Smoke Sesh - being alone, anxiety, finding peace & plan b

Episode Date: February 18, 2022

Happy Friday! Sorry we’re a day late, but todays episode is packed with so many questions. Hannah updates you on her life, why the podcast was a little late (sorry), how to be alone and why being alone is the best, how to handle anxiety and overthinking, mindfulness, finding peace, plan b, how to period, free bleeding, and apologies & how to handle them. Thank you for being patient and I hope you enjoy todays episode! Remember to submit all questions to Instagram @hannahmarlene. MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, someone to look out for them. Some people call me their internet big sister, others their fairy smoke mother. You can call me Hannah, the new host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. Some good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. Good morning, everybody. How are we all doing?

Happy? Not Thursday. i know usually i would say thursday but happy friday exciting to have you here welcome back um so apologies we're a little day late oh my god i'm house sitting for my um parents right now and i'm well i'm dog and cat sitting my cat lives with my parents and i'm watching them just like fight each other and my cat has gained so much weight he looks like a meatball it's so funny when he runs around they're like playing together so if you hear something in the background that's them but i was supposed to upload on thursday and that wednesday night i was

working and everybody was like is it supposed to snow today like people thought it was supposed to snow it was gonna like rain or thunderstorm but then it said it's supposed to snow but we were like what the f because it's 70 degrees out how the hell is it supposed to snow you know and so I got off work at like 10 30 it was raining a ton but it had not snowed quite yet and so I was like whatever I'll have an easy Thursday have a day off finally and I can record my podcast I had some packages in the mail that I was excited to open you know get some work stuff done whoa my cat is going crazy he's so funny if you my cat's name is danger he's like my baby boy he's like 10 years old but he loves to play um but i woke up thursday morning to what probably a good

foot and a half of snow yeah yeah and when i record my podcast i like to give you guys like my true undivided attention i like to be my true self so like i like to record those in private like i like to just be on my own vibe like on my own time smoking my weed doing my thing recording my podcast and my boyfriend didn't have work that day so we just ended up spending the day together and um just like locked inside basically and dog sitting so so sorry it got out a day later to you but i will always update for you whether or not it's coming out late if i'm not doing one if something's happened in my life i will always update you for that on the podcast instagram which is at smokes as shoddy and then i always post it on my main as well

which is where you can submit questions um at hannah marlene but i posted i posted on the podcast um website or not website what the fuck am i trying to think the podcast um instagram and i was like hey guys so sorry it's gonna be a day late but like i already put one out for the week so go listen to that first if you haven't prepare for friday i will upload it's like a few people were like hannah i just can't do it with the with the with the random schedules i can't do it with the inconsistency and it's like listen listen i work oh my god dog you're gonna have to calm down like i work 40 plus hours a week not on my creative side not on my social media side that is solely with bartending and serving and then i work 12 plus hours a week on podcasting and six

plus hours a week on my own personal instagram stuff like that social media management for outside companies any sort of like um side work that i have to do so that's like all my time that's all my time so when i say i'm getting shit out to you late like i'm so sorry but you have to understand that like i'm a human being too i can't i'm not a i'm a content creator yes but i'm not solely existing to create content or else what the fucking point what's the point of like living if i'm just gonna create content like that is not a fun life to live i do it for fun i do it for you guys to have this little some extra to do and i do it twice a week which is fucking insane because it takes me four hours to record a podcast so if you could be a little patient with me that would

be like so wonderful there's gonna be times where I'm not gonna upload there's gonna be times where I maybe take a day off or I'm a day late and listen that's okay that will never not be okay in my head because just like the way I want you guys to prioritize yourself I always have to prioritize myself as well and that includes making sure that i can get good podcasts good content out to you on days that work for me so tuesdays and thursdays are pretty much usual i have kept up with that except for maybe like two weeks um and i'm just getting you on a day late today so i do apologize if you went looking for a podcast and it wasn't there i'm here now i'm ready to have a good time i hope you guys are too let's get into some questions oh my god i just got the most insane

fucking package in the mail so canna style um they're incredible they personally reached out to me they were like we love you we used to follow you on tiktok well i reach out to them first and they're like we'd love to work with you and send you some stuff if you want to try it out oh my fucking god i'm gonna be posting these bongs later and i'm gonna rip them like on um audio of course but like these are the prettiest fucking things i've ever seen in my entire life like a solid fucking they got me a strawberry bong with a strawberry bowl then i got a strawberry pipe and this like iridescent like oh my god colorful little um like rig and then a glow-in-the-dark celestial bong and then a bunch of little goodies i am literally blown away they really pulled

through i'm probably going to be posting um them in a little bit just because like i gotta show them off like my collection at this point is incredible i have some crazy pieces if you ever want to see them i always post them on my instagram at hannah marlene but holy shit i got home and i was like it was like random people asleep in my living room i think my roommate had a party i was like vibes love that but i'm gonna smoke a little bit i got a breakfast burrito on the way over my house munch and we're gonna answer some questions i asked for some more questions on my instagram yesterday because i didn't film a podcast yesterday so i was like all right let's fit some more in you know what i mean so i have literally so many to go through so let's dive

right in okay my bestie my bestie sydney asked me also if you guys need like the best bikini on the planet and you're trying to prepare for the summer um shop sydney mary on instagram oh my god one of a kind handmade sustainable recycled materials supporting small businesses love her she's doing a drop on february 22nd so it's 2 22 i know keep your eyes peeled anyways she asked me tips for going out by yourself and i think that's a very valid question because a lot of you don't know true freedom and true freedom is being able to be content by yourself okay and i feel like to feel content by yourself you have to feel content by yourself more so in public spaces does that make sense and i used to think like oh is it weird for me to go

out to a restaurant alone is it weird for me to i don't know see a movie alone is it weird no it's not okay at this point like working as a bartender i have realized so many people i have so many regulars who just spend their time alone and they don't want to be in their house anymore so they come to our restaurant they sit down and they facetime their friends while they're there or they sit on their phone and have fun doing that or they talk to us and they have fun enjoying their drink enjoying their food and then they move on with their day and keep having fun alone and truly you really don't know true freedom until you can do that and it does take simply just you pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone to get there does that make sense like yeah at first

