Smoke Sesh - comparison kills, delusional, t break time & the psych ward

Episode Date: September 12, 2023

Happy Tuesday hotties so exited to be back with another episode of smoke sesh, we have so much to chat about this episode and kick it off with a bowl for those who are here to smoke! We talk thriving out of spite, MDMA experiences, girl code and putting boys over your girls, sleeping in and catching up on your day, comparison kills and comparing your life to others, Facebook marketplace finds, breakup chat and hyping all my single girls up, sticky note affirmations and how often does hannah smoke? Stop boxing yourself into a label & breaking free to change, how to keep a clean space, you can do anything, how to get shit done? where do I get my jewelry, t break time, living in delusion, healthy vs unhealthy delusion, being too shy, thrift talk & psych ward visits, plus much much muchhhh more I can’t wait to see you all next week for another episode of the pod, for all extras visit my patreon under hannah Marlene and my instagram @hannahmarlene for all the fun stuff I get up to daily

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know? Just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out! Let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. good morning hotties of the world how are we doing my god i am so excited to be back with another episode of smoke sesh gonna hang out with you guys can you tell i am just like full of life and glowing right now i am about two cups deep into a iced espresso chai i'm about to smoke i woke up there's a chill in the air it's bright and sunny out i had a whole

rainy day yesterday feeling the fall vibes slept in feeling like i have a renewed energy for life again you know what i mean like i talk about oh i want to live in an area where it's 70 and sunny all the time like wouldn't life just be amazing but also i really feel like being in an area and specifically the midwest where every single form of weather is just so intense um it really just keeps you on your toes it also helps you cycle through life so you're not always living the same sort of day day to day you never know what you're gonna get and it has been hot hot hot this summer so I am so excited that it's finally cooling down a little bit getting that fall energy I got my chai yesterday so I can start making my little chai espressos feeling fantastic if you guys are

interested in what chai I use because I have been hunting for the best chai and I ended up at world market the other day. I got the Red Panda Pumpkin Chai. It's like a black tea pumpkin vibe. Perfect with a little shot of espresso, some coffee in the morning. It really is just the best. What can I say? So I'm feeling good, feeling great. I'm gonna go get some pho with my friend this afternoon, town maybe do a little shopping maybe get some drinks who knows get a little crazy she just moved into town so we have been having a little bit too much fun together and I spent most of my weekend recovering from that fun um but yeah it's been great I've been having a blast I went out for coffee with my dad the other day we've been going on coffee dates recently cute you know a little

bonding moment except for he gets up at 8 a.m actually he gets up at 6 a.m and is like can you meet me there at 8 a.m babe i'm not up for another two hours usually but sure anything for you so i roll up to these coffee shop dates and it's like he's asking me all these deep ass questions i'm like halfway into my iced coffee i can barely get out a full sentence but we were talking the other day and really put a lot of things into perspective um he of course is a worrier as all parents are of like so what you know what's your do you have any plan like do you have any idea what you're doing with your life at all and here's the thing usually my answer is no i'm just going with the flow and that scares the hell out of him because he wants just like at least to know i'm okay and

he looks at like all my friends and sees what they're doing and is like oh they're nurses and icus and they're doing big fantastic things with their lives and i'm just here as a quote-unquote bartender quote-unquote content creator and he's worried about me but we were talking and i was like you know what all of my friends are doing these big incredible things i'm so proud of them But also, a lot of the people that I know that have gone down these paths of quote-unquote societal big accomplishments, they're miserable. Like, they hate what they're doing. They hate where they are. They hate their job.

They feel stuck. And yet I, the person who, you know, is doing something not as impressive by society standards, I'm happy and I'm healthy and I'm hot and I'm having fun. And honestly, that is exactly what I grew up to be. I wanted to grow up to be just happy because a lot of my time in my life, I have not been happy. so stop setting your expectations for yourself for what other people are doing because you have no idea what other people are doing in their lives you have no idea how they feel um you have no idea what's going on behind closed doors focus on you focus what makes you happy because you'd be surprised how many quote-unquote successful people there are out there who are utterly miserable so

yeah that was a fun little conversation my dad when my brain fully turned on i was like you know what yeah all my friends are doing these big things but also like I'm happy and I can't say the same thing for them so feeling accomplished this morning starting to work on my five-year plan figure out what I want to do that's a job for another time but I figured if you feel like you don't know what you're doing or you feel lost or you feel like you're not like accomplishing as big of things as people around you are don't put so much pressure on yourself sometimes the most you can do for yourself really is to just be happy. Anyways, that being said, we are going to be diving into this episode and marathoning it perhaps because I overbooked myself today. And I

told my friend I would pick her up in an hour and a half for lunch. Sorry, girl, if you're listening to this, it'll be a little later than that. Love you. I got to get this podcast done first. And it usually takes me about two hours to get a podcast done especially because I usually smoke a bowl and then like oh my god I almost dropped all of my weed on the floor did you hear that anyways I usually like smoke a bowl and go non-verbal for a sec and then have to find my way back we're not gonna let that happen today we're just gonna work through it so if you would like to smoke with me cheers let's hit this someone said i have the same class as my ex help see i'm sick and twisted and if i have the same

class as my ex i i really just thrive out of spite and i know it's not a healthy feeling but honestly i get so much done and i do it in such a productive way that honestly maybe it is a little healthy for me if I had a class with my ex best believe I would be oh glowed up living my best life forcing them to see all of that and like you have to do it in a way where it's like I honestly don't care if you're watching or not but you really have no choice but to watch because I'm doing so well and also you will never have access to me again so you can sit there and suffer in silence like i'm crazy that would be me someone asked thoughts on mdma and um how to deal with the come down here's the thing um mdma we have had oh girl we've had a history me and miss

molly we were besties for a moment now we're estranged we don't talk if i see her in public i'll say a little hi but that's about it do you know what i mean um and yeah me and my friend who just moved here we're talking because we smoke a lot together and she's like you know what i have done so many different things but i have never done molly and i sat there for a second and old hannah would be like oh my god girl you have to do it you have to try it but like looking back i was like you know what you really don't need to do it it is not one of those things that you really ever need to do and i wish i wish we wouldn't have crossed paths it really is like a toxic friendship that you end up falling into and it spirals and takes over your life like

