Smoke Sesh - being a cunt & doing whatever you want

Episode Date: May 5, 2022

Happy Thursday! So excited to be back with you guys and hanging out, we catch up on everything and dive into your questions submitted to my Instagram @ hannahmarlene. We talk everything from favorite cocktails, life decisions, men & marriage, boundaries, college & friends, sometimes you have to be the bad guy, near death experiences, doing whatever the fuck you want, friends with exes? yes or no, homie hoppers, crystals and much much much much more. I hope you guys had a wonderful Thursday and I hope you have a safe and happy weekend. I’ll see you all next week for two more episodes! MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, someone to look out for them. Some people call me their internet big sister, others their fairy smoke mother. You can call me Hannah, the new host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. Some good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. Good fucking morning, everybody. How are we all doing on this lovely Thursday morning?

um i know it's probably gonna be the afternoon when you hear this but as you all know i wake up at fucking as early as possible because my brain hates sleeping in for some reason to record this anyways it's like 8 a.m here got my fresh cup of coffee i'm ready to get into it i would catch you guys up on what i've been doing but quite honestly it hasn't been a lot it's really just been raining and raining and raining and thunderstorming and raining around here so my brain when it's raining means zero work i don't like getting work done i don't like doing shit um i prefer to curl up into a roly-poly size ball and just hibernate um not helpful because there is shit i need to get done but listen hey i'll get this podcast done i'll get it out to you guys um very excited we

have so many questions to get to so many good um call-ins as well i'm very excited if you're somebody who submits call-ins or questions thank you thank you thank you again um you can submit them at my instagram at hannah marlene i always put up a link to where you can submit them and then also the links are always in my bio so check it out there but what is today oh today's cinco de mayo so i'm for sure gonna go get fucked up on margaritas later once my boyfriend gets off work eat some good tacos you already know um but that's that's really my only plan for the day get a podcast done and get drunk so with that being said um we'll cut the intro a little short and honestly, let's just get into it. Hey Hannah, hope you're doing well. My name is Audrey and I

just turned 21. So I wanted your inside bartender take on what cocktails I should be ordering or what your favorite cocktails are to drink and or make. I just want to like step outside my gin and tonic, my vodka soda with cranberry juice bubble, and I wanted to get your input. I know you like soju but when you're feeling a cocktail what are you usually ordering thank you bye hey okay so if you're going out you want a little drinky drink want to get a little fancy um first of all if you're going to a cocktail bar i highly recommend ordering off their cocktail bar list because they're going to be specialty cocktails they're going to be cocktails you can't really get anywhere else it's usually kind of just based off of what kind of inventory they have and usually

bars carry different inventory especially if you want to get away from the usual you know vodka crayon tequila soda you know the two-in-one kind of deal um now if you're at like a busy busy bar i would say stick to the the two-step drinks but if you're at a very easy cocktail bar they can make you quite honestly anything you want there's a few go-to's that i have um the first one being a french 75 we have a cocktail that we do um at my restaurant with a french 75 basics of a french 75 is like two ounces of gin some simple syrup like a half ounce lemon juice and champagne um so it's really yummy it's a little bubbly and it's just slightly sweet and citrusy it's not like too overpowering which i love at my restaurant we make this we shake it up

and we do so with lychee juice instead of simple syrup and i think that kind of is the best thing fucking ever um but some other ones that you can order and now once again this will probably be by inventory not a lot of people carry grapefruit soda or like grapefruit juice but i really like a good paloma it's two ounces of tequila um half ounce lime juice and then you use grapefruit soda to top it or you can do grapefruit juice and soda and usually they like salt the rim and it's just like oh delicious oh my god i'm not really a dark liquor person if you are a dark liquor person i would probably recommend like a manhattan or what like a negroni but i'm more of like a light citrusy kind of vodka babe so i would recommend like a moscow mule or which is like i know lame but

it's so good or a mojito i really love a good mojito either of those two um like in the summer love but yeah those are probably my go-tos and all of those you can order at basically any bar and the bartender should know how to make those so good luck love you happy 21st hope you have fun at the bars you guys i'm on my period right now and the god somehow blessed me i thought i was supposed to start my period well i usually start my period on like the moon cycles so either a full moon or new moon um depending on when it wants to start but usually always on those days it's shocking how regular it is compared to the moon cycle but i thought i was gonna have it while I was on vacation and I was like fuck because no offense I'm trying to be fucking on vacation

okay like I'm on vacation to go have fun I don't want to like period doesn't really stop me from having sex it's just so messy and like you can't really do it real quick anyways um I thought I was gonna start my period on vacation and i was like fuck i'm not excited for this um i was cramping the entire time but somehow my body knew and was like no girl we got you and held off until the day i got back so the day i got back my period started full fucking force um and i've just been going through it my cramps are kind of unreal this time around i don't know what's going on and i'm also getting to the end of like the warranty on my iud so i gotta get that fucking figured out too but honestly the iud has made my periods way lighter way lighter which i love

because right now i'm literally just sitting in my boyfriend's bed with his boxers on just free bleeding into them if you there's no reason you should be staining your own underwear stain a man's underwear okay leave him remembering you forever um anyways i think that's the best way to go about your period i hate pads literally they don't let your pussy breathe i hate tampons which i was a tampon user for like a good nine years i was a pad user for like the first year i started i'd say just because i was scared and also didn't know how to put in tampons um and then i switched to tampons because my period was so fucking heavy that I had no choice but to use super plus tampons like two times an hour um but now that my period

is lighter I've realized that tampons aren't that great because I would like put one in and it would be a regular tampon right and I would kind of go like not all day but a good amount of time to the point where I was like okay you know like she should be full okay she should be soaked up and i'd pull it out and literally like i feel like there's so much good mucus and good like i don't really know what the fuck you can call it but um liquids inside of you that need to stay inside of you and i feel like the tampons kind of just absorb everything and i realized it was just drying out my fucking pussy and it was the worst because it's not comfortable you know what i mean you've all pulled out a dry tampon before i know you have that shit is not fun so cut out tampons

just let yourself free bleed i literally just sit over the toilet sometimes for like 20 minutes and just let my body just get rid of everything it needs to but oh this period i'm over it i'm over it i need it to be done so i got this question from my dms it's a little longer but let's get into it um hey i'm not sure if this is where you post this yes okay if you ever have a question and you want to type it send it to my dms at hannah marlene that is the spot but me um and my bf were planning to move out together after high school but he wanted to join the marines and me live on base i'm only 18 so i'd have to get married but i've always wanted to go to college and in art this year we went on a couple field trips to colleges and it made me really like that

art department and i just broke up with him because everyone else is in a relationship and still going to college so i don't see why he didn't want me to go well now housing is closed so i'm not sure where to go from here i know what i'm gonna do get out of this small town but i just need advice from where to go from here please respond illy listen to your podcast when i'm at work illy actually okay we didn't break up we're going to do long distance but i'm still glad i'm going to college okay that was a fucking whirlwind a if there's any woman i don't care what age you're you're listening to this if there's any women listening to this do not make future decisions based on men men don't even know what they want for themselves within this next 10 fucking minutes

so do not make future decisions based on them especially marine men sketch sorry not to shit on your boyfriend but um you guys are children you're a child there's no reason for you to be basing any of your decisions off of a man especially because a you you're gonna go to college which is good i'm so glad for you go to college go have the time of your life but you're gonna change drastically within at least those like those first three months to that year that you're there at college you're gonna completely change you're gonna realize the world is opening up to you you're gonna realize you have so many other options quite honestly i say if you're going to college go single i know i i know but this man already sounded like he was trying to control you

