Smoke Sesh - being alone, stagnancy & making deals with the universe

Episode Date: March 31, 2026

hello everyone and welcome back to smoke sesh! we have a fun and hopefully inspirational episode today as we talk spring activities, getting busy, getting outside, adulting phases, freedom, bills, balancing, health, similar friends, going clubbing, partying alone, burnout, managing life, boredom in life, being alone, finding an aesthetic, building identity, single era, healthy detachment, having a fish, making deals with the universe, opposing sex drives, relationship communication, healthy communication, anger, feeling stagnant in life, finding appreciation and much much more!join the patreon! new episodes (and more) at patreon.com/smokeseshshawtysubmit your questions and call ins every week on instagram.com/hannahmarlenewatch the new vlogs every Sunday on YouTube at hannahmarlene444

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello hotties of the world and welcome back to smoke sash my name is hannah your host and i am so excited to be here with you all on this beautiful spring day we have going on uh it is just truly it's 1 p.m in the afternoon and i've already had like the best day ever um i had horseback riding lessons this morning per usual and it's so funny how sometimes you'll get that

little worm in your brain the um self-depreciating the uh self-abandoning worm in your brain where when you're about to do something good such as like horseback riding lessons going to the doctor going to yoga eating how whatever it is whatever adult thing you need to do there's like a worm in your brain that goes but are you sure you really want to do that wouldn't it be easier and nicer to just stay at home in your bed rotting on your phone doesn't that sound good whenever you get that in your ear when you're about to do something good for yourself it's okay it's normal but that does not mean you have to listen to it no no no with my lessons being so early in the at the farm around 8 8 30 to then do lessons and then I usually hang out and help feed all the

horses do cleaning any sort of mucking that I can for the stalls just because it's beautiful out there and I'm already out there so like it's a full half day of you know working pretty much and having to get up in the morning and do that of course it's just like exhausting but also there's really nothing I'd rather be doing so I'm so glad I did not listen to that little ear worm this morning saying text your trainer tell her you can't come today tell her you'll come a different time this week because i woke up i literally 10 minutes made my coffee put on my boots you know with threw on a hat got in my car drove out there it was sunshiny beautiful the flowers are blooming every time you drive by a field in the country it's just purple with

honeysuckle um the horses were sunbathing and really living their best lives enjoying it i had a fantastic lesson i've been riding on elvis recently elvis is this little boy he's such a little boy he's also like extremely ornery and kind of mean so i've been having to learn how to be kind of a um a go-getter or teaching horses how to actually listen to me being confident a confident rider that's something that I'm just really learning and honing in on right now and I feel like I finally got a good symbiotic relationship with him where he listens to me and I understand his quirks where you know if he gets a little ornery I know what to pay attention to or I know how to distract him or I know how to get him to you know turn his attention away from

wanting to be a demon and actually wanting to be a sweet little angel boy that I know he is so we really enjoyed our time doing that and then me and the girl i do lessons with and my trainer we were just standing around next to the fence next to the horses each one was like coming up to us letting us pet us pet them we were there for like three hours just hanging out and chatting and nerding out over horses it was just so so beautiful and so nice and much needed for my mental health i forget how much humans are supposed to be outside yes yes we are supposed to be outside and if i can urge any of you depressed folk listening because i know you probably are because bitch aren't we all like let's be honest aren't we all please get outside enjoy the weather

you i know it's a hassle oh i gotta i gotta be in public i gotta be around people i gotta you know actually walk out of my house to my car or whatever it is pack a picnic blanket I gotta do all these things you know fun yeah it's hard the earworm is like stay inside stay on your phone stay indoors stay in bed but once you get outside and you get some sunshine on your face and you smell the breeze of fresh jasmine and cut grass there truly is nothing better top five lived experience lived moments is simply just being in the sunshine and putting your fucking feet in some grass okay so get outside your homework for this week actually i'm giving you guys homework if you're in a place where there is sunshine go to the park go to the park go do a walk around the

park just one lap it'll take you 15 minutes max maybe even if you don't want to walk go you know lay out a blanket in the grass pop up a chair sit down on a local bench that someone's loved one bought for them in memoriam think about them while you're sitting there think about you think about your life or think about nothing the sun and the wind does have a habit of removing most thoughts from my head but just enjoy be present connect to the earth connect to yourself there really is nothing better so thank god i did not listen to the demon in my brain and i actually went and did what is good for me this morning and overall it's just been a really fantastic week i've been having a great time i've been doing the best that i can as i manage and move through life

trying to stick to my um my goals and my aspirations such as putting up weekly youtube videos i just uploaded like a little teeny tiny little thrift with me video i know some people are like please make the videos longer please make the vlogs longer don't worry they will be right now i'm really not holding myself to any restrictions but trying to do weekly uploads and i'm happy with myself for however long they are but i'm sure there's going to be 30 minute to hour long videos up soon up shortly so pay attention and wait for that i promise they will be up every single sunday at hannah marlene 444 on youtube i did a little thrift with me vlog it was fun i found some really good uh honestly really fun vintage stuff and being at the thrift

store is always like entering a different realm so if you want to go have a little laugh have a little smoke and do some thrifting with me you can find that there on youtube if you are a patreon member if you're ever thinking hmm i want to support hannah directly how do i do that of course listening every single week is a fantastic way to do that but if you want to go above and beyond you can come join the patreon the patreon is very affordable i really made sure of that i took down my prices last year and i'll probably lower them again this year just so they're available for everybody and i do post almost daily there i do my monday inspiration where i share um photos and inspiration from my personal um pinterest account and my tumblr account so if you're ever curious

what vibes i'm following what i'm interested in what's catching my attention i do weekly updates there where i kind of garner inspiration for everybody i do patreon exclusive episodes where i answer every single question yes every single question and your questions can be upwards of whoever knows how long you can comment probably like i at patreon you can really comment like five paragraphs worth of stuff so just let me know what's on your mind i'm happy to answer it we've been having such a fun time and i can also get a bit more weird and wild and vulgar on the patreon so that's always fun i also upload the weekly vlog early and every month i do tarot readings I've been doing my inspiration that I'm finding around me.

So things that I'm feeling called towards, whether it's colors, home goods, clothing trends. If you're ever like, hmm, what is Hannah spotting? I always do a monthly forecast. I do a monthly book club. I do Sunday spirit where we talk about different journal prompts or spells, rituals, things that are catching my eye and fueling my spirit. and i know there's more than that but like yes we are having fun over there if you want to support

me that's the best way to do it patreon.com slash smoke says shawty and last but not least i've been posting a lot on instagram i've been on my instagram grind mostly as a way of like scrapbooking i know we talked actually we talked about the on the patreon episode about this about um really approaching especially social media as less of a bragging tool and more of a digital scrapbook um I of course I'm inspired by the baddies who came before me and recently I heard Devin Lee Carlson talk about it you know the baddest of them all truly where she's like I'll post on Instagram at 2 a.m on a Tuesday I don't give a fuck like I am just posting as a way to scrapbook my life and share my life and you know archive digital memories there really is no rhyme or

reason it's just I like this photo or I like this vibe or I want to share this to my friends and I don't care what time it is I don't care about the algorithm I don't care if it's in trend I'm just posting it and that's really what we should be doing and so I've been trying to embody that vibe and that spirit and I've been posting a bunch of recipes I learned how to make homemade focaccia it was delicious I made a homemade focaccia sandwich as well and then a lot of spring inspo up there as well as my heart de-thaws from winter and I return back to who I truly am which is a beautiful little fairy but yeah I think that's really all I have to catch you guys up on I've been spending a lot of time outside recently went to a local winery yesterday with some family