it seems really really fucking hard to uh go out and do something by yourself go to a restaurant alone but until you do it a few times push yourself out of your comfort zone a few times you realize all that press uh pressure all that stress was really just something you were conjuring up in your head and nobody in the real world gives a fuck about you in the most like peaceful way possible no one's thinking about you no one's worried about you like you are no one's over analyzing everything you're doing it's just yourself so go out there enjoy your time enjoy doing things you want to do especially things that you're like i want to do this but i can't find somebody to do it with me don't miss out on the opportunity just because you can't find

one other person to fit with you because i guarantee once you get to that thing whether it's a concert whether it's a new restaurant whether it's a new event you want to try out you're going to get there and you're going to meet people who are also there to have a good time okay and if you don't meet people who are there to have a good time you'll at least get out and spend some time alone and with yourself like this morning i went i am dog sitting like i said so i dropped i had to drop my parents dog off at their house and then i went to the coffee shop and i just sat there for like a good 30 45 minutes just drinking my coffee doing some workbook stuff um being a little nosy listening in on people's conversations like whatever and i finished my

work pack my shit up and i left and it is genuinely so fucking relaxing and so nice just to feel comfortable with myself and the more i feel comfortable with myself out in like public spaces when i'm like kind of worried about being perceived by other people i then so feel more comfortable by myself in my own space as well and i don't get as bored anymore i don't get as um stir crazy because i have things that i can do by myself both at home and in public so just push yourself i guarantee it'll turn out great let me know how it works also if you're going out out by yourself like parties bars i'm not sure i'm not sure which way you meant to word this question it could go any way so we're gonna cover all our bases here but if you're going out like clubbing or to a bar by

yourself you need to be very very careful as well like i don't want you guys to ever live in like a constant fear of anything happening but you can't be naive enough to let things happen does that make sense um like as much as i want to be uninhibited and live in a world where i am protected by um my surroundings i unfortunately as a woman am not so it's very good to be like yes you should be able to go out to a nightclub by yourself go out to a bar by yourself absolutely but also make sure you have like a safe way to get there and back you're not gonna be make sure you're not like blacking out like no one can take advantage of you you're just having a few drinks doing your thing having a good time um but yeah just make sure you're safe but you should be able

to do like quite honestly anything alone i've gone to concerts alone i've gone on road trips alone i and all of them literally all of them quite honestly have been good so someone asked me oh girly okay i'm turning 20 this year and i'm devastated i miss the joy of being a child what is your 20s like okay first of all take a deep breath you should not be devastated if you're 20 if you're turning 20 20 baby you're still a child like i hate to bring it to you but people have this idea that like when you turn 20 um you're an adult your life's over everything sucks which is like what we're sold to us so like fair i understand why you think that um but in the reality of what it's like to grow up your 20s are kind of like a second stage or maybe i guess a third stage of

childhood okay because you go through your childhood then you go through your teens right that's like a big stage and then you go through your 20s which is also another very big stage and i don't think throughout your entire 20s you ever feel like an adult you're you're called an adult you're given a few adult responsibilities but i don't think you will quite honestly ever feel like adult until you're past 30 i don't think anybody thinks they have everything figured out until they turn 30 quite honestly so i don't think you should be putting this huge giant pressure on yourself i don't think you should really be worried about it literally take a deep breath and have some fun okay you can't even drink yet so i don't think you should be too too stressed

yeah you are gonna get more responsibilities more things to do so yeah you are losing your childhood in a sense but you're also losing your childhood in a sense of you also have more freedom and you have more opportunities and you're now in control of your life okay so it's one trade-off for another there's no way you want to be babied and told what to do and live under your parents through for the rest of your life and if you do like fine that is psycho i'm not sure why but you're like adulthood is the best and you'll realize that as soon as you like start to creep into it maybe once you hit 22 that's where i am and i'm kind of realizing that like it's not as stressful as i thought it was but don't let all these adults get to you and make you think that

oh like your life's over now you're not gonna have fun you're like very much so still young like give it till your 30s and then you'll have it figured out i promise oh i think i need a bowl i think i need a bowl it's 11 a.m i didn't sleep like at all last night either because um i was house sitting you know for my parents dog and it snowed so much that i was like i can't get over here i can't get back and forth between my house and their house to let the dog out so i'm just gonna kidnap the dog and we took her over to my boyfriend's house for the night and she did good she just like kept getting up in the middle of the night so i'm running on like five hours of sleep plus like i've gotten maybe four to five hours the past week of sleep because

i get off work at like so fucking late and then i wake up i don't know why my brain thinks this is an okay thing to do like ever but i wake up at like 7 a.m no matter what like what the f are you kidding me that's a curse quite honestly someone asked me the other week and was like how do you or i think i covered this in a podcast i think i talked about it but literally as a topic they were like how do you wake up so early and i was like literally i unfortunately conditioned myself and now i can't uncondition myself oh my god this like rig is so fucking pretty they sent me this like iridescent recycler rig so beautiful oh my god i think i'm it has a bowl attachment so i think i'm gonna smoke a little bully bowl out of it too um but holy shit canna

style pulled the fuck through with these beautiful ass pieces okay let me fill this up oh my god she's so pretty let me finish let me hit this bowl okay y'all want to hit this bowl with me let's get into it i need to pick up too damn oh yeah that was good okay speaking of our 20s somebody else asked me um what is the purpose of your 20s all i do is work study then reward by smoke reward with smoke and drinking dot dot dot which like felt there is a purpose for your 20s but i think the purpose kind of happens subconsciously does that make sense your 20s is basically just another developmental stage okay the same way

your teens are like your teens aren't for really figuring anything out um you just live them and then you realize oh okay i figured a lot of shit out by the end of my teens okay same thing for your 20s you spend your 20s just living because quite honestly that's all you can really do during your 20s like you said you sleep you work you study and then you enjoy some sort of substance which we all have our vices but it's not there's not like certain goals that you have to achieve there's not certain things that you have to do like especially because like there's no certain rules there's no certain things to accomplish in your 20s which is why I think a lot of people feel lost you graduate college and then it's like well what do I do now and I didn't even go to

