Smoke Sesh - bad luck, panic attacks, blessings & lessons

Episode Date: April 8, 2025

hello hotties and welcome back to another amazing episode of smoke sesh! we have an extra special episode as I catch you up with what a hectic week I had, story times, bad luck, blessings and lessons, we also cover your questions such as girlhood, shaving, fan fictions, people pleaser (its a disease- get well soon) finding peace in the adulthood mundane, laundry can be self care, go to spring snacks, recipe updates, finding motivation and how to power through, what does finding "the one" look like, head vs heart, panic attacks, how to make stoner friends, weird strange men, festival season tips & tricks, a little bit of finals encouragement to my educated baddies, prom, go to current shows plus much much much more! thank you all for being here and supporting me through the craziness of it all, im so lucky to have this community! if you want to see more from me join the patreon at patreon.com/smokeseshshawty and follow me on instagram to keep up with my life, stay sane stay sexy and ill see you all so soon! MUAH!

Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire

and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations,

more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello hello hello and happy oh my god what day is it tuesday you guys wow the days are blending together for me personally because i just had quite frankly one of the longest weeks

actually maybe fastest debatable weeks of my life okay um we'll get into the story time here soon but i am so incredibly thankful for having my mental illness days early in my life my crash outs early my lose my fucking mind moments really early in my life because if i had not gone through all those things and known how to deal and handle stress this week truly would have pushed me over the fucking edge in a way that is uncomprehensible in my past i would have been out doing any drug imaginable to forget about the trials and tribulations that i have gone through this week but we have grown wow we are an adult and we we face those emotions and those problems head on as sober as we possibly can be I had a little drink here and there I had a little smoke here

and there but you know what whatever gets you through it so if you follow me on Instagram you probably are aware of a little bit of what I've been going through I woke up Tuesday morning I usually film these on Mondays so I have time to like edit and upload because the upload process tastes like hours for some reason and I just don't want to stress myself out on Tuesdays so i usually film on mondays get all of that out of the way and then tuesdays are so fantastic i can just have them already uploaded and then um basically publish them bright and early so you guys can listen to this pretty early in the morning on tuesdays so i woke up tuesday which was april fool's day april 1st i woke up you know i think i honestly got my pussy eaten that morning

like we were feeling good we were up early i got to see my boyfriend before he went to work and I was like oh my god my phone didn't charge like let me go downstairs and grab my charger out of my phone and I'll be able to walk my boyfriend to his car and just have a cute little oh goodbye have fun at work kiss kiss moment you know I'm feeling good I gotta take my cat out on the front porch it's a beautiful day I put my little Birkenstock slippers on I'm in my cute little Aritzia gray short shorts I'm walking downstairs blah blah blah bye baby love you he takes the trash out i give him a little kiss where's my car where's my car where the fuck is my car i needed my charger it was in my car where's my car so out loud i go

where's my fucking car and this may sound very very familiar to you because what like the end of december my boyfriend had gotten his car stolen off our side street and we went through this exact process together because we went downstairs and he said babe where's my car and i was like lol you're so funny and it was april fool's day so i already like had to play a little joke on him in the morning like i came up behind him and i was like not to curse myself but i was like i'm pregnant and this poor man he was so tired he turned around as if i was telling the truth no no not pregnant thank god thank god that is one win for the week i'll tell you that but i go downstairs i go where's my car and he goes oh so funny april fools no look around

where the fuck is my car stolen gone gone gone vanished and i don't know how the fuck they got my car if we're being honest his car we kind of knew it was a nissan it was those push to starts very easy for people to kind of like bounce a signal off of your key or even get like a key copier off of amazon amazon fuck you for selling like products to be able to break into people's cars for under 20 you are the devil i hope you burn and die in hell but my car is a very very old car it's a beater car i've been driving it for quite some time at least five years now since my last whole incident and my car luck is not the best i'll tell you that but i would rather get my car stolen then get into a traumatic car accident like i did two times prior so my old car was like

very old mazda only one key that could get into the car it wasn't even like i there was no way that you could have like a push to start or like any sort of key fob that would unlock it you literally had to manually put the fucking one key that i had in turn it unlock it not only that but I drive manual like how the fuck do they even drive my car if you can't drive stick then how the fuck are you stealing my car and all over these car reddits these car theft reddits they're like the best car theft deterrent is having a manual lies lies because they swoop that shit up gone gone immediately gone honestly I've been looking for a new car I've been talking about it for a while so i do kind of attribute this to like my manifestation in some sort of fucked up

way um because the funny thing the funny fucking thing that the universe loves to do and i have faced this every single time is you will get to where you want to go always always those manifestations you have you will receive them it'll never be in the way that you thought it would though it'll never be the path that you thought you would take it'll never be how you think it's going to happen it's gonna be a little scary and fucked up and a little oh I'm nervous but you will get there eventually and I have been kind of manifesting a new car for quite some time my old car it was just kind of giving out on me I mean I was almost at 300,000 miles she had done me well but I was a full-time nanny in that car so the back seats were just all sorts of fucked

up from kids and their sticky fingers and crumbs I had like a deer head in my car for some reason I don't know I don't know it was a wild ride it was fun while it lasted she was so cute she did me well but it was time for me to like be an adult and have an adult car so I had been putting it off for quite some time and really just taking my time looking for cars and hmm is the car market good right now no or the price is good right now well i'll keep waiting it out until my car actually gives out well guess what no more time to wait it out babe it's gone you don't have a fucking car and no it wasn't towed i thought about that too because sometimes i park going the opposite direction which really isn't a big problem um because the street i live on we are really the

only apartment here so we all know each other we all know the cars but what the fuck i'm like ready to move as well if you don't know I don't think I've told you guys where I live I live in Westport in Kansas City no I'm not doxing myself it's a very large area but it's a big bar and crowd scene not only that but I live right off of a street that directly connects to the highway like four blocks down so I get why this is a big theft area if they get into your car and they can drive it they can just take off three blocks down the highway and be gone disappear into thin air if anybody sees a teal mazda 3 with a pro choice sticker on the back please let me know i would at least like my plates back at the very fucking least but my god and then at that point it's

like all right babe well no choice you better go get your car luckily the universe did work something out for me i was like fuck with the tariffs like shit's getting expensive cars are expensive and my dream car was the Mazda CX-5 I love a Mazda they've always done me well the serious car crashes that I could have died in they kept me safe they kept me alive um and I I love a Mazda for that they're reliable they get really great gas mileage and I really wanted to stick with the Mazda but I wanted something a little bit bigger and automatic I was tired of driving manual which now I kind of miss a little bit but I was tired of driving manual I wanted like a comforting relaxing car that like when i go out and run errands when i go to the grocery store

it makes my life easier and it's fun to drive in the mazda cx-5 is like the mazda 3 but it's more of an suv for version and these cars you cannot find these cars for like under 17 000 so i had been looking and looking and waiting for one to pop up well car got stolen reported is stolen spent all day kind of just like disassociating the next day i'm like all right bitch you got things to fucking do you need a car let's start shopping online guess what guess what i type in mazda cx5 bam dream car pops up under i think it was like thirteen thousand dollars that it was listed for tan interior which is also something that i was manifesting basically brand new under 150,000 miles only one owner I said we're going we're going my dad is such a big car guy and he