if I would have avoided that one person you know like how different my life would have been um and yeah I wish I just would have avoided my time with her tbh so if anybody's thinking of doing it no need honestly at this point in my life I can have like a couple drinks smoke a joint and have just as much fun as i was when i was doing like these insane psychoactive drugs which are just not healthy because the comedown afterwards is miserable you're literally like depleting your brain source of serotonin so of course you're gonna feel like shit for the next week and i don't have time for that you know what i mean if you are going through that be kind to yourself be gentle with yourself lots of sleep if you can you're not gonna be able to do a whole lot I

remember having like a mentee bee full mentee bee in the middle of my art class it was like finals week I had like just gone to a rave the day before I was in the middle of class I was like doing my little sewing project that also involved shattered mirrors I don't know art school makes you do some crazy things and i was like trying to weave these mirrors into this crazy knitted mask and i just like kept cutting my fingers and i ended up having like just a full-blown breakdown girl it was not that serious but it felt so serious because i had no serotonin to like work with my brain and that moment right there i was like god i'm just exhausted it is not worth doing this it really is not worth doing this girl you can have two drinks a joint and be around good people and

feel the exact same way but yeah rest lots of electrolytes fatty foods always help that's the best way to get through a little molly come down someone asked girls put boys over besties question mark i feel like that's against girl code but there's like two ways that i feel like this like happens in people's lives people either it's either girls putting boys over the betterment of their friends such as they know they're a bad guy or maybe they're their best friend's ex or you they know their best friend had a fling with this guy and still likes them or they know their best friend doesn't like this guy but still um hangs out with them like physically putting them over another person and putting the best friend down unhealthy not good red flag red flag red flag

not great friend need to have a chit chat conversation talk about it set some boundaries and maybe remove yourself from the situation if necessary because that is against girl code but also this is a very common thing in relationships where you know relationships can be all consuming and as a person being in love is such an intense feeling and really takes up so much of your brain space even if you're trying to have it not happen um that it's hard to not kind of be in love and want to be around this guy i want to focus on this guy all the time and that when people are new to relationships and have a hard time balancing them that's it's very common that friends sometimes put their boyfriends over their friends such as like oh maybe we're not

hanging out as much as we used to or she's always with this guy or you know they're always together she's always talking about him that's a different kind of not as toxic putting my boyfriend over my girls and I would say that's not necessarily against girl code because it's not it's like not intentional in a way like they don't know that you're that they're hurting you they don't know that they're doing something wrong they're just so deeply in love because trust me I've been there I've had that happen to friends where it's like we're besties hanging out every single day then they fall in love and then I like don't see them for months and if you're in that kind of situation you really just got to let people grow through it and get through it because once they

get through that honeymoon phase and they get annoyed with their partner for the first time they're gonna be calling you back up again and also if you're like really kind of upset by it bring it up talk about it hey girl i haven't been hanging out with you as much i would love to see you for drinks sometimes so if you can get away from your boyfriend lol you know that's not so much toxic and it just happens to everybody and sometimes as a friend you just got to communicate what you need oh i put these like feeders up for these squirrels and they've been going crazy let me tell you there's some crazy drama going on in the squirrel community at my house um there's like five of them that come by they just sit next to my window and eat food it's adorable i'm literally

like having breakfast alone right now anyways if she's hurting you intentionally not good if it's unintentional and you'll see in a way it's unintentional they're just so consumed by this person maybe have a little conversation or give them some time okay i love this question because i've been going through this so much recently so i can share what i've been doing um but someone asked how do you get your day back on track after sleeping in too late girl when i tell you i've been sleeping until 11 o'clock recently 11 o'clock you're like that's nothing i have been getting up at like eight nine for the past two years like very consistently only sleeping until like maybe 10 on the weekdays never 11 but recently i've been kind of in like

my homie i'm gonna stay up at night do some art hang out have my alone time energy and that means i'm up to like two which means my ass is gonna sleep until 11 so step number one stop staying up so late if you don't want to wake up later in the day like you're gonna have to force yourself to put your phone down hide it under your pillow hide it under your bed wherever it needs to go turn on a movie that you know is gonna put your ass to sleep i know you have your favorite movies or tv shows or things to play while you are trying to pass out okay and then just set some mood lighting get a comfy blanket lay down your ass will be dead asleep okay you gotta put your phone away though if my phone's next to my face i will be up till 2 a.m scrolling pinterest

listening to my little music laughing at memes like of course so when i wake up later in the day I usually try and also have less of a getting myself together routine um which is my favorite which is also why I'm trying to wake up earlier but if I'm waking up at 11 it's like okay girl we're not going to sit on our phone and drink coffee for an hour like drink your coffee while you're getting ready while you're putting on your shoes and then getting off the door to go do your errands also getting your errands done in the morning will make you feel way more accomplished um in your day no matter what time you get up like if i get all my shit done in the morning and then i have the afternoon to myself oh my god i feel like the baddest bitch in the world i'm like

wow i have so much time to myself and then i feel less rushed so like i will have less of a morning routine in the morning if i wake up late i'll like get ready put my shoes on so i know that i'm ready to go do something my adhd brain has to have my shoes on if i'm gonna be getting shit done like if I'm cleaning my house I gotta have shoes on I don't know what it is it really helps um and then I have to get like all my chores done in the morning try and just get them out of the way before I have some fun and that's the way that I really just take advantage of my days when I wake up late um it's kind of just playing a game of catch up with the hours that you usually do have but also if you can avoid waking up late like setting alarms and I know you're not gonna

to be in routine to those alarms right away like I just started my alarm routine with myself yesterday setting it for like nine o'clock nothing crazy you know what I mean and listen I'm gonna press snooze like three times but I know in a week I probably won't be pressing snooze I just gotta you know get my brain accustomed to being forced to be awake at that time and eventually i'll catch on it'll be good um but yeah setting alarms love it you guys facebook marketplace has taken over my life and this happens in waves there's always some online shopping going on my life um but recently it is all the facebook marketplace because i have been just trying to pull my apartment together so i feel comfy cozy the entire winter um and i'm sure i'll find some

