Smoke Sesh - catch a vibe, retired party girl, growing & outgrowing

Episode Date: July 30, 2024

hello hotties and welcome back to another amazing Tuesday and wonderful episode of the pod, so excited to get into all our topics and chat what ive been up to. we talk retiring yourself as a party girl, cutting back on drinking, learning how to have fun sober, we also talk ballerina farms and the power of choice! that we women now have (and learning to not base our lives on appeasing men) plus much much more, we get into your questions covering sex & the city, and why is carrie like that? go to boba order, tower moments in life and what to do if it all comes crashing down, do 2nd chances really exist? outgrowing where you are and who you are, and finding peace in the moment, the summer of love, nostalgia and looking towards the positive, how to catch a vibe, and how setting the tone alone sets the tone for everywhere else, how to actually enact change in your life, what is good sex? and how to have it, what's the secret? plus much much much more! I had so much fun this episode with you all, if you didn't get your question answered come join the patreon patreon.com/smokeseshshawty for weekly extra episodes where I answer all your questions plus more, and follow the instagram hannahmarlene to see what im up to on a daily basis and get some good munchie recipes. love you! stay safe & stay sane MUAH!

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello hotties of the world and welcome back to another beautiful sexy wonderful stable mentally stable episode of the podcast hopefully um my name is hannah you guys already know me your internet best friend internet big sister overall just fairy godmother fairy smoke mother and I am here to help you guys through your trials, your tribulations, your celebrations,

and much, much, much more. I am ready to dive into some questions, but there's some things we need to talk about, some things we need to catch up on. There's a lot going on in the world right now. We have a new moon as well as the beginning of a Mercury retrograde starting August 4th I believe that's Sunday I'll do a little bit more of a recap and a little bit more research for um our next episode just so I can kind of prep and prepare but I think it's good especially at the beginning of this podcast to go ahead and put out a little a little PSA for the girlies it's okay to lose your shit it's okay to feel like you're going a little bit insane that is very normal very human experience that a lot of people are going to be feeling

especially with the various inconveniences that mercury retrograde can bring mercury is all about communication um travel things like that so the whole you know like we had a huge issue with the airports and stuff with a security not breach but essentially a security cyberware went down because an update was i don't know i don't know technology i'm so sorry i'm sure you heard about it i'm sure you heard about so many people fucking complaining about being in the airports that was during mercury retrograde shadow phase okay which is kind of just like a a precursor to mercury retrograde so expect situations like that to be happening and the best thing to really make it through situations like that is to have a little laugh enjoy your time there have a drink

at the bar you know but don't put pressure on yourself to figure something out especially when maybe it's just not gonna work out at this very moment it will work out eventually i promise you but stay strong and stay resilient through it don't say everything that comes to your mind that's unnecessary a lot of things that are going to be going through your head are not necessarily going to be the most positive best things ever so it is more than okay to keep that shit to yourself please okay a lot of miscommunications might be happening um a lot of things like that travel delays very small little inconveniences that can pile up very quickly especially if you don't address them correctly so i just like to give a little bit of a heads up this is not a manifesting

time even though the new moon is on uh the same day that retrograde begins which new moons are usually the best for manifesting this is not a time for manifesting it is a time for intention setting though okay this is the time where you're like positive affirmationing it up to the point where it's like okay i'm mentally prepared to handle what the fuck gets thrown at me so positive intentions positive feelings and thoughts the best we can but don't manifest during this time especially if you want it to go according to plan mercury likes to play around a little bit okay likes to get a little crazy this is a time where we're definitely challenged to you know how good is your balance when you're on your toes that's what the universe likes to challenge during mercury

retrogrades that's why we have so many mercury retrograde is quick to get you out of cycles and things that just don't simply fit you okay burning bridges quickly to things that don't fit you there might be a lot of changes but i promise it is going in a positive direction okay it's putting you onto your best life path so stay strong please i'll talk more about it on the podcast next week but I will also be posting a little like recap how to prepare on the Patreon if you would like to see that. Also, let's address the elephant in the room. Not my ass being like, yeah, I'll post a body scrub recipe by Friday. Silence. Silence. Listen, I got really busy this week. I don't know why. I kind of got busy out of nowhere. I planned my whole week out and then, you know, shit just

happens to pile up. It is what it is. I did post the written out recipe on the Patreon, but I will be posting it to youtube um in like two or three weeks i will be out of town so instead of a podcast which i'll post about so you guys know which week um i'm kind of maybe quote unquote missing i'll be posting a vlog instead um so not necessarily missing but in that vlog i will include the actual video recipe um it'll be kind of like a summer bucket list vlog so i'm very excited to film that and hang out with you guys. This past weekend was really fun. I haven't been out in a while. I'm kind of really out of my party girl phase simply because I feel like I am allergic to alcohol now. I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened. Maybe it's

because I've been drinking UV blue since eighth grade. Actually, probably like sixth grade. Maybe it's because i've been smoking weed since like freshman year maybe it's because the party girl is partied out okay when you've partied for over god like 12 years if you actually think about it you get tired of it eventually you know what i mean and i think my body has ingested enough alcohol at this point that it's like two drinks and i'm done two drinks and i'm ready to go home and lay in bed you know like literally grandma mode activated it was thrasher weekend this weekend so my boyfriend was out skating with the pros all weekend and then at the very end of the weekend they were doing like a punk show to help raise money um and just like a kind of farewell um so

we went to a that punk show that night really fun really cutesy i love seeing people throw themselves around in the pit babe you have pent up aggression you have aggression that you need to get out of your body are you angry at your dad and want to go platonically beat someone up get in the pits okay go to your local punk show go to your local house show and go windmill it up in the pit because my god these people are going crazy they were going crazy crazy which like love to see but also keep me away i do not need a fifth broken nose you know like i'll watch from the sidelines we pulled up to this punk show we walk up to the bar there's a man leaning over the bar holding a cup under his face trigger warning and just his blood is pouring out of his nose and

