Smoke Sesh - being the problem child, people pleasing & surviving retrograde

Episode Date: August 23, 2022

Happy Tuesday! Hope you all had a wonderful weekend, we catch up a little bit with what I’ve been up to and update you on the chaos energy that has entered the universe, mars in gemini, mars retrograde and what to expect/how to survive. We talk the most hated man in the world, Andrew Tate, the patriarchy, nudes, not enjoying weed & finding peace in that, female friendships, people pleasing, shoplifting, gas station orders, comfort shows, developing patience with yourself, being the problem child, mental health, and balancing a heavy work load. It’s a long episode but missed you all so much! Might post a lil extra ep at the end of the week we will see, but if not I’ll see you all on Tuesday! Have a wonderful week my loves MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash, so come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Good morning everybody, happy Tuesday, how are we all feeling today? i'm feeling tired very tired safe to say and i don't know why i mean actually i kind of do um my my uh mom went out of town to go visit family in oregon and then my dad's on like a cross-country

motorcycle trip with my grandpa so i have been watching my parents house and watching their dog and watching my cat and it's been a vibe it has I'm not used to living with dogs um they're so high energy I'm such a cat person that it's kind of thrown me off I'm like exhausted from it um as well as if you're a contact girly do not sleep in your contacts I thought I could get away with it for a little bit get away with it for just like you know whenever I wanted I could sleep with my contacts I could do it multiple days in a row well now I'm paying the price and it definitely was not worth me being lazy and simply just not taking out my contacts because my eyes it feels like I'm having allergic reaction I don't I'm not allergic to anything thank god

like luckily i'm not allergic to literally anything um but my my eyes feel like raw like it feels like someone's take took sandpaper and like to rub them against my eyes so they are like bloodshot and disgusting like you know the dad in coralline what he just looks like so tired and his eyes are so red that's what i look like right now so i'm just powering through doing my little thing it's tuesday very excited to be here i have the day off so we're just gonna spend the afternoon hanging chilling vibing going over some questions i feel like a lot of you guys are starting to feel the chaos that is not only approaching but is here um in the universe feeling it going on i could pick up those vibes from the questions you guys were asking me um that is because Gemini is

in Mars right now or Mars is in Gemini I guess and that's gonna be going on for about six to seven months I know like half a year we got a full retrograde situation going on right now also the full moon is coming up um let's see full moon um i need like a good app or like a good something to go to um when it comes to full moon calendars um but the full moon that is coming up i believe oh it'll be actually september 10th be the harvest moon i also believe that's in Gemini as well so there's a lot going on a lot of high chaos energies going on right now and I did a little survival guide I uploaded that on my patreon um but I figured it'd be a good topic to touch on as well today so if you are not a part of the patreon do not worry I am basically going to

give you a little bit of content for free here today and if you are like you want to microdose the patreon i want to see what it's like let me give you a little hint um but mars gemini retrograde i know if you haven't felt the chaos heightening you're going to feel it soon in fact you're going to feel it for about six months for me personally i'm ecstatic retrogrades are unpredictable energy is heightened chaos is in play something that used to scare me until i simply learned to give into it it's a time for a challenge to ask yourself do you really know yourself. Retrogrades are when all of my worst stuff happens, but in turns, a lot of really good stuff comes as a result. And if you learn to roll with the punches, your relationship with yourself

will strengthen to lengths you could really never imagine. You know who really likes to punch? Gemini. With Mars moving into Gemini, this is the perfect time to release, whether you want to or not, everything that isn't aligning with your true self. It's honestly, it's all going to go down in flames okay emotions are going to be heightened so this is a good time to let yourself feel everything fully this is not a time where you will get to sit back and ignore your problems this is a time where your problems and emotions are going to surface like a nasty pimple and gemini is going to stand in the mirror for hours until it's popped so why not make sure your hands are clean people are going to be sensitive you're going to be sensitive not an aggressive way

more in an ideological way so um people are going to be sensitive when it feels like you are attacking them um or you are going against the things that they personally really really feel strongly about there's probably going to be more conflict so learn to disagree without disrespect i think that is key here gemini's love to argue i love to argue and i feel like and it's not like in an aggressive i hate you i'm trying to put you down kind of way which i think highly sensitive people assume is what i'm doing um no we just like to you know um do a little play fighting with our words but it's all light-hearted it is never personal and we are very quick to move on because we are not making those personal jabs within our disagreement lean into your emotions

understand that they will come and they will pass as well as thoughts with that being said mental energy will be at an all-time high you might not even know which direction to lean into as your brain might jump from idea to idea but this is an amazing time to take action and you might find it easier to do so as well if you have felt the shift into get shit done mode that's because of this perfect timing for all of my girlies who are actually going back to school right now i keep seeing like the school bus drive around my neighborhood and i'm like what the fuck's going on oh yeah people are in school i kind of miss school too gemini is all about being spontaneous and this is a great time to give into some of it but only if it truly feels right if it feels right

and you don't give in you will probably regret it later on you might feel an uptick in sociability not necessarily not necessarily conversational but more situational um get out of the house explore a bit lots of good sex will also be had under this retrograde mars is not only the planet of like destruction and change and a little bit of chaos and fun like that but it's also the planet of sex um so gemini being a um what is it where did i go oh gemini being an intensely sensitive spontaneous and curious sign will amplify that sex drive take a look at your star chart if you've ever if you've never done a star chart i personally really recommend cafe astrology i love cafe astrology for a pretty accurate star chart reading um but look at what houses

your gemini placements are in those are the ones you need to look out for gemini placements will particularly be out of control but in like a non-fatal fun to watch car fire kind of way you know what i mean and honestly i can't wait in short mind your own business let your emotions flow. You can't fight it right now. Not everything you think needs to be said. Big one. Get out of the house. Lean into your passion projects. Spontaneous is good, but be aware of finances. Those impulse purchases are not always the best right now. And your journal and your true friends are going to be your best company right now. If you're going to talk shit, prepare to get hit kind of uh situation um so if you don't want to get hit really lean into that journal um i cannot

lie but i'm excited um i think it's gonna be really good for a lot of people um but there's honestly like no reason to fear mercury retrograde unless you've been feeding into your own toxic habits dodging responsibilities or procrastinating and not doing your shadow work that is when you might need to fear retrograde um because all of that is going to surface faster than you can even think about it surfacing and it's going to hit you like a ton of bricks and it's going to force you to cope and to deal and to move through these things i personally like it because i'm so fucking hard-headed and i have a really hard time sometimes with change especially changing myself changing my mood changing whatever my situation is I get really complicit in my life sometimes

this is a time where you'll be forced out of it forced to deal with things that you maybe have not been wanting to think about and forced to deal with your own problems but it's going to be challenging yes but that relationship that you're going to have with yourself where you know you work through something you trust in yourself you work together kind of with yourself in order to get to a better place that is really going to be an amazing feeling at the end of this so cheers to fucking six months i am ecstatic with that being said let's break into my yerba mate because holy shit um i need some caffeine my brain feels like it is slowly dying um my mom was supposed to be home last night but her flight got canceled so i woke up to like a bunch of frantic

calls and texts at like 8 a.m whoa oh my god that was a violent sneeze um and she was like i need to go let the dog out i need to go let the dog out i was like oh my god and i was like 30 minutes away so i had to wake up and blast the fuck over um but cracking open this euro latte i used to have like a addiction to these things there's literally one two places you can buy them in kansas city um one is at whole foods which whole foods is a dangerous place for me to go because i end up spending a lot of money there that's why i also don't go to trader joe's um just because like the novelty of the items they're selling i'm like yes sold you know what I mean but my favorite place to go is 7-eleven um there's like one 7-eleven

