Smoke Sesh - balance, summer flings, rejection & redirection

Episode Date: May 20, 2025

hello hotties and happy Tuesday! excited to be back with you all, we have a lot to talk about! today we chat what I've been up to, patience, tattoo apprentice, service industry, rejection, redirection, limited beliefs, believing in yourself, staying hard working, waiting for them to text first, summer flings, loving for a season, how to grow your glutes, diet and workout, help! im dry, low libido, hormones, waking up early, doing it tired, living a balanced lifestyle, man hater, bad first date, 50/50, do I believe in a soul mate, graduation, harnessing the summer energy and much much more! if you want your question answered follow me on insta at hannahmarlene and join the patreon for more pod eps and content at patreon.com/smokeseshshawty, stay sane and ill see you all soon! MUAH!

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Download the Remitly app today and keep your long-distance game strong. Remitly. Trusted by millions to send billions worldwide. Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash, so come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life, the good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. hello hotties of the world and welcome back to another sexy little fun episode of smoke sesh

my name is hannah your host and i'm so excited to be back with you all on this sleepy little rainy tuesday that we have going on in kansas city right now the midwest has been ransacked by storms recently you didn't hear about the tornadoes in St. Louis that have been going down we have been getting the brunt of that storm front here recently which honestly I mean outside of the whole tornadoes end of the world disaster kind of vibes has been pretty nice it's been getting very fucking hot here lately and I just love a moment to slow down to chill to be inside a little bit i love that nature kind of forces us to really roll with the punches and the same way nature takes moments to you know water themselves shut down a little bit sometimes we need that as well

and i have been busy busy busy busy little b recently i'm about to turn 26 so i'm like holy shit let me schedule every single doctor's appointment possible let me get my life in check in every single way that I possibly can think of and it has been overwhelming but let me tell you it feels so nice to cross things off my to-do list that I have been meaning to do forever there's something about the task paralysis that I've been dealing with and like trying to fight and trying to learn how it affects me since I was like hmm born hello and I just I get overwhelmed with big tasks and I kind of psych myself out of them when in reality they are the easiest things known to man like bitch go to the doctor go to the dentist go drop that shit off

go mail a letter it's so easy it takes like five minutes of your time why are you psyching yourself out and I think it's mostly just because of my anxiety condition which I'm hoping to heal here soon I have my first ever therapist appointment in a while in a while not first ever ever but I have it tomorrow and I'm very excited for that I am forcing myself to go in person because I know that when there's a screen in front of me and this is why I hate like interacting with people like whether it's an interview or you know doctor's appointment like telehealth things even counseling therapy I hate interacting between a screen because you're trying to diagnose the human body the humanness of us and I feel like when there's a screen in between those

things it really it really just diminishes that connection that I think is so important so I'm holding myself accountable to go in person so I feel a little bit more connected to my therapist and then maybe I'm a little bit more open to just opening up in general but I'm very excited for that because my anxiety has been a little bit hectic lately and I talked about this last episode but I have been just trying to mitigate my anxiety that in the best possible ways that I can really think of which is accomplishing those hard tasks when they find their way to me doing them despite the fear understanding that no one's going to get it done but me so just getting the fuck up and doing it scared anyways unfortunately that is how

adulting works and that's really one of the biggest lessons i've learned this year which is like no one's gonna fucking hold your hand no one's gonna do it for you i know it's scary but like it is i fear the only step so get the fuck up and do it so then you can sit back rest and relax afterwards so we are just accomplishing big big things nothing super crazy to update you guys on I pretty much worked all weekend which set me free from the service industry please set me free from the service industry I know I recommend the service industry for people who are like I need quick cash now I need to work a shift to make $200 yup that is the job for you babe but join the service industry like it truly will be hell on earth but you will you will walk away with so

much money which is why people get trapped in it because the money is just so good and you go to your shift and it's it's like an eight hour shift you blink it's over because you're just so incredibly busy the entire time but it truly is starting to take a toll on like my body and my mental health and I'm like nearing my wits end with the whole service industry experience of my life and I know I'm nearing the end so I'm really just milking it for what I can working as many shifts as possible making as much money as I can until I completely burn out and know that I will need to quit so that's really all I have been up to a couple of you guys have been asking about my tattoo journey my tattoo apprenticeship journey and it's something that

I've been working on for a while I know you've probably heard me talk about it a million times now you're like babe where's the job hello you and me both are asking this I just finished my portfolio which I feel pretty confident in the thing about a portfolio is whether you're applying for art school or applying for any sort of job in the art field I think it's important especially for me personally like if I was grading art portfolios to show not only your style but also to show that you can do a wide array of styles that you know the fundamentals of art you know color lines shading shape space things like that that you're aware of how that works and especially when it comes to tattooing aware of how that would work on somebody's body that you can understand

the different styles of tattooing that maybe you don't hone yourself in on one style but you're willing to open yourself up and work on so many different other things so that took me quite some time to do because i am a perfectionist yes safe to say but i just finished my portfolio so it is time uh so scary it's time to start pitching myself to tattoo shops um that's one of the things my anxiety has kind of psyched me out on i am not afraid of rejection i just get tired of it easily i mean we as humans of course are going to get fucking exhausted by rejection and as we all know the job market sucks right now but I'm hoping I'm hoping a little bit since the job market sucks and I'm assuming less people have less money for tattoos then maybe there's a tattoo

artist out there who has more free time on their hands to take an apprentice under their wing because essentially you are teaching them the basics of how to become an artist for free and then the apprentice is basically working in the shop sending things up scheduling things whatever it may take to ultimately pay off that teaching so I know it'll be a big gig I know it'll be something that I really have to commit myself to and I'm hoping and praying when I do finally put myself out there that there is somebody who is kind enough to maybe help me out show me the ropes and take me under their wing but yes oh rejection if you are going through the job application phase I'm sure you know that sentiment quite dearly quite dearly job market right now shit it really

is just it's it's not great and a lot of people are facing a lot more rejection than they're used to so let me tell you the key the way to kind of get over rejection are you ready are you ready don't take it personally don't do not take anything regarding work personally ever it's called work for a reason it's not called your life's desire it's called it's called a work it's called a job and I fear the more personally you take it the worst time you're going to have especially when it comes to your job and especially when it comes to applying for jobs and being rejected you being rejected for a job has nothing to do with your heart and your soul you being rejected for a job has nothing to do with your persona with who you are as a person it truly has

