Smoke Sesh - comparison kills, finding motivation & birth control

Episode Date: April 14, 2022

Happiest of Thursday everyone!! Today we cover so many topics as I try and catch up on questions. Tips for confidence, let’s get real about birth control & best birth control for mentally ill baddies. Getting over people, finding motivation in your day, top 5 albums of hannah’s life, and comparison and how to find beauty in everything. Hope you all have a wonderful Thursday remember to submit all questions to my Instagram @ hannahmarlene love you all MUAH !

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, someone to look out for them. Some people call me their internet big sister, others their fairy smoke mother. You can call me Hannah, the new host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. Some good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing. I've got a story for it all. Oh my goodness. Good morning, everybody.

Do you hear the birds chirping outside? probably not because my audio is not that good but i woke up it was bright and sunny beautiful out the birds are awake and chirping you know it's spring when those annoying ass birds always wake you up in the morning it's like a certain bird too has a certain call i don't know if this is just a midwestern girly thing but oh my god there's these one birds that are so goddamn loud in the morning and like love it there's no better way to wake up but quite honestly that is the true sign that spring is here um what have i been up to recently to be honest not a whole lot i've been trying to get this merch done i um have been purging my closet majorly um thank you to everybody

who purchased off my depop my depop is at smokes as shoddy with two y's because someone took my username so rude um but thank you everybody who purchased off there i will keep uploading on there pretty regularly um just trying to clean out my closet make some money you know what i mean a lot of people ask me like um how to make quick cash i got that question a lot i'm not sure why um and i can answer that right now considering i'm doing that i'm going on vacation soon so i'm like hey hey oh my god oh my god cats are they just do whatever they want they were just trying to knock she was trying to knock a pipe off of the counter so how to put a stop to that real quick but if you guys need fast cash like really easy cash um quick cash if you have relatively good style

and you have a lot of clothes you're a hoarder like me quite honestly babe it's time to part ways it's time to make room for new stuff if you do not wear it if you do not pull it to wear at least once a week it should not be in your closet um and i think a majority of my closet is quite honestly pieces that i'm like well i might wear it for this occasion so i'm gonna just hold on to it no sell it sell it and sell it for cheap sell it on depop a lot of depop girlies like to run the number up on that shit but all my stuff is under 50 because it goes quick make easy cash and also i don't give a fuck it's going to a good home hopefully it's going to some someone who's gonna wear it all the time because that's really all i could ask for so that's a super amazing easy

way also i've never tried these but i've always heard good things from them my friends do them um but literally if you have a car instacart love instacart i use instacart all the time to get my groceries because i'm lazy and also super busy and the grocery store stresses me the fuck out and i always spend an unnecessary amount of money so i gotta cut it down to my preset list that i order every week and i always i always tip super duper well so instacart is oh my god my literal intro just keeps getting interrupted i got a call from the coffee shop i just placed the order my go-to coffee recently has been honey rose oat milk latte um and they called they're like hannah i'm so sorry we're out of rose i was like oh that's so sweet thank you for calling me

i got lavender honey instead i feel like that's a vibe but instacart uber eats i know those bitches are making so much money when they come into my restaurant because i make zero dollars off of it none of the tip goes to any of the restaurant staff if you were eats or um like uh postmates whatever the fuck any of that all the tip goes to you basically if they tip now i have never tried it but i do know people who make really good money they like doordash and stuff so that's always an option i have used task rabbit before um i've never worked off of task rabbit but i've used it um love my experience was great 10 out of 10 quite honestly um when me and my ex-boyfriend broke up he basically just left a bin of my shit on my front porch at like 2 a.m so after i got

back from the club which he was pissed about all my shit was on my front porch in a tub and i was so fucked up i was like blacked out i just saw the whole tub and i just dragged it inside and then like stumbled upstairs and threw up and then i went to bed and then i packed all of his shit up and i didn't want to drive 45 minutes to his place to possibly even even possibly see him or his car or even the area in which he lives because once i'm done with somebody i'm like done keep that in mind babes once you're done with somebody you need to be done okay i was so done that literally i packed his shit back up in that um and this tub he left my shit in and i hired a task rabbit i was like hey can you help me move stuff and she showed up with like a suv and she was like i'm ready to

move stuff i was like oh babe it's it's one it's one container it's real easy it's real light too he doesn't have a lot of shit and um she was like oh wonderful and i tipped her super well because it was kind of far but she literally best experience ever sent me a picture of the shit on his front porch and said you deserve better hope you have a great day and i was like 40 tip you are the best love that um so task rabbit also fiverr if you're not a car girly you don't want to drive around okay you don't want to interact with people in person fiverr is great for like creative people um work from home you do kind of have to build up a profile and um establish kind of a pretty good resume on what you like to do um but quite honestly there's any

option for any creative person on that website whether it's ghostwriting illustration creative work logo design um business management um influencer management literally anything that you could ever think that's like on your phone creative work um fiverr is the go-to quite honestly so for all my broke girlies this spring trying to have a good hot girl summer trying to ball out on some new clothing i know i am about to buy like 200 shoes i was about to buy this balenciaga bag yesterday because okay literally it was a pink city balenciaga bag and it was 200 now i should be a little concerned about that because it could possibly be fake but i did not purchase it i'm also probably gonna buy a new film camera for vacation i just have a lot of