kind of let me take the ropes here because in his opinion and this is how I was raised I think this is a really great way to go about cars especially when you're younger pay cash pay cheap get a reliable car don't worry about a car payment that is ultimately the best hack but I understand if you want to get something that's a little bit more nicer not everybody's gonna have fifteen twenty thousand dollars to drop on a car so usually car payments come you know in handy there um and this time around I was like you know what I'm in a place in my life where I'd be comfortable with a car payment and I do want something a little bit nicer I do have the cash to drop but not that much obviously so let's go look at it let's go check some things out and my dad's like

you know what all right fuck it let's go so he picks me up at like 9 a.m the next day and we go to this car dealership we're like hey we want to look at this mazda cx5 he's like i think it's sold we're like fuck okay you know whatever we had a couple other cars we wanted to go look at thank you for your time he's like well let me go check just real quick you know you're already here like let me go see if we have it on the lot he's like well the keys are here so i'm assuming the car is still here let's check it out we don't have like a hold on it for it being sold or anything like let me pull it around front I would like to say car dealers are the absolute worst I'm in the business of sales and like with food and wine and I do a lot of sales and I I do at least like

fifteen hundred or two thousand dollars of sales every single time I work like I be pushing you know what I mean car dealers are the worst because they make everything seem like an inconvenience to you and for that right now or to them like their job is an inconvenience having to pull a car around is inconvenience you know oh there's a scratch right here like sorry that sucks like guess what we're gonna charge you extra i don't know they're miserable they're evil they're spiteful and there's something about that that makes me want to just argue like if you want to have a diva off babe we can have a diva off and what's best is me and my dad are both gemini's so when we link up together with an objective in mind that shit's getting done that shit's

getting done so we test drove this car fantastic amazing i was like dad this is my dream car it drives really well like i want this fucking car let's go chat price so we sit down we go we chat price of course fucking car dealer he's like well it's listed online for twelve thousand dollars but actually it's gonna be like 16 17 that's the lowest i can go okay shut up me and you both know that's the lowest that's not the lowest you can go oh taxes oh dealership fee oh blah blah bitch shut the fuck up i'm paying 12 for this like i don't know what you have going on he's like okay i'll take a thousand off you know like will that be enough for you me and my dad are like no no no okay well i'll take another 500 off well that'll be enough for you no no we came here for

12 000 hello why the fuck would you think we're willing to spend four grand over that oh my god if i was a car dealer i would sell so many by just having a smile on my face and working with people willingly like you know what let me do you a favor like let me go talk to my boss i think i think i can get this down pretty low um i want to work with you guys like positivity men really do not have an ounce of positivity in their souls like come on bitch so at this point me and my dad are pissed off and at this point we're just kind of fucking with him like how low can we get it like we're willing to walk at any at any moment and the thing about a car salesman they do not want to see you walk so we know that threat works many times over and if you're gonna hustle with a

car dealer prepare to be there for quite some time yeah so he's like what price will do it for you please like we i just want to get this car to you what price the one listed babe he's like all right fine so me and my dad were able to walk with this car that is so incredibly nice that the carfax value is like four thousand dollars under for like i think like with you know some taxes of course you gotta pay sales tax and stuff i think we i walked out like 13 5 which i'm very very happy about very happy about that man got swindled that day he surely did he surely did even the the owner the head manager was like i literally can't do less than this and i was like well i fear you're gonna have to like we're not paying anything else bitch do you want to sit with this car do you want

of sold today cash money in hand hello that's the obvious answer and this is the point at my time where like not to be the white girl sitting here going like I'm so privileged because I feel like when we do hear privilege we hear it from a place of like ignorance but I am very aware of how privileged I am and it's not in the realm of money it's more so in the realm of like my parents made me very aware of the of what life is realistically at a very young age and I think that's why I had a very tumultuous relationship with them because they were hard on me they did want me to go through these life lessons they were there to stand beside me and stand behind me and protect me if they needed to but ultimately they wanted me to face issues head on they wanted me to be

aware of like the realities of the world they did not hide me from the realities from the world and I think I am very very privileged in that department and I'm very thankful for that because it has made me a more level-headed and like successful adult does that make sense um like they wanted me to have a job make my own money be smart with my money spend it wisely they wanted me to be aware of like people's motives and how they interact with the world and just things like that and I am very very privileged that my parents were able to you know help me in those areas and I feel so thankful for that I do think it made for a hard teenage years because it's like I just want life to be easy you know why can't you just solve everything for me but

ultimately I think going through those hardships did make me so much of a better person and I am so thankful to have my parents there beside me to have walked me and guided me through those lessons so thank you dad for helping me not verbally fistfight this man at the car dealership and for securing me the dream car that I've been wanting for like months and months and months and months like I said manifestation does come to you eventually is it in the way that you ever could have thought no no no no not at all not at all but you will get there eventually did i think my car was gonna get stolen hell no i didn't i didn't think anybody could fucking drive it in this day and age bitch but ultimately i was able to secure a big manifestation of mine for the year

which was get my get a new car let alone my dream car are you kidding thank you universe thank you for that I am so thankful every lesson is a blessing health and wealth we persevere anyways the week continued on my cat had another vet checkup because I was a little afraid you know he's feeling a little timid he was feeling a little you know nervous to use the restroom and I'm a crazy fucking parent this is really preparing me for when I have children I do not care if i am seen a psycho or helicopter bitch my child is in pain i'm taking them into the doctor and you're gonna listen to me so i know the vets like this bitch is fucking crazy well i make another appointment and we show up and i'm like i don't know it just it seems very

enlarged back there i'm worried and the vet's like oh gosh okay well let's see and he goes oh great yeah it's abscessed again oh you guys we just had surgery three weeks ago already abscessed again i know where this is all stemming from it's a chronic infection that we have not been able to fully clear antibiotics are not working the flushing didn't work because i don't think he was fully able to get in there and it's all stemming from the first ever abscess that he had which was like end of december what they did was they lanced it and they drained it but they didn't flush it or treat it with antibiotics so essentially it healed back up with the original infection still present and that affection is what we have been fighting for the past

four months after so my doctor was like you know what it's abscessed but i think i think this is kind of what we need he's like listen i had somebody cancel tomorrow i want you to bring your cat in which it was like friday he's like i want you to bring your cat in friday 7 15 right when we open i am going to perform you know first surgery of the day on him so then you're able to get him back by the afternoon and then i'm like bright-eyed bushy-tailed like ready to handle this one thing about spite is you'll get shit solved and this vet at this point was very spiteful because I mean if I was a doctor I see all this is like math equations as like problems that I want to solve and he's definitely that way where it's like I gotta get this shit figured out like

at this point I'm spiteful like I have to get this shit figured out it's my job like I gotta do it so he's like bring him in tomorrow 7 15 we will lance it we will fully flush it like we'll have enough space to actually work and to actually clean it out completely um and then we will hopefully let it heal and hopefully that is the end of the infection if we can completely flush it out and completely fill it with antibiotic fluids so I'm like okay all right all right all right you know with this week you know at least I got a car to drive I'll drive him here again in the morning it's just like wow my gosh I have been working to try and solve this for so long and so 7 15 a.m dropped danger off at the vet and usually last time i dropped him off for surgery