he's filling the cup up with it i'm like wow welcome anyways great time someone had to get carried out because their knee snapped in half it was wild it was wild but it was a good time had a couple of drinks we ended up at a dive bar afterwards just chit-chatting doing the thing but it's also kind of nice that my boyfriend was not into drinking before he met me so he had a quite a bit of like a ride when he met me because i was in my rave you know alcoholic party girl phase where i was on like week-long benders so he saw me at my worst to love me but also i think sometimes he expects that and so when i it's like 11 30 and i'm looking at him and i'm like you want to go get a quesadilla and go home his eyes like light up he's like oh

my god are you kidding me oh my god yes are you serious like we're not gonna be out to till 2 30 that's amazing so i do think i don't know just because i'm exhausted of it and i'm tired of like waking up hungover and i like to be able to enjoy my mornings and do my things if you are in your party girl phase enjoy it while it lasts enjoy it do your thing be crazy because naturally eventually well unless you have the whole addiction gene which i do but i'm addicted to other things now if i'm being honest it's been replaced with food and weed i don't need alcohol anymore um but it's okay to enjoy where you're at because you will get burnt out of it eventually I actually ran into one of my good friends there which she is like eight months sober yes we love

that for her eight months sober off alcohol and the last time she ever drank was with me and when I tell you I have never been that drunk in my entire life like we were matching each other's freak no we were matching each other's evil evil girl and your energy I'm talking I got home and I I think I've talked about this in the podcast but I got home and just like trigger warning projectile bombed into my sink into my sink and fell asleep it was like 9 p.m hello we started drinking at like 4 in the afternoon and it just got out of hand out of control I don't know how I ended up home it was just really like an eye-opening experience where I was like so out of control of my body that it was like unnerving it was a feeling that i didn't really want to

experience again and it wasn't like malintent on either of our parts we were just both like very partying girls okay we were taking shots we were drinking soju bottles we were just getting down okay and it got just out of hand and she ended up sober for the best she's a baddie good for her very proud of her still goes out still goes to punk shows enjoys her time just smokes little weed and honestly same i'm not sober but also i don't have that interest that i used to have and i feel like naturally these feelings will come up the older you get and the more you realize basing your personality off drinking and partying is such a like surface level personality to have and there is so much more to life you'll get there you'll get there if you're young get it

out of your system i highly recommend i was a crazy crazy wild girl and i should have been you know what i mean i was young i was hot i was single i was feeling myself i was running around this city having a good time and that's exactly what people should be doing when they're young but also if you ever feel the urge to switch it up to change that is a natural urge that you need to follow and feel okay that is a natural sign from your internal self that you know maybe we've grown out of these patterns and behaviors and now it's time to switch it up so it was honestly a very good weekend I know I said last week that oh my god I'm gonna be blackout drunk this weekend I even asked off work the next day because I was like I have a feeling I'm gonna be so entirely

fucked up that I'm not gonna be able to wake up to work a brunch service so I even got that off but honestly i was feeling good i had three mixed drinks and then we went we got quesadillas asada quesadillas with a side of uh grilled onion jalapeno spiciest sauce you got life is good honestly if you're drunk and you need something to sober you up an asada quesadilla is exactly what you need okay that shit will heal you immediately and then when you wake up chug a body armor i was recently introduced to body armor love body armor okay it's basically just coconut water with a little bit of natural juice in there a little bit of i think green tea i don't know lots of electrolytes and it's like it's like not a lot of sugar so there's not a lot of calories

in there because it's all natural but holy shit that if you are hung over and you need something to save you you need one item to save you go grab a giant body armor okay that shit will solve every problem you have going on inside your body but overall great weekend the next day me and my boyfriend went to the farmer's market we went and got some fresh produce i've been really into finding local farmers and seeing what they have and buying seasonally specifically especially when it comes to produce and stuff i really need to find a good local butcher that's next on my list of adult cooking things to do but when we went we got some chicken euros some salad if you need a good place to eat in kansas city habashi house in the river market is the place to go

that lady has seen me practically grow up like i go there almost every sunday to go eat they have the best mediterranean food i believe they're palestinian please go support please go show up also cheap great food handmade with love 10 out of 10 um so we went we had some cheesecake as well some fig cheesecake our euros and then I basically just hung out and chilled great weekend overall honestly I think it was the mental preparation I needed before I kind of really hustle these next couple weeks I work four days in a row this week oh boy that's gonna be very interesting uh I know you're like Hannah bitch what I work five days in a row yes correct but also this is like my fourth job so it's a lot it's a lot on my plate but i know i'm gonna stay strong i'm gonna

power through i'm gonna have a good time i'm gonna rest and recharge with you girlies see what's on our minds see what you guys have going on in your lives and yeah it's gonna be a great week i'm setting my intentions high and positive and i hope you are doing the same as well um what else did we have to catch up on oh kamala harris new democrat v um presidential choice very excited very excited okay i feel like the energy has shifted in america and shifted in a positive direction okay a lot of people are very excited and i think they should be because oh my god she's way better than joe biden joe biden was gonna die before he could fucking get elected again if he even was going to scary scary anyways exciting also if you have not read and i'm sure you've seen

the discourse on it but if you have not read the um ballerina farms article by i believe the new York Times wrote it please go read it I think every woman should go read it especially women who are getting so caught up with the relationship discourse that happens online and men should be the sole provider and women should be in the home taking care of the kids and I wish it was the 1950s so I didn't have to work that kind of like mind-wrought discourse please go read this article it will put you right the fuck back in your place okay we as women have not had a choice for so fucking long and now we have a choice we have a choice on who we marry if we have kids what kind of job and career we want to do we can fucking vote okay we couldn't do that for a long fucking