more things this winter to decorate my house with but i have been hunting for a couch hunting for it um now i have two couches and now i don't know what to do with myself but i felt like i needed two just to fill in the space because it's a giant fucking apartment i'm waiting to do an apartment tour with you guys on patreon it'll be up by the end of the month i pinky promise i'm just trying to get everything in place feel it out but i secured this beautiful black leather mid-century modern couch for like 200 bucks on facebook marketplace the other day oh it's gorgeous it is just like the perfect cherry on top for this um living room so if you guys want to see the living room tour or not even the whole house tour by the end of the month join my patreon come

hang out we do so many fun things here but yeah facebook marketplace if you guys are doing any sort of shopping for your house for anything just sit on there and hunt and scroll and i guarantee you will find something eventually that is exactly what you were looking for for like half the price you could have ever imagined honestly $200 for this real leather giant like eight foot couch love blessed and uh how how do I stop getting like jealous and down on myself about like like micro influencers and like little Instagram models like I just always see their TikToks and they're so pretty and they're the same age as me and they're like doing so much fun stuff with their lives and like enjoying being 20 and like going out and have so many friends and like

you know get to do like fashion week and all this shit and I'm like how do I not get like down on myself and jealous and like I don't know I never want to like I'm never like hating on them I just mean like hating on myself and like putting them on this pedestal because I'm so like oh my god I'm in college and I'm so like I don't have this many friends and like I just don't do that much like how do I stop getting insecure about it okay thanks bye help so I am the 20 something year old micro influencer posting all their great times on Instagram and making TikToks and looking cute but also what you're not seeing which honestly i do share on here like you guys know i'm not that perfect girl i am not i'm a hot mess i am chaotic i'm a little crazy but i i show you that side of

myself these girls are not showing you the hard times they're not showing you the crying on my kitchen floor they're not showing you you know the big ugly pimple that they have on their back they're not showing you you know that messy breakup that they had they're not showing you they're probably not even showing themselves that so when you are looking at a idealized version of a person it's really hard not to see only that idealized version of them everybody's human everybody is so the hard days that you are having they are probably also having you have to understand that when you're only being shown the good things you are only being shown the good things and it's a part of media literacy that you really just got to be aware of

um and don't let yourself get tricked into that oh i'm jealous oh i'm not living enough oh i'm not doing enough whatever it may be um you are being shown a highlight reel and that's all it is so enjoy that highlight reel but also you have to understand in the back of your mind when you're consuming that content like you are consuming the perfect idealized version of a person you are not consuming real content about a real person does that make sense um and when it comes to comparing that to your life if you if you find yourself falling into that comparison sometimes distancing yourself from that kind of content can be very helpful blocking them if needed removing that kind of content from your life removing social media from your life perhaps

um so you can focus on the positives and the good things around you and stop being in such a comparison mindset okay once again like like i talked about before like sometimes simply being happy is the best thing you can do in your life and you're going to find happiness in so many different kinds of ways and in so many different things and your happiness is going to look completely different than somebody else's happiness and when I was comparing myself to like my close local friends and what they're doing and how successful they are I had to really ask myself like are they happy and although by society's standards they're doing way more than I am i i feel like was living a more fulfilling and more productive and more happy life

in comparison even though i wasn't doing as quote-unquote much so don't be too hard on yourself the only things you can live up to are the standards you set for yourself so set some fun standards have some fun enjoy the life that you do have and if you find yourself falling into that comparison mindset I do think distance really does help when I was in that mindset and I was like wow I really am doing nothing for my life influencers owe you like nothing you owe them nothing as well so if you need to remove or you need to block so you don't see that content for a little bit that's okay like that is fine sometimes you got to set some social media boundaries for yourself to really make sure that you're having a good social media experience

also social media and influencers are not real life okay like i just posted a picture from mexico two months ago because i finally finished editing them that doesn't mean i'm in mexico at this moment it just means oh yeah i have cool pictures from mexico from two months ago so i'm gonna post them it's not always real life this podcast this is real life i do have to say that this is real life this i'm literally no pants on no underwear on oversized tommy sweater hair up in a bun literally use my underwear to put my hair up in a bun no makeup i've been picking at this pimple on my face this is raw this is real but also sometimes instagram is the highlight reel and you got to keep that in mind don't be

too hard on yourself i love you also you know what i have to add this comparison kills when you compare someone else's life to your life you're you might feel shitty about your life or you might feel good about your life either way not going to be a great way of kind of figuring out what is healthy for your life and what's healthy for their life finding inspiration from other people's lives that is a healthy way of consuming media and looking at it so when you're looking at these things stop thinking oh my god but i'm not doing these things so i'm not good enough and switch your brain to being like wow she's at fashion week that looks so fun i would love to go next year how can i figure out a way to go next year maybe i'll buy a ticket to new york for that time of

here maybe I've been dreaming about fashion school and I should go to fashion school in New York use it as a propelling and inspiring way to move yourself forward instead of looking at it as like them bragging looking at look at it as them like showing you inspiration and different ways you can take your life someone could be in Italy right now and you're like wow that looks awful great now you know you don't want to go to Italy someone could be at doing this new project or doing this new thing and you could find inspiration in that and be like you know what I can do that too that 1 million Instagram followers doing that but I can do that too I can make that a reality for myself use it as like a way of finding inspiration and asking yourself what you want to do within

your own life I feel like that is the best way to kind of compare without killing yourself and putting yourself down because that's not going to be healthy and that's not going to be productive in any sort of way being like oh I'm not at fashion week right now so I'm not good enough or I'm not doing this so I'm not good enough no no that's not what those people want you to take from their content they want you to see it find inspiration in it so then you go out and also do those things there's no jealousy there's only love someone said need some guidance in life after boyfriend and i broke up feel so lost oh wow i have been in two breakups one of which i was getting broken up with god bless thank you for that man for having strength to do that because i definitely

did not have the strength in the time and it was the biggest blessing of my life even though i was miserable when it happened and then number two i broke up with him um and also that was fantastic bad bitchery felt great for doing it like a new kind of high that i've never felt in my entire life um and i'm assuming you're going through the first kind so let me give you just some like let me hype you up girl okay this is a blessing that you did not know you needed okay sometimes the choices in our life or the things that happen in our life we simply have no choice about but i guarantee the universe is doing something in your favor favor all of the things that have happened in my life where i have been like miserable during i'm now like two three four

