Smoke Sesh - body neutrality, aliens & male validation

Episode Date: August 18, 2022

Happy Thursday!! So sorry the podcast is out late this week I was traveling the beginning of the week and catch you all up on that and where I’ve been. We talk so many fun things today as we do a little longer of an episode, we chat getting your life on track and figuring out a schedule, staying productive, male validation and why it’s never good, what is moving too fast in a relationship, being vulnerable and building new friendships, spicing things up in a relationship, aliens and what are they? Jealous partners and how to deal, new roommates, my playboy collection and favs, body neutrality and having a body as a home, ED, making mistakes and forgiveness, and piercings. It’s a lot, but it’s a fun one. Missed you all while I was on vacation but we are back to regularly scheduled podcasting and I will see you all on Tuesday! Remember to submit questions to my Instagram @ hannahmarlene and call ins are linked in my bio, I hope you have an amazing weekend and I’ll see you next week MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash, so come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Good morning everybody, long time no see. it has been a second i apologize i have been booked and busy and traveling and exhausted and tired and sleepy so i have a lot to catch you up on basically um but how are you doing

i hope you're having a good week so far i was out traveling for the past i was really only gone for like three four days but it was over a period of time where i usually would have recorded a podcast so it's felt like longer um and also my flights step number one when you are ever um about to fly anywhere travel anywhere the 5 a.m flight seems really great it seems like a great option it's usually cheap you're you're like okay well i'll get there i'll have the whole day ahead of me no no no it never works out that way you're always tired you're always exhausted um so never take the 5 a.m flight which i did twice so i have just been recovering i got back yesterday um if you guys didn't see my slew of instagram stories of me on my trip because that's really

where i mostly document what i'm doing i was gonna vlog but the patreon girlies i was gonna vlog for you guys but um my phone has way too much storage on it and i realized or most of the storage is eaten up and i realized that's because of tiktok tiktok literally well i have like 14 000 drafts which i think is why but tiktok literally is taking up 75 on my storage so there is no storage on my phone for me to just like run around and vlog but luckily for you guys i just bought a beautiful cutesy little vlog camera so i will be getting into that and one will be uploaded um i'm gonna try to hit next week i'm still gotta figure it out um so prepare for a vlog i was gonna vlog this weekend so sad that that did not work out um but it was hectic to say the least

um i went to baltimore to visit my good friend um and she is somebody i've known since literal like infants like our our mothers had our baby shower together like we were fist bumping in the womb you know what i mean i've known her for forever grew up right next door to her um have been really great friends since we've been born and then we have two other friends that we have known since we were really really young too and they flew out as well and so we all met in baltimore and we just had a fun little girls weekend we really did it was amazing i hadn't seen them since the beginning of the pandemic literally they were at my house we were hanging out having a blast you know what i mean and the lockdown was issued as they were at my house

and they were like well we'll just lock down together you know like vibes we'll just hang out but my mom was like no they gotta go home they gotta go see their parents you know they gotta go lock down with their family so i really have not seen them since then like i can't let i don't i don't think it's it it hasn't been since then that i've seen them um like literally two years which is crazy because these are girls that i was seeing every single day at school hanging out whatever it is um but these are also the kind of friends where it's like you spend so much time away from each other that when you finally meet up you know you don't really skip a beat it's like let's just dive into where we were let's just keep being friends keep hanging out you know the vibes

are there the vibes are good because you've known each other for so long so me and one of my friends took the 5 a.m flight on Sunday to Baltimore but I worked a bar shift that Saturday which was not a good idea because I was there till like 11 30 at night and then I got home I showered I got in bed by like 12 30 and then you know when the anxiety sets in you know the pre-flight anxiety yeah there was no sleeping happening none whatsoever and my alarm went off at like 3 30 because i had to get to the the airport an hour before my flight took off so i got maybe 30 30 minutes of sleep maybe get to the airport vibe in make it through tsa the line was short thank god meet my friend we get on the flight we were gonna just like start drinking on the flight that early in the morning

but we were so exhausted that I think both of us just passed the fuck out um made it to Baltimore and literally going on 30 minutes of sleep we get off the plane my friend picks us up we go to her apartment we drop our shit off I change into a new outfit we are walking over to the train station get on a train take a 45 minute trip to DC to meet her sister and her sister's friends because i mean i grew up with her i basically grew up with her sister as well i really wanted to see both of them we make it to dc we walk like 30 minutes to the brunch spot that we're supposed to meet them at immediately dive into bottomless mimosas like we did not miss a beat okay i was on maybe an hour of sleep after getting 30 more minutes on the airplane we are booking it and

busy straight to brunch and this brunch spot if you're in dc it's called little cocos it was so good it was amazing bottomless mimosas killed that shit we got fucked up um i had this like beef bolognese with like it was almost like a shakshuka am i saying that right i think that's what it's called but it's like the eggs in the red sauce with usually traditionally a bunch of veggies and then it's served with toasted bread this was a meat sauce and it was still really really good um ate there fucking exhausted we went back to my friend's sister's place smoked and chilled there a little bit and then we were like okay next bar so it's like four o'clock at this point like we were at brunch for a long fucking time that shit was open till three so

like we were gonna get our bottom of samosas in you know what i mean if we're going till three we're going till three and then we're like well let's just keep it rolling we go to another place I forgot what it's called but went to this other place I was also like just drunk and like basically blacked out at this point and I we get some drinks I order like a soft pretzel or something I'm like spinning I'm literally like leaning on my friend like falling asleep and we were supposed to after that walk 30 minutes back to the train station take another train and then take another train to baltimore which was just going to be a lot for four very drunk girls so thank god my friends were like no we're ubering we're taking the uber even though it's 50 it's like an hour

long whatever it's only 50 so sold split between four girls it's awesome we all pile into this uber and immediately my poor friend the friend i flew with who also was like very low on sleep she was sitting in the front and then us three were sitting in the back as soon as i sat in that uber i was like okay you know i'll stay awake you know i don't want to fall asleep in an uber this man was playing instrumental like soft piano music you know the music that they play for like infants for them to like pass out at daycare that is what he was playing dead silent i just passed the fuck out there's a photo of me maybe i'll post it on patreon of me with my head just like fully back mouth open just like passed out and my poor friend who's sitting in the front who's just

as sleep deprived as i was was like i didn't want to fall asleep because i didn't want him to like steal us or something not that he would have but she was like i just wanted us all to be safe and you guys all passed out as soon as we got in the car so i was like oh shit apologies but she's a real one for staying up i think the uber driver just found it funny but i awoke from the from my uber nap my mouth just like completely dry um and we were pulling up to my friend's apartment and i was like great that was amazing best nap i've had in a while and i don't usually take naps um so shout out to that uber for getting us home safely literally i'm like what did we do that night like what did we do that night i'm pretty sure we went out to dinner but literally i was

so like that was the day was such a blur that i'm trying to remember what we had for dinner that night and i cannot remember what happened after that let me do some research literally my pictures stop at me blacked out on at the bar so i don't think we had dinner that night cannot lie i think we went back and i think we just passed the fuck out um i think i managed to take a shower maybe so that was the first day super fun vibes next day hit brunch again we did a bunch of shopping um we just wanted a chill day i wanted to check out baltimore a little bit more since we spent most of the first day in dc um baltimore's really cool it's a big city uh i wanted to do a lot of thrifting so she took us to a bunch of different like secondhand stores and i was like i need to

find something for my boyfriend while i'm here um so i found him this really cool fucking garbage pail kids shirt like vintage and here's the thing in kansas city i feel like the vintage world is dominated by men so all the male like clothing is always so fucking expensive you cannot find vintage clothing for men under 65 unless you like obviously go to a vintage store but the people who are reselling it you cannot find shit under 65 this was like a 30 t-shirt and it was incredible i was like sold love it now the women's stuff was priced way higher okay way higher but it was interesting how it was like the opposite but we walked around did some shopping my friends spent a shit ton of money we got some brunch and this brunch was like crazy i had this omelet and it

was fried chicken inside with a biscuit that was stuffed with cream cheese on top covered in gravy and then the best grits i've ever had in my life that was oh my god chef's kiss that was fucking incredible but we just went to the pier saw the little boats did a little outfit change um and then we headed to get some i had the best matcha i've ever had while i was there and i i wish i took a photo of like the recipe or whatever it was um but this was the cutest little coffee shop and the matcha i don't know if that's strawberry puree or something in it literally i looked over and they were like misting shit on top of it and it had rose petals on top of it i was like whoa this is crazy best fucking thing i've ever had in my life i love matcha and

i knew it was gonna be good when i ordered it and the barista was like oh that's what i'm drinking right now i was like love sold sold as fuck give me it so did that um and then we did another little outfit change um and we headed to dinner while i was there i really wanted some seafood just because you know we're like on the coast i want some fresh seafood i want some good seafood um so i went to my first ever uh crab boil place because like listen i'm not going to a crab boil place in kansas city that crab is like it's like gutter crab okay that shit is not good you're gonna get a disease it is going to be like really bad crab i am just not a fan so i've never been to one and like maryland hell yeah i'll go get some crab there so we ordered we got so we balled out we