plans and also i gotta buy a new apartment oh my god but i need to go pick up my coffee i will be right back okay i got my coffee i got my smoke i'm ready to get into it it's a good thursday how are you all doing by the way how are we feeling i'm feeling hopeful i'm feeling excited the weather's supposed to be good today thank god it was brutal yesterday it was literally i had to walk my parents dog and i was walking her it was snowing literally the day before it was 85 and sunny and then it was 30 and snowing the next day if that gives you any idea of what i'd like to live in the midwest yeah it's just completely unpredictable in the spring it's kind it's pretty brutal i can't lie but we're gonna smoke a bowl here in a second i want to start

diving into some questions because i got a lot thank you guys so much for submitting some extra ones to my podcast um uh i take those questions on my instagram at hannah marlene i'm sure you all know that already but here is our first question of the day okay hi you were talking in the last podcast about confidence and the importance of having it be genuine what are um some tangible everyday ways to practice building confidence i want to oh i want to be confident in my true self but i have no idea where to start some days when it doesn't come easy loving your topics lately by the way oh love you um so every day just very easy practices you can do to kind of build your confidence um without focusing on the confidence from the outside is simply like

challenging yourself i feel like challenging myself in healthy positive ways you know really helps me establish and build that confidence within myself because a lot of the times it's me overthinking oh i can't do this oh i i won't do this oh i'm too nervous and i hold myself back but then once i get through those challenges have a good time experience something new i realize okay this built a better relationship with myself and also i had a fun time doing it and i feel a little bit more comfortable within myself and i learned a little bit about myself and then i also am more inclined to do more things so things such as um trying a new hobby taking a new class going to a new coffee shop um even just like getting out the house whatever is

a hard task for you to do something that makes you nervous um and not like super overwhelmingly nervous but just something easy small that you can do um and get out a little bit outside of your room outside of your head i think that's a great way to start as well as um i think another great way to build confidence is to especially for myself I personally really love expressing my personality and learning more about my personality through my style so uh wearing something that maybe I'm a little nervous to wear wearing something that I know I really enjoy feel comfortable in authentic self through and through but you know I live in the midwest people might judge me a little bit you know what wear it have a good time try to not let it get to you um get

out there usually when I do that I feel like 10 times more confident in myself um and then also I feel more confident in um future outfits things I want to express myself through and then as well as if you're stuck inside um not really sure or so you can't go out can't do these things don't really like expressing yourself through clothing um a lot of the times just sitting down and having those hard conversations with yourself once again i really love journaling and i don't mean like i feel like whenever i see people journaling they're like meticulously detailing every part of their life in perfect cursive handwriting no i am a sloppy bitch i cannot lie i'm a mess and i love as i should be okay um i have had a lined journal for a while and i feel like although i do enjoy it

it doesn't allow me as much creativity and freedom as i would like if you are a organized person you like a line journal go for it but for me personally i have been leaning towards my journal that is quite honestly just a sketchbook okay like a 100 200 page plain paper journal sketchbook whatever you want mine's pink i love it um and i will just like take a few pages to dump and i will just mind dump whatever's on my mind get it out whatever i'm excited for get it out i do little dear universe entries like thinking the universe i do gratitude all of that is also a great way to get in touch with yourself and build that confidence back up because i feel like the more in sync you are with yourself the more you understand yourself in turn the higher your confidence will raise so i think

all of that is a great idea me personally though when it comes to journaling yeah i like i like the plain pages because i like to doodle i like to draw i like to use multiple colors i like to have it a little bit chaosy more like a scrapbook with my words and thoughts than like an organized detailed meticulous journal that's just how my brain works but do with that information what you will need to grind up some weed here in a second but someone said hey girly i met this cute dude at a kickback oh with some friends and we've spoke to blunt together and i thought he was super hot love beginning of a love story turns out he felt the same way about me oh and now we've been flirting and he got my snap he wants to hook up i want to hook up okay love but i'm not on birth

control because it fucks up my mental health what's your opinion on birth control for mentally ill baddies oh okay so i am also a mentally ill baddie who has been very much so negatively affected by birth control um i honestly think looking back um at my most peak depressive stages um although yes i do have a depression disorder and an anxiety disorder and all that jazz hormone imbalances do not help that situation at all if anything that's probably the reason why i wanted to die um because i was on um well i was like 16 okay your hormones are already pretty crazy as they are because you're going through fucking puberty your body is like trying to regulate itself for those like like a good five years i'd like to say i would say your whole high

school and beginning or end of middle school your body and brain are trying to regulate those hormones so i would say try to not fuck with your hormones as much as you can if you do have some sort of like mental illness if you leave your hormones alone the better you'll feel i guarantee it so i have been through a few different types of birth control first of all the pill hates hates i think a lot of people hate the pill um very hard for you to regulate your own hormones okay and what i mean by that it's very hard for you to naturally take them at a certain time every day my issue was i'd forget a day i would skip a day i would take them at the wrong time i'd take one in the morning one at night whatever it was and that was just making my hormones

fluctuate and go fucking insane and in turn making me go fucking insane so if you're organized if you are on top of shit like that if you are not super affected by hormones the pill is probably great for you okay the shot don't get the shot if you are affected by hormones do not get the shot i have heard some crazy stories about this now i have heard good things i think my friend is on the shot and i don't think she's had any issues yet um so keep in mind though it does have a lot of hormone imbalance when going into it if you can handle that love it if not mentally ill bodies it's not for you um now what i do think is a wonderful incredible option which i did talk about i think in the last podcast um i well so i was on the pill and then i was off birth control

for a good year and a half um i was in a long-term relationship at the time so it's a little bit easier for you to you know um maybe harder either way um to not be on a birth control because you know you're just working with one person you can work that out um pretty much organize things but if you're not having a lot of sex not interested in having a lot of sex except for some here and they are maybe casual I say as much as you need a birth control yes I think the family planning method is also a great wonderful way you just have to be very very in tune with yourself and your cycle so if you are in tune with yourself and your cycle you love tracking your period um there's like this little uh like thermometer too that you can get and it'll help you figure