and just you know kiki'd with them had a few drinks it was really beautiful just to be in the sunlight and to enjoy some local businesses I also went to the no kings protest on Saturday I worked a really late shift the night before so I was like I don't know if I'll make it but my mom was working it shout out to a baddie a real baddie she works with boots on the ground which is a fantastic organization that has like local communities and local meetings to help you um you know mostly it just gets communities together to um fight on a local level level to protect their community from ice um so she was there volunteering i was like okay fuck it i'll show up i'll volunteer and me her and my dad were there for a couple hours but if you ever are and

this is just kind of like a consequence of being online too much but if you ever are like feeling isolated in the way you think or isolated going like am I the crazy one for having compassion am I the crazy one for like feeling upset about all these horrible awful things going on no you are first of all never crazy and second of all there are other people who are thinking this exact same way and the best way to realize just how truly outraged and how close community really is when you think about it to experience that firsthand you will always experience that at a protest i highly recommend if you feel like you are out of control or if the government makes you feel small through what they're doing show up to your local protest show up to your local community

events um be a voice even just like your presence is enough um but it was so nice to be out there and see so many different kinds of people from different backgrounds i mean republican looking men holding anti-trump signs it was just it was nice to know okay you know maybe all the people are together which in reality of course we are maybe the people are together maybe it is us versus them which it is but it's nice to see that in a firsthand basis it's a great way to garner hope garner inspiration and realize you do really matter your voice matters your impact matters and if we want to stand up and make a change it does start with us so that was really beautiful and just inspiring all around my mom has always taken me to protest growing up i remember i'd be like

saturday mornings she's like all right get in the car we're going to the capital like we gotta go stand with the fellow teachers or the fellow unions or just any you know um group of people that were being systematically punished by the government she was always out there and standing up for so it is nice to then stand next to her because there's some crazies out there and no one's gonna fuck with my mom that's for goddamn sure yeah so overall 10 out of 10 week we have a full moon coming up so i'm trying to mentally prep and prepare as best as i can which for me personally just looks like getting my life in order getting my life on track taking care of my body my mind my spirit my soul as well as my home and making sure everything goes as smooth as

possible i've been doing a lot of adult things too uh can we talk about adulting can we talk about the reality of adulting and what that looks like I feel like when you're in your like very early 20s I'm talking like 19 20 maybe 21 you hear adulting and you think freedom okay you think oh I don't listen to my parents anymore I can literally do anything I want it is crazy that's why I went off the rails because I was like oh I can do Molly on a Tuesday let's do it and Wednesday and Thursday I didn't know that was an option like fuck yeah I'm gonna do it of course I went off the rails i had a little bit too much freedom which you know sometimes is good you'll learn your lessons quick that way then like you hit the the 21 spot maybe you're graduating from college

maybe you didn't go to college but you're finally like in your own apartment you're learning about bills okay then the adulting goes from oh not not only do i have freedom but also like i need a job and i need to know i need to pay rent all right so then it's kind of like this really basic level of adulting which is I have bills to pay maybe you have a car payment maybe you have insurance payment maybe you have rent and how do you manage that and friendships and a job don't worry with time you'll get there so if you're stressing about it just be patient with yourself you will find a good balance but now now that I'm in my mid to late trigger warning late 20s I'm about to turn 27 my view on adulting has completely changed where it's like okay I have the freedom and I know how

to balance that I have the bills and I know how to balance that now I'm like holy shit I forgot about myself during all of those years and now my idea of adulting is I need to take care of my body so when I'm 70 and 80 I can still get up and go to the grocery store and be cognizant I've protected my brain i've taken care of my bones i've taken care of my muscles it's a new weird way of thinking where now i'm a little bit worried about my body and not in a oh am i skinny enough kind of way no i mean that'll always be there just that's a systemic societal pressure i really don't pay that much attention like like i said that's another ear worm that i choose to ignore now i'm like are my muscles strong is my back strong enough to carry things like or if i'm going to

carry something is it gonna hurt me because I'm not strong enough how strong are my bones am I getting enough calcium am I eating enough fiber so I don't develop I don't know colon cancer or something crazy and another one my teeth you not that my teeth are gross but you the dentist gross hate the dentist oh and I gotta go wake up 8 a.m tomorrow and go get some fillings done going to the doctor can be scary especially when you haven't been for a long time and I hadn't been to the dentist probably for like three or four years because I didn't have dental insurance another adult thing you'll figure you'll figure out eventually don't worry about it but I hadn't been to the dentist for a while so I was a little embarrassed to go at first I was

like oh they're gonna look at my mouth and be like bitch you but it's just one of those band-aids you gotta rip off if you go into any sort of place and you feel uncomfortable voice your uncomfortability I'm quick to be like yeah I haven't been here a couple years sorry but also like please help me that's why i am here and they will do so i also found a woman only dentist which completely changed my life because i didn't realize how weird of a creep my dentist was growing up um why was that man in my mouth going wow you have a fantastic mouth girl get out of there so i found a woman only dentist they play i'm not even kidding like desperate housewives on a tv two inches away from my face while they're drilling into my teeth it's great it's fantastic

am i excited to get my teeth done no not at all but does it make it a little bit easier by advocating for yourself and going to a place you find comfortable and dare i say paying that 40 dollar dentist insurance every single month so when you do have to get stuff done it's not as expensive yeah it's worth it and it's a part of adulting that i'm now realizing and having to figure out taking care of my body making sure my teeth are good making sure my brain's good making sure my i don't know skin skin cancer bones make sure they're not brittle not going to snap in half so then i'm setting myself up for success 50 years from now oh it's just another phase that i'm going through and i figured i'd share it's probably something else that other people around my age

are going through just like i need a good workout routine i need a good you know diet i need to Make sure I'm having enough fiber. I need to make sure I'm taking care of my teeth, my skin. Make sure I'm not going to die of skin cancer. Fun little things like that. But we're attempting to balance it. And there's no better time to schedule all of your doctor's appointments practically in one week than spring.

Okay, just get them done. Rip the bandaid off. That's how I did it. I was like, all right, we're going to the pussy doctor. We're going to the body shop, the body doctor, get a physical. We're getting the teeth done. like we're dermatologists throw that fucking in there i finally got to see my dermatologist and i was like yeah no spironolactone is making me want to actually k-i-l-l myself and not in a fun

silly way not that it ever is but like definitely not in a sarcastic way that's for sure and i was bleeding for two and a half months not only was i going to the same hormonal things that were going on during my period for two and a half months but also i was losing my fucking mind and i had acne that's not fair so she decided to put me on topical spironolactone which i'm very excited about so far so good and she was like just go ahead and put that tretinoin on your back too fuck it i've had a fantastic experience with retinol tretinoin to be fair it's a very low dose and i use it very sparingly she was like you should use it every other day hell no i know that's the doctor's orders I'm not doing that I did it once a week for three months and now

finally I'm moving into twice a week and yes of course I'm getting a little bit more purging and it's a little bit like a little bit drier but I feel like I'm edging my way into it easier than if I was to just like go crazy with it so so far so good my skin looks better than it ever has in my entire life at least my face skin my back is a whole different ordeal and I'm feeling good I'm like yes you know what I did I scheduled the appointment I paid the fucking co-pay I'm using my insurance to my advantage I'm trying to take care of myself and I am also reaping the benefits which is very nice but if you need a little inspiration or you know somebody to tell you oh shit what's the next level in adulting yeah it'll start with managing your freedom then I'll