the like nurse picked him up and took him back which was so sweet but this time the doctor came out he's like we have the room set up like i'm literally gonna take him back there and immediately sedate him like he doesn't have to wait around or wait on anything like we're gonna get this shit handled he's like i also took another look at all of the previous visits and paperwork and everything he said i feel very very confident that you know the first time around since they didn't flush it actually being able to flush it out this time to lance it and flush it out this time will fully fully hopefully guys please please please pray like oh my god mentally i cannot do this anymore i love him i i will happily keep paying the money i will happily keep mentally

going through it but like this poor cat deserves to just like rest and not go to the vet two three times every single month so that was performed he is healing well he is very very very sad that he has to wear his little cone but he looks like a very cute little flower boy so that's okay ultimately i know it's for the better so he's getting plenty of treats and love while we go through this and then we have a checkup on thursday just to make sure it's healing correctly and everything's going okay but oh my god oh my god cat surgery that was a billy and then brand new car that was a chunk of money to drop your girl your girl wow wow but manifesting health for danger manifesting clean butthole for danger manifesting no more abscesses for danger

manifesting health and wealth for danger that's my next big manifestation if i can manifest that brand new car outside manifesting he is happy and healthy and this is the end of this abscess journey because you guys it makes me want to rip my fucking hair out because i can't do anything that's the one thing about being like a control freak it's like goddamn i just want to do something i want to be able to do something and no amount of research is like able to solve the problem i am literally psycho i'm downloading vet pdfs of like textbooks and reading over things like crazy crazy level helicopter mom it's just because like I want to get this solved I probably dropped like four grand now on this cat and once again happy to do so I would take out care credit if

I had to but like I just he just needs a fucking break that poor doctor's office has seen enough of him they're like we love you in danger like you guys are so sweet but please you have to stop coming back I'm like well it's not up to me goddamn I we gotta get this asshole figured out so yeah that was my week how was yours how was your week oh oh my god i even tell you another part of the week yes yes it keeps going if you haven't noticed i don't know if you guys really pay attention to like the anything behind me oh there's a little cardinal outside who's grandma whose grandma's outside my house anyways um so right after my car got stolen i was like oh we got to do an evil eye spell immediately if you have not done an egg cleanse before i find them

very helpful it's just like an energetic evil eye spell to get any sort of like negative or mean-spirited energy off of you and then able to kind of like send it back to them times 10 i also love like a freeze spell if you have a specific person in mind in this case no specific person in mind just like goddamn we gotta get this negative energy off of me if you want the full breakdown it's on my patreon also if you want to support me through these hard fucking times please become a patreon member it is in my opinion it's so worth it i'm patreon members to many different people and in i post a lot on my patreon a lot more than all these other people do astrology updates spells spiritual sundays i do an extra episode every single week where i answer

every single one of your questions like i think last week we did like a full maybe hour and a half episode it was fantastic um please come support i love you all so much please and to save you a few dollars join online and then download the app so the app store doesn't charge you crazy prices because apple is swindling you guys okay and not just on patreon on every single app that you purchase through there's a 25 increase so purchase online and then download the app and then log in all right save yourself a couple dollars but i did the egg cleanse and i think it was like a couple days after the eclipse as well um just the residual energy I was not sleeping right obviously bad things were happening it felt very like chaotic and thunderstormy it was

raining all week and then that night it was supposed to be like totally fine the storms were supposed to stop like it had been thunderstorming that day storms were supposed to stop we went to bed you know oh sleepy let's go to bed night night 3 30 in the morning 3 30 in the morning i hear shattering glass smashing wind horrible horrible noises i thought somebody was in my house swinging from the ceiling smashing things breaking things blah blah blah i lean over i grab my boyfriend i shake him fucking awake he is up jumping over me running outside one thing about him he will run head first into danger there is no thought and thank god for that boy right there because i was not about to get out of bed and go out there first my front door had completely

blown open from the wind knocked everything on this shelf off and had practically like flipped all my plants over there was a giant mirror up here so i fell that shattered all my pots up here fell and shattered it was a mess out here broken glass dirt wind it was raining still so thundering raining rains blowing in the house i'm like oh my god so that woke us up at 3 a.m no it was not an intruder but i felt like that was kind of the universe pushing all of that negative energy just like we needed like an explosion of the negative energy to like release it and that felt like a very like release moment like especially following like right after my evil eye cleanse that felt like whoa there was something really heavy sitting on top of you

and that fully kind of released it back out into the into the universe and away from you so that was insane and I did spend an hour from like 3 30 to 4 30 sweeping up broken glass and dirt and just shattered remains of my pots and my plants so that my cat wouldn't step in it like I was worried about him getting a little glass in his paws I was like oh my god that cannot happen i cannot leave this here and go back to bed like let me clean up but wow wow wow what a week what a week you guys i have not done i think what is this like a 30 minute recap in quite some time quite some time and you know now i'm looking back and i'm like i do miss the episodes where i'm like today was a great week i didn't really do a whole lot let's get into your questions

because i went through too much this fucking week and you know what everything does work out in the end period that's the one thing like whenever i go through hard times where it feels like wow i'm getting beat over the head again and again and again about by life like truly there is a debt in my head i cannot take any more blows the one thing you really have to lean heavily on and rely on is just like you will figure it out period you have no choice ultimately you will figure it out you will get to the point where it's like you know what there's broken glass and dirt all over the floor you will sweep it up and clean it up and everything will be back to normal your car got stolen guess what you will find another car you will have another car to drive you will

be okay your cat's sick well guess what he will eventually have to be better you know no matter how many surgeries you have to go through or you know vet visits he will eventually be better period so please if you ever go through a hard time a tumultuous time a chaotic time remember it will all eventually work out that's the one thing I truly have realized about life and going through just like so many crazy experiences so young looking back on it at the time I had so many mental breakdowns of just like sobbing rolling around on the floor why me why me god and it's like sure you can waste your time and your energy like screaming and crying and rolling around on the floor and if your emotions are that big that you do need to release like

that absolutely totally go for it I don't know what it is about the experiences I've gone through that it feels like I'm on a permanent like high dose of lexapro all the time I truly do not shed tears that often unless it's like i'm in i love something so much so i'm crying it's good tears but at this point in my life bitch it's like all right get the fuck up stand the fuck up get that broom get that mop clean your shit up we'll figure it out one step at a time truly forget the big picture focus on what's in front of you handle that one step you'll figure out the next step after that take it slow stand strong by yourself rest and relax as much as you possibly can but truly truly at the end of the day you will figure it out always and the universe will

always bless you with those manifestations but my god be aware it'll never happen how you would expect it never does it never does and i don't know why it always shocks me like girl you know this it never does but the universe has a funny funny haha funny way of playing shit out april fool's day my car gets stolen i post out on my instagram and people are like lol girl so funny no this is not a joke this is like a warning a psa so next i'm manifesting a new house please for the love of god i do not need this apartment to burn down in order to receive it i would like transition to go smoother than anything else but that's on my next goal so this weekend was very much chill relax I drove my little car around to go get groceries you know my boyfriend went and

