Smoke Sesh - catching flights, feelings, & mercury retrograde

Episode Date: November 18, 2025

helloooo and welcome back! so happy to be back home on my comfy cheetah couch, and I can't wait to catch up on everything ive been up to! we talk everything Japan- international flight, economy vs business, crying children on airplanes, surviving a long flight or travel day, public transit, private transfers, culture shock, making friends, going out, shopping, haul, upcoming vlog, visiting temples, feeling small, exploring a new city, learning lessons, kindness, my go to tips and tricks, mercury retrograde, scorpio retrograde, surviving emotions, leaning into yourself, finding optimism, being okay with not being okay, growing up, settling down, getting excited about life, hibernation integration, locking tf in, and much much muchhh more!join the patreon for exclusive episodes at patreon.com/smokeseshshawtysubmit your questions and keep up with me on instagram at hannahmarleneand watch the Japan vlog on YouTube at hannahmarlene444

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more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello hotties of the world and welcome back to another hot sexy episode of smoke sesh you guys the bitch is back the bitch is back i am back from my you know catching flights not feelings

japan trip and oh my goodness do i have a lot a lot a lot a lot to catch you guys up on to be fair if I'm a little loopy today it's because I'm still kind of getting in the swing of things I didn't have any jet lag going to Japan honestly I feel like I didn't even sleep before getting on the plane so I slept the whole way there so I was configurated correctly to kind of get into the new time zone I also was just excited to be there so I was able to just like wake up go about my day really transfer easily on the trip but then I got home and I was like oh no jet lag is real it does exist and it is throwing me the fuck off so my brain is like girl it's 10 p.m no babe it is 10 a.m let's get into it let's drink another espresso let's get to work you guys if I'm being

honest I I've been having a hard time me holding back tears I have been having quite a hard time um the universe is throwing me many a curve balls that like I've been dodging for a while honestly I feel like my life has been one giant game of dodgeball for some time and I'm starting to get pelted in the face a couple of times you know when you're playing dodgeball in fucking middle school and the middle school boys take it as an opportunity to like throw them as hard as a fucking can at the girls first of all what the fuck was that like that you should get prosecuted for that because those dodgeballs are hard as fuck hard as rubber and you know i can dodge i can weave a little bit but i feel like there's i've had a couple smacks a couple of good smacks

recently and your girl's just trying to make it to the final round like the best that i possibly can so so i've been struggling a little bit and i will you know what i will be a woman and i will blame it on mercury retrograde because this shit did not it was not happening until mercury retrograde hit okay and i will say mercury retrograde hit as soon as that plane took off on my trip yeah yeah it did it did this mercury retrograde is in scorpio and then it's going to transfer into Sagittarius pretty much so we are experiencing the full range of emotions and effects from those two signs Scorpio is bringing a very interesting perspective that is actually I find probably very difficult during retrograde because we are looking at everything very deeply we are

taking things very personally our emotions we are very sensitive they are very heightened okay that depth and that like seduction of scorpio is actually maybe pulling us to our death so like don't feed into the demons don't feed into the darkness too much of course live learn take what you can from it but our emotions are not supposed to control us that much we are not supposed to be a slave to our emotions we are supposed to feel them and release period now with sagittarius we are acting quickly okay those Scorpio thoughts are being said out loud very quickly okay we cannot take those words back you know as soon as they come out of your lips they are then existing in the world those actions that you think about doing maybe you should maybe you shouldn't the

thing with Sagittarius is she will make a quick decision and sometimes for the better sometimes is for the worst so think slowly don't be too in your fucking head also don't be outside too much don't say everything on your mind think out your actions before you do them and hopefully we all will survive now with that being said we do have a scorpio new moon coming up as well oh you guys you guys i am going through it and i do hope that i can reveal maybe a little bit more coming up soon these are some just personal things that I am processing and dealing with and have been processing and dealing with for a long time I just I feel like I'm at the end of the chapter where you know the princess is having to fight the fucking dragon and it's been a whole

journey to even get to the goddamn dragon so I'm tired I'm covered in mud my chain mail is all ripped and snagged and torn my hair's a mess okay one hp but like bitch we gotta slay that dragon to get to that treasure so you better suit up boot up and get the fuck out there that's where that's that's where i am right now but i really went on this trip and i was like oh my god i'm gonna be so like rested and relaxed and i'm gonna come back from this trip better than ever and I mean I came back from this trip better than ever but in a way that maybe I was not expecting you know I thought I was gonna be like zen almost coming back from a spa moment no definitely not that but lessons were learned things were understood ideas perspectives all those fun

things I will say Japan in general amazing amazing the trip could not have gone better because I planned it like I planned the entire thing like of course it went amazing I did all of my research I planned it about an eight or nine months ago is when we really bought the ticket so I was like okay girl lock in like pull out that itinerary get out the maps get out the guidebooks do your research watch those hour-long YouTube videos like get to work so I really spent a lot of time planning ahead doing the research having the apps downloaded you know really reading all about the different eSIMs and which one I wanted so as soon as I landed you know it was smooth sailing I booked us private transfers didn't have to think about it picked us up from the airport

may I say also if you ever travel internationally or travel just anywhere in general I do highly recommend as soon as you land booking a private transfer whether it's a car a shuttle something having to figure out public transit first thing as soon as you get off that plane is never fun it really isn't first time i ever did this was in mexico where it was like very it could have been very simple to figure out you know a bus or just even go the taxi stand i was just worried about like things like if they would charge me extra i wanted to know my set price i wanted to have it done beforehand so i could simply get off that plane and start enjoying my trip that changed everything for me because in mexico they picked us up with a cooler in the back

with champagne with modelos with drinks and i was like now this is the life drove us an hour to our airbnb so for japan best believe i was going to do the same thing otherwise it would have been we landed at like 11 30 we got through customs probably by like um 12 30 at night not even in the morning like having to figure out a train after that would have driven me insane so I'm so glad that we had just a driver that could easily you know what's up hey girl I'm outside here's my license plate number we'll pick you up we'll take you directly there and also day of you having to leave at 5 a.m we'll pick you up we'll drop you off again so I highly recommend doing that even if you have friends even you have a group they will pick up a group they will pick up all your

luggage it is probably the best way to just like get into travel mode and have that ease available i will say it's probably like 50 bucks one way which for me the ease was worth the price whereas if i took the train it'd probably be like three dollars i just was not in the mood to lug that luggage around that early or that late quite frankly now we stayed in the perfect place we actually spent most of our time in shibuya we spent most of our time in tokyo in general i think my biggest regret from the trip is not doing kyoto we just didn't have enough time you could spend months in one little area on the map like i could have spent months just exploring shibuya there's so much to see and all the other neighborhoods we went to there's so much