start with managing your bills and then it is managing your body I'm very curious what comes next so if there's any 30 year olds let me know down below but from all my 30 year old friends it seems like 30 is just about the party and thus I'm so excited to get older every year is a blessing every year I learn new things about myself I become more comfortable in my skin I become more comfortable in my body more comfortable in my mind and it is just so worth sticking around to find out that's for sure but wow what a way to start an episode sorry I've been yapping non-stop we're gonna do a speed round with questions I'm gonna try and get to as many questions as possible today we'll see how that goes but let's get right into it I want to

go to a club and go out but I have no friends help all of my club friends are all the friends that I go and I party with are people I met while partying not people I met like on Instagram or at work or on the street you know what I mean um best way to meet friends with like-minded interests is by doing those interests you know the friends I've made that love horseback riding I met at the barn around horses you know I didn't meet them in the wild um so I think it's the same thing with like clubbing if you want club friends go out and party when it comes to partying solo of course be careful you don't want to go out honestly ever and get blackout drunk that should never be the goal but like going out and having a couple drinks at your local bar or your local club and feeling it

out seeing the energy then you're not having to like oh but my friend wants to do this and this one wants to do this and blah blah you're not waiting on anybody you truly are just like doing your own thing if you want to go dance for four hours go dance for four hours no one's stopping you but it is the best way to make friends by doing things with similar interest by the people you want to bring around you you know and I don't think you should ever wait around for somebody to do something with you for you to do it because then you're going to be waiting forever that's something that i learned very quickly especially growing up um having my brother be so much older than me i mean 10 years older than me i was kind of just like a little duckling tagging along

wherever i could but also it was like my parents and my brother were acting and living in a realm that was so far ahead of me that i felt like i was kind of trailing behind and in that you know it could have made me um you know maybe sheltered in more but in fact it made me really outgoing where i was like well they're off doing their own thing so i gotta figure out what the fuck i want to do you know like i'm just not gonna sit around at home maybe i'm gonna go do this maybe i'm gonna go do that maybe i'm gonna go walk through the forest by myself until my parents realize oh shit hannah's not at home maybe we should go find her you know like i was just kind of on my own time doing my own thing and that truly is such a blessing it's the best way to get to know yourself

to get to know your interests and have that true freedom by exploring and enjoying the world around you on your own so if you're ever afraid of doing something alone don't be because you'll probably meet some like-minded people um in the process of doing things that pique your curiosity and also it'll bring you closer to yourself so go out go dance go have a good time no one's stopping you but you and i guarantee you'll meet some fun cool chill ass people on that dance floor just be safe also i'm working on putting together a call-in number yes we're getting upgrades to the podcast don't worry. Nothing really is changing other than making your lives easier. I'm hoping to get a phone number together so you can call and leave your voice messages there. Stay tuned. I'm working

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to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. Hi, Hannah.

I hope you're doing well. I just want to say I love the pod before I really get into it. i've been listening to it for over a year now and it has truly gotten me through some of like the craziest and like roughest times of my life so far um and i'm like so grateful that you do this podcast because it's truly it's like i'm having a bad day and like there's always an episode waiting for me that will help me through so my question is how to like balance life i'm currently in art school full-time um but then on top of that I'm trying to have a social life

do extracurricular activities have time to like you know cook good food eat good food move my body work out um and also just like free time and I just don't have time to do anything I feel it's just homework eat sleep repeat and I know you went to art school for a time and so I'm sure you kind of get like the insanity and the crazy schedules and everything and I'm just really looking for advice on like how to like have balance in your life between your responsibilities and your physical needs and your wants and the need to like decompress and rest and recharge But yeah, I hope you're having a good day. Okay, I love this question because I feel like it goes hand in hand with this other

question I received on burnout and how I manage life. How do you maximize your time each day without burnout? I can never get anything, get to everything I need. Oh no, I burn out and I don't do everything I want. Here's, I'm going to tell you the honest truth about being an adult. you ever heard your mom say or your parents say there's never enough time in the day there is never enough time in the day and that is so true so very true there really is only enough time for us to do a certain amount of things but the goal is okay I tried to do as much as I could

or I tried to make as much as I could out of the day instead of just letting it pass me by so yeah I don't know I get less burnout with life because I accept the exhaustion especially if I'm trying to do a lot of things at once or a lot of things in one day like if I have a busy busy day such as today it's like okay wake up 6 30 hit the barn I'm there for four hours I'm doing physical labor when I'm there like it's a full body workout when I'm doing lessons plus that I'm helping feed and I'm like having to be very mentally aware very mentally sharp because I'm working with horses which is like who knows when they're gonna turn around decide it's your time you know the horses i work with are very sweet but still you gotta be 10 toes down ready for anything then drive home

if it's like a day like today there's people who are trying to kill you on the highway and you're like what the fuck it's 12 30 you get home you have lunch if you have time to make lunch and then you sit down i do about three hours four hours of work here on the podcast then i gotta to go get groceries grocery run bring that shit home unpack it ideally then do laundry and clean up however i possibly can take some time to also play with my cat because i'm sure he's like bitch where have you been and then cook dinner and then shower and then put the laundry away and then i'm sitting down to eat and then i'm cleaning up to eat like you see how it's kind of never ending and yeah that's exhausting but also how beautiful to be able to do everything and to go after

everything that I desire and I want you know to be like okay fuck it I'm gonna go try and fill my day up with as many things that I know will either set me up for success or make my life better in some sort of way it is kind of that's the payoff of the exhaustion you know and that means sometimes there's days that I'm doing nothing just because I've been going hard for three four five six days sometimes I need one buffer day to be like okay actually bed rotting day or I'm supposed to be doing laundry today but actually I'm not gonna be you kind of have to make peace with the idea that you know living your life especially living your life to the fullest is exhausting and of course you got to prioritize a little bit of downtime for yourself wherever you can a slow day whenever

you can or even like a slow hour even just like in between writing and then coming here to film I'll take a simple hour to myself to change throw on makeup if I want make some lunch and just like dissociate for a little bit before I sit down with you guys it's like I just need a small break but the exhaustion is always worth it when you are leading yourself in a direction of a life that you love and sometimes that means doing things you don't necessarily want to do you know maybe it's oh I gotta go to this family event or I gotta go to this job that I fucking hate but still it's one step closer to that life that you want to live in that life that you do deem and desire um and at the end of the day it does it it is all worth it in the grand scheme of things

um just want to start by saying I love the podcast it really is something that I look forward to and I tune in every week like clockwork because I've made it like part of my routine to tune in for real because it's just a girl's girl podcast and i love that um my question was is how do i learn to be okay with being by myself i'm having the past few months my mental state has not been the greatest i've been very depressed and i'm noticing that every time i'm alone or by myself i just feel fucking sad and i'm just being real okay i'm just being real but i'm not some a struggle of mine lately has been how to fill my time purposely when i'm by myself and how do i learn to be comfortable with being by myself um it's been a struggle of mine for the past few

months and it's been making me feel like trash honestly but i know that there's nothing wrong with me um it's just my fucking mental illness but um i have a tendency to like make my mental illness everything about me and i'm trying to step away from that because my depression is not it's not worth it to throw away my life just because of my mental illness so yeah any advice you can give me any insight would be great and yeah love you love them love you oh my gosh okay first of all this is not something you are going through alone although you are fighting this battle alone this is something a lot of people are going through alone right now because i think i'm kind of realizing that this like um great awakening

is happening and not in a sense of like probably how it should be fucking happening but i think a lot of people are challenging themselves to actually understand themselves and be alone with themselves instead of distracting themselves with their phones or distracting themselves with bad relationships bad friendships substance abuse dissociation whatever it may be I think people are actually going okay no let's get real let's look I'm looking at the man in the mirror okay and it's a bit awkward I don't know who they are and it's making me uncomfortable and you can run away from that or you can challenge it head-on so I'm proud of you for going you know what I'm a little uncomfortable being alone and I don't know what to do and it's weird it's awkward it's like meeting