all got drinks we got fried calamari we got fresh oysters we got crab cakes we got king crab snow crab and another type of crab we got crawfish we got shrimp we got the potatoes we got the corn we got egg but they didn't bring it which i was really disappointed about because i really wanted an egg um but we ended up spending we ended up spending like 350 dollars there but like for four girls that's pretty good i feel like that's fine and we feasted like we went crazy on that crab it was so good gloving up my hands were like extra moisturized after it was crazy and then we just went to a little cocktail bar and played some uno and the cocktail bar was adorable it's called it's called dutch courage it was really good um i don't usually like gin but it was a gin cocktail

bar and that was amazing um and then the last day since i was blacked out all of dc uh i wanted to go back to dc just i've never been to washington dc i've never seen like any of like you know the capitol building um any of the monuments anything like that which like i'm not super interested in I cannot lie the buildings I'm like whatever the museums on the other hand I love a good museum um and the Hirshhorn is there I wanted to go there because Yayoi Kusama was having a um a installation there she had some of her installations available there unfortunately we did not get to go which I was a little sad about the tickets sold out super fucking fast um but i did appreciate that the rest of the galleries that were open did reflect the same

sort of vibes as what her installations are about and so the one that we saw was called i body and it was all about um how much much of western art history has been grounded in the image of the female body um as an object to be posed molded and gazed upon by men and so it's kind of breaking down this idea and this deconstruction of like taking ownership back into female art and female empowerment um which was amazing i loved it i 10 out of 10 art installation me and my friend like we're taking our time walking through it and then our other two friends literally powered that shit in 15 minutes and i was like you guys just don't appreciate art and it's fine it's whatever um and then we went to the smithsonians you know i've never seen any of that shit so i wanted to

go see like all the woolly mammoths all the dinosaurs we did like the whole the gems and minerals display was like amazing beautiful and then we went to the museum of is it like american history that one low-key boring we didn't spend a lot of time in there my friends really just wanted to see the flag which holy shit that is the biggest fucking flag i have ever seen in my entire life i thought the first american flag would be like you know one foot by two feet i don't know that bitch was big i was like this can't even fit on like a boat like they had to have been flying this bitch way like cool like oh my god ginormous flag um so that was shocking the other exhibits they had were shut down so we didn't get to see anything there by then we were

just kind of exhausted and um i mean we drove by the the like capitol building and we were right next to the washington memorial the the very phallic one that one so i had a joint rolled and i was like okay let's go smoke and literally my friend i got her way too high because she was like we were sitting on the ground she's like rocking back and forth and i was like girl you're gonna have to get up so she greened out in front of the washington memorial beautiful beautiful experience that grass amazing incredible we were like can we walk on it we were so high we were like but can we go like walk on the grass like will they yell at us like what's going on no one was in the grass it looked so nice it was so sunny out it's like 70 is beautiful

and as soon as we're like like are we gonna get in trouble for walking the grass this dude on one of those like one wheel fucking skateboard motorized skateboard things comes flying over the hill like tearing up grass behind him like bouncing fucking across this hill and we're like yeah we're fine we're good we can go we can go sit in the grass um and then at that point we were just exhausted made our way home um i had a flight at like fucking we had to get up at like 5 a.m because my friend had to get to the airport earlier than me so um we just had a really chill easy night smoked watched some tv ate some pizza and yeah got back on my flight at fucking i was in the airport at 5 a.m and tsa thank god i got there that early because tsa at the baltimore

international airport took 50 minutes 50 minutes what three people behind me missed their flight i was like what the fuck is going on this is insane so i got there i got some starbucks um and then i got on my plane and i flew back and here i am now saw my boyfriend had a lot of sex um ate some good food we went and got pasta last night which was amazing i've been craving pasta really bad for some reason and now i'm about to go to brunch with my aunts in town so with my aunt my mom and yeah the party continues but it was so fun I need to do more like little trips like that like just little excursions because it was only for like three days and it flew by and I had so much fun and I was like why don't I travel as much as I should you know like I should travel more

whenever I do travel it's like two times a year and it's usually for like a week like a week and a half where I am just like out and about like going crazy but it's like a small little like we can travel like three-day travel is so like you anybody can do it anybody can do it and I'm not sure why I have so much anxiety about traveling but this one me going alone for the first time was really easy and not super stressful and I had a great time so if you're looking for an excuse to go travel this is it I had a fantastic time and yeah there's just so much of the world I want to see and so much more I want to explore and discover because like you can see photos of things but until you're like looking at it in person until you see it you're like oh wow okay like the capital

building that bitch was big these buildings are the biggest buildings i've ever seen in my entire life would i go back to dc maybe the outskirts the city was just like uh i wasn't i was wearing like pink oh my god crazy right but everybody's in like casual wear like casual like oh like workplace casual wear and i felt like the odd one out because everybody's like a tourist or like going to work at these giant fucking buildings the capitol building was huge i was like holy shit i can't believe the insurrection happened there like you see photos but you don't realize how big the space is and how many fucking people it took to fill up that space that shit is wild wild i can't believe that happened and then they were also like the whole front of the capitol

building was um tarped up i was like i know they're putting an extra security there like they're not fixing shit they're putting an extra security for sure uh fucked up that shit was fucked up so anyways yeah it was fun it was a vibe had a great time got back still kind of in a daze i'm still very jet lagged um very exhausted but where was i going with this oh i woke up you know got my coffee did whatever sat down to record this podcast and i pulled up the statistics on my app and this podcast has been listened to one million times what one million times this this podcast has been played a million times that is fucking insane to me that is crazy because i'm not gonna lie when i first made this i was like

maybe 50 will listen maybe maybe 50 and then somehow it caught spotify's algorithm spotify was promoting it for a little bit which shout out spotify because they don't pay me shit i don't make any money from this shit unless i do like sponsorships um which i rarely ever do and only with one person because i really enjoy them um but like i don't make shit so for spotify to promote me i was like hell yeah thank you love you and for so many people to find this and find comfort in this and find enjoyment in this i love it i am fucking just ecstatic that we have created this community literally someone dm'd me the other day and was like holy shit what was it because i feel like this might have happened to a lot of people at this point um but they were like i met

somebody um because of your podcast like oh they said um hannah omg i made a new friend and i asked her if she wanted to get swamp water and she goes oh my favorite podcaster gets those and we found out both of us are obsessed with you and then we smoked and listened to your podcast a queen bringing queens together i love it like i love that this has become a haven for so many people and just like a good space and area for so many people to just like have fun enjoy themselves partake in a little vibe one may say so i am just ecstatic and so ever grateful for you all for joining me every single week this is fucking mind-blowing and i'm so happy to be here and doing it literally it was tuesday and i was on my vacation i was like i kind of wish i kind of wish

i could do a podcast right now like i do i miss it i have so much fun sitting on it and doing this with you guys so thank you for every listen you have you have experienced with me for just you know even the reviews like i have 5 000 reviews on spotify which is like hell yeah that's insane and i have like a 4.5 rating i really want that five stars so if you go please go like and rate five stars please please and thank you um but it's just mind-blowing the community that we have gathered together so thank you guys for everything thank you for joining me thank you for being here thank you for being you and with that being said enough with my long stories let's you know let's get into some questions i literally just blasted i was feeling my brain die while talking about

that i don't know why i just haven't had coffee yet and i was like holy shit so i blasted all the way like 20 minutes to dutch bros holy fuck i love dutch bros and they finally opened one up because it's like it's usually like a like a west coast thing i think like oregon california you know um but they have made its way into the midwest and there's one in kansas city but it's in the middle of fucking nowhere Kansas City like not even Kansas City Kansas City like more like Kansas and I have to drive 30 minutes there and I was like you know what I got an hour before I have to go you know see my mom and get some brunch so why not and I just got it and holy shit so fucking good I got a golden eagle but I subbed it for oat milk yep yep yep yep yep yep so good

anyways someone was asking me i saw a dm and it was like hey hannah i am trying to get my life on track i just feel so overwhelmed and so confused with where to even start um that i just have trouble doing so and i feel you felt big time felt my life like after coming back i feel like it's in shambles like I need to organize I need to clean I need to deep clean I don't know I need to just get this shit like fixed up and going and so let me tell you what my process is and what I'm planning to do in order to maybe you guys can I can be an inspiration I can help you organize some things to you know get going but here's what's on my list of to do's so first of all every week I make a planner and I usually make it on Sundays because Sundays are my rest day Sundays feel like

the end of the week um and that is the day that I'm like okay rest recoup let's plan your week out now I wasn't here on Sunday so I didn't get to do that so I actually did that today um Thursday a little late on that but I start by you know writing out my week Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, whatever it is, my obligatory things that I need to get done, such as, oh, I got to go see this person, or I got to do brunch here, or here's my work schedule, or I have a doctor appointment, put that in first, that is what first goes in your schedule, okay, and you can write it down, you can put it in your notes, apps, whatever is easiest, now, you do your obligatory things, add them in, and then you are going