to see and take in you can spend a lot of time there i don't know how people just spend two days or three days just in Tokyo if it was my perfect Japan trip it would be one week in Tokyo exploring that area ideally staying in Shibuya I think Shibuya is the perfect place to stay it's got the nightlife it's got the shopping it's not super hectic but it is busy enough that you feel like you're in a big city highly recommend staying in that area and then I would have done a week in Kyoto and exploring Kyoto exploring just like maybe the quieter side of things more temples and things of that nature but me being a shopping girly at heart a big city girl at heart i do love a city you know center shibuya was fantastic only other like massive city i've been to that's

even comparable to shibuya or tokyo in general is new york i will say this is one of the nicest cleanest kindest countries i have ever been to in my entire life and to be fair it's only my second country i've ever been to hoping to add another one on or two or three a this year who knows what the universe is gonna bring me she's really throwing me a curveball so please bring me some blessings lord knows i need it um but it was such an easy place to navigate the people were so kind so welcoming so inviting it was kind of also an intro introvert stream i can range between introvert and extrovert very naturally very quickly if i'm in a social setting yeah my intro my extrovert side can jump out i can you know converse say get to know people talk to new

people i'm good at doing that but also i need a balance to it my gemini side i also like need to be silent quiet like please don't make eye contact with me for the equal amount of time i was just out of my shell so for me personally japan was an introvert's dream because girl there's set rules there's rules in place there's ways you need to behave everybody is on that same vibe so like no one's fucking with you there is nothing like crazy scary going on i was in groups massive groups of people of upwards of like if you think about shibuya crossing upwards of like 20 000 people in one area and never once was i like hmm is there a gun is someone holding a gun like never once did i have that worry or fear that like something is going to get stolen off of me

or you know I don't feel safe around these people I never felt that way ever even being around other tourists I never felt that way and I think that's just because of the set rules the set understanding the laws in place and just like the respect that people have towards a good time okay they want to have a good time they want to experience and enjoy their day as much as possible they want to get to work as fast as they can they want to get to their lunch as fast as they can they want to eat and go and that is very well known between everybody there so they all respect not only themselves but other people's time as well and i think that is really admirable and something you are not gonna find in america unfortunately i mean here and there here and there here and there but it's

definitely a culture shock in a way where we came back home and i was like oh america america has a problem like there are some things and a lot of things that we need to figure out i didn't know that already but now that has been ever so heightened in my brain if you're ever traveling out of the country even alone like i could have done japan alone oh my god i practically did japan alone i could have done japan alone and had the best goddamn time ever if you even are thinking about like solo traveling i feel like japan was amazing for that public transit so easy to figure out you got google translate you got uh google maps you're good to go girl you will be able to do anything the world is yours literally google maps would be like walk 15 steps go up the

escalator go down two flights walk 15 more steps you're there it's like oh my god perfect thank you i do need detailed instructions color coordinated images signs things to look for google maps provided even though i knew like a little conversational japanese just to be like respectful like i'm not going to be the american who's there like talking only in english to people who obviously probably don't know english like how entitled of you no i'm gonna learn a little you know arigato gozaimasu i'm gonna learn a little sumimasen you know like conversational just in a very like respectful manner but even though i couldn't like hold a conversation people were quick to be like oh no let's talk through google translate like i still want to conversate

with you i still want to get to know you i still want to like understand you and i found that really admirable and respectable even just like on a random Tuesday in a random shop like kikiing with this girl like who she doesn't speak any English I don't speak any Japanese but like we're still vibing we're still conversating like they're very open to that and very um just inviting it was so so beautiful and so nice not to mention the temples you guys of course Buddhist temples like the most beautiful place in the world but I really underestimated like the magnitude of being in these areas i mean whenever you're like a sacred spot it's undeniable how much like influence and power that there is there just from the sheer beauty of it all but every temple we stepped

into was so like awe inspiring and like breathtaking the care and appreciation that they put into it is um undeniable honestly and probably some of my favorite like sacred spots that i've ever visited in my life and also makes me want to visit more temples and places like that i mean the only temples if you really think about it that i've gone to um i mean in america would be like and i know you if you really think about it like catholic churches those are the only temples we have here i mean not really of course there's other ones but me personally and then of course like mexico going to like ancient mayan cities things like that oh my god like meiji jingu shrine hand-built forest these trees are so massively tall you can just hear the birds chirping it's

silent it's respectable you're in this beautiful hand-built area with like these gold decorative pieces oh my goodness it literally is just like so humbling and it makes you feel so small and like a really positive way i love any sort of experience that makes me feel very small because sometimes I think we as humans we feel very big of course in life when things affect us and things are like going bad or good or whatever it is our ego is up our ego is down we feel very inflated as people I think that's what's the problem with like the American condition is like the inflation of people and you know disregard of others so any experience I can have that makes me feel very small and more so a part of the collective I really appreciate and at all of

these temples all of these shrines i felt that way which was just so humbling and so nice i would say my favorite shrine that we went to which was a bit of a day trip but very worth it was gotokuji temple it is kind of the home of the moneki neko which is the lucky cat um i have one up here on my shelf i actually got one at the temple they were selling lucky cats it was so beautiful so just quiet peaceful serene wow I genuinely I can't wait to go back of course there's other places I need to visit before I go back to Japan but if I could go back to Japan I would in a heartbeat if I was going to rate the trip out of 10 Japan itself 10 out of 10 everything went perfectly food amazing you could pop into any hole-in-the-wall spot get a fantastic meal in

front of you in less than three minutes pay less than six dollars and be out of there in 15 ready to take on your day all the food we had was great fantastic amazing hospitality amazing locations amazing we really did shibuya asakusa um the sukiji market and then go to kuji temple those are like the four main places we hit we did spend a lot of time in shibuya just because like i said there's a there's a lot to take in there's a lot of shopping to do there's a lot of food to eat there's a lot of things to see harajuku is there girl i was walking 30 000 steps a day i and i was more than happy to do so honestly if you're going to japan all you need google translate google maps a good pair of shoes if it's winter time maybe a good coat but like girl you can buy one there

for 20 bucks like genuinely honestly i think what i really enjoyed most about the trip like the lesson I learned from it is like I can really do it alone like I really can and I know I can but until the thing is about like challenging ourselves and learning through ourselves is like we got to put ourselves into some situations to see if we can do it you know and Japan very daunting very scary oh my god I don't know the language you know very very different from our daily lives, I was able to do my research, prepare myself adequately, look up everything I need to get there safely, get through customs, figure out a transfer, figure out all the places I want to go eat at, wait in line, do the shopping I wanted to do, figure out

the trains, go see all these beautiful places, get to the airport on time, get on the airport, get back home all safely and all practically on my own which was just so nice to be able to see from myself and so nice to know that I am able to do that on my own it makes me more excited for the future of just like trusting myself in choices and trusting myself in the maybe travels that I do in the future it's given me a little bit more confidence and maybe booking that solo trip or taking that opportunity or you know trying out that new thing that maybe I thought I wouldn't be good at and knowing that in myself and having trust in myself I might excel at it and I probably will excel at it so that was a fantastic learning lesson but yes oh my goodness if you have the