that sells yerba mate shout out to them um but right now I'm drinking the sparkling cranberry pomegranate and it is so yummy but with that being said I think we got a lot of chaos to get into a lot of questions a lot of things to dive into um so enough of me rambling actually one more PSA before we move on merch merch merch merch they should be shipping to you like to your house by the beginning of september they should be shipping to your house um they are on the way to me production has finished all two i sold like 200 hoodies fucking crazy um some of those have not yet been sold yet and I ordered bulk so I could do a second drop which is very exciting um so if you didn't well if you weren't able to grab anything do not fret I will be doing a

another drop just a smaller drop of hoodies uh as after I get the ones shipped because that is priority of course um I will be shipping those and then I will do a second drop you'll probably find that on my instagram if you are interested and then we actually sold out of the pink grinders but i am interested in possibly making purple ones if you are interested in snagging a little grinder i can make some purple ones as well so let me know if you're interested but another merch drop soon beginning of september and you also should receive all of your hoodies just in time for the cold weather that is starting to approach i hate winter i hate winter so i'm really just trying to soak up these last bits of summer but like i wake up every morning and i go outside

and i can feel like the air is getting chillier you know the nights are getting a little bit colder there's a little bit more wind there's no stagnant energy stagnant air um so change is come and change is a brewing and there's nothing we can do um so I'm just trying to enjoy the last summer while I can live out my summer girl fantasies for a little bit and then get all cozy for winter cannot wait on our matching hoodies oh my god hi baby I love the pod however there is a topic I would love to hear your input and opinion on Andrew Tate Andrew fucking Tate let's talk about him if you know anything and if you're comfortable with it but i would love to hear a woman like you like your opinion on him thank you i love you bye uh i have been just

avoiding talking about this man i think we can all agree like like with everything i'm about to say that he's a horrible awful fucking human being he deserves to be in jail and i hope to god no one ever speaks of his name again um and i was particularly avoiding talking about him because i didn't want people to be like oh who's this let me go look him up but now that he's banned on every single fucking social media platform and everybody knows his name i think now is an important time to not do what all the men are discussing about which is but but should he be banned you know like freedom of speech like should should he really be banned like yes bitch he should be more than just fucking banned he should be in prison federal prison for the rest of his

fucking life for the hate that he has been spreading towards women when i hear 13 year old boys talking about how women should be in the kitchen how they want to violently r-word women because that is what they deserve to do to happen to them that is fucked up you are a fucked up horrible human being and you deserve jail time if that is the kind of message that you are spreading to people the same way that like any sort of violent group or organization that is online or in person as well deserves jail time and deserves to be completely silenced he is one of those people i'm not here to argue oh freedom of speech freedom of speech no as a woman his him allowing him to have freedom of speech means that i'm being put in danger which is not fair not fair at all

all these men are arguing oh should he have been banned yes absolutely i am more than happy that he is banned and now that he is banned i would love to talk about him he preaches this alpha mindset that younger men who have been brutally hurt by the patriarchy and what the patriarchy enforces on men they find that very attractive in a man and so they follow it because they are insecure he is also insecure and so he projects this idea of needing to put himself above women physically mentally emotionally financially in order to feel good about himself you know what a true man doesn't need a true man does not need to compare himself to other men or compare himself to the women that he surrounds himself with he can stand on his own and appreciate himself for

who he is okay but there's a lot of fucked up things that are happening with men especially under the patriarchy especially men who have been victimized by the patriarchy and now feel the need to prove to the patriarchy that they are you know good men and in turn it hurts a lot of women it does if you've seen the videos of him if you've seen the fucked up shit that he has done i think we can all agree that he he deserves to be in jail he deserves to be locked away for a long amount of time okay a long amount of time he is what's fucked up in the world right now um i think there's a lot of hate and a lot of which is new like like very new like i understand that women have gotten shit for like a long time but since i've been born and grown up and i've

been experiencing like what it's like to live in the world as a woman i felt like up until 2020 we were on a path towards betterment a path towards women being seen as equals and treated as people okay and for some reason there has just been a very harsh downward spiral on how people feel towards women and it is fucked up and it is scary and I believe that anybody that is projecting their insecurities online to a mass amount of people taking their money and profiting off of their insecurities as men and not actually uplifting them and trying to make them better yeah it's called a scammer that's called a dangerous person and that's called jail time yes i'm silencing you you've been silenced i do not give a fuck okay it is terrifying it is

horrible i think all the women listening to this right now can agree with me that it is very scary seeing him grow to such a large platform um because it means that there are actually people out there that support him and support his ideas and that is very very scary if you have any men in your life who are falling victim to him i really really recommend one book um and it's by bell hooks you know it's going to be fucking incredible um and it's it's on my um list of what i want to read but it's called the will to change and it's on men masculinity and love um let me read you a little bit or not a little bit but let me read you what it's about it's just about um everybody needs to love and be loved even men but to know love men must be able to

look at the ways that patriarchal culture keeps them from knowing themselves and from being in touch with their own feelings um it's very obvious that fucking andrew tay is a symptom of patriarchal culture um and the patriarchal ideal he is a symptom he is also the beta male that he goes and speaks about all the fucking time like alpha men do not need to put women down enough when men do not need to you know uplift themselves past other people he is the beta man who needs to fucking jerk off on everybody around him in order to feel good he's a sad little fucking boy who never got enough attention when he was a kid and was always probably put down by other men so in turn he feels the need to put down women because that is the only way that men

can get along especially if they are living under the patriarchy and to also put down other men in a way that is not serving the patriarchy. It is sad. It is very, very sad. And it is also a horrible, horrible online culture that has been growing and spreading and straight up needs to be stopped. It is very, it is incredible that all of these platforms finally stepped up and banned him. I really appreciate that because I could have never, I could have never assumed that Facebook would be like yeah you know what that's a dangerous person we're going to ban them because Facebook allows fucking everything so the fact that all of these platforms came together and banned somebody who was spreading dangerous um speech is good and I think they should do more

of that absolutely I think they should do so much more of it because so much of it is being spread fucking everywhere it's just showing all these young very susceptible people who are chronically online especially after the pandemic because that's the only place that they can find community that it is okay to be this way and to act this way when in reality in the real fucking world that doesn't fucking fly that shit doesn't fly at all um and of course you know none of the platforms are government controlled because they exceed so many different forms of government um they go across many different countries um that it kind of cannot be government controlled i was just so worried for a long period of time that they simply weren't controlled that they

were getting out of hand and i'm hoping after seeing this that they are kind of realizing like oh shit we need to step up our game and we need to get this shit under control um because it has been just like a fucking hot mess of a spiral since 2020 like crazy i have hope i really do hope that things get better if a man comes up to me and says he likes andrew tate i simply would stop speaking to him there's no point arguing there's no point in talking to him just like remove yourself from the situation because that man is a dangerous person and i hate to say that but i honestly believe that with what he is teaching if you say that you agree with anything that he is talking about after seeing videos of him brutally like assault women

no you are a dangerous person i am not i am not associating with you i'm not speaking to you any longer and i think that's how women need to go about it and if you're a woman who looks up to him question why do you need to feel put down in order to feel put up you do not need to be the odd woman out in order to feel good about yourself you can stand with other women and look at this and see that this is shitty and that he is a shitty human being you do not need to constantly cater to men okay men if anything are going to put you down most of the time so why don't you cater to yourself and why don't you cater to other women who are also being put down you associating with the people who are putting the women down does not mean you are safe from being put down just because

you are in closer proximity to the hate doesn't mean you are going to escape it if anything it means you are going to face it and you are going to face it and you are going to face it brutally so i say just yeah get rid of that man i could go on for hours about how horrible and awful he is but thank god we're taking better steps towards um you know fuck not spreading misogyny like come on people anyways i need a bong hit after that one i just wanted to get that one out of the way because like i think it's on a lot of people's minds right now um especially like maybe the younger crowd and like going back to school like genuinely also sorry you're gonna hear my ac going crazy behind me i gotta refill my bong with clean water um it is just safer for