a person for a first time I always say you know the relationship you should have with yourself should be like the number one friendship you have in your life but also friendships take work think about the first time you ever met like a new friend it's awkward at first you're like hi I'm Hannah like stumbling over your words you don't really know what to say you don't really know their vibe you're kind of feeling them out when you are getting used to being alone you are also going through those same weird awkward growth relationship conversations that you would have with another person alone and i know it sounds honestly kind of like fucking crazy and weird but it really is that same kind of like relationship building and the more you're patient

with yourself and the more time you take to really um commit to discovering yourself and spending time with yourself and facing those demons head on the better and the stronger that relationship will get um the number one thing that i do find um makes my depression worse is boredom and i used to think being alone was a trigger of my depression but now that i know myself more and I took time to understand my hobbies and know my like what I enjoy doing alone I actually realized no doing nothing and and staying bored staying in that boredom is actually what triggers my depression so maybe that'll be a good realization for you and a great way to really combat that or to like not be so bored is to try new things trying new things especially alone

is the number one way to strengthen your relationship with yourself, to discover more about yourself and to fight off the boredom depression. All right. And it's going to be scary at first. I mean, even just getting to know yourself is scary. I think a great way to kind of know yourself and know your internal conversation or to sit down and, you know, get to know who you are on a very personal level. I love doing journal prompts every Sunday. I sit down and have been sitting down and doing some journaling with myself, usually about different topics or different ideas or different, you know, just things that inspire me or things I need to release. And I usually share those on the Patreon, just like a list of questions you can ask yourself in your journal to

get to know yourself better. That's a great way to do that very personally, very close and deeply and personally but also just simply going hmm do I want to be the person that knits and then taking the time to be alone to drive to a store or walk to a store to wander down the aisles alone to go find oh maybe I'm called to this or I'm called to that or I'm called to this pattern to get those things to bring them home and to try them on your own it's a great way to fight off that boredom to get to know yourself to figure out if you even want to be a knitter maybe you get super freaking anxious and you hate doing it and you're like no this isn't working for me and then it's like okay that's okay it doesn't work for me let's try something else out but that's that's how you get

to know yourself I have spent a lot of time alone I spent a lot of unhealthy time alone and I've spent a lot of positive time alone the unhealthy time alone I am doing absolutely nothing I am scrolling on my phone I am not even engaging in content that I find inspiring or fun I just simply am like selectively dissociating and doing nothing with my time that's being unhealthily alone not only am I avoiding the world but I'm also avoiding myself in that time the healthy aloneness is when I'm you know off the screen connected with myself I'm daring myself to be alone with my thoughts if my thoughts are unhealthy i'm processing them i'm working through them i'm challenging myself to go a little bit deeper i'm journaling maybe even i'm getting up and saying no bitch i'm doing

the laundry today even if it's something boring it's like no i have to do these things for myself because i know they make me feel good maybe it's like oh i want to try a new type of food so i'm going to go get the ingredients and cook it for myself i've been craving this one thing or i remember this from childhood so i'm going to try and recreate it or i want to do a silly little craft that's healthy alone time it takes practice it takes getting through the awkward face pushing through it and just trying new things for you to then get into a comfortable position but if you fight to have a good relationship with yourself it will set you up for success for the rest of your life it is the number one thing i recommend for all of you guys to do it is so good to have

a good relationship with yourself not only does it bring in other healthy relationships it puts you in a better position in the workplace to hold boundaries and to know what you're willing to do and not willing to do it you know gets you inspired to try new things it makes you comfortable and even just like able to pick out an outfit that makes you feel confident like a good relationship with yourself will go so much further than a good relationship with a romantic partner or a friendship of course we want those things we want to hold those things to but to be the best friend you can possibly be and to be the best romantic partner and to be the best sibling and to be the best daughter or whatever it may be whoever you want to be you have to know yourself and to know

yourself is to have a good relationship with yourself even knowing yourself where you're like yeah i am depressed and being on my phone 24 hours a day is making me depressed maybe i'll try a video game i've been wanting to do or you know identifying and holding that identity that identity of being depressed is making me want to hold on to it instead of releasing it that was a big thing with me i had to realize which was like no i'm the depressed girl it's like well yeah duh but also that doesn't mean you need to keep pushing yourself further and further in a hole it's okay to get better it's okay to you know have been the 51 50 girl you know that doesn't mean you have to be that for the rest of your life whatever you want to be you can be but it does all start with

you and that might seem like a lot of pressure but also how beautiful is it to know that with a little bit of work and alone time and commitment and kindness to ourself we can grow and blossom and flourish into everything you've ever desired no one's gonna do that for you the only person who can do that for you is yourself girl such a random question but what are your thoughts on reincarnation do you believe in it or have your own perspective on that kind of topic i mean not necessarily reincarnation where maybe other people believe such as like your your whole soul transfers then into something else maybe it's inanimate maybe it's not maybe it's an animal maybe it's a bug depending on like the karma you've received in your life i know

that's something that some people believe but i don't i don't necessarily not believe that there's a lot that I don't necessarily not believe but I do believe that energy is an exchange and if you think about your soul or your body or who you are when we leave the earth or when we pass on something has to happen with that energy and whether it's a transfer of energy into the 12 things around you or the two things around you or maybe halfway across the globe who knows but I do know and I do feel in my heart that your energy must transfer somewhere that's kind of how I view it so whether it's like okay maybe I return back to the earth and that's where my energy stays or maybe I'm surrounded by people I love when I pass and then my energy transfers to them

also a lot of it is like reincarnation can be mostly just like how you live on after such as like how people talk about you or the lessons that you've given people that then you know keeps your spirit keeps your soul alive who knows what it is that's something for us to find out once we pass which i think is kind of fun and beautiful on to the next journey but i do believe in a transfer of energy and thus i try and keep as positive of energy as i can because i do think it could transfer to some bad things if you got bad energy that's for sure but i don't know there's always options out there and who am i to say it's not real you know i feel stuck between choosing an identity slash aesthetic how do i become all of them okay you know what's so funny i have a habit

of like sometimes wearing the same thing on the podcast which is usually just a matching two-piece tracksuit because it's just the easiest thing to throw on especially when i'm in a rush love a matching set but every time i go to film when before i put an outfit on i'll go and i'll look at like the last three videos to be like okay what the fuck was i wearing or like what was the vibe and how can i switch it up if you go if you're on spotify and you're listening and you look at the thumbnails if you scroll through them my identity and aesthetic is drastically different in every single fucking thumbnail and it kind of cracks me up it's like one day it's pop diva hannah one day it's country cowgirl hannah one day it's like i don't know whatever

the fuck this is hannah one day it's juicy tracksuit one day it's this one day and it's like oh my god I love it I love it I think one of the one things that I do very very well and I also encourage other people to do it is do not box yourself in I think we think of the identity and the aesthetic of it all as a way of self-expression but me personally when I've tried to box myself into an aesthetic or try and figure out what my identity is or what are the eight things that make me me it's like that is the best way to kill what your true identity is because the reality of it is we are gonna grow we are gonna change you're not gonna be the same emo girl you were at 13 I'm not the same art hoe girl I was at 15 I'm not the same rave chick I was

at 18 I'm not the you know hippie artist nipples out girl I was at 21 and that's okay that is fine but the reason I'm able to be those things fully and move on from them fully is because I allow myself to grow and develop and change and I do not box myself in number one thing I can suggest to you is do not box yourself in I know with the whole identity thing and wanting to understand ourselves it's good it's important we should understand ourselves we should know what we like and dislike but also what you like and dislike is sometimes the least interesting thing about you sometimes the way you dress is the least interesting thing about you all that matters in the aesthetic department is do you like it do you feel comfortable and do you think it's

