Smoke Sesh - big girl jobs, breakup szn & crazy family

Episode Date: November 25, 2025

hellooo everyone and welcome back! we have a lot to catch up on here at smoke sesh such as running from your demons, staying busy, out running depression, picking up hobbies, purging your life, cleaning up your space, decluttering, releasing attachments to items, inconveniencing yourself, challenging your dopamine, therapy, girl dates, breaking up with your therapists, psychics, boyfriend drama, big girl jobs, affordability, any job is a good job, working hard, keeping your dream alive, step stoning, breakup season, breaking up, holiday break up, surviving a break up, going back home, crazy family, family drama, thanksgiving drama, best thanksgiving food, love addiction, healing yourself from love addiction, love partner vs life partner, finding a life partner, dopamine addiction, going cold turkey, fear of life, the what ifs, learning to just act, and lastly giving thanks, giving thanks to you guys, the people in my life, the little things and much much more! MUAH!submit your questions follow the instagram at hannahmarlenejoin the patreon club at patreon.com/smokeseshshawtywatch the Japan vlog at YouTube.com/hannahmarlene444

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and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations,

more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all oh my wow good morning girls and welcome back to another episode of smoke sesh i am so excited to be back with you all on this sleepy little rain day rainy monday oh my god winter's here

winter is here you guys you guys and i officially have started my winter integration okay i'm sure you're tired of hearing about the plan plan planning you're like bitch what about the action with due time and she is here you guys good news i fear the demons can't get you if you are constantly moving fun little life hack for you so when i'm like up making tea making coffee feeding animals running around the house cleaning doing this doing this work doing laundry going to the gym going here going to this activity coming home cooking dinner showering reading a book all of a sudden it's 10 p.m wow not one bad thought slipped across my mind because I did not have time and I fear that is the hack because now thinking back to my most depressive states I've ever been in

especially like when I was like severely depressed like I'm talking like literally got locked up back when I was like what was it like 17 16 17 maybe 15 I don't know I was such a baby oh my goodness sending young Hannah some love right now um it was because I was doing nothing with my life and my parents had it figured out up until then where it was like no she's going to soccer she's going to art class she's going to piano she's doing this she's doing that she's going to this activity she's babysitting she's she's busy she's booked and busy I could not make my own schedule as a child because I'm a child and if it was up to me I'd do nothing so of course my parents put me in absolutely everything shout out to them for doing that because it did keep me distracted

but then in high school I was like no this is my life and I want to do nothing with it which I did some things with it I think I kept up with piano and art obviously I've always kept up with art but it would be like okay get off school when I would usually do like four hours of workouts I'm doing nothing. And I just sat there. And I think I sat there for so long, I started getting too much in my head and too much into overthinking and too online. And it did, you know, heighten those already depressed feelings and thoughts that I did have to a point where it was like inescapable. So yes, I fear when your therapist is like, babe, go to the gym, babe, do some meditation, babe, stay busy. They are right. They they're right, girl. That is a hack. I hate to

hear it, but like, God damn, there is some truth behind it. So for me, it's been a semi easy transition. There's a lot of new things happening in my life that I'm not used to, but it feels good, especially have spending the past month preparing my brain to do these things and looking forward to them finally putting them into action it's just a really nice change of pace and i think i'm gonna get a lot done this winter which is making me excited to stay strong on this path and to stay sticking to my goals instead of like i don't want to go to the gym because it's summer outside and i want to be outside with my friends at the pool it's like no babe there's nothing to do outside there's nothing to do outside i mean you can go get like a wicked chili's mark and go

see it which I'm doing tomorrow and I'm so excited but girl there's nothing to do outside like go lock in get your shit done now is the time to do so and it will put you on top come this spring so I'm doing my thing feeling good about it I just purged my entire closet I'm gonna be uploading a bunch of shit on depop which I kind of fell off on depop for a little bit sorry about that I was on a very long vacation but we're back i'll be uploading i have like a lot of vintage things that i'm like i love this but do i wear it no and also can it go to a good home um i had someone on the patreon episode talk about this where it was like i have so many things i have so many things i don't know what to do with these things but i also don't want to give them up i have a

really hard time like maybe purging items from my life funny thing is when you turn 25 26 when your brain finally like clocks in locks in um you will realize holy shit i have too much stuff around me and it needs to go now that was one of the funny things about growing up and like my brain fully developing is instead of like collect collect i don't care about the clutter like i just want fun little trinkets around me all the time which i do obviously i mean bitch look behind me trinket central but i need like cleanliness i need space i need breathing room now that i'm older and there is something that clicks in your head where you're like get rid of it all burn it no don't do that I have an OCD fear of my apartment catching on fire but get rid of it

send it somewhere that it will be taken care of and how I rationalize it in my brain especially being a very sentimental girl where it's like oh but I wore that t-shirt one time in New York and I just can't get rid of it because of the memories it's like okay I mean valid I guess but like there are people out there who would give the same amount of love you want to give to that item without even a second thought you know it's like toy story you got a toy story your items when you're getting rid of them have they been sitting in a trunk okay are they sad are they play with me play with me and you're like i just can't i'm getting older i don't really care okay cool go donate it to somebody who will actually use those items and give that toy a new story girl hello

like like literally and i do this with clothes where it's like i love this shirt or i love this dress will i ever wear it absolutely not i mean maybe there will be one situation that will line up perfectly but obviously she's not on the calendar so she needs to go like let me give this dress to somebody else who will actually enjoy it actually wear it be able to give it new life and that's through you know it doesn't always have to be through like depop or selling sometimes it's like I have eight trash bags right around the corner where you cannot see that I'm gonna go donate all of that to the thrift store because yes it's good yes it's nice clothing but also like I'm not in the mood to sell it for five dollars on depop like that's crazy let me just give it

to somebody who can actually like use it enjoy it and give it new life so having that mindset really helps me purge and I always do probably like a good monthly purge especially being such a hoarder when i was younger like in covid all i did was thrift i was just thrift thrift thrifting and the thrifting was fantastic because everybody was at home so they were getting rid of everything so i collected a mass amount of items and now i'm like holy shit i need to get rid of all of them they need to go they need to go love you down thank you for your service but like i need space i need room like literally i would like to have just white walls around me and nothing else i'm losing my mind obviously this week's been good though I've really just been like locked in on

my life and trying to stay busy and motivated and warming my inner world while the outside world is cold I'm not even kidding I'm shaking in my boots right now from how cold it is because my front door is open my cat my cat wants to be an outdoor cat danger would love to be an outdoor cat in fact he did run away one time for like eight nine days that should have taught him his lesson because I know he's not want to be out there and so he just loves if it's even just like remotely not 30 degrees maybe like a good 40 degrees he wants to be outside curled up in a little puff ball and who am I to deny him of his pleasures like he's such a little creature and like if this is what brings him the most joy in his entire day like who am I to say no to that

