the instagram @hannahmarlene, chat soon! MUAH!

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all good morning hotties of the world welcome back to another amazing beautiful wonderful episode of smoke sesh i'm so excited to be back with you guys hanging out lighting up talking all that there is to life on this beautiful sunny little tuesday i would say afternoon but i'm actually up early enough it is the morning thank god oh my god i don't know what it is i think with the um

new moon that happened the i believe it was an aquarius new moon that happened on friday question mark with the new moons i feel like i just need all the rest i can possibly get leading up to it my dreams are always fucking crazy and that is obviously interrupting my sleep and i am waking up and waking up and waking up and i just you know my brain's tired i don't know why the moon does it to me can't tell you full moons i need no sleep i don't know why that happens either but this new moon kind of wrecked me along with the super bowl and just being so intoxicated and not getting sleep that night um your girl's a little delirious not gonna lie a little delirious I'm on my fourth shot of espresso uh-huh that's the energy we're bringing in to this beautiful

morning podcast so we're gonna get a little silly here we're gonna get a little loopy we're gonna smoke a little bit here soon um but yeah I'm excited also pause so many of you guys have been finding this podcast it's actually been insane um I've been doing this for what like two three years now a while a while and i've loved literally every second of it but you know it ebbs and flows with who's listening i have my consistent listeners shout out to you love you girly so much literally you guys are amazing and then new people will find it every once in a while spotify will push my podcast every once in a while um and recently it has been doing i like insane numbers like i think a million of you guys listened to this podcast or even

clicked on this podcast simply last week which is fucking insane so if you're new here if you have been a long time listener no matter who you are just thank you for being here and thank you for supporting me and i hope you guys have just as much fun as i do every single time i sit down to record this um it is truly a blessing to be able to do this every single week with you guys and get to connect and build this cute little community that we can all be a part of and I just am genuinely so so so incredibly thankful and I just wanted to you know share the love this beautiful little Tuesday morning anyways my plans for the day I am what am I doing oh my god tomorrow's Valentine's Day crazy that came out of nowhere um I feel like I have blinked and all of a

sudden it's the middle of February how are we already a month and a half into the new year crazy things um we got Valentine's Day coming up I have the day off today thank god so I'm gonna sit here hang out with you guys um smoke a little bit I think I'm gonna force my boyfriend to go on a walk with me this afternoon because we did that a few times last week and it was so nice like the park we go to is not that big um but even just taking a good what 15 minutes maybe 30 if we walk slow to just walk around the park and chit chat with each other and put our phones down and just breathe in fresh air and see all the people coming together in the community just hanging out it is so nice um and i also like to take the opportunity to go on walks and just like

facetime my friends and just spend time talking to my loved ones as well as spend intentional time outside it has been so nice and it's one of my biggest challenges for myself this spring and summer is to take advantage of the good weather and enjoy the outdoors a little bit more it's so easy to get stuck on your couch and waste months on it trust me i know my couch is literally my favorite place ever um and if i didn't have to leave i wouldn't but sometimes you gotta force yourself up and out of there and you got to get outside girl and go enjoy that sunshine um i posted the other day and i was like it's crazy what simply sitting in the sunlight and smoking a joint or like going for a walk in the park can do for your mental health and honestly there is some truth

behind that like it it immediately cured every inch of depression disease coating my brain for that one second you know it ebbs and flows but at least for that period in time i was happy so anyways i'm gonna go for a walk probably eat really good dinner my favorite thing to do ever eat good food um and go to bed early because like i said your girl is tired um we had the super bowl i know i know no one wants to hear me talk about it but listen when you come from a city that everybody overlooks no one takes seriously like you're no la you're no new york you're no west coast east coast girly like we don't take you seriously and finally people start taking you fucking seriously start taking where you're from seriously after you've spent so much time like

grappling with finding the magic and the mundane it is so satisfying and seeing everybody hate on Kansas City and then us win honestly love it love it loved every fucking second of it especially coming from a girl who you know I don't know I I love building love for a place and learning to call a place home and I hated where I was from for a long time you know you always want to be cooler like LA or New York but honestly fuck that I love where I'm from and I love the little communities here and I'm glad we're finally being taken seriously and getting the recognition we deserve um and also i don't know why like maybe your boyfriends have corrupted your brain but i posted that like i was excited that we won because i'm from the city and i've lived here my whole

entire life and that's an exciting thing and the amount of people who are in my dms randomly out of nowhere being like fuck you you're ugly fuck taylor swift like what what is going on are you are you kidding me it was kind of silly it was like really silly so those random dms really threw me off like all i was doing was saying i was happy we won completely unrelated to taylor swift um and people just started hating on taylor swift and my dms like arguing with themselves very very weird um very misogynistic take and i hope you heal instead of wasting all your brain power on putting women down because bitch two super bowls in a row fuck you like literally that's impressive you've gotta admit put your misogyny aside and just like have fun dare i say

um because no matter who wins i celebrate winning because it's exciting like i don't care who's winning the super bowl if it was the 49ers i would have been like look at how happy they are I'm so happy for them like I just love I love getting excited for things and seeing other people get excited for things and yeah it sucks when people loses but hello bitch it's a game are you kidding me um and yeah I celebrate winning because it's exciting and I choose happiness so if you're mad stay mad um also crazy all the celebrities who were there um insane and I get it because the super bowl like a ticket a singular ticket for probably like nosebleed seats is like 8 to 13 grand no normal average human being has that money so already like the entryway into there