college so i very much so was like what the fuck do i do you know what i mean i genuinely believe it's just for living your life the best you possibly can taking it simply one day at a time and i i genuinely believe by the end of my 20s i will just have figured it all out like i know that sounds crazy but i need time and i need experience and i need to simply live to figure those things out so I'm allotting myself those 10 years that time to just live my life and do what I think is best and make choices that I think are best for me at the time and genuinely like try my best to build a life that I enjoy and all the adult responsibilities all the quote-unquote goals that you have to achieve in your 20s will come um to you now like in your

teens there's little goals like oh graduating high school and some people have that in their 20s but it makes you feel even more left out if people are achieving certain goals that maybe you can't achieve or you didn't achieve and I think it's very important to prioritize your goals based on what truly feels right to you and make sure those goals that you are setting for yourself that you emphasize those to yourself so when you get moments of oh well i did it a little different than anybody than everybody else oh well this person achieved this big goal and i didn't it's like okay well that person is living their own fucking life you don't know what the fuck they have figured out you don't know what they're doing so forget all about them what are your goals what

are you working on what are you driven towards okay i don't think there's any like certain emphasis on your 20s for something it's simply just for living and building the future that you can finally build for yourself um and taking that simply just one step at a time because i used to be like i turned 20 i need to figure it out and that literally is impossible and it's genuinely so fucking overwhelming to try and tackle all of those things all at once so just take it one step at a time and take a deep breath and you'll be okay i promise we'll make it through our 20s together it's really it won't be too stressful I promise you oh this is a great question okay somebody asked me how do I get out of bed on those days that are extra hard mental health days

and when I am having extra hard mental health days um I genuinely do try and let myself I think the way to kind of approach depression and sadness is to welcome it and I know that's kind of crazy i feel like a lot of the um depression tips lol that people give out are just like you need to battle your depression away and it's like no at this point you do have to make a friend of it listen to it hear it and then send it send it on its way okay so if you have the time to allow yourself to work through those and maybe that involves not getting out of bed that's okay whatever that is do it but i do understand that we have hard days we have days where it's hard to get out of bed and there's shit we gotta do there is deadlines there is work there is money

to be made you know like we got shit to do um on those days i try to the same way you would a toddler having a little bit of a hard day maybe a little tantrum is i incentivize myself is that a i just treat myself okay if i'm having a really fucking hard morning you know what maybe that's a day where i don't put on any makeup and i don't really put on a crazy outfit i just go with something easy something that i know i feel good in and comfortable in maybe go for a bare face day don't do my hair but i go out for coffee in the morning i go get myself a little treat something that i don't usually do you know what i mean or for lunch i push through my morning and then for lunch i know i'm gonna treat myself to my favorite lunch spot or whatever your favorite thing is okay

and maybe you have to do that for every meal maybe you have to buy yourself a little thing online i'm not saying it can all be solved by capitalism but i do like to i don't know reward myself for doing things and it does really help i'm not even lying to you it really does anything i can do to like motivate myself or being like okay well after i get all the shit done i'm i'm literally gonna allow myself to just go home cry it out hang out with my boyfriend cuddle like cuddle fucking watch a movie and pass out like i'm gonna allow myself to just veg out all night and feel myself fully okay you can incentivize yourself with that way but when there's shit to do sometimes literally you just gotta take it easy on yourself but get up also i have realized showering in the morning

i'm not a morning shower i feel like people either morning showers or your night showers but i don't understand people going and doing shit all day and then not showering at night and then sleeping in your sheets and then waking up and showering like what so i am absolutely a night shower but who said you can't shower twice in a day um hop in the shower in the morning if you're having a hard time getting up it's so rejuvenating literally it is like refreshing just you don't even have to like wash your hair or anything if you're already clean just like get in the water it feels like you're a newborn as soon as you step out and it makes things a lot easier to do because you feel like you've taken one step towards bettering yourself

so it's way easier to take a ton more steps towards betting bettering yourself as well oh my god i got cotton mouth like a bitch i want to take some instagram pictures in the snow i don't know like what kind of snow instagram outfit vibe would work does that make any sense like i have this beautiful blonde rabbit fur coat that i think could be baller and like a black bikini i don't have a black bikini you want to know my other favorite store to shop for bikinis at other than my bestie sydney um literally i go to the sex shop i said this on tiktok last year when it was like bikini season and they took my video down i was like you guys are so fake literally sex stores like stripper stores they have the best like kind of um it i know it's

just like stripper outfits but i use it as swimwear i don't know like i don't mind a little thong moment i don't mind a little you know what i mean and they're super cute they're a little more expensive but literally it's and like um small business like stripper designers like where they make stripper bikinis those bikinis also doubles just regular bikinis and 10 out of 10 i do very much so enjoy them if you go on my instagram i have pictures um in my stripper bikini on the beach of malibu it's a vibe but this is a great question actually okay what's your favorite everyday accessory that just completes the fit besides blazy susan valid blazy susan they need to contact me because i just promote the show to them they're incredible though i'm obsessed with

their pieces or not even pieces what am i talking about their papers in general um and their pieces tbh i use i'm literally about to use their ashtray has this little like bowl attachment so i can just clean my bowls out super easily it's like a spike um but my favorite um like everyday accessory is quite honestly jewelry none of my jewelry ever comes off it's all high quality it all stays on my body 24 7 until it literally falls off or i lose it um that was like my favorite compliment my um boyfriend would give me when we first started like seeing each other is he'd always be like you have so many like great accessories like you're always accessorized and i love it like i love your jewelry you look so put together

and i was just like damn like thanks thank you for noticing that really i really appreciate that um i'm gonna hit this bowl also but literally all my jewelry and it's all gold um basically but i love collecting jewelry i love um finding new vintage jewelry i wear like four gold necklaces a day one's like a little gold fairy that i got on etsy if you're ever looking for new jewelry ebay and etsy are probably your best bet um i have a little fairy one i have a little um cursive p for my boyfriend um that i got in la i think we were in malibu we were in this like i went to this um he went to go get a massage and i was gonna go get my um angels not like my uh they're gonna speak to my spirit

