Smoke Sesh - confessionals! stalkers & being dickmatized

Episode Date: August 1, 2023

hellooo hotties of the world we have a crazier than usual episode for the week, of course, this is a confessionals episode! We go to girl church expressing anything and everything we need to get off our chest, so we can be refreshed for the rest of the year! I also talk about a crazy story from being stalked the other week, and avoiding crazy men. I chat getting excited for getting older, apartment decorating, being dickmatized, pegging, what conversations to save for only your friends, how I got into content creation, the happy b day ex text phenomenon, favorite lube, how to recenter yourself, and crazy exes plus much much muchhhhh much more ! Stay safe, stay sexy, I’ll see you all next Tuesday ! MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Good morning hotties of the world, welcome back to another amazing, beautiful, wonderful episode of smoke sesh i'm so excited to be back with you guys session it out chit-chatting gossiping sharing secrets oh my gosh we have an extra special confessional episodes uh coming up

today i am very excited for that because we have not had a confessional episode in a while and i feel like you know what it's time to get back into church to get back into girl church perhaps and purge our sins so we can enter this new season of our lives that is the fall you know on a good note with nothing weighing down our uh mental or physical bodies anyways i haven't really been up to anything crazy just hanging out doing my thing trying to make sure my apartment is getting pulled together i'm really trying to make it a home instead of a room that I'm throwing a bunch of shit into there is a difference surprisingly so I've been trying to do that I um every weekend I try and make sure I have a pretty good routine

in place so I am feeling fully rested and relaxed um I actually work Friday Saturdays but Sundays are a very important day to me and like if you have the weekends off and you work the rest of the week i really encourage you to like find a good weekend routine that works maybe switch up like the activity you do but for me personally it looks like we sleep in go to the farmer's market we get my favorite meal which is at this place called habashi house it's this family-owned mediterranean spot it is so good i'll get like the hummus and falafel or hummus and chicken fill up on that walk around see all the little vendors this weekend i bought a new house plant for my apartment um for my favorite house plant dealers i don't know what

else to call them vendors oh my god um they're called birds botanicals if you're ever in the river market farmers market they're amazing they'll give you all the information you need they have the cheapest plants ever they just really care about you know growth quality and making sure they're going to a good home which i think is really really fun i have a lot of plants from them so i'm excited to add another to my collection then usually we have a little activity in the afternoon whether it's like uh hanging out inside going to a happy hour going to you know um the art museum literally anything it could be anything um and then cooking dinner at home staying in watching a movie smoking hanging out pretty simple routine like nothing crazy but it's

something that i can always count on every week to like rejuvenate me and bring me back to life and have something to look forward to and i feel like especially when you don't get a lot of down time um like when you work a monday through friday and you're kind of exhausted after your work shifts make sure you're prioritizing the weekend you know have a good time look forward to it enjoy life eat good food anyways I have a story for you guys so I got stalked for the first time in my life yep yep believe it or not I was filming a day in the life vlog for my patreon and it happened during the day in the life vlog which is wild me like hey guys welcome to a little you know day in the life video and then it ended like

me getting stalked I'm like wow what a twist and turn of events that I was really not expecting um I've been trying to upload that vlog but my wi-fi here is so bad so hopefully it'll be up tonight but my god yeah first ever stalking moment that was very interesting here's the thing you as a woman the number one thing you can do to protect yourself is not have a weapon on you it's to be aware of your surroundings i enjoy life and i try and not inhibit myself and not go outside and not go to certain places alone or whatever it is um because i want to be able to live a normal life as if i'm a normal fucking person you know like i don't want to live in fear so the number one thing i can really do for myself is a be aware and b maybe have like a little pocket

knife or pepper spray on me whatever it may be but being aware is the number one thing you can do to protect yourself in any situation like you got to when you when you feel that gut feeling of like something's wrong here listen to it you know listen to it and get the fuck up out of there anyways I talk about going to the river a lot right I go to the river I hang out sit in the sun do my thing it's fantastic the only people I ever see there are like there's these bike trails so people will go ride their bikes uh couples will be out there hiking with like their kids people with dogs will be out there walking them not a lot of people are out there um like families will be out there barbecuing whatever it may be so I usually feel pretty comfortable being out there

alone it's couples it's people walking their dogs people minding their own fucking business families like any other normal regular park so I get there and I am walking down we just like walk down the hill into the woods so I'm walking down the hill into the woods and as you're walking in there's another path that leads out on the left side and this old like 70 year old fat white guy like walked out and it looked as if he was finishing his hike and he like muttered something to me and he was like great day for a hike isn't it and here's the thing in public i'm not going to be super friendly to men because i don't want them to take it the wrong way and i just don't want to interact in general if i'm not the one initiating the interaction especially in the

fucking woods so i just kind of was like yeah and then kept walking but being an aware queen that i am and being like why the fuck is this dude even talking to me I started I paid very close attention to what he was doing and as I was walking in I could hear him behind me turn like so instead of walking out of the forest he turned instead of following me and I as soon as that happened I was like things are gonna get weird and I'm glad that I had that instinct and listened to it because if I would have ignored it and been like oh things are fine and kept going further into the woods I don't know what would have happened and this isn't some like stalking incident where like he knew me or he was following me prior or anything like that no this was an incident that like

honestly could happen to anybody and the more aware you are the better luckily I have self service in the woods so if I needed to call anybody I totally could but let's keep going I'm walking in and I can tell he's following me because I get to the bottom of the hill and I'm like okay I'm gonna look behind me and see what's happening look behind me he's totally just walking behind me like about 10 feet behind me just walking the same pace I am so I know these woods pretty good like I spent a lot of time there and I know like okay I'm not gonna get deeper into the forest because scary i can like there's this river next to the hiking path and usually there's one tiny little entrance down to the river along the river um so i'm like okay i'm gonna take this

