Smoke Sesh - cat milf, creativity & healthy distractions

Episode Date: April 28, 2026

hello hotties and welcome back to smokes sesh! todays episode is a very hope filled one as we chat what I've been up to, slowing down, managing anxiety, healthy distractions, surgery, health anxiety, it all works out, family time, spring bucket list, getting off your phone and into the world, taking workshops, getting curious, getting creative, how to find your creativity, creating, following your heart, being a pet parent, what pet is right for you, responsibility, putting yourself aside, cat mom, self discovery, feeling unconnected to yourself, how to connect, building a relationship with yourself, manifesting, too much manifestation, reading energy, who to trust, not liking people, not telling everyone everything, self protection, opps, staying sane as the world goes mad, bad economy, money moves, lack mindset, what's it all for? living for the hope of it all, and much much more!join the patreon! new episodes (and more) at patreon.com/smokeseshshawtysubmit your questions and call ins every week on instagram.com/hannahmarlenewatch the new vlogs every Sunday on YouTube at hannahmarlene444

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more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all oh hello hotties and welcome back to the smoke sesh podcast my name is hannah your host and i am so excited to be back with you all on this beautiful little whatever day you're listening

to this honestly every day has been just like really so nice out and i'm really just enjoying the springtime weather um we actually had a lot of thunderstorms coming through i don't know what's going on with the weather obviously global warming yes yes it's real we believe in science in this family okay um we believe in science and facts and the the spring storms have been out of control i'm talking like past five years spring storms maybe we have like two or three really bad ones um and then the rest were kind of just like gray hazy little rainy days no this spring has been sunshine beautiful sunshine beautiful and then like torrential downpour sirens going off tornadoes thunderstorms which honestly i kind of prefer it that way because it feels more i don't know it's

more of an experience there's nothing better than like a spring thunderstorm on an evening like a sunday evening after doing all of your chores and you're just resting and relaxing in bed oh it's the best it truly is the best so i've really just been trying to enjoy the weather get outside um we went to the river for the first time this season which was so excited about just sat in the sun and like picked up rocks just very mindlessly ate a sandwich by the river very chill very relaxing very nice i need to get back out there though and go clean up the trash that's a big thing on my to-do list we just had earth day love your mother thank you mother earth for everything you give us truly there is nothing better than this planet and this earth and being

able to experience it and we take this bitch for granted talk about people taking people for granted yeah us with mother nature she deserves a break okay she's obviously pissed with the thunderstorms and tornadoes we've been getting and we need to show her some love i need to get out there with like a trash bag and a trash picker upper and go clean up the river because I don't know people just love to trash mother nature for some reason uh but I that's big on my to-do list something that I'll do probably next time I go it was just nice to get out there though and experience it and put my toes in some fresh water um I've had a big week honestly bigger than I usually have thus usually I'm on like my grind I'm usually like I have a new vlog for you and I

have things to see on Instagram and reels and cooking and blah blah blah this week I really intentionally took it very slow I kind of pulled back on some heavy work that I was doing just because leading up to the weekend my cat had surgery so I was in a very anxious state one could say anxious in the way that it's like you know when you have something coming up something big something scary or like even when someone's like we gotta talk something you have to wait on it's the worst my anxiety is the worst in those moments of course it's really bad when I'm making shit up in my head but it's absolutely the worst when it's like oh this is reality this is real I have to just like wait and sit here in my feelings and my emotions instead of hurrying

the process along so just to kind of like give myself a break and not have like a massive panic attack central i just really took it slow this week went to the river chilled out i bought myself some new oil paints as a way to distract myself which we'll get into in a second i've been really in a creative mode recently um and just trying to manage my anxiety as we approached danger's little surgery which i'm sure you're wondering it went fantastic oh my god thank you guys so much if you kept us in your thoughts or your prayers or anything anything any good energy you sent my way thank you so much um if you know me you know the struggles the struggles me and my cat have had with health issues um one notoriously a year ago but this time around it was kind of just like

routine maintenance he is about to turn 14 he's an older cat okay an older gentleman that's how I like them and he it was he was due for a teeth cleaning okay his mouth smelled like rotten pig's feet I'm not even kidding it smelled we called him pee head that was his new nickname was pee head because his little head smelled like pee from how bad his mouth smells so when the vet was like it's time for a cleaning I was like yeah yeah it probably is time it probably is time for a mouth cleaning but whenever your cat is going in for any sort of procedure it can be very nerve-wracking anxiety inducing like that is my child i did birth him i feel his pain i feel his worry i feel his anxiety even though he had nothing he had no idea what was coming up i knew and that was freaking me

out especially him going under anesthesia that's always a risk of course it's a very very low risk like the same amount of risk that a human would have going under anesthesia it's like medical procedures they can always go wrong but i trust my vet one thousand percent everybody in that fucking office knows danger trust like i call them and they don't even have to ask who i am they must have like my name in the system at this point in time they're like oh yeah danger he's scheduled for this this is this like oh my god thank god thank god having a good vet is honestly so nice and really does ease a lot of my anxieties because they love him as much as i do so I did have a lot of trust and belief in the fact that they were going to take care of him but

yeah I was just nervous about the um whole anesthesia part and then also I was like they might have to take all of his teeth out like who knows I have no idea what's going on in there he won't let me see in there he's a small cat I can't see inside his mouth all I know is it reeks it stinks okay so that happened this weekend I dropped him off like really early in the morning the vet was so nice it was like him and then a bunch of dogs because dogs make sense of course their mouths rotting like they're eating trash and poop cats are a little bit cleaner but they were like we're gonna get him done first okay before all these other dogs the dogs can chill and wait we'll get your cat done first we'll call you so I was up like 7 a.m and

then I was just a manically oil painting after that to try and distract myself I even bought the vet team like a dozen donuts as like a thank you because I needed some sort of distraction or good karma I don't know I needed to put like positive energy into the universe so I got positive energy back and then they called me and they're like well no extractions don't need to do extractions everything's good he's like are you sure he's never had his teeth cleaned I was like no trust never ever never ever has he had his teeth cleaned he probably should have but no he has never had his teeth cleaned he's like for a 14 year old cat this is probably like I mean of course there's tartar and stuff in there but this this is the nicest teeth i've seen on a 14 year

old cat i was like oh my god oh my god thank god oh my god thank god so no extractions needed they just cleaned up the tartar and kind of polished his little teeth up okay and he was good to come home of course a little loopy after the anesthesia a little on edge a little on edge but safe to say what three days later he's back to his usual normal self he is doing good he is munching down food previously i could tell it hurt a little bit to chew on those back teeth because there was so much tartar buildup now he's like scarfing down food which i'm happy i'm happy about okay he can eat as much as he wants for a little bit considering he's been through trauma central oh but it just wow thank god that went smoothly easily it was quite a big build but i

am happy to pay whatever it is to make sure this cat gets like I don't know I'm gunning for like 10 more years out of him I think I can get him into his early 20s I think I if I take the right precautions I can do that that's my main goal in life he still is just like a little young kitten in my eyes but I'm so happy that you know even though my anxiety was out of control that I took the initiative to put him in a position to better his health to get that done to take care of that and to make sure he is set up for success um so yes thank you guys if you kept us in your thoughts truly wow i don't know why i thought his teeth cleaning would be so easy it's just the anesthesia that freaks me out it's like what if he goes to bed and never wakes up again oh my god my worst