a representation of who you are in this moment what i am wearing today is probably very different than what i was wearing yesterday and the day before that sometimes i'm in a massive oversized t-shirt and i'm just kind of you know doing my thing sometimes i'm in a frilly little fun dress sometimes i'm in a sexy bikini and overalls like i allow myself to feel what i'm feeling and i dress accordingly and it really has broadened the horizons of fashion and allowed me to express myself in so many different amazing and wonderful ways that i never would have been able to do if i was like no I am only allowed to wear these three colors and these three cuts of pants that's like it's just such a such a limiting way to live and if that's what you want if you're like no I have

to only be this certain type of aesthetic whatever you know truly honestly I don't give a fuck what you do in your life but I do think it also makes the transition out of it a little bit harder if you do want to grow and change because then you're having this identity of crisis of oh my god but i'm not that person i was two years ago yeah no shit you're not that person you were two years ago you probably shouldn't be that person you were two years ago growth change it's all so very important your identity can change in the span of 24 hours trust i'm a gemini how i was feeling yesterday is probably not how the fuck i'm feeling today and that can be very confusing for some people it's definitely very confusing for my boyfriend he's like bitch but you told me this

one thing an hour ago and now you're saying differently it's like yeah I changed my mind I changed my mind sue me am I not allowed to you know what I mean but having that freedom allows me to really like explore new avenues try on different things try on different identities oh if I want to be the horse girl I'm able to merge myself and try and be that girl if I want to be the skater chick I allow myself to go explore that side of myself and see if it fits if I want to be the artist I allow myself to go explore that side of myself the fashionista I allow myself like you can't box yourself in because it is a very very limiting way to live life and if I can encourage you to do anything with your life it's to live it as broadly and expansively as you

possibly can the number one thing that I think makes life so fucking fun is the exploration of it all okay we talked about this in the last episode where i feel like life is kind of like playing centers you go from one thing you try that on you go to another one you try that on that's what makes it exciting that's what makes it worth exploring that's what makes you change and develop and grow by trying new things and i think trying to limit yourself to one singular aesthetic or limit yourself to a certain type of identity i think it really completely limits you from maybe going out and exploring sides of yourself that are more true to who you are and it doesn't allow you to discover those things you know a lot of figuring out your identity and who

you are or figuring out your quote-unquote aesthetic and who you are is not from pinterest from mood boards from other people it in fact is from yourself and your lived experience so if you do want to figure out your identity or you do want to figure out a certain aesthetic so you want to lean into it a little bit more the best way to discover it guess what it's by exploring by trying things on by you know oh do I fit in as the rocker chick girlfriend let's see maybe that was too awkward for me okay well let me try the rollerblading girl like oh I love it you are a barbie this is your barbie world bitch this is your dream house make it however you want if you want to be astronaut barbie for a day please for the love of god go for it if you want

to be scientist barbie go for it if you want to be horseback riding barbie go for it if you want to be mother barbie go for it i don't care what it is as long as you have the guts and the gall to go after everything that you want and desire and also the guts to change it up when you feel like you've outgrown something that's also so important i'm going through my closet right now and i'm selling off a lot of my stuff if you want to buy it my id pop smokes a shoddy with two y's i've been uploading so much every week it's my goal to upload like 10 to 15 new things and there were so many things that i was just holding on to because i was like oh i remember that era of my life or oh i remember that thing it's nice to have but also it's like we need to make room for the

new. And that was a big lesson I was learning, which is like, it's okay to get rid of it. It'll go to a home to somebody who's actually going to wear it. Then it gets like a second life out of it. And also it gives you space to explore yourself a little bit more, change up your life a little bit more, incorporate new things, see if those work. If they don't, then you can get rid of them and try new things. It's just nice to have that freedom, that freedom of identity, that freedom of expression and I'll tell you what no one will ever be able to nail me down as this aesthetic or this thing or this or that because I literally will always be changing always changing always growing and I wouldn't have it any other way two and five Canadians will hear the words you have

cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on September 19th join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. Hear that? It's your money calling. It wants a promotion. Elevate your savings with the scotia high interest savings account always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest conditions apply visit scotiabank.com slash hisa to learn more scotia bank you're richer than you think hi queen um first i just want to say i've been listening to

the pod since eighth grade so like four years now um which is crazy because i'm graduating high school in like a month and i definitely should not have been listening to smoke shush when i was like 14 but i was and here i am um and that i love the pod i love like the art you make i think you're such an inspiration to a lot of young women including myself um and i hope that you never stop doing what you're doing because you're great like i hope that you like release like a memoir in like 20 years but anyways um I think I just need like advice or kind of like a different perspective on this because I recently broke up with my boyfriend of almost two years and I realized very quickly I have been in relationships like all of my teenage years I've never really been alone um you know

i've never really like had to be alone i guess because i always had someone else you know romantically um and that's been pretty heavy to like kind of cope with and really kind of like relearn myself i guess and i find myself getting bored i find myself being bored all the time i find myself like i guess like it's almost like making myself or like kind of having these little like crushes on people but it's like i don't actually have crushes on them i think it's like genuinely like out of boredom um and it's like a part of me really misses you know having like a relationship especially because I have such big life milestones coming up I have you know my graduation I'm moving for college you know there's a lot of exciting stuff so it's like I know that I

think that I like I know that a relationship is not likely in my path right now but it's like I can't help but to crave that you know and I don't I just don't really know what to do it kind of makes me feel sad it's not like oh like i want to get back with my ex or i miss my ex kind of thing it's just like i feel like i just don't know what to do with myself now um so some advice or like a differing perspective would be really awesome love you queen love you well for how young you are it sounds like you have a really good head on your shoulders it sounds like you have really good goals and aspirations and you know a lot about yourself which is a strength and a power so props to you for that but i i think this is something that a lot of my girlies um especially my age my

friends who are intentionally single right now also deal with the hardest part of being intentionally single is going yeah i could be in a relationship i just know right now is not the right time and knowing that you miss it but also knowing and grappling with the fact that it's just not meant to be right now you know like you said oh you could distract yourself with these little crushes and theoretically you could get into a relationship with these little crushes but is that going to be the best idea for you and your future and what's best for you in a relationship no and I'm proud of you for knowing that and being like no I was just bored whatever and right now is not the time that's good but it's going to be something that you deal with and probably will deal with the

entire time you're single the way to make it easier is a you do need community around you you know it can be very isolating but having friends to celebrate with I know you're graduating high school I know you have friends that are excited to also graduate and you'll be able to celebrate with them maybe family who are there to celebrate you it's good to have that community aspect no matter what even if it's outside of a romantic sense and especially going to college you're going to build a new community there you're going to build new friendships there's going to be new hot guys to go out and have flings with but I think it's good for you to also grapple with this because it'll teach you self-control it'll teach you self-restraint and also this is a fantastic

time for you to build up that relationship with yourself to you know feel the boredom and figure out what to do with it so then you're able to kind of like be self-sustained to also put more emphasis into your friendships that you have around you to really uplift and celebrate those or to go out of your way and make new friendships as you enter your college era it'll give you the strength and power to do that because you kind of will have to you'll have to build new community it'll be so beautiful it'll be so nice but yeah this is something that every single person deals with which is like damn you know i would like to be in a relationship but it's just not in the cards for me right now you know i'm playing the long game i'm waiting it out i'm i'm working on my

relationship with myself so that i'm able to be a better partner in the future or i'm working on my relationship with my friends so that i'm able to build a better community and have a stable life if I do want to get into another romantic relationship but since you said you've been in a relationship for so long this is just your brain getting a little whacked out because it's new you know you've been in a relationship all of your teen years whether it's a couple different boyfriends or one you know it's gonna take a while for your brain to get used to it but if you take the time to fill up those in-between moments with hobbies activities reaching out to friends and family that you haven't talked to in a while even just exploring new sides of