first exit down to the river where i can see from the river the whole walking path that's in front of me and the one little entrance to get in so if he's up there then I can see him I can see him walk past continue walking stay there do whatever and if he comes closer to me I can see him come through the one entrance because it's heavily wooded and heavily like there's big bushes he's not going to get in any other way so I take that exit I go down I'm just sitting in the rocks and I can see him up on the trail staring at me pacing back and forth like just walking back and forth on like he looks like unsure of how to get down he's just walking back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and I'm like okay we're gonna have an issue here like this is gonna

be a problem unfortunately like let's gear in let's prepare Hannah like let's start fucking throwing rocks I don't know something and the one thing my dad always told me when situations like this are happening is to like get loud like make the other person just as uncomfortable as you are so I was yelling obscenities at him and flipping him off and like tossing rocks um it didn't face him he was still pretty far away this other guy thankfully this is this is like 20 minutes I'm sitting there he's staring at me 20 minutes I'm like what the fuck is going on another guy walks on the trail past him and he starts walking towards the entrance that goes down to where I am and the old guy notices this and starts following him because he realized oh

there's an entrance right here that's where the other guy's going I'm gonna follow him get down to where she is so this guy has like a fishing pole he's like probably like 30 35 he walks down he doesn't see me but he walks down he sees me he's like oh I'm so sorry like I didn't mean to interrupt your space I'm just heading down the river a little bit excuse me like very respectful very kind and I was like no no no actually you see that guy right behind you he's been following me and I don't know what to do and this guy looked behind him took one look at this guy and was like oh yeah no he looks weird I'm going to stand about 10 feet away from you I'm gonna fish I'm gonna hang out let me know if you need anything but I'm just

gonna stay close just in case anything weird happens I'm like okay maybe because there's another guy here whole takeoff um but no me and this guy sit there while he's fishing watching the old guy in the forest continue pacing back and forth and back and forth watching us and at this point i'm just like okay fuck i'm done i don't even want to be out here i would like to just get to my car which isn't that far away but my ass is not walking up there alone so i walk up to this guy and I'm like I'm so sorry can you please walk into my car and he's like oh yeah no problem would love to walk into your car so sorry this is happening to you and this is kind of when I realized like oh I this is a little dangerous maybe I should have a weapon on

me I had a tripod I could have waxed over the head with it is pretty heavy um but the guy as he was walking me out reaches down to the guy the fishing guy who's walking me out reaches down to pick up a big rock as if like he needed protection to walk me out of the forest I was like oh fuck if this grown man is feeling threatened like yeah not great anyways he walks me out no problem but on the way out I notice because the old man had disappeared at this point once he saw us kind of heading out he the old man stands at the front of the forest waiting for people to walk down so he can follow them in because by the time I made it to my car he had done it to another person not another woman if it was another woman I would have immediately got out of my car and been like

hey don't hello don't go in there that's why I stayed there for a second just to make sure he was leaving and to get his license plate info but he like followed this guy in and then once he realized like he popped out and once he realized it was kind of a guy he was like oh turned around and back to a starting spot weird fucking day very weird day very odd never had any stalking experience before um have never felt unsafe in those woods but now that that happened i'm like okay so we're gonna need a little bit more protection and if i see his license plate i'm immediately calling my father because my father is a gemini man and he'll go crazy on that old man and i don't want to do it i just want to sit back and watch you know what i mean like i just want

to watch him get his ass beat i don't want to have to do the ass beating anyways that was a very interesting day a part of the vlog up on my patreon channel um i didn't video him i really looking back i wish i did i was just like so kind of scared and caught off guard in the moment i didn't know what to do and also it was so hot that my phone could barely work because i was sitting in the sun um so i did get a picture of his license plate but i didn't get a picture of the guy but yeah ladies i'm glad that i was aware enough to notice this guy following behind me and that in turn was weird enough for me to be like i need to find a safe split safe space because i can't turn around and i need to protect myself even if i'm being a little paranoid who cares

i need to protect myself and i'm glad that i had that instinct and followed it so trust your gut listen to it don't talk to creepy men and if you ever feel threatened by them threaten them back okay uh old white men literally the worst breed of people ever it's the they're the worst my god oh but yeah first stalking moment oh how i love being a woman anyways it's 10 30 i feel like we need to set the vibe right like we're doing confessionals we have so many questions so let's load a little bowl you guys let's get in the right mindset you know let's treat ourselves today's my day off every time i record this podcast i like to have a day off just so i can spend quality time doing this and then have the rest of the day to kind of just

relax, enjoy, you know what I mean? So why not? Let's indulge a little bit. Cheers. Yummy. Okay, let's get into it. One of you guys mentioned, you were like, girl, I'm so scared of dying, but you make growing up a little less scary. And I was like, girl, I'm 24 what do you mean scared of dying like I'm not 80 but also like love you glad I'm having that effect on you um yeah no I feel like a majority of the work that I put into this and the messages I'm trying to spread is like growing up is not scary and getting to know yourself doesn't have to be scary and life can be fun like let's choose to have some fun because a majority of my life I felt like it was pre-set up for me you know you go to school you do this you have you go to these

clubs I played piano I didn't like piano you know like I was I was kind of pushed into certain boxes and that made me feel really inhibited and so I didn't really dream of a future and then you know I I became a little depressed a little suicidal and I couldn't even imagine myself living past the age of 16 you know like I did not even know what a 20 year old Hannah would be like because I had never thought about her and then all of a sudden I was 20 and I was like wait wait a minute what are we doing where are we going and I kind of had to like re-teach myself and relearn who I wanted to be and where I wanted to go and you know the joys of life in a sense and leaning into them and feeling called by them and I think it's safe to say I am very excited to

grow old because literally my favorite thing about this apartment is right next to the windows there's this little like ledge and squirrels will like run around on it and one day I saw a squirrel with a whole ass pita bread like bigger than its body just gnawing away on the ledge and I was like that is fucking adorable and I had a bunch of nuts like unsalted walnuts or something that I was putting in my yogurt and so I've been leaving nuts outside for the squirrels and making friends with them and they are so cute they're so cute so like if that's my hobby at 24 I am gonna be totally fine at 80 like if I'm 24 and I'm looking forward to the squirrels visiting me every day like 80 is gonna be a blast like let's be real so yeah I do look forward to growing old and I hope you do as