nightmare truly i would have set that vet office on fire even though i know it's not their fault it's not their fault my rage would have had to go somewhere anyways gotta do that and then my brother and sister-in-law came into town with all the kids so i gotta hang out with them see them it's always nice to be around children i'm not really around children as often as i ever have been considering i don't know i spent 10 years of my life working with children very closely it's really nice to be around them because it's like they don't give a hoot or a holler they truly are just living their best lives munching down cotton candy we went to the royals game we went to a baseball game they were just like eating hot dogs and cotton candy and dipping

dots and spinning on the carousel as fast as they could and it was so nice to be around it really was it's like a nice breath of fresh air and it's also a nice breath of fresh air because my sister in law is the best mother ever truly if i can be even one percent of the mother she is when i grow up i will be so incredibly happy because it's like the kid the my niece and nephew very normal very chill little kids but of course some kids have their quirks and my niece gets really overwhelmed in like loud situations or like really busy situations of course a lot of people a lot of things going on and so she started kind of having like a little bit of like a like a little spiral moment and my sister-in-law was on it she had the noise canceling headphones out she had the neato

she had little like toys little something to distract her she talked her through it she's patient with her if she's breaking down and crying or my nephew's breaking down and crying she's patient she's calm she talks them through their emotions i'm like oh my god oh my god girl every time i see her i'm like props to you you need to be getting paid way more for this job because i know you're not getting paid for it but they need to raise they need to raise that salary okay my brother needs to raise that salary immediately because you are doing the lord's work they don't even know what a tablet is no idea what a tablet is all they know is music and storybooks as it should be as a small child but it takes so much willpower to be able to do that to be

patient with them to work with them and it is just like so nice to see it gives me hope for the children it gives me hope for the next generation of children that there will be some sane ones so shout out to her for that we had some family pictures taken we went to the park we celebrated my sister-in-law's birthday we went out to lunch it was a good it's a good beautiful little weekend it was so nice especially once i got the anxiety out of the way it turned out to be a beautiful week so I hope you guys are feeling that energy I hope you guys are feeling the peace and calm that hopefully has come into the air for you and if you are not experiencing that I wish it upon you endlessly okay spring is meant to be enjoyed it's meant to feel renewing it's meant to feel

exciting abundant prosperous but to be able to receive that energy you kind of have to go after it that's what I'm realizing I've realized like past springs in my life where I was just lazier let's be honest I was just lazier in general I was like I'm just gonna sit and scroll on my phone actually and I'm gonna live my life through my phone it would be like oh wow spring's already passed now it's summer and I'm so bored and I haven't done anything that I wanted to do I never watched any baseball games I never went to the park I haven't been to the river yet I haven't been to the pool and looking back on those years it's like damn bitch if you really would just put the phone down and gone outside like you would have had such a fun time and so i'm really

trying to um get into that zone this spring and like do as many different things as possible that calls to me no matter how tired i am no matter how exhausted i am no matter how early i have to wake up just like get up go do it do it alone do it scared do it tired do it nervous whatever the fuck do it in general because ultimately at the end of the day you will feel so much better you'll feel so much more like uh one with life and not like life is dragging you by the hair um and also it slows down time i'm somebody who especially when you get older time just starts going faster and faster and faster and faster and the years pass by quickly not to scare you it's just a reality but if you want to really slow down and savor time and like make sure you're you're like

living every season to the most you have to be doing different activities so i love like a seasonal bucket list i really do as a way to kind of like whenever you're like i want to do something but i don't know what to do pull out the bucket list pull out the list of things to do here's some things that i have done off my bucket list that maybe would inspire you uh tulip tulip fields went to the tulip fields we went tulip picking it was so fun it was so fantastic tulip season i is over right now but I guarantee if you live anywhere near even a patch of farmland which babe if you live in America there's farmland near you I promise you there is something called you pick flowers look up you pick flowers in my area sometimes it's literally in people's backyards

they just grow flowers and then they charge you like 25 bucks and it's all you can pick flowers I love doing that in the spring and summer it's so fun to just like be in the field see the the bees see the flowers pick out your own build a bouquet get a little bit of a sunburn you know it's nice to just be outside and be one with nature in that kind of regard so any you pick activities speaking of it's strawberry season okay you pick strawberries you can go to the fields you can go to the farm you can go pick your own strawberries um i do that every single season and it usually lasts from the end of april to the end of may so you usually have a month but then it's blueberry season after that then it's blackberry season then it's raspberry season

then it's apple season then it's sherry season you know so there's always a good fruit season to go out and just be in nature pick some fruit savor it enjoy it there's always like strawberry donuts or something or strawberry slushies at the farm that i go to it's so nice another thing going to the river i don't know if you guys grew up going to the river river spots whatever it was I grew up going to the Ozarks my family everybody in my family shared a lake house in the Ozarks growing up and so usually it was like every weekend from I don't know April to honestly November even in the winter we'd go out there just as an escape we were in the water splashing around playing around Ozark water nasty disgusting but listen I was a wild child I was

raised to not really fear much of nature so I was out there I was swimming I was collecting bugs I was just like running free in the forest and eventually you know the family decided to cut that off and sell the house and I kind of lost that part of spring and summer that I really look forward to but I realized oh I can recreate that in my own life maybe not as like a lake house vacation but still getting my feet into some water because that's truly all I was craving so I found a local little like swimming spot local river spot I'm sure you have like local little lakes you can go kayaking on maybe just throw a hammock up near but I love just getting to the river eating a sandwich putting my feet in the water is that too much to ask is that too

much to ask that's always on my spring bucket list sometimes in the past I would wait until summer to do this and it's like wow bitch you could have been enjoying this double the amount of time if you started earlier especially when the weather's nice and not so freaking hot out spring's the best time to go and enjoy this and you know what i'll challenge you i've recently fallen in love with horses if you've never been on a horse i highly encourage you to do so do your research on where you're going just google trail rides in my area quite literally it's that simple there's like 18 places out where i live of course i i literally live in missouri okay so keep this in mind like country girl shake it like we are out here of course there's a lot of horses but

i guarantee anywhere you go like i'm about to go to california for my birthday and i'm looking up horseback riding and there's so many different options anywhere you go i guarantee there's options do your research make sure they're well cared for make sure it's gonna be like a good time make sure it's within your budget but go on like an hour horseback riding tour okay these horses are the chillest horses you ever met this is the thousandth time they've done this they're so used to it and you're going to get out in nature kind of see a new perspective and bond with the animal is there really anything better no no there's not no there is not oh my god i cannot wait to lease my house my horse i'm so excited just to kind of like escape and be alone

on horseback it's going to be so beautiful but if you've never been on a horse fuck it you know what add it to the bucket list i challenge you i challenge you i challenge you to do that another weird one that i'm kind of adding to spring that i mentioned earlier is to go clean up trash i don't know what it is about people who like litter i think if you litter you're going to hell who are you um so i'm gonna go to the river and probably clean up some trash next time i go just as a way to like i don't know check something else off my bucket list and feel like i'm doing something good for the earth get a little good karma out of it why not hello because it's like oh i don't want to sit next to the river by someone's dirty undies and like coke cans no thank you i want a clean