five years looking out at it and being like thank god that happened and thank god i had the strength to get through it because i am in such a better place so i guarantee this was a miracle on your part i guarantee you will be okay and if anything you are going to be better than you ever have been you really gotta get through the breakup period like you gotta let yourself mourn because you have this idealized version of your life in your head and no matter what the situation is when you lose that version of your life that you've been imagining whether it's a breakup changing schools changing jobs you know big um changes that are happening in your life that you never could have imagined you're going to go through like this sort of like feeling of mourning and loss and

you have to feel that okay you have to go through that period so let it out feel it fully cry on the shower floor you know do your do your eating ice cream naked on the couch you know whatever you need to do to get through that period and then you gotta look towards the future and you gotta force yourself to have some fun because in these periods of times i i felt like i couldn't have fun in a sense like oh I didn't live up to this life that I've been dreaming of so I don't deserve good things that's not no no that's not reality okay babe you do deserve good things all the time I pinky promise so go out and have some fun call up your friends go out for drinks smoke some weed it's okay to have that like crying girl moment in the club bathroom that's okay all the girlies

will be there to pick you up off the floor have some fun get out there remember that life can be good you have to be around people who are going to kind of like distract you and show you that there can be good things maybe if you don't have people around you to take you out the amount of partying i did alone when i got out of my second breakup alone like i was like yeah i'm just gonna go to the club i have nothing else to do and i need to see some bright lights because i've just been rolling and rotting in bed all day and i need a reason to put on some makeup sometimes it was like oh my god i'm gonna go to this art class because i just i need to get out of the class or i need to get out of the house i've i've been in bed rotting my my flesh is stuck to my bed

sheets okay i needed to get up and do literally anything maybe it's something that was in your routine before that you um haven't done in a while like oh i'm gonna go get breakfast at this one spot that i love going to i'm gonna go to this really special place that maybe we went together but I'm going to go alone and I'm going to experience it in a new sort of way so I can build new brain connections and enjoy it he doesn't need to be here to enjoy that you are going to be okay your life is going to be good you are going to be on to bigger and better things sometimes the universe surprises us in ways that we never could have imagined ever and you just got to roll with the punches you really do I guarantee there is greatness ahead for you but

when I went through my first breakup that was like he was breaking up with me thank god thank god I felt like my world was shattering and ending and honestly it did need to shatter and end it did whatever spiral I was going down in that direction oh my god it needed to happen and thank you to the universe for giving it to me because I would have never asked for it in that time have some fun you deserve it have your little mental breakdown you deserve it as well you know feel your emotions fully but also remember there is a whole life ahead of you that you now get to discover and how beautiful is that newness change it can be a great thing I guarantee someone said woke up today realizing that I've been so harsh with myself lately and I don't know how to fix it so every

monday on the patreon i post my personal affirmations for the week um and it's a fun little weekly practice for me to kind of think about what i'm manifesting what kind of energy i want to bring towards myself and it's a way to also inspire others to maybe do the same thing or even just put something in their head that is positive love that but sometimes if you're not seeing something every single day it has a hard time sticking with you so here's a practice that i shared with my patreon girlies on monday um about how to incorporate affirmations into your daily life to really redirect those negative maybe critical harsh thoughts that you do have about yourself and that is sticky note affirmations i love a good handwritten note oh my god i'm such

a sucker i am a little note to your loved one being like love you have a good day maybe your roommate maybe your best friend like love you so much have a great day like maybe it's um a letter to yourself i love a sticky note letter okay so do one okay bare minimum like one you can do one anybody can do one you can do one affirmation on a sticky note a piece of paper whatever it may be one affirmation that you're really trying to pull together within your life maybe it's stemming from this negative thought cycle that you have so then you do the opposite and make a positive affirmation maybe it's a manifestation that you want to bring in whatever it may be one affirmation for the week put it on a sticky note and then hang it somewhere that maybe it's a triggering place or maybe it's

somewhere that you just know you spend a lot of time and you're going to see it often. Maybe it's your mirror, maybe it's next to your couch, maybe it's your fridge, maybe you take a picture and make it your lock screen. Whatever it may be, put it on a sticky note, put it somewhere that you spend a lot of time and you're going to see it often. You would be surprised how hard this idea is going to stick in your head simply by being in your peripheral, being in your circumference of energy it's insane but if you're not having that you know reminder near you you know it's something you do once a week it's gonna have a hard time sticking with you that's why i say sticky notes put them up somewhere that you're gonna see it all the time with one affirmation literally bare

minimum you can do five you can do ten love it do however many you feel you would be surprised just how reading these and subconsciously memorizing these will have a way of transforming your life sticking no affirmations go that's your homework for the day love you someone asked how often do i smoke oh this is making me think a lot about my life decisions right now a lot and i feel like i need to cut back because the thing about weed is it can be very helpful with the things you're doing in your life such as doing creative things getting in the mood to clean getting in the mood to do hard things to calm down after a long day but also like when you get high you're going to lose motivation in that moment and that's okay that's a part of it it's supposed to chill you

out and relax you but if you're smoking all day you're not gonna get shit done period and i've been trying to get shit done and smoke at the same time and i feel like it's just not working right now i smoke like don't judge me don't judge me like four bowls during the day and like two dabs at night on average sometimes more sometimes less um but yeah i feel like i need to cut back on the smoking a little bit but that's usually how much I smoke oh okay I came out as gay now I'm bi how do I not feel like a fraud I feel like we as a society have really put such an emphasis on like labels and knowing yourself and I understand labels can be very productive and helpful within your life and that's amazing but also I feel like it kind of forces us to box

ourselves in and then once we box ourselves in we have a even harder time growing because we don't want to exit this box and once you allow yourself to freely you know enter and exit boxes and ideas and things throughout your life you have such an easier time so you're not a fraud you're just learning more about yourself and developing and growing and that's okay and there's nothing wrong with that in fact that is a very positive thing that you have been thinking about yourself and reflecting and wanting to try something new or discover more about yourself that is not a negative thing that's a positive quality and that's why when I feel like we box ourselves in we have a hard time growing we have a hard time accepting change because we don't want to physically remove