so i'm over here shaking for his enjoyment while he naps on the patio so if if you hear my teeth start chattering that would be why that would honestly be why um i've been really into inconveniencing myself as well um listen i so i go to horseback riding lessons you guys know this right this is a rambly episode sorry we'll get to the questions in a second um and i i cut you kind to get paired off with somebody who is like similar age similar groups so then you can do group lessons I was doing private lessons for a while just to like you know get my bearing have somebody watch me make sure I'm doing it all correctly once I you know checked all those boxes I can tack up on my own I can get up on there I know how to control all the different

horses they put me on like I have that strength inside of me they then put me into group lessons and group lessons isn't like 50 people it's like this other girl that I do lessons with same age same kind of vibe love her down but one time I was talking to her and I was like oh my god yeah girl like I got my boots here I love these boots like please let me send you the boot link like I got you and she's like oh okay but like I don't have a phone I was like what oh what what do you mean she reaches in her pocket she pulls out i'm not even kidding what looks like a 2009 landline phone like massive chunky flip phone and this is not me describing that in a shameful way this is me describing it as in a that was a jump scare way i was like what she's like yeah i just felt

like i was getting too addicted to my phone like an iphone and i was just like habitually scrolling and wasting my life and so i decided i needed to like inconvenience myself a little bit she's like I still have my computer at home so if I want to scroll like I could pull it up on my computer but outside of that like I don't really care like I just have my boyfriend and my friends know where I am like you can still call me on this phone of course like here's my phone number but also like no babe you can't send me the link no you can't send me the link and I was like oh my god oh my god she's so much better for it and it is that damn phone it really is she's like I feel like I'm more at one with life she's like this is the whole reason I also got into horseback riding

she's also doing like muay thai like literally she's like I'm just bored and you're supposed to be bored you're supposed to be bored in life and fill it with things that bring you joy not like oh I'm bored let me waste eight hours of my time scrolling on that goddamn phone it's like oh we do need to be doing and things that inconvenience us and we do need to be doing things that are like making us a little bit bored because through boredom comes like true self-discovery oh my god hannah's gone woke no but for real so i'm slowly starting to integrate just like little things into my daily routine that inconvenience me and one of the new things which i'll i'll post about it a lot because it's so meditative you're like okay and you're gonna incorporate the phone no no no um

I just feel like making a tea tray or a breakfast tray in the morning is so nice and such a good way to start my day. Taking time to like boil a pot of tea, like wait for it while it does that to make the tea correctly, to steep it the correct amount of time, to make sure the water is the perfect temperature to build a beautiful breakfast tray of like oh maybe i have a soft boiled egg and some fresh um apple slices and some chocolate covered espresso beans on the side with my earl gray tea and a nice latte like that takes me sometimes i'm not even kidding 25 minutes and the entire time i'm not thinking about uh dopamine dopamine dopamine i need i need to be on my phone need to be scrolling no i'm thinking okay what's next what's my next step and it's been so nice

although it's like not meditation it does feel like meditation in the sense of like i'm checked out but checked into the environment right in front of me and it's been so fun to incorporate it was a big part of my my daily routine was being more intentional in the mornings where i'm not just like rolling over and like okay let me dope me my brain up with instagram scrolling and eight espresso shots like that can't be good for me let's slow down let's be intentional about a time let's be intentional also about like what we are eating and drinking in the morning instead of just like not drinking water at all for the first three hours and then being like oh fuck like i'm my brain hurts it's been really nice um it's been yeah really good and it's also pushed me to maybe try

to start um making myself intentionally bored or to kind of inconvenience myself in a good healthy way a little bit more in my life to see where I can challenge myself more so I mean if that's in the first week of hibernation integration girl we got four months who knows what is going to come out of this and I am very excited tomorrow I have a big day a big self-care day in the morning I'm going to i have this psychic that i love who also has like her phd in psychology so she's like yeah i can either do like a traditional like actual like psychotherapy with you if you'd like like i i can be a therapist like i'm licensed or like girl if you want to pull the tarot cards out we can and that's exactly what i need because if you guys don't know i broke up with my last therapist

did i talk about that i feel like it just kind of like i just fell out with her um yeah i don't know she was just giving me really bad advice and not like bad advice because i understand where it was coming from it was the kind of advice that when you're sitting down over a picture of margs with your girlfriends they tell you these things but not things where i'm like okay no i'm paying you 170 an hour to get advice can you come up with something better like it's things i'd say on this podcast where i'm like girl i don't fucking know you know like i'm just up here yapping but that's for free like that's different literally there was like one point in time where she said something to me and i was like no i'm never coming back like literally it clicked to

my brain i was like no this is never happening this is very real this happens with therapists and it shouldn't turn you off from your therapy journey therapy is like dating and like some people will get you some people won't some people will actually have the time to put into you some people won't and it's okay to have like a couple mismatches before finding the right one i do think I found the right one finally but I was sitting down with her and we'll get into the boyfriend tea don't even worry so many questions about it um I was telling her I was like you know how do I maybe you know get him to be more active in like chores around the house I don't know something dumb like that she's like well you know when they do something you have to reward them you know like

maybe if they do the dishes you know you give him a blow job because when i do this just i don't get my pussy ate because i that's like literally at a loss for words i was like oh and i'm paying you 170 an hour bitch you can blow him what the fuck are we talking about right now after that um i went to the club i lost my card i had to get a new card so the card on file was like automatically declining and she's like hey girl um i can't charge your card also you're not showing up and i was like i just kind of ghosted her but also after that bullshit yeah yeah yeah i'm gonna ghost you and you're like hannah you've probably said that same exact thing on this podcast once again for free as a ha ha hee hee not a oh this bitch is

in therapy right now like maybe we should take this seriously like what so i'm very happy that i found one that i do enjoy and has credentials and is very like intuitively aware to the environment in the situation thank fucking god um i have that in the morning tomorrow it'll be fantastic and then in the evening me and my girls are gonna go see wicked for good i can't wait literally last year i saw it fantastic i cannot wait to go get a chili's triple dipper some margs and my friend said she had tea for me life truly could not get better honestly um and yes uh last episode obviously i'm sure you thought hannah coming back from japan would be like oh bubbles giddy life is great fantastic and maybe i was a little bit more uh mellow than you were expecting

that's a good word to put it not sad i wasn't like depressed maybe mellow is a great word to put it I just yeah I've been having a hard time and one thing about me I'm a girl who's like yeah you can have another chance yeah you can you can have another chance but I think he knew it's like oh I'm running out of chances so he is locked in thank god and yeah things are going good but it's okay to bitch your boyfriend out if you're pissed at him I'm gonna give you the pass it's okay to sit down with him and be like this is not okay and if this is how it's gonna be a bitch the bus is picking me up actually it's picking you up because this is my house i'm just kidding but like like we you need to lock it not we because like i'm doing my part you need to