trying to literally marry you at a young age crazy i'm no i have to step in as an older sister here and say do not marry a man at 18 i mean no you're like no i mean like you need to have your options open and you need to have yourself prioritized you don't need to be a wife at 18 what is this the 1900s and i'm not shitting on you here i love you and i'm so glad you stood up for yourself and you chose college and you're gonna figure it out i do believe in you and i do believe you're gonna go succeed and have the most fun but i don't need you having a man drag you down okay especially a high school boy a boy i shouldn't even say a man a boy okay period that's all i gotta say about that go to college go have fun if you're doing long distance that's fine give it a shot i've tried it

it did not work for me but that's okay because i realized that man was a piece of shit um but never ever ever base futures future decisions for yourself off a man especially at 18 okay i love you you'll do great you'll figure it out if you're having issues with anything regarding college especially uh housing or college admissions or like financial shit anything contact your not your advisor maybe your advisor yeah contact your literally by phone on the phone call them talk to them because no other college student is fucking calling them and talking to them you can convince people on the phone to quite honestly do anything i convinced my college advisor to reinstate my scholarship after i lost it simply by being on the phone with him and also

crying because i was panicking but if you're having issues with housing literally call him and be like hey i didn't know i don't know what to do please like help me if there's any way i can get this figured out please let me know um but you can look them up in the directory and it's usually by last name so they'll categorize you by that but colleges usually will help you out if you seek the right people and if you stand up for yourself so it's very intimidating to do at first but you'll figure it out don't fucking listen to men though you do not need to be married no no no no hi hannah my name is mia i love your podcast so much you literally make my day every single time I hear it. So thank you so much for that. My question is kind of regarding

making friends in college. I'm going to be a junior in the fall and my first year I was fully online. So I met zero people. And this year I was only on campus for one semester, but I found it really hard to meet people. So I went abroad for my second semester, which was a lot better. But now I'm gonna be you know back back on my campus in the fall and I just feel like very nervous about meeting people and making friends I feel like I'm just kind of behind the game since I'll be a junior so I was wondering if you had any tips for like making meaningful connections in college during COVID thank you love you love you okay so I don't think you're behind in any way um I do think when you first get to college you make like a group of friends but you realize very

quickly that that first group of friends is a little superficial the second group of friends that you make really are the ones that kind of stick around um and this totally could not be your situation at all but who knows I feel like everybody has different experiences but um I in my college experience i was making new friends every year i had same old friends from two years ago i had new friends from new classes and i feel like it will also work that way for you um you went abroad you i'm assuming you made friends abroad um and that was probably just situational where you are what classes you're taking the people around you the people you're dorming with um and the same thing kind of happens even in late stage college even though people already

have some friends set up that doesn't mean that people aren't getting out and meeting each other and getting to know each other so just like any situation you will end up making friends just by proximity from the classes you're taking if you are going in person whoever you're sitting by whoever you're studying by I'd make friends at the cafe also like the gym I would make friends there just like literally proximity if you end up taking any like clubs if you go to any clubs um of course you'll make friends there and i also very much encourage you to do so um you'd be surprised the kind of people you meet and you already know they're probably like-minded based on the uh club that you're going to or even trying out for like a recreational sport anything of the

sort anything that is like a community-based um not organization but event you're gonna end up meeting people and getting to know them now whether you're gonna make friends there or not is kind of up to you and how you feel about those people but just you physically being there at school um in college of course you're gonna end up you know as long as you put yourself out there which is kind of the trick you are willing to talk to people you are willing to meet people converse with them get to know them you're gonna end up making friends i don't think it's anything you really need to worry about um and now if you're still online if you're still going to college but you're still doing it mostly online I really recommend you getting out of the house

for your online shit so go to a cafe put your headphones in do your online stuff go to your because like at least at my college we had like a local cafe that was still on campus so it was like still a campus environment um not like just out in the public so you could still be around people um get to know people that way um but really I I have to say this but making friends is quite honestly about proximity so how are you putting yourself out there um in proximity to other people if you're not putting yourself out there at all you're staying at home you're not leaving the house you're not reaching out to people of course you're not going to make friends that's just how it is but if you are getting out there you know you're going to classes you're striking

conversations with people you're trying new things trying new clubs it is bound to happen that you will make friends and you will make good friends as long as you trust your intuition and um I mean get to know people fully hopefully but I really don't think you have anything to worry about college is great everybody's very open-minded at least where I was um I found that I made really good friends and friends that I've still talked to to this day and I feel like everybody has a notion that you know everybody builds their friend group that first year and they stick by it but I was making friends everywhere i went so you know keep an eye out for that try and see who you might like in your class go sit by them go strike up a conversation um but yeah it's really all about

proximity and just putting yourself out there but love you oh also speaking of periods i've had insane cravings so let me put my girlies on to some munchies that i've been into recently um honey it's like honey vanilla yogurt greek yogurt granola honey and sliced bananas or any fruit that you have oh my god i've been eating that every day for breakfast it has been an obsession at this point um sonic has a yellow cake batter shake which is the best fucking thing i've ever put in my body i went and got it last night i don't know why yellow cake batter is specifically so fucking good but yeah that was incredible and it's only like fucking two dollars i love sonic sonic has the best food for munchies quite honestly um

and then also whole foods we all know their chantilly berry cake i get it every year for my birthday it is a fan favorite in my family at least um my boyfriend said that they always throw out a bunch at the end of the night so if you go dumpster diving at whole foods you can always find a chantilly berry cake so funny i have never tried but they also make ice cream in house with the leftover chantilly berry cake so it's like yellow food it's like the yellow food cake or yellow cake flavor plus the delicious berries and and fucking frosting mixed with uh with like a almond milk ice cream it is to fucking die for like to die for also i'm craving subway i don't know why it's a weird craving i only give it once a month or when i'm hungover but subway

hits some way that just nothing else does and I know the bread is made out of like fucking yoga mat plastic but it really just settles something in my soul that nothing else can't so hello Hannah um I just had a question about kind of moving on from friendships because I have kind of distance myself from a lot of people and I it's like it's difficult for me because all of the memories that we've had together but I know it is better for me in the long run because she the person like she was my best friend and she is with her ex and it's just a bad situation for everyone and I've told her so many times that she needs to leave him um but she just keeps making excuses so yeah and I kind of have been distancing myself from her and she

is getting mad at me about it so just wondering like what I could say I hear you distancing yourself from people is especially hard when they kind of get upset about it um and I think i've had a lot of really good friendships and i've had a few bad friendships and i realized the friendships that worked really really well were the friendships where we truly treated each other as friends um and friends do come and go from your life um i get busy with my life my friends get busy with their life i'm never gonna hold that against them if they don't speak to me for a fucking month because they have fucking finals or midterms or other crazy life shit going on like i understand i hear that and i always allow room and space for that

the friendships that haven't turned out well are the friendships where i almost get treated like a significant other in a sense where it's like why aren't you back here why aren't you doing things with us what's going on why are you being this way it's like i have friends so they don't question me I have friends who are there for me who show up for me but once it becomes like an obligation the friendship kind of it kind of gets ruined in a sense you really have to hold place for friends to learn and grow on their own time and understand that yes you can still be together in spirit even though you maybe aren't there in connection so the fact that your friend is getting pissed at you for distancing yourself for necessary boundaries that are needed especially