everything to do with the company and if you are rejected by a place the best thing you can really do especially for your mental health and your mental well-being and to keep the momentum to keep the ball rolling is to not take it personally and take it as a redirection if they don't want you and this is this goes for all aspect of things specifically jobs but it can go for relationship friendships if they don't want you you are not supposed to be there period point blank I know in your mind you're like I've I've had this fantasy of working at this place is my dream job and I have just I really need a job and I've been wanting this forever sure yes valid I'm sure a monk out there would hit you over the head and say desire is the root cause of all suffering

but if they don't want you you are not supposed to be there very simple very easy you need to get that through your brain and remove the ego of it all remove the attachment remove that desire and understand the right place will see you for who you are and hire you anyways the right lover will see you for who you are and love you with all your flaws specifically right now i'm going through this as i have been house hunting i know talking about the house hunting a lot i have had such a desire to move out of my apartment and i've kind of come to the conclusion that i just it's not gonna happen i don't think it's gonna happen if it does happen that would be amazing that would be wonderful lovely fantastic but i've really been house hunting for the past five months now and i'm

talking as soon as a house hits zillow truly a red fin realtors.com i am setting up an appointment and touring that house 15 minutes later it's booked it's gone sorry somebody already put a deposit down bitch how the fuck somebody already put a deposit down when i am the first person to even step foot in this fucking house like people still have shit in boxes they're still moving out what the actual fuck and a part of me was really frustrated by that oh i wanted to do this thing I wanted I saw this vision I saw this future me living in a house and out of this apartment blah blah blah blah blah it really hit me over the head yesterday when I toured a place and it was just okay and I keep touring all these okay places and I was like it's just not gonna work it's not gonna

work I I'm it's not gonna work and that is okay but what can I do in this moment to make where I am now good positive and joyful experience how can I make where I am now how can I flip that negative into a positive so honestly that has been a really good lesson especially going into the soon-to-be rejection phase of life where I am going to be pitching myself to a lot of shops and probably getting turned down a lot has nothing to do with me the right place will say yes determination goes a long way don't get down on yourself it literally has nothing to do with you personally and especially when it comes to art it can feel very very personal but it's like a lot of the times oh maybe they just don't have availability maybe they just don't have space

maybe they're too booked up they already have an apprentice blah blah blah blah there's a lot of factors outside of you that have nothing to do with you that are probably the root cause of why they're saying no so stop taking it personally stop attaching it to ego or you're going to suffer forever free yourself from your suffering it's okay to hear no it's okay to hear you're not the right fit it's okay to hear this isn't going to work are you going to sit down and cry and suffer and dream of oh but what could have been what could have been and stay in the past are you going to get the fuck up keep persevering and go find a place that's actually going to say yes to you that's actually going to work out for you that's going to help you take that next step

forward into your future the last person you need to give up on is yourself stay strong for yourself rejection is just redirection truly and i've kind of realized that because i have been touring all these houses and it's like you know rejection rejection rejection not that i'm like applying and getting rejected it's just like these houses get practically stolen up real quick i'll tell you that and i paused yesterday after touring this house early in the morning and i looked around my apartment i was like you know what i i do love my apartment i really do i think there's just some small things that i want to fix up and i want to change and why the fuck a have i not done it and b why don't i just ask my landlord so i was like okay redirection let's look at where i am now

let's let's kind of adjust what we have control over and i emailed my landlord i was like hey a i want to paint the walls if you can't tell like looking to my whatever shoulder left right i'm not sure the camera's gonna flip as soon as i upload this the bookshelf next to me if you were a visual uh visual listener um the walls are yellow all of the walls from my apartment are butter yellow which is time accurate to the historical painting of what it was when it was first purchased because my landlord really likes to stay historically accurate period king we love a historically accurate apartment but the butter yellow walls are making me feel like i'm in a sane asylum like i'm rocking back and forth like please let me out so why don't i just paint the

walls emailed him hey hey king may i paint the walls and also i think there's mold in my closet can you come fix that he's like yeah sure you can paint the walls i don't give a fuck just make sure you don't paint the fucking floor and yeah we'll come check out check out the mold wow wow how easy was that how easy was that take the redirection ride the wave adjust what you can control try and make it a better place now i'm like so excited to throw on a pair of overalls and paint my fucking walls so it feels a little bit more like my home rejection is redirection look at what you can control around you don't take it personally truly it literally it literally is never personal and the more personal you associate it with yourself the more you're going to suffer enjoy what you

have appreciate you for who you are hold yourself to a level that you know you are at celebrate yourself and no one saying no to you will ever affect you period but yeah tattoo journey i need to go start pitching myself I'm hoping to just take like a full week and just like lock in and go to a hundred million bajillion different shops and I might vlog it I might do like a come get rejected with me vlog so stay tuned for that I'm hoping to have some more time on my hands as well once I finally quit the service industry to vlog and do YouTube because that's truly what I'm creatively called to I love making content I love just bringing you guys along with me in my life i have been obsessed with i think her name is vanilla vanilla mace i think is she's a twitch

streamer youtuber she cracks me the fuck up and i'm like i love this she's inspiring i would love to do shit like her like i would love to just make silly little videos and hang out with you guys and bring a little bit of joy to your life she kills me but yeah that's what's been going on in my life that's your little life lesson for the day enough of my rambling i truly just had like eight shots of espresso this morning and it's just go time in my brain but enough of me enough of me let's get into what you guys have on your minds my boyfriend had a really hard time with me when we were first dating because he's just okay scorpio male scorpio male yes that's what i'm dealing with that's what i'm dealing with on an everyday basis yeah someone pray for me anyways and i'm a gemini

but he was like he had a really hard time with me when i was uh when we were first dating because he's like you would look me in the eyes and tell me one thing and then 30 minutes later you look me in the eyes and tell me the exact opposite and it was so confusing just like about how i felt i'd be like i hate guacamole and then like two minutes later i'm like munching down on a bowl and he's staring at me like what the fuck is this bitch going through you know what i mean not me being like i hate yellow i hate yellow walls and i'm wearing a matching bright ass yellow tracksuit velour tracksuit bitch two things can exist at one time you know what that's the one thing you got to get about the gemini brain and that's why i think i give such