lock the fuck in and if you can't then this is just not gonna work and sometimes it's okay to have that conversation especially like five years in it's okay to be like no get fucking real right out like get serious and he is very serious at this point in time so things are going good we'll keep you updated that's for sure but haiki yeah um japan he definitely did not make it special fun or anything for me and that just sucked and was like really challenging and difficult because like bitch hello i'm me i'm me let's be honest i'm me i need to be spoiled i need to be treated like a queen I need to be like quite literally carried everywhere I go no I'm kidding I'm a very independent combative woman love being that way so I am difficult to get along

with but also like read the room get it together if anybody knows me better than me it's him so like do that do that okay or else I will just be alone and that'll be okay and I think he heard that was like oh shit okay yeah no period let's lock in thus i think it's okay to you know tell your boyfriend bitch get it the fuck together there's only a certain amount of times you're allowed to do that though you got to be careful if you're saying that's your boyfriend once a week babe babe the writings in the walls is that the is that the quote the writings writings on the walls it makes sense to me if it's rare and you're like oh i just this is hard but it's something that you have to do then you know it is what it is if it's weekly girl run if it's like very rare

it's just a part of you know growing up maybe feeling like you're settling down in a relationship but also need to keep it alive a little bit so yeah I'm excited for Chili's Marks though with my girls that's probably what I'm most excited about in life right now I don't get on here and talk about relationship drama a lot because I feel like I owe him that privacy but also there's a part of me where it's like this is my life like this podcast is my life and of course i'm not going to share like every teeny tiny detail you're like hannah you talk about eating ass on here okay okay sue me i'm not gonna talk about every teeny tiny detail on here eventually probably because i have a big mouth but oh you know i'll let you in a little bit with that being said though i did

make a japan vlog i know out of all of that listen i'm i'm a cinematic girl i see something beautiful i take a video of it it is what it is so if you'd like to go see the japan vlog she is up she is ready to be watched and enjoyed she is maybe not like my other style vlogs where i'm yap yap yapping the entire time but she is beautiful she is fun there are sights to be seen and travels to be taken on that vlog for sure and she's 30 minutes so get you some yummy food okay smoke a blunt for me girl and watch the vlog if you'd like and join the patreon they saw it early patreon.com slash smoke slash shawty for extra content and a lot of it emotional support frog is making a comeback someone said his name should be herbert maybe it was hubert but i feel like he's a herbert

he's giving herbert energy and that's his name is herbert so everybody welcome to the podcast herbert um anyways someone asked big girl jobs tips to getting big girl jobs how to make a big girl job work and i'm no corporate baddie let's be honest like could you imagine me in a cubicle i fear not like and if that's you there is no shame because that shit pays that's for fucking sure but me personally i'm a very sporadic money maker um it's just who i am it was written in the stars quite literally um so I'm going to sit here and tell you there is no goddamn thing as a big girl job if it's paying the rent it's a big girl job okay I'm not gonna sit up here and shame people who you know work jobs that are odd or maybe work the jobs that other people don't want to work

because period point blank if it's paying the bills it's a big girl job all right I don't care what you're doing and this is a tough conversation I had to have with my parents when I was younger because it was like okay how long are you gonna work at the restaurant industry and I was like 22 or something like I was very young and it was like girl listen up this shit's paying me more than any other entry-level job I could have at any point in time so there is no big girl job other than this like let's be honest and i feel like of course you know people society whatever it is hold certain jobs to certain standards where it's like it's a big girl job if you work for a corporation it's a big girl job if you are your own ceo girl boss pussy down you know like

whatever there is no such thing of course some people hold certain standards for themselves and absolutely hold those standards for yourself do your thing but if you have to work a job in the meantime that is not ideal in order to get to that maybe future big girl job that you do want to hold that is valid that is real and i support you as long as those bills are getting paid as long as you are staying fed as long as you are taking care of yourself i don't care where you're getting that goddamn money from i don't care if you're a stripper i don't care if you are um uh a server a bartender i don't care if you're a janitor i don't care what you're doing like props to you for getting up and clocking in like the rest of us okay there's a lot of people out here

that'll be like i'm too good for that job it's just not meant for me i'm not supposed to be working that position and then stay broke ah they'll go into debt girl put the fucking apron on and get to work what are we talking about why would you go to debt why would you go into debt why why would you go into debt when you could just be working any possible job and listen i get it in this economy not the jobs are not easy to come by so like no shame if you're in an in-between place of like i can't even fucking find one it's like you know what i hear that and very valid girl absolutely but never ever ever am i gonna be like at a restaurant shaming the door dashers for working like girl in this economy we just need money period and i don't care how you goddamn

get it whatever as long as you are safe and taken care of now that's what really matters all right i don't like settling for money when it feels like demeaning that's no fun or if it's like um you know you're working for someone evil or you're not taking care of yourself or you're just like putting yourself to the side for money i don't think that should ever happen but if it's just like uh it's not my passion but i can go clock in just just clock in just clock in okay i think it's very chic to have an in-between job can we talk about that i'm not even kidding i remember being like 18 19 just starting in the restaurant industry girl they won't let me put that apron on you better work the host and you better learn how to talk because you're not talking and that's a

problem like I was so shy I could barely make eye contact you want to get out of that start hosting at a restaurant you will become unstoppable quite honestly um so I started working as a little host little shy little host and as an 18 year old I was surrounded by like 30 year olds who were still in the restaurant industry and you know some of them in many different places in life some of them are going to be career servers which like you can't hate some of them are like teachers and they get off work and they come and they serve and then some of them are like no I'm in law school right now like I'm going to become a lawyer I'm going to become like a doctor whatever it is I just need cash money in my pocket to have somewhere to sleep it's like that's kind of

chic and there's a lot of like chicness about going through your 20s of like being in that in in between stage of just like we're figuring it out and we're doing the best we can and we're gonna have fun doing it because we have no other choice you know it is giving sex in the city a little bit where you're like I'm just gonna go do it because I'm young and I need money and I'm gonna I'm gonna do my best it's like yes absolutely that's kind of energy you have to keep because like you're gonna grow up and you're gonna get that big girl job okay whatever it is whatever it looks like to you maybe it's um art director maybe it's a museum curator maybe it's like um like I said CEO maybe it's financial advisor maybe it's a lawyer I don't care what it is

whatever you want you'll get it like I'm not even kidding I'm blessing you right now whatever you want you will get it because I trust in all of you to have that kind of like wherewithal and self-determination to get anything you want because I did not raise you as anything else okay but like oh you sometimes that wish doesn't come true overnight sometimes you got to put years of your life into getting there and it's worth the journey absolutely but also like on the journey you're gonna have to you know settle for some things that maybe aren't like the big dream but it's a stepping stone to get to the big dream and that's why i'm never gonna be like oh this job is not a big girl job or this job isn't you know oh it's not up to standards with society girl

fuck you I'm paying my rent I have my fridge full of organic food not even actually I don't know Aldi has a very high standard shout out Aldi my lights are on my water is hot like I am happy I am good I am taken care of I am safe as long as you are doing that for yourself like round up applause pat on the back you're doing the damn thing that is a big girl job that's being a big girl okay and I'm not going to shame anybody else for like maybe not having a job to a certain societal degree because that's lame that's boring now I think there is something to be said about not losing the plot okay working towards whatever big dream and goal you have and not letting the little stepping stones get in the way once again they're just stepping stones okay they're there