yourself putting more emphasis into your last year of school so you don't have any regrets you know hanging out a little late in that teacher's room you know getting to spend time with them really savoring your teen years a little bit longer so then you have no regrets i i think this is you're in a good place this is going to be a little bit difficult to get over because your brain is just getting used to it but ultimately you knowing a i struggle with this thing b i'm just bored in certain situations and c i want to put more time into myself and my friends in my community i think knowing that about yourself will make it easier going forward but all i can really honestly say is stay strong you're in a good position you made the hard choice of

breaking up with your boyfriend which was obviously the right choice you're about to enter a new era if you take the time right now to really get comfortable in being alone and not so fearful of being alone or not needing to reach out for external validation it will make your life so much easier in college and also you'll be able to actually be present in the moment as you graduate as you celebrate these last this last year of your senior year with your friends I think this is a good position it's just going to be a little bit hard especially when you get bored number one piece of advice i can tell you for boredom though in your teen years in your early 20s is do not go down the wrong path boredom can have you chasing highs in very bad places and the best thing you

can do is do the exact opposite when i was chasing highs i was like oh yeah let me go do fucking molly it's like no maybe you just need to go on a walk in a park oh my god i have this new favorite tiktok page and everybody clowns her but she's like i'm living for her i'm sure you've seen them it's like this older woman she's a baddie with bangs blondie and she's like sure you could stay home and do cocaine in your room or you could go on a walk with your friends and it's like that is so real girl like boredom does have us doing the worst things ever possible for ourselves and if you are able to recognize boredom recognize where it stems from and decide to make the right choice in turn you will ultimately have an easier and more fulfilling life so just be aware of your

actions stay true to yourself stand strong beside yourself work on that relationship with yourself the payoff will be so worth it how to detach from the guy you're talking to and put yourself first well it sounds like you're kind of living for him right now and i need you to live for yourself the reality of it all if you were trying to think okay so if you're a single girl and you're like I'm trying to bring the best partner ever to my life okay theoretically you're trying to manifest your dream man how do you do that is it by putting up with the shitty people around you no is it by doing everything the men around you want you to want you to do no is it by becoming the manapixie dream girl no you know what it is it's by doing what you want to do and living your

life how you want to live because the right person will fit in like a puzzle piece easy fucking peasy it's really how it is you know and it's okay to get excited about things you're wanting to prioritize people I don't want you to be like oh I'm I'm excited to go on this date but I'm gonna say no because I've been spending too much time with him it's like no if you're excited and you want to spend time with a person that you're falling in love with and that is beautiful and wonderful and fantastic but I don't want you to then like oh I'm skipping my favorite thing that I do in the middle of the week to go hang out with this person or my friends invited me out and I'm telling them no because I want to go hang out with this person it's like no we have to

balance our lives and keep them balanced and if someone can fit into that catastrophic balance of it all and and keep it balanced then that is the person for you truly honestly you don't need to win people over you are a nice person you are a wonderful person you are a lover girl I know you're probably putting your best foot forward you're showing up the best you can you've got a good attitude that's really all you can do to attract the right person you will naturally attract the right person but when you're trying to contort your life to fit someone else it's going to be awkward it's going to be messy and it's going to be just plainly not right and you will feel that you can try and push through it but it probably still won't work out you know so

just keep your life balance keep your life flow and focus on you focus on your dreams focus on your goals keep those hobbies intact maintain those friendships and if someone comes into your life and they fit perfectly and you know they want to make your life better or they want to fit in with the balance of it all and they respect your time and they respect who who you are and you guys get along you have chemistry y'all have great bomb sex fantastic you've just met your husband you see what it is you know you don't have to force connections if it works it works if it doesn't it doesn't but don't forget about yourself along the way someone asked should i get a fish oh my god girl i mean here's the thing people think and i i'm the only reason i'm giving you

a hard answer here is because i have been dealing i became a scientist this week okay i've been dealing with something with my fish that i have been struggling with massively and that is the water in my fish's tank you think oh fish six dollars easiest thing ever you just fill a bucket up with water you put the fish in there and you feed them maybe once a day easy peasy hell fucking no that's not how it is actually actually that's not how it is at all actually you have to cycle your tank and the tank has to be a certain parameter and you have to build up a good healthy bacteria in the tank to then maintain the water and you got to do water changes and you got to make sure the tank's at a certain temperature omg my tank cycle crashed this past week i was

having to do medicated baths for my fish because it was it was like too much ammonia it was gonna burn my fish i was like okay we gotta do medicated baths we gotta make sure all the other animals are fine i gotta go get my water tested i gotta get a massive test kit i gotta do 18 different styles of I don't know scientific evaluations to then you know try and figure out what's going wrong in my tank it's not no animal is ever easy and I don't think you should ever be around an animal with the intentions of their lives being easy because it's going to make you complicit it's going to make their lives not as good than you wanting to go above and beyond for that creature whenever I have any sort of creature in my life I am always like no I have to go above and beyond to the best

of my ability to make sure that that animal that being that species is living its best life that includes my cat which is like who making sure he's getting the best food he possibly can that he's staying hydrated that he has good healthy toys that he has toys that are interesting to him that I'm playing with him a certain amount of time in the day so he's feeling mentally invigorated enough making sure that you know he's going to the bathroom and I'm changing the litter every single day sometimes twice a day like it's a lot of work fish are kind of the same if I'm being honest and back in the day when I'd had betta fish it was like oh thinking about then versus now I mean when I was like a child and I knew nothing and my parents knew nothing

the lives of those betta fish are drastically drastically different I don't know if you feel like you have time and have responsibility i never want to deter you from having any sort of creature around you because i think it can bring so much joy something to look forward to like my fish knows my voice it'll hear my voice and i'll swim to the top because it's like oh mommy's home like these are sentient beings that you're dealing with and you should never get a sentient being with the idea or the understanding that this should be an easy pet because in all reality no pet is ever easy because there's going to be a learning curve no matter what. But I love my betta fish and I love my tank. I love aquascaping. I love having planted things in there and learning

how to take care of them. And even when I go through a hard time where it's like, what the fuck's going on with my water? What's going wrong? I'm then also getting to teach myself something new. I'm getting to learn something new. I'm challenging my brain. I'm doing like a little side quest trying to figure out how to manage this and how to make it good for this animal um but no i do love my fish i have a beta i just got two new snails once i got the water fixed because we need to clean up crew and then i had eight tetras but i only have one left because of when my housekeeper fucked up my fish tank when i was gone and that's what i've been dealing with since it's like i've been dealing with the consequences of that and it is what it is i'm not

gonna blame her but yeah I personally love having a fish I love my beta I saved him from pet smart um but I think the next thing I want to do I want to keep this tank but the next thing I want to do is get a sorority tank with a bunch of female betas that's my next main goal but it's never as easy as you think but if you're willing to put up the challenge and you want something a cute little creature around you that's in the grand scheme of things a little bit easier you know compared to a cat a fish is a little bit easier and more cost effective I do highly recommend it's just such a nice little bright life and light to my life that I really enjoy what are your thoughts on making deals with the universe oh oh I gotta be careful with those I gotta be

careful with making deals with the universe because like I'm once again one who likes to change my mind very quickly and I just made a deal with the universe and she's like girl I didn't forget i didn't forget some of my deals are like more manifestation where it's like i want a new car i want a new car i want a new car i needed a new car and then my car gets stolen and it's like well bitch ask and you shall receive good luck i was talking about this the other day my boyfriend's mom she's like your car's beautiful i was driving her around she's like this is a fantastic car i was like i know it was exactly everything i wanted i wanted a mazda cx-5 with tan interior and a sunroof and a fantastic sound system guess what was literally listed 12