looked at a house it was not good that's okay I'm taking my time I'm perusing it'll all work out eventually I promise but yeah mama needs a self-care week that's for fucking sure mama needs a a fat margarita a joint and some chips and dip which is exactly what I'll be doing this evening and I cannot wait I cannot wait but that's my recap for the week wow you guys I know I know after all that I think we should fucking smoke a bowl am I right girls and then we'll get into what questions you guys have on your mind we'll do a little bit of a longer episode since I rambled on here and hopefully i'll be able to get to a few and answer them thoroughly my bong is dirty do not judge me this is a safe space but let's hit this shit oh good news of the week you guys

we are gonna do a limited restock on the fairy bongs um canna style did confirm that it won't be for uh quite a few months because obviously like these are really beautiful glass pieces we got to do production you know we got to do shipping all that jazz so if you did not get your hands on the fairy bong do not worry there will be more dropping it is way more limited than the first time around but i just wanted to get a few more out there for the people who did miss out on it i get like three dms a day that are like please please i need it you girl please so don't worry they will be coming back but let's let's fucking hit this shit girls cheers Two in five Canadians will hear the words,

you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer.

Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most.

Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. do you guys ever shave your kitty bald and then it feels like you got poison ivy is that just me is that just me my god why is shaving like the absolute worst i love like a clean smooth kitty and don't get me wrong i do keep my bush she's just like a top bush she's not like a full bush you know so i just shaved like the sides and the lips and all that stuff but like still even that goddamn i feel like i just got bit by a million fire ants no matter what i do i will do everything right too i will do exfoliating i will do moisturizing i will shave with the grain always i will not wear anything tight or restrictive down there for like 24 hours

and still still it'll always fucking feel like crazy down there I remember oh my god I can't oh my god I can't believe I remember the first time I ever shaved like my puss bald I think it was eighth grade and I don't I had like just been allowed to shave my legs I wasn't allowed to shave my legs until eighth grade then I was like swimming and I was like all these girls have their legs shaved fuck it like let me ask it was before I even wore makeup why was I shaving my before I even wore makeup I don't know I don't know probably the unrestricted internet access I had at a young age but also speaking of unrestricted internet access why did my parents think me having unrestricted internet access was not going to lead me down this path was not going to lead

me to the internet personality path like duh hello anyways I digress first time I ever shaved I shave my pussy bald bald and i knew what for my legs like you shave against the grain right well i was shaving with like against the grain with my puss and then i wore these tight ass fucking denim short shorts the next day with a thong that was two sizes sizes too small oh my god she was screaming and crying to be set free from those shorts all day i didn't learn one thing that day because all i could think about it was how crazy i wanted to like scratch down there oh my god shaving is not for the weak men be like women have it so easy shut up when's the last time you shaved your dick raw practically i bet it wasn't recently

the trials and tribulations of girlhood my god and who was i shaving for uh probably harry styles those Wattpad fan fictions had me in a chokehold and you know what I miss a Wattpad fan fiction I do with my whole entire soul I miss like wanting to read smut so bad that I would like sneak off to the bathroom to go read for five minutes or like I would secretly have my phone under my desk in class so I could be reading the fact that I was reading smut in eighth grade in like English class under my desk or like in history class is insane but i miss that thrill i have not had that thrill in such a long fucking time and the romance novels don't do it for me i'm so sorry i know the fantasy romance novels that are so popular with like book talk and stuff they just don't

hit for me like like a a one direction bought you from your mom kind of fan fiction the real demented girls remember ao3 and that website that was that's where the real writing was except for then you would get like three chapters in you're like wow this is the best thing i've ever read and then it would be like no more chapters because the like author comments would be like sorry guys my mom took my computer away from me like i haven't been able to finish this it's like eight years later you're like oh my god girl someone asked how do i deal with the fact that not everyone will like me okay because if you turn into like the world's biggest people pleaser no one will like you and you won't like yourself so like I would rather like myself and have somebody else

dislike me than have me hate myself and someone else dislike me and like also if you are like too much of a people pleaser then you end up like Lachlan from the white lotus spoiler spoiler but it is two days later so like you guys better catch up if you don't want to hear a spoiler skip like I don't know less than a minute but hello if you're too much of a people pleaser then you end up in a three-way with your brother and you're reaching over and jerking him off because like you want to include him and you're sad that you are not including him and you're not focused on him you turn into a demented human being a demented individual people pleasing is a curse please break yourself free and i was a people pleaser for a long time i am a reformed

people pleaser i am a what's the opposite of pleaser i am a person pleaser and that person is me we aren't put on this earth to be liked and i'm not saying go out there and be a fucking raging bitch like please be a kind person we should all be kind people but if you're a kind person and someone still doesn't like you it's like well that's their issue to deal with not mine if you keep overwhelming yourself with other people's problems other people's problems with you how other people view you you quickly lose that self-identity and like that self-respect and you start going down this path of like putting yourself aside in order to make other people comfortable and that is a literally dangerous place to be i have been in

dangerous places because of that i have done dangerous things because of that like i should be dead because of some of the people pleasing things that i would do where it's just like yeah sure i'll get in your car like girl girl please for the love of god like stand up who cares if this random person doesn't like you me and my boyfriend were talking about that like back in the pandemic days i was slinging mushrooms and um the guy that i would buy from literally i went and i got into his car please this was in the past i am a reformed person i don't do this shit now this is for legal purposes but you know you know you pull up to the spot he's like okay get in my car i'm like okay i get in his car and we're trying i'm gonna do a deal and then he's like

he starts tweaking out and he locks me in his car he hits the lock and he's like we're gonna drive around the block real quick i should have been like no park this fucking car now i'm getting out but I just kind of like sat there silently this man could have easily driven far far away with me like hello girl you do not need to be in these positions it's okay this random fucking crackhead does not like you please I also understand the feeling of like one wanting to be liked by people I think that's okay if they're a good person if that person is a good person and you want to be liked by them I understand that but don't kill yourself over it and also ask yourself do you even like them do you even want to be liked by them I think this is a great way to break the

people pleasing curse of it all focus on you ask yourself if you even want to be liked by them or if you even like them if you even want to be around them in the first place if their opinion really truly does matter to you there's some people in my life that I'm like their opinion of me does matter to me and that's because they're people that are solid people they're trustworthy people they do love me in my worst and my awful and my good but still they're solid level-headed people that i look up to and i want them to like me i i think that's good and healthy to have but when it's every single stranger danger person that's walking down the street and you're like oh i just want them to i want them to like me girl you're abandoning abandoning yourself in

the process you're abandoning yourself for someone else and i do think people pleasing is truly just self-abandonment you don't want to focus on anything that has to do with you you don't want to focus on your perception of yourself you don't want to focus on your own problems so you preconceive your entire life with other people's problems with other people's thoughts with other people's perspectives with other people's opinions and that is a wasteful way to live your life okay how do you balance taking care of your own needs while working long hours as a server i feel like this is really something that the young adults start to go through quickly because their life becomes preconceived by all work and work is harder than school you know going to school all

