Smoke Sesh - confessionals! evil girls & finding forgiveness

Episode Date: June 11, 2024

Hello hotties and happy Tuesday! Today we have a confessionals only episode as you all have a lottt to get off your chest! Need forgiveness? Look no further! I won't spill any of your secrets here, this episode is a wild listen but its nice to know we all have each others back! If you want to see more from me follow me on instagram @hannahmarlene and join the patreon club for extra podcasts and content! See you all next week! MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash, so come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Oh my goodness, hello hotties of the world. Welcome back to another beautiful, wonderful, amazing episode of Smoke Sesh. My name is Hannah, your host of the sesh, and I am so excited to be here with you guys

on this, well, you're watching it on this beautiful Tuesday, but I am filming it on Thursday. I am currently, not obviously currently, but real life current time Hannah currently, oh my God, girl. um she's in wyoming montana running around the forest like the little forest fairy she is and i hope she's having so much fucking fun um i will be on my girls trip as you're watching this if you want to keep up with the shenanigans we're getting into follow me on instagram at hannah marlene um but i didn't want to leave you guys hanging you know and one of my favorite things to do one

of my favorite little segments that we do on this podcast is confessionals it's summer we're trying to live our hot girls summer we're trying to get things off our chest so we're free to be ourselves and just go crazy you know what i mean so i wanted to sit down with you all and do a little confessionals episode um this might be a little shorter because we will only be doing confessionals today I did not prep or plan any extra questions but nevertheless these happen to be some of your guys's favorite episodes I love hearing from you all and I love hearing what's on your mind or maybe what shenanigans you've gotten into because nine times out of ten I probably have also done the same things listen we got a story time for everything but with that being said I can't wait

to sit down with you all in one week and tell you all about my girls trip but I need to get into these confessionals so I can finish packing and I can finish getting my life on track to be gone for 10 days oh my god I honestly think this is the longest kind of like vacation I've ever gone on I think the most the one thing I'm most excited for is horseback riding I'm a little nervous about horses but I think it's gonna be too much fun like a lot of fun um so anyways with that being said let's dive right in oh my god I hate pulling up my archives because it's always like a jump scare of somebody that I just don't need to see anybody else feel that way that's exactly why I don't use snapchat um I mean I did in high school but like the things I was getting into it

was like girl I do not need to relive those memories no I don't need to see me from five years ago please keep that to yourself um anyways uh i got a lot of traction on this and a lot of new people have been joining so welcome to the podcast so excited to have you here but we have a lot of submissions today so might be a whirlwind of emotions as we dive into these but someone said i want to be famous and never work a nine-to-five again and i hate my job real real real those nepo babies have it nice I'm like girl if I had a whole company and trust fund set up for me like life would be so easy unfortunately we are a part of the general public and we do not have that so we must make the best of it as we can um yeah real though that's definitely how I feel when I work

with the general public I'm like I don't want to fucking be here I purposely don't have my license because sometimes my intrusive thoughts are too much real when i was like really going through it like really on the brink on the brink of everything quite frankly um i did not drive i did not drive because i did not trust myself to drive so if you don't trust yourself please do not get behind a fucking wheel uh you have a good head on your shoulders there but my friend my next door neighbor this girl that i'm going on a girl's trip with love her dearly um but she drove me to high school like all of high school she'd pick me up and we'd do like a sonic run and then we would go straight to school she drove me for like four years so shout out to her because yeah I did not trust

myself but you'll get there you will trust yourself I promise I've never experienced a healthy relationship before so I'm afraid of dating now I found that all of my past really unhealthy relationships just made me realize more what the fuck I'm not supposed to be doing or not supposed to be treated that way um rather than like having a good relationship of course then you have like a little bit of trauma so sorry we've all been there listen if you date men eventually you're going to get there at some point um but yeah don't don't fear love because a man ruined it for you don't let a man or a unhealthy experience ruin love for you you are deserving of love period haven't had sex in so long i feel like a virgin all over again is that

even possible lol me and my friend joke that like you can regrow your hymen back and like be a born again virgin um because she's she was celibate for like a year plus so she's like girl i'm basically a virgin at this point it feels like i've never been touched ever in my life what's that madonna song you know what i'm talking about but yeah yeah no i don't think i would tell anybody that but like it's fun to joke about like honestly yeah my hymen is back intact faking a few orgasms for my man's ego love him don't worry also advice we want to get freaky um I get it sometimes you gotta stroke your man's ego a little bit which like valid uh but if you're trying to get like freaky freaky stop faking them stop faking them he'll work harder I promise and then it'll get