to help you it's like a crutch they're to help you move on to the next level okay one step at a time but you can't get caught on those stepping stones or else you'll never be to the point that you want to get to in whatever vision that looks like okay keep that goal clear crisp sharp in your mind keep that idea very well understood and planned in your mind so you never lose track in sight of what is real and important to you you won't get caught up with all the distractions you'll be proud of every step you take and you will get further than anybody else around you truly honestly wholeheartedly sincerely but girl make that money do your thing i'm proud of you no matter what okay if you're clocking in today on this beautiful tuesday i'm proud of you pat

yourself on the back treat yourself to a yummy meal after this because god damn girl you deserve of it anyways let's talk breakup season you guys it is breakup season um statistically statistically not for me for a lot of people around me for a lot of girls for a lot for a lot of everybody i've just been seeing like literally if i happen to pull up tiktok or whatever it is it'll be like oh this person's going through a breakup oh this couple just split oh whatever and i think it really hit when emma chamberlain was like dropped her podcast that was like i'm going through a breakup right now i'm like oh it is breakup season statistically also to a science november and december you see the highest amount of breakups ever and if i'm being

honest in my head if i was going to think about it i'd be like no you know if i was going to take a wild guess statistically i would think like april march april would be the highest breakups because like you go through winter maybe it's really hard during the winter and then like you get that boost of energy that boost of confidence as spring approaches and then maybe you split up no not according to science November December you see the largest amount of breakups ever holidays are coming up it can be stressful it's hard to balance you know different families or what are we doing if you're in college maybe you're coming home you're realizing oh that girlfriend I had that is long distance you know we just don't get along and I need to break up

with her as I come home so I can go back to college and be single and be able to live my full college life or the opposite whatever it happens to be I have been through a breakup at this point in time exactly I'm not even kidding first relationship ever okay I love how I'm talking if you're watching I'm talking in my hand looks like the frog's talking to you guys okay so first relationship ever it is I think it's Thanksgiving break okay so it's Thanksgiving break I'm supposed to be doing Friendsgiving I'm dating this guy boy literally like we were so young and he was so immature but he's like oh my goodness I'm going back home for Florida for Thanksgiving massive red flag right there like that should have told me everything I needed to

know and I'm going back to Kansas City for Thanksgiving like this will be our first time doing long distance because we dated the whole first semester um so like maybe like six months you know first little break away from each other oh my goodness I'm gonna miss you so much babe whatever bullshit I come home he goes to Florida he obviously is like yeah I'm doing DMT with my mom Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto

for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows.

Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. florida things i'm doing dmt with my mom i'm going to a grateful dead concert okay babe i have so much fun me i'm supposed to be going to like friendsgiving or something i'm baking like a

pumpkin pie i'm getting ready i'm doing my hair i'm doing my makeup and i get a call from him and i'm like oh he's probably just gonna like he's gonna say have fun at friendsgiving or whatever i answered this phone call we need to break up have you ever been broken up on the phone it's like you could have waited you could have waited also like thank god you're not here because i would have lost my goddamn shit on you broke up with me hours before friendsgiving which looking back i'm like divine timing because i immediately had something to do other than just like rot in bed and cry like i immediately was surrounded by friends who loved me and saw me and appreciated in me like honestly great timing on my end not on his but it's like damn you go home you do DMT

with your mom and go to a Grateful Dead concert and realize I don't want to be with this bitch like okay heart's a little bit broken so I get I get that it does happen you know you're with family you're realizing maybe they don't mesh with family or maybe I don't want to bring them into my family or maybe I don't want to be a part of their family or oh my god I'm just stressed about everything and I'm realizing he's not good she's not good they're not good at helping me with my stress or understanding my stress finals are coming up like you're gonna have to put yourself first a little bit and a lot of people are realizing like either putting myself first is not making the relationship work or it's the only thing I want to do and this relationship is

hindering me there's a lot of things that come into play in this time of year we're forced to around each other a little bit more for us to be inside a little bit more it makes feelings come up and all of these things are absolutely valid in fact I had at least 75 I literally counted before this at the very least 75 I can't count well once I get over 50 so maybe 63 somewhere in the 63 to 75 range of girls dming me messaging me hey girl whatever of not hey girl but like of i am going through a breakup right now what the fuck do i do and all i can say is it's a part of life you will feel this way with someone else again you will love the next person 10 times more than you ever loved the person before them yes you will fall in love again yes you are lovable yes

everything is okay and will be okay temporary pain for major gain it's okay like you will be fine because going through a breakup actually feels like someone just punched a hole in your chest ripped out your sternum and ripped out your fucking heart whether you were the person doing the breakup whether you got broken up with whether it was mutual whether it was random whether they like literally like went behind your back broke your heart I don't care what they did no matter what position you are in it feels like you are like actually physically falling apart it's called heartbreak for a reason babe it's called heartbreak for a reason it's so funny how like our bodies can um symptomatically like create that feeling even though we know we're okay

like realistically we know we're okay but like physically it hurts isn't that crazy i remember after that first breakup with that loser man and you will feel this way laughing about your ex right now like oh my god loser like why did i do that i remember quite literally looking up ted talks looking up any sort of motivational like speaker i could find just as some like inspiration of like am I gonna be okay someone just tell me I'm gonna be okay right now and if you need that if you were frantically googling and did I do this right did I do something wrong do I love them will I ever be okay if you are feeling that way right now let me tell you from experience you will be okay

you will feel better with time everything heals all right stay true in yourself throw yourself into your friends throw yourself into your work stay as busy as possible that comes with heartbreak or depression girl stay booked and busy seriously and you will be okay you'll be okay you'll be all right i promise you i would also like to say if you're in a relationship right now and you go through these holidays and you're like damn this is just not working you're probably feeling that way for a reason and that's all right as well sometimes you're the breaker upper sometimes you're the what would it be person getting broken up with it's a part of life it is what it is it makes you stronger it makes you more self-confident and also it just weeds out the

people that are not right for you and that's a big part of life not all good decisions are easy not all good decisions also feel good I think we have convinced ourselves or even I've convinced myself of like um the right thing for me making that right decision will always feel good like it'll feel like oh weight off my chest it'll feel like I'll feel euphoric that's not true especially like as I'm becoming more of an adult and having to make like realer harder decisions of like getting real with life a lot of those big decisions and big choices are not easy and they don't always feel right you know rationally they feel right head over heart but realistically sometimes the good decisions aren't always the ones that feel the best that doesn't mean you

made the wrong decision it just means you made the hard decision and you will come out on top because you stood beside yourself listen to yourself and are move for moving forward according to what you need in this life even if you got broken up with by some dmt brain rotted florida man it's okay okay you'll look back what is it like six years later and be like thank god that happened because i was just so blind with love i could not see what was really in front of me Someone needed to make that hard decision. Obviously. I couldn't but i'm thankful that it happened With time everything will heal with time. You will figure everything out Like I said stay patient in yourself trust in yourself throw yourself into your friends your family your hobbies