opportunity to go to Japan or if it's something you're thinking about doing alone with somebody whatever do it do it do it do it do it do it i will say please be careful with who you're traveling with and the vibes okay that's all i have to say about that we'll probably get into that another time but we're keeping it light we're keeping it cool we're keeping it fun this episode oh my god i did so much shopping it's not even funny like girl i need to hustle and work like we gotta make that money back we went to the pokemon store i went to the pop mart pop-up oh my goodness i got so many cute little pop mart figurines i got some new hysteric glamour i feel like the hysteric glamour shirts were definitely giving smoke sesh this one says like for the sensation of your

listening pleasure or something like yeah definitely smoke sesh full haul and vlog is getting worked on it will be up at the very least by sunday for everybody but earlier on the patreon okay and yes even though i've been gone patreon girls have been fed um if you have a question that's never been answered come join the patreon patreon.com slash smoke says shawty yes i gotta plug it come show some love i am very candid on the patreon so if there's anything that i hold back here best believe i am not holding back there we went to the sony angel store there's open a sony angel store um so i did some unboxing some hauls things like that that will be coming up soon on the vlog don't worry don't worry i really thought i was gonna be on that airplane editing girl i was

out i passed the fuck out i downloaded one season of supernatural which fantastic if you're trying to fall asleep great show if you're trying to fall asleep and i slept 14 hours there and 14 hours back so definitely didn't get any editing done but i'm hustling i'm bustling i'm doing it now so if you want to see the site see what i was up to see the activities we did a jeans making class just all the food we ate all the shopping i did in a full haul don't worry that will be up on youtube at hannah marlene 444 i believe but mama is home she is back she's getting into the swing of things you guys we have a we have a lot to do for this year ends we have a lot to do we have a lot to work on we got things to do things to learn lessons to learn new lives to live the

one thing I probably had the hardest time on out of everything which was a lot the one thing I had the hardest time with was leaving my cat at home we we are soul tied we are soul bonded this cat love him down like honestly danger is my everything he is my life and we are a little bit anxiously connected me more so to him actually i did learn he's very anxiously connected connected to me um because i bought a camera just to be like oh maybe like pet camera fun i can watch him when i'm gone no that actually just made things worse for me because i just watch him his little body like walk to the front door and then walk back to his bed and then walk to the front door and walk back to his bed i was off of cut water in the airport and i was like sobbing in the bathroom

like oh my god I miss my little boy so much I did hire a rover sitter to watch him while I was gone she was okay I feel like cat sitters are like oh I just need to like come over and feed them and then leave which is like yeah I guess but also I it made my heart break a little bit knowing that he got like no interaction practically for a week even though I paid for it I was just like oh my god oh my god i have to get home now to my little boy it is nice to know that like even though if i do leave him he's fine he's safe he's chilling like he's an old cat he's just sleeping the entire time anyways but i got home and he was so happy to see me he was so excited to see me you guys we've been snuggling non-stop since i got home he's such a cuddly little boy you can't see him

but he's literally laying at my feet right now in his bed like we took a nap and he laid on my chest the entire time probably for like two hours he oh i love him so much he brings me so much serotonin if you can get a cat highly recommend but also if you're worried about leaving your cat don't worry too much they'll be fine you'll be back home before you know it and it's good for both of you guys to have some time apart it's good for you to take care of yourself for you to experience the world so then you can be a better pet parent in the future you know we all need a little time apart um but yeah i definitely was sobbing in the airport bathroom on my way there because i was like i'm gonna miss him i'm gonna miss him so much that's what i had the

hardest time with but i did buy some like i bought some pet toys that was one adventure i had there were multiple times where my boyfriend went off and did his own thing and i did my own thing and one of the things was like okay i'm gonna chug a lemon sour from 7-eleven another thing i love um you can go to 7-eleven and get a 15 alcohol beverage and drink it on the streets i think trying to cut back on the drinking on the streets mostly in shinjuku i think but in shibuya i didn't really see any police officers and everybody was doing it so it's like vibe okay let me sit my ass down on the stoop and drink my lemon sour hello so i drank like a 50 alcohol beverage it's giving cut water but not so sugary oh cut waters are awful disgusting nasty also i learned cut waters

they're called cut waters because you're supposed to cut them with something you are not supposed be drinking them straight out the can you're supposed to like cut it with sparkling water or with like a lacroix or something oh did not know that will never be drinking a cut water again in my entire life i don't need to be doing that to my liver or my stomach or my guts or my brain lemon sours though fantastic amazing shochu plus sparkling water plus lemon juice the best thing to ever exist chugged one of those and then oh my god the department stores there are insane it gave me an appreciation on um in-person shopping in america at least where i am i think maybe in bigger cities it's better but at least in kansas city in-person shopping is kind of dead

you go to the mall and it's like oh none of the stores i want are here there's an occasional store you know here and there if they are open they're usually like ransacked which is crazy but these department stores organized well perfectly customer service amazing fantastic i could get lost in these like 12 story department floors for days and i did trust for like hours looking for cat toys i've learned my cat loves japanese cat toys first of all the technology in japan way far ahead than us okay way far ahead and that extends to everything including cat toys there's this one cat toy that he is obsessed with i got it off of chewy and then i realized oh my god japanese brand i'm gonna go looking for it so i got him this like he loves to just like chew on

me and like fight my hand it's a bad habit i gave him when he was a kid a kitten so they have these like cat paw mitts this giant mitt you can put your hand in that looks like a big cat paw it's adorable that he can like fight and bite onto and grab and whatever so he's not literally ripping my flesh off my bones i promise he loves me and they have these like crinkle cat wands my cat loves these crinkle cat wands it's in the vlog don't worry so i went and i bought like three of him I was like no I need to stock up for my baby boy because if I miss him so much like I might as well do something to show my love and appreciation when I come home so he got all the treats and all the things don't you worry he is a spoiled spoiled little boy right now uh but the Japan trip has

really made me want to like definitely re-evaluate how I'm living now I feel like listen I spend a lot of time at home I spend a lot of time obviously at home looking in this camera talking in a microphone love it down but you i gotta start thinking of it more as like a and not in like an unhealthy way but a healthy way nine to five where it's like once i finish that i need to go do something instead of just being stuck inside i'm sure other like work from home people feel this way too where it's like okay love working from home but also i'm home all the time like i need to get out a little bit more i noticed in japan it's like okay people are up when they need to go to work they go to work they don't go home they get off work they meet their friends for a