guides for me and i was had to wait about 30 minutes so i went to this little jeweler and they handcrafted some incredible pieces so i bought this gold necklace from them and then i just wear like a gold everyday chain and then i have our double gold hoops which i love the double gold hoops such a vibe um i have my rings on um and also a little bit more recently other than that because i really don't put a lot of thought into my jewelry like it's just always on me unless i'm buying a new piece let me hit this bowl again and i haven't gotten them done in a while but my nails i recently got my nails done and they did such a fucking incredible job

they did such a good job and i think that's gonna be my new favorite accessory piece is just having cute ass fucking nails right now they're pink baby pink french tips and then i had them completely covered in rhinestones um but they even told me this they were like the rhinestones are gonna fall off with hot water because i told my bartender they were like listen they're gonna fall off with hot water but they did say they were gonna replace them for free but i know i'm not that extra um i'm just gonna kind of let them fall off on their own because i like the randomness of it and then i'll just have plain baby pink french tips and i think that's a vibe i don't know what i don't know what i'm gonna get for my next set

but i'm so excited that's like my i think it's gonna be my new favorite thing it really just completes an outfit it makes me feel put together all the time um and also like i don't even have my makeup done or anything and it makes me feel like put together and also um it helps me i have like so i have um just anxiety like i have bad anxiety um and picking at my nails and my face are both like a trigger warning if i'm having like a little bit of an anxious episode i'll notice i'm picking at myself and also like kind of like a soothing method but i need to stop doing it um and most of my acne was simply caused from the germs from my hands and my fingers and from like picking at myself and getting spots in my face irritated when they weren't irritated before

so nails if they're like long as fuck like i can't get the right angle on my acne and i can't pick at my face so i don't do it and it helps my acne so much so much so much also i had one of you guys um dm me the other day and i've talked about this before but i had one of you guys dm me and they were like literally like before you said this i thought this was the grossest thing ever but i tried it once and i'm obsessed and it's free bleeding free bleeding literally i am having the easiest period ever also i thought i was pregnant for a little second if you saw my tiktok I made one it was like um just making fun of myself because I saw Rihanna's accessory baby bump and I was obsessed and I was like maybe I could be pregnant I think it'd be so cute

and um but I was like in all reality I literally don't know where my period is it's been a month and a half and I totally forgot this like I don't know like I know my period's supposed to happen like around the first of the month you know like it's supposed to but we're hitting what is it it's february 18th holy shit and i forgot that my period is also like synced to the full moon so i was like where the fuck's my period where the fuck's my period oh my god where is it and the full moon happened in leo the other day and boom immediately got my period obsessed but my period used to be so bad like i'm talking bleeding through a super plus tampon in an hour like bleeding through like like fully flooded like a lot of blood um cramp so bad that i would pass

out like i'd be sitting on the toilet at school and i'd pass out and i have to call my mom and i'd be like can you call me out for the day and this is still genetic i would have had no idea it was genetic until i talked to my mom um and she was like yeah i used to pass out from my cramps too and i was like oh my god who would have thought um you know it's like talking to your mother and seeing what her cycle like is like if you have that kind of connection um is super helpful even if you don't just like getting valuable health history information even if it's not health history that's written down by your doctor but literally just like word of mouth from your mother like what are her experiences as a woman because they're directly going to kind of

show what your experience as a woman is going to be like as well um she used to have super heavy periods when she was younger luckily the older you get the kind of more that you regulate out and i feel like by the end of high school i was pretty regular um but they were still painful they were still really heavy and that continuously happened until after i got my iud i didn't get my period for a few months after i got my iud and then after i got it i was like okay so it's like a very painful procedure very painful if i'm getting it removed um i'm getting put under which i do have to get it removed in a few months i'm going to find a place like this is non-negotiable i have like severe trauma from the pain i endured um and that's i my feelings are valid i feel like

there's not a lot of um research nor um awareness that is put towards women's health um completely not fair to us because what the fuck that's just painful so i'm gonna make sure that i get put the fuck under okay getting my iud removed and i'm probably gonna get it replaced because if i'm under i have no issue with getting it replaced i love the iud i think it's great the only downfall was literally the insertion process but after i had the insertion process done two months later my period started which was normal they said that would probably happen um everything down there just kind of had to re-regulate and um it was a normal period you know what i mean but i was terrified to like put anything up there like i had had sex like not like that terrified but

specifically tampons i didn't know why like the the idea of another foreign object like up inside me just like was not comfortable so i was and that's all i had been doing like i wore pads when i first started my period but then i realized pads get kind of gross after a while like it's kind of gross to sit in your fucking pad for like a long time um like why not just have a tampon so then you it's not like outward it's more inward does that make sense anyways like i went through a good five years of tampon use and then i was like i'm done and so what i have been doing and what i fucking swear by i swear by is free bleeding my period lasts upwards of three days upwards okay it is the lightest it's ever been because i just let my body naturally push it out

of me all right and i don't get cramps as bad as i used to like at all like my cramps are so fucking manageable now like i used to pass out and now they're minuscule minuscule like i can take ibuprofen and i'm chilling or i can get a little heat pad and i'm chilling you know what i mean and then they it doesn't last as long if i'm at home i just put a towel down you know like a towel that's like i don't know it doesn't have to be a nice towel i have some white towels obviously i'm not using that but i use my old towels just sit on a towel let myself free bleed if i'm out and about like i was just running errands um literally it's so light now that i can just have a liner i know crazy right and i just change it when i get home you know like i can go a couple

hours so free bleeding into a liner but at first i had to use a pad because it was still a little heavy um and then when i get home taking take that pad off you know just sit on a towel changed my life it makes things genuinely so much easier i thought it was gonna be a mess i thought it was gonna be horrible but i realized i had kind of been doing it um but since like like subconsciously because i don't know if you guys are like me but i would literally just go sit on the toilet when i got home like if i was wearing a tampon just go take it out and sit on the toilet and just let myself just like sit there for fucking like straight up 30 minutes like just bleed out into the toilet and then i was like oh if i'm gonna sit on the toilet for this long i'm gonna probably