time you have a choice in this life please for the love of god choose what you are passionate and what you want to do not what a man wants you to do trying to appease a man will never work out ever in your entire life it will never work out i talk about this a lot when it comes to like republican women just because you are in proximity does not guarantee you safety at all proximity will not guarantee you safety please focus on what the fuck you want to do what you are passionate about who you want to become women before us have fought so hard to give us these rights so please take full advantage of those and don't let a fucking dusty man pick you up and turn you into basically a human cow okay we don't fucking need that anymore this trad wife

aesthetic it's great when it comes to the whole let's focus on maybe what we're eating where we're sourcing it from and changing how we view food i think that's amazing and incredible like hello nara smith made homemade talkies you can too you can too she's really just showing that anybody can make whatever they want and it can come from sustainable natural places instead of being fully processed and I think that is super great and super healthy but also there is a dark side to all of this where it's basically the lack of choice and being forced kind of down this pipeline and that is so incredibly scary so please go read it if you need a good little article to read if you're bored on your lunch break 10 out of 10 recommend I think the journalist did a great

job on it really just portraying kind of the negatives to the really polished version she her and her husband are putting on um but yeah free her my god let her please please let her be a ballerina again please i'm begging you oh my god the fact that her husband she wanted tickets to greece tickets to greece it's my birthday bitch i popped out eight fucking kids all i want for my birthday is tickets to greece and you get me an egg apron bitch i'm strangling you with that fucking apron in your sleep i'm taking your credit card and i'm buying a one-way ticket to greece oh it kills me every time i see a woman completely submit themselves to an average fucking man an angel dies an angel dies every time please stand up for yourself please do what you want

to do do not let a man decide your fate proximity does not guarantee safety ever love you anyways i think that's really all i have to catch up on with you guys so with that being said should we smoke a bowl now fuck it fuck it let's smoke a bowl and then let's get into all your questions last week when i was having a bad weekend one could say a little bit of a menti b weekend i was kind of nervous to get on here and basically complain for like an hour and a half because i understand a lot of you guys come here to escape escape from the trials and tribulations of your life escape from the stressed out version of you and step into like the high goddess fairy you are and i love that for us but sometimes you just got to get off your chest especially when i'm trying to be real and

raw with you guys and take you along the journey that i'm having and i got so many messages from you guys saying I had the same kind of week thank you for talking about it thank you for giving me hope thank you for getting it off your chest so then I could get it off my chest too thank you for you know not putting on a facade and showing the real parts of what it's like to be human and that inspired me so much thank you guys for all your kind words I love hearing from your guys and just like connecting with you every week in this community we've created is so incredible and so many of you guys join every single week to just kind of check in and hopefully glow up a little bit together and i think that's so beautiful but i'm glad that you know i wasn't the only one going

through it so always we will figure it out together we will get through it together but yeah i was a little nervous because i was like i don't want to just be like a whiny bitch but also that's like a condition i've been taught as a girl is i can't complain when in reality complaining is healthy and normal and men do it all the time so why the fuck can't i anyways cheers to that let's smoke also do you guys like my sailor moon shirt if you are not if you're an audio listener i'm wearing this really cute oversized sailor moon t-shirt you'll see it eventually i'll post on instagram this is probably one of my best thrift finds tell me why i got it on ebay for 35 35 vintage sailor moon shirt okay fuck a depop purchase i purchase all my clothes

on ebay if i'm being real i think i can find the best deals always on ebay you do kind of have to know what to look for i just look at things on pinterest and i see how they're described in the comments or in the caption and then i just type that in on ebay and boom i guarantee you'll find one but yeah let's get into your questions let's see what's on your mind oh also i just posted some really cute romantic Brat Summer-esque my version of Brat Summer photos on my Instagram so go check it out go leave a little hi from the podcast comment um they're pretty cute I just like hanging out like my favorite activity to do with myself is just hang out and like take selfies take photos I'm not gonna be this young and hot forever I mean honestly I'll be hot forever but at least

this young i won't live in this moment ever again so i might as well get a good picture out of it hello hello someone said i just finished sex in the city why is carrie such a pick me omg oh deep sigh i love carrie with all my heart because i can kind of see a point of myself in her and i think that's kind of the whole point of her character is to really elaborate and show just how much like trying to appease and chase after a man will cause you to be fucking delusional so every time that you look down on carrie okay view yourself in the same point of way okay it's a good like reflection like mirror reflection like would you do the crazy shit she's doing no so please for the love of god focus on you and don't chase that man around especially if he

doesn't like you if you've a mr big in your life and that man is practically sprinting away from you in his Louis Vuitton loafers let him run let him scuff up those fucking boots okay stay where you are stay calm another man will pick you up off your feet but yeah I think I know a lot of carries I know a lot of carries in real life and every single day I pray for them please God release them from the shackles of what it is to be obsessed with a man who absolutely wants nothing to do with you anyways if you need a good tv show to binge sex in the city is the best it's so good i didn't realize like how good it was me and my boyfriend watched it for the first time like two years ago it was like kind of like an early spring morning and we had just went to the farmer's market and

then had like nine rounds of back-to-back sex and we were just laying in bed and i was like fuck it i'm putting on sex in the city when i tell you we laid in bed for 15 hours watching that show okay it's so good so good and then i brought up to my mom and i was like oh my god yeah sex in the city great because i was wearing like a like a shirt that was inspired by carrie bradshaw and she noticed it and my mom was like i watched that show constantly when i was pregnant with you and i was like that makes so much fucking sense because i didn't know where i was getting all of this style inspiration aesthetically pleasing inspiration from because no one in my life is kind of like fashionista in with the times girlies i realized it's because i was basically raised on