crazy in there I promise stop faking it but also sometimes it's nice to be like let me make let me make him feel good you know let me get a little louder here oh this is bad i sent my ex's ex a photo of him doing anal with me because she wouldn't stop dming me you know what sometimes we get pushed to places that you it's you're on the brink you know what i mean sometimes sometimes you have to just let a girl know you know and you were very straightforward with it which props to you someone said i'm a slut and i sleep around a lot because i like attention but tvh i think i'm asexual yeah because the problem is you're sleeping with people for attention not for pleasure you have to get into the pleasure of things okay you can get attention from like

anything okay my favorite way to get attention recently is from the local neighborhood squirrels i'll be putting out peanuts you know that seems like a healthier form of attention than anything else especially attention from a man because usually attention from men is like it's like half-assed attention it's like one-sided attention it's not like fulfilling attention so if you're gonna get attention from anything like please let it be something good question mark but yeah like sleeping with men not for pleasure does give it makes your brain kind of think you're asexual i promise once you get into real love making once you get into real pleasure girl you're gonna be like oh definitely not asexual i just was having bad sex also if you're asexual you know what vibes

vibes sometimes you have to discover that about ourselves i got an a from stealing a girl's 15 page essay yeah you know sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to pass that class i don't know what else to say um one time in college well my friend was studying abroad in Rome so she would take the tests that I would have to take in nursing school like eight hours prior sometimes only like five hours prior so she'd take the test she'd get out I'd FaceTime her I'd be like okay so what did they cover what are the things I really need to focus on um maybe like what's the answers if you have answers and then any mechanical pencil since we took all of our tests on our computers so stupid why the hell did they let us do that um please bring back paper and pencil tests um but

in a mechanical pencil since like my macbook was like the the keyboard was black i would write like very lightly in mechanical pencil the answers or the things that i couldn't remember and then i would take the test and i would ace it of course and then if anybody like walked by or like look closely at your computer all you want to do is just wipe your hand across it it wipes off all mechanical pencil anyways pro tip if you need to pass that class girl I got you about to risk my six-year relationship for the hot older work colleague no that ain't worth it the hot older work colleague definitely doesn't fuck because he's older and is looking at a younger person which depends on how old once you get like way older like once you get past 25 I feel like

the age gap thing isn't really a huge problem it's the youngness of it all um but in general please do not sleep with your co-workers please do not do not get in the way of you in a bag because if he's the hot older one guess whose side they're gonna take when you guys finally have a falling out it's not the woman's i promise you unfortunately unfortunately i mean i wish it would it be but please girl do not get in the way of you in a bag i tweeze all my pubes one by one girl you are stronger than the marines that's insane and trust me i've had to go down there with some tweezers before i've had some ingrowns you know what it is but holy shit does that like hurt i can barely pluck my eyebrows oh my god thinking about that i'm like it's making my skin

crawl but you i'm sure she's like clean i'm sure that bitch is smooth oh lost my virginity to a frat guy he was so freaky and fun there's just something about frat guys that give like dl energy and in fact the most homophobic frat guys are usually definitely gay always always um but yeah I could see how that'd be freaky and fun when it's like like oh secret secret but also please don't shame me you know anyways glad you had fun period I prank call my ex-girlfriend sometimes completely sober no drugs or alcohol I love that you had to preface that um please I mean fun but also there's a fine line between having fun and harassment it so let's stay on the fun side of things you know someone said i'm sleeping with and might

have a crush on a guy who my friends literally hate girl if you're sleeping with a man that your friends hate they're gonna slowly start to hate you please do not ruin your friendship for a mid-ass man i don't care how digmatized you are it ain't worth it i've been there i've lost friendships over a man not because i was like dating a horrible horrible man they were just like we don't like being around him and unfortunately you're always fucking around him so we just we're just not gonna hang out or talk to you oh yeah newsflash they will stop hanging out with you one time i peed in the line at walgreens while waiting to get my uti medicine girl those UTIs are killer killer they are the fucking worst that's probably the worst thing

about well one of the worst things about being a woman I can't really rank them they're all kind of up there but one time I pissed my boyfriend's bed and he didn't know about it for a year um because we were like just seeing each other but we were getting freaky all the fucking time pro tip please pee after you have sex I thought that was like a like a oh it's just hygienic you know which it kind of is but it helps like just push out everything if anything bad gets in there it helps just like clear out cleanse i think it's kind of like a kegel activity um but i got a pretty nasty uti from doing uh back door to front door please that you can't do that you can't your body does not allow it all right and well i i had medicine but it takes a while to work and that that urge