to basically open up another page whatever it is next page of your journal another notes app and you are going to mind dump every single thing that has been stressing you out whether it is big as in like I need to finish this project or small as in I literally just need to wash my dishes whatever it is mind dump it out now some of these things okay are going to take two three days to get done so my big projects are you know I need to clean my car out so it's going to take about three days first day you know clean it all out throw away all the shit that I don't need second day move all the shit that wasn't here that I still want up into my room organize it put it away third day take it to the car wash get it detailed that is like you know you can get it done in steps

it doesn't have to be one big project in one day um or like my closet I need to first of all order more hangers online second of all I need to go donate a bunch of clothes third of all I need to upload clothes on depop and fourth I need to just put everything away hang it up and organize my space um like those are big you know big projects now the little ones you're gonna fit in in between wherever you have time and you're gonna designate from your mind dump into those days okay and you're not going to get everything you want on your mind dump done but it's good to have an idea of where you want to go and what you want to get accomplished and to prioritize them by day and in order or in by making you know a list of your week it's going to be a lot easier because you're not

going to overwhelm yourself with stuff on one day you're going to be like okay maybe i didn't finish this today but i have an open slot on thursday and i can throw it in there and i can get it done then you know what i mean but reorganizing your week and setting up your new sorry i need to sip a coffee and setting up a weekly schedule every week doing a little mind up organizing what you want to get done great way to find inspiration and get shit done asap within your life along with you need to have a you know organization system for your week as well as your day you need to have a daily routine yes your everyday is going to switch up it's going to be different every single day but there needs to be small things that you want to accomplish every single day

in order to make that routine um like a part of your life so for me it's like wake up make myself coffee so i don't spend money um i want to add the gym in there um which would be in the morning I usually journal midday. I spend midday daydreaming journaling and then whenever I have work it's usually that evening or I will spend the evening with my boyfriend hanging out and spending some me time together exploring doing whatever it is having fun. But you need to figure out your routine and you need to figure out habits that you want to add into your routine and kind of set out a schedule like just like kind of mock up a schedule as in like 8 a.m 9 a.m 10 a.m like all the way to 12 p.m whenever you wake up to whenever you go to sleep and kind of

pretend pencil in like what your dream day would be don't make it overwhelming don't make it super hard just put in simple things that you know are accomplishable and you need to focus on a little bit more in order to have a healthy routine if you don't have any routine set up it could be something like um wake up brush my teeth go to bed or like shower and then go to bed make sure you're getting those meals in there make sure you're getting your water in there very very simple things if you you know are completely out of it which i've been there felt make sure you're getting your basics but if you're ready to like you know approach the next level what does the next level entail what do you want to accomplish what do you want to work into your daily life

because the best thing about being alive is we are in complete control of our lives surprisingly like yes we got to go to work but we have a choice over our job relatively um yes you know you got friend um obligations but how lucky are we to be able to make friends how lucky are we to wake up and every single day be able to be like hmm what do i want to do with my day or with my free time you know after class before class whatever it is we have so many options and so many things available to us um and i feel you on the non-motivation thing we're about to hit a retrograde which i think is causing a little bit more chaos and energy draining in the um just in the air it's just just floating about you know i'm very tired from my trip but i love kind

of regrouping regrouping oh my god regrouping regrouping and kind of refiguring out my life and figuring out where i want to go another big part of it which is a little bit more fun and what you can do during your downtime is just find inspiration okay collect pictures create mood boards whatever you can do find inspiration wherever you can um in order to kind of figure out where you want your priorities to go um for me it's collecting pictures of things outfits ideas jewelry um spaces that i really enjoy uh poetry reading um and a simple thing that i've started working into my daily routine is reading and it has completely changed my life i've loved reading i literally lost my book on my trip which i am so fucking sad about but i'm literally like itching

to get to a book and read and all it took was me spending three days sitting down and forcing myself to read going to a coffee shop in the morning and instead of sitting on my phone all day i sit down and i have my book next to me instead of my phone it will it's a it's i want to say it's hard but it was a lot easier than i thought it really just took me dipping my toe into the water and just taking that step which i think is that's the hard part is taking the step finding the motivation to take that step but once you take that step things become a lot easier i promise so i get it i'm a procrastinator i put shit off i don't like thinking about stressful things but the longer you try not to think about them the more they're going to keep you up at

night and the more they're going to cause you anxiety if you just rip the band-aid off get your shit done mind dump it all out get all that anxiety out onto a page where you can formulate a plan then after things are going to become a lot easier for you life is going to become a lot less stressful and you will feel like you are actually participating and in control of your life it's when you avoid things and when you aren't taking control of things and when you are causing those anxieties for yourself that's when it starts to feel like things are spiraling and that's when it starts to feel like this isn't my life what's going on i don't want to be an active participant we all got to be active participants in our life all right i love you we'll do it together i'll

hold your hand i'll walk you through it but if i can do it you already know the deal you can do it too oh my god sorry had to take a small little pause there went to brunch with my mom and my aunt um and then how to drop them off at the airport so now i'm back got my dutch bros rebel with me powering up gonna smoke here shortly if you guys want to start loading a bowl but literally as we were leaving the brunch spot this homeless guy was outside and he was like hey ladies do you guys have any cash on you and here's the thing i'll give a polite no um but i usually try not to engage with people that I don't know on the streets very much my and my mom my aunt were like no no sorry and he was like are you sure that's the best choice and we were like uh and then he

was like you guys are going to hell you're all going to hell and this is just like a homeless people be crazy you know kind of situation but here's just a little tip for you guys for my ladies out there who feel inclined or required to be nice to men in any sort of situation it is safer for you at most points in general to just pretend you're deaf pretend you are not hearing anything and move on with your day okay when i was in baltimore we were walking to get coffee and i mean there was just like random men on the street and they were trying to talk to my friends like hey you got a boyfriend you got a boyfriend and they were like uh yeah sorry but it opens it opens a sense of like you can speak to me and we can have a conversation in which they keep

harassing you and keep talking to you even when you want to be left alone so straight up sometimes it is safer to just be like no or like flat answer keep your head straight keep walking um because i feel like we're raised to think you know we have to offer people some like niceness in some sort of way and like of course keep that about yourself but sometimes just in general it is safer to just be like i'm moving on with my day i'm keeping going i'm not i don't have time to open this conversation um especially when men want a lot of things from women and i think a lot of you guys are probably going to be like that is super mean to just ignore homeless people like if i don't have cash like i don't have cash that is just how it is i'm gonna keep my day moving i'm gonna keep

going like i'm sorry but it's just safer for me do you know what i mean so something to keep in mind all right i got a dm um that i want to read for you guys but they said hey hannah i recently got into a new relationship after literal years of not being in any serious or committed relationship it's lovely we're both what each other uh we're looking for love he makes me food and brings me flowers and we have so much fun together but it's moving fast like really fast like i met his mom the first week and we've been together for less than a month and he's told me he's in love with me we've talked about how fast we're moving and we have kind of decided it's because it's a right person right time sort of scenario but i want to know your opinion how fast is too fast

I think this is a fantastic question because I think we all find ourselves in a situation similar where we're like head over heels um but we don't know like if it's our emotions playing a trick on us if it's true love what's happening if it's going too fast and here's what I have to say you know the meeting your mom it happens you know you meet people early it's fine it's a great key that you know that he cares about you wants you to meet people important in his life but i think there is a really good time period of about three to four months within a relationship that you are just head over fucking heels in love with somebody it's usually the beginning because you're still new you're still learning things you're still discovering things this is

a new feeling. These are new things you're doing together. It's fun. It's exciting. And yes, you do feel that extreme love, that extreme connection during this time. That's super normal. I think it's okay to, you know, meet somebody that you really like and really enjoy and know that you really enjoy them. Now, do I think you should jump into a relationship within the three to four months or be like i'm in love with you within the three to four months no because the true love the true relationship the true test of is this going to work out are we actually healthy for each other is when the rose colored glasses wear off when you guys stop putting up a front of you know i'm trying to impress this person and that happens what like four five six months later okay once

the rose-colored glasses wear off, once you guys are actually spending time together, have gotten used to each other, have seen, you know, all the red flags, all the green flags, that's when you make that decision, okay? Rushing into things is super fun, but I have rushed into some shit that I thought was perfect and amazing and incredible, and six months later, when the rose-colored glasses have worn off i am looking around me like who the fuck is this person because they are not the person they presented to me in the beginning they're very different the red flags are starting to show and now i'm trapped in a relationship i think the best sense to go about a relationship is okay you meet each other you decide if you really really like each other correct then you