carrie bradshaw basically in the womb headphones on only carrie bradshaw's voice so someone said girl what's your boba order my boba order is so fucking boring um i feel like people usually go for like a taro milk tea maybe like a Thai tea situation with a brown sugar boba but my go-to which I go to gotcha gotcha boba I don't know if you guys have that um but they will do a green tea with fresh squeezed orange and fresh squeezed crushed sugar cane and I do it with a little bit of like an aloe jelly in the bottom that is the best I'm just a green tea slut though best way to handle a tower moment in your life i'm living through all of my worst fears right now love you hannah so i feel like especially with um tarot reading i've been doing a lot of tarot

with myself personally especially when it comes to just questions i have i love diving into the cards and just seeing what the universe has to pop out because when you connect with the universe and you do open up that line of communication it's it's ooky spooky i'm like holy shit why did you call me out like that that was unnecessary like let me sit in silence for 30 minutes thank you thank you um and sometimes it's exactly what you need to hear actually all the time it's exactly what you need to hear but the tower is a card that comes out when essentially someone's life is going through a very challenging tough time okay the card is a very high dark tower um I view this card a little differently than most people would though um I feel like when

people are going through a tower moment it's because that tower is old and raggedy and leaning to the side and sometimes shit has to fully fucking collapse randomly in order for you to be able to rebuild it better okay sometimes the universe steps in and your life takes a turn and it is not what you think it's gonna take and it is the hardest challenge that you have ever had to go through before okay your world comes falling down around you but that's because that shit wasn't stable okay that shit was not good for you there was mold in the walls there were rats everywhere and you were blind to it because you were comfortable in your tower in your safe space sometimes shit has to come falling down around you in order for you to have a new perspective

creative create new dreams and hopefully if you approach the situation right build your life better than it ever has before more secure okay clean walls fresh linens lace curtains whatever you want okay your tower can be whatever you want it to be but yeah sometimes that shit is ooky spooky and you got to go through it a little bit in order for you to to make it through it and make it through it better than what you entered it so hang on there i promise things will get better things will get easier every single challenge i've been through every time i enter one i'm like oh no not another one but then i think about it and i'm like the people who don't accept challenges for what they are and try to do better in the person that they're becoming

and they just succumb to their challenges and become a victim that's scary that's scary no growth will occur in fact you will stay in the same place forever if you don't take that challenge head on and do simply the best you can to make it through please accept the challenge don't deter away from it allow yourself to grow out of rain and thunderstorms always comes flowers okay i love you i love you please build your tower strong do you believe in second chances oh you know what I think I do I kind of think I do as much as I'm like a scorched earth like burned bridges kind of person where it's like nope done forever and I will do that in many cases especially when it's like a protection tool where I'm like no no you can't do me that way and expect a second

chance but if it's just like you know a mess up a slip up everybody's gonna have a very human moment in their life and I think everybody is deserving of a second chance if you're having a human moment now if you're having a devil moment I can't necessarily offer you a second chance if you were having devil reincarnated moment where you were just evil to me I I'm not going to offer you a second chance okay scorched earth move on but if you have a human moment and you fuck up and you know what I get it emotions get the best of us it's easy to get someone in your ear and have them you know change how you think and how you behave it's easy to get caught up in your own life or someone else's life or the drama of it all that's okay I get it take some time apart

but yes I do think second chances are a thing and should be a thing and that's why I don't necessarily believe like don't get back with your ex um because if it was like a silly little human thing you guys just need to go separate ways for a little bit then sure maybe a second chance is possible but like if it was a scorched earth evil evil devil kind of situation then yeah i don't think you should take that person back i think it's okay to have some distance and to also not need to appease somebody who truly does you wrong um i think forgiveness is important um just for your ability to move forward and handle the situation the best that you can but that doesn't mean access and like bringing them back into your life as necessary tips for quitting a job you've

outgrown i'm kind of in this position i'm like service industry i can't do it anymore i can't do it anymore i feel like i'm a psych ward patient i can make this joke because i've been one i feel like i'm a psych ward patient like in my thunder coat just like rocking back and forth that's how i feel every time i clock into my fucking restaurant job even though i'm not there that often I'm like oh god please I've outgrown this and it's so hard when you know mentally that you have outgrown a situation but you're still physically in the situation that you don't want to be in that is harder than anything I would rather have my universe please don't please be nice to me I'm just this is I'm not manifesting this I have to preface that before

I say things out loud sometimes because I'm like oh god please no listen sometimes when you have that tower moment and your life comes crashing down around you and you're forced into a new situation sometimes that is easier than being in a situation that you know mentally you've outgrown and you feel like you're regressing a little bit being in there but you're kind of stuck until you are able to take that next step which the next step when it comes to jobs especially that you've outgrown um is just getting a new job getting a new job finding a new way to make money changing up your environment things like that um so here's some practical tips that i think everybody can use especially if they feel like they've outgrown a job and they need to enter a new field a let's

get that resume checked let's check that resume let's make it very one page no two pages you need one page and they're not looking at the second page put as much information as you can in there making concise okay bullet points if you need don't put any extra fluff in there if you think it's not worth it put what is necessary in their contact information good cover letter things like that if you are in an area especially as an artist you need a portfolio to pitch to people so make sure your portfolio is up to date maybe you spend your time after work working on projects that can go towards your portfolio um or like if you need to fluff your resume volunteering or getting um just hours in different fields that will help you kind of progress to where you want

to go you don't necessarily have to have a job in something to get a job in something you just have to show like desire for experience okay so volunteer opportunities internship opportunities or even just like your own projects that you just necessarily didn't go to school for but you have completed and created and you have a thesis behind you know a little bit of fluff in there proving something a that you're interested in it not only to the world around you but also to yourself okay knowledge is power especially if you are entering a new field you can create a change in your life you can work whatever job you fucking want to it does take work though it does take work and drive but don't let yourself stay in a place that you don't want to be you know what i mean