sometimes you know it did over it overtakes and i had a dream that i was peeing and then i woke up and i was pissing the bed right next to him about like five months into seeing him and i was like he can't know he can't know we gotta go secret spy mode literally changed the sheets and clean the bed underneath him god bless him that he just sleeps through anything but yeah those utis my god they are just so rough to deal with oh like the first one i loki hate my bestie's boyfriend she doesn't talk to me that much anymore so that might be why once again do not date men that your friends hate they hate them for a reason period dump that man child i need a hot girl summer playlist girl put on some sexy red and ride around hanging out the sunroof in a bikini top

you'll feel reborn I grew up watching lesbian porn and I think I might be bisexual probably probably and that's okay you know it's pride over here it's pride season let's lean into it you know what I mean also I know a lot of straight women that watch like gay porn because it's like more sensual you know what I mean like straight porn's a little it's a little like r-wordy you know what i mean it's like oh is she really enjoying that yeah anyways i i know a lot of like straight girlies who watch gay porn because it's like more sensual feeling it out it's like actual sex you know whereas it's not like a i mean semi-performance because obviously it is being filmed but it's more like intuitive pleasure giving but also like girl if you're watching it and you're like i can maybe

munch on that maybe we're you know be who you are for your pride anyways love you i used to scissor with a childhood childhood girlfriend i might be bi although we've never been like a girl in adulthood i think if you were scissoring at a young age you probably are gay you don't necessarily have to have experiences to know if you are but it sure as hell helps that's what i'll say i've never had sex and I'm too afraid to have it because low-key it sounds gross lesbians are MIA um it's okay to wait you know I always say that like in fact it's better to wait until you are fully like you know what this sounds fun you know so don't worry don't push it also yeah kind of gross but also like that's what makes it fun you know lol long distance ex broke up with

me when i visited him and i started getting ready for a tinder date at his apartment i mean don't break up with me if i just flew out to see you girl fly fly to my place and break out break up with me you know honestly good for you did he drop you off as well because he should have i still look at my ex situationships stories how do i stop we have to stop the online stalker it's not like online stalker like i get it but also it's like free yourself i love the internet because if you do not want to interact you don't have to girl you can block them and move on and find peace and i promise peace is so much more worth it because then you're not stuck in this cycle of like but what if but what if but what if but what if girl it didn't happen find peace in

that and I love you I'm so sick of my roommates and I can't wait to live alone yeah roommates are tough I mean even if you have a good roommate situation it's still kind of tough just because other people are fucking crazy and the way they live can be insane like I lived with four other women bartenders oh my god that place was a fucking mess I'm talking I'd wake up and there'd be like frozen chicken and frozen pizzas half eaten thrown about maybe on the ground trash never taken out food always out we had mice at one point i was like i gotta get the fuck out of here i gotta go the conflict of like how we live is just too much girl it's too much anyways 10 out of 10 recommend living on your own i have been living on my own well now with my boyfriend but kind of

on my own in that sort of sense because he's not like a roommate for like three years now oh and it is so nice so nice I'm also like I'm a people person but I like my alone time if you love your alone time live alone I promise you'll love it anyways let's smoke let's cleanse our palate you know cheers oh that was a nice I'm uploading another or maybe I've already uploaded by now another baked and baking reel since you guys seem to really enjoy those um i make cosmic brownies and honestly they're so like fudgy and good and the perfect munchie food 10 out of 10 recommend uh online at hannah marlene on instagram period let's keep going oh my god i slept with my ex best friend's dad and then told her saying well guess i'm your new mom now by the way

that is unhinged let me just let me just cleanse let me purify you know like we need some holy water in this b that is some of these like actually have me shocked some of these i literally can't read because I'm like I think that's a crime so let's keep moving I low-key love myself more than I love anyone else is that okay yes yes that is okay because I feel like in our lives we need to be like the biggest love of our life but don't let it take over to the point where you become narcissistic egotistical think you're better than everyone else there needs to be a humbleness about how you love yourself in the way you love yourself and I think that comes from I like the the narcissistic egotistical is I love myself because I'm better than everybody else

and then the like humble real loving yourself is I love myself and I love myself in relation to the world and the world's experiences so think about that one for a second accidentally pussy whipped my situation into doing everything I say love that for you you know what no more digmatized bring back pussy whipping real because like he should be in shock and awe and they should want to spend all their time on you period period i have my boyfriend trained so well and people ask how did i do it girl ask her you know ask her she knows someone said i date men for short periods of time and then cut them off i think i do this because i'm actually a lesbian i mean happy pride month let's go explore that you know what i mean but also i think it's okay to have