day and then going home sucks sure when you're a kid you're like i don't want to go to school blah blah blah but like you don't have to come home or maybe you do okay most people don't have to come home and then cook dinner and then clean and then put a baby to bed like hello when you're young we take that shit for granted then all of a sudden we're working the same amount that we are at school but it's 10 times harder because it's work duh and then you have to come home and somehow pay the bills feed yourself take care of shit around you do the laundry like this sucks this sucks i miss when i was a kid and i was in school and i gotta just enjoy life but the older i get i found that once you find like a good routine once you do it enough once you're immersed

in the adulthood life of it all and you're used to you know the long hours and then you start getting used to the chores the things that you have to do yourself for yourself the non-negotiables start to feel a little bit more fueling they start to feel a little bit more self-carry like in the past doing laundry was like i don't want to fucking do laundry this is a waste of my time i'm so exhausted i just want to sit here and scroll on my phone bitch now that when i do laundry and i actually sit down and i do a whole pile of laundry and it's out of my way it's like wow that felt good like that feels energizing and good to take care of myself even if it's hard or like doing the dishes you know after a big meal the last thing you want to do is then get up and do the dishes

but if I take the time every night to really get up to put the dishes away to run the dishwasher to wipe the counters off when I wake up in the morning I'm not greeted by all these dirty pots and pans and then stressed out first thing in the morning it's like no I get to get up enjoy my day and understand that I took care of my shit when it was supposed to be taken care of so the whole balance of taking care of your own needs and then also taking care of work is like works one thing but if you can figure out how you can turn the needs that you do have into almost like a self-care ritual and the satisfaction of doing those self-care things it solves the whole problem of like oh my god life is just dirty dishes and then chores and then work and then sleep oh this just

socks but it's like if life is about dirty dishes that means it's about good food if life is about dirty clothes it means it's about good outfits if life is about you know dirty floors with footprints all over it it's about friends coming over like there's a yin and yang to everything and once you're able to see like the privilege of being able to do these things and the appreciation for being able to do these things like wow i have eight loads of laundry to go through i can't believe i have eight loads of clothes that are like that good that i wear that often these outfits are great you know that i'm able to then clean in a house that i'm able to then pay for and electricity and water that i'm able to pay for with this job that sure sucks and is long but also

it feeds me you know oh i really don't want to go and get my groceries i don't want to grocery shop and fight the xanax mommies who are just like staring off in the middle of space with their cart in the middle of the aisle like biggest pet peeve of my life but also like wow i am so privileged to be able to go to the grocery store and buy food that i like to make meals that i like to feed myself in a way that i enjoy and then be able-bodied to be able to bring them inside my house and cook for myself and eat a good meal and have pots and pans that are mine you really gotta flip it okay the the the negativity will take over your life in every aspect but i think it's really important to turn those negative things or the things that maybe you you deem negative

into positives no matter what it makes life just so much easier it really does it makes the boring fun it makes the the the mundane the hard the adult tasks a little bit more like adventurous a little bit more enjoyable and nourishing to the soul favorite snack right now um so i'm obsessed this is unrelated but i'm obsessed with take van and her like little snack plates where it's like a shred an onion slice shred with dill on top lemon juice olive oil and then she crunches on it oh my god it looks so fucking good i love a snack plate like that though especially now that we're in spring seasonal vegetables are cheap as fuck right now okay go stock up go buy go buy locally if you can I'm gonna start buying my eggs locally because they are three dollars cheaper

than the grocery store and all of my veggies are so much cheaper than the grocery store but I love just like a seasonal snack plate where it's like okay let me grab some snap peas and a handful of carrots and then some little cubes of cheese and some grapes and throw that in one big bowl maybe with some pretzels or some chips and go on about my day and snack along with that i love a seasonal snack plate in that sort of sense maybe i'll make a video on it that'd be fun my next recipe video actually will be up hopefully actually no it will be it'll be up by the end of the week at least by thursday or maybe friday um and i'm making a green goddess wrap i love a wrap i love a wrap and if you don't like veggies i think a wrap is a perfect way to get your veggies

in and have it taste good so it's going to be just like all these veggies a great green goddess dressing and then a little bit of protein in there all wrapped up and it it will be vegan i'm pretty sure i'm thinking of the recipe i'm trying to make yeah i'm not putting any cheese in it it will be also vegan so if you're curious come check it out instagram.com slash hannah marlene how do you stay motivated oh baby it's all spite it's all spite and some people tell me that's not a way to live but ultimately i think it truly has done me wonders and it is my gemini like fiery airy spirit to kind of be like i just have to do better than them like like i just have to do better than them and sometimes them is not a person or like an individual that i'm specifically thinking of

sometimes it's just like i'm imagining all my haters in front of me and it's like i just have to do better than them like i just i gotta keep leveling up like it doesn't end here i gotta keep leveling up and you know what my boyfriend is so absolutely fucking sweet and he i i take him for granted i really do and i he deserves the world maybe he's getting a blow job as soon as he's coming home but like I'm an insanely hard worker because of how my parents raised me which is just like you have no choice and also they kind of raised me in the sense of like they were never fully um satisfied with anything I ever did like you could always go bigger you can always go bigger which was made me very mentally unstable for sure but also it it taught me that like the

sky's the limit like you set the bar you go to that bar and then once you reach that bar set another bar that no one else can imagine and do that so i think that really really really helps me stay motivated um just the desire to please my parents and never being able to do so but also my sweet sweet boyfriend was like the one thing that you really have like taught me and i find very inspirational about you is that you you really create these goals for yourself and they're goals that no one else could have thought of they truly are individual to you and you go after them head first no matter what and even when you achieve that goal you're kind of like never satisfied in the way where it's you just you want to keep beating yourself like you not like a beat

yourself but like you want to kind of see like okay well how far can i push it you know where can i go next how can i turn this into a good thing how can i transform this experience and i had no idea i really did that until he put those into words and i was like oh so incredibly sweet he's like i find it so inspiring because he's like sometimes i get into the mundane of life and i'm willing to settle for just like situational things that maybe I shouldn't settle for or I'm able to settle for like what is okay instead of what is good and you really teach me that like you should always always go for the best no matter what because no one else is going to get it for you so why would you not at least try for yourself oh such a

fucking sweetheart truly truly truly I'm so lucky but yeah that also keeps me motivated where it's just like I don't know it's truly ingrained in my spirit where it's like you just got to keep pushing um also now that i'm a bit older i am a very competitive person and i don't necessarily compete in life in like an unhealthy way where i am comparing and contrasting in real time but it is that visualization of like all the haters below me i just have to keep i i have to keep getting better there's no choice like i said in the beginning there's no choice but to get better all right you got to keep going you got to keep climbing those bars the ladder ends cool jump jump as high as you possibly can grow wings out of your back you got to keep going you have to

get better you've got to keep doing those amazing things that you want to do no one else is going to get them for you no one else is going to go out there and hand you those things i wasn't raised with mommy and daddy to go buy me that yacht to go buy me that you know entrance to a ivy league school no they said sit down and work bitch and once again i'm very privileged in the way where my parents made that very clear to me where it's like we can't afford those things if you want them you got to work for them and I'm very happy that they were able to articulate that to me it is a it's a little cold-hearted made me a little little jaded for some time but now that I'm an adult it has made me level-headed in a way where I think I am more ahead than some people who are at my age