decide to be like mutually exclusive or you know start dating that's fine totally fine if you want to make sure that you guys are mutually exclusive have that conversation okay so then you can completely and solely focus on each other or just start dating each other whatever it is i think that's okay to do within the first three months now deciding on like long-term things and deciding on like do i really truly love this person comes later i think um because listen those rose-colored glasses can wear off it sounds like you know you're doing great sounds like he might be the guy for you it sounds like it's super fun i don't think you should reserve yourself in any sort of way i don't think you should hold yourself back you know it's fun to jump into a relationship

it's fun to you know dive head first into things but i do think you should still have it in the back of your mind like hey this honeymoon phase is going to wear off um you are going to start seeing sides of people that you maybe don't enjoy and that's okay the question is in that situation is that a deal breaker or is it not um i don't think you should withhold yourself in any sort of way or like be like let's slow down i want to see you less or let's slow down let's not say that to each other i think it's beautiful and lovely to tell people you love them and you care for them and you have feelings for them i think that's amazing it opens great dialogue so you guys aren't holding anything back from each other but i think everybody should be aware that the

honeymoon phase is very real and you are going to get past those three four months and then realize who you are dealing with and who that person is in front of you um so moving too fast not really i think you guys both know what you want there as long as there's no red flags right now you know I think you're fine um maybe have the conversation of like I want to be mutually exclusive I want to continue this um but understand that this phase will wear off and to be open to the person that you are going to meet once the rose colored glasses come off so hi Hannah my name is Taya and I was wondering if you had any advice on how to get over the like need for male validation and like attention because I can't really feel like completely confident or like

just complete by myself without it it's probably just my fucking daddy issues but like if you have any tips or advice on how to get over that that'd be greatly appreciated um yeah I love you in the pod love you um i do not have daddy issues so can't give you a huge insight on that i'm more so on the mommy issue side of things but um i think every girl every person who is attracted to men understand the feeling of wanting male validation um growing up in a society where you need to be favored by men in order to be successful in order to get what you want in order to get a boyfriend whatever it is it's stressful and it is very powerful and it makes you want to conform it does it's a system built up against us and it is a system that i mean is like think about it since

a young age we are watching literal fairy tale movies of these women who are completely and utterly changing themselves in order to appease men little mermaid fucking gets rid of her favorite part about her which is her voice in order to get legs in order to you know go on land meet this man fall in love whatever it is uh cinderella which i don't think she was happy where she was but you know has to change herself into this beautiful princess in order to even achieve this man's attention these are very simple things but it's something that is constantly fed to us from a young age so if you are feeling this way feeling this need this grasp this want for male attention i don't think you should be like there's something wrong with me i'm fucked up i hate this thing

about me because it is something that is inherently planted inside of us from a young age the trick is understanding understanding it and understanding how to combat it uh taking that first step towards um you know not seeking it i think i was constantly seeking it out at a young age um not like super young i didn't really give a fuck in high school i didn't give a fuck about men at all in high school um because I was on a lot of antidepressants and I had no sex drive I mean like I knew I liked men but I had no interest in dating anybody who went to my school or being relatively interested in anybody that went to my school or was around me um I was more focused on not killing myself you know what I mean um but once you know I got to a healthy

and literally like i was so uninterested in boys my mom started wearing like a rainbow t-shirt around the house and was like we'll love you no matter what and i was like mom love ally you know love the vibes but you know i'm not gay i am bi but like just just give me a few years i'm just like super socially awkward okay um but then you know i got a healthy i got to a healthy place and I think I had some friends around me that really uh wanted male validation and that kind of rubbed off of me in college and so I felt that and I felt that heavily and it got to a point where I was like well what is he like well can I can I wear this or could I do this in order to you know make him like me or could I be this way or could I be this way and I think I lost myself mostly to

that in my first relationship he was a super duper hippie dippy man and I mean I had some hippie vibes to me but I'm talking dreads and you know patchouli oil and tie-dye and harm pants and birkenstocks like hippie hippie like 15 points of acid at once hippie man you know what I mean and I wasn't that fully hippie but I felt myself wanting to change and wanting to become this perfect girl in order to achieve his love. And let me tell you this, I was successful. I was. We dated for a little bit, you know, I had fun with him. I think he really enjoyed who I was, keyword who I was, not who I am. But at the end of the relationship, when he broke up with me and moved cross country and left me all alone by myself, I looked in the mirror and I did not

recognize who I was. I did not. All of the work, all of the money, all of the attention that I put into achieving this male validation, what did it get me? Nothing. It got me nothing. I lost myself completely. And I think that's where the whole thing comes together where male validation will never ever make you feel good it it's supposed to make you feel good it's supposed to make you feel validated but at the end of the day when you look in the mirror it doesn't and it drains from you it takes away from you and it is never worth it um because i lost myself and i was in a really bad fucking place because i was literally googling like who am i like you know it's fucked up when you're googling who am i like bitch google's not gonna answer that let's do some

let's do some inner work here okay um and i realized that male attention male validation is always surface level it is never for who i truly am and it is never going to make me feel better or feel uplifted ever and that is just a fact male validation will not get you anywhere what will get you somewhere is internal validation all right in order to uplift yourself in order to understand who you are in order to feel more comfortable with who you are you need to be the one validating yourself so instead of turning and being like oh will he like this literally you got to retrain your brain to be like but do i do i do i enjoy this or instead of being like um well i really want him to like me what can I do I have to like stop myself and be like but do I even want

to do this do I care about this man like truly or do I just simply want his attention because usually at the end of the day it is the need and the the utter urge to feel like you need to appease a man and it overpowers our sense of wanting to appease ourselves and I think at the end of the day you really need to sit down and ask yourself am I doing this for me or am I doing this for a man because if you're doing it for a man it is going to get you nowhere you're gonna think you're taking a step ahead and another step ahead and then you're gonna achieve his love and you think you're taking another step ahead but you end up literally back at where you started it is like a circle you think you're walking forward walking forward but then you reach the end and it's

literally a fucking circle you end up back where you started there is no continuation what is a continuation is if you pour that love that attention that understanding into yourself it is no longer a circle those steps you are taking turn into a spiral and you will work your way outward constantly and keep working forward all right a man should like you for who you are so if you know who you are and you present who you are authentically to the world and you feel comfortable with yourself if a man is uncomfortable with that he is not the man that you need to be speaking to or even in in contact with at all a man should not be threatened by you a man should not need you to change a true man should love you for who you are and in order to you know find that

right person who is good for you and who will truly love you you need to focus on yourself and you need to focus on validating yourself and uplifting yourself and working on that um after i lost myself in my first relationship i you know i found who i was again i started doing hobbies that i enjoy i started you know practicing things that i loved i started you know hyping myself up hyping other women up as well working on that working on my relationships with women in order to work on my relationships with myself but i think the key here is validation from men will never feel good at the end of the day and it will never get you anywhere it will get you that dopamine burst for about what fucking 15 seconds but is it long term and is it necessary

in your personal growth no not at all not at all short-term dopamine dopamine like uh like fuck what am i trying to think of short-term dopamine uh like spikes are never healthy and they're never going to help and i i mean that by like male validation uh like excess sugar is like another way to dope dopamine spike or drug usage i think it can all fall under the same kind of like addiction category and male validation absolutely you can fall into an addiction for so be careful ladies please understand it's not gonna get you anywhere um and straight up focus on yourself uplift yourself love yourself i believe in you okay hey hannah another hannah here just calling in because i wanted to get your advice or thoughts

on how to strengthen your relationships with new friends um i've kind of moved around a lot recently over the past 10 years and i um i think i gave up on making friends and have been a lone wolf for a little while but a new leaf has turned this past year and I have made some really good friends I've been just struggling like getting deeper with them and I'm wondering if you had any tips or tricks um sometimes they're just people please so I know that's not okay but how can you stop that you know anyways cheers have a good day so I think the best way to strengthen in new relationships is to be vulnerable within them okay i'm a very forward person as you can tell me spilling all of my deepest darkest secrets and stories onto the internet for

literally a million people to listen to i hit a million listens this morning that's fucking insane um so the best way i think to build um like stronger new relationships is to be vulnerable and be open to connection so like at work or like with friends i'll just like randomly tell stories of my life or be like oh yeah well this happened you know how you like just chit chat and you talk and you go back on back and forth with like experiences but like i feel like people are always kind of timid to share those experiences or share those life stories um and i'm just very forward and outgoing and i will share those in order to make other people feel uncomfortable and it's not like putting myself down like i'm not i don't put

myself down in a self um depreciating way in order to make people feel comfortable i instead just try and like equal the playing field and be like hey i'm human you're human here's a funny story about being human here's something we can laugh at like i'll walk into work and i'll just be like well this crazy fucking thing happened to me you know and i think that opens kind of like a dialogue between you guys where you know the other person also feels comfortable sharing those things opening up on a deeper level um and feeling that connection as well so if i were you and you you know you have some friends that you you want to get to know better just like go out for a drink go out for dinner chit chat share your story share your life um i think it's beautiful to be able to