good good is one way of putting it solid understanding answers is because truly i and see every perspective always always do you have any tips slash tricks for how you deal with limiting beliefs i love your tips so much oh thank you you know what i try the best i can i realized i use a lot of metaphors euphemisms i don't know what the term is essentially like imaginary scenarios to help put a big broad idea into a simpler term this is how i view limiting beliefs limiting beliefs is like okay so you're standing in front of a well with a bucket and you're standing next to a person who also has a bucket have you ever seen a well before you all know what a fucking well is i don't know new age of technology the wells are going out of style i

don't know if the girlies know what wells are anymore bitch you're like yes we fucking do shut up anyways so you and this other person are standing in front of the well and you both have a bucket and you're trying to get water now what the thing with wells is they're so fucking deep in the ground and the water's so deep in the ground that you kind of are just like guessing you know what i mean the person next to you has limited beliefs about themselves the person next to you doesn't believe in themselves they don't believe that they can do the things they get down on themselves whatever they go to drop their bucket in the water and they lower their bucket into the darkness they lower their bucket into the darkness they keep lowering and lowering and

they're like you know what there's just no water the well's dry there's no water there's no water i'm done they quickly pull that bucket back up drop throw the bucket on the ground walk away they didn't get any water you you have no limited beliefs you believe in yourself endlessly you know that anything that you want you can make happen you slowly lower your bucket into the well you lower and you lower and you lower and you lower and you know what there's no water yet there's no water yet but like what the fuck you already have the bucket in the well you might as well just keep lowering the fucking bucket keep lowering the bucket keep going keep going keep going like wow i'm lowering this bucket for a long time should i just stop maybe the other person was

right you know what fuck it we're still here let's just keep lowering lowering lowering lowering bam water splish splash bitch fill your bucket up pull it back up since you stayed there longer you believed in yourself you put a little extra effort in guess what now you got a gallon bucket of water to take home to the family whereas the other person next to you went home dry as fuck that is what limiting beliefs does to yourself the water is there the water is there that dream you have that degree you want to accomplish that small business you want to start that belief in yourself is there it is there how much time and energy and belief are you willing to put in yourself in order to achieve it because you can't achieve anything i truly believe that

i really do and you know what if you were a negative ass person and a hater you're gonna to sit here and be like that's a dumb belief you can't do anything you want to do well maybe you can't but i can oh very simple simple simple simple in this life if you want to go far if you want to achieve those dreams those ideas that you have in your head the only thing that you need is to believe in yourself to keep lowering that fucking bucket to stand strong beside yourself to not listen to the noise around you of oh well the well's just dry just pull it back up oh the limiting belief of oh you just shouldn't be doing this maybe it's not going to work out blah blah blah blah blah listen to what your heart and your soul desires and go after it that rejection that

you face the people being like you're not good enough we don't want you here whatever it is cool guess what redirection i don't want to be around your negative negative ass people anyways i'm going to keep persevering i'm going to keep trying things i'm going to keep putting myself out there you will achieve that eventually you will fill your bucket up eventually it is just how bad you want it and how much patience you are willing to have to stand strong beside yourself patience with yourself is very important the same way that we have patience with a child like you can't just snap at a child for being upset about something the same way you can't snap at yourself for being upset about something if you want something and you desire something

and you know you are passionate about something you need to have patience for those dreams and those goals it might not happen on the exact timeline that you want you know you may be stand in that fucking well for 20 days lower in that bucket but like eventually you will hit that water eventually you will achieve that thing how much patience do you have in yourself how much desire do you have in that dream and how much confidence and understanding do you have that everything that you want will become reality for yourself that is my metaphor for the day but limiting beliefs are just so it's so frustrating and i had a lot of limited beliefs about myself and I realized that they were placed not by me I have always felt that I had that dreamlike

childlike wonder within myself and I always had big lofty goals and dreams I could do anything I always believed that but the people around me were what was putting that fucking noise in my head so think about who your inner critic is where does that stem from how can you silence that noise you know who put those beliefs in yourself that you can't do that thing and how can you kind of reverse that how can you release yourself from that curse that those other people put on you and reconnect with that childlike wonder because i think that's something that is so pure and innocent that i think all people need to carry within themselves but there's always that one fucked up person that kind of comes through and kills that for you so face that inner critic

head on release that negativity and fill up your fucking bucket bitch get in front of the well put some work you will achieve that dream same thing with my tattoo apprenticeship i don't know i talk to my parents all the time they put a lot of limiting beliefs in me but it's more so on the side of caution it wasn't that they didn't believe i couldn't do it it's just that they wanted stability for me which is something that i've never sought out for myself personally um which is something maybe i should seek out for myself but you know i went up to them i'm like oh yeah I'm working on my tattoo portfolio and they're like well how much a tattoo artist makes are you even gonna get one and I quickly realized whoa I need to not share some things with them and also

like they're definitely the people who put these limiting beliefs in myself and that I need to I need to stop listening to that harsh criticism because it's not based in reality I know what's going on I know how to do it I know that I will get it done and truly that is the only belief system that I need to listen to that actually makes sense that will help me achieve this thing I know I will get that tattoo apprenticeship eventually will it be in a day will it be in a week will it be in who knows how long you know like there's no way to guess but every step forward that you take every action that you put forth will get you one step closer will get you one step further down that path closer to that water closer to that full bucket very country of me to bring up

wells what the hell i guess speaking of rejection how do i not worry about getting a text back from a man love you dearly queen if that man's not texting you back he truly doesn't give a fuck about you truly truly two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research together we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer register today at pmcfwalk.ca this episode is brought to you by accenture when your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture

are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. Oh, I just fell asleep. Oh, I had a late night out with the boys oh sorry sorry it's been a day i've just been so caught up with football and my job and like hanging out with the boys but shut the actual fuck up if he wanted anything to do with you he would be locked into that text conversation as if it was paying a hundred dollars an hour i don't make the rules i just observe what is truth and tell you what the