Fill that goddamn planner with activities to do Go take horseback riding lessons go take pole classes go work out like stay busy the more you throw yourself into yourself the more connected you'll be with yourself the stronger you'll be with yourself and the easier it'll be to just get over anything that happens to be bothering you especially heartbreak but it is a common theme that's happening right now especially with mercury retrograde oof it is testing our limits it really is so all the love to my girls out there who are just simply put going through it oh my god you guys i forgot thanksgiving is quite literally like this week. What the hell? Time is flying by. I can't believe it's almost

December this year. I know I say every podcast, but it's moving so fast. I quite literally can't keep up Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving can either be like super fun, super great, super fantastic, or like Thanksgiving, you know, and it really depends on your family. Honestly, I used to be like Thanksgiving don't want to participate because I had to participate with my entire family which was not just like in my immediate family like my mom my dad my brother my sister-in-law my niece my nephew loved them down they're fantastic they're sane okay but it was like my extended family which is my dad's side of the family why is it always the dad's side of the family that's like crazy like batshit crazy who were very normal growing up like loved them like

i was so thankful to have them we spent so much time together growing up like me and my cousins on that side of family my aunt my uncle because my um grandparents owned a lake house so we would spend all summer together down in the ozarks at the lake house like grew up side by side with these people as if they were like my closest closest family and then they like quite literally developed religious psychosis not not kidding not kidding they joined this massive and like no hate i guess um they joined this massive catholic church lost their minds became way too religious and way too religious in the sense of like very judgmental you're like religious judgmental that doesn't make sense because that's the opposite of what god would tell you to do or jesus whichever

one you prefer and no it's like they just they became like holier than thou and so interacting with them became hell on earth because it's like you have to put your best foot forward at all possible times or else they don't give a fuck about you quite frankly and it was it was a shock to see and it's shocking looking back because like they were very very normal and then it's like crazy how different that they are now on top of that around 2016 yeah trigger warning when trump became a whole thing they became massive trump supporters and then the the fucking republican psychosis sat set in and so not only were they like extremely judgmental but also like they became like extremely bigoted and i'm like oh my god i physically can't be around them i can't

physically can't be around them so I did skip I think a couple years ago I skipped one Thanksgiving with them and like peace on earth things were great but I realized I couldn't skip every Thanksgiving because I do want to see like my mom my dad the normal ones okay my immediate family very normal very normal and like actually good-hearted um I was like I do want to spend time with them so of course like I have to go back so how do I approach interacting with my extended family and not losing my fucking mind because back in the day i used to be very um what's a good word aggravated where someone could say something to me and i'd be like oh you just ruined my entire day like i'm pissed off now i had a really hard time like um removing my emotions

in a healthy way where it's like of course you shouldn't remove all of your emotions but also like there's only so much power you should give somebody over you or if they say something that pisses you off it shouldn't ruin your entire day or week like that's a lot of emotional turmoil for you to put yourself through um so like how do I protect my emotional well-being while also like interacting with people that are like intentionally trying to piss me off and I realized like sometimes with stupid people you have to have a little laugh like if we're if you don't laugh you're gonna cry so I started interacting them with them in a sense you would a court jester and is that demeaning maybe a little bit but it did save my sanity in the sense of like

I am not gonna take anything you say seriously and if anything I'm gonna kind of just like poke the bear a little bit for my own entertainment and if it gets too heated I'm just gonna walk away and not poke the bear and like uh oh we're gonna we're gonna debate over the Thanksgiving turkey right now it'd just be like so what do you mean by that can you expand i'm so curious like where'd you hear about that wow you know i've never heard that perspective can you tell me a little bit more where it's like girl i don't give a fuck but i want you to explain to me how insane you are it's like you gotta have a little laugh obviously there's no way you're gonna change their mind there's no way you're gonna convince them that their thought process is wrong because if anything

they love the arguing and they love being right in whatever right way that they think they are so like there's no like real conversation I think you can have over a thanksgiving table that's going to change anybody's political thoughts or opinions but there is a way you can stay sane and still interact with them in a sense of like I just am going to completely emotionally regulate right now and not entertain those ideas or thoughts and I am going to have a little laugh at you in the meantime because like i said if i don't laugh i'm gonna cry now my mom pulled a w this year shout out to her and she uninvited them to thanksgiving that's a family family drama she is just like i mean she is liberal queen woke bae like honestly love her down

i grew up like she would take me to protests every weekend oh girl you got a saturday morning off we are going up to Topeka Kansas we are protesting I'm like okay whatever like I grew up she's very very politically active you know love her down especially now that she's retired it's all she has time to do she's like yes I'm you know mentoring a Ukrainian teacher I'm you know showing up to ICE protest and rallies I'm like I love it yes mom but every time she has to interact with my extended family the insane trumpers she's like she she doesn't have that emotional regulation that i have or that i don't give a fuck mentality because she really does care um so it's like pulling teeth and i talked to her and she was like why should i take my good time

and energy planning cooking prepping my house for thanksgiving for people who are going to come over here and judge me either way because their favorite hobby is judging people like why would I put myself through that kind of like mental and physical gymnastics for an outcome that I know is not even gonna happen because it's like their favorite hobby to do is to judge people I was like you're so right queen what if what if and I feel bad for planning this idea in her head because now my dad's like okay I don't see my family on Thanksgiving but also like it is what it is um I was like what if we just did it with our family like it's Thanksgiving it's not like Christmas or whatever whatever we do it's just Thanksgiving like what if we were all in sweatpants on

Thanksgiving eating whatever the fuck we want okay and you don't even have to clean the house because like I come here every week like whatever what if think about how beautiful life could be and she was like you know what hell yeah and they sent the craziest text in the group message that was like I love them down my dad was like with the you know emotional turmoil right now in this country we just really need to protect our peace and since we don't get along on any sort of values or morals we just don't want to be around you it's like you could have put it differently but also like you might as well you know address the elephant in the room because i know my uncle would have shown up wearing a charlie kirk t-shirt and i like i said if i don't laugh i will cry

so thanksgiving this year is gonna slap i cannot wait it's just me my mom my dad my brother my sister-in-law my niece my nephew how fantastic they're running a 5k in the morning that's not happening I said I'll see you guys at what 12 p.m. I'm not getting up at 8 a.m. and running a 5k nor will I be on the finish line so sorry about that love you down but I'm sleeping in and I'm cooking I love cooking I love cooking food for people I love and I love Thanksgiving food turkey l hate turkey ham oh honey glazed ham fantastic sometimes we do brisket on thanksgiving which is the best thanksgivings in my opinion usually we do brisket on christmas we'll do salmon and brisket on christmas so fire sorry this is the i'm hungry segment what i make for thanksgiving