river to sit in and sometimes it takes you doing the work okay sometimes you'll wait around and wait around for someone else to do the work nope if you want the work done sometimes it's you who has to do the work another one that i've already done which is a vlog if you want to watch it on youtube at hannahmarlene444 is make my herb gardens now that it's not like freezing at night anymore i do need to fill in the rest of my patio balcony um i love planting any sort of herb any sort of you can get like big pots and do berry bushes strawberries if you want to hang them up tomatoes all of these I really just do on my patio my patio it also doesn't get a ton of sunlight also just planting like sweet potato vines as a way to kind of get a little privacy fence going

with all of my vines I can kind of grow them out it's really beautiful and I really want to get my hands into some dirt a little bit more but I really started off early this spring with my herb garden that was so fun to create in my herbs guess what all surviving all going crazy i even cut off a little bit of the catnip that i've been growing and dried it out and then crushed it up oh my god it's crazy crazy cat mom and then gave it to my cat because he loves catnip fantastic 10 out of 10 recommend speaking of herbs this is something that's on my summer bucket list because um the place doesn't really have anything going on like soon but I want to take a like tea or herbal class I love a class if you can figure out one singular like or maybe not class because sometimes class

seems intimidating but workshop I love a workshop that you can do every season they're so fun to do I love a workshop I love learning I love knowledge I love knowledge I love nerds I love growing my brain reconnecting those synapses or whatever the fuck they're called after smoking them away okay closing the holes in my brain by gaining new knowledge um i really want to take like a herbal class there's this one like herbal farm near me um that i actually discovered at a local farmer's market if you're not going to the farmer's market what are you doing okay another spring bucket list farmers market i met this lady who made oh my god she makes the best soaps the best soaps she's like oh yeah all of the scents you're smelling are hand grown by me on my farm we just started doing

workshops and tours of the farm if you want to come out and do a workshop would love to do it with you so i think i'm going to take their making um balms and butters class which is you you make lip balms you make body butters and you do it out of locally grown herbs things that are seasonally available to you and then also what's it called it's like um it's something crazy i kind of love living in like the middle of nowhere midwest because it's like you know what maybe we will need that at some point um it's like making medicine out of local herbs for the end times it's like girl what but yes i want to know more i want to know more i'm curious like you piqued my interest let me take the class for 45 i don't give a fuck so yeah i definitely want to

get a workshop in that's big on my to-do list for spring there's something about spring that also makes me want to do like a big deep clean of my entire house i feel like i need to rid everything from my life i know i know you've heard about the spring purge over and over and over again but i feel like there's still too much around me and i need to do another round maybe i'll vlog it for you guys if you're interested um but always cleaning and purging my life of anything that is unnecessary and finally last but certainly not least i want to get more creative okay i want to get more creative in my life i realized that is like a really big driving factor in who i am and i create in many different ways okay but i missed like the i missed the old style art

creative ability of just sitting down and simply painting. I feel like I was not living up to my true potential painting in acrylics. I feel like I wasn't able to translate what I wanted to onto the canvas accordingly because I don't know I'm just picky and I love working with oil paints and I actually haven't worked with oil paints since I was in high school. I worked only with oil paints in high school. That's what I did my entire AP art portfolio on and I've just been feeling very inspired with um i don't know nature and being out in it more often and just showing appreciation and so i really i mean peak anxiety i was like i have to distract myself i have to get outside i have to get outside i have to do i have to do something i have to do something before i lose

my mind and start spiraling and put myself in a straight jacket and just rock back and forth butt ass naked on the floor that doesn't need to happen so i went to the art supply store which heads up Blick is having like a 40% off I don't know discount going on right now crazy thank god divine timing so I went crazy at the art supply store and like bought all brand new oil paints brushes um and sat down and painted for like 24 hours and I was like hmm yes this is actually what makes life worth living oh yeah I forgot I forgot how how I can really paint and if I just do what I want to do it really does turn out how I want it to turn out crazy crazy so that's kind of everything on my list hopefully I can inspire you guys to do something of the sort but I love you

all so much and enough of me yapping let's get into your guys's question actually I guess it's a good question to kind of follow into someone said how to find creativity as a non-creative person honestly and I always say this um I've said this literally since forever I know you've never heard it but I have always said it um growing up I was always a creative person I was always drawing I was always painting I was always doing stuff I was always in art shows I was always just like involved in the art community and every single time it would be like my friends showing up or my friends seeing my artwork or my parents or literally random strangers my grandma who people who are labeled quote-unquote non-creative like you are they would come up to me and they'd

be like oh my god like I can't even draw a stick figure this is crazy it's like thank you I appreciate the compliment but also I don't appreciate compliments that are putting yourself down in order to uplift somebody else because my rebuttal is I truly believe every single person is a creative individual every single person you're like no not me I can't draw okay you can't job but can you paint but can you do pottery but can you do music but can you do this but can you do that like everybody has a different realm in which they are a creative individual I do not believe in the idea that we as humans are not creative I think we are born with the innate need to be creative to utilize our brains in ways that we never have to think outside of the box

and to indulge in art it's something that we all crave in many different ways and everybody has different outlets but it's something that we all contain inside of ourselves so first of all you have to release the label that you're putting on yourself that you are a not a creative person and you kind of have to I mean step number one of being creative is you got to get delusional about it okay you are literally taking something from your brain that doesn't exist and making it into a reality you have to be a little delusional in order to do that that comes in many different realms maybe you're like an abstract lego builder and you're just taking something in your head and reaching in a random bucket of legos and building it out of your brain maybe it's like painting

maybe it's sculpting maybe it's like bedazzling things like it doesn't have to be super super wild out there but it's something you thought of and are bringing into reality and thus it holds weight as a creative act in order to kind of like transmute that energy and be able to bring things into reality you have to be a little delusional so rid yourself of the label of oh I'm not a creative person I can't even draw a stick figure I could never do that it's like stop telling yourself that because what you tell yourself is your reality so if you tell yourself oh I'm not that oh I could never be that oh this oh that and I understand sometimes it is like you trying to um give a compliment but what is a compliment at expense of yourself always talk

positively about yourself about the people around you it will take you much further than anything else will because i believe you're a creative individual i do you gotta kind of start believing in yourself step number two is the best creative acts are the one that feel like right in your soul if I try to sit down and um like make pottery I don't know what it is about pottery I love it I can be successful at it if I put myself towards it but it's not something that calls to me it's not something that I feel driven by it's not something that feels like right in my heart or my soul is it something I can sit down and do and enjoy and possibly be good at yeah absolutely but is it something that I feel driven by no not at all you have to find that act that creative

act that you're just like curious about and driven by and intuitively um called to for me for some reason it is oil painting it's always been oil painting and i don't know why i've fought it for so long um especially i don't know literally not doing it for what like 10 years and finally sitting down to do it it's like bitch why the fuck did you wait 10 years to do this you enjoy it so much you love it so much and you know i'm not gonna put myself down about that thank god i finally picked it back up I guarantee there's something in your heart that you're like curious or excited by or wanting to indulge into that's a creative act and I highly encourage you to do so maybe it's like aquascaping I'm not even kidding maybe it's like creating different like forms of