to have your fun you know some girl dm'd me this week and was like i just really want to have fun this summer and i met this guy and he doesn't really go to college or have any like objectives in life but he's here and we like hanging out but he's looking for something serious but i'm just visiting back for college to have fun in the summertime and i was like girl please don't get attached please i'm begging you please please you know what you want don't let this man tie you down and ruin your life okay uh but i think you have to be honest about that you know she was like he said he wants this i know i want this and my girl just say you can either stick around and have fun for the summer or i gotta go your choice i'll let you choose because i know what i want

you know and then there's no like feelings hurt there's no like weirdness about the situation it's like i told you what the fuck this was that's why when men tell you they don't love you and they don't want a relationship they're not just saying that to be cute and silly they're saying that because they don't want a fucking relationship so don't pine after it don't waste your time please please i'm scared to do anal because what if it's gross back there tips it probably is i mean it's not gonna be like if you eat a salad before like 12 hours before you eat enough fiber you have a good bm in the morning you know solid enough i think it'll be okay i think you'll be okay i don't think you have to necessarily like clean back there because listen if someone's going

back there you are taking on uncharted territories you have to be prepared to experience the unknown all right and you must be brave enough a real man will go back there have no judgment always and if they do judge you there no no you're done you're cut off for real anyways i think as long as you have like a good healthy bm in the morning you're good to go by that night please do a lot of foreplay i love my boyfriend so much but constantly worrying uh i'm missing out on the dating scene i feel evil girl you're not evil it's okay if you feel like you're missing out on the dating scene maybe your relationship is lacking in some places and that doesn't necessarily mean it's unhealthy but maybe uh you guys just need to put more time into your relationship i feel like that's very

common when people are like oh i love my boyfriend he's amazing but also i wish i could be out talking to other people it's like i think you're just not having enough fun with your boyfriend and you want to go out and have fun but like you can create the fun at home if you wanna if you don't sure break up go have a hot girl summer go mingle if that's truly what you want to do i am eternally jealous of people that casually travel everywhere like europe in the summer yeah me too but also like those are nepo babies we are living different lives and i must accept that i am a wee commoner you know like girl i can't do that i can't afford that they either a have a trust fund or b they have credit card debt i don't have the first one and i don't want

the second one so i'm happy creating my fund from home you know diy this shit i'm so lucky i'm in a good relationship because holy shit these confessionals i'm never worried like someone's gonna be like i slept with your boyfriend because he's a good boy and he loves me period as he should hello um but like imagine if i was in a terrible unhealthy relationship i would never do these i'd be like who's gonna message me be like uh-oh anyways if you feel that way if you feel like you couldn't post to confessionals because you'd be afraid of some bitch showing up and being like or maybe a couple let's let's rethink that relationship you know let's reprioritize some things there someone said i'm stealing the batteries from the remote in my house to use

for my vibe I've been there before for sure get the get the charging ones honestly like let's save the earth let's stop using batteries you know also I think like I'm a little scared of the batteries one not to scare you I'm just high and overthinking right now but I'm always afraid like what if the batteries caught on fire have you heard those stories like girls vibrators catching on fire I mean iPhones catch on fire but like have you heard those stories terrifying terrifying like what if you're down there going to town it's like not to place that imagery in your head but like lol tips on how to forget a guy i lost my v card to he's an asshole yeah me too i've been there and like all like my first ever experiences were not that great probably because we were like

in high school we didn't know what the fuck was going on you know we could we barely knew ourselves let's be honest like how the hell are we gonna know how to have sex but or like even kiss for the fact but i think with everything you can take the good parts like take the fun little parts that had your heart like thumping and then just leave the rest like i literally i do this thing and it might be my gemini brain that has a really good time dissociating but i love like taking the good and then like as soon as i like break up with somebody or cut somebody off it's like i don't i don't know that person because they just never existed you know like they never existed or like bad friendships that fell out it's like oh i didn't know the bad person i mean i knew

the bad person but like i'm gonna take the good and i remember that and i'm just gonna move on with my life because sometimes it's just easier and it's healthy to dissociate the bad things sometimes sometimes not all the time i've convinced myself some man who hasn't talked to me in four weeks is my soulmate lmfao these are the crazy bitches i love because like i would do the same exact fucking thing are you kidding me it's like but he he's gonna come stand outside my window gonna throw rocks at it one day like he's just waiting for the perfect time we're fucking crazy he's not in love you babe he's not in love with you babe uh he doesn't know you're alive and that's okay but let's focus on somebody who maybe does know you're there you know also i think if you