ourselves from these boxes so let yourself flow let it be free you know feel it out like you could feel one way one day and wake up another way and feel a completely different way and that's okay and that's valid and that's something i have had to learn a lot about myself as a gemini because not me bringing up astrology but as a gemini and all of my partners have had to deal with this as well and all my friends have had to deal with this as well and it's challenging for some people some people get it but it's like i will wake up one day and feel one way and then i'll wake up the other day and feel a different way and both are valid and both make sense in my head but there's no need to figure it out or like contradict what i'm saying or you know maybe

since i feel this way it completely negates what i felt the other day no everything i'm feeling in that time is valid and real and it's how i feel at that moment and allowing yourself to swing through those emotions and swing through those feelings and try new things and put yourself in new boxes you will feel the most freedom in your entire life so you know you can be in a box but don't close yourself off into it you know allow yourself to discover grow and change throughout your life you're not a fraud you're just discovering a new side to yourself love you oh why can i not function properly when my space is a mess also how do i keep my space clean girl i feel you i am looking around like at my living room and i'm like oh there's a bag on the

floor oh my god there's a hoodie on the floor there's empty cups everywhere i need to deep clean like when my when it becomes such a mess that i'm like okay girl we need to take a couple hours and just deep clean everything that's what you gotta do like when you feel that overwhelming feeling you just got to be like okay let me look at my schedule let me find some time that I'm gonna have two three hours and let me just get to work like as soon as you feel that feeling because if you feel that feeling and then you continue letting it be a mess your brain's gonna be even more of a mess like the messier your room the messier your brain for me personally and not like messy and like oh I have eclectic things I am a very eclectic person there's shit

everywhere but it's organized and when it's unorganized that's when I feel like my brain's unorganized when I have a clean space my brain feels clean as well and if you feel that way you got to listen to that you can't avoid it you can't push it off because you know how you're feeling so why would you try to convince yourself of something else so clean your space take a couple hours deep clean everything I'm talking vacuum I'm talking scrub your toilet do laundry change your sheets like this is like a self-care day like i gotta self-tan i gotta shave i gotta no but it's for your house so take some time light a candle smoke a bowl and then get into the groove of things deep clean and then after that when you feel like you've reached a good

point that's when you're gonna start the routine okay you gotta enforce some sort of routine especially to keep your house clean so whenever you have a moment that you feel like is your recovery rejuvenating moment in your day maybe it's like your hour before work in the morning maybe it's your 30 minute lunch break maybe it's at the end of the day after you just cook dinner you know lights are dim there's a cute little moon outside you're entering the twilight zone you feel like you can clean a bit whatever moment you feel like you have the best time and best energy to do so you're gonna do like a 10 minute clean like i'm not asking a lot simply start in one corner of your house and work clockwise until you make it to the same corner

10 minutes pick up the things you have just just tidy that's the least you can do every single day that's gonna be your routine and if you feel like you have adhd like me where you know you find one thing that goes in a different room then you're in the different room and then you're cleaning that room you're not working in a good rotation that's why I implement the clockwise cleaning and I also implement like I have a basket with me I have a basket and I put all of the little things that I have no idea where they go or they go in the next room in the basket and then when I move into that room after cleaning the room prior that's when I put those in the those things in the basket away does that make sense I also have a trinket basket out constantly not a chair not a desk

not the floor a basket and anything that I have that I'm like I have no fucking clue where to put this like an inhaler some some earrings maybe like mail I put that in the trinket basket and then once a week when I do my my deep clean you know my uh I gotta change my sheets I gotta vacuum whatever it may be then i go through that trinket basket once a week and i put those things away but daily 10 minute clean have a basket with you so you can throw all the random things in there and then put them away later trinket basket throughout the week once a week deep clean that's how you stay organized oh my god someone said they hiked a mountain we are all so capable it's insane really like whatever you ah and i say this people look at me like i'm fucking crazy

honestly whatever you put your mind towards you can make a reality and i a million percent believe that if you need something to kind of push you into like getting into a routine or why routines are important or like how to take control of your life um how to really get into those habits that builds you into a better person i've been reading atomic habits and it's our september book club book for the patreon and it is so good at just like reframing the way you think and reframing how you approach daily habits and making it apparent that you can get where you want to go it really starts with today and how you approach today not tomorrow not the past what you're doing right the second um and i have been loving it but honestly you can do anything you want

yes it's going to be hard yes it's going to be a challenge you've you literally are starting from zero you have no idea how to do it maybe you're out of shape maybe you know you don't have the right supplies whatever it may be but you can do it you can get there you can climb the mountain i'm proud of you that's incredible one day i feel like i'm gonna do a crazy hike like that i feel like i'm slowly gonna enter my hiker girl nature girl era soon and i'm excited for that but for now we're on a different journey but I love you hey girl love you and the podcast and all the listeners I was just hoping to get your insight on basically like therapeutic art projects I'm not doing them to show anyone or to make any money but it does really help me unwind

but I'm kind of a perfectionist and find myself sort of gathering a lot of the supplies um spending a lot of time conceptualizing ideas and not very much time just doing it so i was wondering if you had any insight on how to sort of break out of the procrastination and allow myself to spend time doing something that makes me happy um thanks so much okay i love a good hobby you and me both know i love a good hobby now the best way to kill a hobby is to monetize it So step number one to having a hobby and having it be successful and doing it long term is to not monetize it. You're already on that. You're already doing that.