plants and aquariums maybe it's making bikinis maybe it's creating hats maybe it's tattooing and maybe it's literally just pencil drawing or drawing with colored pencils maybe it's writing maybe it's even just reading reading is a creative act maybe it's music I don't care what it is but there's something that you are sitting here and you're listening to me and you're like oh damn oh damn she is talking about that one thing in my heart there's something that's popping into your head that's the thing that you should be kind of like just dipping your toes in and indulging in okay and sometimes it takes trying things realizing it's not for me that's all right too because step number what are we on three is you got to be bad at it you got to be bad before you

can ever be good okay and if you're not willing to be bad at something you will never be good at it if you are going to be a creative person a creative individual you have to release the ego you do you can't do it for the idea of oh well someone's going to see this or i'm going to see this or this or that or whatever in the third you have to do it as a like think of it as like a competition with yourself to see how you can produce why understanding more about the technique understanding more about it and just the aspect of being in the creative act who cares about the outcome just be willing to get into the act of creating because that will give you more than being successful okay do not be afraid to be bad in order to be good release the ego allow yourself

to be bad because guess what i have a lot of bad art i have a lot about art i have a lot of art that i've sat down and painted and been like what the fuck was i on what was i on what was going on but that also then led to me creating a lot of really good art a lot of art that i'm like how the fuck did i do that it's because i got the bad art out of the way in order to create the good or i learned a new technique in the bad art that then i was able to apply to the good art or simply like the hours i put into the bad art got me more experience and then i was able to translate that to the good art okay you gotta be willing to be bad who cares if it's bad art all i care about is that you're indulging in the act of creating speaking of you really just gotta

create create create create all right sometimes that means working on four different paintings at once or making a 30 minute or 30 second snippet of a song or just simply working on one beat or switching it up sometimes i'll pick up a painting work on it put it away come back to it in a month who cares all right just be in the act of creating and doing it as much as possible will teach you more than anything else and also there's something about being in the flow state of being a creative individual and creating in general and getting creative that will make you feel more in tune with yourself will make you feel like you're actually utilizing life in a positive way will make you actually feel like wow damn I'm actually doing something with my time and will get

you more excited about the moments to come because you're going to be hyping up that energy inside of yourself to then create more all right literally every single split second of the day I'm like whoo is my next layer my oil painting dry so I can go in there and work on more like literally I'm staring at it at the corner of my eye and I'm like oh my god I cannot wait to sit down and work on this this afternoon um I am just like so over the phone I really am um I'm someone who has very little self-control with the phone once I open it once I open it and start scrolling it's really hard to stop and so I've kind of realized that and I'm trying to negate that habit with implementing positive ones and I think um supplementing that need to dissociate with creating and being in a

creative mindset is so much more enthralling and also you like get so much more out of it and you're getting the same kind of feeling you want but in a positive way truly and honestly when you're on your phone and you're scrolling you're kind of doing it to dissociate are you really doing it for research are you really doing it to find inspiration I mean sometimes sometimes I need to look up a recipe it is what it is I get off the phone immediately but when you're in that aspect of like drooling eye twitching and like scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll I'm talking thousands of tick tocks after tick tocks that's because you just want to dissociate sometimes in life you just want to dissociate and like be in this other realm where you're not like connected

so much to self or life but you need to be doing that in a healthy manner and scrolling on your phone is not a healthy way to do that but creating is okay this is why i really encourage you to simply just like pick up the pencil again pick up the paintbrush again get on your laptop and download GarageBand get out your lego sets put your fingers in some dirt it is so transformative it is so enthralling it makes life so much more enjoyable and also it's such a healthy outlet to be in that dissociative zone while also connecting to something that's actually bringing a positive outcome in your life it's such a good habit to pick up it really is And I encourage you all to go do something creative this week.

Even if it's just like, I'm going to go to the store and I'm going to buy some twine and some beads and I'm going to just make bracelets. I don't care how trivial you think it is, how quote unquote simple you think it is, how quote unquote dumb you think it is. If it is inspiring or eventful or encouraging or intriguing to you, then it holds weight and it holds meaning and it holds power and that's something you should be leaning into and looking into i'm not even kidding i don't know i had a breaking point where i was like scrolling on my phone scrolling on my phone scrolling on my phone about my cat and like health anxiety and

like people's experience with dental cleanings with their cat and oh my god anesthesia and then you know i go on a wormhole of like um uh just like bad experiences people had and then i started like freaking out and it keep in mind it's like 1 30 in the morning like bitch you need to be asleep get off the phone so then I was like well I can't go to sleep now I have to kind of like switch my mindset somewhere else so it was on my phone just kind of like scrolling on Pinterest or whatever and I came across a painting I was like oh this artist is really interesting and then I came across like uh videos about him and his his talent and where he came from then I started researching his whole entire life and then I came so inspired I literally the next day had to go buy

oil paints to go paint and thank god I was able to you know switch my brain from that unhealthy coping mechanisms to a positive one and then indulge fully in the positive one to throw myself fully into it as a way to kind of like bitch we gotta save ourselves because now I just have become so obsessed so excited about life and honestly it is so nice to have something when in the middle of the day or end of the night or whatever it is whenever I have a moment of free time it's something I look forward to and I get so much out of I feel so much more connected to myself and connected to just my passions it feels very inspiring and I want you all to feel that too but that means taking a risk listening to yourself following your heart and indulging in whatever you

feel called to do okay there's nothing weird there's nothing odd if you feel intuitively driven by it it holds meaning and I want you to listen to that okay that's how I felt about oil painting and then I finally sat down and did it and it's like bitch we should have been doing this for years but also we're not going to shame because that's going to drive it away we're just going to listen to that feeling we're going to lean into it and we're going to dive in fully what do you have to lose what do you have to lose but i truly believe every single person here on this earth is a creative individual in many different ways and manners sometimes you just got to take time to find it and that means trying things on seeing if they work listening to your

heart and being willing to be bad as at it as well as being willing to do it over and over and over and over again. Thank you, Danger, for joining us here today. Someone asked us a great question as I hold my cat hostage. Is it worth becoming a pet parent? They said they were moving into a new place and they're thinking about getting a pet. I think it's 1000% worth becoming a pet parent. But let me tell you, it is going to be the hardest work of your life. I'm not even kidding. you should never go into the idea of getting a pet i don't give a fuck if it's a goldfish bitch you should never go into the idea of getting a pet thinking this is going to be easy okay and i'm going to be straight up with you this is a sentient being a sentient creature who needs

time compassion care and money and things like it's basically like getting a child so if you're in a place where it's like you can't give that time you can't give that care you don't have the money to be able to take care of this animal it might not be worth it let me be honest okay like it just might not be worth it even my fish like my beta fish i put so much time and attention and care into it i make sure of course he gets fed twice a day i make sure he has interactive things to do i'm testing the water quality every single fucking day there's no such thing is an easy pet when this is a sentient living breathing creature who needs like your utmost respect and care it is my biggest pet peeve when people are like i'm gonna get a cat