have a crush and you've done enough research um you can win them over i do believe in that not like coercion but it's like you can put your all into seducing somebody and it's kind of fun you know like go for it girl if you're young and you want to try it out and see if you can win this guy over like fuck it what do you have to lose you know imagine like there's like a trend on tiktok right now and it's like all the craziest shit people have done to win men over it's like change my hair i did this thing i had a monster energy themed quinceanera like are you kidding me that's insane but then i always go to the comments and they're like well did you get him and it's like yeah and we have two babies so they're not saying it doesn't work it's just like i did act insane in

that moment but it could work you could use your insanity to your benefit always always i love my boyfriend of two years so much but he's only made me come a handful of times you faking it is not helping the situation ever ever we are against faking orgasms here if he looks you in the eyes and he goes did you come and you didn't look him back in the eyes dead ass stare him into his soul and go no no i didn't guess what he's gonna fucking get on that shit and he's gonna learn okay he's gonna become a pro dj like but if you lie to them and think that like oh my god they're just fantastic at sex and like i make every girl come but they're not it's like we gotta stop this lying we gotta stop lying we gotta start stop stroking men's egos we gotta bring back good sex

and I think a lot of men don't know how to fuck because too many people are lying to them don't lie to them okay look that man in the eyes and remove his soul with the word no it's okay if he's your boyfriend he loves you he'll be like heard yes ma'am let me get to work right away you know but sometimes you got to be honest also sometimes they need to learn you know sometimes you can be a teacher sometimes you can be like all right babe like slow down move your hand here let me show you that's hot you know like you can teach them if you need to especially in a long-term relationship i slept with my sneaky link and toxic situationship within 24 hours and didn't wash the sheets out of spite sometimes i have to sit in silence when i read these

this podcast is every man's worst nightmare it's like men are horrible all the time like why can't women be awful and horrible and still receive love i love you girl once i did it in the church parking lot and i think about it every now and then and i cringe you know what whatever go for it fuck it no one saw i smoked weed in my church parking lot a lot actually actually i smoked weed in my church prayer garden all the time and had to run from the police don't smoke on church property probably or have sex on church property they are patrolled 24 7 by the police because it is government property learn that one the hard way but yeah don't cringe be free jesus was there with you in that moment blessing you so be thankful went through my boyfriend's phone and

broke my own heart lmfao if you go through a man's phone you have to be prepared to leave you do because either a you know something's on there already okay you just need the proof you just need to see it with your own eyes all right you need to have your bags packed before you open that phone you need to have an escape plan planned if you don't have an escape plan planned you don't want it enough you know you don't want to see the truth enough um and you're gonna see the truth you will but you won't leave so if you are not committed to planning an escape then don't commit to opening his phone okay also i was gonna say should we not go through people's phone but also it's like if somebody went through my phone i would not care like my boyfriend through my

phone i wouldn't care so if your boyfriend cares if you go through his phone it's like what the fuck you hiding on there period you know what i mean what do you have to hide oh no i use my roommate's vibrator while she's at work please sanitary please at least clean it that's all i can ask from you never done it but please at least clean it whenever my boyfriend makes me mad i just take a little cash from his wallet it's the girlfriend tax honestly sometimes they gotta pay one way or another herpes is easier to catch than i thought stay safe sluts real all stds are way easier to catch than you thought because if you're sleeping with like straight men they're probably not getting tested thus that's why i ask i ask you to ask them if they're getting tested because

their response really means a lot their response is either ew why would i do that and it's like girl you're gonna get some sort of disease and if the response is you know what i have it in a while I really need to or I did here's the results if you don't want to sleep with me until I get it I would love to go get one you're probably not getting STD okay okay my ex called me while my boyfriend was now asleep in the other room and I don't know if I should tell him well did you answer I think if you answered don't tell him in fact let's block that number and move forward because my heart would get broken and my boyfriend was like yeah my ex called me and I answered I'd be like I think I'm leaving like I'm crazy I think I have to go why the fuck did you answer

like how dare you anyways if you didn't answer I think it's okay to tell him but also like sometimes peace of mind is better for people there's some things that like I just would not want to know for my own sanity for my own peace of mind because i get in like thought spirals and thought loops and so we got to protect myself from getting a little too crazy there you know how to find the courage to truly open up to my therapist hashtag trauma well they're getting paid to understand you so if they judge you girl a stop paying them and go to a new a new therapist okay you can't do that with your parents you can with a therapist you can break up with a therapist and move on um also they're they don't fucking know you they don't know what's going on in your head they don't know