out your ovulation cycle so then you'll know okay i cannot have sex during this week because that is when my body is releasing an egg um and it's gonna be a little bit risky for me to do anything during this week because it's a possibility that i could get pregnant now the risks of getting pregnant with this method are fairly high like when the iud with the pill i think it's like an between a 90 and a 99 percent like uh coverage like you won't get pregnant but with the family planning method these percentages are coming out of my fucking ass also just keep that in mind i want to say it's like 78 to 80 so there is a huge chance of you possibly messing up if you're young if you're reckless i say not the best way but for me personally if i was celibate if i was not

hooking up with anybody if i was just hanging out by myself i would not be on any birth control that is what my choice would be but i like to have sex as so do you love that incredible my favorite thing so far and what i probably will get again despite my own personal fears with it is the iud now i love the iud yes it is a hormonal birth control there is a non-hormonal option which is the copper iud um it is completely non-hormonal it just creates a toxic environment for the sperm to live in inside of your uterus i did not get that one because it is bigger i didn't think it would fit inside of my uterus um that's something you can talk to your ob-gyn about if they think it's gonna be a good fit for you you can do a little ultrasound see if it's gonna fit inside

I just saw it and I was like that's too big I know my uterus can't handle that um but it's a great option and it lasts 20 years I'm pretty sure no maybe 10 I think it's 10 years we're gonna go 10 20 is a lot but it's 10 years and you don't have to think about it don't have to mess with it um all you have to do when you get an IUD is every once in a while and every once in a while when i'm nervous like oh my god is it misplaced did it leave my body stick some fingers inside of there you'll feel these little fishing lines coming out of your uh cervix and boom pow that's as long as you feel those fishing lines you're good because that's what they use to pull it out now there's like four options besides the copper one and there's like four different hormonal

options i personally picked the lowest hormonal one um because i was nervous about any sort of hormones after being off of them for a year i didn't want to enter you know that whole fuck i'm literally hating myself and hating everybody and i want to die phase again that was horrible and if i can stay away from it i will so i was like we're gonna give the three year Skyla low hormone dosage a chance okay and I have loved it I've loved it no issues with being a crazy psycho bitch because hormones will do that to you I cannot lie especially if you are having too much of something or too little um I have had no pregnancy scares in the three years I've had it I have had a little bit of pain um that's just simply from me and having too rough

of sex especially with something that's inside of you if you're having too rough of sex and they like hit it it's gonna be a little painful but that's been very occasional i would say maybe three or four times that has happened and nothing too too crazy um also um my favorite part is i just haven't thought about it i haven't thought about it i would say the majority of the time that i've had my iud i have not thought about it i have been able to go through life pretty comfortably have sex and i mean like a little tmi here when i say this shit's like protection protection i mean my boyfriend comes to me every single time we have sex and i have never had an issue like i am not kidding should i be doing that probably not but i'm insane and i'm risky

and whatever and i have not had an issue maybe i'm infertile who knows but if i haven't had an issue with it i would assume that you probably wouldn't have an issue with it would an ob-gyn recommend a man coming inside of you every single time you have sex probably not but listen i made the bad choices so we all can learn from it so no pregnancy scares no issues very minimal pain the only issue is the um insertion procedure um i was talking to my friend who i met in nursing school uh yesterday and we were talking about the IUD because she's like I gotta get a new one her five years are up mine's three years um three to five actually so I'm not sure I need to go get it replaced soon but hers is five years she had like a little bit bigger one um a little bit more

hormones so it lasts a little longer um and she was like yeah it was painful but it wasn't that painful and I was explaining to her I was like I don't know like as a nurse if they go slower for you when they're like trying to teach you something like a procedure she's like oh yeah they take their time on that and when I was getting my IUD I talked about this in the last podcast there was a guest nurse there like learning how to do it so I think my insertion procedure was so painful because she just took her fucking time with it when in reality it is a painful procedure that you want to get over pretty quickly um but the pain is manageable very much so you can get through it you can have medication also that helps you get through it if you inquire about it

through your ob-gyn i talked about it in the last podcast you can listen to it there um and also they don't only give you pain medication but i'm sure you could ask for some not like serious pain medication but just like something better than ibuprofen i feel like that should be necessary i was like i kind of want to get put under to have it done again because that shit was so painful but the pain is worth it when you are just so fucking like mentally free and i have had no issues with the hormones affecting me so i think the best quite honestly option for mentally ill baddies is the iud i cannot lie i think it's great i've never tried the nuva ring um i've heard uh good things about it i haven't done enough research about it personally it might be a good

option for me i do need to look into it but for me personally family planning method was okay caused me a lot a lot a lot of mental stress um but it didn't affect my hormones so that's good birth control hated affected my hormones crazy affected everything crazy um iud love no hormone issues no um mental health issues no issues with me worrying about getting pregnant i have loved every second of it and i think it's a great option especially for women in their 20s i don't think i get an iud in high school i just feel like that's a big procedure to go through in high school um i mean unless you want the protection go for it i'm not trying to deter anybody but i do think it's great for women in college in their 20s going through it just want their protection

um until they're ready to have kids oh i'm not that's why i'm about to get another one but keep that in mind mentally ill baddies if you need birth control which you you do okay ideally i wish my man would get a vasectomy but that is unfortunately not an option so it is so many of you guys are giving me book recommendations from yesterday's podcast thank you i really do appreciate it there's a few you guys have sent me that i'm about to order i appreciate it love you i'm gonna take it on vacation with me read on the beach cannot wait but if you guys have any other favorite books i need to consume more like written media that is not on a phone so please let me know also should i roll a j should i smoke a pipe should i do bong