is way higher than any normal average human can afford so of course it's going to be like a plethora of celebrities there but it it felt a little dystopian a little crazy it did it did feel a little wild watching that but as I said before like watching the Grammys I love watching just like having the random celebrity meetup tv shows and just watching those once a year and then getting out of the celebrity you know thought process for the rest of the year it's fantastic so one more thing down the Super Bowl I think we have one more left the Oscars um and once again I like having fun and observing and having a little laugh so Super Bowl was a very fun time for me um yeah but my whole city is outside throwing ass in the streets and I'm loving every second of it

quite frankly um me and my friends ended up well the whole city was insane and we went to four different bars trying to find a spot and we ended up at this tiny little dive bar next to my house no one was in there it was completely empty it was me and my friends and the bartender and the cook all night it was fantastic he was giving us free shots every time we won um i highly recommend doing that if you're gonna go like try and view or watch i don't really do this for sports but anything quite frankly if you're trying to go out on a big night a big day whether it's valentine's new year's eve super bowl any sort of big bar day i always recommend going to the smaller bars first because of course everybody's thinking let's go to the big sports bar um because they have a bunch

of tables so of course i'm we're gonna be able to get in no no no everybody and their mom has fucking thought of that and everybody's been out drinking since 11 a.m um i woke up at 11 30 to a text to my parents who were already at their second bar i was like what is happening why are my parents out partying me anyways any sort of busy night pro tip if you want a good service and you want like a chill environment go to the small dive bars okay go spend your time there they will take care of you they will appreciate you being there um and yeah it was a blessing thank god we were able to find our own private little bar in that sort of sense but i was on my third vodka red bull in about 45 minutes at 2 30 in the afternoon so best believe at about 2 30 a.m

i woke up to my heart feeling like it was about to stop pretty common occurrence now um especially after drinking for so long i and it's the worst thing ever the throwing up i can get through that you know get it out of your system I've done it so many times but it's when you wake up and your heart is beating so fast and you're so dehydrated and you're just looking around you're like where the fuck am I I really I do not miss drinking and dry January really showed that to me I feel like the more I drink um and listen I was a huge party girl I was not only drinking but like the more I would drink consistently the more lethargic I would be the more down I would feel the more tired I would be the less energized I would be even if it was like a glass or two glasses of wine after work

I wouldn't have to necessarily like black out all the time but the consistent drinking really took a toll on my body and my motivation and after like one night of drinking on Sunday I can see just how much it has affected me um and how much it does affect me and I really am gonna keep cutting back on my drinking I think that's gonna be a theme for this year listen once a month I gotta let the devil free she's gotta get out she's gotta get fucking crazy it's just a part of me i'm a party girl and my heart i can't lock her away in a tower forever i have to let her free i have to let her do her thing or else i become the devil so you know once a month that's fine but the consistent every night every other night drinking i think that's a thing in the past

um my body just cannot keep up and i never thought i would be that 25 year old oh i'm not 25 I will be soon but I never thought I'd be that like mid-20s girl being like I just can't handle it anymore I remember being 19 and talking to the mid-20s girls and they're like just wait till you get older the hangovers hit harder they're right so if you're young enjoy it while you can bounce back quickly because when I tell you I'm still hungover from Sunday it's it's brutal out here okay but yeah i love celebrating i love having fun i choose peace joy happiness if your man is smashing a tv in front of you over a fucking football game i'm scared for you he needs serious psychiatric help and i think you should run as fast as you can because bitch it's a sports

game let's have some fun let's have a little laugh let's not take life too seriously am i like seriously guys anyways that's enough of my rambling for this morning let's smoke a bowl let's get in the right mindset and then let's dive into all of your questions i feel like the best podcasts i record are the ones where i'm on like too many substances but in the right kind of way um i feel like i really hit that perfect level of creative flow creative juice when i'm just like slightly sleep deprived up early so much caffeine in my body preferably through an espresso shot and not a energy like a red bull energy and then I smoke a bowl that is my sweet spot that is when the best ideas happen that is when I'm like all right let's do this I remember I think the last

podcast I put out that I was like in this zone was when I met my nursing friend at like 7 a.m after her shift for a mimosa and breakfast and then I ate an edible afterwards and the flow state I was in after that was crazy I don't even know if it was flow state maybe it was just delusion either way can't argue makes for great content so let's hit this bowl and yeah let's get into everything that's on your mind cheers whoa okay oh speaking of creativity can we talk about how the super bowl ads kind of sucked this year like ah the ai art let's get rid of it every single time i see ai art i will clock it i will never not be like that's that's real that's a real image bitch it's ai art you're spending

seven million dollars in a 30 second fucking time frame of a commercial it better be the best commercial you've ever aired in your entire life and they just simply were not usher was hot loved it fantastic music everybody was up dancing great he was on roller skates hello insane um but the timu timu temu whatever commercials i cannot stand it that's like seeing a shian commercial all during the super bowl not to mention there was like five of them five of them over consumption in our society is crazy okay and cheaper doesn't mean better by the way the way it was advertising like you can get all this stuff for like $9.99 $5.99 $6.99 cheaper doesn't mean better honestly ever like trust me you gotta cut you gotta cut costs somewhere it's either in the products