This is a, you know, this is a hobby that you do when you want to wind down, you want to calm down. Maybe you're gifting it to friends and family at the most, but you're doing it for yourself. That's amazing. Now, how do I start? I have this idea in my head. I have something I want to do. How do I start? girl you just got to do it Nike was on to something just do it just do it just me just

repeating it over and over Nike they you know they get it you just got to do it if you hold yourself back if you continue thinking about it you will never get to where you want to go because to get to where you want to go comes with practice and especially with hobbies and crafts practice involves moving your hands not moving your brain the number one thing that I learned in art school was sit down and do it you have an idea you sit down and do it you don't even know how it's going to flesh out I don't care you sit down and do it failure is never a destination it's only an experience you're going to move through it you're going to get to your destination that is success but you have to go through trials and tribulations you have to fail you have to try new

things you have to um figure out new ways of looking at things not my friend just being like I just got in my store just haven't found my vibrator and just masturbated in years girl good for you not the text I was expecting at this moment I had to share love having friends literally the most unhinged people ever um but you have to do it you have to you're not going to overthink your way into a perfect scenario but you're going to over practice your way into a perfect scenario get a journal sketch it out try a little piece before you try a big piece sometimes you just got to go for it but like nike said you just got to do it the only person holding you back is you and your brain physically stand up move over to the hobby area pick up you

know the sewing needle pick up the paintbrush put some paint on the palette do it I can't guarantee it's going to be good but you at least have tried you at least have a better understanding of what to do next time and that's how you grow and that's how you do better throughout this life but you really just got to go for it you do in our school they made us do the craziest fucking things they'd be like oh you have a semi-formed concept of an eight foot sculpture great you got to have it done by 8 a.m tomorrow and it's like oh i guess i'm just gonna do it like sometimes setting deadlines for yourself like that amazing perfect try it it will get you way further than attempting to think your way through a situation you will never be able to think your way through

a situation but you will be able to physically move through it practice try dare to fail you got this someone asked where do you get your jewelry i love gold so much and yours is super cute so i have a gold hand and i have a sterling silver jewel hand and then all my necklaces are gold um because i gotta have both like i see something and i know it fits the vibe and i'm gonna wear it either way but all the sterling silver like gemstone jewelry i get i get when i'm traveling at like the random local crystal stores they always have sterling silver and they always have high quality gems and they're always so cheap so cheap i don't think i've spent over 65 dollars on any of my sterling silver rings most of them are gifted my grandmother was a sterling

silver jeweler and she has made so many different amazing pieces um and I am so lucky to have collected some of those but the other ones that I have I've gotten in like Colorado Arizona um California and I literally just google like crystal store and I go there and I do my and I do my shopping easy peasy now when it comes to gold gold I don't really go out and shop for as much as I online shop for I love an ebay find I do etsy or ebay I always type in 14 karat gold filled filled is going to last you longer than plated plated is not going to last you that long I really also just encourage you to buy solid gold if possible I know that's asking a lot but I have been in the routine of buying gold plated earrings and they only last me a year

and it's very frustrating because I know I could have saved some money just buying the higher quality more expensive ones because they would have lasted a lifetime instead of spending a hundred dollars and a hundred dollars and a hundred dollars I could just spend like 250 on a good pair and known they would have lasted my entire life that's kind of how you have to approach gold um my emerald ring is from my mom ask your parents and your grandparents if they have any jewelry you'd be surprised what they have me going up to my grandma like hey do you have any jewelry no idea if she has any because she doesn't wear it and she's like yeah look at my whole sterling silver gold collection i'm like oh yeah i'm gonna need that thank you my pinky ring

i got off of ebay it was like 25 it's an infant ring actually um my necklaces i've gotten off eBay and Etsy but yeah I always shop for gold on eBay and Etsy and then another like in-person trick is any sort of pawn shop that's around you they sometimes have like special deals and they'll do like a gold deal where it's like 20% off all gold that's when I would go shop at a pawn shop because pawn shops are notoriously expensive like you're probably going to be spending a lot of money especially on gold but if they're having a deal that's when I'll go look around and try and find some stuff love you good luck you guys i think it's time for a tea break i know i know you're like girl what what i think tea breaks are healthy and i like challenging myself and trying

new things within my routine and i also feel like once something becomes a compulsion then it's not healthy necessarily because i'm not using it in a healthy way and i feel like smoking has kind of become that way for me it's like oh i finished my coffee now i'm gonna smoke a bowl oh i gotta eat lunch now i'm gonna smoke a bowl oh i gotta have dinner i'm gonna take a dab and like that is not the way i want to use weed if that's the way you use weed good on you you know what's healthy for you but for me i feel like once it becomes a compulsion like i need to do this that's when i'm like okay we gotta take a step back and we gotta try some a new way of approaching this um so tea breaks can look many different ways um you it can be like a i'm completely tea breaking

it i ain't no weed at all no smoking for a week a month whatever it may be but my kind of tea break because i don't think it's that serious yet and i don't have any drug tests coming up i am going to just try and like wean myself off and i do think a tea break can look like oh i'm going from smoking five times a day to just like one time a day and that's all I get and it's going to be at night and I'm going to set parameters and I'm going to set boundaries and I'm going to make this into a healthy routine I think a tea break can also look like that as well um it really is just up to however you decide to do it but the way that I'm going to approach my tea break is no more date like daily smoking just nighttime smoking one one dab one bowl whatever it may be

at night after i get all my chores done i will be supplementing with cbd cbd joints cbd carts cbd edibles whatever it may be love cbd oh my god it's so good it literally is the best and i will be using past packs as you guys know the best company around you've heard me say this a million times like it's the only cbd i will literally ever recommend because it's the only cbd who is quality and it works and it works incredibly well and it tastes almost like just as amazing as really well propagated weed does it's incredible um and i also am going to try to pick up one new hobby during this time to keep me distracted um and to keep me from being compulsionary in other ways because I feel like when I'm not smoking heavily then maybe I'm online

shopping heavily like I'm going to try and not replace it with something just as addicting and just as um bad for me and replace it with something that is good for me so maybe it's like when I get bored I'm gonna read a chapter out of my book to distract myself um maybe it's I'm gonna go for a walk around my neighborhood maybe it's I don't know maybe I'm gonna go to an art class whatever it may be that's kind of where I'm starting from so I'm gonna work my way through that and figure out my perfect routine but if you guys would like to join me on my little tea break journey feel free you can do it it doesn't have to be scary it's not gonna be as insane and hard as people say it is um and i feel like even as like a healthy smoker if you do it in a healthy way