hours after my car got stolen this amazing beautiful car was it a pretty penny yes absolutely it was but guess what universe is like asking you shall receive those are what i consider making deals with the universe where it's like if you want something and you're brave enough to ask for it the universe will give it to you it might not be on the timeline you were expecting it might be 10 years from now what same thing with my cat when he was going through his major major health issues and i was like universe take my left liver i don't give i think you only have one liver don't quote me on that take my liver like please just anything anything anything to make him healthy she was like okay yeah we'll make him healthy but six months from now you'll have to go through this over and

over and over and over again but he will get healthy eventually you see how it works it's never exactly how you desire so you have to be really careful with what you ask for and this is why i'm really really careful with like manifestations or like full moon releasing or new moon manifestations i am very detailed with what i'm asking sometimes it's as detailed as like I need a b c and d in this way and in this exact time frame like I get very detailed because she likes to play games she does and it's so funny it really does make me laugh when you look back on it you will receive everything you've ever asked for it just might not be exactly how you desired or wanted so please please be careful but I don't necessarily make deals where I'm doing exchanges

I don't do exchanges because you know I just I try and be careful with the exchanges that I do do but I do know that if you're like okay I'm desiring something if you take the initiative to release something the universe will fill that gap with something better so say you're like hmm this relationship fucking sucks if you are brave and you decide to step away from that relationship you'd be surprised how many things you'd been asking for that weren't coming true literally instantly overnight come true because you decided to remove something from your life maybe it's like oh this shitty fucking job or whatever it is I decided to remove that from my life okay bam it immediately gets filled up with eight things you were asking for or maybe one thing you were asking

for and maybe not immediately maybe eight months from from then maybe it's like oh this bad habit I've been doing this really bad habit I've been engaging and I decide to remove that from my life maybe you've been drinking too much or smoking too much weed you decide to have self-control remove that from your life you've opened up a gap universe will fill it with something better that's the kind of deals I make because you got to be careful you got to think about working with the universe the same way you would if you were holding a magic lamp with a genie inside everybody's seen those episodes where it's like oh you asked for a puppy now you have 10,000 dogs around you because you aren't specific you see it's kind of like trickster energy and you have

to be very careful with trickster energy because yes the universe does like to make a fool of us and be like oh bitch you thought you thought this is what you wanted in reality I know best and I'm going to show it to you so yeah be careful but best way to usher in blessings is to remove something from your life that was negatively impacting you and the best way to really receive blessings is simply by asking for them but be careful be careful what you ask for to be fair i don't ask for a lot but the things that i have asked for god bless the universe for making them a reality i'm thankful for every blessing that has ever come my way including you guys here listening to this podcast the biggest blessing of them all how to deal with uneven sex drives

in a relationship my boyfriend always wants to fuck but i only want to sometimes that's okay it is what it is um i don't think you should really look too far into it um if you are the person with the lower sex drive just you should be the one to initiate sex you know what i mean of course like uh your partner with a higher sex drive they want to feel loved and desired you also want to feel loved and desired and i'm sure he's trying to initiate all the time maybe you feel bad turning him down all the time because it's like probably often i mean some of these men's sex drive it's like i can't have sex with you 24 times in one day my pussy will fall off the bone i'm not even kidding like not in a fun way not at all so like if you're the

person with the lower sex drive you should be the person initiating and it's it's fun to be the person who initiates okay you can wait until you're in the mood until you're horny and then you can roll over start making out with him and then guess what you guys have bomb ass sex it really is that simple i also think it's very important for the person with the higher sex drive to not push it of course you can try a little like how you doing little check-in but if you're not getting that reciprocal energy like just let it go let it be um you'll find your flow okay I have found that my IUD has made my sex drive way lower um as well as just getting older and my hormones balancing out like of course I have a sex drive I get horny duh hello but it's

not like every single fucking hour of the day but when I do feel it I do act on it instead of ignoring it so then I feel like I'm getting it when I want and he is also getting what he needs when he wants but also like you as a partner you are not in charge of making sure your partner's sexually fulfilled of course ideally you'd like to find a good little like flow state of it all but if your partner needs to go jerk off or something away from you because you just can't handle it like that's fine who cares you know what I mean they can handle themselves Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer.

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they can do their own little thing they can have some self-care time so then there's not so much pressure on you because the number one way to kill somebody's sex drive or to kill the intimacy in a relationship is by putting pressure on somebody to have sex who just simply is not in the mood that's the number one way to kill that absolutely so you know if you've noticed uh my boyfriend keeps poking me with his dick all the time and i'm just like i'm busy i don't have time i'm exhausted it's not the right time whatever that's okay have a talk be like hey i've noticed i or like i'm apologized maybe i haven't been in the mood as often but a b c and d so you know just maybe just wait until i initiate and then it'll be sexier it'll be hotter you know just i promise

i'll come to you eventually and come on you oop and you know we'll have a good time but also like be patient with me be understanding and you know i'll initiate when i feel comfortable or when i feel like i'm in a good mood i feel like that's a good balance and dare i say some people like i think in a relationship you should be able to talk about sex any sort of hard conversation is going to be hard nonetheless but i think it's something that we need to be talking about more of in an intimacy level even if it's like a situationship whatever if you're having sex with somebody if they're gonna stick your dick inside their dick inside you or if you're gonna be puss to puss i don't care what it is whatever it is mouth to mouth any sort of organ to organ even just skin

to skin if you are going to be intimate in any sort of way you should be able to talk about it with that person otherwise that person is just not a safe person to have sex with if you are not mature enough to have a conversation about sex then you should not be having sex dare i say because conversation is so important it is so necessary is a fantastic way to build intimacy between two people it's a great way to know what page you're on even mid-sex like do you like this does this feel good these are things that we should be asking and talking about it shouldn't be this like um mental game of like well i hope so it's like no the best way for somebody to have a good experience is by talking it through asking them communicating okay even if it is like hey babe

my pussies dry because i was at work for 12 hours valid as fuck okay talk of it talk it out say it out loud he will then understand tell him give give you a moment you'll come to him when you're ready literally and you'll find a good flow state but communication communicate communicate communicate how should i handle my partner getting angry at me oh well why are they getting angry at you like they probably shouldn't be getting angry at you i mean listen my boyfriend pisses me off sometimes i piss him off sometimes it is what it is people around you are gonna piss you off sometimes or you're gonna piss them off even if you're like best friends i have this friend that i've been friends with literally since birth and it's like yeah of course i know how to get on her

nerves I'm probably gonna piss her off sometimes too it is what it is okay those are usually things that it's like okay I can communicate in a very loving kind respecting way such as like hey this is pissing me off or is it even worth the battle is it even worth saying or is this just like a feeling I'm gonna have to feel and then realize it's not that deep I'm just kind of like hangry right now or you know whatever there's being annoying I'm gonna let it go the there's only two ways to go about it if your partner is getting angry at you yelling raising their voice the cold shoulder okay not saying anything to you going ghost those are not healthy communications and those are very bad those are red flags absolutely those are massive red flags those are also

something i need to be very clear with you guys here because i was with a man who would do these things those are things you cannot teach a man to know how to handle he needs to learn how to handle them himself i had a boyfriend where if i pissed him off and i didn't even know i was pissing him off i was just being myself oop anyways he would like literally not talk to me for two days and i'd be like hello or he'd be like yelling at me and i'd be like oh well he just doesn't know how to communicate properly maybe i can teach him no bitch you're not a therapist they're not paying you and he's not listening okay you're just going to keep happening and happening and happening and happening an emotionally mature man immature is an unsafe man