let's do bong let's do bong what should we smoke out of let's do strawberry bong i'll post a picture of her later actually i have posted a picture of her she's beautiful love her canna style 10 out of 10 if you guys ever need great pieces canna style pulls through consistently hand-painted glass hand-created women owned women ran bad bitch ran also they have a new stuff like every fucking month like every month they have new stuff i think their new collection this um month is like mushroom stuff and then last month it was like cute plants i was like love this the cutest pieces if you ever need a new one but it really is me and strawberry bong against the world i cannot lie uh i gotta get this podcast done get it out to you guys so many of you guys

listened to the last episode thank you i was kind of shocked so many people listened within the first day um like i feel like i do gain a lot of viewers listeners uh lovers throughout the week but like i had like 5 000 people if you guys listen to it within the first 24 hours so thank you love that obsessed is it because i finally talked about like cosmic shit i know i've been meaning to there's just so many secrets to the universe i haven't revealed to you guys yet and i'm so excited to get into it right now i'm smoking or will be smoking i'm currently grinding some pink runts up with paz pack cbd you already know love fave um i have a friend's birthday coming up and literally i'm about to gift them their pre-rolls like there's nothing better it's

the cutest packaging cutest shit and high quality too incredible but with that let's take a little hits let me load this bowl god damn strawberry bong is big she's like meaty and that's exactly how i remembered if you guys don't know the story of strawberry bong i think it's like uh five podcasts back i don't know if you guys remember which episode it is please let me know i'd be happy to share on my instagram story with you all um but i talked about the story of strawberry bong and her travels with me and my friend and how she unfortunately lost her life to no home she had no home so she had to go in the dumpster which is horrible so she has been reincarnated and now she lives with me and i'm so happy let's hit this b oh my god my lighter won't

work there we go oh yeah okay let's get into some um questionnaire questions i've been answering mostly questions from the dms from my dms right now once again at hannah marlene can upload them there but i'm gonna answer some from the questionnaire i posted on my instagram story the other day um let's get into it oh okay i keep trying to leave my toxic boyfriend but i can't i really have tried also i love the pot he is extremely manipulative and i'm very susceptible to manipulation okay i hear you this is exactly what needs to happen hey i'm breaking up if they're manipulative they're gonna be even more so manipulative in person i say you pull a task rabbit on them pack up all their shit leave it on their front porch send them a text ah i don't

know if you see them in person really i don't know how old you are also so if you can avoid them at all costs do so but i say pack their shit up leave it on their front porch hopefully you guys aren't living together and send them a text and be like we're done and then block if you've tried to leave so many times already he knows what the fuck he's doing they know how much they're fucking up they just are manipulative and want to keep you there no matter the cost so then you gotta have like just very harsh boundaries and like yeah it's gonna be hard but also i feel like you'll feel very liberated after very liberated and you'll be on your bad bitch bad bitch mode but if you can avoid them at all costs i don't know how old you are also if you're like 22 like my age if

if my ex kept like showing up and showing up showing up girl restraining order straight up immediately like i think there's no issue in doing so especially against men who are don't know any boundaries okay because there's no time there's gonna be a time where they cross like a boundary too far and i don't want that to happen so i say pack that shit up and dip and block block block block I'm getting a lot of questions as well that are like I just like can't get over my ex I just I can't I just I stalk them every day I'm obsessed with them it's been years I just I can't babe if you are still in contact if you are still in any sort of connection to them it's hard to get over them I understand when you're at school you're like whatever okay I

occasionally see them yeah that's gonna be hard just try and build new friend groups try and get over it try and build yourself up um but you also need to take these precautions outside of like possible encounters in in person and you need to just like block and delete everything okay i mean everything like block them everywhere from any like anywhere that you could possibly think of fucking roku block them on their um email oh my god ebay why email and ebay my brain said let's combine that too email and ebay i i am having a fucking tongue twister block them on ebay and email and fucking venmo and fucking instagram and twitter and a phone number okay delete all the photos there should be no reason you are able to encounter them at all

and you just have to do that as like a self-care spring cleaning tool i understand you wanting to hold on to memories i understand also having memories of the person that are good sure keep that but anything like relationship based just get rid of it okay you'll just feel great i feel like you have to have those harsh boundaries with yourself especially to just like have the healing process even start or continue you gotta implicate them into your life okay literally straight up block delete get them out of your memory out of your mind and if you can try and get them out of your personal life as well i understand when you run into them do so but you got to build new memories make new friends try and just move on with your own life that's the

best you can really do okay great question what motivates you slash how do you motivate yourself to get out of bed every day besides the pod love the podcast um it does get me out of bed every day it gets me something to do I want to go make new memories I want to share my life with you experience life together um but other than that like when it comes to everyday daily stuff like I work really late and I feel like people who do work in my industry if you're in the server industry and I used to be like this so I know um when I dropped out of school I served full time for like half a year maybe a full year i'm not sure um and i would be at work from fucking like sometimes 2 to like 11 and then i would sleep until 11 a.m the next day like i would waste

half of my day because the other half of my day was spent being awake at night so i understand and not wanting to get up early um but the older I got the more I kind of conditioned myself to be better with like routining and scheduling and motivating myself so here's what really motivates me um so being a nanny I had to wake up really really early for like a year and a half and that was a complete 360 from what I was used to because previously I was well I was unemployed during the pandemic and then i was serving so i just was having a heyday on whatever schedule i possibly wanted to do okay and i would just like it was brutal it was brutal i cannot lie it was brutal waking up at fucking 6 30 for those days like that first week of me starting to nanny