that's how i am i'm like i know i can't stay here forever because i'm gonna die it's gonna kill me but like am I gonna sit here and just die like roll over and basically bury myself in my own grave no no I recognize the signs I understand okay I've outgrown this and I start looking forward to what do I want to do how do I want to change what practical things can I do in my everyday life that will help me progress down this natural path that I'm about to take so it's okay to feel like you've outgrown something it feels hard especially because you feel like you're regressing um being in a place that feels mundane and old to you but also you're gonna look back one day at this moment in life and wish that you had been more fonder and kind to it so appreciate

the now for what it is because it won't always be this way forever um give gratitude for what you do have and dream you know dare to dream a little bit and look forward because you can create the reality that you want to live i'm hot but i have no one to fuck dot dot dot huh it's because you're hot and you're a little intimidating because of that so that weeds out you know the insecure people who think they don't deserve you but also you probably have standards you're not necessarily letting every loser into your life obviously the dating pool is going to be lowered quite a bit especially if you're weeding out the people who are just not worth it to you that's okay that's okay it's okay if your dating pool is a little small that doesn't mean no one wants you it just

means maybe you're too good for a majority of the people do not settle do not settle just because a man walks his way into your life okay there is no need you are a strong independent woman you can find somebody you can find somebody if you really really want you can hunt them down and find them but is that the best way to really find love? No, probably not. Okay. If it fits into your situation and where you are in your dream life, that means it's healthy. That means it's a good kind of love. It needs to work into, it needs a puzzle piece into what you want your life to be and what you desire and what you want your dream man to be like. Okay. It's okay to have those goals and aspirations, especially when it comes for love. Um, but yeah, a lot of people are not

going to fit into what you are looking for that's a part of looking for something that's okay but also don't rush it it will happen eventually you can go out have your one night stands do whatever hang out with men that way if that's what you want to do but also like if that's not what you want to do focus on you the right person will come along i know that's so annoying to say i know that's so fucking annoying to say but i've been in multiple relationships and this one being the healthiest one i've been in obviously that's why i'm still in it and this one came along by me so utterly focusing on myself and who i wanted to be and what i desired from a partner and really not taking shit that i didn't want to take on i feel like holding yourself to those standards

and waiting a little bit longer in order to find that kind of love is so much more worth it than just being like closing my eyes and picking the first person off hinge you know so be patient please i'm begging you it will make your situation better but also like put yourself out there chit chat have a little flirt but also if that man's stupid and you don't want him around you there's no need to appease him or fit him into your life in any way shape or form love you how to emotionally support your partner when you're struggling to keep it together you don't you don't people talk about relationships being 50 50 50 50 it's gonna ebb and flow okay or like a hundred and zero sometimes it's gonna be like a 20 and 80 sometimes it is 50 and 50 the thing about it is you have to

let it ebb and flow people are gonna naturally especially through emotions flow through babe i flow through healed and insane every second of every day so i have to feel those emotions fully and process them on my own I can't take on any extra especially when I'm in a low position in life it's okay to verbalize to your partner and say hey I am having a really rough time right now and I just can't take on any more emotional frequency because there's too much sound in my own goddamn head so I love you and either a maybe I need some alone time I'm gonna go to the park i'm gonna go to walk can you give me the apartment to myself for the evening you know things like that or it's like you know what i'm just gonna turn my phone off and go to bed early tonight i

love you though it's okay to communicate to your partner i just can't take on this right now it's i had to learn this very quickly uh attempting to communicate healthily in a relationship especially with bpd you're hard um that the more honest you are about your emotions the more your partner is going to be able to help you not help you through them but maybe provide the space that you need um so when i am in a high emotional state where i know i can't fucking take on any more noise in my own head i will verbalize that i will be like i am having a low moment and i love you but i think i just need to step away for a second it has nothing to do with you i always preface that because he's also has anxiety um has nothing to do with you everything to do with me i love you

i'll see you in eight hours whatever i don't know whatever kind of space you need but communication always it's the best self-love activities love summer but it is so boring sometimes what do you mean so boring go to the farmer's market go eat a fresh fruit from a local farmer go put on a white linen skirt and walk around your local community garden go sit on a bench and read a book in a public park go on a dinner date with your friends cook dinner for your friends bring them over and cook spaghetti dollar sauce dollar pasta who cares dollar bottle of wine from trader joe's you know like you can do it for cheap you can have a good time for cheap light a dollar candle next to it um go try a new restaurant you've always been wanting to try

be outside the romance is out there i promise you just need to be out there to experience it oh my dad is so sweet he found like two wicker chairs on the side of the road like really nice outdoor chairs and he repainted them for me for my patio so then i have like a place to sit and chill and enjoy and kind of like read my book and be outside oh oh best out of the year every year honestly shout out to him someone said does summer make you revisit all of your life choices love you yes summer has a way of being like very nostalgic and kind of sending you back to spaces and moments that you may have forgotten or have always been in the back of your head and i think that can be so productive but also if you linger in the past for too long it becomes unhealthy

so look at the good of it all the love of it all appreciate and understand that you went through what you went through in order to make it to where you are today so give thanks give appreciation for every kind of moment good or bad and look forward okay i really like to look at the past and really focus on the nostalgia aspects of it all you know the golden summers the playing in the pool with my friends the sleepovers the family trips the family dinners like little things like that i like to look forward to and even look back on um but once again if you live in the past especially in negative things too much it can keep you stagnant in the present so living in other places of time highly do not recommend um but the nostalgia aspect of it all I live my life