who never worked a job who had everything bought for them or handed to them who have never had to face hardship and that's the one thing like if you go through hard things it will elevate you to a place that the people who seem more privileged in this life cannot get to because you learn more with lived experience than what money can buy tenfold tenfold so yeah babe it truly can only get better from here but how bad do you want it oh this is interesting do you think the one is a feeling or a choice i think it's both i think it's a feeling at first and then it becomes a choice and i think any person in a healthy long-term relationship will be able to tell you that um yeah it's definitely like at first that honeymoon phase is very very real you know you

are living in just ecstasy you are having a fantastic time you are like truly the world can be on fire around you and as long as you are looking into each other's eyes you're having a great time now the thing about the honeymoon phase is it is short-lived it does wear off now I'm not saying as soon as it wears off you start just like fist fighting all the time that's not fucking healthy but it does get into this stage where it's like comfortability where you know you have that high emotion and then it levels out to comfortability still a positive a net positive but not as high and thralling you know as the top of the roller coaster truly feels that's when it becomes a choice that's when temptation occurs that's when you know you start overthinking

things or you start looking at who you two really are real raw in person that's when those those rose-colored glasses come off they shatter they break and truly in front of you is a human being flawed unperfect who they are and at that point that's when it's a choice that's when it's like okay do I love them no matter what do I want to be with them no matter what and I'm not saying you should sit here and be with an awful person no but like the the one will have you know characters characteristics and flaws and it's like that's okay I love them I'll stand by them I'll want to be with them it is an active choice absolutely I also think that the relationship like that feeling never really wears off it might not be as high and thralling as it is at the beginning

in the honeymoon phase but it does linger it's like it's like a the eternal flame if you think about that you know the flame in the cave that's just like lingering small but still glowing like how the hell is it still there that's that's the feeling when you finally kind of get deeper into a relationship where it's like it's there it's present you still feel it but truly it is a choice also to want to show up for your partner to be with your partner no matter what help with panic attacks a girl's been going through it this past week actually yes I had my first panic attack in a long time this week me being like I was so mentally sane through this chaotic week and then me being like yeah I had my first panic attack in a long time um my panic attacks when I was younger it

would be like dry heaving vomiting and they've transformed as I got older into like almost passing out like losing sight losing vision having the ringing in your ears and needing to like sit down that's how my panic attacks have really transformed um and I had one for the first time me and my boyfriend were out looking for houses it was actually quite a beautiful evening I will say out looking at houses looking for just like for rent signs or whatever and then we went we got barbecue I have not had barbecue in a long time and maybe it just like overwhelmed my system like too much smoked meat plus the chaos of everything that I had gone through this week but I ate that and then I sat there and I was like I have to go to the bathroom and I went and I took all of my

clothes off and sat on the cold tile with my like knees scrunched up like into my face and did deep breathing exercise for like 15 to 20 minutes until I could actually like stand up again but I do think right now um the I needed something to shock my system which was the cold tile floor I also see people doing like the ice face dip so you just fill a bowl of ice and water and then you dip your face in it really shocks your nervous system into a different feeling other than just like fight or flight and then deep breathing exercises to bring that heart rate down to recenter yourself to focus on something other than what's causing you panic and anxiety or feeling out of your body brings you back into your body I think those two things in tandem truly help me kind of work

through my panic attacks quicker than how i was self-coping prior which is just like writing it out you know what i mean i wish i had tips to be like this is how you get rid of panic attacks forever but if you have an anxiety disorder you know that it's just not possible and you will occasionally have them um here and there no matter what work you do do because you know life has funny little ways of playing tricks on you and sometimes our nervous system doesn't know how to respond but i do think with the shocking your system something cold don't do hot duh but like getting in a really cold shower really quickly or dunking your face in cold water or even just like touching cold floor if it's winter outside like go put your feet into the

cold snow um and then also deep breathing exercises really really they work they work well in tandem how do you meet more stoner friends oh wherever you are bring a joint go outside to the cigarette area and light up I guarantee like eight people will swarm around you it is a risk like if you if anybody has like any sort of disease but like it's a risk that you have to take in order to make those stoner friends you know like I'm thinking about high school I met my stoner friends by being like who the hell is smoking in the living room of this party right now I am gonna go hang out with them and that's really where the concept of like this smoke sesh came from because it's like I remember the high school party days where it's like drinking sex

drugs and I really wasn't into the cocaine or molly at that point in time I was not ready to get into that the drinking yes but like I wasn't drinking so much I was blacking out in high school I definitely was drinking to get a buzz but really what I was focused on in high school was the weed so while these people were like fucking in random people's houses and their mom's bed and then like swinging from the chandeliers and like a lot of the parties we went to are very like honestly like not project x style but adjacent the cop two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk

21 kilometers in support of life-saving research together we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer register today at pmcfwalk.ca at volvo safety is not a feature it's our purpose rigorous crash testing decades of learning from real accidents innovations that help prevent accidents before they happen and help protect you when they occur going above and beyond industry standards a vision of zero collisions Volvo's legacy revolves around you because safety is about helping to keep you and everyone around you safe for life learn more at volvocars.ca slash safety it's always came duh um well all that crazy shit was going on I was always like where are these stoners head on a swivel who is pulling out weed who is it it's not going to be

me at a party because i did not have that much weed to share like me and my girls would smoke together on the way to the party and on the way back duh but like where's the weed who's smoking and whenever i would end up in those smoke circles it was always the randomest fucking people it was always always i'd be smoking with people and i'd be like i never thought you would smoke like i see you every single day in the hallway and i never thought you would smoke or i have no idea who you are you're from two towns over and you're not even smoking you're just like a nerd sitting on your phone like playing a video game in the corner like you just want to be a part of it I love that energy it's just like it kind of brings people together in that beautiful way

and then it always got to a point where like everybody's so high and then like talking about their trauma and I appreciate that too because it's like weed naturally kind of creates this safe space where it breaks down those barriers of like needing to perform and really puts yourself self into your body and into your head in a way that is kind of therapeutic if you have never done that before and it would be like the jocks like breaking down crying in the smoke sash and like the stoner girls being like it's okay babe you know like i'm sorry your dad doesn't love you but like i'll give you a hug you know but yeah if you want to make more stoner friends just like roll up and then present it at a party present it um outside in the smoking circle and just enjoy

someone said a man broke into my house and sniffed my ballet tights help how do you know that is spooky that is spooky and i need you to get a ring doorbell camera immediately i need you to change the locks immediately there's something about like having your shit gets stolen or getting broken into that feels you that gives you like that helpless feeling but you can retake that power back by at least protecting yourself in some sort of way like after getting my car stolen i'm not just gonna let my new car sit down there like regular ready to get taken best believe i bought like a club for my steering wheel and i have like multiple air tags multiple tracking devices in the car as well as the car is trackable like i am taking every precaution possible i'm also getting