sometimes your brain needs a break and sometimes it's good for you to just give yourself a moment to have a rest and to give weed a moment to become weed again instead of becoming a part of your daily routine love you let's do it together someone asks is being delusional unhealthy and here's my little gemini brain kicking in saying yes anything can be healthy or unhealthy just as the way you approach it there is healthy delusion and there's unhealthy delusion and I have been in both stages in my life I have I have I feel like I really needed delusion in my life when I was just miserable I was stuck in cycles that I needed to escape I knew I was doing things that were bad for me or I was pushing myself down or I was letting other people push

me down like I was at a very low point in my life and I felt like I was out of control in my life and then the delusion switched in I don't know what happened it really did just like kick in and I was like oh wow fuck all these people I'm amazing I'm beautiful I'm gonna go out and do all these incredible amazing things and it really was this driving factor that I needed to kind of get up and be like let me look around and ask myself if I am happy and the answer was no and I know I deserve to be happy and I need to live in a state of delusion in a little bit in order to push myself up higher and to escape these negative habits that's what I needed delusion no I have also been in a state of delusion where it's like I know deep down this is the wrong

choice but I'm convincing myself of it I'm convincing myself that I need it I'm convincing myself that I should do this thing I'm convincing myself that this is the right choice that's when I know the delusion is unhealthy also it's not uplifting me in a way that's also uplifting others if I'm in a state of delusion that's unhealthy it's like I'm uplifting my uplifting myself over other people instead of simply raising myself to the point that other people are also at it's uh i'm putting myself over people i am disregarding other people i am disregarding other ideas i am living in a unhealthy state of delusion um i feel like delusion is healthy when you need it when you don't need it and you already have a big ego that's when it's unhealthy okay

so I feel like the best way to figure out if this is a healthy or unhealthy delusional choice is do I feel comfortable in this choice and asking yourself that like honestly do I find comfort and comfort in a way that I know is going to propel me forward in this choice if it's like a oh I'm delusional and I'm going after a guy and I know he doesn't like me and I know he hates my guts but i still am in love with him that's a unhealthy delusional choice you are not uplifting yourself and you are not propelling yourself forward with anybody up with everybody else oh my god my brain my cotton mouth is insane right now um that is i'm putting myself down also it feels comfortable because it's probably a routine that you've been doing

but also the comfort is not pushing you forward it's pushing you down maybe the delusion is I really want to start my own business it's something I've been practicing for a while but I know it's not a choice that everybody's gonna make and I know people are gonna judge me for it but I know I can be successful and I know I can push myself forward that's a healthy delusion I'm finding comfort in the fact of knowing that I can do this and I feel proud of myself and I feel comfortable in myself and I'm also pushing myself forward into a new experience a new state a new drive for my life. Healthy delusion. Those, I feel like that's the best way I can really describe between the two. I feel like when I felt awful about myself and when I was in

negative cycles and I was pushing myself down, I needed delusion in my life to push myself up because I could not physically think positively about myself. So I needed to kind of force it upon myself and be a little quote-unquote delusional propel myself forward find comfort within myself I don't need delusion in my life right now like whatsoever like I need stability in my life I don't need to be making rash crazy decisions right now I need to be focusing on the future and focusing on the now and focusing on this little things like that's the difference between the healthy and the unhealthy is it something you need and it's going to propel you forward and find comfort or is it something that you know is going to cause chaos cause drama

push you down be smart enough to differentiate between the two talk to yourself you'll figure it out someone said i'm way too shy so am i or i was dare i say i was i when i tell you i couldn't even like look into family members eyes and speak full sentences when I was younger I was that shy like even though I had known them my entire life I couldn't I couldn't I couldn't and it was simply because and if you're a shy person it's because you are way too self-aware you are way too self-aware you're overthinking the way you're breathing you're overthinking the way you're blinking you're overthinking your next sentence you're thinking way too much and you need to stop thinking step number one is really just to put yourself into situations that are going to force

you to interact with people and it's gonna be weird and uncomfortable at first because you haven't done it in a while but you got to practice breaking out of these thought patterns and breaking out of these thought spirals and overthinking about yourself once you start practicing it's gonna be uncomfortable practice with people you love and you know love you unconditionally are your best friends whatever it may be don't practice with new people at first because it's gonna make the overthinking worse practice with people you feel safe and comfortable with and when you feel that moment of oh that was embarrassing or oh now I'm overthinking about this one thing or oh my god I said this thing and I regret it or I laughed a little too hard as soon

as you feel that thought spiral happening you got to snap yourself out of it you have to immediately replace that thought with a positive thought with a positive ideal with something positive about yourself give yourself a compliment you know uplift yourself in some sort of way you have to redirect that thought as soon as it enters your mind you got to distract yourself maybe it's by asking a question to a person in front of you physically distracting yourself maybe it's by simply getting up and switching seats or walking to the bathroom or physically moving yourself you got to break that thought pattern whether it's in your head or physically and moving yourself and moving that idea will do that and will also help your brain get trained to do that in future

social situations but you're not too shy you just need a little bit more experience and you need to get out of your head no one is thinking about you as much as you're thinking about yourself find peace in that but also you gotta for like offer yourself forgiveness and be kind to yourself be gentle on yourself i also think if you're a very shy person befriending people who are not shy and who are a hundred percent comfortable in themselves and also put themselves out there in a way that you might have never done so before will help you break out of that it will help you i know it'll be uncomfortable at first but it will really help you show or help help you see the ways of living and living uninhibitedly and allowing yourself to simply

be a person in this world because you deserve space you deserve to hold space you deserve forgiveness you deserve to have a little fun okay and it's okay to be shy but that doesn't mean you should close yourself off to the world and for me you would never think like oh my god this girl does a podcast every week spews her life and her guts to thousands of people every week oh she can't be shy no bitch i was the shyest person ever when i was younger and it took a lot of socialization and a lot of practice for me to break out of it and to get to the point to where I am now I also think socialization and practice is important but also simply being comfortable within yourself and uplifting yourself and feeling proud of yourself will help with that socialization

and will help with that overthinking and will really dwindle that overthinking because when you feel confident and comfortable and more in tune with yourself which simply comes from being alone with yourself and spending time with yourself and getting to know yourself you won't have those thought spirals as often so get out practice practice that socialization babe i love you i know you got this and also spend time with yourself and get comfortable with yourself those two things in tandem i think will really break you out of your shell and will open yourself to a brand new world he's sitting down getting absolutely crossed with my friends then going thrifting literally there's nothing better oh there's nothing better that