when she is in a toxic relationship um you know not fair to you i would say something along the lines of i just really don't support what you might be doing right now um or even if you don't want to bring up the whole situation with her boyfriend and the toxicity going on just be like hey i got life shit going on i'm so sorry maybe we can reconvene when things are good again um and give her the space to reach out to you when she needs or even that is allowing you the space to reach out to her when you need it um but especially when you're trying to distance yourself with friends it does get hard because feelings do get hurt um and sometimes you really just have to put up those really hard boundaries that you really need um and yeah feelings are

gonna get hurt it sucks but especially when you have made it abundantly clear about a situation that you are not in that you don't enjoy and you're not willing to take part in um and they aren't accepting that that's their fault at that point you've expressed how you feel you expressed your boundaries how they feel that comes after that is all on them it is not on you um so yeah it's gonna it might be a little frustrating or um confusing almost but when you need that distance from those friends um particularly like toxic friends I don't know if you are physically distanced but I feel like social media and communication that way makes the distance closed a little bit so maybe a little mute I never hate a little mute I have my whole group

chat for work muted um but like if you're like her if she's only contacting you to kind of like bring up negative things or kind of shit on you in a way for distancing yourself I think it's okay to set also boundaries within your phone I love a good block button I love a block button are you mean to me block you're saying something I don't like block you're way too in my business block I don't care I don't because I realized although like social media and even with like friends who are close to you I'm not saying block your friend like you can mute them on social media if you need a little distance as well um but I'm a big fan of setting boundaries through social media as well as setting boundaries interpersonally because people will set

boundaries interpersonally and then people will go and overextend and over break the boundaries through social media thinking that is okay we've all heard it before the like toxic ex blowing up your phone a million times sending you emails at work sending you crazy shit you have to set those boundaries i think in both places um i think that's very very important but not saying your friend is crazy in any sort of way like that um but it's hard i hear you and i have a little um quote that i think will resonate with you guys but people will come and go from your life sometimes with no clear reason it's not your fault nor theirs you just if you just drift apart and outgrow the friendship you once had it's so sad to see it go but you know that there will be others

to look forward to and I think that really kind of just brings a lot of peace I feel like a lot of friendships I've had to like a majority of them have been us just simply losing touch through distance because we've grown up and grown apart and that's okay I still value the time and I appreciate what we've done together but I still understand that that friendship is not tangible right now but other friendships are and I have hope for other friendships because I've had such good friendships in the past so don't give up set clear boundaries make yourself feel safe and comfortable and I believe in you and I love you I keep getting a lot of questions that are like how do you have the confidence to do this how do you have the confidence to do this how do you have

the balls to do this how did you find out you wanted to do this and if I'm being quite honest i have just had a lot of well i've almost died a lot and i realized after almost dying a good five times i might have four lives left and i should really just do whatever the fuck i wanted because what is stopping me quite honestly what is stopping me the first time which is this is probably the favorite family story that my family likes to tell at least within my immediate family um when I was like nine right my me my dad found I don't know where this kayak came from it's an all metal kayak um old I think my grandpa picked it up from like a no my brother picked it up from a thrift store giant metal kayak and he

was welding it and he he fixed it up and me and my dad he was back at college and we were like well let's take it out um there's not a lot of rivers in where I'm from there's a few um but we ended up going to this one river that's known to be pretty shallow pretty easy to scoot around in if you can't even scoot around it at all um so we pack our shit up we go to the lake and as we're heading there my mom calls him and she's like hey is this a good idea because it just rained the past three days and it's supposed to thunderstorm later um so i'm just worried about the thunderstorm and the metal kayak and the water and my dad was like no no i've done this before like you were fine like don't worry about it so we go and we get in the river in our metal kayak the sun is

shining the birds are chirping I got my little life vest on we put he put his phone in a baggie you know we're prepared we are we're going down the river having a grand old time you know eating crackers and cheese hanging out and I feel water hit my face and I'm like oh what is that and I look up and the clouds are starting to roll in and my dad's like well we gotta get to this one point so your brother knows where to pick us up we gotta get to at least the end of the river so we can get picked up because right now we're in the middle of the forest babe no one's gonna come get us in the middle of the forest so he's like okay let's get going and as we're going the water starts getting faster and it starts getting deeper deeper to the point that you know

you can't see the bottom of the river at all um and we're just like okay well we'll keep trucking my dad i could tell is getting a little nervous at this point me on the other hand having the time of my life having the time of my life when i was younger i trusted fully my parents you know i didn't really care about the situation i was in i always just believed i was safe um anyways i we're going on this river and you know starts raining like full-on raining this time so we're like shit we gotta go we gotta keep going and the water's picking up and it's raining and thunder starts happening and thunder means lightning and we are in a metal contraption in the woods in the water where lightning is most likely going to strike so we're like paddling

paddling paddling and we don't see that a tree had fallen in the water in front of us so we're paddling paddling paddling and the tip of the canoe hits this tree and the water was going so fast that it literally just pulled the front of the kayak under the water pulled everything we had under the water including me and my dad and the kayak just sunk immediately all our shit float at the top because it was baggies which was good we had a car keys and a phone but and i floated because i was wearing a life vest but my dad literally had to pull me out of the water sit me on the side of the bank and he was like okay look around us the water is like so deep it is like raging this is like a fast river at this point not a fucking calm one like we thought

it was gonna be and it is lightning and raining and thundering he's like stay here i'm gonna be back i have to go find the canoe don't move so he leaves keep in mind this is out of sight this is like a good 30 meters behind me and he's that's totally the wrong amount of distance i don't even know how long one meter is maybe 10 meters and he is looking for the canoe looking for the canoe and I'm sitting there by myself in the rain in the thunderstorm right next to this uh river and I'm like do-do-do nine-year-old Hannah what do I do just hanging out playing with leaves and probably a good five ten minutes later my dad comes back and he's like the canoe's gone canoe's gone i got our stuff though but we have to somehow make it out of this forest and make it to a street

so we can be found so i'm like okay dad sounds fun um i had no shoes on no shoes that got sucked away by the river so he pulls me out of the river pulls me up we're barely making it through the woods um keep in mind lightning striking everywhere around us thunder striking oh not striking but everywhere like a big fucking storm i'm from the midwest okay we get big crazy ass storms here we get tornadoes so we make it through the woods and we finally reach like this um cornfield and my dad's like okay on the other side of that cornfield um is the road so we just gotta to run we should run the cornfield because lightning is literally striking all fucking around us so he's like okay on the count of three we're just gonna run i'm barefoot i am barefoot

it's like okay go and we just start sprinting through this cornfield like running as fast as we could literally the worst pain ever because i'm stepping on like raw twigs with my feet and there's lightning striking all around us and we are just i'm sprinting for my life through this cornfield quite honestly and running running running running running we barely have anything on us i don't even have the life vest at this point my dad has his phone and car keys and that's about it we're running we finally make it to the road and he finally gets contact with someone and my brother comes to pick us up like immediately and we get in the car my dad is like that was the scariest moment of my entire life and keep in mind nine-year-old Hannah is like that was so

fun oh my god I can't believe the kayak just got like taken under like that we had to run for our lives through this cornfield like crazy right my dad tells me like he doesn't often get scared but he said that is like quite honestly one of the only times he's been like terrified in his life especially because I was with him and he was more worried about me than anything so that's one time I almost died um and I think we all know the car crash incident which I think really solidified this ideal within my head and kind of made me take a lot of steps and changes towards myself um but yeah when I when I literally awoke in my car and the whole front of it was smashed up into my feet and the police officers unbuckling me and pulling me out of the car and going