well because sometimes you know the biggest joys in life are the local squirrels visiting you and making friends with the local wildlife oh my god oh my gosh someone said my home slash area is all pink and girly vibes how do i make it more comfortable for my partner girl so is my house but my man just lives in the pink like he just lives in it he understands i am the creative director and he can pitch ideas to me and I'll accept some of them but I will also turn some down you know like I if it were up to him like this place would be fucking crazy like giving frat house I can't live in that energy sustainably I will lose my mind so I have to make sure my house is comfortable for me because I spent a lot of time in here like I work from home

and so I need to be in control of it a little bit but to kind of you know make space for them as well he skates so we have like skateboard art hanging up um me when there's literally nothing else um no he helps me pick out furniture he'll help me like if I have questions on like different color schemes or like what about this piece of art I'll always ask him so if he's like you know that's ugly I'll be like okay heard um but he's a very go with the flow kind of person and honestly I don't really think he gives a fuck what is going on decorative wise all he cares about is that he can like set up a computer so like we have a desk area that we can both do work at and he has a computer and a comfy chair and I think that's literally all he cares about so you know ask for

input do collaborative efforts but like i'm not living in a mojo dojo kasha house or whatever the fuck it's called like this is barbie's dream house and ken is going to be very thankful for being able to spend a night in barbie's dream house you know like that's the energy i put out and either get with it or there i you know i don't know oh someone said can we talk about being dickmatized? Absolutely. I would love to. Dickmatized. It's a real phenomenon. It is when a girl loses her marbles, loses every last brain cell over dick. And I'm not even going to preface with what kind of dick good bad long short it's just dick in general because I've seen girls lose themselves to fantastic dick oh my god he's an awful person he's ugly he's horrible

but his dick game is so good and they lose themselves in it and then I've seen girls lose themselves where it's like oh my god the dick game is so bad but I love him and he's great and he treats me nicely either way you're dickmatized you are kind of letting the relationship get ruled around dick and let me tell you dick is the last thing you ever want to be chasing because there's an abundance of it you don't need to chase the dick okay like it will come to you there's plenty of them you know you can get them plastic you can get them real hard soft any any form you want so if you feel like your situation isn't working out fully like this situation isn't great then girl you gotta get going you have to get going because it breaks my heart when i see a

girl answering you know phone calls or text messages from a insecure loser ass male and i say i ask you know the one girly thing i have to ask which is what do you see in him and she sees nothing it is just good dick like girl please and i've been this person like i'm imagining myself talking to younger hannah like you don't like this man so why are you spending so much time and energy around him over what some dick that's probably mediocre you just are attached like release purge yourself it's like an exorcism of sorts and i think to really become undigmatized you have to have a distance i'm talking like if you're a hard dick addict addict you need to like rehab yourself completely cut that person off no talking this is bad for you we gotta go no contact

and number two you gotta experience the real world again because you've been living in this you know hypnosis that is not reality girl we gotta put our feet back down on earth and realize that there are other dicks around and they think you're hot and they want to dick you down better than the last person you know what i mean but if that person you know that you are obsessed with that they have hypnotized you if they're constantly around you like hey hey texting you hitting you up whatever it may be you are going to fall victim to them again so you really have to cut them off anyways it is a sad sad day when i see a beautiful girl fall victim and become digmatized it's fun at first but then it just gets crazy and messy now the perfect situation

is when you become digmatized but then also the man is a great person that does happen it's real that's what marriage is based on okay like not only can he dick me down but also he makes me happy what's better than that okay okay now i know why you're all here and we gotta get into it okay the confessionals we gotta go to girl church you guys have been out running around this summer getting into the craziest shit possible and as we enter our comfy cozy innocent fall girl vibes we gotta purge the sins of the summer so with that being said here are your confessionals oh my boyfriend's a virgin and has never made me cum i need to know it'll get better lmfao it probably will it's just he hasn't had any practice he doesn't know what

the fuck's going on so it's gonna be a learning experience between the two of you i don't know how much practice you've had but you know give him some pointers help him out show him where the clit is girl i don't know but it probably will get better because with practice makes perfect oh no i don't think i'm ever gonna find someone with dick as good as my ex girl you will you will and you know why the dick will be better because it won't be connected to your ex love that amazing you gotta get out there girl try some on try them out see what you like but i promise it'll be better than your ex someone said i'm probably too late girl you're never too late but i threw up on my boyfriend's dick yesterday giving him a blow job hey you know

it happens all right that's just the territory of having something shoved on your throat and if he's a real man he'll understand love you okay i don't know how to deal with my rage towards men it's eating me alive i want them all dead real what's that clip where that theovan's saying he's like I think women should be allowed to kill one man a month I stand with that there's too many of them um I'm friends with a guy I was friends with benefits my boyfriend doesn't know is that bad I think for just mutual respect sake you should cut off people that you had previous relations with because it's a respect thing for your partner because i've been in a relationship where oh my god it's fucking crazy they so they were best friends and i thought they

were just best friends and then deeper into the relationship i got i realized through the grapevine that they had gotten together and then you know i was a little bit more uncomfortable but i didn't want to be the person which i should have been who was like bitch cut her off because she's actively trying to suck your dick like why are you best friends she's trying to get with you that's weird but no i wanted to be respectful or whatever have no boundaries and um yeah i just let it happen and then finally he came to me and he was like hey i think i'm gonna go over to her house in a different state at the college she lives for a weekend and i said i finally cracked and i was like bitch if you fucking do that i'm going to kill you and you're never gonna

see me again like bad things are gonna happen and he was like oh wow and then after that he distanced himself but the lingering feeling of like did he cheat on me will he why was he friends with this girl are they still talking that anxiety stayed the whole relationship and that ruined it for me anyways long story short girl just leave that man alone you don't need that extra attention it's not worth it someone said to help i'm falling for a drug dealer me every single time oh it's just that the vibes they get me and I can't say it's the healthiest for me but I understand where you're coming from my friend and I went to a concert party thing with her parents and of fucking course blacked out and we kept making out with each other literally in front