like i got iced coffee i'm ripping my pen in the car and i'm gonna be in this thrift shop so high with all the other old ladies who are shopping at fucking 10 a.m on a tuesday like about to shit my pants and i'm gonna find the best thrift finds of my entire life like i don't know what it is about that recipe but i'm going to find the best thrift finds of my entire life when i tell you i found a 1970s gold label white linen victorious secret lace up mini dress at the thrift for seven dollars i screamed i posted on my instagram story today at hannah marlene if you want to check it out it is gorgeous but there is something about that iced coffee dab pen about to shit myself energy in the thrift store that really gives me the best finds of my entire life oh my god i

haven't talked about the psych ward in a while someone said just got out of psych ward have you ever been if so please share some stories yes i have been um when was it freshman year high school i believe february i do remember the month um i went to the psych ward for like a week a week and a half um very much so needed i was a danger to myself i needed to be put somewhere with some other people to see some new perspectives to have a break from the real world and focus on my brain for a little bit it was good it was healthy it was needed but psych wards do feel like jail a little bit they do they do feel like jail and i feel like that's a little bit on purpose like girl i didn't have a door shower door i don't know her curtain i don't know her they're like

you're gonna kill yourself they cut out the wire from my bra they said you might die i don't know what you're gonna use this wire for I couldn't have deodorant I couldn't wear laces in my shoes in fact I was barefoot or in socks most of the time you're eating cafeteria food like it's not the best physical experience but that's because all of your focus is supposed to be on your mental and that was a shift in my reality that I really needed because although my focus had been on my mental and not my physical in the real world but in a negative way and finally catching a break and being able to be in a place where I could completely focus on my mental not really give a shit about my physical for a little bit and not really have to care about the real world and

really just figure out a way to redirect my thought patterns and processes was very much so needed now it did feel like jail but it was it was a needed reach like rechange in my brain almost and a new perspective of mental health and a way of looking at mental health that I really needed um and was one of the bravest decisions I have ever made for myself actually I didn't make that decision I was admitted um by my therapist shout out to her she didn't know what was best for me I was a little pissed about that for a while but she didn't know what was best for me and it ended up being very good and looking back I am very proud of myself for going through that moment and opening myself up and being vulnerable with the people around me um and daring to really take control

of my mental health and understand that I am not a symptom of my brain and me and my brain can work together now it's been a fight and a process like going to the psych ward and getting out isn't going to fix everything it's really just going to give you a moment to catch up and learn some new tools and maybe get on some new medications and give yourself some time to really focus on your mental health to get a grasp of it but what's most important is what you're doing afterwards um if you're going to the same routine same cycles and you just completely push your mental health away you're going to end back up in the psych ward which i don't think anybody really wants again um so sticking to your meds and sticking to your therapist and talking to your psychiatrist and

making sure you have a good plan, monthly, weekly, whatever is needed, I think is very healthy and helpful. And no matter how mentally well you think you are, everybody needs a good therapist. I do believe that. You are not broken. You're not crazy for going to a therapist or for going to the psych ward. Everybody's going to have a little mentee be at many different levels at many different times. Be proud of yourself for understanding what you need and taking control of your life and allowing yourself to catch a break and work through it and try new things be proud of yourself it is a hard thing to do it's a hard thing to get through um but you did it and you're here and you're on a new journey and I'm so proud of you

and I hope you are doing well I hope you're feeling well you will get to a place that you never thought imaginable you will be happy again dare I say you will feel comfortable within your life um and there are so many great things ahead of you but yeah I went to the psych ward and the thing about the psych ward is I was just like depressed and like wanted to myself you know like nothing crazy well to some people that's fucking insane but then you get to the psych ward and then the girl next to you is like yeah I stabbed my friend and you're like oh oh my issues are not as serious as other people's like people are like schizophrenic at age 15 and you're like oh I thought the world was ending depression some suicidal thoughts and tendencies easy we can

we can work with those we can but there are some other things that people are going through that really put into perspective like how bad your situation is and then you start feeling very lucky and you're like okay well i'm not in a straight jacket so we can work with this brand like girl we can we can work with this we can get some medication we can do some therapy so i feel like that perspective was also very much so needed from my psych ward experience and i will never forget this my friends at the time they and still my friends to this day i love them so fucking much i went to the psych ward and i got out and they were like we made you a gift basket they wanted to drop it off for me but they don't allow gifts tragic and their asses went to walmart

and bought all the things that they could think of that reminded me of the outside world because i was not allowed to leave this like facility or go outside i would could just look outside so they got me like wildflower lotion like a wildflower candle and like candy i was like now that's a real friend that is a real ass friend that is so funny things that smell like the outside are you kidding me if you are a friend of somebody who's going through this being supportive and not making them feel weird or different about those things and having to go through this experience will be the best thing that you can ever do for them really just not acting like they're different or not acting like they're weird or unnormal for having to go to the psych ward

and being supportive of them and having a little laugh with them and showing up for them is the best thing that you can do for your friend who's going through this like how unserious but also serious they took it was just what I needed and was the perfect reaction and I thank them every day for doing that for me and for being there for me and for not like distancing or treating me as if I was like weird or crazy for having to go through that experience because we're all gonna have our moment we're all gonna have our little mentee be moment and having good people around you to help you through it is a game changer but also just simply like standing by yourself in that moment and understanding when to ask for help and when to get it and being brave enough to do so

is the best decision that you will ever make for your life so I'm proud of you I hope you enjoy being in the real world again you got this you will get through it and you will get better i love you anyways that's basically it for our podcast you guys thanks you for thank you for hanging out with me my god cotton mouth is on a whole nother level i gotta pull myself together do my makeup go pick up my friend we're gonna go get some pho we're gonna go to the little bakery next door i can't wait it's gonna be good it's like sunny and 70 outside i'm sweating in my hoodie already i'm gonna change into a fun little outfit and go live my life and have a good day off i hope you guys do the same as well be kind to yourself support yourself uplift the people

around you dare to be a little delusional if needed dare to ask for help if needed as well um and i will see you all next week love you