how to process things they only know how to solve your problems with the information you're giving them so if you're not giving them any information they're not going to give you the best advice but the more you tell them the better advice they can give that's why i say like if people send me paragraphs of information it's like yes bitch i need every detail like i need that mind up to be able to form like a full cohesive answer to what you want to know but also if you only tell me like a short little little five word story i'm gonna have so many different answers because i don't truly know what's going on um so with that being said from your own little online internet therapist please tell them more they want to know about you so do you guys love my i love blowjob

shirt it's so fun like i thrifted this i'm like who which baddie wore this before me you know or gay man either way glad to be living on the legacy running into two situations ships at the club and running back and forth between the two you know what free drinks all night free kisses all night what if i love being a girl you know as you should especially this summer when i was yum i would steal large bags of communion bread from church yum i was just telling my boyfriend about how smacking our communion bread was when i was younger because we used those big ass hawaiian roll bread you know the sweet bread the huge loaves and I too would do the same thing we would sneak down there we would just munch away like little gremlins and then move on honestly maybe

it makes you more holy you know you ate more of the body the body of Christ compels you I found a new apartment and moving in two weeks and haven't broken up with my boyfriend yet interesting is this like a moving out of my boyfriend's house situation like that's why you're getting an apartment or maybe it's like a fresh new start you don't want the boyfriend either way I think you should break up with him well if you're evil evil and you want to be evil I say get the free labor and have him move you in and then break up but that's like for evil girls only I don't think I'm too much of a lover girl I don't think I could do that what I would do is I would break up with him day of so then you have that extra burst of energy that extra burst of like life

to you you know you feel a little free and you're moving into a new apartment it's like that's a big celebration and you got a little extra adrenaline going to move that couch so that's what the lover girl on me would do someone said i low-key don't like my twin brother there's nothing in particular he does but just like as a person real people don't talk about that kind of sibling relationship that much my brother we like each other you know we're in different stages in life i'm like he's a full-time dad and lawyer we are doing two very different things but when we get together it's like fun but i have a friend i'm going on the strip with and she has a twin brother as well and i think they just like don't talk to each other like and it's like kind of strange because

like you would think you'd be way closer with a twin but also it's so funny because in interpersonal like sibling relationships and also in just like relationships in general sometimes you guys just don't vibe like even if you came out minutes away from each other sometimes the vibe's just not there and that's valid you know oh my god my ex was tumblr famous for writing self insert greta van fleet smut where it was their fantasies about me just changed with names i didn't tell anyone about it until we broke up that's wild is it good i mean tumblr famous so must be good send me the link no i'm kidding i'm kidding but honestly at least you know they were creative with it that's so funny though i love what people do with the internet like some people are writing

greta van fleet smut and listen i've read my fair amount of smut not on greta van fleet but like i've had my one direction moments um as we all have as women you know it happens love wattpad for that but she's famous no you're famous drank a bottle of wine and begged my boyfriend of four months to marry me whoops honestly if that's not what you're doing at four months do you guys really love each other i get crazy off wine i'm either like sobbing violently or i'm like tired or i'm like really horny those are my three thought processes of getting drunk honestly on anything any sort of whiskey or tequila makes me want to fight so i always just say i don't like the taste i can't drink it i don't like the taste but really it's because i like start getting aggressive for

some reason funny how alcohol does that to you anyways should not do that to me my favorite though vodka all the way love me a vodka love me a vodka shot love me a vodka soda let me a vodka crayon now at my new restaurant i drink a lot of vodka pomegranates and that's slapping or champagne i'm either drinking vodka or champagne and honestly how cute of me oh no someone said i can't tell if I'm being groomed or not but I'm fucking around and finding out you probably are you probably are and don't don't do that please I'm begging you once again from a lived and learned experience the attention in that given moment is not worth the trauma five years down the road when you finally unpack it you know you know let me just say that I want to scream in my ex-situationship's

face because he sees me one time a week at the gym that's why i don't sleep with your co-workers because then you have to work next to them like working out next to them at least it's a whole gym you can get some space but also like if you ever have a mental breakdown girl go ahead and scream in that man's face i'm sure he deserves it i'm trying to be more confident wearing less clothes and now i feel like a baddie yeah i feel like really training my brain the way i thought about clothing and wearing it and my body in general uh was really nice sometimes you gotta push yourself into uncomfortable zones healthy uncomfortable zones um in order to blossom a little bit and hey if you're not comfortable with less clothes but valid vibes okay but if you are