yeah you shouldn't be alive right now I realized I want to be a cunt and I want to do whatever the fuck i want quite honestly and those only go hand in hand they do because you'll realize doing what you want makes a lot of people upset a lot it's gonna make a lot of people upset because a lot of people only have their intentions um focused on other people they only want what their intentions are towards that person to happen to come true and that's not how the world works but that's how the world wants us to believe and act and condition ourselves to behave um and i realized very quickly doing whatever the fuck i wanted is gonna make some people think that i am the world's biggest asshole simply because i'm going against their beliefs and i'm not saying like do this in

a fucking like incel way like i don't believe in your rights because i believe in what i want to believe in and fuck you no no we all know that's not what i'm talking about if you're new here that's not what the fuck i'm talking about that is a whole different situation of ignorance and hatred um what i'm talking about is taking control of your life and stop doing things for the pleasure of other people when it brings you down and stop making decisions for your life based on other people's like small-minded ideals okay we have one life to live and unfortunately i'm gonna be the bad guy in a lot of people's storylines of their life but at the end of the day as long as i am the good guy to myself and i am doing what is necessary for myself and i am

truly making steps to bettering myself and hopefully the people around me i don't give a fuck if i'm a bad guy in that timeline at all i do not care you have to be a cunt in order to do whatever you want babes you really do i had all of those near-death experiences and directly after i fully evaluated everything in my life i took account of it i took account of where i was and it took a while it took five near-death experiences okay for me to finally make a change it's hard i hear you that shit is fucking hard standing up for yourself is hard speaking up for yourself is hard doing what you want is hard especially when all the systems that have been put into place are working against you quite honestly but you have to be the one to make

those changes to take those steps and if you don't you will forever be out of control out of control of your life okay after my car accident I looked around and I realized I wasn't happy in a majority of what I was doing and I was using a lot of drugs to cover that up and I was trying to suppress the idea of what I wanted by hopefully making the people around me happy and the people around me I had to realize we're never going to be happy that's just the kind of people who are around me they did not care what I was doing they only cared about themselves they only cared about their personal gain okay and there was no positive spin that was ever going to be put on that and I had to realize very quickly that I do not want those people around me I don't fighting against

the people around you constantly is not how you're supposed to live fighting against yourself constantly is not how you're supposed to live at all and it really took me getting to the breaking point for me to finally step up and be like you know what you know what if you really think i am the bad guy like watch me be the bad guy watch me you know what i'll do it and what i was doing wasn't inherently like i wasn't beating people up on the streets i wasn't fucking like ruining people's lives i simply was making acts that were going to better myself and my true authentic self I dropped out of school. I went to art school. I broke up with somebody. I literally had to rearrange my whole entire living situation because what I was doing was not benefiting

me in any sort of way. And those were all very hard things. I broke some people's hearts. But guess what? I am in a much better place and I am a thousand times happier than I was then and than I would have been if I would have stayed so yeah sometimes you have to fucking be a cunt but you also have to learn you have to do whatever you want as well and you have to push yourself there and you have to take those steps and get to where you want to be because no one else is going to do that for you no one else is going to come up to you and be like you know what you know what some people like of course there's people in your life that are going to support you but no one is going to take those steps for you to better yourself in the direction that you truly know

in your heart in your mind those things that you never speak those are the things you really want you can't spend your life avoiding heartbreak or bad things from happening you have to condition yourself to have the appropriate emotional responses but learn to keep moving forward you can't avoid these situations and avoid taking steps for yourself and avoid setting boundaries because you'll never learn you won't and quite honestly you'll keep digging yourself in a hole yeah you're gonna have emotional responses to those things and other people are probably gonna have negative emotional responses to those things but those are things that they need to learn to handle on their own you need to learn to handle your own emotions on your own and you also need

to learn how to keep moving forward you cannot stay stagnant in this life you need to keep taking that next step forward next step towards yourself next step towards your goal okay and even if it's as small as like literally getting up out of bed and brushing your teeth okay or if it's as big as setting a boundary breaking up with somebody changing schools whatever it may be it's going to be hard but understand the payoff is going to be so worth it i don't know i just used to sit around and let people fucking walk all over me step all over me use me as a doormat and i'm not gonna lie i kind of loved it i loved being the victim i loved feeling bad about myself i loved being the pity party quite honestly in my head i did it's very easy for me to revert to the hard

part was stepping up and realizing that i didn't deserve that and i needed to stand up for myself and no one else was gonna say anything but me quite honestly it's hard it is it really is i can guarantee it and it's really easy to fall back into those patterns of behavior but no one is gonna change and no one is gonna grow except for you a lot of people around you also aren't gonna change and grow and you cannot rely on them to do so a lot of people love staying where they are a lot of people love not growing i loved not growing and i'm the queen of fucking growth and doing better okay i loved staying in my depression and you will never hear anybody else say this I loved being in depression I loved being at that low it felt so comforting it felt so right it felt

like natural at some point and yeah it's really fucking hard to pull yourself out of but I feel so much better than I did in that comfortable spot just knowing and seeing the growth on the progression that I have made like looking back and seeing how far I have come it feels incredible and I know that some of the steps that I have made to get here and to feel better and to do what I need to do to grow and progress as a human being has hurt some people some boundaries that I've made has not felt good to some people including family including parents including friends but they're necessary and you you do have to be comfortable and learn how to be the bad guy you do have to learn how to be the villain and that's okay i used to think i could

only be a good person i can only say nice things i can only be a good person i don't want to step on this person's toes i don't want to say that because it might hurt their feelings it's like yeah but people say shit to me and it hurts my feelings and i don't take it personally you know and if i have the control and the and the power to do so and regulate my emotions healthily other people should too if they can't that's their fault but I will never ever put myself aside again in order for someone else to make to make other oh my god to make someone else feel good because in turn I feel 10 times worse every time I go against myself in a boundary and I don't actually speak my truth in my mind I feel 10 times worse and it can be small it can be little like say at

work we kind of lost a manager so uh people are having to pick up slack and it means i kind of lost a lot of bar shifts when um things were changing and i got a little like upset about that i was like why the fuck am i not scheduled at all this week like literally i have two shifts this week and i was like oh do they hate me oh what's going on did i fuck up like i'm not gonna say anything because i don't want to i don't i don't want to hurt anybody's feelings i'm not gonna say anything because whatever and then I realized no I'm reverting back to an old style of thinking an old style of assuming everybody's upset with me and mad at me all the time that if I open my mouth and speak up for myself and someone's gonna hate me and I you know went and