that shit was hard okay i'm not saying it's not going to be hard we've had this talk we've we talked about this the last two podcasts that shit's gonna be hard okay but you gotta push through it you gotta get through it i guarantee you can do it um it takes like the brain exactly two weeks to a month i'd say um to fully get into routine i know people say two weeks but genuinely i think it it differs from person to person um so i would give yourself two weeks to a month quite honestly um to have a routine stick to it i'm saying no days off stick to that routine after you get through that amount of time i guarantee it'll be second nature and you will feel so good about it but sometimes you know waking up early is not for everybody personally

i very much so enjoy waking up early because it gives me more time to accomplish it throughout the day and i don't feel as rushed throughout the day and i don't feel like my schedule is as jam-packed as when i would wake up at 11 have what three hours to do like homework and whatever like shit i need to do for my regular day and then fucking go to work at four or five whatever i wake up at i don't know my boyfriend's alarm goes off at seven i wake up at 7 a.m and it's harder now because this is on my own free will i don't really have anything waking me up other than my boyfriend brushing his teeth super loud um but it's sweet it's just like it forces me awake a little bit which is nice i could sleep in but i choose to just kind of wake myself up and then

honor my morning and my time by really having myself relax and chill i think it's very important to allow yourself time in the morning to just like wake up catch up let your brain just focus get a little bit of food get some good coffee whatever you need i think it's very important to give yourself a little bit of that time in the morning so then i don't know i feel more energetic throughout the day i feel like i've given myself enough time to rest so i can get more work done um and that sometimes ranges anywhere from like today it was only 30 minutes i felt pretty good to feel pretty rested a little tired right now but um that and also like sometimes two to three hours genuinely it's just whatever you need but allowing myself and honoring myself the morning

giving myself the morning has helped me stay so much more motivated because i'm allowing myself time to chill relax let my brain turn on also catch up so i don't feel as like discombobulated throughout the day um and you can do this at any time i think it's really just important to honor your own time and have allotted time to yourself to quite honestly do whatever the fuck you want you know what i mean you should never feel bad about taking a rest you should never feel bad about taking a break or recharging in whatever way is necessary for you to do so sometimes that's me sitting on my phone and scrolling like I'm not saying it's all healthy but you have to have like balance you know what I mean and I think allowing myself the morning specifically has

made my days just so much better and made me more motivated and getting things done and made me more hungry to get things done as well as motivation especially once you're out of school I realize this which is kind of hard I feel like this is the real kind of trial of adulthood um is some people don't work good once you leave college because no one is controlling your life anymore there's no more like okay here's your task for the day here's your 18 tasks for the day actually because that's really what college is um you have to do that on your own okay so I've literally started setting deadlines for myself i will be like okay so like merch i want all my designs by this date that makes me motivated i put it in my calendar i stick to it and then i okay well i want

my drop to be at this state so i'm gonna make sure it fucking happens and i know it's gonna fucking happen because i spent so many nights in college overworking myself overnight to get shit done so it's like you have to continue that motivation throughout your life and especially as like a creative who's quite honestly my own boss outside of fucking like bartending um i have learned that i have to be my own boss i have to set the schedules i have to set the deadlines no one is going to do that for me and if i don't start it's never gonna you know even fucking start or continue quite honestly so set deadlines for yourself give yourself ample time to rest and relax okay you need it you deserve it do it in whatever way you enjoy i think honoring just your

own time is very special and important and then i think that helps like the burnout and it helps the motivation because if you take care of yourself your body your time you feel valued you kind of put that back out into the world so i hope that helps but i love waking up early having a long day just so i don't feel as rushed as like overwhelmed and then honestly i get a lot more done so i feel more accomplished so take that into consideration let's load another bowl all right i'm gonna hit this and then get into some more questions oh my god someone asked me Trixie or Katya bias I want to say I love them both equally but I feel like I was a fan of Katya before I was a fan of Trixie sure I love Trixie obsessed

but there's just something about Katya that I really just resonate with I'm obsessed with her thank you for asking um tips on quitting nick oh my god i i've told this story before but i was i used nicotine a lot especially like vapes um for like a good two years at least the end of college and then when i started serving and throughout when i was serving i used nicotine and the only way i stopped which is like i'm not recommending this is just life experience that should that should be the title of my podcast no that should be the bio of my podcast not recommending just my experience um but literally i well back in the day back back in the day jewels were really kind of the only easy access nicotine device like the pods that was like

the shit when i tell you they were selling those bitches for 70 dollars for a starter pack that you can go now buy for like 15 at a gas station yeah they were selling that bitch for so much money you know you got four pods you got like the um tobacco what is it like mint mango there's another one i don't fucking know but i ended up well i i mean i love smoking that's all there was the only other thing you could do to get a different flavor was to go buy a cartridge of juice and then also have like an expensive vape period ew um and like a expensive nice vape that you could refill okay or you could refill pods but that seemed like a lot of work i was not that fucking addicted i didn't care that much um so there was technically only like four flavors i

could really smoke so when i was serving i would also go out and i went to a lot of raves and i would get super drunk and just go to concerts hang out with friends get super drunk and i would be hitting my nicotine because you know when i'm drunk i also have like an oral fixation and i would hit it so much that i would get like if you have ever had nicotine before you know it makes you get the spins which is like the worst already on top of the spins from being drunk so i would literally hit it and then be like i gotta go throw up and i'd throw up and literally i just like classically conditioned myself to hate the flavor and so i did that with all four flavors subconsciously i didn't even know i would just hit it and i'd be like oh that reminds me of that