fuck's going on if you are worried about receiving a text back from a man you have your priorities wrong you know who should really be worried about receiving that text back that man and if you are not getting a text back take it for what it is which is he doesn't care and also why are you so feeling like you need to be so attached to a person who doesn't care about you work on that mother wound work on that father wound work on that whatever grandparent wound look work on who hurt you and why you feel the need to prove yourself to somebody who doesn't care if you live or die that's what i need you to do the only person you should be obsessed with is if they are obsessed with you if they are actually giving you attention responding back how are you doing this

morning how is your lunch what are you doing for dinner we should hang out that's that's the energy you need that's the energy you need to be obsessed with if he's not responding if you have gone five six seven eight twelve hours without a text message if he only hits you up at 3 a.m or 12 p.m if he only wants to hang out at night if he only wants to hang out in his bedroom that man just wants to fuck and if that's the vibe you're on then absolutely babe go for it see the situation for what it is but that man's not a boyfriend that man doesn't want to love you and i think i know that you're deserving of love if you're going to be obsessed with everything don't be obsessed with a man texting you back be obsessed with yourself speaking of i guess someone asked

summer flings uh summer flings are great i think i love a summer fling i do not that i've had one in like decades i feel like an old woman but like i think they're so underrated i think more people should have summer flings i think they are so fun and sexy and flirty and if you need to have just like a little bit of fun but you don't want to settle down wow summer fling great great opportunity okay you basically are like boyfriend and girlfriend for three months and you know it's going to end eventually and it's probably going to be the biggest heartbreak of your entire life but you will like years in the future look back on that moment for like with appreciation and like thanking yourself for knowing that you you only had this person for a season of your life but you

loved them and you enjoyed your time with them as much as you possibly can let's talk about what makes somebody a great summer fling if they're texting you back if they're responding to you promptly if they are excited to be with you if you guys are hanging out all the time if you're kind of entering that like obsessed boyfriend girlfriend stage quickly you know what i mean me and my boyfriend kind of went into our beginning of our relationships definitely assuming it was going to be a summer fling it was kind of just like we hung out one time we became obsessed with each other we looked each other in the eyes and we were like no like this is it we're going to be fucking each other for a little bit for sure like we're together we are

going to be hanging out and that's what it was we did everything together we went on a trip to Colorado together we spent so much fucking time together constantly talking constantly hanging out that's what makes a good summer fling you got to have that obsessive energy going back and forth it has to come from both places otherwise one person has an excess of energy and they're kind of feeding into a black hole a void and you're going to become a shell of a person if you're doing that I don't think the men who just want to fuck and then not respond to you are going to make good summer flings a great summer fling is somebody who's like I want to know you as best as possible and have a great time with you for as much time as you allow me to experience with you

you know like let's have fun until it's not fun anymore that's the energy you need for a good summer fling you also need somebody who wants to leave the fucking house what the fuck is a summer fling that you're only hanging out in their bed I've definitely had a summer fling like that where it's like girl it is 95 and sunny outside why the fuck am I not in a bikini at the pool and why am i naked in your bed that has no sheets and you don't want to leave you don't want to leave this hot ass sweaty ass bed what the fuck is going on i'm bored i'm bored a summer fling is not going to have you bored they're going to be like let's go to the park let's go do this thing what do you want to do do you want to go out you want to go to the pool blah blah blah and if you're the person

with the ideas which i think there has to be like one idea man if you're the person with ideas and you're like let's go do this let's go try this let's go strawberry picking let's go you know to the market they're gonna be like yeah let's fucking go i'm down let's do it a summer fling is always down always down they kind of just are like a seasonal boyfriend you know think a seasonal job seasonal boyfriend but you both know it's coming to an end now when it comes to the end of the summer fling you really need to know what it is you really need to hold those boundaries in place because the summer fling should not exist outside of the summer and if you stay with a summer fling you will quickly quickly realize that now i know i said my boyfriend we were only supposed to be a

summer fling well that's because we continued into the winter the fall the next spring and we were still having fun the summer fling that's only supposed to exist in the summer fling quickly becomes not fun outside of the summer you know maybe it's like okay well I'm just in my hometown for the summer now I've moved now I've gone back to college oh we want to stay together we want to do long distance it's not fun anymore you know like it was only fun for that season it's okay to have people in your life that you're like I we're only going to have fun for a season this is really only going to be great for a season and accept that for what it is because then you're not dragging it along you're not trying to force it into something that it's not and you truly are

able to appreciate that good time for what it's supposed to be make the most of it have as much fun as possible but also understand like okay maybe that's not going to exist in the future maybe this person's not going to be somebody that i carry with me in the future i see a lot of people also going on like um like study abroad trips and they'll have study abroad boyfriends study abroad boyfriends are very similar to summer fling boyfriends you know what i mean where it's like I'm here in your country for six months and I'm going to be attached to you by the hip and you're going to show me around and we're going to have a fun little hot sexy time but as soon as I book that flight and like I take off into that next step of life I know you're not probably supposed

to exist with me but I really appreciate you for that time that we did spend together and I appreciate you for that love that you gave me and that good time that we had but I know that the future is probably not going to include you you don't have to say that out loud but i do think you should kind of keep that knowledge in the back of your head the entire time it's going to be hard it's going to be a lot of fun it's going to be hot sexy sweaty find yourself a summer fling enjoy your time be connected but also like disconnected at the same time exist on that like medium level plane of life and most importantly what the most important rule is for a summer fling have fun if you're not having fun they need to leave your life expeditiously unhinged tips for what to eat to

gain weight fast like get a big ass okay i've talked about this before but truly truly the best thing to get a fat ass is avocados it is it's they're perfect they're perfect i gained my ass from a i realized i gained a lot of fat in my ass but i didn't have it shaped so i gained the fat in my ass by eating a ton of avocados in any form avocado toast i would fry up bell peppers and onions and then mozzarella cheese and do like a veggie quesadilla with like a bunch of guacamole on the side or chips and guacamole for lunch as much avocados as I could physically fit in my body so good um that puts so much fat on my ass in a really amazing way like thank you avocados for doing that for me um and then how I kind of shaped it which both of this was unintentional