fully for the nostalgia I am constantly chasing nostalgia and trying to create it in my own life and really make every moment as beautiful as I can so when I'm 80 and I'm looking back and I don't have the same kind of legs I used to or the same kind of hair fully changed same kind of mind even i'm able to look back and give appreciation for so many moments because i talked to you know my elders and the people around me especially like my grandma and a lot of our conversations are things that she i wish i wish i wish and that kind of breaks my heart because you know what back in that time talk about ballerina farms she didn't really have a choice there were not as many opportunities for her as there are for me now and so talking to her and although she is appreciative

for the life she has and I'm sure she's happy where she is there are so many times where she's like oh I wish I went to art school I wish I did this I wish I did this that it breaks my heart but also puts into perspective like every moment counts in this life and life can feel like such a long process that we have to get through and it is but also like don't take your days for granted and give thanks for every moment that you get on this planet because you can find light and love in every inch that you look if you look for it i promise so yeah i love nostalgia i feel like most of the like past memories that i revisit during summer it's it's all about love you know what i mean i'm a very lovey love oriented person if you can't fucking tell it's because if i focus on

anything else that is even remotely negative i will go insane i have no choice i always seek love because the darkness has a habit of just grabbing the fuck on to me um i do visit a lot of that nostalgia especially like childhood nostalgia um a lot of my tattoos are even nostalgia based so it dictates a lot of my life but i do think especially when you're revisiting a lot of past thoughts and feelings um focusing on the nostalgia and the love of it all helps you appreciate and move forward faster than anything else i know he wasn't good for me but what if i cut off the love of my life like what if he was the one if that man was the one for you do you think he would do all those horrible awful things every time you get done wrong by a man ask yourself

would the love of my life do this to me would the love of my life refuse not to date me would the love of my life you know yell at me like that would the love of my life treat me like that would the love of my life not hear me out would the love of my life do that negative toxic thing the answer is probably no the answer is most likely no especially if it's a reoccurring habit and theme so if i had to guess he probably was not the love of your life okay the love of your life will stick around will help you will want to see you do better will appreciate you for every moment will be patient with you and understanding and most importantly kind what happened to kindness hmm someone said please help how do i have sex without my nipple piercings

literally ripping out i don't know why they would be babe like i'm like oh my god i got scared like my nipples started hurting i forget i have my nipples pierced all the time honestly like at this point i've had them since freshman year of college so like what 18 and i am 25 now i can't do the math you do that for me anyways i've had them for quite some time quite some time and yeah i forget they're there most of the time um and the way that it they take years to heal like at least two to three years to fully heal so be as cautious as you can in those two to three years to make the healing process go by faster make sure they're moisturized make sure you're cleaning them okay make sure you have a good metal in there i don't know why my body thinks it's bougie and i can only

have solid gold in any of my orifices or else i have a allergic reaction but i do so i would just say listen hands off okay don't roll around no rubbing around just be like forward with your partners and say hey these bad boys they're gonna need some time I'm gonna need a moment before you can twist and pull on these bad boys because I don't want them ripping out my nipples they're gonna be pretty sensitive for a while you do need some time to let them heal communicate with your partners but also like I was like crashing out when I got my um nipple piercings and like that night I had a man sucking on them and yeah that's why my healing process took three years so please be careful omg i'm so stressed all the time lately how do i catch a vibe

i feel like you just need to you gotta set like the tone of your environment okay and i feel like the tone of your environment really shapes the conversation going on in your head a lot of the times um that's why when you're at like a concert it's impossible to not have a good time like even if there's negative things going on outside of that venue there's so much good energy positive energy around you good music around you good people around you that that the that feeling and that bad thing can't take over your brain in that moment that's why i used to party all the time anyways not the moral of the story if you need to catch a vibe and you have a hard time because your brain is constantly running running running let's focus on slowing that brain down

and like working through those emotions at home like let's figure out how to catch a vibe at home and i think that will help your day-to-day life maybe outside a little bit easier and a little bit less overwhelming my favorite like i need to chill the fuck out and catch a vibe routine is a i need to be alone i need to be alone in my room i need to be alone in a bathroom or something i need to be alone somewhere b i'm gonna load me a little bowl i'm not gonna lie we gotta chill out i'm gonna load me a little bowl that's just me personally maybe you like to make yourself a glass of hot tea a good meal i don't know but let's get a little like um brain stimulation in there one way or another a little good in good endorphins okay maybe you're gonna do a 10 minute pilates

workout i don't know let's up those endorphins just real quick with something um and then you're gonna put on some good music your favorite playlist if you like to get creative you're going to get creative you're going to get you know your watercolors out your pencils out your drawing pad out you're going to maybe do a face mask and just lounge in a bath with your favorite music playing with an amy winehouse album in the background with a sade album in the background okay maybe it's um doing anything doing anything with your hands or just like relaxing self-care that's what's going to work the best with music playing catching a vibe chilling out working through the things that are constantly stuck in your head um i love a good like deep self-care

shower because bitch i will get through every anxiety that i have in that hour-long shower that i'm gonna take i love doing a pilates routine because it'll kind of give me that endorphin rush but also it'll allow me to kind of work through negative things that i have in my head while also getting a positive stimulant out of it maybe it's um cleaning my room doing something my hands creative anything anything as long as your hands are moving and you're putting yourself into a place that you find comforting especially like a place that maybe your inner child feels the most comforted by i don't know where that is do some internal research on that and just setting the environment to be a positive comfy environment and escape environment um it

will you'll catch a vibe okay you know that routine where you're like i'm gonna smoke a bowl put on some music and just do my makeup in the mirror that's catching a vibe for me too like there's so many different ways that you can do it where it's like kind of escaping from the stress of the world and into your personal favorite internal world especially when you are alone in a space um that's the best way to kind of work through those negative emotions that you find spiraling constantly with and it'll help you kind of redirect you know enjoying the moment and focusing on the moment and being more present in the moments that you do have so highly recommend setting a good vibe routine for yourself okay i do this with myself at least like two or three