get a hemorrhoid which sounds horrible so why don't i just sit on a fucking towel why don't i just sit on a towel life changed 10 out of 10 recommend especially if you do have a hard time with your period um i don't think it's something you should be ashamed of i don't think it's something you should be grossed out by it's something that's gonna happen every month and you better get used to it and you better find a routine that works best for you and your uterus because i know she is on a whole different fucking track than my mind is oh my god she puts me through so much pain but yeah i just free bleed it out love it 10 out of 10 tell me if you've tried it let me know how you how you enjoy it and if you don't or if you haven't tried it give it a

shot i guarantee it'll change your life someone else asked me my thoughts on plan b um i have my own thoughts on all the birth controls i put that in a whole different podcast maybe it's the beginning of the year i'm not sure anyways um i've taken plan b a few times in my years as we all have as women um it's a valid option i think plan b is way better than having a child but i think people some people use and abuse it a lot and it's definitely not made to be used and abused because i have realized especially as a woman the more normal and regulated my hormones are the better i feel drastically the better i feel okay i used to be on the pill in high school i think i've talked about this and i think this also added to my depression a lot but i was never

consistent with my pill and it made my hormones just constantly fucking go crazy because i was never on a regulated cycle and then i was just extra extra fucking moody depressed irritable just an overall fucking cunt okay and that's a big reason why i stopped the pill and i stopped the pill completely and i was off birth control for a little bit and i realized oh my god i feel way way better when i am just on fucking nothing and so then i did some research and then i was like okay i mean i need birth control because i don't fucking trust i just raw dog it like i am not responsible you know what i mean like i'm not out here using condoms so and you should don't this is not advice i'm just listen if you ever hear something i say and it doesn't sound like

good advice it's probably because it's not advice it's probably just my experience not all my experiences have been good um but i realized like i just need to do some research and there are options available to me okay that match my hormones better you know what i mean and that's going to be a little different for everybody else but i realized the skyla iud is probably the best for me because it's a very very low dose um iud and it's also not high in estrogen which i was worried about because i have a history of breast cancer in my family so i then got on the iud and i have had no issues with my hormones since that but when i wasn't on anything and i did need to take a plan b i realized that the plan b

fucked up my hormones like crazy like crazy like i would have a whole month after taking that plan b for my hormones to just go wild and then they would eventually settle like kind of after that month but holy shit for that month were they crazy all right so if you can avoid taking those and just figure out a healthy regulated form of birth control do that but if you do need to take a plan b do understand that if you're feeling a little off a little crazy afterwards usually it is the plan b and just to take it slow and work with yourself okay um but i i like i'm not a i'm a fan as in i love having multiple options for women and women should be able to find accessible like health care options even though the plan b isn't super accessible that bitch is like 50

dollars like oh my god um like have take a plan b if you don't want to have kid valid but also understand like if you can prevent it maybe do that um just to protect your hormones if you can um but yeah pretty neutral vibes on the plan b all right let's take another little bowl and then we have a sponsor for the podcast today guys i already mentioned them at the beginning of this month um i'm working with them all month not through the pro well yeah i'm working with them all month through the podcast we've been working together for fucking months years actually oh my gosh love them um but also on instagram uh is paz packs paz packs cbd they are the most incredible cbd brand i have ever come by if you have not tried cbd it is the best whether you're on a

tolerance break whether you just can't smoke whether you are trying to smoke less maybe you just want to incorporate something a little different into your routine cbd is literally the best and paz packs has some of the highest quality best shipping handling customer service packaging that you could ever fucking imagine ever imagine okay let me hit this bowl and then i'm gonna keep going because i need to smoke here's what i like to do first of all beautiful beautiful pre-rolls they have pre-rolls of all kinds cutest packaging they have matches in the packaging and a fuck you can strike the matches on the box light your

joint all in once so cute they have different strains whether you're a morning afternoon evening person i think it makes the greatest gift the greatest gift because it's so absolutely cute and a lot of people don't understand the benefits of cbd so if you're interested give that a shot cutest pre-rolls okay also they have carts i love carts they have um delta a and cbd carts i've been using the delta eight one a lot like while i need to go to work um because i don't want to smoke at work so i'll hit their delta eight cart incredible doesn't make you get like incoherent like delta eight doesn't make you get high okay let me be honest with you well also i have a very very high tolerance so maybe if you've like never smoked it might give you a little bit of a whew but you know

my tolerance is up there up there i need that good weed okay delta eight's a little different it gives you that body high and a little bit of that mellow head high but it doesn't make me paranoid anxious overwhelmed it doesn't get me like way high okay it's a nice little thing to hit if you need to relax your body calm your mind cbd though cbd is a little different as in it's a little bit more mellow than delta a i feel like delta a is a little bit more uplifting like you would think a sativa might be um cbd is a little bit more mellower um it's gonna make you more relaxed more calm they also have cbd cards love love love um and also they got greens you can just get some you can get an eighth you know my favorite thing to do is grind it up if i am sometimes i'm

like i don't want to smoke in the morning um and i want to save it for night and if you're trying to put off smoking or like trying to save your tolerance a little bit smoke cbd in the morning and then save your nights for smoking weed you'll feel more alert you'll get more shit done you'll have a better day and then you can treat yourself at night save some money um save your tolerance a little bit and also you can just supplement with cbd while you're taking a week a month long um a little tolerance break either way also like straight up like there's so many uses and i didn't realize this and this is why i'm going on this little rant because i want you to know the benefits um because i didn't realize how many great fucking benefits there are um but if you're

the type to green out you get very very anxious when you smoke that's okay i am the same way i just have more experience with it so i'm able to handle it um a little better like we all get that way i like to tell everybody it's just a side effect of weed everybody gets anxious it's just all based on how you can handle it um is if you get too too greened out too too far feeling a little uncomfortable either grind cbd into your weed and do a mix so then you won't get that uncomfortable um or if you can hit that green out point just take one rip off like a cbd pen boom you're set all anxiety gone it's crazy it kind of like offsets that anxiety effect so if you're interested in giving it a shot paspax cbd is incredible you can find them on