because it's easy what are you talking about easy i think sometimes even cats can be harder than having a dog you know dogs might be a little bit more simpler than cats because it's like okay let's go for a 45 minute walk twice a day let's make sure you're getting your play time in they're a bit more energetic so they're easier to play with cats they require more like mental stimulation okay your cat's not gonna be a good or it's not gonna be good if your cat's sleeping 24 hours a day even my 14 year old cat he still gets his like 30 minute window in the mornings afternoons and evenings where i have to physically play with him i have to have a wand i have to have a toy he's not gonna play with himself it's hard work but it's also so rewarding it is so rewarding to have

a creature that fully trusts in you that fully loves you who is there as like an emotional support being emotional support animal even my fish emotional support fish okay it is so wonderful to have just like beings in my life that i am able to put myself aside for to take care of them it's so nice to kind of let go of yourself a little bit and put all of your time and energy into a creature or being it is so rewarding so wonderful so amazing the love and kindness and compassion you get from those animals back is worth all the hard work or money that it takes to put into it but yeah i'm not gonna sit here and be like oh yeah it's so easy just go get a betta fish it's like no even the smallest creature in the world so you get like a jumping spider

you're gonna need to put time and research and care and understanding into and sometimes some money sometimes a lot of fucking money especially with the economy being bad i'm not gonna sit here and be like oh yeah animals are cheap oh yeah doing anything that involves an animal is cheap i don't think you should ever go into um interacting with a live being thinking it's going to be a cheap experience that's just not how it is it really isn't and i want to be like very forthcoming with that and very honest with you if it's something you have to wait a little bit in order to do i think it's absolutely worth the wait to be able to provide the care and appreciation that those living creatures need um but once you are able to because i even did this

with my cat it was like when i was in my early 20s i mean i got him when i was 13 yes 13 when i was at college like could i have brought him with me yes would he have gotten the care that he needed in my college dorm hell fucking no that would have been hell on earth for a cat to live in a six foot by six foot box with like barely any window are you kidding me and then my early 20s when i was like living in a room in a house i thought about bringing him with that was a big thing i talked about i was like can i bring my cat with she was like yeah absolutely but he's gonna have to stay in your room because my dogs aren't cat friendly and i was like that just doesn't make sense like he's gonna go from my my parents house to like a room in a house with dogs

who are aggressive towards the cat doesn't make sense i'm not gonna be there all the time i'm not gonna be able to take care of him when i moved in my first apartment i was like i could move him in but also i was just like a hot fucking mess of a human i was not going to be able to provide the care or appreciation he needed and did that mean you know maybe he spent a little bit longer at my parents house or i waited until i was able to actually be able to take care of him in a way that he deserved yes but i knew it was for the greater good i knew it was for the betterment of his health and his being um and i was willing to like be in a place of waiting in order to then be in a better place or the best place that i could be to be a good pet parent i don't know

i really just don't fuck around with living creatures and if i'm gonna have one in my proximity like me about to get a horse it's like i'm going to give the best care possible to that animal because i know that it is deserving of that these animals can't speak up for themselves they can't say what's on their mind they can communicate but not in ways that we can so you ultimately have to be able to be presently there emotionally and physically so you can be that advocate for that animal that you can be the best possible parent or partner or caregiver to that animal so then it's able to live its best life truly and that is that on my rant on responsibility responsibility is important and like yeah maybe you're not going to be the most

responsible individual at 20 or 18 or even 22 sometimes sometimes you're a hot fucking mess and that's okay but you have to understand when am i going to be in a place that i'm responsible enough is it going to be like a worthwhile investment am i going to be able to invest my time fully am i going to be able to be a present parent it's like having a child you know and if you're not ready for that responsibility that's okay girl but also having this little creature that trusts so fully in me and loves me and is there for me and i'm there for it it is such a bond that is so beautiful and just like so rewarding even if like technically i quote unquote don't really get anything out of it it's like that exchange of care and kindness is just so

worth it for the presence of having danger in my life it is so nice but yeah I had to wait until I was responsible enough to be to be able to care for him fully and now that I am it's like we're going all in dental cleaning surgeries if necessary annual biannual checkups like I'm doing everything in my power to make sure he is taken care of the best food possible like even my fish the best food possible i'm researching the best beta food i have freeze-dried like little shrimpies in my fucking fridge that i give to him water changes testing the water literally learning different equations science equations to be able to change the ph of the water if it's too acidic or to lower ammonia in the tank like it's crazy it's crazy it is so rewarding knowing that i'm

able to provide the best possible care for this animal and to take care of it fully and hopefully give it the best life um it is so nice to put yourself aside for something else it's also really good for the ego like every month my cat for all the supplies that he needs probably cost me 150 a month you know and if you're not ready for that you're not ready for that that's okay but when you are i highly recommend doing it being a pet parent but also being the most present best pet parent you possibly can and that means research that means putting yourself aside after work you're tired you don't want to play with your animal guess what you got to you got to go out there you got to go on that 45 minute walk okay when i'm taking care of my parents dog it's like

we're outside all day okay we're going to the park we're doing this we're doing that i'm making sure she's stimulated she has like a chewy she has things to look forward to but it is so nice to kind of like lose yourself in the research of it all lose yourself a little bit lose your ego a little bit and give to something that maybe can't give you everything it's it's so nice that little exchange that happens and having danger in my life truly has taught me so much about responsibility about putting yourself aside about learning to love something more than you could ever love yourself and it's been such a fun journey and if you can go on that journey if you have the mental time and space to go on that journey it is just the best journey to go on truly honestly am I

ready for children absolutely fucking not but a cat i can deal with a cat and a fish and oh my god a horse fuck i'm about to have a lot of animals around me but i wouldn't ask for anything else i think i don't know being around animals i would rather be around animals than i would humans truly honestly if the world was just like women gay men and animals the world would be so beautiful it'd be so beautiful and the older i get the more i realize wow i really do love working with animals even if it's like not the most rewarding thing ever being in the presence and learning from them and putting myself aside for them is truly all i desire from it and hopefully my future is filled with many more animals and much more experiences with them they are just so sweet

and so wonderful not me gatekeeping pets but i don't know there's nothing that pisses me off more than like a bad pet parent a pet parent who doesn't give a fuck like someone who just leaves their dog in a kennel for 24 hours a day it's like oh my god give that dog the life it deserves like what the fuck and that might be might be gatekeeping of me but also it's like if you're giving that animal a shitty reality i'm not gonna have a lot of patience for you it's the same way i feel about people who give their kids a shitty reality it's like don't have kids if you are not ready to have kids or ready to be the best parent possible especially when nowadays we do have a little bit more of a choice in doing so okay every human every animal deserves the best possible

reality ever so if you're gonna have a pet make sure you're prepared to do so hey girl i struggle a lot with my self-esteem and feeling proud of my accomplishments and comfortable confident in my skin i know i'm a baddie but the dissociation i feel when looking at myself and when it's time to post is cray i want to own my skin i know my thoughts and actions rule my life so how do i learned to love myself again p.s i love you in the pod immensely grateful for you and all that you do oh i love you i you know what i think this is something that we all go through so don't feel too alone on this emotion it's definitely something that i don't know i definitely ebb and flow out of but i'll tell you kind of what triggers this feeling and this thought and also like what