drink. Okay, now they're going out to this place. Oh, now they're going out to this bar. Oh, now they're playing claw machines. Oh, now they're just hanging out outside talking with their friends until 3am. Like that's the culture there. They have a fruitful and fulfilling life outside of work. They also I think it seemed enjoyed work like the people that I talked to whether it was like servers at restaurants or people working at department stores, things like that. They seemed to enjoy what they did or they had a really good facade like I am not that good at my job that trust but like they seem to enjoy what they did and so I think that gave them more excitement to get out and do more things they enjoy after work but they live a very fruitful life and a very

busy life maybe that also is just because of the busy city I was in but it really has me home now realizing oh wow I need to get out and do more oh wow yeah I do need to hit up that random person and go see if she wants to go on a walk I really do need to go take that class I do need to maybe bump up my horseback riding lessons to two times a week you know little things like that speaking of I'm not even kidding I got off that plane and I went to horseback riding lessons oh my god it was so nice to be home that was the one thing that I was really like thank god I'm home horseback riding has been so therapeutic for me lately like incredibly therapeutic and this month my trainer is making me do bareback the entire time which sounds crazy but it's just because i need to work

on my leg control and just like my connection a little bit and it's just been so nice and so therapeutic to do so if you're thinking about picking up that random hobby that thing you've always thought about doing but you're like i'm just not that girl because i've never done it you can be that girl you just gotta start doing it oh you want to be that girl who does that thing cool go start taking classes oh you want to be that girl who does that hobby go to hobby lobby and go pick up that shit maybe not Hobby Lobby let's pick a different one but like go get that stuff go start doing that thing all of a sudden a month later you are that girl you wished and dreamed of high key I also love the Midwest but I think I need to move oop big thing I've been

realizing especially getting older I'm like love it here but dot dot dot you know like I think I need to switch it up I need to do some more travel before I switch it up like I need to explore a little bit more see where i actually do enjoy but best believe a lot of things will be switching up very soon and honestly for the best i'm scared though you guys i'm scared there's an air of change and i'm entering winter change is so much easier in spring but like i think when i'm scared and unsure or i'm feeling like loss or depressed the best thing i can do for myself is just to like throw myself completely into myself sometimes when you're feeling like negative emotions maybe you're depressed maybe you're going through something hard you're feeling emotions that are

just not positive inside yourself sometimes at least for me and how my negative brain works is like I need to get away from those emotions so I'm gonna get away from myself you know especially when I was in like my massive depressive episode what I think dug me deeper is since I was sad and I didn't want to feel sad obviously who wants to feel negative emotions I didn't want to address them I kept pushing myself away from myself either through like hating on myself or disregarding myself not taking care of myself just like completely and utterly ignoring myself or pushing myself deeper down into a hole because I didn't want to address those negative emotions it made me a shell of a person and guess what it does not fix your problems you will have to

address those things at some point so you might as well address them sooner than later I've learned when you are feeling maybe more negative or you don't feel good or you feel bad whatever it is those negative emotions you're feeling you're going through something someone you love is going through something the best thing you can do is instead of running away from yourself is to run into yourself and i'm very happy obviously the universe is aligning always for me period thanks queen thanks queen um sometimes doesn't feel like it but i i know it's all for the best um i love that it's aligning with my winter arc it's aligning with my winter arc my winter arc is about to begin I did get home and start my period yeah murky retrograde period in full swing and a

new moon and scorpio going up I feel like that meme of that wolf ripping off his t-shirt like howling under the fulmin that's how I feel so I put a brief halt I was going to start literally today i still am not out of my jet lag i have unpacked everything um so i do feel more comfortable at least with my home life and i deep clean my entire apartment so that's good i'm getting things in order but since i am on my period i'm gonna allow myself to purge during this period phase and then as soon as the period's over get into it and it'll be very easy transition because i get i did what i did all the work that past month i did all the planning i did all the work i set the intentions I made the mood boards I made the weekly routine I made the dopamine list I did

all the work now I just have to implement it to implement it though I need to make a little bit of space make a little room in my life and also just get at a good period literally in my cycle to be able to have the energy to jump right into it and then once I do not only will I be like transforming my life implementing new things trying new things challenging myself staying busy i will also be throwing myself completely into myself instead of maybe possibly doing the opposite which i think will be exactly what i need also i want to say thank you for the love on the two pre-recorded episodes um sometimes i make episodes and i'm like i don't know if they're gonna hit i don't know if the girls are gonna get it i don't know if they're gonna understand i don't

know if they're gonna get it sometimes i just speak i'd be speaking from the void and i'm like maybe someone will hear me you guys really heard me so i do appreciate all the love and i'm glad that we are on this journey of life together i say that a lot but um recently i have been feeling if oh my god vulnerability moment i've been feeling very alone and i realized it's because i really have this bad habit of kind of like isolating myself which is good at sometimes but I do need to be maybe putting myself out there a little bit more so I do want to really thank you guys for you know being that good community that I do have and for being these people that I can honestly rely on I know there is a disconnect through the screen but I do do this in hopes of

like connection and of community building I think we have done that and I'm just so proud and so thankful to even be here and to have built this and to you know you know not speak fully into the void and have people hear me and know that whatever I'm going through you know thousands of other people are going through the same exact thing because life can feel incredibly lonely at times like life can feel like oh my god why me um and it is nice to know that like not just me but also other people can be experiencing things that can feel so isolating as an individual and sometimes it's nice to just realize oh wow this is just a human experience you know and together we will get through it amen but with that being said i do want to get to a couple questions enough of me

rambling about the trip i don't even know if there's any more to say i think we'll catch up with it um in a couple more episodes and maybe on the vlog vlog will be out soon don't worry me teasing the vlog as i'm currently editing it someone asked culture shocks from japan could you see yourself living there I could absolutely see myself living there there were multiple times where you know I'm walking around the streets alone I got my headphones in okay Addison Rae got my headphones on like literally just like looking at the skyline looking at the towers and realizing like I could envision myself here I could see a life here and that was just so nice because I knew that like the journey I was on was very much so synchronized with where I needed to

be um and yeah especially like i said with the introverts dream like customer service fantastic everybody's super nice very friendly very inviting everywhere you go like people want to make friends even if they're tourists like they're there to make friends i've met i met an amazing cool girl on the streets of shibuya as i'm chugging a lemon sour and she's like girl i know you know the most recent thrift store is around here and i was like yes i do i sent her in the wrong direction so sorry babe i was off many a lemon sours that's my fault but like good spirited good-hearted like baddie for real like people are just willing to come up to conversate to have a good time i mean everything was so cheap there in comparison to america it was so easy to navigate i loved the

hustle and bustle and just the busyness um i could definitely see myself maybe living in a busier city I love the quietness of a of like a countryside every once in a while it's nice to escape to but I think I do really enjoy um the busyness the hecticness of um a big city and being around a lot of people it gives me a lot of drive as an individual but I didn't have a lot of culture shocks I think the biggest culture shocks were things that I was like um not like oh wow this is an america in like a negative way but more so like os is in america in a positive way where i'm like oh you guys actually um separate your trash and recycling and put it on the street cleanly i didn't see one mouse one rat at all the entire time there i saw one cockroach and it was