I talked to him I was like hey I don't know what happened but coming forward I need this this and this and I'm not gonna settle for this and I hope we can figure it out and guess what that adult can regulate their emotions healthily and they heard me and they understood me and my schedule for next week is beautiful and incredible and brilliant and i cannot wait but if i would have held my tongue in hopes of maybe not hurting feelings or making other people mad at me because i'm conditioned to cater to other people's needs and feelings and emotions so deeply at an integrated level um i would not have gotten what i wanted at all the next schedule would have came out and it probably would have been the same as this week and I would have been pissed because I didn't

speak up for myself it is so little like little things such as that such as standing up for yourself for something that bothers you to like big things okay it can be anywhere but you do have to get comfortable with being a fucking cunt quite honestly and I love it I love it I have learned to embrace the title open-heartedly i'm obsessed i really am because now i feel so comfortable doing whatever the fuck i want anyways theme for the summer be a cunt and do whatever you want let's you know what let's take a bowl cheers to that ladies bowl time it's 11 o'clock in the morning time for a bowl wake up me every morning to myself um you already know what we're smoking paz packs cbd it's the morning you know that's all i can really fucking do right now um a lot

of people literally i was talking my dad about this he was like does cbd even work i was like you stupid idiot sorry it's my i was talking my dad not you if you don't know i don't hate on you i love you actually but like yes it does do a lot especially for people who are like chronic smokers like myself who maybe want to cut back or don't like smoking as much as they usually do understood that maybe their consumption was not at a healthy level also the benefits of it are very similar to that of weed i just don't get as much of the psychoactive effects. So I still am completely getting the body relaxation, the mind relaxation without the complete lack of brain power. Does that make sense? Because usually when I hit like a full

bowl or like smoke a joint, I'm preparing to sit down for a good 30 minutes after that. Like I can't lie. Or I'm going to at least prepare to space out somewhere in reality and do so. But with CBD I can get my shit done I can keep working I can stay focused and still have some of the positive effects that um I would still be kind of searching from a THC item but CBD flower CBD carts also if you get anxious or too high when you smoke CBD carts are the best um especially for somebody like me which I didn't even realize until one of my ex-boyfriends um I got way too high in his literally in his trailer one time like way too fucking high and it wasn't the edible time it was simply from smoking and i was like oh my god i can't breathe like i'm too high and he was

like hit this and i was like why the hell are you handing me a cart when i just said i'm too fucking high you idiot and he was like no no no like it's cbd like it'll bring you down and in my head i was like how is ingesting more of something gonna make me feel calmer but whatever i'll do anything at this point and literally i hit it and i felt so much better so much calmer i wasn't having the anxiety attack that i was previously having um and it's crazy how the effects kind of offset the natural anxiety and you know psychoactive effects that weed does naturally give you so you already know i like mixing it with my bowls i like taking full bowls of it or even just dabbing they also have incredible gummies um that are perfect for

nighttime um i personally like to supplement cbd for melatonin um i feel like i have a melatonin hangover in the morning sometimes when i eat melatonin it's just like not great for me um in the long run especially if i overuse it and then have you guys ever had like the melatonin dreams yeah they get crazy and i personally am not a huge fan of dreams because they're usually anxiety inducing because my brain likes to conjure up like the worst situations possible for me uh um anyways yeah cbd gummies right before bed pop a few 30 minutes before you go to bed love it especially as somebody who would previously like dab right before bed um i'd wake up in the morning and i would be like so fucking hungry like my stomach would just be

like eating itself up because if you smoke too late it like can make you a little sick because your metabolism is rising so cbd is great at night help you fall asleep help you get to bed you know cut back on your usage a little bit but you already know paz packs love of my life um code smokestash for 10% ah let's hit this sorry that was a whole ramble but oh yeah okay good morning all right i always put up that questionnaire on my instagram you know uh for you guys to send in shorter questions and so i'm gonna be reading a few off of there right now but somebody asked me how to cut back on screen time or like um doom scrolling like how to escape and let me tell you my experience because i have been speaking kind of against tiktok

um like for a while now but i just realized the implications that it had on my life this past month so in april i i didn't make it a challenge i kind of just got fed up with tiktok and i realized that it's nothing new and everything was just being regurgitated to me over and over again and it wasn't helping my brain grow in any sort of way and I quite honestly got bored with it so I just stopped getting on the app I maybe got on the app a total of two to three hours the month of April and the way my life changed that entire month is incredible I started putting together a brand I started making clothing I started doing product design for grinders I started creating more podcasts I'm coming up with more stuff from the podcast I went on a vacation I picked up more

work shifts so I was able to save money and now I can get a fucking apartment like so much shit happen i also something that i realized is i was i'm more combative when i'm on the app a lot because i feel like a lot of the information that i was getting fed to me was like high energy high combative um things people were constantly arguing in the comments no i'm right well this is why i'm right well let me give you my opinion and that i didn't realize was completely transferring over into my life i was combative with the people around me i would hear people listen to me and i'd be like okay cool well here's my opinion and completely not even take into account what they were saying i was constantly on the offensive and i was like why am i so like like on the like on

the offensive against the world what is going on and i realized it was from the stuff that i was consuming not like physically but mentally i was not consuming good content so the only content that I consumed in the month of April where um I only got on tumblr I occasionally get on pinterest lots of depop I basically use that as a social media site because I love just looking at clothes even if I'm not buying any and instagram instagram has completely I feel like a lot of people look at instagram and they're like this is a negative app but I completely rerouted the way I use it and I use it like pinterest now so um I feel like a lot of pin trips like people get on Pinterest not for a negative skew of things but more so for a positive skew like mood boarding,

creating new designs, coming up with new ideas, seeing artists that you like and feeling inspired, seeing quotes that you like and feeling inspired. That's how I started using Instagram and I save posts that I really enjoy and I put them into different categories and I like looking at other people's art and following new artists. I was having like new artists of the week that I was becoming obsessed with and like wanting to buy prints and encourage them in that way and in turn i was getting more creative and i started creating more things i painted for the first time in fucking years i started doing more with my life i allowed myself to get bored and i started seeing the product of creation seeing the product of boredom and it would it it's kind of mind-blowing

what I've gotten up to like it's it's insane it's insane now the month of May I got on there May 2nd for the first time in like months basically and I was on there for eight hours eight hours what did I get done that day nothing I didn't leave bed I don't even think I brushed my teeth Did I learn anything? Can I tell you anything new that I learned from that day? No. That is terrifying. That is insane. Especially when I was on it for such a long time. That's three fucking lectures in college. Eight hours, that's three to four lectures. And I would be able to regurgitate ten times the amount of information simply because I was sitting in a lecture. Now, what the fuck am I learning from TikTok? Nothing. I sat there for eight hours and I can't even tell you one video that I watched. I can't even remember one video. That's horrible. That is horrible. It's insane. And I realized that it's so easy to get trapped on there because something that I constantly do, a very constant theme throughout my life, is escapism. I love escapism. I love the idea of escaping my own life. now is it a good thing no probably not um but it's been a constant fucking theme throughout my life since i was a little girl how can i kind of dissociate and escape um and in turn remove myself from my own life and you know what a really fucking easy way to do that is tiktok tiktok

and i don't know how to set healthy boundaries with myself for it simply because the app doesn't healthy boundaries for me it's an endless scrolling it doesn't even update you with new posts like at least in instagram it's somewhat chronological you can scroll scroll scroll and then it'll be like okay two days ago okay now it's updating me for three days ago like it has some sort of chronological like stopping point tumblr tumblr doesn't i would say tumblr doesn't but it does so in a way that is way more informational and you can consume less information in a like shorter amount of time and still like consume and process it with tiktok it's just like my brain is not comprehending anything that i'm doing but it's feeling satisfied because i'm not

having to pay attention to my thoughts or my life at all and so i think i'm cutting out tiktok I think I need to cut out the app I really do because also the information that's on there I don't know if I'm not following the right people because I really think I am quite honestly but it's all just the same conversation being had over and over and over in new words and in new forms and people not agreeing even though they're saying the same exact thing and then and then like so much confrontation it is just I don't know if you guys get up to that at least as a creator like whenever I post on there I always always always get like a few people at least like trying to fight you in some sort of way and it's like the idea of wanting to be