full insurance this time instead of just liability so if it does get stolen i at least will get some money out of it or whatever my god but that's fucking crazy men are insane men are weird i hate them not not all the men getting angry at me me being like i hate you but yeah protect yourself okay get that ring doorbell camera immediately my girl my dad is so dumb he'll do like he's he's a feminist don't get me wrong but sometimes he'll do like the feminist reverse card where I was like oh I got an apple air tag so if we were talking about the apple air tag and if the apple air tag is like following you or someone puts an apple air tag in your car to track you or even if you do it to yourself your phone will alert you it'll be like

hey there's like an air tag in your area that's been following you which is good in the long run because I'm like well if a strange man wants to put an air tag in your car and follow you around my dad was like oh oh it's strange men not strange women I said yes he's like that's pretty sexist of you I said yes I said what I said and I stand by it dad I don't know he just likes to provoke me he doesn't mean it he's just a Gemini man who's like well well like bitch do not try me I said what I said and I mean it's because why are men breaking into women's houses to sniff their ballet tights i need them all locked up i know for a fact it was a man who stole my fucking car that's for sure someone said can you talk about festival season yes i can it's festival

season and i fear i need to go to a festival i've been to a festival in a long time and i miss it i miss it there's something about this year that i'm like i just want to be outside i just want to go to these festivals i want to go out i want to party i want to have a good time and i love love love a festival no matter what it is ideally i love a camping festival because you can truly immerse yourself into the experience if you're going to do any festival and it has a camping option do the camping option always you will have 10 times the amount of stories you will meet 10 times the amount of people you have 10 times amount of fun now if you are going to camp make sure you have shit to lock your stuff up okay i'll tell you what you think something's gonna

get stolen around your house no around your tent yes definitely okay make sure you're at least locking your shit up that's the only problem about camping or car camping at a festival is of course there's going to be thieves um but as long as your shit locks correctly or you put it away correctly you are good to go if you're going to do a festival camp always i thought about going to lala palooza this year but then of course it sold out duh so won't be going but also i thought about it i was like it doesn't have camping i don't know if i would enjoy as much if it doesn't have camping um like i would love to go to coachella i don't know how i get fucking tickets to that i ain't paying that money if you have an extra and you'd love to send me i'd

be happy to go i'll give you any promo you need babe please let me know but i think coachella be so fun for the camping factor and also just like for the headlining and space factor um it's a it's a large festival there's many places to run around and enjoy but yeah i really need to it to a festival I just have the desire to pull off some fits this year I've been building my clothing collection and I actually just went through all my clothing and I have so much good festival wear festival clothes if you want good inspo for a festival you know what I got to give my Australian baddies you know their their props because whenever I'm looking for clothing inspo for a festival i am always looking at the festivals that went on like three months ago

in australia during their summer and looking at what they were wearing so like beyond the valley or or groove in the moo or splendor in the grass like if you go to those instagrams and then go to like the tagged posts and you go through those baddies outfits girl the australians they are at least a year ahead of us i in everything especially with the festival outfits those girlies are doing it so if you need some good inspo go check out with australian girlies we're doing for their summer festivals as we have our summer festivals coming up i have to give them their props i truly learned festival style through the australian baddies so shout out to you girlies you truly are setting the bar and raising it but i source all of my festival clothing pretty much

vintage uh the crazier the better the mismatched the better the comfier the better you're gonna see a lot of baddies at coachella and these crazy outfits they are not enjoying their time okay their toes are bleeding they lost a toenail the the chains are digging into their skin they're not having a good time they're uncomfortable i think the best combo of festival outfit is cute and functional and comfortable okay the pieces need to make sense why are you wearing leather chaps at coachella it is hot as hell out there i know your thighs are chafing it doesn't make sense now little boy shorts to keep yourself cool makes sense pashmina okay to keep the dust out of your fucking eyes and to also like hide under if you're doing too many drugs

makes sense the face mask and the dust okay makes sense your eight inch demonia platforms to walk around coachella does not make sense local rave small little rave fantastic you're not walking around a lot but please for the love of god wear things that make sense that are functional and are also cute i do thrift a lot of these go to your local thrift stores make your stuff find your inspiration from the australian girlies and i promise you will look killer killer but i need you to a festival because the fits that i could pull out this year would be literally unstoppable now festivals are about music duh but i do think it's about like the experience more so if you can really focus on the experience side by side with the music you'll have such a like just a more fun

time now i'm not saying if you really want to get barrier for that one artist don't go for it like absolutely go for it but i don't think you need to be like the closest person in the crowd to have the most fun i think the people who have the most fun are the ones who are not afraid to be at the back not afraid to you know run set to set to go off on their own adventures to explore to have a good time to meet new people best way to meet new people at a festival you gotta have any sort of candy not like candy like eating candy duh hello bracelets little toys to give out little alien figurines little like have you seen like the sprout hair clips something to just hand out it's a great way to like break the ice and be like I fuck with your vibe can I give you something you will make

millions and millions and millions of friends and that's what I mean by I think the experience does beat the music I think the music brings the people to the experience but also don't be afraid if you're like I can't see the I can't see the the stage oh my gosh like I had a horrible awful time because I wasn't front row it's like you're having a horrible awful time because you're setting that precedent you're not allowing yourself to go and explore and have a great time if you're going with friends too you're gonna lose your friends it's bound to happen unless you're like tied together you're going to lose your friends the bigger group the better i do think because it gives people time to kind of you know step away if they need to or hang out with certain people you know mix and

match you can have a couple people stay in one place in the crowd and then everybody else can run off and then come back and then switch out if you can make a totem with a group of people that's super fun great bonding experience but eventually you're going to lose your friends you're going to lose cell service don't stress it out you will find them eventually focus on the adventure run around be your little forest fairy that you want to be you know meet new people say hi go dance with that fire dancer go on that ferris wheel by yourself go to that art installation by yourself experience turn your fucking phone off experience that's truly what the beauty of a festival is and that's why I say camping is kind of like a camping festival is top tier because

the experience extends but yes I'm like fiending like itching to go to a festival this year if you have any recommendations or great ones let me know one of my patreon members actually suggested doing like live podcasts from festivals and hosting like a safe space like that people can go to and just sit and enjoy like your tripping balls like come hang out with me at the smoke sesh like I'll talk you down you know what I mean um I think that could be so so fun so if anybody has any connections to let me know but also i would love to just like go to a festival alone pashmina sunglasses on like and just be a person in a crowd you know lose myself a little bit it's so so cathartic and so nice and you don't you don't have to do drugs at festivals you don't

i understand there's a lot of drug culture at festivals but if i was gonna go to one now i would probably just drink and smoke and still have as much of a good time as i did when i was on like a tab of acid in molly like girl you don't need all that to have a good time and if you do need that to have a good time that is a red flag please if you're getting anything test it test test test test test it there is some boof shit out there i don't need any of you dying period okay testing kits are free they have testing kits at any single festival you go to you can go to probably like the the there's always like a testing tent but also i'm sure you can go to the um first aid tent and find a testing kit you can order them online for free but like please for the love of god be safe

and have fun oh festival season what a fun season it sounds like a lot of my girlies are going through finals right now and are studying studying studying so if you need that dose of motivation get it done girls you better lock the fuck in you better study harder than you ever have studied before it's gonna suck it's gonna hurt it's like running eight miles your your muscle is aching you're basically on the verge of tears I don't care you have to get to that finish line and finish the best you can as long as you finish and you did everything that you could then how can you feel bad about yourself in the end of it you know what I mean that's how my studying always went it's like I'm just gonna push myself and do as much as I possibly can and simply finish the