themselves or it's with the labor you have to keep that in mind like i'm literally a business owner and a product creator i know this i'm aware of where you sometimes you gotta cut costs sometimes you know you gotta go cheaper here sometimes you gotta go more expensive here depending on what you're looking for and when you are buying on timu you are not getting a good product you aren't it is just a fact of the matter um when 30 seconds is 7 million and you have five of the same commercials i'm i'm concerned also i'm pretty sure timu paid for all of those commercials by stealing credit card information so that was a huge lawsuit they just went through is a lot of people would buy stuff on timu and then see like fraudulent charges on their card directly after

and consistently after and it was because they purchased on timu so shout out to the stolen credit card information they used uh in order to buy those super bowl commercials but once again over consumption cheaper consumption does not always mean better it is something especially as a chronic shopping addict i had to learn that very quickly um especially when i was younger and i didn't have a lot of money like the things i was buying were cheap and they just simply would not last and then i would end up paying 10 times the amount of money that i did in the first place because i'd have to replace it and replace it and replace it think about it okay once again february's theme is money for me um and i've really been trying to focus on just spending

habits focusing more on maybe subscriptions that i have are they worth it um knowing where my money is going making sure it's going to a place that i actually am like enjoying and not just spending money for the thrill of it for a cheap hit of dopamine like a like a cheap junkie so i have really been trying to cut down on my spending and i didn't realize how much just like random small things i was spending money on that i would spend money on then never think about it after that and i was wasting hundreds and hundreds of dollars insane timu please i'm begging just save yourself the money and the time and the stress and the fraudulent bank charges quite frankly all right let's get into the question someone said how to make pilates cute and fun um here's the thing

I do not look cute and fun when I'm doing pilates also I'm a month and a half into consistently doing pilates at home I am not a gym girly I can't do I can't do gym classes I can't go to the gym I just for my own mental health and as a chronic overthinker being in public especially in that sort of situation i have a hard time with um and so i just do it at home fantastic love it put on a little 30 minute youtube video can do it on my living room floor the best choice ever anyways i don't look cute or hot when i'm doing pilates i've thought about including my little pilates routine um and like a vlog or something and just like speeding it up um and the fact of the matter is I am sweaty and gross and a little ugly and that's okay because I'm working out and I don't

have to put on this facade of being hot all the time it's okay to allow yourself to be ugly and be a human being and focus on just working out for a little bit of time um and listen sometimes you need some motivation fantastic I understand that you know buy a cute little workout set if that's really what gets you to work out I bought like a baby pinky yoga mat that's what gets me down on the floor ready to work out also specifically a yoga mat that is soft enough that when I'm on it it's not painful um that's really all I cared about but yeah sometimes you need a little motivation but also I am here to give you the approval of it's okay to not be hot all the time I feel like we as women are kind of conditioned to always be thinking about ourselves

from like a third party perspective and like viewing ourselves from like a bird's eye view um don't know if that's just association or whatever but we are always thinking about like how we're looking you know how we're sitting how we're acting how we're talking and sometimes you need a break girly sometimes you don't have to be doing that all the time and for me personally I I wasn't working out because I was too focused on how I was doing it how I was looking how I was moving how I was behaving and once I stopped thinking about that and allowed myself the um approval of just simply working out and not thinking about myself outside of that especially doing it at home and having that comfortability level oh I fell in love with it

immediately I fell in love with it but I was hindering myself by forcing myself into this box of I need to be the hot workout girl no I'm just not gonna be that I'm gonna be a little ugly and sweaty and jiggly on my floor and that's okay that's fine we all look that way when we're working out um but yeah if you do need a little bit of motivation to get there sometimes you know a cute workout set cute yoga mat whatever it may be that does help maybe a little matcha in the morning to get you some energy that's valid um but I'm here to tell you a month and a half into working out which is not a lot of time in the grand scheme of things since I could I'm planning on continuing doing this for the rest of my life um it is so worth it it is so worth it a um it has

made me redirect focus on my body to a more positive state rather than overthinking and overthinking and oh i don't like this or criticizing it because i wasn't interacting with my body except for when i was observing it um starting to finally interact with my body in a sense of i'm going to utilize it as a body and put it to work and move it and stretch it and get some sore muscles every once in a while um moving my train of thought and my perspective into that sort of form has greatly helped how I view my body um and I didn't think it would work like that I figured you know oh I'm working out I'm gonna be hyper focused on it but I think since it's changing the way I view it and changing the way I'm interacting with it it has had a very

very positive effect on just my overall um not self-appearance but also like self-view I want to say and also my body is bodying I was like oh working out my body is going to change and you know my abs are going to form who would have thought and all of a sudden I have a six-pack out of nowhere incredible it's crazy how quickly your body can change and develop um and how much it can really do I love working with my body and moving it in that sort of way whether it's a little yoga routine and also everybody has time for this every single person has time for this I personally don't have time another I hate the gym moment sorry if you go to the gym you are just braver than anybody else to ever exist seriously because the whole gym routine like