times a week um usually in the evening sometimes in the mornings if my boyfriend's gone and i'll just like smoke a bowl put on music and chill i'll do an activity that is healthy for my brain that is good for me that i feel like i'm bettering myself while doing but also kind of like distracting my brain a little bit that's the best routine to have in your day-to-day life so then you're able to catch a vibe more outside of work as well and escape your head a little bit too if you don't do the work at home you're going to want to do the work out there and out there is about experiencing and here is all about processing understanding and kind of recouping you know someone said enacting change i know i'm the only one standing in my way how do i change that so

when we get in our own way it's because we are we maybe have like too much going on in our heads or maybe we believe we are not deserving of what we truly desire or maybe we don't know how to go about it and all of that confusion and uncertainty kind of keeps us frozen okay especially where i'm kind of an avoidant person and when a lot of like emotional processing comes up i kind of have this like freeze mentality um you really got to work on working through that and the best way to do so especially where you know you're in a point that you have to make a change like you literally have no choice and you are kind you kind of want to like work your way towards the big thing and towards the hard decision um you got to start small you got to start small if you enact a small

change it's going to create a wave to want to enact a big change later on just jumping straight to the big change is going to be very hard especially for a indecisive person for a person who's a little bit maybe nervous or a little bit more avoidant doing that big change is going to be way harder than doing a couple small changes and allowing it to push that wave into the big change when you start bettering yourself listen you think alcohol is addicting no self-betterment that shit is really actually addicting especially when you start actually seeing yourself become the person that you want to become it's like holy shit this is really inspiring and now knowing that i can create whatever kind of reality that i want to live in i'm gonna keep doing that you

know you're gonna keep pushing forward and make more changes more decisions and bigger ones and harder ones too the ones that you were too afraid to do at first so if you need help pushing forward and pushing yourself into your dream reality here is a good place to start and i do talk about this a lot but it is genuinely the number one most effective way to actually create set goals and achieve them first you have to dream a little bit i know you're like bitch you say dream every episode what i'm sorry people have seemed to forgotten about it so i'm gonna keep talking about it until people start actually realizing that you can create the life you want you just have to dream and set goals for yourself a little bit okay sit down maybe you're a pinches girly

maybe you create like a my dream life mood board go put like a hundred pins in there don't hold yourself back anything you feel called towards put in that visual manifestation board maybe you're more of like a word person and you want to write it out script write it out i'm the kind of person who will do both i'll start with the imagery and then i'll move into my words so i'll do like my little pinterest board or a little collage board whatever it is and then i'll move into my words pull out a journal pull out an old journal pull out a random piece of loose leaf paper babe i don't care use your fucking lipstick to write it down you have the means necessary to do this write down what you want your dream life to be in five years okay I feel like five years is a good

amount of time for you to set hefty goals for yourself but also like the dreaming when you're dreaming within a year span of time it becomes a little bit more obviously realistic but when you're dreaming in a five-year span of time it forces you to kind of think outside the box a little bit and set higher goals so i i usually do it in a five year time span and i'll write down exactly where i envision myself to be my name how old i will be where i am living what is my apartment or my house look like what do i have it filled with what are my activities what is my morning routine what do i look like what am i wearing what is my closet filled with what is my car i drive or maybe i don't drive a car okay um what kind of job do i work how do i make money

do i have a family what does my family life look like do i have any pets like get into the details this is basically like a sim characterization like get into the details of who you want to be what kind of people surround you do you have any friends what are they like you know get into the details this will help you kind of like live in the reality of the dream um but also it will show you kind of the path you want to take from the dream you are able to set actualized goals oh your dream self in five years wants to eat oatmeal every morning for breakfast that is a small goal you can enact now oh your dream self in five years does a little 10 minute pilates video you know every day in the morning that is a dream you can enact now a small goal you can enact now

that will push you to become into choosing those bigger harder things and to becoming that dream person from that dream script writing that's when you're going to brainstorm all the different kinds of goals you can take out of there so maybe it's and this is a brain dump don't organize this at all um you're going to put down some random small goals that you might have physical mental spiritual um community wise whatever it is medium goals um maybe it's like oh i want to move oh i want to i want a new job i want to work in this company i want to apply for this position i want to be able to make this much money put down the big goals put down the small goals brain dump it all out and then for me I usually like to enact a new small goal every two weeks the brain takes exactly

two weeks to catch on to a routine and to make it feel normal in your situation okay so yeah that thing is going to feel pretty fucking hard for two weeks but after you don't do it for two weeks or you do do it for two weeks your brain is going to kind of recognize that pattern of behavior and it's not going to become so scary anymore in fact if you miss out on it your brain's going to feel kind of like whoa what happened like our routine's messed up now we have something set in stone we've been doing it for this long I'm going to you know expect it at this point so do it for two weeks and then re-evaluate understand you know did I accomplish the goal as much as I wanted to maybe I didn't how can I adjust how can I you know reprioritize this goal and then think about what

goal you want to add next but you need to start with the small things so then you're able to reach the big things maybe you need to break up with your loser boyfriend and you know making that big jump is a little bit hard I get it I get it but also if you were doing this brain dump and that man is not involved that big choice is going to have to happen eventually maybe it's like I don't want to be in this job anymore you know what that big choice is going to have to happen eventually but to get to that point and to feel comfortable getting to that point you're going to need to build up your self-confidence and your self-trust and you do that by accomplishing and standing by yourself through small goals that you have created for yourself that is how you do that that is how