make connections within this world and get to know each other so i think that's honestly the best way just be a little vulnerable be a little open to connection someone said how to keep your relationship exciting go on a trip and i don't mean together i just mean spend time apart i can't lie sometimes my boyfriend will get on my nerves um because we just spend so much time together and like of course that's gonna happen even if it was like your best friend like you're gonna get on each other's nerves every once in a while that's fine it happens doesn't mean your relationship is in shambles you need to break up and go crazy um it's just bound to happen when you're around another person for a long period of time and especially in relationships that's bound

to happen um and i went on vacation as you guys know and i mean we were in a good place when i left but like we're in a great place when i got back um you know i think distance makes the heart grow a little fonder i think it's good to miss your partner a little bit um spend some time alone spend some time getting to know yourself um not having to worry about another person i think that's super healthy um and really good for both people so yeah i think just alone time is really important in relationships because if you're constantly spending time with each other constantly like worried about each other you have this mindset where you're thinking in twos or you're thinking about yourself but then also you're thinking about your partner and you're like but

what do they want but what are they doing do i need to meet this meet them at this certain time do like what's going on you know and i think there needs to be dedicated time where you both don't need to worry about each other and you both know you're in a good place you're healthy you're safe you're just doing your own thing I think that's absolutely fine super healthy um and a little bit of distance never hurts I'm not saying like go three weeks without speaking to your partner like I was on vacation and I still like facetimed him once a day or like texted him updates send him pictures whatever it is but yeah I think it's important you know heart or distance makes the heart grow fonder a little bit um so that's also um just make it a habit to like maybe

try one new thing a week whether it's a new restaurant a new part of town you've never been to go on a quick little trip that's like three hours somewhere um try something new take a class whatever it is keep it exciting keep it fun you know what i mean it's easy to fall into routines and um routines are good they're great for our mental health they're great for staying sane but also we need to have things in our routines that kind of you know spice it up a little bit and keep us on like on our toes in life and that can be done with your partner as well as well as it can be done like alone it absolutely can be done with your partner so incorporate those with your partner as well but those are two like main things that i can really think of right now

oh someone just sent aliens just like one word aliens vibe felt that i love a good oh my god i saw the nope movie i think i talked about this already but i saw the movie nope and after a lot of people saw it i feel like i saw a lot of people shitting on it and i was like what the fuck because i would go willingly spend money to go see it again like i thought it was really really good now was it as like um i don't know i feel like a lot of his movies kind of have more like thematic kind of um parts to it sorry i'm walking by my air conditioning because i'm trying to find my bowl oh there it is um and this was like straight up just an alien movie of course it was like deeper than just alien movie there were some um some like hidden messages or whatever

it is that were really good and pretty easy to catch on to but i saw a lot of people shitting on it and i thought it was so good because he presented aliens in a way that i've never seen in film and also like actors 10 out of 10 great i loved it so if you like aliens and you like alien movies go see nope it is so amazing also don't watch i never watch trailers before i go see a movie and i think that helps a lot too don't watch any trailers just like go see it just have no idea what's going on and just go see it. Um, but when it comes to what I believe about aliens, let's take a hit. Hold on. Oh, I think my bowl is clogged. F is going on. Um, I think aliens exist they have to like they have to have you seen that picture of the fucking all the

galaxies in the sky that shit is wild that shit's crazy like if you were to believe i think it's selfish to think that we are the only things that exist within the universe because now if we were the only living things on the planet like maybe maybe but the fact that there's hundreds upon hundreds of thousands billions of species of different things on this planet makes me believe that like come on there has to be other things that exist on other planets like are you kidding me there has to be millions of different species of things exist on this one planet like there has to be a planet somewhere where the conditions are perfect in whatever sort of sense to in order to create life now the first life that we discover if we ever discover life before this earth

catches on fire and dies i think it's going to be um like almost like a bacteria scale level of a thing i don't think it's going to be intelligent i don't think it's going well intelligent in its own sense of course but i don't think we're going to be able to communicate with it um although that would be fucking baller i can't lie i think it's gonna be like amoeba level things small things whatever it is because think about it that's kind of how we started we started a small scale thing um but i would love to make contact with aliens it might be like the demise of humans but i would love to know just like what is out there what's going on like i feel like we all have this innate sense of loneliness cosmic loneliness within the universe as much as we are

all searching for love on our own planet we are all also searching for you know oh my god my bowl is like smoking but there's nothing in there fucking weird um we're searching we're i feel like our planet collectively is lonely as well and we're searching for something outside of it um which i think is kind of beautiful we're all just wandering we're all just looking for a friend we're all just looking for somebody to join us on this um experience that is life but yeah no i don't think aliens are visiting our planet i think that would be so cool but i don't think they are go see nope if you want um like a fun alien experience because i'm not going to spoil it for you maybe in a month i'll bring it up but i love the way he depicted aliens because it was in a way

that i've never seen done in cinema before like it was fan fucking tastic so i know but i like lay awake and i'm like but what about aliens like what's going on do we know anything about that like what's happening um but do i believe they're sentient and they're on earth no i do believe there's something out there but also like the universe is so fucking expansive that if they do exist i feel like they're too far like we can't reach them anyways since my last bowl didn't fucking work it was just clogged i'm just silly and clogged the shit out of it we're gonna load another one shout out to my boyfriend for dropping some off yesterday so i had something to smoke here today it's gonna be great um i don't know what strain is this i think this is animal cookies

smoking animal cookies right now if you're curious um i need to move to a state or just i need to go to more dispensaries i guess it's legal here but i need to go to more dispensaries um and like get more strains so i can do like strain reviews on here i feel like that would be so fun or maybe like a strain review video on patreon because i can smoke on there which is amazing, um, I feel like that'd be amazing, super fun, all right, let's hit this, every time I smoke, though, I'm so fucking afraid my bangs are just gonna catch on fire, I had a friend in third grade who was, like, blowing out a candle, and her bangs caught on fire, and, like, the whole front of her forehead, like, burnt, and so now I have, like, a terrible

fear of my bangs catching on fire when I'm smoking my bowl because like I've all women I think have had like a hair go up and you're like oh my god holy shit like my whole head could have combusted um so terrified of that someone asked how the fuck to get a um psychiatrist through insurance health care uh sos so best thing you can do easiest thing you can do everybody should have a insurance card period insurance card it's all called something different based on what it is or who you get it through or whatever you're paying but you should have an insurance card you're going to go to their website you are going to they're good probably going to have an option like find doctors near you or whatever you need near you um for mine personally you ask what you're looking

for and then it's going to ask you to insert all of the information that is on your card because the plans that you have are going to be very specific and doctors only accept certain plans like i said my iud doctor didn't accept my plan so everything that uh it cost i had to pay out of pocket my pap smear was 550 um i know right so you want to find a doctor that's in your plan if you look at your card you type all the information incorrectly um it should give you a list of providers in your area from that i don't think you should just blind pick one i absolutely recommend looking up each doctor checking their reviews on google checking their reviews on like whatever they have and then pick based on that and just give them a little call

set a little appointment and when you are making that appointment they should ask for your insurance if not straight up ask them hey can you make sure that my insurance is going to be covered for this and can you give an itemized receipt of how much of this is going to cost me um after insurance because they they're willing to give you all that information on the phone right then and there they should be and if they're not i don't think you should go to that doctor so very simple simple little steps website google make sure you're going to somebody that you might enjoy um because i have gone to too many doctors just blindly out of being like well this is the first doctor on the list and that i hated my experience it's okay to do a little bit of research the same research i would

do for like professors at school to make sure i had a good professor is the same thing you should do for doctors so i if i did it you can do it trust me someone asked going to parties while in a relationship and long distance with a jealous boyfriend that is a lot there's a lot i can feel your stress through my phone it's radiating into me and i know this because i've been there um um a i don't think you should hold yourself back parties are fun going out is fun and i think it's more fun not for the like uh i just feel like men assume that people go out to hook up and i think that's because men go out to hook up i on the other hand go out to create fun memories and do shenanigans with my friends like i'm never like yeah i want to go home with a man at the end of

this i'm just like i want to go party with my friends you know what i mean have fun dress up It's like a ritual, you know? You put on your outfit, you go out, you create your memories, you come back, you eat your greasy food, you wake up hungover in the morning, go out for breakfast, and you talk about the night before. It's fun. It's fun, okay? now they're i'm conflicted a jealous boyfriend his jealousy is his issue he needs to deal with that if he's projecting it all onto you acting like it's your problem that he feels this way oh red flag red flag okay i had a ex that i i dated who was like that and in um college like my second year of college I never went out with friends I never did anything and I kind of ruined some relationships with friends because I was never willing to do anything because I felt like I couldn't because I knew I would get in trouble with my boyfriend even leaving to like go to a