heard but no one is listening does that make sense so I think I'm writing off TikTok just for my own creative purposes and my own purposes and trying to get shit done in life um but I think most of my doom scrolling and most of um my phone consumption was coming from TikTok because now I get on my phone and I only have three apps to cycle through and one of them isn't TikTok so one of them can't take up eight hours of my life I can only sit on Instagram for so fucking long before I'm like okay what what's going on in the real world you know what I mean and I would start paying attention um i would get bored and i start paying attention to what the fuck's going on around me and i would realize what's going on around me is boring so then i would get out of

my house and i would go do something but it's really easy to stay complacent and not move when there's something that's going to consume your whole day and your whole time right in the palm of your hands so they kept giving up tiktok also when i would get bored and i'd be forced out to the real world, I feel like when I was on TikTok, I constantly was observing the world from a consumer's standpoint. Is this image pretty enough? Is this car good enough? Am I in the best outfit? Am I enjoying this moment in a way that a third party would also enjoy it? It's kind of like the Truman Show effect. You constantly feel like somebody is watching you, but you never feel adequate enough because you assume that the person watching you doesn't enjoy it, even though you are

the person watching you and you were just projecting onto yourself um I realized when I was doing a lot of social media work or constantly on um TikTok um seeing all these perfected lives these perfected ideals these beautiful things um I was resenting my life outside of it because it didn't look similar um and I was constantly having that third party viewing in my head and judging what I was doing based off of that once I got rid of TikTok I completely stopped doing it and I stopped doing activities in the idea of consumption and the idea of beauty and that I think made me start enjoying the world again and I realized kind of how much of a hold TikTok was really having on me and how much of a negative hold it was having on me as well um do I think a majority of the app

is bad I think there's good parts to it I do I genuinely do do I know the healthy relationship in which to have that with TikTok I don't because unfortunately like fucking drinking I'm really bad at consumption and I'm really bad at limiting my consumption and it's really easy for me to get on that app and fall into it for a whole day so at this point it's like not even worth the risk to me i gotta learn how to set good boundaries with myself with at least um consuming tiktok in a healthy way if anybody has any tips and tricks um and how to turn tiktok to a fun place let me know because as much as i am only liking like little kitty videos and like little like chicken videos and people's farms it still fucking pumps drama to me and it still

pumps anxiety inducing videos to me and so it's like as much as it's a for you page it's still controlled in some sort of way in some sort of way that i can't control it so if anybody has tips tricks how to make kind of tiktok a healthy place to exist on let me know i finally figured out instagram so that's good i do have hope for tiktok but for right now in the in the place the app is in I think my life is just so much better without it quite honestly 10 times better and if an app is making that much of a drastic effect on your life whatever it is mine's tiktok but if yours is instagram if yours is tumblr if yours is uh pinterest if yours is literally anything I think there's no um or what am I trying to say I think there's like you should never feel bad for getting

rid of that like when people go on breaks on instagram I'm like cool I hope you find more of yourself I hope you figure out how to use this app healthfully um but I've been on a break from TikTok since like fucking January I haven't posted on my main account since January so I'm hoping soon I'll figure it out I'll get there I'm not really sure how but uh social media it's just and it's hard because I know that these apps are made for consumption and they want you to stay on there as long as possible so it's like it's really fighting against you i know i'll get there but for now i think i'm cutting tiktok out of my life just to kind of make my life a little better hey girls so i saw people on twitter discussing on being you know friends with your ex and i just

wanted to know your take on it if your partner is friends with their ex if you're friends with any of your exes personally i don't see the point in being friends with somebody who hurt you or any of your exes for that matter and apparently that makes me toxic but I'm not even friends with an ex that I ended on good terms with I don't care to be a friend with him I don't care to be friendly with him either I think it's life and you move on and keeping an ex around especially if you're in a relationship is just a recipe for disaster because then people will think you know that they've healed and then they actually have not healed so i don't know let me know what you think maybe i'm just fucking psycho oh oh my god okay um here's my answer personally

um i am not friends with any of my exes nor do i want to be or have any inclination to just like you um and my partner is the same way and I want that from my partner does that make me toxic maybe I don't think it really does I think everybody has just different boundaries um my first ever boyfriend I tried to be friends with him after we broke up and I think I just felt so much inclination towards him and i still felt that love and i still felt that and even though it was like um six months after we broke up i still felt that connection and i still felt felt like drawn towards him in that way and knowing i felt that way i knew i was never gonna be able to get over him unless i completely cut him out of my life and focused on myself which i did and

I realized okay that was the move that was the right thing I shouldn't hold on to old feelings old emotions I should let things live in the moment and then die when they need to um so yes I do find it weird when people are friends with their exes I know everything's situational though I really do I have a friend who um is friends with her ex and it's like okay y'all maybe didn't really like you hurt each other a little bit but maybe you weren't supposed to be in a relationship maybe you guys really were meant to be friends only and you you guys both absolutely don't feel that way towards each other anymore so it can work out would i feel comfortable with that in a relationship probably not but that's when it comes to the point of you would also have to find

a partner who would have to be okay with that so no i don't think you're toxic at all personally do i want to be friends with exes or do i want to have a partner who's a friend with their ex no not at all I don't I would like to be focused on each other um and I don't want to have that in the back of my head um that worry and I feel like I do worry about that specifically a lot so if I can just cut the middleman out and not worry about it at all like why why would I not does that make sense and if you're finding yourself um in the same ideals as I am and then maybe with a partner who is still friends with their with their ex maybe you guys aren't meant to be together maybe you guys have different boundaries maybe you guys um have different ways

of thinking and that's okay but maybe you need a partner who is a little bit a little bit more similar in the way you think all right um but i think people are going to be friends with who they want to be um it's you can't control that also you have to release control a little bit but do I personally choose to stay friends with the exes? No. No. I am a hard lover. I am. I'm loyal. I love that person with my whole heart in the time that I have and whether it stays or it doesn't is up to the situation but I have realized that it is unhealthy for me to constantly put myself aside for somebody else even outside of the relationship as well um and when i am not in a relationship i am completely and wholeheartedly focused on myself and when i am in a relationship

i'm completely and wholeheartedly focused on the relationship not in like a toxic way like of course i'm also focused on myself as you should be i don't think you should lose yourself in a relationship but if you're with a person i think you should give your all into them um twitter likes to call things toxic even though it's just an emotion i think everybody has varying degrees of emotions and boundaries so i don't really think anybody's being toxic as long as oh my god i like breathed in something as long as you're not trying to um control or manipulate anybody in any way so period that is that hi hannah so me and my sister are really big fans of your podcast we have listened to like every episode she found you on tiktok and then she um kind of put me on

to you and now we both like absolutely adore you but on 420 we did something fun we let our inner child come out again and we went and jumped on the trampoline with our friends and played like popcorn and a bunch of like games on it I just think that it's so much fun to like let your inner child out every once in a while but we just love you so much and can't wait for your next podcast this is so sweet and uh yes I agree we should all be doing something to let our inner child out at least once a day i really do think so um and i feel like recently i tweeted this but it was like i feel like girls are entitled to one good scream i feel like when i was a kid i really wanted to just like scream a lot and i realized i haven't let myself scream a lot so i think i'm