of everyone including her brother who I've also gotten with that's a lot to take in but hey vibes you know hey hannah my confessional is that um okay so some people they pluck nose hairs and some pluck eyebrow hairs i personally like to like two times a month tweeze all of my pubes um yeah i mean it sounds kind of nasty but like it's really satisfying like it it's hair plucking which is so fun but then also it like makes me bare which is what i personally prefer so it's like a two-in-one little deal yeah i tweezed my pubic hair all of it it's gone bye bye you are brave not for the confessional i actually think a lot of girls do this just because i cannot imagine the pain level like waxing is bad enough but like one singular hair at a time

you are so strong love you okay took shrooms and realized no one will ever understand me like i do real i have had some of the best bonding moments with myself with mushrooms i'm a homie hopper unintentionally because it's a small town that's just like a small town thing my boyfriend's from a small town and like when he's telling me stories about people he'll be like oh yeah and this person dated this person and then also slept with this person that we know and then also and i'm like what what what are you talking about it's just because the dating pool dating pool is like tiny like my high school was 2500 people and i didn't date one single person there so it's just like the small town drama is always insane anyways hi followed your blowjob advice they got very

successful results here to know more illy girl if you're having a good time they're having a good time that's all i gotta say get sloppy with it if it if you can't gag on it fake it pretend like it's ginormous pretend like you're having a blast well have a blast don't pretend that's weird you know sloppier the better use a lot of spit tuck your lips under your teeth girl have fun oh look it into his eyes literally suck his soul out with your eyes anyways um i love to lie to my uber drivers whenever i uber i make up a whole new backstory and identity felt i love this i do this while serving sometimes like people will ask me questions about myself and i'm like i just feel like lying right now like i'm never gonna see them again they really don't care

they're just trying to be polite like let's have some fun with it reality is what i make it like it's fine when it's to strangers i kind of love that i keep having dreams where i cheat on my boyfriend yeah those are always stressful um if you feel like it's a subconscious thing and you've been thinking about these things while you know not dreaming and that's why they're subconsciously showing up maybe you should break up but like also if they're just like those dreams that you really can't fucking you can't control and you're like why the fuck is this happening don't read further into it either way have fun um i have the strong feeling my boyfriend's best friend wants to fuck me yikes that's uncomfortable and weird i would say just

limit contact best you can like if you don't have to talk to him don't talk to him live your best girly life but yeah that's very odd um i'm in a serious relationship but i keep having these dreams where i'm kissing my ex also i want you guys to understand we are in the depths of a venus retrograde right now so weird subliminal relationship things might just be a part of the universe's chaos so if you feel like you shouldn't read too deeply into it then don't protect your peace um oh what i log into my ex's insta sometimes to see if he's being a whore we're soulmates and i'm crazy you have his login wow me and my friends that i set up low-key have become a thruple with me they both want me okay slay uh living your zendaya

new tennis movie realness um i actually don't care when i'm on my period i love getting fucked even more tbh actually i feel like people say you are like horny right before your period when you're ovulating i feel like i'm the horniest when i am on my period so i feel this um ew i literally have ringworm i'm treating it on myself and my cats but fuck man gross as fuck i got ringworm one time in high school um because i was running cross country and you're like what does i have to do with anything well the practice room that we stretched in before going on runs for cross country was the wrestling room and those wrestling mats gave me fucking ringworm let a man piss on me this week and frankly i'm embarrassed we have our moments recovering hey you know

sometimes it be like that now you can learn did i like that or did i not not a confessional debating telling my sister that i smoke weed idk how to tell or if i should um i feel like the siblings as a younger sibling i just wait for my older sibling to bring it up um and if they don't i feel like they don't want to talk about it and if they do then i'll divulge oh i saw my bf's dad's dick when he was peeing in the garden and i know he saw me see that hopefully it wasn't intentional and it's like awkward for both of you because that would be weird if he was doing it intentionally slept with my co-worker on our work trip to paris next to my boss's hotel room i'm wondering if you heard anything i have a crush on one of my co-workers but he's like

five years older than me i'm 18 girl you're 18 stay single just have crushes but don't do anything well i mean if he's five years older than you i don't think you should do anything i used to genuinely think you could overdose and die off weed like really easily i've definitely felt like i could die but i don't i haven't yet so my stepdad came home mad and shattered my bong so i shattered his shit too kind of having sneaky links with my ex have trauma from relationship but god i still love him you don't love him you just love the cycle girl you have to free yourself from the cycle did anal for the first time and when i told my friends i felt kind of judged i remember this one situation with my friend who sucked dick

for the first time before any of us and all my other friends were like girl we don't do that like that's like not appropriate like we are too young and i was the only one who was like girl no she's let her live her life like she's doing the best she can she's having a good time like don't shame her so if you felt shamed find some friends who you can talk and get crazy with i don't trust or like my boyfriend's friends they always make him do stupid shit that's the worst because like you can't have control over the friends if you can't trust him when he is away from you though think about if your relationship is healthy because like you should be able to have full trust in your partner like like uh real trust like i understand when you get kind of like

crazy in your own head like you're literally making shit up and you're like well what if he does this and there's literally no evidence or basis in reality like that's that's okay that's that you got to work on with yourself but if he is not giving you a reason to trust him when he is away from you red flagged i am not as attracted to my partner as i used to be you know if it's just a little bit that's okay but i understand like especially when you're around the same person for a long time um i don't know maybe maybe you just you know every relationship has its timeline and if you feel like it's not good hey girl you do what you need to do found out my boyfriend fucked one of my old situationships girlfriend and i knew them both