that night where i threw up next flavor and i ran out of flavors and literally i've never craved nicotine sense because it's just like it just reminds me of throw up like i literally psychologically conditioned myself to hate it subconsciously um no don't recommend that because i don't need you to go on like benders but i think it could also work in the same principle of you just got to replace your addictions with different addictions quite honestly like yet i'm still an addict very much so i don't eat molly every other day you know as i used to but like i'm still an addict i've just replaced it with new things i'm not talking like other drugs i'm talking like oh now i'm addicted to like online shopping quite honestly because it gives me a little boost of serotonin

every time it comes in the mail like there's other things you can do and like healthy ones so i say just replace it with a healthier alternative okay also there's an oral fixation probably um if that's the case you can solve that by literally buying a hydro flask or any water bottle with the um little mouthpiece the like straw lid because those are literally shaped like a pacifier like a jewel and as long as you're just sitting next to it and drinking water you'll still kind of get the same repetition same feeling same comfort but instead of nicotine it's a healthier healthier alternative look at that also cbd is just if you're gonna do anything that gives you some sort of like chill effect cbd is the case like if you want to indulge every once in a while

for sure do that oh my gosh what's the dumbest thing you've done while you're high i think i just jumble my words a lot that's the only thing i do where i'm just like fuck my brain's just like somewhere else right now as you guys know i feel like i just get higher about the podcast and then my words just get even more jumbled but i don't think i've really done anything stupid stupid like i've never gotten arrested actually you know the stupidest thing i've ever done i think back on like all the places i smoked in in high school that i was just like how did i get away with that and the stupidest fucking thing i've ever done is thinking that i could go to a church like a church garden biggest parking lot i've ever seen we are the only car there

go to a church garden at night and smoke weed in a highly conservative area why did i think that was a good idea no idea ended up running from the police not good that was my dumbest decision now it's a good story but do i regret it yeah i definitely should have been smarter any okay someone asked any health tips i know not everyone's perfect but you seem so balanced physically and mentally oh love that thank you i would say i'm not so much as balanced as I would like to be um so I grew up with a father who was very much so involved in sports he was like the track coach he was like the basketball coach he was the coach for everything um so I kind of grew up with a health nut in my family and I think he conditioned a lot of

healthy things in me that i'm now realizing now that i'm older um i had a hard time with it when i was a teen you know what i mean just because he's he was blunt and i did not need health advice at 16 you know but now that i'm older i'm like okay valid i hear you you know um i'm not as balanced as him okay he goes to the gym like two hours a day he eats healthy he doesn't smoke or drink like too much you know he works out he takes care of his body he works hard at his job and he like is pretty mentally balanced i'm pretty sure he goes to therapy so it's like you know perfect pretty much very good over there i am not that okay i don't think i ever could be that maybe when i'm older i just don't have a level of self-control at this age so keep in mind

it is all about doing what you can and i think at least at my age right now the biggest health tip i can really give you is just listen to your body i have spent so much of my life looking at like my mind as one thing and my body as a separate thing that i am not connected to okay and i think it fuels a lot of like my hate towards myself and my body as well because it was something disconnected from me and i like i was not connecting in the sense of like as much as i respect my mind i also need to respect my body um so that caused a lot of disconnect also within the health world i think the best thing you can really do like i said is listen to your body because it tells you so much of what you need to know the same way you have bad mental health days and have to listen to that

your body telling you like okay today's not the day and that's okay and i need to honor that you also need to listen to like okay am i having a health issue does this hurt do is my body like exhausted do i need to give it a break is my body jittery and bored do i need to go out and like maybe go on a walk go for a run whatever makes you feel good um i think it's just very important to listen to it same as like as a woman as much as i advocate for like listening to your body just because of like understanding your cycle is so important and also so interesting like there's so much that goes on within our bodies especially learning all of the shit i learned in like nursing school when i was there your body is just so complicated and is working so hard for you 24

7 so listen to her she knows a lot listen to when you're hungry listen to when you're not hungry listen to when you're feeling good you know try and get as in tune with yourself as you can when you're in synchronicity i think you find a lot of peace through that oh my gosh what do i do if my boyfriend is horrible at head but he loves to do it okay i'm not laughing because we all gotta learn okay he loves to do it let's start there he's enthusiastic great you can work with that all right if he's bad at it and hates doing it oh god that's just bad combination but listen he loves you he's enthusiastic that's you can work with that all right girl if he's bad at it you have to be vocal about what you want i think it's very important especially in all sex

or all situations or any sexual situation to be very vocal about what you're enjoying okay and what you want i think it makes sex more interesting it makes sex more enthusiastic you're more um kind of in tune because you're not guessing based on body language what other people want i think communication is so important especially during sex so communicate if if he won't listen that's an issue that's an issue literally point if you have to but like tell him what you like and i mean every girl kind of likes something different but if you can't find the clit like just be like move his head like play with his hair move his head around anywhere you need tell him where to go tell him what to do maybe also try new positions sometimes it's a little

vulnerable to like um i understand like receiving fully and only being focused on is sometimes a little vulnerable um and i feel like i didn't like it at first i don't know why just like when i was younger and was getting used to like being in any sort of sexual situation i didn't like all that attention because i like started overthinking too much um so like maybe do something where you're both um doing something okay maybe do a little 69 and then also like as you are doing and whatever you need to be doing you can just communicate what you want so there's not as much focus on you know mess ups or anything happening there's not all that pressure you guys can just both have fun but yeah girl just tell him what you need you gotta instruct him sometimes men