you to not even associate or speak to any of the people who are supporting him um i don't want you to be in a position where you get hurt um so i say just don't associate and hopefully he will disappear off the face of this planet along with every single one of his videos and every single thing that he has said and spread all over the internet um but yeah i try to i just get i get so passionate and so angry about it like it's insane like because it just blows my fucking mind like are you kidding me like are you that fucking stupid to buy into what he's saying like and maybe like it's not even stupidity it's just overall overwhelming hatred towards women and that just like it just makes me sad so stay safe ladies don't give in protect yourself

more so than ever right now and let's get high so we can forget our problems no i'm kidding but so we can calm down quite honestly um let's hit this oh my god that was so good okay like i said i always post on my instagram a little questionnaire um just like asking what's the theme for the week how y'all feeling what are we going through you know what i mean so we are going to just like quickly run through some of those i'm gonna light me a candle right now right now i'm lighting in the stars by bath and body works i actually have run out of candles fuck i can barely light this one oh come on come on babe okay it smells good I'm just I need to go buy and purchase more candles um all righty thoughts on tooth gems um

I think they look really good I think people who have them like it looks good I would freak out that like I would accidentally eat one I know it wouldn't like hurt you or anything but for some reason I would like freak out that I would like you know smile and then it'd be gone I'd be like fuck where'd it go i don't think i would get any tooth gems just because your teeth are not something you really want to fuck with a lot um unless a dentist was putting it on my tooth then like totally i feel like if i was gonna get anything it would be like a gold tooth or something like something that's like solid you know what i mean or like something that goes in and can come out easily um but if you want one i say go for it but do not do not purchase those online kits

because you're gonna glue this shit to your tooth and then you're gonna have like crazy shit on your tooth when it comes off it's gonna fuck up your enamel i didn't realize that you know your teeth were so sensitive until i got older and realized my teeth fucking hate a lot of things so anyways um oh my god help my toxic ex drunk texted me and now you're hanging sunday no help my toxic ex drunk texted me that the sentence should end the end there and their toxic plus x means he's in the past for a very good reason this is retrograde trying you and trying to see if you've really learned your life lessons and the fact that you're hanging out on sunday tells me you have not okay but i'm getting to you before sunday so

this is your warning babes do not go hang out with him there are other fish in the sea you do not need to return to the same fucking smelly fish okay i love you i love you okay um what are you wearing this fall? Any staple pieces? I look at you for so many outfit inspo's. I'm still trying to knock out some more summer outfits that I just didn't get around to. I have so many of them I need to photograph but for fall I'm looking at the kind of mood boards that I was making in like 2012-2013 so not fully into the tumblr culture but similar lots of darks lots of mauves a little gothic lots of lace some crochet lots of long flowy things i think are gonna be in um boots i think are gonna be really big i have been collecting boots recently just because i think they'll be

easy to put on and take off um for the end of fall like gothic school girl kind of like plaids definitely in there find some fun um like tees as well fun graphic tees oversized unoversized um i'm looking at like yeah gothic boho gothic school girl lots of chokers satin chokers don't buy any of those online though like you can literally go to um like any craft store and go buy a roll of like satin ribbon and then like four charms and then boom you have like four necklaces for the price of one um but that's what i'm kind of looking at if you don't know i'm gonna do a closet clean out at the end of the week um on my patreon i'm gonna go through my closet and show everything that i'm kind of putting up in my wardrobe for the start of the fall so if you're

interested i will be having that hopefully at the end of the week um but yeah that's what i'm looking at for fall okay someone asked nudes how do i start how do i send to long distance boyfriend okay i think especially when you're long distance nudes become they can be fun okay you can make them really fun really flirtatious you know play with it a little bit for me personally i just be sending nudes like i love i love it um the same way that you would take a picture of like a flower um no matter what kind of flower what shape what color i would like i love taking nudes because it's like i get to see myself in that sort of kind of lens you know what i mean and with me my boyfriend is very casual now um because we've been together for so long it's just like yeah if

i'm in the bathroom and i'm like yeah vibe i want to take an ass pic then like yeah snap one send it over um very much so in the moment i don't like it when men are like yeah let me see a titty pig like oh bitch i'm busy i don't want to let it be on my own time i don't know i don't like being told what to do if you're into that then like valid but there's nothing more of a turn off than like men saying shit like that so just do it when you're feeling comfortable do it when you're feeling confident and you're feeling um inspired also like get creative with it you know what i mean if you're long distance and you aren't really seeing each other like set your phone up and do like a timer like get some fun lingerie do some like crazy poses i don't know um but the the key

thing is to have fun with it you know you're doing it from your eye from your perspective you're you're showing yourself how you want to you have a lot of creative control so take take control of that creativeness and that creative control you know what i mean um but yeah love it i think it's fun also if you're long distance you can like if you're comfortable obviously you could do like video calls you know so many different ways you can go about it like so many different ways um i was in a long distance relationship for a little bit now that i think about it i wasn't sending him a lot of news but i just don't think i liked him so that is that hi hannah um i'm actually listening from spain uh love the part i'm

obsessed with you um i just wanted to let you know that i tried weed for the first time with two of my friends and it was such a bad experience like i was i had like crazy paranoia like i felt like somebody was like walking behind me and i was like hearing like footsteps but there were like no footsteps and i don't know if that's actually reading the story just my brain playing games but honestly which is like like a really bad experience like a lot of anxiety and a lot like the realization like I felt like I was dreaming the whole time and it was like really stressful I don't know if you have any tips I don't know it's just really confusing because it's supposed to be like peaceful hi babes I think this is a very valid take and I think a lot of the

people listening can agree with you and can share in that experience I don't think you're crazy I don't think it's your brain this is just what happens when you smoke weed and i hate to say that but it's like it is a part of it um although there are like you said you know some positives and the positives are uplifted more than the negatives there are a lot of negatives i am not gonna lie to you um so like although this is like i smoke a lot of weed i do like to be honest about it and I like to always include people who don't um I mean in this podcast and I try to make it more than just about weed because I understand that some people do not agree with weed personally it doesn't work well with them and that is a okay you didn't enjoy it that's a very valid

experience and I don't think you might enjoy it in the future um I didn't really have any horrible experiences later into later on into me smoking like for the hundredth time but i do understand that overall sense of paranoia and anxiety and if you do not have a pretty good control on your anxiety which i hate to say that but i do believe anxiety is a side effect of weed it is not like a side effect of you it is actually like you know weed causes paranoia it causes anxiety, it causes a little bit of, you know, you dissociating, and if you cannot, you know, control that, and work with it, and that is not a feeling that you want to practice with, and like, even get into, that is valid, that is okay, they are overwhelming feelings, and maybe it's just not

for you, and that is perfectly fine, it is, if you did not enjoy it, it is not, it doesn't mean that you have to like force yourself to enjoy it it means that you tried something you didn't like it and you can move on you know what i mean um also if you were like a first time um smoker or like you know indulger into marijuana at all i feel like with the kind of weed that we have now where it's like so well made like this is top tier shit you know what i mean like bob marley wasn't smoking the shit that we're smoking now um it means that it's like way stronger and it's it is harder for like people who are getting into it um so i'm so sorry you had a bad uh experience that does suck but i've been there i understand where you're coming from i understand that

feeling i don't think it's you i don't think it's you being crazy or being your brain in any sort of way i do think it's the weed um i do think weed does cause those feelings sometimes and i think people who are heavy smokers heavy indulgers can agree with me and can see where you're coming from because they've also had experiences like this whether it is a majority of the experiences or only a few we've all been there and that is important to note um i don't think it's for everybody although it's something that I partake in I don't think it's for everybody I don't think it's something that everybody's going to enjoy and that's okay and I never want to pressure anybody or make people feel pressured into doing it um so yeah sometimes you know we have bad