just gonna entitle myself to one good scream a day quite honestly and i feel like that is gonna feel very great but also speaking of popcorn on the trampoline the first time i ever broke my nose like big inner inner child thing right here like i love jumping on the trampoline with my friends there's nothing better and i think everybody can kind of relate to that um but we were playing popcorn one time and literally well i was i was the corn right and um i had my knees like pulled it to my chest but I was laying on my back right and everybody was jumping around me and they jumped a little too close and literally jumped on my face on my face on my nose broke the fuck out of my nose so yeah that was the first time I broke my nose love that but thank you for bringing that

memory back to me um and love you hello beautiful my name is Erin Kimber and I have been watching your TikToks since quarantine 2020 so I was so excited when you started the pod um my boyfriend Max and I love listening um we are studying abroad in Budapest right now so we've been listening from Europe every week hey so okay also we share a lot of the same placements in our birth chart and you share some placements with my boyfriend so like we'd be besties we're both Gemini so you already know we'd have the best conversations um also what's this is my question for you what are your favorite crystals my personal faves are black moonstone and pirates and i feel like you'd be a pirate girly too so let me know also how do you use your crystals in your day-to-day life

if you do use them in any like particular special way okay let me know love you kisses please of course you're a gemini your train of thought didn't stop once at all throughout the entire audio love you um thank you for listening even when you're on um fuck what is it called how did i just space out already holy shit study abroad right i think that's what it was um when it comes to crystals i um i think i use mine mostly by um intention and then also i incorporate it into my jewelry so all the crystals that I wear are what I work with and I didn't realize that until I was older but I've always had crystals on me in some sort um do I carry them on me sometimes I will hide them around in places um I don't work intentionally with them but I think

subconsciously I do um I'll like occasionally find rose quartz around wherever I am just because I have bought it and hid it somewhere so i think that has followed me continuously throughout my life um clear quartz as well just because i grew up in missouri and there's a lot of clear quartz like everywhere especially down in like the ozarks where i also grew up in the summers basically um but i always have emeralds on me my mother gifted me an emerald and diamonds i think my gemstone is a pearl but i don't ever use pearl emerald i always have on me and then there's one other that i always have on me and that is opal i consistently and always am called to opal um and i wear it constantly i you might got gifted this vintage opal ring for graduation

of high school because i didn't want a high school ring i wanted just like a cute cute ring that I could wear all the time and it had like one giant opal and then a bunch of these different types of opals circling the big one um it's like fire opals um like blue opal like beautiful oh my god um a few of them fell out though because my jeweler did a bad job with the prong adjustments so I don't wear that one anymore unfortunately but I do consistently replace it with new opal jewelry and I realized that all the opal jewelry that I place on myself um only stays on me within periods of time and then once i outgrow that period of time i lose that jewelry so whenever i lose that jewelry i always am like okay we're switching gears

a i gotta find a new opal piece of jewelry and b i'm transitioning somewhere in my life um i had this opal pinky ring that i got and i lost it when i broke up with like my first boyfriend and then I had like another opal ring that I lost um after I dropped out of college and then I had this like opal necklace um that broke when I quit nannying and I kind of switched gears into podcasting so very interesting has how that has worked throughout my life um do I intentionally work with them no I think I'm just intuitively drawn to them so let me know if there's any I should keep around me I love that you're a pyrite girly maybe I'll get into that um but thank you for submitting love you okay I have a question about smoking like keeping it kind of like on

the down low so I'm moving back with my parents and I did smoke when I lived there but I did almost get caught a few times because I was being stupid and definitely was smoking like in the house like with a window open but still um so I was wondering if you have any tips for like concealing the smell in the house like not when you're smoking in the house but like when you just have like the flower and stuff um because the stuff I get is loud girl it's loud so um yeah if you have any tips for like keeping it a little quieter I have a smell proof bag but I swear even that isn't enough um but yeah I love the podcast you are literally my favorite person right now um I swear to god I vibe every single time you be posting so love you girl

okay felt this because this is the only way my parents caught me um especially like I like had to hide it even when I was like 21 living with them like I had to always hide it they just will and I still have to hide it even at 22 so I feel you um especially moving back in you kind of are living or moving or living with them you kind of have to uh live under their rules right um smell-proof bags dime bags dime bags work you have to specifically get the smell-proof kind though um and you have to get get like a larger size than you were probably expecting because there's a lot of padding in there for the smell proofness um and i feel like it kind of eats up at the space so i would suggest dime bags um if not you can also use um like go to a goodwill and find a

flower jar anything with a um like the jars that have like the i can't give you a visual but the the latch that sounds like this you know like the old glass jars and then it has like the rubber seal in the middle um anything like that you will never smell anything okay those seal shit like no other um and you can get them quite honestly as big or as small as you want i guess you can also find them at like a walmart um but yeah the ones that can unhook and just like reseal that won't you won't ever smell that um and it's a nice investment you do have to hide a little bit though because it is big um when it comes to smoking honestly and these are all investments you need to make but quality of life will also increase which i have learned sometimes you gotta

pay for quality of life to go up surprisingly who the fuck thought under this capitalistic society um but um oh smoking if you're smoking indoors smoke buddies the like little things you can blow through smoke buddies incredible i'm like honestly shocked at how well they work because my friend lived on the eighth floor the top floor of our dorm room and when i first met her i like could not find anybody who smoked and then she was like yeah i smoke in here every day and i was like how the fuck are you smoking in your dorm room and not getting caught and it was her smoke buddy literally she would just take a hit like a small hit so no no more smoke was rolling from it and then blow it through her smoke buddy out her window no smell i was shocked at how well it

worked like shocked oh and there's this other company that i um saw called filter labs um let me pull them up real quick but they have this thing called the friend which is like a um it's like a filter like for your I think to blow through um and there's like flower seeds in it so it's biodegradable and you can just get rid of it and then quite honestly flowers will grow from it which is insane to me but I love it there were these um wax tips that I saw as well as beeswax and and uh flower seeds and i i got some of them and they were pretty incredible but um the friend is made for for the professional smoker the new design allows for a quicker more efficient exhale and the increased capacity means you can get up to 500 exhales per filter that's three times the

capacity of the pocket so filter labs uh their friend is also a great option but i personally have used a smoke buddy and that shit no smell good luck babe hi hannah um my name is nick i just want to start by saying i love your podcast so much but i wanted your like help or like tell me what to do about my ex who's basically a homie helper um and he keeps like so he broke up with me and then he like two days later he started dating my friend and then he broke up with that person and three days after that he started dating one of my close friends and like i don't know what to do about it. Because then the same day he broke up with that girl, he started dating another one of my friends. And there's two guys that are talking to him that he's like flirting with and

stuff too. And I don't know what to do. Like, should I tell my friend about this? Or should I like leave it? I don't know what to do. Anyways, I love your podcast so much. Please tell me what to do okay that was a lot i can't lie my brain was going everywhere um not because of you just because of the situation it's a lot to take in i personally never had like homie hoppers in my friend group it's like it's so confusing to me now they were in friend groups around me but i was always like why you know what i mean and i think growing up and especially looking back i think there's a few ways that like homie hoppers operate and here's the thing the key thing they're not operating that way because of you it's because of themselves okay so hear me out

i think a lot of the young people homie hop um you know jump back and forth between relationships break up very quickly have a lot of casual sex with random not random but people that they're in relationships with within the same circle because they're um polyamorous and and they want to be polyamorous but you can't find uh like it's very hard to find polyamorous people at a young age because a lot a lot of young people don't have that insight towards them and also can't do it maturely so of course you're gonna go look for other short-term relationships that benefit you until they don't anymore and then you're gonna leave um toxic not good not saying it's good um but that could be the case also i think people also do it as like a mind game um they they try