on a bag of trash like that made sense it wasn't in a restaurant or something like people took care of each other it was very obvious that like I saw one homeless person and they didn't even seem homeless it seemed like you know I'm on the down like let me get out here and ask for some money which I can't even shame or blame you for that like hello there's people doing it on every corner out here in Kansas City because like shit's fucking hard and sometimes you gotta like I get it but I think in Japan especially like they take care of each other so well that there is no need like generational housing if you really think about it there is no like oh yeah we're just gonna put our grandparents in a home and forget about them so it was culture shocks in a very

positive way in a very um inspiring way where it's like okay this is kind of the the culture that I do appreciate and enjoy I mean with everything there's negatives duh hello and with every country there is their negatives as well as positives but i did see at least there an overwhelming sense of positives that were just inspiring so culture shocks were shocks in a positive way and more so in a cultural um emphasis on inclusion way so yes i absolutely could see myself living there acquired tips for international travel especially without knowing language plus as a woman obviously i mean as a woman be aware of your surroundings be aware of where you are be careful oh my god i have the hiccups be careful be healthily skeptical i think a good

sense of healthy skepticism is necessary for just like safety in general but i don't think it should hinder you from like leaving your house or leaving your country or going on that trip like you should go do those things even if you are a little bit afraid you'd be surprised how well they do go simply having trust and understanding in yourself and your surroundings I think that's all you need as a woman of course like if you don't know the man don't go with him to a lonely ass area duh hello even where you are now don't do that like especially in a different country but now in your a home as well like just be careful but like i said i had no fear of oh my god someone's going to commit a mass shooting like safety was safety i'll tell you that i did not have any fear of that

in any sort like i had my headphones in walking around the streets busy busy walking in the streets and never once was i like oh my god i need to only have one headphone in just in case there's like somebody's gonna walk up behind me never once did i feel that way or think that way which crazy that i think that way here but of course no matter where you are safety is about awareness of environment and about just like listening to your intuition so i think as you as long as you have that and you're traveling alone as a woman you will be good international travel tips um the flight really isn't as bad as you think and business class isn't as good as you think we were walking by you know like first class business class uh seats and for what I know they paid

compared to what I paid to get to the same place in the same amount of hours I was like I know that was not worth 17 grand I know for a fact that tiny little twin bed that you cannot fully extend out into is not worth 17 grand we flew Japan Airlines we booked directly through their website I think that's why it was cheap um and their economy which we did economy not premium economy they have the best economy in the entire world and i was like hmm do they really let's find out they do they do i could practically like extend my whole body and lay down like kind of in a horizontal position but lay down enough and extend my legs enough that it doesn't bother the other person and sleep comfortably on their airlines for 14 hours it it flies by okay don't waste your money

on the fucking airplane waste it when you get to that country waste it on that fun little trinket waste it on that designer bag that you want so bad like that's what you should be spending the money on not the flight everybody is getting there in the same exact way in the same exact amount of time okay you might as well save your money fly economy now i understand if you have like um back problems or medical issues where you do need to lay down i get that absolutely but if you're just like a girl like me who's like i i don't like to suffer but i will um it's worth it just book the cheap ticket book the cheap ticket get to the country the flight goes by 10 times faster than you ever could have imagined just don't sleep the day before pretty much um and you

will sleep the entire flight download like one season of a tv show that you know is like a good staple tv show and will also help you sleep do not buy the in-flight wi-fi it's pretty much not going to work not worth it download one season of a show put your headphones in noise canceling headphones when i tell you there was a child behind me and i talk about those flights if it's easy no no there was a child behind me screaming crying kicking the seat screaming bloody murder for at least the entire time I would say at least 80% of the time because the mom was sitting four rows ahead and the dad was sitting right behind me with the child and the dad obviously was like I don't really give a fuck like I don't know how to soothe my son like I'm just gonna let him

scream and cry because I really don't want to deal with it and eventually the mom had to come like sit with the kid for like four or five hours so it could fall asleep obviously it was exhausted it needed a little bit of like affection and love that was like I don't really give a fuck um so it fell asleep but then also woke up start crying screaming again oh my god it was horrible and awful but i had noise canceling headphones yes it's worth the investment i didn't hear those things unless i took them off to like say hi yes may i get a ginger ale or something like that like i really didn't hear any of it i felt the kicking a little bit but noise canceling headphones you need those bad boys you need them real bad all you need for that flight comfy shoes you can

take off with thick socks noise canceling headphones they'll give you a pillow they'll give you a blanket i bought one of those eye masks that attach to the seat did not use it once i bought a neck pillow it just kind of made my neck even in more pain they have like this headrest that fold to your head so it doesn't like make your head drop just use that some headphones you will be fine they give you a blanket you'll you'll be chilling honestly book that private to transfer to wherever you need to go pick the hotel that is in the closest area for the best price you want to have a good medium balance of like okay can i afford it and also like okay can is it easy to walk to and from where we need to go we booked a hotel that was maybe 10 minutes

outside of the shibuya scramble and five minutes away from a train station so it was so easy if We needed to like go back to the hotel room, pause for a second, go change your shoes, go get a coat, whatever it was. Very easy to do those things. And also very easy to wake up and get on a train in the morning or to wake up and go downtown real quick and like go shopping early on as soon as the store is open, because bitch, there's going to be a line wrapped around the building. Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer.

That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. At Desjardins Insurance, we know that when you own a nail salon, everything needs to be perfect from tip to toe. That's why our agents go the extra mile to understand your business

and provide tailored solutions for all its unique needs. You put your heart into your company, so we put our heart into making sure it's protected. Get insurance that's really big on care. Find an agent today at Desjardins.com slash business coverage. Another thing, if there's a line, it probably means it's good. yes don't be afraid to wait in that line especially in japan lines move quickly they want you in they want you out okay we went to menchi rashi which is like a very popular tiktoky uh restaurant and

i like kind of wanted to try it i was like i don't know it looks good doesn't look great fuck it let's try it because there was a line i was like i don't know but it went by so quickly if you're afraid of a line just get in it it's probably worth it pop mart there was a line uh sunny and smi there was a line this one like omu rice place we went to there was a line there's a lot of lines just wait in it okay it'll give you an opportunity to like take a breather to relax your feet a little bit at least you're not walking um and there's probably a line for a reason like i said menti rashi was actually really good sometimes those tiktok um suggestions i'm like oh i don't know i don't know it it was that good don't be afraid of a line don't be afraid to