experiences all you can do is live and learn I'm honestly not gonna say try it again because it sounds like you know you didn't have a good time and that's okay but to learn from it and take notes from it and you know maybe give yourself some time and um not partake again um because like there's other stuff that i've done that i've felt that same exact way um drug wise and after i felt that way i was like okay you know this just isn't for me and that's okay like even though there's millions of people that love this shit i just know it's not for me it doesn't it's not what i'm looking for so i think that's okay leave weed out of it doesn't need to be a necessary involvement in your life you know let her go i love all my non-weed smokers out there um you

have a safe space here for sure someone said last ep you talked about strengthening your relationship with women say more um okay i think this is what i was talking about male attention to strengthen my relationship with women i had to first tackle my internalized misogyny um which was i mean i'm not gonna lie and say i've been a perfect human for a majority of my life like yes we all have internalized misogyny if you think you don't you got some shit you got to work on. Absolutely. But I had to work with that at first. And I had to stop seeing women as competition. And I had to stop forcing this need for competition with other women constantly in my life. And that was a hard practice. But I think that was step one

and kind of healing that relationship. I had to look as at women as individuals who could stand on their own and who you know weren't putting me down in any other way or in any way just by existing um that was very important now another thing about strengthening my relationship with women was yes have female friends but I think the most important part is to have female friends who are older than you when I first started in a restaurant I was like 19 and everybody else was much older than me like 25 to 30 to 35 years old um if not more and a lot of the female friendships that I made were with these older women and they were all very comfortable with themselves they were all very confident with themselves they were all you know very aware with who they are and

not afraid to be who they are with everybody and with the world around them and I found that very very inspiring because i do think older women of course not all of them but i do think older women have the life experience the insight the you know acceptance of self and it is very comforting to a person who maybe isn't as accepting in themselves and has a hard time doing so so making older female friends was a great way for me to um strengthen my relationship with women as well and now I think I'm in a pretty good place um I feel very confident myself I love women I love supporting women any sort of way I can um and yeah but it all starts with within and then you just have to slowly work your way out so start within and then start with like slightly outside

of um yourself which is with images and then another step which is with women your own age and then another step which is with women older than you but i think there's a lot that women older than you can teach and i think they are very very interesting and i i'm very thankful for the female friendships that i have made someone asked shoplifting um no listen i've been there i've been a young teenager who needed just a slight bit of an adrenaline rush to make me feel alive been there okay i used to take like when i was like 16 i used to take so much shit from sephora like all the fucking time it was an issue um and then you know it progresses it's going to get worse you're going to feel comfortable in doing it um but I got to college

it was like my first year of college and I was pretty broke and we went to Target and I needed more underwear and I was like oh well easy peasy I can just you know grab a bunch of underwear and like put in my pocket and like just walk out you know what I mean so like whatever and so I just put it in my pocket and I started walking around the store trying to find my friends and this like random guy in normal clothes started like following me and they would like circle around the store and like walk past me and stare at me and i was like what's going on and i started getting like really suspicious and then we walked up to the counter he was still following us and i walked him to check out and he walks right up next to me and goes are you gonna pay for the stuff in

your pocket and literally my heart dropped into my fucking ass because i was like i'm going to jail like this is the end they're gonna take me to the back room they're gonna call the cops i'm gonna get a shop shoplifting charge somehow my dumb ass weaseled my way out of it and i ended up just buying the underwear and leaving which i just should have done in the first place and after that experience i realized wow it is so much easier to just not live in fear and to just go spend your money like who who cares it is not worth the stress it is not worth like a charge over a fucking fucking five dollar underwear or a ten dollar eyeliner or a thirty dollar sweater it's not worth it it really isn't um i do get like i get when people do it so i'm never gonna be like

i hate shoplifters because i've been there me personally i'm over it i've grown out of it um and now i just buy my stuff like an adult sadly i know i'm so lame but like that was so scary for me like i thought it was over like you have those situations where you're just like this is the end like not the end the end but like holy shit all the worst things that could possibly happen or running through my mind right now um and that scared me so much that now i'm just like whatever i'll just buy it like i don't want to feel that anxiety again so i'll just buy it so i think you only get away with so much for so long so understand when you have pushed the limits because the universe is gonna bite back at some point and honestly like if it's walmart if it's

target like fucking whatever who cares but y'all know the rule mom and pop shops little stores anything that's not a big chain don't fucking steal from there like that's fucked up like those people are putting so much on the risk or on the line to even have that store open like let them make their money okay you should be supporting those people but like not supporting big companies like yeah whatever that's i could care less someone asked actually two people asked they go how to make friends in college point blank your girl is struggling and then someone right after them goes how to make friends in class literally you just turn to the person sitting next to you and you just start talking you know hey this crazy thing happened to me hey how are you doing

holy shit that reading was hard fuck this test i am not prepared for it literally anything just spark up a conversation um and sometimes like your best friend is not the person sitting next to you in class maybe it's the person sitting across the room my favorite thing to do in college was i would just like because like you can pick where you sit every day so i would just like randomly sit somewhere in the lecture hall different every day because usually i was just there alone and listen you're gonna make friends you will as long as you open yourself up to make to making friends as long as you aren't showing up to you know class with like a wall surrounding you okay and you refuse to talk to anybody you're gonna make friends just open yourself be a little

vulnerable i promise i promise okay it'll pay off oh someone has my gas station order it changes it does so right now it would probably be a yerba mate specifically i would have to go to 7-eleven for this as we know but the cranberry pomegranate yerba mates and then probably some hot cheetos i'm just in a hot cheeto mood right now i don't know why hot cheetos and then the sour snakes which are the little twins oh no maybe they're called the twin snakes yeah twin snakes where it's like the two snakes stuck together and one sour one sweet those bitches are so good something gummy i'm such a sucker for gummy candy i don't i don't give a fuck about chocolate i don't give a fuck about like crunchy give me gummy candy that is

what i am a sucker for when i was in college my go-to order at the gas station was um the jalapeno or like the spicy chex mix that one's good too that one's super yummy it's in a green bag and then i would get like chocolate covered almonds and then um what was my drink for some reason i feel like it was propel but that's such a weird drink like i don't know why i remember drinking so many of those in college but maybe maybe a water but definitely chocolate covered almonds and um the like jalapeno chex mix that shit was oof so good oh okay this is a good question someone asked self-sabotaging secure relationships because of your anxious attachment style so been through a few relationships i feel like i did a lot of self-sabotaging in the past

but you know i feel like you've gotten to maybe a place in a secure relationship where you're like this person doesn't deserve it this these feelings are coming from a place that is not a reality um I'm not gonna lie these are problems that you're gonna mostly have to deal with on your own and work that you're mostly gonna have to do alone but you should also bring it up with your partner and here's what I mean by that me and my partner uh have both been through some pretty traumatic relationships and so there was some hesitancy and some not yeah a little bit i can't i can't lie of self-sabotaging in our relationship um and so in order to deal with these things we had to make it very known to each other that like hey these problems that are not based in reality that

you are freaking out on me over you these are your problems to deal with and that sounds harsh but you know in the middle of the day when i'm getting anxiety about my boyfriend who's simply just at work busy and doesn't have time to text me back and i'm like oh my god he's dead or like oh my god he's cheating on me or whatever it is these are not reality-based emotions okay that is my anxiety my anxiety has a habit of lying to me and freaking me out i have to a identify that b be strong enough to move on and c offer myself help okay so say i'm freaking out about it whatever i'm not gonna blow up his fucking phone of me being like where are you what are you doing instead when i am wanting that reach back and when i feel the need to you know i feel that