you become your dream person that is how you are able to make those big decisions and those big changes in your life without feeling as scared as one might just kind of jumping off the high dive and listen by all means if you need to have if you need to make that big decision and some sometimes you just gotta rip the fucking band-aid off you know what i mean sometimes you gotta jump off the high dive you just gotta fucking send it do it scared always do it scared anything new is gonna feel a little bit scary that is normal that is a human emotion that's going to happen that is a side effect that's going to happen that does not necessarily mean it is something you should not do new things are naturally scary to humans because we are unsure of what to expect okay that doesn't

mean we should be fearful as in fearful of our lives that means we should just be a little bit you know more cautious and aware of what we are going through and where we are standing especially if our life is changing in a big way that's okay you have to do it scared i'm not the band-aid ripping off kind of girly so that's why i give the whole process for you all but also please understand you can create the dream life that you want to live it's going to take work it's going to take a lot of time but if you start with the small things and build that internal trust up and build that internal need and desire um to keep moving forward up you will be fucking unstoppable completely unstoppable okay i love you you can do it i believe in you let's smoke one more bowl

maybe answer a couple more questions and then i got to go i'm gonna make myself a fat lunch and it's gonna be so yummy this week on the recipe list i have um a elevated he wink wink shirley temple because how delicious does that fucking sound and i think i'm also gonna finally drop the guacamole recipe because you guys have been practically begging me and honestly it is one of my favorite go-to summer lunches especially if you you know want your skin clear and your ass fat so i'll drop it this week stay tuned follow me on instagram at hannah marlene for more but let's hit this oh my god oh my god someone said i've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and he's never made me finish i'm not judging you i'm not i'm more so like my heart is breaking here's the

thing we need to stop lying to men men need to know when they're not doing their job correctly and you need to tell it to them straight to their face you know what men fucking love that okay you want to seduce a man be straightforward and honest to his fucking face okay he will fall in love with you immediately as much as like i have as a woman have gone through my like male people pleasing phase where it's like they tell a dumb joke and I'd be like oh my god so funny it's like that's not the way to like interact or win them over in any sort of means like being real and honest to them and also like bitching them out if they fucking need it or looking them dead in the eyes and going I need another round that's that's the way to make them fall in love with you I don't

think at this point in time a year in you should you should tell him babe you've never made me finish I think his brain that exists in his penis is going to completely shatter I think he's like he's gonna just like lose it so at this point you got to get a little creative and instead of telling it straight to his face which like if you are in new new to a relationship and this man is not making you come and it's like a couple months and you know please be honest please be honest do the girls a favor and just let him know and show him how especially if he doesn't know what the fuck to do okay I don't know how you like it I don't know how you want it but I know you know what you like and how you want it you know what I mean especially if you time to spend getting to

know your body and understanding you know your body and how it reacts and what it reacts to I feel like what's very powerful to be in your sensuality as a woman is to be aware of what your body desires and what you are wanting to participate in um but also like communicating that to your partner i feel like people have kind of missed out on the whole communication aspect of sex and in fact i don't think i started having good sex until i started dirty talking i think it's so important to have communication during sex sex should not exist on this plane where it's like this understanding without words I don't think that's how you have good sex I think good sex comes from open and honest communication showing them what you want showing them what

you desire um and being real with them in that sort of way at this point a year in though I don't know if I would look my boyfriend in the eyes and be like yeah no babe that's like maybe a breakup at the end of it I'll tell him but if you guys want to stay together and you want to have good sex babe you have to come and you gotta show him how it's okay to show a man how okay it's okay to give instructionals sure it's not gonna feel the sexiest in the moment but once he gets it down that shit's gonna feel real sexy i promise you but also like sex is about learning and developing and understanding each other's bodies and everybody's body is completely different thus open communication is so very important and getting to know your partner's body is also very

important and very slept on you shouldn't be telepathically communicating during sex I mean you can but like I don't think good sex happens from that trying to guess what your partner needs I think good sex comes from verbalizing it and communicating through those things it can be very hot it can try it out don't be shy don't be shy that's not what sex about sex is about is letting sex is about letting your freak flag fly okay babe so get into it and enjoy but yeah you deserve you deserve to come that kamala harris do not come that's the audio going through my head right now anyways you gotta show him i love you babe you deserve it but if you're gonna be with this man who can't make you come the only thing that's gonna change that's gonna

to make this positive is him learning how so please show him okay you deserve to feel good too anyways i think that's it for the podcast you guys i know i'm so sorry if you want your question answered join the patreon i answer every question every week um and i do a little extra episode it's kind of just like a sit down like youtube style q a it's quite fun um every week with the girlies on patreon so come join if you want to see more from me um also it's a new month and i do post a lot during um the new months um just kind of setting the tone and trying to provide some inspiration for us all especially with this mercury retrograde trying to provide quite a bit of hope perhaps but i always do a book club book of the month um i'm going to post my review of

this past month this week i believe i always do a tarot reading for the month um and i always do just like some little spells rituals to kind of set good intentions and provide prosperity for us all kind of going into a new cycle i like the month-long cycle i feel like it's such a good amount of time and amount of days to kind of feel like a new person um so i really like to set my intentions and provide hope for the beginning of the month so come join come hang out we have a lot of fun at patreon.com slash smokes as shawty and i will be posting a lot this week on instagram like i said i'm going to be making an elevated shirley and posting a lot more recipes on there and just sharing my life more with you guys i realize i do take a lot of photos and interact

with the world quite a lot i just don't really share it a lot i don't know why i think i'm just lazy that's like a me problem it's not like i want to hold myself back it's just like ep you know what i mean but i've really been challenging myself to share more with you guys and connecting with you guys is such a you know delight of mine and provides so much fun for me during the week and i love connecting and seeing what the world has going on and what the girlies got to say so follow me on instagram at hannah marlene if you want to see more from me if you want to connect and yeah with that being said i will see you all next week for another episode of smoke sesh stay hot stay sexy stay sane and i'll see you then

I'll see you next time.