also travel outside where you are going you know we took the train multiple times to go see different things don't be afraid to just take public transit don't take ubers don't take go taxis you probably won't need them i don't know about other countries but like if it's a 30 minute walk who cares if you're in a different country there's so much to see so much to look at so much to check out just take the walk go on the walk look at your environment or take the train take that cheap public uh transfer take that bus whatever it is those things are in place for a reason and other countries do public transit very well very very well so just take those outside of the private transfer from the airport if you can diminish your stress do it okay if you

can like book something ahead of time it's going to make your life easier do it um you should make room for a little bit of spontaneity but plan ahead of time you should not go into an international travel with no idea of what you're gonna do that's crazy you're probably going to of course find things to do but you're going to miss out on so much if you don't know what to look for so plan ahead sure when I planned I had like every day organized perfectly just in case of course I left room for some spontaneity to walk around to explore the sites oh we missed this place you want to go back but i had a good idea of like what we could do in one day in asakusa at this temple or what we could do in one day in shibuya or in shinjuku if we wanted to they were options they

were well planned out if we wanted to take those opportunities so it is a good balance of like okay i did my research i know what i want to do i know my non-negotiables i have to see this versus and I'm okay if I miss it and also I'm making enough room to like live and explore and be I don't think a good trip will be planned morning to night every single day I think you're gonna get exhausted I think you're gonna also miss out on the spontaneity and also a trip cannot be completely spontaneous like I said you're gonna get bored you're gonna get confused you're gonna get lost because you didn't do the research and you're gonna miss big things that you probably did want to see and you will look back like damn i wish i would have planned a little bit

so it's all about balance another thing make sure who you're traveling with you guys are on the same page if you're not on the same page that page is going to be torn in half like you guys need to be on the same vibe you guys need to be communicating there's going to be problems with the trip that occurred there's going to be you know travel issues we had a flight that got delayed like little things like that you need to make sure you're traveling with like a chill person who's willing to work things out when you're exhausted can maybe like pick up the pieces and is able to plan things for you or to help you instead of you just being like a glorified travel planner or your partner being a glorified travel planner you know you guys need to be on the same vibes have

the same understandings and also be like well-developed adults where you're able to just help each other in a different country because it can be get very confusing you can't get you can get lost you can have problems occur you need to be a team whether it's a romantic partner a friendship multiple friends a group of people you guys have to work as a team and if you do not find them being a teammate do not travel with them again someone said these planets got me fucked up right now twin you and me fucking both honestly honestly last murphy retrograde i had that was like extremely hard which listen whenever I go through conflict in my life whenever I go through something hard I always come out on top so I understand like perseverance is key keeping

positive attitude and throwing yourself into yourself not away from yourself is like the best way to succeed also crying naked on the bathroom floor when you need to preferably in a hot shower like you know whatever you got to do maybe going out with a friend and going getting Mexican food and crying over picture marks do what you got to do but my last rough murky retrograde which oh my god they've all been kind of hitting this year this year's been tough challenging safe to say um was when i got my car stolen and when danger was going through just a lot of health issues and it was things going on outside of myself which made me feel very out of control and i don't like feeling out of control i like to feel in control but it was so outside of myself that it kind of

like drove me insane a little bit got out of that was able to like heal that anxiety to heal everything you know what blessings abound though danger's happy healthy healthiest he's ever been he just went to a checkup he is a good thick king okay he does need to lose a couple pounds but i love him so much and i will give him those greening treats and i got the car of my dreams like never would have thought this would have happened but i'm so blessed i'm so grateful i'm so thankful would not have had it if i didn't go through a hard time now like i said that first mercury retrograde was outside of me this mercury retrograde is very much inside of us she's behind me isn't she like literally she's in the walls right now the call is coming from inside the

house that's how this mercury retrograde is going especially with scorpio scorpio is a very personal placement very personal placement um look at where she is residing in your chart as well as Sagittarius okay it can make us feel very snappy very short-twitted very whatever it is short-minded I don't know if those are things I hope you pick up what I'm putting down um it can make us feel very emotional very dark very you know sensual in a way that maybe we don't feel sensual and I mean that by like a little too in tune with our emotions um and now this is honestly i'm like new challenge happening and it is within my control that's the thing that's the and i was like oh my god outside of my control that's way harder no when it's inside my control it's maybe

harder because then i'm forced to oh my god make the decisions in my life you i don't want to do that why would i make decisions in my life that's no fun that's no fun i don't want to do that but like sometimes you gotta and i fear with this mercury retrograde we are only in the first half babes it goes midway through december so y'all better buckle up y'all better get it together and by together i mean like batten down the hatches like get very connected to yourself very quickly do not run away from yourself build up your relationship with yourself throw yourself completely into yourself now because the universe is going to try you however it possibly can i'm like freezing hold on you guys i won this giant stuffed frog in the claw machine he's i'm

gonna put his hand on my thigh it's gonna be funny and um he probably is my favorite he was my favorite win i won a shit ton of stuff from the claw machines i didn't realize i was so good at claw machines but i need a cuddle buddy so he's joining the podcast he's also staring at me from across the room and i just had to call him over um so my best piece of advice especially for this mercury retrograde is really really even though with those deep dark hard emotions and you want to run away from yourself we need to be running into ourselves now more so than ever this is honestly like a very good time to learn about ourselves and to like grow and develop the thing about mercury retrograde is like sure it's hard whatever but like there is so much to learn and

take from it if you really open yourself up to those blessings if you open yourself up to that challenge you will be surprised what you're able to accomplish and how drastic your life can be positively outside of that retrograde if you take on the challenge the universe is giving you i think retrogrades if you really look at it are almost like you know when the teacher's like okay kids like if you want to take this extra quiz it'll get you some um extra points in the class and some of those like grade a students will be like no i don't need it you know i'm doing good so i'm not going to take on the challenge some of the people who do actually need are too lazy and are like no i don't really want to do it like i'm going to fail anyways i'm not even going to risk

it for one point so like whatever i'm too lazy i'm not going to take on the extra quiz extra challenge but those people don't succeed okay the people who do succeed and do win are the ones where no matter the standing they see that challenge as an opportunity and they see free points as free points babe they said oh free points do i need them no i'm still gonna take them do i need them yes i'm still gonna take them and i'm gonna try my ass off because i really need those goddamn points that's what retrogrades are so what can you learn what can you take from it how can you grow where do you want to grow where are you like suffering emotionally how can you change that how can you grow out of that wherein your life is causing you an immense amount of stress how can

you change that how can you grow out of it and unfortunately especially with retrogrades it really really shows us that life is in our control and if we don't take control of it life's gonna ride the fuck out of us and like babe you need to be on the saddle not under it so lock in lock in twin i fear it is lock-in season but right on time honestly like literally this retrograde started as soon as hibernation integration began and i yeah it makes a lot of sense i will say mercury retrograde also ends as soon as the um hibernation autopilot begins so if we take this time to put in the hard work to put in the dedication to take that plan to incorporate it into action by the end of retrograde literally according to our fucking plan we will be in autopilot mode