to do it as a power move now is it a power move towards you is it a power move towards someone else is a power move towards themselves who knows that's up to them and their own experience within this world but do i think you should have a little fun and gossip and talk about it yeah for sure for sure i'm a gemini i love talking about it especially sex especially to my friends so this would be a conversation i would be having asap especially if my friend was about to get involved with them i'd be like oh my god do you want another tea babe like should i tell you are you really invested in this person and they'd be like no tell me please you know what i mean like it's okay to have fun and gossip a little bit like you're not talking negatively but I

think it's totally fine to be like that person if you are wanting a long-term relationship with that person it might not happen because here is the receipt for everything else that's happened you know what I mean and also a little warning especially if you think your friend might not want that now if your friend does want that let them go let them do it but also I think it's totally fine to tell them and be like hey um fyi especially if they are a good friend um i'm all about chit-chatting and gossiping in that sort of way can't lie um but yeah i don't know i've never really had like i've never been a homie hopper i never thought that would be fun i always thought they would be like gossiping about me behind my back because i abs like not to say i'm

a gossiper but i am anyways good luck i believe in you tell your friend the truth that is very important but also if you're like oh my god is this a weird mind game against me i say don't pay attention to it too much because they probably got got a lot going on inside them that they're trying to figure out and you don't even need to touch on that you know work on yourself babe but love you hi henna i hope you're doing well i really love the podcast um i listen to all the time i'm in my last year of art school so i'm like i'll be like listening to the pod and like painting away and i'm loving it it's very uplifting because i feel like a lot of internet culture right it's all about self-deprecation and i feel like we're moving away from that and it's

it's very good so basically my question was was about mushrooms because yeah i'm very interested in them my artwork this year has been about it so I've been doing loads of research on it and basically I'm wondering like psychologs and stuff um they can really help with like anxiety and depression I've heard it can be quite an introspective experience you realize things about yourself so I was just wondering has that been helped has that helped you before have you realized things has it been negative positive realizations like what's the crack what's what's happening so yeah hope you all well hope you're doing good mushrooms okay we're getting to mushroom season again i feel like spring is very much so you know mushroom season

for growth discovering things in yourself um do i ever recommend mushrooms to anybody no i don't think i would ever recommend any psychedelic to anybody um i think you should really do research on like what your family history is with um mental illness and really understand the cons before you take it um i feel like a lot of people don't really know what they're getting themselves into and then get into it and realize you know it's a lot bigger than they realized and they get a little scared and i just feel like i want everybody to be prepared before they do any of this now have i enjoyed my experiences and do i enjoy them and am i gonna to probably partake again yes i would say so most of my experiences have been good um

they've made me realize things i like and don't like about myself which is interesting and they also i feel like every time because when i before i first did them i did a lot of research i feel like a lot of people do a lot of research or they should at least before they consume a new drug um and I did a lot of research on mushrooms lots of scrolling down random reddit threads lots of long youtube videos and documentaries um and I realized I all of the research I had done um kind of went out the window once I had my first experience because I realized it was like all the information all the stories that I was hearing were a thousand percent different from my own and that's okay because everybody's experience with mushrooms is

completely different um i mean there's some basic um like i mean your trip's always gonna last the same amount of length you know your uh it's gonna affect you probably differently your insights are probably gonna be different they do have a tendency also to mimic your favorite drug so um previously I had really been addicted to molly and so something that helped me stop molly was mushrooms because they mimicked the effects um but they didn't have the harsh come downs or anything really um all the negatives associated with molly you know what I mean I wasn't like like I wasn't speedy I wasn't like grinding my teeth and fucking like tripping out like that you know and I feel like I was also using mushrooms in a very healthy way so that was really good um that was a good

thing that came from it but um I enjoy the insight that they gave me and I continuously enjoy the insight that they give me and I think they do help a lot with my view on the world and my view on myself and in turn that depletes a lot of my depression and my anxiety um I think my social anxiety was mainly cured by mushrooms and realizing a lot of what I was holding myself back from um I think mushrooms can be very great especially in a spiritual standpoint um and I love them if you take them in the right way you take them in a healthy mindset you take them looking for um insight you take only a little bit keyword a little bit don't overdo yourself i think there are a lot of very positive properties am i promoting drug use no i'm not i'm just saying

my opinions um for spotify uh but i i have enjoyed them and i have enjoyed my experiences with them and even the negative experiences that I've had I've still had some sort of insight like me I think I've told the story before me and my boyfriend took like 10 grams and even though that was a very intense trip and there were some dark times there were some light times um it wasn't as overwhelming and deep-pitted as acid I feel like acid has um more of a uh man-made quality to it I really enjoy the connection that mushrooms give you back to like grounding yourself so if you are interested you have no um history of severe family uh mental illness or like dementia or um not dementia what is it alzheimer's something it like I said you got to do your own research but I know

it can trigger certain certain things in people even weed can so always be careful um any drug quite honestly um so as long as you're paying attention to that and you're doing it in a healthy environment and you're doing it in a healthy way i think mushrooms can be very very positive for anybody who's taking them quite honestly um and i am probably going to soon hopefully i have no idea um there's some great legal companies that you can check out as well i found i find most of mine through instagram so yeah if you're interested i say do it quite honest oh no no i'm not promoting drug use me to my younger self yeah i would say do it don't be so scared and also everything that you read online your experience is going to be totally unique totally different so yes prepare

yourself but don't overwhelm yourself with information um especially like other people's stories um because it's going to be absolutely completely different so just enjoy the ride enjoy the trip and have a great time anyways it's 12 o'clock i'm gonna go make myself a salad and let's hit one more bowl i'm trying to get these screens done and cleaned i'm making my own screens for screen printing babes the merch it's coming soon everything handmade handmade by me when you get that hoodie in your hands literally i'm going to be hand painting it so keep that in mind um I'm very excited though I'm hoping to do merch photos this weekend um and yeah I'm excited to see where this goes um I'm also very excited to eat my salad holy shit

where's my weed um if you need a good salad recipe here's my favorite um and I've made a tiktok video about this but kale i thought i was a kale hater for the longest time i love kale it's actually my favorite leafy green um and my favorite way to prepare it is well you have to strip the stalk so rip the stalk out of the center because that's just like it's basically just bitter um and you always always always massage your kale leaves in like oil and whatever seasonings you want to put on it so i mean i do olive oil salt pepper cayenne pepper as well maybe some white pepper um super yummy massage that bitch up um and then basically you take half an avocado mix that in with the greens like mash it up um parmesan cheese itty bitty pieces of like

croutons so like like crunch up croutons so they're really small and like broken like powdery um lemon juice and what else am i forgetting i think that's honestly it and it's kind of like um i would say it's kind of like a caesar salad i feel like the avocado adds the creaminess to it but it's so good it's my favorite salad that i've like ever made um and it's my newest like lunch addiction so give it a shot let me know what you think i'll definitely be posting a photo on instagram later so check it out that was a big hit holy shit anyways i love you all so much thank you for joining me it's 12 o'clock i gotta get

this podcast to you guys i know you're waiting to listen um but i love you thank you for joining me thank you for being here thank you for being yourself remember always be a cunt do whatever the fuck you want and live your best life love you i will see you guys next tuesday as always i will be posting a um what's it called a questionnaire on instagram per use um if you want to submit call-ins they're in my instagram bio at hannah marlene that's where all the questioning goes down so submit it there love you and i'll see you tuesday have a safe weekend