craving or that like intensity to to speak to him and to like have a response i'll just send him a few messages like hey hope you're having a great day can't wait to see you here's what i'm doing here's a pic whatever it is so instead of spamming him with like what the fuck are you doing like whatever craziness i deal with it on my own and i offer myself a solution of yes it's okay to reach out that's fine that's perfectly normal let's reach out in a positive way so we don't push our problems onto him and guess what at the end of the day when he's not busy anymore he texts me back love you thank you so much for you know sending me these nice messages can't wait to see you too you know very simple things you can be doing now where you go and you involve both of you

is where you discuss this moment so after this feeling would have happened i i also like went to him and i was like i'm i'm insane but like i was freaking out this afternoon that you weren't responding to me even though you were just busy like i don't know whatever like just discussing how you felt and it's fun to like sit there and laugh with each other and be like oh you know i've been there before i can totally relate to this but like let me validate you like yeah no just busy like um but yeah and it's okay to discuss these things and discuss your problems and discuss where your anxiety is coming from it's not okay to pin it on your partner especially when they are doing nothing wrong they are being the best support that they can be and the best human

that they can be to you um it is important to yes to deal with our problems on our own and then maybe once you've worked our way partially through it or we're getting there you know bring it up with your partner say hey lol this funny moment happened i don't ever want to be crazy um but like yeah anxiety is a bitch i get it be open with your partner about it um there's you can be open with each other if like they're your partner you're gonna spend the rest of your life together you guys can talk about like crazy shit that's going on in your brain like that's fine that's okay it's not going to scare each other off and if it does and like that is not the person for you um but yeah discussing anxieties especially relationship anxieties anxieties that like aren't based in

reality are okay as long as you're not like getting angry with your partner and like frustrated and you're pinning all this work onto them hi anna my name is becca i live in chicago and I literally been following you forever I love you so much I literally got a serving job because of you back in like May and literally it was the best thing I ever did it has like totally changed my life it's so much fun but I was wondering if you could tell some like stories about serving because there's literally so much drama like it always feels like I'm on a tv show whenever I'm that work so I just want to hear some of your stories like is it like that at every restaurant or is everyone at mine just like literally a hoe like not actually but everyone's crazy it's just

so funny and dramatic all the time so yeah love you love the pod love all the girlies listening bye no restaurant industry is fucking insane like it's not for the weak-hearted it's crazy it'll harden you very quickly but in a kind of way that doesn't make you a bad person it just makes you realize what the world is like um i'm lucky that my restaurant is not as crazy as many other people's restaurants um the people who come in are very chill the vibes of my work are very laid back chilling vibing kind of thing but i mean restaurant industry is not for the faint of heart because we literally had to get rid of bottom bottomless mimosas because at our other restaurant that's a more american restaurant um one of the one of the uh diners slapped a waitress because

she was clearing a mimosa glass that was not empty yet even though they were drinking bottomless mimosas and she was just gonna give her another glass slap the shit out of her um yeah so how to get rid of bottomless mimosas also people were fighting at that restaurant some girl bit another girl like crazy shit happens in restaurants between the people who are eating there between the people who are working there like everybody's fucking each other for some reason that is always going on like if you are ever swiping or like meet somebody and they say they're like a line cook that man might be a slut he might be there's a high possibility um but yeah no shit happens shit goes down shit gets fucking wild luckily nothing crazy has happened recently all of my

all my regulars all the people who come in have been very good have been on their best behavior um i usually just like to tell you guys stories as they happen whenever i remember them um but yeah i have been blessed that luckily people have been on good behavior recently thank fucking god but yeah no shit gets crazy like and like bravo i'm surprised like they have the housewives they have below deck why do they not have a restaurant tv show it would be so incredible because the amount of drama that goes on within a fucking four hour shift is mind-blowing it is utterly mind-blowing oh someone asked comfort films tv shows the things that i constantly find myself falling back into are tv shows and specifically tv shows that like me and my brother used to watch

together um so like things like american dad futurama um futurama is a big one futurama is a big comfort show um it's always sunny those are probably my top three that I constantly revisit and come back to I haven't watched any movies recently but I would say maybe my biggest like comfort movie was like Star Wars because me and my brother used to watch it like in the car on the way to the lake um but yeah what is it Futurama yeah that's probably my number one and then it's always sunny for some reason and then uh american dad those are probably my top three someone asked um how do i stop giving in and how do i finally help myself um very vague but i feel like a lot of people can understand this whether it's like you know you wanting to

help a friend out of a bad situation or wanting to help them you know better themselves or you wanting to make that step towards betterment but simply you're unable to um I feel you I've been there um it took me a long time until I was able to finally look inwards and help myself and that's because I was honestly a huge people pleaser I found that you know it works if only for a little little bit of time that if you're constantly looking outwards and constantly trying to help other people that gives you this false sense of like security and it it allows you to not ever have to look inwards which is scary you know hate looking inwards right but in reality the true peace is never found until you finally start looking inwards and finally start taking control

of your life um i found a post that i think will probably um a lot of people will relate to but i have never met an over giver who wasn't starving for their own attention one of the most important things i've learned working with recovering people pleasers around the world is that we don't just stop over giving by stopping over giving we have to also consciously actively and regularly give to ourselves we have to direct our own care in one of the directions it's scariest to direct it in words all these patterns people pleasing codependency over giving and beyond stem from a dysfunctional relationship with the self somewhere along the way we learned that our self wasn't worthwhile valuable or safe and so we erect homes in other people's hearts feelings and

needs. But the thing is, no matter how aggressively we care for them, no matter how much attention we pay them, the home of ourself will feel empty until we attend to it properly. If you're an over-giver, ask yourself, where am I neglecting my own needs? Am I tending to my own emotional, physical, material, financial, and spiritual priorities? In what areas of my life am I waiting for someone to truly see and hold space for me how might i see and hold space for those parts of my very uh those oh my god how might i see and hold space for those very parts of myself i think we all find ourselves in these like weird harsh cycles of just trying to ignore ourselves and trying to not have to deal with what's going on in the inside when in reality the more you

avoid it and the longer you avoid it the worse you're gonna feel if you rip the fucking band-aid off that is you know finally giving in and addressing the things that you need to address you will feel so much more relief so much more control so much more inspiration within your life within yourself within your being unfortunately there really is nothing that i can say there's no magic word that i can say to make you take that step there's no magic word that your parents can say to make you take that step there's no magic word that your friends can say to make you take that step there's no magic word that you can say to your friends to make them take that step towards self-improvement it simply has to come from a place of you getting tired of dealing with

your own fucking bullshit it has to come from a place of you finally calling yourself out and being like you know what no i'm tired of running away i'm tired of being afraid i'm tired of being this person who doesn't feel like they have control? Why am I constantly running when running has never helped me? Why am I constantly fighting this feeling when fighting this feeling has never helped me? What happens if I just give in and I just try and fix myself and I try and work with myself? What happens? Crazy, right? If I finally look inward, what's the worst thing that's going to happen guess what nothing you're going to see yourself for who you truly are you're going to accept yourself for who you truly are and you're going to work forward and you're going to do

better it's it's the only way you can go because if you constantly run you're going to be running for yourself forever there's no way to possibly outrun yourself you take yourself no matter where you fucking go so why not make sure you have a good travel partner you know we got one option in this life and it's to grow and to develop and to change and to learn who we are in this world and to make connections and we cannot do that unless we you know grow to our fullest potential and look inward and see ourselves for everything that we are the good the bad the ugly and as long as we address it and we you know really understand those parts of ourselves the better we're going to feel within this world so listen I was the biggest procrastinator I was constantly running from