i always make mac and cheese some form of mac and cheese if you want my mac and cheese recipe it's in my reels on Instagram. It's a French onion mac and cheese. If you don't want the French onions, don't make the French onions. The mac and cheese recipe is still my mac and cheese recipe. It's basically teeny's mac and cheese recipe. I'm adding like four pounds of cheese, one pound of noodles, and a lot of heavy cream. If we're being honest, take your time simmering it. So it doesn't curdle mix it. Well, you're good to go. I always make mac and cheese. In fact, my cousin, I know he's gonna be missing out my cousin who became a priest, which shout out to him i think it's probably the most normal thing that anybody in that family has

ever done he would only come back and visit on thanksgiving he could only leave like once a year and he had to choose a holiday he would only come back on thanksgiving because he'd be like hannah's making that mac and cheese like i have to come two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research together we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer register today at pmcfwalk.ca real canadian superstore has everything you need this back-to-school season save on lunchbox savers

like ziggy sliced deli meat products for always 375 and get life brand pure vita shampoo or conditioner for eight dollars each at real canadian superstore when you're ready we're ready with a whole world and more yeah it's that good yes it's that good that and green bean casserole not the oh real green beans no i want that canned shit baked at 350 for 30 minutes i love green bean casserole it is by far my favorite and i know you're like ew gross no no no it is my favorite thanksgiving food ever no one else in my family is like obsessed with it as much as i am so i always make it because i need to eat it and if i don't eat it i'm gonna have a mental breakdown now the real good food is after you eat at 12 p.m it's like 9 p.m you're like i'm hungry again for

somehow i slept for four hours in the afternoon i'm hungry again it's the thanksgiving sandwiches have you ever made a thanksgiving sandwich all right you take those really good buttered rolls you do a layer of you know cranberry jelly turkey ham maybe throw some goddamn mac and cheese on there you throw some green bean casserole on there you're like what on a sandwich yeah babe stuffing add anything you want to that sandwich it's the best thing you'll ever eat in your entire life it is slutty it is gross it is nasty in the best possible way ever a leftover sandwich oh maybe you toast it if you're feeling crazy yeah i'm very much though looking forward to this thanksgiving but if you are spending time with insane family family that you maybe don't

want to spend time with you're dreading going home listen you gotta emotional emotionally regulate a little bit so they don't get to you because if they get to you you're gonna have a miserable goddamn time and sometimes evil people their only goal is to get to you so if you don't protect yourself emotionally regulate and disassociate in a healthy way it's gonna be quite challenging take those breaks you know go on a little pre-thanksgiving walk smoke some weed to really help with that i don't give a fuck attitude and when your uncle says something crazy to you over that thanksgiving table all you gotta hit him back with it with is so what do you mean by that can you elaborate a little further for me

hmm you know i didn't read that article can you send that to me what just cite your sources i promise it'll help you laugh a little bit more instead of cry but props to you huh this one's interesting how do you take a step back from someone that is addicting but not adding to your life okay you guys i went on this mega spiral okay i love a good internet spiral let's be honest not an internet spiral where i'm like watching mind numbing video after mind numbing video it's like when i discover one singular thing that i'm like super interested in and then i like have to consume everything about that one thing that i'm interested in and my recent my this week my spiral was this psychotherapist i think maybe just therapist i don't know bad bitch that's all i know

Esther Perel oh my goodness I saw a video of her talking about sex in relationships and intimacy in relationships and she basically said that like um this is outside of this but she was like women um get bored with relationships faster than men because they have to carry like most of the relationships toll and like the care and like they are the planner in the relationship they do everything in the relationship and then they have no time for sex and men go oh she just doesn't want to have sex with me anymore but women go no i'm not interested in the sex that i'm gonna have because if i'm gonna have sex it better be like really fucking good and the interviewer like literally went dead silent and i was like oh she she's psychoanalyzing at a level that like i

haven't heard anybody say out loud so of course I had to go and watch like so many podcasts by her and just like what she has to say she is so talented she's a very interesting human being and the way that she is able to kind of dissect interpersonal relationships is very interesting but naturally when we're younger we're going to be more preconceived with the excitement of things we are going to be more interested in okay which partner gives us the most excitement you know which one can make that honeymoon phase last forever you know which one is going to be like I'm in love I'm in love I'm in love but as we get older we realize okay love is great and fantastic who can I build a life with though and that's the thing that you really need to start thinking about

like yes there should be love in a relationship love is easy to find who can you work with who wants to build a life with you who can build an exciting exciting life with you who can keep up who wants to build the same life as you who is adding to your life that's what you should really be preconceived with if you're getting older and if you're wanting to settle down if you're not wanting to settle down and you're just looking for some fun you know what go ahead have that situationship have that exciting person in your life you know waste your time a little bit that's okay that's what being young is for it's for falling in love with random people randomly you know people that maybe you usually wouldn't settle for it's a learning process you know love can be

very strong and addicting when we're younger but the older we get and especially the older I get the more I realize love is great and yes I need it but what I need more than love is somebody I can build a life with I need a life partner not a love partner because when the love dies down which it will eventually believe it or not there should always be that like under underlying warmth and desire to love each other but like that honeymoon phase that high high is not gonna last forever so when it does die down are you left with somebody who is able to kind of like build a comforting life around you or are you left in the dust and ashes yeah yeah she said that i was like oh girl girl this is this is too much for me this is too much for me but she's so right

you know especially getting older like you want somebody who is able to like when you're sick take care of you to you know on a hard day be able to read how you're feeling and show up for you in the same way that you would show up for yourself who is adding to your to your life not subtracting for it somebody who is not just there for love and sex but is also there through the good times and the hard times and a lot of the times you know those relationships you get into when you're younger they're fun and all but like that person is not there for you in reality that person is not there for you they're not trying to build a life with you they just want to live life side by side for a little bit and if that's something that you're okay with at this point in time

then that's fine and dandy like I said I've been in my fair share of relationships like that where I'm like this is fun for now and I'm really into love right now so like let me love as hard as I can but once those feelings die down what are you left with I'm usually left in the dust and at this point in time in my life that's not at all what I'm looking for anymore love is great love is fun I like that high high feeling but I know that what is really real and tangible and what really matters to me at this point in time is being able to have a partner in life to have somebody that i can fall back on somebody who adds to my life and that will naturally come with time as you get older and you start putting more intentionality into your own life you will start like being able to

weed out you know the loser men who just want to fucking leave you know and a lot of these people a lot of falling in love will be addicting but they won't add to your life and the best way especially when you feel like huh maybe I need something a little bit more in my relationships and I'm not getting that the best way I mean number one depending on how close you are is have a conversation talk about it where do you see yourself in five years what well you know do you want to have kids do you want to get married where do you see yourself living how many kids do you want to have what kind of job you want to have if you start asking men these things a lot of them are going to get fucking scared and they're going to go ahead and leave so if you're