i have a huge tattoo and i kind of hate help you'll get used to it i promise like i have a huge tattoo on my back and i literally forget it's there all the time and the one on my arm it's huge always forget it's there um was crushing very hard on a cute girl i met at a concert but i have a boyfriend my bi awakening irl within high oh in high school i was always the extremely toxic one in relationships it haunts me i drunkenly hooked up with a good friend and felt weird after and we haven't talked since that's a common phenomenon and that's why i feel like you really got to place your friends in a hard friend category or else it gets kind of weird if you muddle it up um i had sex in the woods been there my friend is flirting with my ex situationship

she's done this to one of her friends before love you maybe her boundaries are not like your boundaries and you have to voice your boundaries and if you did voice your boundaries and she doesn't give a fuck question if that's the morality you want to have around you i'm scared pregnant i'm 16 never fucked without a condom but condom has broken before periods are very you know they get a little crazy and they're a little unhinged and not super super time oriented when you're younger is your body still getting used to it so like always always if you're worried take a pregnancy test take a few honestly and if you are and and if you think the condom breaks get a plan b immediately like this is just for future reference just go buy one they're like

25 30 bucks i don't know i haven't bought them in forever but it's always worth just going and getting one if you really are scared um and it's it you have a time frame that you can work with which i think is like 24 hours uh yeah girl what do we do when we're healed enough we don't need dick but we need some dick you're healed enough that you're not run by the dick but it's okay to want to get dicked down every once in a while you know there's a healthy balance there i've humiliated my narcissist dad so much he literally apologized before he talks to me fucked about six guys within a month hey you know do your thing oh i was in a relationship for five years and i recently got out of it and downloaded tinder and i've fucked six guys within a month tinder will

do that i'm fostering to adopt a kitty and she's so spicy i'm scared i'm gonna fail feeling guilty cats take a long time to warm up i feel like dogs don't take that long but cats do and you simply being around them is the best thing you can really do for them so my confessional well this is just something i need to get off my chest because i don't feel right telling people in my personal life um basically my boyfriend wants me to peg him i have no idea where this came from but i'm gonna do it because yellow you know you only live once um do what you gotta do i guess make the most out of life so we're going to the sex shop and i'm gonna peg him i don't know how to peg a man i've never pegged anyone um we are a heterosexual

couple but um yellow i guess i'll let you guys know how it goes also i tried your matcha swamp water recipe so good thank you for that um love you bye slay oh my god love it literally you know that broad city scene where alana is like shopping for handbags underground and she gets the call from uh fuck from her friend she's like this man wants me to peg him i don't know what to do she's like bitch you better do that like she's doing like backflips and twerking in the air literally that's how i feel right now go for it girl live your best life i think with pegging it's kind of also the same thing as just like i'm assuming as like receiving anal so go slow and use lots of lube and have fun love you me and my husband are dating someone together and

no one knows slay love that um oh okay girl did a cord cutting on my boyfriend and this gal pal i don't like the girl the bitch and it worked those cord cuttings are strong um i'm constantly judging others for the same things i judge myself for obs all in my head you're only judging others because you're judging yourself you gotta it the call is coming from inside the house you know what i mean to fix that mindset you really got to start fixing what's going on inside and it will radiate outwards um i smoked an ungodly amount of ground cigs i found around campus my first year of college that was me as fuck oh my god drunk walking home oh my god this cigarette's half finished let me just yeah i've been there my boyfriend and i had sex in his car at 2 a.m while on a camping trip

with friends no one found out honestly those situations are always like my fave like one time me and my boyfriend were on this beach in malibu and we were literally the only ones there and it was this beautiful sunshiny day and beat the ocean and the nice breeze and i was like you gotta just bend me over right now and honestly fantastic um i found out my boyfriend has moved in with each of his ex-girls never had his own place new ick that is kind of an ick i've never thought about that like you have to sustain yourself as a human being that is my number one turn on um i just found out that the friend group that did be dirty is falling apart and i'm secretly so happy ate my first titty out i don't know what that means i'm in love with my best

friend we're both bi girls and have kissed before then tell her me immediately if you feel like it should go past a friend thing you know I have not been appreciating my family lately and I don't know how to change that sometimes you just got to realize in the present moment is the perfect time to start doing something you can't wait around for you to finally you know find the right moment to do it might feel a little uncomfortable at first you're not used to it but the there's no perfect time like the present isn't that what they say i've been wanting men's attention too much right now just cut them off delete the apps focus on yourself um when i was young and didn't understand masturbation i used crayola markers as dildos i feel like we've you know the hair brushes

crayola markers girls try it all i've been talking to a long distance man for a month am i dolulu or is it meant to be unless he flies you out i'm saying focus on your current area um i suck dick on a cruise ship cruise ship dick is crazy never been on a cruise ship but they just sound wild um nervous that i won't like sex with my boyfriend anymore what oh i oh my god there was one before it i had amazing sex with someone other than my boyfriend we are currently on a break nervous that i won't like sex with my boyfriend anymore if you were on a break and you're fucking someone else just consider the relationship over in my opinion you know because you're already venturing out and you're all already kind oh my god my brain

you're already kind of seeing that there's another world without him and you're probably leaning further into it if you think this sex with this other person was better and it's you're not gonna like your boyfriend like just don't go back you're gonna hurt his feelings um really want to experiment with a girl threesome with boyfriend or one-on-one think about it often girl go for it live your wildest dreams i think i have a mood disorder but i'm not sure where to begin with addressing it see a therapist and a psychiatrist i think you see if the psychiatrist first i don't really know either way hit them up um as much as i love my friends they do the littlest shit that pisses me off and i'm so ready to go maybe you just need more alone time

trying to quit watching porn but always fail my my girlfriend doesn't know about it should i tell her no i don't think you should tell her i think this is a habit that you got to break on its own because it started with you alone and if she's not involved in it right now then you don't need to involve her but you got this i believe in you i really do block whatever websites you're going to on whatever devices you're going on um whenever you do feel like doing it initiate with your girlfriend maybe and also like sometimes you just gotta resort to your imagination and strengthen your imagination you know what i mean maybe do a little sexy photo shoot with your girlfriend uh use those instead but don't pressure her into anything of course but i do