everything I was the biggest people pleaser because I thought that you know giving into other people would somehow finally make me happy if they're happy about me then how come I'm not happy about me and I tried and I tried and I ran and I ran and guess what I felt like I was running in a fucking circle for 18 years and finally I said you know what what if I take a step outside of the circle and I did and it was it was hard but I felt good about it and you take another step and it gets a little easier and you take another step and another step and another step and before you know it you're sprinting but you're not sprinting in a circle anymore you're sprinting outwards in a spiral and you're growing and you're changing and you're learning new things about

yourself and it feels incredible I promise you'll get there but unfortunately it cannot come from any other person outside of your life it really has to come with the need to change and to learn who you truly are and to stop people pleasing and it has to come from within oh my god i'm crazy and well i had to go walk my mom's dog again and then i made a pit stop at duncan not sure why well actually my face my friend facetimed me on the way to when i was on the way to my mom's house and she was on the way to duncan and she got coffee and looked so good so i was like you know what fuck it i'll get something i'll get a little something so i went got me a matcha and i was driving by the thrift store and i was like you know what fuck it it was a thrift store that i

uh don't really go to been to a few times um i mean more than a few times i can't lie but it was just like a thrift store that i always came up dry at so i stopped going to um but i went there and i found two things i've been looking for for forever which is just like a black bodycon low waist skirt which found love I still have to try it on and then I was also looking for a white long like ruffle skirt um and this is more of like a petticoat skirt like it's kind of odd I'm gonna cut the petticoat stuff out under it so it kind of lays flatter um but I think it'll work for what I'm going for and it gives more of a vintage feel so I kind of love it but I was looking for a linen one this one's more like um i don't even know what to call it definitely more

petticoat vibes but we shall see i'm hoping they work out pretty successful um afternoon now i'm back finish the rest of the pod get through some more questions very excited to be back that being said let's take a little hit and keep it going with that being said cheers and let's dive into some more questions. Hey Hannah, love you and love the podcast. My name is Taylor and I just wanted to ask about how, if you have any tips about how you can be more patient with yourself. I've always struggled with this. I've never really been patient with myself. I've always spend too hard on myself. And I just would like to know if you had any tips. Thank you. Hi, I really relate to this question. I think it's a really good one. Patience is something

that I had to learn. I have never had good patience with anything at all, waiting in lines, waiting on food, patience with other people, patience with myself. It was always very short until i started working with children and then i realized patience is very important very important these little kids sorry if you hear sirens too this they're about to come down my block but patience with kids is important they're not going to grasp the first thing you're asking them to do like or they're not going to grasp something you're asking them to do asap they're not going to grasp a concept as soon as you tell it to them they're not going to grasp an idea as soon as you speak it okay just because it's easier for you doesn't mean it's easier for them and

patience and being able to re-explain and retry and make mistakes is very very important with children they need time to learn and every kid is going to learn at different speeds and so once i started allowing this other page this patience towards other people i started allowing that patience towards myself and it was a game changer because i stopped being so anxious i stopped being so hard on myself i stopped being my own worst hater and i started allowing myself to live and to make mistakes and to um ultimately do better at the end of the day it is kind of a hard concept to achieve but as long as you are like i say just view yourself as a as a kid okay that inner child is still alive that inner teen is still alive that need to please and to do well

is still alive but it's not going to happen the first time that you get around to it any concept any idea anything you're going to have to have patience with it the same way you would have patience with a child if you do not allow yourself that patience you are going to give up on everything okay and that's not healthy um i'm i'm victim to the person who's like i'm victim myself which is the person who's like i'm gonna get a new hobby every month you know what i mean and i never go through with it and it is so frustrating because it's like if i just gave myself a little bit more extra time a little bit more extra care and a little bit more push i would be able to do this thing and probably do it well everything takes time we're on this

planet for a fucking 100 years which if you think about it isn't a lot but also in the in the concept of us living through it those that's a lot of years that's a lot of time okay um and what you're trying to get grasp and do is not going to happen in 30 seconds or a minute or a day or a week or a it's probably going to happen after the fifth sixth seventh eighth hundredth try okay and once I learned that and once I kind of observed that hey kids learn really well when you just let them do what they think is best learn from their mistake grow adapt change they take the time that they need to learn this concept to learn this thing in order to grasp it well I was like oh snap that is why things are not working for me because I sit down and I assume that I should be

able to do this thing right away and when I'm not able to do this thing right away I put myself down and I stop doing it and I just feel worse about myself at the end of the day because I've spent all this money on this thing or all this time on this thing even if it's a little bit of time and I don't like myself after it because I can't do it when in reality if you just follow through trust yourself allow yourself to make a few mistakes to work through it to learn to grow motivate yourself you're gonna feel much better at the end of the day when you come out on the other side able to be successful unable to do that thing well you know pretty well so patience is a virtue treat yourself as you would a child allow yourself time to grow we're all

still learning and changing so constantly and rapidly and if no one else is going to be patient with us at least let it be ourselves you know at least trust in yourself and allow yourself that patience and that time to learn and to grow and to change hi hannah um i'm calling in to ask for some advice about um just coping with having problematic siblings like i don't know if you problematic siblings or not if you have experience with this but I have an insane amount of anxiety due to like my siblings just doing like bad things essentially and I'm just like I'm 21 I'm trying to live my life I'm trying to uh like thrive as a young adult and just seeing the anxiety that it causes my parents like the things they do causes me anxiety like I have a hard time stepping back

and just being like this is not my business I'm not a parent like I just find myself getting sucked in so much to their business so do you have any coping mechanisms or advice for me on how I can just take myself out of those situations and live my own life and just focus on myself love you love the podcast hope you're thriving hi so I am the problematic sibling so I think I think like getting a idea of what I appreciated in those moments will kind of bring you some um peace of mind i know my brother was very worried for me um with the things i was doing he's really very worried for me now um just constantly i think he had anxiety and also because my parents constantly had anxiety about me you know if you're around that you're gonna

pick up on it you're gonna feed into it i get it and i here's the thing the things i was doing i didn't realize it caused people anxiety and i think a part of my healing was hearing these people say like hey we care about you we are worried about you this gives us anxiety so that i could be like oh shit you know like my actions do have consequences even though they're not like high high serious consequences they're consequences to the people that i love and so let me re-evaluate this and it wasn't until i was like a little bit older at least like 17 18 that i was able to start picking up on this and realizing this so the best thing you can do which i think is what my brother did which was perfect um because he was uh much older than me he was going through different life

events older than me he was you know going through different shit you know how to focus on himself a little bit but the best thing that he could possibly do was simply he was there um no matter how crazy i was getting no matter where i was he would send me a text he'd call me check in like when I got admitted to the psych ward you know like I got two phone calls the whole time I was in there and one was from him and actually I'm not gonna lie he might have been my only phone call um and I remember I was on the phone with him and I had told my parents because like drama I was like in the psych ward with somebody that I also had like gone to school with and I was like whoa crazy to see you here never would have thought I'm sure we were both thinking the same thing

so i told my parents because i was like i don't know there's not a lot of interesting things going on this like word like sure i'll tell you and then my brother on the phone he was like so i heard you know it might know somebody in there that's good you know like you guys can chit chat or whatever and i didn't realize the nurses were listening and on the phone calls and the nurse was like nope you can't talk about other patients and i was like all righty anyways like i wasn't like talking about other patients i wasn't using names or anything i was just like yeah i know somebody in here but still we were both like awkward silence and he was like uh well i hope you get better sending love you know what i mean but he was just always there for me like um when i was

in high school like early into high school he was already out of college in his own apartment and so he was always like hey if you ever need a place to come feel free to spend the night here if you ever need a safe space um in Kansas City because at the time I lived with my um grandparents like all the way and fuck like far away like middle of Missouri like 45 minutes away kind of just like a middle nowhere farm town so he's like if you ever need a place to stay come you know hang out Kansas City with me um and just him being there was all I needed literally that was all I needed to make me feel like that okay you know someone's fighting for me someone wants me here someone's showing me they care worrying is not showing that you care um that's what my parents did they constantly