trying to weed out the addicting versus you know adding to your life go ahead and have that conversation babe they will go ahead and run on their own trust honestly but also i think it's a great way to you know vet out partners that are people who maybe will only last a season versus ones who have like the same long-term goals and if you find yourself in another situation ship another relationship where you're like god damn i'm just kind of dopamine addicted to them but i don't think we can build a life together i mean a yes have that conversation have that hard conversation i think it will really put into perspective maybe how different and how incompatible you guys are but also take some time apart i think it's very easy to get lost in

relationships especially when we're younger because we want to avoid living our lives and i know you're like no that's not true it is true you know we want to avoid ourselves a little bit we want to avoid taking accountability for our lives and the best way to do so is to kind of like fall in love and be so dopamine filled with this love feeling um over and over and over again by getting into relationship by relationship by relationship by relationship you know maybe challenge yourself to be single for a while break up with this person that you know after this hard conversation is just not your person challenge yourself to be single for a while it'll really help you build a good base to build off of and a good understanding of yourself your own five-year

goals your own long-term plans to then when you look at the next relationship or you start actually dating seriously again you will be able to find that life partner you know a love partner is easy it's very easy to find a lot of you girls are very charismatic kind compassionate hot sexy smart bitch you could get along well with a brick wall all right so it's very easy to get along with any of these men especially if they're throwing you good dick and i'll tell you what a lot of these men are basically homeless but they know how to throw good dick because it's all they have going for them so do not base a relationship off of good dick you can find good dick attached to a good man i promise you the addiction of love can get very distracting and it can be very easy

to throw yourself into the reality of life is you want to surround yourself with people who have your back and you're not going to find that in a love partner but you will find that in a life partner and guess what best of both worlds is a life partner will always hold love for you so why settle for just the love when you can have it both the best way to also get rid of that addicting feeling the same way of like reprogramming your brain to not be so addicted to your phone is to literally take time away anything that you are like physically addicted to love sex money spending money shopping alcohol weed stimulants whatever it is that you are addicted to that you feel an unrational calling to and a need to incorporate in your everyday life the best way to break that

within yourself and to like regroup is to step away completely i'm a i'm a very big fan of cold turkey okay and not in a thanksgiving way i'm talking straight up remove it from your life i understand that's not safe with everything especially if you are deep into addiction i get that but we're talking in a safe manner here you know a man um a tea break whatever it is I think the best way to go about it is cold turkey I'm not one who can like slowly wean herself off of something because I don't have self-control I am an all or nothing kind of person so whenever I need to really kind of just regroup and really baseline myself again I have to go cold turkey I do I need to remove it fully from my life and regroup pick up the

pieces from where I left it is a fantastic way to really build yourself up from ground level completely it ain't easy it ain't easy I'll tell you what removing anything from your life is not easy especially addictions but with hard work and responsibility comes you know anything you ever dreamed of if you feel like you need time away from love addiction a tea break whatever it is cold turkey is the way to go and stay busy cold turkey plus filling your schedule with so many goddamn things you will be okay i promise how to stop being afraid of life i think a lot of people yeah are afraid of living like actually being an active participant in their life because of the what ifs it's very easy to have these big lofty dreams goals you know big girl jobs being with a

long-term partner moving to this random country going sober whatever these big goals are these 10 years 15 year goals wherever you see yourself at 70 like it's easy to have those ideas but the fear that stops us is the idea of what if it doesn't happen you know and that's very valid because like what if i never fall in love again what if i never get the big girl job what there's a lot of what ifs in life you know but if you live by the what ifs you will never live life and that's the thing if you are afraid of life you are living by the what ifs but what if what if this bad thing happens what if i what if i become homeless what if i you know completely fail and have to move back home what if i fail this class what if they he never loves me back

what if i never get to go to this dream country what if yeah what if because right now it's not happening you're so right queen what if and I fear that what if is creating your reality okay your fear is holding you back from living life I think the best way to live life is not by the what ifs it's by the fuck around and find outs it's it can be a little irrational sometimes but I think in living life we need to be slightly irrational if we are completely rational we might not be able to have those random experiences meet that random person go on that random trip and a lot of the sporadicness of life is just living it and being a little bit reckless like a safe reckless i i think that's important to have in life you know some rationality is important as well to

like have big goals and have big dreams and to stand beside them and to stand by beside your wants and your needs but a lot of it is just fuck around and find out yeah what if but also I'll figure it out I don't have to live by this like skepticism or mysticism of um you know trying to read the future before it even happens like I can figure out the future by just living it by going after it if you want to find out that answer babe if you think you know the answer it's definitely wrong and you will find it out if you just go after it and go try it you know go after that job apply for that position go to that random country um you know move states whatever it is that you want to try and you want to find out you can find out and I'm realizing that a lot especially

as I'm getting older you I talk about getting older a lot but also like there's so much peace and understanding that comes with it and I'm very appreciative um where I've spent the past probably three years of my life very stagnant I've been in a good routine and it's felt good it's felt boring in a healthy way but I'm getting older and I'm realizing damn I can't be here for the rest of my life which means I need to start you know challenging myself a little bit and actually like putting one foot in front of the other and I have a lot of those what-if moments that I think have held me back a lot of like I want to move to California but what if I you know it just doesn't work out i have to move back home or i want to you know get my own house but what if it falls

apart and it just doesn't work out or i want to go to that country by myself but what if what if what if what if and i am here to tell you literally living by the what ifs will keep you stagnant it will it has kept me stagnant for a long time i've challenged myself in different ways you know and i'm proud of where i've come from i don't have any regrets but i'm tired of these what ifs and I am ready to fuck around and find out I am ready to just try new things throw myself into it completely you know you will find out the what-ifs by just living life and through doing things that challenge you and that inspire you and that you've been thinking about for a while you will build up that trust within yourself you will build up that confidence within yourself and it most likely will

work out the more you do that because you'll have a good head on your shoulders you'll be able to problem solve better you'll have more self-confidence you'll have a figure it out attitude that will make you succeed in most aspects but sitting here and think think think think thinking is going to make you more fearful it's going to make you more avoidant it's going to make life pass you by the more you act and challenge and simply put just get outside fuck around and find out the more you will feel enthralled with life on a healthy term with life and just overall more confident and appreciative of the life that you're living and that's something that i'm kind of facing now especially in the winter months where it is very much so like strengthen your roots

look forward appreciate and set goals I'm I'm I'm realizing I spent so much time thinking and it is now time for me to act especially finally getting into my winter routine and understanding myself more a little bit through it and challenging myself in that sort of way I'm realizing there is a good amount of time that you should spend planning but most of the time you should spend is acting on those you know healthy impulses incorporating that daily routine challenging yourself going for that big thing and just living side by side with life because it will work out more than you better than you ever could have expected but if you live by the what ifs you will never live and life is one big safety net I truly believe we all will be okay you have to