instagram you can find them at paspax.com um and for this entire month which is what i'm very very excited about when i first partnered with them it was for this as well um as they are donating all profits and i'm also donating all commission i make from them to the last prisoner project and um the the drug policy alliance um just say no was the slogan for 1980s version of dare a government-sponsored anti-drug propaganda campaign when this campaign began only four percent of the american population thought drugs were a major problem by the end of the campaign that number jumped to 64 during the same time period the u.s prison population nearly doubled um this campaign clearly created the issue in the minds of americans

then offered a ridiculously reductive answer of just say no with no emphasis on treatment or rehabilitation from 1984 to 2014 america saw deaths blamed on drug use disorders skyrocket to 618 percent so uh we're turning this campaign on its head to raise money and awareness for solutions that actually address the complex issue of drug abuse in america so overdose prevention centers widely accessible rehab facility facilities and decriminalization and regulation to end mass incarceration so february and beyond all proceeds from just say no products will be donated to the drug policy alliance and the last prisoner project and i personally will be donating all profits that i receive through a discount code so you can use code smoke sesh for 10 off

all cbd products on their website i'm donating all profits from that to both of those um alliances as well this month because as somebody who has been like how can i um what can i do for black history month how can I give back as somebody who profits greatly off the weed industry which is also something that has incarcerated millions and millions of people I owe it to give back and help and I think these two organizations align the best and are great and I'm so excited to work with pazpax again this month um i think a year ago we teamed up to work um and do this but they just worked with the last prisoner project last year um i'm so excited they're incorporating the drug policy alliance into this too um oh my god someone's getting their car towed outside

scary if you hear beeping i'm so sorry but code smoke sash for 10 off if you want to try it that would be incredible let me know how you enjoy it let me know if you're taking a little tea break and trying it i've definitely done that or even if you green out a lot and you want to take the edge off a little bit get rid of that anxiety give it a shot let me know how you like it pazpacks.com and you can find them on instagram at pazpacks and once again smoke sash for 10% off so i had to like stop online shopping this month like it was an issue like last month i i spent a lot of money so i was like this month you bought a lot of outfits girly you need an excuse to wear them let's save it i'm gonna maybe like buy an airbnb weekend sometime

like in the next month just so i can escape and have some time but um i was like i'm saving so much money like i did a great job this month of not online shopping so finally i was like okay girl you can get one thing just one thing like any it can be anything but one thing because my issue is like oh i'll get like seven twenty five dollar things like that's not a lot right but like after the sixth one it's like yes that's a lot there's too many actually you can get one thing so um i just like i'm dehydrated 24 7 like all the time and it's an issue um and everybody knows hot hot girl rule number one is simply to stay hydrated so i ordered myself i'm so excited i ordered myself a hydro flask i know a new hydro flask i used to have a hydro flask and i'm hoping

it's not the same fucking size i used to have because it was small like it wasn't that small but i would just like run out of water super fast and the one my boyfriend has is like way too fucking big so i was trying to find something in between and i'm praying to god it's the right one but i ordered a pink one of those and it has the straw lid which is very important very important my boyfriend has like the wide mouth one and literally i like try and drink out of it and it spills all over me and i'm like fuck this the straw mouth is so important also it completely please save me from my nicotine addiction when i had it um actually speaking of a nicotine addiction i think somebody asked me and was like how do you feel about vaping and then in quotations

it was nicotine quit it quit it what is the point sorry i used to be addicted to nicotine for like a good three years i'd say like on and off um and finally to quit i literally bought a hydro flask with a straw lid and it was like a binky like i realized my vape was literally like a binky and if i just replaced it with a different shaped binky it was the same thing and then i was hydrated on top of that so it was like a win-win and then i just stopped both and now i need to like get back on at least the water train because that is so important for literally everything in your life um so that's coming today i'm so excited um but yeah i need to my skin has been really good recently and i think it's because it's definitely not because i'm dehydrated you need to be hydrated

if you want some good skin um but i think it's because i've been drinking matcha recently oh my new favorite matcha order well i haven't had matcha in a long long time because well i used to just make it myself and that was delicious but then i stopped making it myself and then i went to starbucks to get matcha for one time and it literally smelled like a mix of fish and dirty feet and i was like this is the most disgusting thing i've ever put in my mouth so i just haven't had matcha recently because i didn't know if anybody had good matcha and i knew starbucks fucking sucked and we don't have any of those fun fancy little matcha places like they do in la and new york because i'm from the midwest so i was just like fuck damn bitch sucks

and i just moved on to coffee but then i realized my local neighborhood coffee shop has delicious matcha and it's right next to my fucking restaurant which is even better um but my go-to and it's delicious like i was terrified of matcha because starbucks matcha literally smells like fucking fish and that is so gross to me um but it was so good my favorite thing to get is i literally get like a 24 ounce ice like a giant maybe a 20 not 24 that sounds too big but like a giant ice matcha sweetened i don't know what they sweeten it with i think they just do simple syrup i just asked for it sweetened um with oat milk and a shot of espresso i know i know because like the matcha just playing with omak was sweet is good on its own but i feel like it

doesn't give me that kick of caffeine that i need especially if i'm at work um like it definitely keeps me caffeinated and i love it because it doesn't give me any of the caffeine anxiety um but i add a little shot of espresso into it for just like an extra a little uh kick you know what i mean but that's been my new favorite drink obsessed that's really what i've been spending my money on recently just matcha i've been at work so much i'm finally giving myself a little break making some business moves outside of work work so that's always good so i don't fucking feel like i'm dying every night and i can focus on the podcast a little bit um let's get into some more questions though because we're almost done maybe a little more some more bowls and then i gotta get

this out to you guys so you can have a good friday okay oh this is a great question and also very mature um but someone asked me is it a bad idea to reach out to someone i possibly hurt to apologize and rekindle now i think if you're the person who hurt them you should always just allow space for them to be mad at you and to maybe not want to be friends again and that's totally okay um for your peace of mind if you would like to apologize i feel like they also might enjoy hearing that but if your goal is to rekindle maybe just give it some space some time um because if they don't want to you shouldn't take that personally and you should allow them space to do that if they don't want to rekindle but i think apologizing literally there's never any harm in apologizing