I would need 30 minutes to come home change get my shit together mentally prepare 15 minutes to drive to the gym and then like an hour to be at the gym like a 15 minute cool down at the end and then 30 minutes to drive home decompress change shower whatever that is a lot of time not everybody has the time for that and that is valid but every single person listening to this has the time for 15 5 10 30 minutes on a yoga mat in their house on the floor in their house everybody has time to set aside 5 10 15 minutes and that's what I was starting with I slowly have worked my way up because it's something that i've enjoyed and i've wanted to try new things but you don't have to start with the 30 45 minutes start with five start with 10 okay you can start low and that's something

that everybody has time for whether it's in the morning after coffee um whether it's after work before you go shower maybe on your lunch break everybody has time for that and the benefits that i have seen simply from that small amount of time has been insane also i never thought i'd be the person sitting here advocating for working out scary i remember when i was in my deepest darkest lowest place and i'd be like no i need to be admitted i need to be locked away and they're like well why don't you try yoga listen that's annoying that's valid everybody sometimes you're in a deeper darker place and you need some serious help but for very basic upkeep level of care and like uplifting your life in small ways every single day working out is a fantastic way to kind of

push that into reality quickly and make your life better quickly um and I didn't realize this until I challenged myself for a month but now I'm addicted and I recommend it to everybody and I know it's probably annoying for me to hear um and listen I'm not here to say working out is going to fix every one of your problems but if you're looking to add small things to your daily routine that is going to you know uplift your quality of life pretty quickly i think a small workout every single day whether it's going for a walk small workout routine little bit of yoga stretching it is going to be such a positive impact on your life and i recommend it so much um especially for the mentally ill girlies especially for us we need a little extra help and yeah i think it is

so great and so fun and i cannot wait to finish this podcast and be able to do mine for the day um but yeah pilates cute fun can be depending on what you're going for but also doesn't have to be if you don't want it to be love you someone said why does it feel like i get my life together for a few weeks but i can never stay consistent that's because ups and downs are a normal part of life and you will not always be on a up and if you view downs as completely you know resetting and completely taking away that progress that you've made made those downs are going to affect you way more than they really should listen we're not always going to be perfect we're not always going to have our room completely clean we're not always going to be the hot girl that we possibly

can be sometimes we're going to be the ugly sobbing on the floor girl and that's fine we we have to have we're multi-dimensional human beings we're going to experience all emotions we're not going to be perfect all the time so the more you allow yourself to be unperfect um the easier life will get stop putting so much emphasis on the downs put more emphasis on the ups okay and i think as long as you remember to get the fuck back up that's really all that matters um as long as you remember to get back on track that's all that matters the down doesn't matter at all as long as you're like okay girl we gotta we gotta get together we had our fun little run there we had our fun little rotting days whatever but now it's time to get back on track as long as you remember

to do that things will be okay for you now this is an interesting one someone asked how to tell my boyfriend i want him to go down on me i always do it for him but he never does um well you could be like a douchey man you could just grab his head and start pushing it down no i'm joking i'm joking we all have trauma from that question mark anyways um you can literally be like i'm gonna sit on your face now it's that simple it's that simple like you can go down you know provide the act first you know and then once you're like okay he's about to come stop first of all we need this to last longer and then just literally crawl up and sit on his face what's he gonna do push you off if that happens break up that's crazy like it's so simple you don't have to ask him because i get

that's weird men also don't feel remorse ever asking so i don't think you should ever feel bad asking for that but also i understand from the point of view where it's like i shouldn't have to ask and i don't want to in that sort of sense so yeah if i were you i would just tell him to lay down and he probably thinks he's gonna get the best blowjob of his life but crawl right up there and sit on his face and have the time of your life girl love you how do i become emotionally available oof ah i don't know how else to put it but like vulnerability if you close yourself off to the world you will not you will never feel true connection my brain is going a million miles a minute and i'm like having another internal conversation that's simply just like hannah

Slow down, slow down. We will get there. My brain is moving faster than my mouth ever could. Anyways, vulnerability, important tool to use in this life. If you disconnect yourself from everything, you are going to feel disconnected constantly. You are going to feel like you are a missing part of a puzzle and you don't know how to find your puzzle. You are going to feel generally probably sadder and a little bit more gloomy because you are not connected to that of experience and getting to make true human connection which is such a driving factor in this experience of life and it's beautiful to be able to do but in order to do that you need to open yourself up to vulnerability okay ah scary i know having to be known and

figured out and understood. But so many people close themselves off to true connection by constantly distancing themselves. But the hottest thing ever, it's vulnerability. Every time I fall in love, it's a little deeper and deeper because I open myself up more every time. You won't experience deep love unless you dare to connect and be vulnerable. And let's say I get it. Maybe you're going to be hurt. Maybe you're going to experience heartbreak. But everybody needs to experience that as a human if you go through this life only experiencing good positive things you will never know hurt and in turn you will never be able to grow and develop into who you need to be i think hurt can be just as driving as a good experience um it is all about how you

utilize it in your daily life and truly if you want more for yourself the people who get hurt and then get held back are the people who you know i get it it sucks to get hurt by people that you love, but also that is not who you are. You don't have to determine who you are based on what other people think about you or how they treat you. You can determine who you are based on what you think about yourself and what you think you deserve to be treated as. But once again, getting hurt is a normal process in this human life. You need to figure out how to deal with every single human emotion possible um in order to get connected to yourself and you're not going to be able to understand how to navigate those if you don't feel them okay vulnerability important tool to learn

especially as a young person um if you want to build those lifelong friendships if you want to build a good satisfying romantic connection you need to be open to vulnerability um and i love the people who I can just be completely and open and vulnerable with and there's no judgment there there's only open and loving arms those are my people and if I'm not vulnerable with them they won't feel comfortable being vulnerable with me and then we won't be able to make make that connection so it does take both partners kind of both parties kind of working together but it is so worth it also if you are unsure you know about people's intentions who they are are they gonna hurt me the quickest and like easiest surefire where way to um figure that out is to