I just really really enjoy avocados and then I shaped it by um the job I work I am always running up and down the stairs i looked at my the like stair counter thing on my phone because it'll show you how many flights you ran i did 110 flights of stairs on friday 110 110 flights of stairs yeah my knee is like fucked up like i said my body is shutting down from this job 110 flights of stairs i didn't realize it really helped like solidify everything back there but get on the stair master i think the stair master in combination with avocados aka healthy fats truly will give you a bbl without the fifty thousand dollar surgery and five months of having to heal you will have a fake kardashian ass but it's real and that's kind of a flex why am i not

horny anymore i don't feel right for your for real i'm 20 and not horny i feel numb as fuck okay did i write this question did i i don't know what's been going on and i was supposed to go to the doctor last week for my iud checkup she's in the right place don't worry i think i was having insane ovulation cramps for some reason anyways I had to reschedule because I showed up for my appointment and they were like oh yeah we meant to call you your doctor who she's an ob-gyn um I I go my women's health doctors at ob-gyn because I want to see somebody who knows like the full broad spectrum of women's health um they're like oh yeah one of her patients went into active labor this morning so she's at the hospital I was like you know what that is more important than what I

have going on valid so I had to reschedule I think it's next week but that's also one thing that I want to bring up like I just my libido has completely plummeted and it's not so in like a scary way I am like still horny like I can still get wet I can still like if the if all the elements are right like we're good but I'm not as like crazy horny as I was when I was younger and now that i'm saying that i think that's normal now that i'm saying that i genuinely believe that's normal i think it's probably supposed to level out because the horniness that i was feeling when i was like with like teens to early 20s was like girl you do not need to be putting those yourself in that situation just because you're ovulating like you do that is scary that is scary you do

not need to be doing those things just because you're horny like please for the love of god like save yourself truly start praying to god i don't know what it is but like ovulation is taking me to places that i wouldn't even go with a gun now like so maybe it's for the best that it's kind of leveled out but i do know that my horniness does kind of come and go and fluctuate with the cycle that i'm in which is why i think cycle tracking is so important especially when it comes to like random pains and ailments and moods specifically so it's not so much of a jump scare every month because oddly enough you would think when I'm ovulating like I am so incredibly horny like please for the love of god just like stuff me full but now that I'm ovulating like

when I'm ovulating I'm like don't touch me don't look at me like I'm too good to be looked at you know what i mean but the week before i'm ovulating i am like so incredibly horny and then when i'm on my period i'm kind of just like neutral and then when i'm after my period it starts to like go back up so tracking your cycle is important so it's not so much of a jump scare and also if you're having that week where you're like wow i'm the sahara desert i just don't want to be touched or looked at you can kind of check those symptoms and see if they correlate uh similarly to last month and the month before that i use the stardust app i really really enjoy it for tracking because not only does it track your period but you can track like sore boobs ovulation pain uh flow

discharge um mood things like that you can track every symptom you're having and i love that as like a very observant person so yeah so then it's not so much of like a what the fuck's happening to me every single month because we as women go through so much and if if we can do one thing for ourselves to kind of ease that jump scare it's just be aware be aware of what's going on I think being aware of your body is powerful and knowledge is powerful so the more that you can give yourself that and like not not be afraid of the process that you're going through the easier time you will have I feel like since since being a woman and having your period and all of that is based so much in pain I took it took a long time for me to want to address it because when you're in pain

you don't want to address it you know like it's something that you don't really want to take on or understand it's kind of something you want to get over and since it is so painful I kind of was very avoidant of like woman-ness in general for a long time until I realized like wow being aware of your cycle being aware of how hormones affect you um and just having that knowledge about yourself truly is powerful and does bring a lot of peace of mind a lot a lot a lot a lot now i do have some just like active tips for you know elevating your horniness a like having a partner you like not me my last my last long-term relationship i was like i think i'm asexual no girl you just hate your boyfriend like i don't think you are i think you just want his dick

nowhere near you and like valid but if you're in a long-term relationship and you're feeling that way and you're feeling that way constantly like maybe it's not a you problem and maybe it's a them problem it maybe it's a them problem i mean talk that out with your partner please don't cheat on anybody and you know handle that yourself but sometimes it can be that bad partners bad sex in general of course if you know you're not getting dicked down right you're not gonna want to get dicked down or like even with girls like if if you're not gonna get your pussy ate correctly then why would you want to get your pussy ate so that also I think um unfortunately I know annoying working out really does help with your libido it does help with the hormones and just

like building up positive chemicals in your brain and also regenerating energy and when I was doing pilates consistently I was hornier than I have been ever truly I also think that correlated with I just felt better about my body so I felt more comfortable during sex I felt powerful strong I a bounce on top a little longer you know what I mean girls but yeah unfortunately working out does help now at my job I feel like I work out every single time I clock in for a shift so I kind of stop Pilates and it still has the same effect as a full body workout but yes if you are living a sedimentary lifestyle I encourage incorporating a little workout and you're like bitch I don't want to do it I don't want to do it I don't want to go to the gym 10,000 steps a day go outside

your park walk a couple miles it will make you feel so much better and also I feel like when it comes to just like those annoying hormones that can kind of overtake your brain I think working out does help with the processing of it all so you don't feel so trapped within your body and by your hormones that eating healthy also helps just balance out your hormones balance out your feelings unfortunately I know why is all the actual good helpful advice like the annoying stuff you I remember being admitted to the psych ward and they're like well do you work out regularly I wanted to choke that bitch out what the fuck what the fuck do you mean talking to me about a workout babe I can barely keep myself alive what are we talking about I know annoying but they were

right it does help it does really help get you out of your brain into your body help the flow of your body the functionality of your body and last but not least make sure you have a good doctor make sure you're getting yourself checked out regularly make sure you have everything working down there correctly because i hate the idea of like women going around thinking they're not horny and then thinking they're like broken or something's wrong with them no no maybe it's just the time of the month maybe you're just not feeling yourself maybe you're not feeling your partner there's so many factors that go into it maybe you know the partner you do have isn't giving you that good good so you don't want to have it maybe it's just an off day maybe you had a big meal and you don't want to