are literally stupid unfortunately but oh top five albums of all time okay okay let's get into it okay so coming in at number one which love is how to be a human being by glass animals that album came out at such like a time in my life where i was gaining so much freedom so much experience to the world um experiencing so many new things going on like new trips oh my gosh so it came at a very important time in my life and i feel like the album i very much so resonated with a lot especially from all the different points and perspectives that they really communicate really well throughout the album um zaba is also an incredible album um obsessed the those two hold a very high place in my heart but definitely how to be a human being

for sure unfortunately there's like nothing more heartbreaking than seeing your favorite artist kind of like sell out and i hate to say that it's just like i feel like i look back at their old stuff and there was so much like artiste and complexities and thought out details and now everything seems so simple and i'm just like oh but that album number one for sure number two is k trinata's 99.9 album oh my god that well another important shift in my life the pandemic happened and i had listened to k trinata before but i never really delved into that album fully and i think listening to it beginning to end is really a full experience i like had my first shrooms trip ever listening to it i continue listening to it whenever i need a good pick me up i'm obsessed

with the way he creates i'm obsessed with the artists that he collaborated with um on the album as well the way the songs flow together oh my gosh incredible honestly i've never been disappointed by anything k trinada really makes but that album as a whole oh my gosh incredible um picking a kanye album is really hard if i'm being honest i listen to a lot of kanye west just because it really i think as a woman you need to have a little bit of like a untouchable man mindset as well um and my inner gemini is really fueled fueled by kanye west and his gemini side i think he really just lets it loose i'm obsessed he's truly and authentically himself always constantly um and i think the life

of pablo album for sure is a favorite of mine um specifically just the way he touches on the complexities in life and the balance and um just obsessed also it came at a time in my life where i was um it was like middle of high school so it was like junior year um is when i kind of started listening to it getting into it more and i feel like freshman sophomore year is very hard years especially in high school year she'll transitioning sophomore year is a hard year because it's a big testing year junior year and senior year i feel like were very easy for me very lax um i felt more confident in myself i had a good group of friends we were getting into all sorts of chaos and i feel like this album just really fueled it marina and the diamonds um electra heart album

was just completely mind-altering for young Hannah that is what I was blasting all the time although I was like a Lana stan of course Marina just held a like very special place in my heart I still listen back on her songs and I'm like wow okay yes I'm I'm honestly kind of glad I was listening to it although I don't think I was seeing the irony in a lot of her songs that I do now um which i don't think i was capable of saying i was too young i think it just fueled so much creativity so much just like um freedom inspiration to be my own person inspiration to kind of like do my own thing kind of escape the path a little bit um and yeah that just was like young hannah's fucking jam and then last but not least i have to fit her in here

callie uchi's isolation album although i love her poor vita album oh my god it's hard to choose quite honestly i think her isolation album just came out at a perfect time for me and really triggered a lot of my independent bad bitch energy that i really needed and consistently does so to this day so i thank her every day for everything she came out with um but poor vida also incredible anything caliuchis does is just like magical the way she's just able to convey um through like her lyricism her poetry and also music is beautiful obsessed okay this is a longer one but i think it's a really good one okay let's get into it um hi so i have a longer question for the pod basically how do you learn to not compare yourself to other women like as i've

gotten older i've realized more and more that it's the patriarchal system and internalized misogyny that makes internal that makes us internally compete with other women and value them high hierarchically oh my god if that makes sense me not able to read the word um like it's gotten much better now where i can appreciate women and their beauty without the need for comparison and evaluation however there are still days where i don't feel particularly confident and i project it onto other women and compare myself to them so set myself apart or to to them so i set myself apart um so yeah a really long way of asking how do i stop that and what is a better way of looking at it thank you for everything hope you have the best day my love love you

you did great i'm sorry i'm high and butchered the shit out of reading that you really worded it perfectly this is something i wanted to touch on for a while so let's get into it i feel this question fully i get it i've i understand it and i've also grown out of it so i think i can help you um i had a really hard time existing in the world when i was younger because the only way that i looked at the outside world around me was through comparison okay and i think this was a internalized thing i think it's like you said something that we just kind of grow up with especially under a patriarchal system um and especially in such a harsh academic system um which there is a lot of comparison through and i was in a lot of like sports and i was in

music so there was a lot of competition going on in my life that i had so much anxiety and so many panic attacks and so much overthinking just because I was comparing myself to so many people now as a woman that continued as I grew up but in a different way I was just non-stop comparing myself to other women and that made me uncomfortable as a woman within the world and it it made me very unsure of where i stood within the world as a woman and it made me feel very inadequate um so here's the best way you can really look at this so my brother told me something that i think really put into perspective how internalized and conditioned all this is into us quite honestly um he goes on a lot of business trips he's constantly flying going places and

he's like 10 years older than me so the perspective that he has on life is like 10 years more advanced than than mine he has 10 more years of experience so when i hear the things he says i do take a lot from it because i do appreciate it and i try and understand more about it but this specifically i think really put into perspective a lot of things for me he said he was flying one day and he was sitting next to a mom and her daughter and the daughter's probably like five six very young and they were sitting there quiet everybody's flying doing their thing and the mom pulls out a uh like a tabloid magazine like a what like a daily mail like an e-news whatever it is um magazine and her and the daughter are sitting there flipping