i've been in both positions i've been the person who's hurt and i've been apologized to and um like I'm not one to really hold grudges I'm not one to be like that I used to be and then I realized goddamn it's a waste of time and my ADHD is just doesn't make me good at focusing on why I hate people um I'm just like whatever unless you like really fucking hurt me um but I've been apologized to and I really appreciated that because they went out of their way to show me that they did want to be a good friend to me and they did genuinely feel bad and they did genuinely want to make amends and as somebody who was hurt at that time that made a world of a difference um and i really really appreciated that so reaching out i think you

should always do that i've also been the person who's had to apologize and i think like just any time you can own up to your mistakes and be the person who is like not the bigger person in the situation but is maybe the bigger person than your past self is kind of the key so if that includes apologizing you know facing your ego getting rid of that saying you fucked up saying you're sorry then do it okay and if they want to rekindle you'll you'll know that you'll understand that but if they don't allow them time to maybe not want to be with you allow them time to um have their own space you know what i mean someone asked me what's bringing me the most peace in my life right now that's such an interesting question like thank you um

i think what's bringing me the most peace in my life right now is i'm just busy i'm busy and i love being busy i didn't realize i liked being busy i thought i was a lazy person which like i'm lazy in some aspects i'm gonna admit but i thought i was like the kind of person to be like oh i just want to lay in bed all day and do nothing and it's like no no i'm definitely not that person like i need to be doing shit i need to get out i need to be conversating with people i need to be doing things changing my environment and once i realized that and once i started enacting things into my fucking daily schedule kind of that allows me to do that and keeps me continuously busy and makes me feel so much better let me hit this ball

oh that was a big fucking hit oh my god so yeah i'm just booked and busy and happy like oh my god sorry that was a big fucking hit but like at work my work environment is great i'm having a good time i'm making lots of money um i'm bartending now which is incredible i love doing it i love being behind the bar i love learning new things um so that's great that takes up like half of my fucking week i also do this which is incredible i love sitting down and recording and hanging out with you guys and speaking with you guys hearing all your questions

they make me laugh so hard they like remind me of younger me and i really appreciate you guys being vulnerable and here with me literally two times a week like that's insane like to be honest i didn't even think people listened to the thursday podcast like i thought people would just listen to the first like tuesday one and then you know would skip over the thursday one but when i said i was like putting a day off people were genuinely upset and i didn't really take it personally because like whatever i understand um but like i i like that energy i like that you're kind of upset with me like you want the content you want to be here you want to hang out with me i don't take it personally it just makes me excited that you guys are excited about this

podcast as i am does that make sense um so doing this i do this two times a week and then i do prep on the weekends it's incredible like even just editing it i love it i love the analytics i look like talking to companies about it like getting um like i gotta speak to amazon a little bit they're like launching their podcast services and they wanted to speak to me about my podcast i'm trying to find people to work with i have such big plans i'm thinking merch i'm thinking video podcasts i'm thinking opening a po box like very exciting things coming soon so that is keeping me creatively happy also um i don't know i'm just doing that my boyfriend's great we have a great relationship he loves to get creative with me he loves to have a good time

oh my god someone must be shoveling outside sorry if that sounds so loud um he loves to adventure with me i'm planning some vacations soon so it's giving me something to look forward to just genuinely i'm keeping myself busy and it's keeping me pretty happy i think just like having a lot going in my life is probably bringing me the most peace but yeah i don't know what's bringing you guys the most peace also weed i love me some weed i can't lie okay um there's one more question i wanted to answer um oh how to cope with severe anxiety even when life is objectively very good i think this is a great question because i also got a bunch of questions that were like um they weren't worded the same way but it was kind of like um

like how do i control my overthinking how do i control those out of control thoughts and I feel like so I used to be on medication for anxiety I'm not anymore I think medication is great I think if you find something that works for you that's great I think there's still a lot of like trying I need to do um to find a medication that I think works for me and I just I'm not doing that right now I feel like I have a pretty good handle on it right now I should probably plan for the future a little bit um so regardless of on if you're on medication or not this is a great tool just for like every day so you don't get overwhelmed i think a lot of my anxiety comes from my or not my anxiety a lot of my overthinking comes from my anxiety a lot of my

um like sheltering myself comes from my anxiety a lot of like my um i don't know like a lot of it does like happen internal but i feel like i withhold myself from the world because of my anxiety and that is kind of the most heartbreaking thing to myself because i want myself to experience things and to get out there and have fun but i kind of withhold that for myself and i think that comes from my anxiety a lot um and so just like controlling my thinking helps a lot and that helps with my depression that helps with my um anxiety i don't know if there's a literally maybe this is cognitive behavioral therapy i could be wrong i there should there should be a term for it i'm just not sure what it fucking is but literally it's kind of just being the warden of your own

thoughts i used to allow my brain to be a space where like thoughts flowed freely okay and i mean that by like things would consistently pop up in my head and then pop up in my head and then lead on spirals as well like okay well we're gonna freely think about this and we're gonna go down this spiral and consume all this fucking knowledge and overthink and overthink and over it would just be like way too free okay and although you should like allow yourself to have free thoughts you know what i mean that's okay you do have to control them so you don't end up in those like fucking like thought spirals of overthinking and anxiety okay if i have myself think negative thoughts of oh I don't know maybe if I get anxious thoughts of like a situation I'm

in I take the time to be like is this like a constructive thought or is this something that is not based in reality and hurting me and usually usually it's not based in reality and hurting me and when I realize that I'm just like okay then it is not allowed space in my brain and I move on and I distract myself with something else okay that has helped and it takes a lot of practice like me saying that sounds very simple but if you don't have the self-control to do it you won't be able to or like you if you don't have the self-control what am I trying to say you just got to build that self-control on yourself and you do have to practice it and it it's going to be hard at first because it's way more self-soothing to kind of go on those anxious