we will be in a good solid head place we will be in a good routine we will have done all of the hard things that it takes to become that better amazing person and we will be reaping the benefits and then by that time you're you just do a week then it's new year's eve new year's day then you just got to manage through january manage through february and then it's march and then it's spring how easy is that if you really detach yourself and look at it in the long run how easy is that so get to work how to be optimistic even when your life is on fire oh here's the thing I think when it comes to optimism when you can't find it in the present you have to create it for your future self like I think rationally and realistically I'm like

choking out this frog right now he needs a name everybody comment what his name should be down below but I think listen I get it sometimes in the moment it is very hard to find optimism and I think it is a-okay to be like right now sucks like that's just that's just being human sometimes your car gets stolen you're like this fucking sucks sometimes you know you're going through a hard time with a relationship and you can be like wow this fucking sucks maybe someone you love died it's okay to be like oh my god no this sucks I'm not gonna be here like yeah your favorite grandmother just passed away but you should still find the positivity in it all like girl actually i'm on the brink don't even say that to me it's okay in the moment to be like

wow this is shitty the situation is shitty life is kind of shitty right now like what the hell is going on because if you live in a delusional state of no no everything's positive all the time you refuse to let yourself feel negative emotions those negative emotions will eventually stack the fuck up and like a large tower it will fall to the fucking floor okay that's called emotional stacking we can't emotionally stack where it's like i can't feel the negative so i'm gonna just i'm gonna set it aside i can't feel this negative so i'm gonna set it on top of that i can't feel this so i'm gonna set it on top of that one bam bam bam bam the stacking of it all girl like a jenga tower you're gonna collapse you gotta feel it even when it's shitty even when it's like oh

my god this sucks what the fuck you got to feel it so you can eventually release it now where the optimism comes in because you're like wow that's a lot of negative talk no no no where the optimism comes in is but i will be okay okay yeah this is shitty this sucks right now is hard but i will be okay that's when the future comes into play that's when a little bit of delusional you know nature comes into play and you got to be a little delusional sometimes where it's like no no i'm suffering a lot right now but if i do the work if i take the time in the future i will be so good you know and whatever future you want you can create for yourself so dream fucking big if you're like oh wow right now my apartment's flooding and it's practically on fire and like i got roaches

like this sucks but in the future i'm gonna be living in a high-rise million dollar apartment and I'm going to be overlooking this beautiful river I don't know whatever your dream is you will create that reality period and it will give you hope it will give you optimism to think about that where it's like yeah right now is bad but the future that I can create for myself will be so good so I need to hold on I need to do the work now I need to keep putting energy and time into myself in order to then get to that future place that is just so incredibly good and you will reap the benefits if you put the work in so yeah sometimes the optimism can be hard to find in the moment and i've beefed with some fucking therapists about that which is like i just want

to come into therapy sometimes and be like oh like a complainer sometimes i'm a complainer listen i love to complain sometimes i can beat a dead fucking horse for hours at a time okay and sometimes I would come in with my old therapist this would happen I'd come in and I'd be like wow I really just need to like complain complain complain complain because like things feel like they're going crazy and if I don't just like get it off my chest then I'm gonna implode and I would start like rambling or whatever and she would go let's pause right there can we just think of one positive thing going on in our life and it's like yeah bitch I can but this is not the fucking time like obviously i can do my gratitude journals like i can find something good to think about

but my god that is not the problem here the problem here is that like i need to ramble i need to rant i need to get this shit off my chest right now so i'm not going to sit up here and be like you what's really the problem is you're not placing your three gratitudes of the day it's like no what's really the problem is you're not facing that negative emotion you're not facing that negative thing and allowing it to leave your mind leave your body making that change so it's leaving your life so then you can't get to the optimism in the future also like you're not looking towards the future we need to be looking towards the future that is where you can find the optimism where it's like it's bad right now but it's going to get good and you have to have that belief in

yourself because when I lost all hope in life it was because I was not creating that optimism for myself there was no future thinking there was no even thought of the future so I was like well why would I find optimism when right now sucks and I don't envision a future you gotta envision a future and any future that you want to envision is one that you can create for yourself so dream fucking big if you're crying over a loser ass boy right now i'll be like and you know what in the future i'm gonna have a man with a yacht he's gonna take me out on it weekly he's gonna buy me everything i want he's gonna make me such a happy wife he's gonna buy me a fat ass diamond ring it's like envision that future make that your reality you know keep that optimism okay

you can always find it in the moment yes but in the future will keep us pushing through the hard times towards a better tomorrow someone said should i put the christmas tree up in the living room yeah we need some whimsy right now y'all we need some whimsy right now in our life real fucking bad we need all the whimsy and the joy and the passion that we can possibly find in life and we need to do it literally on my to-do list which is not a lot if i'm being honest but like I'm making some paper garlands I need to just like get some scissors and some colorful paper and get to work in some tape and hang it up I need to bring some whimsy to my life I need to bring some joy I believe Christmas was planted for a reason and it was definitely to bring just

like a little bit of celebration as the world is slowing down around us and as it's getting cold especially in the winter months we need to create you know celebration and whimsy wherever we possibly can and that includes maybe decorating for the holidays i gotta get to work decorating for the holidays i know it's like mid-november oh my god november's practically flown by it's gonna be december before we even know it i knew this month was gonna fly by too but i need to literally get to work i know having a little sparkly christmas tree up will make me so happy also it'll make danger happy he loves a christmas tree he loves laying under a christmas tree it's so incredibly precious i can't wait to take so many photos of him laying under it like

he is the president yes um and I need to hang up paper garlands I need to hang up paper stars I need to like do some arts and crafts and I need to just bring like joy to my home because lord knows I fucking need it so yeah if you're thinking about getting the Christmas decorations up it's not too early it's never too early in fact and two in five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.