worried about me we're like crying you know like yelling at me whatever it was and that didn't help it kind of pushed me further into those emotions for some reason because their emotions were so big and I think the only thing that I was craving within my chaotic and crazy world and my chaotic and crazy mind was someone to just be very neutral and just to make it overly clear that they were always there for me and that is what my brother constantly did and I mean constantly does do and I really really appreciate him for that but I don't think you spending all of your time worrying and working yourself up into an anxiety is going to help you or your parents or your siblings the best thing you can do is just check in on them show them that you care um and give them a safe

place to kind of be themselves um and also like kind of have that haven does that make sense um but when people are going through that there's no way you can stop it there's no ending the train The train is already on a runaway fucking track and it's either going to crash or it'll come to eventual standstill. But that is completely based, I think, on the support of the people and the support of themselves. So if they don't have a lot of support or it seems like everybody around them is constantly like on their case about things, be the one person that's not. Be the one person that's like there for them always you know tells them the truth when they need to hear it checks in on them shows up for them even in the hardest situations i think that's the best thing that

oldest siblings can do but no worrying getting on their case about shit yelling at them anything like that it's not gonna help especially when people are already like kind of against authority kind of mode like on a on a bender one might say they are not going to want to hear more of that what they're going to want is that peace that quiet that is what really draws those people in so i would say just be that but you ignoring them and uh kind of pushing them away i don't think that's going to help either um and the same way that like you overly being there and being overly bearing like a parent is not going to help find that sweet middle spot show them you care show up for them in ways that they would appreciate you know be like hey do you want to go get lunch this

day or like hey do you want to go get coffee hang out talk about life do whatever um just every once in a while reaching out and saying that it really makes it makes a big difference hey hannah my name is tori and i am currently driving 13 hours to get to my college and all i've been listening to is you and thank you because you have just been an awesome person to listen to and just learn about life and stuff and I've been on this big mental health journey and part of it is I go on hikes and I ask people these three questions and I want to know what's your thoughts on them so the first question is how were you taught to address mental health yeah and then the next question is how do you address your own mental health now and then the last question is how do

you address other people's mental health yeah have fun and thank you so much for everything have a great day okay I think this is a really good question so I wanted to include it um I think these questions actually have a lot to do with my life and where I am now which is funny because i've always wanted to work within mental health after you know ignoring it for so long that these three questions kind of shaped who i am so first how was i taught to address mental health i wasn't taught anything about mental health um i didn't know i was in a severe depressive episode until i didn't even know i had severe depression and anxiety until i was sitting through a um mental health um slideshow in fucking freshman year of high school like health

class and it wasn't even a slideshow that was made by the state it was a slideshow that was made by the teacher and me and the teacher were connected we were like i really enjoyed her and i felt like a comfort in her so i you know like told her what i was going through she's like yeah babe that's called major depressive disorder like let's get that shit checked out you know what I mean and so I feel like I was like 15 and I realized like holy shit I was taught nothing about mental health nothing absolutely nothing and so when I came home and I told my parents all this stuff they were like yeah you know me and your dad both face these things and have faced these things and I think I felt a bunch of resentment towards my parents because I was like I did not need to

go through this for so long I just didn't know what it was and I didn't know that it was I hate to say it normal and that it can be fixed so I let myself suffer and I let it get so bad that like I attempted like if I had known I wish I hadn't I wish I would have known and I think a lot of people who are older and I mean older like 50 plus were taught to never talk about it never speak about it if you ignore it it goes away and so that's what they did with our generation and that is just not the way to go about it so the way I had to address my mental health and how I currently address my mental health is to be I hate to say it but like overly aware of it the longer and the more I try to ignore it the worse I get I mean understandably so when I feel these anxieties I

ask myself okay so where is this stemming from is this stemming from a place i can help or something from a place that is completely like you know there's no there's nothing based in facts it's just uh it's just an anxiety feeling how can i help this pass or like depression am i feeling sad today am i feeling overwhelmed today okay how can i help this how can i feel this thoroughly so i can move on i am very i try and stay in tune with my emotions because i was so out of tune for such a long time which means how do i address other people's mental health i really try and be a teacher like i i never wanted to be a teacher i always wanted to work within mental health i always wanted to do something and i was in a like anti-suicide program in like high school where we

tried to make awareness but these people wanted to capitalize on it and like make a movie or like make a tv show and i was like what the fuck are you doing you guys can be out there talking to the people being one-on-one and make more of a difference than you spending five hundred thousand dollars on a stupid fucking movie okay like let's actually get our priorities in check and these people who were talking about this were people who had never faced real mental health issues it was like miss teen kansas who did most of her volunteer work in the mental hospital because that's what her parents owned it's like babes sure you've maybe faced depression but until you've been in the fucking pits of it you you obviously have a surface level understanding if you're like

yeah let's make a movie like no let's get out there let's talk to people let's really spread the fucking word and that pissed me off so i kind of like i stepped away from like the teaching role for a while until i fell back into social media and back into my podcasting where i have just been very open and honest with the things i fucking have been through and i've realized that makes more of a difference than anything just people understanding that they aren't alone and that they are you know together with someone through this journey um and so when it comes to addressing other people's mental health i just try to make them comfortable with what they've been through and comfortable in themselves and comfortable in the way they're feeling just because i know

what it's like to feel so uncomfortable with yourself that it's impossible to survive that i don't want anybody to ever feel the way i did so if i can like you know be the one person who can stand up and be like yeah this shit sucks but hey like i have it you're not alone we can get through this i can be some sort of inspiration for somebody then that i'm doing what i was put on earth to do which is to hopefully reach somebody before they decide to do something that they will really regret um because i i a i wish somebody would have done that for me sooner when i was younger and b i am so fucking thankful for that teacher for recognizing that in me seeing that in me supporting me and offering me understanding and then helping me find what i

needed to do to get help and helping me get the courage to tell my parents um that was it was life-changing um because like i said i was the problem child i was the kid who was getting yelled that i was the kid who was you know getting grounded or my parents could barely trust me um or like they could barely leave me alone because they were afraid i was gonna do something or run off somewhere um and it's kind of scary for parents i get that but the one thing that i needed was not overbearing parents who are gonna lock me down or yell at me what i needed was for somebody to sit with me and say, Hey, I've been there. I see you. I understand you. I get these emotions that you're feeling, but you will get better. You will continue on. You will like,

things will get better. The sun will come up. You know what I mean? Because they have been through it. And so, yeah, it's funny that I've fallen into this and I've been able to do this because I feel very thankful and I feel um just all the love from you guys and I think I've reached you know who I need to and I hope I've made an impact in the ways that I am wanting to but yeah love those three questions just because mental health is so important to me um has been such a struggle such as such a success for a majority of my life it definitely swings both ways though oh someone asked me um update on you moving are you in cali not yet are you still moving good question i think about this every single day i am so ready to move i know i just moved

to my new apartment um but i am so ready for the next step i love kansas city and here's the thing when it comes to i have another thing on patience sorry complete 360 but i promise it ties in trust me you know my my long rambles always tie in together um but I when I was younger I was so I was so impatient to grow up so impatient I wanted to get out of high school I wanted to move somewhere crazy I wanted to start my life I wanted to and then you know reality sets in and you realize adulting is really hard it is very hard and it's gonna take a lot of time for you to finally you know feel comfortable and to fully get into it so i feel like that's kind of what i've been doing for let's see the past five years but i'm reaching the end of that like point where