be vulnerable with them and be open with them um are they receiving to that and are they understanding to that and do they hold space for you or do they just completely brush you off and distance themselves oh my god the cotton mouth right now is brutal um when you open yourself up and you're vulnerable do they also open themselves themselves up and are vulnerable you know these are the ways you can kind of vet that and figure out if they are a person that's worth being around and investing time in but once again that does not come unless you are vulnerable with them sometimes you got to be the first brave person in the room and you just got to be like all right i'm just going to step up and say what needs to be said or do what needs to be done and sometimes that is

being vulnerable but if you are not opening yourself up to the world why in the hell do you think the world's gonna open themselves up to you so be brave you will experience such beautiful loving incredible experiences and just connections if you simply allow yourself to connect these are my favorite messages to get because these are the exact same messages i send um but someone said girl i'm so drunk but i love you so much you're like the older sis i never had I love you thank you for that message it completely warms my heart because I know drunk words are sober thoughts and I love the drunk girl text I love a drunk girl kiki in the bathroom I love a no you're so pretty no you're so pretty like that is peak girl existence and it is fantastic

so thank you and I love you and I hope your hangover is being kind to you today someone don't ask me about anxiety and the best way to combat anxiety and if I'm being honest like it is just to sleep and dissociate that's why I don't drink as much anymore because also the coping tools for that after like having a bad coping tool it's just there's really no better way to fix anxiety than to just kind of watch a tv show you've seen a million times and take as many naps as you possibly can um your brain's freaking out because it's dehydrated it's had a influx of substances in its system um your body is like in fight or flight mode because it doesn't know what to do very normal but there's not a lot of ways you can just like directly fix that other than

with time so understand you're not alone there um anything that you're overthinking you're the only person overthinking it no one is thinking about you more than simply yourself um and yeah forgiveness is key to getting through life so forgive yourself everybody's gonna be weird and stupid and drunk every once in a while it's a part of living and existing so allow yourself to be you're young you're crazy you're fun that's all that matters also happy love week if no one's gonna say they love you this week let it be me i love you and i love who you are and i am here always for you guys um someone said practicing more self-love this week and honestly i love that because whether you're in a relationship or not i feel like we can utilize valentine's day simply

as a tool and a reminder to let's focus on pampering ourselves and uplifting ourselves and showing some love this week and i just love that reminder um so yeah i think that's a great tool like you don't have to be in a relationship to be in love girl you can be in love with yourself buy yourself flowers i made chocolate covered strawberries um last week for the patreon i did a little patreon baked and baking with me but it was like i want chocolate covered strawberries so i'm gonna make them for myself of course i'm gonna ask my boyfriend and he go to the store and do it but also love a little tlc self-care time um made chocolate covered strawberries for myself i'm probably gonna take like a deep bubble bath really just pamper myself tonight I love self-love

self-care it is one of my favorite indulgences speaking of over like shopping over consuming I used to think consuming was self-care of course under a capitalist society you are going to think that but you do not always need to spend money in order to focus on some self-love self-care sometimes your form of self-love self-care could be like writing a letter to yourself or writing a letter to your future self writing a letter to your past self giving yourself five ten compliments pinpointing five or ten things that you love about yourself simply just like words of affirmation acts of act affirmation um a bubble bath maybe you know doing a face mask doing your nails that's my form of uh affirmation towards myself i love getting my nails done i just got my

valentine's day set i'll show you guys in the video episode but they're so cute she killed it with the set they're gorgeous i couldn't decide between a color so of course i had to get pink and red my two favorites um but yeah this is a great reminder to kind of indulge in a little self-care also i guess since valentine's day is wednesday we can kind of go over a few other Valentine's Day topics but um let's see I guess speaking of Valentine's Day we covered everything um in two video episodes ago things to get what to do blah blah blah but also I went to the store the other day to buy the chocolate covered strawberries and to buy the things that I needed for um a little I don't know DIY and I walked into that store I haven't I have not been in a

grocery store in six months maybe seven I hate the grocery store me and the grocery store we do not get along I hate it if I don't have to go I won't um so I will make the grocery list whatever and I'll send my boyfriend out to do it you go shopping I'll figure out dinners you know you gotta give and take where you can but my ass is not entering a grocery store unless it is absolutely necessary so I have not been in one in absolute months I walked my ass into that grocery store every single direction that i looked there was a heart-shaped item something pink flowers balloons there was teddy bears everything was valentine's themed every single direction you looked bitch the green juices had a pink wrapper on it the oreos are pink everything is valentine's

themed to be frank valentine's is a very um consumerism holiday it is a holiday that they push and they push and they push because they know y'all are gonna spend money on this stuff safe to say so that being said if your man does not show up with anything for you for valentine's day that man hates you if your girlfriend shows up with nothing for you for valentine's day they hate you you have to be more intentional to not do anything than it would be to simply grab something through the grocery store and check out with it as you are going through it like you would have to be so intentional to not know what's going on even though you do know what's going on to not buy anything to not even show up with flowers but the the gas station is

selling flowers and balloons there's homeless people in the streets selling flowers like everybody is trying to you know make some money off of this so it's impossible to not see so if they do not get you anything that was not a cute little mistake that was not a oh i didn't know i don't care what they're saying to you a it is okay for you to be mad about that and b you should leave immediately immediately bitch we all know it's valentine's day let's not be fucking stupid so that's something i thought about that's happened to me in the past so that was a little something i had to think about and then i was worried for you guys so this is just a psa if you ever find yourself in that position where it's like oh but aren't we together and oh i'm not your