fucking exam whatever grade comes after that is whatever grade that comes after that but when i always just like locked in and did the best i could and understand that at least i did everything in my power to prepare myself as best as i could my grades were always great they were so you guys better get that fucking pen pencil paper put that phone down hand write those note cards those study cards sit in that library for eight hours make sure you're eating and drinking and sleeping please for the love of god don't drive yourself insane you're gonna have those mental breakdowns good things never come easy but if you're listening to this podcast i know you can fucking do it bitch and then it'll be over okay it's like getting a shot it's like god damn this

sucks you're kind of hyping yourself up oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh and then it happens you're like that was slightly painful and then you're like wow it's done and then you can enjoy your summer ah how fun am i the asshole for wanting to go to prom with my friends instead of my boyfriend no but do nobody go to proms as like groups anymore I'm confused like when I went to prom there was like 12 of us like it was a fat group like it was my whole entire friend group probably 15 plus the significant others you know and of course there was like a couple couples with their boyfriend girlfriend like they're taking photos alone but then also the boyfriend and girlfriend are getting in the photos with the rest of us like hello I think that's how you

should probably go about it i don't think you should i do think you're the asshole if you're like i don't want to go to prom with you and you're fully dating like you guys can go to prom together and also with your friends your boyfriend should be able to get along with your friends enough to go in a group together to prom and if he can then that's a problem you know you can do best of both worlds here but i think the people who had the most fun at prom were not the couples going alone i think it was the big ass friend groups who was like we're renting a party bros we're you know all going out to dinner together we're all spending time together and then we're going out together afterwards to somebody's house to party like that was the best way to do it

someone said have you seen yellow jackets we need to talk about it yeah the shows that me and my boyfriend are currently watching right now are yellow jackets white lotus which we just finished r.i.p and then um we started watching this new show called paradise it's okay i feel like it's pretty like guessable maybe i'm just like so smart no um i have yet to like really really get into it but if you need a good i need people to actually watch this show from if you have not seen from i'm so scared that they'll never renew it and then i will never know what happens even though they're on season four it is so fucking good but yes we're watching yellow jackets and i will be a shauna hater until the day i die because that bitch does not need to be that fucking insane

like she is crazier than the one who is actually mentally ill running the cult so like i don't know i just i cannot stand that bitch she is so annoying and that's all i have to say that's all i have to say is there gonna be another season after this there's only one more episode and i'm like there's no way they can wrap it all up but i feel so bad for these girls like set them free my god feeling like i can't catch a break no matter what i do is something in retrograde or something yeah yeah it actually is we have two retrogrades going on mercury is in retrograde in aries and pisces until april 7th and venus is also in retrograde in aries and pisces until april 12th so a lot of the girlies who are like breakup tips i'm dreaming about him again that's

because venus is in retrograde it does not mean anything those dreams you're having about your ex-situationship do not mean anything it is a test from the universe to see if you're weak and you will text them again it is not a sign of god for you to text them it does not mean they're thinking about you it does not mean they want you back in their life if they wanted you back in their life they would have said it to you in person face to face or at least over text they would have made it very very clear you having a dream about them does not mean they're energetically tied to you does not mean your curse does not mean they're thinking about you does not mean they're supposed to be in your life it is the universe unfortunately testing us the hard way to see if we'll go back to

things that will continuously hurt us if you're going through a breakup right now though i do think it's what's supposed to be happening last breakup i went through was also in a venus retro grade and ultimately it was the best thing to ever happen to me it was because of like a lot of crazy things happening all at once that it was just like breaking point we gotta end it i gotta get over this like we have i cannot be with you anymore and it was very very hard to go through but i do think it was very worth it so if you were going through a breakup right now are you thinking about going through a breakup right now i do ultimately think of venus retrograde is a good time to do so because it's probably showing you what's truly in front of you and people's true

colors and it's probably showing you the exit as well when you are seeing those things so follow that exit sign clearly and concisely stay strong beside yourself and what you truly need now when mercury is in retrograde in aries mercury retrograde is truly all about just like reflection redirection reconfiguration when the planet of communication rational thinking and gathering data appears to move backwards in the sky we are invited to slow down restructure our mindset and refinish unfinished business so it feels like things are kind of getting dug up again it's because you never fully healed from that thing you never fully figured that thing out you never fully like got closure and this is your time to do so this is your time to kind of cut those cords

cut those ties figure shit out lay the groundwork so then when mercury retrograde stops you're able to move forward a little bit more stable now in aries i do think it's with that fiery energy it's really challenging us to kind of not be so fast-paced and forward and like angry and assertive and it's really challenging us to pause and slow down and think before we speak think before those actions to not let that aggression build up inside of us so much that we explode and it also might make things feel now a little bit more chaotic and aggressive than usual emotions might be heightened feelings might be heightened situations might be heightened like my 30 minute life recap from the beginning of the week but if you can really take it step by step and figure out each step as it

comes i think it makes these uh more implosive retrogrades a bit more manageable so please for the love of god slow down focus on what's in front of you don't overwhelm yourself with the big picture don't get involved with the pettiness or the drama and focus on you keep it pushing if you got to stay inside during this time because you're a little too aggressive you got to stay inside during this time you know and then since it's retrograding pisces the 29th to the 7th uh focus on emotions intuition what is the universe trying to tell you what is revisiting you from your past that maybe you didn't fully heal from what kind of relationships are you experiencing that are not fully satisfying you or you don't feel yourself in this is kind of working side by side or tandem

with the venus retrograde which is making these you know relationship emotions a bit more heightened as well it's also challenging us to pause slow down and grow with the universe not against it okay listen to that intuition you know what you want you know it deep down in your heart and your soul why are you running away from it all right i love you all so much wow this is such a cathartic podcast where it's like i gotta get on here and just like be an experience and also like you know share my lessons and the things that I'm learning from and my hardships and hopefully you give you guys a bit of peace by having a friend to go through it with you know getting on here truly feels like hanging out with my best friends and being able to have that safe space to just be and

feel and experience life side by side together wow and what an amazing community to do so with so thank you to every single one of you for being here for standing with me for appreciating me I appreciate you tenfold just showing up every week and also just like wanting to be the best that you can possibly be what is ultimately better than that if you're in finals stay strong okay i believe in you girlies if you're being tested by the universe this retrograde take some deep breaths all right everything will eventually work out there's no choice there's no choice everything will work out i promise you and it'll always work out better than you ever could have imagined but i love you if you want to see more from me follow me on instagram at hannah marlene

i have a little bit of content coming out this week in a new recipe um and if you want to support me or see more from me i do extra episodes every single week where i answer every single one of your questions on patreon patreon.com slash smoke slash shawty i'm gonna do more of like a retrograde write-up as well we have some catching up to do for the week manifestation mondays i also have a new book club book i'm finally gonna read the uh newest hunger games book i'm very excited about that i need a book to just dive into to kind of forget about the chaos of my life and i think you'll be perfect for that. But that being said, love you all so much. Stay sane, stay sexy, and I'll see you all next week.

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