sometimes you just gotta try it on for size literally you know like if you feel a little nervous about something sometimes that means it's good especially with clothing that means it's good I promise I'm going on a date with a couple tonight thoughts honestly love love I think the best like three-way situation is with I was gonna say with a couple honestly that's not true because sometimes the couple is like crazy but if they're going like a pre-sex date with you like a pre hookup date with you they're probably a healthy couple and it's gonna be a lot of fun if it's just like a random couple looking for their unicorn girl run um i think the best three-way situation though i've never had a three-way um i'm in a relationship that's not happening in my

opinion best three-way would be three people who just like don't know each other you know you're all just feeling the chemistry would love i can't believe in challengers oh my god they did have a three-way i was thinking like i can't believe in challengers they didn't have a three-way when they were older you know like why not rekindle that falling in love with a drug dealer girl and i'm trying to finish school you just said this yeah yeah there's there's a good kind of drug deal dealer boyfriend where he's like no i'm making so much fucking money let me take you out on dates let me treat you well let me buy you this bag blah blah blah i'm here to support you don't smoke these drugs because you need to stay in school and you need to stay strong there's that kind

which is a good man good man savannah but there's also the type of man where it's like drug dealer boyfriend who only is high all the time wants you to be high all the time doesn't give a fuck about school thus in turn doesn't give a fuck about your schooling or understand it at all that's not the good kind that is definitely not the good kind also don't spend the night that much there because the house might get raided you know stay safe babes but also what kind of boyfriend supporter is he much to think about mine was mine was the other one the bad one which is why i say not to do it my friend says she's straight but she kisses me is she still straight once again it's a spectrum she's definitely somewhere on the spectrum and it's it definitely ain't straight that's for sure

but also that's something for her to figure out get the makeout session enjoy you know that's something she needs to impact in herself when she's ready no need to unpack that for her just have fun my friend's brother is 32 and he has kids and a wife and he wants to fuck me um please don't be an awful friend and do that also he's a creep do we want to fuck creeps here no the audience says no we do not period do not be that homewrecker not worth it once again lesson here that we've been learning all day today the attention is not worth it someone said anonymous if possible i'm a christian born and raised we don't allow smoking but i've wanted a joint oh getting crazy in here oh my gosh that's kind of mean i'm not trying to be mean honestly

that's how i was when i was a christian i was like if i do anything god's gonna punish me and i'm going to hell girl jesus was hanging out with hookers and strippers and bikers and the homeless he was kicking it okay that crackhead in the corner jesus would have been hanging out with him probably sharing a joint maybe a pipe so listen god gave us everything here on this earth to live our best possible experience okay he gave us the ability to grow things from the ground and that includes weed so enjoy honestly but also once again when the time is right when you're feeling the most comfortable I want to start drama so bad but this isn't something I'd usually want to do I won't by the way sometimes sometimes it's fun sometimes it's like teehee only when it's like

small drama when it's like itty bitty tiny drama fun when it's big drama it ain't worth starting it unless you have like so much brain capacity and time to dedicate to it because you will be whether you have the time or not my roommate is rude to my cat and it makes me want to punch her real because how dare you that's just a baby you're being mean to a baby how fucking awful of you what a fucking bitch and a weirdo like it's just a cat i would i would i'd be so rude about that i'd be pissed about that so your anger is valid there because how dare you just just a baby i blacked out and fucked my friend's boyfriend he texted me saying run that back yeah i might is she your friend she don't sound like your friend i don't think she's your friend but also

please don't be fucking people's boyfriends the karma the karma is not worth it karma here's the thing we do bad things sometimes sometimes we get forgiveness sometimes we don't I think the best thing you can do to ease the karma is to own up when you do bad things to stop doing them and to be like yeah no no I fucked up I have to fix the problem because I think karma karma gets her way no matter what but she goes and she attacks when people are not able to fully understand a situation make it better apologize fully and do the best they can to reconcile the situation and kind of make peace with the situation you can make peace with the situation and karma will be like you know what you did that girl we love you we're not coming after

you but she goes the hardest to the people who are in the most denial to the bad bad people they will get their karma one way or another so let's start trying to fix this so karma doesn't come after you sometimes you do bad things sometimes you do bad things and that's okay but please learn from it is it possible to go back to my first love that also happened to fuck my sister it's been four years please just just choose a new one come on like there's so many people out here there's so many girl just find a new one find one that looks alike that speaks alike i guarantee there's one out there but whenever people ask should i go back no no the answer is do not go back to the past it's the past for a reason my boyfriend is cheating on me with a dude