valentine you didn't even think to get me fucking corner store gas station flowers yeah they hate you please please find someone who will uplift and celebrate and love you for who you are because you deserve it period the amount of emotions i go through on this podcast on just a daily basis are actually insane like i'll go from happy to angry to sad to it's just a spiral but honestly so is every 10 seconds of my life but someone said angry at the world's injustices and it's so hard knowing we can't actively help more yeah i was pissed i was listen super bowl that's all fun fine dandy but like what the like what the fuck's going on in the world like and it's still going on like it is insane to see just how much horrible things are happening and of course like i

understand with social media you're gonna be more connected to it you know you're gonna see more things about it but also dare i say that's a good thing dare i say we shouldn't be looking away and what's happening in gaza is fucking horrifying and awful and the way that people utilized kind of the super bowl and that night to then do horrible awful crimes and murder so many people is insane and i'm here to tell you that if you are angry if you are enraged if you are feeling confused and upset about these things that is valid you are you're not crazy okay those are valid emotions to feel when you see those kinds of things um and the best way to really kind of grapple with those especially when you feel like you are out of control like holy shit what the fuck is our

government doing i don't feel like it's working for us biden posted a picture on instagram with glowing red eyes like bitch what the fuck this is not a time to be making jokes oh literally ripping my hair out um the best thing you can really do with that is to push it into a tool that is going to have a positive impact um maybe it's you can go volunteer at local places where you are do local work actively in your community like I get you can't go fly overseas and help there but you can do things in your community to kind of give back to put that energy into a positive space um and to do it easily because it is within your local area your local community um maybe you have some monetary um value and you can donate that to places um maybe it's simply

being the mouthpiece for what needs to be said and spreading it that way but there are always ways you can help so no matter how kind of out of it you feel and how angry you feel there is some way that you can put that into a positive place you don't have to just sit with that like a ticking time bomb you can push it into a place that feels like you are actually doing something but also if you are feeling these ways you are absolutely valid and you should be enraged quite frankly but yeah that's my anger rant for today because it is just absolutely insane and we have a president presidential election coming up and i'm so stressed out but listen that's in a while we're here for fun how to get off my chest though i know a lot of you guys are angry and upset right

now and that is just you and me both girl okay so all we can really do is i mean i've donated to many different places i'll try and put up some links of those in my link tree um if you're not sure where to go i know hasan piker had a really really great um fundraiser for the people in gaza I know he is a reputable source so look into that if you have monetary gains to donate any sort of money any sort of simple thing like that works it doesn't have to be a million dollars it can be 10 15 20 100 200 whatever you have doesn't matter and then also time I think time is the most precious thing putting your energy into things that are directly uplifting and helping the people around you it is a great way to kind of grapple with that sense of what the fuck do I do

how do I help I feel so out of control um and that's a really great thing that my mom instilled in me very young um she was constantly dragging me to go um just volunteer anywhere we possibly could whether it's I'm gonna go rake leaves in the neighbor's yard because they can't get outside to do so or I'm gonna go to the soup kitchen I'm gonna make meals for people all morning afternoon Maybe it's I'm going to, you know, put together goodie bags and hand them to people on the streets so they have a sense of peace and some resourcefulness. Maybe it's simply just sitting down with elderly people and talking to them while they eat dinner at the old folks' home. She was constantly dragging me around to do stuff. And I appreciate that so much now because, A, I'm not scared to kind of do these things since I've done them before.

um and b I am aware that it is always an option it is a great place to put your time and your energy and to just put love into other people especially when you feel so just simply out of control anyways oh my god someone said who's supposed to buy the lingerie the mask or the femme personally in my kind of romantic world I think I buy the lingerie personally I think so the femme I think the femme buys the lingerie because it's my job to be cute and pretty and hot this is setting us back 40 years literally anyways um but listen like it's my job to be cute pretty hot and it's their job to pay for the dinner buy me flowers make the plans take care of me that sort of way so I don't mind buying my own lingerie I'm also extremely picky

um so yeah I bought my own this year and last year um but obviously I'm not buying my own flowers and I will not be buying my own dinner so I think it's the femme's job but the mask then needs to kind of like worship the femme because they are hot and beautiful and amazing and they deserve to be um but yeah oh my god agent provocateur it has been my dream to own some agent provocateur brand new lingerie comes in that beautiful just like baby pink box with the black ribbon it is so hot it's something that i've been wanting since i was young and before i even knew what lingerie was but they were having a huge valentine sale so i finally ordered myself a cute little set to wear on valentine's day um and it was so worth it i just feel like not me talking about how you

don't have to spend money to feel better about yourself obviously obviously but i needed to get myself one gift this Valentine's Day I like to buy myself one gift at least um and that was lingerie this year because I love fashion I love having like there's nothing more powerful than having like a matching set on under like a sundress or like something just like unassuming it is so powerful to be like bitch you don't know I have rhinestone panties on under this oversized tie t-shirt i did in seventh grade anyways personally i buy my own lingerie but i am a control freak and i love online shopping and thinking about these things so if you're somebody who is maybe more of a receiver and you love love love gift giving as your um affirmation your love affirmation

i'm trying to think of the word my brain is dead um then maybe you like receiving it but everybody's dynamic is different and personally all by my own okay we can keep going with the valentine's day theme here fun edible story for valentine's day oof oh boy usually i just block it out and i don't think about it but i'm trying to think back on past valentine's days that i've had i've definitely had some mushroom valentine's days um whether it was alone slash with friends or with my partner I think like the first kind of Valentine's Day we spent together we were on mushrooms um when I was younger we were always just like either loading a bowl and then like running away to my friend's car to go drive down the back roads the gravel roads and smoke a bowl um or we were