get dicked down now there's so many different factors so don't stress yourself out about it you are not broken you will get horny again i promise i promise i promise but some factors that you can control making sure you're taking care of yourself working out at least just getting up and moving a little bit more than you usually do eating healthy in the sense where you're eating fruits vegetables protein carbs you know getting a full well-rounded meal and yeah just being kind and patient to yourself you are not a 14 year old boy i mean maybe you are listening to this you're in the wrong place or maybe the right place you do not need to be listening to joe rogan but like you're not gonna have those levels like way high fluctuating levels of horniness that you had when

you were younger because your hormones start to balance out the older you get and that was unnatural you now natural back then unnatural i was doing crazy shit to get a nut off and i did not need to be doing this stuff i think about me like i think about me at like 14 like sneak reading like one direction fan fiction in every single class i had every single class i had parent teacher conference they'd be like your child's amazing she's just always on her fucking phone she's always on that goddamn phone she's always on her phone and i wish it was for good reasons but it truly was just me reading harry styles fan fiction 24 7 girl girl unnatural unnatural i do not need to be that horny that was scary me now i've realized i like back in the day i was like

oh my god oh my god there's something wrong with me no no you're just balancing things out things are very balanced now you're not crazy anymore so be thankful for that but yes i hate that women go around thinking they're broken when in reality you're just like aging like it's okay it's all right take care of yourself make sure you have a good partner everything will work its way out how to start waking up earlier i'm sick of rotting in bed you know what you do this is a life hack for you get a cat get a cat my poor little kitty cat he okay doing well doing doing well but i think he had some i let him chill on the front porch and i think he had some allergic reaction in his paws he was over grooming his paw and it got all dry and crusty and gross so i had to put him in the

cone for a little bit just so he would stop chewing on his paw and this bitch he has been waking me up at 7 45 a.m every single day every single day best alarm clock there is an animal not that you should just get an animal for an alarm clock this is just what i'm going through right now they will get your ass up if they want your ass up they will get you up this bitch comes into my bedroom and he'll crawl all over me like he'll step on my head he'll just like crawl on top of me he'll meow loudly in my face he'll take like one toenail and like poke me if there's any skin showing like out from under the blanket he'll like take one toenail and just poke poke poke me until i'm like fuck it okay fine i'll get up you know what i mean apple alarms they don't do that they

don't do that they don't have that same effect and at first it sucked it truly did suck but now that it's been happening more often and I'm getting used to waking up early it's not so bad on me and unfortunately a lot of adulting is just doing things tired anyways so if you don't have a cat I mean you don't have to get one to be an alarm clock that's just what I'm going through maybe set 15 fucking alarms for every 30 seconds and set them at random increments so set one at like uh if you're trying to get up at 8 a.m okay set one at 8 a.m then set one at um 8 a.m in 30 seconds and then set one at like 802 and then set one at like 45 seconds after that you know what i mean so it's not like five minutes because five minutes is enough time for you to fall back

fucking asleep do it like one or two minutes or a couple seconds and do it randomly so then your brain is not able to get used to the pattern or routine and it's like okay fine now I'm annoyed now I'll just fucking get up whatever and you're gonna be exhausted the first couple weeks that you're doing this but eventually your brain will get used to it and it'll just become part of your routine truly truly you got to give it time you got to stand strong beside yourself and you what are you afraid of being a little tired yeah okay you can take an afternoon nap you know what I mean but get the fuck up get up I love having early mornings I will work my ass off at my job and I will get home at like 12 p.m but i've had a red bull at like six so i'm up until like 2 30 3 30

and then my alarm aka my cat gets me up at 7 45 those mornings those mornings are rough but best believe my ass is up my ass is up she's chugging as many coffees as she can she's doing the dishes she's getting laundry done she's vacuuming you know i'm kind of just running away from the tiredness but you gotta do what you gotta do and a lot of adulting is just doing it tired so don't be afraid of being tired oh this is interesting can you talk about the art of balance in everyday life yeah if i'm being honest those baddies you see online that's like daily routine i wake up i have two eggs with toast and a slice of avocado i never eat too much i eat the perfect amount of food every single day i work out every single day i take care of myself i eat my vitamins

i shower i blah blah blah that is american psycho that is not real that is not real that is not every single day for them because best believe they're gonna want that fat ass burger at some point okay they're gonna eat that they're not gonna vlog it they're not gonna post it they're probably gonna want to not work out one of those days they're not gonna eat they're not gonna vlog it they're not going to post it that's not how real life is these days in my life where it's like perfect picture-esque all these things that people are trying to live up to it's not real you can't live that life the person filming that is not even living that fucking life i know i preach on here i'm like take care of yourself eat good food work out that's in

moderation like to to do so whenever you feel the need to do so i understand that's not going to be an everyday activity i talk about waking up early sure some days there's gonna be days where i sleep until 10 o'clock it is what it is real everyday balance is some days you're gonna be kind of different than others it's kind of the balance of scales where one day you know you have one scale that's like the healthy side you have one scale that's kind of like the we can say unhealthy but i don't like that term um unhealthy in a societal way scale and it's like sure one day you may be able to do that perfect morning routine eat healthy all day go to the gym live your day perfectly fantastic okay that scale is now you know lower than the other one you've put more

weight into it but you know maybe a couple days later it fluctuates and you do want that burger you don't feel like eating out okay cool now the scales shift it's a natural balance of those scales shifting I don't think you will ever find a perfect equilibrium balance because life is chaotic life is messy life changes emotions changes that's just how it is and when you're trying to live this perfect cookie cutter lifestyle every single fucking day you're going to feel like a failure every single day because you're not adjusting with how you're feeling in your everyday life you're not gonna feel like you know showering doing every every fucking thing shower every single day you're not gonna feel like shaving every single day you're not gonna feel like

working out every single day eating healthy every single day getting those 10 000 steps every single day some days you can barely get out of fucking bed i understand that i'm a real ass human being i understand some days there's days where you're just like rotting in bed all day and ordering doordash like i get it you're human you're gonna have those days but if you think balance is not having those days you're gonna feel horrible awful bad about yourself when you do need those human days when you do need those relaxation days when you do need a day to just catch a break I am so glad that I gave myself the freedom of understanding that balance is good and bad you're gonna have that at any point in time leaning too far into one thing is never