i am like okay i'm of course still learning thing about things about adulting yes but i have gotten comfortable with who i am and with how to live and how to keep myself afloat that i am ready to take the next step which i think for me will be moving somewhere else and like i said i would love to move to california um my family is really against that because i think it's so fucking expensive which it is absolutely um if things work out and me and my partner are able to move out there then that will make things a little easier but yeah i just want to get out there and get a little house i'm tired of paying rent and seeing it just like go down the drain i would absolutely rather pay a mortgage um and have it go towards a property that i can you know own and

then sell and or whatever apologies for the sirens they really be busy today um but yeah i haven't once again with patience i haven't reached that point yet and i recognize that and i realize that and i understand that i still have time that i need to allow myself to grow it's important to allow yourself that time and be patient and understand that shit does not come overnight especially if you really want it um so to be patient with yourself take every moment that you can to enjoy it and then when the time comes i which i promise it'll come you'll be able to change and grow but i'm hoping maybe by the end of this lease which will be next june we shall see i might find a month-to-month place after that um until i move but absolutely i am planning to move

to california sometime very soon um definitely within the next few years hi hannah i love you so much love your podcast like i'm actually obsessed so i need your wisdom on something um i have been working at starbucks for a little under a year now and i really like that I get like free coffee and shit and I like their coffee and everything and the pay's okay but I don't love the work environment like I just feel like I haven't made that many work friends and like I just don't like the people I work with like I don't know so I kind of want to get a new job like quit do you think that is a valid reason to quit like just because you don't like the people you work with like is that a valid reason or should i just like try to live with them you

know let me know thank you i say quit i hate to be like that but i think you haven't really set up really well for you um starbucks is a mass corporation okay i understand that there's a lot of shit going on within starbucks recently too where the corporation's kind of taken over a little too much the starbucks is the starbucks is the starbucks are getting not as fun to work at um i always had friends who worked at starbucks growing up and i felt like they were always beefing with their co-workers and i'm like what is going on um but the good thing is you probably have some experience at least a few years um you enjoy free coffee love that um you love making tips i'm sure you also have like experience you know running all the machines showing up to work

on time, creating a safe work environment, keeping it clean and up to health or health code conditions, you know, all the things on like the checkout list and the opening list, you know how to do, which is like all that is required for like artisanal, is that how you say it? The fancy coffee shops, okay? Just upgrade a little bit, you know? I love my baristas. I love the coffee shops I go to.

they're always chit-chatting getting along having their fun times they always like know the customers they always say hi because usually it's the same people coming in every day i'm sure you have regulars at your starbucks they're making way more in tips because they're making kind of like i feel like more complex drinks um because like they usually have like more specialties and it usually changes out too but also like classics a little latte here a little chai here you know what i mean um you're probably gonna make way more in tips it's gonna be nicer to work for like a small local business and people i think get along better when the business is doing well and the business owners know what they're doing so if i were you i would just look around at all

the coffee shops that are around you and maybe apply to one of those if you enjoy making coffee and stuff like that if not um i am unsure if you enjoy serving but that could be a place you could go down but i think barista is kind of like an awesome job you know go in make some coffee um go in make some coffee make a lot of tips and yeah i think i think it'd be good and also yes I think not liking your work environment is reason for quitting because I think a lot of people who don't enjoy their jobs like start hating their lives because they realize that they wake up and go to work and they dread going to work and they dread those eight hours or whatever it is like find a job that you like even though it's not your dream job or whatever like just make sure that you

enjoy it I think that's like key number one just make sure you enjoy going to work that's it like do i enjoy being a server and a bartender like no it's not my dream fucking job does it pay the bills yeah can i go to work and like chit chat with my co-workers and have a laugh here and there yeah am i not miserable when i'm there yeah as long as i have like a good headspace and i'm not just like in a miserable mindset like things can work out for you i promise um it really is just all about finding what fits um for you i personally think service industry is either really easy to get along with people or everybody who works there is just like really rude and i think that goes with like starbucks as well someone asked what's your favorite liquor vodka unfortunately my mother

with russian roots really raised me on vodka she was always making vodka cocktails and vodka sodas and vodka vodka vodka so that's what i have been into um i love a good gin i fucking hate tequila i don't know why i wish i liked tequila if i'm taking a shot it's definitely not going to be of tequila and like i get it there's good tequila there's bad tequila i just like it's a smell it's it tastes fine and i think it might be the smell that gets me you know what i mean i love the lime at the end that's always necessary um bourbon oh no i love my clear white alcohols for some reason it's my russian roots i really i can't help it it also might just be for my years in high school that i was constantly drinking vodka like it would be me with a gatorade bottle in one

hand and then like a bottle of just like smirnoff in the other and i would just take pulls of straight vodka and chase it with like blue Gatorade like awful horrible why oh okay someone asked I've been I've just started college and the workload is insane I've been working on one class assignment non-stop all day any tips on how to break it up but still turn in on time so that's what I loved about college it is so fucking hard it is these assignments that they're gonna give you are going to be like eight hours of work after school so well here's the here's the best thing they tell you when they're going to assign these things and they tell you when they're due every professor should offer you a syllabus if they do not offer you a syllabus they are not doing their

job so go into your like first day of class packet whatever it is take out every syllabus for every class that you're taking okay and the syllabus will show you everything that you're doing that semester all right now you're going to go into your calendar whether it's a paper calendar a online calendar any sort of calendar calendar that you have personally for me i like the big calendars the big paper ones that you just like rip off um and like each square is like at least two inches big like the big ones the desk calendars that's what i like because i love assigning each class in a color and then i stick by that color and so i can kind of visualize and see what's due when start with each class go through each month pencil in when everything is

due um pencil in when to start everything and then just work month at a time so look at your week look at everything that you have due that week organize by day when you have like you know some time or you know after class like okay i have a hour period between this class and this class i'm to go to the library i'm gonna knock this assignment out of the way whatever it is um but i can't lie i you're there to do work okay you really are and i i hated it at first until i realized like if you throw yourself into it and you do it correctly um it feels kind of good to get your shit done because you usually do it well um but in college i was only out doing fun things like at night that was it my 8 a.m to 8 p.m was schoolwork um and sometimes more than that you're

probably going to pull some all-nighters it happens okay um but if you can get ahead of the game and look at when shit's due and then figure out like where in your calendar you need to pencil in what days you need to work on stuff um that makes things way more manageable and i usually do it by the month and then when the week comes I will like intensely organize that week so it's by it's usually week by week but I also like having a monthly overview of everything that I need to do as well so the best thing you can really do is just get ahead of the game see what's due and go by that anyways this has been fun I think I fucked up my eye if this is your sign to not sleep in contacts and really do not sleep in contacts my eye is going through it it's like red and it feels

like i'm having an allergic reaction but it's literally like one eye i'm like what's going on i'm sure i'll be fine in like a day and when i finally put in like good clean contacts but holy shit she is going through it i hope you all have a wonderful week i will see you all again on Tuesday we'll see if I put out like a random one at the end of the week I might miss you guys and I might want to do an extra one so stay tuned if I if I have the energy I might because this is so much fun um so look for like a random questionnaire within the week but on Thursday I'm trying to keep myself accountable and um get my closet cleaned but I think a lot of you guys will enjoy like going through all the pieces that I have because it's kind of fucking crazy

sorry water break everybody drink some water collectively a hot girl is a hydrated girl um but i'm going to do a little closet clean out and closet organization video and i'll be showing you pieces that i'm putting in my wardrobe for um for fall some last end of summer pieces and um pieces that i'll be either donating or selling on depop so keep in mind that'll be on my patreon which is under hannah marlene if not i am working on also um putting up like some short i'm hoping to do video podcasts soon and that'll go on youtube so do not fret but podcast i'll always be here we're forever ladies i can never get rid of this forever but i hope you have a wonderful wonderful weekend if i don't see you at the end of the week

if i do i'll see you soon we'll talk soon you know um stay safe have a great day hope you enjoyed this and i'll see you again