eating a copious amount of edibles but I think my brain has really just blocked those out the only real like kind of Valentine's Day edible story I can think of is when um kind of dark but also not really whatever it's silly um is when I ate a whole tray of brownies and I'm talking a tray a tray I'm not talking six inches by six inches I'm talking 18 by 18 I probably ate the whole tray um I was coming home from I was in college at the time and I was coming back to visit my um then boyfriend and back in college if you guys don't know um in Minecraft I used to make brownies and give them away to people in order to pay my bills and to have fun on the weekends and in Minecraft that was a fantastic beautiful thing to do um it really got me through

some hard times but that's what we do what we did together he had the recipe and if you guys need a good brownie recipe hit me up but we did the recipe if he had the recipe and so he would make it he had his own place he would make the brownies and then I had the connects so I you know to all the student athletes I would be giving them brownies um and I made a lot of money off of that but also we had a copious amount of brownies just on hand at any given point so of course I would indulge here and there but I remember I was coming home I believe from my grandmother's funeral I had like gone home the week before to deal with that situation and I was going through it I had been playing the lord for the three hour drive back listen I was not in a healthy mindset

the liability was like on repeat in my car anyways got to his place in tears immediately sat down there was a fresh pan of brownies out on the table and i immediately just started chowing down chowing down brownie after brownie after brownie i remember him just sitting there in silence looking at me like do I step in do I say anything like she's obviously going through it and it's like a wild beast in front of you and you do you put your hand out in front of the wild beast and possibly get bit or do you just mind your own fucking business um and he did the right move he was minding his own fucking business he I was making a big girl choice there my big girl choice supposed to eat 16 brownies um and these weren't brownies that you know you eat the whole thing and

you feel good it was like you eat an eighth and you feel good you eat maybe a fourth of that one brownie and that is enough for you and i was just going to town on these fucking things finally i think he stepped in and was like okay girl we got whoa hello let's let's sit back and talk like what's going on and we had a little chat whatever I was like these are gonna kick in I'm just going through it I'm just gonna go to bed whatever I have never had a edible experience like this ever in my life and I think this was the moment that I learned the power of weed this was also the very moment that I stopped smoking um for quite some time a because I was failing school maybe because I was dating a deadbeat and in Minecraft selling edibles but I think I this

was the moment that i was like okay we gotta a break up with this man and b we need to stop smoking and focus on school um but i didn't realize you could get this high ever in my life we've all seen euphoria right well after i finished those edibles and sat there for a second i had myself a nice glass of milk like santa claus himself fell down the fucking chimney um i stood up and you know that scene in euphoria where rue's off a fucking perk and a handle of alcohol and she's walking down the hall and she the the hallway is spinning and she's just like falling on the wall and then it just keeps spinning and she's just like now on the ceiling walking and then it keeps spinning that was happening in real life i did not know that was an experience i could

possibly have i have never been drunk enough to experience that i have never been on like mushrooms enough to experience that actually i have ones but mushrooms make sense edibles i didn't know you could get that high i did not until all of a sudden i was standing on the roof and i was like please god put me back down um yeah insane night um ended up just like managing to stumble my way to bed but i've told this story before but i was so high i thought i fully thought I was standing up at the sink taking out my contacts and when you're high and your eyes are dry and your fingers barely work taking out your contacts is a feat so I specifically remember standing at that sink slowly and painstakingly screwing off the lid plucking my dry ass contact

out of my eye putting it in there doing my other eye taking a deep breath looking at myself in the mirror and managing to stumble my way back to bed and go to bed i woke up the next morning and i had taken my contacts out and put them on the pillow next to me i was never even standing in the bathroom i was never even touching a contact case that's when i was like okay whoa whoa whoa did not know that could happen did not know we could affect me like that Did not know I could fully hallucinate a situation in which I was never in. And I'm not talking it was a dream. No, I was fully awake standing at the sink.

Or so I thought. Anyways, edibles are powerful. Please, please, please take that into consideration if you ever choose to eat an edible. Less is always more. If it's not kicking in, give it another 30 minutes. Do not eat a whole tray of brownies. Know where they're coming from. um and have fun personally that's why i really don't do any edibles anymore actually i was on

an edible kick for a while but that's because they are medical grade and i got them from a fucking dispensary and i know how much is in each one but i love an edible at the end of the night a small one not a fucking pan of brownies a small little edible at the end of the night to put my ass to bed really really nice but preferably i like to just smoke my bowls i like to take a small little dab whatever where i feel like it's more in control um and i'm not waiting for that onset of is this edible gonna kick in the worst thing ever was when you were in high not me talking about eating edibles in high school not a good influence once again this is not what you should be doing this is just an experience of mine um but the worst thing ever was would be

when you spent like 20 bucks on an edible and then you eat it and you're just sitting around like did we get robbed or is this actually gonna kick in and it was like a gamble like who knows and they always kick in at the worst time so be safe have fun don't eat a copious amount of edibles you will end up standing on the ceiling and not in a fun good way in a very bad scary way quite frankly oh my god someone said thoughts on hooking up with co-workers he's a line cook by the way no no and that's all i'm gonna say on that the bear has romanticized line cooks in a way i have never seen in my entire life and let me just say they are not all that they're not all that please i'm begging do not hook up with that line cook your life will be better for it