think this is a battle you gotta fight on your own um i cannot quit vaping and it's stressing me out uh i successfully quit cigarettes and vapes and i did it by literally just put it down and you try not to be around it and also now if i hit one i feel like i'm gonna throw up because i used to drink so much when i was smoking and it just makes me feel like i'm going to throw up i cheated on my ex-boyfriend and i feel so guilty how do i fix it can i make things better uh if it's an ex-boyfriend and you're just alone right now you just have to never ever do that again and understand and realize what went wrong last time and not do that i have anxiety med school and take medication for it i'm afraid my dream is also my nightmare such as med school such as like

being a doctor i think the school is going to be harder than actually practicing and you're gonna be making so much fucking money so you can buy things that will make you happier i'm just kidding that's not what happiness is based on but it definitely helps accidentally falling for a guy who moves to england at the end of the month lmao maybe just have a good time and then you also have someone you can hit up when you're in england um lost my virginity the other night and now i'm craving dick so bad i need this man back in bed right now that's what happens when you lose your virginity learn about masturbation have fun with that um i'm a single girl and sometimes i find myself so curious to wonder where my dream man is uh i don't know but don't wait around sometimes

he'll find you sometimes you'll find him focus on you put yourself in the best situation and any man who could fit into that situation is the one i got caught with my weed pen when my parents and they don't like me smoking weed i don't think any parents like their kids smoking weed um and as a parent like if i was a parent without like traumatizing my kids the only thing i could really do is just take what they have you know that's what my parents did to me um i'd be taking everyone off my private except for him oh my god my boyfriend recently broke up with me by randomly leaving on me on red and then blocking me oh wow i would be just i'd be posting flyers of this face around the city i like i would be going crazy not crazy as in like a uh like a

bad way like going after him but crazy as in a who the fuck do you think you are kind of way you know i made my ex think i'm doing witchcraft on him i have a whole ponytail my boyfriend's hair and he's just very nervous all the time about that um took a pair of leggings from savers that didn't have a tag on them that means they're free question mark i want to break up with my boyfriend but we live together and i have no family to go to idk what to do sometimes you just gotta plan an escape plan and then you gotta cut off at the right time i'm obsessed with tumblr i love tumblr i love it i love it it's one of my favorite apps carts have me in the chokehold again see i think young people should be smoking flour carts are literally the most concentrated form

of smoking that you possibly can people just do it because it's easier and it gets you higher faster but like if you are a young person who a shouldn't be consuming that much and don't want to be smoke flower because guess what you can't smoke that shit in your room you can't smoke flower in the restaurant bathroom you can't smoke flower at disneyland like you have to really be intentional about how you're smoking it and where you're smoking it and then also it's like well do i want to go outside right now no then i'm not gonna smoke younger people should be smoking flower um i hit my dad's car once and he blamed my mom they almost separated they still don't know i'm sure they're stronger for it i slept with the plug because he was so fine and he gave me

a free five grams once again that is why i have an issue with plugs and falling for them aka my boyfriend when i met him anyways love you all this was such a fun little confessional segment we had so many this time around i had a blast i hope you had fun i hope you guys feel a little bit more you know you're a weight lifted off your chest i hope you feel ready to enter the school year this fall season on a new note and living your best life and feeling as if you just shed a skin and you're ready to brave the new world love you all you have been forgiven of your sins um feel free to enter the new world and commit more i guess hey girl currently on a walk so sorry if you hear cars uh driving by but i was listening to

your podcast, I thought I would submit a little recording. Hopefully I make it. We'll see. I've been on before. But anyways, I know you talk a lot about your relationship on here and you give really good advice. So I did want to mention I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. He is the love of my life and we're also best friends. So I've known him for almost four years and sometimes that creates a challenge because I talk to him like he's my best friend and sometimes I shouldn't do that with my boyfriend like um so yeah I don't know I think you get what I mean it's just tough like how do I balance him being my best friend and my lover so yeah love you let me know bye i had to learn this the hard way when i was sitting down so there's a way that you talk

to men and not just men like your your significant other they're your friend but also like if you share every single thing with them you're gonna end up hurting their feelings in some sort of way or you're gonna tell them something and you're they're gonna be like girl what the fuck so there's a fine line you have to walk and it's like with your parents you kind of you don't get like super deep at least with me personally like I'm not talking to my parents about my sex life or anything like that or drug usage like I'm that's just a no-go but with my partner like okay we have a little bit more openness I am talking to him about those things but then there's like another level of openness that I save for like my best friends my girly friends when we're out at

brunch when we're hanging out and those things I don't talk to my partner about low-key the things that we talk about on here like some of them I don't talk to my partner about and he doesn't listen to this podcast for that reason because he doesn't want to hear me talking about my ex or like talking about hooking up like he doesn't want to hear those things he doesn't care that I'm talking about them but it's like sometimes you find peace in not knowing and that's where I think the fine line you're walking is where it's like he's my best friend but I can't talk to him completely and fully like a best friend like of course I'm still going to be open with him and communicative and stuff like that but there is like another level of openness where it's like

if I say this thing he might get his feelings hurt and I learned this when I was dating my ex and we were playing truth or drink whatever you do when you're 19 um and he was like truth or drink and I was drunk at this point so I did not want to take a shot and he goes am I the biggest guy you've ever been with and I looked him dead in the face and I said no not even close and he got so sad this man stormed out of his house and started walking down the street he got that mad and I was like I was just kidding I just that moment right there is when I learned sometimes girly you just got to keep some things to yourself and in order to have that be successful you just got to have another person that you can chit chat with like that so like find a girly

friend you can talk to set up a brunch date facetime your longtime long distance friend whatever it may be there is a fine line that you gotta walk and i feel like we as partners don't realize that until we say something and we're like oop i should have saved that one for the girls sorry my bad please forgive me someone asked how to have more meaningful conversations when you just start talking to someone for me personally if we meet and we don't immediately start having very enthralling interesting conversations then I just can't like the the traction isn't really there I can't force those things we have to naturally mesh and of course with any sort of interaction there's going to be weird awkward bits and parts where you don't have anything to say