trails and to overthink and to dive deep into those uncomfortable thoughts but in reality it does a lot more harm than good so controlling your thoughts make sure you're not falling in those spirals if you're somebody who has anxiety and you smoke maybe cut back on your smoking if you get super anxious from smoking do it in an environment that feels comfortable to you and make sure you're not um adding on more anxiety to what you already have through a substance you know what i mean um also i don't know if this is gonna make any sort of sense but i kind of um had to realize when i just accepted my thoughts that were flowing in my head as myself they were in control of how i was feeling and what i would think about and it is low-key a

runaway train like i'm not even gonna lie but once i separated myself and i kind of have then a internal hannah my thoughts my feelings what i'm thinking about and then kind of a separate external hannah you could think of who is in control of those and who is like the guide of where you're going that solved a lot of my issues and made me um realize that my thoughts aren't a direct control of how i feel and behave and i am more so actually in control of where my thoughts are going okay and this all could be i guess considered mindfulness just staying in the present moment trying not to have those runaway thoughts runaway thoughts and anxiety are almost all about regrets and shame of the past and i guess like worry about the future so just

take stock of the present be hyper aware what's going on around you how do you feel at this present moment are things good currently then there should be no worry shame feeling of regret in your head um but it does take a lot of work it does take a lot of practice it does take a lot of finding out what genuinely really works for you um also like i said i have a lot of peace right now because i'm constantly busy i'm constantly busy and all the things that are keeping me busy are things that i genuinely enjoy i like my work environment i love podcasting i love having the free time to go run errands and do things that i do um i love being creative all of these things are bringing are keeping me present in the moment and keeping me positive and keeping me

busy i don't have free time or downtime to even think about things that are fucking worrying me i don't even have time to think about myself tbh and i've said this before and i'll say it again but i feel like a lot of my anxieties and stuff would come at night when i did kind of had free time or would come in the evening when i would just have like six seven eight hours to just sit and do nothing um and so tiring myself out literally like i we talked about how to adult and treating yourself kind of like a child and you have to kind of be in control you have to tire yourself out so then you don't have time to be anxious or um overthinking or to deep dive into those bad thoughts okay because you're literally going to bed you're tired the only thing you can

think about is how exhausted you are and how you're gonna do a little self-care and have a good night literally tiring yourself out and i think that's why people go to the gym a lot too i have that theory i think a lot of people love the gym because it keeps them busy so they can't fucking overthink and have anxiety and worry it also gives you fucking like what dopamine so that's like addicting in itself because it's your body's releasing a drug as you're doing it um and then afterwards you're exhausted you're tired you very much so don't have time to overthink and worry because your body is physically tired so keep that in mind when it comes to anxiety i have had anxiety literally my entire life my parents have done everything to try and kind of like

i don't know shock me out of it like get me out of it like become normal and none of it has worked none of it has worked the only thing that has worked are the things i have enacted for myself and the things that make sense to me because no one else fucking understands what's going on in my head so as long as it makes sense to me that is all that matters okay so keeping myself grounded tiring myself out redirecting my thoughts those are all things that work for me and make sense to me look into mindfulness mindfulness oh my god looking look into maybe getting a few hobbies getting a new second job i don't know something that's gonna get you busy get you active get you working get you inspired creative take a new class i don't know go to the gym go for a run

um all of that genuinely will help and i know that's like annoying like when i was depressed and i had super bad anxiety my parents would be like why don't you go to the gym and i'd be like it's deeper than that mom how dare you but like there is genuinely some truth in that like i do understand that there are positives to those um as well so keep that in mind all my anxious little girlies out there we'll get through it together okay if i can handle it you can handle it i promise you um also another thing that has genuinely helped my anxiety is um putting myself in situations that make me anxious because my anxiety tells me that i can't do things a lot it tells me that i can't simply do them like a lot a lot a lot and so i'll be like you know what

i'm gonna challenge these thoughts i'm gonna like debate myself in my head kind of i'm gonna prove myself wrong and i go and i do those things that i thought would make me super anxious and i had a great time and i enjoyed myself and i want to do it again and it kind of disproves my anxiety which makes me want to do it more does that make sense so put yourself out there get yourself out of your comfort zone i mean stay safe but have fun don't let yourself live in fear and take active steps to kind of get yourself out of that fear mode that overthinking because you deserve to be happy you deserve to have a good time on this earth you deserve to be you know in control of your thoughts having a good time like the rest of us okay so let's smoke one more little bowl

and then i need to get this podcast uploaded so you guys can listen to it i'm so excited for you guys to hear um so sorry it's a day late once again i just needed to take a little day um where i could have a snow day with my boyfriend and try and deal with my dog and getting and driving everywhere and holy shit it was just a lot and i didn't know where i could fit a podcast into there so i was like whatever i'll take a day also tuesdays was like an hour and a half i was having a good time tuesday and i was just getting into it i just could not stop answering questions but next week listen listen i changed my work schedule so things should be very very consistent now um i changed my work schedule so i'm i don't even work on tuesdays and thursdays

anymore so i absolutely should have a podcast out to you every tuesday and thursday from now on i'm gonna figure out video podcasts and recordings somehow set up like a i don't know like a little camera in my living room i just sit on my fucking green velvet sofa and smoke all afternoon while i record these so i'm gonna do a little bit of that i'm working on some merch i know i know i'm so excited but as always let's take one last bowl if there's anything you want to ask me anything that's been on your mind you already know you can submit all of those questions to hannah marlene on instagram um code smoke sesh for 10 off pads packs remember we're donating all proceeds to um the drug policy alliance and the last prisoner project this month um and yeah i will see you guys

next tuesday i'm gonna put up a once again a questionnaire on my instagram like sunday probably um where you could submit all of your questions i want all of them don't hold back because i literally never do okay let's hit this thank you guys for being here thank you for being you thank you for showing up if you want to see the pieces i'm smoking out of oh my god i'm about to post those on my instagram too i'm so excited i have a literally ginormous strawberry bong like can you imagine i'm so excited to show you guys so have a wonderful friday i'll see you guys next week