the new moon overthinking is obviously getting to you guys as well but some of these messages are making me crack up someone said girl my hair is so damaged should i just shave my head literally that's where we're all at we're like do we just cut it all off and just start the fuck over like what the fuck do i do i feel like we're all at that point where it's like i'm at my breaking point like someone please help me and valid sometimes you gotta lose your mind in order to find yourself but no don't shave your head it's okay you're probably a little overstimulated right now and overthinking this situation for what it is um but i had horrible awful damaged bleached blonde hair i was using like 400 degree curling iron on it every single

day um and now my hair like it wasn't growing it didn't grow for two and a half years that's how damaged it was anyways I finally now it's growing and it's healthy and the two things that maybe three things that I did to kind of fix that was a in the beginning stages I I cut off like just a little bit I'm talking like a couple centimeters once a month like I would just cut a little bit of hair off um in order to give some of it some new life okay and every month it would grow a little bit cut a little bit more off and eventually i got all those dead ends out of there if you don't cut the dead ends they're gonna keep splitting all the way up to the root and then you're gonna basically your hair's gonna fall out so trim it a little bit no need to shave your head

completely clean unless that's the vibe more power to you love a shaved head hot but you sometimes a trim is really all you need that and hair oiling I would recommend especially if you've really dry damaged brittle hair hair oiling once again my favorite hair oil is the bread hair oil um it's for all hair types um I feel like it's pretty heavy but I need a heavy oil so I can just let my hair soak um and I'll throw it up on a claw clip for like four hours and then wash it out when I shower um but doing that like once a week has impacted my hair so much made it grow made it shinier made it healthier softer um and then the last thing is eating more protein I know who would have thought who would have thought like eating protein the one thing that really helps your skin

hair nails all that stuff who would have thought it would help your skin hair and nails glow quite frankly so make sure you're eating protein it doesn't have to be like roasted fucking chicken breast like a like a fucking power lifter that's not what i'm talking about but just make sure you're eating enough protein you know back when i was a vegetarian like no wonder my hair didn't grow girl you were having fettuccine alfredo alfredo every single day for breakfast lunch and dinner obviously your hair's not growing eat some eggs eat some chicken eat some protein wherever you can find it um and yeah those are really all the tips i can give you for your hair i've been there girl don't panic take time make a game plan you will heal i promise okay last but

not least um for today as you know i will have the video podcast out on thursday so don't worry even though this feels short-lived i love you and i will see you all very soon but someone asked me um book recommendations and media i have been consuming um if you want to hear my latest uh what i've been listening to spotify wise um you can find my spotify playlist under smoke sesh one word it's a picture of me with a bunny hat on um and my current playlist is titled 2024 so all of my latest music will be on there um not music i'm making i don't make music i don't think anybody was thinking that i'm just losing my brain at this point it's only 12 o'clock you know we got to get it together um but music i'm listening to um i am also the book for february

for our february book club on patreon um i am reading reading um madeline pendleton's book on financing i think it's called i survived capitalism and all i got was this t-shirt i don't know it's something of the sort let me pull it up um last month I read bunny and I really recommended it I did a little review of that on um last video episode but yeah this month for the book club it is just I have a hard time taking advice from men safe to say and everybody has been recommending me this uh rich dad poor dad book even my dad has been reading it and he's like when i finish this you have to read it but i just i have a hard time taking advice from men consider it a fault of mine but i think there's also so many women that i can learn from as you know that

have just as important things to say um and yeah it's called i survived capitalism and all i got was this lousy t-shirt everything i wish i never had to learn about money um i feel like the videos that i've seen of her on tiktok are very well thought out and um the advice she gives is really good and i've really been enjoying listening to her book i didn't i didn't realize it was free i was gonna buy the hardcover book but it was 25 we ain't got money for that girl so shout out to her for making it free um through like i think if you have amazon prime you can listen to it through like the audible app um but that's what i've been listening to whenever i have downtime whenever i'm like driving to the store to get coffee to go thrifting um that's what i have been putting on

um and then anything else we've been watching oh tv show wise if you have never seen fargo i don't know it's so good it's so good if you love like midwest kind of true crime kind of just like ethereal out there i don't even know if i would call it ethereal just like otherworldly fargo is so good um if you like a show that you're like i have no idea where this is going great recommendation for you we just finished the last season the most recent season it was fantastic um but yeah that's really all the media i've been consuming recently nothing crazy um I really have just been working a lot when I'm working or like listening to myself I can't listen to anything else outside of that that's too much for my brain my brain will turn into goo

um but yeah that's the February book club book if you guys were curious and you know where to find me for all my music recommendations but I love you I'm sorry if today's episode was a little loopy maybe it was more fun I'm not sure hopefully you guys got the vibes and yeah I will see you all on thursday for so much more content another video episode i'm gonna try and put up another cute little video for you guys on patreon i put up that um chocolate covered strawberry video if you guys are curious in some extra content what i've been up to um that will always be in my bio and you guys know where to find me on instagram at hannah marlene um if you want to submit any of your questions if you have any concerns things to say that's where it's gonna be if you want to

see what i'm up to on a daily basis it's always going to be on instagram spam posting it's my favorite thing to do but with that being said i love you guys so much have a fantastic valentine's day i love you thank you for being here um and show yourself a little bit of love it's love day listen you got to celebrate a little bit all right but i will see you all this thursday be safe have fun