party for an hour he would be like have fun and then you know I get back to a slew of messages being like fuck you or whatever it is craziness trust me I've been in some crazy relationships that is not your problem his jealousy is his own issue something he needs to regulate and deal with on his own now you should also be offering reassurance the same way you know if your if your partner went out to a party without you you know you'd want some texts every once in a while you you'd want a photo you know give me some updates whatever it is want to hear you made it back safe you do not want them to go ghost for like three hours four hours five hours and then be like well what have they been up to at this party they said they were going to and i haven't

heard anything about them i think reassurance is totally fine okay but that should be enough for him everything else all those other emotions that he's getting that overwhelming anxiety is his to deal with on his own if you're offering reassurance you're telling him where you are going you know you you're giving him just like a little bit of comfortability in the situation you're not like ghosting him for five hours while you go party or whatever it is then he should be fine he should be fine he absolutely should be fine i don't think you should hold yourself back but also literally no but like i don't think you should hold yourself back i think you should go party you should go have fun and straight up i i hate to be like that's his issue to deal with

but sometimes people's own issues are theirs to deal with okay all you can do is offer reassurance it is not your job to take care of him in that sort of sense it is not your job to shelter yourself from the world in order to make him feel comfortable uncomfortable or in order to make him feel comfortable uncomfortable um feelings are going to arise throughout your life no matter what there's nothing you can do about it all you can do is find the best way to manage that he is a grown man he can manage his own emotions does that make sense i feel like that sounds harsh but i also feel like it's straight up the hard cold truth i'm you know offer reassurance what you what you would want from a partner who's about to go out i feel like you should offer that

you know um like i had a partner my first ever boyfriend he would like go to florida for months at a time and just like not text me for weeks no no no no no no no no no the anxiety is justified at that point like come on um but like if you're giving him updates sending him a little picture thing sending him a little i love you whatever it is you know i think that's that's fine that's valid but his emotions after that are his to deal with not yours um don't shelter yourself you're gonna lose yourself and you're gonna really really regret it because i know i fucking do so love you sending love hey han love the pod so much girly and when i say i've literally listened to every single episode i'm not exaggerating and i could really use some advice

from somebody that i think of as a big sister and but i'm a little high right now so hopefully i can get through this. I'm an incoming freshman. I'm going in-state but moving four hours away from home so still a little far and I'm living off campus this year in a four-bedroom, four-bath apartment where I have my own space but I got random roommates. I just got assigned yesterday three guys as roommates and I'm the youngest of five girls and I've never lived with guys and I'm kind of nervous about it because I have the tendency to be like the mom of the group because I'm a little bit of a control freak when I'm not high and vibing and I don't want to be that and I want to be their equal but I'm younger than them and I don't know how to go into that situation and

be their equal and like not be the mom of the group but like I also am really nervous and I could really just use your advice on the situation oh okay don't think you should be nervous I think it'll work out good from the sounds of it you know it sounds like it's a college situation even though it's off campus like these might be college roommates or college age roommates so you'll be cool you'll you'll all be working a lot on schoolwork and doing that shit um the mom of the group i don't think that's an issue with men if you tell them to do shit they'll usually just be like no or they'll be like okay there's like no drama usually involved which is kind of fantastic um so you feel like establish a little group chat and someone's dishes has been

in the sink for like a week you can be like hey can someone clean their dishes and men will be like yeah sure um or no um instead of like when i've roomed with three females it would be like i'm not talking to you a week for a week because you try to tell me what to do which is like crazy craziness like i feel like it just gets a little crazy sometimes with uh female roommates like i had a very bad experience where they just backstabbed me um but i lived with my boyfriend for a second even though i had my own place i was just always over there and his roommate which basically became my roommate was very chill i feel like men when they're at home that is like their place to hang out and be calm and cool and collected and do their own like relaxing thing

so like he would just come home and like play video games and i'd occasionally hear him like laugh like very chill very chill so i think it'll go well i don't think you should be nervous at all if you want to establish like a sense of kind of like a quality in the situation like they shouldn't come into it assuming you're lower than them um but i think you should just like hang out in the common space make sure the common space is like an area of just like you know whoever wants to hang out there can hang out there um and i think that will kind of establish like a home equality sense does that make any sort of sense like i think that will establish kind of a boundary of like we're all roommates here everybody's equal everybody's doing their own thing it but

we're still like kind of communing here in this common space uh maybe establish like a family dinner once a week but like i really think and i don't know if these three men know each other so you all might be just like random people all rooming together um but i'm assuming most of the time they're just gonna be doing their own thing doing their own studying whatever it is and and like hanging out and doing what they would um consider like relaxation at home um i think with rooming with men you dodge a lot of drama i cannot like i hate to say that i hate to be like oh women are dramatic but like oh my god i live with some women and it was very dramatic and it was so stressful so yeah I think you'll have a great time I think it'll be okay I don't think

you should be worried um keep an open mind about it of course be safe obviously um but yeah roommate situations can go a lot better than you're thinking oh my god new girl vibes you know what I mean hi Hannah my name's Taylor um I love the podcast have always loved the podcast um but you definitely have inspired me to start collecting Playboys. And I just started my collection not too long ago and I've really been enjoying it. I love reading through them and it almost just feels like a time machine and it's super dope. But I wanted to ask you about your Playboy collection. Like what got you started into it? Which one is your favorite that you own? And how do you display your collection if you even do because i have been wondering if i should display

mine or just keep it laying around but thank you love you bye hi lovey so i have always been interested in playboys like i knew i had some sort of freaky side for women my grandpa always got like a new playboy calendar every year and he hung it up in his garage and me and my cousins would go out there and we would look through it and you know i'd be curious i'm like damn her titties are big like come on now i was looking at it from a sexual perspective then um but i picked up my first playboy and i realized that they're actually super interesting and a lot of the old art in them is like kind of incredible and they have some very interesting interviews with like very prominent people of the time um so i got my first one at like a antique store in the river

market and then it spiraled when one someone must have died around here because one of the thrift stores they had a pack of five um sitting out and i was like they're like kind of hiding behind something and i was like can i see those and they were like oh yeah let me know if you want more we hundreds of them it's like what do you mean you have hundreds of them they're like someone just donated a shit ton of them but technically we cannot sell them because we are a church um uh kind of affiliated group and it's against our um rules like we cannot sell any pornographic stuff even like love love books whatever it is like you cannot sell that shit and so she was like um are you interested in more and me being the person i am i'm like hell fucking yeah i'm

interested in more um so she took me downstairs and literally they had a palette of thousands of them some man must have just had like a huge fucking collection um but i only got five at the time took them home read them found out they were really interesting and the way that like these women are depicted it is not like victoria's secret models where it's one type of body one bra size one waist size like these are women of all different sizes of all different types of body hair like tons of bush no bush whatever it is um and lots of art and lots of really good um interviews so i just kept going back and kept buying more and every time i see um a new playboy that i'm interested in i always pick it up i try and make a habit of that

my favorite ones though are i have a uma thurman one which was it's pretty incredible um but it's a september 1996 issue and it still has the plastic on it and then there was the ones that start hitting like 90s 97 anything after like 85 i feel like is not super vintagey anymore um um i try and collect anywhere between like like 50s to like eight uh mid 90s uh but there's one specific one i'm trying to find it i have so many i like it's insane um but it's an interview with the original like the girl who inspired penny lane do you know who i'm talking about it's an interview with her and it is so good um i know can you hear the rattling in the back that or the 25th anniversary any of their anniversary issues are great but yeah i can't

find the one that i'm thinking of but it's an interview with the girl who inspired penny lane and then also like a photo shoot with her and it's amazing because all the stories she has are fucking crazy there's also one i have that's on drugs it's um september 78th issue but it's all about drugs and it's kind of awesome because they have like a huge drug chart in the middle of like them ranking drugs and what it feels like and why and why you should or should not do them which a lot of them are should not um but yeah those are my favorites right now i have this like cute little gold bookcase that they're all sitting on but i'm about to do literally i had this idea and then i saw some girl on tiktok do it and i just wasn't sold on it because i didn't know how

it would look and then i saw her do it and i was like oh my god that looks so cute i'm gonna have to but she bought these clear little shelves like floating shelves and then i would buy just like um like uh industrial sticky tape put it on the other side stick them up and then use that as like a shelf and create like a shelf wall like a three-layer shelf wall behind my couch to show my playboys i think that's what i'm about to do um in order to show them off but right now i just make sure they're laying out i love collecting coffee table books and any magazines in general because people come into my apartment and they'll immediately pick one up and immediately find something they find interesting in it and i think it inspires them in some sort of way

to deep dive into more stuff when they leave so yeah love playboys super interesting one day i'll be on playboy and you can all buy this smoke slash playboy cover because that would be crazy oh someone asked um what is your favorite pre-roll slash flower from paz packs i can't decide which strain to get so personally i love the forbidden fruit flower um from paz packs if you're looking for something to you know mix in with your bowl or roll on your own forbidden fruit 10 out of 10 also when it comes to pre-rolls which is another fave if you like don't like rolling or you want to be in more more in control of like um like what time you smoke because cbd i think really affects um you differently based on like if it should be like a daytime evening type of