but it's all about how you work through that and if that chemistry isn't there it's so hard for me to feel attraction towards somebody so if you feel like you can't have meaningful conversations and you just started talking I mean of course sometimes you know one person will ask all the questions the other person will answer sometimes you can just ask personal questions people love answering personal questions whatever comes to your mind ask you know that's a great way to start conversations but it's a big deal breaker for me if I like meet someone and we can't just like chit chat because i can chit chat with anybody and if we can't chit chat oof i'm gonna have a hard time someone asked how did i know i wanted to be a content creator i didn't i really just

fell into it during the pandemic i just started making fun silly videos and they blew up and then i i've always been like very artistic so it felt like a new medium and i really leaned into it and just tried to have fun with it and here I am still having fun still making art but I think though since I saw it as art and I do see content creation as art I have a little bit of an easier time processing and creating um because sure it's a job and I do make a little bit of money like it's not my full income I really just do it for fun and for the creation part of my life um that fulfills me more than anything ever could and i feel very lucky to have fallen into it um but yeah i really had no plan on ever doing this in fact i have been such a shy girl for a

majority of my fucking life so this is a big kind of 360 and something that i never could have ever imagined because like i have a hard enough time talking to my friends when i was younger i couldn't imagine being on the internet and sharing all my secrets to fucking millions of people all the time constantly like younger me would have been terrified but i feel like when you feel that flow of energy and you're like no this feels good this feels healthy i feel like i'm on a good path in whatever path that you feel like you're on follow it chase after it see where it gets you and if you're having a good time then i think it's probably a safe bet that it's going to be successful for you having a good healthy time i would like to emphasize on but yeah i had no idea

i was going to do this but now i'm having a great time and i feel like the only reason i'm having a great time where you whereas you see like other content creators be like i'm so bored and miserable and i don't know what to do with all my money and my mansion and life's so hard and that's because it's a job to them this is like my art form i do feel so much creative inspiration from this and i also allow myself to evolve when i don't feel creative inspiration from this i try something new or i switch it up a little bit try out different ways of doing it um but yeah love it i feel very lucky thank you for being here thank you for supporting me thank you for understanding me as much as i understand you guys someone asked uh how do you say happy birthday to an x please

help in pondering and can't decide the best choice illy so the only reason you say happy birthday to an x and the happy birthday to an x phenomenon is really just a so you type out happy birthday but in reality you mean i love you and i miss you and i want to hook up soon that is what that's the energy you're putting off so if you want to put off that energy sometimes you just got to go for it but i don't know if i recommend saying happy birthday to an ex because it's just going to dredge up so much stuff it's such a way of just like reigniting the flame so if you don't want to reignite the flame don't do it don't do it girl there's no reason you should be you know offering your ex any sort of come not compassion but attention you know unless you want to get

toxic with it and then you just got to send the happy birthday but understand what it's gonna mean you know it means i love and i miss you i know you just said happy birthday but but that's what it means oh you guys i had a wing stop for the first time last night and oh my god it is tearing me up it's killing my insides i see so many videos of people devouring it on my for you page and i've seen them for years i've just never tried them and finally i did last night dare i say dare i say not good i'm just spoiled though there's this wing place next to my house drive-thru only made by same people every single time they have it's like wing stop on crack like instead of the tiny little nuggets you get they're whole tenders it's incredible family-owned

operated they're not open on sundays that's how you know that shit's good 30 minute wait every single time it's called uh it's called uh wings and things it's on truce it's my favorite but i had wing stop and girl i don't know if i just got the wrong order but it was like not good and the next day me right now not good someone asked for lube recommendations i love uh if you're not using a condom or toys i love a coconut oil coconut oil you can like massage it in it'll make your skin so baby soft and smooth and i feel like it is the perfect like gentle non-messy non-drying lube that there is another great recommendation that's silicone based such you can use it with toys or condoms is KY jelly I feel like I've had the best uh success with KY

jelly because it doesn't dry up and I feel like when lube dries up sometimes it gets tacky and then there's more friction that's not fun so yeah I would say coconut oil depending on what kind of player using or KY jelly hi Hannah okay disclaimer I'm outside so sorry if it's noisy but I just wanted to say happy August and I love you you have inspired me so much in such a little time I like just started listening to you this year but you've inspired me to go back to school to set boundaries with people in my life to literally forget about fuckboys um to quit a job that was killing me and to find like my dream job and I couldn't have done any of this without you or without the podcast and everyone who calls in and I just want to say thank you I love you so

much and you're such an inspiration and I hope you and the podcast I hope everyone has a great August and I love you all bye this is so sweet and I love you and I'm glad I could open your eyes a little bit but also you did that shit girl you did all those amazing things like you heard me but i can't like i can't like spiritually enter your body and control your movements like i wish i could there's so many of you girlies that send the same question every week like how do i leave this man how do i leave this man sometimes you just gotta do it i really wish i could ventriloquist doll your bodies and make you make the right decisions but shout out to you you did that shit you had the courage and the strength to change your life and change it for the better and i'm so proud of

you and thank you for being here and thank you for being you love you someone asked how to deal with ex-boyfriends threatening to kill themselves because of the breakup please help you call their mom that's what you do you call their mom and you say your son is being psycho and it's scaring me but we're not together anymore so i'm not gonna take care of him and this is actually your job as a mother here you go i'm passing you the baton i'm deleting his number i'm blocking him and whatever he does he does but he's not gonna guilt trip me into starting this relationship again with him okay that shit's not fair that shit's not fun it is emotional abuse and if he's gonna do that he can do it to his fucking mother because i bet he won't even do it to his mother