have that healthy rationality of like we you will be okay you will be okay no matter where you are even if you're at the lowest point like you will be okay even if you don't feel like it right now eventually you will life has that funny safety net already built in it is all about just are you brave enough to jump and i think we all deserve a little bravery in our lives especially now more than ever all right last question for the day on brand for thanksgiving someone asked what am i thankful for and you know what i will need every person here is your gratitude challenge okay for the day every person in the comments right now tell me what you're thankful for give me one thing you're thankful for if you feel like life's been really getting you down this will really help you

put things into perspective perspective i think gratuity is so important to practice especially if you're not feeling a hundred percent or if you're having a hard time finding the light in the little things practice gratuity we'll do it as an active practice right now but in the comments go pause this is your homework for the week what are you thankful for and it can be anything there's nothing too big or too small I think sometimes we get caught up in the oh I can only give thanks for the big things when in reality the little things are what add up to the big things so don't be afraid to look for the small things for me personally what am I thankful for this year you know what number one and this might be a little selfish of me but my cat danger i am so thankful

for him he brings me just so much joy and peace in my life and every day that i wake up and get to spend with him is a amazing beautiful wonderful day i've had this little man since i was 13 years old he has seen every phase of me he's waited at home for me to finish college or get my shit together so we could finally reunite and i moved him in my apartment one year ago today um i spent a lot of my time like he he lived a lot of his time at my parents house because i mean i was a little crazy and chaotic and felt like i couldn't take care of him 100 but i realized i needed him as much as he needed me and i'm very glad i took that jump to move him in with me and to get to appreciate every single day side by side with him he makes me laugh he makes me cry he brings so

much joy to my life waking up and getting to cuddle with him for 15 minutes every morning is and every night is my favorite part of the day forcing myself to put myself aside to play with him for 80 hours a day if it was up to him and to take care of him and to make sure he's healthy and to go to his appointments and to make sure he gets his special probiotics and wet food every morning and night no matter how tired I am after work no matter how tired I am in the morning it is just so wonderful and so great and um I could not give more thanks to have him in my life especially after going through his health scare um I just am really appreciative of him being happy and healthy and just able to have him in my life every day I wake up is just a wonderful day when

he's here um number two of course you guys um I talk about how important this podcast is to me a lot but I I don't think I really put it into like a good perspective of like honestly I can get very lonely I can get very self-isolating but as much as I feel that way sometimes I'll never feel it to a extent where I did maybe when I was younger and I felt like the world was against me because I am able to wake up and do this with you guys two times a week. I'm able to conversate with people who are similar to me going through the same hard things, same challenges that I am and it brings a lot of just peace and joy and also perspective into my life. It's nice to know that no matter what challenging time or what good time that I'm going through someone else out there is

also going through it um the most isolating part of my life was when I felt like I was the only person experiencing or feeling that thing and knowing that I will never feel that again because I have you guys to hang out with every week is just like words cannot express how thankful I am truly um I appreciate you guys not only showing up for me but showing up for yourselves every week um challenging ourselves um not being afraid of life or the truth or honesty um and especially just like being here to support me like you guys are a great support and I could not do this life without you and I don't even imagine doing this life without without you guys because I mean I've been doing this for what three years now almost four maybe four years and I cannot imagine a life

without it because just the way that my life has grown and changed and blossomed because of being able to be here with you guys is undeniable unexplainable and all I can really say is thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you I am thankful for a warm home a healthy home you know plants are thriving shelves are full of books um I am able to like have a home in general like I'm very thankful for what maybe we overlook as the basics but you know I put hard work and time and effort into I'm thankful to have a a roof over my head to be able to go on a grocery run every week I'm about to go pick up my groceries for the week it's like the one thing I hate doing but also it's like perspective I'm so thankful to be able to go buy groceries and fill my fridge

i'm thankful to be able to cook for my family to spend time with my family to you know have my niece and my nephew in my life they teach me a lot of perspective of just like whimsy and um being able to engage in like the silliness of life to look at life through a child's eyes is um a blessing that nobody should ever overlook um girl i'm thankful to be able to see i can't see but i bought the wrong contacts this week i didn't i bought the right contacts 1-800 contacts just package the wrong ones and I couldn't see for a week like quite literally could not see my glasses broke I didn't have contacts I had to wear the wrong prescription all the way I couldn't see I was like oh my god ah this is awful horrible like holy shit I'm so thankful that I now have the

right contacts and can see like we overlook so much that maybe we just take for granted and it's so important to really put into perspective how blessed and lucky we are to live the lives that we do i'm thankful to have a car that runs and that i love i'm thankful to have a job i'm thankful to have a freaking bank account even if it is sometimes in the negative and most importantly i'm thankful for this might sound selfish but myself i maybe don't give myself a lot of credit um and i really do have a very easy time putting myself aside and just kind of like powering through hard things without like taking into account how strong I had to be to go through those things. And I do think it's important to, you know, give ourselves a little pat on the back

or to, you know, give ourselves a little good job every once in a while. I can be my own worst critic. And in fact, I am most of the times my own worst critic or my own biggest hater. It's very easy for us to be that way with ourselves. But I think the hard part is being our own biggest supporter and it's something that i need to work on a little bit more um i trusted myself i love myself i am so appreciative of being able to live with myself um every single day and to build that relationship with myself every single day um i'm so smart i'm so sexy i'm so beautiful and i cannot wait to see the life that i build for myself because i know all those things are true and i think i owe myself just a little bit of credit and a little bit of just a good job for doing the hard

things for getting through the hard things for making the life that i want for myself because god damn is it it's not easy and if you haven't told yourself good job in a while this is your sign to do so okay i'm giving you a pat on the back now it's time for you to give yourself a pat on the back and there's many other things i'm thankful for but i think those are the top things that come to mind as i stare at my cat out the window he's just loving life on the patio right now and i'm so happy that he's happy his happiness is my happiness anything i can do for him i will do i am a i spoil that goddamn cat and i'm happy to do so i can't wait to be a mother though oh my goodness anyways iud working overtime i love you guys so much thank you for being here thank you

for being you thank you for showing up and like i said comment something down below you're thankful for stay sane this thanksgiving week if you're going through a breakup or a hard time no matter what you will get through it so trust in that don't be afraid to live life don't ignore your problems or else life will pass you by the hard choices are never easy sometimes they don't feel good but that doesn't mean they're the wrong choice and most importantly make your thanksgiving plate as big as you fucking can this week okay we all need a good meal now more so than ever but if you want to see more from me and if i didn't answer your question join the patreon patreon.com smoke shotty if you want to show a little extra love this season i do upload a exclusive podcast

every single week where i answer every single question i'm not even kidding sometimes upwards of 50 60 questions a week so if you miss the kind of like um rapid fire question episodes which i'm gonna get into again coming up soon that's where you can find them every week and i do answer your questions no matter how long sometimes it's like five paragraphs girl i'll sit down i'll read them don't worry i give you you guys give me your time i'm gonna give you my time always hello fair trade and if you want to see what i've been up to follow me on instagram at hannah marlene the japan dumps are still going up i also just uploaded the vlog hannah marlene 444 on youtube but with that being said stay sane stay sexy and i'll see you all so soon

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