remedies it number one yes phone is evil comparison contrasting is gonna make you hate yourself the phone wants you to hate yourself so you consume more and you dissociate more from yourself so step number one to feeling like just um not even comfortable in your skin but just in who you are identity self body all of it the whole id of us is to really like take the leap and take the jump and fully immerse in ourselves when we are dissociating from ourselves when we are consuming other people when we are comparison and contrasting all things which are mostly triggered by the phone yes the phone or like back in the 2000s the magazines even there's many different triggers in life but think of like negative harmful impactful things like that you

know consuming tiktoks consuming content consuming you know the ideology of negative awful horrible people dissociating from yourself when you finally put the phone down put the magazine up put whatever it is that's triggering you down once you're actually in your body you're gonna feel very uncomfortable okay and that's listen it's not normal but it is something that happens and a very what i would say normal effect of just being dissociative from ourself too much so unfortunately the only way to remedy that which is a little scary especially when you're maybe fearful of like really being fully who you are is to throw yourself into yourself okay really get out of the negative dissociative habits get out of the comparison and contrasting habits

get out of you know living other people's lives and get into living your own that means not just like oh you know sitting there and doing nothing and overthinking who you are the best way to learn who you are and develop who you are and feel comfortable in who you are is through activity i am so pro activity i think it's a great way to be a little bit out of your head very in your body and also doing something so you feel a little bit of a distraction but in a healthy way okay so maybe it's you know doing one of these creative habits or hobbies that just sparked in your brain this week I guarantee when you give into that when you focus on doing what you feel called to or just trying something new or putting yourself fully in yourself you will feel more comfortable and

confident the less you dissociate from who you are but the only way to remedy that dissociation or feeling unconnected to yourself is to forcefully connect to yourself and yeah it's gonna be weird and awkward and a little uncomfortable and a little nerve-wracking it's like meeting someone new for the first time all right it's gonna be like hi how are you like what the fuck do we talk about who is this bitch is she thinking weird things about me like oh my god is she like this let's do that like it's gonna be that awkward first experience you have with anybody but especially with yourself it's gonna be like even more awkward because you do know who you are but you have to be brave enough to like dive in and find it we also have a really bad habit of being

our own biggest bullies so when you're in that um transitionary period of okay let's be brave let's start living our life let's start being more present in who we are as an individual and learning about ourselves and trying new things you can't bully yourself into being a better person you can't hate yourself into loving yourself that's just not how it works you gotta work on the internal voice in your head this is something that i really had to work on because when i was in like my most depressive state the internal voice oh my god my internal narrator evil evil bitch evil evil horrible horrible bitch and why was she like that because a i listened too much from external inputs whether it was like consuming too much sad content

consuming too much pro-ana content consuming too much self-hate content you know tumblr 2014 real toxic real bad um consuming too much sad music consuming too much negative media or negative things it does warp your perception of the world around you and especially about yourself so i had to like really cold turkey it i simply put cannot listen to sad music if i do it's like i'm gonna be sad for a good 15 hours i have to be very careful about what i'm consuming and what i'm putting into my brain because it does have an effect on my internal narrator and i'm trying to make my internal narrator as positive as possible which means indulging in positive things all right also not letting my internal narrator um really warp my reality okay reality is reality and usually

reality is good you can warp it into something very negative very easily because negative emotions are easier to attach on to than positive ones but you have to be careful about allowing yourself to do that okay sometimes yeah shit sucks okay maybe there's not a positive outcome but you can still have that hope and that feeling and that positive self-talk of looking for something positive in the future okay when you're like maybe talking down on yourself you have to combat that you have to come in and control that and be like nope not around here partner we're not doing that okay you just bullied yourself for about 15 minutes after looking in the mirror now you have to give yourself at least five compliments okay warping it into a positive reality controlling the narrator

not letting it go off the rails and really indulging in like manic positivity in order to combat maybe the manic negativity that you've been feeling okay oh my god sorry for uh distraction real quick i'm like what is that yelling outside of my house here's the local tea local drama i'm like what is that yelling god i gotta get out of the city i'm like oh my god why are there police officers with their guns out there's eight of them outside of my apartment bitch it is 11 30 in the morning can you just leave people alone like i'm begging you i need to get somewhere where it's just peace quiet nothing going on i'm practically begging oh my god i'm like i don't need to see someone get shot this morning that is the last thing i need to see literally oh wow

anyways back on the topic here yeah you're gonna feel uncomfortable with yourself when you're not used to being around yourself or when you're used to dissociating from yourself or when you're used to comparison and contrasting yourself so you just got to be brave enough to get back in your body get back in your skin do what you love do what you know you love be brave to be enough to be alone for a little bit to challenge those ideas and perceptions you may have to really control the inner narrative to make sure that your inner narrative is a positive one because our thoughts the way we speak about ourselves internally and externally do create our reality I think that's a big part of manifesting people say manifesting is like oh I gotta write in a journal on the full

moon and put some crystals on top of it yes sometimes sometimes yes but I truly believe simply the way we speak about ourselves the way we talk about ourselves the way we look at ourselves the way we also just like present ourselves to the world is important and does hold meaning and value and who we turn out to be when i told myself i'm depressed i'm horrible i'm awful i'm depressed i'm such a i'm such a sore to the world i don't i don't deserve to live of course then i started feeling that way and then i started behaving that way and then i started feeling that way to the point where i was like i gotta take myself out okay i literally convinced myself to do that of course mental illness played a big role in that and I didn't have a lot of control but

once I started being a little bit more in control I got the help I needed I learned more about myself I got more in tune with myself I realized wow I really really need to work on the way I speak about myself the way I interact with myself the way I talk about myself because when you hold yourself internally to a high level when you speak about yourself highly when you think highly about yourself it also then projects this energy to other people around you subconsciously sometimes too where they also feel that energy and they feel that way about you okay the coolest cool girls are not the ones who have the newest bag have the best style have this have that it's the ones who just think positively about themselves who think they're cool and when you think you're cool when you like

yourself other people are also going to feel that way about yourself when you say you know what yes i can do that i can be this way guess what you're gonna go out you're gonna believe in it you're going to do it you're going to achieve it it really is that simple but you have to build that groundwork you've got to build that relationship with yourself you've got to be brave enough to understand yourself and understand what you need in order to then kind of achieve those things but i know you can do it i believe in you get off the damn phone and get into your mind and your body and just activities hobbies it really does help but control the inner narrative talk positively about yourself this is a good topic speaking of manifesting any tips on building a future plan

how much manifesting is too much lol you know what that's a good point i i like the idea that you just said where it's like how much manifesting is too much because you would think oh you know dreaming putting ideas into the universe like how can that be too much how can that be too much are you kidding me but sometimes it is oop sometimes it is sometimes it is too much babe sometimes you're kind of like jinxing yourself here's the times when it's too much um when you are telling absolutely everybody about it I am pro sometimes keeping shit to yourself you're like bitch you're on a podcast with a pink sparkly microphone what do you mean keeping shit to yourself I've always been an overshare on the internet but also sometimes there's things where it's like I have