he thinks i don't know but i actually kind of dig it honestly okay challengers i not really it's just funny to say um maybe bring it up but like bring it up and be like do you want to bring him over i don't know fuck it get freaky you know what i mean you can't hide it forever you might as well like you might as well bring it up because he's definitely not going to and you might as well bring it up in like a positive affirmation sense where it's like your boyfriend's hot or something i don't know be like we should go on a thruple date this could be a start to something new i'm an ultrasound student and i would use the machine to check if i was pregnant at work honestly i would be doing that constantly i really would i would love to have one of those machines

in my house quite frankly i think every woman if you're born with one it should just come with the ultrasound machine so you can check why do i have to pay medical bills that shit's crazy oh my god America scary medical bills scary like I'm born please just give me a ultrasound machine I want to check I want to know I want to know what's going on in there sucked my hot co-workers in the conference room at work while we were still open interesting interesting yeah if you ever go into any walk-in in a restaurant guarantee like five plus people have fucked in there that's why we need to be careful about where we're eating our food from this is funny i looked through my boyfriend's messages but i never find anything but i'd be

giggling because his texts are funny honestly chaotic good chaotic good that is funny at least there's nothing bad on there i love that for you my boyfriend and i recently broke up but we are still close and now we are friends with benefits i think i've seen this film before literally girl it's not friends with benefits you're not friends there's not benefits the only benefit is what crying no i'm kidding i don't know whose term this is on but i've been here where it's like yeah sure we can be friends yeah my heart's not broken sure i was dating an aquarius male of course he wanted to stay friends girl he was disconnected that whole fucking relationship maybe it was the acid maybe it was the weed maybe it was the aquarius placements

but please please i think honestly the best and most sane thing to do after a relationship is not stay friends it's pretend that man never existed ever but also some people some people we got different levels of how we like to live our lives you know i'm crazy and a little possessive not healthy we're working on it that would drive me fucking insane some people love it some people like that that's their kink that's their ideal relationship is just my friend that i fuck all the time and i you're brave and i love that for you i really want to rein in my drinking habits but can't let go of the social crutch real i have a hard time with that working on it i found just having any sort of drink in your hand works it works and it helps solve the social thing because

i think a lot of people just want to be doing something with their hands in their mouth it makes you feel a little less awkward than if your hands were empty that's why a lot of people are on their phones but specifically going out at bars i think that's why people always are drinking and drinking and drinking also like social lubricant sure but you can go out have like one drink of the night and then only get soda waters and lime throughout the rest of the night and i think you will still have the same amount of fun like you don't have to keep taking shots or keep doing any of those things um i think it is like the hand to mouth connection um and wanting to fill something in that space and in that time so you don't feel awkward in that social situation so try like you

know i don't know a poppy whoever said poppies are good why are you lying to people girl that is apple cider vinegar in a fucking sparkling water can nobody wants that nobody wants that we drink it because it's cute but i bought it once and i was like gut health i'm throwing up from this like no gut health over here anyways if a poppy is your kind of drink maybe that's what you need at the bar not a vodka soda um also drinking too much of those will completely burn away your stomach lining because you are drinking like apple cider vinegar or something of the sort so please be careful dated a married guy and had no idea until his wife called me not gonna lie i still think about him all the time yeah probably because that was like insane that that was probably

crazy men are insane men are insane men are insane like what we're talking about here sure women are evil blah blah blah men are conniving and evil and that's why we always choose the bear always speaking of i had to buy bear spray for the first time in my life because um i am going hiking in the mountains and they were like yeah you need bear spray out here anyways what have we learned here today ladies attention is usually not worth it please only have good sex men are evil women are allowed to be evil and i love you oh what a fun little episode sorry this is a little shorter than usual i really apologize but i loved hearing all your confessionals and i loved hearing from you guys and just what you're going through you have now been forgiven please learn from your

lessons and move on into the world to do better i promise you can grow from this you can learn you can become a better person sometimes you have to be evil and sometimes you gotta let that shit go sometimes you gotta live and learn and laugh and love anyways love you all happy tuesday smoke a bowl for me and i will see you all next week to uh catch up with my girls trip hopefully i'll have a vlog filmed don't quote me on that i'm gonna try and do it but we'll see um i gotta get out here and pack and get ready but if you want to see more from me or what i'm up to follow me on instagram at hannah marlene i'll have a cosmic brownie recipe up hopefully by now um and i'll be posting all about my girls trip on there and fun little shenanigans that we're getting up to i'm hopefully

gonna find a mechanical bowl we'll see um and if you want to see more from me uh join the patreon on patreon.com slash smoke slash shawty i always post an extra episode there and i do answer every single one of you guys's questions so if you don't hear from me you will there i love you all stay sane stay sexy stay holy in the way hannah would want you to see you next week you