through the pages going through the who wore it better section and the mom is having the six-year-old five-year-old daughter uh point out yeah who wore it better who looks better let's compare these people and he was like i will never ever have my kid do that like that's insane and when he said that i didn't really get it at first because i was like what it's just like a tabloid and then it kind of it made me realize some things like we are so conditioned to compare ourselves to everybody like everybody we are when i was younger it was a huge issue for me because i did not feel any sort of comfort in existing in the outside world because uh every time i left the house i was just constantly comparing myself to everything around me it was too much it was

overwhelming and i think a lot of people probably understand that feeling as well um and it's something also you have to come to terms with and accept i think a lot of women like to be like no i'm not misogynistic there's no internalized misogyny but i think a lot of us do have a lot of internalized misogyny especially when it comes to comparison and in order to get out of that mindset you have to accept it and understand when you are having those thoughts when you are overthinking when you are doing the comparison so then you can redirect them in a different way or else the comparison quite honestly will kill you i think a lot of people need to accept that within themselves. But you stating that you're having these thoughts,

you know, you are comparing yourself a lot, that's step one, okay? I think you're on the right track. You're doing great. Let's get into step two. Let's get into how to redirect these things and get out of the comparison mindset. So I think I did a lot of comparison, especially with other women because i i was a only comparing myself to people really who were completely different than me like either body wise physically mentally whatever it is i was comparing myself to people who were just like completely the opposite and so in turn i would be like i will never be them and in turn i am not worthy and that takes away from my beauty in some sort of way and since they're something i could never be that is like it makes me like in the comparison standpoint the

lesser of the person okay and that is like that's a mess i feel like that's how a lot of people think i think a lot of people look at other people's beauty and assume that it immediately takes away from their own when in reality and once i kind of got to this mindset it offered me a lot of freedom i think there is true beauty and true beauty quite honestly is found within the differences of each other okay so instead of looking at another woman and being like oh i'll never be that and in turn i'm horrible and awful and or whatever bad thoughts i'm having i can look at another woman and i'll be like i will never be that and they will never be me and it is beautiful how interesting nature works and how different we can all be and how different beauty presents

itself because it truly presents itself in so many fucking different ways okay someone's beauty does not take away from your own at all and you have to learn that and you have to remind yourself of that when you are doing that comparison i think you do need to actively be like honestly compliment the other woman honestly when you're getting that jealousy when you're getting that uh not worthy feeling when you are doing that comparison for it to not kill you for you to not have that like kind of a little bit pessimistic um thought either toward yourself or towards the other person i think you need to like come up with like three compliments for the other person and then also three compliments for yourself okay i think that's a really great way to just like

actively practice balancing that mindset also i had to learn to love myself within my own body kind of first before i was able to identify the issues with myself in the outside world and how i compared myself to the outside world so i do think that is a very good starting point is starting within yourself loving yourself fully and then um i'm not saying you shouldn't practice love for other people when doing so i think you should always practice love for other people but i think we don't practice enough love for ourselves and other people and for differences i feel like we all want to be the same we all want to look the same we all want to fit something and that's because we are served this fucking patriarchal beauty standard that is quite on like quite

honestly impossible to reach literally serve to us on a silver platter since we're fucking born quite honestly um you just have to learn not even eat off the plate okay you got to learn that there is beauty in differences there is beauty in the way nature presents itself and you have to find that within yourself and within other people but yeah actively changing that internal dialogue instead of being like oh i wish i had this you can say oh they look so beautiful with that you know what i mean switching it from a negative standpoint to a positive whatever is necessary also working on building yourself up um working on supporting yourself up um put more effort into your hobbies put more effort into your relationship with yourself and also hang out with people who

are comfortable with themselves um i feel like i found a lot of comfort within myself when i was just around quite honestly good role models who were completely like comfortable with who they were were absolutely unafraid to show that to the world and i think i learned a lot from that so uh cut out the fucking toxic friends and toxic relationships that you have um but it's just i feel like we just gotta learn that at some point you can you can't compare like fresh flowers to a sunset and you can't compare a sunset to a little puppy and you can't compare a puppy to like real love like there's so many different kinds of beauty out there in the world and we all perceive beauty very very differently so allow it to be perceived differently and understand that there's

so beauty shows up in so many different ways especially once you remove yourself from the patriarchal mindset um i feel like within that it's so limiting beauty is only one certain way allow yourself to see beauty in everything you deserve it you deserve to feel good and also you deserve to feel good about the world around you you're allowed to take up space and you're allowed to find beauty within yourself so oh my goodness this has been a fun episode you guys thank you for joining me i had so much fun today i hope you guys had fun too let's you know what let's smoke one more bowl i have a euro on the way i'm obsessed i love like greek and mediterranean food that's like my favorite food um like out of anything so i got a euro on the way love that

i'm gonna go package up some depop orders try and get this merch situation figured out i'm so excited i can't wait to see i mean my my products uh come to fruition and also i can't wait to see you guys wear them to see you guys have them to see you guys involved oh my god i can't wait let's hit this bowl oh yeah strawberry bong every time love her i hope you all have a wonderful day happy thursday i will see you tuesday to catch you up on what i have been doing if you celebrate easter i guess have a happy easter i will be eating good food with my family i don't like i really celebrate easter but i definitely celebrate good food

that's for sure um but i'll catch you up with i'll catch you guys up with what i've been up to on tuesday and answer even more of your questions if you ever have one feel free to send it to at hannah marlene some of the longer ones i read were from my dms if you have a longer one please feel free to submit it there if you have a shorter one i always upload the questionnaire form on like sunday or monday one of the two recently it's been monday so watch out um i upload that so you guys can submit anything you want to me you know nothing's off limits here i am always ready to chat love you all so much have a wonderful thursday i will see you all on tuesday for another episode of smoke sesh have a wonderful safe weekend