to move in silence I have to move in silence there's people watching me there's people praying on my downfall there's bad things that you know people who have bad intentions for me and i need to keep shit to myself and sometimes yeah those big plans that you have in mind the big things i'm talking like a little bit outlandish the things that are like maybe 5 10 15 years away those are the things sometimes you got to keep to yourself and keep those manifestations internal because a lot of people have limiting beliefs about themselves and thus they will have limiting beliefs about you and you don't need that negative energy put onto you i also think sometimes manifesting can be too much when you're only manifesting and not working okay manifestations

are not going to become true unless you actually take adequate steps to move forward towards them the universe is not going to bless you with gifts or bless you with opportunities or bless you with your dreams unless you are actually putting the work and energy that you need for those things behind it when the universe sees you invest time and energy into something it will then give you kind of like that little push you need to make it to the next level but you sitting here doing absolutely nothing but holding a crystal and a dream and a wish in your heart is not going to make those things a reality i mean maybe maybe but if you want to play the lottery of life if you want to really up your chances of winning bitch you better get to work you want your

manifestations to become real you got to get a little delusional and you got to work hard for them I'm not even kidding it's like this podcast I don't really do it for the money I kind of always done it for like um I don't know fuck it fun let's be honest I really just do this for fun um but I didn't really see any success from it until like two and a half years in yes every single week twice a week I was doing this for two and a half years and then I started seeing something out of it you have to be patient with yourself you have to believe in yourself you have to know why you're doing it you have to have that trust in yourself to be able to go forth to do what you want to do and yeah but you gotta work hard you gotta work hard you want a maserati you

want to whatever she says you better work bitch you really do manifestation song of the year work bitch britney spears it's so real it really is i also uploaded some journal prompts that i think would be really helpful for you i upload journal prompts um usually every sunday on the patreon patreon.com slash smoke session i also upload exclusive episodes where i answer every single question i do giveaways i do so many different things over there so come join but this week's journal prompts are about self-discovery um and i think when we think oh you know working towards the future figuring out who we are what do we want to do a lot of it is simply dreaming such as like fuck it if everything went right in my life what would i want to be at 85 years old who would i

want to be what am i working towards like thinking without limitations is so important in order to achieve things because the world wants to put limitations on you to hold you to a certain place but if you dream to this to the perspective of okay if there were zero limitations on me what would i do and then you go after it in that manner with like a delusional belief and hard work ethic i guarantee you can most likely achieve those things i'm not even kidding you see these people who feel like oh my god they won the lottery of life they're the pop stars they're the this they're the that they have a farm who knows what it is whatever you dream of things that seem unachievable they're not unachievable because that person did it those people did it

they were able to do it but how were they able to do it they were able to do it because they didn't put limiting beliefs on themselves manifesting through the idea of believing in themselves hard work going after it nonetheless and never giving up that's how you go after it but yes too much manifesting can be a negative such as telling everybody your business there's people who don't want the best for you so don't do that and also by only manifesting and not working not taking steps towards your dreams guess what bitch nothing's gonna happen unless you actually take steps forward i know i know unfortunately so it's just how it is someone said there's someone in my life who gives me horrible energy but i can't explain why am i insane no no you're not i

am i listen to energy i really do i am very big into listening to the energetic pull and the gives and takes of the universe i am very in tune with that if you're a highly sensitive individual like i am okay where it's like oop you feel the air thicken with tension at the drop of a hat you will be able to read this in people and yeah sometimes people don't read this in people like especially if they're very positive people and not that you need to be a negative person in order to um be able to see this but there's this one girl in my life who uh love her down she really is just like butterflies sparkle rainbows beautiful literally just like the most positive uplifting person I've ever met in my life and it's like okay girl but you have ops behind you and I need

you to be able to see them as such like you can't go you can't think too positively about people when they're awful people sometimes like sometimes you just got to see reality and energy for what it is but yes I have recently become what I would consider a little bit more closed off and not in a negative manner not in like a withholding manner but in a way where it's like is that person deserving of my energy or time is that person deserving of that information about myself if they have that information about me are they actually gonna like hold that in a positive manner or are they gonna use that against me and not in a way where I'm like schizophrenically believing that everybody has it out for me because that can be very negative as well

but read the room for what it is if you're like oh I don't know about this person I don't know what it is they just give me this weird oogie boogie energy listen to it listen to it your your intuition is telling you something for a reason you're reading that energy for a reason maybe it is like you just don't fuck with her maybe it is like you just don't fuck with her everybody else does but it's just she's just not your cup of tea valid real that's okay not everybody's gonna be your cup of tea does that mean you have to be horrible awful evil to them no it just means okay let me limit my interactions let me keep it cordial but also let me take my distance that's okay you don't have to be everybody's cup of tea you don't have to be

everybody's best friend everybody doesn't have to know everything about you that's something i'm learning the older i'm getting it's like oop not everybody has the best intentions even though i do so let me make sure who I'm letting into my life are people who are not gonna be my biggest haters ever like like what's hello um but yeah that's something I recently had to learn where it was like oh this girl is presenting very positive and uplifting to me and like very chill I like her but there's something off to the point where I'm like I just don't feel comfortable sharing any more information about myself with her I'm going to keep it very at arm's length and guess what after I started doing that the like problems I was sharing or the things that I was sharing or

the um uplifting like celebrations I was sharing started going a little bit more smoothly you know I wasn't getting as much evil eye on me my manifestations I was sharing you know when I was sharing them with her and they were kind of like oop getting stumbled on now are actually coming to fruition it's very interesting but yes energy is very real listen to it some people may think you're crazy but i don't think you're crazy i just think you're a real ass bitch and sometimes you're not gonna vibe with people and you don't have to vibe with everybody dare i say you don't have to vibe with everybody it can be hard when it's like everybody loves her but i don't that doesn't mean you have to be horrible and evil and awful maybe it's just like i just it's not my cup

a t i'm gonna keep my distance and that is a okay but yes also with like the whole manifestation thing you don't have to share everything with everybody not everybody wants the best for you in fact maybe they're doing witchcraft on you just kidding i'm just kidding i'm just kidding someone said trying to balance how to save in this economy but also live and have fun and new experiences um i'm just gonna accept that it is what it is because like what am i gonna do and it's so fucking messed up that it's like oh i'm stressed about fucking money and owning a house and being able to start a family when no one else has ever been stressed about this before like think about in the 50s think i think about this all the time oh my god i think about this

all the time in the 50s men were able to afford from like a 50 000 salary not only a house and wife and children but sometimes also a secret one on the side that no one knows about and fully fund both families secretly on fifty thousand dollars a year um hello nowadays fifty thousand dollars a year is like i'm joking but like literally poverty level it's like oh my gosh everything's so expensive fuck you donald trump hate you y'all didn't know that though but also when it comes to like once again things out of my control and anxiety like i can't change the price of gas and oil unfortunately so if i could i'd make it cents 20 cents for a gallon okay get me as president i'll make everything so cheap because i don't give a fuck but when things are out of my control

there's only really so much i can do and if i focus too much on the things that i can't control i feel like my whole life is out of control but if i focus on the things i can control then life feels much smoother and i release the things i can't control so what can i not control bitch the economy but what can i control you know maybe what i'm spending money on focusing a little bit more on like maybe cutting down some online shopping maybe you know limiting some like unnecessary unnecessary spending here and there so then i can you know not worry about rent not worry about bills and then also have like a little fun money on the side to go have a little ice cream at the end of the night to go have a little girl's day patio drink situation i don't know my

view of money has recently changed um not in a security way but in a way i have been viewing it um where i i've realized the more i hyper focus focus and fixate on money and the more i worry about it somehow the less i have and maybe it's just like the lack mentality of like oh my god i need more I need more I want more I'm worried I'm worried about this I'm worried about that it's like I'm kind of cultivating a like a negative lack mindset which makes me feel like I have much less than I actually have it makes me worry more than I ever have in my entire life once I stopped like allowing myself to worry about it which it was more so like um stopped hyper fixating on it of course making sure I have enough for this and that cutting back wherever I