a good thing but having both of those is what creates balance we're like yeah Friday I woke up I deep cleaned my entire apartment I did all my dishes I did all my laundry I mopped the floors bitch I put like tile sealant in my bathroom hello what the fuck like grout sealant hello what am I even doing I was hard working I then clocked into my eight hour shift worked that went to bed at 1 a.m so exhausted but i had a really busy busy day next day i wake up guess what i don't want to do anything i don't want to do anything i don't want to do anything and i knew in my heart i needed that day to rest and like recover and have like a bed rot day and that's exactly what i did i woke up you know i drank my water i made sure i had some yogurt i ate some

food i then laid in bed all day hanging out with my cat i ordered taco bell for lunch and then i went into work you know balance is not what it seems on social media obviously nothing is ever what it seems on social media but balance is having good and bad that's going to always exist and you need to listen to your body and what it needs in the moment that's how you have balance does it need a big fat salad or does it need a burger does it need you know 10 000 steps outside or does it need to rest and relax and have a day of like not moving so much does it need an everything shower or can you just pin your hair up and only wash your body that day balance is reading the signs and signals and giving your body what it needs in that moment listening to

those instincts and giving it what it needs in that moment that's how you find balance in life truly truly i mean having routine healthy activities will help maintain that balance and will give your day-to-day life a sense of balance such as just like eating healthy trying to get some movement in but i think those days where you don't want to move are as valid as the days where you're doing 10 times the amount of movement do you know what i mean i think people are really hard on themselves and don't take those rest days don't listen to their body when they're exhausted don't listen to their mind when they're exhausted because they're forced to work at this level that is just not maintainable this healthy level that is just not functional for the average

human being who is working a nine to five and can barely afford rent like it's okay to understand that we're human and we're gonna have different needs at different times you're not always going to be able to guess how you're gonna feel in the future but how do you feel right now yeah now listen to your body give it what it needs read the signs signals and cues and do not deny yourself anything ever and you will feel like a very balanced functional human being how do i be less of a man hater i'm not the one to ask i really am not and like here's the thing people think i'm a man hater as if like i had a bad father no i'm a man hater because my father is the best man that i've ever known in my entire life and truly nobody can ever live up to him

um so yeah i hate most men that i interact with because you're a piece of shit and don't even know how to open a door for a woman or give them general respect hello what the actual fuck i grew up seeing the way my dad treated my mom and i was like oh these men can't fucking compare ever ever ever ever ever i also think me being a man hater has kept me safe and i think being a man hater is safety if you assume every man is innocent and fantastic and amazing and perfect then you are going to be in for a massive massive jump scare and i think that jump scare is just not necessary i think men should prove their way out of jail and then be able to go from there obviously jokes if you're a straight man don't come for me this is not about the gay men like

love my gays hi you are always welcome oh men just can't take a fucking joke nowadays but like hello i do think guilty and prove until proven innocent always and that doesn't mean like i'm not gonna talk to a man or i'm not gonna give him respect or i'm not gonna treat him like a human being sure i will but i'm not gonna let you that close to me or kind of like really open myself up to you as an individual or trust you in the sense of like being around you until you prove that you are worthy of being around me period and that's on women's safety thoughts on a man choosing to split a bill on a first date but not a dating app first date no don't don't date him don't date him listen i am all for equality i am all for 50 50 but the only time i i go out with my girl best

friends and we do not even split the fucking bill why the fuck are we splitting a bill with a man why the fuck are we splitting a bill with a man why the fuck are we splitting a bill with a man hello my girls will treat me better than you any any single day any single day i hate that shit i think that man is insecure and he's probably going to try and play mind games with you it's very simple so so simple so simple buy that girl's fucking drink and 40 dinner it's so simple so easy literally men think that it's like some secret game that you have to play to win women over when literally the rules are written out in front of you plan a date pick her up or have her you know whatever she's comfortable with meet somewhere that's not at your fucking house

take her out somewhere you plan it you pay for it and be a nice human being pull out her chair for her open the door for her maybe buy her flowers if you really want to impress her these are things that men have known since the dawn of fucking time and they still think like oh well maybe there's a secret little thing that i can do to you know maybe win her over no do not go against what what we know works hello and splitting the bill doesn't work i would not text that man back i would not trust him to take care of me i would not trust him to you know be a good partner in general hello if you can't be a little selfless on a first date then what the fuck are you going to expect five years from now oh i have to prove my worthiness to you over 50 dollars go fuck

yourself i hate that shit you should never slit a bill with a man on the first date and also if you're going out to a restaurant on a first date i highly highly highly highly recommend seeing how much he's tipping the waiter wait staff waitress if you're on a first date and you know he's paying obviously duh when the when the meal ends be like okay babe uh just go outside go grab the car or i'll meet you outside i'm gonna go use the restroom you know just very quickly i'll be right back go use the restroom and then go walk by the table while he's out front or at the entryway check the bill see how much he's tipping if that man is tipping less than 20 i don't think he's a man worth being around absolutely I mean if the waitress was shit and listen I'm a waitress I

understand some days I am not on my best performance I'll take a 15% I'll even take a 10% I get it but if you're on a first date you have a lot to prove always and I think when it's a low tip that is a massive massive red flag always especially as a waitress because when I'm going out to eat you can give me shitty service i am always tipping 25 it's just it's who i am baby girl like i see you sweating running up and down those stairs i feel for you i don't even care that you missed my second drink or whatever at least it's not on the bill i'm still tipping 25 i do not give a fuck also straight men love to argue oh so you expect men to have all this money to be able to take women out on dates no bitch you can plan a five dollar picnic park date and avoid

the fucking bill hello it takes a little bit of thinking a little a little bit of thinking it takes literally no thinking at all it doesn't even take any money it just takes desire and commitment to a good time women are not asking for much and yet you claim we are the problem and then split a $50 check with a woman. Death. Death. Someone asked soulmates? Like, do I believe in them? Two in five Canadians will hear the words,

you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer.

Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. At Desjardins Insurance, we know that when you own a nail salon, everything needs to be perfect from tip to toe. That's why our agents go the extra mile to understand your business and provide tailored solutions for all its unique needs. You put your heart into your company, so we put our heart into making sure it's protected.

Get insurance that's really big on care. Find an agent today at Desjardins.com slash business coverage. Yes, but I don't think soulmates are, we should call them seasonal mates. I think we should call them seasonal mates. soulmates uh i think they're out there but like i don't ever want somebody to believe that like if they lose somebody that they think was a soulmate that they will never ever ever ever find anybody similar or like on soulmate level i don't think that exists i think soulmates aren't like one person that you're constantly out there searching for i think we have like a handful of

soulmates out there does that make sense i don't think there's the one i don't believe in the one i don't believe in this twin flame i don't believe in this like singular soulmate idea i think it's very toxic and i think it leaves people wanting more or feeling like they are never fulfilled um and i think that's why people find themselves constantly in relationships then breaking up because they're not good enough when you just can appreciate what you have in front of you i think soulmates i think there's a group of soulmates out there i think you probably have like i mean the grand scheme of thing there's like what eight billion of us on the planet i think you have like 10 000 soulmates out there at eight billion hello you have a lot of soulmates

out there some people you know you'll date you'll realize no not for me that's a part of dating but i think you will find your soulmate eventually because there's so many out there and if you feel like you've lost your soulmate i don't think it means that you will never find a soulmate again um i think you will find another person that works for you i mean you see these people who you know were in 50 year long-term committed relationship like soulmate level and then their partner dies it's like what you want them to give up on love completely for the rest of their life no like they're they're able to go back out there and meet new people and maybe find another one of their soulmates to complete the rest of their life with i think that's totally

valid and totally real and there are those people out there if you feel like you've gone through a breakup and you've lost your soulmate i don't think that means you should give up on love or and lay down or like constantly pine after your ex who wants nothing to do with you i think it means go out there and find your next one find your other one i think we have multiple soulmates out there there isn't just the one the one feels like very isolating it feels very lonely and i think it makes people stay committed to relationships that are just not good for them in the sake of it being like a soulmate a twin flame the one no no no no there's so many of those out there and if you feel like you are not in a good relationship go out there and find your

soulmate or if you feel like you've lost your soulmates that's okay there's many more out there that you will eventually find that you will eventually meet and that will bring so much love and light to your life so do i believe in soulmate yes but it's more of a soul mates plural than it is a mate i also want to give a little shout out to all of my graduates out there you guys did that shit you guys did that shit college is hard you graduated you are doing amazing if you graduated high school congratulations that shit's even harder dare i say you did that shit you stood by yourself you accomplished that degree and that is so impressive and so amazing every single day i sit here and i regret not going to not finishing college or finishing my degree

um and i just wish i had a little bit more strength in me or i wish the cards played out how they should have when it came to college for me i understand it's always an option i can always go back and I probably will go back but you did that shit celebrate yourself a little bit you deserve some celebration and if you're sitting here thinking about going to college I do highly recommend I mean the loans the student loans are something that I think you should definitely think about but outside of that if it's something that you feel passionate about something that you want to do listen to that listen to that desire listen to that you know belief in yourself and don't give into those limiting self-beliefs you deserve to have that kind of i think everybody deserves and

should have the understanding within themselves that they can accomplish anything yes it's going to take hard work blood sweat tears you're going to be exhausted you're going to be tired you're going to be like when is this going to fucking end but you will get there eventually do not give up on that belief in yourself and you walking across that stage is a proof that belief in yourself will get you far will get you that accomplishment and you did that shit period congratulations boo i love my educated smoke sesh baddies out there thank you for being you thank you for standing strong beside yourself i love you congratulations but with that being said we are rounding out the end of our episode here i know i know i had so much fun with you guys this week though one last

thing that i want to leave you with you get with you guys just a little bit of hope and inspiration for you all as we enter this next week in our lives the earth is heating up it's getting hotter we're entering summer and summer has this freedom aspect to it that i think is so potent and wonderful and that energy is just so abundant life around us is buzzing and moving a little bit more than it does in winter and if you feel like you are missing that energy or you need that boost of energy utilize this summer the best you can i think summer is a great time to take those risks whether it's like in love or life or career or in self to take that risk in believing in yourself to take that risk in standing true beside yourself to get outside to go live your life to

plan that adventure to take that career risk to work that seasonal job to do that 10,000 steps a day outside to just get off your couch and get out there it is a potent fulfilling energy and I think it is something that we all need to be utilizing a bit more than we have been I know I have in the past couple weeks just been outside more accomplishing more things utilizing i mean the powerful energy of the sun to accomplish tasks accomplish goals to get the fuck up to do it even if i'm tired to do it even if i'm scared to do it even if i don't believe in myself and i have done so much within these past couple weeks within this past month as you're entering summer it has been so incredibly life-changing it has been helping me with my anxiety it has been helping me with

my depression it has been helping me with just like my overall healing completely now is not the time to sit back to stop moving to stop swimming to stop putting that energy into yourself and if you don't know where to source that energy source it from outside source it from the sun the sun is a powerful tool on this little cloudy rainy day I'm realizing just how powerful it is usually I wake up in the morning and I go and I sit outside in the sunshine with my kitty cat for about 10 minutes and it's so rejuvenating and revitalizing and summer as a whole is just rejuvenating and revitalizing listen to yourself listen to your gut listen to those ideas that you want those dreams that you have don't let any rejection turn you down don't let rejection of

yourself turn you down listen to those dreams that you have that you've had since you were a kid give into that childlike wonder and go out there and take the world by storm you deserve it everything you've ever wanted is out there waiting for you how bad do you want it get up go get it with that being said i love you all so much follow me on instagram at hannah marlene if you want to submit your question you can always just dm me there comment in the comments below your question if you feel like it and if you want to see more from me join the patreon at patreon.com slash smoke slash shawty i do extra content every single week but i love you all so much stay sane stay sexy and i'll see you all so soon

two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. When you buy furniture from Wayfair, you're not just getting furniture, you're setting your home up for a lifetime of memories. Visit wayfair.ca today or download the Wayfair app. Furniture made for all of life's moments. That's Wayfair. Wayfair every style every home