so literally i would send a text here to the mom with screenshots and i'd be like here you you handle this because i'm not his mother and in fact i don't want to be around him that's what i would do someone asked i feel a bit lost do you have any tips on re-centering in the midst of chaos absolutely number one is i take a very hot shower i take a hot shower and i'll sit in there for like 30 minutes brain off just chilling having a good time soaking away all right next tip next tip i use a uh sugar and salt body scrub this also if you're a little witchy like a salt or sugar sugar salt whatever little mix of both body scrub is such a great protection tool okay you know how powerful salt is that's literally rubbing it all over your

body amazing amazing tool now that we have your body centered we need to center your mind so great way to do this is to enter whatever flow state is healthiest for you maybe your flow state is i like to sit on my phone and make pinterest boards or collages maybe your flow state is sitting down and making a list of goals or journaling or writing to yourself maybe your flow state is um painting or working on something creative whatever it may be find one of them that helps you enter that realm of like weightlessness and it kind of distracts you from the real world a little bit and gets you focused on yourself i feel like by entering that you're able to kind of enter a headspace where you can sit and chit chat with yourself and ask

yourself those questions such as where do I want to go who do I want to be what do I have the most fun doing whether it's journaling writing down goals going on a walk painting and thinking to yourself doing your makeup in the mirror with some music playing hanging out with yourself daydreaming a little bit creating mood boards those are the kind of activities that are going to get you re-centered on who you are what you find enjoyment in and where do you want to go from there you can take steps in whatever direction it may you may need to go maybe the direction is oh my god i need to clean my room maybe the direction is oh my god i want to dye my hair maybe the direction is oh i want to go back to school whatever it may be by entering

that flow state and really entering this moment in time where you are just very connected to yourself and the rest of the world feels so distanced that is the perfect time for you to sit down and start thinking about those hard questions because they're going to come to you so naturally naturally and so effortlessly because you have no other input around you you have no other influences around you you have only yourself and your thoughts so try it out even meditation I just I'm I can't meditate I have to have something in my hand I have to be doing something and there's so many different forms of meditation that are not just me sitting crisscross applesauce humming to myself you know like sometimes painting sometimes

journaling sometimes reading sometimes creating to-do lists sometimes mood boarding those are my forms of meditation find yours dive into it conversate with yourself enjoy someone said they're post-breakup in their healing era and just returned from a solo trip xoxo i'm drunk what a vibe what a vibe for the end of the summer post-breakup just returned from a solo trip vibing with yourself having a good time discovering yourself lean into it i hope you're having a blast girly someone asked if i'm going to any more festivals this year none that i have planned um I'll definitely be going to more shows whether like house shows small local venues or like raves now that my boyfriend's been to one I can drag him to more um there's always like a fun

Halloween rave that happens in Kansas City every year that we might do but no big festivals planned I know there's always a bunch at the end of the year like Lollapalooza is coming up and although I wish I was going to those your girl's gotta work your girl's gotta stay home and make this house a home. You know what I mean? That's really what my priorities are. I had my fun. I did my thing. I went to Mexico. I did Arizona. I went to Breakaway Festival. Oh my god, I've done so much and I am ready to just sit back and really focus on what I have here and pulling that together rather than getting crazy. I enter in like ebbs and flows of these feelings and I feel like whenever you do notice a change you really just have to roll with it like even though everybody

else is flying across the country and doing all these crazy things and like sure that looks fun i understand what's best for me right now is really just staying home and um really focusing on what i have going on here both mentally and physically rather than being out and being crazy because listen what people want for themselves is not always what you need for yourself and that's such a big life lesson that people don't understand like you're not supposed to base your life off of what the other person is doing and they're not supposed to base their life off of what the other person in front of them is doing like we're not all supposed to just have the same lives and do the same things of course there's influences and trends but you really have to sit down at

the end of the day and ask what's best for you and focus on that and follow that because that's what's gonna make you feel the best not what jenna's doing and not what lucy's doing and not what you know i don't know i'm just naming random names shout out to jenna and lucy though no hate i don't even know who i'm talking about right now but um yeah do your own thing have your fun focus on what you need to do if you've been home too much and you need to get out of the house plan a little going out date with your friends or even with just yourself to try a new restaurant sit at the bar if you go out to eat alone or you're going somewhere alone the bar is your best friend okay go sit there someone's bound to sit next to you and chit chat with you and if

you're not feeling it you can just you know still have a moment to sit with yourself and have a comfortable place to sit with yourself if you need to get out go on a walk go set up a picnic with your friends go lay in a park by yourself stay safe once again that's why i always say that but you know and if you've been out too much you've been out of the house constantly neglecting your home and your body and yourself and you need to start focusing on those things listen to that okay follow that if you have a dream you want to be accomplished the only person who can follow that dream is yourself so do so listen intuitively follow in pursuit you will achieve so many great things but in order to achieve them you really do have to sit and ask yourself what is best for me

right now and follow that not what's best for Jenna or Lucy what's best for you every time I say the word Lucy though I just think of Lucy LaDuca let loose oh my god love it anyways I think that's really the end of the podcast I had a great day hanging out with you guys about to go make me a fat salad I just got a desk delivered from Ikea gonna put that together I'm gonna organize my sock drawer I'm so excited about that am I 80 I don't know I'm feeding squirrels and organizing my sock drawer but like people ask me like how the fuck do you find joy in your everyday life I'm like bitch the squirrels in my sock drawer like that's what's making me happy that's how little the things are in my life that i find joy in but it really is just having those small

weird little things that you look forward to and like allowing yourself to do so like my socks when i tell you the moving process has been crazy my socks and underwear have just been like on the fucking floor and it's been driving me insane i'm like now that i have a desk set up and i have it like drawers i'm so excited to actually like put them away for once you know have one less thing to do on my checklist and sometimes you know those are the exciting things that you have to live forward to and you gotta allow yourself to do so anyways i love you guys thank you for sharing yourselves with me thank you for being open and honest and vulnerable with me i forgive you all of all your sins and most importantly i hope you guys forgive yourself too we've all done crazy

things in our past we've all have crazy thoughts and ideas and i want you to find you know peace in that you know you're not gonna go to hell i love you stay safe stay sexy and i will see you all next tuesday