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Enjoy award-winning Porter service Toronto has loved for 20 years, and start your vacation as soon as you're on the plane. Book your sunny getaway today at FlyPorter.com and actually enjoy economy. need hyper fixating on things that I do need like bills and rent and paying shit off hello once I stopped worrying about like unnecessary need and greed and I need more I need more I need more I need more I stepped out of that lack mindset I found like oh wow I do have the eight dollars to spend on ice cream oh wow I can you know go out and enjoy a little drink with my friends like it's not that deep if shit's hitting the fucking fan I might as well enjoy my time does that mean I need to unnecessarily online shop and do this and do that and spend an unnecessary amount of

money on things that I don't need no maybe let's cut back on that so then I can't afford the things that I do need but also it's like I'm not going to spend my time worrying and worrying and worrying and worrying because it just puts me in this place where I feel like I have way less than I actually do and it creates this sense of like fear and panic that i just don't need to be in i don't need to be in you don't need to be in of course get your shit in order we're able to you know afford what you need to afford to live that's important let's worry about that but outside of it hyper fixating on money is not going to fix your money problem it's not going to fix your spending problem it's probably going to make it worse i've realized the less i think about money

and spending money the less I spend the less I you know indulge in those random online purchases the less I feel like I have oh my god no money in my bank account so yeah shit may be bad but am I gonna make that ruin my time here on earth no am I gonna make that make me worry endlessly to the point of becoming a shell of an individual hell no doesn't mean maybe I'm gonna cut back here and there yeah sure but am i still gonna go out and enjoy that ice cream am i still gonna maybe indulge in a new type of oil paint yeah fuck it because we gotta stay sane we gotta enjoy life i'm not gonna be here suffering endlessly because that's what they want me to do okay i'm gonna pick up the pieces here and there we should be enjoying our time here on earth i want you to enjoy it

worrying is not going to solve the problem focusing on what you can actually change what's in your control will help absolutely sorry if that seems out of touch I feel like I'm pretty in touch but yeah recently I've noticed because like the past couple months I've been really hyper fixated on money and like a lack mindset and it really has just I don't know I feel like I've gotten less and less and less and less because of my perspective and once I really was just like oh wow thank you paycheck thank you paying rent manifesting you know maybe a little a couple hundred dollars more next month like really just looking at it simply and being grateful for simply having whatever money I do have and appreciating and using my money on things

that I actually will enjoy instead of like having that lack ideal and like oh my god I need this I need to buy this I need to get this it's like no bitch chill the fuck out okay cut back where you can you don't need that eight dollar iced coffee make it at home and then you can go out and enjoy and then you can go out and spend your little ice cream money or your little cocktail money or you know you can buy that dress you've been saving up for whatever it is we were meant to enjoy life but that lack mindset is not going to help you enjoy what you have i don't know i feel like we're in a very interesting position this will be my last little ramble for the day but i think it's something that a lot of people are feeling especially the weight of right now where um

i don't know it feels like we're living in a very odd timeline a very very weird fucking timeline where everything's going wrong nothing positive's happening once again let's not speak that way but also sometimes it does feel that way especially if you're like actually reading the news and paying attention to what's going on and the economy and all this stuff it's like wow oh my god i'm stressed okay i just want to be able to afford a house and maybe a family one day and maybe be able to do my hobbies and at the very least just afford groceries and a fun little snack here and there and rent shit can get so stressful especially when you're like an early adult or mid-20s adult um i mean with time and knowing yourself it will stabilize and you will stabilize

the world might not stabilize but you will but at the end of the day what you really need to be focused on is like do I have a good relationship with myself am I working every day to kind of like mend that relationship or put my brain in a positive place am I working every day to kind of like uplift the people around me and support the people around me am I working every day to you know indulge in my hobbies or get to know myself more through my hobbies or work to live not live to work am i living every day trying to go out and maybe make a positive change or simply live a positive day or uplift a person you know positive outcomes positive energy to have a positive income you know what i mean but when we get so wrapped up in the um in the in the tangible

things and the the money the greed the i need this i need this i'm not me without this or the the lack of it all it's going to make life so unbearably miserable it's going to make you feel so out of control and as an opposition to authority always in my life i refuse to let the people get me down I refuse to let the government get me down I refuse to let really anything get me down because I know in my real world where I am I am able to go out every single day and at least just do my best and hopefully make at least a positive impact in someone else's life or at least in my life okay I dream big I go after what I want I try my best I try to be a positive individual I try and invest in my community invest in myself and ultimately just

the act of doing that does lead to a very positive and joyful life you know when you get so wrapped up in oh money I need greed I need this big positive insane thing you're never gonna feel satiated you're never gonna feel happy you're never gonna feel good about yourself but when you do really just invest in the little things okay making sure you have a good day-to-day routine making sure you are just doing what you enjoy in your free time making sure you're trying to have a positive impact on yourself a positive relationship with yourself and simply just every day putting your foot forward to what you desire and dream of in life that's that's how you live a good well-rounded exciting life that's what makes life worth living okay i don't know

shit might be fucked but i'm not the one to be messed up from it that's for sure all i can do is oh my god danger he's like bitch wrap it up all i can really focus on is me and what i can do for myself and the people around me because that's what matters in this life you know anyways that being said i love you all so much i'll be back on my usual grind this week so there should be a vlog up by sunday if you want to see it early it'll be on patreon patreon.com slash smoke slash shawty plus much more extra content on patreon come join patreon we have such a fun time over there um i love my patreon girlies i really just throw as much content towards them as possible if i ever go mia on socials the last place i'll be mia on is patreon but thank you for being here

thank you for being you sorry this was a rambly episode i'm still kind of like in my fight or flight mode of anxiety so I'm trying to come out of it and ground myself but I hope this was a grounding episode for you all I love you all so much I'm wishing nothing but the best for you and I hope you all have the most magical week ever but with that being said stay sane stay sexy and I'll see you all so soon Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk.

Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. Ready to take your investing knowledge to pro level? This is Fidelity Connects, your daily edge in the markets. Get deep insights on real-time market topics that may impact your investment portfolio. Listen to Fidelity Connects on Spotify today and power your next move tomorrow.