strain and these packs are formulated uh specifically for that so if you're looking for like a daytime pack my um personal favorite is the first frost but they also have some um great nighttime packs such as grape soda or a la creme which is good for both day and night also their packaging is adorable i love them first thing i got off i did when i got off the plane was i smoked cbd and then i took a nap which was an incredible way to start or i guess finish my day um but you can also use as you guys know code smoke sesh well for 10 off love them oh my god we're already at uh me 125 minutes bitch shut up and an hour and 25 that's crazy i'm not gonna end it yet because i still have some energy in me i still have a lot more questions to

get to so like why stop the fun now you know what i mean let's take another hit though this uh this thing is cute but like i love the sound of hitting hitting the bong you know the kind of sound how did i do that um i love that it's like cheering me on um this one doesn't make that sound which is my only qualm with it maybe it's not full enough of water i mean like it is but like you hear it listen like it does afterwards but anyways not to complain about that let's do some more call-ins hey anna love your pod um i have a quick story time so i met this guy at a bar and i think a week later i invited him over we had several drinks and then we go to

my room you know do the deed and he like cannot stay hard and so i thought maybe we just had too many drinks and it was fine so two weeks later invited him over again um we didn't have as many drinks this time um so we go to my room do it again and same thing happens and so I was just wondering if anything like this has ever happened to you um feel really bad because this guy is so hot and he's packing down there like seriously like packing and I just wish it would work out but i don't know like he just cannot stay hard the whole time oh i feel so bad anyways illy oh my god okay i feel like erectile dysfunction is very common in men i do i believe that like yes it happens you know when people get too drunk or whatever it is when people are anxious it

happens um when you know men are i don't know what like just anxious a little nervous in their head or drunk um high whatever it is yeah ed can happen um but i think it's very common in men i don't know why i'm whispering but i think it's very common in men and i don't think it's your fault i don't think it's your fault if he wasn't attracted to you he wouldn't have sparked of a conversation he wouldn't have went home with you he wouldn't have texted you two weeks later he obviously likes you he obviously enjoys who you are i think he's also probably more embarrassed by it than you are so i i don't think it's you i don't think it's ever the woman i think some men just have erectile dysfunction and have a hard time getting it up as well as keeping it up so

there are pills to help with that there are if you would like to partake if not which is totally fine then it's just something you're gonna have to work through and deal with if this is something you want to keep doing with this guy um but also it's like not your problem to fix does that make sense um i also think it happens a lot when men overuse their dick i know crazy right the same way like sensitivity and like horniness levels go down when you are constantly like masturbating as a woman i think that happens to men as well um especially men who jerk off a lot especially through a young age ed becomes uh very common so that's the issue for her for him to fix i don't think you should be pondering like how can i make his dick harder that is his own issue to be like

how can i make my dick harder um but also it's something you guys can work through work through during sex say he can't get it up right then so be like okay we'll eat my pussy till you're hard enough or like suck his dick a little bit whatever it is just have fun with it but in the moment i don't think you should get embarrassed i don't think you should take it personally um i think you should just be like let's work around this situation um the same way you know how like uh you work around the situation of like if you can't get wet enough buy lube like um spit on it like there are there are things you can do and work around you just you just don't have to go through as if it's like oh this is an issue let's do nothing about it it's like okay this

is an issue what can we work with here you know but yeah i think it's very common if you've ever dealt with a man who had erectile dysfunction i don't think you are an odd one i think a lot of women have and i think a lot of men have erectile dysfunction and it's something that you can uh simply work around also if it's like a huge issue for you if you've only seen each other twice like you don't have to pick up the text do you know what i mean i've never dated anybody with ed so i like are like really like ever long term been with anybody with ed not because of that just like i don't know it just has never happened that's not my experience on earth so i wish i had like more tips and tricks and things to tell you and reasons to give i've just you know been in

that situation and been like well whatever just didn't work that's not my fault you know what i mean i mean it works of course you know i don't mean that in a derogatory way but like it just wasn't working right then that's fine that's okay you know no one's fault no one's to blame here you move on you know and i think that's the biggest takeaway that you can really take from it someone asked um how to become more comfortable with your body slash feel like a baddie and i think this is a really interesting one to bring up because i talk a lot about you know staying positive within yourself and i guess i would ride the wave of body positivity somewhat but i've never talked about body neutrality as much before and i think that's something i'm starting to get

really into so i want to discuss it with you guys as well um i here's the thing i think i thought body positivity was the way to go because when you're in such a low place about your body you think the best place to go is all the way to the top um and to stay all the way at the top but it is not sustainable i don't think to stay all the way at the top um and at the top isn't like best you're ever gonna feel but just like the complete opposite of feeling um completely horrible and awful about yourself and your body i think the best place you can go is somewhere in the middle um where you see yourself as not you know what it needs to be but instead as what it simply is and that is a body that houses a soul that is it um there's like no reason you need to

come up with arbitrary reasons in order to make yourself feel positive about yourself um you don't need to be like well you know my stretch marks are beautiful because they're my tiger stripes like no your stretch marks are great because they're stretch marks and that's what happens to a body and that's just a part of having a body or you know having a little bit of fat or having fat isn't like you know more to love or a cushion for the push-in it's it's okay to have that because it's okay to be fat and that's okay because that's how bodies come sometimes um sometimes a body all it needs to be good and the only reason you need for a body to be good is the simple fact that a body is inherently good because it is housing you.

It is working overtime to make sure that you wake up in the morning or that you are taken care of constantly. And make sure your lungs fill with oxygen. And make sure your heart beats on time. And make sure your blood cells are pumped through your veins. it makes sure your skin cells are shed at a correct rate it makes sure you are taken care of period even on the days when it's hard for you to get out of bed and brush your teeth and make sure your teeth are clean and taken care of it doesn't stop it works over time and that is what

body neutrality is all about the simple fact that having a body in any shape or form or any type that it comes in is good because it's a body period point blank and I get it it's hard to get there but once you shift your mindset from oh well I love this about myself because it fits this standard or oh I love this about myself because that's what's in right now think about it as no I love me because I'm inherently attached to it and I'm housed inside it and I feel so ever lucky to simply have one um once i got there i became so much more confident and a true confident sense and a true enjoying my body sense than any you know fitting a societal standard right or wave of a high could ever be um but then again whatever method you use to stop hating your

body is as valid as another. Body neutrality, appreciating your body because it takes you where you need to go and houses your soul, looking at your body through an aesthetic slash artistic lens and loving slash appreciating it as a piece of art, finding sexual power, feeling hot in your body, loving it because it helps you connect to your loved ones, it's all valid. As long as it helps you find peace, I think it's valid. But I think we all need to understand that if you look at yourself too closely for too long it's going to you're going to freak out you're going to lose it in any sort of sense in a negative way in a positive way the best thing you can ever do is just let your body be and for you to take care of it the best that it takes care of you

and that includes letting it simply be a body um i think me looking at it from like a this is the only time that looking at it from like an out-of-body kind of experience helps in any sort of way usually me leaving my body is not a good thing um but the disconnect i think is very important to think of the same way you wouldn't you know hate on your friend for being this way and hate on them for existing this way or um not appreciate them for this or overthink about this and overanalyze them about this you you have to make that kind of disconnect with your body and allow it to simply be and allow it to simply exist and to appreciate it for the functions that it gives um and i think that's really how i have really helped elevate not that hot girl standard

because i feel like that was a very surface level positive feeling that i felt but true peace i think is found when you simply just exist and let yourself to exist and it's hard i'm not saying this shit as if it's easy like it's hard i get it it is hard but switching your mindset and working on switching your mindset is the best way to go about it um and to kind of um work with it i don't know at the end of the day we're not here to appease other people like your body's not here to appease other people it's here to keep you alive and going um and i think the body neutrality movement is great because there's a acknowledgement that you don't need to love your body in order to take care of it. You are deserving of care because you have a body. You don't have to fit into any

group to have it be deserving of being cared for. Your body is deserving of being cared for because you have a body. Others do not need to find your body aesthetically pleasing in order to respect you you need to be respected because you are a human being period um but like yeah i think i think it's a great little movement going on i don't think any shame is really necessary or good i think simply looking at your body as a body is the best thing that you can do for it i don't know my body is a body and i love it and i appreciate it and we one-sided fight sometimes really only from my perspective but it never um ceases to give up on me and it never ceases to show up for me and i think the best thing that i can really do like a true good friend is to endlessly and

utterly show up for it no matter what um i am i'm not deserving of anything i in a certain way that like i am not deserving because i look a certain way or because i have a certain thing i am deserving because i exist period anyways we're gonna do a few more questions and then i gotta get this podcast out to you guys so i can go by wings because that's my next goal with my day um and then go to the pool and then i also need to get this podcast out to you guys you guys can have a good thursday anyways we're gonna fly through some questions someone asked um what do you see yourself doing in 20 years very good question i have no idea ideally something creative um i'll be like 43 by then so if i am gonna start a family i feel like i probably would have began