and somebody that i just think is kind of a waste of time man woman whatever it is like they sometimes there are people with problems that it's not your job to handle or deal with and those are things that they need to deal with on their own and frankly maybe you should tell them hey don't speak to me this way or i will be leaving you and if you don't get help then i also probably will be leaving you see what the outcome is there but no because those things will in turn they're not treating you right and that's going to cause trauma on your end and in turn i just don't think it's worth messing around with relationship should be two whole equal people coming together and yeah if you're with a partner maybe you're gonna piss them off maybe you're gonna make them

angry they should be stable enough to come to you and say hey i did not like the way abcd i would like it if ef and g okay and you know maybe you need to apologize whatever it may be that's very fine and dandy but there should be you know some reality in it like oh yeah you know when i did do that okay i'm sorry you know it shouldn't be like something they made up in their head it shouldn't be gaslighting it shouldn't be yelling it shouldn't be throwing things it shouldn't be hitting walls it shouldn't be silent treatment it shouldn't be them dissociating in a corner and not interacting with you and you're like what happened those are all very unhealthy things and also massive massive massive red flags not worth your time you're hot you're young you're sexy you

deserve a stable partner period beautiful fly hot and sexy zara larson i love you down hey hannah at the pod i'm sorry if there's any background noise but i'm kind of tipsy on the toilet in the club but i need to ask this question so you know i've been kind of stagnant in life um i've been putting in the work applying to jobs you know hustling um doing the inner work going to the gym trying to create routines but i still feel like i'm really stuck in life yeah it's just not going forward but i think it's also the um job market and also the housing market it's fucked i live in europe by the way anyway yeah so my question is how to be positive and have a positive mindset in this kind of environment because i notice that i'm like regressing to this really negative

mindset that i'm never gonna find a job i'm never gonna find a house i'm always gonna be stuck but i really want to move forward and flourish and create something good you know so i'm wondering you know how to change this mindset how to stay positive when things are kind of bleak and live life you know thank you so much i really love you and other girls and everyone that's listening to this podcast um i really feel like we're a community so thank you so much okay calling on the toilet of the club is actually sending me it's killing me but you know what when the girls need help they need help and i feel you on that you know what this is kind of something that i the the place that you're in okay job market housing i know you're in europe

but best believe that's also happening in america and probably many other countries too so i think it's something that a lot of people our age are going through and it's something that i i was really frustrated with with a long time where i was like i'm i'm not moving i'm not getting where i want to go i'm not i'm not all of a sudden 10 years from now living my dream life and that's because unfortunately you are exactly where you are supposed to be all the things you're desiring you know the dream job the dream house whatever it is maybe you want to move maybe you want a family maybe you're looking for a partner whatever you're kind of like you feel stagnant on it will find you in due timing but you not receiving it right now just means it's you're not it's not

ready for you you may be ready for it and that's good that's fantastic but it's not ready for you it doesn't mean it will never come true it just means not right now love not right now and i find myself in those positions when you can either become a very angry and upset and going well it's not working how I want so I'm gonna kind of blow my life up kind of like a toddler screaming and crying over a candy bar but I want it but I want it but I want it bitch next grocery trip you can have it but not this one you know okay so now you're tipping over shelves and aisles and throwing things in the air and getting dragged out of the grocery store to then be grounded like that's not how you want to embrace life you can do that where you're like okay well i'm not getting what i want

so i'm just going to become evil i'm going to throw the blessings that i do have around me away i'm going to do a bunch of horrible awful stuff because i need stimulation in my life or you can be patient and patience is never the fun thing to choose but it is always the better thing to choose I also find when I'm in places of stagnancy it's because there are lessons I haven't learned yet there are things and events and situations that the universe is waiting for me to tie up before it kind of brings in those blessings same way I was talking about okay removing things from your life then make space for it not that you should remove everything but sometimes there's things that you haven't discovered about yourself or about the people around you or about your

habits or about your hobbies or about what your career what you actually desire that the universe is like she's almost there she's getting there she'll get there it'll happen eventually but not right now but you have to be patient with yourself you have to keep doing what you're doing because what you're doing is good and correct having a good routine aiming for goals setting high goals trying to go after them trying to make sure your life is as balanced as possible and really with due timing everything you dream and desire will happen as long as you keep putting yourself out there try and you know keep yourself mentally balanced try and do your best every single day you will be rewarded I know it sucks when you're like I'm ready to be in this place that I'm

supposed to be but it's just not it's not the right timing for you yet and that's all right doesn't mean it won't ever happen it just means not right now and take a look at the world around you right now and ask yourself or the environment around you what you've created for yourself give thanks be appreciative live in the moment that's the best way to really usher in those blessings as well sometimes the universe is like you're just not grateful for what you have you know and i'm not going to give you more until you learn to be grateful i became very unappreciative of the world i created and sometimes i have to be like no pause bitch you have this beautiful apartment that you've decorated all yourself you really live your life exactly how you desire

you're able to be creative every single day you get to interact with amazing baddies like you every single day you get to just like go out and live life and take life by the balls and do everything you desire and that is just so amazing and so beautiful and sure i want to do more of that i want to achieve more i want to go off and do bigger things but for right now what you're doing is good and important and impactful and you have to be grateful for what you have otherwise you are going to lose that positivity you are going to lose that desire and dream in your mind of all these big things that you want to achieve it's okay to be like damn you know i do feel stuck but ask yourself what around me can i give thanks to what around me have i been overlooking what

around me am i grateful for that i maybe don't show enough appreciation to what do i need to add into my life that maybe i haven't added in yet what do i need to take away from my life that i haven't been brave enough to do so yet you know i think those are the questions you should ask yourself instead of why don't i have this thing because that's just a truth and there's nothing we can do about truths but there's a lot we can do about perspective perspective changes appreciation gratitude for self for life for environment for friends it will change how you perceive your life and I think it will usher in your blessings faster that way but it sounds like you're in a good place although you feel stagnant it sounds like you're in a good place it's just

all with due timing and I know patience patience is the last thing I want to do is like waiting in line for a roller coaster and the roller coaster lines to your two hours long. You're fucking Disney. And it's a four hour long wait for, I don't know, Magic Mountain or whatever the fuck it's called. I haven't been to Disney in actually ever. I think I went once when I was three. Anyways, those lines are notoriously long. And yes, sitting there and waiting and waiting and waiting is never fun. It feels like the line is literally never going to end. It actually feels like it's getting longer and you're getting hangry and you're getting impatient and the sun is beating down on you and you're sweating and you're like what the fuck and then you pause and you go

damn but i'm at disney right now and i'm wearing mickey mouse ears and i'm surrounded by people who are fun and here to have fun and all of a sudden bam that lines over with and you are putting that seat belt on and you are riding that ride you see so work on your perspective work on appreciation work on gratitude and i guarantee those blessings that you desire will come faster than you ever could have imagined but i love you and i hope you have fun at the club baddie but with that being said i love you all so much i hope you're feeling the springtime energy and i hope you take advantage of it like i said your homework this week i i want to know about it in the comments tell me what you did down below okay i need to report back get outside enjoy the

weather even if it's just opening your front door to let in some new air or rolling the windows down in your car as you drive to work i don't care what it is find a way to celebrate spring to get outside to get some sunshine on your face to take a deep breath of fresh spring air it does have transformational powers and i hope you find peace within yourselves this week i hope you find joy within yourselves this week i hope you dare to find goodness in the boredom and create something fun for yourself, you deserve it. But with that being said, stay sane, stay sexy, and I'll see you all so soon. Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar

raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.