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we need to be doing it asap okay i think it was in the patreon episode that someone was like what is like the number one self-care way to like help in a depression and i think this is actually a good topic to bring up in uh this main episode as we are kind of getting into the colder months last week we got home it was actually really nice sun was out it was like 70 degrees even in japan weather was fantastic now i'm like no winter's here babe winter is coming okay john snow where are you it's cold the leaves have officially all fallen um it's like 30 degrees outside i'm seeing people start to hang up their christmas lights so like we need to get on it but number one like real real self-care advice i can give you if you are going through any sort of seasonal depression

or depression right now is you gotta get cozy you gotta get cozy you gotta get comfy okay and i think this ties in also with like the creating whimsy in your life i mean decorating for the holidays that's gonna create comfort in your home you will also need to just like in general make yourself comfortable the squirrels they're fattening up they're growing extra fur danger is all like puffy and fluffy like he's so cuddly and cozy right now he's got his winter coat even the horses oh my god they get so floofy in the winter it's so cute they grow just like so much hair to keep them warm like the animals we must also prepare our nests and prepare ourselves to be cozy and that includes like maybe i'm gonna throw on a robe after my shower and just like

get all cozy and comfy maybe i'm gonna throw on a thick pair of socks in those ugg boots you know live my white girl winter dreams or whatever but I'm just gonna be extra cozy and comfy I'm gonna take that extra step to get cozy and comfy maybe I'm gonna take a 40 minute long hot shower because I was outside all day and I'm so cold I should defrost my both I'm gonna get cozy even like a big fluffy blanket like my niece her favorite thing she loves to get cozy can we get cozy later like she loves to just be wrapped up in a blanket there's something so childlike and nurturing and comforting about it like even if you're on the tv or on the couch rotting watching tv throw a cozy comfy blanket around you as you do it like get cuddly get cozy get comfortable i think it's a

great way to kind of just like warm ourselves our spirits our hearts through these winter months and i do think a lot of the actions that we see the animals around us in nature doing is something that we need to be copying and doing as well because as much as humans want to think we aren't animals we definitely are okay we're more animal than we think we are and we got to learn from those around us but anyways you guys I know it's not a lot of questions I know it's not a lot of recap I am just kind of processing and dealing with a lot of my own emotions that like I have a big fucking mouth and i want to ramble and talk and be as frank and open with you guys as i possibly can be as if you guys are like my best friends sitting down with me over a pitch of

margaritas like i did last night and those servers knew i needed a goddamn marg because i'm not even kidding the pitcher was actually a gallon it was the largest pitcher i've ever seen put in front of me i was like thank you king you get it um as much as i want to like ramble and say everything on my mind i can't because you know there's things i'm still dealing with and processing and once i do learn those things and learn those lessons i will absolutely share with you but my saturn return is around the corner and this mercury retrograde has made that very fucking clear to me where it's like i'm getting older and the beautiful thing about getting older and i love getting older i'm actually very excited to be getting older is that with age comes stability comes knowing

yourself comes knowing what you need and if you don't have what you need you can create what you need but you need to take those actions and those steps accordingly to have what you need in your life and no one is going to take those steps for you no one is going to create that plan no one's gonna make that to-do list no one's gonna make that hard decision no one's gonna process those emotions for you okay like when i say i feel lonely i mean it in a sense of like i got me period but sometimes you know you want to lean on someone else to have you as well and sometimes you don't have that so like bitch you better have your own fucking back if anybody's gonna have you it better be you take that time to work on that relationship with yourself challenge yourself

put yourself out there you know learn your lessons and move forward accordingly you'd be surprised how much you can grow into yourself and how beautiful it can become if you just do the hard work and this trip very much so taught me that I was like no I planned this entire trip and I organized it and I was able to organize all the transfers all the you know instructions where we need to walk all the food all the eating like I did all of that and that is so incredibly amazing of me I didn't think I would be capable of doing that and it's taught me like wow I can do anything oh you want to go to this country congratulations girl you will be able to figure it out you did it in Japan it was a big thing it was a big step I've never done an international trip like this before

congratulations you did it you challenged yourself and it's really reinforced the idea that anything you want you can create any activity or experience you want you can do and I think that is really beautiful and I'm very happy that I have learned that inside myself it's really it's really reinforced the amount of work that I've done on myself but as I get older you know the more stability I crave the more understanding I crave in my life the more experiences I crave in my life and it really is just kind of like up to me to do those things and although it can feel isolating it is nice to know that I can rely on myself for those things I just kind of have to be the one to do them period you me doing work in my life no thanks um sometimes that is how it is though

and i am excited for this new hibernation integration to begin for me i'm excited to see where my life is in six months i think it's going to be incredibly beautiful i think we have a lot of work ahead of us this winter but if we're brave enough to take on the challenge oh my god how beautiful will this next year be for us 2025 oh my 2025 recap is gonna be interesting to say the least um this year personally has been one major challenge for me it's been very hard for me um and not like in a like suffering way it's been very hard in a like girl this is your life you need to go live it way and I think I'm finally coming to that conclusion and it's just it's nice to be in this place. It's bittersweet to be in this place, but I am so thankful to have you all

here every single week to learn through and with you guys and to just have so many blessings around me. I know I get sometimes emotional towards the end of the podcast because sometimes podcast is emotional for me, but like I never thought I would be up here doing any of these sort of things when I was younger and a lot of the reason that I'm living the life now that I am is because no matter where I was no matter the challenge in front of me I always took it on I always faced it and I always just did the best I could and it has gotten me so much further in life than I ever could have imagined none of these things were handed to me none of these things were given to me none of these things were created to me or for me they were done by me from the ground up and no one

would have done it for me but me so I am so glad that I took that chance of myself I took that risk on myself that I did the work that I buckled up that I saddled up that I tried new things it has been so overwhelmingly worth it and it is hard you know being the pilot of your own life there's something very comforting about it but like i said it's no fun having to be like well i don't want to make the hard decision sometimes you got to make the hard decision and it will be the best decision for you truly honestly sincerely wholeheartedly get out there catch a fucking flight go experience the world go travel go see people with different perspectives go get to know new people go put yourself out there go try new food like there's so much life to live and so many good

things to see this trip brought me a lot of hope in the world around me and just like appreciation for the beauty of it all and i'm so thankful for that i had such a blast in japan and i hope that i can carry those lessons that i learned there back home with me and i just know what is coming for me is so beautiful and wonderful and so much more than I ever could possibly dream of even though I do dream a lot I'm so excited to reap those benefits but it is hibernation integration time it is time to get to work okay it's time to dive into ourselves the same way the trees turn inwards and the squirrels you know ball up in their nests a little bit longer and the bears go into hibernation it is our turn to do so as well it is our turn to work on ourselves to look at

that man in the mirror babe michael jackson was right about some things including the man in the mirror part and to really just take accountability for ourselves and take accountability for our dreams to really say you want it bitch let's go fucking get it then you know but with that being said like I said vlog will be up early on the patreon come join you have so much fun I have so much to share over on the patreon they were getting exclusive photos the entire trip patreon.com slash smokes at shoddy um it will be out for everybody else on youtube at hannahmarlene444 and follow me on instagram I have so many photo dumps to post I didn't post while I was there just because of the time difference and like I really wanted to just enjoy it and then when I

got back I'd post I posted Instagram stories why of course but I have so many posts and just like recommendations to put out there so if you want the details or if you have any detailed questions follow me on Instagram at Hannah Marlene but with that being said stay sane please stay sane and try to stay sexy and I'll see you all so soon Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research.

Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. Ready to take your investing knowledge to pro level? This is Fidelity Connects, your daily edge in the markets. Get deep insights on real-time market topics that may impact your investment portfolio. Listen to Fidelity Connects on Spotify today and power your next move tomorrow.