to start it by then um I'm not somebody who's probably gonna fall into the family setting like early on in life it's definitely going to be later I would love for this podcast to get big in any sort of way like whether it's like a little talk show I don't know something creative with it I would love um but I have a hard time envisioning who I am in like 20 plus years because every time I envision myself like a year from now it always changes and I always like to allow myself to change a little bit so who knows it could be it could be anything honestly how do you get over the fear of the gynecologist i know i should go but i'm terrified i don't know why i was oddly terrified when when um before i ever went to one but after doing some research and being able to

decide who i wanted to go to i thought i had a great experience i thought it was fantastic um great doctor can't wait to go back to her um but it really is not as scary as i thought it was going to be the best thing you can do um to make sure your experience is good is to make sure that you are comfortable before you go as in do some research all right check out who your doctor is going to be and make sure you have that decision also you know make sure you're giving consent you're asking what they're about to do to you they should tell you what they're about to do just ask talk it out um and yeah i think you you really should have an okay time i i had no issues with mine um in its truest essence what do you believe love to be um i think love exceeds

it's just a romantic setting i think love is the purest form of vulnerability and through vulnerability you build connection i think that's what love is um also knowing that you know because you can have love for anything but i feel like or anyone like i don't think you have to just love one person um i think you should love your friends i think you should love who your family is or whoever you choose to have in your family i think you should love yourself you know love love extends past romantic ideals i think love is a true and honest and vulnerable and open connection between whoever it is does that make sense um all right is it wrong to imagine someone else during sex if that's what helps you enjoy it finish um are you in a relationship

because if you're in a relationship and you're imagining someone else during sex yeah i don't think that's great i cannot lie i think sex should be a connection between the two people who are having it i think if you're imagining someone else there might be a major flaw within that relationship which is okay you know you can figure out you can change it up but i think you should be ever present and ever enjoying in who you are having sex with or else you should not be having sex so with that being said oh my god what someone just said lacy period thongs what um i straight up just bleed in whatever i'm wearing um all of my underwear is ruined i think we all you know can feel that we all understand

but yeah i fucked up all of my underwear and a lot of my clothes too i cannot lie it just happens the lacy underwear i'm wearing right now definitely have been fucked up by some period blood um usually i try and wear my boyfriend's boxers though because they're very comfortable okay someone said how do i forgive myself for my past behaviors i bully myself every day for it the only way we can learn is to forgive and to move on if you are constantly beating yourself up every single day because of what you did you are not going to fix yourself you are not going to heal you are not going to move on and you might make the same mistake again because you are in such a cycle of self-depreciating that adding another mistake is just it's just going to

continue the cycle make you feel the same way you've always been feeling so why not make another other mistake does that make sense i just kind of rambled for a second best thing you can do forgive in order to heal in order to move on so you don't make the same mistake if you beat yourself up over and think about it over and over and over again you are not going to get anywhere you are not going to achieve anything you are not going to move on from that mistake and be able to grow as a human being you're going to live in that moment forever which is not healthy for anybody the best thing you can do is straight up look yourself in the face in the mirror and be like well we fucked up let's address it let's clear the air you fucked up all right we've all fucked

up sometimes that's okay it's all right um everybody's gonna fuck up you are not a human being you cannot not make mistakes because if you don't make mistakes you are not going to grow so in order to grow you need to make mistakes but most importantly you need to forgive yourself everybody makes mistakes everybody has those days Miley said it best um but you got to forgive yourself and by forgiving yourself you just need to address it and understand that it happened that's all forgiving yourself needs to be you don't need to be like yay love myself again it's okay to feel a little bad about what you did that's a normal human emotion but you need to stop beating yourself up over it and then when a situation rolls around where you find yourself

maybe in the same predicament the best thing you can do is say hey you know what I got a clue I think I found myself in this situation before and I didn't like how it turned out last time so i can think about that situation and i can say hey let's not do this behavior and then i can feel great about myself because i learned and i have fixed my behaviors and i'm growing from it but you're not a perfect human being no one is the even the pope definitely isn't who is supposed to be the most perfect human being or whoever whatever we're thinking if jesus was around he definitely wasn't a perfect human being there's no such thing as a perfect human being we all make mistakes some more than others some less than others it doesn't matter the amount you're going

to make a mistake and you need to forgive yourself you need to accept that you've made that mistake maybe mind dump about it in a journal so you can get it off your chest and then you need to move on with your life because there are more mistakes to come dare i say like it's just a part of learning and growing and progressing you cannot progress if you don't make a mistake and you don't move on and you don't forgive yourself a little bit so i love you you'll be okay i promise you just need to um move on and you you already have done probably most of the growing because you made the mistake now you just need to make sure you don't make it again someone said getting my titties pierced today any advice on how much it hurts healing etc um as you know by now it hurts

the first one i didn't feel because my adrenaline covered it but i got my second one done right after and my adrenaline had worn off because i got one done and that one hurt like a bitch nothing hurts compared to the iud looking back on it my titties were probably a four my iud was a ten so and when i first got my titties pierced i was like that was a nine so my pain scale is ever-changing titties were a breeze um getting them pierced yeah it hurt but my adrenaline was going so that really helped the afterward is the most annoying part um straight up they're not gonna heal for like two years people get their titties pierced then they're like you know they should heal they should be done after like a couple months nope no no no no no the tissue

down there is different it breaks open it changes you know your your nipples get like hard and soft so like it is ever-changing that wound is gonna open it's gonna be open for a long time so make sure you have a good metal in there and make sure you are cleaning them and taking care of them as much as you can but the pus is going to last a little bit don't worry about it and the crusties are gonna last like up to two years that's how i knew mine were still healing because that you would get the crusties in the morning like just little crusties oh my god and like the poor men who like when they were healing happened to suck on them definitely got some crusties in their mouth but that's their fault for going there but like at two years later healed perfectly healed

perfectly good normal no more crusties you really just have to power through um and the healing i think was a bitch for the first month they're super sensitive for the first month and then the sensitivity kind of dies down a little bit but for me personally they're way more sensitive than they were before i got them pierced but not as sensitive as when they like a month after they were pierced um but pain not super bad i thought it was pretty comparable to like an ear piercing i know that sounds crazy because you're like your nipples what bitch i thought it was pretty comparable to an ear piercing as like a sharp pain um that that area of your body is pretty good about um pain management I feel like healing as in like pain healing went very quickly but overall

healing as in like the skin sealing up took a long time but I wasn't in pain for those two years um I just knew it was still healing because there were crusties and those crusties are gonna happen for like a good two years i know that's such a long time but i was so worth it i love my nipple piercings they're so cute i'm obsessed and i have like smaller titties and i was like i just want something to decorate or just like have a little something there you know what i mean and i got my titties pierced and i thought it was a super duper like it made me so much more confident my titties because now i could put cute little jewelry on them the same way like my ears like i don't really care about my ears but now i can like decorate them and that's fun

i'm such a decorator if you're not a decorator maybe you won't like it but 10 out of 10 i'm obsessed with my titty piercings now that being said one of my titties my titty isn't sideways but like when they pierced it it was hard and so when it gets soft it turns like kind of sideways like it's a little lopsided i feel like i need to get it fixed that's kind of on my to-do list um so careful about placement and how they pierce it my piercer i don't know it's slightly fucked up but i don't know if that's his fault because like you know when your nipples get hard they kind of like twist a little bit so mine just kind of one of mine kind of goes sideways it's kind of funny like i don't have an issue with it i just

careful about placement you know with that being said we're almost at like two hours crazy i have loved every second of it i missed you guys this has been so fun sorry it came out a little late um major apologies on my part but i was traveling and getting very fucked up so maybe there's gonna be more traveling in the future i had so much fun i realized i need to travel way more often than i usually do so hopefully there'll be a lot of fun more stories to come and hopefully there'll be vlogs um i'm charging my camera right now she's a cutie little canon oh my god like a literal vlog camera so funny got it on ebay love ebay um so hopefully there'll be some vlogs soon i know craziness right we're gonna be back to our regular regularly scheduled

tuesday episode tomorrow or not tomorrow next week so prepare for that um and once again any sort of questions you have please submit them to my instagram i always always post the questionnaire on sundays so sunday is the day for any short questions you have any long questions you have feel free to submit them to my dms i sometimes look through there it's pretty um sparingly though so if i don't respond i'm so so sorry like i won't respond on there but i might respond on here and also collins are in my link in bio of my instagram which is at hannah marlene and you can also see my cute little face there so i would also love some more collins i love talking with you guys and chatting with you guys and i have a lot more to get to which

is why i'm excited about tuesday leave a little five star review if you want oh my god crazy there's literally like 5 000 of you guys who have reviewed me on spotify i'm trying to get that five star i'm trying so bad i want to be i want to get that five star status you know what i mean so leave a little comment a little review a little like whatever it is and i hope you guys have an amazing weekend and i will see you on tuesday